Sunday, December 18, 2011

Meet The Press - December 18, 2011

Speaker John Boehner (R-OH)
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN)
Gov. Nikki Haley (R-SC)
E.J. Dionne
Mike Murphy
Gregory: good morning audience - remember when
we invaded Iraq? Funny story - it was all a mistake
but after 4,500 Americans killed and spending
$800 billion dollars it ended last night now
let’s talk to Republican Speaker John Boehner

Gregory: Mr. Speaker will you raise taxes
on poor people?

Boehner: Obama is right you can’t have a
two-month tax cut

Gregory: so what kind of bill can you pass?

Boehner: we gave the President everything
he asked for

Gregory: you did?

Boehner: yes we cut taxes for rich people and
demanded an oil pipeline across America

Gregory: those are things you wanted

Boehner: David you are trying to divide America

Gregory: what about this pipeline?

Boehner: if are energy-independent we won’t have
to invade any more middle eastern countries -
I thought liberals were against that -
make up you mind hippies!

Gregory: Unemployment is at three-year low -
isn’t that good news?

Boehner: No - and I mean that

Gregory: you’re such a grouch

Boehner: look maybe things are better but
Obama is still a bad socialist

Gregory: nevertheless the economy seems
to be improving

Boehner: Obama caused the recession in
2007 dammit

Gregory: Congress is less popular than herpes
but more popular the Kardashians

Boehner: that is also Obama’s fault

Gregory: Obama says Republicans obstruct
everything he does

Boehner: that’s true

Gregory: Do you trust Obama?

Boehner: I do trust him

Gregory: it sounds like you and Obama both
hate the Tea Party

Boehner: It’s close but I think he hates them
more than I do

Gregory: Should we have pulled out of Iraq
so quickly after only 9 years?

Boehner: we went there to protect Iraq from
invasion from other counties and I’m worried
out leaving could hurt that effort

Gregory: Is Newt Gingrich insane?

Boehner: no comment

Gregory: everyone I talk to who knows him
hates his guts

Boehner: he’s not that conservative you know

Gregory: how so?

Boehner: I’ve never actually seem kill anyone

Gregory: Regular Republicans don’t want
Mitt Romney

Boehner: the American government is
destroying the American dream

Gregory: will you pass a payroll tax cut or
will you ruin Christmas?

Boehner: yes if we can an oil pipeline in
your backyard

Gregory: thanks for coming

Gregory: welcome Michele Bachmann

Bachmann: nice to meet you Fluffy

Gregory: would you raise taxes on the
poorest Americans?

Bachmann: yes because can’t afford more tax cuts
after all these tax cuts we already gave people

Gregory: but those all went to rich people

Bachmann: see - we’ve cut taxes enough already!

Gregory: but cutting taxes for low income people
is very popular

Bachmann: look the debt soared under Reagan,
Bush and Junior and now is the time for
poor people to pay for it

Gregory: Interesting

Bachmann: Obama just like a dictator of
some banana republic

Gregory: you’re on a roll now

Bachmann: the deficit has gone up 1,000%
from Bush to Obama

Gregory: I’m being told you are now lying
to my viewers

Bachmann: let me finish lying Fluffy

Gregory: the debt soared under George W. Bush

Bachmann: the deficit went from
$160 billion
to $1.5 trillion

Gregory: some people say you are a
compulsive liar

Bachmann: like who?

Gregory: Newt Gingrich

Bachmann: he’s a corrupt megalomaniac

Gregory: PolitiFact also said you were lying about PolitiFact

Bachmann: They’re lying too!

Gregory: the Des Moines Register published
a riddle today: What do Michele Bachmann
and Donald Trump have in common?

Bachmann: we’re both serious conservatives?

Gregory: Answer is “Trump lies under a rug
and you lie like a rug”

Bachmann: I tell the truth!

Gregory: is that true?

Bachmann: sometimes it is

Gregory: would President Bachmann ignore
decisions by the Supreme Court?

Bachmann: people think all laws are written
by courts and that’s not true - there are also
laws passed by Congress

Gregory: even small children know that

Bachmann: well I didn’t

Gregory: so would prefer Supreme Court
justices run for office?

Bachmann: the Supreme Court can’t make laws!

Gregory: so what’s the remedy?

Bachmann: Congress has the power to
remove bad justices

Gregory: so you would impeach justices for
making decisions you don’t agree with?

Bachmann: what do you mean?

Gregory: what do you mean?

Bachmann: Congress should just overturn
the Supreme Court!

Gregory: ok ok - should we attack Iran?

Bachmann: Iran is about to get a nuclear bomb!

Gregory: so what would you do about it?

Bachmann: Iran will use a nuclear weapon
on Israel and oh maybe the United States

Gregory: would you start a war with Iran or not?

Bachmann: we need to look this threat in the eye!

Gregory: thanks for coming Michele

[ break ]

Gregory: welcome Governor Haley - you endorsed
Romney by noting how imperfect he is

Haley: he’s the best of a bad bunch

Gregory: no one loves Mitt Romney

Haley: Mitt Romney has had four years to
think about what he fundamentally believes
and he’s almost there

Gregory: name some things you hate
about Newt Gingrich

Haley: I’m not going to answer that because
your tv show is only one hour long

Gregory: what about Rick Perry?

Haley: the people are South Carolina are very
smart and so I don’t think Perry will do well

Gregory: can you deliver Tea Party votes when
you are less popular than Obama?

Haley: that poll also said Obama would win
South Carolina and since that isn’t possible
the poll must be flawed

Gregory: I see

Haley: the Tea Party cares about liberty, the
10th Amendment and getting the government
out of Medicare

Gregory: will Mitt Romney win the election in 2012?

Haley: Mitt Romney has fixed everything he
has ever touched including the Olympics and
Massachusetts and Romney 2.0

Gregory: thanks for coming Nikki

[ break ]

Gregory: is the race down to Romney and Gingrich?

Murphy: yes - and Ron Paul

Gregory: Romney did not go after Gingrich in the
debates but he’s attacking Newt on tv in Iowa

Dionne: you are seeing the Revenge of the Base
against the Establishment

Gregory: I see

Dionne: there are two weeks for Romney to cripple
Gingrich but if he goes too far the base might
get angry - and you won’t like them when
they’re angry

Murphy: Newt has embraced Marxism too
early in the primary

Dionne: Could Gingrich win Iowa and then do
well in New Hampshire and take the nomination?

Murphy: or does Romney do ok in Iowa and then
win easily New Hampshire and take the nomination?

Dionne: Newt is Nixon in 1968

Gregory: oh good

Dionne: Newt is going to call Obama a
Kenyan socialist and primary voters love
that crazy shit

Gregory: People inside the beltway think
Newt Gingrich is a loose cannon and an asshole

Dionne: liberals said this in 1994 and wingnuts
said “why do hate his hubristic vision?”

Dionne: can the GOP really raise taxes in order
to defend a giant oil pipeline?

Murphy: um no

Gregory: will Obama be reelected?

Murphy: the economy is bad but Newt Gingrich
is a right looney

Gregory: if the economy improves will the House
GOP try to take credit?

Dionne: Obama has moved into campaign mode
while the primary debates have just made the
GOP look like a bunch of out-of-touch weirdos

Gregory: and we’ll be back a new episode
Christmas morning but instead of three wise
men we will have me Tom Brokaw and Tom Friedman


This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 18, 2011

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA)
Robert Reich
George Will

Amanpour: Today we debate the defining
issue of our time: Should Government get its
damn hands off our Medicare?

Audience: how fascinating

Amanpour: Has government gotten too
government big - and who was really right?
Alexander Hamilton or Thomas Jefferson?

Audience: the white guy or the other white guy

Karl: just because of the darn Depression we
got the New Deal and all those meat inspectors

Audience: I like bacteria-free meat but I hate taxes

Amanpour: Today we have the most brilliant
minds in Washington DC by which I mean
four middle-aged white guys

Ryan: Government is like sugar, fat or
reality television - more of it is always bad

Amanpour: good point Paul

Ryan: the left says we are Hobbesian and
cruel and mean - but Obama’s crony capitalism
proved government doesn’t work!

Frank: we need government to fight wars and
build bridges and clean the environment but
we needs less government telling people not
to have sex the way conservatives want them to

Amanpour: Isn’t government just always bad?

Reich: thank for your loaded question and
this debate which is obviously designed to
bash government

Amanpour: Thank you Bob

Reich: People don’t trust a government that
harasses brown people or big Wall Street
that steals from people

Amanpour: Didn’t the New Deal put people to work?

Will: Government didn’t create any jobs until
a tiny government launched World War Two

Amanpour: how amazing

Will: Obama’s stimulus created jobs but not enough

Frank: Obama rescued the American automobile
industry oh and by the way Republicans
thanks for the recent depression

Amanpour: Paul you voted for the Wall Street
and auto bailouts

Ryan: yes but in my defense I was wrong

Amanpour: did the stimulus fail or did it prevent
a worse depression?

Ryan: that involves facts and so it impossible to say

Reich: we should have put strings on
the Bush bailout

Ryan: true

Frank: oh thanks Republicans for the
no-strings bailout

Audience: can we prevent another bailout?

Frank: we passed a law saying no
government bailouts again

Will: We should break up the banks!

Frank: yes but which ones George?

Will: the big ones!

Ryan: liberals wants bureaucrats to run America

Frank: we want the government to pick and
choose who to bail out

Ryan: we should not bail anyone out until its
an emergency when we can’t think about it!

Amanpour: Why do the top 1% have as much
as the bottom 40%?

Ryan: because liberals punish rich people and
poor people say why should I bother becoming
rich the government will just take it away

Will: Government always responds to
bad rich people

Amanpour: very bold of you to say George

Will: also the elderly are too rich and powerful

Amanpour: ok

Reich: yes rich people and corporations have
to much influence over government - but the
answer is not to shrink government but to get
money out of politics

Will: harrumph

Reich: the top tax rate under Eisenhower
was under 90%

Will: I don’t hate the elderly but they are
Greedy, selfish and destructive

Frank: ok George if you’re so concerned about
bad rich people let’s raise taxes on the wealthy
and spend it on poor people

Amanpour: most people don’t pay taxes

Frank: Christiane that’s right-wing bullshit

Audience: how do you stop special interests
from buying government influence?

Ryan: by reducing government obviously

Reich: that’s fine but government won’t be
reduced until we get money out of politics

Ryan: well we enacted McCain-Feingold so
everything should be fine

Reich: god you really are an insufferable little twit

Will: just leave everything to the free market

Reich: that’s great until we all get killed in
the name of profit

Will: some of us think all problems in the
world are caused by government

Audience: don’t we need red-light cameras?

Amanpour: of course we do

Will: Personal liberty!

Frank: so remove criminal penalties on marijuana
and internet gambling, gay marriage and all the
other right-wing expansions of government

Reich: we can unite the left and right to
defend freedom until we demagogue
each other on terror

Ryan: the left is the true Big Brother

Amanpour: what about social issues?

Ryan: that’s a totally different debate where
big government is awesome

Frank: the military is part of the problem

Ryan: our soldiers are rebuilding Afghanistan
to defend our freedom which we are giving away

Audience: I am an evangelical minister and 48%
of people in America are poor and yet most
people don’t know that

Ryan: Inequality is actually a good thing because
it means more people are getting rich

Frank: meanwhile real people are suffering
from mindless budget-cutting

Reich: government enacted laws requiring
racial equality and that was a good thing

Frank: what about pot?

Will: we need to do more research on marijuana
but until then it should be illegal

Frank: yes that makes sense

Amanpour: should government spend money
on poor people?

Ryan: calling people “poor” makes it seems like
they are “stuck in a class” - I prefer to call
poor people the “potentially rich” and I offer them
“future tax cuts” which they will be deeply grateful
for in a “hypothetical future.”

Amanpour: that’s highly imaginative

Ryan: We should get rid of crony capitalism
by which I mean we should means testing Medicare

Will: Government harms freedom and equality
by allowing rich people to influence government
and the answer is for government to not exist
except for roads and bridges and defense and
the mail and drugs and gays

Reich: yes - big businesses do influence government
- how do we solve that problem because we
can’t get rid of all government

Amanpour: thanks for coming everyone

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Meet The Press - December 11, 2011

Ron Paul
Sen. Richard Durbin (D-IL)
Sen. Lindsay Graham (R-SC)
Gov. Terry Branstad (R-IA)
Ted Koppel
Chuck Todd
Lisa Myers
Alex Castellanos
Gregory: holy cow Newt Gingrich has a
big lead in the Presidential race

Gregory: Did Newt do anything insane last night?

Paul: no more than anyone else

Gregory: you say Newt should not have
taken money from Freddie Mac

Gingrich: I was in the private sector!

Paul: Poppycock!

Gregory: you’re funny

Paul: this was very annoying to because I’ve
worked on this issue and Newt is just a
common grifter

Gregory: should he apologize and give
the money back

Paul: of course it’s totally immoral and why
is government influence for sale anyway?

Gregory: who is the most consistent
conservative in the race?

Paul: why should we nominate someone who
has to keep explaining all his flip-flops?

Gregory: are both Romney and Gingrich unacceptable?

Paul: they’re unprincipled

Gregory: you always attack Newt and
not Mittens - why is that?

Paul: Because I had to work with Newt Gingrich
and he is probably the biggest jerk I’ve
ever dealt with

Gregory: then Newt represents the biggest change

Paul: yes but Newt defends the welfare state

Gregory: Gingrich says Palestinians are
fake people and inherent murderers

Paul: see what I mean - this guy is bullshit
in a China shop

Gregory: what about he said?

Paul: Newt is just an uncontrolled demagogue

Gregory: when you lose who will you endorse?

Paul: I will have to wait to see if Mitt flip-flops again

Gregory: would you run for President with
a third-party?

Paul: only the Sith deal in absolutes!

Gregory: so you are considering it

Paul: why not - it can’t get any worse out there!

[ break ]

Gregory: Lindsay - is Newt for real?

Graham: darn right he is

Gregory: is he not crazy anymore?

Graham: yes he is less immature and not
quite as dickish

Gregory: you led the coup against him but
would you endorse him?

Graham: no I would not

Gregory: who will you endorse?

Graham: Hell Ron Paul if it will prevent him
from making a third-party run

Gregory: what about the payroll tax extension?

Durbin: this means an extra $1,000 for
160 million Americans!

Gregory: that could buy you a meal for four
people at the Palm!

Durbin: we offered a tax on the second million
dollars of income and the GOP said no because
it would affect Job Creators

Gregory: the GOP is willing to cut taxes as long
we build a huge oil pipeline through the U.S.

Graham: I love that long pipeline

Gregory: what about the payroll tax?

Graham: candidly we have to extend the
tax cut or commit political suicide

Obama: America has to reward hard work!

Graham: Obama caused the Great Recession in 2007

Gregory: wow

Graham: Obama almost caused a loss of
jobs in South Carolina

Gregory: but he didn’t?

Graham: he could have

Gregory: I see

Graham: Dodd-Frank retroactively caused
the credit crisis!

Durbin: Wall Street caused the recession
you hayseed

Lindsay: The consumer protection bureau
is basically Stalinist

Durbin: you see what we’re up against?

Gregory: thanks for coming guys

[ break ]

Gregory: holy crap Gingrich leads in the
south by double-digits

Gingrich: Mittens you are a career politician
just a loser at it

Todd: Romney keeps trying to go negative on
Gingrich but he has so many negatives its hard
to choose just one

Myers: Gingrich loves verbal combat much
more than real combat which he writes
novels about

Gregory: Romney likes to settles fights
by betting $10,000

Branstad: Obama has increased the debt
when all the American people want is increased
spending and lower taxes

Gregory: who do we need?

Branstad: we need someone who won’t increase
the debt like Ronald Reagan

Gregory: Reagan inherited a recession and
slowly brought American back

Branstad: see totally unlike Obama

Castellanos: people want big change and
Romney promises out-of-touch elitism

Koppel: the fact that people are even considering
nominating Newt Gingrich leaves me speechless

Castellanos: America is in such big trouble we
need a President who is a little crazy

Branstad: the most important thing we can
do in this recession is cut spending

Gregory: I see

Branstad: Dodd-Frank cause the recession!

Gregory: is Romeny not in Iowa enough?

Branstad: yes he must live here and also
promise to revive the rice industry

Castellanos: Mitt Romney is a transformational
figure - he transformed Massachusetts,
Bain Capital, the Olympics and himself

Romney: I’m not a bomb-thrower

Gingrich: we need to throw bombs - especially in
the middle east

Koppel: even in Israel Newt is an
anti-Palestinian extremist

Todd: Romney says he’s sober and
Newt says Mitty is just timid

Myers: Every Republican I talk to thinks Newt is
a crazy person who damaged conservatism
for a generation

Gregory: does marriage matter?

Perry: if you cheat on your wife you
might cheat on your business partner
which would be really bad

Gingrich: God forgave me so you all
might as well too

Koppel: the Drug Enforcement Agency is
still in Iraq

Gregory: oh shit

Koppel: we will leave just enough
Americans in Iraq to serve as an excuse
to start a war with Iran

Gregory: how delightful

[ break ]

Gregory: hey gang Ron Paul is incredibly
popular on Twitter

Todd: Newt Gingrich is the heavy favorite
to win the nomination now

Branstad: Paul would win in Iowa
but college students tend to sleep right
through the caucuses

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 11, 2011

Diane Sawyer
George Stephanopoulos
Jon Huntsman
Amanpour: omg Iran won’t give our drone
back and speaking of drones Mitt Romney
lost last night’s Presidential debate

Gingrich: mitt u r a looser

Romney: bet u $10,000 i’ve never been cloned

Obama: ask all the guys i’ve killed if
i’m an appeaser

Amanpour: Diane how did the debate go?

Sawyer: it well after I started drinking

Romney: I would not go to the moon

Gingrich: why not we’ve ruined this planet

Stephanopoulos: if Romney is afraid to take
on Newt how can he go after Obama

Amanpour: good point

Stephanopoulos: Romney’s big moment
was betting Rick Perry $10,000 that he was
even more out of touch with the American people

Stephanopoulos: everyone was expecting
Newt Gingrich to be a giant asshole and
he was but only off-camera

Sawyer: Bachmann defended raising taxes
on poor people because it’s something
Obama wouldn’t do

Stephanopoulos: Gingrich didn’t say anything
offensively stupid so he did what he came to do

Amanpour: I see

Stephanopoulos: the Iowa caucuses
are soon sosomeone will have to shore
up the conservative base

Sawyer: the men came out strapping - you can’t
tell on television the sheer physical presence
of these dudes

Amanpour: thanks for sharing that Diane

[ break ]

Amanpour: Jon I’m sure you don’t want to get
into who won and who lost - so who
won and who lost?

Huntsman: the American people lost -
we need term limits in Washington
because nothing else will get them out of there

Amanpour: Gingrich is popular and you
weren’t even invited to a debate with
Bachman, Paul and Google-boy

Huntsman: People are taking my lawn signs
home as highly limited-edition souvenirs

Amanpour: the pundits love you but
no one else does

Huntsman: those Bush bailouts were bad!

Amanpour: Do you have to win in New Hampshire?

Huntsman: I have to beat market expectations

Amanpour: you used to be the sanest
person in the race and now you doubt climate change

Huntsman: hey you try running for the
Republican nomination

Amanpour: fair enough

[ break ]

Amanpour: the Twitterverse blew up when
Mitt Romney bet the $10,000 he had in his pocket

Berman: Romney’s camp says only poor
people are making a big deal about

Tapper: Democrats are salivating over a
chance to run against Newt Gingrich

Amanpour: Did Gingrich say anything insane?

Karl: surprisingly no - he came across as if
he were a normal person

Amanpour: well that takes the biscuit

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Meet The Press - December 4, 2011

David Axelrod - Obama Campaign Adviser
Reince Prebius - RNC Chair
Fmr. Rep. Harold Ford, Jr. - D-TN
Joe McQuaid - New Hampshire Union Leader
Katty Kay - BBC
Mark Halperin - Time
Gregory: wow it looks like the race is
between Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich

Audience: woot

Gregory: unemployment is down but that’s
because people stopped looking for jobs

Axelrod: Bush lost 6 million jobs and we
created 3 million

Gregory: big woop

Axelrod: we want to create more jobs by
raising taxes on millionaires

Gregory: that’s not very nice of you

Axelrod: this election is going to be about
middle class jobs or giving tax money to Wall Street

Gregory: so you say

Axelrod: did I mention the middle class?

Gregory: the most important thing in America
is cutting the debt - that’s what President
Alan Simpson said

Axelrod: he’s an idiot

Gregory: President Chris Christie says
Obama is a bystander

Axelrod: he would have stood by and let
the auto industry go bankrupt

Gregory: President Erskine Bowles said guys
from Chicago won’t let President cut
Medicare Medicaid and Social Security

Axelrod: who gives a shit what he thinks?

Gregory: I care

Axelrod: well this whole conversation is stupid

Gregory: did the President miss an opportunity
to slash spending in a recession?

Axelrod: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: what about Herman Cain?

Axelrod: he’s just another member of the
Wall Street sponsored clown show

Gregory: Plouffe says Mitt Romney has no soul

Axelrod: that’s obviously true

Gregory: that’s so unfair - he’s a priest
and he’s married!

Axelrod: he stole the hard drives from the Governor’s office

Gregory: he needed those to reboot himself

Axelrod: he totally lacks character

Gregory: what about Newt Gingrich?

Axelrod: he has a moral core just like Ebenezer Scrooge did

Gregory: but you’re being so mean and negative

Axelrod: welcome to the grown-up world Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: does Mitt Romney have character?

Prebius: Obama promised to be a uniter and
instead Republicans said taxpayers were the
Jews for Obama’s ovens - Obama totally failed!

Gregory: the GOP said they want Obama to
be a one-term President

Prebius: but in a uniting kind of way

Gregory: the economy is getting better

Prebius: Obama is unpopular just like Jimmy Carter!

Gregory: he’s more popular than you are

Prebius: Obama could not be any less popular

Gregory: he could be if he were named
Newt Gingrich

Prebius: he’s out campaigning!

Gregory: that’s not uncommon for a candidate

Prebius: he should have the cut the debt like
Reagan, Bush and Bush didn’t!

Gregory: aren’t Democrats mean and nasty?

Prebius: voters are tired of politicians always
campaigning and want someone real and
authentic like Mitt Romney

Gregory: did the media drive
Herman Cain out of the race?

Prebius: um no

Gregory: why GOP voters so fickle - just pick a
crazy person and be done with it?

Prebius: a divisive primary is a good thing -
after all Obama won!

Gingrich: poor children are lazy unless they
are committing crimes

Prebius: just like Wall Street traders

Gregory: does Newt speak for the
Republican party?

Prebius: Obama hates poor people -
look at all the food stamps he’s giving out

Gregory: should the GOP agree to a debate
with a clownish tv host from NBC?

Prebius: you’re welcome to host a debate
any time Fluffy

Gregory: I was talking about Donald Trump

Prebius: well that’s different

[ break ]

Gregory: omg Herman Cain has dropped out
- how can we all carry on?

Kay: he was manifestly unqualified and moron
journalists followed his every move

Halperin: Cain would probably have been the
nominee in my fantasy world

McQuaid: his non-support will now go to Gingrich

Ford: Gingrich is a serious thinker who thinks
seriously about serious things

Gregory: awesome

Ford: he has 30 days to refrain from blaming
Obama that country singer kidnapping her child

Halperin: the GOP want Winston Churchill
so will of course nominate Newt Gingrich

Ford: yes Churchill was also an anti-Kenyan pro-colonialist

Kay: Mitt has to tackle Newt Gingrich which
won’t be easy since has a very low center of gravity

McQuaid: black children should grab a broom and
then we can lay off rich union janitors

Gregory: omg you are awesome

Kay: unemployed people don’t think
they are lazy

Ford: please run on attacking other Americans
as lacking a worth ethic

Gregory: Mitt Romney got freaked out by questions
from Fox News

Halperin: in the past the Establishment would
have rallied around Romney but not if just looks
like an unprincipled flip-flopper

McQuaid: He has to decide what to do with
Newt Gingrich but he will probably flip-flop
on that too

Kay: Newt Gingrich changes his positions
on things too

Gregory: no it’s different - he’s a hypocrite -
not a flip-flpper

Ford: I changes positions too - for example I
didn’t used to think Wall Street was the greatest
thing ever until I worked there

Gregory: so the big news this morning
is that Obama is a big meanie

Halperin: so true Fluffman

Kay: could we not talk about Herman Cain
for a few minutes and mention the imminent
collapse of Europe?

Gregory: no - and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - December 4, 2011

Rick Santorum - Fmr. Sen. (R-PA)
George Will
Donna Brazille
Arianna Huffingon
Major Garrett
Amanpour: oh my - Iran shot down a U.S.
drone, several people were injured
when Oklahoma won a football game and
Newt Gingrich is leading the GOP primary

Gingrich: I’m going to be the nominee bitches!

Romney: This is press conference - I’m
not answering a lot of questions!

Fox News: you have no soul Mittens

Romney: I object - my program states
I do fact have a soul

Gingrich: I was not a lobbyist I just took
money to push for deregulation

Cain: I confess I had a consensual affair and
therefore must drop out

Perry: if you’re 21 years old vote for me!

Obama: unemployment is only 8.6% dammit

Amanpour: Welcome Rick Santorum -
no one likes you

Santorum: true but people used to hate
me so things are looking up

Amanpour: you couldn’t even win in Pennsylvania

Santorum: yes but those people are all idiots

Amanpour: everyone has been the NotRomney
except for you

Santorum: that’s a good thing - I’m flying
under the radar!

Amanpour: are you totally delusional?

Santorum: I think I can win Iowa

Amanpour: wow

Santorum: Many people in Iowa are still open
to voting against me

Amanpour: fascinating

Santorum: I’m pro-war and anti-gay

Amanpour: you have 7 children and one is
very sick so why keep campaigning?

Santorum: Because gay terrorists will ruin
my childrens’ lives

Amanpour: you are on the bottom

Santorum: yes but I could be a top if necessary

Amanpour: Gingrich goes through wives like
most people get new smartphones

Santorum: I don’t like a phone smarter than me

Amanpour: does Newt have values?

Santorum: he’s immoral scum

Amanpour: speaking of lack of ethics -
how about Herman Cain?

Santorum: my heart goes out to Cain and the
many many many women he slept with

Amanpour: Mitt Romney is leading -
should the GOP nominate a poll-driven

Santorum: I’m consistent - look at our records
Google both of us!

Amanpour: oh my

[ break ]

Will: the GOP needs to adjust the primaries
so it is not hijacked by grifters and charlatans
like Herman Cain

Huffington: the media breathlessly followed
this talk show host who was on a book tour

Glen Beck: Rick Santorum is the
next George Washington

Garrett: He may get the coveted
Sarah Palin endorsement!

Amanpour: what about Newt Gingrich?

Brazille: one more debate with these loons
and Obama will be President-for-Life

Huffington: Gingrich is very American -
he’s the Walt Whitman of political hypocrites

Will: Mitt Romney is another Tom Dewey

Amanpour: according to the media he
defeated Truman

Will: Gingrich will unite America in intense
dislike for him

Garrett: Newt will carry early primary
southern states and therefore will likely win
even though he’s a dick

Amanpour: wow

Garrett: Newt creates an ideas factory and
Romney just lays people off

Huffington: Newt cares about poor people

Garrett: he wants to put them in orphanages

Amanpour: so many great ideas - thanks for coming!