Guests:
Bob Dudley (Managing Director BP)
Carol Browner - White House Energy Adviser
Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL)
Fmr. Rep. J.D. Hayworth (R-AZ)
David Brooks
E.J. Dionne
***************************
Gregory: so what went wrong dickhead
Dudley: the BP flower is the Mark of the Beast
Gregory: what happened to Top Kill Vol. 2 ?
Dudley: the Smoke Monster attacked us!
Gregory: so will the next step will work?
Dudley: really we have no idea - the robots are charge now
Gregory: when will we learn that your next
effort has failed?
Dudley: we should confirm our next failure in
about seven days
Gregory: how much oil are you spilling into the Gulf?
Dudley: somewhere between A Motherfucking Lot
and a Giant Shitload
Gregory: why so slow?
Dudley: we don’t want to make things worse
Gregory: worse? How could things be worse?
Dudley: our next move will crack the earth’s
crust and unleash the minions of satan from the
depths of hell
Gregory: it seems you are incompetent idiots who ruined America and had no plan at all
Dudley: no we had a plan to deny everything - it worked great until the oil washed up on shore
Gregory: did you lie to everyone
Dudley: look we’re frustrated too - did you know
oil is very slippery?!?
Gregory: I did actually
Dudley: ooh look at the big brain on Greggers
Gregory: should BP CEO Tony Heyward resign for destroying his company and a regional economy
Dudley: Tony Heyward is doing an awesome
job dodging responsibility for wrecking thousands of lives
[ break ]
Gregory: well that was a pretty fucking astonishing interview
Browner: it’s infuriating - this spill is destroying
a whole region
Gregory: what do we do now?
Browner: suck up all the oil with a giant straw
Gregory: who will do that?
Browner: Superman?
Gregory: but he’s not real
Browner: in theory maybe
Gregory: so assuming Superman is fiction the oil
will continue to spill until August of 2015
Browner: in that case the beaches will be re-designated “Free Oil National Park”
Gregory: excellent
Browner: once we capture the oil we can
put the oil on trial
Gregory: how bad is this?
Browner: this is biggest disaster in American history
Gregory: worse than the Civil War or the
Bush administration?
Browner: ok biggest environmental disaster
Gregory: so how do we fix it?
Browner: burn it and skim it
Gregory: is Team Obama making a big show
of being in charge?
Browner: make no mistake we’re calling the shots
Gregory: what about that $75 million cap
Browner: fuck that cap - they will pay for the motherfucking damages!
Gregory: the Republicans says Obama isn’t
socialist enough and doesn’t regulate businesses strongly enough
Browner: oh that’s just fucking rich
Gregory: but the spill is Emperor Obama’s fault
Browner: hey Big Business caused this fucking spill and the liberals are going to have clean this up
Gregory: why didn’t Obama tell BP to have a contingency plan when he was inaugurated?
Browner: the tales of your being a moron were
not exaggerated
Gregory: but he could have personally reviewed
every permit
Browner: look Obama broke up MMS
Gregory: but he should have planned for
a disaster when he was sworn in!
Browner: well he prevented Sarah Palin from becoming VP!
Gregory: maybe 5,000 feet is just too
deep to drill offshore
Browner: yeah maybe!
Gregory: so why don’t stop it?
Browner: we shut down 33 rigs Fluffy!
Gregory: ok
[ break ]
Gregory: let’s talk about illegal immigration
Gutierrez: we need a holistic approach - hell most so-called illegal immigrants didn’t sneak over - they just overstayed their visa
Hayworth: Soldiers changing oil is cosmetic
Gregory: righty-o
Hayworth: it’s not only about Mexicans - it’s all
those other brown people!
Gregory: it’s about American businesses needing and hiring these immigrants
Hayworth: we need soldiers to roam America demanding papers or we will all live in anarchy!!
Gutierrez: we should put employers in jail for hiring illegal immigrants - but immigrants are not going to disappear like Henriquez Potter!
Gregory: people support the Arizona law
Gutierrez: that’s because people are bunch of thick-headed fuckers
Gregory: well sure
Gregory: J.D. how do cops determine reasonable suspicion if not by race?
Hayworth: people are trying to attack Arizona just because they wrote a blatantly racist law - it’s not fair
Gutierrez: the fucking law makes demanding citizenship a requirement JD!!
Gregory: good point
Gutierrez: Latinos fought our wars and they want
to pay taxes and be good citizens!
Hayworth: All we are saying is
Give Racism a Chance
Gregory: you and McCain supported amnesty -
are you two trying to out-crazy each other to win the GOP nomination?
Hayworth: after 9/11 I realized we had to go after Hispanics with soldiers on American streets
Gregory: please bash Obama for me
Gutierrez: I worked with McCain before he went batshit insane
Gregory: well Obama sent 1,200 troops
Gutierrez: whoop de frickin’ doo!
[ break ]
Gregory: this oil spill comes down to one thing:
what does Obama’s daughter want us to do?
Dionne: the real problem is that big companies apparently have no plan in case they totally fuck up
Brooks: this disaster proves that conservatives are right - there are limits to what government can do to fix the disasters caused by conservatives
Gregory: how can Obama let this oil spill continue
to happen??
Dionne: the lesson here is we need more fucking regulation of oil companies!!
Gregory: incredibly Sestak was offered an unpaid job to leave a political race
Dionne: the lesson here is that Joe Sestak is
kind of a dickhead
Gregory: is that all?
Dionne: also that you’re a moron Fluffy
Gregory: ha ha
Gregory: Tim Pawlenty says economic growth
is phony
Dionne: that’s hilarious
Gregory: ha ha
Dionne: moron
**************************
Sunday, May 30, 2010
This Week with Jake Tapper - May 30, 2010
Guests:
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-Louisiana)
Bob Dudley (Managing Director BP)
Colin Powell (Ret. Chair JCS)
********************************
Tapper: Bobby what do you need to stop the oil?
Jindal: we local control and permission to
protect the damn beaches!
Tapper: the Coast Guard said Louisiana didn’t
plan for a spill like this
Jindal: come and see the oil on the eggs and the motherfucking pelicans!!
Tapper: why were the booms sitting on the docks?
Jindal: BP was sitting on their fucking asses!
Tapper: are you a socialist or a communist now?
Jindal: I want smaller big government and
bigger small government!!
[ break ]
Tapper: so BP has totally failed to stop pouring
oil into America’s waters
Dudley: true we failed to wrestle the beast -
but we’re heroes for trying!
Tapper: you cut corners to save money and risked destroying precious American resources
Dudley: no that can’t be right since
we do that everywhere
Tapper: but in March the well was failing and then it exploded - what the fuck were you guys doing??
Dudley: we will definitely take a look at that
since we totally didn’t see that coming
Tapper: the well was fucking failing jackass!!
Dudley: uh I think we subcontracted that out to Acme and some coyote
Tapper: well thanks for coming asshole
Tapper: sir you were a general tell us about how states deal with oil spills
Powell: the federal government must move in quickly with decisive force and declare war on oil spills!
Tapper: fascinating
Powell: it’s more than BP it’s about people and the government and nice things like that
Tapper: should the military bomb the oil spill?
Powell: sure - we should also get local unemployed fishermen to clean up the spill
Tapper: sounds good
Powell: we gotta get in there and clean it
and do good stuff
Tapper: wow
Tapper: 17 years ago you said gays were
too icky to fight for America
Powell: yes but the Force is with us now
Tapper: oh
Powell: since then we’ve had Will & Grace and Sex and the City and of course Frasier and the revelation that General MacArthur was gay
Tapper: what?
Powell: oh I’ve said too much
Tapper: do you personally hate the gay?
Powell: we have to hear from every officer and they have to agree
Tapper: Operation Fuck Over Afghanistan is 9 years old and reading to enter elementary school
Powell: awwww
Tapper: this war is not supported by the public
and there is no decisive force
Powell: look I just made that Powell Doctrine shit up one night
Tapper: well it sounds like the mission sucks
Powell: by Obama added 68,000 troops
Tapper: then why does it suck so much?
Powell: because people hate both the Taliban
and America
Tapper: so what do we do?
Powell: we smack out foreheads a year from now and go ‘oh noe we fucked up!’
Tapper: should we pull out of Iraq?
Powell: it’s perfectly safe now with only 10
bombings a day - it’s like Philadelphia in July
Tapper: sounds about right
Powell: we have a big debt - who cares about Iraq?
Tapper: exactly - let’s attack Iran
Powell: right - those wily arabs have been sneaking around for thousands of years!
Tapper: Persians
Powell: who gives a shit Tappy - they’re
brown and scary!
Tapper: so what do we do?
Powell: IAEA inspections and if they violate we bring the hammer down!
Tapper: just like Iraq except then we lie and
start a war anyway
Powell: Shhhhh!!!!
Tapper: you care about education
Powell: I learned the importance of education and how stupidity can ruin America
Tapper: from your youth and life experience?
Powell: no when I served a moron President
Tapper: what does Memorial Day mean to you?
Powell: it reminds me that many Americans gave their lives so the President could lock people up without charges and assassinate Americans
Tapper: awesome
**************************
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-Louisiana)
Bob Dudley (Managing Director BP)
Colin Powell (Ret. Chair JCS)
********************************
Tapper: Bobby what do you need to stop the oil?
Jindal: we local control and permission to
protect the damn beaches!
Tapper: the Coast Guard said Louisiana didn’t
plan for a spill like this
Jindal: come and see the oil on the eggs and the motherfucking pelicans!!
Tapper: why were the booms sitting on the docks?
Jindal: BP was sitting on their fucking asses!
Tapper: are you a socialist or a communist now?
Jindal: I want smaller big government and
bigger small government!!
[ break ]
Tapper: so BP has totally failed to stop pouring
oil into America’s waters
Dudley: true we failed to wrestle the beast -
but we’re heroes for trying!
Tapper: you cut corners to save money and risked destroying precious American resources
Dudley: no that can’t be right since
we do that everywhere
Tapper: but in March the well was failing and then it exploded - what the fuck were you guys doing??
Dudley: we will definitely take a look at that
since we totally didn’t see that coming
Tapper: the well was fucking failing jackass!!
Dudley: uh I think we subcontracted that out to Acme and some coyote
Tapper: well thanks for coming asshole
Tapper: sir you were a general tell us about how states deal with oil spills
Powell: the federal government must move in quickly with decisive force and declare war on oil spills!
Tapper: fascinating
Powell: it’s more than BP it’s about people and the government and nice things like that
Tapper: should the military bomb the oil spill?
Powell: sure - we should also get local unemployed fishermen to clean up the spill
Tapper: sounds good
Powell: we gotta get in there and clean it
and do good stuff
Tapper: wow
Tapper: 17 years ago you said gays were
too icky to fight for America
Powell: yes but the Force is with us now
Tapper: oh
Powell: since then we’ve had Will & Grace and Sex and the City and of course Frasier and the revelation that General MacArthur was gay
Tapper: what?
Powell: oh I’ve said too much
Tapper: do you personally hate the gay?
Powell: we have to hear from every officer and they have to agree
Tapper: Operation Fuck Over Afghanistan is 9 years old and reading to enter elementary school
Powell: awwww
Tapper: this war is not supported by the public
and there is no decisive force
Powell: look I just made that Powell Doctrine shit up one night
Tapper: well it sounds like the mission sucks
Powell: by Obama added 68,000 troops
Tapper: then why does it suck so much?
Powell: because people hate both the Taliban
and America
Tapper: so what do we do?
Powell: we smack out foreheads a year from now and go ‘oh noe we fucked up!’
Tapper: should we pull out of Iraq?
Powell: it’s perfectly safe now with only 10
bombings a day - it’s like Philadelphia in July
Tapper: sounds about right
Powell: we have a big debt - who cares about Iraq?
Tapper: exactly - let’s attack Iran
Powell: right - those wily arabs have been sneaking around for thousands of years!
Tapper: Persians
Powell: who gives a shit Tappy - they’re
brown and scary!
Tapper: so what do we do?
Powell: IAEA inspections and if they violate we bring the hammer down!
Tapper: just like Iraq except then we lie and
start a war anyway
Powell: Shhhhh!!!!
Tapper: you care about education
Powell: I learned the importance of education and how stupidity can ruin America
Tapper: from your youth and life experience?
Powell: no when I served a moron President
Tapper: what does Memorial Day mean to you?
Powell: it reminds me that many Americans gave their lives so the President could lock people up without charges and assassinate Americans
Tapper: awesome
**************************
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Meet the Press - May 23, 2010
Guests:
Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ)
Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX)
Rep. Joe Sestak (D-PA)
PaulCat
May 23, 2010
*************
Gregory: Hi and welcome to another episode of
Meet the Press - our special guest today was going to be Rand Paul but is very sleepy from pretending he is not a racist and needs a nap so he graciously sent his pet PaulCat - thanks so much for coming
PaulCat: oh hai - u iz welcome
Gregory: People think that Rand Paul is a racist
PaulCat: noes fluffi he no cares if deh kittehs iz striped or calico or if dey iz all whites or blacks
- but he no lak deh maine coon
Gregory: PaulCat does Rand Paul really want to repeal the Civil Rights Act?
PaulCat: he no wants govmint takin yur bukkits
and yur toys and yur homez and yur odder
privat properti
Gregory: so laws prohibiting racial discrimination
are the same as declaring a hotel or restaurant
to be public property?
PaulCat: if teh governmints be doin dat dey also
kan mak u brings guns to teh movie theter
Gregory: so what’s the solution?
PaulCat: teh frei markets will mak all teh
kittehs plai nice
Gregory: is making abortion illegal also a declaring
a woman’s body public property?
PaulCat: oh hai noes cause teh bebbeh kittehs
haz rite to lif
Gregory: Rand Paul said Obama is un-American for attacking BP
PaulCat: teh presnit no lak the biznuz kittehs --
he plai bame game he shuld plai wit kitteh toys
Gregory: why on earth would Rand Paul defend BP at a time like this?
PaulCat: sometimes teh kittehs use deh litter box
and sometimes kittehs no use litter box - u noes accidentz dey happen
Gregory: it’s no ones fault so Obama shouldn’t be critical of BP?
PaulCat: BP iz like the kittehs - dey mak de mess
and teh humanz clean it up
Gregory: Good luck in November
PaulCat: u haz fishies or scritches for me?
Gregory: No sorry
PaulCat: u noes get cuddlez Fluffi
[ break ]
Gregory: Rand Paul canceled his appearance here just because he said a lot of racist stupid shit - then just to put icing on the cake he defended BP for spilling millions of gallons of oil in the Gulf
Cornyn: give him a break he’s a novice candidate - he can’t take random questions about whether 40 year old anti-racist laws were a good idea
Gregory: Is he totally insane?
Cornyn: he needs run away from the media and to speak to the people of Kentucky so they can hear what he has to say
Gregory: don’t they watch Meet the Press in Kentucky?
Cornyn: are you kidding? - they don’t own tv sets - they just got the wireless
Gregory: so you nominated an incompetent weirdo who can’t take basic questions without sounding like a stone cold racist
Cornyn: true - but government has gotten too big
Menendez: he’s out of his fucking mind - he’s perfect for the modern Republican party
Gregory: isn’t Rand Paul right - that Democrats brought us debt, chaos and a breakdown in society?
Menendez: no Fluffy the Republican party brought us debts, wars, big government and a Depression
Cornyn: there they go again - blaming George Bush for all the mistakes George Bush made
Gregory: is that all?
Cornyn: Spend! Debt!
Gregory: the Tea Party brings new voters but on the other hand they are fucking crazy
Cornyn: I love the Tea Party! These are wonderful patriotic Americans who finally got off their couches to carry guns and want to repeal civil rights
Gregory: well that’s a little frightening
Cornyn: Obama hates businesses
Gregory: Admiral you claim to be an outsider but you voted for health care reform
Sestak: I was in the Navy for 31 years Dancin Dave and America was torpedoed
Gregory: but you voted for TARP!
Sestak: yes but I stood up to Obama when he attacked businesses
Gregory: like what?
Sestak: I want to cut taxes for small business not for Goldman Sachs
Gregory: but how can you support the Obama Communist Agenda?
Sestak: fuck Obama - he tried to get me
out of the race!
Gregory: you stood up to him to run for office - so what?
Sestak: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: Are you now or have you ever been an
Obama Democrat?
Sestak: fuck you
Gregory: what bribe did Obama offer you?
Sestak: he offered to make me Secretary of
Kicking Pundit Ass
Gregory: oh my
Gregory: [grinning ] what painful choices will you make?!?!
Sestak: better health care, collect taxes and cut military spending
[break]
Gregory: Obama backed the wrong horse in Pennsylvania!
Menendez: true but it all worked out in the end - Sestak is awesome
Gregory: Is Obama a liability?
Menendez: hell fuckin no -- he’s turning this nation around from the disaster of the Bush presidency
Cornyn: I hate big big government - we’re going to repeal health care reform!
Gregory: Blumenthal claimed he fought with Rambo
Menendez: yes but his opponent let wrestlers use their bodies
Cornyn: you can’t trust him - he shot himself in the foot to get out of service!
Gregory: I thought that was Dick Cheney
Cornyn: either way
Gregory: immigration reform!
Menendez: Let the Senators from Arizona deal with the 12 million illegal immigrants
Cornyn: the Arizona law is a great law - it bans profiling based on race and now only allows it
for skin color
Gregory: Bush never passed immigration reform or secured the border
Cornyn: sure but that was before - as soon as Obama became President Arizona has to
enact a racist law
[ break ]
Gregory: hey panelists the GOP nominated a racist whackjob for the U.S. Senate
Friedman: we learned this week that when the Tea Party said they want smaller government they really mean racism is awesome
Gigot: I admire Rand Paul for being willing to cut Medicare and Social Security
Mitchell: he’s a libertarian - what the fuck is he doing running for the Senate anyway
Woodward: he’s like Ronald Reagan but
ugly and stupid
Mitchell: yes but Ronnie was a pragmatic racist-panderer
Giogot: Obama has governed so far to left is that he’s driven the GOP to the crazy right
Gregory: that sounds pretty smart
Giogot: the Tea Party think Obama is a socialist!
Gregory: but TARP was a Republican idea
Gigot: sure but Obama abused TARP by going beyond the original intention of bailing out Wall Street and helping American auto companies
- that is so so sad
Gregory: it seems like crazy people everywhere are
taking over politics
Friedman: Digital lynch mobs!!!
Gregory: that’s scary!
Friedman: we need a dictator
Gigot: we tried that under George Bush
Woodward: people say nothing ever gets done but Obama did stimulus, health care reform and may get financial reform - not to shabby!
Gregory: wow James Carville got attention by bashing Obama!
Friedman: I think they should stop the oil spill
Gregory: wow!
Friedman: I think we should use less oil - why are no Senators saying this?!?
Gregory: Gore did and the media relentlessly attacked him
Woodward: why don’t they call Google to
fix the oil spill?
Gigot: what the fuck do you expect them to do?
Mitchell: BP has ruined offshore drilling for all of us
Friedman: who cares - the long term solution is to utter banal cliches
Gigot: it’s a very hard engineering problem
Gregory: what the hell should Team Obama do?
Woodward: I had no idea oil came right out of the ground - I thought it came from whales
Gigot: accidents happen - aren’t we all
really to blame?
Woodward: the blob will kill us all!!!
Mitchell: you men are all fucking idiots
Gregory: I want to thank all my guests especially PaulCat
PaulCat: kthnxbai
**************************
Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ)
Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX)
Rep. Joe Sestak (D-PA)
PaulCat
May 23, 2010
*************
Gregory: Hi and welcome to another episode of
Meet the Press - our special guest today was going to be Rand Paul but is very sleepy from pretending he is not a racist and needs a nap so he graciously sent his pet PaulCat - thanks so much for coming
PaulCat: oh hai - u iz welcome
Gregory: People think that Rand Paul is a racist
PaulCat: noes fluffi he no cares if deh kittehs iz striped or calico or if dey iz all whites or blacks
- but he no lak deh maine coon
Gregory: PaulCat does Rand Paul really want to repeal the Civil Rights Act?
PaulCat: he no wants govmint takin yur bukkits
and yur toys and yur homez and yur odder
privat properti
Gregory: so laws prohibiting racial discrimination
are the same as declaring a hotel or restaurant
to be public property?
PaulCat: if teh governmints be doin dat dey also
kan mak u brings guns to teh movie theter
Gregory: so what’s the solution?
PaulCat: teh frei markets will mak all teh
kittehs plai nice
Gregory: is making abortion illegal also a declaring
a woman’s body public property?
PaulCat: oh hai noes cause teh bebbeh kittehs
haz rite to lif
Gregory: Rand Paul said Obama is un-American for attacking BP
PaulCat: teh presnit no lak the biznuz kittehs --
he plai bame game he shuld plai wit kitteh toys
Gregory: why on earth would Rand Paul defend BP at a time like this?
PaulCat: sometimes teh kittehs use deh litter box
and sometimes kittehs no use litter box - u noes accidentz dey happen
Gregory: it’s no ones fault so Obama shouldn’t be critical of BP?
PaulCat: BP iz like the kittehs - dey mak de mess
and teh humanz clean it up
Gregory: Good luck in November
PaulCat: u haz fishies or scritches for me?
Gregory: No sorry
PaulCat: u noes get cuddlez Fluffi
[ break ]
Gregory: Rand Paul canceled his appearance here just because he said a lot of racist stupid shit - then just to put icing on the cake he defended BP for spilling millions of gallons of oil in the Gulf
Cornyn: give him a break he’s a novice candidate - he can’t take random questions about whether 40 year old anti-racist laws were a good idea
Gregory: Is he totally insane?
Cornyn: he needs run away from the media and to speak to the people of Kentucky so they can hear what he has to say
Gregory: don’t they watch Meet the Press in Kentucky?
Cornyn: are you kidding? - they don’t own tv sets - they just got the wireless
Gregory: so you nominated an incompetent weirdo who can’t take basic questions without sounding like a stone cold racist
Cornyn: true - but government has gotten too big
Menendez: he’s out of his fucking mind - he’s perfect for the modern Republican party
Gregory: isn’t Rand Paul right - that Democrats brought us debt, chaos and a breakdown in society?
Menendez: no Fluffy the Republican party brought us debts, wars, big government and a Depression
Cornyn: there they go again - blaming George Bush for all the mistakes George Bush made
Gregory: is that all?
Cornyn: Spend! Debt!
Gregory: the Tea Party brings new voters but on the other hand they are fucking crazy
Cornyn: I love the Tea Party! These are wonderful patriotic Americans who finally got off their couches to carry guns and want to repeal civil rights
Gregory: well that’s a little frightening
Cornyn: Obama hates businesses
Gregory: Admiral you claim to be an outsider but you voted for health care reform
Sestak: I was in the Navy for 31 years Dancin Dave and America was torpedoed
Gregory: but you voted for TARP!
Sestak: yes but I stood up to Obama when he attacked businesses
Gregory: like what?
Sestak: I want to cut taxes for small business not for Goldman Sachs
Gregory: but how can you support the Obama Communist Agenda?
Sestak: fuck Obama - he tried to get me
out of the race!
Gregory: you stood up to him to run for office - so what?
Sestak: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: Are you now or have you ever been an
Obama Democrat?
Sestak: fuck you
Gregory: what bribe did Obama offer you?
Sestak: he offered to make me Secretary of
Kicking Pundit Ass
Gregory: oh my
Gregory: [grinning ] what painful choices will you make?!?!
Sestak: better health care, collect taxes and cut military spending
[break]
Gregory: Obama backed the wrong horse in Pennsylvania!
Menendez: true but it all worked out in the end - Sestak is awesome
Gregory: Is Obama a liability?
Menendez: hell fuckin no -- he’s turning this nation around from the disaster of the Bush presidency
Cornyn: I hate big big government - we’re going to repeal health care reform!
Gregory: Blumenthal claimed he fought with Rambo
Menendez: yes but his opponent let wrestlers use their bodies
Cornyn: you can’t trust him - he shot himself in the foot to get out of service!
Gregory: I thought that was Dick Cheney
Cornyn: either way
Gregory: immigration reform!
Menendez: Let the Senators from Arizona deal with the 12 million illegal immigrants
Cornyn: the Arizona law is a great law - it bans profiling based on race and now only allows it
for skin color
Gregory: Bush never passed immigration reform or secured the border
Cornyn: sure but that was before - as soon as Obama became President Arizona has to
enact a racist law
[ break ]
Gregory: hey panelists the GOP nominated a racist whackjob for the U.S. Senate
Friedman: we learned this week that when the Tea Party said they want smaller government they really mean racism is awesome
Gigot: I admire Rand Paul for being willing to cut Medicare and Social Security
Mitchell: he’s a libertarian - what the fuck is he doing running for the Senate anyway
Woodward: he’s like Ronald Reagan but
ugly and stupid
Mitchell: yes but Ronnie was a pragmatic racist-panderer
Giogot: Obama has governed so far to left is that he’s driven the GOP to the crazy right
Gregory: that sounds pretty smart
Giogot: the Tea Party think Obama is a socialist!
Gregory: but TARP was a Republican idea
Gigot: sure but Obama abused TARP by going beyond the original intention of bailing out Wall Street and helping American auto companies
- that is so so sad
Gregory: it seems like crazy people everywhere are
taking over politics
Friedman: Digital lynch mobs!!!
Gregory: that’s scary!
Friedman: we need a dictator
Gigot: we tried that under George Bush
Woodward: people say nothing ever gets done but Obama did stimulus, health care reform and may get financial reform - not to shabby!
Gregory: wow James Carville got attention by bashing Obama!
Friedman: I think they should stop the oil spill
Gregory: wow!
Friedman: I think we should use less oil - why are no Senators saying this?!?
Gregory: Gore did and the media relentlessly attacked him
Woodward: why don’t they call Google to
fix the oil spill?
Gigot: what the fuck do you expect them to do?
Mitchell: BP has ruined offshore drilling for all of us
Friedman: who cares - the long term solution is to utter banal cliches
Gigot: it’s a very hard engineering problem
Gregory: what the hell should Team Obama do?
Woodward: I had no idea oil came right out of the ground - I thought it came from whales
Gigot: accidents happen - aren’t we all
really to blame?
Woodward: the blob will kill us all!!!
Mitchell: you men are all fucking idiots
Gregory: I want to thank all my guests especially PaulCat
PaulCat: kthnxbai
**************************
This Week with Jake Tapper - May 23, 2010
Guests:
Tim Kaine (Chair, DNC)
Michael Steele (Chair, RNC)
*****************************
Tapper: Mike Steele your Senate nominee
Rand Paul says the Civil Rights Act was great
except for the desegregation
Steele: sure that was stupid - but he’s clarified it to say he doesn’t hate black people he just doesn’t want have to be around them if doesn’t want to
Tapper: Tim how can you lose now?
Kaine: well we’re Democrats so you never know
Tapper: good point
Kaine: forget the racism - Rand Paul says
going after BP is un-American
Steele: well he’s right - it’s terrible
to call BP nasty names
Tapper: that’s the new GOP motto
- “Accidents Happen”?
Steele: Obama is not Socialist enough!
Kaine: We have to hold BP accountable and not privatize the profits and socialize the losses
Steele: Obama is a Communist - also the government should solve the oil spill and create jobs
Kaine: Rand Paul also loves racial discrimination
in housing
Steele: that’s his philosophy and so you
can’t criticize it
Tapper: huh?
Steele: you can’t condemn a man for his
view that racism is good
Tapper: Blumenthal said he served with
Forrest Gump and killed Col. Kurtz
Kaine: that might be true I wasn’t there
Steele: he’s just like Rand Paul -
he’s a crazy insurgent
Tapper: the GOP won in Hawaii
Steele: and that’s where Obama was born!
Tapper: Not Kenya?
Steele: oh there too
Tapper: You lost Murtha’s seat
Steele: yes but we had a good turnout
Kaine: hey if the GOP can’t win that seat there
is no way in fucking hell they can win the House
Tapper: Sestak says Obama offered to make him
Secretary of Awesome Hair
Kaine: well why not
Tapper: is the GOP still frequenting bondage
strip clubs?
Steele: no comment Jake!
[ break ]
Tapper: It seems like Rand Paul is a little crazy
Will: he’s not a racist - it’s worse - he’s a
frivolous libertarian dolt
Tapper: oh my
Will: in fact you can legislate morality
- it’s awesome
Brazille: I was struck not just by his extremism but how much of an idiot he is
Tapper: but he can still win in Kentucky
Brazille: oh sure
Donaldson: I’m don’t know if he’s a racist but
Rachel Maddow finally exposed him as --
what’s the word - oh right - stupid
Roberts: he’s perfect for Kentucky
Tapper: he’s real and genuine
Roberts: he’s a real racist
Brazille: the GOP created a Tea Party monster
and it’s name is Racist Rand Paul
Will: back in the 19th century we solved the issue
of Free Coinage of Silver
Rand Paul: no I hate that too!
************************
Tim Kaine (Chair, DNC)
Michael Steele (Chair, RNC)
*****************************
Tapper: Mike Steele your Senate nominee
Rand Paul says the Civil Rights Act was great
except for the desegregation
Steele: sure that was stupid - but he’s clarified it to say he doesn’t hate black people he just doesn’t want have to be around them if doesn’t want to
Tapper: Tim how can you lose now?
Kaine: well we’re Democrats so you never know
Tapper: good point
Kaine: forget the racism - Rand Paul says
going after BP is un-American
Steele: well he’s right - it’s terrible
to call BP nasty names
Tapper: that’s the new GOP motto
- “Accidents Happen”?
Steele: Obama is not Socialist enough!
Kaine: We have to hold BP accountable and not privatize the profits and socialize the losses
Steele: Obama is a Communist - also the government should solve the oil spill and create jobs
Kaine: Rand Paul also loves racial discrimination
in housing
Steele: that’s his philosophy and so you
can’t criticize it
Tapper: huh?
Steele: you can’t condemn a man for his
view that racism is good
Tapper: Blumenthal said he served with
Forrest Gump and killed Col. Kurtz
Kaine: that might be true I wasn’t there
Steele: he’s just like Rand Paul -
he’s a crazy insurgent
Tapper: the GOP won in Hawaii
Steele: and that’s where Obama was born!
Tapper: Not Kenya?
Steele: oh there too
Tapper: You lost Murtha’s seat
Steele: yes but we had a good turnout
Kaine: hey if the GOP can’t win that seat there
is no way in fucking hell they can win the House
Tapper: Sestak says Obama offered to make him
Secretary of Awesome Hair
Kaine: well why not
Tapper: is the GOP still frequenting bondage
strip clubs?
Steele: no comment Jake!
[ break ]
Tapper: It seems like Rand Paul is a little crazy
Will: he’s not a racist - it’s worse - he’s a
frivolous libertarian dolt
Tapper: oh my
Will: in fact you can legislate morality
- it’s awesome
Brazille: I was struck not just by his extremism but how much of an idiot he is
Tapper: but he can still win in Kentucky
Brazille: oh sure
Donaldson: I’m don’t know if he’s a racist but
Rachel Maddow finally exposed him as --
what’s the word - oh right - stupid
Roberts: he’s perfect for Kentucky
Tapper: he’s real and genuine
Roberts: he’s a real racist
Brazille: the GOP created a Tea Party monster
and it’s name is Racist Rand Paul
Will: back in the 19th century we solved the issue
of Free Coinage of Silver
Rand Paul: no I hate that too!
************************
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Meet The Press - May 16, 2010
Guests:
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Jonathan Alter
Peggy Noonan
Bob Shrum
Mike Murphy
******************************
Gregory: So BP has failed yet again to stop
the worst oil spill ever - I can’t wait to see their
junk shot
Obama: fuck these finger-pointing motherfuckers!
Schumer: damm cocksuckers!
Gregory: should there be a cap on their liability?
Schumer: hell fucking no!
Gregory: are you mad?
Schumer: yes we all are very angry at BP -
they wrecked the Democratic climate bill compromise pushing for more drilling!
Gregory: that’s sad
Schumer: so clearly we should do more
offshore drilling - that’s red white and blue oil!!!
Gregory: Kagan says the Senate hearings are a farce
Schumer: Dancing should not be a part of it
Gregory: dammit
Schumer: She’s awesome because she’s practical - she’s not from some fancy ivory tower
Gregory: how so?
Schumer: she was Dean of Harvard Law School
Gregory: dude it’s not exactly Deadliest Catch
Schumer: hey the Dean has to work with many
weird people like the Federalist Society
Gregory: is she a liberal or a moderate?
Schumer: she’s a forceful, practical, New Yorker - she will shank Scalia if she has to!
Gregory: will she promote Executive Power?
Schumer: yes she will but Obama’s President now - suck it wingnuts!
Gregory: is she a blank slate?
Schumer: that’s the beauty of it - she can be whatever you want her to be!
Gregory: Did Obama tell New York to drop dead?
Schumer: Hey Underoos Man and Propane Boy showed us the world is trying to destroy New York!
Gregory: I thought that was the GOP
Schumer: screw the bean counters - Peter King
and Mike Bloomberg are not happy!
Gregory: Should we put KSM on trial in New York?
Schumer: no fucking way Fluffy!!
Gregory: People hate Congress which means they hate Democrats
Schumer: we’ll see in the fall how much people hate the stimulus, health care and financial reform
Gregory: you’re optimistic
Schumer: fucking right!
Gregory: What about Specter?
Schumer: he’s has no principles at all
- that’s why we need him in the U.S. Senate
[ break ]
Gregory: Mitch you supported Harriet Meirs
and she was Bush’s pet sitter!
McConnell: Meirs was a disaster which only proves we can’t have Kagan
Gregory: tell me why she is evil
McConnell: she wants to ban pamphlets
and hates soldiers
Gregory: is she qualified or not?
McConnell: we’ll decide later how we will accuse
her of being a radical anti-American
Gregory: sounds like hypocrisy
McConnell: yeah but Democrats attacked
Clarence Thomas just because he was an inexperienced pervert
Gregory: does she hate the military?
McConnell: obviously she does because Harvard Law students usually go to an ivy league law school because they want to join the Army
Gregory: are you mad at BP?
McConnell: why are we criticizing BP when Obama
is clearly to blame for allowing offshore drilling and not fixing the spill immediately?!?
Gregory: should we cap BP’s liability?
McConnell: oh no - we should allow people who can’t afford to clean up their messes to drill or it wouldn’t be far to all the mom and pop
oil-rig drilling operations
Gregory: Is noted loon Rand Paul going to seize control of the GOP?
McConnell: yes but Obama lost to a male model
Gregory: you expect Paul to be your candidate
McConnell: I will support whichever lunatic
wins the GOP nomination
Gregory: Obama says Republicans drove this country into a ditch for 8 years and you can’t
have the keys again!
McConnell: look we all know George Bush was horrible President - but Obama is helping
American car companies and he tripled the
debt in the next ten years
Gregory: but that hasn’t happened yet
McConnell: also he will take over the Internet
Gregory: also hypothetical
McConnell: the President has lost 3,000 jobs!
Gregory: is that all?
McConnell: he’s stealing from our grandchildren!
Gregory: ok thanks for coming
[ break]
Gregory: Obama’s pretty popular
Murphy: Yes - the Democrats are doomed!
Shrum: that’s true but there was a poll 10 minutes ago saying pundits’ positions have shift 1 percent
Gregory: people like Obama but not his policies
Alter: it was all too much change! The US was losing 700,000 jobs and now we’re adding 200,000 jobs and that’s hard for people handle!
Noonan: He’s like Reagan - he’s likeable but presiding over a recession - so he’s doomed
Gregory: but Reagan was reelected
Noonan: true but Mondale was a doofus
Shrum: Reagan carried every state plus Canada because the economy boomed!
Gregory: Kagan will probably easily confirmed
Murphy: I’m going to cry about Robert Bork now
Shrum: take a hankie Mike
[ hands Murphy a tissue ]
Alter: this will hurt Obama because people think he hates the Army because he acts like he’s their boss and they don’t like taking orders from him
Gregory: let’s weep for Robert Bork some more
Noonan: [ sobs ]
Young people get assassinated by liberals
if they have opinions
Gregory: she’s stirred controversy by suggesting people should have civil rights but luckily not everyone
Noonan: we need to stop attacking justices for
their colorful views and instead attack them for
being Latina
Shrum: let’s be clear - Robert Bork was out of his fucking mind
Noonan: yes but criticism of him came within 45 minutes of his nomination - liberals are the balsa wood drones of politics
Gregory: Arlen Specter has no principles at all -
will that hurt him?
Alter: yes but he’s against cancer
Gregory: Blanche Lincoln is finding out
centrism sucks
Noonan: so so so so sad
Shrum: sure she’s attacked from both sides
because she does nothing for all sides
Alter: Long live the lunch-bucket Reagan Democrats!!
Gregory: Saint McCain is in trouble too even though he wants to complete the dang fence
Alter: it’s sad
Gregory: he was in favor of immigration reform and now he sounds like a cross between
Ted Nugent and Grampa Simpson
Noonan: it’s pathetic
Murphy: Obama is behind murders in Arizona!
Shrum: really that’s what you want to go with?
Murphy: Muuuurrder!!!!!
Gregory: ok that’s another episode of Meet the Press
****************************
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Jonathan Alter
Peggy Noonan
Bob Shrum
Mike Murphy
******************************
Gregory: So BP has failed yet again to stop
the worst oil spill ever - I can’t wait to see their
junk shot
Obama: fuck these finger-pointing motherfuckers!
Schumer: damm cocksuckers!
Gregory: should there be a cap on their liability?
Schumer: hell fucking no!
Gregory: are you mad?
Schumer: yes we all are very angry at BP -
they wrecked the Democratic climate bill compromise pushing for more drilling!
Gregory: that’s sad
Schumer: so clearly we should do more
offshore drilling - that’s red white and blue oil!!!
Gregory: Kagan says the Senate hearings are a farce
Schumer: Dancing should not be a part of it
Gregory: dammit
Schumer: She’s awesome because she’s practical - she’s not from some fancy ivory tower
Gregory: how so?
Schumer: she was Dean of Harvard Law School
Gregory: dude it’s not exactly Deadliest Catch
Schumer: hey the Dean has to work with many
weird people like the Federalist Society
Gregory: is she a liberal or a moderate?
Schumer: she’s a forceful, practical, New Yorker - she will shank Scalia if she has to!
Gregory: will she promote Executive Power?
Schumer: yes she will but Obama’s President now - suck it wingnuts!
Gregory: is she a blank slate?
Schumer: that’s the beauty of it - she can be whatever you want her to be!
Gregory: Did Obama tell New York to drop dead?
Schumer: Hey Underoos Man and Propane Boy showed us the world is trying to destroy New York!
Gregory: I thought that was the GOP
Schumer: screw the bean counters - Peter King
and Mike Bloomberg are not happy!
Gregory: Should we put KSM on trial in New York?
Schumer: no fucking way Fluffy!!
Gregory: People hate Congress which means they hate Democrats
Schumer: we’ll see in the fall how much people hate the stimulus, health care and financial reform
Gregory: you’re optimistic
Schumer: fucking right!
Gregory: What about Specter?
Schumer: he’s has no principles at all
- that’s why we need him in the U.S. Senate
[ break ]
Gregory: Mitch you supported Harriet Meirs
and she was Bush’s pet sitter!
McConnell: Meirs was a disaster which only proves we can’t have Kagan
Gregory: tell me why she is evil
McConnell: she wants to ban pamphlets
and hates soldiers
Gregory: is she qualified or not?
McConnell: we’ll decide later how we will accuse
her of being a radical anti-American
Gregory: sounds like hypocrisy
McConnell: yeah but Democrats attacked
Clarence Thomas just because he was an inexperienced pervert
Gregory: does she hate the military?
McConnell: obviously she does because Harvard Law students usually go to an ivy league law school because they want to join the Army
Gregory: are you mad at BP?
McConnell: why are we criticizing BP when Obama
is clearly to blame for allowing offshore drilling and not fixing the spill immediately?!?
Gregory: should we cap BP’s liability?
McConnell: oh no - we should allow people who can’t afford to clean up their messes to drill or it wouldn’t be far to all the mom and pop
oil-rig drilling operations
Gregory: Is noted loon Rand Paul going to seize control of the GOP?
McConnell: yes but Obama lost to a male model
Gregory: you expect Paul to be your candidate
McConnell: I will support whichever lunatic
wins the GOP nomination
Gregory: Obama says Republicans drove this country into a ditch for 8 years and you can’t
have the keys again!
McConnell: look we all know George Bush was horrible President - but Obama is helping
American car companies and he tripled the
debt in the next ten years
Gregory: but that hasn’t happened yet
McConnell: also he will take over the Internet
Gregory: also hypothetical
McConnell: the President has lost 3,000 jobs!
Gregory: is that all?
McConnell: he’s stealing from our grandchildren!
Gregory: ok thanks for coming
[ break]
Gregory: Obama’s pretty popular
Murphy: Yes - the Democrats are doomed!
Shrum: that’s true but there was a poll 10 minutes ago saying pundits’ positions have shift 1 percent
Gregory: people like Obama but not his policies
Alter: it was all too much change! The US was losing 700,000 jobs and now we’re adding 200,000 jobs and that’s hard for people handle!
Noonan: He’s like Reagan - he’s likeable but presiding over a recession - so he’s doomed
Gregory: but Reagan was reelected
Noonan: true but Mondale was a doofus
Shrum: Reagan carried every state plus Canada because the economy boomed!
Gregory: Kagan will probably easily confirmed
Murphy: I’m going to cry about Robert Bork now
Shrum: take a hankie Mike
[ hands Murphy a tissue ]
Alter: this will hurt Obama because people think he hates the Army because he acts like he’s their boss and they don’t like taking orders from him
Gregory: let’s weep for Robert Bork some more
Noonan: [ sobs ]
Young people get assassinated by liberals
if they have opinions
Gregory: she’s stirred controversy by suggesting people should have civil rights but luckily not everyone
Noonan: we need to stop attacking justices for
their colorful views and instead attack them for
being Latina
Shrum: let’s be clear - Robert Bork was out of his fucking mind
Noonan: yes but criticism of him came within 45 minutes of his nomination - liberals are the balsa wood drones of politics
Gregory: Arlen Specter has no principles at all -
will that hurt him?
Alter: yes but he’s against cancer
Gregory: Blanche Lincoln is finding out
centrism sucks
Noonan: so so so so sad
Shrum: sure she’s attacked from both sides
because she does nothing for all sides
Alter: Long live the lunch-bucket Reagan Democrats!!
Gregory: Saint McCain is in trouble too even though he wants to complete the dang fence
Alter: it’s sad
Gregory: he was in favor of immigration reform and now he sounds like a cross between
Ted Nugent and Grampa Simpson
Noonan: it’s pathetic
Murphy: Obama is behind murders in Arizona!
Shrum: really that’s what you want to go with?
Murphy: Muuuurrder!!!!!
Gregory: ok that’s another episode of Meet the Press
****************************
This Week with Jake Tapper - May 16, 2010
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Sen. Pat Leahy (D-VT)
Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL)
**************************
Tapper: what about Elena Kagan?
Leahy: I want a rapid confirmation but I need
Jeff Sessions’ permission
Tapper: Kagan said the Senate is vapid and hollow
Leahy: we all know that
Tapper: why are confirmation hearings so ridiculous?
Leahy: people with opinions must recuse themselves from all other cases
Tapper: why?
Leahy: because thinking about anything means
you are unfairly biased
Tapper: I see
Leahy: she needs to appear to be an unthinking dolt to impress the Senate
Sessions: She needs to be like john Roberts and openly lie to the Senate about her intentions
Tapper: Do you think she hates the military?
Sessions: this is major issue - if the military can’t use the office of career services how can Harvard Law Students possibly find their way to a recruiting office??
Leahy: I realize the GOP are insane but give
me a break
Sessions: No no no - you know how stupid those ivy leaguers are - we might have won the Iraq war if we had more Harvard Law Students on the front lines
Tapper: She wrote a friend of the court brief on a case that went the other way - doesn’t that prove
she can’t be on the Supreme Court
Leahy: is being a dumbass disqualifying from hosting a Sunday Talk show?
Tapper: no
Leahy: well there you go
Tapper: does she love female persons or male persons?
Sessions: I don’t care - I love corporate persons
Tapper: Should we repeal those pesky
Miranda rights?
Leahy: yes but we have to do so within
the Constitution
Tapper: well that’s fucking annoying
Sessions: yee haw
Tapper: Should we protect oil companies from paying for their mistakes?
Sessions: let’s not be too hard on BP - I mean they are very nice people who have suffered greatly during this terrible time of the environmental
disaster they caused
Leahy: Jesus Christ Republicans filibustered an attempt to hold BP accountable
Sessions: did we?
Leahy: yes you did fucker
************************
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Sen. Pat Leahy (D-VT)
Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL)
**************************
Tapper: what about Elena Kagan?
Leahy: I want a rapid confirmation but I need
Jeff Sessions’ permission
Tapper: Kagan said the Senate is vapid and hollow
Leahy: we all know that
Tapper: why are confirmation hearings so ridiculous?
Leahy: people with opinions must recuse themselves from all other cases
Tapper: why?
Leahy: because thinking about anything means
you are unfairly biased
Tapper: I see
Leahy: she needs to appear to be an unthinking dolt to impress the Senate
Sessions: She needs to be like john Roberts and openly lie to the Senate about her intentions
Tapper: Do you think she hates the military?
Sessions: this is major issue - if the military can’t use the office of career services how can Harvard Law Students possibly find their way to a recruiting office??
Leahy: I realize the GOP are insane but give
me a break
Sessions: No no no - you know how stupid those ivy leaguers are - we might have won the Iraq war if we had more Harvard Law Students on the front lines
Tapper: She wrote a friend of the court brief on a case that went the other way - doesn’t that prove
she can’t be on the Supreme Court
Leahy: is being a dumbass disqualifying from hosting a Sunday Talk show?
Tapper: no
Leahy: well there you go
Tapper: does she love female persons or male persons?
Sessions: I don’t care - I love corporate persons
Tapper: Should we repeal those pesky
Miranda rights?
Leahy: yes but we have to do so within
the Constitution
Tapper: well that’s fucking annoying
Sessions: yee haw
Tapper: Should we protect oil companies from paying for their mistakes?
Sessions: let’s not be too hard on BP - I mean they are very nice people who have suffered greatly during this terrible time of the environmental
disaster they caused
Leahy: Jesus Christ Republicans filibustered an attempt to hold BP accountable
Sessions: did we?
Leahy: yes you did fucker
************************
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Meet The Press with Eric Holder - May 9, 2010
Guests:
Eric Holder - U.S. Attorney General
E.J. Dionne
David Brooks
Katty Kay
Wes Moore
******************
Gregory: is the Connecticut MBA bomber
a jihadist from Pakistan?
Holder: the Pakistan Taliban provided the financing and upfront costs for a percentage of the gross
and licensing rights
Gregory: they also brought us the assassination of Benazir Bhutto and the Miley Cyrus movie
Holder: it’s frightening
Gregory: but Janet Napolitano told me he
was a lone wolf!
Holder: she was playing you Fluffy
Gregory: is Pakistan going to help?
Holder: they’d fucking better
Gregory: how did a guy with a MBA become an unethical radical soulless dipshit?
Holder: it’s a mystery
Gregory: how come you didn’t arrest him
before he committed a crime?
Holder: it’s doesn’t work that way Dancing Dave
Gregory: these are homegrown terrorists!
Holder: they are people with clean skins
Gregory: like who use ivory soap?
Holder: yes - also white people
Gregory: why don’t you track all people
who go to Pakistan
Holder: 200,000 people!?
Gregory: yes dammit!
Holder: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: ok just stop the brown people who
travel to Pakistan
Holder: you’re full of bright ideas
Gregory: but you wouldn’t waste time searching
a white woman would you?
Holder: hey I could get arrested for doing that in Alabama
Gregory: why would you give an American citizen Miranda warnings - are you crazy??
Holder: Look first we interrogate, then we torture and after we get the information we want, then we give
Miranda warnings
Gregory: I’m still scared
Holder: I can tell
Gregory: so you want Congress to pass a law
letting you torture first and give them rights later
Holder: damm right Greggers
Gregory: that’s big news
Holder: correctamundo motherfucker
Gregory: will you buy KSM a house if he’s acquitted?
Holder: no you idiot
Gregory: well that’s hypocrisy
Holder: well it’s not like he’s got a green card stupid
Gregory: but you held a press conference about
the Times Square bomber!
Holder: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: what’s the holdup with KSM?!?
Holder: dude holding a trial in downtown NYC ain’t like a opening a lemonade stand!
Gregory: Gitmo is still open! FBI agents waste time chasing terrorists! My conditioner is not making my hair silky enough!
Holder: Jesus Christ do you have a fever?
Gregory: is racism over?
Holder: no - look at Arizona
[ break ]
Gregory: hey the Connecticut guy got money
from Pakistan
Brooks: this was an international plot involving
three whole canisters of propane!
Moore: it’s hate filled region with very porous border
Gregory: so Afghanistan is just like Arizona
Kay: racial screening can backfire
Dionne: propane scares me - this is real terrorism!
Gregory: but we can’t really stop terror attacks -
and this dude is obviously an idiot
Brooks: coming from you that means a lot
Gregory: thanks
Brooks: exactly - we need not to panic - also repeal the Constitution
Gregory: right - how else can we get the information we need??
Moore: we are a nation of laws - so we need to repeal those laws
Gregory: We’re going to have a Karzai love-fest this week
Kay: he’s going to a ribbon cutting at a Best Buy and be a guest judge on Project Runway
Dionne: I hate the term ‘lawyered up’ - lawyers defend rights for a reason
Gregory: but these are not people suspected of a crime - these are terrorists we need to torture!
Dionne: we should not trash our rights just because some loon bought some propane
Brooks: yes but at some point we should just salute the leader and give him unlimited power
Kay: Bush gave terrorists Miranda rights!
Brooks: well he was wrong - go Obama!
Gregory: Let’s talk about Obama’s mind - go EJ!
Dionne: Obama would like to nominate the person he thinks is best qualified in the whole country to
sit on the Supreme Court
Gregory: who is that?
Dionne: himself
Kay: Kagan is like a white female Obama - a consensus-seeking centrist
Moore: he needs to nominate someone who take Roberts in the annual SCOTUS Feats of Strength
Gregory: the Utah GOP told Bennett to fuck off
Brooks: his big mistake was to try and get things done - real conservatives hate that
Gregory: the modern Republican party has decided to drive out everyone out is not utterly insane
Brooks: hey TARP was a bad idea but conservatives have to work with liberals - they’re in the minority!
Gregory: everyone is mad at government and Obama sucks
Dionne: the people who are really mad are people who believe in government and don’t like to
see it suck
Dionne: it’s about basic values like rewarding the hard work of lobbyists
Kay: the lesson from Britain is that third-parties fail
Gregory: it’s great theatre
Kay: yes it would funny if it weren’t going to wreck the county
Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press
*******************
Eric Holder - U.S. Attorney General
E.J. Dionne
David Brooks
Katty Kay
Wes Moore
******************
Gregory: is the Connecticut MBA bomber
a jihadist from Pakistan?
Holder: the Pakistan Taliban provided the financing and upfront costs for a percentage of the gross
and licensing rights
Gregory: they also brought us the assassination of Benazir Bhutto and the Miley Cyrus movie
Holder: it’s frightening
Gregory: but Janet Napolitano told me he
was a lone wolf!
Holder: she was playing you Fluffy
Gregory: is Pakistan going to help?
Holder: they’d fucking better
Gregory: how did a guy with a MBA become an unethical radical soulless dipshit?
Holder: it’s a mystery
Gregory: how come you didn’t arrest him
before he committed a crime?
Holder: it’s doesn’t work that way Dancing Dave
Gregory: these are homegrown terrorists!
Holder: they are people with clean skins
Gregory: like who use ivory soap?
Holder: yes - also white people
Gregory: why don’t you track all people
who go to Pakistan
Holder: 200,000 people!?
Gregory: yes dammit!
Holder: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: ok just stop the brown people who
travel to Pakistan
Holder: you’re full of bright ideas
Gregory: but you wouldn’t waste time searching
a white woman would you?
Holder: hey I could get arrested for doing that in Alabama
Gregory: why would you give an American citizen Miranda warnings - are you crazy??
Holder: Look first we interrogate, then we torture and after we get the information we want, then we give
Miranda warnings
Gregory: I’m still scared
Holder: I can tell
Gregory: so you want Congress to pass a law
letting you torture first and give them rights later
Holder: damm right Greggers
Gregory: that’s big news
Holder: correctamundo motherfucker
Gregory: will you buy KSM a house if he’s acquitted?
Holder: no you idiot
Gregory: well that’s hypocrisy
Holder: well it’s not like he’s got a green card stupid
Gregory: but you held a press conference about
the Times Square bomber!
Holder: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: what’s the holdup with KSM?!?
Holder: dude holding a trial in downtown NYC ain’t like a opening a lemonade stand!
Gregory: Gitmo is still open! FBI agents waste time chasing terrorists! My conditioner is not making my hair silky enough!
Holder: Jesus Christ do you have a fever?
Gregory: is racism over?
Holder: no - look at Arizona
[ break ]
Gregory: hey the Connecticut guy got money
from Pakistan
Brooks: this was an international plot involving
three whole canisters of propane!
Moore: it’s hate filled region with very porous border
Gregory: so Afghanistan is just like Arizona
Kay: racial screening can backfire
Dionne: propane scares me - this is real terrorism!
Gregory: but we can’t really stop terror attacks -
and this dude is obviously an idiot
Brooks: coming from you that means a lot
Gregory: thanks
Brooks: exactly - we need not to panic - also repeal the Constitution
Gregory: right - how else can we get the information we need??
Moore: we are a nation of laws - so we need to repeal those laws
Gregory: We’re going to have a Karzai love-fest this week
Kay: he’s going to a ribbon cutting at a Best Buy and be a guest judge on Project Runway
Dionne: I hate the term ‘lawyered up’ - lawyers defend rights for a reason
Gregory: but these are not people suspected of a crime - these are terrorists we need to torture!
Dionne: we should not trash our rights just because some loon bought some propane
Brooks: yes but at some point we should just salute the leader and give him unlimited power
Kay: Bush gave terrorists Miranda rights!
Brooks: well he was wrong - go Obama!
Gregory: Let’s talk about Obama’s mind - go EJ!
Dionne: Obama would like to nominate the person he thinks is best qualified in the whole country to
sit on the Supreme Court
Gregory: who is that?
Dionne: himself
Kay: Kagan is like a white female Obama - a consensus-seeking centrist
Moore: he needs to nominate someone who take Roberts in the annual SCOTUS Feats of Strength
Gregory: the Utah GOP told Bennett to fuck off
Brooks: his big mistake was to try and get things done - real conservatives hate that
Gregory: the modern Republican party has decided to drive out everyone out is not utterly insane
Brooks: hey TARP was a bad idea but conservatives have to work with liberals - they’re in the minority!
Gregory: everyone is mad at government and Obama sucks
Dionne: the people who are really mad are people who believe in government and don’t like to
see it suck
Dionne: it’s about basic values like rewarding the hard work of lobbyists
Kay: the lesson from Britain is that third-parties fail
Gregory: it’s great theatre
Kay: yes it would funny if it weren’t going to wreck the county
Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press
*******************
This Week with Jake Tapper - May 9, 2010
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Eric Holder - U.S. Attorney General
Rudy Giuliani
*************************
Tapper: so what’s up with the MBA bomber?
Holder: he might be connected to the Taliban
in Pakistan
Tapper: I thought Pakistan was our friend
Holder: oh they are - we are working closing with them like we are working closely with BP
Tapper: what consequences will they face?
Holder: we will write them a strongly worded letter telling them to clean up their mess
Tapper: I meant Pakistan - not BP
Holder: so did I
Tapper: Propane Boy was on a terror watch list for bringing large sums of cash into America -
why take him off the list?
Holder: dude we *want* people bringing cash into the U.S.!
Tapper: good point
Holder: damm right
Tapper: how the hell did you lose track of this
idiot terrorist?
Holder: he went through the Lincoln tunnel and
the agents didn’t have exact change
Tapper: we only avoided a major terror attack because he was incompetent
Holder: well yeah by that logic we only don’t have terror attacks because we get lucky because people don’t commit attacks
Tapper: isn’t the Constitution an old-fashioned relic? I mean it was written before John McCain was born -
I think
Holder: you’re right - we need to re-write the Constitution to allow for use of thumbscrews for
really bad guys
Tapper: Holy Joe wants to take away citizenship from people he doesn’t like - isn’t he right - after all Obama wants the authority to kill Americans
Holder: yes Obama would assassinate but not take away their citizenship
Tapper: so what would that mean?
Holder: [ pulls gun out ]
they have the right to remain silent - permanently!
Tapper: cool
Holder: Look we have the right to put people in a gulag and execute them - Sen. Droopy should
calm down
Tapper: have Gitmo prisoners rejoined the fight against America?
Holder: we’re going to send them were that
can’t happen
Tapper: where?
Holder: the island on Lost
Tapper: Are you going to put KSM on trial or what
Holder: we’re going to try him on the People’s Court
Tapper: oh my
Holder: Judge Joe Brown is a badass!
Tapper: you say we’re a nation of cowards because we don’t talk about race - so I dare you to call Arizona a bunch of racists
Holder: damm crackers!
Tapper: will your arrest BP?
Holder: we’re looking at creative options
Tapper: like what?
Holder: it involves tar and feathers
[ break ]
Tapper: Rudy you’re famous and a noted Crazy Person - what would you do with MBA
Propane Boy?
Giuliani: I would have declared him an enemy combatant, revoked his rights, tortured him for
5 or 6 hours and then never say anything because you know how reticent I am to brag about stopping terrorism
Tapper: so you would repeal the Constitution?
Giuliani: absolutely - look all this political correctness - Major Hasan, the underpants
bomber and now this guy - this is a pattern!
Tapper: what’s the pattern?
Giuliani: [laughs] ha ha ha ha
Tapper: what are you laughing at loony
Giuliani: warning people about their rights makes
no sense!
Tapper: oh no?
Giuliani: it’s not good policy - we need to torture people right now!!
Tapper: if you say so
Giuliani: [ laughs ] haw haw haw
Tapper: isn’t it glorifying these idiots to call
them combatants?
Giuliani: [ laughs ] we have to crush their testicles and I’d be happy to test the Constitutionality of that!
Tapper: you’re a very strange person, aren’t you?
Giuliani: [ laughs, drinks cup of blood ]
Tapper: isn’t driving Senator Bennett out of the
party out insane?
Giuliani: Obama is driving us to European
social democracy!
Tapper: how so?
Giuliani: like the big bailout of the banks
Tapper: Bush did that
Giuliani: and lending money to car companies for them to turn around and save thousands of jobs
Tapper: anything else?
Giuliani: and national security
Tapper: has Europe been attacked lately?
Giuliani: Europe has been overrun with
brown people - do we really want America to become like that?
Tapper: good luck with that Rudy
Giuliani: [ turns into bat, flies away ]
*****************
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Eric Holder - U.S. Attorney General
Rudy Giuliani
*************************
Tapper: so what’s up with the MBA bomber?
Holder: he might be connected to the Taliban
in Pakistan
Tapper: I thought Pakistan was our friend
Holder: oh they are - we are working closing with them like we are working closely with BP
Tapper: what consequences will they face?
Holder: we will write them a strongly worded letter telling them to clean up their mess
Tapper: I meant Pakistan - not BP
Holder: so did I
Tapper: Propane Boy was on a terror watch list for bringing large sums of cash into America -
why take him off the list?
Holder: dude we *want* people bringing cash into the U.S.!
Tapper: good point
Holder: damm right
Tapper: how the hell did you lose track of this
idiot terrorist?
Holder: he went through the Lincoln tunnel and
the agents didn’t have exact change
Tapper: we only avoided a major terror attack because he was incompetent
Holder: well yeah by that logic we only don’t have terror attacks because we get lucky because people don’t commit attacks
Tapper: isn’t the Constitution an old-fashioned relic? I mean it was written before John McCain was born -
I think
Holder: you’re right - we need to re-write the Constitution to allow for use of thumbscrews for
really bad guys
Tapper: Holy Joe wants to take away citizenship from people he doesn’t like - isn’t he right - after all Obama wants the authority to kill Americans
Holder: yes Obama would assassinate but not take away their citizenship
Tapper: so what would that mean?
Holder: [ pulls gun out ]
they have the right to remain silent - permanently!
Tapper: cool
Holder: Look we have the right to put people in a gulag and execute them - Sen. Droopy should
calm down
Tapper: have Gitmo prisoners rejoined the fight against America?
Holder: we’re going to send them were that
can’t happen
Tapper: where?
Holder: the island on Lost
Tapper: Are you going to put KSM on trial or what
Holder: we’re going to try him on the People’s Court
Tapper: oh my
Holder: Judge Joe Brown is a badass!
Tapper: you say we’re a nation of cowards because we don’t talk about race - so I dare you to call Arizona a bunch of racists
Holder: damm crackers!
Tapper: will your arrest BP?
Holder: we’re looking at creative options
Tapper: like what?
Holder: it involves tar and feathers
[ break ]
Tapper: Rudy you’re famous and a noted Crazy Person - what would you do with MBA
Propane Boy?
Giuliani: I would have declared him an enemy combatant, revoked his rights, tortured him for
5 or 6 hours and then never say anything because you know how reticent I am to brag about stopping terrorism
Tapper: so you would repeal the Constitution?
Giuliani: absolutely - look all this political correctness - Major Hasan, the underpants
bomber and now this guy - this is a pattern!
Tapper: what’s the pattern?
Giuliani: [laughs] ha ha ha ha
Tapper: what are you laughing at loony
Giuliani: warning people about their rights makes
no sense!
Tapper: oh no?
Giuliani: it’s not good policy - we need to torture people right now!!
Tapper: if you say so
Giuliani: [ laughs ] haw haw haw
Tapper: isn’t it glorifying these idiots to call
them combatants?
Giuliani: [ laughs ] we have to crush their testicles and I’d be happy to test the Constitutionality of that!
Tapper: you’re a very strange person, aren’t you?
Giuliani: [ laughs, drinks cup of blood ]
Tapper: isn’t driving Senator Bennett out of the
party out insane?
Giuliani: Obama is driving us to European
social democracy!
Tapper: how so?
Giuliani: like the big bailout of the banks
Tapper: Bush did that
Giuliani: and lending money to car companies for them to turn around and save thousands of jobs
Tapper: anything else?
Giuliani: and national security
Tapper: has Europe been attacked lately?
Giuliani: Europe has been overrun with
brown people - do we really want America to become like that?
Tapper: good luck with that Rudy
Giuliani: [ turns into bat, flies away ]
*****************
Sunday, May 02, 2010
Meet The Press - May 2, 2010
Meet The Press
May 2, 2010
Guests:
Hillary Clinton (Sec. of State)
Gov. Charlie Crist (FL)
Janet Napolitano (Sec. of Homeland Security)
Ken Salazar (Sec. of Interior)
Adm. Thad Allen (Coast Guard)
Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN)
Gov. Jennifer Granholm (D-MI)
Gov. Bill Richardson (D-NM)
Rep. Mike Pence (R-IN)
****************************
Gregory: who tried to destroy Times Square?
Napolitano: Giuliani and Disney
Gregory: was it terrorism?
Napolitano: It wasn’t an invitation
to a birthday party Fluffy
Gregory: scary!
Napolitano: sure
Gregory: it was a big device
Napolitano: it was a few tanks of propane
which fizzled
Gregory: wow!
Gregory: Commander Allen are you going to
stop this fucking oil spill?
Allen: we’re considering stuffing the
hole with BP executives
Gregory: interesting approach
Allen: people seem to like it
Gregory: how bad will it be?
Salazar: really really bad dancing dave
Gregory: but this could ruin the fishing industry
Salazar: ya think!?
Gregory: worse than Exxon Valdez?
Salazar: I’m sure Exxon hopes so
Gregory: are you playing catch up?
Napolitano: no we were treating this like
the former Bush administration - as an
ongoing catastrophe from the start!
Gregory: did BP lie to you?
Napolitano: yes that’s why we only listen to
their robots who cannot mislead a human
Gregory: are you disappointed in BP?
Napolitano: what - just for destroying several
industries and a fragile coastline?
Gregory: is the Arizona law unconstitutional?
Napolitano: just for singling out brown
suspicious people - pshaw!
[ break ]
Gregory: welcome Hillary - should we
stop offshore drilling?
Clinton: we should only drill off red states
- see if they like it
Gregory: Mexico says Arizona will harass
visitors and criminalize being brown
Clinton: I understand people are frustrated but this could lead to profiling funny-looking visitors from New York like Chuck Schumer
Gregory: does it encourage profiling?
Clinton: of course it does!
Gregory: is it unconstitutional?
Clinton: just to ask citizens to carry ID
papers at all times - gee I don’t know
Gregory: the Taliban is winning the Afghan war!
Clinton: that’s only from October through
March of this year
Gregory: we won the war in April?
Clinton: oh yeah everything changed
Gregory: how so?
Clinton: the Taliban paid people to fight but
we can throw money around too
Gregory: cool
Clinton: but they will have to give up their
guns, renounce violence and promise to obey
the Constitution
Gregory: you can’t even get the Tea Party to do that!
Clinton: yes but you can reason with the Taliban
Gregory: should we attack Iran?
Clinton: we may have to - they are violating the NPT!
Gregory: do you think we could have a third
party like they do in the UK?
Clinton: there’s always room for lunatics like John Anderson, Ross Perot, and Joe Lieberman
Gregory: the President of Sudan is a war criminal who is wanted for crimes against humanity
Clinton: well so is George W. Bush and he
has a book coming out
Gregory: yeah but he wasn’t legitimately elected
Clinton: are we talking about Bashir or Bush
Gregory: does it matter?
Gregory: the State Department is working with
the private sector
Clinton: the Shanghai Expo is going to feature the City of the Future with American-made Flying Cars!
Gregory: are you going to stay on the job?
Clinton: sure
Gregory: you don’t want to be on the Supreme Court?
Clinton: oh no - I would strangle Scalia the first week
[ break ]
Gregory: Charlie you pledged loyalty to the GOP
- what happened?
Crist: I had an epiphany over Easter
Gregory: the people hate you
Crist: no that’s just Republicans who vote in primaries - and those people are fucking lunatics
Gregory: will you caucus with the GOP?
Crist: I’ll caucus with myself
Gregory: that’s stupid
Crist: gridlock common sense blah blah
Gregory: would you repeal health care reform?
Crist: sure we have to because we have something
like it in Florida
Gregory: what about carbon dioxide?
Crist: you could stop breathing Greggers
Gregory: ha!
Gregory: should we ban offshore drilling?
Crist: yes - no one likes to bathe in crude
Gregory: drill baby drill?
Crist: that frightens me
Gregory: how can you possibly win?
Crist: if I stop that asshole Rubio that’s win enough
[ break ]
Gregory: Lamar what happened with Crist?
Alexander: running as independent
undermines democracy
Gregory: it does?
Alexander: he’s breaking the rules by not
running as an Republican
Richardson: it’s fun watching the Republican
completely crack up
Pence: no - the real story here is the rise of real conservative values and opposing
spending and borrowing
Gregory: why do you hate Nixon, Ford, Ronald Reagan,
Bush and Bush II?
Pence: no this is the new Republican party -
not like the party for the last 50 years
Gregory: has Obama failed with the BP spill?
Granholm: I heard you were a moron Fluffy -
only you could hear “drill baby drill” for a year and blame Obama
Alexander: the GOP are the real environmentalists - which means we have to keep drilling in the Gulf
Gregory: are you serious?
Alexander: sure it’s already covered in oil so
now is the perfect time
Richardson: we need a national oceans
policy in 2011
Gregory: we could call it Oceans 11
Gregory: is passing racist laws the solution
to our immigration problem?
Granholm: we could do that - or develop an overall solution to immigration, energy and economics
Pence: sure harassing people based on skin color is not a perfect solution but let’s not throw stones at the sad little racists in Arizona
Gregory: what’s your solution?
Pence: easy - build a fence!
Richardson: this is stupid - we need a really big fence - and earned legalization
Alexander: sure we can laugh at the racists in Arizona - but Obama is Commander in Chief and it’s time he started treating Tempe like the hellhole war zone that it is
Gregory: it’s not the heat it’s the stupidity
Alexander: right
******************
posted by Culture of Truth
May 2, 2010
Guests:
Hillary Clinton (Sec. of State)
Gov. Charlie Crist (FL)
Janet Napolitano (Sec. of Homeland Security)
Ken Salazar (Sec. of Interior)
Adm. Thad Allen (Coast Guard)
Sen. Lamar Alexander (R-TN)
Gov. Jennifer Granholm (D-MI)
Gov. Bill Richardson (D-NM)
Rep. Mike Pence (R-IN)
****************************
Gregory: who tried to destroy Times Square?
Napolitano: Giuliani and Disney
Gregory: was it terrorism?
Napolitano: It wasn’t an invitation
to a birthday party Fluffy
Gregory: scary!
Napolitano: sure
Gregory: it was a big device
Napolitano: it was a few tanks of propane
which fizzled
Gregory: wow!
Gregory: Commander Allen are you going to
stop this fucking oil spill?
Allen: we’re considering stuffing the
hole with BP executives
Gregory: interesting approach
Allen: people seem to like it
Gregory: how bad will it be?
Salazar: really really bad dancing dave
Gregory: but this could ruin the fishing industry
Salazar: ya think!?
Gregory: worse than Exxon Valdez?
Salazar: I’m sure Exxon hopes so
Gregory: are you playing catch up?
Napolitano: no we were treating this like
the former Bush administration - as an
ongoing catastrophe from the start!
Gregory: did BP lie to you?
Napolitano: yes that’s why we only listen to
their robots who cannot mislead a human
Gregory: are you disappointed in BP?
Napolitano: what - just for destroying several
industries and a fragile coastline?
Gregory: is the Arizona law unconstitutional?
Napolitano: just for singling out brown
suspicious people - pshaw!
[ break ]
Gregory: welcome Hillary - should we
stop offshore drilling?
Clinton: we should only drill off red states
- see if they like it
Gregory: Mexico says Arizona will harass
visitors and criminalize being brown
Clinton: I understand people are frustrated but this could lead to profiling funny-looking visitors from New York like Chuck Schumer
Gregory: does it encourage profiling?
Clinton: of course it does!
Gregory: is it unconstitutional?
Clinton: just to ask citizens to carry ID
papers at all times - gee I don’t know
Gregory: the Taliban is winning the Afghan war!
Clinton: that’s only from October through
March of this year
Gregory: we won the war in April?
Clinton: oh yeah everything changed
Gregory: how so?
Clinton: the Taliban paid people to fight but
we can throw money around too
Gregory: cool
Clinton: but they will have to give up their
guns, renounce violence and promise to obey
the Constitution
Gregory: you can’t even get the Tea Party to do that!
Clinton: yes but you can reason with the Taliban
Gregory: should we attack Iran?
Clinton: we may have to - they are violating the NPT!
Gregory: do you think we could have a third
party like they do in the UK?
Clinton: there’s always room for lunatics like John Anderson, Ross Perot, and Joe Lieberman
Gregory: the President of Sudan is a war criminal who is wanted for crimes against humanity
Clinton: well so is George W. Bush and he
has a book coming out
Gregory: yeah but he wasn’t legitimately elected
Clinton: are we talking about Bashir or Bush
Gregory: does it matter?
Gregory: the State Department is working with
the private sector
Clinton: the Shanghai Expo is going to feature the City of the Future with American-made Flying Cars!
Gregory: are you going to stay on the job?
Clinton: sure
Gregory: you don’t want to be on the Supreme Court?
Clinton: oh no - I would strangle Scalia the first week
[ break ]
Gregory: Charlie you pledged loyalty to the GOP
- what happened?
Crist: I had an epiphany over Easter
Gregory: the people hate you
Crist: no that’s just Republicans who vote in primaries - and those people are fucking lunatics
Gregory: will you caucus with the GOP?
Crist: I’ll caucus with myself
Gregory: that’s stupid
Crist: gridlock common sense blah blah
Gregory: would you repeal health care reform?
Crist: sure we have to because we have something
like it in Florida
Gregory: what about carbon dioxide?
Crist: you could stop breathing Greggers
Gregory: ha!
Gregory: should we ban offshore drilling?
Crist: yes - no one likes to bathe in crude
Gregory: drill baby drill?
Crist: that frightens me
Gregory: how can you possibly win?
Crist: if I stop that asshole Rubio that’s win enough
[ break ]
Gregory: Lamar what happened with Crist?
Alexander: running as independent
undermines democracy
Gregory: it does?
Alexander: he’s breaking the rules by not
running as an Republican
Richardson: it’s fun watching the Republican
completely crack up
Pence: no - the real story here is the rise of real conservative values and opposing
spending and borrowing
Gregory: why do you hate Nixon, Ford, Ronald Reagan,
Bush and Bush II?
Pence: no this is the new Republican party -
not like the party for the last 50 years
Gregory: has Obama failed with the BP spill?
Granholm: I heard you were a moron Fluffy -
only you could hear “drill baby drill” for a year and blame Obama
Alexander: the GOP are the real environmentalists - which means we have to keep drilling in the Gulf
Gregory: are you serious?
Alexander: sure it’s already covered in oil so
now is the perfect time
Richardson: we need a national oceans
policy in 2011
Gregory: we could call it Oceans 11
Gregory: is passing racist laws the solution
to our immigration problem?
Granholm: we could do that - or develop an overall solution to immigration, energy and economics
Pence: sure harassing people based on skin color is not a perfect solution but let’s not throw stones at the sad little racists in Arizona
Gregory: what’s your solution?
Pence: easy - build a fence!
Richardson: this is stupid - we need a really big fence - and earned legalization
Alexander: sure we can laugh at the racists in Arizona - but Obama is Commander in Chief and it’s time he started treating Tempe like the hellhole war zone that it is
Gregory: it’s not the heat it’s the stupidity
Alexander: right
******************
posted by Culture of Truth
This Week with Jake Tapper - May 2, 2010
May 2, 2010
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Janet Napolitano (Sec. of Homeland Security)
Ken Salazar (Sec. of Interior)
Lamar McKay (President BP America)
**********************
Tapper: Janet what can you tell us about the barbecue bomb and how scared should we be?
Napolitano: don’t worry Jake - we’re panicking
so you don’t have to
Tapper: are we going to catch this loser?
Napolitano: oh yes we’re looking for fingerprints
and hired an alienist and everything
Tapper: how concerned should Americans
be about Times Square?
Napolitano: extremely - they have a fucking
Red Lobster and Bubba Gump shrimp there now!
Tapper: my god it’s worse than I thought
[ break ]
Tapper: Hey British Petroleum how’s drilling
and destroying America working out for you?
McKay: not so good actually
Tapper: so what’s your plan for
stopping the spill?
McKay: give us a break - it’s like doing
open-heart surgery in the dark
Tapper: so you need Hawkeye Pierce?
McKay: we need Noah
Tapper: Building a giant ark
seems a bit extreme
McKay: no I mean NOAA
Tapper: Obama recently called BP ‘useless motherfuckers’
McKay: no everyone in the oil industry is rallying around trying to fix this problem
Tapper: oh so even Exxon and Chevron are going
to help stop the spill and clean up the oil?
McKay: no I meant fixing our image problem
Tapper: you ruined a coastline and
thousands of lives just to save a buck
McKay: capitalism baby!
Tapper: you have no idea what you’re
doing do you?
McKay: not fair - no one could have predicted
that an oil platform in the ocean drilling 5,000 feet for oil could spill oil in the water
Tapper: you opposed safety regulations
McKay: safety is our number one priority
Tapper: really?
McKay: well first making money, then drilling
faster and drilling more and exploiting workers
and resources and actually we don’t care about safety at all
[ break ]
Tapper: did you Coast Guard guys drop the ball?
Allen: bullshit - we were all over this Tapper!
Tapper: but you relied too much on BP?
Allen: hells no Tapp!
Tapper: Can BP stop this spill?
Salazar: those assholes - doubtful
Tapper: what’s your plan
Salazar: hope it gets better
Tapper: why didn’t you start burning
the oil right away?
Napolitano: it’s all mother nature’s fault
Tapper: President Obama says oil rigs
are perfectly safe
Salazar: they are!
Tapper: well except for the ongoing catastrophe
Salazar: well sure if you want to nit pick
Tapper: what’s your worst case scenario?
Napolitano: Palin is elected President
and David Gregory is her press secretary
Tapper: no I meant for the spill
Napolitano: oh that - Alabama covered with
3 feet of oil
Tapper: is the Arizona law unconstitutional?
Napolitano: sure but the real lesson
is we need immigration reform
Tapper: Alberto your family came over
with Christopher Columbus
Salazar: they were on the Pinta baby!
Tapper: so how do you feel about the later arrivers
Salazar: anyone who was on the Nina or
Santa Maria is dead to me - dead!
Tapper: ok then
*****************
posted by Culture of Truth
Host:
Jake Tapper
Guests:
Janet Napolitano (Sec. of Homeland Security)
Ken Salazar (Sec. of Interior)
Lamar McKay (President BP America)
**********************
Tapper: Janet what can you tell us about the barbecue bomb and how scared should we be?
Napolitano: don’t worry Jake - we’re panicking
so you don’t have to
Tapper: are we going to catch this loser?
Napolitano: oh yes we’re looking for fingerprints
and hired an alienist and everything
Tapper: how concerned should Americans
be about Times Square?
Napolitano: extremely - they have a fucking
Red Lobster and Bubba Gump shrimp there now!
Tapper: my god it’s worse than I thought
[ break ]
Tapper: Hey British Petroleum how’s drilling
and destroying America working out for you?
McKay: not so good actually
Tapper: so what’s your plan for
stopping the spill?
McKay: give us a break - it’s like doing
open-heart surgery in the dark
Tapper: so you need Hawkeye Pierce?
McKay: we need Noah
Tapper: Building a giant ark
seems a bit extreme
McKay: no I mean NOAA
Tapper: Obama recently called BP ‘useless motherfuckers’
McKay: no everyone in the oil industry is rallying around trying to fix this problem
Tapper: oh so even Exxon and Chevron are going
to help stop the spill and clean up the oil?
McKay: no I meant fixing our image problem
Tapper: you ruined a coastline and
thousands of lives just to save a buck
McKay: capitalism baby!
Tapper: you have no idea what you’re
doing do you?
McKay: not fair - no one could have predicted
that an oil platform in the ocean drilling 5,000 feet for oil could spill oil in the water
Tapper: you opposed safety regulations
McKay: safety is our number one priority
Tapper: really?
McKay: well first making money, then drilling
faster and drilling more and exploiting workers
and resources and actually we don’t care about safety at all
[ break ]
Tapper: did you Coast Guard guys drop the ball?
Allen: bullshit - we were all over this Tapper!
Tapper: but you relied too much on BP?
Allen: hells no Tapp!
Tapper: Can BP stop this spill?
Salazar: those assholes - doubtful
Tapper: what’s your plan
Salazar: hope it gets better
Tapper: why didn’t you start burning
the oil right away?
Napolitano: it’s all mother nature’s fault
Tapper: President Obama says oil rigs
are perfectly safe
Salazar: they are!
Tapper: well except for the ongoing catastrophe
Salazar: well sure if you want to nit pick
Tapper: what’s your worst case scenario?
Napolitano: Palin is elected President
and David Gregory is her press secretary
Tapper: no I meant for the spill
Napolitano: oh that - Alabama covered with
3 feet of oil
Tapper: is the Arizona law unconstitutional?
Napolitano: sure but the real lesson
is we need immigration reform
Tapper: Alberto your family came over
with Christopher Columbus
Salazar: they were on the Pinta baby!
Tapper: so how do you feel about the later arrivers
Salazar: anyone who was on the Nina or
Santa Maria is dead to me - dead!
Tapper: ok then
*****************
posted by Culture of Truth
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)