Sunday, July 31, 2011

Meet The Press - July 31, 2011

David Plouffe - White House Advisor
Sen. John Thune (R-SD)
Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID)
Tom Brokaw
Jim Cramer

Gregory: OMG we’re in a debt ceiling crisis
but now I hear we may have deal!

Todd: the deal is a Super Committee which
will recommend spending cuts or there will
be a trigger of automatic spending cuts
across the board

Gregory: that sounds great

Todd: Democrats are not happy so it’s not over yet

Gregory: Pluffy what is the deal?

Plouffe: first we are going to have a trillion
dollars in cuts and then the Super Committee will
recommend more cuts and may look at taxes

Gregory: the Super Committee won’t do
anything will it

Plouffe: there will be pressure from the bipartisan
halleluja chorus for the Super Committee to
make a deal

Gregory: well that’s true but no one can
agree on anything these days

Plouffe: the pressure will come from the
trigger which will have frightening spending cuts

Gregory: so no tax increases at all in this deal?

Plouffe: the Committee will raise taxes!

Gregory: it sounds like you gave everything away
in exchange for vague promises of nothing

Plouffe: Hopefully the Committee will raise taxes

Gregory: what is with all these fucking committees??

Plouffe: people just love committee meetings

Gregory: why don’t you just slash entitlements already?

Plouffe: this debate isn’t over - we’re going to
have this fight over this all through 2011 and 2012

Gregory: what about my 401(k) ??

Plouffe: don’t worry rich people - a deal will
be made to protect you

Gregory: who gets paid when there is a default?

Plouffe: nobody - there’s no fucking money

Gregory: what about soldiers in combat?

Plouffe: the GOP would rather protect
tax breaks for private jets than pay them

Gregory: so what would be in this trigger anyway?

Plouffe: maybe closing tax loopholes
unless the GOP says no

Gregory: Would you cut Medicare please?

Plouffe: that’s what the GOP wants

Gregory: I know that - so do it!

Plouffe: maybe if we raised taxes too

Gregory: would Obama invoke the 14th Amendment?

Plouffe: no - the GOP just wants to create
a Constitutional crisis

Gregory: the economy is not growing at all

Plouffe: Obama inherited a Depression and
this debt ceiling debate hasn’t helped

Gregory: but I’m sure the GOP just wants
to help Obama

Plouffe: we need to put people to work
burning bridges

Gregory: you mean building them?

Plouffe: whatever works

Gregory: don’t we really need a third party ?

Plouffe: the traditional Republican Party has
gone crazy so Obama has stepped in to fill that gap

Gregory: so you’re saying we really need
a third party!

Plouffe: no and Fluffy you’re a moron

Gregory: maybe

[ break ]

Gregory: Senator will you vote to pay the bills
for money we’ve already spent?

Thune: not without large spending cuts and
no tax increases

Gregory: what about the Super Committee?

Thune: it’s ok if it has the power to lower taxes

Gregory: Social Security drives the debt!

McCaskill: the GOP wants to take take money
from poor old people and give it away to
rich oil companies

Thune: no we took it from lazy leeches and
gave it to Job Creators

Gregory: I speak for the American people -
your attacks on the GOP are ludicrous!

McCaskill: calm down Fluffy

Gregory: we must cut Social Security!

Thune: Frankly your praise for the GOP is
right on David

McCaskill: we should cut defense

Gregory: what about Medicare!! [ grinning ]

McCaskill: you are a grinning fool fluffy

Gregory: I love Republicans but my 401(k) is in danger

Thune: sure but since Obama became President
I'm afraid we insist on dollar-for-dollar spending cuts
to raise the debt ceiling

Williams: the American people believe in empty clich├ęs!

Reid: we’re tried to give them what they want Brian

Gregory: wouldn’t default just be another tax increase

Thune: in 2010 the American people voted
for tax cuts for the rich and defaulting on our debts

McCaskill: we all agree on massive spending cuts
- when the Moderate Middle speaks that’s
when American shines

Gregory: John you are so good looking -
are you running for President?

Thune: um no

Gregory: how about Vice President?

Thune: that’s a useless job for a person
who is essentially an empty suit devoid of ideas

Gregory: so that’s a yes

Thune: right

Gregory: Code Red! Code Red!

Cramer: CEOs are worried Obama will sell
the gold in Fort Knox

Gregory: that fiend!

Cramer: it’s potentially a global crisis

Brokaw: people are Fed Up™ with all the Bickering®!!!

Gregory: you are so wise

Bro: this is a Sad Commentary™

Gregory: Raul you are a crazy Tea Partier

Labrador: hey this debt was created over 30 years
so we have to solve it right now

Gregory: that sounds crazy

Labrador: if Democrats had supported
John Boehner there would be no problem

Granholm: this whole debate is completely insane

Gregory: Medicare is causing the debt!

Brokaw: we all went all a big spending binge -
the Republicans had their wars and Democrats
gave underserving people homes to live in

Gregory: truly we are all to blame

Brokaw: the American people got used to
the government taking care of problems -
well that has got to stop

Cramer: the Tea Party is going to cause a
recession if there is no agreement

Gregory: people love Social Security so we
should slash it

Labrador: I am sick of people saying
default is a crisis

Cramer: aaaarrrrrrhhhhh!!!!!!!

[ jumps out the window ]

Gregory: there goes Jim

Labrador: we should raise taxes on the poor!

Gregory: will you vote for the current
debt ceiling plan?

Labrador: probably even though the
government still exists

Brokaw: your state is on welfare -
would you give it up?

Labrador: yes because the federal government is evil

Gregory: Default is the fault of hippies
from the 1960s who gave away the store to
old and poor people
[ grinning ]

Granholm: we need to cut but we also
need to invest in order to grow the economy

Lab: Jennifer Granholm caused the recession
while Texas grew by cutting taxes

Granholm: we lost manufacturing jobs you dolt

Gregory: I quoted the Wall St. Journal and now
let quote Peggy Noonan calling Obama a loser

Cramer: Obama created fear because
the Tea Party threatened to default

Brokaw: if Obama is a loser then Boehner is an idiot

Labrador: Default is no big deal because we can
pay some people and not others

Cramer: help help

Gregory: will the Super Committee raise taxes?

Labrador: I agree there should be tax reform -
lower for the rich and higher for the poor

Gregory: what about T-bills?

Cramer: they’re perfectly safe Fluffy -
unlike jumping out the window which
I regret in retrospect

Gregory: what will happen in 2012 ?

Brokaw: I don’t know but I’ll tell you this -
the Tea Party got angry and organized and they won

Labrador: hee hee

Brokaw: In Reagan’s time we didn’t have
Chinese Overlords - it’s a whole new world

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - July 31, 2011

David Plouffe - White House Advisor
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)
Paul Krugman
George Will
Grover Norquist

Amanpour: OMG the U.S. is out of money
and the stock market is tanking - but is
there a glimmer of hope?

Stephanopoulos: it’s a grand compromise
- the President agrees to 2.4 trillion in cuts
and the GOP agrees to pay Bush’s debts

Amanpour: sounds fair

Amanpour: Pluffy is there a deal?

Plouffe: we’ve agree that there should
immediate cuts followed by a committee
with the power to cut even more

Amanpour: what about higher taxes
to lower the debt?

Plouffe: the committee will be made
up of people who hate their own party
and they can recommend higher taxes
which will be ignored

Amanpour: what if Congress does
ignore their recommendations?

Plouffe: if they fail then we will have
a trigger to cut more spending

Amanpour: will you get a deal to raise
the debt ceiling which was routine until now?

Plouffe: probably since this is money
we already spent

Amanpour: I’m skeptical

Plouffe: it’s inconceivable that a federal
officer holder would let America default

Amanpour: that’s not what I hear

Stephanopoulos: Obama said he wants
a balanced approach but the trigger is all cuts
and no tax increases

Plouffe: but the Magic Committee!

Stephanopoulos: sounds like the GOP
has no reason to agree so the
Committee will surely fail

Plouffe: but the looming trigger
will scare them

Stephanopoulos: did you give the
GOP what they want?

Plouffe: no Obama is still black

Stephanopoulos: would Obama accept
all cuts and no taxes?

Plouffe: maybe

Stephanopoulos: you gave a lot away though

Plouffe: this has been a healthy debate

Stephanopoulos: seriously?

Plouffe: we learned some republicans
want tax increases

Stephanopoulos: name one

Plouffe: John Boehner

Stephanopoulos: he only agreed to that
because Obama made him cry

Amanpour: Why doesn’t Obama stand up
for his principles?

Plouffe: this Super Committee is going
to cut entitlements which will be awesome

Amanpour: progressives think you
all have caved

Plouffe: true progressives should
want the debt cut the most!

Amanpour: why

Plouffe: high interest rates!

Stephanopoulos: they’re at an all-time low

Plouffe: but what if they weren’t?

Stephanopoulos: will you cut Medicare and Medicaid?

Plouffe: we’re going to strengthen Medicare!

Stephanopoulos: how?

Plouffe: by cutting the debt!

Amanpour: it’s shameful that U.S. soldiers
are worried about getting paid

Plouffe: and getting killed

Amanpour: that too

Plouffe: it’s okay - there’s $10,000
in the White House cash box

Amanpour: what do voters think of all this?

Plouffe: Americans are enraged by GOP
threats so we had to cave in

[ break ]

Amanpour: Linds is there going to be a deal?

Graham: this is a victory for the GOP because
for the first time we were able to use the
debt ceiling to blackmail a President with
a threat to wreck the economy if he didn’t
give in to our demands

Amanpour: success indeed

Graham: it’s historic

Amanpour: can the Tea Party vote for any deal?

Graham: no because they want government hands off their Medicare

Stephanopoulos: really

Graham: seriously they don’t support the
current deal because it doesn’t go far enough

Stephanopoulos: are you kidding?

Graham: we still have a debt which is unacceptable

Amanpour: that’s crazy

Graham: Obama has no plan

Amanpour: he gave you everything he wanted!

Graham: we haven’t eliminated Medicare,
Medicaid, public education or fire fighters

Amanpour: Soldiers in combat are asking
if they will not get paid because of the Tea Party

Graham: I would have told that soldier
to stop whining and worry about the debt
passed on to his grandchildren

Amanpour: the debt was caused by the
wars he’s fighting

Graham: thank god for the Tea Party -
do you want America to become Greece?

Amanpour: it’s a very nice place

Graham: Medicare is killing America!

[ break ]

Amanpour: is there a deal?

Will: yes the GOP won

Amanpour: President Norquist will you veto this?

Norquist: yes I told Boehner and Reid
that I can sign this bill

Stephanopoulos: apparently the GOP has got
spending cuts and extension of the
Bush tax cuts

Krugman: we should increase spending
which would help unemployment and raise the debt

Amanpour: so what will happen now

Krugman: we will have a Lost Decade

Amanpour: with a Smoke Monster?

Krugman: hopefully with a better finale

Will: cash-for-clunkers caused the
recession in 2008

Krugman: I said in 2009 we needed a
much bigger stimulus

Will: try selling that to the American people

Stephanopoulos: if the GOP caused a default
Obama would be blamed

Norquist: taxes are bad

Krugman: even Republicans think we
should raise taxes

Stephanopoulos: Obama doesn’t have
the votes Paul!

Krugman: Obama could print platinum coins!

Amanpour: why didn’t he print coins?

Krugman: it’s a mystery

Stephanopoulos: what the hell are
you talking about?

Norquist: Americans love the Tea Party

Krugman: in 2010 the GOP won vowing
to protect Medicare!

Norquist: you do what it takes to win Paul

Amanpour: thanks for coming everyone

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Meet The Press - July 24, 2011

Bill Daley (White House Chief of Staff)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK)
Mayor Cory Booker (D-Newark)
Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-IL)
Fmr. Sen Chuck Hagel (R-NE)
Andrea Mitchell
Doris Kearns Goodwin
Gregory: OMG America is 9 days from
default and we need assure investors that
we actually pay our bills!

Gregory: Bill what’s the solution?

Daley: the President has been very clear -
this is all political theater to demonstrate
concern about the debt

Gregory: I see

Daley: I talk to CEOs every day

Gregory: of course you do

Daley: and they tell me that the problem
with the US economy is the debt

Gregory: interesting

Daley: The Whole World is Watching!

Gregory: so all these negotiations
were gimmicks just for show?

Daley: no a gimmick is Super-Duper
Awesome Debt Cut Committee

Gregory: would Obama agree to a
short term solution?

Daley: only if it guarantees we don’t have
this debate again until after the election in 2012

Gregory: Would the President veto a plan
that doesn’t get us into 2013?

Daley: yes - but don’t worry the
Gang of Six is on top of it

Gregory: so your big idea is this weird
vague Super-Committee?

Daley: what better way to dodge responsibility?

Gregory: it sounds like the slow decline
of a dying empire

Daley: Hope springs eternal

Gregory: Mark Zandi says America
is being tarnished

Daley: Obama is serious person!

Gregory: I also am serious man

Gregory: both sides are equally guilty

Daley: we all know that

Gregory: I will give you the Republican perspective

Daley: of course you will

Gregory: [ high pitched voice ]
Can’t you understand the plight of
millionaires like me who are scared of
higher taxes - why don’t you cut spending
for the lazy poor?!?

Daley: you’ve done very well in this
economy so what are you complaining about?

Gregory: Boehner said Obama demanded
higher taxes and was very mean
and made him cry
[ sobs ]

Daley: he's a weasel who can't control
his own caucus

Gregory: are you saying Boehner
has failed to lead?

Daley: yes - these Tea Partiers are
completely crazy and they walk
all over him

Gregory: that’s seems harsh

Daley: they just defunded the FAA!

Gregory: so let people take a private jet

Gregory: Obama has failed to control
the Tea Partiers too

Daley: um I guess that’s true in
a bizarro way

Gregory: but Obama won’t cut spending

Daley: yes he will - but he wants to
raise taxes too

Gregory: Obama proposed Medicare cuts
so he’s not allowed to talk about it when
he runs for President

Daley: I heard you were a moron but that’s
the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard

Gregory: will there be a debt ceiling
agreement today?

Daley: Congress spent this money already!

Gregory: are we in a financial crisis?

Daley: yes we’ve been in a recession
since 2008 dumbass

[ break ]

Gregory: Senator can we you guys make
a debt-ceiling deal past 2013?

Coburn: Obama increased the size of
government by 30%!

Gregory: is that intended to be a
factual statement?

Coburn: how should I know

Gregory: what about the full faith and
credit of the U.S.?

Coburn: giving Obama more money will
only scare bondholders - he’ll probably
blown it on some Kenyan-themed
party in the White House

Gregory: interesting perspective

Coburn: we shut down the FAA because
people could drive a car instead

Gregory: you seem a little crazy

Coburn: we wouldn’t be here today
Obama would agree to slash entitlements

Gregory: are Republicans willing to raise
taxes and anger Tea Partiers?

Coburn: Obama is basically oppressing
our businesses like Stalin

Gregory: really?

Coburn: Medicare will be bankrupt in 5 years!

Gregory: what is your message to the Tea Party?

Coburn: we can eliminate tax credits for
Wind energy and in exchange we get rid of
Medicaid, Medicare and Social Security

[ break ]

Gregory: according the esteemed publication
in the U.S. The Onion the U.S. is totally screwed

Goodwin: America was founded on
compromise and now people come to D.C. not wanting
to give at all

Kinzinger: the Tea Party has compromised
by agreeing to lift the debt ceiling to pay
for wars we already fought

Gregory: I see

Hagel: we’re seeing a new governing
coalition of independents who hate
Democrats, Republicans and each other

Gregory: I like it

Hagel: people are frustrated because
America is a declining empire

Gregory: what do the American people want?

Hagel: they keep voting parties out of office
because they want America rich and
prosperous again

Mitchell: Obama and Boehner could have
made a deal but the Speaker doesn’t make
any demands on his people

Booker: people are frustrated - they want
pragmatism and not partisanship!

Gregory: bold words indeed Cory

Gregory: Rep. Alan West called
Rep. Wasserman-Schultz vile and despicable
in an e-mail and then demanded that she
insult him to his face

Goodwin: Congress members don’t
hang out and drink with each other -
they trade insults and raise more money

Kinzinger: the Tea Party is willing to compromise
by showing up and demanding what we want

Gregory: I see

Kinzinger: America is great nation with a
great future - but we can’t have all the nice
things we had back in 2008

Hagel: Congress are being more rude
to each other as America declines

Booker: but we worked together in the Depression
and WWII - but now other nations are passing us by

Gregory: I see

Booker: the republicans are right -
we are drowning in debt

Kinzinger: we can’t afford to go to space anymore!

Mitchell: Simpson-Bowles was a great idea
but liberals won’t cut entitlements and I
suppose the Tea Party may be partly to blame

Gregory: is there a radical angry centrist majority?

Goodwin: even primates care about fairness

Gregory: true

Goodwin: we need passionate centrists!!

Gregory: will the Tea Party destroy John Boehner
if he compromises?

Kinzinger: who?

Gregory: Saint Alan Simpson says people are
too mean now

Hagel: oh he’s right poor poor Alan

Booker: don’t just follow the polls!
Stand on principle!

Mitchell: they will probably make a
short-term deal

Gregory: either way it’s exciting

Mitch: why do we even have a debt ceiling
- it’s stupid

Gregory: I’m going to be on Facebook!

Mitchell: oh brother

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - July 24, 2011

Tim Geithner (Sec. of Treasury)
Jonathan Karl
George Will
Alice Rivlin
Gasparino - Fox Business News
Amanpour: Norway is going to respond
to a massive right terror attack with more
democracy - are they crazy?

Reporter: the killer was an anti-muslim racist
who called for others to martyr themselves

Amanpour: so he was a lone wolf

Reporter: right

Amanpour: are political leaders still planning
to wreck America?

Karl: Democrats will call it the
“Boehener Drop”

Karl: Republicans are calling for 2 votes,
one with spending cuts and another
with more spending cuts

Amanpour: what about a grand Bargain?

Karl: it calls for $4 trillion is spending cuts
which would cause a revolt among Tea Partiers

Amanpour: Secretary Geithner will there be a deal?

Geithner: we need to have the Senate,
House and President and agree by tonight

Amanpour: that seems impossible

Geithner: maybe not

Amanpour: how so?

Geithner: we can give dictatorial powers
to a Special Committee to Fuck the Middle Class

Amanpour: interesting concept

Geithner: a short term deal is unacceptable

Amanpour: has everyone is Washington
completely lost their minds?

Geithner: not at all - only the people in charge

Amanpour: did you make a deal and
then move the goalposts?

Geithner: no

Amanpour: are you saying john Boehner lied?

Geithner: um yes

Amanpour: shocking

Geithner: I give Boehner credit for admitting
we need to raise taxes

Amanpour: what is the President’s plan?

Geithner: back in April he proposed
Medicaid cuts and higher taxes for the rich

Amanpour: I see

Geithner: look there are Republicans who have
said they would never vote for a debt ceiling

Amanpour: but not the leaders

Geithner: only the leading Presidential candidates

Amanpour: would Obama invoke
the 14th amendment?

Geithner: that’s not a good idea

Amanpour: so what’s the solution?

Geithner: lift the damm debt ceiling!

Amanpour: but Congress won’t do it!

Geithner: yes they will

Amanpour: how - by magic?

Geithner: Wave the Elderwand at the
economic Slytherin!

Amanpour: can America be saved?

Geithner: I have an economic an
Resurrection Stone in my pocket

Amanpour: how do you convince Congress
to make a deal

Geithner: by pointing out that the Tea Party
are tax-hiking, job-killing assholes

[ break ]

Amanpour: panel will America go off the cliff?

Will: the House GOP passed a bipartisan plan!

Amanpour: with 5 Democratic votes

Will: Obama had a tantrum so they might
as well just pass the McConnell plan

Rivlin: we need to cut entitlements and
flatten the tax code

Amanpour: Obama has moved the right
but the GOP won’t meet him halfway

Gasparino: we’ve got lots of money
lying around so who cares about the debt ceiling

Amanpour: really?

Gasparino: right we can always stiff defense
contractors as long as we pay bondholders

Amanpour: that would fool them?

Gasparino: yes most of them are Chinese anyway

Huffington: this is a stupid debate -
it’s an artificial crisis to debate whether
to approve spending money we already spent

Gasparino: I disagree this is great debate to have

Huff: no it’s moronic - we have a jobs crisis
not a debt crisis

Rivlin: to solve the jobs crisis we
need to cut spending to attack the debt

Will: see - that proves that the Tea Party
are right and Obama is wrong

Amanpour: what about jobs?

Gasparino: small businesses don’t hire
new employees because they’re worried
about the big debt

Will: Obama is uppity and he needs to be
disciplined by the white men in Congress

Pawlenty: women who get headaches
can’t be President

Will: JFK was a big sick secretive bad guy

Huffington: they’re putting Michele Bachmann
on the Victorian fainting couch

Will: oh my stars

Gasparino: Rick Perry has the Texas Taint

Amanpour: you work at Fox -
what’s up with Rupert?

Gasparino: I report on for-profit companies
so luckily I never have to report on Murdoch newspapers

Huffington: Fox is an embarrassment
to journalism

Gasparino: no one covers terrorist
fist-bumps like Fox News!

Amanpour: thanks for coming everyone

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Meet The Press - July 17, 2011

Jack Lew - Director Office of Management and Budget
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Il)
Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC)
Gov. Jon Kasich (R-Ohio)
David Cote - CEO Honeywell
Marc Morial - National Urban League
David Faber - CNBC
Diane Swonk - Mesirow Financial Holdings
Gregory: omg debt ceiling might not be
raised and Rupert Murdoch is almost
out of Horcruxes!

Gregory: Jack is a deal imminent?

Lew: I have no fucking idea

Gregory: will we default?

Lew: all members of Congress agree that
we can’t let that happen so maybe

Gregory: Is Obama insisting on
raising my taxes?

Lew: no he’s also wiling to cut entitlements

Gregory: but my taxes!

Lew: he offered to cut $2 trillion
in spending

Gregory: our creditors will say that’s
not nearly enough!

Lew: we’d like to cut $4 trillion
to placate the Chinese

Gregory: 53% of Americans are against
raising the debt ceiling

Lew: most people are idiots

Gregory: Michele Bachmann says
we should default

Lew: she’s one of them

Gregory: what would happen if we
don’t raise the ceiling?

Lew: it wreck the American economy -
other than that no biggie

Gregory: this is Obama’s total failure
of leadership isn’t it

Lew: no Obama inherited a disaster

Gregory: that’s a programmed answer

Lew: it’s true

Gregory: I don’t care

Lew: we all know that David

Gregory: Obama has failed in his job
to make the GOP act rationally

Lew: you are a silly person Fluffy

Gregory: Senator do we have to
raise the debt ceiling?

DeMint: probably

Gregory: so what’s the solution?

DeMint: cut spending, cap all future
spending, and enact a Constitutional
Amendment to give the Job-Creators®
mints on their fluffy pillows every night

Gregory: [ high pitch squeal ]
OMG he’s right Dick!!!

Durbin: we could put the 10 Commandments
in the Constitution but you try keeping
David Vitter away from prostitutes

Gregory: Americans are disgusted with the
GOP fighting for default and with Democrats’
big spending ways and no one is
willing to compromise

DeMint: we are willing to compromise -
we caved in to Obama on his request to
increase in the debt ceiling to pay for the
bill Republicans ran up when Bush was President

Gregory: that’s a compromise?

DeMint: darn right it is

Gregory: will you yield on your useless
Constitutional amendment and let American default?

DeMint: All hail Moody’s!!

Gregory: righty-o

DeMint: now that a black man Democrat
is President I realized we can’t borrow more
any money without bankrupting the nation

Gregory: you seem somewhat detached from reality

DeMint: I’m scared!

Gregory: Dick you worried about the debt
when Bush was President and now it’s higher

Durbin: yeah well it was his policies that
caused this mess in the first place

Gregory: Obama is a bad leader!

Durbin: Fluffy Obama is the most
patient dude ever - no other President would
have sat there while Eric Cantor pouted and
screamed “I want what I want when I want it!”

Gregory: what happens now?

DeMint: Obama needs to propose a
Republican plan - then we can agree

Durbin: in the middle of this crisis the
Senate is going to debate a Constitutional
amendment that can never pass

Gregory: should there be Congressional
hearings on News International?

Durbin: absolutely - Rupert Murdoch is like
some international arch-criminal from
a James Bond villain and a good one -
not one with Roger Moore

DeMint: here’s how you makes the
hacking scandal go away -
Congress needs to enact a Constitutional
amendment to make Fox the only news
organization in the country

Gregory: Governor please explain
what the hell is going on in Washington

Kasich: in my state we cut taxes,
wiped out our debt and Ohio became a
business-friendly fucking paradise!

Gregory: should we default on the debt?

Swonk: people in other countries are astonished
that America would artificially create a
debt crisis that doesn’t exist

Gregory: why isn’t Congress willing to slash
spending in this recession?

Cote: as a businessman I find Washington
politicians scary

Gregory: what’s going on with Rupert Murdoch?

Faber: he used to control events in U.K.
and now all his enemies smell blood -
he’s lost his top aide in Britain, his top editor
in the U.S., and that snake he carries around
his neck was just arrested

Gregory: Jon you used to work for Fox

Kasich: It’s a terrible thing - the real victim
here is poor Rupert Murdoch!

Gregory: I see

Kasich: the real problem is businesses donate
to Democrats who let thugs play sports and
put gay people on my tv

Gregory: this is truly a fascinating “Jobs Summit”

Morial: we needs a plan to create jobs -
not cut the damm debt!

Gregory: why do we have a jobless recovery?

Swonk: because ethical business leaders
like Rupert Murdoch are reluctant to be
seen with politicians

Gregory: good point

Swonk: Sweden did everything right -
they slashed spending and gave businesses
whatever they wanted and 20 years later
unemployment is still high

Gregory: well as long as they 'did everything right'

Faber: Bush didn’t create jobs - which proves
America can’t do it

Honeywell: there’s too much uncertainty!

Kasich: consumer spending is up -
but businessmen need certainty -
certainly lower taxes!!

Morial: consumers are not certain they
will have a job in the future!

Gregory: Obama just has to admit government sucks

Kasich: Businesses are on the sidelines
because the debt is high

Faber: Honeywell has $3 billion in cash!

Swonk: the silver lining is we’ve
had lots of IPOs lately

Faber: Groupon has hired 7,000
new employees which will be great
until the bubble bursts

Kasich: we need to give businesses
vouchers to hire people

Gregory: whatever you say Jon

Kasich: Certainty!

Gregory: John Boehner says taxes destroys
jobs but Ron Brownstein says jobs go up when
taxes are raised

Kasich: Taxes are just another way for
liberals to spend more giving welfare to
thuggish gay people

Gregory: that is so sad

Kasich: look I’m willing to support
lowering taxes on the rich

Gregory: President Grover Norquist
claims to care about the debt but won’t raise taxes

Morial: there’s a huge tax loophole
lobby industry in Washington!

Gregory: some of those loopholes are very nice

Morial: food stamps did not cause
the damm deficit!

Gregory: why are some rich companies
not paying taxes at all?

Cote: if you really cared about poor people
you would have zero taxes on corporations

Gregory: what else would help the poor?

Cote: eliminate corporate taxes on overseas income

Swonk: if we had no taxes we’d have
no tax lobbyists and no one likes them

Gregory: but Washington can’t agree on anything

Faber: the real question the American
people need to ask themselves is -
what will please our creditors?

Gregory: when are we going to bring
back the housing bubble cause that was awesome

Faber: the only jobs Bush created were
in housing which was all a bubble and
ended in disaster

Gregory: you sir are an official Job-Creator® -
thrill me with your acumen

Cote: if we drilled more in the U.S. gas prices
would go down and people would have more
money and that would create jobs

Gregory: you are indeed a fascinating man

Morial: just raise the damm debt ceiling!

Gregory: a dude on Facebook says both sides
are bickering like kindergarteners

Audience: how does those Facebookers
stay so topical?

Cote: both sides are engaged in mutual asphyxiation

Audience: oh my

Cote: it’s so sad - we can’t be a great power
until we slash taxes even more!

Kasich: God put us in office - that’s why
every American needs to look in the mirror and say
- what taxes can I cut to help businesses create jobs?

Gregory: and that’s another episode
Of Meet The Press

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - July 17, 2011

Jack Lew - Office of Management & Budget
Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ)
Rep. Raul Labrador (R-ID)
George Will
Cokie Roberts
Matthew Dowd
Jonathan Karl
Amanpour: OMG Casey Anthony is out of jail and
Rebekah Brooks goes in

Audience: whoa

Amanpour: Meanwhile furious strategizing
is going on over the previously routine
lifting of the debt ceiling

Amanpour: Mr. Lew will the U.S. default
on the debts we’ve already incurred?

Lew: probably not - if sane people get their way

Amanpour: would it be bad for America if
we don’t raise the ceiling?

Lew: yes - it would raise taxes

Amanpour: oh noe!

Lew: America’s fate lies with
Mitch McConnell and Harry Reid

Amanpour: what a comfort

Lew: Obama is willing to means-test
Medicare you know

Amanpour: Pelosi says no to that

Lew: Medicare contributes to our problems

Amanpour: it does?

Lew: we need structural changes to
Medicare in exchange for raising taxes
on the rich although they will expire anyway

Amanpour: what is Obama’s plan

Lew: I just told you Christiane

Amanpour: how about a one-year extension
on the debt ceiling

Lew: no that’s stupid

Amanpour: would Obama be willing to accept that?

Lew: no - and he’s not bluffing!

Amanpour: Would Obama accept a deal
without tax hikes?

Lew: he might if it was a really awesome plan

Amanpour: deadline?

Lew: look we will make a deal -
the question is how much pain will we inflict
on the American people

Amanpour: how much is too much?

Lew: it’s called 'toughlove' Christiane

Amanpour: will there be a deal

Kyl: there won’t be deal if Obama doesn’t
stop this obsession with job-killing taxes

Amanpour: you hate taxes that much?

Kyl: yes - so if we default it will be Obama’s fault

Amanpour: that makes sense

Kyl: or would could just give up and go
with the fake McConnell plan

Amanpour: Senator even Republicans think
we should raise taxes

Kyl: yes but I have a poll that says we should
have a clean debt bill which means no new taxes
- I win!

Amanpour: that’s slippery of you Jon

Kyl: hisssssss

Amanpour: Michele Bachmann says we
should be deadbeats on Bush’s debts

Kyl: well she’s a little crazy but she’s right
that spending is bad

Amanpour: Obama’s has agreed to cut spending

Kyl: we could cut $100 billion in
Medicare and Medicaid right now!

Amanpour: they might agree to that

Kyl: fuck that - let them propose it first

Amanpour: Do you ever worry that causing
a Depression while simultaneously fighting to cut
Medicaid might make you unpopular

Kyl: first let’s do no harm - next we cut entitlements!

Amanpour: is Bachmann right that default
is no big deal?

Kyl: um no - she’s nuts

Amanpour: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Amanpour: panel is the GOP making a
mistake playing chicken with the debt?

Will: Obama wanted a clean bill and now
he wants $4 trillion in cuts plus tax increases -
which makes him look reasonable that
canny bastard

Amanpour: Congressman would you ever vote to raise the debt ceiling

Labrador: I want three things -
to cut spending now, a limit on all
future spending and a Constitutional
amendment saying all government spending
is a plot by Lord Voldemort

Karl: right now nothing can pass both House
and the Senate

Roberts: well something has to pass

Karl: well it won’t

Roberts: if you care about the debt nothing
would be worse for the deficit than defaulting on it

Dowd: not raising the ceiling would be bad
politically so it probably will happen

Roberts: Raul I’m curious why do you love
tax cuts for billionaires so much?

Labrador: look we agreed to cut taxes for the rich -
what more do you want?

Will: the tea party movement is the
best thing to happen to the GOP since Goldwater

Amanpour: interesting analogy

Labrador: Obama isn’t serious about the debt -
he keep proposing spending cuts and higher taxes

Karl: why didn’t the GOP just accept the
President’s proposal to cut Medicare?

Labrador: to protect job-creating
tax cuts for the rich stupid!

Dowd: each side hates the other -
with good reason

Roberts: just compromise and make
government work!

Labrador: the American people will not stand for that

Roberts: you’re a strange young man

Labrador: the President doesn’t care
about the debt he just wants to raise taxes

Amanpour: Did Obama actually propose
raising tax rtes?

Karl: oh no he’s lying

Labrador: Americans love tax cuts!

Roberts: people want a balanced approach

Lab: so do I - we need tax cuts for the rich
balanced with cutting benefits for the poor

Dowd: We should raise taxes and cut spending!

Amanpour: where is Mitt Romney in all this?

Will: he’s been very, very clear
that he has no position

Roberts: let’s just solve the issue of
cuts vs taxes in the 2012 election

Dowd: fuck that shit Cokie -
both sides should get stuff done!!

Karl: bold words indeed Matt

[ Dowd fist-bumps Karl ]

Amanpour: Michele Bachmann thinks
being gay is like slavery

Bachmann: Uncle Tom’s Stonewall Inn

Will: she was talking about bondage

Dowd: yes she’s prejudiced against homosexuals like her husband

Amanpour: interesting

Dowd: this helps Governor Perry

Labrador: I was hoping Chris Christie would run for President but I’ll have to settle for Rick Perry

Amanpour: thanks for coming!


Sunday, July 10, 2011

Meet The Press - July 10, 2011

Tim Geithner (Sec. of Treasury)
Fmr. Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-Minn.)
Chuck Todd
Eugene Robinson
Gregory: John Boehner has given up on
a deal to raise the debt ceiling because
the GOP won’t raise any taxes

Geithner: this is a great moment for America

Gregory: it is?

Geithner: you betcha

Gregory: how can you still make a deal?

Geithner: we can agree to cut defense
and Medicare

Gregory: I like it

Geithner: Republicans should not walk
away from these promising discussions
to cut entitlements in exchange for
letting tax cuts expire

Gregory: what is Obama’s position?

Geithner: he’s willing to compromise

Gregory: Is a Grand Bargain is still possible?

Geithner: It sure is Fluffy

Gregory: would you give in on raising
taxes on rich people like me

Gregory: if we don’t raise taxes we would
have to slash programs for the most
vulnerable people in society

Gregory: Is the President willing to
cut Medicare please

Geithner: oh sure why not

Gregory: like how

Geithner: we would if we don’t add
burdens to the poor and middle class

Gregory: I’m middle class so that’s good

Geithner: Shared sacrifice would also apply to you

Gregory: oh noe

Geithner: Obama is working for the
largest possible deal

Gregory: who really cares about
raising the debt ceiling?

Geithner: By August we won’t be able
to borrow so we will have to pay our bills
with any cash lying under the White House cushions

Gregory: would that affect our credit rating

Geithner: last week I ordered a free copy
of our credit report and it looked really bad

Gregory: what’s our FICO score?

Geithner: If Congress doesn’t act poor
people will run out of food

Gregory: Look at this chart -
Obama crashed the economy

Geithner: that’s ridiculous Fluffers

Gregory: so you say

Geithner: the Great Recession was
worse than the Great Depression and
we’ve added 2 million jobs

Gregory: maybe but things are still bad

Geithner: yeah but Japan had an earthquake

Gregory: well natural disasters are
going to happen Tim

Geithner: tectonic shifts conspire against us

Gregory: Obama said the economy is
much worse than we thought

Geithner: the damm American people
lived beyond their means for years -
well the party is over

Gregory: you did stimulus, health care reform,
housing - where are the jobs?

Geithner: Fluffy the GOP drove the economy
off a cliff and Obama has put us back on
the edge of that cliff

Gregory: when do we back off the cliff
and live the high life again

Geithner: oh it will be painful for many
more years to come

Gregory: well thanks for coming Tim

[ break ]

Gregory: would you raise the debt ceiling

Pawlenty: Obama ruined America’s economy

Gregory: how so

Pawlenty: he should get government
off the backs of our job creators

Gregory: is that what caused the recession

Pawlenty: Obama caused the recession
with his stimulus

Gregory: I see

Pawlenty: he is suffocating America’s
entrepreneurial spirit

Gregory: speaking of which your
startup campaign sucks

Pawlenty: when people learn I cut
taxes they will flock to my campaign

Gregory: you’re behind Ron Paul and Newt Gingrich

Pawlenty: when people finally get
to know me I will get to 5%

Gregory: you’ve been Iowa 75 times!

Pawlenty: I plan to meet every person
who lives in that state

Gregory: are you too dull and boring to be President

Pawlenty: I got fortitude - I vetoed lots of bills
and shut down the government I’m such an asshole

Gregory: you think that’s what
the American people want?

Pawlenty: America is sinking and now
is the time for Republicans to stand up
and fight for the policies that caused the recession!

Gregory: will you please bash Mitt Romney?

Pawlenty: fuck that foppish flip-flopping Mormon

Gregory: what makes you stand out

Pawlenty: I’m a true leader Fluffy

Gregory: how would you break
from the Republican party?

Pawlenty: I support the minimum wage

Gregory: Michele Bachmann is beating you

Pawlenty: see I’m different from her -
we’re both conservatives but I’m a former Governor
and she’s completely insane

Gregory: she said America has a gangster government

Pawlenty: well she’s right about that

Gregory: it seems inappropriate

Pawlenty: Obama’s elitist thugs are out of control!

Gregory: how would solve the debt ceiling problem?

Pawlenty: Obama tripled the deficit!

Gregory: so what’s your solution

Pawlenty: a Balanced Budget Amendment

Gregory: David Brooks says the GOP
has become a bunch of dangerous weird fanatics

Pawlenty: absurd - we are not 'weird'

Gregory: if you say so

Pawlenty: this country is sinking under terrible debts

Gregory: Obama offered $4 trillion in cuts
and you said no new taxes

Pawlenty: look any fair-minded person
knows state senator Obama caused a
recession in 2007

Gregory: so no new taxes?

Pawlenty: never ever not ever

Gregory: even if it would ruin America’s
credit rating?

Pawlenty: absolutely if Obama cares
about the debt well then he can just
give Republicans everything they want

Gregory: what abut Paul Ryan’s plan?

Pawlenty: I love it

Gregory: would you send ground
troops to Libya?

Pawlenty: I would not support that
but Obama has been very weak
in not going after Qaddafi

Gregory: you really think so

Pawlenty: Saint Reagan said Qaddafi has
American blood on his hands

Gregory: well if getting him is so important
why not send in ground troops?

Pawlenty: just lob a cruise missile at the fucker

Gregory: you love Lady Gaga -
do you think being gay is a choice?

Pawlenty: I hate gay people but
Lady Gaga is straight you know

Gregory: but do you think being gay is a choice?

Pawlenty: probably people wake up one day
and say ‘hey I think I’ll be gay’

Gregory: that’s stupid

Pawlenty: the scientists say it’s not genetic
- it may be behavioral

Gregory: I look forward to your concession
party next month

[ break ]

Gregory: you just saw Tim Pawlenty -
is his campaign over?

Todd: his chief rival is from Minnesota
but more charismatic

Gregory: well that’s not saying much

Todd: true

Gregory: Pawlenty said Bachmann has
never accomplished anything

Robinson: Bring it on Tim!

Gregory: Pawlenty also said America we
should default on the debt

Todd: the GOP presidential primary is
preventing a deal in Washington

Robinson: that’s not good

Gregory: what about Sarah Palin?

Todd: she’s crazy

Gregory: but fun

Robinson: if she were running for President
she’d be running for President

Todd: she’s the next Rush Limbaugh

Robinson: like we needed another one

Gregory: what should Obama say to
the Republicans at the White House today?

Robinson: he should aim high because
he can always say he tried to get a big deal done

Gregory: Obama gave in on Medicare
and still didn’t get a deal!

Todd: Boehner floated that deal and
got shot down by the loons in his own party

Gregory: that’s amazing

Robinson: Boehner and Cantor are
going to appear on The Marriage Ref

Todd: Does Obama really want a
deal or was all this strategic political theater?

Gregory: what the deal with Pawlenty’s
answer on whether being gay is a choice?

Todd: he’s got weird ideas and doesn’t
explain them well - so don’t count him out
for the GOP nomination!

Gregory: Geithner said if our credit
is downgraded it would catastrophic

Robinson: but it’s worth if we keep
tax cuts for the rich

Todd: Obama says people should
rent month to month what with the
Mayan apocalypse coming

Gregory: it’s going to be a fun campaign


This Week with Christiane Amanpour - July 10, 2011

Bill Daley (White House Chief of Staff)
Jonathan Karl
Donna Brazile
Al Hunt
George Will
Amanpour: omg America might default
on its debt

Karl: Boehner wants to cut spending
and Democrats want to raise taxes

Daley: it’s time to make the really tough
decisions and bring sanity to Washington DC

Amanpour: good luck with that

Daley: the American people are very
worried about the debt

Amanpour: what is Obama’s prediction?

Daley: Pain

Amanpour: ouch

Daley: sorry

Amanpour: Obama wants to cut $4 trillion

Daley: that will send a message to the
world to please lend us more money

Amanpour: oh good

Daley: Obama came to Washington to
do big things like pay the bills Republicans
built up over 8 years

Amanpour: but he came late to the negotiations

Daley: he was waiting for the GOP to
come to their senses

Amanpour: well that explains it

Amanpour: will you make any cuts to
Social Security or Medicare?

Daley: Medicare will run out of money in 5 years!

Amanpour: oh noe

Daley: people want certainty

Amanpour: does that mean you will
cut entitlements?

Daley: yes - because we can’t kick the can anymore!

Amanpour: what else?

Daley: extend the payroll tax cut

Amanpour: ok

Daley: this debt was run up over decades
so we must solve it in the next 8 hours

Amanpour: what’s the rush?

Daley: we must send the message to
international bankers that America is not dead yet!

Amanpour: the jobs news is all bad

Daley: companies are not hiring because Congress
keeps kicking the can on debt

Amanpour: you’re kidding me right

Daley: A business may need a new
employee but how can it hire knowing
Medicare needs more funding?!

Amanpour: but businesses are making
huge profits right now

Daley: we need businesses to get
more involved in Washington policy making

Amanpour: truly our problem is lack of
corporate lobbying

Daley: when Bush left office we were
losing 800,000 jobs per month

Amanpour: but that was 2 years ago

Daley: We have to cut the debt!

Amanpour: what’s the deal with Pakistan

Daley: ever since we found out Osama bin Laden
lived comfortably near a Pakistan
military base we’ve be re-thinking giving
them bags and bags of money

Amanpour: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Amanpour: welcome to Armageddon!

Will: Nuclear winter, global warming, default
- who gives a shit

Karl: any impartial observer knows that
we must raise taxes and cut entitlements

Brazile: the debt ceiling is not the
time to have a big budget debate -
Moody’s is getting moody!!

Hunt: eventually they will have to
raise taxes and cut entitlements

Amanpour: why is that?

Hunt: why do people rob banks?

Amanpour: because that’s where the money is

Amanpour: why do banks rob people?

Hunt: because that’s where the real big money is

Karl: there are dozens of lunatic Republicans
so therefore the Democrats must give up
everything what they want

Will: Reagan and Bush gave Obama a
surplus and he blew it

Karl: Eric Cantor will veto any deal that makes sense

Amanpour: the American people seem to want
jobs more than debt reduction

Hunt: ya gotta have Entitlements & Taxes!

Amanpour: but that would worsen the recession

Hunt: we should do responsible
things but do them later

Will: Obama should add 700,000
jobs per month like Bush did

Brazile: state governments keep laying
people off you skinny white twerp!

Will: Obama proposed a tax cut - I hate those!

Amanpour: thanks for coming everyone