*****************************************
Democratic Debate
February 26, 2008
MSNBC
Sen. Hillary Clinton
Sen. Barack Obama
*****************************************
Brian Williams: Welcome to Ohio!! Home of 8 presidents - how the hell did that happen???
[applause]
Williams: this debate is like a Republican bathhouse - the only rule is that there are no rules!
Here to make me look even more handsome is Tim Russert
Russert: that's not what you said on Sept. 23, 1986
Williams: shut up Timmy
Williams: Hillary you flew into a rage at Obama do you have emotional problems?
Hillary: dammit he said i was in favor of NAFTA!
Obama: no that was BAFTA - i mean fuck daniel day lewis
Clinton: he said i would make people pay for their health care plan and that's not true because i would cover everyone - whereas he would not and hates sick people
Williams: now let me flash the Drudge photo again and cite the Drudge Report twice
Clinton: oh for fuck's sake
Obama: well that's fine she denies the whole Drudge thing although I doubt it - but let's talk about health care -- she never lets a day go by without reminding people that I would leave 15 million people to die in the street without health insurance
Clinton: oh yeah that's true
Obama: well she only covers people with a mandate that would include garnishing wages
Clinton: but those are free riders!
Obama: oh quit whining look at your Robo-calls
Clinton: no my lies on other issues are ok - but this issue is too important to send out bad mailings - its like the health insurance companies wrote it - i take on the insurers by requiring people to go out and buy health insurance
Obama: bullshit i care about sick people as much as you do
Clinton: we all must be in the same boat so insurers can't cherrry pick the sick people
Obama: criminy that does not make sense - of course insurers like a mandate and how does her plan bring down costs
Clinton: He's Barack Mandate Obama - he requires parents to go out and get insurance and it's so wrong to make parents take care of their children
Obama: wrong wrong demmit
Clinton: my plan is affordable because i have loads of subsidies and tax credits and i would limit the cost of premiums
Obama: its a gift to insurers
Clinton: health insurance is health care - there is no difference so ergo under your plan everyone dies
Obama: duh my plan makes parents get health insurance for their kids because it's affordable
Clinton: those young fuckers must be forced to buy health insurance they think they are immortal
Williams: maybe they're Highlanders
Clinton: Barack Obama is a big baby who needs a pillow and blankie
Obama: gawd 4 years of this will be friggin painful
Clinton: yes I was in favor of NAFTA - but we need a plan to fix the mistakes i made in 1996
Obama: i have one too -- elect me instead
Clinton: you need a time-out like the one we need for trade - i know that the blue collars joe sixpacks care about so i will say i do
Obama: mighty white of you
Clinton: NAFTA killed Ohio but Obama keeps criticizing me and that's mean
Obama: jeebus of course she was in favor of NAFTA - when I worked on the streets of Chicago a quarter of a century ago i saw devastation caused by poor trade agreements
Clinton: i can't believe your mommy let you out that late at night
Russert: gotcha hillary you said dozens of times that NAFTA was great and courageous - will you pull out of NAFTA
Clinton: i will renegotiate it - but to be fair NAFTA really was a good idea and courageous
Russert: so was it a good idea or not??
Clinton: Tim you don't have the entire record sometimes i say it's good and sometimes i don't - i've been entirely consistent
Russert: can you prove that?
Clinton: the Cleveland Plain Dealer said teh negro was lying
Clinton: this is NO FAIR - Obama and i never voted on NAFTA
Russert: but you were co-president
Clinton: was i?
Russert: Borat will you pull out?
Obama: i luv american workers but let's face it free trade fucks us over i want to be the Worker President
Russert: u scare me
Obama: american retirees should not be making hamburgers
Russert: i can haz cheeseburger?
Timmy: are you sure that NAFTA isn't great - i mean look at my underwear it's only costs $1 a pack and comes in XXXXL
Obama: well that's very nice Timmy but i'd like to talk about windmills
Russert: tonight will you pledge to revive the city of Buffalo
Clinton: Tim i'm running for president not Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot
Russert: but you lied about the jobs back in 2000
Clinton: hey fatty i thought al gore would be president all we need to do is elect a democrat
Russert: good point - Brian you try her she scares me
Williams: Hillary says you are just like George W Bush with no experience
Obama: that's because she is a creature of Washington - she is another John McCain who wants to stay in Iraq for 100 years
Brian: but she is against the war now
Obama: she freaked out when i said i would get tough on Pakistan but i was right
Clinton: i liberated ireland and gave a speech in china
Williams: but he was right about Iraq!
Clinton: i question his foreign policy judgment
Williams: give me an example of where he has been wrong
Clinton: he agreed with me on Iraq
Williams: wow that is dumb
Williams: but if he agreed with you then what makes you better?
Clinton: i went to 80 countries with the Bill Clinton presidency
Williams: were you qualified for that?
Clinton: shut up
Obama: look Hillary and George W. Bush drove the American bus into a ditch and i'm trying to get the bus out of the ditch but it's hard
Williams: you're a hot-head
Obama: i never said i would bomb Pakistan - i said we need to stop fucking around with the people who attacked on 9/11 it's about a speech it's a break with the Clinton-McCain Doctrine
Tim: if the iraqi government says we should leave but Bill Kristol says we should stay - should we leave???
Obama: of course motherfucker
Clinton: duh sovereignty dood
Tim: what if Al Qeada resurges and Iraq GOES TO HELL?????
Clinton: why don't you go to hell fatty?
Tim: will you re-invade if there is another civil war?
Clinton: sure sounds delightful pumpkinhaid
Obama: we're fucked in Afghanistan now - of course i will always reserve the right to invade anywhere monaco or Nantucket or wherever
Timmy: oh noes!!
Obama: fuck you timmy as commander in chief i won't be dicking around
Williams: Hillary mocked you dood
Hillary: celestial choirs!
Obama: sounds damm good to me
Hillary: ha ha ha ha
Williams: whut do u think Becky
Obama: look i get it - she has this whole thing where she says I'm all about speeches - well for 2 decades i've worked for people - sick people, wounded warriors, and unethical fucks in Congress - and i talked to working class white women and i said i'm not interested in talk or speeches and i'm interested in getting motherfucking shit done!
Clinton: hey giving bizarre speeches is my idea of fun - you know 15 years ago i failed at making universal health care plan happen so i know what i'm doing
Brian: naturally but what else?
Clinton: take on credit cards companies, dick cheney, and special interest and i am a fighter
Obama Clip: you can't run away from some things in teh White House but not others
Williams: you have to take the good and take the bad
Obama: and there you have it those are the Facts of Life
Williams: was she co-presnit?
Obama: Look fighting is not enough she ended up fighting Pat Moynihan - but look if you want a fighter hire a black man from the mean streets of chicago and not a fucking goldwater girl
Williams: damm - my negro gettin tough!
Obama: she takes cash from special interests she's part of the problem
Tim: there is nothing more important than adhering to my arbitrary standards - will you vote for John McCain??
Obama: look stupid my funding comes from small donors McCain's comes from 527s
Tim: but your word!!! Your pledge!
Obama: McCain is going to game this system
Russert: I am now going to talk for a half an hour about bullshit - your tax returns hillary
Clinton: sorry i fell asleep while you were talking
Russert: will you release 10,000 pages from teh Archives
Clinton: i don't run the National Archives dumbass
Russert: do you accept the support of the Scary Black Louis Farrakhan
Obama: no i don't
Russert: but will reject his vote?
Obama: well I can't-
Russert: but he said judaism was a gutter religion-
Obama: shut the fuck up shithead
Russert: but you think Farrakhan epitomizes greatness what about the Jews!!???!!?
Obama: one more such question and i will reach across the table punch that grin off your fat face
Hillary: there's a difference between denouncing and rejecting -- Obama is clearly an anti-semite
Obama: well since Hillary is going to lose this debate and the election i will be nice and give her the word reject - i reject Farrakan
Hillary: yay i win
William: well thank god we settled the all important Farrakhan Question now the people of Youngstown will get those jobs back
Williams: how can you possibly run as a black man with a more liberal record than Ted Kennedy???
Obama: ooooh i must be a Scary Liberal because I wanted an Independent Ethics Office within the U.S. Senate
Williams: but you're scary
Obama: Republicans like me because I'm gonna fight for americans
Williams: you're a Magic Negro
Russert: who will be the next President of Russia?
Hillary: he's a hand picked scary dood who's name i can't remember
Russert: what's his name
Clinton: Medvedvy something
Obama: yeah whatever Timmy
Russert: what if he invades Kosovo???
Obama: i will send the National Guard to occupy the set of Meet the Press
Russert: oh noes!
Obama: i'm not kidding you dumb fat mick
Russert: any regrets
Clinton: my iraq vote - but i was against the war - really!
Russert: so to be clear you would like a time machine
Clinton: yes
Tim: will you pledge to expend funds on a flux capacitor
Clinton: what a fucktard you are
Obama: look i like Hillary Clinton and we both have big egos but we have heard heart breaking stories and these people are just looking for a little help -- i am sure that when I am the White Knight Standard Bearer i will be great
Brian Williams: please say something nasty about Hillary
Obama: oh fuck off i am not going to answer that -- vote for me or don't - i've made my case
Clinton: seriously Brian I thought Tim Russert was bad but you are also a fucker -- look I am running to be the first woman and i do believe that i can make change happen better because i know where the bodies are buried and where the levers of power are and I will go to bat for the poor and middle class - it's time someone did dammit
Williams: I'm brian williams - big rush limbaugh fan - thanks and good night
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
MEET THE PRESS with Ralph Nader - February 24, 2008 -
************************************
Meet The Press
February 24, 2008
Guest: Ralph Nader
************************************
Russert: will you run for President and help elect another Republican?
Nader: Look at Frank Luntz and Palestine anyone would conclude a lunatic like me should run for president
Russert: oh of course
Nader: the Pentagon spends a lot of money
Rusert: but they have invisible jets!
Nader: the nation is clamoring to repeal the Taft Hartley Act
Russert: oh definitely
Nader: i don't want to run but the people are demanding I run for example all the anti-slavery advocates
Russert: you elected George W. Bush
Nader: doesn't matter Jeb Bush would have stolen another 97,000 votes
Russert: is that the deal you had with him?
Nader: no the Mayor of Miami is responsible for Gore losing
Russert: you’re full of excuses
Nader: i'm amazed at the commie liberal intelligentsia who hate the voters
Russert: you’re a crackpot
Nader: get over it let's have multiple choice
Russert: you’re a spoiler
Nader: no they spoiled the system by suppressing me
Russert: Obama sez yur an egomanical nut
Nader: Obama is brilliant
Russert: so why not support him?
Nader: he has no sympathy for deaths of Palestinians and he should get involved in the Israeli intellectual peace movement
Russert: isn't that another country?
Nader: Congress has to solve the Israeli land issue
Russert: how will you feel about handing the election to the GOP?
Nader: it won't be so bad they are only criminals and evil and McCain is a vicious war monger
Russert: do you even see any differences between Dems and the GOP
Nader: Obama is a corporate lackey with no courage to get things done for the American people
Russert: do you have the courage to run for the Senate and get things done for the American people?
Nader: i have the courage to preen once every four years and talk about how wonderful I am
Russert: you’re old
Nader: David Letterman is very, very unfair
Russert: he's a fucking comedian dumbass
Nader: i will receive no money except from Republicans
Russert: will you waste money like Hillary?
Nader: no i will not buy any doughnuts
Russert: you have ruined your reputation by acting like a complete jackass
Nader: people die from hospital infections - only I can stop that
Russert: are you completely psychotic
Nader: it will be very easy for the Green party to turn over Congress and win the White House if we organize
Russert: dude you got lost on your way from the Green Room
[ break ]
Russert: Oooh it's a close one Obama barely leads in elected delegates
CTodd: she could win big three out of four states and still be screwed
Timmy: why?
CTodd: Texas chooses their delegates based on who can outrun longhorn steers in downtown Fort Worth and he's a very fast runner
Tim: well that is strange
Norris: it's worse than that - she has to run in high heels - the rules are really against her in Texas
Tim: wow that sounds bad
Russert: Hillary went ballistic this week what happened to the nice white lady?
Goodwin: she took the high road knowing she would lose but then Obama brought up that she supported NAFTA in 1996 and that is just very low politics
Russert: She says Obama is just like George W Bush because Bush promised change just like Barack does
Brooks: What the fuck does that even mean? i admire her but this ridiculous and anyway it's all slipping away from the campaign
Tim: why did they lose?
Brooks: because he's young and hungry like Mr. T in Rocky III
Norris: the Clinton campaign is accusing someone else of having no shame is really amazing
Obama: words matter look at the Declaration of Independence
Timmy: wow he stole line that from Thomas Jefferson
Obama: yeah but Jefferson stole it from John Locke
Clinton: that guy from “Lost” is running Obama's campaign and that's not real change
Goodwin: who among us hasn't committed plagiarism now and then
Tim: hell i though Deval Patrick and Obama were the same guy
Brooks: they're not? oh wow
Russert: Hillary steals lines too
Brooks: all they do is talk, talk, talk, - it ruins your brain
Russert: well that explains why i forgot how to use a spoon
CTodd: they just cannot believe they're losing to a state senator
Norris: they're trying to flush him out and make him the bad guy
Russert: will he take the Clinton bait?
Norris: no he’s too dignified
Timmy: Hillary took from Carter who took from Nixon who took from FDR who took it from some Hayes in 1876 who took it from Cicero who took from Og of the Wolf Clan who took from John McCain
Brooks: she should attack Obama on why he wasn't one of the Gang of 14 who have brought us wonderful bipartisanship
Goodwin: yeah that will work stupid
Russert: McCain is pure i love it
Norris: he was winning against the NY Times but then he fucked up by lying
Russert: but he can't lie
Norris: that was true until he became a presidential nominee
Ctodd: he is fucked because he has no money
Goodwin: so sad reporters knew Harding had an affair with Churchill but never said anything - they just sent Warren to the Orient
Russert: how did that go
Goodwin: it helped America
Brooks: who among us has not written letters in exchange to the FCC for $20,000 in cash?
Goodwin: McCain benefits from the Clenis now no one cares about sex
Timmy: McCain owns national security but Obama says he at least was against the whole concept of invading Iraq
Todd: he finally proved he could be a commander by giving that line
Russert: our young Jedi is learning
Todd: McCain really isn't good after 5:00 p.m.
Brooks: the election will depend on how terrified voters are
Goodwin: John McCain could be president how could you not be?
Meet The Press
February 24, 2008
Guest: Ralph Nader
************************************
Russert: will you run for President and help elect another Republican?
Nader: Look at Frank Luntz and Palestine anyone would conclude a lunatic like me should run for president
Russert: oh of course
Nader: the Pentagon spends a lot of money
Rusert: but they have invisible jets!
Nader: the nation is clamoring to repeal the Taft Hartley Act
Russert: oh definitely
Nader: i don't want to run but the people are demanding I run for example all the anti-slavery advocates
Russert: you elected George W. Bush
Nader: doesn't matter Jeb Bush would have stolen another 97,000 votes
Russert: is that the deal you had with him?
Nader: no the Mayor of Miami is responsible for Gore losing
Russert: you’re full of excuses
Nader: i'm amazed at the commie liberal intelligentsia who hate the voters
Russert: you’re a crackpot
Nader: get over it let's have multiple choice
Russert: you’re a spoiler
Nader: no they spoiled the system by suppressing me
Russert: Obama sez yur an egomanical nut
Nader: Obama is brilliant
Russert: so why not support him?
Nader: he has no sympathy for deaths of Palestinians and he should get involved in the Israeli intellectual peace movement
Russert: isn't that another country?
Nader: Congress has to solve the Israeli land issue
Russert: how will you feel about handing the election to the GOP?
Nader: it won't be so bad they are only criminals and evil and McCain is a vicious war monger
Russert: do you even see any differences between Dems and the GOP
Nader: Obama is a corporate lackey with no courage to get things done for the American people
Russert: do you have the courage to run for the Senate and get things done for the American people?
Nader: i have the courage to preen once every four years and talk about how wonderful I am
Russert: you’re old
Nader: David Letterman is very, very unfair
Russert: he's a fucking comedian dumbass
Nader: i will receive no money except from Republicans
Russert: will you waste money like Hillary?
Nader: no i will not buy any doughnuts
Russert: you have ruined your reputation by acting like a complete jackass
Nader: people die from hospital infections - only I can stop that
Russert: are you completely psychotic
Nader: it will be very easy for the Green party to turn over Congress and win the White House if we organize
Russert: dude you got lost on your way from the Green Room
[ break ]
Russert: Oooh it's a close one Obama barely leads in elected delegates
CTodd: she could win big three out of four states and still be screwed
Timmy: why?
CTodd: Texas chooses their delegates based on who can outrun longhorn steers in downtown Fort Worth and he's a very fast runner
Tim: well that is strange
Norris: it's worse than that - she has to run in high heels - the rules are really against her in Texas
Tim: wow that sounds bad
Russert: Hillary went ballistic this week what happened to the nice white lady?
Goodwin: she took the high road knowing she would lose but then Obama brought up that she supported NAFTA in 1996 and that is just very low politics
Russert: She says Obama is just like George W Bush because Bush promised change just like Barack does
Brooks: What the fuck does that even mean? i admire her but this ridiculous and anyway it's all slipping away from the campaign
Tim: why did they lose?
Brooks: because he's young and hungry like Mr. T in Rocky III
Norris: the Clinton campaign is accusing someone else of having no shame is really amazing
Obama: words matter look at the Declaration of Independence
Timmy: wow he stole line that from Thomas Jefferson
Obama: yeah but Jefferson stole it from John Locke
Clinton: that guy from “Lost” is running Obama's campaign and that's not real change
Goodwin: who among us hasn't committed plagiarism now and then
Tim: hell i though Deval Patrick and Obama were the same guy
Brooks: they're not? oh wow
Russert: Hillary steals lines too
Brooks: all they do is talk, talk, talk, - it ruins your brain
Russert: well that explains why i forgot how to use a spoon
CTodd: they just cannot believe they're losing to a state senator
Norris: they're trying to flush him out and make him the bad guy
Russert: will he take the Clinton bait?
Norris: no he’s too dignified
Timmy: Hillary took from Carter who took from Nixon who took from FDR who took it from some Hayes in 1876 who took it from Cicero who took from Og of the Wolf Clan who took from John McCain
Brooks: she should attack Obama on why he wasn't one of the Gang of 14 who have brought us wonderful bipartisanship
Goodwin: yeah that will work stupid
Russert: McCain is pure i love it
Norris: he was winning against the NY Times but then he fucked up by lying
Russert: but he can't lie
Norris: that was true until he became a presidential nominee
Ctodd: he is fucked because he has no money
Goodwin: so sad reporters knew Harding had an affair with Churchill but never said anything - they just sent Warren to the Orient
Russert: how did that go
Goodwin: it helped America
Brooks: who among us has not written letters in exchange to the FCC for $20,000 in cash?
Goodwin: McCain benefits from the Clenis now no one cares about sex
Timmy: McCain owns national security but Obama says he at least was against the whole concept of invading Iraq
Todd: he finally proved he could be a commander by giving that line
Russert: our young Jedi is learning
Todd: McCain really isn't good after 5:00 p.m.
Brooks: the election will depend on how terrified voters are
Goodwin: John McCain could be president how could you not be?
The Chris Matthews Show - February 24, 2008
********************************
The Chris Matthews Show
February 24, 2008
********************************
Matthews: even Bill Clinton sez they have win Texas and Ohio -- was the debate her valedictory?
Rather: no i thought it was a home run
Borger: Bill is right but even if she wins both states she still in trouble
Tweety: Barack is crushing her
Fineman: i think she is planning an exit strategy
Tweety: so she is out
Fineman: no she is back in to win it
Tweety: what if she splits 'em?
Fineman: she's Norma Rae!
Noron: whitey voted for Obama in Cheeseland
Matthews: why?
Noron: he wins on iraq, poverty, commanding and economy
Rather: if she wins the rest of the states she could still win
Borger: um, yeah, sure, dude
Rather: no let me babble some more if a frog was in a frying pan you wouldn't need a duck in the freezer
Tweety: white men don't like her or him
Borger: Norah knows alot about this
Tweety: the Ficus vote?
Noron: she will do anything to win because it's not about her it's about the people
Borger: but they don't want a humiliation either
Fineman: they're still fighting - shocking, I know
Tweety: why don't all politicians use footnotes in all their speeches - Howard why am I talking about this?
Fineman: because you a total idiot who is slowly destroying America
Matthews: oh
McCain: i hate influence peddlers
Tweety: he is so honest but omg he might have had sex
Rather: it’s only a story if they have pics of the McPenis
Noron: he's dumped teh media for the crazies
Borger: let's hope he didn't lie - like he best had never have a met a lobbyist, like, ever
Fineman: doesn't matter the dude is hip deep in lobbying
Matthews: oh noes!!!!!!
Fineman: no believes McCain can really have sex
Noron: that's true its about sexethics
Borger: he's holier than thou
Rather: they NYT is in more trouble that a beaver in a sugar factory
Matthews: tell me something I don’t know
Noron: white men will decide this election
Tweety: doan diss me bubblehead
Rather: voting machines don't work this will help Clinton or Obama
Borger: Nancy Pelosi will bitch slap Hillary
Fineman: Knives are out at Camp Clinton
Tweety: dunkin donuts are so elitist!!!!
Matthews: Oscars predictions!
Noron: Juneau cause i love alaska
Matthews: yur done
Borger: the preggy teen
Rather: Blood!
Fineman: Scary Lawyer
Matthews: teh Lawyer wins!
The Chris Matthews Show
February 24, 2008
********************************
Matthews: even Bill Clinton sez they have win Texas and Ohio -- was the debate her valedictory?
Rather: no i thought it was a home run
Borger: Bill is right but even if she wins both states she still in trouble
Tweety: Barack is crushing her
Fineman: i think she is planning an exit strategy
Tweety: so she is out
Fineman: no she is back in to win it
Tweety: what if she splits 'em?
Fineman: she's Norma Rae!
Noron: whitey voted for Obama in Cheeseland
Matthews: why?
Noron: he wins on iraq, poverty, commanding and economy
Rather: if she wins the rest of the states she could still win
Borger: um, yeah, sure, dude
Rather: no let me babble some more if a frog was in a frying pan you wouldn't need a duck in the freezer
Tweety: white men don't like her or him
Borger: Norah knows alot about this
Tweety: the Ficus vote?
Noron: she will do anything to win because it's not about her it's about the people
Borger: but they don't want a humiliation either
Fineman: they're still fighting - shocking, I know
Tweety: why don't all politicians use footnotes in all their speeches - Howard why am I talking about this?
Fineman: because you a total idiot who is slowly destroying America
Matthews: oh
McCain: i hate influence peddlers
Tweety: he is so honest but omg he might have had sex
Rather: it’s only a story if they have pics of the McPenis
Noron: he's dumped teh media for the crazies
Borger: let's hope he didn't lie - like he best had never have a met a lobbyist, like, ever
Fineman: doesn't matter the dude is hip deep in lobbying
Matthews: oh noes!!!!!!
Fineman: no believes McCain can really have sex
Noron: that's true its about sexethics
Borger: he's holier than thou
Rather: they NYT is in more trouble that a beaver in a sugar factory
Matthews: tell me something I don’t know
Noron: white men will decide this election
Tweety: doan diss me bubblehead
Rather: voting machines don't work this will help Clinton or Obama
Borger: Nancy Pelosi will bitch slap Hillary
Fineman: Knives are out at Camp Clinton
Tweety: dunkin donuts are so elitist!!!!
Matthews: Oscars predictions!
Noron: Juneau cause i love alaska
Matthews: yur done
Borger: the preggy teen
Rather: Blood!
Fineman: Scary Lawyer
Matthews: teh Lawyer wins!
Friday, February 22, 2008
Democratic Debate - February 21, 2008 - University of Texas
***************************************************
Democratic Debate
February 21, 2008
University of Texas
CNN
Candidates:
Sen. Hillary Clinton
Sen. Barack Obama
Hosts:
Campbell Brown
Jorge Ramos
***************************************************
Campbell: welcome hillary and barack!!
[wild applause !!!!]
Campbell:
and barack!!
[wild applause !!!!]
Campbell: Opening statements - go
Clinton: the first job i ever had was in Texas so i always been a fan of the Longhorns and i learned there that i am actually a republican cause i believe in hard work and personal responsibility
[ yay!!]
Clinton: Barbara Jordan was my black friend and Ann Richards was my wacky steel magnolia friend
[ yay!]
Clinton: i gave health care to kids and soldiers and i will amend the constitution to make insurance companies give insurance to everybody
[woo hoooooo]
Clinton: lets face it i'm losing so it's all up to you i offer a lifetime of experience and smiling sweetly
[ yay!!!]
Obama: i like hillary of course -- look we are at war and we have a shitty economy i've talked to people all across america who have been screwed by the Bush administration like students and soldiers and sick people gawd its awful
[ yay!]]
Obama: look we both have detailed proposals and ideas but in Washington DC good ideas are like monarch butterflies they migrate there every spring and go to die
[ yay!]
Obama: i will now quote Barbara Jordan who Hillary mentioned i love america and we have to make it as good as its promise
[ yay! ]
Ramos: will you meet with Fidel's little brother just once to look into his soul???
Clinton: sure as long as he pledges to support democracy and a makes good faith gesture
Ramos: like what
Clinton: a donation to Clinton library
Obama: Sure i would meet with him but he would have to open up the press to flattering pictures of me tossing a football with the Texas Longhorns
Ramos: what else
Obama: travel restrictions and the flow of cash
Brown: why do u hate America and love dictators
Obama: because i am not fearing any man anywhere anytime
[swigs Nyquil ]
Clinton: Obama would give away the golden prize of a meeting with the president and you don't offer such a juicy thing without a lot of preparatory work as JFK said
Brown: he did?
Clinton: i would send a seductive emissary to woo them
Brown: who?
Clinton: the Clenis of course
Obama: of course Bush sucks and Hillary's prep work is all very nice but she acts like meeting with her is the greatest thing ever - well it's not
[yay!]
King: i want to bring the room down now and talk about the economy
Obama: fairness and balance jesus we give trillions to the richest and megacorps is sickening
King: class warfare?
Obama: no we must have fair trade which is good for labor and people who eat chinese toys
King: i like lead on my cereal in the morning
Obama: biodiesel bitches!!!!
Clinton: yeah i agree with typhoid mary
[cough cough]
Clinton: bush sucks!!!
[ yay!]
Clinton: we need a time out for Bush and a special trade prosecutor to keep out the radioactive toothpaste
Brown: i like that stuff
Clinton: no more foreclosures allowed!!
[ yay!!!!]
Clinton: we should spend 5 billion dollars for clean green jobs you like that it rhymes
King: yeah!
Clinton: also we need to rebuild America and end the War on Science
Brown: thank you Senator-
Clinton: i'm still talking bitch
Montalban: raids on illegals?
Clinton: babies are left in the incubators to fend for themselves so sad
Ramos: so what's the answer
Clinton: crack down on employers and rebuild the economy in mexico and give illegals money for taxes and path to citizenship
[yay!]
Obama: we need to tone down the rhetoric - we are nation of laws and immigrants
[ yay!!!]
King: nice but what’s your plan Obama
Obama: crack down on employers but no discrimination - so ilegals go to the back of the line which means reform legal immigration and the econmy in mexico
[yay!!!]
King: Build a border fence?
Clinton: sure i voted for teh fence so of course I am against it - except when a fence is a good idea but i only voted for it because i trusted teh Bush administration to do the right thing
King: so was your vote right or wrong?
Clinton: i am in favor smart fencing
King: like in The Princess Bride?
Clinton: exactly we need to commit to find the six fingered man!!!
Obama: the fence is stupid i like border controls and trucks and cars but let's get real there are already 12 million illegal workers here so we might as well make them legal and provide them with jobs
[ yay!]
Obama: we need order to the process and that's only fair - also give illegal access to higher education
[ yay!!!!]
Montalban: is good to be a a bilingual nation??
Clinton: i don't speak any other freaking language but america's language - which is English dood
Ricardo: should we have an official language?
Clinton: hey in New York courts are in Hmong and you have to speak Urdu just to hail a cab
Obama: everyone should learn English but also Chinese so they can speak with their loanshark in the future
[ yay!!]
King: i live in a star trek parallel universe where Obama has a beard and Clinton wears a miniskirt - so please bash Obama
Clinton: bush needs to be less hat and more cattle
[ yay!!]
Clinton: look clearly my staff has said a lot of stupid shit lately and i fired them and came out tonight determined to seem nice
King: ok
Clinton: some dumb guy working for Obama said a dumb thing - and actions speak louder than words!
Obama: throughout my twenty fucking years of public service i enacted ethics reform and helped the poor and addressed criminal justice and walter reed scandals so it isn't all talk but also some motherfuckin’ action!!!
[ yay!!!!]
Obama: i have news for Senator Clinton -- the reason i've won 11 straight states and had tens of millions of votes and 1 million donations and endorsements across this state is not because we are a cult or my supporters are delusional but because they like what they hear from me and they wants some real motherfucking change!!!!!!
[Woooo-Hoooooooo!!!!]
Brown: are you a plagiarist black man????
Obama: hilllary clinton thinks words don't matter so what difference does it make???
[ yay!!!]
Obama: this is the silly season and the Clinton tactics are why people get cynical about politics while i talk about college education and poverty and tax codes and national security
Brown: enough silver tongue
Obama: my speeches rock baby
Clinton: no this is an excellent point because his whole campaign is about "words" and he steals his words like a scary stealing black man
Obama: fuck off
Clinton: look at the mortgage crisis you disagree with me but even an expert on financial policy like George W Bush agrees with me!!
[ yay!!!!!]
Clinton: we must eliminate all insurance companies right after i require all Americans to go buy it from them!!
Obama: Hillary Clinton liked my plan 6 months ago when i wasn't kicking her white ass
[ laughter ]
Obama: look the skinny white lady and i have the same plan but i want to reduce costs and cover everyone for god's sake we both will have to work with Congress and others neither she nor and I can snap our fingers and just cover everyone or make the insurance companies good guys sheesh
Khan: is Obama not ready to be commander in chief?
Clinton: i never got a chance to respond to his response to my attack on him
Jorge: ok
Clinton: what if social security were voluntary we must make everyone buy health insurance and call it universal
Obama: dammit her mandate isn't on the government- its on people what if people can't afford it she will garnish their wages and they *still* won't have health insurance
Clinton: no he mandates on parents to take care of children which is exactly like making poor people who out and buy health insurance
Obama: i'm going to give people the money and i will give adults the free choice and work on people who are gaming the system and the idea that she cares more than me is ridiculous
Ramos: Obama sucks as Commander in Chief??
Clinton: when bill was President i represented America across the world and look at Pakistan and Kosovo and these are serious problems which can only be addressed by a former first lady and not some neophyte dude from the streets of Chicago - i mean think about it people!!!
Obama: damm right i'm ready and i have balls not ovaries so i kick motherfucking ass if i have to but also help the families of soliders
Ramos: but you lack experience and judgment
Obama: no her judgment sucks on Iraq - she was wrong so why should i defer to the Goldwater Girl over here????
King: admit the surge worked hillary rodham
Clinton: criminy the goal of the surge was to make political progress and that hasn't happened to here is my message to the Iraqis - time to step up and make decisions and wave bye bye to the american troops we are declaring victory and getting the fuck out of there
Obama: our american troops are wonderful especially the ones from Texas
[ yay!!!!!]
Obama: but only i can defeat John McCain because i was against from the war from the start -- we spend more in a week than we spend in a year in south America this is real fucking money and Huggy Bear wants to be there 100 years - or was it 3,000 years either way dood is fucking crazy
King: what else?
Obama: i created Google for Government there are all kinds of fun porn links there
King: will you match Saint McCain and refuse all earmarks
Clinton: ha ha you must be joking dood's a fucking hypocrite and worse he's a damm republican and McCain-Bush has supported no bid contracts and corruption and we need to re-elect Bill Clinton
Ramos: should superdelegates override the voters
Obama: gee i thought the primaries and caucuses counted for something
Ramos: well they don't
Obama: voters want to believe that government responds to them and a really shitty way of addressing that would be for party bosses to override the will of the voters
[ yay!!]
Brown: when were you really tested in life?
Obama: dad fled to Kenya when i was young and i was raised by a single white mom and then i tried cocaine and then i realized you know maybe Harvard law school would be better than life as a crack addict and in retrospect i think i made the right decision
[ applause ]
Clinton: the biggest crisis was when i found out the man i plan on bringing back to the white house was having sex with one of the damm interns in my own house thus possibly wrecking his presidency and my career
[ whoooooo!!!!]
Clinton: but then i met some troops who were missing limbs and i thought hey it's not so bad and i'm lucky to have married to the most gifted politician in modern history and dammit i will use to get myself to the white house
King: why are you being so nice tonite?
Clinton: i know i am going to lose this thing and need to preserve my reputation - plus Obama here is clearly going to be the next President
[ yay!!]
Brown: well that covers it - good night
Democratic Debate
February 21, 2008
University of Texas
CNN
Candidates:
Sen. Hillary Clinton
Sen. Barack Obama
Hosts:
Campbell Brown
Jorge Ramos
***************************************************
Campbell: welcome hillary and barack!!
[wild applause !!!!]
Campbell:
and barack!!
[wild applause !!!!]
Campbell: Opening statements - go
Clinton: the first job i ever had was in Texas so i always been a fan of the Longhorns and i learned there that i am actually a republican cause i believe in hard work and personal responsibility
[ yay!!]
Clinton: Barbara Jordan was my black friend and Ann Richards was my wacky steel magnolia friend
[ yay!]
Clinton: i gave health care to kids and soldiers and i will amend the constitution to make insurance companies give insurance to everybody
[woo hoooooo]
Clinton: lets face it i'm losing so it's all up to you i offer a lifetime of experience and smiling sweetly
[ yay!!!]
Obama: i like hillary of course -- look we are at war and we have a shitty economy i've talked to people all across america who have been screwed by the Bush administration like students and soldiers and sick people gawd its awful
[ yay!]]
Obama: look we both have detailed proposals and ideas but in Washington DC good ideas are like monarch butterflies they migrate there every spring and go to die
[ yay!]
Obama: i will now quote Barbara Jordan who Hillary mentioned i love america and we have to make it as good as its promise
[ yay! ]
Ramos: will you meet with Fidel's little brother just once to look into his soul???
Clinton: sure as long as he pledges to support democracy and a makes good faith gesture
Ramos: like what
Clinton: a donation to Clinton library
Obama: Sure i would meet with him but he would have to open up the press to flattering pictures of me tossing a football with the Texas Longhorns
Ramos: what else
Obama: travel restrictions and the flow of cash
Brown: why do u hate America and love dictators
Obama: because i am not fearing any man anywhere anytime
[swigs Nyquil ]
Clinton: Obama would give away the golden prize of a meeting with the president and you don't offer such a juicy thing without a lot of preparatory work as JFK said
Brown: he did?
Clinton: i would send a seductive emissary to woo them
Brown: who?
Clinton: the Clenis of course
Obama: of course Bush sucks and Hillary's prep work is all very nice but she acts like meeting with her is the greatest thing ever - well it's not
[yay!]
King: i want to bring the room down now and talk about the economy
Obama: fairness and balance jesus we give trillions to the richest and megacorps is sickening
King: class warfare?
Obama: no we must have fair trade which is good for labor and people who eat chinese toys
King: i like lead on my cereal in the morning
Obama: biodiesel bitches!!!!
Clinton: yeah i agree with typhoid mary
[cough cough]
Clinton: bush sucks!!!
[ yay!]
Clinton: we need a time out for Bush and a special trade prosecutor to keep out the radioactive toothpaste
Brown: i like that stuff
Clinton: no more foreclosures allowed!!
[ yay!!!!]
Clinton: we should spend 5 billion dollars for clean green jobs you like that it rhymes
King: yeah!
Clinton: also we need to rebuild America and end the War on Science
Brown: thank you Senator-
Clinton: i'm still talking bitch
Montalban: raids on illegals?
Clinton: babies are left in the incubators to fend for themselves so sad
Ramos: so what's the answer
Clinton: crack down on employers and rebuild the economy in mexico and give illegals money for taxes and path to citizenship
[yay!]
Obama: we need to tone down the rhetoric - we are nation of laws and immigrants
[ yay!!!]
King: nice but what’s your plan Obama
Obama: crack down on employers but no discrimination - so ilegals go to the back of the line which means reform legal immigration and the econmy in mexico
[yay!!!]
King: Build a border fence?
Clinton: sure i voted for teh fence so of course I am against it - except when a fence is a good idea but i only voted for it because i trusted teh Bush administration to do the right thing
King: so was your vote right or wrong?
Clinton: i am in favor smart fencing
King: like in The Princess Bride?
Clinton: exactly we need to commit to find the six fingered man!!!
Obama: the fence is stupid i like border controls and trucks and cars but let's get real there are already 12 million illegal workers here so we might as well make them legal and provide them with jobs
[ yay!]
Obama: we need order to the process and that's only fair - also give illegal access to higher education
[ yay!!!!]
Montalban: is good to be a a bilingual nation??
Clinton: i don't speak any other freaking language but america's language - which is English dood
Ricardo: should we have an official language?
Clinton: hey in New York courts are in Hmong and you have to speak Urdu just to hail a cab
Obama: everyone should learn English but also Chinese so they can speak with their loanshark in the future
[ yay!!]
King: i live in a star trek parallel universe where Obama has a beard and Clinton wears a miniskirt - so please bash Obama
Clinton: bush needs to be less hat and more cattle
[ yay!!]
Clinton: look clearly my staff has said a lot of stupid shit lately and i fired them and came out tonight determined to seem nice
King: ok
Clinton: some dumb guy working for Obama said a dumb thing - and actions speak louder than words!
Obama: throughout my twenty fucking years of public service i enacted ethics reform and helped the poor and addressed criminal justice and walter reed scandals so it isn't all talk but also some motherfuckin’ action!!!
[ yay!!!!]
Obama: i have news for Senator Clinton -- the reason i've won 11 straight states and had tens of millions of votes and 1 million donations and endorsements across this state is not because we are a cult or my supporters are delusional but because they like what they hear from me and they wants some real motherfucking change!!!!!!
[Woooo-Hoooooooo!!!!]
Brown: are you a plagiarist black man????
Obama: hilllary clinton thinks words don't matter so what difference does it make???
[ yay!!!]
Obama: this is the silly season and the Clinton tactics are why people get cynical about politics while i talk about college education and poverty and tax codes and national security
Brown: enough silver tongue
Obama: my speeches rock baby
Clinton: no this is an excellent point because his whole campaign is about "words" and he steals his words like a scary stealing black man
Obama: fuck off
Clinton: look at the mortgage crisis you disagree with me but even an expert on financial policy like George W Bush agrees with me!!
[ yay!!!!!]
Clinton: we must eliminate all insurance companies right after i require all Americans to go buy it from them!!
Obama: Hillary Clinton liked my plan 6 months ago when i wasn't kicking her white ass
[ laughter ]
Obama: look the skinny white lady and i have the same plan but i want to reduce costs and cover everyone for god's sake we both will have to work with Congress and others neither she nor and I can snap our fingers and just cover everyone or make the insurance companies good guys sheesh
Khan: is Obama not ready to be commander in chief?
Clinton: i never got a chance to respond to his response to my attack on him
Jorge: ok
Clinton: what if social security were voluntary we must make everyone buy health insurance and call it universal
Obama: dammit her mandate isn't on the government- its on people what if people can't afford it she will garnish their wages and they *still* won't have health insurance
Clinton: no he mandates on parents to take care of children which is exactly like making poor people who out and buy health insurance
Obama: i'm going to give people the money and i will give adults the free choice and work on people who are gaming the system and the idea that she cares more than me is ridiculous
Ramos: Obama sucks as Commander in Chief??
Clinton: when bill was President i represented America across the world and look at Pakistan and Kosovo and these are serious problems which can only be addressed by a former first lady and not some neophyte dude from the streets of Chicago - i mean think about it people!!!
Obama: damm right i'm ready and i have balls not ovaries so i kick motherfucking ass if i have to but also help the families of soliders
Ramos: but you lack experience and judgment
Obama: no her judgment sucks on Iraq - she was wrong so why should i defer to the Goldwater Girl over here????
King: admit the surge worked hillary rodham
Clinton: criminy the goal of the surge was to make political progress and that hasn't happened to here is my message to the Iraqis - time to step up and make decisions and wave bye bye to the american troops we are declaring victory and getting the fuck out of there
Obama: our american troops are wonderful especially the ones from Texas
[ yay!!!!!]
Obama: but only i can defeat John McCain because i was against from the war from the start -- we spend more in a week than we spend in a year in south America this is real fucking money and Huggy Bear wants to be there 100 years - or was it 3,000 years either way dood is fucking crazy
King: what else?
Obama: i created Google for Government there are all kinds of fun porn links there
King: will you match Saint McCain and refuse all earmarks
Clinton: ha ha you must be joking dood's a fucking hypocrite and worse he's a damm republican and McCain-Bush has supported no bid contracts and corruption and we need to re-elect Bill Clinton
Ramos: should superdelegates override the voters
Obama: gee i thought the primaries and caucuses counted for something
Ramos: well they don't
Obama: voters want to believe that government responds to them and a really shitty way of addressing that would be for party bosses to override the will of the voters
[ yay!!]
Brown: when were you really tested in life?
Obama: dad fled to Kenya when i was young and i was raised by a single white mom and then i tried cocaine and then i realized you know maybe Harvard law school would be better than life as a crack addict and in retrospect i think i made the right decision
[ applause ]
Clinton: the biggest crisis was when i found out the man i plan on bringing back to the white house was having sex with one of the damm interns in my own house thus possibly wrecking his presidency and my career
[ whoooooo!!!!]
Clinton: but then i met some troops who were missing limbs and i thought hey it's not so bad and i'm lucky to have married to the most gifted politician in modern history and dammit i will use to get myself to the white house
King: why are you being so nice tonite?
Clinton: i know i am going to lose this thing and need to preserve my reputation - plus Obama here is clearly going to be the next President
[ yay!!]
Brown: well that covers it - good night
Sunday, February 17, 2008
MEET THE PRESS with Schumer and Durbin - February 17, 2008
*******************************************
MEET THE PRESS
February 17, 2008
Guests:
Sen. Richard Durbin for Barack Obama
Sen. Chuck Schumer for Hillary Clinton
*******************************************
Russert: Durbin can Obama win?
Durbin: we feel good!
Russert: does Hillary have to win in Texas and Ohio
Schumer: no but I declare Hillary can go from point A to point B
Russert: that was in Lincoln's Second Inaugural wasn't it?
Schumer: fuck you Timmy
Russert: Obama up in states won and votes and delegates
Schumer: so what? We will concede nothing dammit
Russert: Dick what about it - should superdelegates steal the election?
Durbin: duh of course not - this is a fucking election not a damm coronation and anyone who would try that would wreck the party
Russert: but Obama a looser
Durbin: no hillary barely won NJ and we killed in bloody kansas
Schumer: sure if you listen to the crazy nazi-lovers at Moveon.org you would support the elected delegate winner
Russert: i hate those liberals
Schumer: for the sake of party unity we must support hillary and not force anything down her throat
Russert: it sounds like you are willing to cheat
Schumer: it's not a moral issue - the real moral issue is to unite around Clinton and win the 2008 election
Russert: between superdelegates and Michigan it seems like Clinton wants to pull a fast one
Durbin: jeebus Obama wasn't even on the ballot in Michigan!
Schumer: oh let's not debate who signed what pledge we all cheat when it's good for us
Russert: seat Michigan or not?
Schumer: it's just like the superdelegates we will take every advantage we can get
Russert: oh ok
Schumer: Obama has to sit down and agree that we should change the rules to give Hillary Michigan and Florida's delegates
Russert: would you support new caucuses?
Schumer: no - because he does better in caucuses
Russert: you're so stubborn
Schumer: these fights will weaken us we should keep voting and then we should debate how to hand the win to Hillary
Durbin: the idea of accepting the results of an election where only one name is on the ballot is laughable
Russert: so sad
Durbin: backroom deals are not the answer
Russert: you live together who's the slob?
Durbin: he is
Schumer: i love you man
[break]
Russert: she says she's a workhorse
Novak: that's too boring
O'Beirne: it's frustrating she's a wonk and he's a smooth talkin’ man sweeping America off its feet
Carlson: she's the scolding parent telling america that the man they are in love with is bad
Russert: but parents now kids dig the bad boy and they will only run to him if you diss him
Shields: she can still win and he has no specifics
Russert: what should she do?
Shields: give people a reason to vote for her, not against him
Hunt: she has to win everything from now on but she can do it
Shields: she can be a comeback kid
Novak: i would love a divided convention but a brokered convention won't happen
Russert: but how do you prevent it
Novak: one of them must yield they can't be fighting in August
O'Beirne: Durbin made an argument based on fairness and Schumer just said supers should be allowed to trump for process reasons
Carlson: my boyfriend fred thompson said superdelegates are good because they save America from liberals
Shields: that's right we need “grown ups” choosing that why we have superdelegates
Russert: like that 21 year old gay kid
Shields: exactly
Hunt: i give John Lewis permission to vote for who he wants to
Russert: mighty white of you
Hunt: Pelosi says Michigan choosing would destroy the party
Russert: how big a lead does the black man need to have in elected delegates?
Hunt: at least ten
Shields: we should wait until Bill Clinton endorses someone
Russert: FL or MI?
Shields: if she wins Pennsylvania then Florida should be seated
Bill Clinton: we're running on a shoestring!
Novak: oh please
Carlson: she's better without him
Russert: but people love him in Texas
Shields: he's rusty as a politician he's used to adulation
Russert: like Jordan with the Wizards
Novak: people still fear the Cleins
Russrt: she assumed she would have it locked up by Feb. 5
O'Beirne: oops
Russert: Joe Klein says Obama is a better executive
Hunt: Clinton campaign is in disarray
Russert: how so?
Hunt: Axelrod ran circles around the Clinton people
Novak: Obama hates the global economy and wants to raise taxes
Carlson: we all know that
Hunt: she chose loyalty over competence
Shields: just like Chimpy
Russert: so true
Shields: McCain is with teh dems on global warming, taxes, cafes
Novak: you're an advocate not a honest journalist
Shields: don't you have some CIA agents to destroy douchebag?
Russert: you think the GOP are screwed
Novak: yeah but McCain is a war hero
O'Beirne: we are fucked but we might win against Hillary if we put up enough unflattering pictures of her
Russert: G HW Bush will endorse McCain
O'Beirne: jesus that's not helpful
Carlson: Hillary will save the GOP
Novak: huckabee has no useful purpose except when i suck the blood of his sons at night
Russert: why them?
Novak: i need to slake my thirst on the blood of virgins
Russert: McCain's VP?
Carlson: someone young and cheerful like Crist
Novak: he's not young
Carlson: he is compared to you and Al
Russert: Dems
Shields: obama will be the nominee
Carlson: Obama
Novak: Obama has the big MO
Hunt: Obama has the edge
Shields: the Democrats wanted to run against Reagan in 1980 you never know
************************************************************
MEET THE PRESS
February 17, 2008
Guests:
Sen. Richard Durbin for Barack Obama
Sen. Chuck Schumer for Hillary Clinton
*******************************************
Russert: Durbin can Obama win?
Durbin: we feel good!
Russert: does Hillary have to win in Texas and Ohio
Schumer: no but I declare Hillary can go from point A to point B
Russert: that was in Lincoln's Second Inaugural wasn't it?
Schumer: fuck you Timmy
Russert: Obama up in states won and votes and delegates
Schumer: so what? We will concede nothing dammit
Russert: Dick what about it - should superdelegates steal the election?
Durbin: duh of course not - this is a fucking election not a damm coronation and anyone who would try that would wreck the party
Russert: but Obama a looser
Durbin: no hillary barely won NJ and we killed in bloody kansas
Schumer: sure if you listen to the crazy nazi-lovers at Moveon.org you would support the elected delegate winner
Russert: i hate those liberals
Schumer: for the sake of party unity we must support hillary and not force anything down her throat
Russert: it sounds like you are willing to cheat
Schumer: it's not a moral issue - the real moral issue is to unite around Clinton and win the 2008 election
Russert: between superdelegates and Michigan it seems like Clinton wants to pull a fast one
Durbin: jeebus Obama wasn't even on the ballot in Michigan!
Schumer: oh let's not debate who signed what pledge we all cheat when it's good for us
Russert: seat Michigan or not?
Schumer: it's just like the superdelegates we will take every advantage we can get
Russert: oh ok
Schumer: Obama has to sit down and agree that we should change the rules to give Hillary Michigan and Florida's delegates
Russert: would you support new caucuses?
Schumer: no - because he does better in caucuses
Russert: you're so stubborn
Schumer: these fights will weaken us we should keep voting and then we should debate how to hand the win to Hillary
Durbin: the idea of accepting the results of an election where only one name is on the ballot is laughable
Russert: so sad
Durbin: backroom deals are not the answer
Russert: you live together who's the slob?
Durbin: he is
Schumer: i love you man
[break]
Russert: she says she's a workhorse
Novak: that's too boring
O'Beirne: it's frustrating she's a wonk and he's a smooth talkin’ man sweeping America off its feet
Carlson: she's the scolding parent telling america that the man they are in love with is bad
Russert: but parents now kids dig the bad boy and they will only run to him if you diss him
Shields: she can still win and he has no specifics
Russert: what should she do?
Shields: give people a reason to vote for her, not against him
Hunt: she has to win everything from now on but she can do it
Shields: she can be a comeback kid
Novak: i would love a divided convention but a brokered convention won't happen
Russert: but how do you prevent it
Novak: one of them must yield they can't be fighting in August
O'Beirne: Durbin made an argument based on fairness and Schumer just said supers should be allowed to trump for process reasons
Carlson: my boyfriend fred thompson said superdelegates are good because they save America from liberals
Shields: that's right we need “grown ups” choosing that why we have superdelegates
Russert: like that 21 year old gay kid
Shields: exactly
Hunt: i give John Lewis permission to vote for who he wants to
Russert: mighty white of you
Hunt: Pelosi says Michigan choosing would destroy the party
Russert: how big a lead does the black man need to have in elected delegates?
Hunt: at least ten
Shields: we should wait until Bill Clinton endorses someone
Russert: FL or MI?
Shields: if she wins Pennsylvania then Florida should be seated
Bill Clinton: we're running on a shoestring!
Novak: oh please
Carlson: she's better without him
Russert: but people love him in Texas
Shields: he's rusty as a politician he's used to adulation
Russert: like Jordan with the Wizards
Novak: people still fear the Cleins
Russrt: she assumed she would have it locked up by Feb. 5
O'Beirne: oops
Russert: Joe Klein says Obama is a better executive
Hunt: Clinton campaign is in disarray
Russert: how so?
Hunt: Axelrod ran circles around the Clinton people
Novak: Obama hates the global economy and wants to raise taxes
Carlson: we all know that
Hunt: she chose loyalty over competence
Shields: just like Chimpy
Russert: so true
Shields: McCain is with teh dems on global warming, taxes, cafes
Novak: you're an advocate not a honest journalist
Shields: don't you have some CIA agents to destroy douchebag?
Russert: you think the GOP are screwed
Novak: yeah but McCain is a war hero
O'Beirne: we are fucked but we might win against Hillary if we put up enough unflattering pictures of her
Russert: G HW Bush will endorse McCain
O'Beirne: jesus that's not helpful
Carlson: Hillary will save the GOP
Novak: huckabee has no useful purpose except when i suck the blood of his sons at night
Russert: why them?
Novak: i need to slake my thirst on the blood of virgins
Russert: McCain's VP?
Carlson: someone young and cheerful like Crist
Novak: he's not young
Carlson: he is compared to you and Al
Russert: Dems
Shields: obama will be the nominee
Carlson: Obama
Novak: Obama has the big MO
Hunt: Obama has the edge
Shields: the Democrats wanted to run against Reagan in 1980 you never know
************************************************************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos with John McCain - February 17, 2008
********************************************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
February 17, 2008
Guest: Sen. John McCain
********************************************
Stephanopoulos: you and Lieberman want to end greenhouse gases
McCain: it's a mandatory free market approach
Stephanopoulos: oh
McCain: it will make profits because it will force GE to do the smart thing
Stephanopoulos: are you George Bush?
McCain: no Bush is a cowardly big spender and Obama is a pork barrel liberal taxer
Stephanopoulos: they want to cut taxes
McCain: maybe people want their taxes raised
Stephanopoulos: who should run health care
McCain: families should do it
Stephanopoulos: what the fuck does that mean
McCain: let grandpa do surgery he's retired
Stephanopoulos: everyone in the GOP hates you
McCain: that's true
Stephanopoulos: Limbaugh says he secretly supports you by bashing you
McCain: fuck him he's a fat bloated drug addict
Stephanopoulos: will you nominate another David Souter?
McCain: no i've been carrying water for George Bush
Stephanopoulos: vice presidency?
McCain: i won't take it
Stephanopoulos: no, i mean who would you choose?
McCain: oh i will do anything to placate the crazies
Stephanopoulos: everyone hates Republicans
McCain: who better to re-energize the party than a 75 year old invalid
Stephanopoulos: how did you come back from your failure?
McCain: i was in Baghdad in the 4th of July and decided i didn't want to surrender to muslims
Stephanopoulos: last question what's that thing on your face?
McCain: does the name Kuato mean anything to you?
*******************************************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
February 17, 2008
Guest: Sen. John McCain
********************************************
Stephanopoulos: you and Lieberman want to end greenhouse gases
McCain: it's a mandatory free market approach
Stephanopoulos: oh
McCain: it will make profits because it will force GE to do the smart thing
Stephanopoulos: are you George Bush?
McCain: no Bush is a cowardly big spender and Obama is a pork barrel liberal taxer
Stephanopoulos: they want to cut taxes
McCain: maybe people want their taxes raised
Stephanopoulos: who should run health care
McCain: families should do it
Stephanopoulos: what the fuck does that mean
McCain: let grandpa do surgery he's retired
Stephanopoulos: everyone in the GOP hates you
McCain: that's true
Stephanopoulos: Limbaugh says he secretly supports you by bashing you
McCain: fuck him he's a fat bloated drug addict
Stephanopoulos: will you nominate another David Souter?
McCain: no i've been carrying water for George Bush
Stephanopoulos: vice presidency?
McCain: i won't take it
Stephanopoulos: no, i mean who would you choose?
McCain: oh i will do anything to placate the crazies
Stephanopoulos: everyone hates Republicans
McCain: who better to re-energize the party than a 75 year old invalid
Stephanopoulos: how did you come back from your failure?
McCain: i was in Baghdad in the 4th of July and decided i didn't want to surrender to muslims
Stephanopoulos: last question what's that thing on your face?
McCain: does the name Kuato mean anything to you?
*******************************************
The Chris Matthews Show - February 17, 2008
***********************
The Chris Matthews Show
February 17, 2008
***********************
Chris Matthews: Hillary is a problem solver and Obama is dreamer!
David Gregory: he's got their hearts and she's got their heads
Matthews: he's got my balls
Freeland: but she's doesn't have executive experience
Brooks: he's running against politics and she's running to be the worrier-in-chief
Matthews: how can she win?
Brooks: remind people her husband slept with an intern
Liz Bumiller: the Commentariat sez he's a messyiah
Gregory: women like her but why surrender the vision and hope thing to Obama??
Matthews: good point
Gregory: he's a savior she's another maggie thatcher
Freeland: Latte Libel!
Matthews: college grads are evil snobs
Bumiller: women are inspired but she can't get caught up in gender politics
Matthews: is she change or not??
Brooks: no because it's Clinton's third term - but hey look she can still win
Gregory: her strength is experience even though she doesn't have any
McCain: trusting in the american people is a fucking platitude - now get off the white house lawn!!!!
Panel: he's toast
Gregory: no one wants McCain who is a just a crazy version of President Stupid
Brooks: Obama is the Most Liberal Senator Ever!!!!!!
Bumiller: He's an Orthodox Liberal
Matthews: wow i thought he was muslim
Panel: he will win but he must visit a factory -- i am david brooks friend to the working man
Matthews: ha ha ha ha irrelevant stupid jokes are they way we should elect presidents
ha ha ha ha ha
Matthews: wow what a great line pharmaceuticals i love it
Can Hillary win by saying something stupid?
Gregory: she did dumbass
Bumiller: she cried that's it
Matthews: so sad i'm rooting for although i hate her
Matthews: should POW John smear Obama?
Freeland: McCain is crazy it could backfire
Gregory: oh they will smear him so much it will make your head spin
Bumiller: liberal, taxer, surrender to terror, etc
Brooks: he didn't trade cattle futures so he is immune from criticism
Matthews: i love you Brooksie you are what I call "DC Stupid"
The Chris Matthews Show
February 17, 2008
***********************
Chris Matthews: Hillary is a problem solver and Obama is dreamer!
David Gregory: he's got their hearts and she's got their heads
Matthews: he's got my balls
Freeland: but she's doesn't have executive experience
Brooks: he's running against politics and she's running to be the worrier-in-chief
Matthews: how can she win?
Brooks: remind people her husband slept with an intern
Liz Bumiller: the Commentariat sez he's a messyiah
Gregory: women like her but why surrender the vision and hope thing to Obama??
Matthews: good point
Gregory: he's a savior she's another maggie thatcher
Freeland: Latte Libel!
Matthews: college grads are evil snobs
Bumiller: women are inspired but she can't get caught up in gender politics
Matthews: is she change or not??
Brooks: no because it's Clinton's third term - but hey look she can still win
Gregory: her strength is experience even though she doesn't have any
McCain: trusting in the american people is a fucking platitude - now get off the white house lawn!!!!
Panel: he's toast
Gregory: no one wants McCain who is a just a crazy version of President Stupid
Brooks: Obama is the Most Liberal Senator Ever!!!!!!
Bumiller: He's an Orthodox Liberal
Matthews: wow i thought he was muslim
Panel: he will win but he must visit a factory -- i am david brooks friend to the working man
Matthews: ha ha ha ha irrelevant stupid jokes are they way we should elect presidents
ha ha ha ha ha
Matthews: wow what a great line pharmaceuticals i love it
Can Hillary win by saying something stupid?
Gregory: she did dumbass
Bumiller: she cried that's it
Matthews: so sad i'm rooting for although i hate her
Matthews: should POW John smear Obama?
Freeland: McCain is crazy it could backfire
Gregory: oh they will smear him so much it will make your head spin
Bumiller: liberal, taxer, surrender to terror, etc
Brooks: he didn't trade cattle futures so he is immune from criticism
Matthews: i love you Brooksie you are what I call "DC Stupid"
Monday, February 11, 2008
60 Minutes - February 10, 2008 - Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton
**********************************
60 Minutes
February 10, 2008
Steve Kroft, Katie Couric
Guests:
Sen. Barack Obama
Sen. Hillary Clinton
**********************************
Kroft: Obama people love you so why are you an underdog?
Obama: because she is Hillary Clinton - she is an institution and the Establishment and hooked into the machine
Kroft: you have 700 staffers and 600,000 volunteers
Obama: yeah we rock
Kroft: you have a nice resume but it's not presidential now is it?
Obama: no i ran harvard law review and my Senate office?
Kroft: anything really big?
Obama: this campaign jackass
Kroft: you’re just too young
Obama: I'm Google and she is Microsoft
Kroft: you hate the Clintons
Obama: the Clintons are the DC status quo
Kroft: what is different about you?
Obama: she accepts the rules of the game in DC and i don't
Kroft: you inspire people but that’s all
Obama: i used to be boring and people bitched about that
Kroft: ok dish me Iraq specifics
Obama: it's still a fucking civil war and no way should we be there for a 100 fucking years
Kroft: oh c'mon Barack it's a damm paradise
Obama: well then let's leave
Kroft: but the violence!
Obama: make up you’re fucking mind dude
Kroft: you think she can't win because she is a polarizer
Obama: undoubtedly
Kroft: but you’re weak against the Rove machine
Obama: hey i've been up against the Clinton machine
Kroft: will you bring up whitewater and monica
Obama: no i assume you will
Kroft: have u been fucked up by all this
Obama: yes i have been losing REM sleep but i play basketball to relieve stress
Kroft: well u r black
Obama: hey even i am amazed at how far i've gotten
Kroft: yeah u and everyone else mr handsome
*******
Couric: you told me you’re not a loser - -did u lie?
Clinton: no bitch
Couric: but tell me in you’re deepest darkest moments - you suck right
Clinton: no in my darkest moments i imagine bill fucking katie couric in the green room while i yak with matt lauer
Couric: hey that was one time
Clinton: i take vitamins, wash my hands alot and eat tons of hot peppers
Couric: jesus you’re turning into howard hughes
Clinton: I’m the wave of the future
Couric: face it - people love Obama and hate you
Clinton: well i love him too - who wouldn't - but this is serious we have big problems and people want shit done hell i had vince foster killed because he parked in my spot
Couric: do you hate Obama or love him
Clinton: i dreamed all my life of being alone with a young black man
Couric: you told him to keep his head down
Clinton: oh how i wish he had
Couric: you imply he has skeletons in his closet
Clinton: people already know all the evil shit i've done and that helps
Couric: people think that you are tough but bitchy
Clinton: hey i get shit done and piss people off
Couric: Obama says you’re a lobbyist and a DC insider
Clinton: i have ovaries and I’m a Clinton i hate Bush and all he stands for
Couric: but you supported the war
Clinton: no i didn't
Couric: oh you objected to invading in 2003?
Clinton: eh the point is i'm against it now
Couric: you're father was a son of a bitch
Clinton: no he was a motivator
Couric: like the Great Santini
Clinton: would daddy stil say you’re a looser
Couric: yes i must be a two termer
Couric: you’re high school nickname was Frigidaire
Clinton: I heard your was Easy Like Sunday Morning
Couric: what will you do if you lose
Clinton: i will be a senator from NY stupid
Couric: oh ok well thanks for coming ice queen
Clinton: takes one to know one frosty
60 Minutes
February 10, 2008
Steve Kroft, Katie Couric
Guests:
Sen. Barack Obama
Sen. Hillary Clinton
**********************************
Kroft: Obama people love you so why are you an underdog?
Obama: because she is Hillary Clinton - she is an institution and the Establishment and hooked into the machine
Kroft: you have 700 staffers and 600,000 volunteers
Obama: yeah we rock
Kroft: you have a nice resume but it's not presidential now is it?
Obama: no i ran harvard law review and my Senate office?
Kroft: anything really big?
Obama: this campaign jackass
Kroft: you’re just too young
Obama: I'm Google and she is Microsoft
Kroft: you hate the Clintons
Obama: the Clintons are the DC status quo
Kroft: what is different about you?
Obama: she accepts the rules of the game in DC and i don't
Kroft: you inspire people but that’s all
Obama: i used to be boring and people bitched about that
Kroft: ok dish me Iraq specifics
Obama: it's still a fucking civil war and no way should we be there for a 100 fucking years
Kroft: oh c'mon Barack it's a damm paradise
Obama: well then let's leave
Kroft: but the violence!
Obama: make up you’re fucking mind dude
Kroft: you think she can't win because she is a polarizer
Obama: undoubtedly
Kroft: but you’re weak against the Rove machine
Obama: hey i've been up against the Clinton machine
Kroft: will you bring up whitewater and monica
Obama: no i assume you will
Kroft: have u been fucked up by all this
Obama: yes i have been losing REM sleep but i play basketball to relieve stress
Kroft: well u r black
Obama: hey even i am amazed at how far i've gotten
Kroft: yeah u and everyone else mr handsome
*******
Couric: you told me you’re not a loser - -did u lie?
Clinton: no bitch
Couric: but tell me in you’re deepest darkest moments - you suck right
Clinton: no in my darkest moments i imagine bill fucking katie couric in the green room while i yak with matt lauer
Couric: hey that was one time
Clinton: i take vitamins, wash my hands alot and eat tons of hot peppers
Couric: jesus you’re turning into howard hughes
Clinton: I’m the wave of the future
Couric: face it - people love Obama and hate you
Clinton: well i love him too - who wouldn't - but this is serious we have big problems and people want shit done hell i had vince foster killed because he parked in my spot
Couric: do you hate Obama or love him
Clinton: i dreamed all my life of being alone with a young black man
Couric: you told him to keep his head down
Clinton: oh how i wish he had
Couric: you imply he has skeletons in his closet
Clinton: people already know all the evil shit i've done and that helps
Couric: people think that you are tough but bitchy
Clinton: hey i get shit done and piss people off
Couric: Obama says you’re a lobbyist and a DC insider
Clinton: i have ovaries and I’m a Clinton i hate Bush and all he stands for
Couric: but you supported the war
Clinton: no i didn't
Couric: oh you objected to invading in 2003?
Clinton: eh the point is i'm against it now
Couric: you're father was a son of a bitch
Clinton: no he was a motivator
Couric: like the Great Santini
Clinton: would daddy stil say you’re a looser
Couric: yes i must be a two termer
Couric: you’re high school nickname was Frigidaire
Clinton: I heard your was Easy Like Sunday Morning
Couric: what will you do if you lose
Clinton: i will be a senator from NY stupid
Couric: oh ok well thanks for coming ice queen
Clinton: takes one to know one frosty
Meet The Press - February 10, 2008
********************************
Meet The Press
February 10, 2008
Guest: Gov. Mike Huckabee
********************************
Russert: what happened this weekend Cornpone?
Huckabee: i won fatty
Russert: you're way, way behind in delegates
Huckabee: well i don't do math
Russert: you suck
Huckabee: we could go to a convention and then maybe i could lead a Christian revolt
Russert: why not just drop out Bible man?
Huckabee: my supporters are fired up
Russert: well you are the exciting one left in the race
Huckabee: yes i have a pulse
Russert: do you have shot at Virginia
Huckabee: who?
Russert: the state slowpoke
Huckabee: oh that
Romney: the democrats will surrender to muslims
Russert: you are weakening America Squirrel boy
Huckabee: oh fudge i'm allowed to run and will continue to run against Grandma McCain
Russert: you’re a spoiler
Huckabee: hey the Dems aren't done either
Russert: you say McCain alienates human voters
Huckabee: he's a fudging lunatic
Russert: please - your language
Huckabee: i'm trying to maintain a civil campaign
Russert: why hate McCain
Huckabee: election reform, zygote rights, taxes
Russert: Dobby says he wants to kill nascent human beings and has a potty mouth
Huckabee: yes he is weak on economics and the social fabric of this nation
Russert: oh is that all
Huckabee: our founding fathers broke away from Britain so they could outlaw abortion
Russert: Rush Limbaugh says you will destroy America
Huckabee: i love him and his little zingers - but it sounds like the Oxycotin has gone to his fat sex perverted haid
Russert: Rev. Ken Copeland says you called him and begged him to ask Jesus for money and then you will establish a theocracy
Huckabee: i love kenny and he's a big kidder and he has a lot of integrity
Russert: is that phone call true or false
Huckabee: stop hating on Kenny - did you know he was born missing 2 chromosomes
Russert: but you interfered with a congressional investigation
Huckabee: he's got a right to practice his religion to steal from the taxpayers
Russert: not if he broke the law
Huckabee: what about Moveon dot org???
Russert: that's not a religion dumbass
Russert: you flip flopped on tax pledges, Cuba, and smoking
Huckabee: no it's not about what people can't do - it's what they can't do
Russert: oh ok - cuba?
Huckabee: i wanted to export Condi Rice to Cuba
Russert: that makes sense
Huckabee: Grover Norquist has damaging pictures of me
Russert: what are they
Huckabee: my wedding photos
Russert: you flipped flopped
Huckabee: no, i matured
Russert: do you want to be vice president?
Huckabee: no i won't be asked - ha ha
Russert: would you say no?
Huckabee: no because no one would ask
Russert: so you would say yes!
Huckabee: this is an idiotic conversation
Russert: but you might be vice president!!!
Huckabee: who gives a shit???
Russert: you fried squirrel in your dorm room
Huckabee: sure
Russert: did u eat it
Huckabee: duh stupid
Russert: what does it taste like
Huckabee: like squirrel
Russert: well i happened to make some squirrel this morning
[ pulls out plate of orange fried squirrel legs ]
Russert: see i made them with buffalo sauce
[Huckabee takes one]
Huckabee: very tasty timmeh you may have something here
[ Russets put three in his mouth]
Russert: yummy
Huckabee: you should tell Hooters about this
Russert: [slurp]
thanks for coming weirdo
Meet The Press
February 10, 2008
Guest: Gov. Mike Huckabee
********************************
Russert: what happened this weekend Cornpone?
Huckabee: i won fatty
Russert: you're way, way behind in delegates
Huckabee: well i don't do math
Russert: you suck
Huckabee: we could go to a convention and then maybe i could lead a Christian revolt
Russert: why not just drop out Bible man?
Huckabee: my supporters are fired up
Russert: well you are the exciting one left in the race
Huckabee: yes i have a pulse
Russert: do you have shot at Virginia
Huckabee: who?
Russert: the state slowpoke
Huckabee: oh that
Romney: the democrats will surrender to muslims
Russert: you are weakening America Squirrel boy
Huckabee: oh fudge i'm allowed to run and will continue to run against Grandma McCain
Russert: you’re a spoiler
Huckabee: hey the Dems aren't done either
Russert: you say McCain alienates human voters
Huckabee: he's a fudging lunatic
Russert: please - your language
Huckabee: i'm trying to maintain a civil campaign
Russert: why hate McCain
Huckabee: election reform, zygote rights, taxes
Russert: Dobby says he wants to kill nascent human beings and has a potty mouth
Huckabee: yes he is weak on economics and the social fabric of this nation
Russert: oh is that all
Huckabee: our founding fathers broke away from Britain so they could outlaw abortion
Russert: Rush Limbaugh says you will destroy America
Huckabee: i love him and his little zingers - but it sounds like the Oxycotin has gone to his fat sex perverted haid
Russert: Rev. Ken Copeland says you called him and begged him to ask Jesus for money and then you will establish a theocracy
Huckabee: i love kenny and he's a big kidder and he has a lot of integrity
Russert: is that phone call true or false
Huckabee: stop hating on Kenny - did you know he was born missing 2 chromosomes
Russert: but you interfered with a congressional investigation
Huckabee: he's got a right to practice his religion to steal from the taxpayers
Russert: not if he broke the law
Huckabee: what about Moveon dot org???
Russert: that's not a religion dumbass
Russert: you flip flopped on tax pledges, Cuba, and smoking
Huckabee: no it's not about what people can't do - it's what they can't do
Russert: oh ok - cuba?
Huckabee: i wanted to export Condi Rice to Cuba
Russert: that makes sense
Huckabee: Grover Norquist has damaging pictures of me
Russert: what are they
Huckabee: my wedding photos
Russert: you flipped flopped
Huckabee: no, i matured
Russert: do you want to be vice president?
Huckabee: no i won't be asked - ha ha
Russert: would you say no?
Huckabee: no because no one would ask
Russert: so you would say yes!
Huckabee: this is an idiotic conversation
Russert: but you might be vice president!!!
Huckabee: who gives a shit???
Russert: you fried squirrel in your dorm room
Huckabee: sure
Russert: did u eat it
Huckabee: duh stupid
Russert: what does it taste like
Huckabee: like squirrel
Russert: well i happened to make some squirrel this morning
[ pulls out plate of orange fried squirrel legs ]
Russert: see i made them with buffalo sauce
[Huckabee takes one]
Huckabee: very tasty timmeh you may have something here
[ Russets put three in his mouth]
Russert: yummy
Huckabee: you should tell Hooters about this
Russert: [slurp]
thanks for coming weirdo
The Chris Matthews Show - February 10, 2008
***************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
February 10, 2008
***************************************
Matthews: Obama wins! but now what??
Healy: there are lots of blacks in the tidewater it's gonna be a happy valentines for mr handsome
Kornbluth: hillary will lose the crabby and clammy states
Kay: she will win Ohio because they are very depressed
Matthews: me too
Kay: Obama is doing better with the latinos who don't know any black people
Tweety: why did Hillary win Pennsylvania?
Allen: it's not for 2 months yellow haid
Tweety: yeah but look into ur crystal balls
Tweety: white ward leaders hate blacks
Healy: She's the new Boss Tweed
Matthews: I'm Boss Tweety
Allen: Obama appeals to our higher Emotions
Tweety: Amen!
Kay: he draws crowds but then votes break away from the Black Messiah
Kornbluth: she's a machine
Tweety: she's the Borg
Kornbluth: Resistance is Futile
Hillary: i'm tougher than McCain
Barack: i'm more credible than McCain
Healy: he's raising a million dollars a day
Matthews: wow that's like Exxon's champagne and cigars budget
Kornbluth: mitt romney dropped out because he was scared of a black man and a girl
Allen: McCain wants to appeal to xians by killing muslims
Healy: McCain will hibernate now and reappear in the late spring
Tweety: running mates?
Allen: maybe - they like each other
Healy: no way hillary takes number two
Tweety: but how do you say no
Healy: no one shoves anything down Hillary's throat
Hillary: i can go toe to toe with david shuster or the republicans
Obama: i'm from chicago i will bring a gun and a knife to a debate that's the chicago way
McCain: i can win reagan democrats although they never existed and are mostly dead
Rush: McCain hates the GOP so fuck him
Coulter: I will campaign for Hillary over McCain
DeLay: fuck that Rodentine POW
Tweety: i am in love with him
Kay: Democrats are going to turn out in droves to get rid of the Era of President Stupid
Kornbluth: true conservatives despise Hillary and McCain appeals to independents
Healy: Rush really wants to Hillary as President
Allen: Huskter is a liberal too
Tweety: the wingnuts want to whine for four years that makes them happy
Kay: the kids today like Obama - not so much for Hillary
Kornbluth: McCain - Clinton friendship will hurt them both
Tweety: JFK and Nixon were orgy buddies but that didn't hurt them
Healy: Hillary won't drop out
Tweety: too bad
Tweety: 2 more debates who wins?
Kay: she says they help her
Matthews: gee what an insight
Allen: it doesn't mattter it's popularity vs organization
Healy: Obama because he needs the exposure
Tweety: it'll be a slugfest!
The Chris Matthews Show
February 10, 2008
***************************************
Matthews: Obama wins! but now what??
Healy: there are lots of blacks in the tidewater it's gonna be a happy valentines for mr handsome
Kornbluth: hillary will lose the crabby and clammy states
Kay: she will win Ohio because they are very depressed
Matthews: me too
Kay: Obama is doing better with the latinos who don't know any black people
Tweety: why did Hillary win Pennsylvania?
Allen: it's not for 2 months yellow haid
Tweety: yeah but look into ur crystal balls
Tweety: white ward leaders hate blacks
Healy: She's the new Boss Tweed
Matthews: I'm Boss Tweety
Allen: Obama appeals to our higher Emotions
Tweety: Amen!
Kay: he draws crowds but then votes break away from the Black Messiah
Kornbluth: she's a machine
Tweety: she's the Borg
Kornbluth: Resistance is Futile
Hillary: i'm tougher than McCain
Barack: i'm more credible than McCain
Healy: he's raising a million dollars a day
Matthews: wow that's like Exxon's champagne and cigars budget
Kornbluth: mitt romney dropped out because he was scared of a black man and a girl
Allen: McCain wants to appeal to xians by killing muslims
Healy: McCain will hibernate now and reappear in the late spring
Tweety: running mates?
Allen: maybe - they like each other
Healy: no way hillary takes number two
Tweety: but how do you say no
Healy: no one shoves anything down Hillary's throat
Hillary: i can go toe to toe with david shuster or the republicans
Obama: i'm from chicago i will bring a gun and a knife to a debate that's the chicago way
McCain: i can win reagan democrats although they never existed and are mostly dead
Rush: McCain hates the GOP so fuck him
Coulter: I will campaign for Hillary over McCain
DeLay: fuck that Rodentine POW
Tweety: i am in love with him
Kay: Democrats are going to turn out in droves to get rid of the Era of President Stupid
Kornbluth: true conservatives despise Hillary and McCain appeals to independents
Healy: Rush really wants to Hillary as President
Allen: Huskter is a liberal too
Tweety: the wingnuts want to whine for four years that makes them happy
Kay: the kids today like Obama - not so much for Hillary
Kornbluth: McCain - Clinton friendship will hurt them both
Tweety: JFK and Nixon were orgy buddies but that didn't hurt them
Healy: Hillary won't drop out
Tweety: too bad
Tweety: 2 more debates who wins?
Kay: she says they help her
Matthews: gee what an insight
Allen: it doesn't mattter it's popularity vs organization
Healy: Obama because he needs the exposure
Tweety: it'll be a slugfest!
Friday, February 01, 2008
Democratic Debate - January 31, 2008
*********************
Democratic Debate
CNN
Los Angeles, California
January 31, 2008
Host: Leslie “Wolf” Blitzer
Candidates:
Senator Hillary Clinton
Senator Barack Obama
***********************************
Obama: i'm black and proud – i like hillary but we can't look back - it's the past vs. the future and guess which one I am
Wolf: i know! i know!
Obama: we will always be friends when i am president if ever need an old person's advice i will call hillary
Clinton: after all the celebrating over the history of electing a black guy you'll find a heap of problems and this good-looking well-spoken kid next to me is not ready to handle them
Wolf: and you are?
Clinton: damm right i rode herd over Bill for eight years and that wasn't easy
Politico dood: what's the worst thing about Obama's policies
Clinton: well first we agree that the GOP sucks ass but i like health care and i take housing seriously and i also think that there are evil mustchaed men posing serious threats to us and i wouldn't grovel before them
Politco: you sound like a Republican
Clinton: no way there are no girls allowed at simi valley
Obama: Hillary and Romney think that the reason people don't have health care is that the government hasn't ordered them to go out and buy it - well i disagree
Wolf: but people love ERs - you ever see that tv show? there's lots of sex there
Obama: i don't like the interest rate freeze - that screws people not in arms now
Wolf: what happened with housing anyway?
Obama: lobbyists bought and paid for the US government
Wolf: oh
Obama: she brought up foreign policy so i will point out that she is unapologetic hawk and yes i do favor not bombing people but meeting with them - deal with it
Question: but why not force people to buy health insurance
Obama: hey under mandates people will also go without health insurance and as i said the real issue is people who can't afford it’s not people who are dodging it
Clinton: i tried to get people health in rural Arkansas and that wasn't easy
Leslie: so true
Clinton: i learned my lesson from 1993 we will offer choice but also we will make it affordable by handing out subsidies called tax credits
Leslie: neat-o
Clinton: and then there are the lazy uninsured fuckers
Clinton: you must start with universal health care or else be nibbled to death by ducks
Leslie: Obama what about the lazy fuckers???
Obama: she says she has enough subsidies well she doesn't and we have to lower premiums or else all this is moot
Leslie: thats a funny word
Obama: Ted Kennedy has 45 years experience and he endorsed me
Leslie: yeah but only because she dissed his brother
Hillary: thats a lie
Obama: look on C-SPAN
Wolf: is that a swipe at Hillary
Obama: oh sure dumbass
Clinton: remember when bill was president - i did a lot of the good things that you recall
Obama: da bulls
Clinton: i will demand insurance companies cover pre-existing conditions
Wolf: including wolf-man syndrome?
Hillary: oh yes its under Section 1002.75(b) "Lycanthropy"
Clinton: i will take on this insurance companies and win
Wolf: this time
Clinton: uh yeah
Politico Guy: you are tax 'n spenders
Obama: from the borrow-and-spend GOP that's rich
[ yay! ]
Obama: the Strait Talk Express got derailed and Sen Rodent hugged the big spender
[ applause ]
Obama: i will close tax loopholes and give tax cuts to poor people that's balance
[ hillary writing: f u c k e r ]
Clinton: i would modernize hospitals like our doctors still where that shiny round thing on their heads - what is that anyway???
Wolf: beats me
Clinton: and that rubber mallet and those wooden sticks
Wolf: Ahhhh
Clinton: electronic medical records would save money and improve health care
Obama: improving doctors handwriting would save 10,000 lives per year
Clinton: i worked with Newt Gingrich and Bill Frist
Obama: Frist!!
Clinton: speaking of taxes we will go to the Clinton tax rates which rocked
Host: please pit Latino vs. Black
Obama: what they have in common is getting fucked by The Man
Host: no no where's the hate???
Obama: you’re scapegoating the hate was back in Simi Valley
Rodney King: damm right
Clinton: people have been losing their really cushy jobs at meat processing plants
Wolf: sounds sweet
Obama: teh Jungle dood
Clinton: we have to tighten our precious broders and crack down on employers
Wolf: deport millions?
Clinton: that’s the gop alternate universe crazy man
Wolf: aww too bad
Clinton: make the 12 million pay taxes learn english and get in line
[ muted applause ]
Clinton: but no drivers licenses!!
Obama: i worked with Ted Kennedy and John McCain
Wolf: Borat is she inhumane?
Obama: dood people don't come here to drive - they come to work
Clinton: puh-leez i represent Lady Liberty
Wolf: i love that basketball team
Clinton: i've been fighting on this and i take this personally because my ancestors were illegal immigrants
Wolf: wetbacks?
Clinton: Mayflower dood
Wolf: Hillary if you care so much why not let the brown people have drivers licenses
Hillary: well that would be dangerous because mexicans are bad drivers
Obama: whatever - the point is you held my position too
Clinton: you flip flopped too- but not on teevee
Obama: that's how cool i am darlin’
McManus: Hillary says she has more experience and a lot of americans agree
Obama: well not everyone agrees idiot
McManus: whoa don't stab me negro
Obama: when hillary was playing guard dog for Bill i was a state legislator and organizer and i got shit done or i wouldn't have been elected to the damm senate
Clinton: let me go back to my first year out of law school
Wolf: oh boy
Clinton: i helped prisoners, disabled kids, hicks in Arkansas and turned Wal Mart into global juggarnaut
Leslie: awesome
Clinton: i fucked up health care when i was co president but i pressured Macedonia and China on female rights
[ yay!! ]
Host: america is a business and why should you be CEO?
Clinton: bush as a ceo presnit and look what we got - america is not a business
Obama: Romeny is a sucky money man he blew $200 million on a losing campaign
[audience laughs ]
McManus: Kennedy hates you
Hillary: no rose and ethel and kathleen support me
Doyle: only the gurls
Hillary: JFK was another happy horndog like my husband and this about the women out there who want to use this election to exact just a tiny little bit of payback to all the men who fucked them over in their lives
[audience: yay!! ]
Clinton: no one else wil be on the ballot
Gravel: Hey!
Wolf: but the Clinton years was good!
Obama: dood Bill was presnit not Hillary and we need to reach higher and higher
Wolf: amen!
Obama: Bush sucks and we need to ask who can inspire the American people me who Hillary Rodham Rove over there
Clinton: grrrrrr
Obama: only i can attract new and young voters
Clinton: I haz ovaryz
Question: r u part of a Bush-Clinton dynasty
Hillary: hey i hate bush but we created 20 million new jobs and Bill cleaned up after Bush I it makes sense for another Clinton to clean up after Bush II: The Nightmare Years
[audience: yay ]
James Bond: i'd hit it
Doyle McM: Obama wants to pull out of Iraq and you don’t
Hillary: i want to bring our men and equipment out but we have an obligation to Blackwater and our drivers and translators who will be killed if we leave
Wolf: so sad it used to be such a nice war
Hillary: i know it's not a good answer but at least neither of us is George W Bush
Wolf: I can tell you are making sense
Obama: China is threatening, Pakistan's got the bomb, Afghanistan is disentigrating...
Wolfie: u r scaring me
Obama: i care about iraqi civilians but what about 4 million reufgees
Wolf: teh fugees!
Obama: but no mission creep
Wolf: but the iranians-
Obama: -already have a puppet regime thanks to Stupid
Wolf: but but
Obama: only i can make the Iraq argument because i want to end the hillary mindset that is pro-war
Wolf: Hillary that was a swipe at you
Hillary: no shit Sherlock
Clinton: i want underscore several points at once so i can be hawkish and dovish all at the same time
Wolf: my haid is spinning
Clinton: bush wants to stay 100 years -- he's crazy and must be stopped
Politico: why not vote for UN inspectors then
Clinton: i gave Bush authority to attack Iraq to support continued inspections
audience: oh
Clinton: i wanted to limit the authority of the UN and Stupid
Wolf: but McCain says you want to surrender
Clinton: see that's why you can't vote for Obama - he has no gravitas
Wolf: Hillary what is 'gravitas' ?
Clinton: it means you want to kill brown people
Wolf: you want us to fail black man?
Obama: death rates are back to 2005 levels well whoop-dee-fucking-doo
Leslie: please your language
Obama: sorry if mass death offends you
[Leslie strokes beard]
Obama: gravitas is being serious about war and not rushing into getting involved in a land war in Asia
Wolf: Hillary was your vote for war a mistake
Clinton: no i did due dilligence and Saddam has a scary mustache and i hoped it would work
Obama: hope monger!
Clinton: no one could have anticipated that Bush would use force against Iraq if he was given an authorization to use force
Wolf: is Obama right
Clinton: no i am strong and willing to bomb anyone anywhere and that's a winning argument
Wolf: being wrong on Iraq makes you right
Clinton: welcome to Washington D.C. Leslie
Leslie: so i hear you saying that you were naive to trust George W Bush??
[ BOOO ]
Clinton: oh nice try Wolfie
Leslie: was she naive Obama
Obama: oh no way dood
Clinton: Saddam was a bad guy after bad things and he was very jealous of all the attention that Osama was getting
Obama: jeebus an authoization to use force means the dood is going to use force -- it's important to be *right* on Day One
Wolf: when we come back -- we attack Democrats character!!
McManus: is there too much sex and violence from Hollywood?
Obama: my daughters showed my all the racy stuff on tv - but we need to give the parents the tools they need
Doyle: like the off switch?
Obama: hollywood needs to zip it with these crazy slasher flicks and other offensive shows
Doyle: like what
Obama: American Idol
Q: can you control bill and will he be being having a lot of sex with interns in the white house
Hillary: ha ha ha ha
Q: no really
Hillary: i'm thrilled to have the endorsement of Bill and Chelsea and Monica - but in the end i alone will make the decision to invade iran
Wolf: You are the Dream Ticket will you run together?
[ Josh Lyman from the West Wing: yay]
Obama: way premature but i want really excellent strong people and not pansy yes-men like Bush has had
[ hillary nods ]
Clinton: what he said
[ha ha]
Clinton: i'm not considering it because i am going to win this thing baby
Wolf: you sound confident
Clinton: watch the Hallmark Channel i'm having a tupperware party monday night
[Obama pulls out Hillary's chair ]
Wolf: that sounds like fun - and good night
Democratic Debate
CNN
Los Angeles, California
January 31, 2008
Host: Leslie “Wolf” Blitzer
Candidates:
Senator Hillary Clinton
Senator Barack Obama
***********************************
Obama: i'm black and proud – i like hillary but we can't look back - it's the past vs. the future and guess which one I am
Wolf: i know! i know!
Obama: we will always be friends when i am president if ever need an old person's advice i will call hillary
Clinton: after all the celebrating over the history of electing a black guy you'll find a heap of problems and this good-looking well-spoken kid next to me is not ready to handle them
Wolf: and you are?
Clinton: damm right i rode herd over Bill for eight years and that wasn't easy
Politico dood: what's the worst thing about Obama's policies
Clinton: well first we agree that the GOP sucks ass but i like health care and i take housing seriously and i also think that there are evil mustchaed men posing serious threats to us and i wouldn't grovel before them
Politco: you sound like a Republican
Clinton: no way there are no girls allowed at simi valley
Obama: Hillary and Romney think that the reason people don't have health care is that the government hasn't ordered them to go out and buy it - well i disagree
Wolf: but people love ERs - you ever see that tv show? there's lots of sex there
Obama: i don't like the interest rate freeze - that screws people not in arms now
Wolf: what happened with housing anyway?
Obama: lobbyists bought and paid for the US government
Wolf: oh
Obama: she brought up foreign policy so i will point out that she is unapologetic hawk and yes i do favor not bombing people but meeting with them - deal with it
Question: but why not force people to buy health insurance
Obama: hey under mandates people will also go without health insurance and as i said the real issue is people who can't afford it’s not people who are dodging it
Clinton: i tried to get people health in rural Arkansas and that wasn't easy
Leslie: so true
Clinton: i learned my lesson from 1993 we will offer choice but also we will make it affordable by handing out subsidies called tax credits
Leslie: neat-o
Clinton: and then there are the lazy uninsured fuckers
Clinton: you must start with universal health care or else be nibbled to death by ducks
Leslie: Obama what about the lazy fuckers???
Obama: she says she has enough subsidies well she doesn't and we have to lower premiums or else all this is moot
Leslie: thats a funny word
Obama: Ted Kennedy has 45 years experience and he endorsed me
Leslie: yeah but only because she dissed his brother
Hillary: thats a lie
Obama: look on C-SPAN
Wolf: is that a swipe at Hillary
Obama: oh sure dumbass
Clinton: remember when bill was president - i did a lot of the good things that you recall
Obama: da bulls
Clinton: i will demand insurance companies cover pre-existing conditions
Wolf: including wolf-man syndrome?
Hillary: oh yes its under Section 1002.75(b) "Lycanthropy"
Clinton: i will take on this insurance companies and win
Wolf: this time
Clinton: uh yeah
Politico Guy: you are tax 'n spenders
Obama: from the borrow-and-spend GOP that's rich
[ yay! ]
Obama: the Strait Talk Express got derailed and Sen Rodent hugged the big spender
[ applause ]
Obama: i will close tax loopholes and give tax cuts to poor people that's balance
[ hillary writing: f u c k e r ]
Clinton: i would modernize hospitals like our doctors still where that shiny round thing on their heads - what is that anyway???
Wolf: beats me
Clinton: and that rubber mallet and those wooden sticks
Wolf: Ahhhh
Clinton: electronic medical records would save money and improve health care
Obama: improving doctors handwriting would save 10,000 lives per year
Clinton: i worked with Newt Gingrich and Bill Frist
Obama: Frist!!
Clinton: speaking of taxes we will go to the Clinton tax rates which rocked
Host: please pit Latino vs. Black
Obama: what they have in common is getting fucked by The Man
Host: no no where's the hate???
Obama: you’re scapegoating the hate was back in Simi Valley
Rodney King: damm right
Clinton: people have been losing their really cushy jobs at meat processing plants
Wolf: sounds sweet
Obama: teh Jungle dood
Clinton: we have to tighten our precious broders and crack down on employers
Wolf: deport millions?
Clinton: that’s the gop alternate universe crazy man
Wolf: aww too bad
Clinton: make the 12 million pay taxes learn english and get in line
[ muted applause ]
Clinton: but no drivers licenses!!
Obama: i worked with Ted Kennedy and John McCain
Wolf: Borat is she inhumane?
Obama: dood people don't come here to drive - they come to work
Clinton: puh-leez i represent Lady Liberty
Wolf: i love that basketball team
Clinton: i've been fighting on this and i take this personally because my ancestors were illegal immigrants
Wolf: wetbacks?
Clinton: Mayflower dood
Wolf: Hillary if you care so much why not let the brown people have drivers licenses
Hillary: well that would be dangerous because mexicans are bad drivers
Obama: whatever - the point is you held my position too
Clinton: you flip flopped too- but not on teevee
Obama: that's how cool i am darlin’
McManus: Hillary says she has more experience and a lot of americans agree
Obama: well not everyone agrees idiot
McManus: whoa don't stab me negro
Obama: when hillary was playing guard dog for Bill i was a state legislator and organizer and i got shit done or i wouldn't have been elected to the damm senate
Clinton: let me go back to my first year out of law school
Wolf: oh boy
Clinton: i helped prisoners, disabled kids, hicks in Arkansas and turned Wal Mart into global juggarnaut
Leslie: awesome
Clinton: i fucked up health care when i was co president but i pressured Macedonia and China on female rights
[ yay!! ]
Host: america is a business and why should you be CEO?
Clinton: bush as a ceo presnit and look what we got - america is not a business
Obama: Romeny is a sucky money man he blew $200 million on a losing campaign
[audience laughs ]
McManus: Kennedy hates you
Hillary: no rose and ethel and kathleen support me
Doyle: only the gurls
Hillary: JFK was another happy horndog like my husband and this about the women out there who want to use this election to exact just a tiny little bit of payback to all the men who fucked them over in their lives
[audience: yay!! ]
Clinton: no one else wil be on the ballot
Gravel: Hey!
Wolf: but the Clinton years was good!
Obama: dood Bill was presnit not Hillary and we need to reach higher and higher
Wolf: amen!
Obama: Bush sucks and we need to ask who can inspire the American people me who Hillary Rodham Rove over there
Clinton: grrrrrr
Obama: only i can attract new and young voters
Clinton: I haz ovaryz
Question: r u part of a Bush-Clinton dynasty
Hillary: hey i hate bush but we created 20 million new jobs and Bill cleaned up after Bush I it makes sense for another Clinton to clean up after Bush II: The Nightmare Years
[audience: yay ]
James Bond: i'd hit it
Doyle McM: Obama wants to pull out of Iraq and you don’t
Hillary: i want to bring our men and equipment out but we have an obligation to Blackwater and our drivers and translators who will be killed if we leave
Wolf: so sad it used to be such a nice war
Hillary: i know it's not a good answer but at least neither of us is George W Bush
Wolf: I can tell you are making sense
Obama: China is threatening, Pakistan's got the bomb, Afghanistan is disentigrating...
Wolfie: u r scaring me
Obama: i care about iraqi civilians but what about 4 million reufgees
Wolf: teh fugees!
Obama: but no mission creep
Wolf: but the iranians-
Obama: -already have a puppet regime thanks to Stupid
Wolf: but but
Obama: only i can make the Iraq argument because i want to end the hillary mindset that is pro-war
Wolf: Hillary that was a swipe at you
Hillary: no shit Sherlock
Clinton: i want underscore several points at once so i can be hawkish and dovish all at the same time
Wolf: my haid is spinning
Clinton: bush wants to stay 100 years -- he's crazy and must be stopped
Politico: why not vote for UN inspectors then
Clinton: i gave Bush authority to attack Iraq to support continued inspections
audience: oh
Clinton: i wanted to limit the authority of the UN and Stupid
Wolf: but McCain says you want to surrender
Clinton: see that's why you can't vote for Obama - he has no gravitas
Wolf: Hillary what is 'gravitas' ?
Clinton: it means you want to kill brown people
Wolf: you want us to fail black man?
Obama: death rates are back to 2005 levels well whoop-dee-fucking-doo
Leslie: please your language
Obama: sorry if mass death offends you
[Leslie strokes beard]
Obama: gravitas is being serious about war and not rushing into getting involved in a land war in Asia
Wolf: Hillary was your vote for war a mistake
Clinton: no i did due dilligence and Saddam has a scary mustache and i hoped it would work
Obama: hope monger!
Clinton: no one could have anticipated that Bush would use force against Iraq if he was given an authorization to use force
Wolf: is Obama right
Clinton: no i am strong and willing to bomb anyone anywhere and that's a winning argument
Wolf: being wrong on Iraq makes you right
Clinton: welcome to Washington D.C. Leslie
Leslie: so i hear you saying that you were naive to trust George W Bush??
[ BOOO ]
Clinton: oh nice try Wolfie
Leslie: was she naive Obama
Obama: oh no way dood
Clinton: Saddam was a bad guy after bad things and he was very jealous of all the attention that Osama was getting
Obama: jeebus an authoization to use force means the dood is going to use force -- it's important to be *right* on Day One
Wolf: when we come back -- we attack Democrats character!!
McManus: is there too much sex and violence from Hollywood?
Obama: my daughters showed my all the racy stuff on tv - but we need to give the parents the tools they need
Doyle: like the off switch?
Obama: hollywood needs to zip it with these crazy slasher flicks and other offensive shows
Doyle: like what
Obama: American Idol
Q: can you control bill and will he be being having a lot of sex with interns in the white house
Hillary: ha ha ha ha
Q: no really
Hillary: i'm thrilled to have the endorsement of Bill and Chelsea and Monica - but in the end i alone will make the decision to invade iran
Wolf: You are the Dream Ticket will you run together?
[ Josh Lyman from the West Wing: yay]
Obama: way premature but i want really excellent strong people and not pansy yes-men like Bush has had
[ hillary nods ]
Clinton: what he said
[ha ha]
Clinton: i'm not considering it because i am going to win this thing baby
Wolf: you sound confident
Clinton: watch the Hallmark Channel i'm having a tupperware party monday night
[Obama pulls out Hillary's chair ]
Wolf: that sounds like fun - and good night
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