Sunday, April 29, 2007
The Democratic Debate April 26, 2007
Brian Williams: Let’s talk about the Supreme Court
Biden: I fought to defeat that bearded weirdo Bork. And Alito. And that black guy, what's his name.
Biden: Right. The clean one.
Kucinich: I want to be a healer. pre- natal care, post-natal care, and natal care. i will establish a department of healing.
Brian Williams: okaaay
Dodds: i'm very disappointed in the decision i made in voting for Roberts - i will be furrowing my brows a lot when I’m president.
Brian Williams: why are they black when you’re hair is white
Dodd: dood back off - just cause you’re hair is perfect
Williams: name someone alive, not named whizzer
Dodd: Bader Ginsburg rocks
Williams: Hillary Virginia Tech did we leave anyone behind?
Hillary: dood i was at Columbine and we tried to keep guns out of the hands of crazy people like Charlton Heston
Richardson: The 2nd amendment - - it is Precioussssssss
Williams: Show of hands, how many of you have shot someone?
one, two.. three...ok...
Biden: it was a guy at a 7-11..... My wife knows a lot of crazy people after all she married me
Edwards: i would raise taxes on teh mentally ill and gun owners. Speaking of guns and taxes let me talk about my health care plan
Obama: Speaking of health care I would form a big pool and you could dive in if you wanted - only if you’re buoyant
Hillary: you all have good ideas but doods i have been there and oh everyone liked may plan at first and i got fucking killed. Not ready to endorse some new crazy system lets cut costs
Richardson: I’m running as a Republican and gun nut -- my health plan is for every American to share a kidney with someone else -- i mean you only need one right -- am i right people??
Williams: race, good or bad?
Biden: i like black people
Obama: Confederate flag should be in a museum next to archie bunker’s chair
Moderator: heh, i liked that Lionel
Paula Abdul: what’s your biggest mistake ever?
Gravel: Let me rehash Ronald Reagan's stoopid line - there goes my campaign
Hillary: where do i start -- probably killing vince foster to cover up my lesbiansism
Obama: chickening out on terry schiavo
Biden: underestimating Bush stoopidity and evilness (good answer!)
Edwards & Dodd: IRAQ
Richardson: I killed a man in reno
Moderator: To watch him die?
Bill: No - he voted against my minimum wage bill
Q: How do you defeat India and China
Biden: pepto bismol
Public question: medical insurance is too expensive
Kucinich: i live a tiny bachelor pad with my cat so i hear you
Brian Williams: First goal of Day One?
Bill: first Iraq, then Apollo, then i would have sex with my wife in teh Oval Office, baby
Williams: Name three countries not named ‘iraq’ -- be careful Bush got tripped up here in 2000
Obama: Italy for its wine and art, Afghanistan for it's Osama-ness and China for their kick ass take-out
Williams: WRONG! You forgot Israel - i told you this one was hard
Obama: Israel blah blah blah
Willaims: that’s better
Biden: Russia cause they are run by a loony despot wannabe with access to nukes
Williams: well, so is the USA
Gravel: wait, did you say "enemies" cause you're changing the rules you fucking dittohead
Edwards: primary school education should be available in Africa
Williams: Governor Richardson you lost four nominations for the Nobel Prize you're like the Susan Lucci of Peace
Richardson: yeah but dood she finally won
Hillary: oh fuck Rudy - i'm from New York his cheap fearmongering won't work in a city where Bush is less popular that a sewer rat
Williams: Question, why do I always say Democrats won't protect America
Dodd: ‘cause you're too busy listening to Rush Limbaugh to take your head out of your ass
Williams: could be - Dennis K why do you hate America?
Williams: Lets play "24" - pretend that 10 american cities were bombed by balsa wood drones which country would you invade?
Obama: i would provide first-aid to the victims stoopid -- how could i know how to react without more information
Edwards: i would find out which of Bush's mistakes were responsible
Hillary: i was in NYC on 9/11 but i wasn't wandering around looking for the remains of my bunker - and no Brian, unlike your buddy Rush Limbaugh i wouldn't overreact
Brian: impeach yes or no?
Dennis: yes! Bush lied to take us to war -- but we'll with something obvious, dick cheney and work our way up to Chimpy
Williams: ok ok you're entertaining but i grow tired of you now
Dodd: i have 9 month old baby but i already suspect she's a lesbian she wears a lot of flannel
Biden: Don't be alarmed - i'm smiling it just looks like i'm passing a kidney stone
Williams: jeebus, if you're ever president i will move to Cuba
Richardson: If america were attacked i would get Keifer Sutherland on teh phone and surgically strike Luxembourg
Brian: cuba libre or no?
Richardson: watch me completely dodge this question
Willaims: Gravel, is nuclear teh answer to global warming?
Gravel: no when i was young we didn't need nukes we wore an onion on our belts and we'd say give me five bees for a dollar
Obama: i planted 3,000 trees
Williams: i meant light bulbs - jeez take a hint
Obama: i would bomb a country - maybe Ohio
Kucinich: hey some people like Ohio
Obama: sure they do
Williams: do you love Jesus
Edwards: eh, I guess so
Brain: Walmart good or evil - yes or no -- heh trick question cause you were on the board of directors
Hillary: fuck off
Williams: why do you guys suck so much?
Biden: i like Hillary -- and Gravel and Dennis go away with your happy talk -- there's real life -- dammit life sucks - you work hard, you get accused of plagiarism, you lose your your hair, your run for president and then you die.
The Chris Matthews Show - - April 22, 2007
Matthews: Alienated young men - what's up with that
Fineman: Bureaucracy to blame - why, when i was a kid we had loco parents
David Brooks: We used to use logic like good v. evil and god v. satan - now because we chucked out god, it seems like we're living an absurd universe and what i'm saying on your show is proof of it
Katty Kay: dood you're deeply weird, it's called mental illness
Matthews: dood was crazy and not only was not cast off campus - he was offered a show on NBC
Kelly: yeah its a pattern
Katty: on or off campus he would have killed anyway
Matthews: these kids today are used to foreigners - it's wild
Fineman: I blame federal gun laws
Matthews: i was lonely and strange when i was young but i only murdered the english language
Katty: there's no place for average people in teh usa -- i mean if you're below average you can work for Bush
Fineman: this would never have happened when we young -- kids today have too much freedom
Bobo: he was a suicide bomber
Matthews: whats up with all the suicides at NYU
Bobo: what's up is that your full of shit
Matthews: more federal laws yes or no?
Fineman: the burden is always on democrats to solve america's problems created by Republicans and if they don't they are teh suck
Matthews: well, of course
Fineman: so mentally ill can buy an AK-47
Matthews: so i assume the democrats will pay a price
Katty: the whole world thinks you Americans all crazy when it comes to guns
Fineman: yeah but that's because you're all Eurowimps who won't kick ass in Iraq
Katty: oh yeah, that's really it
Bobo: All Republicans and all Democrats are offended by the late term abortion procedure
Matthews: I fear my chromosomal abnormality will be detected then all the little Tweetys will be aborted
Bobo: its proven that fetuses are dreaming of electric pundits
Norah: Rudy only supported abortion because he was dating his cousin
Fineman: this is the first decision by the court that says the fetus is a person and has the right to vote if its white
Bobo: In her press releases Hillary never uses the words fetus or blowjob
Matthews: my baby beat me up
Tell me something I don't know!
Katty: hat trick of incomptence will resign - Gonzalez, Wolfie and Bliar
Fineman: Barack will turn to Colin Powell for advice - between them they're almost black
O'Donnell: Bush will hire an implementation manager to run America - so young Regents grads be sure to send in your resume
David Brooks: New AG will be either Ted Olson or Orrin Hatch -- between them they're almost sane
This Week on ABC - April 22, 2007
Sam Donaldson: Newt Gingrich has called for a more civilized society -- yes, i said that with a staight face
George Will: Hard for me to believe a copycat would act based just on this video
Donaldson: I knew lee harvey oswald and this kid was no lee harvey Oswald
Stephanopolous: Begun the abotion wars have
George Will: Abortion decision is no big deal its a synthetic fundraising issue no abotions will not be prevented
Donaldson: So then why uphold law?
Will: Uh, because that's what courts do, dood
Cokie: Very foolish for pro-choicers to make this fight it's so icky and girlsy
Step: They didn't choose this fight
Cokie: Yeah but it's exactly the same as cop-killer bullets
Donaldson: Banning a medical procedure is not good -- what if hair plugs are next?
Cokie: Justice Kennedy's paternalism offends me
George Will: I had an affair with Roberta Flack and she snapped my skinny white ass like a wishbone
McLaughlin - April 22, 2007
Topic: VT Shooting
Pat Buchanan: MSNBC should never have shown the shooter's video that's why he killed -- as a protest I will only appear on the network every hour instead of every 10 minutes
Clift: He was basicaly an American and therefore a young trouble dood with easy asscess to weapons of mass destrction
Blankely: Lest you think i am only pompous asshole i too was touched by this i could hardly finish my third serving of eggs benedict that morning
McLaughlin: teens are killed in Iraq all the time but Virginia has an ocean protecting it
Larry O'Donnell: Largest gun murder in the history of this country and the WMDs he had were illegal when bill clinton was President
Pat Buchanan: There were alot of killings in teh Civil War!! If only a rent-a-cop had had a machine gun!!!
Larry: dood you're fucking crazy
Pat: Guns! Kill! Kill!
John: ban guns from college campuses?
Clift: Dems won't act because the americans loves them some guns
Blankley: he could've set fire to the dorm thank god theres a right to keep and bear incendiaries
Larry: Harvard locks the riffraff out
Clift: then what was Bush doing there?
Blankely: we used to lock people up who were mentally insane but hadn't committed crimes now thanks to damm liberals we're forced to elect them to Congress
Pat: if we had concentration camps this would never have happened
McL: airport security on college campus?
Buchanan: no, round up the trouble makers
Blankely: we have to pay the price for freedom which is the occasional maniac killing people
O'Donnell: he could never have done this with a knife or a spoon or fork -- maybe a spork
Buchanan: Virginia has the toughest gun laws in the world
Clift: What The Fuck did you just say???
Buchanan: Ok look it comes down to this -- if blacks have guns i want whites to have even more
John McLaughin: I'm sick of other countries looking down on us for the VT massacre this kid was a foreigner, the 9/11 killers were foreigners, aren't foreigners to blame!!!??
Pat Buchanan: Jesus even I can't follow that logic
Clift: shit you are nuts
Blankely: no that stupid -- but i'm sick of British people coming to the USA and bitching about America
O'Donnell: we are awash in gun violence teh Aussies and Koreans are right to pity us
Friday, April 06, 2007
Hardball - Wednesday, April 4
Eijah: dood we speak for the people not Captain Pissypants
Tweety: yeah but they don't play hail to the chief when you walk in the room who blink first
Elijah: not us
Tweety: how can you possibly defend doing when James Baker and Lee Hamilton and crazy people like that recommend?
Elijah: honestly Bush has lost his mind
Tweety: bad behavior being rewarded is Assad into S&M?
Elijah: not at all
Tweety: too bad i could've hooked him up
| 04.04.07 - 7:51 pm | #
Blackburn: i think we should support the President and others of his kind. If you disagree, you become a subversive mother
Tweety: scary college students attacking Karl Rove look a me smirking
O'Beirne: Actually he's great company but seriously i'm very concerned that this will hurt the LEFT
Carlson: those students aren't at risk but for god's sake how do you protest a man who lives in a bunker
O'Beirne: oh no that's a phallacy Bush knows the election results and he's a liberal now
Tweety: oh bullshit
O'Beirne: ok how about this they send him everything he wants that's a good compromise
Tweety: How about a re-authorization?
OBeirne: Why should teh Emperor give in his horse is an excellent Senator!
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Meet The Press - April 1, 2007
Kylie: yeah of course he was in those discussions
Leahy: back in Vermont would call this guy Alberto Gonzalez un menteur pathologique vermont is french for green mountain men you know
Russert: no shit
Leahy: oui c'est vrai
Timmeh: Hey Hatch this looks bad right
Orrin: Excuse me i these lies are catching in my thoat
Tim: here have a truth-lozenge
Hatch: his lies are of a general nature and not specific
Timmy: Sen. Mark Pryor lied to me and you and the whole world
Hatch: oh no no no - Griffin was highly qualified
[Leahy's head explodes]
Timmeh: Senator your head just exploded and i'm wearing a new suit
Leahy: sorry about that
Tim: its ok
Leahy: the mountains of e-mails and documents and statements all prove they lied and everyone but the moron from Utah knows it
[Hatch's head explodes]
Russert: shit not again
Leahy: Rove and Miers were giving the orders and Abu followed whoever the next president is they shouldn't be a fascist
Timmster: They lied about Karl Rove pushing for Griffin - they're blaming some new employee for the whole thing you buy that?
Timmy: wait there's more - Bush e-mails say he doesn't want to be backed into a corner with all their lies
Orrin: Ok first of all in their defense anyone with brains would say that this was bad
Timmy: your brains exploded all over my studio Senator
Orrin: yeah sorry
Leahy: my brain, my brain
Orrin: let me finish - there's no non-shredded evidence proving some specific straw evidence i just made up
Timmy: what about all the real evidence
Orrin: immigrant smuggling, porn, obscenity...
Timmy: are those your hobbies
Orrin: its a tempest in a teacup in a coffee cup
Leahy: sorry to get so angry so earlier in the morning
Timmy: we pretape saturday evening
Hatch: ha ha
Leahy: Duke Cunningham dood
Hatch: Not on shred of evidence - look i never shut up
Timmy: pleasure of the president
Hatch: you're good goddamm right by the power of moroni its a sacred right
Leahy: oh did i mention the tobacco case there's even more corruption
Hatch: This is crazy! What people don't realize is Bill Clinton was my bitch
Hatch: Look if they were really corrupt they would have had all US Attorneys killed ergo there is nothing to see here
Timmer: The National Review thinks Abu is an idiot or a liar or frankly both
Hatch: we all know that
Timmy: so Alberto yes or no
Hatch: um uh hmmm hey there's crime in america anyway there's alot of employees at the DOJ there and I'm not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth hispanics and america!!!
The Chris Mattews Show - April 2007
Joe Klein: Tal Afar was a success before it wasn't look i'm an expert on counter insurgency
Andrea Mitchell: Republicans are doing crack
5th columnn Sullivan: Can be Bush be broken in teh saddle? There are places in New York where that could be done for a fee
Matthews: Put a leash on teh President
Andy: yeah good idea of course that costs more
Matthews Meter: GOPS no like Dubya
Klein: It is very unfair to cut everything in August what crazy liberal came up with that deadline???
Panel: President Bush did
Klein: See that proves Bush is a liberal
Andrea: But that's crazy
Klein: Ok let me explain the Democrats are smart and right woo hoo look at me I see where my bread is butterd
Zachia: Violence is bad
Sully: Oh please it's a Republican war for sure
Andrea: wake me when September ends
Sully: bush will never do crack he stopped in 1974
Klein: Bush should be overridden and hard
Matthews: Let's talk about Bill Clinton's sex life
Panel: yeah that's fun
Tweety: Bill Clinton is like Lucy and Hillary is like Ricky are you following me I'm feminizing Clinton making seem whiny and weak yeah I have serious psychogical issues
Joe Klein: The Clenis is a multitasker he can get do a crossword get a blowjob and watch MASH reruns all at once
Matthews: Republican party is in freefall
Sully: i want to be a Republican but then it was fun in teh 80s those were some crazy parties but then i found about the whole lampshade thing
Chris Matthews: The whole US Attorney thing is not important but dammit get teh fascism right
Klein: when you think government sucks you tend to suck
Tweety: Ken Duberstein!! Bush can still be on Mount Rushmore!
Mitchell: Gates is a master stroker
Sullly: smaller government!
Klein i hate Dems
Sully: i hate Hillary
Klein: this is natural evolution not intelligent design dems are little scurrying mammals kicking dino ass
Klein: Israel wants to talk to Syria but Bush won't have it
Andrea: Fred Thompson won't run he's going to succeed Paul Harvey that's the rest of story
Tweety: i really really luv gruff men like fred Thompson