Susan Rice – National Security Advisor
Michael Braun (Fmr. DEA Chief of Operations)
Mark Wells (Hockey Player)
Gregory: OMG the Olympics are
ending and Ukraine is in chaos!
Gregory: some say this is
just like the Cold War
Gregory: Susan is Ukraine on
the brink of a civil war?
Rice: the President is missing
Gregory: have they looked everywhere?
Rice: we want to see a thriving
democracy that truly represents the
will of the people in Ukraine and
if it works there we'll try it here
Gregory: are we on the
side of the protesters?
Rice: we are on the side of the people!
Gregory: does the President have to go?
Rice: he has gone Fluffy
Gregory: but does Obama
want him to go?
Rice: do you see him anywhere?
Gregory: he says he won't resign
Rice: well he packed all his stuff and left
Gregory: look at this map –
Ukraine borders Russia – who knew?
Rice: I did
Gregory: did Obama tell Putin to “back off!”?
Rice: they both agreed it's
good for for there to be
peace in Ukraine
Gregory: but Putin kicks ass
and he even gave Ukraine money
Rice: everyone wants Ukraine
united and trading with both
Russia and Europe
Gregory: isn't this the Cold War?!
Rice: that's a dated perspective
Gregory: is this a good thing?
Does Obama like violent protests?
Rice: hey democracy is messy
but it's better than the alternative
Gregory: the American people don't
understand Ukraine but they do
understand that basically this is
about who's dick is bigger
Obama's or Putin's
Gregory: just answer the question
Rice: we've worked with Russia
on Iran and trade but we also
differ on other issues
Gregory: no no no – when is
Obama going to point out his
body parts are larger!
Rice: Obama is very secure in his manhood
Gregory: Obama said Syria
is crumbling and Russia
is helping Assad
Rice: we're constantly looking
at our options
Rice: we want to see a peaceful
and unified government in Syria
Gregory: I'd like to find a
unicorn in lucky charms
Rice: dare to dream
Gregory: why don't we just
invade Syria already?
Rice: we're sending arms and food
Rice: we got a resolution
through the Security Council –
that's a great achievement
Gregory: but President McCain
said we should invade Syria
Rice: he's an idiot
Gregory: you regret not invading Rwanda
Rice: look Democrats and Republicans
don't agree on much but no sane
person wants U.S. soldiers in Syria
person wants U.S. soldiers in Syria
Gregory: well John McCain and
Lindsay Graham and I do
Rice: there you have it
Gregory: what is Obama's
foreign policy vision?
Rice: USA! USA!
Gregory: what else?
Rice: no more stupid wars
Gregory: go on
Rice: powerful diplomacy –
look at our success in Iran
Gregory: you don't worry about
whether Iran will keep their promises?
Rice: of course I do – but we're
making more progress on Iran
nukes than Bush ever did
Gregory: do you have any regrets?
Rice: no – I gave you the best
information we had
Gregory: I see
Rice: the information I gave you
came from the CIA and while it
wasn't accurate it wasn't false
Gregory: did it cost you the
job of Secretary of State?
Gregory: are we going to catch
the killers of Benghazi?
Rice: yes – heck we recently
caught an old U.S. enemy in Libya
Gregory: what about Ukraine?
Rice: we want to work with
the IMF to 'help' Ukraine 'reform'
Gregory: is it all about the money?
Rice: damn right Fluffers
[ break ]
Gregory: Richard what's up in Kiev?
Engel: an arrest warrant has been
issued for the President
Engel: In one week 20,000 protesters
changed the balance of power
in Europe and Asia
Gregory: that's amazing
Engel: police were outmatched
and protesters pushed their advantage
Engel: then the police quit and
protesters swarmed the palace
Engel: Putin must be terrified –
is this a Eurasian Spring?
[ break ]
Gregory: it's the Cold War!!
Matthews: let me talk about my
childhood in Philly
Gregory: I love you
Woodruff: you asked Rice
about the Cold War
Gregory: I know I was sitting here
Woodruff: the U.S. needs to work
with Russia on Iran but on the
other hand we must remember
the people of Ukraine
Gregory: this is really about Barack
Obama and whether he is a manly man
Brooks: that's kind of silly –
it's also about how large
Putin's penis is
Gregory: that's true
Brooks: actually Obama has
handed this crisis very well
Gregory: Josh Marshall mocked me
by saying “stop it” about the Cold War
Cooper: maybe he was talking
to Mitt Romney?
Gregory: I hope so
Cooper: remember Ukraine is
more important to Russia than America
Woodruff: true but Ukraine is a basket case
Brooks: this is a clash of civilizations!
Gregory: I like it!
Brooks: Russia will probably collapse
Gregory: is Obama a real man?
Matthews: more than you Fluffy
Gregory: Republicans won't touch
immigration reform and Democrats
won't do chained CPI
Brooks: those are good ideas
ruined by elections –
democracy is bad for America
Gregory: that is so true
Brooks: in the old days the
center would hold but now
the fringe is in charge
Matthews: that is so true –
the base of both parties are bad
Woodruff: both parties have gone
into the bunker – voters are just the worst
Gregory: I am required to mention
Rand Paul's accusations against
Bill Clinton once per episode
Woodruff: well all know that
Gregory: Lindsay Graham said nice
things about Hillary Clinton and
that's hurt him with primary voters
who think he's too liberal
Brooks: liberal? He impeached Clinton!
Brooks: let's face it – Graham is one
of the best Senators in America
Gregory: yes he is
Brooks: do the voters want
a great Senator or an idiot
Gregory: tough call
Brooks: we always say D.C. is
dysfunctional but it's actually
the voters who suck
Matthews: Susan Rice was
right about Benghazi all along!
Gregory: but it's out there
Woodruff: that's right – but
the 2016 election is far away
Brooks: maybe Ted Nugent
will say something stupid
Gregory: they caught El Chapo!
Potter: this is like catching bin Laden
Braun: Chapo makes Al Capone
look like a boy scout
Expert: he had 80% of the drugs
in this country including pot and
cocaine and meth
Gregory: he's the Heisenberg of Mexico
Potter: Forbes magazine named him
one of the richest men and Best Drug Dealer
Potter: he escaped from prison
in a laundry truck and he
became a legend
Gregory: not anymore
Potter: there could be more violence
as rivals try to take over his business
Gregory: how did they get him this time
Potter: they covered the back door
Gregory: Garrick Utley died –
he covered Vietnam and
even hosted Meet The Press
[ break ]
Smith: you beat the Soviet Union in 1980
Wells: it was elation
Smith: it was a vindication
of our way of life!
Smith: what was getting
that gold medal like?
Wells: I was the hero
Smith: after you had
terrible back pain
Smith: you sold your gold medal
– that must have been hard
Wells: it was hard but that
memory will never go away
Smith: and now you're walking
and even skating again
Wells: yes – it's great
Smith: it's a second miracle on ice
[ break ]
Gregory: evil Russia won the most medals
– what did you guys think of the games?
Brooks: the highlight of the games
was Shaun White losing well
Woodruff: all the women winning
Gregory: I'm all about the slopestyle!
Matthews: those crazy kids all
up in the air – it's crazy I tell you
Gregory: whatever happened to
all the terrorism the media was promised?
Cooper: better luck next time Fluffy
Gregory: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press