Thursday, November 29, 2007

CNN/YouTube Republican Debate - November 28, 2007

CNN/YouTube Republican Debate
November 28, 2007
Host: Anderson Cooper

Romney: Rudy ran a big evil sanctuary city

Giuliani: dude you hate a sanctuary mansion

Mitt: do you hate people with funny accents because you have one

Rudy: you employed illegal immigrants to trim your nose hair that's bad

Mitt: are you saying employers responsible are cause that's crazy

Rudy: no of course not

Mitt: you are a racist

Rudy: we all know that

Question: will you pledge to hate mexicans pleeze

Thompson: yes i will this is an invasion!

[woo hoo!]

Fred McGruff: some of our better citizens used to be illegal immigrants like the Pilgrims for example


Fred: but now that it's our home we should shut out people aren't waiting in line at an embassy

[right on!]

Fred: who among us hasn't employed an illegal immigrant or a cocaine dealer or a mobbed-up police chief

Rudy: that is so true

Fred: mitt romney likes Bush i mean how crazy is that???

McCain: i am here to do the hard things like be popular and get votes and get elected as a Republican

Cooper: why do people hate the GOP

McCain: Katrina, iraq, corruption and mexicans

Cooper: that's quite a list

McCain: you're all partisan poopyhaids

Cooper: Waylon Jennings are you happy with your answer??

Waylon: rock on

Question: will i have a job next year?

Tancredo: massive legal immigration is evil it takes jobs away from americans

Cooper: are there jobs americans won't take under any circumstances??

Tancredo: no!!!!

Cooper: what about War Czar?

Tancredo: get a mexican to do it dood!

Hunter: we had the Smuggler's Blues in my state until we built a fence with a double wide

Cooper: i love Glen Frey

Hunter: when all you use is cash it's hard to build an 800 mile fence

Question: should illegal mexicans get low state tuition when soldiers don't???

Huckabee: these were academic scholarships for the smart mexicans not the dumb ones

Audience: but still that's pretty mexicany of you

Huckabee: should we punish illegal kiddies?

Question: damm right they have leprosy and are using drugs

Huckabee: no they were tested for drugs and all your major skin disorders

Questioner: still that's bad

Huckabee: i love veterans!

Audience: yay!

Romney: illegal 18 year olds who have lived here their whole lives should go the fuck home

Huckabee: i wasn't born rich like you were - you smarmy bastard

Mitt: but-

Huckabee: shut the fuck up you slick shithead

Mitt Romney: that's all well and good but do you want to look a millionaire in the eyes and tell him he can't get a yacht this year because some greedy mexican wants to go to college because i sure don't

[ starts weeping ]

Question: Ron Paul are out of your fucking mind??? - just wondering!

Paul: damm right the Trilateral Commission is trying to get rid of the dollar and replace it with Canadian currency!!!

Audience: awesome!

Paul: the UN is building a highway across america and is trying to control our drug problem!!


Question: Republicans spend like crazy why???

McCain: the Democrats want kids to smoke well i say no to that!


McCain: i want big spenders to be famous and not just in prison

Romney: oh yeah all that spending is like totally bad

Cooper: that's all you have?

Mitt: freeze all non-military spending

Rudy: we should fire half of all federal employees and replace them with robots

Cooper: is that realistic?

Rudy: sure all businesses have done it

Question: what part of America do you hate the most

Fred: heh heh that's a Target Rich Environment

Cooper: which agencies

Fred: Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid

Cooper: wow you want to get rid of them??

Fred: no the federal government would guarantee your gambling on african gold mines

Paul: fuck you John McCain -- Washington D.C. may have made you a senile chipmunk but it didn't change me

Cooper: so you have always been crazy?

Paul: yes in high school i was voted Most Likely to Run for President as a Demented Loon

Huckabee: eliminate the IRS and Homeland Security

[ yay!! ]

Question: national sales tax doods?

McCain: that's stupid and Huckabee is a moron

Cooper: solution

McCain: give me dictatorial powers

Paul: hisssss

McCain: you would have appeased Hitler you genocidal maniac

Paul: i want to save our soldier’s lives

McCain: well they want to be in a desert getting injured and killed you hate-filled bad man

Paul: active duty soldiers love me

McCain: you hate america you jew-hating nazi

Paul: fuck off dickhead

Grover (Bathtub-American) pledge to worship me!!

Panel: we all pledge to love you and cut taxes more more more

Fred and McCain: we won't pledge to that fat moron

Paul: cut spending doods

Hunter: maybe i will get lucky and there will be a war

Question: food subsidies for agribusiness?

Rudy: no - what if we run out of food!!

Cooper: did you steal security money?

Rudy: liberals and blacks threatened my life

Cooper: great

Question: chinese lead toys!

Tancredo: china is for cheap labor but not bad products

Hunter: they are amassing weapons and this christmas we should buy american guns to support our returning disabled veterans with post traumatic stress

Cooper: what up with your fetus-oriented ad?

Thompson: mitt used to be an abortionist

Mitt: i was young and wrong when i aborted ted kennedy's and mary jo's baby

Cooper: you got an award for that

Mitt: true but Huckabee raised taxes

Cooper: that is worse

Huckabee: when a Republican hits you in the rear it's better not to look back

Question: do you like guns or should i shoot you?

Hunter: guns are like footballs they are a tradition of America and should always be handed off just like there were in bunker hill and fallujah

Question: Rudy why should anyone have to be qualified to own a fucking machine gun you socialist??

Rudy: dood you forget i ruled over a city with a lot of black people and criminals and crazy new yorkers


Rudy: no audience you are forgetting the Parker decision!

[ huh ??? ]

Rudy: maybe the really white states could have looser rules

Fred Thompson: he met with president clinton that's evil!!!


Fred: but the case he cites is from Washington DC which has a bunch of liberals and blacks

Rudy: that's my point there are too many blacks there

Question: how many guns do you own?? for example are they machine guns and what are their names??

Fred: damm right I do

McCain: i don't need a gun i killed a man with my bare hands for a bowl of rice

Rudy: Judy won't let me have a gun

Question: black on black crime?

Romney: bill cosby said it best - pudding pops will stop crime

Cooper: what else

Romney: inner city schools suck

Rudy: jeebus i dropped crime in the Black Areas by 80%

Mitt: he was a wonderful mayor but then again my police commissioner wasn't going around committing crimes

Cooper: what did you do in massachusetts to stop crime?

Mitt: DNA laboratories dood

Question: abortion!

Paul: women should only go to prison for a third timester abortion

Cooper: really?

Paul: no i take that back just the doctor - women are too dumb to be responsible

Fred Thompson: just the doctor should go to prison not the innocent girl after all having a uterus and ovaries makes you a stupid little thing not responsible for her pretty little actions

Question: Rudy would you ban abortion if everyone else in american wanted it?

Rudy: no i wouldn't, i would leave it to the states

Mitt: ban all abortions? That would be faaaaaaaaaabulous!!!!!!!

Question: who would jesus kill?

Huckabee: the toughest decision i ever made was to kill a man

Cooper: no letting a rapist go free because he attacked a political rival's relative?

Huck: no that was surprisingly easy

audience: but jesus!

Huck: look i would execute a fetus but only after a 1 hour trial

Cooper: what would jesus do

Huckster: he would be a democrat and probably vote for Kucinich

Question: Holy Bible yes or no?

Rudy: well-

Huckster: can i help you Rudy he was holding a bible in case you were confused you heathen motherfucker

Rudy: it's pack of myths

Cooper: have you ever read it

Rudy: well a nun hit me with it does that count?

Mitt: i love that little fucking Bible just like millions or even billions of people

Cooper: literally???

Mitt: i believe it's the Word of God but I think He lies sometimes

Huckabee: it's written by God but it's all allegories like that part about a 10-Headed Dragon i'm pretty sure that's about Hillary Clinton


Question: how do you improve America's image

Rudy: fuck some muslim shit up


Rudy: Islam is wonderful religion and so is Arabia

[zero applause]

Rudy: Islam a great, great religion


Rudy: liberals won't use the specific phrases i make up

McCain: Democrats want to surrender to terrorists!!


McCain: i was the only one to bash Rumsfeld and George Bush


McCain: the troops!


Hunter: no matter what America does i will not apologize


Question: who would you torture?

Romney: why bring terrorists from Gitmo and let them go free in Des Moines with ACLU lawyers???

McCain: you must be an idiot if you don't know what waterboarding is

Romeny: well i do

McCain: well then how the fuck do you think that's appropriate for americans to do to other people

Romney: look i'm running for president i not going say what is and isn't torture

Cooper: well who will

Romney: Cofer Black

McCain: you idiot -- life is not a tv show like "24" this is a defining issue and you can't a position on this then just don't run for President

Question: will you pledge to maintain our current stabilizing presence in the middle east

Thompson: we should leave immediately but stay until the mission is done


Fred: they want to bring down America


Fred: we should stay until oil is cheap


Fred: victory!!!

Cooper: you're sundowning dood

Paul: criminy we now have friendly relations with vietnam lets get the hell out

McCain: we didn't lose Vietman the only reason we left is Hippies

Paul: john you got hit in the head too much

McCain: Osama bin Laden is in Iraq and will come to New York if we leave

Paul: they attacked us because we invaded their country!!

[tv audience: you're both insane]

Question: r u running on 9/11?

Rudy: no way i was in charge of Haitian policy and George Will loves me

Cooper: what else

Rudy: i also reduced abortions

Cooper: because you started marrying your mistresses

Q: vice president!!

Fred: i want one with legal training, national security, and domestic expertise


Fred: he should have authority

McCain: look Bush is clearly a moron and that's why this county got so fucked up after 9/11

Cooper: um, did I just hear you it sounded like you said Bush was an incompetent who weakened america and turned this country over to a fat crook who shoots people

McCain: u heard me

Chuck Yeager: Duncan Hunter doods!

audience: what happened to sam sheppard dood??

Brigadier General: i'm a General and I'm gay - does that blow your mind?

Hunter: thanks for your mincing service but looks israel and the british can serve with gays but most people in the military are judeo-christian Republicans and they would just hate people like you too much

Huckabee: it's all about conduct like conducting yourself too gay

Romney: i laff when i think of 'don't ask don't tell' but now i think it worked

Cooper: answer the question

Mitt: no i refuse

General: i was a gay soldier for 42 years

Huckabee: jesus it's a wonder we survived as a nation

Hunter: i'm surprised your fellow judeo-christians didn't kill you

General: there are lots of gay soldiers


General: gay soliders yes or no?

McCain: how dare you bash our military!!!

Gay Guy: gay republicans?

Huckabee: i hate gays but they can vote for me if they want

Cooper: that sounds pretty shitty

Huckabee: yeah but i have integrity

Q: social security

Fred: elimniate social security it's a moral issue

Mitt: speaking of social security i hate jihadism and hillary clinton and love ronald reagan and families

Cooper: my god you need a tune-up dood

Question: Mars Bitches!

Tancredo: we shouldn't go to mars there might be mexicans there

Question: alot of blacks are conservatives why do they hate the GOP?

Rudy: hey when i cracked down on black skulls i did it out of love -- did you know crime still drops in NYC even now because of me?

Huckabee: hey a black guy voted for me and i appointed a black guy in charge of hypertension affairs

Huckabee: maybe we should reach out hispanics too

Cooper: yeah right

Questions: confederate flag doods

Romney: as former chair of Bain Capital i would like to stay i don't what the fuck he is talking about

Cooper: so improvise

Romney: John Edwards is trying to divide people and that flag should never be shown

Fred: no one who shows that flag is a racist but let's face it -- could the racists in the GOP cool it please??

Q: bridges dood

Rudy: david dinkins was a great guy i loved his donuts

Paul: we're bankrupt and we should pull out of iraq and spend like crazy

McCain: i hate bridges grrrrrrrrr

Rudy: fuck you crippled bullshit artist


McCain: municipal bastard

Rudy: i beat up bill Clinton

Q: will you run a third party Ron Paul?

Paul: the short answer yes you're damm right i plan to

Cooper: really

Paul: this is the Ron Paul Revolution!!!

Question: how could root for the red sox rudy???

Rudy: i've rooted for the American league for fifty years because i love America

Cooper: dickhaid

Mitt: we waited 87 long years so sad

Cooper: you may wait that long before you get back the white house you anti-gay, anti-immigrant, openly racist, lying, scapegoating, incoherent fuckwits

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Ron Paul on Joe Scarborough - Nov. 27

Joe Scarborough in the Morning
November 27, 2007
Guest: Rep. Ron Paul

Joe: dood u raised $4 million on the internet

Ron Paul: people hate teh war and the deficiet

Joe: yeah but the interent is only the interent yur support can't be real you're like Howard Dean

Ron Paul: yeah but look at John McCain or Fred Thompson they have no money and no one likes them

Mika: why don't you drop out after all you are a complete lunatic

Paul: that's why i won't drop out darling

Joe: But Mika he's raising $4 million per day!!!!

Paul: i didn't plan to have all this money now I'm trying to figure out how to spend it

Joe: like what

Paul: someone told me that New Hampshire is a state I'm going to check it out

Joe: people like you because all the other candidates are not real conservatives

Paul: i have Greenies and Democrats too

Geist: you were endorsed by the Bunny Ranch Owner

Paul: i love freedom man

Joe: stay away from Tucker Carlson dood

Paul: i don't trust that twerp

Mika: we're about to deluged with e-mail from his crazy supporters

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Meet The Press - November 25, 2007

Meet The Press - Sunday, November 25, 2007
Guests: James Carville, Mary Matalin,
Bob Shrum, and Mike Murphy

Mary Matalin : best thing that could happen to hillary is lose iowa

Tim Russert: why

Matalin: she's like Rocky she's needs to be hit a few times in order get angry enough to win

Russert: but in the meantime Obama would hurt her

Matalin: yeah but Obama is a terrible candidate i'm very concerned about this

Mike Murphy: the Empress has no clothes on

Bob Shrum: she's has run a good campaign look at all those planted questions - genius

James Carville: Obama has no mandate - hillary has a much more ambitious fake health plan

Russert: but she wouldn't answer the most crucial question facing america - driver's licenses for people who can drive

Murphy: she's weak and not charsimatic and not likeable that's the magic fairy dust which Romney clearly has

Russert: karl rove and Bush like her

Matalin: she suffers from front-runnerism which is why she's needs to lose to find her authentic voice

Shrum: ted kennedy, john kerry and al gore could decide this election

Russert: no one trusts her and men hate her

Carville: it's a problem

Murphy: she's going to lose because she's polarizing

Russert: Hillary says Edwards is throwing mud and Obama says hey I lived in a foreign country when i was growing up and hillary says he's a like a little kid -- she's using the RNC talking points

Hillary: we can't afford on the job training

Obama: what the fuck is her experience anyway

Matalin: Democrats only have one foreign policy - hating America

Carville: let me respond to that by shilling for Hillary

Russert: Obama’s saying Hillary didn't do anything in the 1990s

Shrum: uh-

Russert: on the other hand she is married to Bill Clinton

Murphy: he's fresh and very clean

Elizabeth Edwards: Hillary won't shake things up

Russert: Edwards is very aggresive

Shrum: Hillary says any attack on her is like the GOP Attack Machine of the Clinton years

Russert: 70% of people hate everyone

Shrum: Edwards is Hillary’s BFF he's protecting her from Obama

Russert: wow

Shrum: the debates will be crucial

Carville: in iowa change happens big and it happens late - it's like my puberty

Russert: ha ha

Matalin: Hillary will be drag people to the caucus and force them to vote for her

Russert: wow she is evil

Carville: hey at least the Democrats have candidate who don't belong in a mental health facility

Russert: who do people hate her?

Carville: cause it's an election stupid

Shrum: i am the great apostle and i say that underlying factors matter

Russert: you just blew my mind

Russert: wow Romney and Huckabee doing well in Iowa

Panel: heh heh

Russert: no one trusts Rudy Giuliani

Murphy: yes it's very open - Romney's got a problem even though he's leading

Russert: Huck has got the creationist vote that's key

Murphy: a damaged Romney goes into New Hampshire which will mean Rudy wins

Russert: what happened to your BFF Fred Thompson

Matalin: he's the same old wonderful wacko dood

Russert: ok

Matalin: Huckabee is a tax and spend liberal

Shrum: Fred obviously sucks so Romney has got to take down Huckster

Russert: why is Huckabee so strong?

Shrum: he's likeable and wants to put women in prison for using their own bodies

Russert: that's adorable

Murphy: i think Romney's real danger comes from Rudy they are both going after the same vote

Tim: Thompson is not getting any votes

Matalin: i hate beltway bloviators

Russert: and my kettle hates black pots baby

Matalin: Fred is rolling out detailed plans!! Conservatives unlike liberals actually care about substance!

Russert: so why is Fred losing

Matalin: he isn't - he's winning!

Russert: but only in fantasyland

Matalin: which is where Republicans live!

Murphy: we can bring Fred back to life is we use jumper cables

Shrum: things could change

Matalin: people love guns it's a lifestyle thing like being gay or cross dressing which Rudy has also done

Russert: all the women in my family pack heat

Matalin: well of course they do fathead

David Brooks: Rudy is a shining light of optimism in this land - he loved immigrants in 1996

Rudy: we should build a fence to electrocute non english speaking immigrants

Murphy: awwww… so sad they are right but there are a lot of knuckleheads in their primary

Russert: so of course they have to lie therefore I won't mention it again

Shrum: look hispanics already hate the GOP they might as well make electric fences a campaign issue

Matalin: democrats have hurt themselves with black votes

Shrum: oh you are such a lying whack job Mary Matalin

Rusert: who is better on crime and taxes - Romney or Rudy?

Matalin: neither my employer Fred Thompson - look at his magic policy proposals

Russert: but his record is in Hollywood

Matalin: Rudy is a gay loving bad man

Carville: it’s the economy stupid

Russert: no. please assess the race honestly sir

Rusert: why don't you say that to Mary Matalin?

Russert: because she is a conservative you know Meet the Press has two standards

Murphy: the race is between Romney and Rudy and Huckabee and Fred Thompson and McCain who hates politics

Matalin: you don't what will happen Fred could come in fifth in iowa and still win in the south and heartland

Russert: but iowa is in the heartland

Matalin: Fred Thomspson will win dammit!!!!!

Timmeh: happy anniversary crazy people

Matalin: i can't believe i married this bald wacko

Carville: hey honey it's a paid gig suck it up

The Chris Matthews Show - Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Chris Matthews Show - Sunday, November 25, 2007

Matthews: does Obama have to win in iowa or is he a big looser?

Panel: he’s a looser

Brooks: he’s inspiring -- i love his sneering contempt for Hillary Clinton which all people secretly share

Nora O’D: he wants people to follow their heart!!!!

Matthews: clarence yur smiling why?

Page: he was playing rope a dope he's like muhammad ali

Matthews: ooh but he was muslim

Page: true, but not arab

Page: Obama's in a holding pattern until xmas

Matthews: everybody on earth despises Hilllary right?

Bumiller: well of course

Matthews: what else

Bumiller: iowa despises women - it's like the saudia arabia of the midwest

Matthews: well even women hate Hillary

Norah: yes but iowa is like a microcosm of America all people hate her

Matthews: hillary called Obama a child with no experience whereas she was first lady lady hugging yassir arafat's wife

Brooks: hillary has no ideas but she appeals to uneducated people

Matthews: does anyone like her

Brooks: yes because she has substance and Obama does not

Matthews: I want to fall in love with a good looking candidate

Page: Matthews that's sexist

Matthews: i was talking about Barack Obama

Matthews: the most loved person in America is Oprah

Norah: she can sell books, can she sell a black man?

Bumiller: the corn-fed overall wearing farmers won't fall for the black female billionaire

Page: this is Oprah doods - she can sway whole nations!

Matthews: OMG the governor of NJ from 20 years ago endorsed McCain - he's gonna win!!

Brooks: McCain is teh finest of men

Matthews: so true

Brooks: he can talk for 20 minutes without sounding like an idiot

Matthews: does he have personal character?

Brooks: yes because he endorsed the Surge he's risked his life on it

Matthews: he walked though that market

Brook: plus all Democrats will vote for him

Matthews: immigrants will all vote for McCain

Page: but the GOP sez he's coddling criminals

Matthews: McCain got Dems to vote for him in 2000 but Obama will do that this time

Norah: McCain is done for but maybe he will after all

Matthews: bold statement Norah

Brooks: Rudy's record on assholeness will be released next month

Matthews: this could go into the spring i see many erections ahead for me and if there is a brokered convention i will ejaculate on live teevee

Panel: oh wow

Matthews: tell me something cool!

Norah: Emily and her list will take down Obama

Page: Oprah is-

Matthews: I love it!!

Page: obama wil bring out ellen is Oprah doesn't pan out

Bullimer: dick cheney hates peace

Brooks: we aren't going to war with iran

Matthews: fuck

Page: edwards is a spoiler and takes votes from Obama

Bumiller: i don't want to count him out - but i will

Brooks: but will blacks actually vote?

Matthews: it’s so exiting I can’t wait!!!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Hardball with Chris Matthews - Friday, November 21, 2007

Hardball with Chris Matthews
Friday, November 21, 2007

Tweety: did cheney lie about outing valerie plame

Shuster: of course he did

Tweety: wow

Shuster: McClellan said he knew Rove was innocent because it was public knowledge


Journalist: how do you know rove is a good guy

Scottie: i did a mind-meld with him dood

Journalist: what about scooter libby

Scottie: i dunno

Cheney: clear scooter or i will put a horse's head in yur bed dood

Scottie: it was all rumor and innuendo and no important member of this white house would be involved in the leak

Journalist: r u sure dood

Scottie: yeah

[end tape]

Tweety: so sad Libby took the fall awwwwww......

Savannah: yes so very sad he took the fall his good name is in tatters and he's a convicted felon

Tweety: why would he lie??

Savannah: he's so fucking heroic we should be build a statue to him

Tweety: the Scooter Memorial -- it would show a pasty white guy falling on a sword and being caught at the last second by a George Bush

Schuster: well now we know that George Bush actively lied to Scottie McClellan

Tweety: so sad Scooter Libby's lawyer couldn't defend his criminal client when he was just a good soldier

Savannah: Fitzgerald hid behind the law and didn't litigate the war so unfair

Tweety: Bush commuted his sentence - is that justice or a conspiracy to obstruct justice?

Shuster: teh big story Cheney and Rove lied to President Stupid

Tweety: Is Bush a liar or ignorant?

Shuster: why not both?

Tweety: awesome

Matthews: WaPo buried the story on page 15 - oh well it's only lies to destroy American security

Schuster: smuggled nukes

Matthews: Scotty is such a tease

Isikoff: that's very nice tweety

Matthews: i call him my little sugarplum

Isikoff: Rove lied to Scott McClellan

Matthews: Shocking!

Isikoff: will he mention this in his book - we don't know

Matthews: Wilson was the leading critic of the war

Isikoff: really?

Matthews: that's how i remember it

Milbank: let's face it Scottie wasn't exactly in the loop

Matthews: President Bush is very smart

Isikoff: let's not go overboard

Matthews: bush commuted the sentence of the guy who could finger him for a crime

Isikoff: in their defense they never saw this case a very big deal

Matthews: but it is a big deal!

Isikoff: Wilson was a partisan dood who attacked our precious war

Matthews: he was fair game!

Isikoff: yes in their defense they didn't want to admit they were liars or incompetent

Matthews: yes back then war was so lovely

Matthews: i want to get inside the baby cask of amontillado

Milbank: it would be stupid not to pardon Libby

Shuster: Bush camps says their treason is old news

Matthews: god these guys are good -- they have shut this story down even though it's about criminality in the white house - bravo Mr. Bush!

Shuster: i sense sarcasm there tweetybird

Matthews: no i admire them -- after all life is a campaign of lying and deceit


Hillary: Obama is only 10 years old that’s too young

Obama: Hillary and Rummy and Bush and Cheney are all disasters

Matthews: guns on campus what could go wrong!

Obama: i used drugs

Rudy: haven't we all

Romney: kids always do what the president does - that's the why the President should always lie

Matthews: i tell all my kids my mistakes in life

Shuster: the stuff of nightmares

Matthews: the truth hurts man

Bolton: the world’s most dangerous weapons cant be in teh hands of most dangerous people

Matthews: you’re saying Bush shouldn’t be President?

Bolton: we should invade Iran

Matthews: but the iraq was a total disaster

Bolton: sure in hindsight

Matthews: should we have put Chalabi in charge

Bolton: hey i was always against the occupation!

Matthews: were you really?

Bolton: hey colin powell was all gung-ho for invading and i was all like ‘no way bad idea dood’!

Matthews: really i thought you were a hawk

Bolton: who me? no i hate nation building!

Matthews: oh ok

Brown University Expert: attacking iran is very bad idea

Tweety: it’s risk free for them

Brown University Expert: no but risky for us

Bolton: i want to avoid war

Tweety: no you don't!

Bolton: they are teh central banker for international terrorism

Tweety: so should we attack?

Bolton: sure - life is about choices

Tweety: like you “chose” to avoid in serving in teh military

Bolton: right

Expert: the military are against attacking Iran

Bolton: fuck them

Matthews: you think Elections are Magic

Bolton: no that's President George W Stupid

Matthews: do you want Iran to hate us or have nuclear weapons

Brown University Expert: it's crazy they *don't* have nukes and they *do* hate us

Matthews: if we bomb Iran won't the people hate us??

Bolton: no! The Iranians are smart enough to understand that if we bomb the shit out of them we do it out of love

Matthews: you are fucking insane - you thought we would be greeted with flowers

Bolton: no i always felt we should not invade Iraq

Matthews: god you're cuckoo


Joan Walsh: the NYT and WaPo are covering up this story - Scott McClellan is telling us the President is a liar and a criminal!

Brownstein: fascinating point McClellan is not being clear with us

Tweety: interesting

Brownstein: recall Scotty worked for Governor Bush he won't turn on him

Tweety: what about Shotgun Dick?

Brownstein: he’s fair game

Matthews: we are in teh middle of arabia and it's very scary and it's all because of piss-poor journalism!!

audience: does your dressing room even have a mirror dood?

Matthews: i'm so excited the election day is almost here

Bailey: it's hard to pole people in the caucus

Matthews: women hate hillary

Brownstein: well they do see her a lot

Matthews: why don't they like her

Brownstein: she's shrill and mean

Matthews: she went after Obama for having experience with a broad

Bailey: bad move

Matthews: women only do well when there's a large body of water nearby i think it’s the monthly tides or something

Walsh: why did i agree to come on this insane show?

Matthews: happy thanksgiving everyone whatever u do it can't be weirder than mine

Friday, November 16, 2007

Democratic Debate - November 16, 2007

Democratic Presidential Debate
November 15, 2007
Las Vegas Nevada
Wolf Blizter
John Roberts
Campbell Brown

Wolf Blizter: let's introduce the candidates......

Senator John Edwards!

"damm i'm cute"

Senator Chris Dodd!

"how come no one like me?"

Senator Barack Obama!!

"damm i'm smokin' hot"

Senator Hillary Clinton

"should i shake hands? yes-wait-maybe not - okay i will"

Dennis Kucinich!!

"is that a ufo? oh no it's joe biden's head"

Joe Biden!!

"fire burns!!"

Bill Richardson!!

"yo soy runnning for veece president"

hi i'm wolf blitzer if a candidate strays from the topic i will gently whip them with my beard-brush

Campbell Brown: first question Hillary are you a Clintonian parsing bitch

Hillary: ahm wearing my asbestos pantsuit bitch

Brown: sexy

Hillary: let me say this about my opponents - fuck all of them

Leslie: Obama do you think hillary is a lying bitch

Obama: she is the biggest liar ever - look at driver's licenses or social security or the size and shape of bill's penis where's the straight talk???

Leslie: billary how big is it?

Hillary: he's not honest either his fake health care plan doesn't cover everyone whereas my fake health care plan does

Leslie: touche!

Obama: she promises everything and i don't - who's dishonest now?

Hillary: let's be honest Barack covers kids but what about tweens where's the love for Hannah Montana oh noes

Protestor: Biofuels bitches!!!

Obama: holy crap look what happened to Martin Luther King and Malcolm X should I be ducking right now

Edwards: Hillary hates social secuity, she voted for Bush's war, and is corrupt because she loves lobbyists

Hillary: can i talk

Leslie: by all means darling

Hillary: i don't mind attacks on my but when you go after my kitty-cat that's where i draw the line

Leslie: she's got you there pretty boy

Edwards: oh noes

Leslie: Franken-Biden you talk

Biden: Drugs!! Bad!!

Wolf: what else?

Biden: who among us is going to end the war and pick up the phone and order pakistani food in the District? In the 1970's i was ordering indian food while Edwards was still a kid!!

Wolf: calm down everyone but Kucinich will get to talk tonite

John Roberts: Edwards you are a big flip flopper

Edwards: yeah but i bend with the political winds and she calculates all her answers

Roberts: interesting

Edwards: you had a troll on CNN for the last debate

Roberts: well that's not a very nice thing to say about Lou Dobbs

Kucinich: as an elf i agree

Wolfie: Senator Dodd why is John Edwards so pretty and yet so angry?

Dodd: as the only white haired white man i can say people want someone as president who looks like a movie-style president and i am that man!!!

[audience: yay!!]

Richardson: my name is bill richardson and i am running for hillary clinton's vice president

Wolf: bold move

Richardson: give peas a chance

Wolf: i love them with cheese and butter and a knife

Richardson: that's what i'm saying dood

Leslie: will you all support the nominee whoever it is??

Biden: no and i'm not joking

Kucinich: no they're all warmongers

Brown: please hate on illegal immigrants

Obama: yes it's true George Bush is a terrible president Cambell Brown and yes it's easy to blame illegal immigrants for Bush's economy isn't it convenient how that works

Brown: so sad

Obama: we have to start tasing employers who hire illegals

Brown: yay

Leslie: let me ask you about the biggest issue in America: driver's licenses for illegals yes or no

Obama: oh my god Wolf you are THE dumbest motherfucker i have ever met

Leslie: yes or no!?!

Obama: maybe yes maybe no

Lesie: yes or no this is the most important issue ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edwards: no - but let be more thorough

Leslie: no shut up

Dodd: no!

Leslie: thank you

Obama: can i say yes now

Leslie: huh?

Hillary: NO!

Kucinich: there is no such thing as an illegal person

Leslie: you scare me little man

Kucinich: fuck you wolfie you brainless twit

Richardson: hell i already gave licenses to illegal immmigrants

Wolfie: well but all your relatives are probably illegal immigrants

Richardson: this is complex-

Wolf: shut up pedro

Roberts: let's talk about a non-federal issue like firing teachers who teach students who don't do well on our fake tests

Dodd: i like kids and i hate bush

audience: yay!

Dodd: i started the congressional Children's Caucus

audience: did you ever wonder why Mark Foley attended every week

Leslie: do u hate unions?

Kucinich: no

Richardson: we need to have kindergarten last all day

audience: put mark foley on that too

Leslie: hillary what if there is a teacher who shows up for work every day and act like a total moron

Clinton: i'm looking at someone like that right now Wolfie

Wolf: huh

Biden: my wife proved she was a great teacher by leaving teaching to get two master's degrees

Wolf: yay

Biden: it's not like teachers are getting rich you know

Wolf: fucking filthy teat-sucking teachers

Biden: pay them more mone-

Wolf: shut up baldy

Brown: Biden you spoke to Musharraf last week for god's sake why???

Biden: Brown you have maintained CNN's perfect record of total shitheadedness tonight

Brown: thanks dude

Biden: in fact i don't like Pervez and i have a detailed Pakistan plan and no one else does

Brown: you bore me smart-person

Wolf: omg Pakistan has nukes and the taliban and really strong curries!!!

Richardson: we backed Musharraf even though he hates democracy guess what happened

Wolf: yeah a woman is running there oh noes

Richardson: hell Osama is in Pakistan

Wolf: shut up chunky

Richardon: no - i'm talking now you beadred retard

Wolf: so what you are saying is that you hate America and want this country to be nuked

Edwards: this all proves that Bush is really really stupid

Wolf: Obama do you want to see your muslim friends to nuke America

Obama: holy shit you are the dumbest bastard i have ever met

Blizter: Dodd do you hate America?

Dodd: jesus sugar tits Wolf Blitzer were you deprived of oxygen when you were born i have houseplants who are smarter than you

Hillary: i agree with Chris my god did the Republican party put some kind of implant in your tiny brain leslie???

Wolf: i have no memory of that

Hillary: obviously Bush has failed and now Pakistan is a total failure and very very dangerous

Kucinich: can i talk about Pakistan?

Wolf: no there are no UFOs there

Roberts: Iraq is a wonderful success why do you all hate America?

Richardson: the iraq war has caused lots of mental trauma

Roberts: well watching CNN will do that

Richardson: true but what about the rich Arab states

Kucinich: i voted against funding the war and the Dems in Congress should cut off the funding - period

Robert: america-hater

Kucinich: oh and by the way the problems in Pakistan are because of our assholiness all over the world

Obama: jesus christ people are on their 4th tour of duty and more americans are dead in Iraq and Afghanistan doesn't mean we should do cartwheels Leslie W. Stupid

Brown: China is evil and isn't that the Democrats fault

Kucinich: yes of course look at Yucca Mountain

Brown: oh right

Kucinich: Hillary and John Edwards voted for free trade with China

Biden: ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz

Edwards: we can't defeat Corporate Republicans and elect Corporate Democrats we must give the power to the people

Leslie: knowing what we know now should we all have voted for Ross Perot in 1992

Hillary: heh yeah then his daughter could have gotten married in the white house in safety

Leslie: was NAFTA a mistake

Hillary: yes - that's why i'm going to call for a time-out on trade

Leslie: what about instant replay

Hillary: that's another good idea

Dodd: suspend all trade with Peru and China!!

Obama: now hold on Peru is a little country

Dodd: well okay

Obama: we should send our own inspectors over there and review MNF every single year

Biden: we have power stop the chickens from sneaking into Delaware so lets do it or at least those freakin nuggets

Leslie: where should we put nuclear waste

Obama: this is the third time where you have said, 'assuming Democrats all suck and Republicans are good, who would you vote for?' and you should shut the fuck up

Wolf: okay okay

Obama: i mean it shithead

Leslie: okay don't hit me black man

Richardson: we need a Energy Revolution mandate!

Campbell Brown: you are playing the gender card bitch

Clinton: i am going to the first woman president and you can't stop me bitch

Brown: what's the boys club honey?

Clinton: campbell don't make smack you

Wolf: oooh cat fight!

Clinton: I’m very proud to be a woman

Wolf: is Hillary playing the gender card Edwards?

Edwards: she takes lobbying money

audience: booooooo

Edwards: fuck you all jerry tarkanian was a big cheater

Brown: do we want to invade Iran

Woman in Audience: should we have more war my son’s life is in danger dammit

Biden: no and hillary’s vote may take us to war with iran and if bush does that he should be impeached!

Hillary: there is no danger of people being deployed to iran but bush wants to go to war with iran which is dangerous

audience: oh ok

Edwards: I saw this movie once before and I don’t there to be a really crappy sequel

audience: yay

Obama: any idiot could see that resolution was an attempt at starting a war

Audience member: why is Blackwater getting rich wrecking our foreign policy

Richardson: no more mercenaries people should only kill for patriotism not money that just degrades it

Audience: applause!

Richardson: and a Heroes card when any veteran could use to go back in time before this shitty war started

Audience: woo-hoo!

Khan: I’m always being racially profiled it sucks

Edwards: that’s bad i pledge no more Gitmo or renditions or waterboarding when i'm president - the only torture which will be tolerated will be watching CNN debates

audience: yay!

Kucinich: you're all non-progressives unlike me!!

Wolf: ok that’s enough

Kucinich: impeach bush now!!

Wolf: shut up boat rocker they might hear you

Biden: no one loves me

Ambriz: buenvenidenos should be build a wall against brown people

Wolf: Bill you’re the only one here who counts who is against a big fence

Kucinich: that’s a fucking lie

Wolf: no you don’t matter dude

Richardson: you know Dennis i'm not actually in Congress

Dennis: you also can't win

Richardson: drugs and people are coming over but lets not demonize immigrants

Dodd: yo soy spanish speaker!

audience: yay!

Casino Cashier: my question is, do you want to double down?

Brown: good question

Cainso Gal: no really my question is do you support social security

Obama: bush keeps stealing Fica to pay for his stupid war

Wolf: Hillary what’s you plan

Clinton: I don’t have one

Obama: She's Hillary McRomney

Question: litmus test no overturning Rove Wade?

Dodd: damm right

Biden: I want a dog catcher who knows how to live!

Wolf: alma werfel?

Richardson: we need the Equalizer

Kucinich: we need a supreme court that conducts sessions on sex education

Obama: like Joe I would nominate someone with a lot of life experience

Wolf: how about joe biden then

Obama: you must be kidding he’s a been a senator since he was 17

Edwards: we need judges who are so unpopular they get death threats

Student: how do we unite America

Obama: hold a series of staff meetings

Hillary: I will go on a 4 year listening tour

Biden: people love me in Washington uniting America will be a snap

Richardson: I would get north korea to lean on Syria to persuade Israel to adjust the 1967 borders

Wolf: yes that will bring america together

Student: Hillary do you like liberal diamonds or Republican pearls

Hillary: heh give me both baby

Biden: diamonds -- pearls are for Republicans they go before swine

Host: that’s the end thanks everyone

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Meet the Press - November 11, 2007 Guest: Barack Obama

Meet the Press with Tim Russert
November 11, 2007
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama

Tim Russert: people like you but even Dems say you have no experience - why do people hate you?

Obama: i'm trying to tell the people about what i've done as a professor and activist

Timmeh: but Hillary was first lady of Arkansas - how can you compete with that?

Obama: I’ve been in office longer than she has

Russert: but Rudy Giuliani says you have no experience plowing snow or cracking down on brown people or setting up fake businesses to exploit 9/11

Obama: and i've never led a city to the worst terror attack ever - big friggin deal

Timmy: but Famous Black Man Rangel says you're too young

Obama: Mr. Hillary? uh-huh

Timmy: so?

Obama: i will push back against the establishment and she won't

Tim: you admire hillary

Obama: people hate her and i can be bring people together

Tim: what do you want to put in the past?

Obama: we need to drop the college dorm debates from 1967 and move on to a new century

Russert: you called her a liar

Obama: she's lying about the social security crisis

Russert: like what?

Obama: we have to make changes now

Russert: but you flip flopped on SS

Obama: no it just means i have opinions on this isssue

Rusert: shocking!

Obama: i will listen to other people

Russert: but how can you put things on the table?? What happened to “you're either with me or against me”???

Obama: that's Bush you idiot

Russert: no that's America dood

Timmy: you want to RAISE TAXES!!

Obama: only for the rich

Timmy: oh noes!

Obama: shut up timmy

Timmy: what happened to the nice polite black man we all loved?

Obama: this isn't student council president pumpkinhaid

Timmy: which Dems do you think are acting like Bush

Obama: hillary is moving to the right to look tough and if we don't present a different vision we're going to triagulate ourselves right into another war with Iran

Timmy: let me take your quotes out of context

Obama: i heard you were full of shit and it's really true

Timmy: anti war liberals say you didn't do enough to end the war

Obama: hey i was in the senate for 10 minutes and i read Condi the riot act

Timster: what else?

Obama: i prefer not to cut off funding

Timster: why do you hate america

Obama: i always rooted for us to win

Timster: and yet you have failed to show up wearing a big foam #1 finger

Obama: I’m waving my finger in my mind

Timster: how fast pull out from Iraq

Obama: a brigade a month for 16 months

Tim: residual force against al qaeda?

Obama: we need a few troops to protect our Embassy

Timmy: and our fleeing helicopters

Obama: exactly

Tim: a graceful exit

Obama: a timely egress yes

Timmy: Fred Hiatt says calling a bunch of guys terrorists is perfectly routine - why who would think that could lead to a war??

Obama: don't go there Timmy i love israel

Timmy: Fred Hiatt loves Israel more

Obama: no i do

Timmy: well there's where's your blue and white #1 foam hat??

Obama: look i would meet with the leaders of Iran and offer them carrots or else hit them with a stick

Timmy: wow scary don't hit me black man

Obama: that's the Chicago way tubby

Russert: will you pledge to attack iran pleeze

Obama: i will definitely go to war with this strange and scary middle eastern nation but first i will try to avoid it

Russert: Neville Obama do you want us to die in a balsa wood nuclear attack???

Obama: if we lost Buffalo i could live with it

Russert: please pledge to use nuclear weapons on Tehran

Obama: oh of course look at Nagasaki - it's been too damm long since we nuked someone

Russert: right on homey!!

Obama: i was being sarcastic lard-ass

Russert: you will spend the first year meeting lunatic leaders

Obama: yes i will meet with Mitch McConnell and John Boehner

Russert: but won't you be scared???

Obama: no today i'm not fearing any man

Russert: but Bush keeps losing propaganda wars to crazy leaders

Obama: but he's an idiot and i'm smooth as silk

Russert: you raised money from unions that's pure evil

Obama: dood you can't expect someone to run for president and not raise money

Russert: but you take money from people who work on Wall Street

Obama: that dood is a hot dog vendor!

Rusert: but he still works on Wall Street!

Russert: where are your records from the state senate!?!?

Obama: dood i was a one-man operation for god's sake

Russert: yeah but state senators are really powerful look at that movie ‘Maid in Manhattan’

Obama: good point

Russert: your BFF is a criminal

Obama: but he's only been indicted

Russert: sounds shady to me

Obama: i fucked up dood

Russert: john lewis says anti gay marriage is bigotry

Obama: i love teh gay rights

Russert: what about marriage

Obama: civil unions dood

Russert: your gospel singer singer says being gay is a curse

Obama: yeah but i have to reach out to the bigots and haters if we're going to have progress in this country

Russert: your wife says you have to win or iowa or it's over

Obama: heh yeah well i suppose that's true can you imagine if hillary wins those early states she'll roll

Russert: can she win

Obama: it will be hard everyone hates her i want to bring america together

Russert: and who else but a black man from hawaii with with an african name and who went to muslim school

Obama: exactly

Russert: good luck with that

The Chris Matthews Show - November 11, 2007

The Chris Matthews Show
November 11, 2007

Matthews: i want to fall in love with mah candidate!

Rather: we need a nice person as president

Matthews: Obama is too nice

Rather: right

Norris: he's smiling and she just wags her finger

Matthews: cool

Norris: as a black man he can't be angry

Matthews: i fear the angry black man

Kay: but as woman she has to be tough

Matthews: she's scary

Fineman: Obama is hanging back and playing it cool

Rather: he's black you know

Matthews: really!?

Fineman: it's not race it's about experience

Norris: bullshit fool-- it's always about race

Matthews: for once in America we cannot think about race - because Hillary is a hippopotamus in the bathtub

Matthews: Rudy is really likeable

Fineman: he's not scary like Jerry Seinfeld

Rather: he's like a steak he tender and tough

Kay: he's an utter lunatic

Rather: he's frank perdue it takes a tough man to make a tender city

Matthews: Rudy agrees with Pat Robertson that lesbians are behind 9/11

Rather: they want to win -- Pat Robertson will watch lesbians have sex day and night if that's what a takes

Matthews: what a hero

Matthews: why the love between Pat "I hate Pagans" Robertson and Rudy??

Norris: it's all about hating minorities and poor people and slutty women

Kay: anti-abortion activists can't stand Rudy

Matthews: so they will vote against him

Kay: oh no because Hillary will impose gayness on your children

Matthews: why can he flip-flop and Hillary can't?

Fineman: because you're a total asshole Matthews

Kay: he's selling fear of Osama and fear of the Vagina

Rather: that will win - Rudy has pledged to seize America's pure uteruses and convert them to Christianity

Kay: Virginia is the new Ohio

Audience: Meaning the Democrats will be leading and the GOP will steal it??

Rather: college students may not be able to vote for Obama

Fineman: i don't know which campaign will be caught in a scandal but one will

Matthews: why don’t you know?

Fineman: i haven't gotten David Broder's memo yet

Matthews: action on global warming?

Kay: no you americans are all selfish tossers

Rather: congress act - you must be kidding

Norris: it's like immigration it will be about fear and not doing anything

Fineman: electric cars? No they burn coal!

Matthews: so what's you answer hairspray?

Fineman: cars that burn wood that would be awesome

Monday, November 05, 2007

60 Minutes - November 4, 2007 - Curveball

60 Minutes
November 4, 2007
Host: Bob Simon
Topic: Curveball

Bob Simon: this is “Curveball” doing the Electric Slide in 1993

[ cut to shot of Curveball doing
the white man dance]

Expert: he was the best guy we had to tell us invading iraq was a great idea

Simon: Curveball lied to teh germans in nuremberg about weapons for killing mass numbers of people and after all they are they experts

Expert: they loved Curveball he said saddam had balsa wood planes that accidentally killed iraqi workers

Simon: but there was a wall

Expert: that proved how wily the iraqis were - they built fake walls to make us think their Curveball defectors were fake

Simon: a fake ball?

expert: right

Expert: we asked him why would saddam let someone like Curveball defect?

Curveball: uhhhhhhhh......

Lady CIA expert: I said he doods he might be fake

Simon: what did they say

Expert: they said do you want the information or don’t you

Simon: did they call you a glorified secretary

Expert: i said how do you know that’s even him in the Hazmat suit?

Other Expert: he's like the sheep in the box in ‘The Little Prince’ he's the perfect source because you can't see him

Skeptic: of course

Tenet: it's teh Slam Dunk!!

Drumheller: the white house lied

Wilkerson: doods it was a dynamic presentation what could i say???

Wilkerson: i'm convinced Powell was convinced

Powell: Curveball knew it all you have to believe me!!! Look here are the drawings no of stuff no American has ever seen!!!

Weapons Inspectors: uhhh there's a wall doods

Simon: there was nothing there at all was there

UN: nope

Simon: well it's war then

Simon: he got bad grades in college

College Dean: he was on Double Secret Probation dood!

Simon: what did you tell him

Dean: drunk stupid and lying to convince the US to invade your county is no way to go through life son

Simon: sounds like a loser

Drumheller: dood just wanted a german green card

Simon: and now his life is ruined

Drumheller: oh no he's doing fine and he got his green card

Simon: well don't i feel foolish

Drumheller: don't we all

Simon: except for Curveball

Drumheller: yeah except for him

Simon: USA! US- aw forget it

Sunday, November 04, 2007

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - November 4, 2007

This Week with George Stephanopoulos
November 4, 2007
Guest: Senator John Edwards

George Stephanopoulos: what's your problem with Lieberman Iran Are All Crazy Terrorists resolution?

Sen. John Edwards: it's obviously an attempt by the crazies to gin up an attack on Iran

Stephanopoulos: but the Revolutionary Guards are bad guys

Edwards: are you crazy Bush is going to start a war with Iran

Stephanopoulos: but it puts pressure on Iran!

Edwards: no it gives Bush permission to bomb Iran

Stephanopoulos: but they are terrorists don't you care???

Edwards: i care about stopping Commander Stupid before he kills us all

Stephanopoulos: can you win

Edwards: i'm the only one who can win in North Carolina

Stephanopoulos: but the polls have you behind there

Edwards: yeah but I'm cute

Stephanopoulos: you keep hinting Dems would be nuts to vote for a black man or a woman

Edwards: look we have to win in 2008 and there are a lot of people who will only vote for a white southern male

Stephanopoulos: ah

Stephanopoulos: you have no money

Edwards: when i'm the nominee i will have beaten celebrities Obama and Hillary and then I will beat the rich dude Romney

Stephanopoulos: you remind me of karl rove why can't we unite America like we did when we all loved Rudy Giuiani

Edwards: i'm trying to unite America behind me!

Stephanopoulos: that seems so egotistical -- why can't you be a good democrat and be submissive and concede the election now

Edwards: i'm sure the media would love that but I intend of seizing the government back from rich elitists

[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: is Hillary's campaign dead?

George Will: she is slippery

Stephanopoulos: she danced around on illegals

Dionne: there is an angry minority will vote on this issue alone and so sad they would probably have voted for her and now they won't

Stephanopoulos: sure they would have

Dionne: it’s weird she owned that debate until the last few minutes

Stephanopoulos: what else

Dionne: Edwards needed to make himself the story and now he has

Brownstein: this is the moment to make a move it's now or never for every who is NotHillary

Stephanopoulos: so we can write her off

Brownstein: no she will be the nominee

Gerson: plus this is good because unlike obama or edwards she doesn't hate america and is appealing to all-important wingnut vote

Stephanopoulos: we have no women on the panel of course so we'll have to turn to the closest example George Will what say you

Will: when i was at the manicurist the other day with my girlfriends they all said they love hillary

Dionne: but when i was at a pillow fight Saturday the girls said they don't like that she wants to leave a residual force in Iraq

Brownstein: but i was at the salon and some of the women like Obama

Stephanopoulos: my black friends say that too

Brownstein: non-college women will put her over the top that's what my chick friends at the bowling alley say

Stephanopoulos: the country wants changes this is good news for the Republicans

Gerson: actually i disagree i think the Dems are clearly the change types

Stephanopoulos: well how can we save the GOP??

Gerson: they're in a funk -- they're bummed we need a candidate to remake the image of the party like we do every time we run for President

Will: all elections are change elections so yeah i expect the Democrats to win in 2008

Stephanopoulos: this is bad news for the Dems! Can they blow it??

Dionne: the Republicans are doomed

Stephanopoulos: will no one show the GOP love??

Gerson: look at SCHIP it's so dumb

Brownstein: all politics is bad!

Stephanopoulos: why is that?

Brownstein: it's the ‘Great Sorting Out’

Stephanopoulos: man that's catchy

Brownstein: we need a man to unite America!

Stephanopoulos: Rudy Giuliani!

Will: i want us to lose i prefer to bitch from a minority position

Stephanopoulos: what about a magic negro?

Dionne: but bloggers don't want that

Stephanopoulos: what do they want?

Dionne: Hillary cause she's a fighter

Gerson: this election will turn who is stronger on AIDS and malaria in Africa

Brownstein: there's a picket fence divide and you don't want to sit on the middle of that one

Meet the Press - November 4, 2007

Meet the Press with Tim Russert
November 4, 2007
Sen. Fred Thompson
Tom Brokaw

Russert: abortion what’s your position

Thompson: life begins at conception look at a sonogram of my recent children

Russert: abortion is murder?

Thompson: sure it is that’s my principled stance

Russert: but you believe states should be allowed to make it legal

Thompson: yeah well what are you gonna do

Russert: so murder should be legal in New York

Thompson: yeah i think it is now anyway

Russert: should two gay men get married

Thompson: well i wouldn't marry a man except maybe Ronald Reagan or John Wayne but why not

Russert: who should decide who should remove a feeding tube Tom Delay or the family?

Thompson: probably not Tom Delay

Russert: so there should be no laws involved

Thompson: well of course laws should be involved jackass

Timmeh: You're flying high with a drug dealer

Thompson: give me break do you know how hard to meet a guy with connections like that

Russert: no i don't

Thompson: look everybody flies in planes runnign for president

Russert: i don't think that's the point

Thompson: there is no proof that he has been using my campaign to run drugs

Russert: do you even want to be president

Thompson: you should meet him he's a cool guy

Russert: you look like shit are you dying

Thompson: are you're fat as hell

Russert: how's you're cancer

Thompson: i'm 100% cancer free as of today

Russert: will you release footage of your colonoscopy

Fred: hey John McCain and Rudy Giuliani are sicker than me!

Tim: fair enough

Fred: i have one of the good lymphomas

Tim: well you look awful

Fred: i expect to die soon of something else

Tim: thanks and good luck grandpa

Brokaw: i created a reunion of doods who lived through the 60's

Tim: far out man

Brokaw: even Timmeh from Nantucket who was at Woodstock

Tim: peace out dood

Brokaw: fascinating

Tim: hey i went in a Buffalo Bills jacket and a case of beer

Brokaw: you're so blue collar it hurts

Tim: why RFK and King

Brokaw: King was a true hero and Bobby changed himself and could've changed America

Tim: yur buddy was a Marine with a master's degree

Brokaw: he was a good man he was killed in Vietnam which really sucked

Tim: compare to Greatest Generation

Brokaw: the world was simple and black and white then and the 60's were so complex we still can't remember what happened

Tim: the drugs messed with our haids man

Brokaw: i still can't talk right

Tim: i still see UFOs and ask stupid question in debates

Brokaw: the horror of that time never goes away Timster