Sunday, January 27, 2013

Meet The Press – January 27, 2013

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Jim DeMint
Ben Jealous
Bob Woodard
Andrea Mitchell
Ted Koppel
Gregory: welcome to Meet The Press brought
to you by Boeing creator of the 787 the
Plane that Usually Flies Without a Fire

Ryan: thanks David and thank you Boeing
and your almost Flameless Planes

Gregory: you are very worried about the debt

Ryan: the Senate hasn't passed a 
budget in four years!

Gregory: are old people takers and not makers?

Ryan: not my mother – she worked hard!

Gregory: some say you would impose savage
cuts on poor children and victims of disaster

Ryan: no we really want a safety net but
in America we have a culture that saps Americans'
initiative and desire to work hard

Gregory: which part of the safety net
makes people lazy?

Ryan: food stamps – six months on those
and people forget how to work hard unlike
when I was young and on welfare and
was determined to better myself

Gregory: that makes perfect sense

Ryan: America is a great nation of 
moochers and lazy welfare cheats

Gregory: isn't the problem in Washington
that people just don't have enough beers together

Ryan: no – the problem is that
Barack Obama doesn't think that
the best way to help poor people
is to cut taxes for rich people

Gregory: Obama is plotting to destroy
Republicans just like they did to him four years ago

Ryan: the debt is going to wreck America!

Gregory: please continue Congressman

Ryan: we have to have an honest debate
about how Medicare is ruining Amierca

Gregory: what did you learn from the election?

Ryan: that the American people are wonderful
but chose a person who will destroy this country

Gregory: what did you learn from losing?

Ryan: we must persuade more poor people
deregulating corporations will help poor people

Gregory: what about immigration?

Ryan: immigration is a good thing!
We don't hate hispanics! I swear! Marco! Rubio!

Gregory: can immigration reform get done in 2013?

Ryan: yes if Obama loves immigrants 
as much as we do

Gregory: could ever vote for gun control?

Ryan: maybe we could have a background
checks all the time instead of just some
of the time

Gregory: that's a big concession

Ryan: but let's not just bring out political ideas
when the real problem is people suck

Gregory: you blame the President for
our terrible culture

Ryan: Obama is planning a Political Conquest!

Gregory: oh my

Ryan: the question is will Obamza
go along with Republicans or keep acting
as if he's President

Gregory: what is the Republican plan?

Ryan: if Erskine Bowles were President
the GOP would be very happy

Gregory: Paul will you for President in 2016?

Ryan: it's too early now to say how
delusional I will be in four years

Gregory: fair enough

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama offered a liberal vision –
he's the Reagan of the Left -
so says Charles Krauthammer!

Woodward: awesome

Gregory: Paul Ryan says Obama is only
interested in political conquest

Woodward: Paul Ryan is the Future of America

Gregory: I love him

Woodward: if the two sides just sit down
together we can finally cut entitlements!

Mitchell: all Obama said in his inaugural
speech was human rights and equality
under the law for women and others were important

Gregory: but we must cut spending!

Koppel: of course we must

Gregory: Jim DeMint how can we
finally enact a conservative agenda?

DeMint: the debt and spending became the
most important moral issue of our time since 2009

Gregory: the country just made a choice
and voted for Obama

DeMint: that doesn't matter

Gregory: it doesn't?

DeMint: the American people want us to
cut taxes for the rich and raise them on the poor

Gregory: they do?

DeMint: yes look at how horrible Europe is

Jealous: hey unemployment is still a big problem

Gregory: how can we persuade Obama to
propose big spending cuts for the good 
of the country?

Koppel: you have a mental illness Fluffy

Woodward: can't we please just have a
little entitlement cutting? Pleeease?!?

Woodward: if we cut the debt unemployment
will come down!

Gregory: exactly

Woodward: businesses need to see the
debt cut for their psychology before
they can hire more people

Gregory: how do we persuade the
President raise the retirement age?

Mitchell: the dirty liberals who got him
elected don't like that

Gregory: I hate those filthy hippies
and their luxious retirement!

Mitchell: they are so smelly

Gregory: Bobby Jindal said the GOP
has to stop being the stupid party

DeMint: the debt is a moral argument!

Gregory: did you hear what I said?

DeMint: our children will inherit a terrible debt!

Gregory: I think Jindal was talking about
offensive comments about
legitimate rape or the lazy 47%

DeMint: liberals hate minorities!

Gregory: okay then

DeMint: Democrats failed the negroes in
Detroit and Philadelphia

Jealous: good lord will you ever learn?

Gregory: Jim is talking about rape really smart?

DeMint: we know from science that rape victims
should be forced to have their babies

Gregory: I love how crazy you are

DeMint: Obama is not the President!

Gregory: Ted Iran scares me

Koppel: we are entering the most
dangerous time in American history

Gregory: sweet jesus

Koppel: Israel may bomb Iran in the spring
and then Iran would lauch a cyber war which
would be worse than WWII

Woodward: it's even worse than that

Gregory: how could it be worse?!?

Woodward: North Korea may bomb the Oscars

Gregory: egads

Gregory: Hillary Clinton says the world is unstable

Mitchell: she is warning Obama that we 
cannot retreat from the world

Gregory: interesting

Mitchell: also Obama is re-fueling French planes
in Mali which is troubling since they will
not accept cheddar only brie

Gregory: amazing

Mitchell: Mali is the most dangerous place on
earth except for Afghanistan or Pakistan
or North Korea or Florida

DeMint: Obama sends signals of weakness
which could invite a terror attack

Gregory: like Bush did before 9/11?

DeMint: no that didn't happen because
Bush was a tough cowboy

Jealous: oh my god I am losing IQ points
just listening to this conversation

Koppel: since 1945 we are using fewer tanks
and have more cyber war

Gregory: you sir are brilliant

Gregory: Obama is raising a lot of eyebrows
by praising his Secretary of State on television

Obama: Hillary was an awesome Secretatary of State

Clinton: of course I served in the cabinet
what the hell else was I going to do?

Gregory: joe biden must be soooo mad hee hee hee

Mitchell: if Hillary runs in 2016 she clears the field!

Woodward: nobody puts Biden in a corner

Gregory: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

This Week – January 27, 2013

Host: Martha Raddatz
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ)
Sen. Bob Menendez (D-NJ)
Rep David Schweikert (R-AZ) 
Steve Inskeep 
George Will
Donna Brazile
Chris Hughes

Raddatz: Welcome Senator McCain –
what's the deal with immigration reform?

McCain: frankly we have some awesome ideas

Raddatz: good to know

McCain: honestly Republicans have finally
realized we will never win another election
if we don't stop alienating all those brown people

Raddatz: will the new law include 
a path to citizenship?

McCain: did you know most of the
 drugs in America come from Mexico?

Raddatz: even Viagra?

McCain: that's why we need reform!

Raddatz: you have flip-flopped on citizenship

McCain: we have armed guards in
the U.S. Senate while half of all the 
old people Arizona are killed 
by illegal Mexican terrorists

Raddatz: wow

McCain: but let's face it –
we need those spanish voters

Raddatz: Obama is the President –
how to you feel about that?

McCain: it makes my face explode

Raddatz: the most important thing
in the world is Benghazi

McCain: Obama ignored the warnings!

Raddatz: like all the warnings before 9/11?

McCain: 7 hours went by!

Raddatz: haven't most of those 
questions been answered?

McCain: it was the High Holy Day of 9/11!

Raddatz: fascinating

McCain: what was Obama doing while
our consulate being attacked? 
Playing golf? Watching movies? 
Remembering how he beat me in 2008?

Raddatz: could be all three – he is a multi-tasker

McCain: Africa is detoriating since we got Qaddafi!

Raddatz: you want to arm the rebels in Syria

McCain: yes – this time I promise
the middle east war will be fun

Raddatz: you trust the rebels?

McCain: yes – I've met them

Raddatz: well you also met Sarah Palin

McCain: that's a low blow Martha

Raddatz: will you vote for Obama's former
Republican defense secretary?

McCain: no he's too liberal

Raddatz: what makes you say that

McCain: he believes in evolution and
doesn't want to lauch a war with Iran

Raddatz: do you support women in combat

McCain: yes but they must have the
same mental competency as people like me

Raddatz: that's a high bar indeed

[ break ]

Raddatz: Senator you're hispanic –
what about immigration?

Menendez: it seems the GOP has
finally seen the light

Raddatz: what do you want from Obama?

Menendez: a pathway to citizenship 
and also a pardon

Raddatz: shouldn't the President
reach out more to Republicans?

Menendez: he tried that in his first term

Raddatz: but not this week

Menendez: he invited all the hispanics
in Congress to the White House

Raddatz: he could have tried to find at
least one Republican member of color

Menendez: like John Boehner?

Raddatz: isn't Benghazi a huge deal

Menendez: no it was always a fake scandal

Raddatz: do you supports Chuck Hagel?

Menendez: I am concerned he 
may not love Israel enough

Raddatz: will he be confirmed?

Menendez: probably

Raddatz: where do you come down  
on the Frank Lautenberg / Cory Booker feud?

Menendez: oh I'm not touching that one

Raddatz: do you think Booker was
disrespectful to that 89 year old crank?

Menendez: Martha if I've learned one
thing in Jersey politics it's when two friends
are fighting to get the hell out of the way

[ break ]

Raddatz: panel it looks like we may an
immigration agreement with a path to citizenship

Will: sure now that no one wants to
move to America anymore

Raddatz: ironic indeed

Will: to deport 11 million people would
require buses from San Diego to Alaska
so of course we need to build a human pipeline

Schweikert: People in my district live 
in fear of non-existent Mexicans

Raddatz: chris you were Mark Zuckerberg's 
freshman roommate and so bought 
The New Republic

Hughes: yes I was – can the President lead?

Brazile: Obama closed the borders!

Raddatz: Benghazi! Benghazi!

Will: I think we have wrung this issue dry

Inskeep: no one cares what is said 
on Sunday talk shows

Raddatz: except for this one!

Raddatz: should women serve in combat?

Will: only if they can carry a 265 lb. man 100 yards

Raddatz: George no dude can do that

Will: harrumph

Raddatz: thanks for coming


Sunday, January 13, 2013

Meet The Press – January 13, 2013

Colin Powell
Mayor Cory Booker (D-NJ)
Haley Barbour
Andrea Mitchell
Mike Murphy
Gregory: good morning General Powell

Powell: hello David

Gregory: you think Chuck Hagel would
make a good Secretary of Defense

Powell: he volunteered for combat Vietnam
and was wounded then went to college

Gregory: very admirable

Powell: then he worked for Ronald Reagan
and quit after one year because they
didn't care about veterans

Gregory: wow

Powell: then he founded a cell phone company

Gregory: can you hear me now?!

Powell: and people in Nebraska love him

Gregory: that counts for something I guess

Powell: then he taught at Georgetown and
said a bunch of outrageous things about Israel

Gregory: he sounds ready for the Cabinet

Powell: oh he is

Gregory: Republicans says he is soft
on starting a war with Iran

Powell: he just wants to negotiate before
starting a useless and destructive war

Gregory: it a war with Iran feasible?

Powell: define 'feasible'

Gregory: 'fun'

Powell: well sure is war is great
fun for Beltway reporters

Gregory: he once used the term “Jewish lobby”

Powell: okay he should have used
the term “Israel lobby”

Gregory: yes but others have questioned
his loyalty to Israel and he once said
some nice things about Palestinians

Powell: oh noe

Gregory: does he believe that Israelis
and Palestinians are equal?

Powell: oh no of course not and
neither does Obama

Gregory: Hagel says Bush and Colin Powell
lied to the nation to start a war

Powell: that's not fair – the CIA told us to do that

Gregory: but what you said wasn't true and
thousands of people died for no reason

Powell: Chuck Hagel voted for that war

Gregory: because you told him it was necessary

Powell: we believed Iraq had weapons of
mass destruction and that Saddam would
give them to terrorists

Gregory: that sounded really stupid then
and totally ridiculous now

Powell: I admit also we completely
fucked up the invasion

Gregory: also back in the 1990s Hagel
didn't support gays

Powell: yes but that was before Will and Grace

Gregory: but can he reverse
Don't Ask Don't Tell?

Powell: he doesn't have to – it's been reversed!

Gregory: Hagel says the Pentagon
budget is bloated

Powell: you think?

Gregory: but you can't say that out loud

Powell: hell yes you can

Gregory: but will Chuck Hagel hollow
out the military?

Powell: criminy the people who say that
are the same Republicans who go
on your tv show and say
'we gotta cut spending!'

Gregory: yes but that's bad
spending for poor and old people

Powell: oh ok

Gregory: Obama didn't support Susan Rice

Powell: yeah that didn't go well

Gregory: Hillary Clinton was Secretary
of State when our consulate in
Benghazi was attacked

Powell: hey shit happens

Gregory: would Hillary Clinton
make a good President?

Powell: we've done worse

Gregory: By picking a distinguished
Republican Senator Obama is sending
a rebuke to Republicans

Powell: um I guess

Gregory: by nominating Hagel Obama
is sending a message that we should avoid
the stupid wars of the Bush administration

Powell: hey I was in that Administration

Gregory: oh right I forgot

Powell: look when Bush was President we
wanted to avoid war and believed that if we
must have war go in with overwhelming force

Gregory: how did that go?

Powell: not that great

Gregory: the neocons are jonesing for
another war in the middle east

Powell: they've lost two wars in a row
and should shut up and go away

Gregory: but they're so serious and grown-up

Powell: I'm a hawk who believes in deterrence

Gregory: are you still a Republican?

Powell: I am the Republican in the great
tradition of John Tower and Frank Carlucci

Gregory: excellent

Powell: Republicans seem to hate minorities
and anyone who is not rich

Gregory: I suppose

Powell: also there is a dark strain of
intolerance in the GOP

Gregory: that's a strong charge Colin

Powell: look at the Birther movement
they're all racists

Gregory: some of them perhaps

Powell: also they seem only to care
about wealthy people

Gregory: what about Afghanistan?

Powell: it's up to the Afghan people to defend
themselves against the Taliban

Gregory: should we leave anyone there?

Powell: no – just advisors and military
assistance and SEALS and counter-terrorists
and also lots of soldiers

Gregory: Dick Cheney embraced the
Dark Side and said the United States
should be mean and nasty

Powell: I've known that guy for years and
I can honestly say he is a monster

Gregory: since torture works should we do it?

Powell: nations cannot be lawless or
violate the Constitution

Gregory: but the ends justifies the means!

Powell: no they don't Fluffy

Gregory: what is the solution to
preventing another Newton massacre?

Powell: no more violence on television

Gregory: what else?

Powell: make gun owners run through a screen

Gregory: okay

Powell: no one needs a personal machine gun

Gregory: thanks for coming General

[ break ]

Gregory: Colin Powell says the Republican
party are intolerant

Barbour: well we do have a problem
with those wacky minorities obviously

Booker: both sides we need to be pragmatic
and solve problems

Murphy: Colin Powell has been on a
Democratic bender and Republicans
need a man like Powell again

Gregory: can Hagel get confirmed?

Mitchell: it's up to Chuck Schumer

Gregory: amazing

Mitchell: Hagel also endorsed the President
which could hurt the President's nominee

Gregory: should Obama really have
nominated a Republican who doesn't
love Republicans enough?

Barbour: he's offending Republicans!

Murphy: nominating an old Republican
is very contentious!

Gregory: does Obama hates women
and black people?

Booker: ha ha oh my god

Mitchell: Jack Lew is a white man!

Murphy: ha ha just like Mitt Romney

Barbour: Obama is acting like he's
really President or something

Booker: this is ridiculous

Gregory: we have a lot of gun
massacres in this country

Barbour: yes but killing people is
already illegal

Gregory: but Connecticut rejected
a gun magazine ban

Barbour: if you outlaw guns then
only criminals will have guns and if we
outlaw drugs we will have successful
40 year war on drugs

Murphy: we need to lock up adolscent
males instead of 300 million guns

Gregory: works for me

Murphy: we need investigate people who
clearly have a mental illness

Gregory: how do we find these people?

Murphy: begin with disturbed lunatics
who liveblog the Sunday talk shows

Gregory: it's a start

Booker: we have a lot of gun murders in Newark

Gregory: we all know that

Booker: you can buy tons of guns in
America without a background check
even if you are a terrorist

Murphy: true but there are 100 million guns

Booker: I don't care about the guns in circulation
I want to shut down the loophole market

Murhphy: but the guns are out there

Booker: it's not the guns - it's the people

Mitchell: frankly the Beltway media loves
the idea of Obama as a wimp but it
looks like he's ready for a fight

Gregory: Cory you are running for the Senate

Booker: that's true

Gregory: Lautenberg called you
self-abosbed and disresectful

Booker: ha ha I am a politician Fluffers

Gregory: Haley Barbour talk to me
about the Tour de France

Barbour: yall gotta play by the rules

Booker: all the kids are on steroids today

Mitchell: three cheers for the baseball writers
and the Hall of Fame – Mark McGuire disgraced
this otherwise unblemished pasttime

Gregory: America can never be whole until
Steve Garvey is properly honored

Mitchell: you have put it eloquently again as usual

Gregory: and that's another episode
of Meet The Press

This Week with Stephanopoulos – January 13, 2013

Sen. Jack Reed (D-RI)
Sen. Bob Corker (R-TN)
Richard Haas
Martha Raddatz
Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV)
Jon Huntsman
Stephanopoulos: wow we're rushing out
of Afghanistan after only 11 years!

Raddatz: by the end of 2013 we could
have only have 30,000 troops there

Stephanopoulos: my good that's so few

Corker: 30,000 is fine but if Afghanistan is
going to be the 51st state it has to be at least
as stable as Florida

Stephanopoulos: that's a lot to ask Bob

Reed: we finally trained the Afghans
to fight so now we're good to go

Stephanopoulos: Obama is says we have
achieved the goal of killing enough people
to prevent another 9/11

Haas: it was a mistake to try to fix
Afghanistan and now it's a total basket case

Stephanopoulos: what's the answer then?

Haas: make more friends with massive drone strikes

Stephanopoulos: Bob you used to love
Chuck Hagel – what changed?

Corker: unlike with past Presidents
we're going to hold real hearings

Stephanopoulos: wow

Corker: I'm concerned that he may not
love nuclear weapons and also
that he might be crazy

Stephanopoulos: crazier than the average Senator?

Corker: we need more nuclear bombs!

Stephanopoulos: Chuck Schumer is skeptical

Reed: well sure he wants to be
biggest Chuck in Washington

Stephanopoulos: good point

Reed: Hagel was once a combat soldier

Raddatz: our troops have more combat
experience than he does but he may be able
to relate to wounded soldiers coming home

Haas: it's stupid to ask if he's an anti-semite
the real question is does Chuck Hagel
want to attack Iran

Stephanopoulos: Hagel doesn't support
unilateral sanctions just because they don't work

Corker: I agree that multilateral sanctions
are better but Hagel may hate Israel

Stephanopoulos: will America start a
war with Iran this year?

Reed: let's wait until their elections in
June before we launch another useless
failed war in the middle east

Haas: The Supreme Leader is allowing
a debate to take place

Stephanopoulos: very generous of Obama

Haas: I was referring to the leader in Iran

Stephanopoulos: Martha can we
attack North Korea please

Raddatz: those people are crazy like
Wayne LaPierre at a Black Panther party

Stephanopoulos: wow

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: No Labels are just like
the heroes who opposed slavery

Manchin: yes we are great men who just
want to solve problems

Stephanopoulos: yet you chickened
out on regulating guns

Huntsman: we also have No Opinions

Stephanopoulos: well then how do you
solve problems?

Huntsman: Put Country First

Stephanopoulos: what the hell
does that mean?

Manchin: everyone who proposes
anything is wrong

Stephanopoulos: so do you have 
solutions for anything?

Manchin: yes a blue ribbon commission
to look at violence with Joe Lieberman
and John McCain

Stephanopoulos: that sounds like the most
useless thing solution ever

Manchin: I am willing to guarantee that
there will never ever be regulation of
Second Amendment rights and also
we will protect video games

Stephanopoulos: Joe will you run for
Presidential on a third party

Huntsman: I've been shooting guns 
since I was 5 years old

Stephanopoulos: sounds perfect

Huntsman: are you mocking me?

Stephanopoulos: never

Huntsman: we need problem solvers!

Manchin: and common sense!

Stephanopoulos: good luck with that gentlemen


Sunday, January 06, 2013

Meet The Press – January 6, 2013

Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)
Alan Simpson
Erskine Bowles
Sen. Angus King (I-ME)
Rep. Xavier Becerra (D-CA)
Newt Gingrich
E.J. Dionne
Carly Fiorina
Gregory: OMG it's the annual fight over the 
debt ceiling which first began a long time 
ago when a black guy became President!

Audience: ooh

Gregory: Republicans are vowing to threaten 
to default unless they get what they want 
but first happy new year Senator McConnell

Gregory: you compared the debt limit to
a hostage you ransom and must be willing to shoot

McConnell: ever since Obama became
President spending became a big problem

Gregory: amazing

McConnell: last week we amended the
Constitution forbidding taxes forever and ever

Gregory: I did not know that

McConnell: no one likes taking America's
credit hostage but we must do it to make
Obama cut spending

Gregory: would you really wreck
America's economy like that?

McConnell: unfortunately we have to since
a Democrat became President spending and
the debt suddenly became a really big problem

Gregory: but it's a threat to America's credit

McConnell: look we have to since do
this since we can't win through normal politics

Gregory: fair enough

McConnell: spending has exploded
the last four years!

Gregory: for four years you refused to 
work with Obama and tried to make 
him a one-term President

McConnell: he has to be dragged
kicking and screaming slashing into Social Security
and the time to do it is right now when
a Democrat is President and he will get blamed

Gregory: since the debt is so important
would you be willing to raise more taxes?

McConnell: oh hell no that's over

Gregory: that's your final answer?

McConnell: yes the biggest threat to
America's future is all the spending I
supported when Bush was President

Gregory: Obama proposed entitlement
cuts and you said no

McConnell: he never made those proposals –
if he had Mitt Romney would have run
against those cuts in the 2012 election

Gregory: what cuts would you support right now?

McConnell: raise the Medicare age and
also means-test Medicare

Gregory: I see

McConnell: Americans are living too long
and we must address that now!

Gregory: you're the man to do it

McConnell: we should not have to
drag the President to the table

Gregory: would you shut the government down?

McConnell: the single biggest threat to
America is past excessive spending –
where is Obama's time machine?!?!

Gregory: Conservatives say you totally
caved to Obama under the Fiscal Cliff deal

McConnell: I was very fiscally responsible
and prevented tax increaes for 99% of people

Gregory: most impressive

McConnell: this was not a tax increase!
Just ask Saint Grover Norquist!

Gregory: it seems like the GOP is in
total chaos right now

McConnell: not true – we all agree that
taxes should be cut for billionaires

Gregory: good point

McConnell: now the American people
want us to eliminate Medicare

Gregory: what is your number one goal now
that you have failed to defeat Obama?

McConnell: the massive massive debt

Gregory: you want to make it bigger?

McConnell: no!

Gregory: sorry honest mistkae

McConnell: I want to Obama to take the lead
on Republicans' unpopular ideas

Gregory: what about Chuck Hagel?

McConnell: I am worried he is not patriotic

Gregory: he served in Vietnam!

McConnell: I meant patriotic for Israel

Gregory: could you support any
limits on people buying guns?

McConnell: yes I think we should address
spending and the debt for first time 
in Clinton was President

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG OMG Alan Simpson is here!! 
I'm squeeeeing!!!

Audience: oh god

Gregory: The American debt is just like an
America's family's credit card debts!!
The debt is the most important thing ever!!!
Here are the greatest men alive! Eeeeek!

Simpson: calm down David

Gregory: I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!

Bowles: it's ok Fluffy, you're worthy

Gregory: meeeeeep

Bowles: we must cut Social Security

Simpson: did you know that we are awesome?

Gregory: yes I did! I did!

Simpson: the debt deficit and interest
are wrecking America!

Gregory: oh god you guys are the best

Bowles: yes we are

Gregory: Obama says he offered to cut
Social Security and Republicans said
no to any tax increases

Bowles: well he is right about that
but still Obama hasn't done enough

Gregory: what has he failed at?

Bowles: he's failed to make Republicans
make tough decisions

Gregory: I begged Obama to cut Medicare
and he got all huffy saying the program
was really important to poor old people

Bowles: I would cut half a trillion dollars
from Medicare through raising the eligibility age,
negotiating drug prices, and early end of life issues

Gregory: what about the debt ceiling?

Simpson: McConnell should work with
his colleagues instead of threatening America

Gregory: what breaks this impasse?

Simpson: cut spending

Gregory: what spending?

Simpson: greedy old people –
who's fucking kidding who?!?

[ break ]

Gregory: it seems like U.S. government is dysfunctional

King: yes that is why people despair of America

Gregory: it's so sad - how do you break the impasse

King: we should make decisions and solve problems

Gregory: fantastic

Gingrich: we lurch from crisis to crisis
and it makes people crazy

Gregory: yes it's terrible

Becerra: this is no way to run a government

Gregory: right

Becerra: we must lock ourselves in a room
and put our budget proposals around the necks
of two roosters and let the biggest cock win

Gregory: interesting approach

Dionne: hey we raised taxes –
now let's make a small deal to stabilize the debt

Becerra: too small – singles don't 
win baseball games

Dionne: yes they do – now let's address unemployment

Fiorina: I know I sound crazy

Gregory: yes you do but go on

Fiorina: Goldman Sachs says the
fiscal cliff deal is a bad idea

Gregory: well I'm convinced

Fiorina: Obama must lead America and
do whatever Goldman Sachs says

Gregory: but he needs the Republican
House to work with him

Fiorina: but Obama needs to treat Republicans
respect like not saying anything when they yell out “you lie”

Becerra: the House can't even agree on 
hurricane disaster relief!

Fiorina: that bill was larded with pork!

Gingrich: typical Democrats ruining America

Becerra: but Chris Christie supported
the funding bill and he is a Republican
Gingrich: when he said something nice
about Obama he lost his GOP privileges

Gingrich: Republicans have no obligation
to fund the government

Dionne: Gingrich is right when he says threatening
the debt ceiling is a terrible idea and dumb politics

King: the debt ceiling is already paying bills
for money you already spent

Gregory: Carly it does seem like a scary idea

Fiorina: sure it's stupid but having a
big debt also ruins our credit rating

Gregory: I see

Fiorina: Obama must cut the debt Bush ran up!

Gingrich: forget the debt ceiling –
just stop funding the government!

Gregory: Angus where's the beef?

King: as an independent I can send
messages to both sides like Switzerland

Gregory: ricoooolaaaa!!

King: we must raise taxes and make painful cuts

Gregory: excellent

King: Obama should call some people
I don't know and get his hands dirty and
lock them in Camp David and then flee

Becerra: we've had a trillion in spending cuts
and $700 billion in Medicare cuts
that Mitt Romney railed against

Fiorina: spending got out of control in 2009

Dionne: abandoning the debt ceiling threat
would boost the economy

Fiorina: Obama invented spending!

Gingrich: the media loves a fake crisis

Gregory: don't criticize the media!

Gingrich: we must cut spending now that 
Obama has been reelected

Gregory: what about Chuck Hagel?

King: you talk about reaching out to
Republicans and Obama nominates a
famous Republican to run Defense
and what happens – Republicans stage a total freak out

Gregory: and that's another 
episode of Meet The Press