Sunday, April 27, 2014

Meet The Press – April 27, 2014

Lorraine Miller – President NAACP
Bryant Gumbel
Al Sharpton
Tony Blinken – Deputy 
National Security Advisor
Tony Blair – Fmr. Prime Minister of Britain
Neera Tanden – President of CAP
Jeffrey Goldberg
Mallory Factor
Rich Lowry

Gregory: OMG yet another
crazy racist speaks out!

Obama: I'm sick of these ignorant racist folks!

Gregory: the owner of the L.A. Clippers
doesn't want his girlfriend associating
with black people and also not to 
bring them near him

Sharpton: the NBA has to get rid of this guy

Gregory: right

Sharpton: don't play games –
how can advertisers be
associated with this clown

Miller: we need to ask ourselves –
is there equality in this country?

Sharpton: no

Gumbel: I'm surprised that
anyone is surprised

Gregory: oh really?

Gumbel: everyone knows Don Sterling
is a racist and has been for years

Gregory: cripes

Gumbel: the NBA has covered
for this jackass for a long time

Sharpton: the NBA has accepted
and excused this loon for a while

Gregory: the President of the
United States is pissed

Obama: the U.S. still deals with
vestiges of slavery and segregation

Gregory: that's powerful stuff

Miller: if you are silent then
you accept injustice

Gregory: will Don Sterling still get a Lifetime
Achievement Award from the NAACP 
now that he is famous for being a horrible racist?

Miller: no David he will not

Gumbel: there are racist owners
in baseball too

Gregory: we are learning so much today

Sharpton: this is embarrassing
for America all over the world

Gumbel: this is a problem
for the whole of society

Gregory: what should the players do?

Gumbel: they players have a
contract so they should play

Gregory: that makes sense

Gumbel: but fans should take
a look at owners – you know there
a lot of black fans in the NBA

Gregory: good point Greg

Gumbel: Bryant

Gregory: well thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: now onto Ukraine

Obama: there will be 
consequences for Russia!

Gregory: it's been a month and Putin
still doesn't obey America's orders –
what went wrong?

Blinken: we're still applying sanctions

Gregory: but Putin hasn't blinked

Blinken: the ruble is trashed
and $70 billion has fled Russia

Gregory: so what – Putin hasn't backed down!

Blinken: Putin is going to regret his actions

Gregory: why?

Blinken: it's going to wreck the 
Russian economy

Gregory: will he invade Ukraine?

Blinken: he's got troops on the border

Gregory: wow

Blinken: but if he does he will have
an insurgency on his hands

Gregory: will you target Putin himself next?

Blinken: we might

Gregory: c'mon don't you want
to prove your manhood?

Blinken: we're not ruling anything out

Gregory: bwaaack... bwaaaack...

Blinken: stop making chicken noises Fluffy

Gregory: what is the U.S. interest in Ukraine

Blinken: because national borders 
are inviolable

Gregory: what else?

Blinken: Ukraine gave up their nuclear
weapons in exchange for border 
security and no one will give 
up nukes again – thanks Putin

Gregory: will we start a war in Ukraine?

Blinken: no

Gregory: how is middle east peace going?

Blinken: Kerry is making progress!

Gregory: is he?

Blinken: we need to pause and
step back and say – hey lunkheads
make peace!

Gregory: okay

Blinken: both sides need a time-out

Gregory: thanks for coming 

[ break ] 

Gregory: [ grinning ]
what's the deal with Putin?

Blair: we must very politely invite
him to tea and then crush him

Gregory: you say radical islam is terrifying

Blair: the middle east has many
different countries but there is a
growing dangerous islamist ideology
which is a perversion of islam in my opinion

Gregory: what I hear you saying is
that Barack Obama is a terrible President

Blair: you are an idiot – and I 
knew George W. Bush

Gregory: yes but David Brooks –
who is the wisest man in America
said Obama has a manhood problem

Blair: jesus you're dumb

Gregory: but Obama is weak on Assad 
and Gaddafi and bin Laden and 
Yemen terrorists okay maybe 
not the last three but definitely the first one

Blair: look you simpleton – we just
need to declare war on radical Islam

Gregory: didn't you fuck up by invading Iraq?

Blair: never mind that – we will
always be at war with Islam

Gregory: okay but invading Iraq
made radical Islam worse didn't it?

Blair: no that's completely wrong

Gregory: it is?

Blair: yes we liberated Afghanistan and Iraq

Gregory: oh really

Blair: we did them a huge favor
and where is my thanks?

Gregory: I don't know Tony

Blair: that's nonsense – terrorism
doesn't stop when we leave a
nation destroyed and wrecked

Gregory: I see

Blair: this is not our fault!

Gregory: so it seems to me that
you are saying Obama is a bad President

Blair: um no

Gregory: try harder

Blair: we don't need to invade
any more countries

Gregory: was invading Iraq a mistake?

Blair: no because 9/11 happened first

Gregory: but Saddam was not involved in 9/11

Blair: look the whole middle east
is full of wackjob violent torturing lunatics

Gregory: so was the Bush cabinet

Blair: true

Gregory: what is the solution?

Blair: just keep pushing back
against Islamists – I will never give up!

Gregory: does the Catholic church
have the influence it had in the
Middle Ages or Renaissance?

Blair: probably not but I'm optimistic
about the future of the Church

Gregory: how did your faith stay strong
when you invaded Iraq for no reason?

Blair: faith gives you backbone when you
make difficult and horribly wrong decisions

Gregory: George Bush painted
your portrait and it's frankly not good

[ shows painting ]

Blair: lord he should have 
stuck with governing

Gregory: really?

Blair: no probably not

Gregory: thanks for coming Tone

[ break ]

Gregory: what's the deal with
all these racists lately?

Tanden: there is still a lot of racism in America

Gregory: right

Tanden: not every racist is as stupid
to say out loud what Bundy and Sterling
said but they're thinking it

Lowry: racism isn't as bad as
when baseball was segregated 
because team owners were racists 

Gregory: Sonia Sotomayor says 
race still matters

Factor: some would say affirmative 
action is tying hands by someone's 
back to advantage another person

Goldberg: people were proud and
happy and shocked that we got a
black President but hey
guess what – there is still racism

Lowry: Don Sterling is a mere outlier

Goldberg: how do you know that?

Lowry: because Sotomayor 
hates asian-americans

Goldberg: but there are still legacy
admissions for white college applicants
which is also affirmative action

Lowry: so let's help poor white people

Tanden: newsflash – we don't live
in a race-neutral nation

Factor: you want to push aside
hard-working white kids in favor of
black kids who have more opportunities
than poor white kids

Tanden: more opportunities?
more opportunities?

Factor: darn right

Gregory: what about Liz Warren?

Lowry: she's a liberal rock star
which proves Obama is bad

Factor: the tea party also
hates crony capitalism

Tanden: right and left are pissed than
all the income gains are going to the top 1%

Gregory: Two Popes are becoming 
Saints today -- will this help 
them win the Super Bowl?

Goldberg: it's brilliant politics to canonize
a liberal pope and conservative pope
at the same time – Pope Francis is
unifying catholics unlike Obama

Factor: evangelicals are powerful
and they're not all Republicans

Gregory: Obama was asked
about his regrets in life

Obama: I regret not spending
more time with my mother

Factor: that's classic Obama –
his ideas are all wrong but people like him

Lowry: I'm going to call my mother now!!
[rushes off set ]

Gregory: if a politician admits a
mistake the press will attack him

Lowry: true but the American
people are very forgiving

Gregory: in case I'm fired I just
want to say I love all of you

Panel: aww... we think you're
pretty okay too

Gregory: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – April 27, 2014

Terry Moran
Jon Karl
Pierre Thomas
Jeff Zeleny
Cardinal Dolan
Stephen A. Smith
Jeh Johnson – Secretary of Homeland Security
Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-MA)

Stephanopoulos: wow two living popes
are going to canonize two other popes

Moran: it's a potpourri of popery here in Rome

Stephanopoulos: good one terry

Moran: Francis got in his popemobile
and electrified the crowd

Stephanopoulos: accidents happen

Moran: this has never happened in 2,000 years

Dolan: people love popes and they love saints

Moran: John XXIII and JPII were
media-savvy popes

Stephanopoulos: right

Moran: but John was a big liberal
and John Paul was conservative

Dolan: Francis is uniting the two factions
by making them both Saints

Moran: but some people are upset 
because Pope John Paul II didn't 
do enough on the abuse scandal

Dolan: the best saints are sinners

Stephanopoulos: now onto the 
crisis in Ukraine

Karl: President Obama did 
you misjudge Putin?

Obama: Putin is not a stupid man!

Karl: but sanctions might not work, loser!

Obama: there are no guarantees in life Jon
except death and taxes and stupid
questions from the White House press corps

Karl: Obama is going after Putin's
billionaires and Europe isn't interested

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: OMG the owner of the
L.A. Clippers doesn't want his girlfriend
to hang out with black people

Obama: damn ignorant folk!

Karl: Obama knows basketball 
and black people!

Smith: there could be a heavy fine
but that won't be enough

Stephanopoulos: whoa

Smith: the other owners may 
try to force him out

Stephanopoulos: could players 
boycott the game

Smith: yes but this is their job and
their dream is to win an NBA title

Stephanopoulos: good point

Smith: I have many good friends
in the LA Clippers and they
are appalled and alarmed

Stephanopoulos: indeed

Smith: they are offended but
they will do their jobs today

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: our man Pierre talked
to the head of homeland security

Thomas: where you on Sept. 11, 2001?

Johnson: I was looking out a
window and saw the second plane hit

Thomas: yikes

Thomas: every day you get a morning
briefing on how terrorists are trying to kill us

Johnson: it's damn scary Pierre

Thomas: right now you are tracking
two bomb threats and restaurant explosion

Johnson: you see what I mean

Thomas: you look at terrorists, shooters, 
avalanches, tornadoes, rain, hail,
fog, and cyber threats

Johnson: we look at everything

Thomas: how did a teenager sneak
in the wheel well of a plane

Johnson: we have no idea Pierre

Thomas: what about all these 
mass shootings?

Johnson: they are increasing 
and it's troubling

Thomas: what do we do about it?

Johnson: we need solutions

Thomas: what's priority number one?

Johnson: toothpaste bombs

Thomas: that's terrifying

Johnson: it's cresting

Thomas: what else?

Johnson: lunatics from Syria
coming to America to kill you

Thomas: are they here now?

Johnson: yes they are

Thomas: what about al-qaeda?

Johnson: they are still trying to get us too

Thomas: what else should I be terrified by?

Johnson: just regular terrorists
like the Boston bombers

Thomas: god it never ends

Thomas: Obama asked you come
up with a more humane deportation policy

Johnson: we need to respect
the sanctity of the family unit

Thomas: Republicans are mad
that you are not deporting enough

Johnson: well that's nuts – I deport
1,000 children before breakfast

Stephanopoulos: what's all this about
Syrians coming to kill us?

Thomas: prepare for a wave 
of attacks George!

Stephanopoulos: oh my god

Zeleny: Elizabeth Warren has only
been a Senator for a year and she's
got a wave of supporters everywhere

Supporter: she's awesome

Zeleny: why can't she run for President?

Expert: because Hillary

Zeleny: The left is looking for a fiery populist

Stephanopoulos: wow

Stephanopoulos: others say
the ideas will Democrats

Stephanopoulos: what are your ideas?

Warren: Washington works well for
those with armies of lobbyists –
I'm trying to level the playing field

Stephanopoulos: please bash Obama for me

Warren: I wanted to be tougher on
Wall Street but Obama did create the CFPB

Stephanopoulos: but the CFPB isn't 
doing anything

Warren: bullshit Stephy – it's already
gotten $3 billion for consumers

Stephanopoulos: you disappoint me Liz

Stephanopoulos: is Hillary Clinton 
your candidate?

Warren: she's terrific

Stephanopoulos: you bashed Hillary for
being too tight with Wall street after
she became a Senator from New York

Warren: yeah no kidding

Stephanopoulos: so please bash 
Hillary for me

Warren: we know what happened –
Reagan gave Wall Street carte blanche,
they crashed the economy and got
bailed out and now they strut around
Washington like they own the place

Stephanopoulos: you're not 
bashing Hillary Clinton

Warren: I'm going to keep fighting
for my ideas George!

Stephanopoulos: look either bash Hillary
or we're moving on

Warren: whatever Stephy

Stephanopoulos: you can't work with
anyone on Capitol Hill

Warren: not true – I'm working with
Maria Cantwell and Angus King

Stephanopoulos: you were a Republican 
in the 1990s and then you left 

Warren: because I thought they were
actually fiscal conservatives –
now they only defend destructive
big corporations