Sunday, January 18, 2015

Meet The Press – January 18, 2015

Richard Engel
Gerard Biard – Editor Charlie Hebdo
Robert Gibbs
Kelly O'Donnell
Carol Lee
Michael Steele
Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC)
Dan Pfeiffer – White House Advisor

Todd: omg there are terror raids
all over the world including Belgium

Engel: Belgian cops got into
a shootout with terrorists

Todd: sounds like Belgian
police are on it

Engel: hercule poirot 
has cracked the case

Engel: of course the 
Europeans are bombing ISIS

Engel: but let's be honest
bombing people is America's thing

Metz: terror is cheap but it
can have a big impact –
it's got a great return on investment

Engel: ISIS has gained credibility
since America started bombing it

Engel: ISIS is telling supporters
don't come here – do you terror right
at home which is appealing to
lazy would be terrorists

Engel: Muslims all over the world
are angry about cartoons

Todd: how do we win hearts
and minds like we did so well in Vietnam?

Engel: it's not about hearts and minds

Todd: oh no?

Engel: no you have to find
and destroy ISIS

Todd: what else?

Engel: there are 3,000
motherfucking ISIS fighters in Turkey

Todd: that quite a few

Engel: damn fucking right it is Todd

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Gerard and my condolences

Biard: merci charlie

Todd: how did you put the new issue out

Biard: it was very difficult and emotional

Todd: I can imagine

Biard: some people were there
during the attack and are still in the hospital

Todd: I hope they had good
insurance or they will go bankrupt

Biard: this is a civilized nation Charles

Todd: the Pope says if someone
insults his mother he will punch
him in the face

Biard: when we draw cartoons
of Mohammed we are defending
the freedom of religion because
religion should be private and not public

Todd: I see

Biard: secularism promotes peace

Todd: so you don't attack religion

Biard: religion has no place in politics

Todd: some news organizations
won't run your cartoons

Biard: that cartoon is symbol of freedom
and liberty and when newspapers blur it
out they are blurring out democracy

Todd: are you part of our 
war against radicals?

Biard: we must stop conflating
the murderers and the victims

Todd: but some say both sides do it

Biard: we are not warriors –
we are defending freedom of
conscience and democracy

Todd: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Todd: should governments ask
people not to burn Korans or is
that a violation of freedom of speech

Gibbs: well sure because we need
to remind people we're not at war with Islam

Todd: people want to stand with
Charlie Hebdo but on the other hand
Americans are saying oh boy they
don't support my religion

O'Donnell: exactly Americans want
to support free speech for the
magazine to mock muslims

Todd: what if Charlie Hebdo mocked Jesus
would Republicans support them so much?

Steele: ha ha no not so much Chuck

Todd: how should Americans
respond to cold-blooded murder?

Lee: the white house is trying to balance
being against murder but also not
making Charlie Hebdo the official
publication of the US government

Todd: the white house won't say radical islam!!

Lee: Congress wants to hear
Obama say we're at war muslims!

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Senator Graham

Graham: good morning Todd

Todd: Lindsay we keep killing terrorists
but terrorism doesn't go away so what
went wrong with our strategy

Graham: we didn't bomb Iraq a
nd Syria enough

Todd: I see

Graham: terrorism exists in the world
because Obama withdrew from Iraq

Todd: so what's the answer

Graham: stop all terrorists all over the world

Todd: ok but how

Graham: we must get all bad 
people out of Syria

Todd: um okay

Graham: we must have no-fly zone
over Syria – that should end the war there

Todd: what do you say to people
who don't want to start two more wars

Graham: you either fight them
over there or fight them here

Todd: it's an oldie but a goodie

Graham: let's re-invade Iraq and
get it right this time!

Todd: should we also bomb Nigeria

Graham: no that terror killing
of innocents doesn't count

Todd: of course no

Graham: if we invade Iraq and
Syria then boko haram will get
scared and go away

Todd: President Obama says more
sanctions would hurt chances for a deal

Graham: we would like a deal but
we need to send a message to Iran
is if you walk away from deal we
will have more sanctions

Todd: interesting

Graham: I would forgo sanctions if he
agreed to bring a deal to the Senate
so we can call him weak and sabatoge it

Todd: you said the President
is getting people killed

Graham: yes Iraq is a violent place
because of Barack Obama

Todd: could you expand on that

Graham: thousands of Syrians have
been killed because of Obama

Todd: are you going to run for President?

Graham: I'm definitely thinking about
it because the world is falling apart
and I was proven right that Obama
should not have invaded Iraq in 2003

Todd: thanks for coming Linds

[ break ]

Todd: oh my god the Mitt is back

Romney: the rich are getting richer!

Reporter: what do you think of
Mitt Romney running again?

Obama: no comment ha ha ha

Wall Street Journal: if Mitt is the
answer what is the question?

Audience: name a person who
will never be president

Murdoch: fuck that guy!

Cruz: he's a loser!

Walker: he's out of touch!

Chaffetz: well do you want
another fucking Bush?

Todd: Kelly it doesn't seem
like anyone likes Mitt

O'Donnell: people have been 
telling him for two years you 
should've won and he mistook 
pity and politeness for sincerity

Todd: Peggy Noonan says he
is a downright moron

Steele: he tried and he lost – end of story

Todd: what about some fresh faces

Lee: Clinton is old!

Todd: she's got a point there Bob

Gibbs: the point is Mitt is still a
terrible candidate and kind of idiot

Todd: so what about Hillary?

Gibbs: she's going to run a
better campaign this time

Todd: how do you know?

Gibbs: because she's going
to hire Obama's team

O'Donnell: it's Obama's third term!

Gibbs: no that's a trap – she has
to be her own person and not a
third Obama or Bill Clinton term

Todd: ooh

[ break ]

Todd: omg Obama wants to raise
taxes on the rich and close a trust fund
loophole and give college away for free!

Todd: Dan do you really think a GOP
Congress will raise taxes on rich people

Pfeiffer: oh sure why not

Todd: because giving money to
rich people is kind of their thing

Pfeiffer: it's best for the country!

Todd: no one in Washington thinks
Obama's proposals can pass this Congress

Pfeiffer: who cares – Obama is
trying to help the middle class

Todd: I know you said you would 
veto Keystone but Canada is our 
BFF why not let them build a huge 
pipeline across our country

Pfeiffer: it's a bad idea

Todd: oh come one why not
throw this bone to Canada

Pfeiffer: because Obama is an
American and not Canadian
and Canada is not part of the U.S.

Todd: don't tell Ted Cruz

Todd: why not run an Iran
deal past Congress?

Pfeiffer: Lindsay Graham clearly
desperately wants to be President
and be Commander in Chief
well guess what he's not

Todd: why not give Congress a say?

Pfeiffer: because they'd just
fuck it up and start a war

Todd: how can you be so sure?

Pfeiffer: because they fuck everything up

Todd: good point

[ break ]

Todd: did you know Martin
Luther King changed America?

Audience: no!

Todd: the deep south used to be
reliably Democratic and then after
the Civil Rights Act it went all Republican

Audience: what a coincidence

Todd: then the north was Republican
but it's not any more

Todd: and then lots of African-Americans
got elected to Congress and we 
got a whole lot of black Senators 
well seven actually

Todd: and then there's President Obama

Todd: forget the State of the Union
look at these State of the State addresses

Perry: Obama says we can't have a
clean environment and a
strong economy – well I disagree

Christie: people are terrified across America!

Todd: Christie is very smart

Steele: governors are great because
they balanced budgets in the recession

Gibbs: now that we're close a
Presidential election it's time for
politicians to pretend they care
about the middle class

Todd: are Jeb and Romney 
squeezing Christie?

O'Donnell: yes but be can defend
himself by saying the terrible economy
is the fault of Democrats in New Jersey

Lee: New Jersey is total basket case!

Todd: will gay marriage be a big
deal in the 2016 election?

Steele: darn right – the tea party is
going to be really mad if a conservative
court legalizes this immoral freedom

Todd: they will argue that
forbidding people from getting
married will be about liberty

Todd: giving the response to the
State of the Union is a curse –
Bobby Jindal got lost in a mansion
and Marco Rubio stopped halfway
to drink and Bob McDonnell is in prison

O'Donnell: yes but Joni Ernst is
a combat veteran so she's knows
all about foreign policy

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – January 18, 2015

Host: Martha Raddatz

Alex Marquardt

Pierre Thomas

Jon Karl

Rob Wainwright – Europol

Adm. Robert Harward

Gen. James Cartwright (Ret.)

Gen. Carter Ham (Ret.)

Gen. Keith Alexander – fmr. NSA director

John Cohen – fmr. DHS

Farah Pandith – U.S. State Dept.

Mike Huckabee – fmr. Gov. of Arkansas

Raddatz: OMG it's a terror outbreak!

Marquardt: I'm in Brussels

and the terror is sprouting!

Raddatz: oh my

Marquardt: in Britain there 
could be attack at any moment!

Marquardt: there are soldiers with 
guns patrolling the streets of Europe!

Raddatz: that can't end well

Marquardt: Belgium breeds terrorists!

Raddatz: are they waffling on terror

Marquardt: terrorists may

attack police or synagogues

Raddatz: scary

Marquardt: police say another 
attack is inevitable

Raddatz: nice seeing you again Alex

[ break ]

Raddatz: Rob what the hell

is going on in Europe

Wainwright: young men get

radicalized on the internet

Raddatz: can't they just like write

insane comments on Yahoo like

all the other crazy people?

Wainwright: the terrorists have 
a lot of weapons but they are 
completely disorganized

Raddatz: just like the Cleveland Cavaliers

Wainwright: we all yearn for

the good old days after 9/11

Raddatz: this is worse than

post 9/11 isn't it?

Wainwright: yes but we are going

to crack down and finally defeat

these wily terrorists

Raddatz: how are you going to do that?

Wainwright: we're going start

following them on twitter

Raddatz: what is a sleeper cell and

how is it different from Motel 6

Wainwright: they're like that creature

in a monster movie you find buried and

everyone thinks is dormant so they wake

it up and it eats everyone

Raddatz: ah like Mitt Romney

[ break ]

Raddatz: ok audience let's take

the highway to the danger zone

Audience: wheeee

Raddatz: what's the deal with Yemen?

Harward: it's where all the best

terrorists live now – it's got low taxes,

a nice climate and some of the

best schools in bomb-making

Raddatz: how much of Yemen is ungoverned?

Harward: it's land of remorseless

sociopaths where no law applies

Raddatz: so like a hedge fund

Harward: exactly

Raddatz: how do we catch 
the terrorist's girlfriend?

Cartwright: we're not going to find

her just flying a drone around the middle east

Raddatz: ISIS seems to be in control of Syria

Cartwright: they're following the rivers

Raddatz: America is going to start

training moderate rebels but that

could take a long time

Cartwright: yes but they could provide

us with a complete technical readout

of the ISIS headquarters

Raddatz: you could find a 
weakness and exploit it

Raddatz: General what's up with Boko Haram?

Ham: they're pretty violent

Raddatz: will they attack us in the west?

Ham: it's a great danger that 
boko haram will attack Europe 
and then small towns in America

Raddatz: aaaack!

Raddatz: General how did ISIS hack

the CIA's twitter account?

Alexander: they guessed the CIA's password

was “waterboardingisnottorture123”

Raddatz: I'm really scared

Alexander: the Sony hack proves

we're totally vulnerable to a cyberattack

Raddatz: this is clearly a dire threat

Alexander: darn right Martha

Raddatz: when we come back –

are there sleeper cells in American

and how scared should we be?!?

[ break ]

Raddatz: the threat is real!

Thomas: the threat is real!

Raddatz: I just said that!

Thomas: the terrorists were caught

going into Home Depot two years ago!

Raddatz: oh wow what happened?

Thomas: no one knows – they've

been wandering around looking

for assistance all this time

Thomas: there may be lots of

terrorists in America right now!

Raddatz: eeek

Thomas: just last year ten

Americans tried to join ISIS!

Raddatz: this is the scariest thing ever

Thomas: it's a tense moment Martha

[ break ]

Raddatz: how many sleeper cells

are in the US and how do you find them?

Cohen: the real danger is the 
one you don't see

Raddatz: that's very profound

Cohen: thanks

Raddatz: is the FBI working

with local cops?

Cohen: they're trying but

they don't like each other

Raddatz: a woman died in the DC subway!

Thomas: it's huge!

Raddatz: OMG

Thomas: the good news is

the FBI is on the Interneveryoneet now

Raddatz: oh well problem solved

[ break ]

Raddatz: omg there are 1.6 billion

Muslims and I am terrified

Pandith: ideas don't have borders

and the kids are on the Internet now

Raddatz: I'm plotzing!

Pandith: we must do more

than kill terrorists - we have

to stop their ideology

Raddatz: sell the kids on a better

product than killing innocent

people and suicide bombs

Pandith: whether or not to become

a suicide bomber is one of the most

important decisions a teenager can make

Raddatz: that's true

Pandith: indeed

Raddatz: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Karl: omg Mike Huckabee

won Iowa seven years ago

Huckabee: god demanded I

quit my tv show on Fox

Karl: conservatives are suspicious

because but raised taxes but on the

plus side he attacked Beyonce

Karl: he says the Obamas are bad

parents for letting their kids listen

to that black music

Raddatz: are you running?

Huckabee: of course otherwise why

else would I quit a high paying job on Fox

Raddatz: what will you differently this time?

Huckabee: shake down more billionaires

Raddatz: Romney is going to run and he's rich

Huckabee: yes but on any

given day Romney can say

something really stupid

Raddatz: what about Jeb Bush?

Huckabee: I like Jeb but the country

needs a leader like me who will stop

borrowing money and bomb more places

Raddatz: you said Michelle Obama 
is bad mother because her kids 
listen to Beyonce

Huckabee: why does she force her

children to listen to that evil music?

Raddatz: who should they listen to?

Huckabee: someone wholesome
like Ted Nugent

Raddatz: he called President Obama 
a subhuman mongrel

Huckabee: he meant it in a nice way

Raddatz: can you really call the Obamas

bad parents when your son tortured a

dog to death and you covered it up

Huckabee: that dog had it coming

its was another mongrel

Raddatz: I see

Huckabee: I'm running against Hollywood

which is making us go see all these immoral

movies with women having jobs and stuff

Raddatz: you say you can't run against

women because they have a special treasure

Huckabee: that's right – they're delicate hothouse flowers

Raddatz: you treat women differently from men?

Huckabee: not if they're from New York

those broads can take it!

Raddatz: you've given this a lot of thought


Raddatz: ok ok we get it

Huckabee: God demands it darlin'

Raddatz: thanks for coming