Guests:
Bill Clinton
Sen. Jim Webb
Sen. John Kyl
Gov. David Paterson
***********************
Gregory: What should we do with Iran?
Bill Clinton: Obama got Medvedev and the French all on board - it’s very impressive
Gregory: so do we go to war or appease them entirely?
Clinton: neither
Gregory: do you know what’s going on there?
Clinton: I know the Secretary of State in passing
Gregory: [ serious face ]
Clinton: and then there are the Chinese-
Gregory: do you like my serious face?
Clinton: it’s very nice
Gregory: so war with Iran - yes or no?
Clinton: we should look them in the eye and seduce them
Gregory: should we put 50,000 more troops in Afghanistan?
Clinton: maybe - we should do enough to take down al qaeda and the Taliban and also put in a democracy
Gregory: so how do we decide to launch a new war in this far off remote place?
Clinton: whether or not they hold a run-off election
Gregory: that seems quite peculiar
Clinton: nobody said running an empire while pretending you aren’t was easy
Gregory: fascinating
Clinton: there are Ghosts of Vietnam
Gregory: ooh we should get those Ghost Hunters from the SyFy channel to help!
Clinton: that’s a good idea [ scribbles on a napkin ]
Clinton: this is an away-game for the US military
Gregory: all this would be much easier if you could fight all our wars here in the US
Clinton: plus civil wars make much better tv shows
[ Clinton plays mournful fiddle ]
Gregory: what threat does Al Qaeda pose to the US anyway?
Clinton: they have proven that they can hijack three out of four planes in one day
Gregory: but nothing since then
Clinton: see how diabolical they are?
Gregory: since you left the Presidency you have been very focused on girls and women
Clinton: indeed
Gregory: what have you accomplished?
Clinton: we’ve saved 48 million lives and helped 200 million people
Gregory: yeah but you’ve never been on Dancing with the Stars
Clinton: yeah but dude if I did I would win and you know it
Gregory: is Obama lying by not telling people that he’s going to raise taxes?
Clinton: so you are taking an editorial position and then accusing him of lying by not agreeing with David Gregory’s position?
Gregory: that’s right
Clinton: what if he’s right and you’re wrong - wouldn’t that make you deceitful?
Gregory: [ looks confused ]
Clinton: Hillary told me you are a moron
Gregory: but the taxes!!
Clinton: calm down fluffy
Gregory: has Obama failed to sell government?
Clinton: they only thing he needs to do is deliver results
Gregory: has he asked for your help?
Clinton: sure but he’s pretty fucking smart
Gregory: is there a vast right wing hate machine?
Clinton: you bet - they accused me of murder and Obama of being the Kenyan Stalin
Gregory: so much fun
Clinton: but it’s not good for the Republican party to just be associated with screaming people waving pictures of Obama as an African witch doctor
Gregory: with there be another 1994?
Gregory: no because there are more Hispanic voters, 8 years of bad Bush years and Obama didn’t take on the gun lobby
Gregory: will you run for President again?
Clinton: I would be awesome [ daydreaming ]
Gregory: so yes?
Clinton: no that’s for Hillary now - I never knew being a free agent traveling the world would be so much damm fun
[ break ]
Gregory: Senator should we be terrified of Iran?
Kyl: talk is useless - we need to attack Iran now!!
Webb: look we’ve got Russia and Europe on board that’s a huge advance
Kyl: Iran is clearly planning on putting a nuke on a missile and hitting Kansas
Gregory: yikes
Kyl: the easy solution is to overthrow the government of Iran
Webb: he’s damm lunatic
Gregory: Ahmedinejad?
Webb: no Senator Kyl
Gregory: we all know that
Kyl: oh sure we could impose sanctions or whatever but we’ll probably need to go to war
Gregory: McChrystal says he needs thousands of more troops
Webb: sure but-
Gregory: OMG we need more troops now!!!
Webb: look fluffy Obama is right to ask exactly what we’re trying to accomplish and how we’re going to do it
Gregory: but the general has got such a nice uniform
Webb: we don’t want to be an occupying power but Afghanistan has never had a national army
Gregory: you want to impose a deadline
Webb: no I want to think very carefully before we commit to building a new nation in a mountainous desert nation of religious fanatics
Kyl: leave Utah out of this
Gregory: Condi Rice says if we don’t put in 40,000 more troops it will lead to another 9/11
Kyl: and she would know!
Webb: oh for god’s sake - are we know responsible for turning Afghanistan into a democratic paradise?
Gregory: but we defeated al qaeda in Iraq!
Webb: they weren’t there until we showed up!
Gregory: but-
Webb: and they left before the Surge!
Kyl: yeah but Al Qaeda is in Afghanistan and they love it there - and we can’t take any time to make the perfect decision - we need to rush headlong into an Asian war without thinking about it!
Webb: hey it’s only the opinion of one general who just got there
Gregory: did Obama make a mistake in doing the right thing on Gitmo?
Webb: jesus you really are fucker
[ break ]
Gregory: Governor Paterson Obama really knee-capped you
Paterson: the President never told me directly not to run
Gregory: c’mon didn’t the White House say don’t run
Paterson: well a lot of people have told me not to run
Gregory: was the White House one of them?
Paterson: maybe
Gregory: were you stunned that Obama told you not to run?
Paterson: I’m blind but not oblivious
Gregory: I see
Paterson: well I’m running for Governor anyway
Gregory: why are your polls so low?
Paterson: because we’re running out of money and I had to cut $30 billion
Gregory: 80% of New Yorkers don’t like you
Paterson: hey I bravely appointed a Lt. Governor
Gregory: wow
Paterson: I’ve been fighting the odds all my life dammit
Gregory: do you blame race for your bad press?
Paterson: no I don’t I think people should dislike me for many many other reasons
Gregory: Gov how will you balance the budget?
Paterson: I already did fluffy
Gregory: but you have a deficit
Paterson: hey at least I’m not cutting child care or letting people out of prison early like some other action-movie-bodybuilder governors I could mention
Gregory: before we go Governor do you like my hair?
[ fluffs hair ]
Paterson: It’s lovely David
Sunday, September 27, 2009
This Week with George Stephanolopous - September 27, 2009
Guests:
Secretary of Defense Bob Gates
Senator John McCain
**********************
Stephanopoulos: Bob do we more troops in Afghanistan or not?
Gates: Gen. McChrystal has now told us that Afghanistan really really really sucks
Stephanopoulos: and this was news to you?
Gates: it came as a complete surprise
Stephanopoulos: how can you hold an election in a place run religious fundamentalists and other assorted lunatics and total wackos?
Gates: I’m not here to talk about Florida
Stephanopoulos: right
Stephanopoulos: is there a rift between the uniformed military and Team Obama?
Gates: no not at all - Obama can bring all people together
Stephanopoulos: but waiting to surge may be putting our soldiers at risk!
Gates: in a war zone? - oh no!
Stephanopoulos: so how do we destroy the Taliban?
Gates: we have to be really close to the ground - maybe underneath it
Stephanopoulos: how many people do we need to kill?
Gates: but George it’s not just about killing - it’s about a new approach and a strategy
Stephanopoulos: like what?
Gates: make new friends by painting smiley faces on our missile-firing drones
Stephanopoulos: ah
Stephanopoulos: what will success in Afghanistan look like?
Gates: it will look like what we’ve done in Iraq
Stephanopoulos: a widely despised occupying power trapped in a quagmire?
Gates: but with soft ice cream!
Stephanopoulos: Will Obama apologize to Iran?
Gates: let me quote the President: fuck that shit
Stephanopoulos: but maybe the Iranians have a peaceful nulear program
Gates: well then why not let IAEA inspectors in like Saddam did?
Stephanopoulos: look how well that turned out for him
Gates: fair point
Stephanopoulos: Iran is close to break-out!
Gates: that means they have enough uranium to later enrich if they could do it and then later hypothetically build a bomb
Stephanopoulos: maybe
Gates: we’re seeing destabilization in Iran like we haven’t seen since the US overthrew the government the last time
Stephanopoulos: fascinating
Gates: severe sanctions might lead to an Iranian revolution
Stephanopoulos: that should work out great
Gates: I’m looking forward to it
Stephanopoulos: what about Gitmo?
Gates: it’s a happy place
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: do you still think Gitmo should be closed?
McCain: yes but I what I really want to do is whine that Obama is doing everything right but that’s still bad
Stephanopoulos: I’m not following
McCain: Gitmo makes the U.S. look brutal and that’s bad but - let’s not rush into our new non-brutal image
Stephanopoulos: Afghanistan?
McCain: I would remind you that Iraq was in flames and in total chaos almost as bad as Afghanistan and the surge worked
Stephanopoulos: wow it sure sounds like our empire-building is really going great
McCain: our friends in the region are getting nervous
Stephanopoulos: what friends?
McCain: our new allies like al qaeda
Stephanopoulos: ever since Obama became President we realized that debt is bad and our troops are very stressed
McCain: the best way to relieve the stress on our troops is put them back in combat and let them win
Stephanopoulos: really?
McCain: our troops are very fragile and it will be 10 years before they recover mentally if we don’t kick more ass in Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: don’t our troops just want to come home to their families?
McCain: no they want to stay forever and ever or they will be very depressed for a decade or two
Stephanopoulos: if you say so
McCain: [ crazy laughter ]
Stephanopoulos: Afghanistan is way fucked up
McCain: even the President’s brother is an embarrassment
Stephanopoulos: but that’s normal in American politics - Billy, Roger, Marvin
McCain: exactly
McCain: look I get that crazy lefties don’t want a wasteful 10-year war but Abraham Lincoln burned Atlanta which proves you can’t make a freedom omelette without breaking a few thousands eggs
Stephanopoulos: well put
*******************************
Secretary of Defense Bob Gates
Senator John McCain
**********************
Stephanopoulos: Bob do we more troops in Afghanistan or not?
Gates: Gen. McChrystal has now told us that Afghanistan really really really sucks
Stephanopoulos: and this was news to you?
Gates: it came as a complete surprise
Stephanopoulos: how can you hold an election in a place run religious fundamentalists and other assorted lunatics and total wackos?
Gates: I’m not here to talk about Florida
Stephanopoulos: right
Stephanopoulos: is there a rift between the uniformed military and Team Obama?
Gates: no not at all - Obama can bring all people together
Stephanopoulos: but waiting to surge may be putting our soldiers at risk!
Gates: in a war zone? - oh no!
Stephanopoulos: so how do we destroy the Taliban?
Gates: we have to be really close to the ground - maybe underneath it
Stephanopoulos: how many people do we need to kill?
Gates: but George it’s not just about killing - it’s about a new approach and a strategy
Stephanopoulos: like what?
Gates: make new friends by painting smiley faces on our missile-firing drones
Stephanopoulos: ah
Stephanopoulos: what will success in Afghanistan look like?
Gates: it will look like what we’ve done in Iraq
Stephanopoulos: a widely despised occupying power trapped in a quagmire?
Gates: but with soft ice cream!
Stephanopoulos: Will Obama apologize to Iran?
Gates: let me quote the President: fuck that shit
Stephanopoulos: but maybe the Iranians have a peaceful nulear program
Gates: well then why not let IAEA inspectors in like Saddam did?
Stephanopoulos: look how well that turned out for him
Gates: fair point
Stephanopoulos: Iran is close to break-out!
Gates: that means they have enough uranium to later enrich if they could do it and then later hypothetically build a bomb
Stephanopoulos: maybe
Gates: we’re seeing destabilization in Iran like we haven’t seen since the US overthrew the government the last time
Stephanopoulos: fascinating
Gates: severe sanctions might lead to an Iranian revolution
Stephanopoulos: that should work out great
Gates: I’m looking forward to it
Stephanopoulos: what about Gitmo?
Gates: it’s a happy place
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: do you still think Gitmo should be closed?
McCain: yes but I what I really want to do is whine that Obama is doing everything right but that’s still bad
Stephanopoulos: I’m not following
McCain: Gitmo makes the U.S. look brutal and that’s bad but - let’s not rush into our new non-brutal image
Stephanopoulos: Afghanistan?
McCain: I would remind you that Iraq was in flames and in total chaos almost as bad as Afghanistan and the surge worked
Stephanopoulos: wow it sure sounds like our empire-building is really going great
McCain: our friends in the region are getting nervous
Stephanopoulos: what friends?
McCain: our new allies like al qaeda
Stephanopoulos: ever since Obama became President we realized that debt is bad and our troops are very stressed
McCain: the best way to relieve the stress on our troops is put them back in combat and let them win
Stephanopoulos: really?
McCain: our troops are very fragile and it will be 10 years before they recover mentally if we don’t kick more ass in Afghanistan
Stephanopoulos: don’t our troops just want to come home to their families?
McCain: no they want to stay forever and ever or they will be very depressed for a decade or two
Stephanopoulos: if you say so
McCain: [ crazy laughter ]
Stephanopoulos: Afghanistan is way fucked up
McCain: even the President’s brother is an embarrassment
Stephanopoulos: but that’s normal in American politics - Billy, Roger, Marvin
McCain: exactly
McCain: look I get that crazy lefties don’t want a wasteful 10-year war but Abraham Lincoln burned Atlanta which proves you can’t make a freedom omelette without breaking a few thousands eggs
Stephanopoulos: well put
*******************************
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Meet the Press with Barack Obama - September 20, 2009
Meet the Press
September 20, 2009
Guests:
Barack Obama
Eugene Robinson
Roger Simon
*****************
Gregory: welcome and thank you for coming President Barack - do you like my hair?
Obama: tick tock, dipshit
Gregory: sorry - Bam what exactly is your health care plan?
Obama: cut premiums, eliminate pre-existing conditions, fewer costs, cap out-of-pocket expenses and be deficit neutral
Gregory: what unpopular things will you do?
Obama: I’ve already made alot of tough choices
Gregory: like you finally told those dirty public option-loving hippies to fuck off - and I loved it!
Obama: no I didn’t liar
Gregory: ok so what will you do people will hate?
Obama: I’m going to force people to buy health insurance
Gregory: yeah but that’s easy - health insurance is cheap
Obama: no it isn’t
Gregory: [ blow drys hair ] sorry what?
Obama: and I conceded on tort reform and many other Republican ideas
Gregory: but when are you really taking on the dirty leftist hippies???
Obama: maybe you haven’t been paying attention but I gave the GOP everything they wanted!
Gregory: but you haven’t resigned!
Obama: um,, no
Gregory: or put hippies in internment camps where they belong!
Obama: give me another six months
Gregory: is Jimmy Carter right that all your opponents are racists?
Obama: no - some of them are just out of their fucking minds
Gregory: but just to be clear are you saying there is no racism in America or that everyone in America is a racist?
Obama: Rahm Emmanuel told me you were a moron
Gregory: but you’re blackness is so controversial!
Obama: this is catnip to idiots like you
Gregory: could this lead to violence?
Obama: let me put it this way
[ punches Gregory in the face ]
Gregory: ow!
Obama: the loud crazy person seems to get all the attention from the media these days
Gregory: but we have to cover famous mentally ill people -- that's people are talking about!
Obama: i suppose the first Congressman to call me a nigger will get on the cover of Time magazine
Gregory: i can see it now - "Racist or Just Having Fun?"
Obama: apparently the easiest way to get on tv is be a rude obnoxious asshole
Gregory: not all the protestors were like that
Obama: I was talking about you
Gregory: oh that gives me a sad
Obama: calm down Fluffy
Gregory: Afghanistan?
Obama: we’re going to kick al-qaeda ass and if we can’t do that then we’re going to get out
Gregory: who is going to win the World Series?
Obama: the fucking White Sox
Gregory: but they suck
Obama: ok the damm Yankees
Gregory: ooooh
[ break ]
Gregory: Boner - I dare you to say something non-stupid
Boehner: Big Government arble garble
Gregory: are you conservatives all racists?
Boehner: Big Govgarble babaabbaabafrmf merrrgle
Graham: Obama accused Republicans of lying so we had to call him a Nazi
Gregory: but Grassley really was a liar
Lindsay: the President is clearly an unhinged lunatic screaming all the time and being all combative by saying he wouldn’t tolerate liars - that was a slap in the face to the GOP
Gregory: no offense but you people come across as frankly crazy and we’re all worried about another Oklahoma City
Lindsay: well people carrying guns and committing bombings is quite understandable when Obama is proposing a very high budget
Gregory: that justifies calling Obama Hitler?
Bohener: cap and trade - people are scared to death!!
Gregory: to death?? over that??
Boehner: he’s a socialist and he’s going to destroy the country and people are really really really scared!!
Gregory: George Bush left this country a wreck and all you can do is scream about Marxist and compare Obama to Pol Pot
Boehner: no we have great ideas like ending malpractice lawsuits and letting people buy health insurance on the market
Gregory: that’s it?
Boehner: Obama never invites me to the White House
[ starts sobbing ]
Gregory: don’t cry boney
Boehner: this plan will fail
Gregory: so what the fuck are you crying about?
Boehner: [ sniffles]
he needs to hit the reset button
Gregory: Lindy what does the President need to do ?
Graham: he needs to get off the tv and give the Republicans what they want
Gregory: why is Obama failing?
Graham: he keeps telling people what they want to hear and that’s why people are rejecting him
Gregory: tell me about Afghanistan
Graham: we need to leave with security and honor and then hand it all off to that loser Karzai
Boehner: [ sobbing ]
all he talks about is going after al qaeda that is a very big change and I’m very concerned
Gregory: stop crying for god’s sake
Boehner: but there’s something amiss here
[ wipes tears ]
Gregory: Obama rejected missile defense which doesn’t work
Graham: it’s a total capitulation to the Russians and Iran and we’ve abandoned the little Czechs
Gregory: speaking of sleazey Republicans what about Sanford?
Graham: if we get rid of him they’ll just be another one
Gregory: hey Tom DeLay is Dancing with the Czars - what a second act!
Boehner: you should go on with Karl Rove
Gregory: that would be so cool!
[ break ]
Gregory: Eugene Robinson you say that a lot of the teabagging weirdos are racists
Robinson: undoubtedly - every time you go to one of these rallies the nuts show up claiming he shouldn’t even be President and he's a British-Indonesian Muslim born in Kenya
Gregory: but people said also Bush was not legitimately elected
Robinson: well he wasn’t it
Gregory: and they attacked Clinton and said he wasn’t legitimate
Robinson: that was irrational too
Simon: Jimmy Carter is a fucker - we’re not going to heal racial wounds by pointing out that insane lunatics have been relentlessly attacking the President and send each photoshopped e-mails of Obama as an African witch doctor
Gregory: Has Obama failed to sell government?
Simon: Obama believes entirely in Big Government - that’s who he is
Robinson: jesus people come to rallies bashing government health care and they are on Medicare - they’re completely crazy
Gregory: Is Obama right that the media is full of fuckers?
Simon: we cover bullshit because we brings the truth to the people
Robinson: it’s hypocritical to say the media are shallow and stupid and then go on tv
Gregory: Obama knee-cappped Gov. Paterson!
Simon: shocking - what happened to melanin-solidarity!?
Gregory: Huckabee 2012!!
Robinson: yeah good luck with that
*****************
September 20, 2009
Guests:
Barack Obama
Eugene Robinson
Roger Simon
*****************
Gregory: welcome and thank you for coming President Barack - do you like my hair?
Obama: tick tock, dipshit
Gregory: sorry - Bam what exactly is your health care plan?
Obama: cut premiums, eliminate pre-existing conditions, fewer costs, cap out-of-pocket expenses and be deficit neutral
Gregory: what unpopular things will you do?
Obama: I’ve already made alot of tough choices
Gregory: like you finally told those dirty public option-loving hippies to fuck off - and I loved it!
Obama: no I didn’t liar
Gregory: ok so what will you do people will hate?
Obama: I’m going to force people to buy health insurance
Gregory: yeah but that’s easy - health insurance is cheap
Obama: no it isn’t
Gregory: [ blow drys hair ] sorry what?
Obama: and I conceded on tort reform and many other Republican ideas
Gregory: but when are you really taking on the dirty leftist hippies???
Obama: maybe you haven’t been paying attention but I gave the GOP everything they wanted!
Gregory: but you haven’t resigned!
Obama: um,, no
Gregory: or put hippies in internment camps where they belong!
Obama: give me another six months
Gregory: is Jimmy Carter right that all your opponents are racists?
Obama: no - some of them are just out of their fucking minds
Gregory: but just to be clear are you saying there is no racism in America or that everyone in America is a racist?
Obama: Rahm Emmanuel told me you were a moron
Gregory: but you’re blackness is so controversial!
Obama: this is catnip to idiots like you
Gregory: could this lead to violence?
Obama: let me put it this way
[ punches Gregory in the face ]
Gregory: ow!
Obama: the loud crazy person seems to get all the attention from the media these days
Gregory: but we have to cover famous mentally ill people -- that's people are talking about!
Obama: i suppose the first Congressman to call me a nigger will get on the cover of Time magazine
Gregory: i can see it now - "Racist or Just Having Fun?"
Obama: apparently the easiest way to get on tv is be a rude obnoxious asshole
Gregory: not all the protestors were like that
Obama: I was talking about you
Gregory: oh that gives me a sad
Obama: calm down Fluffy
Gregory: Afghanistan?
Obama: we’re going to kick al-qaeda ass and if we can’t do that then we’re going to get out
Gregory: who is going to win the World Series?
Obama: the fucking White Sox
Gregory: but they suck
Obama: ok the damm Yankees
Gregory: ooooh
[ break ]
Gregory: Boner - I dare you to say something non-stupid
Boehner: Big Government arble garble
Gregory: are you conservatives all racists?
Boehner: Big Govgarble babaabbaabafrmf merrrgle
Graham: Obama accused Republicans of lying so we had to call him a Nazi
Gregory: but Grassley really was a liar
Lindsay: the President is clearly an unhinged lunatic screaming all the time and being all combative by saying he wouldn’t tolerate liars - that was a slap in the face to the GOP
Gregory: no offense but you people come across as frankly crazy and we’re all worried about another Oklahoma City
Lindsay: well people carrying guns and committing bombings is quite understandable when Obama is proposing a very high budget
Gregory: that justifies calling Obama Hitler?
Bohener: cap and trade - people are scared to death!!
Gregory: to death?? over that??
Boehner: he’s a socialist and he’s going to destroy the country and people are really really really scared!!
Gregory: George Bush left this country a wreck and all you can do is scream about Marxist and compare Obama to Pol Pot
Boehner: no we have great ideas like ending malpractice lawsuits and letting people buy health insurance on the market
Gregory: that’s it?
Boehner: Obama never invites me to the White House
[ starts sobbing ]
Gregory: don’t cry boney
Boehner: this plan will fail
Gregory: so what the fuck are you crying about?
Boehner: [ sniffles]
he needs to hit the reset button
Gregory: Lindy what does the President need to do ?
Graham: he needs to get off the tv and give the Republicans what they want
Gregory: why is Obama failing?
Graham: he keeps telling people what they want to hear and that’s why people are rejecting him
Gregory: tell me about Afghanistan
Graham: we need to leave with security and honor and then hand it all off to that loser Karzai
Boehner: [ sobbing ]
all he talks about is going after al qaeda that is a very big change and I’m very concerned
Gregory: stop crying for god’s sake
Boehner: but there’s something amiss here
[ wipes tears ]
Gregory: Obama rejected missile defense which doesn’t work
Graham: it’s a total capitulation to the Russians and Iran and we’ve abandoned the little Czechs
Gregory: speaking of sleazey Republicans what about Sanford?
Graham: if we get rid of him they’ll just be another one
Gregory: hey Tom DeLay is Dancing with the Czars - what a second act!
Boehner: you should go on with Karl Rove
Gregory: that would be so cool!
[ break ]
Gregory: Eugene Robinson you say that a lot of the teabagging weirdos are racists
Robinson: undoubtedly - every time you go to one of these rallies the nuts show up claiming he shouldn’t even be President and he's a British-Indonesian Muslim born in Kenya
Gregory: but people said also Bush was not legitimately elected
Robinson: well he wasn’t it
Gregory: and they attacked Clinton and said he wasn’t legitimate
Robinson: that was irrational too
Simon: Jimmy Carter is a fucker - we’re not going to heal racial wounds by pointing out that insane lunatics have been relentlessly attacking the President and send each photoshopped e-mails of Obama as an African witch doctor
Gregory: Has Obama failed to sell government?
Simon: Obama believes entirely in Big Government - that’s who he is
Robinson: jesus people come to rallies bashing government health care and they are on Medicare - they’re completely crazy
Gregory: Is Obama right that the media is full of fuckers?
Simon: we cover bullshit because we brings the truth to the people
Robinson: it’s hypocritical to say the media are shallow and stupid and then go on tv
Gregory: Obama knee-cappped Gov. Paterson!
Simon: shocking - what happened to melanin-solidarity!?
Gregory: Huckabee 2012!!
Robinson: yeah good luck with that
*****************
This Week with George Stephanolopous with Barack Obama - September 20, 2009
This Week with George Stephanolopous
September 20, 2009
Guest: President Barack Obama
****************
Stephanolopous: are you going to raise taxes on middle class families?
Obama: the blood sucking insurers already impose their own vampire tax on every American!
Stephanolopous: that is true but-
Obama: we’re going to cover everyone and not add to the deficit
Stephanolopous: how?
Obama: I’m going to nuke Maine and Montana
Stephanolopous: but the higher taxes!
Obama: we’re going to set up a pool for health care exchange with tax credits and make people have health insurance
Stephanolopous: that’s a tax increase!
Obama: no it isn’t
Stephanolopous: yes it is!
Obama: hey dipshit no one can opt-out health care in the ER so we all bear that cost
Stephanolopous: but Merriam-Webster!
Obama: you’re so fucking desperate to call it a tax increase you ran to the dictionary like a big baby
Stephanolopous: but your critics say-
Obama: -say I’m motherfucking Hitler and Stalin Mao and Kanye West all in one - who gives a fuck?!?
Stephanolopous: will you cut Medicare Advantage?
Obama: only for white people
Stephanolopous: are you very angry for Jimmy Carter saying there are racists when we all know racism is gone forever?
Obama: look idiot I know there are lot of racists and fools out there but I think even racists will take health care from a black man when they’re dying!
Stephanolopous: people are terrified you impose a White Person Tax
Obama: by the time my Presidency is done I’m going to get the Teabaggers join the fucking NAACP they’re going to love black people so much!
Stephanolopous: so you don’t hate your critics?
Obama: no we all love America and are all patriots
Stephanolopous: [ puts flag pin on forehead ]
Obama: nice flag dood
Stephanolopous: will you cut off funding for ACORN?
Obama: oh for pete’s sake - what a weasel you are
Stephanolopous: but ACORN-
Obama: no one gives a shit but Fox News asshole
Stephanolopous: ok Afghanistan
Obama: finally a real question
Stephanolopous: how do we win?
Obama: we’re going to crack some fucking skulls
Stephanolopous: tell me about when you realized you are a terrible president
Obama: not to be immodest but there have been times when I realized that I am a little too awesome
Stephanolopous: that must be hard
Obama: of course it’s hard to break through all the Nazi-talk
Stephanolopous: what do you mean
Obama: it’s easy to get on tv if you are rude and stupid
Stephanolopous: that’s not a nice thing to say about Charlie Gibson
Obama: fuck him
Stephanolopous: thanks for talking to me
Obama: shithead
*********************************
September 20, 2009
Guest: President Barack Obama
****************
Stephanolopous: are you going to raise taxes on middle class families?
Obama: the blood sucking insurers already impose their own vampire tax on every American!
Stephanolopous: that is true but-
Obama: we’re going to cover everyone and not add to the deficit
Stephanolopous: how?
Obama: I’m going to nuke Maine and Montana
Stephanolopous: but the higher taxes!
Obama: we’re going to set up a pool for health care exchange with tax credits and make people have health insurance
Stephanolopous: that’s a tax increase!
Obama: no it isn’t
Stephanolopous: yes it is!
Obama: hey dipshit no one can opt-out health care in the ER so we all bear that cost
Stephanolopous: but Merriam-Webster!
Obama: you’re so fucking desperate to call it a tax increase you ran to the dictionary like a big baby
Stephanolopous: but your critics say-
Obama: -say I’m motherfucking Hitler and Stalin Mao and Kanye West all in one - who gives a fuck?!?
Stephanolopous: will you cut Medicare Advantage?
Obama: only for white people
Stephanolopous: are you very angry for Jimmy Carter saying there are racists when we all know racism is gone forever?
Obama: look idiot I know there are lot of racists and fools out there but I think even racists will take health care from a black man when they’re dying!
Stephanolopous: people are terrified you impose a White Person Tax
Obama: by the time my Presidency is done I’m going to get the Teabaggers join the fucking NAACP they’re going to love black people so much!
Stephanolopous: so you don’t hate your critics?
Obama: no we all love America and are all patriots
Stephanolopous: [ puts flag pin on forehead ]
Obama: nice flag dood
Stephanolopous: will you cut off funding for ACORN?
Obama: oh for pete’s sake - what a weasel you are
Stephanolopous: but ACORN-
Obama: no one gives a shit but Fox News asshole
Stephanolopous: ok Afghanistan
Obama: finally a real question
Stephanolopous: how do we win?
Obama: we’re going to crack some fucking skulls
Stephanolopous: tell me about when you realized you are a terrible president
Obama: not to be immodest but there have been times when I realized that I am a little too awesome
Stephanolopous: that must be hard
Obama: of course it’s hard to break through all the Nazi-talk
Stephanolopous: what do you mean
Obama: it’s easy to get on tv if you are rude and stupid
Stephanolopous: that’s not a nice thing to say about Charlie Gibson
Obama: fuck him
Stephanolopous: thanks for talking to me
Obama: shithead
*********************************
Sunday, September 13, 2009
60 Minutes with Barack Obama - September 13, 2009
*************
Kroft: you finally resorted to using your jedi mind powers on Congress this week
Obama: it was a last resort
Kroft: can you get GOP votes
Obama: i'm still black - so no
Kroft: you said in your campaign you could get crazy people to agree with each other
Obama: well when i was young i unified white people from Kansas and Africans but the GOP in Congress are out of their fucking minds
Kroft: are you willing to cap malpractice judgments?
Obama: it might help medical practice or not
Kroft: i meant for journalists
Obama: oh
Kroft: the trial lawyers own Congress
Obama: fuck you
Kroft: well that's what the GOP says
Obama: dick
Kroft: you promised the moon and to do it for free
Obama: that's right
Kroft: how can we have health care and pay for it?
Obama: because, stupid, we are already spending the money right now - we're just wasting it
Kroft: you are a crazy big spending liberal
Obama: fuck you
Kroft: you nationalized the auto industry
Obama: no really fuck off
Kroft: but
Obama: fuck. off.
Kroft: but
Obama: Bush was the fucking socialist not me
Kroft: but i get the sense that some people are just worn out with the idea of your melanin
Obama: that's true
Kroft: i mean it's fatiguing every day we wake up the President is still a damm negro
Obama: i know i know
Kroft: people ask you - michael jackson changed his skin color why can't you?
Obama: people do ask that
Kroft: so why not do it?
Obama: MJ was a loon
Kroft: he had a gold casket!
Obama: uh huh
Kroft: Bush brought us the unity of 9/11 and you divided the nation
Obama: yeah
Kroft: were you surprised Joe Wilson yelled out at you?
Obama: yeah I'm black in America - it was a total shock
Kroft: what happened next?
Obama: he followed me around a department store
Kroft: this is a fascinating story
Obama: no it takes away from the debate on health care
Kroft: health care brings out the worst in people
Obama: no the real controversy is helping people and not purposefully killing them
Kroft: so you failed to bring civility back to Washington
Obama: let me put it this way - fuck you
***************************
Kroft: you finally resorted to using your jedi mind powers on Congress this week
Obama: it was a last resort
Kroft: can you get GOP votes
Obama: i'm still black - so no
Kroft: you said in your campaign you could get crazy people to agree with each other
Obama: well when i was young i unified white people from Kansas and Africans but the GOP in Congress are out of their fucking minds
Kroft: are you willing to cap malpractice judgments?
Obama: it might help medical practice or not
Kroft: i meant for journalists
Obama: oh
Kroft: the trial lawyers own Congress
Obama: fuck you
Kroft: well that's what the GOP says
Obama: dick
Kroft: you promised the moon and to do it for free
Obama: that's right
Kroft: how can we have health care and pay for it?
Obama: because, stupid, we are already spending the money right now - we're just wasting it
Kroft: you are a crazy big spending liberal
Obama: fuck you
Kroft: you nationalized the auto industry
Obama: no really fuck off
Kroft: but
Obama: fuck. off.
Kroft: but
Obama: Bush was the fucking socialist not me
Kroft: but i get the sense that some people are just worn out with the idea of your melanin
Obama: that's true
Kroft: i mean it's fatiguing every day we wake up the President is still a damm negro
Obama: i know i know
Kroft: people ask you - michael jackson changed his skin color why can't you?
Obama: people do ask that
Kroft: so why not do it?
Obama: MJ was a loon
Kroft: he had a gold casket!
Obama: uh huh
Kroft: Bush brought us the unity of 9/11 and you divided the nation
Obama: yeah
Kroft: were you surprised Joe Wilson yelled out at you?
Obama: yeah I'm black in America - it was a total shock
Kroft: what happened next?
Obama: he followed me around a department store
Kroft: this is a fascinating story
Obama: no it takes away from the debate on health care
Kroft: health care brings out the worst in people
Obama: no the real controversy is helping people and not purposefully killing them
Kroft: so you failed to bring civility back to Washington
Obama: let me put it this way - fuck you
***************************
Meet the Press - September 13, 2009
Meet the Press
September 13, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Durbin
Sen. Cornyn
Howard Dean
Newt Gingrich
********************
Gregory: Dick what will Congress give us on
health care reform?
Durbin: we are going to enact reform and we’ll pass it over the dead rotting corpse of the GOP
Gregory: are going to go for the brass ring or
settle for tiny gains?
Durbin: the big one Greggers - believe it fucker
Gregory: will I have a free facelift by turkey day?
Durbin: pencil it in Fluffy
Cornyn: What do Obama’s plan and his birth certificate have in common?
Gregory: I don’t know
Cornyn: no has seen either one
Gregory: ha
Cornyn: Obama has only paid lip service to
GOP ideas
Gregory: he gave you everything you wanted!
Cornyn: but only in a speech!
Gregory: what if they were in the law?
Cornyn: it would still be a boon the Democratic party so no I could never support it
Dean: We are going to pass a law and it’s going to
be awesome
Gregory: by ramming it through!
Dean: ram this Fluffy
Gingrich: sure Obama said he hates illegals but where are the internment camps, I ask you?!?
Dean: I just remembered something - no one gives a shit what Newt Gingrich thinks
Gregory: let’s all have a good beltway laugh at the idea of hippies and their little public option
Durbin: I heard you are were a moron - it’s all
over town
Gingrich: that’s true
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] but it can’t pass
the senate!!
Durbin: yes it can
Gregory: but the Crazy Left!!!
Dean: can it Fluffers
Cornyn: Obama cannot guarantee you will never lose your health insurance!!!
Gregory: but that can happen now!
Cornyn: yeah but it won’t because there is no decent alternative
Gregory: Rep. Wilson had an insane outburst
- did that help or hurt?
Cornyn: this is not the time for Wilson to act crazy
or for Dems to point out that he is crazy
Gregory: Obama is going to break the deficit!!!
Dean: we’re already giving massive subsidies
to health insurers now stupid
Gingrich: elderly Americans are getting high quality government health care now - which is why we can never had government health care
Dean: we’re a great nation - of course we can do this!
Gregory: [ screaming] you’re going to raise taxes!
Dean: you want to yell dancin’ dave - let’s do it!!! Yeeeaaaah!!
Cornyn: Obama will cut health care for the elderly and raise taxes
Gregory: so will you pledge to never ever ever raise taxes?
Durbin: you know Dave Obama’s plan will permit brain transplants which is good news for you
Gregory: oh my god Obama is going to make me buy health insurance - what say you Newt Gingrich!!
Gingrich: indeed this is incredibly dangerous - when taxes go up dramatically America will perish
Gregory: middle-class Americans should be allowed to go without health insurance to prove this is great country!
Dean: well then maybe we should have a
public option
Gregory: but the Hippies!!
Durbin: Jesus Christ Gregory - sick poor people go to emergency rooms to get treatment now - what the fuck is your problem??
Cornyn: it’s easy to provide free health care in white state like Vermont but Texas has a lot of brown people and it’s difficult to provide universal care while weeding them out at the same time
Gregory: what’s the solution?
Cornyn: private for-profit health care has white bias so it works very well
[ break ]
Gregory: Todd is Obama back in control?
Todd: yes - and in fact he’s got the GOP scared
Gregory: I was so impressed by how cuddly John Cornyn was this morning
Todd: he’s one of their most articulate and best looking morons
Gregory: Rep. Wilson is crazy and is against government take-over of health insurers and their beloved bureaucrats
Todd: indeed
Gregory: this is a truly unified grass-roots bunch of bought-and-paid-for lunatics
Burnett: well the GOP needs to do something or it will kill businesses
Ramo: Obama’s got to lead and compromise at the same time
Gregory: why can’t Obama solve the problem of health care easily and without costs??
Todd: indeed they are trying
Burnett: they are going to raise taxes probably on the rich
Gregory: please tell me that public option is dead
Todd: they will put a gun to the head of the insurers to keep them in line
Gregory: Josh it turns out that unemployment is bad - it’s another 9/11 - it’s scary!!
Ramo: it’s terrifying
Gregory: oh my fucking god!!
Ramo: we’re worse than Europe!
Gregory: [ sobs ]
Burnett: Obama says we can recover with green jobs
Gregory: except for Van Jones who they fired
Ramo: those jobs are going boys and they aren’t coming back
Gregory: oh noe
Ramo: short answer: we’re fucked
Gregory: that’s bad in an election year
Todd: indeed in response to a crisis they created we must elect more Republicans
Ramo: we just hit an all-time record of people who just can’t get a job at all
Gregory: they should become talk show whores
Ramo: and the gambling on Wall Street is worse
than ever
Burnett: Housing prices are going to down another 25% with 50% under water
Gregory: [ gurgle ]
Todd: the good news is that Congress will address housing problem but the bad news is that Congress will address the housing problem
Gregory: Should Obama call Derek Jeter and ask him over for a beer ? He’s such a cool guy!
Burnett: you have a man-crush - that’s cute
Todd: fuck that shit - only the Yankees could make a national story of a Yankee breaking a Yankee record
Gregory: [ thumbs tiger beat magazine ]
Well that’s all we have for this week - Derek call me let’s hang
***************
September 13, 2009
Guests:
Sen. Durbin
Sen. Cornyn
Howard Dean
Newt Gingrich
********************
Gregory: Dick what will Congress give us on
health care reform?
Durbin: we are going to enact reform and we’ll pass it over the dead rotting corpse of the GOP
Gregory: are going to go for the brass ring or
settle for tiny gains?
Durbin: the big one Greggers - believe it fucker
Gregory: will I have a free facelift by turkey day?
Durbin: pencil it in Fluffy
Cornyn: What do Obama’s plan and his birth certificate have in common?
Gregory: I don’t know
Cornyn: no has seen either one
Gregory: ha
Cornyn: Obama has only paid lip service to
GOP ideas
Gregory: he gave you everything you wanted!
Cornyn: but only in a speech!
Gregory: what if they were in the law?
Cornyn: it would still be a boon the Democratic party so no I could never support it
Dean: We are going to pass a law and it’s going to
be awesome
Gregory: by ramming it through!
Dean: ram this Fluffy
Gingrich: sure Obama said he hates illegals but where are the internment camps, I ask you?!?
Dean: I just remembered something - no one gives a shit what Newt Gingrich thinks
Gregory: let’s all have a good beltway laugh at the idea of hippies and their little public option
Durbin: I heard you are were a moron - it’s all
over town
Gingrich: that’s true
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] but it can’t pass
the senate!!
Durbin: yes it can
Gregory: but the Crazy Left!!!
Dean: can it Fluffers
Cornyn: Obama cannot guarantee you will never lose your health insurance!!!
Gregory: but that can happen now!
Cornyn: yeah but it won’t because there is no decent alternative
Gregory: Rep. Wilson had an insane outburst
- did that help or hurt?
Cornyn: this is not the time for Wilson to act crazy
or for Dems to point out that he is crazy
Gregory: Obama is going to break the deficit!!!
Dean: we’re already giving massive subsidies
to health insurers now stupid
Gingrich: elderly Americans are getting high quality government health care now - which is why we can never had government health care
Dean: we’re a great nation - of course we can do this!
Gregory: [ screaming] you’re going to raise taxes!
Dean: you want to yell dancin’ dave - let’s do it!!! Yeeeaaaah!!
Cornyn: Obama will cut health care for the elderly and raise taxes
Gregory: so will you pledge to never ever ever raise taxes?
Durbin: you know Dave Obama’s plan will permit brain transplants which is good news for you
Gregory: oh my god Obama is going to make me buy health insurance - what say you Newt Gingrich!!
Gingrich: indeed this is incredibly dangerous - when taxes go up dramatically America will perish
Gregory: middle-class Americans should be allowed to go without health insurance to prove this is great country!
Dean: well then maybe we should have a
public option
Gregory: but the Hippies!!
Durbin: Jesus Christ Gregory - sick poor people go to emergency rooms to get treatment now - what the fuck is your problem??
Cornyn: it’s easy to provide free health care in white state like Vermont but Texas has a lot of brown people and it’s difficult to provide universal care while weeding them out at the same time
Gregory: what’s the solution?
Cornyn: private for-profit health care has white bias so it works very well
[ break ]
Gregory: Todd is Obama back in control?
Todd: yes - and in fact he’s got the GOP scared
Gregory: I was so impressed by how cuddly John Cornyn was this morning
Todd: he’s one of their most articulate and best looking morons
Gregory: Rep. Wilson is crazy and is against government take-over of health insurers and their beloved bureaucrats
Todd: indeed
Gregory: this is a truly unified grass-roots bunch of bought-and-paid-for lunatics
Burnett: well the GOP needs to do something or it will kill businesses
Ramo: Obama’s got to lead and compromise at the same time
Gregory: why can’t Obama solve the problem of health care easily and without costs??
Todd: indeed they are trying
Burnett: they are going to raise taxes probably on the rich
Gregory: please tell me that public option is dead
Todd: they will put a gun to the head of the insurers to keep them in line
Gregory: Josh it turns out that unemployment is bad - it’s another 9/11 - it’s scary!!
Ramo: it’s terrifying
Gregory: oh my fucking god!!
Ramo: we’re worse than Europe!
Gregory: [ sobs ]
Burnett: Obama says we can recover with green jobs
Gregory: except for Van Jones who they fired
Ramo: those jobs are going boys and they aren’t coming back
Gregory: oh noe
Ramo: short answer: we’re fucked
Gregory: that’s bad in an election year
Todd: indeed in response to a crisis they created we must elect more Republicans
Ramo: we just hit an all-time record of people who just can’t get a job at all
Gregory: they should become talk show whores
Ramo: and the gambling on Wall Street is worse
than ever
Burnett: Housing prices are going to down another 25% with 50% under water
Gregory: [ gurgle ]
Todd: the good news is that Congress will address housing problem but the bad news is that Congress will address the housing problem
Gregory: Should Obama call Derek Jeter and ask him over for a beer ? He’s such a cool guy!
Burnett: you have a man-crush - that’s cute
Todd: fuck that shit - only the Yankees could make a national story of a Yankee breaking a Yankee record
Gregory: [ thumbs tiger beat magazine ]
Well that’s all we have for this week - Derek call me let’s hang
***************
This Week with George Stephanolopous - September 13, 2009
September 13, 2009
Guests:
HHS Secretary Sebelius
Sen. Rockefeller
Sen. Landrieu
Gov. Pawlenty
*********************
Stephanolopous: Tim are you really a
crazy Tenther?
Pawlenty: no but Mitt Romney is an idiot so
that proves that Obama is a failure
Stephanolopous: I don’t follow
Stephanolopous: we need to recognize that the federal government lacks the resources to run a large scale health care system - they should leave that to sophisticated entities like Alabama
Sebelius: yeah that makes sense
Stephanolopous: can’t we just get rid of the
public health care option
Rockefeller: no we really need a public option - it’s the only thing that can work
Stephanolopous: Mary so what’s wrong with
a public option?
Landrieu: it would be too successful
Stephanolopous: why is that bad?
Landrieu: it would hurt health insurers who have given me a lot of money
Stephanolopous: what about President Snowe’s trigger idea?
Landrieu: no that is a bad idea too - we have to
give for-profit insurers to get this right
Stephanolopous: they haven’t had a chance for the last 50 years yet?
Landrieu: no they’ve been forced to act like rapacious blood-suckers but now we let them be nice - Free the Insurers!
Stephanolopous: abortions for none and
mini-American flags for all?
Pawlenty: we must force poor women to keep
their little fetuses
Sebelius: oh absolutely - it’s like we’re doing them
a favor
Landrieu: I agree with the fetus-americans but this is a real crisis - and it’s expensive and we must do something and we must do something now!
Stephanolopous: except an affordable public option
Landrieu: yeah except for that
Pawlenty: Why would we trust the same people who brought us Medicaid and Medicare to create more health care programs - that’s crazy!!!
Stephanolopous: but those are very successful
and enormously popular
Pawlenty: that’s my point - do you know how much this would hurt the Republicans?!?
Rockefeller: dimwit
Pawlenty: Obama wants to cut Medicare
for the elderly!!
Sebelius: that’s a lie - we’ve had sting operations
in Detroit
Stephanolopous: how did that go
Sebelius: it was great - it had Redford and Newman and a score by Marvin Hamlisch
Stephanolopous: excellent
Landrieu: we’re not going to cut money from Medicare
Stephanolopous: but what if Pawlenty is right
and you did?
Pawlenty: it just won’t work [ waves picture of Obama with Hitler mustache ]
Landrieu: jesus and people think I’m a hack
Pawlenty: Medicare is going bankrupt!
Rockefeller: the fucking Ophthalmology lobby
owns Congress
Stephanolopous: Rep. Wilson acted like a total jackass this week - so let’s spend time addressing his racist concerns
Sebelius: look the law requiring people to carry papers and language to create the new concentration camps for illegals is all spelled
out in the bill
Pawlenty: Republicans believe in small government - so we need a new national secret police force checking people’s identity papers
Stephanolopous: everyone would have to carry biometric ID all the time or risk dying in ER?
Pawlenty: no not all -- they would be arrested too
Stephanolopous: I don’t know if the American people will go for that
Pawlenty: why do you hate liberty and freedom?
[ puts on Lee Greenwood pin ]
Stephanolopous:
[ puts on giant flag pin on his forehead ]
I’m just saying it seems to put the burden on
people to prove they are citizens which is not in the American tradition
Pawlenty: it would only apply to brown people
Stephanolopous: oh well ok then
****************
Guests:
HHS Secretary Sebelius
Sen. Rockefeller
Sen. Landrieu
Gov. Pawlenty
*********************
Stephanolopous: Tim are you really a
crazy Tenther?
Pawlenty: no but Mitt Romney is an idiot so
that proves that Obama is a failure
Stephanolopous: I don’t follow
Stephanolopous: we need to recognize that the federal government lacks the resources to run a large scale health care system - they should leave that to sophisticated entities like Alabama
Sebelius: yeah that makes sense
Stephanolopous: can’t we just get rid of the
public health care option
Rockefeller: no we really need a public option - it’s the only thing that can work
Stephanolopous: Mary so what’s wrong with
a public option?
Landrieu: it would be too successful
Stephanolopous: why is that bad?
Landrieu: it would hurt health insurers who have given me a lot of money
Stephanolopous: what about President Snowe’s trigger idea?
Landrieu: no that is a bad idea too - we have to
give for-profit insurers to get this right
Stephanolopous: they haven’t had a chance for the last 50 years yet?
Landrieu: no they’ve been forced to act like rapacious blood-suckers but now we let them be nice - Free the Insurers!
Stephanolopous: abortions for none and
mini-American flags for all?
Pawlenty: we must force poor women to keep
their little fetuses
Sebelius: oh absolutely - it’s like we’re doing them
a favor
Landrieu: I agree with the fetus-americans but this is a real crisis - and it’s expensive and we must do something and we must do something now!
Stephanolopous: except an affordable public option
Landrieu: yeah except for that
Pawlenty: Why would we trust the same people who brought us Medicaid and Medicare to create more health care programs - that’s crazy!!!
Stephanolopous: but those are very successful
and enormously popular
Pawlenty: that’s my point - do you know how much this would hurt the Republicans?!?
Rockefeller: dimwit
Pawlenty: Obama wants to cut Medicare
for the elderly!!
Sebelius: that’s a lie - we’ve had sting operations
in Detroit
Stephanolopous: how did that go
Sebelius: it was great - it had Redford and Newman and a score by Marvin Hamlisch
Stephanolopous: excellent
Landrieu: we’re not going to cut money from Medicare
Stephanolopous: but what if Pawlenty is right
and you did?
Pawlenty: it just won’t work [ waves picture of Obama with Hitler mustache ]
Landrieu: jesus and people think I’m a hack
Pawlenty: Medicare is going bankrupt!
Rockefeller: the fucking Ophthalmology lobby
owns Congress
Stephanolopous: Rep. Wilson acted like a total jackass this week - so let’s spend time addressing his racist concerns
Sebelius: look the law requiring people to carry papers and language to create the new concentration camps for illegals is all spelled
out in the bill
Pawlenty: Republicans believe in small government - so we need a new national secret police force checking people’s identity papers
Stephanolopous: everyone would have to carry biometric ID all the time or risk dying in ER?
Pawlenty: no not all -- they would be arrested too
Stephanolopous: I don’t know if the American people will go for that
Pawlenty: why do you hate liberty and freedom?
[ puts on Lee Greenwood pin ]
Stephanolopous:
[ puts on giant flag pin on his forehead ]
I’m just saying it seems to put the burden on
people to prove they are citizens which is not in the American tradition
Pawlenty: it would only apply to brown people
Stephanolopous: oh well ok then
****************
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Obama Address to Congress Sept. 9, 2009
Obama:
Speaker Pelosi, Senator Reid, thanks for inviting to this
our National House of Spineless Jellyfish and Assorted Fuckers!
Obama:
Men, Women, and Lindsay Graham!
Senators Imhofe, Coburn, Vitter, Craig and Rep. Bachman - I haven’t
seen such a bunch of twisted weirdos and cuckoos since that Sid
and Marty Krofft Convention in Zurich!
Bachmann: where’s the birth certificate, barry!?
Obama: hey if American wanted to hear from a batshit crazy lady
they would have voted for Sarah Palin - now shut up
Bachmann: woo
Obama: Ok Congress - I have come here tonight to address you
sad sorry pack of bought-and-paid-for motherfuckers
Baucus: oooh
Obama: do not adjust you tv set - I’m black
Bachmann: oh my
Obama: hey you rich pampered fuckers - we are the only advanced democracy that allows people to die because they are not rich to afford blue crosses motherfucking premiums!
Congress: [standing ovation]
Obama: sit the fuck down
Obama: you can die from motherfuckin’ acne!!
Congress: [standing ovation]
Obama: meanwhile employers can’t afford to buy this wonderful insurance which sucks anyway
Obama: some crazy Leftists think we should be like Canada - but we ain’t no maple syrup eating lumberjacks!
Obama: so maybe we should retain the status quo
Congress: [ standing ovation, applause ]
Obama: get your asses down
Obama: we have done a lot of work and there is that lazy ass motherfucker Max Baucus
Baucus: grrrrr
Obama: hey stupid people - I'm going to repeat this we're going end preexisting conditions, expand coverage, and quality afford colonscopies!
Insurers: up the ass again - awesome
Obama: in 4 years we will create a health insurance exchange funded by tax credits which will be very useful unless you have no income
congress: yay
Obama: and some vague John McCain proposal
McCain: [ rictus grin ]
Obama: so everyone now has to buy health insurance but if you're really poor you will get a special Hardship Waiver
Poor Americans: yippee
Obama: Sarah Palin would be laughable if she weren't trying to destroy the democracy of a great fucking nation!
Congress: yeehaa
Obama: we will not insure illegals!
Congressman: you lie!
Obama: you just bought a one-way ticket to kick-ass town
Obama: i love insurance companies - i just want them to do the right thing
Insurers: good luck with that
Obama: but we could also offer Pubic Option
Craig: Yeeaaahh!!!
Obama: but don't worry - it will be just as evil and ridiculous as regular insurers
Insurers: whew!
Obama: it would like a public university
Insurers: but those are really popular
Obama: but it's for sale so don't worry
Audience: ah
Obama: I agree with Republicans that everyone should get quality health care!!
Republicans: did we say that
Obama: yes you did motherfuckers!
Obama: George fuckin' Bush left me with a whole heap of debt and bullshit!
Cantor [twittering]: mom let me stay up late
Obama: i will not let Republicans destroy Medicare!!
Congress: wheeeeee
Obama: fine you want tort reform you can have it - Katie Sibelius is going to kick that can down the road
Obama: we will spend less than on Stupid's bullshit wars
Bush [at home, drunk]: aww shit fuck you Bammy
Cheney: shut up Stupid
Bush: u shuddup dick
Obama: I will not work with you fucking liars and crazy people anymore - go play somewhere else
Crazies: garble birth certificate erble hitler grrrrrr socialist mmmmmm nigger
Obama: yeah you
Obama: Teddy was right - this was a moral issue
Obama: Ted worked McCain, Hatch, Grassley and other senile white men and they always did what Teddy wanted
Teddy: damm fucking right
Obama: Republicans' obsession with lies and smearing un-american - they are, in other, unpatriotic insane utter brain dead motherfucking lunatics
Congress: [ sustained applause ]
Obama: good night fuckers!!!
************************
Speaker Pelosi, Senator Reid, thanks for inviting to this
our National House of Spineless Jellyfish and Assorted Fuckers!
Obama:
Men, Women, and Lindsay Graham!
Senators Imhofe, Coburn, Vitter, Craig and Rep. Bachman - I haven’t
seen such a bunch of twisted weirdos and cuckoos since that Sid
and Marty Krofft Convention in Zurich!
Bachmann: where’s the birth certificate, barry!?
Obama: hey if American wanted to hear from a batshit crazy lady
they would have voted for Sarah Palin - now shut up
Bachmann: woo
Obama: Ok Congress - I have come here tonight to address you
sad sorry pack of bought-and-paid-for motherfuckers
Baucus: oooh
Obama: do not adjust you tv set - I’m black
Bachmann: oh my
Obama: hey you rich pampered fuckers - we are the only advanced democracy that allows people to die because they are not rich to afford blue crosses motherfucking premiums!
Congress: [standing ovation]
Obama: sit the fuck down
Obama: you can die from motherfuckin’ acne!!
Congress: [standing ovation]
Obama: meanwhile employers can’t afford to buy this wonderful insurance which sucks anyway
Obama: some crazy Leftists think we should be like Canada - but we ain’t no maple syrup eating lumberjacks!
Obama: so maybe we should retain the status quo
Congress: [ standing ovation, applause ]
Obama: get your asses down
Obama: we have done a lot of work and there is that lazy ass motherfucker Max Baucus
Baucus: grrrrr
Obama: hey stupid people - I'm going to repeat this we're going end preexisting conditions, expand coverage, and quality afford colonscopies!
Insurers: up the ass again - awesome
Obama: in 4 years we will create a health insurance exchange funded by tax credits which will be very useful unless you have no income
congress: yay
Obama: and some vague John McCain proposal
McCain: [ rictus grin ]
Obama: so everyone now has to buy health insurance but if you're really poor you will get a special Hardship Waiver
Poor Americans: yippee
Obama: Sarah Palin would be laughable if she weren't trying to destroy the democracy of a great fucking nation!
Congress: yeehaa
Obama: we will not insure illegals!
Congressman: you lie!
Obama: you just bought a one-way ticket to kick-ass town
Obama: i love insurance companies - i just want them to do the right thing
Insurers: good luck with that
Obama: but we could also offer Pubic Option
Craig: Yeeaaahh!!!
Obama: but don't worry - it will be just as evil and ridiculous as regular insurers
Insurers: whew!
Obama: it would like a public university
Insurers: but those are really popular
Obama: but it's for sale so don't worry
Audience: ah
Obama: I agree with Republicans that everyone should get quality health care!!
Republicans: did we say that
Obama: yes you did motherfuckers!
Obama: George fuckin' Bush left me with a whole heap of debt and bullshit!
Cantor [twittering]: mom let me stay up late
Obama: i will not let Republicans destroy Medicare!!
Congress: wheeeeee
Obama: fine you want tort reform you can have it - Katie Sibelius is going to kick that can down the road
Obama: we will spend less than on Stupid's bullshit wars
Bush [at home, drunk]: aww shit fuck you Bammy
Cheney: shut up Stupid
Bush: u shuddup dick
Obama: I will not work with you fucking liars and crazy people anymore - go play somewhere else
Crazies: garble birth certificate erble hitler grrrrrr socialist mmmmmm nigger
Obama: yeah you
Obama: Teddy was right - this was a moral issue
Obama: Ted worked McCain, Hatch, Grassley and other senile white men and they always did what Teddy wanted
Teddy: damm fucking right
Obama: Republicans' obsession with lies and smearing un-american - they are, in other, unpatriotic insane utter brain dead motherfucking lunatics
Congress: [ sustained applause ]
Obama: good night fuckers!!!
************************
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Meet The Press with David Axelrod - September 6, 2009
Meet The Press
September 6, 2009
Guests:
David Axelrod
Tom Brokaw
Tom Friedman
Harold Ford
Rudy Guiliani
****************************
Gregory: Axel R shouldn’t we just start over
with health care?
Axelrod: no we’ve had months of debate and now it’s time to set forth Obama’s ideas and what he’s willing to compromise on
Gregory: people are scared and terrified
of socialism!
Axelrod: well that’s stupid
Gregory: I’m frightened
Axelrod: look fluffy we’re going to offer people
real choices
Gregory: so is Barack going to insist on
a public option?
Axelrod: well it’s like you David Gregory
- it’s an Important Tool
Gregory: that’s not nice
Axelrod: ok a Valuable Tool
Gregory: what’s his idea?
Axelrod: wants an Insurance Exchange - it would like a Gun Show but with Chemotherapy and Vicodin instead of Glock and Smith & Wesson
Gregory: but then you lose moderate Republicans like Olympia Snowe and radical Republicans like Max Baucus
Axelrod: Public option shouldn’t define the whole debate - there’s other good ideas like a cap on out of pocket expenses so sick people would be impoverished but not actually broke
Gregory: Did Obama lose control of the health
care debate?
Axelrod: he thinks if you just do the right
thing results will come
Gregory: ha
Axelrod: we’re going to tell insurers to start
treating people better
Gregory: There is a national firestorm of controversy saying Obama wants to speak to children as a black President
Axelrod: Barack told me you were a moron
Gregory: [high pitched voice ] how did you lose control of the debate - what happened here!?
Axelrod: what happened is some lunatic
somewhere said something and you started hysterically shrieking
Gregory: did Obama fire Van Jones?
Axelrod: yes but once we fire him the wingnuts
will cease their smear campaigns thank god
Gregory: but Van Jones said controversial things!
Axelrod: like demanding the President’s
birth certificate?
Gregory: ha you funny
Gregory: what about Afghanistan?
Axelrod: we’re going to destroy al qaeda!
Gregory: isn’t Obama a hypocrite if he doesn’t pull out of Afghanistan like he called on Bush to pull out of Iraq?
Axelrod: god you’re stupid
Gregory: thanks very much
[ break ]
Gregory: tell me about health care Tommy
Brokaw: OMG TARP and TALF stimulus and auto bailouts and a trillion dollars - it’s all too expensive!
Gregory: Harold you’re the liberal here - so
please bash Obama
Ford: my liberal friends want to spend a lot just to help people - that’s crazy
Gregory: good point
Guiliani: Obama wants to kill grandma and also won’t cut costs
Gregory: right
Guiliani: the best solutions is to have 50 states competing with each other, tax cuts and ending lawsuits
Gregory: wow that’s brilliant
Friedman: once the GOP said Obama wanted to
kill old people that ended the discussion
Gregory: of course
Friedman: I was kidding Greggers - the GOP are
hate filled and evil
Guiliani: Once the President refused to limit lawsuits he basically said he wanted to murder the elderly
Brokaw: half of health care is already government-run
Guiliani: that’s right - the U.S. government is an illegal monopoly!
Audience: we’ve reached Peak Stupid
Ford: the Republicans wouldn’t work with Obama - he tried and they accused him of genocide
Guiliani: they had to say that after he wouldn’t even consider more tax cuts for the rich
Gregory: that’s only fair
Gregory: I hear Obama is going push this through with an anti-democratic majority
Brokaw: the Mayo Clinic wants to be paid for performance - like an extra $100 for life they save
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] bailouts and spending - wow suddenly when a Democrat is President this seems like a lot of money!!
Friedman: why can’t he push a bill through - half of Obama’s proposals are Republican ideas!
Guilaini: look this is very simple - all Obama had to do was propose a massive tax cut and require poor people to spend money on insurance and the GOP would love it
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] OMG Obama has created a firestorm by speaking to students!!
Brokaw: you know Greggers Tim Russert told me you were a true moron
Gregory: but I’m really freaking out here!! this reminds me of when liberals hated George W. Bush
Guiliani: I thinks it’s too bad that Obama has been so controversial it’s sad
Ford: if the President speaking to students is fucking bad I don’t want to be fucking right
Friedman: Fluffy - let me blunt. You Are Flat Out Stupid
Gregory: Anyone would say that Van Jones is
a bad man
Friedman: we live an age of Firestorms and people are held responsible for every stupid thing they twitter
Gregory: [ twittering ]
i think tom friedman sed I am stupid
Brokaw: these darn internets and bloggers - frankly we live in a great Age of Bullshit
Friedman: we’ve been in Afghanistan since 2001 and since a Democrat got elected I just realized that it’s a bad idea!
Gregory: omg that’s scary!
Friedman: we need to win hearts and minds there - and we all know that for America to try that is hopeless
Gregory: Rudy you were Mayor of NYC - tell me about Afghanistan
Guilaini: I like Obama’s plan and support it completely
Audience: dear god
Guilaini: Bush failed by focusing so much on killing people in Iraq and not killing enough people in Afghanistan
Ford: we have an obligation to stay there forever because we love those little Afghans
Brokaw: Afghanistan is a remote disconnected country of crazy tribes
Gregory: so not like the U.S. at all
Guilaini: we have to do whatever it takes to crush terror in a far off land
Gregory: what if it costs as much as health care?
Guilaini: 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11
Friedman: misgovernance and corruption and unemployment produce radicalism
Gregory: Is this America or Afghanistan?
*******************
September 6, 2009
Guests:
David Axelrod
Tom Brokaw
Tom Friedman
Harold Ford
Rudy Guiliani
****************************
Gregory: Axel R shouldn’t we just start over
with health care?
Axelrod: no we’ve had months of debate and now it’s time to set forth Obama’s ideas and what he’s willing to compromise on
Gregory: people are scared and terrified
of socialism!
Axelrod: well that’s stupid
Gregory: I’m frightened
Axelrod: look fluffy we’re going to offer people
real choices
Gregory: so is Barack going to insist on
a public option?
Axelrod: well it’s like you David Gregory
- it’s an Important Tool
Gregory: that’s not nice
Axelrod: ok a Valuable Tool
Gregory: what’s his idea?
Axelrod: wants an Insurance Exchange - it would like a Gun Show but with Chemotherapy and Vicodin instead of Glock and Smith & Wesson
Gregory: but then you lose moderate Republicans like Olympia Snowe and radical Republicans like Max Baucus
Axelrod: Public option shouldn’t define the whole debate - there’s other good ideas like a cap on out of pocket expenses so sick people would be impoverished but not actually broke
Gregory: Did Obama lose control of the health
care debate?
Axelrod: he thinks if you just do the right
thing results will come
Gregory: ha
Axelrod: we’re going to tell insurers to start
treating people better
Gregory: There is a national firestorm of controversy saying Obama wants to speak to children as a black President
Axelrod: Barack told me you were a moron
Gregory: [high pitched voice ] how did you lose control of the debate - what happened here!?
Axelrod: what happened is some lunatic
somewhere said something and you started hysterically shrieking
Gregory: did Obama fire Van Jones?
Axelrod: yes but once we fire him the wingnuts
will cease their smear campaigns thank god
Gregory: but Van Jones said controversial things!
Axelrod: like demanding the President’s
birth certificate?
Gregory: ha you funny
Gregory: what about Afghanistan?
Axelrod: we’re going to destroy al qaeda!
Gregory: isn’t Obama a hypocrite if he doesn’t pull out of Afghanistan like he called on Bush to pull out of Iraq?
Axelrod: god you’re stupid
Gregory: thanks very much
[ break ]
Gregory: tell me about health care Tommy
Brokaw: OMG TARP and TALF stimulus and auto bailouts and a trillion dollars - it’s all too expensive!
Gregory: Harold you’re the liberal here - so
please bash Obama
Ford: my liberal friends want to spend a lot just to help people - that’s crazy
Gregory: good point
Guiliani: Obama wants to kill grandma and also won’t cut costs
Gregory: right
Guiliani: the best solutions is to have 50 states competing with each other, tax cuts and ending lawsuits
Gregory: wow that’s brilliant
Friedman: once the GOP said Obama wanted to
kill old people that ended the discussion
Gregory: of course
Friedman: I was kidding Greggers - the GOP are
hate filled and evil
Guiliani: Once the President refused to limit lawsuits he basically said he wanted to murder the elderly
Brokaw: half of health care is already government-run
Guiliani: that’s right - the U.S. government is an illegal monopoly!
Audience: we’ve reached Peak Stupid
Ford: the Republicans wouldn’t work with Obama - he tried and they accused him of genocide
Guiliani: they had to say that after he wouldn’t even consider more tax cuts for the rich
Gregory: that’s only fair
Gregory: I hear Obama is going push this through with an anti-democratic majority
Brokaw: the Mayo Clinic wants to be paid for performance - like an extra $100 for life they save
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] bailouts and spending - wow suddenly when a Democrat is President this seems like a lot of money!!
Friedman: why can’t he push a bill through - half of Obama’s proposals are Republican ideas!
Guilaini: look this is very simple - all Obama had to do was propose a massive tax cut and require poor people to spend money on insurance and the GOP would love it
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] OMG Obama has created a firestorm by speaking to students!!
Brokaw: you know Greggers Tim Russert told me you were a true moron
Gregory: but I’m really freaking out here!! this reminds me of when liberals hated George W. Bush
Guiliani: I thinks it’s too bad that Obama has been so controversial it’s sad
Ford: if the President speaking to students is fucking bad I don’t want to be fucking right
Friedman: Fluffy - let me blunt. You Are Flat Out Stupid
Gregory: Anyone would say that Van Jones is
a bad man
Friedman: we live an age of Firestorms and people are held responsible for every stupid thing they twitter
Gregory: [ twittering ]
i think tom friedman sed I am stupid
Brokaw: these darn internets and bloggers - frankly we live in a great Age of Bullshit
Friedman: we’ve been in Afghanistan since 2001 and since a Democrat got elected I just realized that it’s a bad idea!
Gregory: omg that’s scary!
Friedman: we need to win hearts and minds there - and we all know that for America to try that is hopeless
Gregory: Rudy you were Mayor of NYC - tell me about Afghanistan
Guilaini: I like Obama’s plan and support it completely
Audience: dear god
Guilaini: Bush failed by focusing so much on killing people in Iraq and not killing enough people in Afghanistan
Ford: we have an obligation to stay there forever because we love those little Afghans
Brokaw: Afghanistan is a remote disconnected country of crazy tribes
Gregory: so not like the U.S. at all
Guilaini: we have to do whatever it takes to crush terror in a far off land
Gregory: what if it costs as much as health care?
Guilaini: 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11 9/11
Friedman: misgovernance and corruption and unemployment produce radicalism
Gregory: Is this America or Afghanistan?
*******************
This Week with George Stephanolopous - September 6, 2009
This Week with George Stephanolopous - September 6, 2009
Guests:
Robert Gibbs
Bob Dole
Tom Daschle
Rep. Maxine Waters
Rep. Mike Pence
**********************
Stephanolopous: Bob Van Jones rang the resign chimes at midnight - is he the victim of a smear campaign?
Gibbs: yes
Stephanolopous: so why quit?
Gibbs: he’s too fiery and black
Stephanolopous: but Obama is black
Gibbs: well that’s all the country can handle
right now
Stephanolopous: Is Obama going to give us some health care details?
Gibbs: right he will draw more lines in the sand than Tom Hanks in Castaway
Stephanolopous: will he work his Jedi magic?
Gibbs: after that speech people will realize that these are not the health insurance reforms they are looking for
Stephanolopous: public option - yes or no?
Gibbs: look even if we enact it it will only an option for a small number of people - we won’t unfairly compete against the happy little insurance companies
Stephanolopous: then it sounds somewhat useless
Gibbs: the government will take the uninsurable off the insurers hands
Stephanolopous: ooh epic win
Gibbs: we’re close to reform and public option is a valuable idea
Stephanolopous: but he won’t veto it a plan
without it
Gibbs: he might
Stephanolopous: but then Obama won’t get
any GOP votes
Gibbs: well then the GOP will be fucked in 2010
Stephanolopous: Senator you are incredibly old and not in office - please bash Obama for me
Dole: this is a nasty 1200 page law - there’s no pudding or Matlock!
Stephanolopous: so what’s the answer?
Dole: back in 1994 we used to say 5 bees for a dollar and I was wearing an onion on my belt that was the style-
Daschle: Bob makes a lot of sense - we have an opportunity to improve health care and provide Americans with a full public pudding option
Stephanolopous: How is preemptively conceding defeat working out for you?
Daschle: oh it’s going great
Stephanolopous: Maxine you are very radical - only 80% of the people support a public option
Waters: with all due respect to Senator Ancient McOldypants I’m actually in the motherfucking Congress
Stephanolopous: Pence you are trying desperately
to stop reform
Pence: not at all - it’s just that my people hate the idea of government running a health plan
Stephanolopous: but the government won’t take over the health care system
Pence: but if you offer business the chance to put their employees on a good plan of course the small business will take it
Stephanolopous: so how is that bad?
Pence: you have no health insurance if your employer can cancel it at any time!
Stephanolopous: but that could happen now!
Pence: yes but all the current options suck so bad - people are stuck with the plan they have- but if a good option is offered they will be doomed to a good government plan!
Stephanolopous: what’s you solution?
Pence: just let people shop around for health insurance like hamburgers or video games
Dashcle: so you oppose it because it would
be popular?
Dole: no we also hate it because it would
hurt insurers
Waters: oh well ok then
Dole: I think we will get a lot of Republicans voting for this bill
Stephanolopous: even with a public option?
Dole: no
Pence: look the whole world is spiraling out of control - we’ve got government taking over national defense, health care for old people, a black president-
Waters: what’s in your bill?
Pence: ending lawsuits against doctors
Stephanolopous: Grouchy - you want Petraeus
for President
Dole: I dunno he reminds me of Ike - not well informed but he looks snappy in a uniform
Stephanolopous: good enough
************
Guests:
Robert Gibbs
Bob Dole
Tom Daschle
Rep. Maxine Waters
Rep. Mike Pence
**********************
Stephanolopous: Bob Van Jones rang the resign chimes at midnight - is he the victim of a smear campaign?
Gibbs: yes
Stephanolopous: so why quit?
Gibbs: he’s too fiery and black
Stephanolopous: but Obama is black
Gibbs: well that’s all the country can handle
right now
Stephanolopous: Is Obama going to give us some health care details?
Gibbs: right he will draw more lines in the sand than Tom Hanks in Castaway
Stephanolopous: will he work his Jedi magic?
Gibbs: after that speech people will realize that these are not the health insurance reforms they are looking for
Stephanolopous: public option - yes or no?
Gibbs: look even if we enact it it will only an option for a small number of people - we won’t unfairly compete against the happy little insurance companies
Stephanolopous: then it sounds somewhat useless
Gibbs: the government will take the uninsurable off the insurers hands
Stephanolopous: ooh epic win
Gibbs: we’re close to reform and public option is a valuable idea
Stephanolopous: but he won’t veto it a plan
without it
Gibbs: he might
Stephanolopous: but then Obama won’t get
any GOP votes
Gibbs: well then the GOP will be fucked in 2010
Stephanolopous: Senator you are incredibly old and not in office - please bash Obama for me
Dole: this is a nasty 1200 page law - there’s no pudding or Matlock!
Stephanolopous: so what’s the answer?
Dole: back in 1994 we used to say 5 bees for a dollar and I was wearing an onion on my belt that was the style-
Daschle: Bob makes a lot of sense - we have an opportunity to improve health care and provide Americans with a full public pudding option
Stephanolopous: How is preemptively conceding defeat working out for you?
Daschle: oh it’s going great
Stephanolopous: Maxine you are very radical - only 80% of the people support a public option
Waters: with all due respect to Senator Ancient McOldypants I’m actually in the motherfucking Congress
Stephanolopous: Pence you are trying desperately
to stop reform
Pence: not at all - it’s just that my people hate the idea of government running a health plan
Stephanolopous: but the government won’t take over the health care system
Pence: but if you offer business the chance to put their employees on a good plan of course the small business will take it
Stephanolopous: so how is that bad?
Pence: you have no health insurance if your employer can cancel it at any time!
Stephanolopous: but that could happen now!
Pence: yes but all the current options suck so bad - people are stuck with the plan they have- but if a good option is offered they will be doomed to a good government plan!
Stephanolopous: what’s you solution?
Pence: just let people shop around for health insurance like hamburgers or video games
Dashcle: so you oppose it because it would
be popular?
Dole: no we also hate it because it would
hurt insurers
Waters: oh well ok then
Dole: I think we will get a lot of Republicans voting for this bill
Stephanolopous: even with a public option?
Dole: no
Pence: look the whole world is spiraling out of control - we’ve got government taking over national defense, health care for old people, a black president-
Waters: what’s in your bill?
Pence: ending lawsuits against doctors
Stephanolopous: Grouchy - you want Petraeus
for President
Dole: I dunno he reminds me of Ike - not well informed but he looks snappy in a uniform
Stephanolopous: good enough
************
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