********************************************
Meet The Press
December 29, 2007
Guests:
Gov. Mike Huckabee
Sen. Barack Obama
********************************************
Russert: people don’t like you anymore - why?
Huckabee: i have no idea
Russert: maybe they learned what you're all about
Huckabee: there are relentless attacks on me
Russert: has Mitt Romney lied about you?
Huckabee: hundreds of lies - for example i don't love meth users, illegal aliens, increased spending, bad roads or Satan
Russert: the NYT agreed with you
Huck: so did Trucker's Magazine!
Russert: but the CATO institute legitimately criticized you for raising taxes
Huckabee: no that wasn't raising taxes because it helped children
Russert: oh that makes sense
Huckabee: Bill Clinton was evil so i had to raise taxes
Russert: how many interns had sex with you
Huckabee: none!
Russert: wow you are good
Russert: should Pakistan postpone the elections?
Huckabee: how the fuck should i know i'm the governor of arkansas
Russert: will you bomb Pakistan
Huckabee: we don't need to ask Pakistan permission for bomb - you know people are always attacking me for how sophisticated i am
Russert: but you will destabilize Musharraf and al Qaeda will take over their nukes
Huckabee: yeah but not on purpose
Russert: but is worth it to hand nukes to teh Taliban to bomb some dood on dialysis
Huckster: yes because my job is to protect america from skyscrapers falling down
Russert: clearly after Bhutto's assassination you came across a moron
Huckabee: hey i memorized factoids - Pakistan has 164 million muslims
Russet: shiite or sunnis?
Huckabee: uh, the second one?
Russert: good one - but you were wrong about Pakistanis sneaking into the USA
Russet: yeah but they could still sneak in with a dirty suitcase or shoulder fired gun
Russert: how is bush arrogant?
Huckabee: they ignored military experts in invading Iraq
Russert: that's all?
Huckabee: Bushies always talking about with us or against us 100% well that's just going alienate nations unnecessarily just like when you are dealing with people
Russert: interesting
Huckabee: Romney bashed me for saying that but he also attacked Bush - what a fuckwit that flip-flopping jackass is
Russert: but if you criticize bush don't you hate America?
Huckabee: no i was with him on the Surge which is all that counts
Russert: what do you think of Mitt Romney?
Huckabee: he's dishonest, dishonorable and he's attacked me and my personal hero, John McCain
Russert: wow there’s an endorsement
Huckabee: Mitt is a pro abortion, anti gun, anti fetus, fantazising, lying, shape shifting robot
Russert: you said you don't hate illegal children but now you want to send them back to Ecudaor
Huckabee: citizenship is all very nice but kids who are US citizens should go back to their home countries and go to the back of line and we should then modernize that line
Russert: you want to send them home!
Huckabee: no i want them to GO home
Russert: but you sais it would collapse the USA economy!
Huckabee: well not all on the same day we could send them back over a period of week or two
Russert: you're a fundie preacher you said Jesus Christ wants you to run second in Iowa
Huckabee: i love to celebrate the bris of christ
Russert: you want to turn this to a Nation of Christ
Huckabee: yeah but i said that to a group of Christians Tim
Russert: do you hate non-christians
Huckabee: look i never took down the capitol dome and replaced it with a steeple
Russert: how enlightened of u
Huckster: that’s me
Russert: you comes across a narrow minded intolerant fuckwit
Huckabee: I just object to officially endorsed pedophilia or gayness
Russert: what the fuck are you talking about
Huckabee: i love it when a man and woman have penis-vagina sex
Russert: how interesting
Huckabee: why do these homosexuals keep sucking cock?
Russert: you would ban all abortions!
Huckabee: you bet
Russert: that's imposing your faith
Huckabee: no it's because life begins at conception I respect zygotes like when we rescue boy scouts who get lost
Russert: put women in prison for abortion?
Huckabee: oh no women are too dumb to make that decision
Russert: put doctors in jail?
Huckabee: oh yes unlike women doctors are smart and evil for doing abortions
Russert: what if the doctor was a woman?
Huckabee: ha ha what a crazy idea
** Obama **
Russert: you've slipped into 3d place
Obama: we'll see won't we
Russert: but you could lose
Obama: people want change
Russert: Postpone Pakistani elections?
Obama: slightly delay them to make them more legitimate but not postponed indefinitely - but it's also about a free press and judiciary and need to have a legit government
Russert: did Musharraf protect her enough?
Obama: how the fuck should i know - the point is he's a fucker who won't go after terrorists or support democracy
Russert: but Bush liked him!
Obama: yeah of course he did
Russert: did Hillary Clinton's vote for Iraq war create Bhutto's death?
Obama: no but the media has decided that Bhutto being killed helps Clinton because of her great experience which - forgive me for offending Fred Hiatt and the Washington Post - but that is bullshit
Russert: you used the s-word!
Obama: fuck you fathead
Russert: you don't have enough experience
Obama: says who, you?
Russert: Bill Clinton on Charlie Rose he says we're rolling the dice!
Obama: the real gamble is to elect Richard Mellon Scaife's evil nemesis all over again - btw way she has no judgment and is a triangulating fuckwit
Russert: but you're too young, you skinny handsome dood
Obama: why wait - we've been governed by a bunch of experienced dickwads for 7 years
Russert: but bill clinton says you're too young
Obama: sure he defends his wife hey i have more experience than he did in 1992
Russert: you say Hillary is a broken system lady
Obama: that's right she's hip-deep in all this DC shit - in fact she campaigns on it - well it's an evil system
Russert: but you might employ a lobbyist oh noes!
Obama: Ron Paul was right - you are an idiot
Russert: we know all the dirt on hillary but what about you - what's something bad about you?
Obama: i've been vetted too - guess who by - the fucking Clinton machine who went back to my elementary school to find out what crayons i used
Russert: so who vouches for u
Obama: david books
Russert: i look at you and i seek a cocaine-taking black man
Obama: yeah but that's cool - the suburban kids today love rap music and the image of safe danger i represent
Russert: you say you cover everyone under your plan which isn't true
Obama: we can cut costs, insure almost everyone, and try to get people to sign up
Russert: Quasi-mandate oh noes!!
Obama: a true mandate is fake and useless
Russert: you're wife said she's not running with you again
Obama: hey i'm still paying off my student loans
Russert: ha ha ha
Sunday, December 30, 2007
The Chris Matthews Show - December 29, 2007
****************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
December 29, 2007
****************************************
Matthews: Hillary likes to pretend she's likeable by hanging out with her daughter but no one believes it
Norris: she has experience but no judgment
Matthews: what do you say joe klein?
Klein: it's going to be sunny on thursday
Matthews: are you on drugs sleepy?
Klein: i have no fucking idea what's going on
Matthews: yeah i know
Klein: Hillary's the best but Richard Mellon Scaife doesn't like her so we can’t support her
Andrea: look at gary hart he was youthful but mondale was better because he had been emasculated
Klein: iowans are solid decent people
Matthews: they must have hated you
Klein: Obama's a change guy
Norris: i flicked my lighter at Obama's rock concert
Fineman: Obama's too intellectual - where's the passion?
Matthews: but a passionate black man scares me
Fineman: teh sun helps Obama because black people have more melanin
Mitchell: Bhutto getting killed helps Hillary because she's knows the now-dead non-leader of Pakistan very well
Matthews: that makes sense
Mitchell: when she was assassinated Obama was hesitant but Hillary exhibited vaginatas
Matthews: what's that?
Mitchell: gravitas for women
Klein: if Obama doesn't win he's going sleep in my living room for 4 years
Matthews: lucky you - he's hawt!
Klein: Edwards is angry
Matthews: oooh, scary
Klein: but guess what alot of people are angry for good reason
Matthews; yeah no donuts this morning and my irish coffee this morning was weak
Matthews: what's with all the varmint-killing with presidential candidates?
Fineman: hey america is all about killing -- we're cowboys with an massive insecure streak
Matthews: why are you looking at me?
Klein: yur the poster child for Brokeback Pundits dood
Matthews: ha!
Matthews: i fluffed john mcCain this week
McCain: i will win NH
Fienman: once again i underestimated McCain and the love affair we have with him
Matthews: is it the grit or the sex appeal?
Fineman: it's teh honesty and surge
Matthews: in my pants!
Klein: romney wins NH and maybe iowa
Matthews: u luv romney
Klein: no I think he's the most reprehensible candidate ever
Matthews: but with nice shoulders
Matthews: a brokered convention can Maverick McCain win!!??
Fineman: that's stupid
Andrea: it depends who the Dem is
Klein: John McCain is the most normal dude in the race
Matthews: i like colin powell
Norris: this time the candidates want to be civil unlike mean Howard Dean - so no screaming
Fineman: Youtube will televise the caucus
Matthews: geraldo - ha!
Mitchell: Rice will go to Pyongyang and play the piano with Phil Harmonic
Matthews: i love that guy!
Klein: afghanistan is important
Matthews: Predictions for 2008!
Norris: 3rd party candidate for presnit!
Fibneman: Chelsea and George P Bush getting in politics
Matthews: he's hawt
Klein: we'll catch Osama
Matthews: really?
Klein: maybe - he's not useful for the GOP anymore
The Chris Matthews Show
December 29, 2007
****************************************
Matthews: Hillary likes to pretend she's likeable by hanging out with her daughter but no one believes it
Norris: she has experience but no judgment
Matthews: what do you say joe klein?
Klein: it's going to be sunny on thursday
Matthews: are you on drugs sleepy?
Klein: i have no fucking idea what's going on
Matthews: yeah i know
Klein: Hillary's the best but Richard Mellon Scaife doesn't like her so we can’t support her
Andrea: look at gary hart he was youthful but mondale was better because he had been emasculated
Klein: iowans are solid decent people
Matthews: they must have hated you
Klein: Obama's a change guy
Norris: i flicked my lighter at Obama's rock concert
Fineman: Obama's too intellectual - where's the passion?
Matthews: but a passionate black man scares me
Fineman: teh sun helps Obama because black people have more melanin
Mitchell: Bhutto getting killed helps Hillary because she's knows the now-dead non-leader of Pakistan very well
Matthews: that makes sense
Mitchell: when she was assassinated Obama was hesitant but Hillary exhibited vaginatas
Matthews: what's that?
Mitchell: gravitas for women
Klein: if Obama doesn't win he's going sleep in my living room for 4 years
Matthews: lucky you - he's hawt!
Klein: Edwards is angry
Matthews: oooh, scary
Klein: but guess what alot of people are angry for good reason
Matthews; yeah no donuts this morning and my irish coffee this morning was weak
Matthews: what's with all the varmint-killing with presidential candidates?
Fineman: hey america is all about killing -- we're cowboys with an massive insecure streak
Matthews: why are you looking at me?
Klein: yur the poster child for Brokeback Pundits dood
Matthews: ha!
Matthews: i fluffed john mcCain this week
McCain: i will win NH
Fienman: once again i underestimated McCain and the love affair we have with him
Matthews: is it the grit or the sex appeal?
Fineman: it's teh honesty and surge
Matthews: in my pants!
Klein: romney wins NH and maybe iowa
Matthews: u luv romney
Klein: no I think he's the most reprehensible candidate ever
Matthews: but with nice shoulders
Matthews: a brokered convention can Maverick McCain win!!??
Fineman: that's stupid
Andrea: it depends who the Dem is
Klein: John McCain is the most normal dude in the race
Matthews: i like colin powell
Norris: this time the candidates want to be civil unlike mean Howard Dean - so no screaming
Fineman: Youtube will televise the caucus
Matthews: geraldo - ha!
Mitchell: Rice will go to Pyongyang and play the piano with Phil Harmonic
Matthews: i love that guy!
Klein: afghanistan is important
Matthews: Predictions for 2008!
Norris: 3rd party candidate for presnit!
Fibneman: Chelsea and George P Bush getting in politics
Matthews: he's hawt
Klein: we'll catch Osama
Matthews: really?
Klein: maybe - he's not useful for the GOP anymore
Sunday, December 23, 2007
MEET THE PRESS WITH RON PAUL - DECEMBER 23, 2007
******************************
Meet The Press
December 23, 3007
Guest: Rep. Ron Paul
*****************************
Russert: do you want to get rid of teh income tax and IRS?
Ron Paul: oh yeah!!
Russert: what about the lost money?
Ron Paul: highwayman fees!
Russert: but that's stupid
Ron Paul: then cut spending
Russert: but that's a trillion dollars
Ron Paul: we should stop being the world's policeman man!
Russert: if you had a 30% sales tax that would kill poor pople
Ron Paul: ok then i'm against it
Russert: so how do we save money
Ron Paul: pull out of korea
Russert: how much would that save
Ron Paul: i don't know - like a lot dood
Russert: how many troops can we pull out of europe and asia
Ron Paul: i dunno
Russert: 500,000
Paul: really, wow!
Russert: what happens when north korea invades south korea?
Ron Paul: beats me
Russert: but what will you do when Iran invades Israel??
Ron Paul: Timmy that's not going to happen - Israel has 300 nukes for pete's sake
Russert: do you think Israel has influence on US foreign policy - oh noes!
Paul: yes i do dumbass
Russert: would really cut off aid to Israel?
Paul: of course but the arabs too - let 'em fight it out and put it on pay per view
Russert: how have we provoked Al Qaeda???
Ron Paul: do what Bush says - real their own statements -- we had troops in Saudi Arabia which is their holy land and we overthrew the Iran government and bombed Iraq
Russert: wow you're defending Al qaeda you say the problem is us and not them
Paul: we're stepping in a snake pit do you blame the snake and keep standing in the snake pit??
Russert: but the islamofascists!!!!
Paul: oh please
Russert: you're making moral equiavalency with islamists and white americans!!!
Ron Paul: have you met dick cheney that dood is crazy
Russert: i have information that right after 9/11 you were not waving a flag 24 hours a day - that seems subversive
Ron Paul: well dude of course i care about mass murder but my reaction was yes we are going to lose our freedoms
Russert: but you said that after 9/11 when we were all about loving the USA
Paul: but i was right!!
Russert: good point
Russert: you want to abolish the FBI and all public schools!
Ron Paul: we have to save money we're going bankrupt
Russert: but the FBI loves america
Ron Paul: they spied on martin luther king
Russert: but only because he was associating with subversives like George Romney and he was marching with ten year kids like little Mitty
Russert: dood you are up to your ears in pork barrel spending
Paul: I accept it but I would like to get rid of it
Russert: you're like saying you were for it and not against it
Paul: oh you silly journalist
Russert: so stop taking earmarks
Paul: that's silly i take tax credits and social security because it's there
Russert: you should refuse them
Paul: Tim by your standards no one could ever advocate for a change while obeying the law
Russert: i never thought of that
Paul: that's because you're an idiot
Russert: you're now against immigration
Paul: yeah but they’re taking all our free stuff and since 9/11 they might be murderers
Russert: you say you like people to follow the Constitution and yet you want to amend it!!
Paul: you really a moron aren't you?
Russert: people tell me that - but i have a house in Nantucket so i doubt it
Paul: drugs should be legal i mean who cares alcohol kills more people anyway
Russert: yeah but drinks have cool names like Tom Collins or Sex on the Beach
Paul: i'm a doctor i've seen the deaths it causes
Russert: you don't want black americans to eat at lunch counters???
Paul: property rights dood why should i let people i don't like in my restaurant!!?
Russert: sounds racist
Paul: it's out of control - smokers rights!!
Russert: do you hate blacks?
Paul: no i get more support from blacks that any other Republican
Russert: that's like being best player on the Miami Dolphins
Russert: you don't even like Abe Lincoln!!!
Paul: that's right that civil war was a tremendous waste
Russert: but we'd still have slavery
Paul: in 2007 - don't be ridiculous
Russert: why are you running as Republican??
Paul: hey i'm like that icon of Bob Taft you gotta cut spending unlike that traitor Ronald Reagan
Russert: will you run as an independent?
Paul: i have no plans to do so
Russert: that's a lot of wiggle room
Paul: i know dood
Russert: you said Mike Huckabee reminded you of Sinclair Lewis saying when fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag carrying a cross
Paul: yes i did
Russert: what does that mean?
Paul: what, fascism?
Russert: r u calling Cuddly Mike a fascist?
Paul: no im saying corporations owning the government plus people always demanding flag waving support for military action is soft fascism
Russert: well my bosses at General Electric think you're crazy
Meet The Press
December 23, 3007
Guest: Rep. Ron Paul
*****************************
Russert: do you want to get rid of teh income tax and IRS?
Ron Paul: oh yeah!!
Russert: what about the lost money?
Ron Paul: highwayman fees!
Russert: but that's stupid
Ron Paul: then cut spending
Russert: but that's a trillion dollars
Ron Paul: we should stop being the world's policeman man!
Russert: if you had a 30% sales tax that would kill poor pople
Ron Paul: ok then i'm against it
Russert: so how do we save money
Ron Paul: pull out of korea
Russert: how much would that save
Ron Paul: i don't know - like a lot dood
Russert: how many troops can we pull out of europe and asia
Ron Paul: i dunno
Russert: 500,000
Paul: really, wow!
Russert: what happens when north korea invades south korea?
Ron Paul: beats me
Russert: but what will you do when Iran invades Israel??
Ron Paul: Timmy that's not going to happen - Israel has 300 nukes for pete's sake
Russert: do you think Israel has influence on US foreign policy - oh noes!
Paul: yes i do dumbass
Russert: would really cut off aid to Israel?
Paul: of course but the arabs too - let 'em fight it out and put it on pay per view
Russert: how have we provoked Al Qaeda???
Ron Paul: do what Bush says - real their own statements -- we had troops in Saudi Arabia which is their holy land and we overthrew the Iran government and bombed Iraq
Russert: wow you're defending Al qaeda you say the problem is us and not them
Paul: we're stepping in a snake pit do you blame the snake and keep standing in the snake pit??
Russert: but the islamofascists!!!!
Paul: oh please
Russert: you're making moral equiavalency with islamists and white americans!!!
Ron Paul: have you met dick cheney that dood is crazy
Russert: i have information that right after 9/11 you were not waving a flag 24 hours a day - that seems subversive
Ron Paul: well dude of course i care about mass murder but my reaction was yes we are going to lose our freedoms
Russert: but you said that after 9/11 when we were all about loving the USA
Paul: but i was right!!
Russert: good point
Russert: you want to abolish the FBI and all public schools!
Ron Paul: we have to save money we're going bankrupt
Russert: but the FBI loves america
Ron Paul: they spied on martin luther king
Russert: but only because he was associating with subversives like George Romney and he was marching with ten year kids like little Mitty
Russert: dood you are up to your ears in pork barrel spending
Paul: I accept it but I would like to get rid of it
Russert: you're like saying you were for it and not against it
Paul: oh you silly journalist
Russert: so stop taking earmarks
Paul: that's silly i take tax credits and social security because it's there
Russert: you should refuse them
Paul: Tim by your standards no one could ever advocate for a change while obeying the law
Russert: i never thought of that
Paul: that's because you're an idiot
Russert: you're now against immigration
Paul: yeah but they’re taking all our free stuff and since 9/11 they might be murderers
Russert: you say you like people to follow the Constitution and yet you want to amend it!!
Paul: you really a moron aren't you?
Russert: people tell me that - but i have a house in Nantucket so i doubt it
Paul: drugs should be legal i mean who cares alcohol kills more people anyway
Russert: yeah but drinks have cool names like Tom Collins or Sex on the Beach
Paul: i'm a doctor i've seen the deaths it causes
Russert: you don't want black americans to eat at lunch counters???
Paul: property rights dood why should i let people i don't like in my restaurant!!?
Russert: sounds racist
Paul: it's out of control - smokers rights!!
Russert: do you hate blacks?
Paul: no i get more support from blacks that any other Republican
Russert: that's like being best player on the Miami Dolphins
Russert: you don't even like Abe Lincoln!!!
Paul: that's right that civil war was a tremendous waste
Russert: but we'd still have slavery
Paul: in 2007 - don't be ridiculous
Russert: why are you running as Republican??
Paul: hey i'm like that icon of Bob Taft you gotta cut spending unlike that traitor Ronald Reagan
Russert: will you run as an independent?
Paul: i have no plans to do so
Russert: that's a lot of wiggle room
Paul: i know dood
Russert: you said Mike Huckabee reminded you of Sinclair Lewis saying when fascism comes to America it will be wrapped in the flag carrying a cross
Paul: yes i did
Russert: what does that mean?
Paul: what, fascism?
Russert: r u calling Cuddly Mike a fascist?
Paul: no im saying corporations owning the government plus people always demanding flag waving support for military action is soft fascism
Russert: well my bosses at General Electric think you're crazy
The Chris Matthews Show - December 23, 2007
*******************************
The Chris Matthews Show
December 23, 2007
*******************************
Matthews: Best Move of 2007!
Katty: Obama peaks just before iowa caucus
Rather: Rudy 9/11
Matthews: i agree!
Norah: women hate Hillary
Sully: Ron Paul rulez he's teh real conservative!!!!
Tweety: Worst move!!!?
Rather: Edwards - he's too angry!!!
Norah: Fred Thompson forgetting to have any ideas
Matthews: so sad
Sully: Democrats could have been a real 5th column and ended the war
Katty: GOP lost all hispanics for years
Tweety: Most Ballsy Move!!!
Katty: Rudy takes phone call in speech so dumb
Rather: Romney saying "varmints" that frog won't fly
Norah: Obama is stinky i love empty gossip like that
Tweety: she's martha mitchell!!!
Sully: Mitt is stupid and Michelle is a force of black female nature
Matthews: Foot in Mouth award!!
Kay: Hillary had the worst moment talking about drivers' licenses
Sully: agreeed it has killed her campaign
Norah: Craig is still in teh senate - it shows how tolerant the GOP is now
Rather: Gonzalez is evil
Tweety: strange bedfellows
Kay: what the fuck is with teh GOP nominating a gay friendly abortionist
O'Donell: the Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are cousins story
Tweety: i'm replacing you with a ficus
Tweety: Jarring Moment!
Rather: ann coulter's admits she is an anti semite althohgh she wishes she could take it back
Sully: no i disagree it's when she attacked gays
Katty: dan she doesn't want to take it back
Sully: that's right and she didn't you're naïve
Norah: hah ha funniest moment Kucinich said he was beamed aboard a spaceship and had sex with a six foot red headed alien!!
Tweety: there's a difference betwen saying you saw something in teh sky you couldn't identify and you saw a UFO -- that implies you believe in intelligent life in teh universe
Kay: looking at you tweety i doubt it myself
Matthews: Zinger of teh Year!
O'Donnell: Hillary attacking evil men was so spontaneous and reminding us of Bill Clinton having sex with monica ha ha ha ha
Sully: she has a devilish cackle!!
Matthews: HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA
Sully: when Obama zapped her by saying he was looking forward to having her advise him it was as brilliant as the time Reagan quoted a line from one of his movies
Matthews: i loved that plagiarising senile bastard
Matthews: Best Year of 2007?
Sully: bob gates has won teh war for us
Rather: al gore and petreaus he had great PR whether is lasts or not
O'Donnell: yes the general even if he fails it's a sweet story - USA!! USA!!
Kay: al gore you dumbass
Matthews: Worst Year in 07!!
Katty, Rather: Baseball
Tweety: roger clemens is still hawt
O'Donnell: Nifong poor white boyz!
Sully: briteny spears
Tweety: hey she's the responsible one!!
Biggest Event in 2007 ?!?!?!
Kay: decline in the dollar yur killing me
Rather: sub prime crisis remember this is the tip of iceberg which is rapidly melting by the way
Sully: America lost it's soul in 2007 but we did gain the suburbs of Iraq
Tweety: aren't the "The Left are all Traitors" guy?
Sully: hey my soul was lost years ago peckerhaid
The Chris Matthews Show
December 23, 2007
*******************************
Matthews: Best Move of 2007!
Katty: Obama peaks just before iowa caucus
Rather: Rudy 9/11
Matthews: i agree!
Norah: women hate Hillary
Sully: Ron Paul rulez he's teh real conservative!!!!
Tweety: Worst move!!!?
Rather: Edwards - he's too angry!!!
Norah: Fred Thompson forgetting to have any ideas
Matthews: so sad
Sully: Democrats could have been a real 5th column and ended the war
Katty: GOP lost all hispanics for years
Tweety: Most Ballsy Move!!!
Katty: Rudy takes phone call in speech so dumb
Rather: Romney saying "varmints" that frog won't fly
Norah: Obama is stinky i love empty gossip like that
Tweety: she's martha mitchell!!!
Sully: Mitt is stupid and Michelle is a force of black female nature
Matthews: Foot in Mouth award!!
Kay: Hillary had the worst moment talking about drivers' licenses
Sully: agreeed it has killed her campaign
Norah: Craig is still in teh senate - it shows how tolerant the GOP is now
Rather: Gonzalez is evil
Tweety: strange bedfellows
Kay: what the fuck is with teh GOP nominating a gay friendly abortionist
O'Donell: the Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are cousins story
Tweety: i'm replacing you with a ficus
Tweety: Jarring Moment!
Rather: ann coulter's admits she is an anti semite althohgh she wishes she could take it back
Sully: no i disagree it's when she attacked gays
Katty: dan she doesn't want to take it back
Sully: that's right and she didn't you're naïve
Norah: hah ha funniest moment Kucinich said he was beamed aboard a spaceship and had sex with a six foot red headed alien!!
Tweety: there's a difference betwen saying you saw something in teh sky you couldn't identify and you saw a UFO -- that implies you believe in intelligent life in teh universe
Kay: looking at you tweety i doubt it myself
Matthews: Zinger of teh Year!
O'Donnell: Hillary attacking evil men was so spontaneous and reminding us of Bill Clinton having sex with monica ha ha ha ha
Sully: she has a devilish cackle!!
Matthews: HA HA HA HA HA HAHA HA
Sully: when Obama zapped her by saying he was looking forward to having her advise him it was as brilliant as the time Reagan quoted a line from one of his movies
Matthews: i loved that plagiarising senile bastard
Matthews: Best Year of 2007?
Sully: bob gates has won teh war for us
Rather: al gore and petreaus he had great PR whether is lasts or not
O'Donnell: yes the general even if he fails it's a sweet story - USA!! USA!!
Kay: al gore you dumbass
Matthews: Worst Year in 07!!
Katty, Rather: Baseball
Tweety: roger clemens is still hawt
O'Donnell: Nifong poor white boyz!
Sully: briteny spears
Tweety: hey she's the responsible one!!
Biggest Event in 2007 ?!?!?!
Kay: decline in the dollar yur killing me
Rather: sub prime crisis remember this is the tip of iceberg which is rapidly melting by the way
Sully: America lost it's soul in 2007 but we did gain the suburbs of Iraq
Tweety: aren't the "The Left are all Traitors" guy?
Sully: hey my soul was lost years ago peckerhaid
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Meet The Press - December 15, 2007
************************************
Meet The Press
December 15, 2007
Guest: Gov. Mitt Romney
*************************************
Russert: you said freedom requires religion - are you fucking nuts?
Romney: i was paraphrasing john adams and george washington who said that morality is good
Russert: you must be religious to have feerdom
Romney: we must put all politicians to a religious test
Russert: what kind?
Romney: a Divine Creator should be recognized by the Government and this should be taught in school otherwise how will we know what is right or wrong??
Russert: i dunno
Romney: america is a unique nation in that it stands for the idea that should be no separation between church and state
Russert: so atheists can't be me moral?
Romney: i don’t believe that
Russert: so you lied
Romney: yes
Russert: so do you hate atheists or do you only hate muslims
Romney: just muslims
Russert: what about your religion
Romney: i am a Generic Person of Faith
Russert: awesome
Russert: you asked permission from the Mormon church to run for President
Romney: no i decided to run all by myself
Russert: not your family?
Romney: oh those people too
Russert: so why run?
Romney: because of the enormous threat of jihad I decided it was time for someone with no experience to be president
Russert: you accept support of people who call you a cultist and a maniac
Romney: religions are like businesses they are competing for souls but in the end we believe about having a Generic Person of Faith
Russert: but you a Person of Cult
Romney: yeah but i'm for lower taxes - so who cares about who leads what Cult?
Russert: he says you're a fake religious nut and not a real xian!!
Romney: but our values are the same - the important thing is that we hate Muslims!
Russert: you think jews are a Cult?
Romney: well i wouldn't say it out loud but Bob Jones probably would and that's his right
Romney: i love jesus christ!!!
Russert: how nice
Romney: we should have diversity as long as we ban blacks, women, jews, atheists and muslims
Russert: in 1978 mormons discovered black men weren't evil!!
Romney: don't you bash the faith of my fathers tim - after all you wrote that stupid book about your dad and my Dad marched with Martin Luther King while your pop was shoveling snow for the fucking buffalo bills
Russert: hey OJ Simpson was black i love him
Romney: he's your hero good luck with that
Russert: you are the Ultimate Flip Flopper
Romney [on tape]: i will never waiver on the issue of protecting a woman's right to choose!!
Russert: no you want to seize the uteruses of america
Romney: well you see there's um government and stuff and then i was a governor and we had a bill to create embryo farming which would create miles and miles of fetus farms
Russert: so you changed your mind
Romney: yes after that i wanted to preserve the little zygotes
Russert: but you didn't try to change the laws
Romney: no but i did try to stop women from having sex
Russert: which is really the point
Romney: precisely
Russert: put women in prison for abortions?
Romney: leave it up to the states
Russert: so ok for some states to be Wire Hanger States
Romney: i don't give a shit
Russert: what about the doctors?
Romney: 2 year prison term and a harshly worded letter in his permanent record
Russert: yur a flipper on stem cells too
Romney: there's a difference between what should be legal and federally funded
Russert: explain it to me
Romney: private labs could destroy all the embryos they want
Russert: but you think life begins at conception
Romney: oh yes!!
Russert: so murder is ok as long as it not paid for with taxes
Romney: right
Russert: but if federal funds were used we could cure many diseases
Romney: we should adopt the snowflake babies and implant them in our handmaids
Russert: where will the come from
Romney: illegal mexican women
Russert: Snowflake Sanctuary Cities?
Romney: right
Russert: you flipped on guns
Romney: no i never changed - for example i hate assault weapons
Russert: oooh, NRA will not like that
Romney: i will sign non-existent bills
Russert: brady bill?
Romney: I support a background check to prevent the crazies from buying guns
Russert: but if we prevent crazies from having guns only crazies will want guns
Russert: you flipped on illegal immigrants too!
Romney: not fair - i said i have no position at all on the issue how can you call me a fence straddler?
Russert: because you want it both ways
Romney: no we should allow illegals to apply for citizenship but not a pathway to do it
Russert: huh
Romney: they should allowed to complete the paperwork and then sent home
Russert: i'm super confused
Romney: we should separate families
Russert: how sweet
Russert: you hired illegal aliens at your pink house!
Romney: no way i would never have a pink house
Russert: but you hired illegal workers
Romney: just to mow the lawn
Russert: you should have checked
Romney: just because they have an accent why Timmy you racist!
Russert: should we have mandatory prison term for people who hire illegals?
Romney: that's a bit excessive
Russert: but we must rid ourselves of all the mexicans!!
Romney: oh let's just have the Death Penalty then
Russert: good idea!
Russert: you raised fees on the blind
Romney: sure it's brilliant - they can't see the tax form
Russert: you're fifi hee hee
Romney: yes but if it's spread around it feels like a tax we targeted the bad people
Russert: a fee is not a tax?
Romney: not in my world
Russert: ok let's cut to the chase you ran in a Massachusetts as a liberal and now you run a Reagan Lover
Romney: not fair i was built in a lab at MIT and my programming was done by liberals and in 2005 my program was completely rewritten by some technies at Pepperdine
Russert: you said you would be better on gay rights than Ted Kennedy!!
Romney: don't you want a computer who learns from its mistakes when Stephen Falken wrote my program it was major breakthrough!!
Russert: gay rights, abortion, health insurance... you want in your state but not in the nation???
Romney: but there are differences between states for example people hardly ever get sick in Texas but in Massachusetts its pretty bad
Russert: so why run for President?
Romney: to cut fees on overtaxed hedge funds
Russert: will you flip flop again when you are president
Romney: i may be rewired again
Russert: huckabee says bush is an arrogant idiot
Romney: that's insulting he should apologize
Russert: but you said Iraq is a fucking mess
Romney: what does that have to do with criticizing our Dear Leader?
Meet The Press
December 15, 2007
Guest: Gov. Mitt Romney
*************************************
Russert: you said freedom requires religion - are you fucking nuts?
Romney: i was paraphrasing john adams and george washington who said that morality is good
Russert: you must be religious to have feerdom
Romney: we must put all politicians to a religious test
Russert: what kind?
Romney: a Divine Creator should be recognized by the Government and this should be taught in school otherwise how will we know what is right or wrong??
Russert: i dunno
Romney: america is a unique nation in that it stands for the idea that should be no separation between church and state
Russert: so atheists can't be me moral?
Romney: i don’t believe that
Russert: so you lied
Romney: yes
Russert: so do you hate atheists or do you only hate muslims
Romney: just muslims
Russert: what about your religion
Romney: i am a Generic Person of Faith
Russert: awesome
Russert: you asked permission from the Mormon church to run for President
Romney: no i decided to run all by myself
Russert: not your family?
Romney: oh those people too
Russert: so why run?
Romney: because of the enormous threat of jihad I decided it was time for someone with no experience to be president
Russert: you accept support of people who call you a cultist and a maniac
Romney: religions are like businesses they are competing for souls but in the end we believe about having a Generic Person of Faith
Russert: but you a Person of Cult
Romney: yeah but i'm for lower taxes - so who cares about who leads what Cult?
Russert: he says you're a fake religious nut and not a real xian!!
Romney: but our values are the same - the important thing is that we hate Muslims!
Russert: you think jews are a Cult?
Romney: well i wouldn't say it out loud but Bob Jones probably would and that's his right
Romney: i love jesus christ!!!
Russert: how nice
Romney: we should have diversity as long as we ban blacks, women, jews, atheists and muslims
Russert: in 1978 mormons discovered black men weren't evil!!
Romney: don't you bash the faith of my fathers tim - after all you wrote that stupid book about your dad and my Dad marched with Martin Luther King while your pop was shoveling snow for the fucking buffalo bills
Russert: hey OJ Simpson was black i love him
Romney: he's your hero good luck with that
Russert: you are the Ultimate Flip Flopper
Romney [on tape]: i will never waiver on the issue of protecting a woman's right to choose!!
Russert: no you want to seize the uteruses of america
Romney: well you see there's um government and stuff and then i was a governor and we had a bill to create embryo farming which would create miles and miles of fetus farms
Russert: so you changed your mind
Romney: yes after that i wanted to preserve the little zygotes
Russert: but you didn't try to change the laws
Romney: no but i did try to stop women from having sex
Russert: which is really the point
Romney: precisely
Russert: put women in prison for abortions?
Romney: leave it up to the states
Russert: so ok for some states to be Wire Hanger States
Romney: i don't give a shit
Russert: what about the doctors?
Romney: 2 year prison term and a harshly worded letter in his permanent record
Russert: yur a flipper on stem cells too
Romney: there's a difference between what should be legal and federally funded
Russert: explain it to me
Romney: private labs could destroy all the embryos they want
Russert: but you think life begins at conception
Romney: oh yes!!
Russert: so murder is ok as long as it not paid for with taxes
Romney: right
Russert: but if federal funds were used we could cure many diseases
Romney: we should adopt the snowflake babies and implant them in our handmaids
Russert: where will the come from
Romney: illegal mexican women
Russert: Snowflake Sanctuary Cities?
Romney: right
Russert: you flipped on guns
Romney: no i never changed - for example i hate assault weapons
Russert: oooh, NRA will not like that
Romney: i will sign non-existent bills
Russert: brady bill?
Romney: I support a background check to prevent the crazies from buying guns
Russert: but if we prevent crazies from having guns only crazies will want guns
Russert: you flipped on illegal immigrants too!
Romney: not fair - i said i have no position at all on the issue how can you call me a fence straddler?
Russert: because you want it both ways
Romney: no we should allow illegals to apply for citizenship but not a pathway to do it
Russert: huh
Romney: they should allowed to complete the paperwork and then sent home
Russert: i'm super confused
Romney: we should separate families
Russert: how sweet
Russert: you hired illegal aliens at your pink house!
Romney: no way i would never have a pink house
Russert: but you hired illegal workers
Romney: just to mow the lawn
Russert: you should have checked
Romney: just because they have an accent why Timmy you racist!
Russert: should we have mandatory prison term for people who hire illegals?
Romney: that's a bit excessive
Russert: but we must rid ourselves of all the mexicans!!
Romney: oh let's just have the Death Penalty then
Russert: good idea!
Russert: you raised fees on the blind
Romney: sure it's brilliant - they can't see the tax form
Russert: you're fifi hee hee
Romney: yes but if it's spread around it feels like a tax we targeted the bad people
Russert: a fee is not a tax?
Romney: not in my world
Russert: ok let's cut to the chase you ran in a Massachusetts as a liberal and now you run a Reagan Lover
Romney: not fair i was built in a lab at MIT and my programming was done by liberals and in 2005 my program was completely rewritten by some technies at Pepperdine
Russert: you said you would be better on gay rights than Ted Kennedy!!
Romney: don't you want a computer who learns from its mistakes when Stephen Falken wrote my program it was major breakthrough!!
Russert: gay rights, abortion, health insurance... you want in your state but not in the nation???
Romney: but there are differences between states for example people hardly ever get sick in Texas but in Massachusetts its pretty bad
Russert: so why run for President?
Romney: to cut fees on overtaxed hedge funds
Russert: will you flip flop again when you are president
Romney: i may be rewired again
Russert: huckabee says bush is an arrogant idiot
Romney: that's insulting he should apologize
Russert: but you said Iraq is a fucking mess
Romney: what does that have to do with criticizing our Dear Leader?
The Chris Matthew Show - December 15, 2007
******************************************
The Chris Matthew Show
December 15, 2007
******************************************
Matthews: Obama will win Iowa!
Rather: no Edwards will
Kay: dem voters are very excited about Edwards he’s populist
Matthews: iowans don't like nasty like hillary
Kay: but they really want to win so they like it when hillary is tough
Tweety: she's ticklish, tight and desperate
O'Donnell: she's stopped smiling and she's annoyed at the uppity black man
Matthews: she sicced mark penn on Barack
O'Donnell: she's in meltdown
Sullivan: she's incompetent and if she has to fight she's loses it
Tweety: maybe it's her time of the month
Rather: we tend to fixate on teh inbred crackers in iowa what about the alligators in florida??
Penn: who, me bring up cocaine? i would never talk about cocaine hillary hates to talk about cocaine!
Kay: that fat disgusting man is repulsive
Sullivan: Clinton was a liar about drug use and Hillary is a racist
O'Donnell: my name is Norah O'Donnell and i am the dumbest person on teevee
Rather: damm Obama classy when he testifies
Sullivan: those fucking 5th columnists are dividing this nation!
Tweety: why do white women hate hillary?
Sullivan: she is so nasty - like i want my candidates to be
Tweety: so you were wrong?
Sullivan: so i am consistent and at least i don't hate america
Kay: it's simple you dumbasses male = tough; female = shrill
O'Donnell: hillary cannot possibly win if she loses iowa on the hand i think she can win it all because she has volunteers in other states but then again Obama has a lot of money
Tweety: i have houseplants smarter than you
Tweety: this reminds me of a movie where i get to smear hillary with a cheap sexist gender and generation stereotype - Ha!!!
Tweety: ha ha ha -- this is just like the movie "Election" ha ha Barack Obama is the big black man on campus ha!
Kay: congrats tweety - you're sexist, racist, ageist, and shallow
Matthews: ha! I love it!
Tweety: omg!! Huckabee is a religious hate-filled ignorant whack-job!!!!
Sully: you mean provenance not providence
Tweety: whatever
Sullly: he went to bible college and speaks their own....umm…
Tweety: idiom?
Sully: right
Kay: he sold the tires on his house to buy a dishwasher
Kay: this election is going to about the economy
Rather: hillary will fire that fat asshole mark penn
O'Donnell: oooh jenna may get married in the white house or maybe not
Matthews: you're a true idiot aren't you?
Sullivan: the GOP party will panic and turn to john mccain
Matthews: so he wins new hampshire
Sully: no
Matthews: smarter guests pleeze!
Matthews: who do the others want to run against?
Rather: huckabee
Sullivan: romney
Kay: edwards
O'Donnell, Sulllivan and Rather: clinton
Tweety: why
Panel: she's so hated she will united the GOP party
Tweety: who will you vote for Little Roy?
Roy: i hate america so I said fuck citizenship in yur evil empire
The Chris Matthew Show
December 15, 2007
******************************************
Matthews: Obama will win Iowa!
Rather: no Edwards will
Kay: dem voters are very excited about Edwards he’s populist
Matthews: iowans don't like nasty like hillary
Kay: but they really want to win so they like it when hillary is tough
Tweety: she's ticklish, tight and desperate
O'Donnell: she's stopped smiling and she's annoyed at the uppity black man
Matthews: she sicced mark penn on Barack
O'Donnell: she's in meltdown
Sullivan: she's incompetent and if she has to fight she's loses it
Tweety: maybe it's her time of the month
Rather: we tend to fixate on teh inbred crackers in iowa what about the alligators in florida??
Penn: who, me bring up cocaine? i would never talk about cocaine hillary hates to talk about cocaine!
Kay: that fat disgusting man is repulsive
Sullivan: Clinton was a liar about drug use and Hillary is a racist
O'Donnell: my name is Norah O'Donnell and i am the dumbest person on teevee
Rather: damm Obama classy when he testifies
Sullivan: those fucking 5th columnists are dividing this nation!
Tweety: why do white women hate hillary?
Sullivan: she is so nasty - like i want my candidates to be
Tweety: so you were wrong?
Sullivan: so i am consistent and at least i don't hate america
Kay: it's simple you dumbasses male = tough; female = shrill
O'Donnell: hillary cannot possibly win if she loses iowa on the hand i think she can win it all because she has volunteers in other states but then again Obama has a lot of money
Tweety: i have houseplants smarter than you
Tweety: this reminds me of a movie where i get to smear hillary with a cheap sexist gender and generation stereotype - Ha!!!
Tweety: ha ha ha -- this is just like the movie "Election" ha ha Barack Obama is the big black man on campus ha!
Kay: congrats tweety - you're sexist, racist, ageist, and shallow
Matthews: ha! I love it!
Tweety: omg!! Huckabee is a religious hate-filled ignorant whack-job!!!!
Sully: you mean provenance not providence
Tweety: whatever
Sullly: he went to bible college and speaks their own....umm…
Tweety: idiom?
Sully: right
Kay: he sold the tires on his house to buy a dishwasher
Kay: this election is going to about the economy
Rather: hillary will fire that fat asshole mark penn
O'Donnell: oooh jenna may get married in the white house or maybe not
Matthews: you're a true idiot aren't you?
Sullivan: the GOP party will panic and turn to john mccain
Matthews: so he wins new hampshire
Sully: no
Matthews: smarter guests pleeze!
Matthews: who do the others want to run against?
Rather: huckabee
Sullivan: romney
Kay: edwards
O'Donnell, Sulllivan and Rather: clinton
Tweety: why
Panel: she's so hated she will united the GOP party
Tweety: who will you vote for Little Roy?
Roy: i hate america so I said fuck citizenship in yur evil empire
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Democratic Debate - December 13, 2007
*************************************************
Democratic Debate
Des Moines, Iowa
December 13, 2007
*************************************************
Host: fiscal policy?
Richardson: we've spent $500 million on the war in Iraq and we could have spent that on solar and wind and aviation and on the children after all they are our future
Edwards: taxes are set by big corporations and guess what they get breaks for moving jobs overseas well that's crazee
Hillary: americans feel like they are standing on one those trap door like in a james bond movie they are one health care crisis from falling through and being eaten by sharks
Host: how do you pay for the iraq war you all oppose??
Biden: it's all a paradigm
Host: ooh fancy term
Biden: i learned it from neal kinnock
Host: what's your answer
Biden: get rid of new nuclear weapons
Obama: i've laid out spending cuts and also get rid Cayman islands corporations they have 12,000 US businesses
Host: wow sounds like they have a great business climate
Obama: it's the economic school of thought of mother and fucking
Richardson: hey we still have to spend on the military like for our suicidal veterans
Dodd: we got millions of children living in poverty
Host: answer?
Dodd: unlike most Democrats i want to grow the economy
Host: Communist China!
Richardson: i would get tough with those genocide sympathizing lead-toy selling contaminated food weasels
Host: like how?
Richardson: no more MSG!!!
Dodd: we're adversaries heck they use slaves to make knock offs of our most popular movies - poor tom cruise - well i say fuck that shit
Host: entitlements! you have 8 seconds
Hillary: give medicare the right to negotiate with drug companies and reform health care like i tried to do 15 years ago
Host: what else
Hillary: bipartisan commission!
Biden: lift the cap on SS, deal with chronic disease and modernize like we could use a Commodore 64 in every hopsital
Obama: we need to return to the obesity levels of 1980
Host: how do we do that
Obama: bring back disco and cocaine
Richardson: health care is human right so the key is computers, and diabetes and phys ed in elementary schools
Host: what else
Bill: cure cancer
Host: your formal statement Obama and Edwards!
Obama: we have to have the courage to change and fight the special interests
Edwards: we have a lot to do because of corporate power and greed in DC - you can't deal with them we have to fight them so we have rise and kill the beast
Biden: how do we help third world nations by giving them pollution and slave wages
Host: but the iowa corn!
Richardson: international labor standards, collective bargaining, equal wages, clear air standards --
Host: jeebus we don't have that here
Dodd: back when jimmy carter and i were buddies we tried human rights and got the big smackdown but it should be seamless and a part of business and enhance America
Edwards: big corporations are making big bucks in China and what did the people in the US get?? lost jobs and poisonous toys
Host: what do you care you're rich?
Edwards: my father was laid off when the business moved to china
Host: oh
Clinton: i will review every trade agreement word for word and i take out all the bad stuff and fight for the good stuff
Host: okey dokey
Clinton: goddammit we're won't be patsies when i commander in chief!
Obama: i would sit down with the leaders of canada and say enough already with damm bacon and maple syrup
Host: what else?
Obama: when we torture we can't lecture anyone else on human rights and i liked when America was admired and not despised
Dodd: darfur doods!
Kucinich:
[ ]
Richardson: 50 miles per gallon! also reduce our consumption oil and now that i think about greenhouse gases are bad too
Host: what else?
Richardson: no more air conditioning
Dodd: well i turned mine off this month
Host: w00t!
Dodd: carbon tax! Dammit!!
Clinton: it's imperative that we bravely triangulate this issue by taking money from auction permits to sell costs to the american consumer and shift those monies to an apollo program and move those funds to green energy efforts
Host: whew
Obama: i have young kids and i would like a nice pretty clean planet for them we do that by harnessing the desire people have to be rich like in wind technology and i told the automakers in Detroit to shape up
host: how did they like that
Obama: they said who is that mean black man?
Edwards: we have to ask Americans to be patriotic not just about war but about saving the planet it's the only one we have
Host: planet Genesis?
Edwards: but that is planet fobidden
Dodd: i love farmers their roughage keeps me regular
Obama: people in Manhattan get farm subsidies what teh fuck ain't no farms on 125th street
Biden: what happened to all the farmers i don't see any in Iowa we must save them they're like an endangered species
Clinton: i have a farmers from New York lecturing farmers in Iowa today
Obama: more of those fucking Manhattan farmers???
Clinton: american gothic dood
Host: statement Hillary?
Hillary: Obama wants to hope for change but i want to work to make it happen and as president i will not stop annoying people until they give in and give me what i want
Dodd: i'm very grateful to the people of Iowa for their warm embrace - if it wasn't for them i would not have hit 2% in the polls
Host: education?
Edwards: an Naval academy for teachers and send them forth and teach in truly wretched places like Alaska or the Bronx or Iowa
Richardson: [ yawn ]
i would do whatever like science and math and shit
Host: are we keeping you up sleepy
Richardson: bush sucks and teachers are good and art too
Richardson: my state was 49th and now were 29th
Host: that's bad
Richardson: yeah but my state is full of native americans
Obama: NCLB sucks, give teachers real money and bring parents back in schools
Host: like how
Obama: turn off the tv set
Host: but not MSNBC and CNN
Obama: no especially them they are making us stupid
Dodd: i like teachers and parents
Hillary: i brought Chelsea here today as an example of what a great mom i am
Host: very nice
Hillary: i wil use the Bully Pulpit for a city on a hill call it the Bully Hill Pulpit
Edwards: i like education
Biden: my wife is a full time teacher we have to have smaller classes, more hours, more money, and free college
Host: first year in office - go!!
Obama: pull out of iraq, repeal all of bush's executive orders, reform health care
Biden: split Iraq in three parts, stop torturing, health care, and invest in follicle technology
Richardson: all troops out, universal health care, energy revolution, and i would dust off a little document i like to call the Constitution
Host: first year in office - go
Obama: pull out of iraq, repeal all of bush's executive orders, reform health care
Biden: split Iraq in three parts, stop torturing, health care, and invest in follicle technology
Richardson: all troops out, universal health care, energy revolution, and i would dust off a little document i like to call the Constitution
Dodd: Constitution, diplomacy
Edwards: the truth is not all this can be done sure i would fight for ending the war and close gitmo but look the Corporations have to be beaten or nothing else will happen
Cliton: i will send Colin Powell around the world and tell him to tell them how great i am he seems like an easy mark
Host: you fucked up in 1993
Clinton: true but i've learned since them and i will have no secrecy i leaned from bill you can't keep secrets in DC so might as well not try
Host: Biden are you gaffe-prone or a racist?
Biden: 95% of minorities vote me let me tell you why i love it when indians open up 7-11's and Dunkin Donuts that's my record on the brown people
[crowd cheers]
Obama: i would like to say Joe Biden may be an idiot sometimes but he's no racist
Host: how can you work with business when you call them corrupt?
Edwards: i don't plan on working with them i plan on fighting them, beating them and squishing them into the ground
Host: but you are so young jon-boy
edwards: i'm 54
Host: Dodd are you driven to avenge your father
Dodd: i have spent 30 years looking for the six fingered man and i will not stop
Host: you were a bad Energy secretary
Richardson: wen ho lee pled guilty
Host: i heard he was held in solitary unfairly
Richardson: i won't apologize for protecting america from that wily asian
Host: Obama you have Clinton advisors
Clinton: ha ha ha
Obama: when i'm president Hillary will advise me too
[ Clinton laughs, snaps pencil in hand ]
Obama: hillary is part of the problem she supported the war and that was stupid i will talk to muslims around the world in our common secret language
Host: signing statements?
Hillary: i would use it clarify laws Bush uses it as a veto it's insane he re-wrote a law i passed saying he had stop being such a fucktard
Edwards: Bush thinks he is king but we have three branches, Presnit, Congress and the Blogosphere
Host: New Year's resolution?
Hillary: kick Obama's ass and the win the presidency
Edwards: think about hungry and sick children in my mansion
Dodd: hope that America becomes a respected nation and not openly despised also i hope i get at least one vote having spent enough time in this fucking state
Richardson: drop a few pounds and stay positive and try act like a give a shit about all this
Biden: ever since my family was killed i make a resolution to remember that
Obama: be a better father, husband and drug dealer
Host: ha
Obama: just kidding
Host: how much do you hate Iowa?
Hillary: my gawd these inbred slack jawed freaks are nuts
Edwards: i've had to fake being from teh midwest and not the south - i can't wait to get out of here
Dodd: lord this place is cold and boring and they revel in this election crap - i hate it
Richardson: tell me about it - it's freezing and none of you will vote for me fuck you all
Biden: jeesus i have never met a more tiresome crowd of loosers and idiots in my life
Obama: i hate so much i will just thank all the america people - did you i doubled the black population of every town i visited in iowa
Kucinich:
[ .]
iowans: polite applause
Democratic Debate
Des Moines, Iowa
December 13, 2007
*************************************************
Host: fiscal policy?
Richardson: we've spent $500 million on the war in Iraq and we could have spent that on solar and wind and aviation and on the children after all they are our future
Edwards: taxes are set by big corporations and guess what they get breaks for moving jobs overseas well that's crazee
Hillary: americans feel like they are standing on one those trap door like in a james bond movie they are one health care crisis from falling through and being eaten by sharks
Host: how do you pay for the iraq war you all oppose??
Biden: it's all a paradigm
Host: ooh fancy term
Biden: i learned it from neal kinnock
Host: what's your answer
Biden: get rid of new nuclear weapons
Obama: i've laid out spending cuts and also get rid Cayman islands corporations they have 12,000 US businesses
Host: wow sounds like they have a great business climate
Obama: it's the economic school of thought of mother and fucking
Richardson: hey we still have to spend on the military like for our suicidal veterans
Dodd: we got millions of children living in poverty
Host: answer?
Dodd: unlike most Democrats i want to grow the economy
Host: Communist China!
Richardson: i would get tough with those genocide sympathizing lead-toy selling contaminated food weasels
Host: like how?
Richardson: no more MSG!!!
Dodd: we're adversaries heck they use slaves to make knock offs of our most popular movies - poor tom cruise - well i say fuck that shit
Host: entitlements! you have 8 seconds
Hillary: give medicare the right to negotiate with drug companies and reform health care like i tried to do 15 years ago
Host: what else
Hillary: bipartisan commission!
Biden: lift the cap on SS, deal with chronic disease and modernize like we could use a Commodore 64 in every hopsital
Obama: we need to return to the obesity levels of 1980
Host: how do we do that
Obama: bring back disco and cocaine
Richardson: health care is human right so the key is computers, and diabetes and phys ed in elementary schools
Host: what else
Bill: cure cancer
Host: your formal statement Obama and Edwards!
Obama: we have to have the courage to change and fight the special interests
Edwards: we have a lot to do because of corporate power and greed in DC - you can't deal with them we have to fight them so we have rise and kill the beast
Biden: how do we help third world nations by giving them pollution and slave wages
Host: but the iowa corn!
Richardson: international labor standards, collective bargaining, equal wages, clear air standards --
Host: jeebus we don't have that here
Dodd: back when jimmy carter and i were buddies we tried human rights and got the big smackdown but it should be seamless and a part of business and enhance America
Edwards: big corporations are making big bucks in China and what did the people in the US get?? lost jobs and poisonous toys
Host: what do you care you're rich?
Edwards: my father was laid off when the business moved to china
Host: oh
Clinton: i will review every trade agreement word for word and i take out all the bad stuff and fight for the good stuff
Host: okey dokey
Clinton: goddammit we're won't be patsies when i commander in chief!
Obama: i would sit down with the leaders of canada and say enough already with damm bacon and maple syrup
Host: what else?
Obama: when we torture we can't lecture anyone else on human rights and i liked when America was admired and not despised
Dodd: darfur doods!
Kucinich:
[ ]
Richardson: 50 miles per gallon! also reduce our consumption oil and now that i think about greenhouse gases are bad too
Host: what else?
Richardson: no more air conditioning
Dodd: well i turned mine off this month
Host: w00t!
Dodd: carbon tax! Dammit!!
Clinton: it's imperative that we bravely triangulate this issue by taking money from auction permits to sell costs to the american consumer and shift those monies to an apollo program and move those funds to green energy efforts
Host: whew
Obama: i have young kids and i would like a nice pretty clean planet for them we do that by harnessing the desire people have to be rich like in wind technology and i told the automakers in Detroit to shape up
host: how did they like that
Obama: they said who is that mean black man?
Edwards: we have to ask Americans to be patriotic not just about war but about saving the planet it's the only one we have
Host: planet Genesis?
Edwards: but that is planet fobidden
Dodd: i love farmers their roughage keeps me regular
Obama: people in Manhattan get farm subsidies what teh fuck ain't no farms on 125th street
Biden: what happened to all the farmers i don't see any in Iowa we must save them they're like an endangered species
Clinton: i have a farmers from New York lecturing farmers in Iowa today
Obama: more of those fucking Manhattan farmers???
Clinton: american gothic dood
Host: statement Hillary?
Hillary: Obama wants to hope for change but i want to work to make it happen and as president i will not stop annoying people until they give in and give me what i want
Dodd: i'm very grateful to the people of Iowa for their warm embrace - if it wasn't for them i would not have hit 2% in the polls
Host: education?
Edwards: an Naval academy for teachers and send them forth and teach in truly wretched places like Alaska or the Bronx or Iowa
Richardson: [ yawn ]
i would do whatever like science and math and shit
Host: are we keeping you up sleepy
Richardson: bush sucks and teachers are good and art too
Richardson: my state was 49th and now were 29th
Host: that's bad
Richardson: yeah but my state is full of native americans
Obama: NCLB sucks, give teachers real money and bring parents back in schools
Host: like how
Obama: turn off the tv set
Host: but not MSNBC and CNN
Obama: no especially them they are making us stupid
Dodd: i like teachers and parents
Hillary: i brought Chelsea here today as an example of what a great mom i am
Host: very nice
Hillary: i wil use the Bully Pulpit for a city on a hill call it the Bully Hill Pulpit
Edwards: i like education
Biden: my wife is a full time teacher we have to have smaller classes, more hours, more money, and free college
Host: first year in office - go!!
Obama: pull out of iraq, repeal all of bush's executive orders, reform health care
Biden: split Iraq in three parts, stop torturing, health care, and invest in follicle technology
Richardson: all troops out, universal health care, energy revolution, and i would dust off a little document i like to call the Constitution
Host: first year in office - go
Obama: pull out of iraq, repeal all of bush's executive orders, reform health care
Biden: split Iraq in three parts, stop torturing, health care, and invest in follicle technology
Richardson: all troops out, universal health care, energy revolution, and i would dust off a little document i like to call the Constitution
Dodd: Constitution, diplomacy
Edwards: the truth is not all this can be done sure i would fight for ending the war and close gitmo but look the Corporations have to be beaten or nothing else will happen
Cliton: i will send Colin Powell around the world and tell him to tell them how great i am he seems like an easy mark
Host: you fucked up in 1993
Clinton: true but i've learned since them and i will have no secrecy i leaned from bill you can't keep secrets in DC so might as well not try
Host: Biden are you gaffe-prone or a racist?
Biden: 95% of minorities vote me let me tell you why i love it when indians open up 7-11's and Dunkin Donuts that's my record on the brown people
[crowd cheers]
Obama: i would like to say Joe Biden may be an idiot sometimes but he's no racist
Host: how can you work with business when you call them corrupt?
Edwards: i don't plan on working with them i plan on fighting them, beating them and squishing them into the ground
Host: but you are so young jon-boy
edwards: i'm 54
Host: Dodd are you driven to avenge your father
Dodd: i have spent 30 years looking for the six fingered man and i will not stop
Host: you were a bad Energy secretary
Richardson: wen ho lee pled guilty
Host: i heard he was held in solitary unfairly
Richardson: i won't apologize for protecting america from that wily asian
Host: Obama you have Clinton advisors
Clinton: ha ha ha
Obama: when i'm president Hillary will advise me too
[ Clinton laughs, snaps pencil in hand ]
Obama: hillary is part of the problem she supported the war and that was stupid i will talk to muslims around the world in our common secret language
Host: signing statements?
Hillary: i would use it clarify laws Bush uses it as a veto it's insane he re-wrote a law i passed saying he had stop being such a fucktard
Edwards: Bush thinks he is king but we have three branches, Presnit, Congress and the Blogosphere
Host: New Year's resolution?
Hillary: kick Obama's ass and the win the presidency
Edwards: think about hungry and sick children in my mansion
Dodd: hope that America becomes a respected nation and not openly despised also i hope i get at least one vote having spent enough time in this fucking state
Richardson: drop a few pounds and stay positive and try act like a give a shit about all this
Biden: ever since my family was killed i make a resolution to remember that
Obama: be a better father, husband and drug dealer
Host: ha
Obama: just kidding
Host: how much do you hate Iowa?
Hillary: my gawd these inbred slack jawed freaks are nuts
Edwards: i've had to fake being from teh midwest and not the south - i can't wait to get out of here
Dodd: lord this place is cold and boring and they revel in this election crap - i hate it
Richardson: tell me about it - it's freezing and none of you will vote for me fuck you all
Biden: jeesus i have never met a more tiresome crowd of loosers and idiots in my life
Obama: i hate so much i will just thank all the america people - did you i doubled the black population of every town i visited in iowa
Kucinich:
[ .]
iowans: polite applause
Republican Presidential Debate - December 12, 2007
***********************************************
Republican Presidential Debate
December 12, 2007
Des Moines, Iowa
***********************************************
Washburn: Hi, I'm Carolyn Washburn, and I will hosting this debate under water
Washburn: America is in fiscal freefall -- go!
Rudy: we need to fire half the federal workforce and the answer to debt is to reduce taxes which would be a major boost of revenue to the government
Hunter: we have an 800 billion trade loss to Communist China those little yellow doods are cheating we must eliminate them
Ron Paul: we spend, borrow and tax too much -- the dollar has dropped 10% while i have finished this sentence
Tancredo: we should stop importing oil from brown people and people with crazy religions
Fred Thompson: the fucking chinese hate us and lend us money and george bush has bankrupted this country
Host: what's the answer?
Thompson: re-elect the Republicans
Romney: [powers up]
let's not wring our hands -- the future is bright the answer is good jobs, schools, and health care.
Host: wow that's bold
Huckabee: we can only be free if we can put food on our people, power ourselves and manufacture guns - otherwise we're enslaved
Host: wow slavery that sounds bad
Hucker: let mah people go
McCain: we're on a spending spree but since we can't raise taxes i will fund a Manhattan project to build a city like Manhahttan but here in America
Rudy: government is spending too much this has nothing to do with Americans - it's all about Washington D.C.
Host: wow that's scary where did they come from
Rudy: i dream of America free of washington dc and black people
Host: what's your answer
Rudy: no government medicine or nannies let people shop around for the health care they want
Host: wow that's bold
Rudy: i love boldness
Host: Ron any need for sacrifice?
Paul: there is no need for sacrifice we just pull troops from every one of the 130 countries we are in dammit!
Huckabee: kill the snake!
Host: huh?
Huckabee: americans should lose weight
Host: can we afford to run a deficit?
Romney: no need to make that choice - just eliminate parts of the federal government
Host: which ones?
Mitt: keep the aircraft carriers lose the anti-teen pregnancy programs
Host: w00t!
Tanfeardo: honestly if you think about it we should stop everything but keep federal defense but let's not build a bubble around people with womb to tomb care
Host: ewww
Thompson: we should build more bridges and have a bigger military but we can keep entitlement programs while making money know and that's very brave of me to say
Host: Taxes!?
Keyes: we should ritually sacrifice incumbent politicians they are phonies
McCain: low-income americans don't pay taxes
Host: payroll taxes?
McCain: never heard of 'em
Huckabee: repeal of all income taxes and have a national sales tax!
Mitt: i like teh middle class
Thompson: lucky duckies don't pay income taxes - oh poor rich people
Tancredo: repeal all taxes!
Paul: inflation is the worst tax of all its evil!
Hunter: all taxes are evil what are we wasting all those billions on????
Host: Iraq war, dumbass?
Hunter: no that's free
Rudy: we must reduce all taxes look i bought these magic beans in Washington Square park -- at least i think they're beans
McCain: i will ask every american to serve in teh military
Tancredo: Eeeeeeek!
Hunter: my son is in the middle east and i flew a jet and i built a wall between us and the brown horde
Paul: let's drop the fucking embargo against Cuba oh and we should print all money in gold coins
Mitt: hey i ran duane read which means i know how to deal with China
Host: jesus what kinds of pills were you selling
Mitt: a little lead won't kill you honey
Huckabee: i will eliminate all red tape - i will part it like Moses
Host: and if you're the nomineee the GOP will wander in teh wilderness for 40 years
McCain: i will sell iowa's farming crap to Vietnam - look I've been there i know their Commmissioner of agiculture he tortured me but we're buddies now
Rudy: heh sounds like fun -- look we are a nation of dreams i look on the abused third world as a bunch of potential customers like maybe an impoverished Rwandan village would like to buy a Boeing jet or see Ocean's 14
Host: what else
Rudy: free laptop?
Thompson: wtf is NAFTA?
Tancredo: fucking mexican trucks are coming here oh noes!!!
Hunter: NAFTA sucks - too brown for my taste
Paul: The Constitution is now used to restrain the people, control our wealth, police the world, and put devices in my teeth
Thompson: my number goal as president will be to kick ass all over the world and i will pretend to be a macho guy when elected
Host: show of hands - global warming
Thompson: fuck off
Host: what's you answer
Thompson: what part of 'fuck' or 'off' don't you understand filly
McCain: global warming is real and even it isn't we still leave a clean world is that so bad?
Rudy: yeah what he said
Host: what else
Rudy: Gore was right about everything
Hunter: it's all the animals fault
Rudy: thank god Republicans discovered this issue those liberals have fought us tooth and nail that's terrible
Mitt: the beauty of this we can clean the world but at the same time blame the third world and brown people for it's a win-win!!
Keyes: 5% of Americans have a serious mental illness who speaks for them but me??????
Thompson: hey i do too
Paul: what about me?
Keyes: phony politicans!
Paul: kettle - black dood
Huckabee: like McCain said we could leave a cleaner world but i like alternative energy if only we had a respected former vice president interested in this
Hunter: R&D d00ds!
Host: in what
Hunter: hydrogen we give incentives to private businesses
Host: you mean giveways
Tancredo: i like federal R&D but not government spending
Host: free swim!
Tancredo: the brown hoard is coming and they will take over the nation!!!!
Huckabee: people in america are looking for leaders - good, clean, white, thin, christian, non-mormon, wack-job leaders!
Host: American kids are dumb - discuss
McCain: simple - choice and competition among high schools let them fight over students - let the schools go to war if that's what it takes
Host: anything else
McCain: fire teachers and hire Mayor Bloomberg
Rudy: what kind of crazy person would have government schools run by the government
Host: solution?
Rudy: let people go to private school or home school if they want - then we will see a revolution
Host: but they can do that now stupid
Hunter: i saw this crazy movie in 1987 and we should base american policy on that
Host: dirty dancing?
Hunter: nobody puts Duncan in a corner
Romney: give good students a free four year collge education
Host: good luck with that
Huckabee: federal government should share data like keep a list of kids who are bored in high school
Host: um, that list would have 100 million people
Huckabee: teach art and music
Host: are you sure you are Republicans?
Keyes: can i talk?
Host: no crazy man
Keyes: i will throw a tantrum
Host: [sighs] go ahead looney
Keyes: NO ONE WILL LEARN SCIENCE WIHTOUT THE FLYING PASTA MONSTER OF JESUS!!!
HOST: [ sighs ] ron paul do you have anything?
Paul: all kids should be home schooled!!!!
Host: uh-huh
Thompson: the NEA is evil -- that's what Rush Limbaugh says
Host: i give up
Rudy: what kind of crazy person would have government schools run by the government
Host: [sighs] Tancredo - i'm afraid to ask
Tancredo: we have to fire all people in the education departments in all states and the federal government
Huckabee: that dood is crazy
Mitt: our students are stupid but not in taxachsetts!
Host: what's your goal as President?
Rudy: defeat the muslim horde, energy independence, cut taxes, and shrink goverment
Hunter: launch attacks on North Korea, Iran, China, and Mexico
Host: jeebus you are nuts
Paul: bring the troops home from Iraq, stop threatening Iran, turn the Navy around
Tancredo: attack all mexicans there and in this country too - also attack all muslims
Thompson: my first goal would be establish my credibility
Host: how?
Thompson: tell the people judges suck
Mitt: my goals are to go after Jihad, mexicans, and stay on track for taxes, on track for new energy, on track for health insurance for all
Host: dood your Hologram DVD is skipping
Huckabee: i will unite all America under a Banner of Christianity
McCain: Make Americans Safe in Cyberspace
Host: huh
McCain: just do whatever who gives a shit i hate running for president
Keyes: i would sign an executive order making all women handmaids, abolish all taxes, lock up all non-christians, and invade mexico
Host: yeah you are so much more credible than Kuninich - jeesus
Mitt: i want to say to the people of Iowa - i need you help! My son Josh has visited all 99 counties in Iowa and we don't know where the hell he is
Keyes: Arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhh
Host: [ sighs ]
Rudy: we need an optimistic leader who is willing to bash some skulls
Host: are you a criminal Rudy
Rudy: ha ha ha ha
Host: whacko
Rudy: i'm a criminal what are you gonna do
Host: you remind me of Tony Soprano
Rudy: hey it was all like a bookkeeping error ya know
Keyes: you need to open about who you are - for example i completely insane but do you see me hiding it? No!
[ pirouettes, sings in high pitched voice]
Host: thanks so much
Romney: i like little fetuses now
Rudy: fuck Alan Keyes
Thompson: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr
host: would you care to expand on that
Fred: 2 years ago we thought Iran had nukes so we should only listen to the Israelis
Host: are you bananas
Fred: the NIE is only a piece of paper by a bureaucrat
Huckabee: i hate non christians
McCain: i hate radical islams
Huckabee: people who are poor should still get good health care
Host: ooh radical
Huckabee: founding fathers believed in equality so we should treat people equally
Keyes: Commie!
[ hops one foot ]
Romney: i was built by Noonian Singh in the same lab as Ronald Reagan - don't you want that back???
Hunter: sorry I'm so shocked by mitt's revelation that he's a robot that i forgot the question
Romney: please, the term is android dood
Host: Tancredo you are a wacko aren't you
Tancredo: it's simple we must never ever leave Iraq
Host: oh
Tancredo: but we should stop firing our guns
Host: speaking of crazy - Paul?
Paul: it's not my campaign it's my supporters it's a revolution beyond all party
McCain: i have more experience fucking over the american people than everyone here put together
Host: New Year's Resolution for an opponent!
Keyes: God sent me to do this interpretive dance
[ jumps up and down ]
McCain: fuck this shit
Romney: fuck Huckabee
Huckabee: fuck you
Thomspon: be a better lover to my young wife and father to my grandchild
Tancredo: kill more mexicans
Paul: destroy the Bilderberg group!
Hunter: Buy american
Rudy: i wake up every morning and say at least i'm not black so be grateful people of iowa
Host: and we are out of time [ sighs ]
Republican Presidential Debate
December 12, 2007
Des Moines, Iowa
***********************************************
Washburn: Hi, I'm Carolyn Washburn, and I will hosting this debate under water
Washburn: America is in fiscal freefall -- go!
Rudy: we need to fire half the federal workforce and the answer to debt is to reduce taxes which would be a major boost of revenue to the government
Hunter: we have an 800 billion trade loss to Communist China those little yellow doods are cheating we must eliminate them
Ron Paul: we spend, borrow and tax too much -- the dollar has dropped 10% while i have finished this sentence
Tancredo: we should stop importing oil from brown people and people with crazy religions
Fred Thompson: the fucking chinese hate us and lend us money and george bush has bankrupted this country
Host: what's the answer?
Thompson: re-elect the Republicans
Romney: [powers up]
let's not wring our hands -- the future is bright the answer is good jobs, schools, and health care.
Host: wow that's bold
Huckabee: we can only be free if we can put food on our people, power ourselves and manufacture guns - otherwise we're enslaved
Host: wow slavery that sounds bad
Hucker: let mah people go
McCain: we're on a spending spree but since we can't raise taxes i will fund a Manhattan project to build a city like Manhahttan but here in America
Rudy: government is spending too much this has nothing to do with Americans - it's all about Washington D.C.
Host: wow that's scary where did they come from
Rudy: i dream of America free of washington dc and black people
Host: what's your answer
Rudy: no government medicine or nannies let people shop around for the health care they want
Host: wow that's bold
Rudy: i love boldness
Host: Ron any need for sacrifice?
Paul: there is no need for sacrifice we just pull troops from every one of the 130 countries we are in dammit!
Huckabee: kill the snake!
Host: huh?
Huckabee: americans should lose weight
Host: can we afford to run a deficit?
Romney: no need to make that choice - just eliminate parts of the federal government
Host: which ones?
Mitt: keep the aircraft carriers lose the anti-teen pregnancy programs
Host: w00t!
Tanfeardo: honestly if you think about it we should stop everything but keep federal defense but let's not build a bubble around people with womb to tomb care
Host: ewww
Thompson: we should build more bridges and have a bigger military but we can keep entitlement programs while making money know and that's very brave of me to say
Host: Taxes!?
Keyes: we should ritually sacrifice incumbent politicians they are phonies
McCain: low-income americans don't pay taxes
Host: payroll taxes?
McCain: never heard of 'em
Huckabee: repeal of all income taxes and have a national sales tax!
Mitt: i like teh middle class
Thompson: lucky duckies don't pay income taxes - oh poor rich people
Tancredo: repeal all taxes!
Paul: inflation is the worst tax of all its evil!
Hunter: all taxes are evil what are we wasting all those billions on????
Host: Iraq war, dumbass?
Hunter: no that's free
Rudy: we must reduce all taxes look i bought these magic beans in Washington Square park -- at least i think they're beans
McCain: i will ask every american to serve in teh military
Tancredo: Eeeeeeek!
Hunter: my son is in the middle east and i flew a jet and i built a wall between us and the brown horde
Paul: let's drop the fucking embargo against Cuba oh and we should print all money in gold coins
Mitt: hey i ran duane read which means i know how to deal with China
Host: jesus what kinds of pills were you selling
Mitt: a little lead won't kill you honey
Huckabee: i will eliminate all red tape - i will part it like Moses
Host: and if you're the nomineee the GOP will wander in teh wilderness for 40 years
McCain: i will sell iowa's farming crap to Vietnam - look I've been there i know their Commmissioner of agiculture he tortured me but we're buddies now
Rudy: heh sounds like fun -- look we are a nation of dreams i look on the abused third world as a bunch of potential customers like maybe an impoverished Rwandan village would like to buy a Boeing jet or see Ocean's 14
Host: what else
Rudy: free laptop?
Thompson: wtf is NAFTA?
Tancredo: fucking mexican trucks are coming here oh noes!!!
Hunter: NAFTA sucks - too brown for my taste
Paul: The Constitution is now used to restrain the people, control our wealth, police the world, and put devices in my teeth
Thompson: my number goal as president will be to kick ass all over the world and i will pretend to be a macho guy when elected
Host: show of hands - global warming
Thompson: fuck off
Host: what's you answer
Thompson: what part of 'fuck' or 'off' don't you understand filly
McCain: global warming is real and even it isn't we still leave a clean world is that so bad?
Rudy: yeah what he said
Host: what else
Rudy: Gore was right about everything
Hunter: it's all the animals fault
Rudy: thank god Republicans discovered this issue those liberals have fought us tooth and nail that's terrible
Mitt: the beauty of this we can clean the world but at the same time blame the third world and brown people for it's a win-win!!
Keyes: 5% of Americans have a serious mental illness who speaks for them but me??????
Thompson: hey i do too
Paul: what about me?
Keyes: phony politicans!
Paul: kettle - black dood
Huckabee: like McCain said we could leave a cleaner world but i like alternative energy if only we had a respected former vice president interested in this
Hunter: R&D d00ds!
Host: in what
Hunter: hydrogen we give incentives to private businesses
Host: you mean giveways
Tancredo: i like federal R&D but not government spending
Host: free swim!
Tancredo: the brown hoard is coming and they will take over the nation!!!!
Huckabee: people in america are looking for leaders - good, clean, white, thin, christian, non-mormon, wack-job leaders!
Host: American kids are dumb - discuss
McCain: simple - choice and competition among high schools let them fight over students - let the schools go to war if that's what it takes
Host: anything else
McCain: fire teachers and hire Mayor Bloomberg
Rudy: what kind of crazy person would have government schools run by the government
Host: solution?
Rudy: let people go to private school or home school if they want - then we will see a revolution
Host: but they can do that now stupid
Hunter: i saw this crazy movie in 1987 and we should base american policy on that
Host: dirty dancing?
Hunter: nobody puts Duncan in a corner
Romney: give good students a free four year collge education
Host: good luck with that
Huckabee: federal government should share data like keep a list of kids who are bored in high school
Host: um, that list would have 100 million people
Huckabee: teach art and music
Host: are you sure you are Republicans?
Keyes: can i talk?
Host: no crazy man
Keyes: i will throw a tantrum
Host: [sighs] go ahead looney
Keyes: NO ONE WILL LEARN SCIENCE WIHTOUT THE FLYING PASTA MONSTER OF JESUS!!!
HOST: [ sighs ] ron paul do you have anything?
Paul: all kids should be home schooled!!!!
Host: uh-huh
Thompson: the NEA is evil -- that's what Rush Limbaugh says
Host: i give up
Rudy: what kind of crazy person would have government schools run by the government
Host: [sighs] Tancredo - i'm afraid to ask
Tancredo: we have to fire all people in the education departments in all states and the federal government
Huckabee: that dood is crazy
Mitt: our students are stupid but not in taxachsetts!
Host: what's your goal as President?
Rudy: defeat the muslim horde, energy independence, cut taxes, and shrink goverment
Hunter: launch attacks on North Korea, Iran, China, and Mexico
Host: jeebus you are nuts
Paul: bring the troops home from Iraq, stop threatening Iran, turn the Navy around
Tancredo: attack all mexicans there and in this country too - also attack all muslims
Thompson: my first goal would be establish my credibility
Host: how?
Thompson: tell the people judges suck
Mitt: my goals are to go after Jihad, mexicans, and stay on track for taxes, on track for new energy, on track for health insurance for all
Host: dood your Hologram DVD is skipping
Huckabee: i will unite all America under a Banner of Christianity
McCain: Make Americans Safe in Cyberspace
Host: huh
McCain: just do whatever who gives a shit i hate running for president
Keyes: i would sign an executive order making all women handmaids, abolish all taxes, lock up all non-christians, and invade mexico
Host: yeah you are so much more credible than Kuninich - jeesus
Mitt: i want to say to the people of Iowa - i need you help! My son Josh has visited all 99 counties in Iowa and we don't know where the hell he is
Keyes: Arrrrrrrrrrrrgggggghhhh
Host: [ sighs ]
Rudy: we need an optimistic leader who is willing to bash some skulls
Host: are you a criminal Rudy
Rudy: ha ha ha ha
Host: whacko
Rudy: i'm a criminal what are you gonna do
Host: you remind me of Tony Soprano
Rudy: hey it was all like a bookkeeping error ya know
Keyes: you need to open about who you are - for example i completely insane but do you see me hiding it? No!
[ pirouettes, sings in high pitched voice]
Host: thanks so much
Romney: i like little fetuses now
Rudy: fuck Alan Keyes
Thompson: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr
host: would you care to expand on that
Fred: 2 years ago we thought Iran had nukes so we should only listen to the Israelis
Host: are you bananas
Fred: the NIE is only a piece of paper by a bureaucrat
Huckabee: i hate non christians
McCain: i hate radical islams
Huckabee: people who are poor should still get good health care
Host: ooh radical
Huckabee: founding fathers believed in equality so we should treat people equally
Keyes: Commie!
[ hops one foot ]
Romney: i was built by Noonian Singh in the same lab as Ronald Reagan - don't you want that back???
Hunter: sorry I'm so shocked by mitt's revelation that he's a robot that i forgot the question
Romney: please, the term is android dood
Host: Tancredo you are a wacko aren't you
Tancredo: it's simple we must never ever leave Iraq
Host: oh
Tancredo: but we should stop firing our guns
Host: speaking of crazy - Paul?
Paul: it's not my campaign it's my supporters it's a revolution beyond all party
McCain: i have more experience fucking over the american people than everyone here put together
Host: New Year's Resolution for an opponent!
Keyes: God sent me to do this interpretive dance
[ jumps up and down ]
McCain: fuck this shit
Romney: fuck Huckabee
Huckabee: fuck you
Thomspon: be a better lover to my young wife and father to my grandchild
Tancredo: kill more mexicans
Paul: destroy the Bilderberg group!
Hunter: Buy american
Rudy: i wake up every morning and say at least i'm not black so be grateful people of iowa
Host: and we are out of time [ sighs ]
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Meet The Press - December 9, 2007
************************************
Meet The Press
December 9, 2007
Guest: Mayor Rudy Giuliani
************************************
Russert: people hate you in iowa why is that
Giuliani: fuck iowa
Russert: that's it
Giuliani: hey you never know i have a lot mob ties in florida
Russert: you're funnelling money to huckabee aren't you
Giuliani: i sent a few goons his way
Russert: what else
Giuliani: i hope to win in New York
Russert: i heard they hated you there
Giuliani: that's true but they also hate romney and huckabee too
Russert: other states you can win?
Giuliani: new jersey and delaware
Russert: that's where all the bodies are buried i hear
Giuliani: you heard right fat man
Russert: iran will not have a bomb until 2015 and halted its program in 2003 they are highly rational says the NIE
Giuliani: i hate arabs
Russert: but doesn't this mean we shouldn't attack iran tomorrow
Giuliani: no not at all after all someday far far in the future they may have a bomb
Russert: should we attack?
Rudy: it would be very dangerous and risky
Russert: so no?
Rudy: no we should attack it would be more risky and dangerous not to attack
Russert: are you mad?
Rudy: in 2003 saddam was deposed
Russert: are you saying that's why they stopped
Rudy: no not all
Russert: so what was the reason
Russert: because we attacked Afghanistan
Russert: but the NIE says it was diplomatic pressure
Giuliani: forcible diplomatic pressure! that's what caused Khaddfi to surrender
Russert: surrender what?
Giuliani: those epaulets!
Russert: you agree with Podehrotz that we should bomb tomorrow
Giuliani: i reject extremsists on both sides
Russert: but he's your advisor
Giuliani: i like crazy men
Russert: you say Dems are weak for not seeing Osama declaring war on the US but you didn't do anything
Giuliani: i didn't see it coming
Russert: but you bragged about it
Giuliani: hey i only knew what Bush knew
Russert: so nothing then
Giuliani: i blockaded the mayor's office
Russert: to keep out black people or terrorists?
Giuliani: what's the difference?
Russet: why would you quit the 9/11 commission after 2 months just to make money
Giuliani: that's not the only reason I left
Russet: what was the other reason
Giuliani: to run for president
Russet: how selfless of you
Giuliani: i realized all the people on the commission were losers and i didn't want to be associated with them
Russet: you worked with Qatar to protect 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheik Mohammed is there nothing you won't do for money???
Giuliani: [laughs]
ha ha ha Timmy did you know we have troops in Qatar they are an ally!
Russet: the emir hates israel
Giuliani: no they are heroes in the warrn terra you can meet and talk to people on the steets od Doha
Russet: but those people are american soldiers!
Giuliani: i prefer to think of them as the emir Outsourced Protection Force
Russet: that's creative
Giuliani: we have to remain offensive!
Russet: the money you took came from a an account funding terrorism!
Giuliani: yes but those were terrorist on our side -- this is the kind of relationship we should have with the middle east they are modernizing and bringing our soldiers and that creates a threat from their own people
Russert: sounds like a protection racket
Giuliani: when you think about it it's a very positive relationship -- the closer they are too us the more threatened they are by terrorism and the more they need us
Russert: you also do business with Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong-Il
Giuliani: [laughs out loud]
Russert: this is serious you hunchbacked troll
Giuliani: no it isn't you fat dullard
Russet: why not release the names of your clients or sever financial ties your shady companu
Giuliani: i can't release the names of my clients 'cause I promised Osama i wouldn't
Russert: this isn't your law firms it's that criminal operation you call a consulting firm
Giuliani: hey sometimes we did work of the highest quality
Russert: only sometimes?
Giuliani: we also phoned it in - hey people only wanted to slap the "Rudy 9/11" name on their companies anyway
Russert: will you release your tax returns
Giuliani: only if i win the nomination which looks increasingly unlikely
Russert: your buddy Bernie Kerik is accused of conspriacy, tax fraud, stealing, lying and god knows what else when you promoted him to Police Commissioner
Giuliani: such a tragedy for everybody
Russert: you were warned about his crimes
Giuliani: hey i appointed lots of people to reduce welfare and crime
Russert: well he was committed crimes
Giuliani: no he reduced violence in the city jails and lowered crime and he was a hero on 9/11 which i witnesses when we were trapped in a building together
Russert: i thought that was judith nathan
Giuliani: no that's my mistress you're thinking of Judith Regan
Russert: sorry i get those 2 confused
Russert: were you briefed
Giuliani: i don't remember that and i have had a conversation with him where we worked on his memory heh heh
Russert: you recommended him for Homeland Security when all this information was available!
Giuliani: Available but i didn't find it!
Russert: speaking of Judith Regan what about the Ground Zero love nest?
Giuliani: that's only an allegation
Russert: you have bad judgment
Giuliani: how could i have bad judgment and still lower crime in New York City?
Russert: because crime droppped nationally at the same time?
Giuliani: Shhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Russert: you spent tax money on your gumar
Giuliani: my family have been threatened and so have my girlfriends and when that happens i call in some professionals from the old country to take care of it
Russert: but no one knew she was your girlfriend
Giuliani: hey blame the NYPD -- all our lives were in danger
Russert: Kerik says it was all on your orders
Giuliani: they guys in my gang said it was ok
Russert: will you provide secret service protection for your mistess when you are president
Giuliani: of course!!
Russert: do you like homosexuals?
Rudy: it's not sinful my views come from the catholic church
Russert: i'm confused
Rudy: it's the act that are sinful not the person
Russert: let's move on to Congressional CAFE standards
Rudy: no let me being up my extra-marital affairs one more time
Russert: oh ok
Rudy: i'm have sinned!
Russert: ok you’re done
Meet The Press
December 9, 2007
Guest: Mayor Rudy Giuliani
************************************
Russert: people hate you in iowa why is that
Giuliani: fuck iowa
Russert: that's it
Giuliani: hey you never know i have a lot mob ties in florida
Russert: you're funnelling money to huckabee aren't you
Giuliani: i sent a few goons his way
Russert: what else
Giuliani: i hope to win in New York
Russert: i heard they hated you there
Giuliani: that's true but they also hate romney and huckabee too
Russert: other states you can win?
Giuliani: new jersey and delaware
Russert: that's where all the bodies are buried i hear
Giuliani: you heard right fat man
Russert: iran will not have a bomb until 2015 and halted its program in 2003 they are highly rational says the NIE
Giuliani: i hate arabs
Russert: but doesn't this mean we shouldn't attack iran tomorrow
Giuliani: no not at all after all someday far far in the future they may have a bomb
Russert: should we attack?
Rudy: it would be very dangerous and risky
Russert: so no?
Rudy: no we should attack it would be more risky and dangerous not to attack
Russert: are you mad?
Rudy: in 2003 saddam was deposed
Russert: are you saying that's why they stopped
Rudy: no not all
Russert: so what was the reason
Russert: because we attacked Afghanistan
Russert: but the NIE says it was diplomatic pressure
Giuliani: forcible diplomatic pressure! that's what caused Khaddfi to surrender
Russert: surrender what?
Giuliani: those epaulets!
Russert: you agree with Podehrotz that we should bomb tomorrow
Giuliani: i reject extremsists on both sides
Russert: but he's your advisor
Giuliani: i like crazy men
Russert: you say Dems are weak for not seeing Osama declaring war on the US but you didn't do anything
Giuliani: i didn't see it coming
Russert: but you bragged about it
Giuliani: hey i only knew what Bush knew
Russert: so nothing then
Giuliani: i blockaded the mayor's office
Russert: to keep out black people or terrorists?
Giuliani: what's the difference?
Russet: why would you quit the 9/11 commission after 2 months just to make money
Giuliani: that's not the only reason I left
Russet: what was the other reason
Giuliani: to run for president
Russet: how selfless of you
Giuliani: i realized all the people on the commission were losers and i didn't want to be associated with them
Russet: you worked with Qatar to protect 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheik Mohammed is there nothing you won't do for money???
Giuliani: [laughs]
ha ha ha Timmy did you know we have troops in Qatar they are an ally!
Russet: the emir hates israel
Giuliani: no they are heroes in the warrn terra you can meet and talk to people on the steets od Doha
Russet: but those people are american soldiers!
Giuliani: i prefer to think of them as the emir Outsourced Protection Force
Russet: that's creative
Giuliani: we have to remain offensive!
Russet: the money you took came from a an account funding terrorism!
Giuliani: yes but those were terrorist on our side -- this is the kind of relationship we should have with the middle east they are modernizing and bringing our soldiers and that creates a threat from their own people
Russert: sounds like a protection racket
Giuliani: when you think about it it's a very positive relationship -- the closer they are too us the more threatened they are by terrorism and the more they need us
Russert: you also do business with Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong-Il
Giuliani: [laughs out loud]
Russert: this is serious you hunchbacked troll
Giuliani: no it isn't you fat dullard
Russet: why not release the names of your clients or sever financial ties your shady companu
Giuliani: i can't release the names of my clients 'cause I promised Osama i wouldn't
Russert: this isn't your law firms it's that criminal operation you call a consulting firm
Giuliani: hey sometimes we did work of the highest quality
Russert: only sometimes?
Giuliani: we also phoned it in - hey people only wanted to slap the "Rudy 9/11" name on their companies anyway
Russert: will you release your tax returns
Giuliani: only if i win the nomination which looks increasingly unlikely
Russert: your buddy Bernie Kerik is accused of conspriacy, tax fraud, stealing, lying and god knows what else when you promoted him to Police Commissioner
Giuliani: such a tragedy for everybody
Russert: you were warned about his crimes
Giuliani: hey i appointed lots of people to reduce welfare and crime
Russert: well he was committed crimes
Giuliani: no he reduced violence in the city jails and lowered crime and he was a hero on 9/11 which i witnesses when we were trapped in a building together
Russert: i thought that was judith nathan
Giuliani: no that's my mistress you're thinking of Judith Regan
Russert: sorry i get those 2 confused
Russert: were you briefed
Giuliani: i don't remember that and i have had a conversation with him where we worked on his memory heh heh
Russert: you recommended him for Homeland Security when all this information was available!
Giuliani: Available but i didn't find it!
Russert: speaking of Judith Regan what about the Ground Zero love nest?
Giuliani: that's only an allegation
Russert: you have bad judgment
Giuliani: how could i have bad judgment and still lower crime in New York City?
Russert: because crime droppped nationally at the same time?
Giuliani: Shhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Russert: you spent tax money on your gumar
Giuliani: my family have been threatened and so have my girlfriends and when that happens i call in some professionals from the old country to take care of it
Russert: but no one knew she was your girlfriend
Giuliani: hey blame the NYPD -- all our lives were in danger
Russert: Kerik says it was all on your orders
Giuliani: they guys in my gang said it was ok
Russert: will you provide secret service protection for your mistess when you are president
Giuliani: of course!!
Russert: do you like homosexuals?
Rudy: it's not sinful my views come from the catholic church
Russert: i'm confused
Rudy: it's the act that are sinful not the person
Russert: let's move on to Congressional CAFE standards
Rudy: no let me being up my extra-marital affairs one more time
Russert: oh ok
Rudy: i'm have sinned!
Russert: ok you’re done
The Chris Matthews Show - December 9, 2007
Matthews: Hillary Clinton used to be nice and now she's mean - oh my god!!!
Gregory: interesting
Matthews: she's unattractive and nasty!
Gregory: she can't compete with him on soaring rhetoric but she's more electable
Norris: Oprah isn't just a celebrity she's also a black corporation and a book club
Matthews: she empowered me to trash hillary
Matthews: Obama is a strapping young man how can ugly Hillary compete with his raw sexuality??
Matthews: wow he's so black and handsome and electable
Norris: he's a movie star they love him
Matthews: I'm in love
Parker: they are fleeing from hillary because she's not the most electable
Ignatius: raw competence is not exciting
Matthews: she's shrill and mean and nasty and this will backfire
Gregory: you gotta play hardball
Parker: but she's a horrible ball buster
Norris: she hit him with the brass knuckles that's bad
Matthews: ha ha mormons are eager goody-two shoes I love it!!!
Matthews: a lot of people though Romney gave a great speech
Gregory: you mean you did
Matthews: yes i and the other people in my head
Gregory: crazy cultish beliefs are a subject he's comfortable with
Matthews: he got weepy on the Continental Congress - alot of people were moved
Norris: you mean you were moved
Matthews: yes
Ignatius: he was cautious there was no inner man it was all positioning but Huckabee is more passionate
Matthews: i loved it - he's so sexy
Parker: it was all about self pity
Matthews: Huckabee - back off my man!!!!
Gregory: aren't you a big liar?
Bush: i only was told Iran was a country last week - i was told there was some information i was not told what it was
Matthews: he tells people who give him bad news dood you covered your ass
Matthews: alot of people think-
Gregory: you mean *you* think
Matthews: right
Gregory: he's a moron
Matthews: is he stupid or a liar
Parker: ever since the 16 words they haven't told Bush anything
Igantius: no this is a non-story after all the Iranains could have been lying about not having a bomb
Matthews: well then why talk about WWIIII
Ignatius: because you can't trust those wacked out turbaned persians
Matthews: good point David
Gregory: he was being very prudent by saying we have to attack to avoid WWIII until all the information was in
******************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
December 9, 2007
******************************************
Parker: the Western DNC will endorse Obama
Gregory: New sanctions against Iran!!!
Norris: candidates will not give my donuts on NPR debate
Matthews: ha that sucks
Ignatius: Syria are our new BFFs
Matthews: cia tortures people and hides it
Parker: use your imagination
Gregory: don't give away our best stuff!
Ignatius: they destroyed the tapes because torture is like masturbation -- everyone does it and enjoys it but no likes to see it or talk about it
Gregory: interesting
Matthews: she's unattractive and nasty!
Gregory: she can't compete with him on soaring rhetoric but she's more electable
Norris: Oprah isn't just a celebrity she's also a black corporation and a book club
Matthews: she empowered me to trash hillary
Matthews: Obama is a strapping young man how can ugly Hillary compete with his raw sexuality??
Matthews: wow he's so black and handsome and electable
Norris: he's a movie star they love him
Matthews: I'm in love
Parker: they are fleeing from hillary because she's not the most electable
Ignatius: raw competence is not exciting
Matthews: she's shrill and mean and nasty and this will backfire
Gregory: you gotta play hardball
Parker: but she's a horrible ball buster
Norris: she hit him with the brass knuckles that's bad
Matthews: ha ha mormons are eager goody-two shoes I love it!!!
Matthews: a lot of people though Romney gave a great speech
Gregory: you mean you did
Matthews: yes i and the other people in my head
Gregory: crazy cultish beliefs are a subject he's comfortable with
Matthews: he got weepy on the Continental Congress - alot of people were moved
Norris: you mean you were moved
Matthews: yes
Ignatius: he was cautious there was no inner man it was all positioning but Huckabee is more passionate
Matthews: i loved it - he's so sexy
Parker: it was all about self pity
Matthews: Huckabee - back off my man!!!!
Gregory: aren't you a big liar?
Bush: i only was told Iran was a country last week - i was told there was some information i was not told what it was
Matthews: he tells people who give him bad news dood you covered your ass
Matthews: alot of people think-
Gregory: you mean *you* think
Matthews: right
Gregory: he's a moron
Matthews: is he stupid or a liar
Parker: ever since the 16 words they haven't told Bush anything
Igantius: no this is a non-story after all the Iranains could have been lying about not having a bomb
Matthews: well then why talk about WWIIII
Ignatius: because you can't trust those wacked out turbaned persians
Matthews: good point David
Gregory: he was being very prudent by saying we have to attack to avoid WWIII until all the information was in
******************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
December 9, 2007
******************************************
Parker: the Western DNC will endorse Obama
Gregory: New sanctions against Iran!!!
Norris: candidates will not give my donuts on NPR debate
Matthews: ha that sucks
Ignatius: Syria are our new BFFs
Matthews: cia tortures people and hides it
Parker: use your imagination
Gregory: don't give away our best stuff!
Ignatius: they destroyed the tapes because torture is like masturbation -- everyone does it and enjoys it but no likes to see it or talk about it
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
60 Minutes - December 2, 2007
Scott Pelley: where are the iraqi christian men dood?
Christian Iraqi: they're all dead
Scott Pelley: any good news?
Iraqi Christian: yes - some of them were only kidnapped
Pelley: which is worse Saddam or George Bush?
Iraqi Christian: oh Bush
Pellley: really dood??
Iraqi Christian: there's no comparison - oh god i wish Saddam was back!!
Pelley: but Bush is a hero and a good christian!!
Iraqi Christian: christians have been here 2,000 years and this is the worst it’s ever been for them
Pelley: that's quite a statement
Iraqi Christian: i know but Saddam liked real christians - Bush seems not to
Pelley: Iraqi christians survived Romans and Ottomans and Turks and Mongols and Arabs but not George W. Bush
Iraqi Christian: that's true- he's made history
Pelley: i was at a secret Christian service and this doods children were murdered because of jeebus
US Soldier: oh yeah that happens all the time
Pelley: why don't you protect the Churches?
Soldier: they don't want us to
Pelley: why not
Soldier: because if an American is seen there they will only be attacked more
Pelley: i heard that attacks on Christians have stopped
Soldier: yes that's true
Pelley: yay!
Soldier: they are all dead
Pelley: oh
Pelley: what happened to all the Christians?
Christian: they are in a ghetto in Jordan
Lady Iraqi Christian: they want us to be muslim or we will be killed
Pelley: 4 million 500,000 iraqis have fled iraq because of America but good news 2,000 have been allowed in the USA
Christian: islam is evil but the in past Christianity was also evil
Pelley: why does god hate Christians?
Christian: he's working on the long-term plan
Pelley: oh ok
Christian Iraqi: they're all dead
Scott Pelley: any good news?
Iraqi Christian: yes - some of them were only kidnapped
Pelley: which is worse Saddam or George Bush?
Iraqi Christian: oh Bush
Pellley: really dood??
Iraqi Christian: there's no comparison - oh god i wish Saddam was back!!
Pelley: but Bush is a hero and a good christian!!
Iraqi Christian: christians have been here 2,000 years and this is the worst it’s ever been for them
Pelley: that's quite a statement
Iraqi Christian: i know but Saddam liked real christians - Bush seems not to
Pelley: Iraqi christians survived Romans and Ottomans and Turks and Mongols and Arabs but not George W. Bush
Iraqi Christian: that's true- he's made history
Pelley: i was at a secret Christian service and this doods children were murdered because of jeebus
US Soldier: oh yeah that happens all the time
Pelley: why don't you protect the Churches?
Soldier: they don't want us to
Pelley: why not
Soldier: because if an American is seen there they will only be attacked more
Pelley: i heard that attacks on Christians have stopped
Soldier: yes that's true
Pelley: yay!
Soldier: they are all dead
Pelley: oh
Pelley: what happened to all the Christians?
Christian: they are in a ghetto in Jordan
Lady Iraqi Christian: they want us to be muslim or we will be killed
Pelley: 4 million 500,000 iraqis have fled iraq because of America but good news 2,000 have been allowed in the USA
Christian: islam is evil but the in past Christianity was also evil
Pelley: why does god hate Christians?
Christian: he's working on the long-term plan
Pelley: oh ok
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Meet The Press - December 2, 2007
********************************************
Meet The Press
December 2, 2007
Guest: Sen. Jim Webb (D-Virginia)
********************************************
Russert: jim webb is the surge in Iraq working?
Webb: well that’s a complex question
Timmy: we have all morning Webby
Webb: the Sunni Awakening started before the Surge
Tim: how do you know
Webb: I just got back from Iraq and my son is there
Tim: impressive
Webb: the Sunnis overplayed their hand - they stated assassinating people when they should have purged voters rolls and stacked the courts
Tim: that’s what I call democracy!
Webb: those terrorists are now are best friends
Tim: awww so sweet
Webb: we made a six month deal with the Shia
Tim: with an option to buy?
Webb: then there are the terrorists who have decided to try to take over Pakistan instead of Iraq
Tim: but they only have a few nuclear weapons
Webb: the turks and kurds may go to war
Tim: uh-oh
Webb: yeah it’s fun
Timmeh: Washington Post says that Bush is a genius
Webb: oh that Neoconservative rag???
Timmeh: who calls is that?
Webb: your buddy Chris Matthews
Timmeh: But shouldn’t we build a giant gold statue to Bush??
Webb: he has completely failed to do robust regional diplomacy he lurches from one failure after another and the U.S. military bails his sorry ass out
Russert: is maliki a good guy?
Webb: it’s like Beirut in the 1980s dogs and cats are living together!
Russert: mere anarchy loosed upon the whirled
Webb: the dogs of war are fighting and we all have a dog in this fight - of course Bush is more like Chihuahua
Russert: Bush says Democrats should give him money or soldiers will run out of bullets and die horrible deaths
Webb: they use cheap fear tactics - it’s pathetic
Tim: do you hate our little soldiers
Webb: they want bases for there for the next 50 years
Timmeh: well what’s wrong with that? Korea hosted the Olympics and gave us that great tv show
Webb: I think we should get the hell out of Iraq before Alan Alda strikes again
Timmeh: Iran terror resolution??
Webb: look if you call a group ‘terrorists’ then it’s like saying we are at war and all the smart foreign policy experts -- even Republicans -- voted against it what does that tell you Timmy??
Timmeh: should Bush be impeached if he attacks Iran?
Webb: we should post guards outside the White House to stop him if tries to launch
Timmy: Can the Democrats capture Virginia?
Webb: who is she, one of those missing white women?
Timmy: no, I mean the state
Webb: I talked to army guys in the tidewater and they’re open to a more conservative Democrat
Timmy: would you like to be vice president?
Webb: sure why not
Tim: would you accept it?
Webb: yeah but don’t muzzle me dood
Tim: who’s better Hillary or Barack?
Webb: she’s smarter but he’s better looking
Tim: heh smart answer Webby
Russert: holy omnivores Obama is winning in Iowa
Gregory: he’s found his voice it’s silky smooth and frankly very sexy
Tim: women swooned
Robinson: Hillary was banking on inevitability and Obama has this crazy tactic of meeting people and talking to them
Tim: wow that’s crazy enough to work
Brody: Edwards has slung all the mud for Barack and also done the blocking and tackling
Gregory: dems are nervous because they got burned with Kerry
Michelle Norris: they are playing it safe
Russert: you were at the brown and black forum
Norris: hillary doesn't go down easy
Timmeh: it's all about the black vote in South Carolina Eugene Robinson
Eugene: blacks are looking at this young fellow Barack
Tim: you're saying that south carolina voters will take their cues from inbred white farmers in iowa
Robinson: they like them some Clinton magic
Gregory: she is so evil and polarizing
Brody: intangibles - Oprah and Faith
Russert: hey you never know what will happen Hillary has Teh Bomber and Obama Meets with Bloomberg
Gregory: thankfully tragedy was averted
Russert: yes Obama is a black man but he was not stopped and shot by the NYPD
Norris: Oprah is the #1 tv program in Iowa
Russert: not Meet the Press? so sad
Norris: well with ‘women over 50’ -- you still lead with ‘Demented Shut-Ins’ Tim
Tim: yay!
Russert: bill clinton said something this week
Brody: it teh Baggage of the Nineties!!
Tim: fascinating
Brodry: he's like allen iverson he was the first black president
Tim: but he was Teh Answer
Brody: what was The Question
Tim: Huckabee leading in iowa even though he's only spent $7.50 and Romney spent $10 million
Brody: he assured the Iowans the he is also a gun-toting bible-thumping cracker
Norris: ron paul may beat mccain
Russert: the NH newspaper has endorsed john mccain of course they also said steve forbes would save America
Gregory: Rudy thinks he can win Callyfornica and Florida
Russert: why those states
Gregory: they are immoral cesspools of perverted sex and corruption
Russert: ah you mean his base
Robinson: bernie kerick says don't worry all the payoffs were accounted for
Russert: huckabee could save rudy's ass
Norris: Rudy has been endorsed by the leaders of the Chrisian Nutty Right but if Rudy supports the Gays they will stay home and watch a wholesome show like Will & Grace
Brody: huckabee said to Rudy ‘you look ugly in that dress but bless you for trying’
Russert: Rudy will be next week
Greogry: with bells on his toes?
Russert: we can only hope
Meet The Press
December 2, 2007
Guest: Sen. Jim Webb (D-Virginia)
********************************************
Russert: jim webb is the surge in Iraq working?
Webb: well that’s a complex question
Timmy: we have all morning Webby
Webb: the Sunni Awakening started before the Surge
Tim: how do you know
Webb: I just got back from Iraq and my son is there
Tim: impressive
Webb: the Sunnis overplayed their hand - they stated assassinating people when they should have purged voters rolls and stacked the courts
Tim: that’s what I call democracy!
Webb: those terrorists are now are best friends
Tim: awww so sweet
Webb: we made a six month deal with the Shia
Tim: with an option to buy?
Webb: then there are the terrorists who have decided to try to take over Pakistan instead of Iraq
Tim: but they only have a few nuclear weapons
Webb: the turks and kurds may go to war
Tim: uh-oh
Webb: yeah it’s fun
Timmeh: Washington Post says that Bush is a genius
Webb: oh that Neoconservative rag???
Timmeh: who calls is that?
Webb: your buddy Chris Matthews
Timmeh: But shouldn’t we build a giant gold statue to Bush??
Webb: he has completely failed to do robust regional diplomacy he lurches from one failure after another and the U.S. military bails his sorry ass out
Russert: is maliki a good guy?
Webb: it’s like Beirut in the 1980s dogs and cats are living together!
Russert: mere anarchy loosed upon the whirled
Webb: the dogs of war are fighting and we all have a dog in this fight - of course Bush is more like Chihuahua
Russert: Bush says Democrats should give him money or soldiers will run out of bullets and die horrible deaths
Webb: they use cheap fear tactics - it’s pathetic
Tim: do you hate our little soldiers
Webb: they want bases for there for the next 50 years
Timmeh: well what’s wrong with that? Korea hosted the Olympics and gave us that great tv show
Webb: I think we should get the hell out of Iraq before Alan Alda strikes again
Timmeh: Iran terror resolution??
Webb: look if you call a group ‘terrorists’ then it’s like saying we are at war and all the smart foreign policy experts -- even Republicans -- voted against it what does that tell you Timmy??
Timmeh: should Bush be impeached if he attacks Iran?
Webb: we should post guards outside the White House to stop him if tries to launch
Timmy: Can the Democrats capture Virginia?
Webb: who is she, one of those missing white women?
Timmy: no, I mean the state
Webb: I talked to army guys in the tidewater and they’re open to a more conservative Democrat
Timmy: would you like to be vice president?
Webb: sure why not
Tim: would you accept it?
Webb: yeah but don’t muzzle me dood
Tim: who’s better Hillary or Barack?
Webb: she’s smarter but he’s better looking
Tim: heh smart answer Webby
Russert: holy omnivores Obama is winning in Iowa
Gregory: he’s found his voice it’s silky smooth and frankly very sexy
Tim: women swooned
Robinson: Hillary was banking on inevitability and Obama has this crazy tactic of meeting people and talking to them
Tim: wow that’s crazy enough to work
Brody: Edwards has slung all the mud for Barack and also done the blocking and tackling
Gregory: dems are nervous because they got burned with Kerry
Michelle Norris: they are playing it safe
Russert: you were at the brown and black forum
Norris: hillary doesn't go down easy
Timmeh: it's all about the black vote in South Carolina Eugene Robinson
Eugene: blacks are looking at this young fellow Barack
Tim: you're saying that south carolina voters will take their cues from inbred white farmers in iowa
Robinson: they like them some Clinton magic
Gregory: she is so evil and polarizing
Brody: intangibles - Oprah and Faith
Russert: hey you never know what will happen Hillary has Teh Bomber and Obama Meets with Bloomberg
Gregory: thankfully tragedy was averted
Russert: yes Obama is a black man but he was not stopped and shot by the NYPD
Norris: Oprah is the #1 tv program in Iowa
Russert: not Meet the Press? so sad
Norris: well with ‘women over 50’ -- you still lead with ‘Demented Shut-Ins’ Tim
Tim: yay!
Russert: bill clinton said something this week
Brody: it teh Baggage of the Nineties!!
Tim: fascinating
Brodry: he's like allen iverson he was the first black president
Tim: but he was Teh Answer
Brody: what was The Question
Tim: Huckabee leading in iowa even though he's only spent $7.50 and Romney spent $10 million
Brody: he assured the Iowans the he is also a gun-toting bible-thumping cracker
Norris: ron paul may beat mccain
Russert: the NH newspaper has endorsed john mccain of course they also said steve forbes would save America
Gregory: Rudy thinks he can win Callyfornica and Florida
Russert: why those states
Gregory: they are immoral cesspools of perverted sex and corruption
Russert: ah you mean his base
Robinson: bernie kerick says don't worry all the payoffs were accounted for
Russert: huckabee could save rudy's ass
Norris: Rudy has been endorsed by the leaders of the Chrisian Nutty Right but if Rudy supports the Gays they will stay home and watch a wholesome show like Will & Grace
Brody: huckabee said to Rudy ‘you look ugly in that dress but bless you for trying’
Russert: Rudy will be next week
Greogry: with bells on his toes?
Russert: we can only hope
The Chris Matthews Show - December 2, 2007
*************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
December 2, 2007
*************************************
Matthews: Rudy hid city money to take his scheming mistresses around town while Romney the Robot is falling to Hucktser i love it!
Heilmann: we all delighted when Rudy would call voters deranged
Matthews: he's the Joker in Batman smiling but deeply crazy
Bumiller: he's smears innocent people who are murdered
Matthews: even you had a tough time with him and you're hot
Bumiller: i was immune to his considerable charms
Andy “little roy cohn” Sullivan: he coddles child molesters and he loves having enemies and is psychopathologically combative and nasty
Borger: ha ha just like Hillary!!
Andy: they’re just like each other!!
Matthews: Rudy will win because he is more electable!
Borger: no he’s not the most electable he’s too much like Hillary Clinton!!
Matthews: liberal media has fallen in love with Huckabee that’s crazy!!
Heileman: but now the gloves come for Gov. Cornporn
Matthews: why do the media develop these man-crushes it’s bizarre!
Andy: it’s not just the black helicopter crowd!
Heileman: he’s got the Pat Buchanan / John Edwards Axis
Matthews: The Hair Club for Men
Bush: I luv pretty pictures
Olmert: hey dumbass if you want the photo-op then move - god what shithead hey Mahmoud?
Abbbas: no wonder they call him President Stupid
Matthews: the boys ganged up on Condi Rice
Bumiller: yeah but now she’s more confident and has poise
Matthews: she did the triple axel and nailed the landing
Bumiller: bush asked her after cheney started the war if she supported it and she said yes
Matthews: I hope your book does well because I want to read it but I only read bestsellers
Bumiller: Oprah said no to me
Matthews: hey she’s a black woman too!
Andy: she’s smart and a distinguished human being
Matthews: Oprah or Condi?
Borger: condi’s a groundbreaker on Iran
Andy: she’s a zero
Matthews: we know that the Arabs and Israel will start the Apocalypse soon is there any hope??
Bumiller: Matthews you need up your medication
The Chris Matthews Show
December 2, 2007
*************************************
Matthews: Rudy hid city money to take his scheming mistresses around town while Romney the Robot is falling to Hucktser i love it!
Heilmann: we all delighted when Rudy would call voters deranged
Matthews: he's the Joker in Batman smiling but deeply crazy
Bumiller: he's smears innocent people who are murdered
Matthews: even you had a tough time with him and you're hot
Bumiller: i was immune to his considerable charms
Andy “little roy cohn” Sullivan: he coddles child molesters and he loves having enemies and is psychopathologically combative and nasty
Borger: ha ha just like Hillary!!
Andy: they’re just like each other!!
Matthews: Rudy will win because he is more electable!
Borger: no he’s not the most electable he’s too much like Hillary Clinton!!
Matthews: liberal media has fallen in love with Huckabee that’s crazy!!
Heileman: but now the gloves come for Gov. Cornporn
Matthews: why do the media develop these man-crushes it’s bizarre!
Andy: it’s not just the black helicopter crowd!
Heileman: he’s got the Pat Buchanan / John Edwards Axis
Matthews: The Hair Club for Men
Bush: I luv pretty pictures
Olmert: hey dumbass if you want the photo-op then move - god what shithead hey Mahmoud?
Abbbas: no wonder they call him President Stupid
Matthews: the boys ganged up on Condi Rice
Bumiller: yeah but now she’s more confident and has poise
Matthews: she did the triple axel and nailed the landing
Bumiller: bush asked her after cheney started the war if she supported it and she said yes
Matthews: I hope your book does well because I want to read it but I only read bestsellers
Bumiller: Oprah said no to me
Matthews: hey she’s a black woman too!
Andy: she’s smart and a distinguished human being
Matthews: Oprah or Condi?
Borger: condi’s a groundbreaker on Iran
Andy: she’s a zero
Matthews: we know that the Arabs and Israel will start the Apocalypse soon is there any hope??
Bumiller: Matthews you need up your medication
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