Sunday, October 27, 2013

Meet The Press – October 27, 2013

Gov. Steve Beshear (D-KY)
Gov. Jon Kasich (R-OH)
Pat Geraghty - CEO Florida Blue
Rep. Steve King (R-NY)
Jennifer Granholm
Rick Santorum
Alex Castellanos
Neera Tanden
Brian Williams

Gregory: OMG the Obamacare
website is slow – can it survive??

Gregory: Governor Kasich how do you
answer the charge that Obama has
said there is no excuse for the slow website?

Kasich: Obamacare crushed small
businesses, costs jobs and drives up costs

Gregory: that's fine but I want to you
to bash Obama about the website

Kasich: Obama is also tapping our phones

Gregory: um what?

Gregory: look we need to figure out
why we're polarized and also
is Obama spying on your grandma

Gregory: How disappointed are you??

Beshear: Obamacare is incredibly
popular in my state

Gregory: but mostly Medicaid and
not the young and the restless

Beshear: Obamacare is working in Kentucky!

Gregory: how frustrated are you at Obama?!

Beshear: calm down Fluffy

Gregory: no no no – Obama 
is a bad bad man!

Beshear: I'm more disappointed in the
media for their terrible reporting

Gregory: I'm going to talk to Jon Kasich now

Kasich: we solved health care costs
in Ohio which Obamacare doesn't do

Gregory: but how do answer the
charge that you are very compassionate?

Kasich: look they're offering free
money and we took it

Gregory: okay

Kasich: also drug addiction and mental
illness affect white people too you know

Gregory: good point

Gregory: Governor Beshear how do
you answer the charge that Kasich
is right about everything?

Beshear: he's not

Gregory: shouldn't someone be fired?

Beshear: besides you?

Gregory: we're out of time

[ break ]

Gregory: Obama said you would get to
keep your health plan so why are you
cutting people off their health care plan

Geraghty: look you're getting
better health insurance for less money

Gregory: you may pay less in
the end but it's still bad

Geraghty: that makes no sense

Gregory: but I may pay more
when I like my bad plan

Geraghty: are you an idiot

Gregory: will people pay more?

Geraghty: most will pay less

Gregory: will no one bash
this President for me?!

Gregory: sir are you scamming young
healthy people who probably don't
need health insurance until they need it

Geraghty: no

Gregory: but young people will not
get on a slow website – they can't
navigate technology

Geraghty: doubtful

Gregory: did you warn the white House
that the website could be slow?

Geraghty: of course we did dumbass

Gregory: aha!

Geraghty: have you ever been to
the Meet The Press website – its sucks

[ break ]

Mitchell: The White House is facing outrage
over reports that Obama has been spying
on Germany for more than a decade
and on millions of Frenchman

Carney: that was years ago

Jon Stewart: OMG Obama is covering
up for George Bush!

Mitchell: the bastion of freedom Saudi Arabia
protested the U.S. failure to bomb Syria

Gregory: oh noe!

Mitchell: also that weak stupid Obama
is too easily charmed by those wily Persians!

Gregory: thanks Andrea

[ break ]

Gregory: the spying Obama limited
is now out of control!

King: oh shut up David

Gregory: but the spying!

King: 9/11 was plotted in Hamburg Germany!

Gregory: but Obama bugged 
Angela Merkel's phone in 2002!

King: we're not doing this for the
fun of it Fluffy – we're trying to save lives

Gregory: but Snowden!

King: Obama should defend the NSA
he's the commander in chief

Gregory: isn't it time to reign in the
President's power now that Obama
has been reelected?

King: fuck off Gregrory

Gregory: Drones!

King: hey we bombed Dresden before
and we can do it again

Gregory: strong words

King: also Rand Paul needs to shut the fuck up
no one wants to kill him in a Starbucks

Gregory: isn't Obama empowering Iran?

King: look I hate those evil Saudis but
for Obama to find a successful
peaceful resolution in Syria is indefensible

Gregory: that is so true

King: Obama went on a apology tour
and left our best friends Saudi Arabia
and Israel out to dry

Gregory: that is so sad

King: not bombing Syria was a disaster

Gregory: Obama would say it was
successful but we're gout of time

[ break ]

Gregory: Todd talk politics to me

Todd: Democrats are popular but
the House is gerrymandered

Gregory: interesting

Todd: the Dems only need 17 seats
it's possible

Gregory: but Obamacare will change
everything – Democrats are doomed!

Todd: exactly!

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG the Obamacare
website was botched!

Granholm: Obama is going to
supervise writing code if he has to

Gregory: cool

Granholm: At least Kasich was smart
enough to take free money

Santorum: but that would expand
the role of government

Gregory: booooring!

Granholm: but this is important Fluffy

Gregory: that's dull – let's talk about
how Obama botched this

Castellanos: Government cannot
adapt to modern society

Gregory: that's a broad statement

Castellanos: also Social Security is a
Ponzi scheme which should be canceled

Tanden: the Medicare expansion was
a failure and Rick Santorum defended it

Santoum: that's different – Obama
had 30 years to prepare for this

Tanden: you're an idiot

Gregory: clearly this has failed but
does this prove everything sucks?

Castellanos: yes it proves all humans
fail ergo we should dismantle
the federal government

Granholm: maybe the Republican states
should have set up their own exchanges

Gregory: the Maryland AG didn't shut down
a party where high school we're drinking beer
and I'm not asking as a fake journalist
I'm asking as a parent

Castellanos: hey at least he was 
the only parent there

Gregory: but he's also the Attorney General

Castellanos: but he was there as a parent

Santorum: my kids never do anything wrong –
and I would have gone to the parents and
said “you're undermining the morals of my children”

Tanden: I would never sanction a beach party
but he should not have hosted a party

Gregory: he didn't host the party he
just stopped by to drink with the teens

Granholm: he should never have been
seen at such a party

Tanden: he was there to get his kid

Granholm: even so

Gregory: but he's the AG – you're either
a lawbreaker or a bystander!

Santorum: it takes a nosy busybody
village to raise a child!

Gregory: OMG Hillary Clinton is
running for President!

Tanden: it's crazy how Meet The Press
is obsessed with the 2016 race

Gregory: just talk about Hillary Neera

Tanden: the Democrats are unified
and the GOP are cracking up

Gregory: Rick do you love Ted Cruz?

Santorum: he's a flash in the pan

Gregory: do tell Ricky

Santorum: he's a loser who hurt the party

Castellanos: he's a train wreck

Gregory: this is a one-year anniversary of
Hurricane Sandy which hit Brian Williams
harder than most people

Williams: I have a mansion on the
Jersey Shore and this was our Katrina

Gregory: wow

Williams: people fear the water now

Gregory: this is all about you

Williams: I rode out Katrina in Superdome
but this hit my hometown

Gregory: where's the scandal?

Williams: some people are coming back
but I want to know who is not coming
back and the permanent effects

Gregory: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - October 27, 2013

Terry Moran
Sen. Jon Barrasso (R-WY)
Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV)
Dick Cheney

Stephanopoulos: OMG can the
Obamacare website be fixed?

Reporter: probably – if Kentucky
can do it anyone can

Stephanopoulos: what about the website?

Barrasso: it's outrageous that White House
employees don't have to sign up even
through the website but people
without insurance probably do

Stephanopoulos: Joe you have called
for a delay of the mandate

Manchin: sure why not – let's keep the
benefits of the program but not have any penalties

Stephanopoulos: very brave of you

Manchin: thanks

Stephanopoulos: don't people need Obamacare?

Barrasso: no it doesn't provide free
health care like the GOP plan

Stephanopoulos: do you think Sibelius
should be fired?

Manchin: what a bullshit question

Stephanopoulos: nevertheless

Manchin: we are a great free-market-based
capitalist nation – let's join up and
help Team America!

Stephanopoulos: how about Team America?

Barrasso: that's nice but Obamacare is
killing people and even Saturday Night Live
is making fun of Sibelius which means
she's lost the trust of the American people

Stephanopoulos: will the White House
agree to a delay?

Manchin: no one should be forced to
buy a health insurance policy unless its free

Steph: thanks for coming

Stephanopoulos: OMG the U.S. spied on Germany!

Moran: the hits just keep on coming
from Edward Snowden to protect
the privacy German leaders

Stephanopoulos: wow

Snowden: public servants work for
us and they don't get to decide
which secrets to reveal – I do

Moran: holy shit the United States spied
on the German Chancellor in 2006

Stephanopoulos: OMG Obama is a time-traveler!?!

Moran: it would appear so

Stephanopoulos: this is incredible

Moran: American spying is deeply
shocking and an invasion of citizens' privacy

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Dick tell me about 
this spying program

Cheney: I could tell but then I'd have
to shoot you in the face

Stephanopoulos: please don't

Cheney: look we spy – get over it

Stephanopoulos: okay but it's open
now due to Snowden

Cheney: I will strangle that little
weasel if get the chance

Stephanopoulos: did we spy or not?

Cheney: my existence while
repugnant to you saves lives

Stephanopoulos: I want the truth!

Cheney: you can't handle the truth!

Cheney: what should Congress do about Iran?

Stephanopoulos: impeach Obama

Stephanopoulos: anything else?

Cheney: his Iran talks will fail like
Obama's failure to bomb Syria

Stephanopoulos: he got their weapons of
mass destruction without starting a war which
is kind of the opposite of what you did

Cheney: Obama is pivoting to Asia –
it's as if he doesn't want another
middle east war

Stephanopoulos: it's baffling

Cheney: our friends don't trust us
and our enemies don't fear us

Stephanopoulos: could that be because
you lied about WMD, let bin Laden get
away and about screwed up two wars?

Cheney: no

Stephanopoulos: you wanted to 
bomb Syria and Iran

Cheney: George W. Bush was a fucking coward

Stephanopoulos: strong words

Cheney: if Bush had any balls we'd
have Iran on its knees right now

Stephanopoulos: 20% think the GOP do
what's best and 52% support Obama

Cheney: the GOP needs a new
generation of leaders like my daughter

Stephanopoulos: Mike Enzi said your
whole family blindsided him

Cheney: he also said we're fishing
buddies – that's a lie!

Stephanopoulos: he lied about being
your friend – who would do that?

Cheney: if we were fishing buddies
he'd have a fish hook in the eye

Stephanopoulos: isn't the real problem
reaching beyond the GOP base?

Cheney: we need to move the
primary dates – that will solve everything

Stephanopoulos: that's all?

Cheney: if you ask me one more
stupid question I will have you killed

Stephanopoulos: ok ok

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Meet The Press – October 20, 2013

Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK)
Sec. Jack Lew (Treasury)
Benjamin Netanyahu - PM of Israel
E.J. Dionne
Andrea Mitchell
Maria Bartiromo
David Brooks

Gregory: wow D.C. had a dramatic week!

Brooks: the moderate Republicans
had a manhood injection

Dionne: the era of big Tea Party is over
we wasted $24 billion

Bartiromo: the economy took a hit

Mitchell: the tea party is not done for
but the grown-ups like Paul Ryan will
make a very adult one-year budget deal

[ break ]

Gregory: can you all make a deal?

Schumer: moderate Republicans are
fighters but not crazy

Gregory: ok

Schumer: we could also pass a law
taking the debt ceiling off the table

Gregory: but shouldn't Republicans
keep the threat to wreck America
in order to get what they want?

Coburn: that's stupid

Gregory: I'm still asking

Coburn: I don't blame the tea party –
I blame outside interests who took
advantage of morons in the house

Gregory: is the fight against Obamacare over?

Coburn: it doesn't matter – we have
more debts that the GDP of the country

Gregory: so sad

Coburn: we need leaders to bring
Americans together and cut the
debt after raising it for 30 years

Gregory: isn't Obamacare a failure
and who should be fired?

Schumer: the good news is people
are trying to get on – we were worried
not enough people were going to try

Gregory: let me get beyond
policy and get back to politics

Schumer: oh fuck you Fluffy

Gregory: polls say people hate Congress
should we have term limits?

Coburn: yes we don't have enough
newcomers in the House

Gregory: right

Coburn: we're drunk on spending 
in Washington

Gregory: has the GOP brand been damaged?

Coburn: Washington wastes a lot of money

Gregory: right

Coburn: only sick people are signing
up for Obamacare – healthy people
aren't and won't without stronger penalties

Gregory: are you calling for 
stronger penalties?

Coburn: am I?

[ break ]

Gregory: we got a last minute deal
but don't we still have a crisis?

Lew: yes we do but a least
we didn't default

Gregory: what damage was done?

Lew: it slowed down an already
fragile economy

Gregory: that's not good

Lew: no

Gregory: Republicans are bragging that
they kept the big sequester spending cuts

Lew: those cuts are holding back the economy

Gregory: whose fault is this?

Lew: the tea party you dumbass

Gregory: but Ron Fournier says that
Obama must lead the tea party to reason

Lew: we cut the deficit in half!

Gregory: because of the sequester cuts
which Obama doesn't deserve credit for

Lew: why not?

Gregory: because I say so

Lew: we reduced the deficit but we also
need to create jobs like passing the
farm bill and immigration bill

Gregory: the Obamacare website
is slow which is a disaster

Lew: there is a massive outpouring
of interest which is good

Gregory: yes but Obamacare is
evil and also too slow

Lew: we will fix it

Gregory: can Obamacare survive?!?

Lew: calm down Fluffy

Gregory: I can't!

Lew: the test will be in January when
people are actually enrolled

Gregory: what must Iran do to
get sanctions removed?

Lew: the sanctions are to get Iran
to give up all attempts to build a bomb

Gregory: so enriching less uranium
would mean less sanctions

Lew: no you don't listen – they have 
to stop enriching in pursuit of a 
nuclear weapon no matter the amount

Gregory: thanks Lew

[ break ]

Gregory: Bibi aren't talks a good thing?

Netanyahu: maybe – if we get total
rejection of Iran's nuclear weapons 
program and if we don't have war 
I guess I can live with that

Gregory: Obama may unfreeze Iran's
assets if they take steps to shut
down their weapons program

Netanyahu: now is the time to 
increase sanctions on Iran!

Gregory: it is?

Netanyahu: you don't accept half-way 
measures they don't get to build 
just a few nuclear weapons

Gregory: I see

Netanyahu: Iran supports terrorists

Gregory: what about tougher sanctions?

Netanyahu: Iran should dismantle its
centrifuges and heavy water plutonium

Gregory: what else?

Netanyahu: Iran has oil but even assuming
they want peaceful nuclear energy
they don't need centrifuges or heavy water

Gregory: do like Assad and would 
like to see him in power?

Netanyahu: no because Assad is Iran's puppet

Gregory: oh really?

Netanyahu: yes Iran is Syria and Syria is Iran

Gregory: I love it

Netanyahu: thanks Syrian people are 
suffering and it's Iran's fault

Gregory: what else?

Netanyahu: Iran is responsible for the
tea party, the NY Giants and the Dexter finale

Gregory: my god it's worse than I thought

[ break ]

Gregory: Jim DeMint says Obamacare 
is a disaster!

Dionne: he's wrong

Gregory: but disaster! Disaster!

Dionne: you could be replaced by a 
fluffy parrot

Gregory: disaster!

Dionne: this is going to work

Mitchell: you can apply by phone but 
it's complicated

Gregory: right

Mitchell: they have 60 days to get this
to work or all of Obamacare will completely fail

Gregory: disaster!

Brooks: Obama is good at campaigning
and bad at governing

Bartiromo: growth! Jobs!

Dionne: we should stop outsourcing 
IT to idiots

Brooks: exchanges are a Republican
idea so they shouldn't be too happy 
about the glitches

Mitchell: no one wants to hear from 
Jim DeMint anyway

Gregory: who are the winners and losers?

Dionne: with all due respect to Ron Fournier
Obama won because he dealt with
the tea party like the idiots they are

Mitchell: Mitch McConnell is the winner

Gregory: but Raul Labrador is on my
show every week and he's right to hate Obama

Brooks: Raul Labrador is proof there
is no limit to how dumb someone can be

Gregory: I object to that

Brooks: ok David

Gregory: is Ted Cruz the face of conservatives?

Bartiromo: there are no losers because
people are disgusted with Washington
so basically Obama lost

Dionne: no the people have turned 
on the tea party

Gregory: when is Obama finally going
to prove he can lead the tea party?!?!

Mitchell: that's the real test of 
Obama's presidency – 
both sides are to blame

Brooks: Obama has never proved 
he can lead the tea party – maybe 
he should stop trying

Gregory: maybe

Brooks: Obama should go all in on immigration reform

Mitchell: silicon valley!

Gregory: isn't that a better idea than 
cutting medicare?

Dionne: where have you been fluffy
he just proposed immigration reform!

Gregory: he did?

Dionne: people say Obama should 'lead' 
 they really mean he should adopt 
Republican positions which is not 
leading - it's capitulation

Gregory: liberals have been demanding
Wall Street be punished and now they
are getting hit with massive fines
and may criminal charges

Bartiromo: this will hurt the economy and jobs
Obama keeps slamming Wall Street

Gregory: OMG Hillary might run or President!

Mitchell: she signaled to women that 
she is running

Dionne: well sure

Bartiromo: Business likes Hillary because 
Bill balanced budgets

Brooks: hold on – the nation is mad 
at politicians and liberals don't want 
another triangulating conservative

Dionne: Hillary was a conservative populist

Gregory: what's happening Todd?

Todd: Virginians are mad about the shut down and blame Republicans

Gregory: Ted Cruz?

Todd: Conservatives love him 
– he's a rock star

Gregory: Obamacare is a disaster!

Todd: they need to fire someone 
– that will solve everything

Gregory: thank you – and that's
another episode of Meet The Press