Sunday, September 26, 2010

Meet The Press - September 26, 2010

Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD)
Rep. Mike Pence (R-NV)
Arne Duncan (Sec. of Education)
Randi Weingarten (American Fed. Of Teachers)
Michelle Rhee (Chancellor DC Schools)
Robert Bobb (Manager Detroit schools)

Gregory: are you going to vote on taxes before the election - after all that’s a good way for people to judge whether they like what you’re doing -
to you know do something

Van Hollen: the GOP is holding tax cuts for the middle class hostage so they can give their rich friends a trillion dollars

Pence: there should be no higher taxes on anybody!

Gregory: I like it

Pence: the rich are the job creators - the peons should be grateful for the crumbs they get!

Gregory: you claim to care about the debt -
so how do you pay for tax cuts

Pence: fuck the debt - we need to cut taxes for billionaires now!

Van Hollen: we cut taxes for the rich 10 years ago and it ruined the economy

Gregory: [ sobs ]

Van Hollen: how the fuck does Price Waterhouse qualify as a small business??

Pence: he’s right about the Bush tax cuts causing a recession -- because they didn’t cut taxes enough!

Gregory: are you serious?

Pence: we can save 100 billion this year by cutting spending for Fannie Mae and TARP

Van Hollen: we tried to cut taxes for small business and the GOP said no

Pence: oh that was a long time ago

Van Hollen: it was last Thursday!

Gregory: Jon Stewart pointed out Republicans have no new ideas

Pence: we have brand new idea like ending bailouts for Wall Street

Gregory: Republicans are the ones who bailed
out Wall Street!

Pence: I know - but that was before

Gregory: TARP was temporary program put in by a Republican President - it’s like Al Gore running against blowjobs

Pence: that’s makes it new - in 2010 the GOP
pledges to undo what the GOP did in 2008!

Van Hollen: that’s fucking hilarious

Gregory: what’s ironic is Bush’s TARP probably saved the America financial system

Pence: we don’t want to talk about GOP failures of the past 25 years - this time we really really mean we’re going to be responsible with your money

Gregory: what painful choices are you prepared
to make?

Pence: eliminate Social Security for anybody
under 40

Gregory: it seems the Republicans have bad ideas but Democrats have no ideas

Van Hollen: not at all - we have exciting proposals like cracking down on weak Chinese currency

Gregory: man the barricades!

Pence: we’re going to end earmaking as we know it

Van Hollen: we’re going to end outsourcing as we know it

Gregory: you both present a compelling case
for not voting

[ break ]

Gregory: welcome back - the whole county is talking about the movie “Waiting For Superman” which points out what people already know which is that American schools suck

Duncan: we spent the last 25 years ignoring problems in schools

Gregory: so like every other aspect of American life

Duncan: we’re reforming education by raising standards and creating charter schools which suck in new and innovative ways

Rhee: we’ve so much progress I’m about to
lose my job

Bobb: Although we didn’t win Obama’s school money lottery we’re doing really well in Michigan

Gregory: Bush deserves credit for inventing the idea of accountability

Audience: for everyone except him

Weingarten: testing is fine but the goal should be teaching and learning not just handing out tests

Gregory: Michelle you’re a wonderful person for firing teachers and closing schools and yet no one loves you

Rhee: we only fired the bad teachers

Gregory: Randi how could you sue Michelle -
she’s so adorable

Weingarten: we want teachers to have the tools to teach kids and reward the good teachers

Rhee: we identified highly effective teachers and we’re going to double their salary to above the poverty line

Gregory: that sounds great - Arne why didn’t you campaign for Mayor Fenty and Michelle Rhee since they are such heroes for standing up to unions?

Duncan: are kidding - that guy is fucking toxic

Gregory: see that’s the problem - how can you and I beat the unions with that attitude

Bobb: damm right Fluffy - I get sued every damm day

Gregory: why?

Bobb: I closed 59 schools

Gregory: yikes

[ break ]

Gregory: how can we really get good teachers in the classroom like Mr. Kotter - he was awesome

Weingarten: look there is a learning curve

Gregory: I’m talking about horrible bad teachers which apparently are everywhere like Dolores Umbridge she's scary

Weingarten: it’s starting to happen for the first time

Rhee: hey we tried to fire the truly bad teachers and we got slapped down - stop fighting us with
the bad teachers!

Gregory: this is the whole thing! All we need are good teachers and America will turn around

Rhee: right!

Gregory: But Bob Bobb how can we crush the unions with getting the unions all mad at us and
end up with horse’s heads in our beds?

Bobb: teacher evaluations systems with trap doors if they go below a threshold

Duncan: we need to have the courage to stand
up to unions

Weingarten: instead of only firing teachers maybe we should try to develop good teachers

Gregory: Colorado has the death penalty for bad teachers - do you support that Randi?

Weingarten: we support fair evaluations Fluffy

Gregory: is Mark Zuckerberg Superman?

Duncan: he’s awesome

Gregory: I’m just an idiot with a bad tv show-

Duncan: that’s very true

Gregory: but what can I do?

Rhee: call your local politician and demand
he hire me

Gregory: if you’re driving by a local school and don’t have kids just walk right in

Duncan: actually we don’t encourage strange men to wander around elementary schools Fluffy

Gregory: what nonsense I’m sure they’d love it


This Week with Christiane Amanpour - September 26, 2010

David Axelrod - Presidential advisor
Sen. Mitch McConnell - (R-KY)
Amanpour: can you keep Middle East peace
on track?

Axelrod: we’re going to urge them to keep trying

Amanpour: that doesn’t sound too promising

Axelrod: hey it’s Israel and Palestine you trying getting those lunkheads to agree on anything

Amanpour: could there be a war?

Axelrod: you never know Christiane

Amanpour: everyone is talking about this famous woman who said she is exhausted of defending Obama and is not happy

Axelrod: well she’s right - the middle class got hammered all through the last 10 years and it
ended with a Great Recession

Amanpour: why do people seem to dislike Obama

Axelrod: Because we’re still in a really bad economy - I mean really fucking bad

Amanpour: Bill Clinton says Obama should ask for
two more years and them admit failure

Axelrod: well he’s right that electing the GOP would finally push America off the edge

Amanpour: for the love of god why did Congress put off cutting taxes before the election - are you stupid or insane?

Axelrod: those mean Republicans are holding Obama hostage

Amanpour: that’s quite a metaphor

Axelrod: no he’s actually being held hostage - they’ve asked for piazzas and a negotiating team

Amanpour: If you can’t get it done now how can it be done after you lose the election

Axelrod: we’re playing chicken with Mitch McConnell and we like our odds

Amanpour: Gen. Petraeus called you a ‘spin doctor’

Axelrod: I was in the that band in 1993 and wrote “Two Princes”

Amanpour: oh I didn’t know that

Axelrod: [ plays air guitar ]

Amanpour: Is Rahm finally getting the fuck out?

Axelrod: yeah thank god

[ break ]

Amanpour: Greetings crazy man are you really going to borrow more money just give it to billionaires?

McConnell: you can’t raise taxes in a recession!

Amanpour: will you hold the middle taxes hostage
to that nutty idea

McConnell: Chris it’s not me - it’s Blue Dogs who won’t even let a bill come to the floor

Amanpour: if you do that if you ever want to cut the debt you would have eliminate all of government

McConnell: cut taxes for the rich and the economy will explode

Amanpour: but that’s not about what you would cut

McConnell: well the Catfood Commission may give us permission to cut Social Security

Amanpour: Erik Erikson hates your Pledge to America

McConnell: [ laughs ]

Amanpour: why are you laughing?

McConnell: he’s an damn idiot

Amanpour: but can you satisfy the Tea Party?

McConnell: The Democrats have been in charge of the government for a year and half and we know that all the Tea Partiers will vote Republican

Amanpour: But the Tea Partiers claim to hate both parties equally

McConnell: [ snorts ]

Amanpour: you nominated a lunatic for the Senate
in Delaware

McConnell: she’s an adorable little freak

Amanpour: how is she qualified?

McConnell: she won a primary and that’s enough

Amanpour: Sharron Angle thinks we need an armed rebellion - isn’t that bizarre?

McConnell: no what is freaky and bizarre is aiding auto companies and fixing student loans

Amanpour: oh I see - you’re as crazy as she is

McConnell: I never dabbled in witchcraft although I was loyal servant to Lord Voldemort

Amanpour: but if these people are elected our country will go to hell

McConnell: no Obama will still be there thankfully

Amanpour: of course

[ break ]

Amanpour: Queen tell me about Middle East peace

Raina: I’m not saying that the middle east is all rainbows and gumdrops but the explosive situation with the Palestinians and Israel sure doesn’t damn well help

Amanpour: I hear you your majesty

Raina: both sides need hope and change

Amanpour: uh oh

Raina: look people may not like Obama but he’s miles better than Chicken Caesar

Amanpour: what about the 9/11 mosque

Raina: those are the good muslims

Amanpour: do you worry that people think Osama bin Laden represents all muslims?

Raina: right it’s crazy - people around the world think of America as a beacon of freedom - or we used to

Amanpour: But why do people think muslims
are violent

Raina: We need to do a better job showing there are bad ones as well as happy peaceful muslims just like with other religions whether it’s Christianity, Judaism, Catholicism or The Force

Amanpour: Anakin doesn’t represent all Jedi

Raina: Exactly

Amanpour: Does Islam disempower women?

Raina: Yes - women are graduating from university but they can’t get jobs because of thick-headed men - although that’s not Islam it’s just assholes

Amanpour: oh yeah we those everywhere

[ high fives Raina ]

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Meet The Press - September 19, 2010

Colin Powell
Bill Clinton
Gregory: Colin has Republican party gone completely insane?

Powell: It’s a fascinating group of angry people but I think they need more than slogans like ‘Taxpayers are Jews for Obama’s Ovens’

Gregory: Mike Bloomerg says they are fad like hula hoops, pet rocks or suspending habeus corpus

Powell: but they might have bizarre staying power - they could be the Rubik’s Cube of politics

Gregory: no one can figure either one out

Powell: right

Gregory: Rush Limbaugh says you are not hate-filled or crazy enough

Powell: I don’t care what that obese drug addict
has to say

Gregory: but no one in the GOP likes you

Powell: jesus fuck if the GOP has any future we
can’t be anti-immigration

Gregory: but you’re biased - you're Jamaican

Powell: we’re going to be a brown nation in
a few years

Gregory: Mitt Romney says we need to crack Mexican skulls

Powell: criminy immigrants come here to
do hard work

Gregory: and behead our men and defile
our white women

Powell: I’m telling my fellow republicans to get with the program and stop acting stupid

Gregory: have you thought about leaving the party?

Powell: no why should I?

Gregory: because they’ve gone completely insane

Powell: true - but we need two parties to slow down the Biden juggunaut

Gregory: It’s Palin’s party now

Powell: it’s fine to criticize the President but try to use your brain once in a while

Gregory: Gingrich says Obama is a Marxist
Kenyan con man

Powell: this is all bullshit nonsense and it makes Republicans look racist and stupid

Gregory: why is this happening?

Powell: because you report on it and does appeal to the fringe elements of the party

Gregory: Like the recent Vice President nominee

Powell: it might be good for the GOP and Obama if Republicans took the House

Gregory: why?

Powell: it would force them to take responsibility and make Obama focus on employment

Gregory: what more should Obama do to reach out to Republicans?

Powell: He could not be black

Gregory: You totally fucked up in Afghanistan

Powell: true but Obama may pull our chestnuts out of that fire

Gregory: lucky you

Powell: but the Karzai government is corrupt

Gregory: oh now you figure that out

Gregory: should we attack Iran?

Powell: no we should contain them with rigid
IAEA inspections

Gregory: gee we could have tried that in Iraq

Gregory: will you endorse Obama in 2012?

Powell: well the GOP crashed the economy and
I thought Obama would prevent a Depression and he did

Gregory: but he has not transformed America
or given me a unicorn

Powell: give him time - he enacted an pretty transformational health care plan-

Gregory: -but no rainbows or lollipops

Powell: so the GOP treats him like a dog - how do you think I feel? Suck it up!!

[ break ]

Gregory: Bill what do you make of the Tea Party?

Clinton: some of them are legitimately angry and have good instincts - they think the wealthy and powerful benefit by causing economic problems
and they’re right

Gregory: interesting

Clinton: but the question is what we are going to do about it - I heard one guy thinks unemployment compensation is unconstitutional

Gregory: what do you think of Christine O’Donnell?

Clinton: She’s hot

Gregory: what about her ideas?

Clinton: if tea partiers are against financial elites are they in favor of the Wall Street reform bill or against it - we don’t know

Gregory: Newt Gingrich says Obama is a secret anti-colonialist spy who will give America away to the Kenya Mau Mau Empire

Clinton: he also said when Susan Smith drowned her children it was my fault

Gregory: he does have a way with words

Gregory: what’s up with the Clinton Global Initiative?

Clinton: we get every attendee to make a commitment to women - I certainly will

Gregory: what about poverty here in America?

Clinton: Fluffy for the first time in my lifetime there are job openings not being filled because people are trapped in the underwater homes and are not trained to do the jobs

Gregory: it seems like Haiti is real basket case

Clinton: one third of the country was wrecked and it wasn’t exactly Monaco to begin with

Gregory: fair point

Clinton: and they’re having an election in the aftermath an earthquake which is not easy

Gregory: speaking of that what about our
2010 election?

Clinton: the problem is that Democrats didn’t solve all the problems the Republicans created

Gregory: I noticed that

Clinton: It took 8 years to create the devastation we are living in now

Gregory: well you’ve had 21 months and you
failed so you suck

Clinton: Bring it On Fluffy

Gregory: why is the health care bill so unpopular

Clinton: we give a trillion dollars to insurance companies every year and they spend part of that on propaganda and lies

Gregory: you make the case better than Obama does

Clinton: I am the Big Dog

Gregory: so what’s the solution?

Clinton: shake the voters out of their apathy and tell people the Republicans are bad for America

Gregory: are you too thin?

Clinton: ha - I am too thin, too rich, too popular and just too damm awesome!

Gregory: Thanks Bill - and now a look back at
Edwin Newman and when real journalists hosted Meet The Press

Audience: [ sobs ]

This Week - September 19, 2010

Hillary Clinton - U.S. Secretary of State
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - President of Iran
Amanpour: Hillary Bibi and Abbas are stubborn - can you make peace in the Middle East ?

Clinton: I’ve dealt with men acting like
jackasses before

Amanpour: what about the settlements?

Clinton: We’re leaning on Bibi

Amanpour: what are you doing

Clinton: we threatened to send Joe Biden to Israel

Amanpour: who is making the biggest leap of heart?

Clinton: Israel is threatened by Iran and the Palestinians are threatened by Israel so it
all works out

Amanpour: are you going to get Abbas on board?

Clinton: sure Obama called him and offered him a luxury box to all games at the new
Giants/Jets stadium

Amanpour: you’ll start a war

Amanpour: what about Lieberman?

Clinton: he’s a touchy lunatic with too
much power in the Senate

Amanpour: I meant Avigdor

Clinton: Oh him too
Amanpour: Is Iran going to build a nuke?

Clinton: they’re very scary

Amanpour: are they morphing into a dictatorship?

Clinton: that was the worst election since the
Florida Brooks Brothers Riot

Amanpour: what about human rights in Iran?

Clinton: when Obama came into office he extended his hand to the religious zealots and political
crazies and it’s clear they are not interested in rational dialogue

Amanpour: we’ll get to the Republicans later

Amanpour: progressives still aren’t sure Obama is on their side since you send so many mixed signals

Clinton: are we talking about the U.S. or Iran?

Amanpour: either one

Amanpour: Ahmadinejad says the sanctions are
as worthless as a used hankie

Clinton: the sanctions are like him - they’re a tool

[ break ]

Amanpour: you released one hiker but what about the others

Ahmadinejad what about all Iranians held by
the U.S. government

Amanpour: are you saying the hikers are only hostages?

Ahmadinejad: I prefer the term bargaining chips

Amanpour: their mothers are very upset

Ahmadinejad so is mine

Amanpour: how is your nuclear bomb going?

Ahmadinejad: we’ve got cameras everywhere
- our nuclear program is like a reality tv show

Amanpour: “The Real Leaders of Iran?”

Ahmadinejad: “Iran’s Got Nukes”

Amanpour: So You Think Can Fool the IAEA

Ahmadinejad: the IAEA is controlled by the U.S.

Amanpour: um yeah ok

Ahmadinejad: we take the sanctions seriously
but they are a joke

Amanpour: right

Ahmadinejad: those harsh sanctions will create
a new era of growth in our economy!

Amanpour: that’s not what I heard Mahmoud

Ahmadinejad: in six months we’ll turn it around

Amanpour: oh my god - a Friedman Unit

Amanpour: you’re going to stone someone to death - that’s fucking crazy

Ahmadinejad: well it’s just one woman what’s
the big deal

Amanpour: now you see why people don’t trust you with nuclear bombs

Ahmadinejad: she was never going to be stoned - it’s all made-up propaganda

Amanpour: is that so

Ahmadinejad: it’s the fault of the United States they’re always saying mean things about us

Amanpour: executions are up 400 percent

Ahmadinejad: I’m making a fascist omlette so I gotta crack a few eggs Christiane

Amanpour: are you going to prosecute your
political opponents

Ahmadinejad: no no those are all independent judges

Amanpour: you are an amazing liar

Ahmadinejad: thanks very much

Amanpour: Fidel Castro called you an anti-semitic whacko

Ahmadinejad: I defer to his big beard

Amanpour: why is Iran becoming so militarized?

Ahmadinejad: you mean like Iraq and Afghanistan?

Amanpour: Will you engage in talks with the U.S. government?

Ahmadinejad I friended Obama on Facebook but did he write back? No!

Amanpour: I’m sorry to hear that

Ahmadinejad : he won’t even follow me on twitter!

Amanpour: I’ll follow you mahmoud

Ahmadinejad: thnx chris ill follow U 2 LOL :)


Sunday, September 12, 2010

Meet The Press - September 12, 2010

David Axelrod
Rudy Giuliani
Reza Aslan
Ron Brownstein
Dee Dee Myers
Mike Murphy
Gregory: can you fix the economy by November?

Axelrod: the American people don’t care about
the next election they want jobs

Gregory: isn’t it too little too late?

Axelrod: no we’ve been doing things all along
to spur the economy

Gregory: like what?

Axelrod: like new bridge and teachers and
a bill to expand lending

Gregory: how is that going?

Axelrod: the Senate is holding that up but we
are adding jobs

Gregory: but the President’s new stimulus bill can’t pass this year

Axelrod: why not - let’s move Fluffy!

Gregory: we had Recovery Summer but now we’re looking at Homeless Autumn

Axelrod: look we were losing 800,00 jobs a
month when we took office and now we’re finally adding jobs

Gregory: so why should people vote for you?

Axelrod: the GOP turned a surplus into a debt
and lost 4 million jobs

Gregory: when does unemployment finally go down

Axelrod: hey we saved 10 million jobs

Gregory: well fine but when does it go down

Axelrod: it took 10 years to create the problem and
it will take 10 years to fix it

Gregory: oh dear

Gregory: you passed the bills you wanted but
people are still pessimistic

Axelrod: look George Bush crashed American into a ditch and we’re slowly tying to get out of it

Gregory: but people have lost confidence in Obama

Axelrod: which people?

Gregory: all my rich friends

Axelrod: did you know John Boehner wants to ship all our jobs overseas and borrow money from our children to give more tax breaks to the rich

Gregory: will you please compromise and give me
a tax cut

Axelrod: we want to cut taxes for everyone up to $250,000

Gregory: that’s not very much

Axelrod: we can’t afford to cut taxes for the rich

Gregory: [ sobs ]

Gregory: why do people hate health care reform

Axelrod: they don’t but it’s not important

Gregory: then why did you spend so much time
on it?!
[ grins ]

Axelrod: hey if Republicans want to repeal health care let them campaign on it honestly

Gregory: I think that’s asking too much

Gregory: is Rahm running for Mayor of Chicago?

Axelrod: he’s focusing on failing as Chief of Staff - he has plenty of time later to fail at running for Mayor

Gregory: why is this mosque so controversial

Giuliani: it’s very offensive to put a religious center near scared ground

Gregory: I see

Giuliani: burning Korans and building religious centers are equivalent

Gregory: how so

Giuliani: it’s very insulting to build a center for interfaith dialogue without a big statute of Jesus

Gregory: what do you think of this Imam

Giuliani: he’s a Bad Imam - he won’t condemn Hamas and won’t tell me where his money comes from

Gregory: he said if we move the center it will only
fuel terrorism

Giuliani: those were very strong words

Gregory: but it’s true

Giuliani: help help I’m being threatened!

Gregory: the Imam is hurting the Holy Families of 9/11 - this center is very painful to them

Gregory: more than strip clubs and porn shops?

Giuliani: right those are sacred

Gregory: how come we can’t find Osama bin Laden?

Giuliani: we’re at war and we need to capture
their flag

Gregory: Ted Koppel says the goal of weak terrorists is to provoke an overreaction and the U.S. has played right into their hands

Giuliani: hey we were attacked when Clinton was President on 9/11 and then Bush went on offense and that prevented any more domestic attacks
which is awesome

Gregory: fascinating

Giuliani: Al Qaeda isn’t everywhere - we should attack South America once in while so they don’t
feel neglected

Gregory: did you believe the GOP is a big tent party and have tried to work with Obama

Giuliani: oh sure 10 Republicans would have voted for his health care bill if he had supported tort reform

Gregory: but has the GOP become a bunch of lunatics?

Giuliani: that’s not fair - the GOP is open to all kinds of crazy people from me to Sarah Palin

Gregory: who’s the leader of the GOP?

Giuliani: John Boehner

Gregory: he’s an oompa-loompa!

Giuliani: nobody’s perfect

[ break ]

Gregory: why is anti-Islam sentiment at an
all time high?

Aslan: Because politicians like Rudy Giuliani openly associate American muslims with terrorism

Gregory: he’s a politician

Aslan: he’s a bigot

Brownstein: without the moderating influence of George W. Bush the lid blew off the hidden bigotry
in the GOP

Gregory: but Americans are moving into homeless shelters - doesn’t that make people mad

Myers: yes but Republicans are out of power and they’ve seized on this issue to manipulate idiots and get votes

Murphy: the media is to blame for hyping this crazy pastor and for not pointing out that we’re not as bad as brutal theocracies

Gregory: it’s the economy stupid

Murphy: Obama has had absolute power for 2 years and he’s lost white people

Brownstein: people hate Republicans but they’re skeptical of team Obama

Aslan: well they’ve got 8 weeks to turn it around

Myers: time to cut some players and target specific seats

Murphy: people are mad at how crazy hard left liberal Obama is

Gregory: Meg Whitman is winning and she’s a Republican

Murphy: Jerry Brown is a highway to hell

Gregory: you work for Whitman

Murphy: oh like anyone cares about ethics on television - it’s like we’re bloggers

Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press


ABC's This Week - September 12, 2010

Austan Goolsbee - White House Economic Advisor
Imam Rauf
Amanpour: Rep Boehner says he wants to
cut taxes just like Obama

Goolsbee: we’ve heard that song and dance
before Christiane

Amanpour: how do you get blue dogs on board?

Goolsbee: start crackin skulls

Amanpour: awesome

Goolsbee: Boehner wants to repeal the stimulus which would raise taxes

Amanpour: Orzag says we should let the GOP
keep the Bush tax cuts for the rich

Goolsbee: that was a political column not an economic one

Amanpour: but he did say cutting taxes might
help consumer spending

Goolsbee: well Obama has cut taxes for the middle class again and again

Amanpour: did Obama open to door to keeping
cuts for the wealthy?

Goolsbee: no borrowing money to give billionaires $100,000 is the stupidest thing ever

Amanpour: what about unemployment?

Goolsbee: it’s going to stay high

Amanpour: that’s not good

Goolsbee: true but this has been a really bad recession

Amanpour: so how do we get out of it?

Goolsbee: get businesses to hire people

Amanpour: how?

Goolsbee: Old fashioned moxie!

Amanpour: oh my

[ break ]

Amanpour: will you still build your center even though some people crazy people don’t like it?

Rauf: Christiane the radicals around the world love this fight - they all feed off each other

Amanpour: so why not move the center to
another location?

Rauf: because it would piss people off around the world and threaten American soldiers

Amanpour: is that a threat

Rauf: no radicals around the world are watching
us though

Amanpour: should you have reached out more to the community and the 9/11 families?

Rauf: we reached out last year and no one objected until loony politicians seized on it

Amanpour: like Sarah Palin

Rauf: right - she’s playing up anti-islamic hate

Amanpour: but some Americans don’t like Muslims

Rauf: we are Americans!

Amanpour: what if that lunatic had burned Korans?

Rauf: it would have caused a disaster around the world

Amanpour: most Americans don’t have a positive view of Islam

Rauf: well fine but muslims love America and people around the world should know that

Amanpour: is it worse than 2001

Rauf: incredibly I think it is

Amanpour: oh my

Sunday, September 05, 2010

Meet The Press - September 5, 2010

Meet The Press
September 5, 2010
Sen. Graham (R-SC)
David Plouffe - Dem political strategist
E.J. Dionne
Charlie Cook
Erin Burnett
Rich Lowry
Gregory: Lindsey President Obama says the economy is doing well but not well enough

Graham: now is not the time to raise taxes -
now is the time to cut taxes!

Gregory: what coincidence

Graham: also we need to eliminate the stimulus
and stop giving people health care

Gregory: so will you repeal the big health care bill or not

Graham: that’s not the point - why aren’t Democrats campaigning on it?

Gregory: why don’t you?

Graham: Obama is a communist

Gregory: if Republicans are so concerned about
the debt why cut taxes?

Graham: Rich people need lower taxes - some of them are having to install aquariums for less $500,000 - it’s so sad

Gregory: suppose Obama agreed to everything you want - would that make you happy?

Graham: I hope he does - but no

Gregory: why do you hate Obama so much

Graham: he raised the debt

Gregory: but your plans would make it worse

Graham: he’s governed from the left ditch

Gregory: so will you win in 2010?

Graham: if we call Obama a debt-raising sleazy socialist we win

Gregory: awesome - so you will take the House
and Senate

Graham: of course - because people hate that marxist Obama

Gregory: but you obstructed Obama at every turn

Graham: right - therefore everything is his fault

Gregory: oh that’s clever

Graham: also he’s weak on terror

Gregory: but Tea Partiers are crazy

Graham: sure but we can agree on great ideas like a Constitutional amendment to ban all spending

Gregory: but you’re too liberal for most conservatives though - and you’re a little nuts

Graham: we need a Contract On America

Gregory: didn’t we have that from 2001-2009?

Graham: we are going show America a great coalition of psychotic tea partiers and closeted Republicans before we become Grease

Gregory: I love Travolta

Graham: oh me too

Gregory: experts say we should not have invaded Iraq

Graham: Saddam violated UN resolutions so
we had to attack

Gregory: I see

Graham: he was not a good citizen

Gregory: but most people think it was a mistake

Graham: sure we invaded Iraq by mistake but history will judge it was brilliant idea by getting al qaeda to go into a country they never were so they could be beaten and go back to Afghanistan

Gregory: can we withdraw from Afghanistan
next summer?

Graham: Obama shouldn’t have said we withdraw regardless of conditions on the ground

Gregory: I should let my viewers know you are
lying right now

Graham: ok dancing dave you got me

[ break ]

Gregory: greetings Pluffy - 19 months of an Obama Presidency and the economy sucks

Plouffe: the GOP brought us a depression - we
lost jobs for years and now because of Obama we’re finally adding jobs

Gregory: good points but it’s still a bad record

Plouffe: this is a choice - Republicans drove the country into a ditch and if give them the keys again they will probably drive it right off a cliff

Gregory: but politically Dems are in trouble

Plouffe: maybe - look we won so many seats in 2006 and 2008 we were bound to lose some of them

Gregory: oh ok

Plouffe: we have to tell people that electing Republicans is a way to total disaster

Gregory: where’s the evidence for that?

Plouffe: their recent record

Gregory: you failed in getting Republicans to act in
a bipartisan way

Plouffe: that’s because they are total assholes

Gregory: so will keep the House and Senate?

Plouffe: probably

Gregory: America hates Obama

Plouffe: that’s crazy - Obama has achieved a
hell of a lot

Gregory: independents hate you guys because they hate big spending

Plouffe: Hey Fluffy Bill Clinton gave Bush a surplus and he blew the whole thing a handed us back a record deficit

Gregory: yes but John McCain’s economist says we should cut taxes on the rich

Plouffe: you really are a moron

Gregory: will you please please cut taxes on the wealthy

Plouffe: no

Gregory: will Obama quit in 2012 if the economy doesn’t turn around

Plouffe: You are such a silly person

Gregory: but will Hillary Clinton primary Obama?

Plouffe: oh fuck you Fluffy

Gregory: was the stimulus originally too small?

Plouffe: no we added 3 million jobs

Gregory: so you say

Plouffe: without the stimulus bill we’d have
20% unemployment

Gregory: Is Obama a liability to candidates?

Plouffe: LOL no he’s magic dood

Gregory: who will Republicans nominate in 2012?

Plouffe: like you fluffers I am clueless

Gregory: will you run Obama’s reelection campaign in 2012?

Plouffe: is there a non-idiot I can talk to?

Gregory: nope just me

[ break ]

Gregory: Erin do businesses like business tax cuts?

Burnett: yes but they want more

Gregory: Obama says at least the U.S. creating jobs

Burnett: actually he’s right we’re in recovery

Lowry: tax cuts are nice but in a $14 trillion economy you need to really really really cut taxes

Dionne: Democrats should pick a fight with the GOP by offering tax cuts for the middle class and raising them on millionaires

Lowry: can imagine if they do extend the Bush tax cuts LOL

Dionne: or you could spend that money on useful projects

Cook: the GOP has to run the table - but they probably will

Gregory: Oh

Cook: Dems wanted to split the GOP vote in Florida but it backfired and they split Dem votes

Gregory: Boxer and Reid are in tough races

Cook: a lot of these Democrats have been lucky before but we’re in a tough economy and that makes everything hard

Dionne: they need Obama to turn out independents but his very existence riles up Republicans

Gregory: there’s a lot of unfocused populist
rage out there

Burnett: I think Obama should say American is a rich great nation

Gregory: is Obama a failure?

Cook: yes he hasn’t added enough jobs

Dionne: He should have emphasized the real failures of the Bush administration early on

Lowry: hey the stimulus didn’t work enough and independents are essentially tea partiers who hate all muslims

Burnett: the stimulus was not a failure - this is the fastest job creation in decades

Lowry: [ eyeroll ]

Burnett: ask any economist and they’ll tell you the facts

Lowry: facts or cares about facts?

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

This Week with guest Tony Blair - Sept. 5, 2010

This Week with Christiane Amanpour
Former Prime Minister Tony Blair
September 5, 2010
Amanpour: you colossally fucked up in
invading Iraq

Blair: um yeah well that was kind of bad

Amanpour: but will you apologize?

Blair: no

Amanpour: you didn’t know that invading a middle east nation would be complex

Blair: 9/11 made my brain stop functioning

Amanpour: ah right

Blair: those terrorists could have killed 300,000 people so we had to overreact in the
most stupid way possible

Amanpour: of course

Blair: those muslims freak me out!!

Amanpour: isn’t Obama weak on radical Islam?

Blair: yes he is - it’s our generations great mission to invade random desert nations until we get lucky

Amanpour: you say ordinary middle easterners are afraid we won’t occupy them forever

Blair: it’s just like the fight against Communism - it must never end until those nations are ruled a freedom hating loon who supports corporations

Amanpour: well then invading Iraq was really stupid wasn’t it?

Blair: but the sanctions were crumbling

Amanpour: not after 9/11 Poodle Boy

Blair: yeah but then Saddam would’ve been around after 9/11 and you can’t take a chance him and his evil mustache might launch balsa wood planes
filled with anthrax

Amanpour: make sense

Blair: I would also point out that because we attacked Iraq by mistake North Korea has agreed
to talk to us while building more nuclear bombs

Amanpour: oh good

Blair: look I’m the decider

Amanpour: so what would you decide about Iran

Blair: we have to attack Iran now!

Amanpour: dood you’re a little crazy

Blair: Hey Dickie wanted to attack a dozen countries

Amanpour: good lord

Blair: he wanted to remake the world -
but he’s not stupid

Amanpour: just evil and insane

Blair: I’ve seen his Horcrux

Amanpour: what did you think about George Bush

Blair: he is simple-minded but he was very decisive in his mistakes and admire that

Amanpour: Bill Clinton?

Blair: I love him because he ditched the activists and radicals and all those rainbow types

Amanpour: smart?

Blair: Bill’s got a bloody big brain

Amanpour: what was he like during impeachment

Blair: he’s got an amazing ability to compartmentalize - it’s really incredible

Amanpour: why you think he slept with Monica?

Blair: he just loves people - I mean really
loves people

Amanpour: so I’ve heard

Blair: personally I can’t stand ‘em

Amanpour: why do all these men politicians have affairs?

Blair: hey there’s a lot of pressure at the top -
you gotta blow it off somehow

Amanpour: but you don’t

Blair: no I drink and cry myself to sleep every night

Amanpour: very healthy

Blair: [ sobs ]

Amanpour: the 'Prime Minister’s Questions' session is pretty scary

Blair: it’s bloody petrifying

Amanpour: did you like Diana?

Blair: she was great but those inbred loons at Buckingham palace were terrified of her

Amanpour: you had to tell the Queen that people were upset about Diana

Blair: hey I was just a new PM and it’s not like I’m the Queen’s buddy

Amanpour: but you saw her washing the dishes

Blair: right that was freaky

Amanpour: LOL you Brits are hilarious

Blair: cheerio