****************************************
Republican Debate
CNN
Simi Valley, California
January 31, 2008
Host: Anderson Cooper
Candidates:
Sen. John McCain
Gov. Mitt Romney
Gov. Mike Huckabee
Rep. Ron Paul
****************************************
Anderson Cooper: Welcome to the Republican Debate - the only rules are that there are no rules!!!
Cooper: are Americans better off than they were 8 years ago??
Mitt: when i was governor Massachusetts was in a big diggy ditch and we lost jobs for 2 years but now things have grown 1%
Cooper: does Bush suck?
Mitt: of course he does
McCain: no! Americans are much better off we have low inflation-
Cooper: no we don't
McCain: ok let me rephrase that - Bush does suck but that Facebook kid is better off
Cooper: but he's only one 21 years old
McCain: we need to eliminate income taxes and alternative taxes
Cooper: better off or not??
McCain: Yesno
Cooper: thanks for the strait talk
Huckabee: no! we are not better off 8 years ago - but let's put the blame where it belongs - the liberals in Congress who are responsible for the housing crisis and putting groceries on their family
Ron Paul: no we're worse off because we are building an empire and bankrupting the country and the middle class can't support our aristocrats anymore
Hook: Mitt, is McCain a liberal?
Romney: he's a freak - he doesn't want to drill in Alaska or cut high income taxes or put more money into politics
Hook: Oh noes!
Romney: he loves brown illegals and he's having an affair with Joe Lieberman the GOP hates that
Hook: but half the GOP are closeted gays
Romney: yeah but jew and christian hugging -- ick
McCain: i'm not a liberal - I'm proud of helping our little soliders and Governor Thetan over there lost 14% of manufacturing jobs and he raised taxes by 700 billion dollars
Hook: he's got ya there slick
McCain: look radical conservatives like Lindsay Graham and Joe Lieberman support me
Romney: hey rodent face you got your facts wrong my Lt Gov luvs me but some liberals love you and yeah we raised fees
Cooper: snap!
Mitt: facts are stupid things
Huckabee: you want to talk crazy - i'll give you crazy - i want to regulate marriage, uteruses, heck in my state now you can hate gay people over the Internet
Cooper: what about taxes?
Huckabee: i paid to print envelopes asking people to give money voluntarily pay more taxes
Cooper: that's the dumbest stunt i've ever heard of
Huckabee: no it's clever
Cooper: so let's eliminate all taxes and pay for the Iraq that way
Huckster: oh noes!
Romney: the problem with health insurance today is there are too many people driving Cadillacs free riding on welfare in the ER
audience: [yay someone to hate!]
Hook: states rights or corporate rights???
McCain: global warming is sadly real i should know i remember when the earth was this warm before
Hook: but that was 800,000 years ago Senator
McCain: i know that
Hook: what's the answer to global warming
McCain: General Electric
Romney: we buy $1 billion in oil a day which is probably bad
Cooper: Al Gore was right
Romney: but we need to do it without any costs at all - otherwise we should do anything
Cooper: sounds like the GOP all right
Romney: they will move coal plants to China we can't have that
Cooper: oh noes!
Huckabee: the genius of our system is that if California fails other states will take advatage of that to steal their jobs
Cooper: yay!
Huckabee: we have a great system that pits one american against another
Paul: i want to talk about the gold standard and the French and Indian War
Cooper: perhaps another time
Hook: Hucky are you trying to recreate the WPA?
Huckabee: too many people are stuck in traffic because our infrastrucure is crumbling and little piano recitals are being missed
Hook: so so sad
Romney: oh sure building a road sounds like a great idea but it would be expensive so we can't do it
Paul: we blow up bridges overseas and let them fall here - then borrow money from the chinese to rebuild them both
Cooper: what a system
Vandehei: amanda huginkiss has a question
McCain: Paulson has impressed me with his ability to sit down
Vandehei: i want amanda huginkiss
McCain: i'm going to ramble incoherently on the housing crisis for a few minutes
Cooper: go with your strengths
McCain: i love america
Cooper: what else
McCain: it's all psychology just give the american people a happy pill
Hook: are the Bush tax cuts skewed to the wealthy or not
McCain: i will answer that question by citing Jack Kemp and events from 25 years ago
Hook: how impressive
McCain: we spend a lot and if you had done what i wanted to do whaaa whaaa whaaa
Hook: you are a big baby aren't you
Q: some dood from Milwaukee hates anchor babys
Huckabee: i will dodge that but propose an adult responsible answer: a giant 2,000 mile fence
Q: illegal babys dood
Huckabee: send them to the back of the line - we don't do it to be cruel we crush people but only out of love
Q: ah the motto of the Republican Party
Q: deport everyone who is illegal
Romney: well look if the teenagers have summer jobs they can finish them and then go back to mexico
Q: just enough for their employers to hire a new illegal
Romney: don't be silly they will go underground like moroni intended
[ yay!! ]
Hook: Rodentia you for your own proposal before you were against it
McCain: we can argue about how killed who but the important thing is we build a really really big fence and force all Americans to carry around an ID card with their DNA imprinted on it
Hook: or else what
McCain: they will be shot on sight
Cooper: so to confirm - you hate yourself
McCain: fuck you pansy
Cooper: i am holding a precious document: the Reagan diaries - let me read it "today i liberated Auschwitz and ate a jelly bean"
Huckabee: see that proves we should value life even if they have a mental illness
Cooper: Sandra Day O’Connor
Paul: that living document bitch
McCain: did you read that her husband is having an affair with another dood with Alzheimers wow!
Cooper: too bad Reagan is dead what a fairy tale ending that would have been
Nancy: he was banging Maggie but i didn't mind it was in the stars
Ahnold: he'll be back
Cooper: Peggy Noonan says President Stupid destroyed the GOP
Romney: undoubtedly that's true but i blame George Washington
Cooper: Bush is the victim?
Romeny: right he was blindsided when Iraq attacked America and the Dems were asked if it were important if america be declared the winner in our war against desert crazy people and they said no
Hook: is McCain a liar or are you a surrender minky
Romney: all analysts and journalists know that POW John is lying about withdrawing from Iraq but he gets free pass because he was in the Nam - well joy lets elect Chris Walken President
Hook: so you hate America?
Romney: it was lying dirty tricks
McCain: no he said he wanted a timetable and I was prepared to sacrifice any american lives necessary and April was a very interesting year in 2007
Cooper: huh
McCain: they were laying in the weeds
Romeny: why are you lying Senator Senility
McCain: the weeds, the lying
Mitt: what the fuck Chimpmunk
McCain: we were laying in the weeds
Romney: Senator you are a fucking senile idiot
McCain: he was using the buzzwords of hippies and liberals and surrender monkeys
Romeny: hey i received a briefing from Fred Kagan and he explained the Surge would be Awesome
Romney: McCain is lying and every media outlet knows it but he got it out there because he is a fucking liar
McCain: timetables were the buzzword and yeah but my friend you also had a negative ad my friend so you used a heretical buzzword my friend
Paul: holy fuck the two of you are fucking insane could we please debate whether we are even going to have an American Empire
Huckabee: look at me! I'm an expert on Al Qaeda and Iraq!
Cooper: thrill us
Huckabee: we owe it to all US soldier who have died to pretend that it was worth it no matter how many more soldiers have to be killed
McCain: we have to stay in Iraq for 100 years and I am the only one who knew Rumsfeld was a shithead
Cooper: and all Dems, liberals, and bloggers
McCain: yeah but i will bring our troops home with honor
Cooper: but not for 100 years
McCain: right
Hook: what do you think of Putin
Huckabee: since i don't know who that is i will say that i think the air force, navy and army should be strong
Romney: he's from Russia dood
Huck: [slaps forehead] i knew that!
Romney: there are 4 major powers on earth -- Russian, China, al Qeada and the USA
Cooper: ok
Mitt: China is giving nuclear weapons to Iran
Hook: you have no leadership experience
McCain: Romney wants to surrender to islam and he took the strawberries and i could prove it with geometric logic but they took they keys and i know there was a duplicate copy and that's where i got them
Cooper: ok Mittster
Romney: for pete's sake i was a Governor he's led a tiny Senate office and I ran the olympics so i know you hate small businesses but its businesess that provide for the military, not the other way around
Cooper: but he was a POW
Romney: hey i was commader in chief of the Massachusetts military
Cooper: Gay Brigade?
Romeny: i will be a great commander in chief by running a great economy heck i ran Duane Reed
McCain: losts of old fogeys support me
Paul: i will be a great C-in-C because i wil stop the Fed from printing money and i won't send soliders into stupid quagmires around the world
Huckabee: i was Governor for a decade and it's like being a tiny president but people in Washington don't understand how states operate
Cooper: where did all those people in Washington come from anyway
Huckster: i don't know but they hate families with children
Cooper: would Saint Roonie fellate you
Romeny: yes he would hate gays, love fetuses, and would kill brown people and that's what i want to do
Cooper: what else
Romney: he would be selfish, shortsighted, dishonest, and purely phony -- and that's me
McCain: no i'm like Ronald Reagan - he was old and senile and a pandering militarist like me
Paul: Reagan campaigned for me and he told me that no great nation should ever go off the gold standard we are all going to hell
Huckabee: well he is dead and his mind was gone anyway - but i will say this, Reagan was more than just a policy wonk
Cooper: what???
Huckabee: yes he was a terrible president, but he united us in racism and flag waving and crippling self serving bullshit
[ yay!!! ]
Cooper: good night from the Pharonic Airplane Hanger of Doom
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
MEET THE PRESS - Guest John McCain - January 27, 2008
*********************************
Meet The Press
January 27, 2008
Guest: Sen. John McCain
*********************************
Russert: you hate Mitt Romney
McCain: he's flip flopped on the Surge which was the Greatest Thing Ever in the History of the Universe
Russert: that and pudding
McCain: that is good also
Russert: what else
McCain: if we listened to Mitt we would have a timetable and Al Qeada would now be having a parade down Times Square
Russert: is Romney a surrender monkey?
McCain: Hillary would withdraw from Iraq to me that is surrender
Russert: Mitt?
McCain: he said the Surge was apparently working
Tim: so?
McCain: it wasn't apparently working it was working
Tim: you're weird
Timmy: americans hate the war and you still love it
McCain: there is no doubt my favorite war has been mishandled
Tim: true
McCain: as long as i can show Americans a really fun occupation they will come around to staying for 100 years
Tim: what's a fun occupation?
McCain: M*A*S*H
Tim: the war was a mistake
McCain: no he used chemical weapons in 1986 so of course we invaded in 2003
Tim: naturally
McCain: the world is dangerous and scary and Saddam had a mustache
Tim: are you kidding
McCain: Oil for Food scandal!
Tim: that's it?
McCain: there will be genocide and chaos in Iraq
Tim: wow the war really was a good idea then
Tim: you lied in teh Debate. to me!!!
Russert: hey i attended the national war college
Tim: kappa delta killa
McCain: that was fun
Tim: you know nothing about the economy
McCain: hey carly fiorina endorsed me!
Tim: didn't they fire her ass?
Russert: you were against the bush tax cuts before you were for them
McCain: look this is very very simple i against cutting the taxes when they were tax cuts but now i am in favor of them because now they would be raising taxes
Russert: huh?
McCain: i was in favor of cuttting spending
Russert: the Iraq was free?
McCain: well teh oil was going to pay for it
Tim: how's that working for you
McCain: fuck you fatty
Russert: you changed your mind about the tax cuts
McCain: look i've said 500 times that i would only support them if i was running for the GOP nomination - i've been totally consistent
Russert: Ricky Santorum says you have an illegitimate puppy with a black lab
McCain: that bitch is lying
Russert: GOP hate you
McCain: yeah but i can beat Hillary
Russert: are and joe lieberman getting married?
McCain: i will embrace him anywhere and anytime and i am not ashamed to say it
Russert: your love has no bounds
McCain: i am proud to have him as a lover and a life partner
Tim: why do you love him so
McCain: he won't surrender to Al Qaeda like the hippies
Russert: illegal immigrants
McCain: all Americans will have to carry around a biometric ID card
Russert: what else
McCain: UAV, cameras, heat detectors, a wall and shoot on sight
Russert: how nice
McCain: ok look if you sign on to our Judeo-Christian crusade you can stay
Russert: will you be president
McCain: yes my friend when pigs fly
Russert: Rush Limbaugh hates you
McCain: i wouldn't share my Oxycotin stash with him at Davos and that fat fuck has never forgiven me
Russert: but GOP is against you
McCain: look i hate brown people and i want to kill more and more and more
Russert: so Rush should support you
McCain: right it's all about hate
Russert: thad cochran says you are an unstable lunatic
McCain: i've always loved him
Russert: why the hate
McCain: we had a bad breakup but i still love him
Russert: thad loathes you
McCain: he's an appropriator and pork barreller
Russert: Bill Clinton says you were Hillary's lover
McCain: i accept his endorsement
Russert: will it be boring
McCain: no we will talk about taxes and radical jihad
Russert: that sounds fucking dull
McCain: ha ha ha ha
McCain: we agree on everything except my zeal to kill exceeds hers
Tim: you have a different philosophy
McCain: indeed kill kill kill
Russert: South Carolina!!!
Todd: Bill drove blacks to Obama and whites to Edwards
Timmy: brilliant!
Todd: repuke of Clintons
Russert: little Caroline haz endorzed Barack
Dowd: it's huge it's like Obama is the real inheritor of the powerful JFK mantle and not Hillary or Bill
Russert: Byron York you look like you are down with the blacks voters
York: Who among us does not like to get jiggy with it?
York: i was talking to my Democrat friend and after surrending to al qaeda in the morning she went to volunteer for Obama
Tim: so sad
York: where the white women at?
Russert: they exploited his blackness and Bob Herbert is mad
Dowd: the Big Dog went right after him
Tim: he is really cool
Dowd: but who is really running here Bill or Hillary
Tim: good point
Dowd: the Onion nailed it
Tim: as they so often do
Russert: Leahy Daschle Kerry say Big Dog is too slobbery
Todd: dood this all about power - plus old personal feelings
Timmy: Politics is about power and snubs and dislikes
Todd: so true
Dowd: she is dependent on Bill
Timmy: i hate a marriage like that
Dowd: they will trash anyone even Alexander Hamilton had an affair
Timmy: they shot that treasury creating bastard
York's Hair: Obama can't rely on black vote anymore
Timmy: not that many chocolate cities
York's Hair: but Iowa is a marsmallow and he won there
Timmeh: people used to like Rudy and now they despise him -- why???
Todd: well people got to know him
Yorkie: no Rudy just had a very very poor strategy
Todd: yeah showing people who he is
Yorkie: so sad
Timmy: he really is a cheap crook isn't he
Dowd: what a fucking flameout the whole 9/11 legacy is trashed
Tim: so what happens now
Dowd: Guiliani Partners will grovel to the Saudis
Todd: Romney has to win in Florida or McCain will be unstoppable
Tim: can he win?
Todd: yes there are a lot of inbred morons in Florda
Timmy: Bill says McCain and Hillary love each other
Dowd: but he says she wants America to surrender
York: McCain is liberal loving jerk
Tim: so he's doomed
York: no because we all hate hillary so much
Dowd: Obama is not the daddy figure he's more like our Magic Negro Child
Tim: he's like the Webster of politics
Dowd: or Gary Coleman he's adorable
Todd: Bill spoke las night not Hillary that was weird
Dowd: it's the Rise of Billary - no can stop it and it can't be reasoned with
Russert: Barack is a black John Connor
Russert: thanks for coming loony
Meet The Press
January 27, 2008
Guest: Sen. John McCain
*********************************
Russert: you hate Mitt Romney
McCain: he's flip flopped on the Surge which was the Greatest Thing Ever in the History of the Universe
Russert: that and pudding
McCain: that is good also
Russert: what else
McCain: if we listened to Mitt we would have a timetable and Al Qeada would now be having a parade down Times Square
Russert: is Romney a surrender monkey?
McCain: Hillary would withdraw from Iraq to me that is surrender
Russert: Mitt?
McCain: he said the Surge was apparently working
Tim: so?
McCain: it wasn't apparently working it was working
Tim: you're weird
Timmy: americans hate the war and you still love it
McCain: there is no doubt my favorite war has been mishandled
Tim: true
McCain: as long as i can show Americans a really fun occupation they will come around to staying for 100 years
Tim: what's a fun occupation?
McCain: M*A*S*H
Tim: the war was a mistake
McCain: no he used chemical weapons in 1986 so of course we invaded in 2003
Tim: naturally
McCain: the world is dangerous and scary and Saddam had a mustache
Tim: are you kidding
McCain: Oil for Food scandal!
Tim: that's it?
McCain: there will be genocide and chaos in Iraq
Tim: wow the war really was a good idea then
Tim: you lied in teh Debate. to me!!!
Russert: hey i attended the national war college
Tim: kappa delta killa
McCain: that was fun
Tim: you know nothing about the economy
McCain: hey carly fiorina endorsed me!
Tim: didn't they fire her ass?
Russert: you were against the bush tax cuts before you were for them
McCain: look this is very very simple i against cutting the taxes when they were tax cuts but now i am in favor of them because now they would be raising taxes
Russert: huh?
McCain: i was in favor of cuttting spending
Russert: the Iraq was free?
McCain: well teh oil was going to pay for it
Tim: how's that working for you
McCain: fuck you fatty
Russert: you changed your mind about the tax cuts
McCain: look i've said 500 times that i would only support them if i was running for the GOP nomination - i've been totally consistent
Russert: Ricky Santorum says you have an illegitimate puppy with a black lab
McCain: that bitch is lying
Russert: GOP hate you
McCain: yeah but i can beat Hillary
Russert: are and joe lieberman getting married?
McCain: i will embrace him anywhere and anytime and i am not ashamed to say it
Russert: your love has no bounds
McCain: i am proud to have him as a lover and a life partner
Tim: why do you love him so
McCain: he won't surrender to Al Qaeda like the hippies
Russert: illegal immigrants
McCain: all Americans will have to carry around a biometric ID card
Russert: what else
McCain: UAV, cameras, heat detectors, a wall and shoot on sight
Russert: how nice
McCain: ok look if you sign on to our Judeo-Christian crusade you can stay
Russert: will you be president
McCain: yes my friend when pigs fly
Russert: Rush Limbaugh hates you
McCain: i wouldn't share my Oxycotin stash with him at Davos and that fat fuck has never forgiven me
Russert: but GOP is against you
McCain: look i hate brown people and i want to kill more and more and more
Russert: so Rush should support you
McCain: right it's all about hate
Russert: thad cochran says you are an unstable lunatic
McCain: i've always loved him
Russert: why the hate
McCain: we had a bad breakup but i still love him
Russert: thad loathes you
McCain: he's an appropriator and pork barreller
Russert: Bill Clinton says you were Hillary's lover
McCain: i accept his endorsement
Russert: will it be boring
McCain: no we will talk about taxes and radical jihad
Russert: that sounds fucking dull
McCain: ha ha ha ha
McCain: we agree on everything except my zeal to kill exceeds hers
Tim: you have a different philosophy
McCain: indeed kill kill kill
Russert: South Carolina!!!
Todd: Bill drove blacks to Obama and whites to Edwards
Timmy: brilliant!
Todd: repuke of Clintons
Russert: little Caroline haz endorzed Barack
Dowd: it's huge it's like Obama is the real inheritor of the powerful JFK mantle and not Hillary or Bill
Russert: Byron York you look like you are down with the blacks voters
York: Who among us does not like to get jiggy with it?
York: i was talking to my Democrat friend and after surrending to al qaeda in the morning she went to volunteer for Obama
Tim: so sad
York: where the white women at?
Russert: they exploited his blackness and Bob Herbert is mad
Dowd: the Big Dog went right after him
Tim: he is really cool
Dowd: but who is really running here Bill or Hillary
Tim: good point
Dowd: the Onion nailed it
Tim: as they so often do
Russert: Leahy Daschle Kerry say Big Dog is too slobbery
Todd: dood this all about power - plus old personal feelings
Timmy: Politics is about power and snubs and dislikes
Todd: so true
Dowd: she is dependent on Bill
Timmy: i hate a marriage like that
Dowd: they will trash anyone even Alexander Hamilton had an affair
Timmy: they shot that treasury creating bastard
York's Hair: Obama can't rely on black vote anymore
Timmy: not that many chocolate cities
York's Hair: but Iowa is a marsmallow and he won there
Timmeh: people used to like Rudy and now they despise him -- why???
Todd: well people got to know him
Yorkie: no Rudy just had a very very poor strategy
Todd: yeah showing people who he is
Yorkie: so sad
Timmy: he really is a cheap crook isn't he
Dowd: what a fucking flameout the whole 9/11 legacy is trashed
Tim: so what happens now
Dowd: Guiliani Partners will grovel to the Saudis
Todd: Romney has to win in Florida or McCain will be unstoppable
Tim: can he win?
Todd: yes there are a lot of inbred morons in Florda
Timmy: Bill says McCain and Hillary love each other
Dowd: but he says she wants America to surrender
York: McCain is liberal loving jerk
Tim: so he's doomed
York: no because we all hate hillary so much
Dowd: Obama is not the daddy figure he's more like our Magic Negro Child
Tim: he's like the Webster of politics
Dowd: or Gary Coleman he's adorable
Todd: Bill spoke las night not Hillary that was weird
Dowd: it's the Rise of Billary - no can stop it and it can't be reasoned with
Russert: Barack is a black John Connor
Russert: thanks for coming loony
The Chris Matthews Show - January 27, 2008
*********************************
The Chris Matthews Show
January 27, 2008
*********************************
Tweety: wow obama and clintons not getting along!
Page: she is tough Dems want that so Obama must be tough too
Tweety: but swift boating works
Kay: Obama is caught in politics Obama in real trouble now
Heileman: Nobody puts Bill Clinton in a a corner
Tweety: he lives rent free in Obama's head
Bumiller: well Obama is a slum lord
Tweety: obama is a bright shiny toy
Heileman: he's cute
Kay: put them in a black box
Page: that's the Chicago Way
Tweety: bring a miracle to a gunfight and hit back that's the Israel way
Page: Dems are doomed
Bumiller: GOP hate McCain but think he can win
Kay: people love or hate McCain no one cares about Mitt he's dull
Tweety: no i love him he's running against Washington!
Heileman: Economy his a huge advantage for the scientologist
Tweety: McCain read greenspan's book that magnificent bastard!
Kay: Mitt doens't have to raise $$$
Tweety: life is unfair said JFK
Kay: wasn't he's young rich handsome and successful?
Tweety: see what i mean
Heileman: why Rudy flames out it helps Mitt
Tweety: you new yorkers can't wait!!
Heileman: damm fucking right
Tweety: Hillary and Obama 08
Page: no way ticket should have a white guy
Kay: no way - he would say no
Bumiller: it's possible
Heileman: he would do it to be presnit
Tweety: i love it!
The Chris Matthews Show
January 27, 2008
*********************************
Tweety: wow obama and clintons not getting along!
Page: she is tough Dems want that so Obama must be tough too
Tweety: but swift boating works
Kay: Obama is caught in politics Obama in real trouble now
Heileman: Nobody puts Bill Clinton in a a corner
Tweety: he lives rent free in Obama's head
Bumiller: well Obama is a slum lord
Tweety: obama is a bright shiny toy
Heileman: he's cute
Kay: put them in a black box
Page: that's the Chicago Way
Tweety: bring a miracle to a gunfight and hit back that's the Israel way
Page: Dems are doomed
Bumiller: GOP hate McCain but think he can win
Kay: people love or hate McCain no one cares about Mitt he's dull
Tweety: no i love him he's running against Washington!
Heileman: Economy his a huge advantage for the scientologist
Tweety: McCain read greenspan's book that magnificent bastard!
Kay: Mitt doens't have to raise $$$
Tweety: life is unfair said JFK
Kay: wasn't he's young rich handsome and successful?
Tweety: see what i mean
Heileman: why Rudy flames out it helps Mitt
Tweety: you new yorkers can't wait!!
Heileman: damm fucking right
Tweety: Hillary and Obama 08
Page: no way ticket should have a white guy
Kay: no way - he would say no
Bumiller: it's possible
Heileman: he would do it to be presnit
Tweety: i love it!
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Republican Presidential Debate - January 24, 2008
**********************************
Republican Presidential Debate
Boca Raton, Florida
MSNBC
January 24, 2008
Hosts: Brian Williams, Tim Russert
************************************
Williams: that's it we're moving to Boca!!!
Williams: Let's begin Willard do you like Bush's plan
Russert: well gas is expensive that makes sense to me but i also had a savings plan tax cut and low income tax cut and a corporate tax cut
Williams: oh sensing a pattern
Romney: i like homeowners dunno hopw all this crazy home crisis happened to yeah FHA rulz
Williams: yur in Congress Senator Tiger Cage
McCain: i love love love the Bush tax cuts
Brian: what else
McCain: lower corporate taxes also did i mention the Bush tax cuts?
Brian: yeah
McCain: well then cut corporate tax cuts
Williams: what say you benito
Rudy: they don't go far enough - there is no distinction between temporary and permanenent for example all jobs today are temporary
Brian: what else
Rudy: major tax reductions - they have gotten so high under Bush
Russert: Sen. POW you know nothing about economics so who in their right mind would vote 4 u
McCain: that's crazy marty feldman supports me
Tim: Eye-gor?
McCain: also jack kemp and phil gramm and the corpse of ronald reagan
Tim: quite a brain trust
Williams: what say you benito
Rudy: they don't go far enough - there is no distinction between temporary and permanenent for example all jobs today are temporary
Brian: what else
Rudy: major tax reductions - they have gotten so high under Bush
Russert: Sen. POW you know nothing about economics so who in their right mind would vote 4 u
McCain: that's crazy marty feldman supports me
Tim: Eye-gor?
McCain: also jack kemp and phil gramm and the corpse of ronald reagan
Tim: quite a brain trust
Huckabee: we're just going to send $150 billion to china - instead let's build 2 lanes of highway 2,000 miles across teh USA
Timmy: but you sound like FDR government can spend money best
Huckster: hey people are missing Rudy's dance recitals stuck in traffic
Romney: i put money away for a rainy day in Massachusetts and we have a lot of those
Tim: you hate Mccain don't you
Romney: he voted against Bush tax cuts and i have special scientologist Xenu DNA
McCain: i voted against Bush tax cuts and they were bad when spending was igh but now we must keep them because spending is high
Williams: let's go the Crazy Man
Paul: Bush wants to print more money we should just get rid of all regulations
Brian: like what
Paul: stopping at red lights - its pure fascism!
Paul: i want to see america frozen and repeal sarbannes oxley and end the war and the Empire
Williams: now to make Paul look normal i turn to Mayor Rudy Alaweed
Rudy: no that was very different i took Prince to Ground Zero and he gave me $10 million and then insulted Israel so naturally i told the widows and kids sorry but my grandstanding comes first
Williams: well of course
Rudy: the japanese came and i am pretty much in favor of Saudi ownership of the USA as long as they zip it about Israel
Russert: when the democrats were in charge everything was good and now it all sucks
McCain: ignore the record Dems will not restore stability of our bodily fluids they will spend like crazy
Russert: um dood i just said you ran up a 9 trillion debt
McCain: i will impose sadomasocism in the federal goverment and harsh leather laden discipline
Huckster: it's not Bush's fault after all he never pretended to care about anyone but the rich
Tim: that's true
Huckster: i'm the only who even seems aware that America is in the shitter and poor people get the shaft
Romney: It's all Washington's fault
Tim: George?
Romney: that cherry tree cutting motherfucker
Tim: why elect you
Mitt: i turned around the Olympics
Tim: that's it
Mitty: we are teh party of economic responsibility
Tim: all evidence to the contrary
Rudy: hey i turned around a Communist City
Paul: i want an old fashioned program
Brain: how old?
Paul: bring back the Klan!
Brian: you seem excited
Paul: it's a new era and we're waving the flag of revolution of tiny dollars
Florida Guy: Are you going to cut spending or stay in Iraq?
McCain: Hillary wants to surrender and we will have more American blood shed by leaving because then al qaeda will have won
FG: huh?
McCain: look America has an obligation to run the world and finally no retreat and no surrender
Williams: how do we add to the army?
Mitty: bribe them by giving them college
Williams: how nice
Romney: the Dems all said the other night that they didn't want to win
Williams: oh i missed that
Romney: they will allow al qaeda to hav a save haven from which to attack america
Williams: i thought that was florida
Romney: hillary is a bad Vagina Generata
Timmy: was it a mistake
McCain: saddam was hell bent on being bad but Rumsfeld was also bad
Tim: worth it
McCain: no but we have to stay to preserve our honor
Rudy: i am in favor of the war because we get to crack some brown skulls and i am not going to let some faggy polls push me around
Paul: idiots there weren't even mass weapons jeesus
Huckster: i thank bush for recognizing that even though Saddam wasn't a threat he acted and wasn't it nice when we were all united around bullshit?
Romney: Bush is wonderful although the war was screwed up for 5 years it's great now we've changed lives there
Williams: we killed 400,000
Romney: lucky ones r in heaven
Brian: ah
Romney: the fucking chinese are fine for making toys and jesus figurines but how do make sure they don't get away with patenting pharmaceuticals and shit like that
Rudy: China is wonderful and scary - it's scary because you can't sue over there but then again we can try to sell shit to China
Brian: but we don't make anything
Rudy: we can sell them our women?
Brian: what else
Rudy: Bill Clinton destroyed our military and need more soldiers to attack our new chinese friends
McCain: i want to ask Huckabee how do you get people to support you and wear t-shirts i can't get any non-journalists to support me
Huckabee: Dr Phil wants to abolish the IRS and i agree tax spending it's just consumption
McCain: but the poor
Huckabee: no once a month you send a form to the federal CRS
McCain: what is that
Huckster: Consumption Revenue Service -- they will be allowed to shoot on sight to prevent an underground economy
Timmy: i like it
Huckster: Hookers would pay sales tax
Timmy: save your receipts!
Ron Paul: what about the Bilderburg Group?!?!?!
McCain: i can't talk about that
Paul: c'mon
McCain: no seriously Pete Peterson would kill me and that man is lethal
Paul: show some guts
McCain: Phil Gramm!! Phil Gramm!!
Huckster: Mitty do u luv gunz
Mitty: i like to provide relaxation in gun use
Huck: me too
Willard: i like laws but not new ones and i like hunting and whatever you inbred hicks do
Rudy: property insurance is hard to get
Brain: that's your question??
Rudy: Observe my Florida ju-jitsu
McCain: shut the fuck up greaseball
Romney: all Floridians deserve to have the federal government subsidize their home insurance and i am very sensitive to this think of all the poor people from Massachusetts who vacation in Florida every winter
Brian Williams: so so so sad
McCain: we have to address global warming to build a big risk pool
Brian: what stops private insurers from doing this now?
McCain: no i will call everyone to a big table and give people free hurricane insurance
Russert: greenhouse gases are a threat to Talhassee
Rudy: the best answer to emulate the French and build a nuclear power plants out of coal
Russert: anything else?
Rudy: liquid natural gas
Russert: that's a fossil fuel idiot
Rudy: biofuels, bitches!!!
McCain: we have to address global warming to build a big risk pool
Brian: what stops private insurers from doing this now?
McCain: no i will call everyone to a big table and give people free hurricane insurance
Russert: greenhouse gases are a threat to Talhassee
Rudy: the best answer to emulate the French and build a nuclear power plants out of coal
Russert: anything else?
Rudy: liquid natural gas
Russert: that's a fossil fuel idiot
Rudy: biofuels, bitches!!!
McCain: violent weather will destory Florida!!
Brian: Rudy you suck more than any one has ever sucked
Rudy: i'm lulling you all into a false sense of security by total looserness
Brian: like you sucked al qeada by making the Twin Towers such a tempting target
Rudy: exactly
Williams: your own mother hates you
McCain: people are very worried by the islamic attacks against america for the last few years
Williams: oh of course
McCain: also i appeal to Republicans with global warming and defending Israel
Brian: naturally
Russert: please attack Bill Clinton
Romney: Bill will have more sex in the oval office
Timmeh: ha hah ha ha hha please say more
Romney: hillary has a health care plan
Russert: oh noes!
Romney: she doesn't even want to stay in Iraq to justify the deaths we've already had
Russert: what else is evil about Hillary
Romney: she has been in Washington too long
Russert: and?
Romney: we can't send her back to Washington
Russert: where she already is?
Romney: right
Timmy: you spend so much of your millons
Romney: hey i saved wisely and because i am so rich i am in touch with america
Williams: Americans hate mormons
Mitt: as a scientologist i believe that no religous test shall be required and i will pledge not to put a statue to Xenu on teh White House Lawn
Williams: Hillary is like Big Brother a boot smashing a face forever
Tim: you're fucking weird
Timmy: abolish social security?
Paul: end the american empire!
Timmy: Helicopter Ben wants to put America's elderly on an ice floe - do you agree
Huckster: dood if you want your sons to inherit alot of money drop out
Tim: your stupid sales tax is unlikely
Huckster: don't be pessimisstic
Tim: oh i'm being optimistic dood
Russert: will you raise taxes Dog on Roof?
Mitt: no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no
Tim: ok ok
Mitt: it would kill America!
Tim: which is really strong
Mitt: right
Tim: but incredibly fragile
Mitt: exactly
Florida: do you hate spanish people and if you don't why woo them
Rudy: very simple we should fence off America and make all American citizens carry an ID card
Florida: so why have ads in Spanish
Rudy: bilingual americans!
Russert: Cubans are better than Mexicans and North Koreans???
Rudy: Castro is really really bad
Timmy: u luv hugo chavez?
Rudy: he's a nice guy
Journalist: is Sen. Squirrel Face too old?
Huckster: Carlos Norris would kick me if I disagreed
McCain: Rocky and Rambo will beat your buddies up
Williams: New Yorkers hate you too they say you are vindictive arrogant and a sick fuck
Rudy: the new york times are all commies
Williams: i just got a fax saying you are a flip flopper
Mitt: i flip flop strategically i'm going to Washington oppose typical politicians outlaw all Thetans
Williams: were you brainwashed in the 'Nam puffy?
McCain: Rudy is an American Hero he alone united America after 9/11
[ Bush, drunk, watching tv on the third floor of
the White House - 'fuck you too, asshole' ]
Huckster: i am a christian and i am here to bravely stick up for God
Paul: I don't plan to run as third party but dammitt you used to be against debt and now look at us we're all militaristic psychopaths
Williams: Ron Paul and his crazy fans get the last word good night from Boca and let's get a double martini get on the golf carts and go wheeeeeee
Republican Presidential Debate
Boca Raton, Florida
MSNBC
January 24, 2008
Hosts: Brian Williams, Tim Russert
************************************
Williams: that's it we're moving to Boca!!!
Williams: Let's begin Willard do you like Bush's plan
Russert: well gas is expensive that makes sense to me but i also had a savings plan tax cut and low income tax cut and a corporate tax cut
Williams: oh sensing a pattern
Romney: i like homeowners dunno hopw all this crazy home crisis happened to yeah FHA rulz
Williams: yur in Congress Senator Tiger Cage
McCain: i love love love the Bush tax cuts
Brian: what else
McCain: lower corporate taxes also did i mention the Bush tax cuts?
Brian: yeah
McCain: well then cut corporate tax cuts
Williams: what say you benito
Rudy: they don't go far enough - there is no distinction between temporary and permanenent for example all jobs today are temporary
Brian: what else
Rudy: major tax reductions - they have gotten so high under Bush
Russert: Sen. POW you know nothing about economics so who in their right mind would vote 4 u
McCain: that's crazy marty feldman supports me
Tim: Eye-gor?
McCain: also jack kemp and phil gramm and the corpse of ronald reagan
Tim: quite a brain trust
Williams: what say you benito
Rudy: they don't go far enough - there is no distinction between temporary and permanenent for example all jobs today are temporary
Brian: what else
Rudy: major tax reductions - they have gotten so high under Bush
Russert: Sen. POW you know nothing about economics so who in their right mind would vote 4 u
McCain: that's crazy marty feldman supports me
Tim: Eye-gor?
McCain: also jack kemp and phil gramm and the corpse of ronald reagan
Tim: quite a brain trust
Huckabee: we're just going to send $150 billion to china - instead let's build 2 lanes of highway 2,000 miles across teh USA
Timmy: but you sound like FDR government can spend money best
Huckster: hey people are missing Rudy's dance recitals stuck in traffic
Romney: i put money away for a rainy day in Massachusetts and we have a lot of those
Tim: you hate Mccain don't you
Romney: he voted against Bush tax cuts and i have special scientologist Xenu DNA
McCain: i voted against Bush tax cuts and they were bad when spending was igh but now we must keep them because spending is high
Williams: let's go the Crazy Man
Paul: Bush wants to print more money we should just get rid of all regulations
Brian: like what
Paul: stopping at red lights - its pure fascism!
Paul: i want to see america frozen and repeal sarbannes oxley and end the war and the Empire
Williams: now to make Paul look normal i turn to Mayor Rudy Alaweed
Rudy: no that was very different i took Prince to Ground Zero and he gave me $10 million and then insulted Israel so naturally i told the widows and kids sorry but my grandstanding comes first
Williams: well of course
Rudy: the japanese came and i am pretty much in favor of Saudi ownership of the USA as long as they zip it about Israel
Russert: when the democrats were in charge everything was good and now it all sucks
McCain: ignore the record Dems will not restore stability of our bodily fluids they will spend like crazy
Russert: um dood i just said you ran up a 9 trillion debt
McCain: i will impose sadomasocism in the federal goverment and harsh leather laden discipline
Huckster: it's not Bush's fault after all he never pretended to care about anyone but the rich
Tim: that's true
Huckster: i'm the only who even seems aware that America is in the shitter and poor people get the shaft
Romney: It's all Washington's fault
Tim: George?
Romney: that cherry tree cutting motherfucker
Tim: why elect you
Mitt: i turned around the Olympics
Tim: that's it
Mitty: we are teh party of economic responsibility
Tim: all evidence to the contrary
Rudy: hey i turned around a Communist City
Paul: i want an old fashioned program
Brain: how old?
Paul: bring back the Klan!
Brian: you seem excited
Paul: it's a new era and we're waving the flag of revolution of tiny dollars
Florida Guy: Are you going to cut spending or stay in Iraq?
McCain: Hillary wants to surrender and we will have more American blood shed by leaving because then al qaeda will have won
FG: huh?
McCain: look America has an obligation to run the world and finally no retreat and no surrender
Williams: how do we add to the army?
Mitty: bribe them by giving them college
Williams: how nice
Romney: the Dems all said the other night that they didn't want to win
Williams: oh i missed that
Romney: they will allow al qaeda to hav a save haven from which to attack america
Williams: i thought that was florida
Romney: hillary is a bad Vagina Generata
Timmy: was it a mistake
McCain: saddam was hell bent on being bad but Rumsfeld was also bad
Tim: worth it
McCain: no but we have to stay to preserve our honor
Rudy: i am in favor of the war because we get to crack some brown skulls and i am not going to let some faggy polls push me around
Paul: idiots there weren't even mass weapons jeesus
Huckster: i thank bush for recognizing that even though Saddam wasn't a threat he acted and wasn't it nice when we were all united around bullshit?
Romney: Bush is wonderful although the war was screwed up for 5 years it's great now we've changed lives there
Williams: we killed 400,000
Romney: lucky ones r in heaven
Brian: ah
Romney: the fucking chinese are fine for making toys and jesus figurines but how do make sure they don't get away with patenting pharmaceuticals and shit like that
Rudy: China is wonderful and scary - it's scary because you can't sue over there but then again we can try to sell shit to China
Brian: but we don't make anything
Rudy: we can sell them our women?
Brian: what else
Rudy: Bill Clinton destroyed our military and need more soldiers to attack our new chinese friends
McCain: i want to ask Huckabee how do you get people to support you and wear t-shirts i can't get any non-journalists to support me
Huckabee: Dr Phil wants to abolish the IRS and i agree tax spending it's just consumption
McCain: but the poor
Huckabee: no once a month you send a form to the federal CRS
McCain: what is that
Huckster: Consumption Revenue Service -- they will be allowed to shoot on sight to prevent an underground economy
Timmy: i like it
Huckster: Hookers would pay sales tax
Timmy: save your receipts!
Ron Paul: what about the Bilderburg Group?!?!?!
McCain: i can't talk about that
Paul: c'mon
McCain: no seriously Pete Peterson would kill me and that man is lethal
Paul: show some guts
McCain: Phil Gramm!! Phil Gramm!!
Huckster: Mitty do u luv gunz
Mitty: i like to provide relaxation in gun use
Huck: me too
Willard: i like laws but not new ones and i like hunting and whatever you inbred hicks do
Rudy: property insurance is hard to get
Brain: that's your question??
Rudy: Observe my Florida ju-jitsu
McCain: shut the fuck up greaseball
Romney: all Floridians deserve to have the federal government subsidize their home insurance and i am very sensitive to this think of all the poor people from Massachusetts who vacation in Florida every winter
Brian Williams: so so so sad
McCain: we have to address global warming to build a big risk pool
Brian: what stops private insurers from doing this now?
McCain: no i will call everyone to a big table and give people free hurricane insurance
Russert: greenhouse gases are a threat to Talhassee
Rudy: the best answer to emulate the French and build a nuclear power plants out of coal
Russert: anything else?
Rudy: liquid natural gas
Russert: that's a fossil fuel idiot
Rudy: biofuels, bitches!!!
McCain: we have to address global warming to build a big risk pool
Brian: what stops private insurers from doing this now?
McCain: no i will call everyone to a big table and give people free hurricane insurance
Russert: greenhouse gases are a threat to Talhassee
Rudy: the best answer to emulate the French and build a nuclear power plants out of coal
Russert: anything else?
Rudy: liquid natural gas
Russert: that's a fossil fuel idiot
Rudy: biofuels, bitches!!!
McCain: violent weather will destory Florida!!
Brian: Rudy you suck more than any one has ever sucked
Rudy: i'm lulling you all into a false sense of security by total looserness
Brian: like you sucked al qeada by making the Twin Towers such a tempting target
Rudy: exactly
Williams: your own mother hates you
McCain: people are very worried by the islamic attacks against america for the last few years
Williams: oh of course
McCain: also i appeal to Republicans with global warming and defending Israel
Brian: naturally
Russert: please attack Bill Clinton
Romney: Bill will have more sex in the oval office
Timmeh: ha hah ha ha hha please say more
Romney: hillary has a health care plan
Russert: oh noes!
Romney: she doesn't even want to stay in Iraq to justify the deaths we've already had
Russert: what else is evil about Hillary
Romney: she has been in Washington too long
Russert: and?
Romney: we can't send her back to Washington
Russert: where she already is?
Romney: right
Timmy: you spend so much of your millons
Romney: hey i saved wisely and because i am so rich i am in touch with america
Williams: Americans hate mormons
Mitt: as a scientologist i believe that no religous test shall be required and i will pledge not to put a statue to Xenu on teh White House Lawn
Williams: Hillary is like Big Brother a boot smashing a face forever
Tim: you're fucking weird
Timmy: abolish social security?
Paul: end the american empire!
Timmy: Helicopter Ben wants to put America's elderly on an ice floe - do you agree
Huckster: dood if you want your sons to inherit alot of money drop out
Tim: your stupid sales tax is unlikely
Huckster: don't be pessimisstic
Tim: oh i'm being optimistic dood
Russert: will you raise taxes Dog on Roof?
Mitt: no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no no no no no
Tim: ok ok
Mitt: it would kill America!
Tim: which is really strong
Mitt: right
Tim: but incredibly fragile
Mitt: exactly
Florida: do you hate spanish people and if you don't why woo them
Rudy: very simple we should fence off America and make all American citizens carry an ID card
Florida: so why have ads in Spanish
Rudy: bilingual americans!
Russert: Cubans are better than Mexicans and North Koreans???
Rudy: Castro is really really bad
Timmy: u luv hugo chavez?
Rudy: he's a nice guy
Journalist: is Sen. Squirrel Face too old?
Huckster: Carlos Norris would kick me if I disagreed
McCain: Rocky and Rambo will beat your buddies up
Williams: New Yorkers hate you too they say you are vindictive arrogant and a sick fuck
Rudy: the new york times are all commies
Williams: i just got a fax saying you are a flip flopper
Mitt: i flip flop strategically i'm going to Washington oppose typical politicians outlaw all Thetans
Williams: were you brainwashed in the 'Nam puffy?
McCain: Rudy is an American Hero he alone united America after 9/11
[ Bush, drunk, watching tv on the third floor of
the White House - 'fuck you too, asshole' ]
Huckster: i am a christian and i am here to bravely stick up for God
Paul: I don't plan to run as third party but dammitt you used to be against debt and now look at us we're all militaristic psychopaths
Williams: Ron Paul and his crazy fans get the last word good night from Boca and let's get a double martini get on the golf carts and go wheeeeeee
Monday, January 21, 2008
Democratic Debate - January 21, 2008
***********************************
Democratic Debate
CNN
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
January 21, 2008
*************************************
Wolf: let's welcome the candidates - the cute guy, the black guy, and the chick!
[ awkward hand waving ]
[ awkward hand shaking ]
[ awkward clapping ]
Wolf: what substantive issues will be discussing tonight?
Expert: personalities - we want to know who we are voting for
Wolf: MLK was black did you know that Suzanne?
[ awkward silence ]
Wolf: thanks to the black caucus and teh Palace theatre
[woo hoo]
Wolf: Def Beard Leslie Jam!
[ awkward audience disbelief ]
Wolf: we will have no time limits and no rules it will be like Debate Unplugged
[ awkward scene of candidates looking uncomfortable ]
Joe Johns: maybe you heard the markets are in a tailspin so what's your answer
Clinton: economy is the #1 issue at the kitchen table i called for a stimulus as early as December of 2007
Johns: so long ago
Clinton: interest rate freeze for 5 years and give people $650 to pay their energy bills this winter
Johns: that should arrive by July
Clinton: Bush would exclude 70 million people
Johns: which ones?
Clinton: surprise - poor people
Obama: people forget that Martin Luther King marched for jobs and so I'm glad Hillary has joined my plan
Edwards: hey MLK had a poor people's campaign and now it's bad the rich are getting richer
Leslie: stimulate me
Edwards: i have an anti poverty plan but my proposal is better because it wouldn't just give money away but would invest in green jobs and kill the Peruvian trade deal
Leslie: so Hillary and Barack are wrong
Edwards: no i just want to do it all more
Obama: dood Peru is tiny and that agreement is cool and John you voted for free trade with freaking China
Hillary: let's not fuck with the tax code
[yay!]
Hillary: but the crisis is out of control and Bush's plan sucks and so we need to spend on solar panels and insulation for homes
Leslie: oooh insulation
Edwards: my father worked in the mill for 36 years and the problem with Peru is you trust the President who is George W Bush
Obama: not when I'm President dood
[ yay! ]
Obama: i worked with laid off steel worked these people got royally screwed
Malveax: Hillary Clinton says you suck Obama
Obama: well she lied pretty lady
Malveax: do tell handsome
Obama: Bill Clinton has also been lying about me it's all too typical
Leslie: like what
Obama: son of a bitch going on about things I said that are not fucking true and I know no one cares about this but we should take the high road
Hillary: oh no he said he loved the Republican ideas and I happen to disagree - plus he makes promises that he can't pay for so, so, bad
Wolf: that is sad
Hillary: Obama voted to fund the fucking war OMG!!!!
Obama: you brought up Ronald Reagan
Hillary: no i did not
Obama: but you husband did
Hillary: well he's not here
Obama: well sometimes its hard to tell
Hillary: oh we are just getting warmed up i read the transcript
Obama: you said i liked the GOP and I did not say that - I said he was transformative and we need to co-opt his ideas
Hillary: maybe i fudged a little but you represented a slum lord!!
Edwards: Children are dying of hunger while these two trade silly barbs
[yay!]
Edwards: i was the first to come out an anti poverty plan, health care plan, and global warming plan and we need to fix social security
Leslie: stop talking pretty man
Edwards: oh fuck you - you let them go on forever
[ yay! ]
Jasper Johns: is subprime racial?
Edwards: yes and yes - if you are black you have a net worth of 10% of white families which is a result of slavery and discrimination and these predatory lenders are evil
Johns: what else
Edwards: some of these people have no bank account
Leslie: alright, enough
Clinton: i called for action last March while crazy man Cramer was saying buy buy the worldwide economy was teetering and besides the banks are in real trouble and Abu Dhabi will steal our poor people's homes
Obama: 2 years ago i introduced a bill to eliminate predatory lending which i also did at the states - and i stood up to the special interests
Leslie: are you a slumlord
Obama: no i did 5 hours worth of work and she and Bill are liars
Hillary: i like it when the bills i support fail but all he does is the bidding of insurance companies
Obama: fuck you
Hillary: you have to expect people to distort your record - i'm used to it, are you?
Obama: i get it people lie about you so you lie about me
Hillary: the man supports sex shops in schools and predators
Obama: oh lordy she will say anything to get elected
[ hillary smirking ]
Obama: i spent a month resonding to their lies
Clinton: well it's on the books
Edwards: Obama won't take a hard positions and vote up or down and voting present
Obama: there are technical reasons for that
Edwards: you voted present that doesn't make sense what if I had never showed up to vote???
Obama: dood you were never in the stae legislature and are not even in the Senate anymore
Hillary: we need to revamp health care which means universal health care which means shared responsibility
Johns: Obama does your plan cover illegal immigrants
Obama: no, because we have limited resources hey it's not easy
Edwards: well none of us do - but we can marry health care to immigration reform then it will be solved
Obama: oh sure they call for mandates even garnishing wages but if you can't afford health insurance what good is that???
Obama: your health care plan has exemptions so not all are covered
Edwards: no if we let people opt-out it wrecks the system like social security
Clinton: you have to aim high for universal health care and them compromise later - single payer, employers or individual responsibility -- it's a core democratic principle to order people to buy health insurance or garnish their paycheck
Leslie: yeah
Clinton: he avoid problems and hates poor uninsured that's his MO
Obama: oh for crissake here she goes again
Q: Iraq war -- go!
Clinton: i love the military but there is no military solution to a civil war there
Q: but the surge!
Clinton: duh it worked for a little while but they are watching this debate now in Iraq and they are saying oh fuck we had better stop killing each other
Leslie: yep
Clinton: except for the translators and cab drivers
Wolf: but John McCain says we shouldn't surrender!!
Edwards: even Bush admits we need stability in Iraq and there has almost no political progress - but Hillary and Barack will leave troops in Iraq
Obama: we could rebuild America with al the money we've spent in Iraq and Al Qaeda is stronger - John McCain wants up there for a 100 years - hoo boy that old guy is out of his gourd
Clinton: i will withdraw them as quickly as possible - but did you know Bush is going to negotiate a fake deal with the fake Iraqi parliament to build the Dick Cheney Memorial Vatican Sized Embassy
Leslie: Charlie Rangel doesn't like you and he's black
Obama: well he's from NY so what lots of Congressmen has endorsed me big fucking deal
Malveax: I talked to black people and they said you are an awkward white dood
Edwards: so true but i am into poverty so can i argue that i am the true heir to martin luther king??
Malveaux: play that funky music white boy
Edwards: hey poverty affects blacks more than others
Clinton: i am married to a black man and when i graduated from Yale i went to work for a black woman to end poverty too like abused and neglected kids who were working at Wal Mart
Obama: can i talk about black issues?
Wolf: no because you are black
Hillary: blacks made more money when bill was getting blow jobs in the oval office and i will bring those days back again!!!
Obama: i also care about poor black children after all i was born one - and the kids i knew were diminshed because their schools sucked and this is also my lifetime committment
Leslie: you're black so you're immune on this issue Brickback
Obama: hey white people will vote for me too despite what Chris Matthews says be you black, female, or Miscellaneous
Edwards: I am currently in a fight with Bill O'Reilly over homeless veterans and needless to say i'm winning
[ yay!]
Edwards: in all seriousness poverty is real and sad
Johns: Obama with all due respect Bill Clinton was our first Black Presnit so you wouldn't even make history
Obama: duh no - but i am impressed when young southern white men respect blacks and it shows that people can change although bill has no rhythm
Clinton: ha ha ha i would like to take MLK day to remind people that i am a woman and my hero is from upstate NY
Leslie: Joseph Smith?
CLinton: no Frederick Douglass who would support me if he were alive today
Leslie: i loved his beard he is my black hero
Obama: don't vote for me because i am black but i am not running away from racial issues either
Leslie: you're black!? I never knew!
Obama: dood you're an idiot
Wolf: i'm color blind and stupid
Clinton: but gender equality
Obama: yep!
Clinton: we have all lived prejudice
Edwards: amen!
Clinton: you'll never hear the GOP talk about this
Leslie: the sad plight of the poor beleagured high taxed CEOS
Edwards: look at New Orleans but not just that all Americans should have the chance to move out of poor areas
Malveaux: Hillary your husband has a big mouth
Hillary: that's not what i heard
Suzanne: ha ha
Clinton: seriously Elizabeth and Michelle talk tough too and sure Bill goes off sometimes but the question you have to ask yourself if is Obama can't stand up to my tough campaigning will he be able to stand up to the Republicans???
Edwards: look at New Orleans but not just that all Americans should have the chance to move out of poor areas
Obama: Michelle only let me run once plus Bill is the former Presnit and he lied about me but i would argue that the real reason we lost in 2000 and 2004 is that our majority was too small and didn't have enough Republicans
Leslie: can you win the presnitsy
Obama: look at Bush / Cheney anyone of us can win
Edwards: if you want someone who can beat John McCain vote for me of course if you want someone really liberal vote your conscience wink wink
Leslie: you should tune into the comments section it's fun there
Obama: i won in Elko Nevada and in Illinois
Leslie: yeah but a bag of dog feces would have beaten Alan Keyes
Obama: we need to go to church and reach out evangelical christians
Leslie: how so
Obama: don't concede ground of jesus christ
Clinton: if McCain is the nominee we will have an election about national security and i will win that election because they will smear Obama and my pro-military votes will carry me through
Edwards: you two can't win against Mr Purity on special interests
Leslie: way to defend Mr Keating Five dood
Edwards: hillary when people give you millions of dollars they expect you to give them something
Hillary: well donors give you millions too
Edwards: but that's trial lawyers who want me to defend their right to law-talk
Obama: i don't take PAC and lobby money
Leslie: is she stronger than John McCain?
Obama: Hillary sells herself as McCain-lite and i say we need to overcome the politics of fear not the politics of triangulation
Edwards: we can drive young kids over to Al Qaeda or to us if we are a beacon of hope
Leslie: i will save the most important question for last and give you one minute to answer - would Martin Luther King vote for you??
Edwards: yes because of my poverty campaign and voting rights and I am willing to fight for equality
Obama: King was a tough guy and he led a movement of ordinary people and that's what i want to do
Clinton: King was a politician and he gave his life for a political movement and then morality met politics and sure other people are moral and i intend to be the person to implement the policies of other people more moral than me.
Leslie: thanx and good night
Democratic Debate
CNN
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
January 21, 2008
*************************************
Wolf: let's welcome the candidates - the cute guy, the black guy, and the chick!
[ awkward hand waving ]
[ awkward hand shaking ]
[ awkward clapping ]
Wolf: what substantive issues will be discussing tonight?
Expert: personalities - we want to know who we are voting for
Wolf: MLK was black did you know that Suzanne?
[ awkward silence ]
Wolf: thanks to the black caucus and teh Palace theatre
[woo hoo]
Wolf: Def Beard Leslie Jam!
[ awkward audience disbelief ]
Wolf: we will have no time limits and no rules it will be like Debate Unplugged
[ awkward scene of candidates looking uncomfortable ]
Joe Johns: maybe you heard the markets are in a tailspin so what's your answer
Clinton: economy is the #1 issue at the kitchen table i called for a stimulus as early as December of 2007
Johns: so long ago
Clinton: interest rate freeze for 5 years and give people $650 to pay their energy bills this winter
Johns: that should arrive by July
Clinton: Bush would exclude 70 million people
Johns: which ones?
Clinton: surprise - poor people
Obama: people forget that Martin Luther King marched for jobs and so I'm glad Hillary has joined my plan
Edwards: hey MLK had a poor people's campaign and now it's bad the rich are getting richer
Leslie: stimulate me
Edwards: i have an anti poverty plan but my proposal is better because it wouldn't just give money away but would invest in green jobs and kill the Peruvian trade deal
Leslie: so Hillary and Barack are wrong
Edwards: no i just want to do it all more
Obama: dood Peru is tiny and that agreement is cool and John you voted for free trade with freaking China
Hillary: let's not fuck with the tax code
[yay!]
Hillary: but the crisis is out of control and Bush's plan sucks and so we need to spend on solar panels and insulation for homes
Leslie: oooh insulation
Edwards: my father worked in the mill for 36 years and the problem with Peru is you trust the President who is George W Bush
Obama: not when I'm President dood
[ yay! ]
Obama: i worked with laid off steel worked these people got royally screwed
Malveax: Hillary Clinton says you suck Obama
Obama: well she lied pretty lady
Malveax: do tell handsome
Obama: Bill Clinton has also been lying about me it's all too typical
Leslie: like what
Obama: son of a bitch going on about things I said that are not fucking true and I know no one cares about this but we should take the high road
Hillary: oh no he said he loved the Republican ideas and I happen to disagree - plus he makes promises that he can't pay for so, so, bad
Wolf: that is sad
Hillary: Obama voted to fund the fucking war OMG!!!!
Obama: you brought up Ronald Reagan
Hillary: no i did not
Obama: but you husband did
Hillary: well he's not here
Obama: well sometimes its hard to tell
Hillary: oh we are just getting warmed up i read the transcript
Obama: you said i liked the GOP and I did not say that - I said he was transformative and we need to co-opt his ideas
Hillary: maybe i fudged a little but you represented a slum lord!!
Edwards: Children are dying of hunger while these two trade silly barbs
[yay!]
Edwards: i was the first to come out an anti poverty plan, health care plan, and global warming plan and we need to fix social security
Leslie: stop talking pretty man
Edwards: oh fuck you - you let them go on forever
[ yay! ]
Jasper Johns: is subprime racial?
Edwards: yes and yes - if you are black you have a net worth of 10% of white families which is a result of slavery and discrimination and these predatory lenders are evil
Johns: what else
Edwards: some of these people have no bank account
Leslie: alright, enough
Clinton: i called for action last March while crazy man Cramer was saying buy buy the worldwide economy was teetering and besides the banks are in real trouble and Abu Dhabi will steal our poor people's homes
Obama: 2 years ago i introduced a bill to eliminate predatory lending which i also did at the states - and i stood up to the special interests
Leslie: are you a slumlord
Obama: no i did 5 hours worth of work and she and Bill are liars
Hillary: i like it when the bills i support fail but all he does is the bidding of insurance companies
Obama: fuck you
Hillary: you have to expect people to distort your record - i'm used to it, are you?
Obama: i get it people lie about you so you lie about me
Hillary: the man supports sex shops in schools and predators
Obama: oh lordy she will say anything to get elected
[ hillary smirking ]
Obama: i spent a month resonding to their lies
Clinton: well it's on the books
Edwards: Obama won't take a hard positions and vote up or down and voting present
Obama: there are technical reasons for that
Edwards: you voted present that doesn't make sense what if I had never showed up to vote???
Obama: dood you were never in the stae legislature and are not even in the Senate anymore
Hillary: we need to revamp health care which means universal health care which means shared responsibility
Johns: Obama does your plan cover illegal immigrants
Obama: no, because we have limited resources hey it's not easy
Edwards: well none of us do - but we can marry health care to immigration reform then it will be solved
Obama: oh sure they call for mandates even garnishing wages but if you can't afford health insurance what good is that???
Obama: your health care plan has exemptions so not all are covered
Edwards: no if we let people opt-out it wrecks the system like social security
Clinton: you have to aim high for universal health care and them compromise later - single payer, employers or individual responsibility -- it's a core democratic principle to order people to buy health insurance or garnish their paycheck
Leslie: yeah
Clinton: he avoid problems and hates poor uninsured that's his MO
Obama: oh for crissake here she goes again
Q: Iraq war -- go!
Clinton: i love the military but there is no military solution to a civil war there
Q: but the surge!
Clinton: duh it worked for a little while but they are watching this debate now in Iraq and they are saying oh fuck we had better stop killing each other
Leslie: yep
Clinton: except for the translators and cab drivers
Wolf: but John McCain says we shouldn't surrender!!
Edwards: even Bush admits we need stability in Iraq and there has almost no political progress - but Hillary and Barack will leave troops in Iraq
Obama: we could rebuild America with al the money we've spent in Iraq and Al Qaeda is stronger - John McCain wants up there for a 100 years - hoo boy that old guy is out of his gourd
Clinton: i will withdraw them as quickly as possible - but did you know Bush is going to negotiate a fake deal with the fake Iraqi parliament to build the Dick Cheney Memorial Vatican Sized Embassy
Leslie: Charlie Rangel doesn't like you and he's black
Obama: well he's from NY so what lots of Congressmen has endorsed me big fucking deal
Malveax: I talked to black people and they said you are an awkward white dood
Edwards: so true but i am into poverty so can i argue that i am the true heir to martin luther king??
Malveaux: play that funky music white boy
Edwards: hey poverty affects blacks more than others
Clinton: i am married to a black man and when i graduated from Yale i went to work for a black woman to end poverty too like abused and neglected kids who were working at Wal Mart
Obama: can i talk about black issues?
Wolf: no because you are black
Hillary: blacks made more money when bill was getting blow jobs in the oval office and i will bring those days back again!!!
Obama: i also care about poor black children after all i was born one - and the kids i knew were diminshed because their schools sucked and this is also my lifetime committment
Leslie: you're black so you're immune on this issue Brickback
Obama: hey white people will vote for me too despite what Chris Matthews says be you black, female, or Miscellaneous
Edwards: I am currently in a fight with Bill O'Reilly over homeless veterans and needless to say i'm winning
[ yay!]
Edwards: in all seriousness poverty is real and sad
Johns: Obama with all due respect Bill Clinton was our first Black Presnit so you wouldn't even make history
Obama: duh no - but i am impressed when young southern white men respect blacks and it shows that people can change although bill has no rhythm
Clinton: ha ha ha i would like to take MLK day to remind people that i am a woman and my hero is from upstate NY
Leslie: Joseph Smith?
CLinton: no Frederick Douglass who would support me if he were alive today
Leslie: i loved his beard he is my black hero
Obama: don't vote for me because i am black but i am not running away from racial issues either
Leslie: you're black!? I never knew!
Obama: dood you're an idiot
Wolf: i'm color blind and stupid
Clinton: but gender equality
Obama: yep!
Clinton: we have all lived prejudice
Edwards: amen!
Clinton: you'll never hear the GOP talk about this
Leslie: the sad plight of the poor beleagured high taxed CEOS
Edwards: look at New Orleans but not just that all Americans should have the chance to move out of poor areas
Malveaux: Hillary your husband has a big mouth
Hillary: that's not what i heard
Suzanne: ha ha
Clinton: seriously Elizabeth and Michelle talk tough too and sure Bill goes off sometimes but the question you have to ask yourself if is Obama can't stand up to my tough campaigning will he be able to stand up to the Republicans???
Edwards: look at New Orleans but not just that all Americans should have the chance to move out of poor areas
Obama: Michelle only let me run once plus Bill is the former Presnit and he lied about me but i would argue that the real reason we lost in 2000 and 2004 is that our majority was too small and didn't have enough Republicans
Leslie: can you win the presnitsy
Obama: look at Bush / Cheney anyone of us can win
Edwards: if you want someone who can beat John McCain vote for me of course if you want someone really liberal vote your conscience wink wink
Leslie: you should tune into the comments section it's fun there
Obama: i won in Elko Nevada and in Illinois
Leslie: yeah but a bag of dog feces would have beaten Alan Keyes
Obama: we need to go to church and reach out evangelical christians
Leslie: how so
Obama: don't concede ground of jesus christ
Clinton: if McCain is the nominee we will have an election about national security and i will win that election because they will smear Obama and my pro-military votes will carry me through
Edwards: you two can't win against Mr Purity on special interests
Leslie: way to defend Mr Keating Five dood
Edwards: hillary when people give you millions of dollars they expect you to give them something
Hillary: well donors give you millions too
Edwards: but that's trial lawyers who want me to defend their right to law-talk
Obama: i don't take PAC and lobby money
Leslie: is she stronger than John McCain?
Obama: Hillary sells herself as McCain-lite and i say we need to overcome the politics of fear not the politics of triangulation
Edwards: we can drive young kids over to Al Qaeda or to us if we are a beacon of hope
Leslie: i will save the most important question for last and give you one minute to answer - would Martin Luther King vote for you??
Edwards: yes because of my poverty campaign and voting rights and I am willing to fight for equality
Obama: King was a tough guy and he led a movement of ordinary people and that's what i want to do
Clinton: King was a politician and he gave his life for a political movement and then morality met politics and sure other people are moral and i intend to be the person to implement the policies of other people more moral than me.
Leslie: thanx and good night
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Meet The Press - January 20, 2008
***********************************
Meet The Press
January 20, 2008
***********************************
Russert: 5 GOP candidates this is fun!
Brokaw: it's like a wreck-em derby!
Russert: that’s very blue collar!
Brokaw: Rudy is running as Skull-Cracker in Chief
Russert: people want authenticity
Brokaw: u mean John McCain!
Russert: GOP says it is in total chaos but that’s only because the Iraq was become a total disaster
Meachem: GOP era has come to an end -- Reagan was a Great Thinker but it's all over nao
Timmeh: let's yap about teh Confederate Flag -- Huckabee brought it back up again to kneecap John McCain - poor John
Noonan: McCain is running as the Yoda of the GOP everyone knows him and he's a bit useless and crazy and makes no sense at but they humor him anyway
Timmy: friends, working the surge is
Russert: Huckabee wants to re-write all laws to align with the Bible
Norris: he's scaring even evangelicals
Rusert: whoa that's like Lindsay Lohan staging an intervention for Brittney
Goodwin: ha ha ha i love those gurls
Noonan: yes they are fun and like them the GOP is trying to find it's Soul
Russert: what if they look and don't find anything there?
Noonan: [ sobs ]
Russert: the entire Reagan Coalition is collapsing as the turn on each other - they hate at least one thing about the other this is amazing
Goodwin: sure but Reagan, Bush I and Bush II were all phonies who essentially ran on hate and selfishness and that is what will always unite this crowd
Russert: so who leads them?
Goodwin: McCain - he's a leader and panderer and wants to be leader of the GOP and President more than anything
Russert: but why him
Goodwin: because the GOP always runs on mythology - they pretended Bush was a war hero and cowboy
Russert: they are more comfortable with a fictional narrative
Noonan: maybe not now the interest groups this actually want something besides lies
Russert: oh that's bad for the GOP
Brokaw: i listened to Rush Limbaugh for one hour yesterday and afterwards i wanted to kill myself
Noonan: Ayn Rand a nation turns it's lonely eyes to you
Norris: we're are a nation in Fear and eating at Applebees
Meachem: there are 2 possibilities one is that Dukakis was right about everything
Russert: what's the other one
Meachem: the GOP will nominate Hillary Clinton
Russert: Obama said Reagan was transformational - Hillary and Edwards pounced
Goodwin: hey it's history too bad he can't mention it - of course it's politics but he talked about JFK and he wants to be transformational like RR and the Kennedys
Brokaw: the real news is that he totally dissed Bill Clinton
Russert: Clinton said he's not making up the things he made up
Goodwin: he's tough he’s Hillary's Bobby Kennedy
Russert: Bill said the bad new politics is unions throwing their weight around oh noes
Meachem: Ted Kennedy and Rahm Emmanuel want to know if Bill is going around like this now what's he going to be like when he's in the White House without a full time job?
Russert: can he be quiet
Meachem: he's congentially incapable of shutting up
Noonan: she sent he husband out to yell at the neighbors
Russert: if whites flees Edwards that helps Hillary
Brokaw: I was on the phone with my young black friends
Russert: you’re what?
Brokaw: Obama is NYC today with Andy Young and Hillary is hangin’ with Calvin Butts
Norris: i know a 92 year old man who took the pulpit from a pastor and said don't be afraid to vote for a black man
Russert: but a black man could lose
Norris: unlike Mondale, Dukakis, Gore, Kerry,
Russert: oh sure nit pick
Noonan: Mitt Romney haz a deep background in running Duane Reed
Russert: alot of Republicans get their drugs there
Noonan: you need passion - McCain's passion lies in killing Asian people
Russert: i like pie
Noonan: McCain can make people love the United States of America by threatening them
Russert: but the dot-comony
Meachem: JFK could be funny
Russert: Hillary has Evan Bayh but Obama has Ben Nelson
Brokaw: well stop the fucking presses
Russert: don't get snippy old man
Brokaw: i welcome a long boring campaign
Goodwin: if Huckabee is the nominee they could nominate Michael Vick
Meachem: speaking of which Obama explodes teh dogma
Russert: it’s a profoundly different approach Hillary will use her vast operational experience while Obama will just fumble for papers
Noonan: that's stupid
Brokaw: she played her competence card
Russert: her long COO experience
Noonan: oh noes dynasties!!
Russert: where were you in 2000
Noonan: fellating Dubya
Russert: hey Bloomberg is shorter than Lance Armstrong but taller than Schwarzenegger
Meachem: he will run if teh other two New Yorkers run and he will spend a billion dollars
Goodwin: even Teddy Roosevelt couldn't win
Brokaw: in Wyoming there aren't a lot of Kosher kitchens
Russert: interesting
Brokaw: we're hunting delgawtes
Meet The Press
January 20, 2008
***********************************
Russert: 5 GOP candidates this is fun!
Brokaw: it's like a wreck-em derby!
Russert: that’s very blue collar!
Brokaw: Rudy is running as Skull-Cracker in Chief
Russert: people want authenticity
Brokaw: u mean John McCain!
Russert: GOP says it is in total chaos but that’s only because the Iraq was become a total disaster
Meachem: GOP era has come to an end -- Reagan was a Great Thinker but it's all over nao
Timmeh: let's yap about teh Confederate Flag -- Huckabee brought it back up again to kneecap John McCain - poor John
Noonan: McCain is running as the Yoda of the GOP everyone knows him and he's a bit useless and crazy and makes no sense at but they humor him anyway
Timmy: friends, working the surge is
Russert: Huckabee wants to re-write all laws to align with the Bible
Norris: he's scaring even evangelicals
Rusert: whoa that's like Lindsay Lohan staging an intervention for Brittney
Goodwin: ha ha ha i love those gurls
Noonan: yes they are fun and like them the GOP is trying to find it's Soul
Russert: what if they look and don't find anything there?
Noonan: [ sobs ]
Russert: the entire Reagan Coalition is collapsing as the turn on each other - they hate at least one thing about the other this is amazing
Goodwin: sure but Reagan, Bush I and Bush II were all phonies who essentially ran on hate and selfishness and that is what will always unite this crowd
Russert: so who leads them?
Goodwin: McCain - he's a leader and panderer and wants to be leader of the GOP and President more than anything
Russert: but why him
Goodwin: because the GOP always runs on mythology - they pretended Bush was a war hero and cowboy
Russert: they are more comfortable with a fictional narrative
Noonan: maybe not now the interest groups this actually want something besides lies
Russert: oh that's bad for the GOP
Brokaw: i listened to Rush Limbaugh for one hour yesterday and afterwards i wanted to kill myself
Noonan: Ayn Rand a nation turns it's lonely eyes to you
Norris: we're are a nation in Fear and eating at Applebees
Meachem: there are 2 possibilities one is that Dukakis was right about everything
Russert: what's the other one
Meachem: the GOP will nominate Hillary Clinton
Russert: Obama said Reagan was transformational - Hillary and Edwards pounced
Goodwin: hey it's history too bad he can't mention it - of course it's politics but he talked about JFK and he wants to be transformational like RR and the Kennedys
Brokaw: the real news is that he totally dissed Bill Clinton
Russert: Clinton said he's not making up the things he made up
Goodwin: he's tough he’s Hillary's Bobby Kennedy
Russert: Bill said the bad new politics is unions throwing their weight around oh noes
Meachem: Ted Kennedy and Rahm Emmanuel want to know if Bill is going around like this now what's he going to be like when he's in the White House without a full time job?
Russert: can he be quiet
Meachem: he's congentially incapable of shutting up
Noonan: she sent he husband out to yell at the neighbors
Russert: if whites flees Edwards that helps Hillary
Brokaw: I was on the phone with my young black friends
Russert: you’re what?
Brokaw: Obama is NYC today with Andy Young and Hillary is hangin’ with Calvin Butts
Norris: i know a 92 year old man who took the pulpit from a pastor and said don't be afraid to vote for a black man
Russert: but a black man could lose
Norris: unlike Mondale, Dukakis, Gore, Kerry,
Russert: oh sure nit pick
Noonan: Mitt Romney haz a deep background in running Duane Reed
Russert: alot of Republicans get their drugs there
Noonan: you need passion - McCain's passion lies in killing Asian people
Russert: i like pie
Noonan: McCain can make people love the United States of America by threatening them
Russert: but the dot-comony
Meachem: JFK could be funny
Russert: Hillary has Evan Bayh but Obama has Ben Nelson
Brokaw: well stop the fucking presses
Russert: don't get snippy old man
Brokaw: i welcome a long boring campaign
Goodwin: if Huckabee is the nominee they could nominate Michael Vick
Meachem: speaking of which Obama explodes teh dogma
Russert: it’s a profoundly different approach Hillary will use her vast operational experience while Obama will just fumble for papers
Noonan: that's stupid
Brokaw: she played her competence card
Russert: her long COO experience
Noonan: oh noes dynasties!!
Russert: where were you in 2000
Noonan: fellating Dubya
Russert: hey Bloomberg is shorter than Lance Armstrong but taller than Schwarzenegger
Meachem: he will run if teh other two New Yorkers run and he will spend a billion dollars
Goodwin: even Teddy Roosevelt couldn't win
Brokaw: in Wyoming there aren't a lot of Kosher kitchens
Russert: interesting
Brokaw: we're hunting delgawtes
The Chris Matthews Show - January 20, 2008
****************************
The Chris Matthews Show - January 20, 2008
****************************
Matthews: will Bill do what he's told??
Stengel: Bill reminds people of the Clenis and not teh NASDAQ
Matthews: will her VP be allowed to sleep with Hillary?
Stengel: the VP bucket of warm piss now he will eclipsed by the Michael Jordan of oval office blow jobs
Norris: no one is going to turn the job down stupid
Fineman: oh noes Bill’s role is scary
Fineman: Bill will refuse to be kept out of the loop or make his own loop
Stengel: he will take over the Presidency
Fineman: its what Dems want anyway
Tweety: ha ha ha Hillary can't sing
Panel: ha ha john McCain is so cool
Tweety: Obama sings in Spanish oh mio dios!!
Panel: white people can't sing!!
Matthews: oh noes Iraq war sucks and people hate Bush and the economy is bad
Stengel: it helps Romney after he ran the Olympics and those never go well
Tweety: i don't like the Clintons
Parker: everyone hates democrats - vote Romney!!
Tweety: happy talk wins?
Norris: Mitt must run as the health care guy
Matthews: he's a very sensitive android
Fineman: like Commander Data
Fineman: we need a GOP who is not from Washington and has never been there
Tweety: like who?
Fineman: John McCain
Tweety: tell must something i don't know
Parker: Huckabee has a brain
Stegel: the Iraq war has cost more and been worse than we expected
Tweety: shocking
Norris: my newspaper has endorsed Obama because he's cute
Fineman: if if if if - Edwards drops out he will be like Kucinich and campaign for Obama
Tweety: why
Fineman: he doan like Hillary
Tweety: wow
Matthews: can obama win over white people
Parker: sure why not
Stengel: but he's black!
Norris: his momma was white
Tweety: so was mine
Fineman: the real question is can he win the black vote?
Stengel: well he goes after the black vote he will alienate people like me
Tweety: ha i love it!
The Chris Matthews Show - January 20, 2008
****************************
Matthews: will Bill do what he's told??
Stengel: Bill reminds people of the Clenis and not teh NASDAQ
Matthews: will her VP be allowed to sleep with Hillary?
Stengel: the VP bucket of warm piss now he will eclipsed by the Michael Jordan of oval office blow jobs
Norris: no one is going to turn the job down stupid
Fineman: oh noes Bill’s role is scary
Fineman: Bill will refuse to be kept out of the loop or make his own loop
Stengel: he will take over the Presidency
Fineman: its what Dems want anyway
Tweety: ha ha ha Hillary can't sing
Panel: ha ha john McCain is so cool
Tweety: Obama sings in Spanish oh mio dios!!
Panel: white people can't sing!!
Matthews: oh noes Iraq war sucks and people hate Bush and the economy is bad
Stengel: it helps Romney after he ran the Olympics and those never go well
Tweety: i don't like the Clintons
Parker: everyone hates democrats - vote Romney!!
Tweety: happy talk wins?
Norris: Mitt must run as the health care guy
Matthews: he's a very sensitive android
Fineman: like Commander Data
Fineman: we need a GOP who is not from Washington and has never been there
Tweety: like who?
Fineman: John McCain
Tweety: tell must something i don't know
Parker: Huckabee has a brain
Stegel: the Iraq war has cost more and been worse than we expected
Tweety: shocking
Norris: my newspaper has endorsed Obama because he's cute
Fineman: if if if if - Edwards drops out he will be like Kucinich and campaign for Obama
Tweety: why
Fineman: he doan like Hillary
Tweety: wow
Matthews: can obama win over white people
Parker: sure why not
Stengel: but he's black!
Norris: his momma was white
Tweety: so was mine
Fineman: the real question is can he win the black vote?
Stengel: well he goes after the black vote he will alienate people like me
Tweety: ha i love it!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Democratic Debate - January 16, 2008
*************************************
Democratic Debate
January 16, 2008
MSNBC
Hosts:
Brian Williams
Tim Russert
*************************************
Williams: Hello I'm Brian Williams and my interests are English leather, hair gel, and Rush Limbaugh. I'm here with the only man with a Buffalo Bills lunchbucket and a house on Martha’s vineyard, and MSNBC hottie Natalie Morales. Let's begin!
Brian Williams: let me open with a tediously long and pretentious question designed to make you to fight each other while sounding I'm weary of the whole thing -- Go!
Clinton: John Edwards is the son of a fucking mill worker and i have ovaries and Obama is half black and we are all family which means we get drunk at holidays even though we hate each other’s guts
Williams: today is a holiday - it's ML King's B-day
Obama: the pretty lady is right - the planet is in peril and the economy is in the shitter and this is after trying putting white guys in charge for 200 years
Williams: yeah but we brought you WWII, the moon landing and NASCAR!
Edwards: i feel for the black man and woman because I'm from the South
Williams: sing it with my own self brother person
Edwards: i was up close to all those kids at the lunchcounters and all that stuff
Russert: Obama are you are a hate-filled black man?
Obama: no i'm not - so i will neither modulate my voice nor move my body at all tonight
Russert: don't stab me scary man you can have my wife
Obama: cool it fathead
Russert: does Hillary hate black people?
Obama: no - anyway she can hate on me but i won in Iowa and if there's a whiter place I haven't seen it
Russert: she won because new hampshire is full of closeted racists
Obama: no - i want to reach out to asians and hispanics and build a beautiful rainbow coalition that will scare the shit out of white america
Russert: Hillary will you please get the fuck rid of that total jackass Robert Johnson?
Clinton: no way - the people need to understand the stakes are really high - in las Vegas there are vast empty gated communities in this blasted shitty desert
Russert: but my questions-
Clinton: suck timmy
Question: what about your life story Mr Handsome
Edwards: i know i am youthfully handsome but i will fight fervently for unions and i believe in that in my soul
Question: you got soul bro but you are handicapped as a white male
Edwards: Dems have always wanted to elect a woman and a black man but i would ask people to please just wait one more time after all Obama is young and Clinton is more polarizing than an electro-magnet
Williams: Obama last time you came across as a condescending prick
Obama: i resent that so i will explain this slowly to you because clearly you are not very bright
Hillary: good one Barack!
Obama: heh you're hip enough Hillary
Williams: i will ask yet another substance free idiotic question do you all admit you ganged up on Hillary
Edwards: that is the dumbest fucking question ever -- were you aware that people are suffering economically and not everyone has a yacht
[audience whacko: ask a race based question on youtube!!!]
Williams: Hillary are you evil??
Clinton: 47 million people are uninsured while Bush begs the Saudis to let him suck their dicks for oil
Williams: damm harsh language madame ovary
Clinton: oh shut up you blow dried pretty boy
Russert: admit it - Obama is pretty cool
Hillary: yeah but i'm tougher
Russert: Obama do you operate like an officer and gentleman
Obama: being president is all about sparking hope and vision and inspiring people
Russert: what else
Obama: sound judgment and hope and mobilizing people
Russert: your strengths and weaknesses - go!!
Obama: i can unite people who hate each other - my greatest weakness is i lose things like i once lost my cocaine stash it was bad
Edwards: my strength is that i am a fighter with guts
Russert: really -because you don't come across that way at all
Edwards: my weakness is that i just care too much about people with dignity and self respect
Russert: good one cutie
Clinton: for 35 years i have fought for children and my church and i have tried to help people and be their champion
Russert: answer my question sister
Clinton: i get impatient because i care so much i would also point out you need to be a good manager and Barack has never done that look at Bush he sucks completely
Russert: do you you have managerial experience??
Clinton: dood you think corralling Bill Clinton is easy?
Russert: good point
Obama: bush's real problem is that he never listens to people who don't already agree that he should have big statue built to him Baghdad
Russert: so hillary was wrong?
Obama: right - she voted with him and Bush's problem is not bureaucratic
Williams: Obama do you hate America and are you a radical muslim??
Obama: oooh the Internet - actually i did once swallowed a bunch of fizzy pops and nearly died
Williams: really wow!!
Obama: no you dumbass
Williams: Citigroup has gone begging to Alaweed and many americans think a bunch of ragheads shouldn't own an american bank
Hillary: these are controlled by foreign governments - the World Bank should get involved
Williams: hmmm
Clinton: these banks were run by a bunch of assholes, crooks and idiots
Williams: you sound shrill
Clinton: we need to be aggressive!
Williams: Kuwait bought an American bank on the blood of young american virgin boys!
Edwards: oh now look who cares so much mr nascar
Williams: save my populist ass man the GOP is killing mah country
Edwards: only if you beg me man
Obama: this is all about oil and Bush's only foreign policy is to put Exxon in charge of the US Navy
Williams: [ hums “In the Navy” ]
Edwards: it's not right for these people to sucked into this kind of debt and jobs are leaving and costs are going up
Williams: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Edwards: the people at the top are doing well
Williams: [perks up]
Edwards: we need a new energy policy and a new minimum wage and put kids in college and that will all be paid for by getting rid of big banks as a fucking intermediary for students loans
Russert: do you regret your Bankruptcy bill vote
Clinton: yes!
Russert: wow really?
Clinton: yeah but luckily I'm no LBJ so it never became law
Russert: heh
Clinton: now let me mimic john edwards and go after high CEO salaries and give a shout out to the black and brown people out there!
Williams: gee calm down lady
Clinton: hey one million people could be homeless and Bush doesn't give a shit and millionaire tv anchors sure don't
Obama: i opposed both of those bills and i submitted a bill a year and half ago to stop all this
Williams: class warfare!
Obama: hey people get sick and we need to help these people
Morales: what about all the poor people paying capital gains???
Obama: well potentially i would let middle income people pay less
Morales: ooh wow
Obama: Warren Buffet pays less tax than his secretary and it's not fair and everyone knows that the game is rigged
Williams: so sad
Morales: Hillary will you makeover mah home?
Clinton: i will geek out now on economic growth and fed policy and my 19 point plan including a state-federal 30 billion dollar fund and-
Morales: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Clinton: -and energy bills and unemployment compensation and green collar jobs and stimulus and tax rebates
Williams: i would remind the candidates that Dennis Kucinich is a cage outside with Stephen Doocy and the same could happen to you
Edwards: Obama why do you Pharmas give you money is it because you're so good looking?
Obama: could be - or because i have a lot of small donors and not PACs and the law i wrote and passed this year regulating lobbyists and i called for public financing while you are outside the system throwing rocks
Clinton: i want to ask Barack Obama to sleep with me because it would kill Bill plus he's hawt
Williams: ha ha
Clinton: no seriously i want to ask Obama to support legislation to bind President Stupid from attacking Iran
Obama: when I'm president I will tell all the Joint Chiefs to get us out of Iraq
Williams: Hillary will you take his pledge?
Clinton: he was supposed to answer my question!
Edwards: well of course I will get out of Iraq
Russert: whoa whoa whoa what about my pledge you all took to guarantee there will no US soldiers there in 5 years
Obama: holy crap you are so dumb -- what is that mayonnaise between your ears?
Hillary: Barack did you hear what McCain said - man you need to read the liberal blogs
Edwards: i will definitely keep troops in Iraq to protect the Embassy
Obama: whoa dood i thought you all into withdraw and shit
Edwards: I don't want combat troops in Iraq i want a bunch of guards surrounding the Green Zone
Russert: will you vigorously enforce our seamen???
Hillary: of course i've worked very hard on this when I was on the Senate Arms and Hands Committee to lubricate bill through the hard asses in Congress
Russert: the top ten schools on Nantucket many hate our little soldiers
Obama: we need more ivy leaguers that will definitely put us over the top in the mountains of Afghanistan
Russert: they are not tough like my blue collar family
Obama: or civilian corps like our State Dept where no one speaks any other languages
Russert: except Bobblespeak
Russert: will you pledge to attack Harvard
Edwards: yes but we treat our veterans shitty we are America they helped us and now it's up to us to help them
Obama: Wounded soldiers have to pay for their own meals and phone calls can you imagine - god Bush is evil
Hillary: i have a 27 point plan to address this issue
Williams: ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz
Clinton: -and more services and mental health and-
Williams: speaking of that i'm reminded of barfing and Yucca mountain
Obama: i will end Yucca mountain
Clinton: as soon as i found out there was an early primary in Nevada i found out the science did not favor it so i voted against Yucca mountain
Obama: you forgot i always opposed it dollface
Edwards: oh screw you agnostics i hate all nuclear power and they are too expensive and terror targets
Russert: dood the Energy bill is Renaissance it's got nuclear power plants named Leonardo and Michelangeo and Donatello
Obama: they don't produce volumes of greenhouse gases unlike certain meet the press anchors i could mention
Clinton: that Energy bill was the Dick Cheney Wealth Act i hate special interests
Russert: you, really?
Clinton: right i love green energy
Williams: why don't you all drop out and endorse Al Gore
Clinton: he lacks my ovaries and Obama's charisma
Russert: Please tell us how the Democrats will save us from devastation after all that's your role in our political system
Edwards: wind, solar, and biofuels bitches!!
Russert: please watch your language
Edwards: no more coal either
Clinton: i have a 53 point energy plan
Williams: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Clinton: and sequester carbon and Apollo program and states and communities and people-
Obama: turn your fucking lights off America and buy a clothesline motherfuckers
Williams: speaking of immigration, shouldn't citizens speaks english???
Edwards: well sure but let's teach them
Russert: you had a supporter who hates on black and hispanics
Clinton: don't be silly Bill and I love the black and brown people
Russert: my god do you two talk politics while you are having sex??
Hillary: yes yes yes !
Russert: hispanics won't vote for blacks right?
Obama: they supported me Brian!
Williams: touche mr. happyness
Morales: speaking of black men what is wrong with them?
Obama: improve K-12
Morales: the vitamin that Roger Clemens took?
Obama: oh my god you're dumb
Williams: heh
Obama: dammit my momma didn't raise no dummy - black fathers are absent believe me i know
Clinton: This is the Black & Brown Debate and I'm not going to let his sob story go by I have 72 point plan to deal with this
Williams: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Edwards: universal pre K and Second Chance Schools!
Russert: the leading cause of death of young black men in Nevada is death!!
Clinton: i hate illegal guns but i'm a realist and young people will always have guns
Russert: but Mike Bloomberg rulz!!!
Clinton: ok so maybe just not have the total mental cases walk around with major firearms
Russert: bad guys!
Hillary: i love teh second amendment
Obama: who doesn't love to hunt fish with an AK-47???
Russert: what happened to the Dems on guns???
Edwards: i love guns and hunters but not super rifles
Williams: Hillary you used Al Qaeda to go after Barack Obama how sleazy
Clinton: it is a fact that dirty muslims want to attack us and like LBJ i have been president for many years and our enemas are relentless
Williams: you are getting shrill again
Clinton: i'm from new york and we have to unite the world behind us and we can't take a risk on some dood from indonesia
Williams: Barack Las Vegas was a primary target in WarGames aren't you terrified???
Obama: I will hire Oprah to help American work through our 9/11 problems and Hillary Rodham Rove over there attacked Iraq because she's a big military hawkish jerk
Russert: Hillary show me your ovaries
Clinton: towel headed monkey bar trained crazy muslims attacked Gordon Brown and forced him to smile against his will
Russert: oh noes
Clinton: we have many enemies
Russert: you called Pervez in Pakistan after Bhutto was killed was that right
Edwards: actually what happened was I had a bet with Musharraf that the Patriots would go undefeated and i said to Musharraf pay up look what happened to Bhutto after she stiffed me on the Rose Bowl
Question: when did you decide to put yourself through this
Hillary: i made the decision in Reno i said it the roulette wheel lands on red i will kill bill and marry my lesbian lover and if it lands on black i will run for president
Edwards: i asked all the people in my family with cancer and without if i should run and they said well okay
Obama: my family knew i could win but they were all like ‘whoa are you sure there is no one else who could do it because you may not be even the best one in this marriage’
Williams: thanks to Patco, 100 black men, Las Vegas and the compulsive gamblers of america
Democratic Debate
January 16, 2008
MSNBC
Hosts:
Brian Williams
Tim Russert
*************************************
Williams: Hello I'm Brian Williams and my interests are English leather, hair gel, and Rush Limbaugh. I'm here with the only man with a Buffalo Bills lunchbucket and a house on Martha’s vineyard, and MSNBC hottie Natalie Morales. Let's begin!
Brian Williams: let me open with a tediously long and pretentious question designed to make you to fight each other while sounding I'm weary of the whole thing -- Go!
Clinton: John Edwards is the son of a fucking mill worker and i have ovaries and Obama is half black and we are all family which means we get drunk at holidays even though we hate each other’s guts
Williams: today is a holiday - it's ML King's B-day
Obama: the pretty lady is right - the planet is in peril and the economy is in the shitter and this is after trying putting white guys in charge for 200 years
Williams: yeah but we brought you WWII, the moon landing and NASCAR!
Edwards: i feel for the black man and woman because I'm from the South
Williams: sing it with my own self brother person
Edwards: i was up close to all those kids at the lunchcounters and all that stuff
Russert: Obama are you are a hate-filled black man?
Obama: no i'm not - so i will neither modulate my voice nor move my body at all tonight
Russert: don't stab me scary man you can have my wife
Obama: cool it fathead
Russert: does Hillary hate black people?
Obama: no - anyway she can hate on me but i won in Iowa and if there's a whiter place I haven't seen it
Russert: she won because new hampshire is full of closeted racists
Obama: no - i want to reach out to asians and hispanics and build a beautiful rainbow coalition that will scare the shit out of white america
Russert: Hillary will you please get the fuck rid of that total jackass Robert Johnson?
Clinton: no way - the people need to understand the stakes are really high - in las Vegas there are vast empty gated communities in this blasted shitty desert
Russert: but my questions-
Clinton: suck timmy
Question: what about your life story Mr Handsome
Edwards: i know i am youthfully handsome but i will fight fervently for unions and i believe in that in my soul
Question: you got soul bro but you are handicapped as a white male
Edwards: Dems have always wanted to elect a woman and a black man but i would ask people to please just wait one more time after all Obama is young and Clinton is more polarizing than an electro-magnet
Williams: Obama last time you came across as a condescending prick
Obama: i resent that so i will explain this slowly to you because clearly you are not very bright
Hillary: good one Barack!
Obama: heh you're hip enough Hillary
Williams: i will ask yet another substance free idiotic question do you all admit you ganged up on Hillary
Edwards: that is the dumbest fucking question ever -- were you aware that people are suffering economically and not everyone has a yacht
[audience whacko: ask a race based question on youtube!!!]
Williams: Hillary are you evil??
Clinton: 47 million people are uninsured while Bush begs the Saudis to let him suck their dicks for oil
Williams: damm harsh language madame ovary
Clinton: oh shut up you blow dried pretty boy
Russert: admit it - Obama is pretty cool
Hillary: yeah but i'm tougher
Russert: Obama do you operate like an officer and gentleman
Obama: being president is all about sparking hope and vision and inspiring people
Russert: what else
Obama: sound judgment and hope and mobilizing people
Russert: your strengths and weaknesses - go!!
Obama: i can unite people who hate each other - my greatest weakness is i lose things like i once lost my cocaine stash it was bad
Edwards: my strength is that i am a fighter with guts
Russert: really -because you don't come across that way at all
Edwards: my weakness is that i just care too much about people with dignity and self respect
Russert: good one cutie
Clinton: for 35 years i have fought for children and my church and i have tried to help people and be their champion
Russert: answer my question sister
Clinton: i get impatient because i care so much i would also point out you need to be a good manager and Barack has never done that look at Bush he sucks completely
Russert: do you you have managerial experience??
Clinton: dood you think corralling Bill Clinton is easy?
Russert: good point
Obama: bush's real problem is that he never listens to people who don't already agree that he should have big statue built to him Baghdad
Russert: so hillary was wrong?
Obama: right - she voted with him and Bush's problem is not bureaucratic
Williams: Obama do you hate America and are you a radical muslim??
Obama: oooh the Internet - actually i did once swallowed a bunch of fizzy pops and nearly died
Williams: really wow!!
Obama: no you dumbass
Williams: Citigroup has gone begging to Alaweed and many americans think a bunch of ragheads shouldn't own an american bank
Hillary: these are controlled by foreign governments - the World Bank should get involved
Williams: hmmm
Clinton: these banks were run by a bunch of assholes, crooks and idiots
Williams: you sound shrill
Clinton: we need to be aggressive!
Williams: Kuwait bought an American bank on the blood of young american virgin boys!
Edwards: oh now look who cares so much mr nascar
Williams: save my populist ass man the GOP is killing mah country
Edwards: only if you beg me man
Obama: this is all about oil and Bush's only foreign policy is to put Exxon in charge of the US Navy
Williams: [ hums “In the Navy” ]
Edwards: it's not right for these people to sucked into this kind of debt and jobs are leaving and costs are going up
Williams: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Edwards: the people at the top are doing well
Williams: [perks up]
Edwards: we need a new energy policy and a new minimum wage and put kids in college and that will all be paid for by getting rid of big banks as a fucking intermediary for students loans
Russert: do you regret your Bankruptcy bill vote
Clinton: yes!
Russert: wow really?
Clinton: yeah but luckily I'm no LBJ so it never became law
Russert: heh
Clinton: now let me mimic john edwards and go after high CEO salaries and give a shout out to the black and brown people out there!
Williams: gee calm down lady
Clinton: hey one million people could be homeless and Bush doesn't give a shit and millionaire tv anchors sure don't
Obama: i opposed both of those bills and i submitted a bill a year and half ago to stop all this
Williams: class warfare!
Obama: hey people get sick and we need to help these people
Morales: what about all the poor people paying capital gains???
Obama: well potentially i would let middle income people pay less
Morales: ooh wow
Obama: Warren Buffet pays less tax than his secretary and it's not fair and everyone knows that the game is rigged
Williams: so sad
Morales: Hillary will you makeover mah home?
Clinton: i will geek out now on economic growth and fed policy and my 19 point plan including a state-federal 30 billion dollar fund and-
Morales: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Clinton: -and energy bills and unemployment compensation and green collar jobs and stimulus and tax rebates
Williams: i would remind the candidates that Dennis Kucinich is a cage outside with Stephen Doocy and the same could happen to you
Edwards: Obama why do you Pharmas give you money is it because you're so good looking?
Obama: could be - or because i have a lot of small donors and not PACs and the law i wrote and passed this year regulating lobbyists and i called for public financing while you are outside the system throwing rocks
Clinton: i want to ask Barack Obama to sleep with me because it would kill Bill plus he's hawt
Williams: ha ha
Clinton: no seriously i want to ask Obama to support legislation to bind President Stupid from attacking Iran
Obama: when I'm president I will tell all the Joint Chiefs to get us out of Iraq
Williams: Hillary will you take his pledge?
Clinton: he was supposed to answer my question!
Edwards: well of course I will get out of Iraq
Russert: whoa whoa whoa what about my pledge you all took to guarantee there will no US soldiers there in 5 years
Obama: holy crap you are so dumb -- what is that mayonnaise between your ears?
Hillary: Barack did you hear what McCain said - man you need to read the liberal blogs
Edwards: i will definitely keep troops in Iraq to protect the Embassy
Obama: whoa dood i thought you all into withdraw and shit
Edwards: I don't want combat troops in Iraq i want a bunch of guards surrounding the Green Zone
Russert: will you vigorously enforce our seamen???
Hillary: of course i've worked very hard on this when I was on the Senate Arms and Hands Committee to lubricate bill through the hard asses in Congress
Russert: the top ten schools on Nantucket many hate our little soldiers
Obama: we need more ivy leaguers that will definitely put us over the top in the mountains of Afghanistan
Russert: they are not tough like my blue collar family
Obama: or civilian corps like our State Dept where no one speaks any other languages
Russert: except Bobblespeak
Russert: will you pledge to attack Harvard
Edwards: yes but we treat our veterans shitty we are America they helped us and now it's up to us to help them
Obama: Wounded soldiers have to pay for their own meals and phone calls can you imagine - god Bush is evil
Hillary: i have a 27 point plan to address this issue
Williams: ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz
Clinton: -and more services and mental health and-
Williams: speaking of that i'm reminded of barfing and Yucca mountain
Obama: i will end Yucca mountain
Clinton: as soon as i found out there was an early primary in Nevada i found out the science did not favor it so i voted against Yucca mountain
Obama: you forgot i always opposed it dollface
Edwards: oh screw you agnostics i hate all nuclear power and they are too expensive and terror targets
Russert: dood the Energy bill is Renaissance it's got nuclear power plants named Leonardo and Michelangeo and Donatello
Obama: they don't produce volumes of greenhouse gases unlike certain meet the press anchors i could mention
Clinton: that Energy bill was the Dick Cheney Wealth Act i hate special interests
Russert: you, really?
Clinton: right i love green energy
Williams: why don't you all drop out and endorse Al Gore
Clinton: he lacks my ovaries and Obama's charisma
Russert: Please tell us how the Democrats will save us from devastation after all that's your role in our political system
Edwards: wind, solar, and biofuels bitches!!
Russert: please watch your language
Edwards: no more coal either
Clinton: i have a 53 point energy plan
Williams: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Clinton: and sequester carbon and Apollo program and states and communities and people-
Obama: turn your fucking lights off America and buy a clothesline motherfuckers
Williams: speaking of immigration, shouldn't citizens speaks english???
Edwards: well sure but let's teach them
Russert: you had a supporter who hates on black and hispanics
Clinton: don't be silly Bill and I love the black and brown people
Russert: my god do you two talk politics while you are having sex??
Hillary: yes yes yes !
Russert: hispanics won't vote for blacks right?
Obama: they supported me Brian!
Williams: touche mr. happyness
Morales: speaking of black men what is wrong with them?
Obama: improve K-12
Morales: the vitamin that Roger Clemens took?
Obama: oh my god you're dumb
Williams: heh
Obama: dammit my momma didn't raise no dummy - black fathers are absent believe me i know
Clinton: This is the Black & Brown Debate and I'm not going to let his sob story go by I have 72 point plan to deal with this
Williams: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Edwards: universal pre K and Second Chance Schools!
Russert: the leading cause of death of young black men in Nevada is death!!
Clinton: i hate illegal guns but i'm a realist and young people will always have guns
Russert: but Mike Bloomberg rulz!!!
Clinton: ok so maybe just not have the total mental cases walk around with major firearms
Russert: bad guys!
Hillary: i love teh second amendment
Obama: who doesn't love to hunt fish with an AK-47???
Russert: what happened to the Dems on guns???
Edwards: i love guns and hunters but not super rifles
Williams: Hillary you used Al Qaeda to go after Barack Obama how sleazy
Clinton: it is a fact that dirty muslims want to attack us and like LBJ i have been president for many years and our enemas are relentless
Williams: you are getting shrill again
Clinton: i'm from new york and we have to unite the world behind us and we can't take a risk on some dood from indonesia
Williams: Barack Las Vegas was a primary target in WarGames aren't you terrified???
Obama: I will hire Oprah to help American work through our 9/11 problems and Hillary Rodham Rove over there attacked Iraq because she's a big military hawkish jerk
Russert: Hillary show me your ovaries
Clinton: towel headed monkey bar trained crazy muslims attacked Gordon Brown and forced him to smile against his will
Russert: oh noes
Clinton: we have many enemies
Russert: you called Pervez in Pakistan after Bhutto was killed was that right
Edwards: actually what happened was I had a bet with Musharraf that the Patriots would go undefeated and i said to Musharraf pay up look what happened to Bhutto after she stiffed me on the Rose Bowl
Question: when did you decide to put yourself through this
Hillary: i made the decision in Reno i said it the roulette wheel lands on red i will kill bill and marry my lesbian lover and if it lands on black i will run for president
Edwards: i asked all the people in my family with cancer and without if i should run and they said well okay
Obama: my family knew i could win but they were all like ‘whoa are you sure there is no one else who could do it because you may not be even the best one in this marriage’
Williams: thanks to Patco, 100 black men, Las Vegas and the compulsive gamblers of america
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Meet The Press with Sen. Hillary Clinton - January 13, 2008
***********************************
Meet The Press
January 13, 2008
Host: Tim Russert
Guest: Senator Hillary Clinton
*************************************
Tim Russert: you attacked Martin Luther King - would like to attack Abraham Lincoln or JFK on my show this morning?
Hillary Clinton: no thanks
Russert: you claim Obama is an Islamic drug dealer
Clinton: i haven't heard that
Russert: you hate civil rights activists?
Clinton: no i love MLK - i marched with Dr. King and Mitt Romney and he was he was gassed and jailed and campaigned
Russert: so what does that have to do with you and Obama
Clinton: Obama is a big liar he’s trying to reverse-Swift-boat me
Russert: very clever
Clinton: look i'm female and he's black so let's all be happy and not get bogged down
Russert: bill attacked him as a fairy tale but i love fairy tales
Clinton: ok Obama was against the war in 2002 but by 2004 he was voting for the funding the war
Russert: so did you!
Clinton: yeah but he didn't introduce legislation against the war when he could have
Russert: what do you want him to do?
Clinton: he said i killed Bhutto and Tim you can't prove that!!!
Russert: Rep Clyburn says Bill was offensive
Clinton: no no no you mislead pumpkinhaid
Russert: even Donna Brazille hates you
Clinton: oh 'cooking with grease' give me a break
Russert: some random black woman says you are minimizing King and it takes a white man to make change happen
Clinton: you fat liar Obama compared himself to Kennedy and he was a war hero and King was a real leader and Obama is just a kid
Russert: so he's not a legendary politician big deal
Clinton: King would endorse me today because i am a legislator and Obama is just a pretty speechmaker
Russert: so you don't hate black people?
Clinton: no i admire politically active blacks not eloquent Johnny-come-latelies like Obama
Russert: you compare Obama to demagogues like Huey Long!!
Clinton: he's just a speaker and he has done nothing goddamitt i've taken shit for the party and bill clinton and upstate new york and i'm owed dammit
Russert: why should people vote for you
Clinton: i'm really boring
Russert: you say you’re workhorse and he's a showhorse
Clinton: look i've paid my dues and did hard work
Russert: Obama talks pretty but is lazy?
Clinton: oh don't tempt me fatty
Russert: you cried why -- your time of the month?
Clinton: no i'm human stupid and i was touched by voters telling me about all their problems it's fucking moving Timmy
Russert: but that woman voted later for Barack because you're stiff and dull
Clinton: fuck you timmy i mean that
Russert: is obama unready?
Clinton: totally only i can deal with the economy, health care, iraq, iran and afghanistan
Russert: was that a yes?
Clinton: yes - he only passed an anti-lunch bill whereas i can answer hundreds of questions
Russert: you won in 2000 cause Lazio went after you and after Obama and Edwards ganged up you played the gender card
Clinton: bullshit obama is the one playing the race card
Russert: oh?
Clinton: i'm a daughter and wife and sister and a lover
Russert: you're tied with Barack
Clinton: but i've walked through the fires of hell for 35 years
Russert: what's the best reason to vote for you
Clinton: it will makes Chris Matthews absolutely crazy
Russert: If Saint Petreaus says we should stay will you let our troops will stay??
Clinton: no because on Day One we will begin troops withdraw in the first 60 days and pressure the Iraqis to get their shit together
Russert: But the Generals!
Clinton: in January of 2009 our troops will come home so the Iraqis best get used to it
Russert: The surge has worked and you know it!!!!
Clinton: Timmy i use small words now -- the surge has failed to achieve political unity - of course our troops are good at killing but it's still killing
Russert: but awesome killing
Russert: you voted for the war and attacking Saddam and the same day Obama gave a speech where he was proven fucking right
Clinton: oh just words Timmeh look i didn't support the war just a vote disarm Saddam by force
Russert: oh ok
Clinton: Obama wanted to surrender to Saddam and just let him keep his biological weapons
Russert: the ones he didn't have
Clinton: Obama should have held himself to a higher standard because of his speech and not support John Kerry otherwise what is the point of even having a Magic Negro???
Russert: you voted for war and if you disagree that's bunk
Clinton: i'm not going to give the UN Security Council a veto over American policy
Russert: don't we sit on the Security Council?
Clinton: the point is i was very strongly in favor of only give a Bush a year to attack Iraq
Russert: oh good
Clinton: it wasn't a vote for force
Russert: the title of the bill was a vote for use of force
Clinton: we can sit here and argue about who voted for what but the point is Obama was supporting Bush in 2004
Russert: but so did you??
Clinton: yeah but I don't pretend to be perfect like he does!!
Russert: did he have better judgment in 2002
Clinton: one little decision
Russert: it was a decision to go war!
Clinton: Ask him about his positions since then!
Russert: i did
Clinton: his answer was very political
Russert: oh noes!
Clinton: yeah he pretends he's all non-political but everyone knows i'm triangulating so it doesn’t count
Russert: so no fair
Clinton: right - we need someone careful now not someone who’s going to go off half cocked and inspire people
Russert: doris kearns goodwin says you haven't learned
Clinton: oh fuck her
Russert: do you wish you had read the NIE?
Clinton: hey i thought i was voting for sending inspectors in
Russert: punk'd!
Clinton: bush himself said the vote i cast was to avoid war
Russert: you fucked up - you trusted him
Clinton: President Otter yes
Russert: back in 1992 Bill Clinton gave a speech endorsing Obama!
Clinton: no he was the senior governor back then and times are different we need change now and i have 35 years of experience rooted in real lives of real people
Russert: that’s your message?
Clinton: yes I'm tanned rested and ready
Russert: but 20 years ago--
Clinton: no let's talk about the future like the economy and this recession and my proposals
Russert: but you don't pay for them
Clinton: i'm more responsible that Edwards and the black guy
Russert: you don't pay for stimulus
Clinton: well that's different
Russert: but aren't poor subprime buyers bad people?
Clinton: they’re victims of fraud and liars
Russert: sounds like welfare
Clinton: alan greenspan agrees with me
Russert: screw let them - live in their second home
Clinton: oh sure
Russert: you pardoned marc rich and your brother's criminal friends will you pledge to depoliticize the government
Clinton: ha ha that's rich after living through the Bush years
Russert: is there a Vast Right Ring Conspiracy???
Clinton: ha ha ha no comment
Russert: you are a polarizer!
Clinton: no i worked with Republicans in the Senate i'm like a good combination of Edwards and Obama - experience + fighting
Russert: but you work with GOP??
Clinton: trust me timmster they hate my guts
Russert: independents hate you
Clinton: oooh a poll - what a shithead you are
Russert: you hurt mah feelings
Clinton: hey bill only got 3% in Iowa in 1992 and look what happened
Russert: surprise!
Clinton: Obama is not ready you can't vote 'present' when you're presnit
Russert: do you support a lawsuit to prevent people from voting in Nevada
Clinton: a caucus is for neighbors to get together and talk about their choices
Russert: and vote for president
Clinton: oh that
Russert: what's your biggest adversity in life?
Clinton: Bill will sleep with anything that moves
Russert: like who
Clinton: I can't even leave him alone with Barack
Russert: thanks alot Senator and good luck
Meet The Press
January 13, 2008
Host: Tim Russert
Guest: Senator Hillary Clinton
*************************************
Tim Russert: you attacked Martin Luther King - would like to attack Abraham Lincoln or JFK on my show this morning?
Hillary Clinton: no thanks
Russert: you claim Obama is an Islamic drug dealer
Clinton: i haven't heard that
Russert: you hate civil rights activists?
Clinton: no i love MLK - i marched with Dr. King and Mitt Romney and he was he was gassed and jailed and campaigned
Russert: so what does that have to do with you and Obama
Clinton: Obama is a big liar he’s trying to reverse-Swift-boat me
Russert: very clever
Clinton: look i'm female and he's black so let's all be happy and not get bogged down
Russert: bill attacked him as a fairy tale but i love fairy tales
Clinton: ok Obama was against the war in 2002 but by 2004 he was voting for the funding the war
Russert: so did you!
Clinton: yeah but he didn't introduce legislation against the war when he could have
Russert: what do you want him to do?
Clinton: he said i killed Bhutto and Tim you can't prove that!!!
Russert: Rep Clyburn says Bill was offensive
Clinton: no no no you mislead pumpkinhaid
Russert: even Donna Brazille hates you
Clinton: oh 'cooking with grease' give me a break
Russert: some random black woman says you are minimizing King and it takes a white man to make change happen
Clinton: you fat liar Obama compared himself to Kennedy and he was a war hero and King was a real leader and Obama is just a kid
Russert: so he's not a legendary politician big deal
Clinton: King would endorse me today because i am a legislator and Obama is just a pretty speechmaker
Russert: so you don't hate black people?
Clinton: no i admire politically active blacks not eloquent Johnny-come-latelies like Obama
Russert: you compare Obama to demagogues like Huey Long!!
Clinton: he's just a speaker and he has done nothing goddamitt i've taken shit for the party and bill clinton and upstate new york and i'm owed dammit
Russert: why should people vote for you
Clinton: i'm really boring
Russert: you say you’re workhorse and he's a showhorse
Clinton: look i've paid my dues and did hard work
Russert: Obama talks pretty but is lazy?
Clinton: oh don't tempt me fatty
Russert: you cried why -- your time of the month?
Clinton: no i'm human stupid and i was touched by voters telling me about all their problems it's fucking moving Timmy
Russert: but that woman voted later for Barack because you're stiff and dull
Clinton: fuck you timmy i mean that
Russert: is obama unready?
Clinton: totally only i can deal with the economy, health care, iraq, iran and afghanistan
Russert: was that a yes?
Clinton: yes - he only passed an anti-lunch bill whereas i can answer hundreds of questions
Russert: you won in 2000 cause Lazio went after you and after Obama and Edwards ganged up you played the gender card
Clinton: bullshit obama is the one playing the race card
Russert: oh?
Clinton: i'm a daughter and wife and sister and a lover
Russert: you're tied with Barack
Clinton: but i've walked through the fires of hell for 35 years
Russert: what's the best reason to vote for you
Clinton: it will makes Chris Matthews absolutely crazy
Russert: If Saint Petreaus says we should stay will you let our troops will stay??
Clinton: no because on Day One we will begin troops withdraw in the first 60 days and pressure the Iraqis to get their shit together
Russert: But the Generals!
Clinton: in January of 2009 our troops will come home so the Iraqis best get used to it
Russert: The surge has worked and you know it!!!!
Clinton: Timmy i use small words now -- the surge has failed to achieve political unity - of course our troops are good at killing but it's still killing
Russert: but awesome killing
Russert: you voted for the war and attacking Saddam and the same day Obama gave a speech where he was proven fucking right
Clinton: oh just words Timmeh look i didn't support the war just a vote disarm Saddam by force
Russert: oh ok
Clinton: Obama wanted to surrender to Saddam and just let him keep his biological weapons
Russert: the ones he didn't have
Clinton: Obama should have held himself to a higher standard because of his speech and not support John Kerry otherwise what is the point of even having a Magic Negro???
Russert: you voted for war and if you disagree that's bunk
Clinton: i'm not going to give the UN Security Council a veto over American policy
Russert: don't we sit on the Security Council?
Clinton: the point is i was very strongly in favor of only give a Bush a year to attack Iraq
Russert: oh good
Clinton: it wasn't a vote for force
Russert: the title of the bill was a vote for use of force
Clinton: we can sit here and argue about who voted for what but the point is Obama was supporting Bush in 2004
Russert: but so did you??
Clinton: yeah but I don't pretend to be perfect like he does!!
Russert: did he have better judgment in 2002
Clinton: one little decision
Russert: it was a decision to go war!
Clinton: Ask him about his positions since then!
Russert: i did
Clinton: his answer was very political
Russert: oh noes!
Clinton: yeah he pretends he's all non-political but everyone knows i'm triangulating so it doesn’t count
Russert: so no fair
Clinton: right - we need someone careful now not someone who’s going to go off half cocked and inspire people
Russert: doris kearns goodwin says you haven't learned
Clinton: oh fuck her
Russert: do you wish you had read the NIE?
Clinton: hey i thought i was voting for sending inspectors in
Russert: punk'd!
Clinton: bush himself said the vote i cast was to avoid war
Russert: you fucked up - you trusted him
Clinton: President Otter yes
Russert: back in 1992 Bill Clinton gave a speech endorsing Obama!
Clinton: no he was the senior governor back then and times are different we need change now and i have 35 years of experience rooted in real lives of real people
Russert: that’s your message?
Clinton: yes I'm tanned rested and ready
Russert: but 20 years ago--
Clinton: no let's talk about the future like the economy and this recession and my proposals
Russert: but you don't pay for them
Clinton: i'm more responsible that Edwards and the black guy
Russert: you don't pay for stimulus
Clinton: well that's different
Russert: but aren't poor subprime buyers bad people?
Clinton: they’re victims of fraud and liars
Russert: sounds like welfare
Clinton: alan greenspan agrees with me
Russert: screw let them - live in their second home
Clinton: oh sure
Russert: you pardoned marc rich and your brother's criminal friends will you pledge to depoliticize the government
Clinton: ha ha that's rich after living through the Bush years
Russert: is there a Vast Right Ring Conspiracy???
Clinton: ha ha ha no comment
Russert: you are a polarizer!
Clinton: no i worked with Republicans in the Senate i'm like a good combination of Edwards and Obama - experience + fighting
Russert: but you work with GOP??
Clinton: trust me timmster they hate my guts
Russert: independents hate you
Clinton: oooh a poll - what a shithead you are
Russert: you hurt mah feelings
Clinton: hey bill only got 3% in Iowa in 1992 and look what happened
Russert: surprise!
Clinton: Obama is not ready you can't vote 'present' when you're presnit
Russert: do you support a lawsuit to prevent people from voting in Nevada
Clinton: a caucus is for neighbors to get together and talk about their choices
Russert: and vote for president
Clinton: oh that
Russert: what's your biggest adversity in life?
Clinton: Bill will sleep with anything that moves
Russert: like who
Clinton: I can't even leave him alone with Barack
Russert: thanks alot Senator and good luck
The Chris Matthews Show - January 13, 2008
*****************************
The Chris Matthews Show
January 13, 2008
*****************************
Matthews: how can Hillary get people to stop hating her
Woodward: the story is Hillary and her emotions
Tweety: Emo!
Woodward: she's just like you Tweety -- she has to dial her personality down - in other words she's nuts
Borger: whaaaa?
Norris: women loved it when she cried and breaking glass ceilings
Matthews: she should run as a woman
Borger: her whole body is about change and she bent over backwards to look tough and now she has to look human
Matthews: ooh she's phony but the bad guys are after us!!
Brooks: she's Elizabeth Taylor she's walled off
Matthews: she's an 8-time married friend of michael and the chimp?
Borger: I felt it was wrong for Edwards and Obama to gang up and hit her
Norris: blacks worry if they gang on him it will hurt blacks image
Woodward: he's very handsome
Matthews: that is so true
Brooks: people are idiots
Matttews: hey!
Brooks: well not us we're licensed professionals
Norris: dood teh polls were wrong
Matthews: Women voted!
Borger: Obama has to outline an agenda that appeals to waitresses - he's an uppity elitist
Matthews: Rove says Hillary appeals to beer drinkers
Brooks: not Starbucks and wine - that’s Obama
Matthews: who gets Dunkin Donuts vote?
Brooks: that would be Hillary but who will Juan Valdez vote for ???
Matthews: that crazy Edwards won't drop out he's like Ben Stein in Honeymoon in Vegas he's an irritating asshole
Brooks: he's helping Obama because he appeals to the Krizpy Kreme vote
Borger: he's going to be the Burger King-maker!
Woodward: I like McDonalds fries dipped in mayonnaise
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: the Establishment luvs john McCain!!!
Woodward: well they wanna win and he's got a certain aura - its either moral authority or the stink of impending death
Matthews: i can't tell
Woodward: he's a problem fixer anyone can see that
Borger: i love John McCain because he's not polarizing everyone hates him
Matthews: no doubt he's a patriot and a hero
Brooks: he's our SOB
Matthews: we need him to stop the women and blacks!!!
Norris: Oprah is coming back and Obama will use her in South Carolina!
Woodward: people care about this pesky Iraq war
Matthews: might you have a new book about this??
Woodward: you read my mind you coy bastard
Borger: it's all over on Feb 5 - or maybe not it's all an imperative
Matthews: March 4th!
Brooks: Obama tires easily i suspect sickle cell
Matthews: maybe his big penis wears him down
Matthews: will candidates dump Bush??
Norris: everyone hates him
Woodward: they will do anything do win they are almost as bad as Dems
Borger: r u kidding? Bush is a horror
Brooks: depends on Iraq
Matthews: ha!
The Chris Matthews Show
January 13, 2008
*****************************
Matthews: how can Hillary get people to stop hating her
Woodward: the story is Hillary and her emotions
Tweety: Emo!
Woodward: she's just like you Tweety -- she has to dial her personality down - in other words she's nuts
Borger: whaaaa?
Norris: women loved it when she cried and breaking glass ceilings
Matthews: she should run as a woman
Borger: her whole body is about change and she bent over backwards to look tough and now she has to look human
Matthews: ooh she's phony but the bad guys are after us!!
Brooks: she's Elizabeth Taylor she's walled off
Matthews: she's an 8-time married friend of michael and the chimp?
Borger: I felt it was wrong for Edwards and Obama to gang up and hit her
Norris: blacks worry if they gang on him it will hurt blacks image
Woodward: he's very handsome
Matthews: that is so true
Brooks: people are idiots
Matttews: hey!
Brooks: well not us we're licensed professionals
Norris: dood teh polls were wrong
Matthews: Women voted!
Borger: Obama has to outline an agenda that appeals to waitresses - he's an uppity elitist
Matthews: Rove says Hillary appeals to beer drinkers
Brooks: not Starbucks and wine - that’s Obama
Matthews: who gets Dunkin Donuts vote?
Brooks: that would be Hillary but who will Juan Valdez vote for ???
Matthews: that crazy Edwards won't drop out he's like Ben Stein in Honeymoon in Vegas he's an irritating asshole
Brooks: he's helping Obama because he appeals to the Krizpy Kreme vote
Borger: he's going to be the Burger King-maker!
Woodward: I like McDonalds fries dipped in mayonnaise
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: the Establishment luvs john McCain!!!
Woodward: well they wanna win and he's got a certain aura - its either moral authority or the stink of impending death
Matthews: i can't tell
Woodward: he's a problem fixer anyone can see that
Borger: i love John McCain because he's not polarizing everyone hates him
Matthews: no doubt he's a patriot and a hero
Brooks: he's our SOB
Matthews: we need him to stop the women and blacks!!!
Norris: Oprah is coming back and Obama will use her in South Carolina!
Woodward: people care about this pesky Iraq war
Matthews: might you have a new book about this??
Woodward: you read my mind you coy bastard
Borger: it's all over on Feb 5 - or maybe not it's all an imperative
Matthews: March 4th!
Brooks: Obama tires easily i suspect sickle cell
Matthews: maybe his big penis wears him down
Matthews: will candidates dump Bush??
Norris: everyone hates him
Woodward: they will do anything do win they are almost as bad as Dems
Borger: r u kidding? Bush is a horror
Brooks: depends on Iraq
Matthews: ha!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Republican Debate - January 10, 2008
****************************************
Republican Debate
Fox News
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
January 10, 2008
****************************************
Live from Myrtle Beach dooods!!!
It's party time and we're totally drunk!
Put down those hurricanes and put those t-shirts back on girls - it's the motherfucking presidential debate!
Democracy rawks!!!
These are fucking republicans and they love it wet and kinky so lets get started with a bitchin national anthem!!
[anthem]
I'm Brit Hume and any candidates who go over time will be tased, bro!!!
Chris Wallace: are we in a recession Mitt?
Romney: we are headed in a recession which are pretty bad I hear
Wallace: your state sucked dood
Romney: fuck you chris - i turned taxachusetts around - i did such a good job it's still happening
Wallace: solution?
Romney: invest in science and green energy and give everyone housing
Wallace: you're like a well-built fit Al Gore
Romney: John Mccain is a poopyhaid
McCain: fuck you i'm going to train a former auto worker for a good job like in real estate or a lucrative field of data entry or corrections officer
Wallace: taxes - mr. tax-raiser?
McCain: no cut spending -- we spend too much money
Wallace: what else?
McCain: the U.S. government is giving $400 billion to brown people who live above our oil
Wallace: really?
McCain: everyone in Washington hates me because i stab them with a pen that’s why i will get things done
Huckabee: gas is too high demmit
Wallace: i'm doing just fine
Huckabee: yeah but filet mingon costs more - unless your grow it with solar panels
Wallace: oh noes! where do i sign up?
Huckabee: bush has handled the housing crisis just right by not getting involved
Wallace: when he does things do tend to go to shit
Huck: exactly he's learning what his strengths are
Wallace: Rudy - tax cuts don't pay themselves and everyone knows it
Giuliani: if that's true then why did JFK, Reagan, and Bush I and Bush II do it?
Wallace: causes taxes under Kennedy were high and the others were snake oil salesmen?
Giuliani: right but America regulates corporations so much they flee to bounteous economies like the Cayman islands
McCain: i forgot to say i like Bush's tax cuts after all
Wallace: your memory for pandering is failing old man
McCain: spending cuts! spending cuts!
Paul: we're an entering a terrible recession because interests rates were too low and there was easy credit and you know people cannot be trusted with their own money
Wallace: answer?
Paul: Austrian businesses theory
Wallace: Ron Kampf?
Thompson: the experts were all wrong - why on April 15 we got more dollars than ever before
Wallace: answer?
Thompson: always count on the Fed to Do the Right Thing
Wallace: you are rambling shar pei
Carl Cameron: Hucky you dissed Reagan!
Huckabee: i never said that stupid
Cameron: you hurt mah feelins
Huckabee: we left blue collars doods behind by throwing wheelbarrows of money at monocled billionaires
Cameron: you'd think they like that
Huckabee: we need to communicate to people that we don't necessarily hate their guts just because they aren't rich
Cameron: oh fuck
McCain: no he's right - we betrayed our principles - we spend like drunken pedophiles at a GOP convention, denied climate change, handed the government to a bunch of criminals and closeted draft dodgers
Cameron: let's move on yur depressing me
Cameron: Mitt you required all women to have at least one abortion in Massachusetts
Romney: yeah but they courts in that state made me do it
Cameron: r u Reagan?
Romney: he was teh Ultimate Optimist he said families were really good and he did that
Cameron: did what?
Romney: cut taxes on the rich and built lots of nuclear weapons
Cameron: booh ya!!!
Thompson: Huckabee is big fucking liberal and he's like a liberal teacher-loving democrat
Huckabee: i cut taxes and people were protesting me i was so evil
Cameron: can you make a case without quoting George Will?
Guiliani: Ronald Reagan loved me he appointed top MotherFucking Skull Cracker of NY
Cameron: awesome
Rudy: i will oppose terrorism
Cameron: stop the presses
Rudy: i want to destroy government except the skull cracking
Cameron: name a state you can carry
Rudy: Oregon and New Jersey
Cameron: now i know why people tell me you're out of your mind
Cameron: yur supporters are 9/11 Truthers!!
Paul: so what -- a lot of Fox viewers are drooling maniacs
Cameron: but you should divorce them!
Paul: shut up - we've lost privacy and now nation-building and threatening everyone and we're begging the chinese is crashing no wonder no one likes Republicans
[ cheers! ]
Hume: Grrrr shut up Paulistas no one likes you
Hume: American was minding its own business in the sea near Iran and all of a sudden this boat comes near and it's war!!
Huckabee: we should send them to Gate of Hell!
Hume: you sound like a weenie we should have attacked!!
Thompson: no the Captain was right
Hume: you’re all wimps
Thompson: iran was testing up and i hate tests we should kill them so they can finally meet a virgin
Hume: you want to them to meet Red State bloggers?
[ yay! ]
Rudy: we should start a war within Iran just in case there is somebody there that doens't like us - this is a real wake up call
Hume: goddamit will no one second-guess this naval captain and admit that he is a big bill clinton loving gay wimp
McCain: he probably is but when i was with the navy fighting barbary pirates some of the toughest sailors i knew liked a little hunky sweaty love
Paul: this a bunch of gulf of tonkin bullshit jesus christ you all want to start WWIII over a bunch of speedboats - omg the guy was on tv today admitting it was all lies
Hume: wait a minute these guys are all pacificists i'm the only tough one here
Thompson: no hold on -- I'm not going to called passive by some twittish fop named Brit
Romney: this captain did the right thing we need to draw Iran in the circle of friendship
Black Guy: can Republicans win losing a war that's lasted longer than WWII?
McCain: the democrats are sad because only a few soldiers are killed every day Hillary doesn't love Petraeus
Black Guy: you loved Rumsfeld
McCain: no one i always hated him i just supported him
Black guy: r we winning
McCain: peace with honor doods - we should slowly get out bleeding and attack Time magazine
Rudy: first the Palestinians must give up violence and a period of time must go by where no violence ever occurs
Host: uh huh
Rudy: McCain is a big liar
McCain: you are a liar and i hate rumsfeld
Host: well hell we all do
Paul: who give a shit stop - sending money to Arabs so they can buy weapons against Israel and then send $$ to Israel to buy guns against Arabs
Host: sounds perfect to me if you’re Lockheed Martin
McCain: i hate Arabs unlike bad ron paul
Paul: this is what i'm talking about Mccain used to love the Taliban and Saddam and now we're sending guns to the Sunnis and Shias - blowback is coming and its a bitch
McCain: it's the American presence that's the problem
Host: you mean American casualties
McCain: whatever - as long as we occupy someone and support our troops in what the Republicans order them to do
Thompson: the New York Times wants us to be nuked
[ yay! ]
Thompson: demmit my BFF Musharraf loves democracy and that stupid bint Bhutto got herself killed so we need to take control of that county and support our dictator and wink and nod and his fake democracy
Host: what do you want?
Thompson: fuck all muslims
Host: Musharraf doesn't even care about Osama
Romney: foreign policy was checkers under Reagan and now it's 3 dimensional chess
Host: Spock 2008!
Romney: there are a lot of countries in the world so we need to be broad effort the get the islamic world to have more Duane Reeds
Huckabee: ok we lost a few billion but we should offer Musharraf $1 billion to find Osama and stop acting like such a fucktard
Host: but he doesn't control the area where Osama is
Huckster: well fuck him
Host: what else
Huckabee: i love little tiny Israel and all the little imperfect jews with their cute little penises
Paul: you infantalize them - dammit they are not children and why do you want to send weapons to arab nations Huckabee?
Huckabee: but they're so adorable with their false gods
Paul: it's all bullshit
Rudy: no the prime minister of Israel is a close friend of mine and it's defense is of critical importance to the U.S.
Host: why?
Rudy: everyone else hates us
Thompson: allowing Ron Paul to control yet another debate let me say we should send $10 billion to Pakistan so they can use it to torture some dood
Host: awesome
Wallace: is it possible that voters want Washington experience?
Romeny: no [robotic laugh]
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Romney: McCain never stopped pork barrel spending and he never will cause he sucks everything i touch changes due to my special magic moroni touch
Host: sounds like an 80s pop song
Wallace: old man you're part of the problem
McCain: no i am change the change was the Surge and the democrats wanted to hand Iraq to Al Qaeda and i saved $6 billion
Host: how much did the Iraq war cost ?
McCain: only $1 trillion - well worth it - ask Jack Abramoff if i changed anything - he's in prison
Host: why is that ?
McCain: hey i'm a liberal blogger I hide it well
Huckabee: i'm not a liberal - when i was governor kids lived in the delta with no roads, no schools and hunted for food
Host: you were governor in the Pleistocene?
Thompsons: heh heh that brings back memories
Host: what's your plan
Thompson: why back in the 1890s we passed a lot of gud ol' bills and passed the Steamboat Act of 1899
Host: you're like a bald wrinkly stupid mark twain
Rudy: i have foreign policy from teh 1970s in the Ford Administration and then I threw Arafat out of NYC when he was visiting the UN and uniltaerally rejected $10 million for the families just so i could grandstand like a big fascist baby
McCain: that is so fucking stupid
Cameron: should women submit to their husbands?
Huckster: well lets have us a church service and pass teh plates hah ha
[ laughs ]
Cameron: just answer the question big guy
Huckster: I am not ashamed of my church's looniness!
[yay!]
Huckabee: men submit too - as unto the Lord
Cameron: you are a genuine liar and complete weirdo
Cameron: you are insane - discuss!
Paul: well sure but i'm more conservative than they are -- i hate spending but love civil liberties and i am an isolationist
Cameron: but teh Empire!
Paul: we borrow money from China to support a dictator in Pakistan?
Cameron: yes we're the motherfucking USA - civil liberties are for unamerican weenies
Hume: gentlemen we've been getting requests for you all to shut the fuck up
Host: illegals!
McCain: i'm very sorry i promise to hate illegals and put a lot of armed fuckers on the border - now pleez give me the nomination
Host: no you must hate brown people more
McCain: no i will not deport grandmothers or servicemen in Iraq
Host: or both
McCain: right!
Host: Mitt McCain does not hate brown people enough does he?
Mitt: no - there are 12 million people who should be sent home or killed or rounded up
[YAY!!!]
Host: who the fuck do you examine 12 million people on a case-by -case basis?
Thompson: why yuh just have a button on teh front of a big ditch which will be ah mile whide
Host: um.... what?
Fred McGruff: all these illegals are votin'
Host: well they're they only ones
Paul: illegals getting free medical care
Viewer: awesome where do i sign up?
Paul: its' all welfarism
Host: well at least your failed campaign will result in weird neologism
Hucksteer: hispanics hate brown people too because they waited in line too
Host: oh sure
Huckseter: we don't have to round people up they will give up voluntarily like in that book
Host: Constitution?
Huckster: no the diary of anne frank
Rudy: murderers don't ask for green cards
Host: well who does?
Rudy: i hate new york city
Host: so do we all
Rudy: you can't have 70,000 urchins on the streets
Host: but what if they broke into song that would be so cute i love it when they do that
Hume: and that's it remember every sperm is sacred and good night from myrtle beach now let's partaayyyy!!!!!!
*********************************************************
Republican Debate
Fox News
Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
January 10, 2008
****************************************
Live from Myrtle Beach dooods!!!
It's party time and we're totally drunk!
Put down those hurricanes and put those t-shirts back on girls - it's the motherfucking presidential debate!
Democracy rawks!!!
These are fucking republicans and they love it wet and kinky so lets get started with a bitchin national anthem!!
[anthem]
I'm Brit Hume and any candidates who go over time will be tased, bro!!!
Chris Wallace: are we in a recession Mitt?
Romney: we are headed in a recession which are pretty bad I hear
Wallace: your state sucked dood
Romney: fuck you chris - i turned taxachusetts around - i did such a good job it's still happening
Wallace: solution?
Romney: invest in science and green energy and give everyone housing
Wallace: you're like a well-built fit Al Gore
Romney: John Mccain is a poopyhaid
McCain: fuck you i'm going to train a former auto worker for a good job like in real estate or a lucrative field of data entry or corrections officer
Wallace: taxes - mr. tax-raiser?
McCain: no cut spending -- we spend too much money
Wallace: what else?
McCain: the U.S. government is giving $400 billion to brown people who live above our oil
Wallace: really?
McCain: everyone in Washington hates me because i stab them with a pen that’s why i will get things done
Huckabee: gas is too high demmit
Wallace: i'm doing just fine
Huckabee: yeah but filet mingon costs more - unless your grow it with solar panels
Wallace: oh noes! where do i sign up?
Huckabee: bush has handled the housing crisis just right by not getting involved
Wallace: when he does things do tend to go to shit
Huck: exactly he's learning what his strengths are
Wallace: Rudy - tax cuts don't pay themselves and everyone knows it
Giuliani: if that's true then why did JFK, Reagan, and Bush I and Bush II do it?
Wallace: causes taxes under Kennedy were high and the others were snake oil salesmen?
Giuliani: right but America regulates corporations so much they flee to bounteous economies like the Cayman islands
McCain: i forgot to say i like Bush's tax cuts after all
Wallace: your memory for pandering is failing old man
McCain: spending cuts! spending cuts!
Paul: we're an entering a terrible recession because interests rates were too low and there was easy credit and you know people cannot be trusted with their own money
Wallace: answer?
Paul: Austrian businesses theory
Wallace: Ron Kampf?
Thompson: the experts were all wrong - why on April 15 we got more dollars than ever before
Wallace: answer?
Thompson: always count on the Fed to Do the Right Thing
Wallace: you are rambling shar pei
Carl Cameron: Hucky you dissed Reagan!
Huckabee: i never said that stupid
Cameron: you hurt mah feelins
Huckabee: we left blue collars doods behind by throwing wheelbarrows of money at monocled billionaires
Cameron: you'd think they like that
Huckabee: we need to communicate to people that we don't necessarily hate their guts just because they aren't rich
Cameron: oh fuck
McCain: no he's right - we betrayed our principles - we spend like drunken pedophiles at a GOP convention, denied climate change, handed the government to a bunch of criminals and closeted draft dodgers
Cameron: let's move on yur depressing me
Cameron: Mitt you required all women to have at least one abortion in Massachusetts
Romney: yeah but they courts in that state made me do it
Cameron: r u Reagan?
Romney: he was teh Ultimate Optimist he said families were really good and he did that
Cameron: did what?
Romney: cut taxes on the rich and built lots of nuclear weapons
Cameron: booh ya!!!
Thompson: Huckabee is big fucking liberal and he's like a liberal teacher-loving democrat
Huckabee: i cut taxes and people were protesting me i was so evil
Cameron: can you make a case without quoting George Will?
Guiliani: Ronald Reagan loved me he appointed top MotherFucking Skull Cracker of NY
Cameron: awesome
Rudy: i will oppose terrorism
Cameron: stop the presses
Rudy: i want to destroy government except the skull cracking
Cameron: name a state you can carry
Rudy: Oregon and New Jersey
Cameron: now i know why people tell me you're out of your mind
Cameron: yur supporters are 9/11 Truthers!!
Paul: so what -- a lot of Fox viewers are drooling maniacs
Cameron: but you should divorce them!
Paul: shut up - we've lost privacy and now nation-building and threatening everyone and we're begging the chinese is crashing no wonder no one likes Republicans
[ cheers! ]
Hume: Grrrr shut up Paulistas no one likes you
Hume: American was minding its own business in the sea near Iran and all of a sudden this boat comes near and it's war!!
Huckabee: we should send them to Gate of Hell!
Hume: you sound like a weenie we should have attacked!!
Thompson: no the Captain was right
Hume: you’re all wimps
Thompson: iran was testing up and i hate tests we should kill them so they can finally meet a virgin
Hume: you want to them to meet Red State bloggers?
[ yay! ]
Rudy: we should start a war within Iran just in case there is somebody there that doens't like us - this is a real wake up call
Hume: goddamit will no one second-guess this naval captain and admit that he is a big bill clinton loving gay wimp
McCain: he probably is but when i was with the navy fighting barbary pirates some of the toughest sailors i knew liked a little hunky sweaty love
Paul: this a bunch of gulf of tonkin bullshit jesus christ you all want to start WWIII over a bunch of speedboats - omg the guy was on tv today admitting it was all lies
Hume: wait a minute these guys are all pacificists i'm the only tough one here
Thompson: no hold on -- I'm not going to called passive by some twittish fop named Brit
Romney: this captain did the right thing we need to draw Iran in the circle of friendship
Black Guy: can Republicans win losing a war that's lasted longer than WWII?
McCain: the democrats are sad because only a few soldiers are killed every day Hillary doesn't love Petraeus
Black Guy: you loved Rumsfeld
McCain: no one i always hated him i just supported him
Black guy: r we winning
McCain: peace with honor doods - we should slowly get out bleeding and attack Time magazine
Rudy: first the Palestinians must give up violence and a period of time must go by where no violence ever occurs
Host: uh huh
Rudy: McCain is a big liar
McCain: you are a liar and i hate rumsfeld
Host: well hell we all do
Paul: who give a shit stop - sending money to Arabs so they can buy weapons against Israel and then send $$ to Israel to buy guns against Arabs
Host: sounds perfect to me if you’re Lockheed Martin
McCain: i hate Arabs unlike bad ron paul
Paul: this is what i'm talking about Mccain used to love the Taliban and Saddam and now we're sending guns to the Sunnis and Shias - blowback is coming and its a bitch
McCain: it's the American presence that's the problem
Host: you mean American casualties
McCain: whatever - as long as we occupy someone and support our troops in what the Republicans order them to do
Thompson: the New York Times wants us to be nuked
[ yay! ]
Thompson: demmit my BFF Musharraf loves democracy and that stupid bint Bhutto got herself killed so we need to take control of that county and support our dictator and wink and nod and his fake democracy
Host: what do you want?
Thompson: fuck all muslims
Host: Musharraf doesn't even care about Osama
Romney: foreign policy was checkers under Reagan and now it's 3 dimensional chess
Host: Spock 2008!
Romney: there are a lot of countries in the world so we need to be broad effort the get the islamic world to have more Duane Reeds
Huckabee: ok we lost a few billion but we should offer Musharraf $1 billion to find Osama and stop acting like such a fucktard
Host: but he doesn't control the area where Osama is
Huckster: well fuck him
Host: what else
Huckabee: i love little tiny Israel and all the little imperfect jews with their cute little penises
Paul: you infantalize them - dammit they are not children and why do you want to send weapons to arab nations Huckabee?
Huckabee: but they're so adorable with their false gods
Paul: it's all bullshit
Rudy: no the prime minister of Israel is a close friend of mine and it's defense is of critical importance to the U.S.
Host: why?
Rudy: everyone else hates us
Thompson: allowing Ron Paul to control yet another debate let me say we should send $10 billion to Pakistan so they can use it to torture some dood
Host: awesome
Wallace: is it possible that voters want Washington experience?
Romeny: no [robotic laugh]
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Romney: McCain never stopped pork barrel spending and he never will cause he sucks everything i touch changes due to my special magic moroni touch
Host: sounds like an 80s pop song
Wallace: old man you're part of the problem
McCain: no i am change the change was the Surge and the democrats wanted to hand Iraq to Al Qaeda and i saved $6 billion
Host: how much did the Iraq war cost ?
McCain: only $1 trillion - well worth it - ask Jack Abramoff if i changed anything - he's in prison
Host: why is that ?
McCain: hey i'm a liberal blogger I hide it well
Huckabee: i'm not a liberal - when i was governor kids lived in the delta with no roads, no schools and hunted for food
Host: you were governor in the Pleistocene?
Thompsons: heh heh that brings back memories
Host: what's your plan
Thompson: why back in the 1890s we passed a lot of gud ol' bills and passed the Steamboat Act of 1899
Host: you're like a bald wrinkly stupid mark twain
Rudy: i have foreign policy from teh 1970s in the Ford Administration and then I threw Arafat out of NYC when he was visiting the UN and uniltaerally rejected $10 million for the families just so i could grandstand like a big fascist baby
McCain: that is so fucking stupid
Cameron: should women submit to their husbands?
Huckster: well lets have us a church service and pass teh plates hah ha
[ laughs ]
Cameron: just answer the question big guy
Huckster: I am not ashamed of my church's looniness!
[yay!]
Huckabee: men submit too - as unto the Lord
Cameron: you are a genuine liar and complete weirdo
Cameron: you are insane - discuss!
Paul: well sure but i'm more conservative than they are -- i hate spending but love civil liberties and i am an isolationist
Cameron: but teh Empire!
Paul: we borrow money from China to support a dictator in Pakistan?
Cameron: yes we're the motherfucking USA - civil liberties are for unamerican weenies
Hume: gentlemen we've been getting requests for you all to shut the fuck up
Host: illegals!
McCain: i'm very sorry i promise to hate illegals and put a lot of armed fuckers on the border - now pleez give me the nomination
Host: no you must hate brown people more
McCain: no i will not deport grandmothers or servicemen in Iraq
Host: or both
McCain: right!
Host: Mitt McCain does not hate brown people enough does he?
Mitt: no - there are 12 million people who should be sent home or killed or rounded up
[YAY!!!]
Host: who the fuck do you examine 12 million people on a case-by -case basis?
Thompson: why yuh just have a button on teh front of a big ditch which will be ah mile whide
Host: um.... what?
Fred McGruff: all these illegals are votin'
Host: well they're they only ones
Paul: illegals getting free medical care
Viewer: awesome where do i sign up?
Paul: its' all welfarism
Host: well at least your failed campaign will result in weird neologism
Hucksteer: hispanics hate brown people too because they waited in line too
Host: oh sure
Huckseter: we don't have to round people up they will give up voluntarily like in that book
Host: Constitution?
Huckster: no the diary of anne frank
Rudy: murderers don't ask for green cards
Host: well who does?
Rudy: i hate new york city
Host: so do we all
Rudy: you can't have 70,000 urchins on the streets
Host: but what if they broke into song that would be so cute i love it when they do that
Hume: and that's it remember every sperm is sacred and good night from myrtle beach now let's partaayyyy!!!!!!
*********************************************************
60 Minutes - January 6, 2008 - Pervez Musharraf
*******************************************
Sunday January 6, 2008
60 Minutes
Lara Logan interviews Pervez Musharraf
*******************************************
Logan: Bhutto was killed on your watch
Musharraf: someone was going to kill that democratic bitch eventually
Logan: it was a matter of time
Musharraf: damm right
Logan: what was your first reaction to her assassination
Musharraf: use my secret police to repress the people of course
Logan: naturally
Logan: you didn't like her
Musharraf: no she was doing annoying stuff like coming into the country and running for office
Logan: you hated her guts
Musharraf: no i just wanted her dead
Logan: but it wasn't personal
Musharraf: strictly business
Musharraf: we told her not to come
Logan: she made a mistake
Musharraf: oh yeah
Logan: sounds like you have a very safe country
Musharraf: only the areas where people are likely to be killed are dangerous
Logan: oh ok then
Musharraf: what the fuck was doing standing up in the car and waving around
Logan: maybe she thought she saw johnny depp
Musharraf: that's crazy this is all her fault
Logan: are you sure it all is her fault?
Musharraf: oh yes all her fault - no one else's
Logan: did you give her all the security she needed
Musharraf: oh yes she got the best security ever
Logan: well you sure a hit a home run on that one didn't you
Logan: she said she would catch bin Laden and that you suck
Musharraf: no fair i'm doing my best
Logan: what are you doing
Musharraf: hey I'm torturing people left and right and still the american people are bitching jeez allah's tits
Logan: what are you accomplishing
Musharraf: what other country has arrested 700 al qeada?
Logan: what other country does Osama bin Laden live?
Musharraf: luxembourg its crazy there
Logan: under you Osama is rocking and the Taliban is back and better than ever
Musharraf: that's true but that America's fault
Logan: did you kill Bhutto?
Musharraf: i'm innocent until proven guilty baby
Logan: so you didn't
Musharraf: hey i was trying to help her
Logan: bang up job dood
Sunday January 6, 2008
60 Minutes
Lara Logan interviews Pervez Musharraf
*******************************************
Logan: Bhutto was killed on your watch
Musharraf: someone was going to kill that democratic bitch eventually
Logan: it was a matter of time
Musharraf: damm right
Logan: what was your first reaction to her assassination
Musharraf: use my secret police to repress the people of course
Logan: naturally
Logan: you didn't like her
Musharraf: no she was doing annoying stuff like coming into the country and running for office
Logan: you hated her guts
Musharraf: no i just wanted her dead
Logan: but it wasn't personal
Musharraf: strictly business
Musharraf: we told her not to come
Logan: she made a mistake
Musharraf: oh yeah
Logan: sounds like you have a very safe country
Musharraf: only the areas where people are likely to be killed are dangerous
Logan: oh ok then
Musharraf: what the fuck was doing standing up in the car and waving around
Logan: maybe she thought she saw johnny depp
Musharraf: that's crazy this is all her fault
Logan: are you sure it all is her fault?
Musharraf: oh yes all her fault - no one else's
Logan: did you give her all the security she needed
Musharraf: oh yes she got the best security ever
Logan: well you sure a hit a home run on that one didn't you
Logan: she said she would catch bin Laden and that you suck
Musharraf: no fair i'm doing my best
Logan: what are you doing
Musharraf: hey I'm torturing people left and right and still the american people are bitching jeez allah's tits
Logan: what are you accomplishing
Musharraf: what other country has arrested 700 al qeada?
Logan: what other country does Osama bin Laden live?
Musharraf: luxembourg its crazy there
Logan: under you Osama is rocking and the Taliban is back and better than ever
Musharraf: that's true but that America's fault
Logan: did you kill Bhutto?
Musharraf: i'm innocent until proven guilty baby
Logan: so you didn't
Musharraf: hey i was trying to help her
Logan: bang up job dood
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