Sunday, May 26, 2013

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - May 26, 2013

Host: Martha Raddatz
Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)
Rep. Peter King (R-NY)
Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (D-FL)
Admiral Dennis Blair
General John Allen
Maggie Haberman
Jim Avila
Mark Mazzetti
Howard Gordon (Homeland)
Alex Gansa (Homeland)

Raddatz: OMG this week Obama said he
might not kill as many people with drones!

Audience: woo

Obama: the President shouldn't kill American
citizens with a drone or a shotgun or crossbow 
or with his bare hand unless absolutely necessary!

Raddatz: President Paul did Senator 
Obama address all your concerns?

Paul: no it wasn't not good enough –
we need to hear more about due process

Raddatz: well he said he would use deadly force
only be in response to an imminent threat

Paul: not good enough – I want Obama 
to announce he doesn't have the power to 
detain people so no other President will 
use that power as Bush so wisely did

Raddatz: should Anwar Al-Awlaki
have been targeted or not?

Paul: he should have been tried in absentia
in a court of law and then killed

Raddatz: do you like Gitmo or 
would you close it?

Paul: I would try all the detainees in a
military court - the world would greatly
admire us for doing that

Raddatz: do you think the IRS 
targeted the tea party?

Paul: Obama is losing his moral authority!

Raddatz: do you see evidence
of criminality?

Paul: why is Obama paying people
taking the Fifth Amendment?

Raddatz: cause it's the law?

Paul: if Obama doesn't fire people
in 30 days he should resign

Raddatz: two different IRS 
commissioners have already been fired

Paul: not good enough!

Raddatz: what about immigration reform?

Paul: we need to builds a bigger fence
and then let more immigrants in

Raddatz: do you support a pathway to citizenship?

Paul: no - we need to let illegal workers
become documented but not citizens – its perfect

Raddatz: what about drones?

Blair: we should bomb people
with drones through the Pentagon

Raddatz: why?

Blair: because blowing people up 
is what the Pentagon does!

Raddatz: fair enough

Blair: plus we could coordinate with
tanks and missiles

King: it offended me that Obama
considers morality when using drones

Raddatz: interesting

King: this whole moral tone is uncalled for

Raddatz: drone strikes kill a lot of civilians

Mazzetti: real change is unclear since the
CIA will still bomb Pakistan daily for
the next few years

Wasserman-Schultz: we're going to wind
down the war on terror and drones

Raddatz: scary

Wasserman-Schultz: we must protect Americans
from terrifying terrorists while also bombing
people in the nicest possible way

Obama: did our Founders foresee 
a Caribbean gulag?

King: I'm offended by all the moralizing

Raddatz: we all are Pete

King: I've been to Gitmo and it's the nicest
place to be held indefinitely without charges

Raddatz: It gets great reviews on Yelp

King: he's moralizing when he could
have shut down Gitmo if he was serious

Raddatz: what else?

King: our Homeland is threatened!

Blair: one-fifth of the people we release
try to kill Americans again but that's
a small price to pay

Wasserman-Schultz: Gitmo puts Americans
around the world in jeopardy!

Raddatz: I'll take for indefinite detention for $1,000

Wasserman-Schultz: Obama is not saying the
prisoners be released – just that they be put
on trial and rehabilitated and then 
disappeared after they have learned their lesson

King: you can't send detainees to Yemen –
it's a hellish land of isolated lunatics

Wasserman-Schultz: like Long Island with a desert

King: exactly

Raddatz: what about winning hearts and minds?

King: we used force to defend muslims
in Bosnia and we were attacked on 9/11!

Raddatz: well screw it then

King: we should be proud of our record in Gitmo!

Wasserman-Schultz: oh sure it's our finest hour

Raddatz: James Rosen was named a 
possible co-conspirator!

Mazzetti: it's chilling!

Raddatz: what if people don't want to t
alk to reporters ever again?

Mazaetti: if reporters go to jail that would be scary!

Blair: you all are fantasizing about things
that are not actually happening

Raddatz: it's so chilling!

Wasserman-Schultz: leaking classified
information is crime you know

Raddatz: nooo!

Wasserman-Schultz: they are jeopardizing 
the United States!

[ break ]

Raddatz: General you were leading 
our troops in Afghanistan and then you
find out you are drawn into this silly
Petraeus e-mail investigation

Allen: it was bizarre – I'm trying to fight
a war and suddenly people are asking how 
I know some flirty neighbor from Florida

Raddatz: Mrs. Allen you knew this Florida 
socialite who supposedly sent 30,000 e-mails

Mrs. Allen: it was crazy – he's fighting a war
and I'm battling auto-immune disease and now
we have to go through 10,000 forwarded e-mails
about a cat stuck in box

Raddatz: that was hilarious

Allen: I said that's it – I'm outta here

Raddatz: Petraeus was at your retirement party

Allen: he's a great guy

Raddatz: did you talk about his affair
that wrecked your career

Allen: no we did not

Raddatz: what do you think about?

Allen: over 500 troops we lost in Afghanistan

Raddatz: that's tough

Allen: then we lost all those Navy 
SEALS in a helicopter crash

Raddatz: what's going on in Afghanistan now?

Allen: the Taliban are fighting for their
lives now – they realized we're not going anywhere

Raddatz: but we are leaving

Allen: but international forces will remain
forever – suck it radicals!

Raddatz: what about Iraq?

Allen: I'm worried Iraq is becoming polarized

Raddatz: becoming?

Allen: yes just when things were 
getting good we're leaving!

Raddatz: what about sex assault in the military?

Allen: it's terrible - silence isn't good enough!

Raddatz: what about Memorial Day

Allen: troops have sacrificed a lot for
all the freedom we enjoy every day

Raddatz: did Lois Lerner do anything wrong?

Wasserman-Schultz: everyone hates the IRS!

Raddatz: was this political?

King: did Obama know about it?

Raddatz: his chief of staff knew about it

King: the White House Counsel
shouldn't insulate the President

Wasserman-Schultz: excuse me
Darrell Issa knew a year ago too!

King: Obama should have taken direct
action against the IRS immediately a year ago!

Wasserman-Schultz: hey dumbass Darrell Issa
didn't say anything last year!

King: but Obama runs the IRS day-to-day

Wasserman-Schultz: no he doesn't idiot

Haberman: all I know is if you
take the Fifth you must be guilty

Avila: the people get the IRS scandal
and they fear the IRS – that's why the
President took decisive action

Raddatz: investigating reporters 
is also a big scandal

Avila: no one cares Martha

Raddatz: what about immigration reform

Avila: hey the Senate actually got
something done – it's a miracle!

Raddatz: wow

Avila: the GOP needs to win over 
Latino votes or lose every election
for a generation

Haberman: immigration reform passed 
but it still isn't filibuster proof under 
our new rules

Raddatz: i for one welcome our 
minority wacko overlords

King: I like immigrants - I just 
don't like swarthy people

Wasserman-Schultz: the tea party
will probably kill this bill if it lets 
brown people stay in the U.S.

King: we don't want another 10 million
illegal people a year from now

Raddatz: what's the deal with sexual 
assault in the military

Wasserman-Schultz: 25,000 assaults 
in one year! The guy in charge of sex 
assault was accused sex assault!

Raddatz: that's not good

Wasserman-Schultz: we need to get sex
assault prosecutions out of the chain of command

Raddatz: the military would say that would
the ability of officers to cover up crimes

Wasserman-Schultz: well that's too damn bad

King: sing it sister

Avila: menfolk and womenfolk just don't mix

Raddatz: sex assault happens to men too

Avila: those are just pranks

Raddatz: Anthony Weiner wants to 
be the next Mayor!

Haberman: Weiner has a chance but it's a tiny one

Raddatz: will he still be typical cantankerous?

Haberman: he's apologized and now
he's back to being his usual feisty crazy self

Raddatz: OMG I'm talking to the creators of “Homeland!”

Gordon: what if a child were
killed in a drone strike?

Raddatz: good question

Gordon: I'm not a policy expert

Raddatz: but you're so profound

Gordon: I like complexity

Raddatz: fascinating

Gordon: we wanted a returning soldier
on tv who was a good role model

Raddatz: do you feel any social responsibility?

Gordon: oh sure

Raddatz: Obama watches the show

Gordon: I hope he likes it even 
though we killed the V.P.

Gansa: our writers are good but are
actors are amazing

Raddatz: spill some plot lines for me

Gansa: what if there was a major terror
attack on the U.S. sponsored by a state?

Raddatz: we'd go to war

Gansa: probably

Raddatz: we've done it for less

Gansa: true

Raddatz: thanks for watching – 
good memorial day everyone


Sunday, May 19, 2013

Meet The Press - May 19, 2013

Dan Pfeiffer – White House advisor
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Rep. Dave Camp (R-MI)
Rep. Xavier Becerra (D-CA)
Donald Rumsfeld
Bob Woodward
Peggy Noonan

Gregory: OMG Obama is a under a huge
cloud of motherfucking scandal!!

Audience: wheeeeee

Gregory: hi dan

Pfeiffer: greetings Fluffy

Gregory: back at you pfeffy

Gregory: does Obama regard these
scandals as mere distractions?

Pfeiffer: no he doesn't - look
we're going to fix the IRS

Gregory: you don't believe Obama
presidency is basically over?

Pfeiffer: no look - the Republicans
always do this – they make shit
up and overreach and piss everyone off

Gregory: Dave Camp says all these little
scandals prove Obama was fixing the election

Pfeiffer: that's nonsense – Darrell Issa knew
about this since the spring and did nothing
because he was waiting for all the facts
which is the right thing to do

Gregory: but Obama could have
acted before getting all the facts

Pfeiffer: maybe that's how you work here
at 'Meet The Press' but that not how
we roll at the White House

Gregory: Michelle Bachmann has
called for impeachment

Pfeiffer: the IRS acts were outrageous
but no sorry Benghazi was not 
Watergate times a billion

Gregory: but Obama should have
interfered with the IRS earlier!

Pfeiffer: you don't want the President
involved with the IRS – that's why the IRS
is such a model of objectivity and efficiency

Gregory: but Obama is not in charge!

Pfeiffer: sure he is – he just respects the
independence of the IRS which is the law!

Gregory: but technically the IRS answers
to Obama by way of Treasury

Pfeiffer: the Commissioner was a Bush
appointee and the acting commissioner
was a career civil servant

Gregory: Congress was misinformed
by that lying Commissioner

Pfeiffer: well we fired both of their asses

Gregory: the Wall Street Journal says
this is Obama's fault because he's
always hating on conservatives

Pfeiffer: that's just ridiculous

Gregory: people blamed Bush for Abu Ghraib
just because he personally approved torture so
obviously Obama is to blame for what
happened at the IRS

Pfeiffer: yeah that makes sense

Gregory: we any mistakes made at all
at Benghazi or is it all political?

Pfeiffer: the GOP had these e-mails for months
but didn't get all outraged until Republicans
fed doctored e-mails to that idiot Jon Karl at ABC

Gregory: yes but critics say-

Pfeiffer: shut up

Gregory: critics say Obama used the phrase
'act of terror' which is a generic term

Pfeiffer: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: questions are raised about
accessing phone records

Pfeiffer: did you know national security
leaks are dangerous?

Gregory: so you say

Pfeiffer: Obama re-proposed the Shield Law

Gregory: is Obama's message to the
Republicans on the AP phone records
“put up or shut up” ?

Pfeiffer: let's just say we're all fascinated by
their sudden concern for freedom of the press

Gregory: thanks for coming dan

[ break ]

Gregory: Mitch do you believe 
there is big corruption here?

McConnell: did you know the FCC
is trying to ban criticism of Obama?

Gregory: really?

McConnell: and Obama demonizes opponents
which is a first in American history

Gregory: do you have any evidence to
back up your accusations?

McConnell: no

Gregory: so why are you making them

McConnell: Obama is running a nanny
state that says government knows best!

Gregory: that is scary

McConnell: gosh darn right it is

Gregory: in 1987 you called for investigating
leftist groups for abusing tax-exempt status

McConnell: maybe I wasn't clear before Fluffy
– Obama is a big nanny!

Gregory: so you said

McConnell: Obama has created a
Culture of Intimidation!

Gregory: it sounds very intimidating

McConnell: I was wrong 25 years ago
and I am right now!

Gregory: so would change the tax code at all?

McConnell: look 25 years ago it was right to
shut up leftists but now it's clear it's very
wrong to shut up conservatives

Gregory: do you support Obama 
on investigating leaks?

McConnell: sort of

Gregory: you support Eric Holder?

McConnell: national security leaks that could
endanger Americans are a serious matter

Gregory: including this one?

McConnell: I refuse to answer because
I can't stand that guy

Gregory: Obama tried to spin the cause
of an attack on a consulate!

McConnell: clearly we didn't have enough
security unlike when Bush was President
and all our embassies were perfectly safe

Gregory: isn't talk of impeachment a little crazy?

McConnell: no because Obama covered
up a terrorist attack by calling it an act of terror

Gregory: you are the GOP leader in the Senate
– are other Republicans going too far?

McConnell: no because four Americans
were killed and Obama lied to make
it seem like it wasn't a terror attack
and only an act of terror

Gregory: are comparisons to Watergate 
crazy or sane?

McConnell: we must investigate Benghazi 
more to find out!

Gregory: does it disqualify Hillary
Clinton from being President?

McConnell: my gosh the next election
is so far away

Gregory: do you think Hillary Clinton
got people killed in Benghazi?

McConnell: oh mah stars maybe

Gregory: will you run on Benghazi?

McConnell: no I'm running on repealing Obamacare

Gregory: I see

McConnell: Obamacare caused the
recession in 2008!

Gregory: thanks for coming Mitch

[ break ]

Gregory: how do you answer the charge
that Obama has a Culture of intimidation?

Camp: Congress has been trying to
get answers for two years!

Gregory: Congress asked for an 
IG investigation and got it

Camp: no that was an audit

Gregory: even so

Camp: Americans were targeted 
for their political views

Gregory: true but even Obama said
that was outrageous

Camp: that's not enough

Gregory: what should Obama have done –
meddled in the IRS business?

Camp: he should have known!

Gregory: how?

Camp: I don't know – we have questions!

Gregory: do you have evidence any Obama knew?

Camp: not yet!

Gregory: does this prove we should
revise the tax code?

Camp: yes the tax code is too complex and boring

Gregory: we all know that

Camp: this proves we should cut taxes
on rich people and raise them on poor people

Gregory: excellent

[ break ]

Woodward: this is not Watergate but it is Nixonian

Gregory: how so?

Woodward: they covered up Benghazi
by calling it an act of terror

Gregory: Peggy you said this is worse
than the invasion of Iraq or Iran-Contra
and Obama is dirty and crooked

Noonan: that's right David [ stirs drink ]

Gregory: Reagan ran a secret war to send
weapons to the Ayatollah – are you sure
that isn't a bit of an overstatement Peggers?

Noonan: I never heard of anything this
terrible in my entire lifetime! [ drinks ]

Gregory: for god's sake Peggy -
Richard Nixon authorized burglaries!

Noonan: no no no it's worse! [ swoons ]

Becerra: Peggy is drinking... the kool aid

Gregory: check her flask

Becerra: I agree with Young McConnell –
abuse of the tax code is the real issue

Gregory: will this cripple the President?

Camp: we must cut taxes on the rich!

Gregory: Bob was Bush innocent on Abu Ghraib?

Woodward: the President may want to
preserve agencies' independence
the issues but he's the leader

Gregory: but if Obama called the head
of the IRS you would attack him for 
being like Nixon

Woodward: the AP's phone records are sacred

Noonan: is he the President or not??

Gregory: but the President can't be
ordering the Attorney General
to investigate or not to investigate

Noonan: fine [ slams flask on desk ]

Camp: there was very bad management at least

Noonan: why not have an independent counsel?

Woodward: Obama is constitutionally responsible
for bad things and bad things are bad

Gregory: is he too passive?

Noonan: no – he is too aggressive!
Obama was giving orders to the IRS
to attack conservatives!

Gregory: thanks panelists

[ break ]

Gregory: you are the Sexiest 
Great-Grandfather alive

Rumsfeld: Great-Grandfather or 
Greatest Grandfather?

Gregory: what about the appalling
number of sexual assaults in the military?

Rumsfeld: I wish had the answers but I don't

Gregory: what about the culture of the military?

Rumsfeld: I have no idea –
I don't have the answer for that

Gregory: you're so wise

Rumsfeld: I don't know about that either

Gregory: you have a book called
'Rumsfeld's Rules' which is all
about accountability

Rumsfeld: yes I am

Gregory: IRS! Benghazi!

Rumsfeld: Obama seems not to care
about people dying

Gregory: coming from you that's just amazing

Rumsfeld: the truth is very important to me

Gregory: unbelievable

Rumsfeld: when trust is eroded
credibility is lost

Gregory: astonishing

Rumsfeld: we restored trust under Gerald Ford

Gregory: actually I was thinking of shattered
trust when Bush was President

Rumsfeld: you go with the difficulties
you have not the difficulties you want

Gregory: Dick Cheney says team Obama was lying

Rumsfeld: they changed talking points
on Benghazi - they were trying to create
a narrative that didn't comport with the facts!

Gregory: you mean like with 9/11, Tora Bora,
Afghanistan, Pat Tillman, WMDs, yellowcake, 
the cost of the Iraq war, troops needed to 
fight the war, Jessica Lynch, Curveball, 
Chalabi, body armor, the Iraq civil war...

Rumsfeld: I fail to see your point Fluffy

Gregory: and that's another episode
of Meet The Press

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - May 19, 2013

Dan Pfeiffer – White House advisor
Sen. Rob Portman (R-OH)
Sen. Bob Menendez (D-NJ)
Rep. Charles Rangel (D-NY)
Rep. Tom Price (R-GA)

Stephanopoulos: wow the Washington Scandal
Factory has kicked into high gear!

Stephanopoulos: did the White House
know about the IRS scandal?

Pfeiffer: of course not!

Stephanopoulos: Congress has asked 
if the White House pressured the 
IRS to nail conservatives

Pfeiffer: no and even the Inspector General said so!

Stephanopoulos: so you will
turn over all relevant e-mails?

Pfeiffer: we're not going to participate
in some fishing expedition

Stephanopoulos: is it illegal to target
people for political beliefs?

Pfeiffer: the law is irrelevant

Stephanopoulos: you don't really mean that

Pfeiffer: what I mean is that Obama
is outraged regardless

Stephanopoulos: how does this affect
IRS oversight of Obamacare?

Pfeiffer: let's see what the review says

Stephanopoulos: but this proves 
Obamacare will be politicized

Pfeiffer: look I realize the GOP is mad
about Obamacare but they need to get over it

Stephanopoulos: what about the Benghazi e-mails?

Pfeiffer: they prove the White House didn't
take out references to a terror attack – the CIA did!

Stephanopoulos: but the White House
had a role in its own talking points
that's scandalous!

Pfeiffer: frankly the GOP owes Susan Rice 
an apology

Stephanopoulos: for what?

Pfeiffer: for accusing her of lying

Stephanopoulos: Marco Rubio says Obama
is evil and the Washington Post has
failed to create smart government

Pfeiffer: Obama has made government
efficient and transparent!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming pfeffers

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: so Rob how about 
this IRS scandal

Portman: we need several investigations
and an independent counsel

Stephanopoulos: what else?

Portman: the IRS threatened national security!

Stephanopoulos: whoa

Portman: I personally discovered
this corruption you know

Stephanopoulos: have you found any
evidence of political corruption?

Portman: not yet – but we'll keep looking

Stephanopoulos: good luck

Portman: high officials knew about this in March!

Stephanopoulos: do we need a special prosecutor?

Menendez: look the IRS acted outrageously
but the real scandal is Karl Rove used
a 501(c)(4) to fight the election

Stephanopoulos: have you seen
any evidence of law-breaking?

Price: we don't know but you can't
ask people about their prayers!

Stephanopoulos: special counsel?

Price: I think we need to hold
more Congressional hearings –
that will restore trust!

Stephanopoulos: there are reports that
high officials told low-level employees
not to target conservatives

Rangel: the law is totally fucked up!

Stephanopoulos: you know a lot about
taxes since you cheat on them

Rangel: the law lends itself to abuse!

Portman: the law may suck but
there was bias in enforcement!

Stephanopoulos: okay

Portman: also we should repeal Obamacare

Stephanopoulos: what about this
woman in charge of Obamacare?

Portman: I question whether she should
really be in charge of that given her track record

Menendez: we don't need to change the law 
– we need to investigate abuse of the law

Stephanopoulos: interesting

Menendez: the Heritage Foundation argued
against any more legislation because it
might distract from impeaching Obama!

Stephanopoulos: admittedly impeaching
Obama would be fun

Price: I don't trust the IRS to enforce Obamacare

Rangel: you can't trust people in a hick town like Cincinnati

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming everyone

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Meet The Press – May 12, 2013

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA)
Amb. Thomas Pickering
Sen. Diane Feinstein (D-CA)
Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-IL)
David Brooks
Katty Kay 
Wes Moore  

Gregory: OMG Obama is under fire
over the IRS and Benghazi!

Audience: OMG

Gregory: Darrell is Obama hiding something?

Issa: why did they have inadequate security
and did they cover up terrorism?

Gregory: how do you answer the charge 
that Weekly Standard reports that Obama 
covered up terrorism?

Issa: darn right he did

Gregory: didn't the CIA have the final word?

Issa: no because the White House
ordered them around

Gregory: can't the CIA stand up for itself?

Issa: no because Ambassador Stevens said
“we're under attack” which is code for 
“Obama is a liar”

Gregory: obviously it was an attack because
people were killed – wasn't there confusion
amid the fog of war?

Issa: no because the President of Libya is a
wonderful man who always tells the truth

Gregory: you think the White House bullied
the CIA into lying about what happened?

Issa: an official lied on a Sunday talk show!

Gregory: what was the lie?

Issa: they covered up the fact that
an attack happened!

Gregory: well of course an attack
happened – people were killed

Issa: well then they covered up the fact
that more help could have arrived

Gregory: but there's no evidence that's true

Issa: well then they covered up the fact that
the attack wasn't motivated by a movie

Gregory: but that wasn't clear at first

Issa: well then Gregory Hicks should allowed 
to see a secret report and I will subpoena
Ambassador Pickering

Gregory: he wanted to testify under oath
and you wouldn't let him

Issa: I never stole that car!

Gregory: okay – George Bush says he never
sent e-mails because he didn't want
Congress to look at them

Issa: this isn't partisan - you must never 
lie on a Sunday Talk Show!

Gregory: I'm totally with you Darrell

Issa: you can never change the 
Holy Talking Points!

Gregory: why is Hillary is a target?

Issa: Hillary Clinton is not a target

Gregory: you don't hold Obama and Clinton
responsible for Benghazi?

Issa: well of course they should both
be impeached – they didn't protect an
embassy before it was attacked

Gregory: like when all those consulates 
and embassies were attacked when 
Bush was President?

Issa: ha ha – good one Fluffy

Gregory: Republicans are raising money
off Benghazi - aren't you overreaching?

Issa: I failed to investigate Bush properly
and I am going atone for it by attacking Obama

Gregory: there were many attacks on embassies
when Bush was President - isn't it Congress' 
job to protect embassies?

Issa: we can only cut funding – it's up
to Obama to make it work

Gregory: that makes sense

Issa: Obama needs to learn from Bush's failures
and I'm outraged by his failure to do so

Gregory: please continue

Issa: Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi

Gregory: do we need a special committee
like Watergate or Iran-Contra?

Issa: whoa whoa whoa – I'm the star here

Gregory: okay Darrell

Issa: Ambassador Pickering refused
to appear before our committee

Picketring : that's not true!

Issa: well he only told us the day before 
the hearing and by then it was too 
late because had we only ordered enough 
snacks for three witnesses

Gregory: why didn't you recommend 
Hillary Clinton be impeached because 
the consulate was not defended?

Pickering: I can't believe I have to sit
here with this lying weasel

Gregory: that hurts

Pickering: I was talking about Darrell Issa

Gregory: well that's okay

Pickering: Admiral Mullen and General 
Dempsey all agreed no military help 
would have been available

Gregory: well that's not good either

Pickering: that's true – but we interviewed
everyone who was there and wrote a very
comprehensive report

Issa: Congress has an obligation to have
dozens of hearings on this issue

Pickering: from the man with arson as a hobby

Issa: this could have gone on for 444 days!

Gregory: that would have been amazing

Pickering: dare to dream

Gregory: was your report thorough enough?

Pickering: yes – and we recommended
that two people be fired

Gregory: Jay Carney said there was only 
one change to the talking points

Pickering: that's sort of true

Gregory: the IRS has apologized for
going after the Tea Party

Issa: let's not worry too much about it
and just make sure it doesn't happen again

Gregory: it sounds like you don't want
too much scrutiny of these tax-exempt groups

Issa: no comment Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: Senator didn't Obama cover up the fact
that U.S. personnel were murdered because
people didn't use the word “terrorism”
enough except for Obama who did

Feinstein: that is so stupid

Gregory: nevertheless I am asking

Feinstein: it was a very unfortunate incident

Gregory: that Sacred Holy Talking Points were
changed not to include the magic incantation “Terrorism”

Feinstein: when Talking Points are passed
from one organization to another of course
they are going to be edited

Gregory: isn't that a scandal?

Feinstein: yes - they used the word “Extremist”
which is not as Magickal as “Terrorist”

Gregory: the pivotal moment came when McCain
appeared on Meet The Press to attack the
President who beat him in 2008

Feinstein: he needs to get over 2008 –
he lost to the young Kenyan

Gregory: Rand Paul says Hillary Clinton can't
be President because of Benghazi

Feinstein: well he's a fucking moron

Gregory: I guess we have to talk about something
else beside Benghazi – so immigration blah blah

Feinstein: we've doubled the Border Patrol
and built 350 miles of fence!

Gregory: sweet

Feinstein: we have drones, camera, dogs,
cats, booby traps and a giant moat
with sharks with laser beams

Gregory: I love it

Feinstein: of course it still won't be enough

Gregory: panel let's talk about Benghazi 
some more

Brooks: I think the CIA had a secret facility there
and the State Dept. pushed back

Kinzinger: I'm just concerned that Obama hates
U.S. soldiers and likes to watch them die

Gregory: why does Obama hate soldiers?

Moore: we should definitely have more
investigations and stuff

Gregory: remember when troops were killed
in Beirut when Reagan was President?

Kay: the real concern is why there wasn't
enough security was in Benghazi

Gregory: what was the real scandal?

Feinstein: failure to use the magic word “Terrorism”

Gregory: why didn't he use that special word?

Feinstein: I don't know – I love saying
'terrorist' and 'terrorism' and 'terrorist attack'

Gregory: was failure to use the word political?


Gregory: the IRS targeted the Tea Party!

Feinstein: it's not good

Brooks: it looks bad so Obama needs
to invade Syria

Gregory: even men are being sexually
assaulted in the military!

Kay: it's very scary to have military
commanders in charge of prosecutions
Gregory: but you can't change the military
or we will be invaded by China

Moore: the U.S. military has been 
socially progressive in many ways but 
not when it comes to rape

Feinstein: abuse of soldiers has got to stop

Kinzinger: I would just like to say if it were
me I would always do the right thing

Gregory: you are nice and handsome

Kinzinger: thanks Fluffy

Gregory: the Freedom Tower is almost finished!

Brooks: it means a lot to the city to look and
see that inspiring erect spire

Gregory: I was with George W. Bush and
I know it means a lot to him and
me and the nation

Brooks: so well put David

Gregory: and that's another episode
of Meet The Press


This Week with George Stephanopoulos – May 12, 2013

Host: Martha Raddatz
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Sen. Jack Reed (D-RI)
Jonathan Karl
Ruth Marcus
Gen. James Cartwright
George Will
David Brooks

Raddatz: OMG Benghazi - a storm is brewing!

Carney: those talking points were edited in an
inter-agency process and anyway the President
called it an act of terror

Raddatz: President McCain?

McCain: the President didn't call it an act of terror

Raddadtz: yes he did

McCain: no he called it an act of terrorism

Raddatz: ok

McCain: remember Obama ran on destroying
al-qaeda and he totally didn't

Raddatz: I see

McCain: I voted for Obama but I find
Jay Carney unacceptable

Raddatz: you ran against Obama in 2008

McCain: yes but we all know Obama
was the better candidate

Raddatz: was it a cover up?

McCain: yes!

Raddatz: Republicans says this is bigger than
Watergate and Iran-Contra combined

McCain: that could be a bit of an overstatement

Raddatz: are you going after Hillary Clinton?

McCain: we need a select committee
to investigate this!

Raddatz: what will that do?

McCain: we're still uncovering information!

Raddatz: Hicks said planes should have been
brought in and the military says that isn't possible

McCain: maybe so but it was September 11
which is a very special day

Raddatz: should we go to war with Syria?

McCain: bomb bomb bomb Syria

Raddatz: that's your answer?

McCain: we can create a safe zone for them

Raddatz: who is “them”?

McCain: I've met them and
they're very fine people

Raddatz: some of them are Al-Qaeda

McCain: maybe but they are no
crazier than people in Arizona

Raddatz: people I've spoken to says
this would not be easy

McCain: the Israelis showed it can be done

Raddatz: but U.S. involvement would 
still be very risky

McCain: the Joints Chiefs are bunch of cowards!

Raddatz: I see

McCain: Obama gave the green light to murder!

Raddatz: what about Benghazi Jack?

Reed: this was a classic inter-agency dispute –
after all Victoria Nuland worked for Dick Cheney

Raddatz: but the talking points were changed!

Reed: well these things happen

Raddatz: if the President said it was an
act of terror why didn't that word appear
on the Precious Holy Talking Points?

Reed: who gives a shit

Raddatz: who are the rebels in Syria?

Reed: some are Al-Qeada and some
are good guys who will turn on us in 20 years

Raddatz: should we bomb Syria?

Reed: well we have the bombs lying around so why not?

Raddatz: what should we do?

Reed: don't count out diplomacy –
you never know

Raddatz: they crossed the red line –
shouldn't we start a war?

Reed: we have to be careful before
attacking a country in the middle east

Raddatz: maybe so but Beltway reporting
is so boring without a new war

Reed: you still have Afghanistan

Raddatz: boooooriiing

[ break ]

Raddatz: what's the fallout?

Karl: the talking points were changed and
the White House has a credibility problem

Raddatz: you go Karl

Karl: the White House had the final call

Will: it was an armed insurrection -
not a movie review!

Raddatz: maybe they saw John Carter 
Goes to Mars and were really mad

Will: we need a select committee to investigate
why security was inadequate at this consulate and
not any of the attacks when Bush was President

Marcus: yes we must learn why security was
lax at this consulate and ignore the attacks
on consulates from 2002 to 2008

Cartwright: you don't just go up to
an aircraft and turns the keys on

Raddatz: but shouldn't they have had
some planes ready since Libya is so dangerous?

Cartwright: maybe

Raddatz: isn't Obama's credibility shot if he
doesn't start a war with Libya – I mean Syria

Marcus: yes because every parent knows if
you don't follow through with threats your
ungrateful bratty kids will take the car

Karl: but we all thought the Iraq had
weapons of mass destruction

Raddatz: John McCain says the whole
military are a bunch of cowards

Cartwright: what are we going to accomplish
if we use military force – if we get involved
we have to go all the way

Will: a superpower cannot be sort-of 
involved in a war – if we get involved 
we will be the major player in a war

Karl: yeah!

Raddatz: thanks for coming everyone