Sunday, July 01, 2007

Meet The Press - July 1, 2007

Meet The Press - July 1, 2007
Guests: Michael Chertoff, Senator Pat Leahy

Russert: London, Glasgow - Chertoff should we panic??

Chertoff: we have taken steps for example to protect America for example i plan to keep repeating the word "homeland"

Russert: anything else

Chertoff: yes put more men with guns on airplanes

Russert: wow you're on top of the situation

Chertoff: there is no threat that we know of but you know those willy muslims they get you to let you're guard down by not doing anything for 5 years

Russert: what’s the threat level??

Chertoff: as you can see i am wearing makeup to match the threat level which is orange

Russert: why aren't more car bombs going off in the USA

Chertoff: it’s only a matter of time we may have to ban backpacks and cars

Russerts: yikes

Chertoff: just kidding just keep a lookout for cars on fire they can be spotted by the big flames

[ break ]

Russert: Senator Leahy you're against wiretapping is that because you're from Vermont and that's a gay loving french speaking liberal terror haven?

Leahy: that's a republican talking point dood

Russert: so what's you're fucking problem

Leahy: Republicans also on my committee want this White House to obey the law it's not rocket science

Russert: could they tap my phone

Leahy: they probably have

Russert: ok now i'm interested

Timmeh: are they Nixonian

Leahy: yeah they think they are little dictators and above the law

Tim: well they are rich and white

Leahy: look at Gonzalez he just sits in an empty building all day waiting for orders from karl rove

Russert: are we headed to a Constitutional crisis

Leahy: i'll be goddamned fucked if monica goodling claims executive privilege

Russert: so how far are you willing to go

Leahy: they pull a knife we pull a gun and a maple syrup bucket that's the Montpelier way

Russert: Fred Fielding sez he's offered to cooperate

Leahy: oh that's fucking rich some offer from an old Nixon crook - i'm surprised they didn't send tony soprano to meet with the Democrats at Holstens

Russert: but but but Orrin Hatch sez justice will be done when you do what the White House wants!!!

Leahy: that dickless asshole can suck it

Russert: but White House is pro-america

Leahy: you know the White House claimed e-mails were erased and then i told them don't make me fucking laugh and then they found them and still won't hand them over

Leahy: we giving them the damn questions in advance!

Russert: it’s an open-book exam!

Leahy: if these doods don't want to end up looking like assholes on John Stewart’s show they should answer the questions

Russert: so indict them for contempt?

Leahy: if we have to but this hurts everyone including cops on the beat

Russert: u voted for john Roberts

Leahy: i did but he had such a cute family -- when fascism came to American it had twinkley blue eyes and a calm affectless voice


Timmeh: bush failure on illegals

Judy Woodruff: just of many failurez including immigration, social security, iraq...

Timmy: so sad

Woodruff: sad too because he did all the right things, worked with Teddy Kennedy and presented a bill all Americans were confused by

Tavis Smiley: the GOP fucked with hispanics now

Timmy: 3-1 gap among illegal immigrants

Chuck Todd: Bush is popular among Spaniards but Bush won't be on the ticket in 2008 they could lose Florida

Timmy: GOP go BOOM!!

Obama: black community has the immune system disease drugs, guns, AIDS, etc.

Clinton: if AIDS were killing white women there would be a race for the cure every fucking weekend!

Smiley: my test group thought Hillary won hands down even with the blacks

Timmy: interesting

Smiley: she's got a lot of 10 point plans but Obama is selling hope

Brody: she's got Bill people luv him

Woodruff: she's smart but can't break on throug to the other side

Tavis: everyone wants the black vote

Timmy: yeah in south carolina those pesky blacks now get to vote

Todd: Obama is raking in tens of millions he's inspiring people

Timster: 250,000 individual donors!

Todd: he's too cautious he's trying not to lose

Smiley: he's does better in big speeches but you know our idiot media

Russert: people hate Hillary

Brody: they're trying to make her seem human

Russert: using sopranos humor

Brody: she's pretending to be goofy they're hiding the 666 under her hair

Noonan: now she's paying trolls from hillaryis44 to make up weird shit about obama and post it on blogs

Russert: well certainly that will help Hillary

Todd: it's obviously an elite insider since it's from DC and they access to the Hotline!!!!

Tavis: she's a woman and he's black its fascinating we live in a patriarchal society

Timmy: i luv to break voters up into silly arbitrary categories it gives us something to talk about

Woodruff: crazy young voters with their weird ethnicities and gayness and kinky hair

Timmy: wow so whacky!!

Woodruff: they like gays, hate abortion, and luv the war

Timmy: just like Patton

Brody: evangelicals like Rudy because he's an absolutist fascist who wants to kill kill kill and they like that

Todd: Romney polls well with isolationist Republicans who want double the size of Gitmo

Woodruff: Dobson hates Rudy he wouldn't shower with him

Brody: they make mobilize against him

Tim: what if he is the nominee

Brody: can't say for sure but he's a gay loving cross dressing freak

Smiley: black voter turnout if going to be really big in 2008 i hope

Russert: blacks always vote Dem

Smiley: yeah well the Bush Presidency sure has helped with that

Russert: Congress gave itself a pay raise what's up

Todd: these are the old guys from the 60s and 70s young Democrats are pissed off

Woodruff: like immigration - young Congress Dems told Teddy Kennedy to suck it

Russert: America's Family Jewels documenting the CIAs numerous crimes

[ old tape ]

CIA Director Colby: let us not say illegal rather that it was a wrong or a misstep like overthrowing governments or having people killed that's what we in the CIA call an "oopsie"

Leslie Gelb: so you’re all crooks

Colby: oh that's sensational i want to forget about that but the media keeps bringing it up boo hoo

CIA Today: you fucked up. you trusted us