Guests:
Rev. Franklin Graham
Rev. Tim Keller
Dr. Richard Land - Southern Baptist Convention
Rev. Al Sharpton
Eboo Patel - Interfaith Youth Core
Cokie Roberts
Steve Roberts
******************************
Amanpour: what is Easter all about?
Graham: Jesus paid off all my debts
Amanpour: ooh could he do that for America?
Graham: it’s worth a try
Amanpour: you say the Anti-Christ is back and bigger than ever
Graham: yes look at the tragic failure of government to endorse my religion
Amanpour: what is the role of the church now?
Graham: to answer that question I would say the government should not help poor people
Amanpour: you have been to the scene of numerous disasters like Haiti, Japan, and the NY Mets
Graham: According to the Bible the Second Coming is nigh when ‘the Spider-man shall descend from the sky with a mighty crash’
Amanpour: oh my
Graham: indeed proof we in the final stage of human history
Amanpour: really - how long do we have?
Graham: between 10 and 1,000 years
Amanpour: how do you know we are living in the End Times
Graham: there’s earthquakes, tidal waves, nuclear meltdowns and Dancing with the Stars
Amanpour: you say the Antichrist is here and living among us
Graham: it’s a big government socialist with the mark of the beast
Amanpour: do you know who it is?
Graham: well the night Obama won the election the first thing he did was announce he was getting a dog
Amanpour: you seem to really believe in all this
Graham: I believe in the Bible cover-to-cover!
Amanpour: even the Book of Revelations?
Graham: ‘verily I beheld a great Red Dragon clad in red socks start the season 0-6’
Amanpour: What makes you think Jesus will return now?
Graham: because everyone has cell phones and is on YouTube!
Amanpour: so Jesus will send a universal text message
Jesus: yo whats up im bak 4 reals
Amanpour: or post a viral video
YouTube comments:
lamest 2nd coming ever this dude sux lol
Graham: the world is going to moan
Amanpour: what exactly do you mean
Graham: During the Apocalypse Jesus will leverage social media
Amanpour: are you saying Jesus is going to be on twitter?
Jesus: hey every1 i need 144,00 follows thnx #jesussecondccoming
Graham: if you are saved he will poke or friend you
Amanpour: do you hate Muslims?
Graham: no I just think they are all going to hell where they belong
Amanpour: your dad Billy is America’s most famous Christian
Graham: my dad says he doesn’t recognize the America he knew anymore - when people were civil and polite and blacks and Jews and Papists knew their place
Amanpour: what about Sarah Palin?
Graham: She’s an idiot
Amanpour: maybe you prefer Mitt Romney
Graham: He’s a nice man for someone with a bizarre fake superstition who worships a false idol
Amanpour: well who do you support?
Graham: Donald Trump all the way Christiane
Amanpour: what do you think of Obama
Graham: Obama is gracious but he’s a socialist!!!
Amanpour: what’s the deal with all this Birtherism?
Graham: I know what room I was born in - does this darkie know from what hut he came into this world?
Amanpour: that’s a strong statement
Graham: that slick negro is hiding something I know it
Amanpour: some people even think he’s a muslim
Graham: Obama claims he’s a Christian but his middle name is Hussein - sorry I don’t buy it
Amanpour: anything else
Graham: he’s also a commie
Amanpour: thanks for coming
[ break ]
Amanpour: wow I’m shocked that religion is not dead
Keller: god rocks!
Amanpour: and people still believe in science
Keller: that’s your mushy middle
Amanpour: you say people like money too much
Keller: my investment banker congregation agree greed is bad
Amanpour: interesting
Keller: there’s nothing wrong with making money - just come to church too
Amanpour: if you question greed you will upset the American applecart
Keller: we live in a dog-eat-dog world
Amanpour: which caused the financial crisis
Keller: work with the poor and you will be happier in the long run
Amanpour: we have a lot of political polarization now
Keller: we used to all get along and now we don’t and that’s sad
Amanpour: right
Keller: We should not demonize each other -- you even have people now question whether a President is legitimate
Amanpour: I just talked to Franklin Graham and he believes we should be very civil and polite while questioning if our first black President is a real American
Keller: well between him and the Catholic church religion has gotten a bad rap lately
Amanpour: but in religion is all about politics
Keller: I have an idea - religion could be about God and not the tax code
Amanpour: Mr Keller that’s crazy talk
[ break ]
Amanpour: happy Easter everyone
Land: Obama is breaking the Ten Commandments by stealing from our grandchildren!
Steve Roberts: there is also a religious call for charity
Sharpton: make the rich pay their fair share!
Land: the rich are paying too much now!
Cokie: there are other values besides getting rich
Land: whaa??
Patel: I’m a Muslim but we like Jesus too
Land: Jesus was a anti-union capitalist!
Sharpton: dude he said a rich man can’t get into heaven!
Land: the Bible commands us to lower taxes on the rich!
Steve: are you for real?
Land: we need to keep the charitable tax deduction
Cokie: you are so wise
Land: we tithe but if you tax the rich they will not create jobs
Amanpour: Franklin Graham hates big government
Sharpton: how about religion advocating for the poor
Steve: if you tithe then why not tax people
Land: on this Easter Sunday let us admit we can no longer afford Medicare and Medicaid - praise Jesus!
Patel: interesting
Amanpour: what is the greatest spiritual issue in America?
Land: people need to ask God which Tea Party candidate they should support
Cokie: materialism is rampant
Steve: what my wife said
Sharpton: what if Christians actually followed Jesus’ teachings?
Patel: Faith can be a bomb or bridge
Amanpour: or a drone bombing a bridge
Amanpour: can religion help us have more civil political discussions?
Cokie: religion divides people but at least we’re not killing each other - yet
Amanpour: can religion unite us?
Land: we should not attack people’s motives when there are so many other reasons
Steve: religious people could be a little more humble
Land: those damm atheists are the most arrogant!
Sharpton: Vanity can outrun Sanity!
Land: Good line Al
[ high fives Sharpton ]
Sharpton: I was stabbed and testified for the guy who stabbed me
Cokie: that makes sense
Patel: we have an opportunity to be an example to the whole world of religions getting along
Cokie: In America we’ve had a civil war and then there was some incivility when black children were killed in for wanting basic rights - so things have been worse
Patel: Muslims are worried that it’s ok to hate them in America
Steve: yeah but we hated the Irish too
Patel: we have to push the pendulum
Amanpour: people think Obama is Muslim
Land: that’s unbalanced - he’s a mainline Chicago Protestant - which is worse
Steve: calling Obama a muslim is a metaphor to make Obama seem strange and weird and evil
Cokie: it’s a code for race - they can’t say they don’t like him because he’s black so they call him Muslim which is an acceptable slur
Patel: what a relief
Steve: 90% of young people are ok with interracial marriage - things are getting better and people are more tolerant than ever and that’s all kinds of cool
Amanpour: well ok then
*****************************************
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Meet The Press - April 24, 2011
Guests:
John McCain (R-AZ)
Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-NE)
Eugene Robinson
David Brooks
Alex Castellanos
****************************
Gregory: John what’s happening in Libya
McCain: It’s a mess and a stalemate and we need to increase our involvement with more intense bombing immediately
Gregory: can that will achieve victory without ground troops?
McCain: yes - if we also take out Qadaffi’s cable tv
Gregory: you cruel bastard
McCain: heh
Gregory: Mitt Romney said the plan is muddled
McCain: he’s right - Obama should take out Qadaffi now!
Gregory: but you just said no U.S. soldiers on the ground
McCain: Bombs!
Gregory: what if that doesn’t work?
McCain: More bombs!
Gregory: Should we stay in Iraq until 2012?
McCain: it’s very very very important we stay for at least 10 years
Gregory: so on what date would you have the U.S. end the military occupation of Iraq?
McCain: Never - is never good for you?
Gregory: Do you love Donald Trump as much as me?
McCain: I’m not sure that’s possible David
Gregory: is he serious?
McCain: he’s having more fun than I ever did
Gregory: will you endorse him for President?
McCain: I was a Palin man in 2008 and I’m a Palin man now
Gregory: But she’s an idiot
McCain: That’s never been a big problem for our Presidential candidates
Gregory: true - thanks for coming John
McCain: thank you Fluffy
[ break ]
Gregory: Kent Conrad and Tom Coburn are 2 of the 6 people who will soon decide for America how best to dismantle the most successful social programs in American history - thanks for coming guys
Coburn: yo what's up fluff
Conrad: any day now we will reveal to the nation what fate we have decided for all of you
Gregory: awesome
Coburn: it’s vital for America that you follow our six-person plan - we’re flat broke
Gregory: so will you raise taxes?
Coburn: no we are out of money so we must cut taxes for rich people - if we’re nice to them maybe they will give us some money
Gregory: you might have to break your pledge not to raise taxes though
Coburn: maybe - its not like the GOP controls the Senate
Gregory: Don’t you have to raise taxes on the middle class?
Conrad: did you know corporations are cheating by hiding in the Cayman Islands?
Gregory: Kent perhaps you misheard my demand for higher taxes on the middle class
Conrad: no I heard you just fine Fluffy
Gregory: let’s move on - Tom don’t you have to raise taxes on the middle class?
Coburn: no we have to eliminate Medicaid
Gregory: I see
Coburn: Obama is hurting America by not cutting Medicare
Gregory: People want more government than they are willing to pay for and they want to tax the rich
Conrad: this is a defining moment - people are struggling so it’s the perfect time to get rid of entitlements
Gregory: but how can you and I persuade the American people to cut Medicare and Social Security
Conrad: we have to scare the daylights out of them
Gregory: is all this hype over defaulting on the debt overblown?
Conrad: absolutely - the debt is a fundamental threat to the future of America
Gregory: so no debt ceiling vote from you
Conrad: sure reneging on the debt would be bad - but Social Security is worse!
Gregory: what about it Tom
Coburn: repudiating the debt is a-ok - what is catastrophic is spending on the sick and elderly
Gregory: is Donald Trump ethical enough to be President?
Coburn: we need strong moral leadership so no
Gregory: but John Ensign is a friend of yours
Coburn: mistakes were made
Gregory: should he have resigned?
Coburn: who can say? I have no idea what Ensign did
Gregory: should the ethics committee make their findings public?
Conrad: who can say? I’m just a humble senator
[ break ]
Gregory: Should the GOP put all their Easter eggs in the Ending-Medicare basket?
Castellanos: true they seem cold and evil but Democrats won’t cut anything
Gregory: excellent false point Alex
Dunn: the American People want us to work together to give them magical stoned ponies
Brooks: I love the Ryan plan because it finally asked the tough question - are the dying elderly getting a free ride?
Gregory: you have raise taxes on the middle class!
[ sits backs, looks smug ]
Robinson: People love Medicare and they want to tax the rich
Brooks: Obama must give the people a Powerpoint presentation like all great Presidents such as Ross Perot
Gregory: 70% of Americans think we’re on the wrong track
Castellanos: Obama has divided Democrats and Republicans
Gregory: the GOP may bear some of the blame for that too
Dunn: yes after all the first line of the Ryan plan was “The President is a Big Poopyhead”
Gregory: RAISE TAXES ON THE MIDDLE CLASS GODDAMMIT!!!!!!
Robinson: Calm down Fluffy
Dunn: taxes for the rich are the lowest since Herbert Hoover
Cast: when Obama says the rich pay too little he is dividing America and attacking poor weak helpless outnumbered billionaires
Robinson: we can debate how to cut social programs or we can debate how to save them
Brooks: the economy is improving but people are more pessimistic than ever
Gregory: People want the housing bubble back
Castellanos: Obama bows to foreigners and took over car companies and people hate that
Gregory: T Boone Pickens is disappointed in Obama for not subsidizing his natural gas facilities
Brooks: I was in an Applebees in Pennsylvania and learned that we must get over our silly aversion to fossil fuels
Dunn: Green jobs!
Gregory: Feel the Trumpmentum!!
Robinson: Hear the Trumpets!
Castellanos: Americans hate Washington but he’s a moron
Brooks: he stands for he idea that a little poor small guy can start with nothing and still make it America
Robinson: LOL
Gregory: he seems to have no shortage of stupid ideas
Dunn: I for one welcome the Trump candidacy
Gregory: 45% of Republicans don’t think Obama is from planet Earth
Cast: Trump is going toe-to-toe with Obama so it becomes all about Trump vs Obama - that is such a win for Republicans
Dunn: I love how crazy he is
Guthrie: is there a right to privacy in the Constitution?
Trump: I dunno maybe
Gurthrie: but you’re pro-life
Trump: What does a right to privacy have to do abortion?
Guthire: ever heard of Roe v Wade dipshit
Trump: savannah: yur fired
Gregory: he’s seems stupid but can Trump win?
Brooks: Americans frustrated with poor government will eventually vote for a downright moron
Robinson: Trump makes the other candidates look like whiny little losers without a reality tv show
Gregory: except for Palin
Robinson: good point Fluffy
Castellanos: there’s plenty of time for the other GOP candidates to gain public exposure and also be revealed as true idiots
McCain: Bomb bomb bomb Libya
Brooks: Let me give you my analysis of the situation in Libya
Gregory: David what makes you an expert in foreign policy?
Brooks: I once ate at an International House of Pancakes
Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press
*******************************************
John McCain (R-AZ)
Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-NE)
Eugene Robinson
David Brooks
Alex Castellanos
****************************
Gregory: John what’s happening in Libya
McCain: It’s a mess and a stalemate and we need to increase our involvement with more intense bombing immediately
Gregory: can that will achieve victory without ground troops?
McCain: yes - if we also take out Qadaffi’s cable tv
Gregory: you cruel bastard
McCain: heh
Gregory: Mitt Romney said the plan is muddled
McCain: he’s right - Obama should take out Qadaffi now!
Gregory: but you just said no U.S. soldiers on the ground
McCain: Bombs!
Gregory: what if that doesn’t work?
McCain: More bombs!
Gregory: Should we stay in Iraq until 2012?
McCain: it’s very very very important we stay for at least 10 years
Gregory: so on what date would you have the U.S. end the military occupation of Iraq?
McCain: Never - is never good for you?
Gregory: Do you love Donald Trump as much as me?
McCain: I’m not sure that’s possible David
Gregory: is he serious?
McCain: he’s having more fun than I ever did
Gregory: will you endorse him for President?
McCain: I was a Palin man in 2008 and I’m a Palin man now
Gregory: But she’s an idiot
McCain: That’s never been a big problem for our Presidential candidates
Gregory: true - thanks for coming John
McCain: thank you Fluffy
[ break ]
Gregory: Kent Conrad and Tom Coburn are 2 of the 6 people who will soon decide for America how best to dismantle the most successful social programs in American history - thanks for coming guys
Coburn: yo what's up fluff
Conrad: any day now we will reveal to the nation what fate we have decided for all of you
Gregory: awesome
Coburn: it’s vital for America that you follow our six-person plan - we’re flat broke
Gregory: so will you raise taxes?
Coburn: no we are out of money so we must cut taxes for rich people - if we’re nice to them maybe they will give us some money
Gregory: you might have to break your pledge not to raise taxes though
Coburn: maybe - its not like the GOP controls the Senate
Gregory: Don’t you have to raise taxes on the middle class?
Conrad: did you know corporations are cheating by hiding in the Cayman Islands?
Gregory: Kent perhaps you misheard my demand for higher taxes on the middle class
Conrad: no I heard you just fine Fluffy
Gregory: let’s move on - Tom don’t you have to raise taxes on the middle class?
Coburn: no we have to eliminate Medicaid
Gregory: I see
Coburn: Obama is hurting America by not cutting Medicare
Gregory: People want more government than they are willing to pay for and they want to tax the rich
Conrad: this is a defining moment - people are struggling so it’s the perfect time to get rid of entitlements
Gregory: but how can you and I persuade the American people to cut Medicare and Social Security
Conrad: we have to scare the daylights out of them
Gregory: is all this hype over defaulting on the debt overblown?
Conrad: absolutely - the debt is a fundamental threat to the future of America
Gregory: so no debt ceiling vote from you
Conrad: sure reneging on the debt would be bad - but Social Security is worse!
Gregory: what about it Tom
Coburn: repudiating the debt is a-ok - what is catastrophic is spending on the sick and elderly
Gregory: is Donald Trump ethical enough to be President?
Coburn: we need strong moral leadership so no
Gregory: but John Ensign is a friend of yours
Coburn: mistakes were made
Gregory: should he have resigned?
Coburn: who can say? I have no idea what Ensign did
Gregory: should the ethics committee make their findings public?
Conrad: who can say? I’m just a humble senator
[ break ]
Gregory: Should the GOP put all their Easter eggs in the Ending-Medicare basket?
Castellanos: true they seem cold and evil but Democrats won’t cut anything
Gregory: excellent false point Alex
Dunn: the American People want us to work together to give them magical stoned ponies
Brooks: I love the Ryan plan because it finally asked the tough question - are the dying elderly getting a free ride?
Gregory: you have raise taxes on the middle class!
[ sits backs, looks smug ]
Robinson: People love Medicare and they want to tax the rich
Brooks: Obama must give the people a Powerpoint presentation like all great Presidents such as Ross Perot
Gregory: 70% of Americans think we’re on the wrong track
Castellanos: Obama has divided Democrats and Republicans
Gregory: the GOP may bear some of the blame for that too
Dunn: yes after all the first line of the Ryan plan was “The President is a Big Poopyhead”
Gregory: RAISE TAXES ON THE MIDDLE CLASS GODDAMMIT!!!!!!
Robinson: Calm down Fluffy
Dunn: taxes for the rich are the lowest since Herbert Hoover
Cast: when Obama says the rich pay too little he is dividing America and attacking poor weak helpless outnumbered billionaires
Robinson: we can debate how to cut social programs or we can debate how to save them
Brooks: the economy is improving but people are more pessimistic than ever
Gregory: People want the housing bubble back
Castellanos: Obama bows to foreigners and took over car companies and people hate that
Gregory: T Boone Pickens is disappointed in Obama for not subsidizing his natural gas facilities
Brooks: I was in an Applebees in Pennsylvania and learned that we must get over our silly aversion to fossil fuels
Dunn: Green jobs!
Gregory: Feel the Trumpmentum!!
Robinson: Hear the Trumpets!
Castellanos: Americans hate Washington but he’s a moron
Brooks: he stands for he idea that a little poor small guy can start with nothing and still make it America
Robinson: LOL
Gregory: he seems to have no shortage of stupid ideas
Dunn: I for one welcome the Trump candidacy
Gregory: 45% of Republicans don’t think Obama is from planet Earth
Cast: Trump is going toe-to-toe with Obama so it becomes all about Trump vs Obama - that is such a win for Republicans
Dunn: I love how crazy he is
Guthrie: is there a right to privacy in the Constitution?
Trump: I dunno maybe
Gurthrie: but you’re pro-life
Trump: What does a right to privacy have to do abortion?
Guthire: ever heard of Roe v Wade dipshit
Trump: savannah: yur fired
Gregory: he’s seems stupid but can Trump win?
Brooks: Americans frustrated with poor government will eventually vote for a downright moron
Robinson: Trump makes the other candidates look like whiny little losers without a reality tv show
Gregory: except for Palin
Robinson: good point Fluffy
Castellanos: there’s plenty of time for the other GOP candidates to gain public exposure and also be revealed as true idiots
McCain: Bomb bomb bomb Libya
Brooks: Let me give you my analysis of the situation in Libya
Gregory: David what makes you an expert in foreign policy?
Brooks: I once ate at an International House of Pancakes
Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press
*******************************************
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Meet The Press - April 17, 2011
Guests:
Tim Geithner (Sec. of Treasury)
Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT)
Alan Greenspan
Jennifer Granholm
Tavis Smiley
Jon Meacham
*************************************
Gregory: Will Obama finally agree to do what
the Tea Party wants?
Geithner: why should he
Gregory: the Republicans demand it
Geithner: so I’ve heard
Gregory: you must link debt ceiling and cut spending
Geithner: so you say
Gregory: your warnings about the debt ceiling
are overblown
Geithner: you can’t play chicken with the
credibility of the U.S. of A. bucko
Gregory: will you the shut down the government?
Geithner: Look Obama offered trillions in cuts -
what more do the Republicans want?
Gregory: Obama once voted against raising
the debt ceiling
Geithner: true but the whole world is watching to
see how crazy we really are
Gregory: Let me tell you Americans are
thinking about
Geithner: [ eyeroll ]
Gregory: the gas is too damm high!
Geithner: well you know war in the Middle East, Africa, earthquakes and meltdown in Japan
are not helpful
Gregory: Mitt Romney says Obama caused a recession in 2008
Geithner: heh
Gregory: how do answer the charge that you
totally suck
Geithner: we’ve created more jobs in one year
than Bush did in 8 years
Gregory: I still don’t like you
Geithner: Don’t bet against America Fluffy -
it survived Revolution, Civil War, Depressions and can survive my tenure as Secretary of Treasury
Gregory: probably
Geithner: we need to cut spending now so the next Republican President can raise spending
Gregory: will unemployment ever go down?
Geithner: who can say?
Gregory: Obama is insisting on raising taxes on
the rich
Geithner: well either that or cut spending the disabled, gut defense, or borrow more money from the Chinese
Gregory: don’t you have to raise taxes on the
middle class?
Geithner: do we?
Gregory: yes because Boehner says no way am
I raising taxes on the rich
Geithner: we could afford everything if we eliminated loopholes for the wealthy
Gregory: Obama poisoned the well!
Geithner: it’s a starting point
Gregory: Obama gave poor Paul Ryan the black
of his hand
Geithner: suck it up Whyan
Gregory: Won’t raising taxes hurt the economy?
Geithner: not if we truly believe in the greatness
of America
Gregory: Debbie Wasserman Schultz says the Ryan plan is a deathtrap
Geithner: Debbie only said that because she’s from
Florida and most of her constituents are near the end
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] Obama is not serious!
Geithner: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: GE paid no taxes - how do I get in on
that action
Geithner: you need to lose a huge amount of money
Gregory: I think NBC is good at that
Gregory: so will you address tax inequity
Geithner: yes and even Republicans find this pretty fucking outrageous
Gregory: are you staying in your job
Geithner: no comment Fluffers
Gregory: hee hee
[ break ]
Gregory: Senator will the Tea Party raise the debt ceiling or will you destroy the USA
Lee: we will only vote for it if we also amend the Constitution to require a President to wear his
birth certificate at all times around his neck on a sandwich board
Greenspan: I don’t understand what is going on
Gregory: Did Betsy get your pudding?
Greenspan: Debt is bad
Gregory: Obama Unplugged has total contempt
for the GOP Congress
Granholm: the GOP has the Ryan plan and Obama has a plan and now we can have a debate and that’s how politics work
Gregory: but that’s all fantasy
Smiley: Budgets are moral documents!
The poor got locked out!
Gregory: We are all ruled by the Tea Party because they Dominate The Conversation
Meacham: they are adorable lunatics
Mondale: Obama should promise to raise taxes and he will get reelected because it worked so well for me
Lee: you can’t raise taxes
Gregory: you go Mike
Lee: look the American people know what they want - more spending and lower taxes
Greenspan: Ayn Rand once told me that you can’t get out of a recession by raising taxes - then again she once served me a pie made from poor people
Gregory: Fascinating
Greenspan: We have to let the tax cuts for the
rich expire
Lee: [ swoon, thud ]
Gregory: down goes Lee
Meacham: If Democrats raises taxes they will be flacked
Gregory: Jon you are so erudite
Smiley: forget the optics - what about standing up for the right thing dammit!!
Granholm: that’s what Obama did Tavis
Smiley: oh man those are just words!
Granholm: you’re a talk show host!
Tavis: and a writer!
Gregory: unemployment is still high but the stock market is going great
Greenspan: Americans have bet their retirement on shares on American corporations
Gregory: good plan
Greenspan: all those layoffs were great for
corporate America
Gregory: excellent
Greenspan: but now lack of employees
may hurt companies
Gregory: uh oh
Gregory: A bankrupt reality game show show host is leading the GOP polls
Meacham: Donald Trump's success proves the frustration with both parties
Audience: [ palmface ]
Smiley: Trump is a con artist and he’s playing the idiots in the D.C. media
Lee: Romney doesn’t feel pity remorse or fear - he has no feelings and he can’t be stopped
Gregory: I will now continue my absurd obsession with the idea of Jon Huntsman running for President
Lee: thanks Fluffy
Granholm: Donald Trump appears to passionately believe in something - unlike Weather Vain
Gregory: Deval Patrick says we need optimism and do great things
Lee: the Tea Party is optimistic - that we can finally declare the U.S. government an utter failure
Gregory: Alan you’re very very old - give us
your insight
Greenspan: America has a good ride for 118 years but it’s over
Gregory: just like you
Gregory: Mike be honest - will you raise the debt ceiling or not?
Lee: you can’t read my poker face
my p-p-p-poker face
Gregory: I got an e-mail from a guy complaining about Those Clowns in Congress
Greenspan: how do they stay so topical
Smiley: War is the enemy of the poor!
Meacham: Can Obama catapult the propaganda?
Gregory: Good question Jon - hey audience for more of this go to the internets where I talk to Tavis Smiley about his book and Jon Meacham about
Shelby Foote’s book
Meacham: [ sobs ]
Gregory: [ hands Jon tissue ]
and that’s Meet The Press
***************************************
Tim Geithner (Sec. of Treasury)
Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT)
Alan Greenspan
Jennifer Granholm
Tavis Smiley
Jon Meacham
*************************************
Gregory: Will Obama finally agree to do what
the Tea Party wants?
Geithner: why should he
Gregory: the Republicans demand it
Geithner: so I’ve heard
Gregory: you must link debt ceiling and cut spending
Geithner: so you say
Gregory: your warnings about the debt ceiling
are overblown
Geithner: you can’t play chicken with the
credibility of the U.S. of A. bucko
Gregory: will you the shut down the government?
Geithner: Look Obama offered trillions in cuts -
what more do the Republicans want?
Gregory: Obama once voted against raising
the debt ceiling
Geithner: true but the whole world is watching to
see how crazy we really are
Gregory: Let me tell you Americans are
thinking about
Geithner: [ eyeroll ]
Gregory: the gas is too damm high!
Geithner: well you know war in the Middle East, Africa, earthquakes and meltdown in Japan
are not helpful
Gregory: Mitt Romney says Obama caused a recession in 2008
Geithner: heh
Gregory: how do answer the charge that you
totally suck
Geithner: we’ve created more jobs in one year
than Bush did in 8 years
Gregory: I still don’t like you
Geithner: Don’t bet against America Fluffy -
it survived Revolution, Civil War, Depressions and can survive my tenure as Secretary of Treasury
Gregory: probably
Geithner: we need to cut spending now so the next Republican President can raise spending
Gregory: will unemployment ever go down?
Geithner: who can say?
Gregory: Obama is insisting on raising taxes on
the rich
Geithner: well either that or cut spending the disabled, gut defense, or borrow more money from the Chinese
Gregory: don’t you have to raise taxes on the
middle class?
Geithner: do we?
Gregory: yes because Boehner says no way am
I raising taxes on the rich
Geithner: we could afford everything if we eliminated loopholes for the wealthy
Gregory: Obama poisoned the well!
Geithner: it’s a starting point
Gregory: Obama gave poor Paul Ryan the black
of his hand
Geithner: suck it up Whyan
Gregory: Won’t raising taxes hurt the economy?
Geithner: not if we truly believe in the greatness
of America
Gregory: Debbie Wasserman Schultz says the Ryan plan is a deathtrap
Geithner: Debbie only said that because she’s from
Florida and most of her constituents are near the end
Gregory: [ high pitched voice ] Obama is not serious!
Geithner: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: GE paid no taxes - how do I get in on
that action
Geithner: you need to lose a huge amount of money
Gregory: I think NBC is good at that
Gregory: so will you address tax inequity
Geithner: yes and even Republicans find this pretty fucking outrageous
Gregory: are you staying in your job
Geithner: no comment Fluffers
Gregory: hee hee
[ break ]
Gregory: Senator will the Tea Party raise the debt ceiling or will you destroy the USA
Lee: we will only vote for it if we also amend the Constitution to require a President to wear his
birth certificate at all times around his neck on a sandwich board
Greenspan: I don’t understand what is going on
Gregory: Did Betsy get your pudding?
Greenspan: Debt is bad
Gregory: Obama Unplugged has total contempt
for the GOP Congress
Granholm: the GOP has the Ryan plan and Obama has a plan and now we can have a debate and that’s how politics work
Gregory: but that’s all fantasy
Smiley: Budgets are moral documents!
The poor got locked out!
Gregory: We are all ruled by the Tea Party because they Dominate The Conversation
Meacham: they are adorable lunatics
Mondale: Obama should promise to raise taxes and he will get reelected because it worked so well for me
Lee: you can’t raise taxes
Gregory: you go Mike
Lee: look the American people know what they want - more spending and lower taxes
Greenspan: Ayn Rand once told me that you can’t get out of a recession by raising taxes - then again she once served me a pie made from poor people
Gregory: Fascinating
Greenspan: We have to let the tax cuts for the
rich expire
Lee: [ swoon, thud ]
Gregory: down goes Lee
Meacham: If Democrats raises taxes they will be flacked
Gregory: Jon you are so erudite
Smiley: forget the optics - what about standing up for the right thing dammit!!
Granholm: that’s what Obama did Tavis
Smiley: oh man those are just words!
Granholm: you’re a talk show host!
Tavis: and a writer!
Gregory: unemployment is still high but the stock market is going great
Greenspan: Americans have bet their retirement on shares on American corporations
Gregory: good plan
Greenspan: all those layoffs were great for
corporate America
Gregory: excellent
Greenspan: but now lack of employees
may hurt companies
Gregory: uh oh
Gregory: A bankrupt reality game show show host is leading the GOP polls
Meacham: Donald Trump's success proves the frustration with both parties
Audience: [ palmface ]
Smiley: Trump is a con artist and he’s playing the idiots in the D.C. media
Lee: Romney doesn’t feel pity remorse or fear - he has no feelings and he can’t be stopped
Gregory: I will now continue my absurd obsession with the idea of Jon Huntsman running for President
Lee: thanks Fluffy
Granholm: Donald Trump appears to passionately believe in something - unlike Weather Vain
Gregory: Deval Patrick says we need optimism and do great things
Lee: the Tea Party is optimistic - that we can finally declare the U.S. government an utter failure
Gregory: Alan you’re very very old - give us
your insight
Greenspan: America has a good ride for 118 years but it’s over
Gregory: just like you
Gregory: Mike be honest - will you raise the debt ceiling or not?
Lee: you can’t read my poker face
my p-p-p-poker face
Gregory: I got an e-mail from a guy complaining about Those Clowns in Congress
Greenspan: how do they stay so topical
Smiley: War is the enemy of the poor!
Meacham: Can Obama catapult the propaganda?
Gregory: Good question Jon - hey audience for more of this go to the internets where I talk to Tavis Smiley about his book and Jon Meacham about
Shelby Foote’s book
Meacham: [ sobs ]
Gregory: [ hands Jon tissue ]
and that’s Meet The Press
***************************************
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - April 17, 2011
April 17, 2011
Guests:
Tim Geithner (Sec. of Treasury)
Rep. Allen West (R-FL)
Rep. Joe Walsh (R-IL)
Rep. Renee Ellmers (R-NC)
Rep. Steve Southerland (R-FL)
*****************************
Amanpour: we have a $14 trillion debt - so should we end Medicare or raise taxes on the rich?
Audience: hmm tough one
Amanpour: Tim what is the debt ceiling and
is it made of glass
Geithner: Congress will raise the ceiling because they don’t want to see American credibility completely destroyed - I think
Amanpour: what would happen if we didn’t
raise the ceiling
Geithner: we’d stop all payments to old people and soldiers - oh and cause a worldwide Depression
Amanpour: you seem confident that the nuts
in Congress won’t default but you are campaigning for it
Geithner: well there are a lot of crazy people
in office now
Amanpour: so I’ve heard
Geithner: the whole world is watching and waiting
for us to lock in some real fun austerity
Amanpour: Obama ambushed Republicans by proposing a budget after they demanded that
he propose a budget
Geithner: um yes
Amanpour: but is being to mean to the nuts the
right tone?
Geithner: we could cut taxes and increase spending like the Republicans always do
Amanpour: ooh good idea
Geithner: that was sarcasm
Amanpour: but you are going to damage
the recovery
Geithner: if we do this carefully we can boost the economy while cutting spending
Amanpour: I fear you will raise taxes on the rich
Geithner: we have to and Paul Ryan proved it
Amanpour: Boehner says no way to tax hikes
Geithner: their own panic on the debt shows you have to raise taxes on the rich or borrow more the Chinese
Amanpour: why not tax the poor more?
Geithner: there is spending in the tax code
that goes to the rich
Amanpour: I see what you did there
Geithner: [ grins sheepishly ]
Amanpour: so what’s your plan?
Geithner: first we raise taxes on the rich and get
rid of loopholes that mostly benefit billionaires
Amanpour: the IMF wants you to turn the unemployed into soylent green
Geithner: fuck those foreigners
Amanpour: the British tried austerity and surprisingly it sucks
Geithner: True but they have to support a gold-and-jewel-encrusted
monarchical drain on society
Amanpour: we have Donald Trump
Geithner: good point
Amanpour: what about putting some Wall Street crooks in jail?
Geithner: well they are very nice you know
Amanpour: so no prosecutions
Geithner: lets not look back
Amanpour: you will stay on and continue to preside over a recession?
Geithner: I do what I can Christiane
Amanpour: you want to cut the deficit and cut taxes for rich people noble ideas indeed - but ill you wreck American first but not raising the debt ceiling?
Southerland: we won’t vote for raising the ceiling if they don’t offer something serious like eliminating Medicare
Walsh: Tea Partiers were sent to Washington by Americans who realized debt was bad after a black Democrat became President
West: we should amend the Constitution to put the Supreme Court in charge of the budget
Amanpour: Privatizing Medicare will cost old people a lot of money
Ellmers: no - it will empower old people to make their own choices on whether they want to die or not
Amanpour: what if they can’t afford medical care
Ellmers: if we don’t eliminate Medicare we will have to face the horrifying prospect of losing Medicare
Amanpour: if the debt is so bad why not raise
taxes on the rich
Walsh: no no no we must cut taxes and grow the economy
Amanpour: I see
Walsh: you cut taxes and revenues go up -
it’s like magic!
Amanpour: overall people seem to hate your plan
Southerland: look you can’t do the best thing for America and expect people to like you
Amanpour: of course not
Southerland: I may lose in 2012 but I will do so knowing I did my best to take money from poor people and give it to rich people
Amanpour: thanks for coming
**********************************
Guests:
Tim Geithner (Sec. of Treasury)
Rep. Allen West (R-FL)
Rep. Joe Walsh (R-IL)
Rep. Renee Ellmers (R-NC)
Rep. Steve Southerland (R-FL)
*****************************
Amanpour: we have a $14 trillion debt - so should we end Medicare or raise taxes on the rich?
Audience: hmm tough one
Amanpour: Tim what is the debt ceiling and
is it made of glass
Geithner: Congress will raise the ceiling because they don’t want to see American credibility completely destroyed - I think
Amanpour: what would happen if we didn’t
raise the ceiling
Geithner: we’d stop all payments to old people and soldiers - oh and cause a worldwide Depression
Amanpour: you seem confident that the nuts
in Congress won’t default but you are campaigning for it
Geithner: well there are a lot of crazy people
in office now
Amanpour: so I’ve heard
Geithner: the whole world is watching and waiting
for us to lock in some real fun austerity
Amanpour: Obama ambushed Republicans by proposing a budget after they demanded that
he propose a budget
Geithner: um yes
Amanpour: but is being to mean to the nuts the
right tone?
Geithner: we could cut taxes and increase spending like the Republicans always do
Amanpour: ooh good idea
Geithner: that was sarcasm
Amanpour: but you are going to damage
the recovery
Geithner: if we do this carefully we can boost the economy while cutting spending
Amanpour: I fear you will raise taxes on the rich
Geithner: we have to and Paul Ryan proved it
Amanpour: Boehner says no way to tax hikes
Geithner: their own panic on the debt shows you have to raise taxes on the rich or borrow more the Chinese
Amanpour: why not tax the poor more?
Geithner: there is spending in the tax code
that goes to the rich
Amanpour: I see what you did there
Geithner: [ grins sheepishly ]
Amanpour: so what’s your plan?
Geithner: first we raise taxes on the rich and get
rid of loopholes that mostly benefit billionaires
Amanpour: the IMF wants you to turn the unemployed into soylent green
Geithner: fuck those foreigners
Amanpour: the British tried austerity and surprisingly it sucks
Geithner: True but they have to support a gold-and-jewel-encrusted
monarchical drain on society
Amanpour: we have Donald Trump
Geithner: good point
Amanpour: what about putting some Wall Street crooks in jail?
Geithner: well they are very nice you know
Amanpour: so no prosecutions
Geithner: lets not look back
Amanpour: you will stay on and continue to preside over a recession?
Geithner: I do what I can Christiane
Amanpour: you want to cut the deficit and cut taxes for rich people noble ideas indeed - but ill you wreck American first but not raising the debt ceiling?
Southerland: we won’t vote for raising the ceiling if they don’t offer something serious like eliminating Medicare
Walsh: Tea Partiers were sent to Washington by Americans who realized debt was bad after a black Democrat became President
West: we should amend the Constitution to put the Supreme Court in charge of the budget
Amanpour: Privatizing Medicare will cost old people a lot of money
Ellmers: no - it will empower old people to make their own choices on whether they want to die or not
Amanpour: what if they can’t afford medical care
Ellmers: if we don’t eliminate Medicare we will have to face the horrifying prospect of losing Medicare
Amanpour: if the debt is so bad why not raise
taxes on the rich
Walsh: no no no we must cut taxes and grow the economy
Amanpour: I see
Walsh: you cut taxes and revenues go up -
it’s like magic!
Amanpour: overall people seem to hate your plan
Southerland: look you can’t do the best thing for America and expect people to like you
Amanpour: of course not
Southerland: I may lose in 2012 but I will do so knowing I did my best to take money from poor people and give it to rich people
Amanpour: thanks for coming
**********************************
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Meet The Press - April 10, 2011
Guests:
David Plouffe - White House advisor
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Tim Shriver - CEO Special Olympics
Helene Cooper - New York Times
Jim Cramer - CNBC
Chuck Todd - NBC news
**************************
Gregory: wow Congress and Obama agreed
to cut $38.5 billion!
Plouffe: woo hoo
Gregory: Obama is a bad man
Plouffe: I disagree - this is what divided
government looks like
Gregory: but Obama is terrible
Plouffe: this ridiculous fight is the model
for deals going forward
Gregory: but Obama is not good
Plouffe: let’s move on Fluffy
Gregory: Congressional democrats are
also bad people
Plouffe: we need to invest in cancer research,
Head Start and killer drones
Gregory: what will Obama give the Republicans in exchange for not crashing the U.S. economy
Plouffe: it would be a total catastrophe
if we don’t raise the debt limit
Gregory: it’s Armageddon!
Plouffe: it’s a big game of chicken
Gregory: Obama has failed to cut Medicare
unlike the courageous Paul Ryan
Plouffe: Obama is going cut a trillion dollars in spending
Gregory: but Obama didn’t propose the debt commission’s recommendations
Plouffe: actually he did
Gregory: not Alan Simpson’s Puppy Killing Act
of 2010
Plouffe: we have divided government so we may compromise and just kill some household pets
Gregory: you have to cut Medicare and Medicaid!
Plouffe: I do?
Gregory: you HAVE to!!!
Plouffe: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: any chance Paul Ryan’s plan get passed
Plouffe: giving $200,000 tax cut and
Gregory: will you raise taxes on everyone?
Plouffe: on the rich
Gregory: you should raise taxes on those
selfish middle classes
Plouffe: how about we not do that?
Gregory: is that a re-election pledge?
Plouffe: we’ve cut taxes consistently
Gregory: Obama promised to close Gitmo and instead KSM will go before a military tribunal
Plouffe: 10 years after 9/11 the guy still hasn’t
been put on trial and now we will
[ break ]
Gregory: did the Republicans almost shut down
the government?
Ryan: hell yeah!
Gregory: will there be a Budgetgeddon?
Ryan: we won’t raise the debt ceiling without
cutting a trillion dollars first
Gregory: like what?
Ryan: like really really big cuts
Gregory: Mark McKinnon said you will either
save America or destroy it
Ryan: now that a Democrat is President we must
cut the debt
Gregory: you are an idealist but your plan is not realistic
Ryan: the high debt requires us to cut taxes
Gregory: you would end Medicare, reverse Medicaid and cut taxes for the rich
Ryan: boo-yah
Gregory: Alan Simpson thinks you are cruel to the weak and he eats kittens for breakfast
Ryan: also I don’t address health care costs
Gregory: right I forgot
Ryan: look rich people are overtaxed - do you know how much foie gras costs??
Gregory: interesting
Ryan: rich people need your tax money
to make jobs!
Gregory: that’s convenient
Ryan: we’re competing against India and China to woo Job Creators
Gregory: you would cut aid for the poor and disabled
Ryan: Medicare was designed for people who died
at age 60 and we need to return to that
Gregory: I see
Ryan: we want to give the poor and old people the power to negotiate with their doctors for cheaper surgeries
Gregory: that doesn’t sound too awesome for
old people
Ryan: no it’s “personalized” - you can craft you own Death Panel
Gregory: what about dealing with tax reform first?
Ryan: maybe Obama will meet us halfway and slash Social Security instead
Gregory: your plan is blatantly ideological
Ryan: punishing old people will give our children
a debt-free nation
Gregory: I can’t help notice that no one
likes your plan
Ryan: my plan will pass the GOP caucus
Gregory: what about the GOP Presidential candidates?
Ryan: I’ve heard they all secretly love it
[ break ]
Gregory: OMG this budget crisis makes elected officials looks bad!
Todd: we almost shut the government down over stale culture wars
Cooper: it went right down to the last moment -
it was scary!
Gregory: Obama had a photo-op showing that
he protected the Washington monument from a lack of visitors!
Shriver: Honestly most non-geek Americans were not awake and twittering at midnight Friday
Audience: who us
Cramer: Obama is a job-killing socialist and also the economy is rapidly turning around
Gregory: but but but Obama is a bad President
Cramer: we must fear the IMF
Gregory: the GOP is driving the debate
Todd: Boehner used Planned Parenthood to squeeze another $38 billion in cuts
Gregory: the Tea Party don’t want to legislate
Shriver: I respect the Tea Party for be willing to lose - but what do they want to build?
Gregory: Charlie Cook says cutting Medicare
is suicidal
Cramer: Interest rates are going to go up dramatically in July if we don’t cut Medicaid
Cooper: Obama is so far above the fray he can he see the roofs of our planes as they fly off
Gregory: Paul Ryan put out a brave plan to
privatize Medicare
Todd: it’s like Gollum’s ring - it will destroy anyone who touches it
Gregory: Whether Vain endorsed it
Todd: the Tea Party are like the Sith - you must confront the Tea Party without becoming one of them
Gregory: what’s the key to 2012
Todd: Ohio and Hispanics
Shriver: people are angry about lack of jobs, fairness and shared larger purpose
Gregory: What is the Unforseen
Cramer: Obama must scare people that they will lose their job if we don’t cut the debt
Brokaw: Should Qadaffi leave?
Prince Saud: he’s a whackjob
Brokaw: Exile?
Saud: on Main Street
Cooper: Libya is they key to the Presidential election in 2012
Gregory: Chaos is so much fun
Todd: the Middle East is consuming the
White House
Cooper: everytime America thinks we’re out we
get pulled back in
Gregory: and that’s Meet the Press
***********************************
David Plouffe - White House advisor
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Tim Shriver - CEO Special Olympics
Helene Cooper - New York Times
Jim Cramer - CNBC
Chuck Todd - NBC news
**************************
Gregory: wow Congress and Obama agreed
to cut $38.5 billion!
Plouffe: woo hoo
Gregory: Obama is a bad man
Plouffe: I disagree - this is what divided
government looks like
Gregory: but Obama is terrible
Plouffe: this ridiculous fight is the model
for deals going forward
Gregory: but Obama is not good
Plouffe: let’s move on Fluffy
Gregory: Congressional democrats are
also bad people
Plouffe: we need to invest in cancer research,
Head Start and killer drones
Gregory: what will Obama give the Republicans in exchange for not crashing the U.S. economy
Plouffe: it would be a total catastrophe
if we don’t raise the debt limit
Gregory: it’s Armageddon!
Plouffe: it’s a big game of chicken
Gregory: Obama has failed to cut Medicare
unlike the courageous Paul Ryan
Plouffe: Obama is going cut a trillion dollars in spending
Gregory: but Obama didn’t propose the debt commission’s recommendations
Plouffe: actually he did
Gregory: not Alan Simpson’s Puppy Killing Act
of 2010
Plouffe: we have divided government so we may compromise and just kill some household pets
Gregory: you have to cut Medicare and Medicaid!
Plouffe: I do?
Gregory: you HAVE to!!!
Plouffe: Calm down Fluffy
Gregory: any chance Paul Ryan’s plan get passed
Plouffe: giving $200,000 tax cut and
Gregory: will you raise taxes on everyone?
Plouffe: on the rich
Gregory: you should raise taxes on those
selfish middle classes
Plouffe: how about we not do that?
Gregory: is that a re-election pledge?
Plouffe: we’ve cut taxes consistently
Gregory: Obama promised to close Gitmo and instead KSM will go before a military tribunal
Plouffe: 10 years after 9/11 the guy still hasn’t
been put on trial and now we will
[ break ]
Gregory: did the Republicans almost shut down
the government?
Ryan: hell yeah!
Gregory: will there be a Budgetgeddon?
Ryan: we won’t raise the debt ceiling without
cutting a trillion dollars first
Gregory: like what?
Ryan: like really really big cuts
Gregory: Mark McKinnon said you will either
save America or destroy it
Ryan: now that a Democrat is President we must
cut the debt
Gregory: you are an idealist but your plan is not realistic
Ryan: the high debt requires us to cut taxes
Gregory: you would end Medicare, reverse Medicaid and cut taxes for the rich
Ryan: boo-yah
Gregory: Alan Simpson thinks you are cruel to the weak and he eats kittens for breakfast
Ryan: also I don’t address health care costs
Gregory: right I forgot
Ryan: look rich people are overtaxed - do you know how much foie gras costs??
Gregory: interesting
Ryan: rich people need your tax money
to make jobs!
Gregory: that’s convenient
Ryan: we’re competing against India and China to woo Job Creators
Gregory: you would cut aid for the poor and disabled
Ryan: Medicare was designed for people who died
at age 60 and we need to return to that
Gregory: I see
Ryan: we want to give the poor and old people the power to negotiate with their doctors for cheaper surgeries
Gregory: that doesn’t sound too awesome for
old people
Ryan: no it’s “personalized” - you can craft you own Death Panel
Gregory: what about dealing with tax reform first?
Ryan: maybe Obama will meet us halfway and slash Social Security instead
Gregory: your plan is blatantly ideological
Ryan: punishing old people will give our children
a debt-free nation
Gregory: I can’t help notice that no one
likes your plan
Ryan: my plan will pass the GOP caucus
Gregory: what about the GOP Presidential candidates?
Ryan: I’ve heard they all secretly love it
[ break ]
Gregory: OMG this budget crisis makes elected officials looks bad!
Todd: we almost shut the government down over stale culture wars
Cooper: it went right down to the last moment -
it was scary!
Gregory: Obama had a photo-op showing that
he protected the Washington monument from a lack of visitors!
Shriver: Honestly most non-geek Americans were not awake and twittering at midnight Friday
Audience: who us
Cramer: Obama is a job-killing socialist and also the economy is rapidly turning around
Gregory: but but but Obama is a bad President
Cramer: we must fear the IMF
Gregory: the GOP is driving the debate
Todd: Boehner used Planned Parenthood to squeeze another $38 billion in cuts
Gregory: the Tea Party don’t want to legislate
Shriver: I respect the Tea Party for be willing to lose - but what do they want to build?
Gregory: Charlie Cook says cutting Medicare
is suicidal
Cramer: Interest rates are going to go up dramatically in July if we don’t cut Medicaid
Cooper: Obama is so far above the fray he can he see the roofs of our planes as they fly off
Gregory: Paul Ryan put out a brave plan to
privatize Medicare
Todd: it’s like Gollum’s ring - it will destroy anyone who touches it
Gregory: Whether Vain endorsed it
Todd: the Tea Party are like the Sith - you must confront the Tea Party without becoming one of them
Gregory: what’s the key to 2012
Todd: Ohio and Hispanics
Shriver: people are angry about lack of jobs, fairness and shared larger purpose
Gregory: What is the Unforseen
Cramer: Obama must scare people that they will lose their job if we don’t cut the debt
Brokaw: Should Qadaffi leave?
Prince Saud: he’s a whackjob
Brokaw: Exile?
Saud: on Main Street
Cooper: Libya is they key to the Presidential election in 2012
Gregory: Chaos is so much fun
Todd: the Middle East is consuming the
White House
Cooper: everytime America thinks we’re out we
get pulled back in
Gregory: and that’s Meet the Press
***********************************
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - April 10, 2011
Guests:
David Plouffe - White House advisor
Rep. Mike Pence (R-IN)
Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD)
******************************
Amanpour: this week’s epic budget fight was puny compared to Budgetgeddon!!
Plouffe: true
Amanpour: the President wanted to increase spending and then he cut $38 billion
Plouffe: yes but we need to reduce the debt while increasing spending by decreasing spending
Amanpour: so why did Obama take a victory lap?
Plouffe: who doesn’t love a firm fiscal trajectory?
Amanpour: so are the cuts draconian or historic?
Plouffe: both - the agreement is Historically Draconican
Amanpour: I see
Plouffe: we protected cancer research and Head Start
Amanpour: Economists have said cuts will cause another recession
Plouffe: tell that to the GOP
Amanpour: Does Obama has the stomach for another big fight?
Plouffe: we’re bringing spending to its lowest level since Dwight Eisenhower - we’re Winning Back to the Future!
Amanpour: what is Obama’s plan for making Republicans and Democrats agree on something
Plouffe: Jedi mind tricks
Amanpour: can Obama really do that
Plouffe: hey we all came together to cut taxes for the rich
Amanpour: Anthony Weiner just tweeted: we need our own agenda #fuckyourepublicans
Plouffe: Obama is driving the agenda on cuts - what spending we should cut and what also taxes we should cut
Amanpour: good for him
Plouffe: we’re giving the wealthy a massive tax break - that’s a choice
Amanpour: Donald Trump thinks Obama is a Kenyan spear thrower
Plouffe: didn’t the Bronx Zoo Cobra dispatch this asshole
Donovan: Paul Ryan wants to cut $6 trillion - he’s so adorable
Audience: awwww
[ break ]
Pence: the Dems want to borrow money from China to abort babies!
Reid: the GOP would shut down the government to hurt women’s health!
Amanpour: you are a Tea Party guy - can you vote for this bill?
Pence: we fought the good fight
Amanpour: yes or no
Pence: no - but poor Boehner was assaulted by Obama and his abortion friends
Van Hollen: no one has any idea what is in this bill
Amanpour: naturally
Van Hollen: Mike Pence wanted to shut down the government over contraception
Amanpour: interesting
Van Hollen: they don’t want to create jobs - just give tax breaks to the rich
Amanpour: so will this budget agreement pass?
Van Hollen: they took us the brink of disaster to impose their religious beliefs on everyone else
Pence: it’s nonsense to say the Tea Party wanted to shut down the government - the bottom line is Obama loves abortion
Amanpour: how is abortion a budgetary issue?
Pence: I’m pro-life and I don’t apologize for it
Amanpour: so I see
Pence: Planed Parenthood gives my tax dollars for abortion and the Lord God intended U.S. tax dollars to be given to failed Wall Street executives
Amanpour: will vote to increase the debt ceiling?
Pence: no
Van Hollen: playing chicken with the debt is incredibly dangerous
Pence: that makes it cool! It’s Extreme Budgeting!
Van Hollen: Paul Ryan ends Medicare and puts the burden on old people while giving money away to the rich
Pence: true but if you’re 55 or older you’re safe and if you’re under 55 you will have the wonderful opportunity to experience a free market in health care
Van Hollen: good luck with that
Pence: we want to give people the same health care as Congress
Van Hollen: [ bursts out laughing ]
Amanpour: thanks for coming
David Plouffe - White House advisor
Rep. Mike Pence (R-IN)
Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD)
******************************
Amanpour: this week’s epic budget fight was puny compared to Budgetgeddon!!
Plouffe: true
Amanpour: the President wanted to increase spending and then he cut $38 billion
Plouffe: yes but we need to reduce the debt while increasing spending by decreasing spending
Amanpour: so why did Obama take a victory lap?
Plouffe: who doesn’t love a firm fiscal trajectory?
Amanpour: so are the cuts draconian or historic?
Plouffe: both - the agreement is Historically Draconican
Amanpour: I see
Plouffe: we protected cancer research and Head Start
Amanpour: Economists have said cuts will cause another recession
Plouffe: tell that to the GOP
Amanpour: Does Obama has the stomach for another big fight?
Plouffe: we’re bringing spending to its lowest level since Dwight Eisenhower - we’re Winning Back to the Future!
Amanpour: what is Obama’s plan for making Republicans and Democrats agree on something
Plouffe: Jedi mind tricks
Amanpour: can Obama really do that
Plouffe: hey we all came together to cut taxes for the rich
Amanpour: Anthony Weiner just tweeted: we need our own agenda #fuckyourepublicans
Plouffe: Obama is driving the agenda on cuts - what spending we should cut and what also taxes we should cut
Amanpour: good for him
Plouffe: we’re giving the wealthy a massive tax break - that’s a choice
Amanpour: Donald Trump thinks Obama is a Kenyan spear thrower
Plouffe: didn’t the Bronx Zoo Cobra dispatch this asshole
Donovan: Paul Ryan wants to cut $6 trillion - he’s so adorable
Audience: awwww
[ break ]
Pence: the Dems want to borrow money from China to abort babies!
Reid: the GOP would shut down the government to hurt women’s health!
Amanpour: you are a Tea Party guy - can you vote for this bill?
Pence: we fought the good fight
Amanpour: yes or no
Pence: no - but poor Boehner was assaulted by Obama and his abortion friends
Van Hollen: no one has any idea what is in this bill
Amanpour: naturally
Van Hollen: Mike Pence wanted to shut down the government over contraception
Amanpour: interesting
Van Hollen: they don’t want to create jobs - just give tax breaks to the rich
Amanpour: so will this budget agreement pass?
Van Hollen: they took us the brink of disaster to impose their religious beliefs on everyone else
Pence: it’s nonsense to say the Tea Party wanted to shut down the government - the bottom line is Obama loves abortion
Amanpour: how is abortion a budgetary issue?
Pence: I’m pro-life and I don’t apologize for it
Amanpour: so I see
Pence: Planed Parenthood gives my tax dollars for abortion and the Lord God intended U.S. tax dollars to be given to failed Wall Street executives
Amanpour: will vote to increase the debt ceiling?
Pence: no
Van Hollen: playing chicken with the debt is incredibly dangerous
Pence: that makes it cool! It’s Extreme Budgeting!
Van Hollen: Paul Ryan ends Medicare and puts the burden on old people while giving money away to the rich
Pence: true but if you’re 55 or older you’re safe and if you’re under 55 you will have the wonderful opportunity to experience a free market in health care
Van Hollen: good luck with that
Pence: we want to give people the same health care as Congress
Van Hollen: [ bursts out laughing ]
Amanpour: thanks for coming
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Meet The Press - April 3, 2011
Guests:
Richard Dubin (D-IL)
Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI)
Marc Morial - National Urban League
Doris Goodwin
E.J. Dionne
Mike Murphy
**************************************
Gregory: Dick what’s up with Afghanistan
Durbin: Afghanistan is a costly nightmare and
we must get the hell out of there
Gregory: it has gone on a bit long
Durbin: it’s crazy
Gregory: you want to leave by July
Durbin: well why the hell not
Gregory: will there be government shutdown?
Durbin: Poor Boehner - he’s trapped between the weirdos and the corrupt in his party
Gregory: Democrats will be mad at you if you
don’t fund Planned Parenthood
Durbin: things like that proves the GOP doesn’t
care about the debt - it’s about ideology
Gregory: so would you vote for that?
Durbin: I’m not going to vote for cutting
Planned Parenthod or an EPA shutdown
Gregory: Chuck Schumer said Boehner is in
a box and that tea party is extreme
Durbin: well they are
Gregory: are you going to win the message battle?
Durbin: these cuts would put America in Jeopardy
Audience: I’ll take Failed Government for $1,000
Gregory: forget the substance - let’s talk about politics and framing the debate
Durbin: Sorry I know you hate substance
Gregory: Jobs are being created but Obama
must be a bad President isn’t he?
Durbin: hey tell it to the House Republicans Fluffy
Gregory: how about a voucher program
for Medicare?
Durbin: everything must be on the table - including raising taxes on the rich and Pentagon cuts
Gregory: oh shit
Gregory: Obama wants to apply steady gentle pressure on Qadaffi
Durbin: sounds good to me - Obama got support from the Arab League, the U.N., and the Egyptian
Bronx Zoo cobra
Gregory: Obama declared “mission accomplished”!
Durbin: oh Fluffy you are hilariously deranged by Obama aren’t you
Gregory: Fred Hiatt wants Obama to kill Qadaffi
Durbin: we’ve taken his money, his land and his
iTunes collection
Gregory: would you like to be head of the DNC?
Durbin: good god
[ break ]
Gregory: Congressman you were in the FBI
which makes you the bad-ass of the House
Rogers: the CIA is in Libya to gather facts and if it comes up to kick a little ass
Gregory: you don’t want to give the rebels weapons
Rogers: I support the no-fly zone but we don’t know who the rebels are - they could be liberals!
Gregory: are they all al-qaeda?
Rogers: not necessarily - there are 140 tribes
Gregory: good lord - I’d better update my bracket
Gregory: what about using Arab special forces?
Rogers: you don’t know what special forces
are do you?
Gregory: no
Rogers: the rebels are getting more organized - they’re all on LinkedIn and Foursquare
Gregory: the Wall Street Journal wants us to
kill Qadaffi!
Rogers: that’s very nice
Gregory: how do we get him out?
Rogers: use carrot and stick - offer defectors a choice of a million dollars or a war crimes trial
Gregory: interesting dilemma
Rogers: Obama is using a smart strategy actually
Gregory: I reject that possibility
Rogers: I can tell
Gregory: the Côte d'Ivoire shows Obama is
not a good President
Rogers: silly man
Gregory: Obama admitted that it is not in our interest
Rogers: now you’re just lying
Gregory: so why intervene in Libya?
Rogers: Qadaffi has weapons of mass destruction which could threaten discos around the world
Gregory: should Americans burn Korans or not
Rogers: I would say not
Gregory: that’s a bold statement
Gregory: Fred Hiatt is worried Iran will take over the middle east because Obama is a wimp
Rogers: Iran has no right to meddle in other countries in the middle east
Gregory: of course
Rogers: liberty is on the march
Gregory: who should be the next head of the FBI?
Rogers: someone who understands the new FBI culture - crackin terror skulls!
[ break ]
Gregory: Mike take me behind the political curtain
Murphy: this budget debate is a sideshow - it’s
about 2012
Gregory: Obama is lazy!
Dionne: Democrats have compromised by cutting
a mere $33 billion
Goodwin: people don’t want a shutdown and will blame the side that seems more extreme
Gregory: My hero Paul Ryan will finally deal with entitlements
Morial: fuck him and fuck you too
Murphy: Democrats are demagogues but they will run on raising taxes which could actually work
Gregory: Obama promised to cut imports of oil -
tell me he was lying
Yergin: he wasn’t
Gregory: awww
Gregory: I love oil Dan - can we drill more?
Yergin: yes in North Dakota
Gregory: I meant in an actual state
Yergin: well then California
Gregory: Dan why is oil so expensive?
Yergin: because Yemen has a 1,000 mile border with Saudi Arabia
Goodwin: Americans today are selfish, short-sighted and fucking nuts
Gregory: do we need Hitler to wake us up?
Dionne: we’re already in 3 wars!
Gregory: true
Murphy: Liberals have faith in the power of the sun - it’s a destructive nuclear fireball in the sky!
Gregory: we have an Obama Doctrine!
Obama: Leadership is not being a lone cowboy -
true leadership creates opportunities for others step forward and take some responsibility for collective problems
Gregory: why does Obama hate America as an indispensable nation?
Goodwin: he says we can lead by starting a process and create broad coalitions
Gregory: but the Cote D’Ivoire!!
Morial: Obama actually brilliantly created a large coalition and all Fluffy can do is whine about it
Gregory: Did Obama subvert the Powell Doctrine?
Yergin: I noticed Obama even got France on board
Gregory: yes but unlike Iraq Libya has oil
Murphy: I love gun boat diplomacy
Dionne: Obama is anti-doctrine
Gregory: he is inscrutable
Gregory: ivory coast!
Dionne: just because you can’t save lives everywhere doesn’t mean you should not
act to save lives somewhere
Gregory: unemployment is high
Morial: the worst thing we could do is cut spending which is why Paul Ryan is doing it
Gregory: is Obama winning Ronald Regan’s ‘Morning in America’ argument?
Murphy: Perception matters most
Gregory: It’s all there is
Gregory: Reince Preibus says if you look beyond the numbers Obama is a Kenyan who won’t cut the debt and deficit
Goodwin: I don’t see that as winning argument
Gregory: non-whites are growing!
Murphy: It’s a problem for Republicans who have a wee perception problem with minorities, immigrants, women and sane people
Dionne: who will be the Republican’s Dukakis?
Morial: actually there are many smart Republicans - they’re all waiting to run in 2016
Goodwin: I’m a hopeless dreamer -
I root for progressives and the Red Sox
Gregory: and that’s Meet the Press
***********************************
Richard Dubin (D-IL)
Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI)
Marc Morial - National Urban League
Doris Goodwin
E.J. Dionne
Mike Murphy
**************************************
Gregory: Dick what’s up with Afghanistan
Durbin: Afghanistan is a costly nightmare and
we must get the hell out of there
Gregory: it has gone on a bit long
Durbin: it’s crazy
Gregory: you want to leave by July
Durbin: well why the hell not
Gregory: will there be government shutdown?
Durbin: Poor Boehner - he’s trapped between the weirdos and the corrupt in his party
Gregory: Democrats will be mad at you if you
don’t fund Planned Parenthood
Durbin: things like that proves the GOP doesn’t
care about the debt - it’s about ideology
Gregory: so would you vote for that?
Durbin: I’m not going to vote for cutting
Planned Parenthod or an EPA shutdown
Gregory: Chuck Schumer said Boehner is in
a box and that tea party is extreme
Durbin: well they are
Gregory: are you going to win the message battle?
Durbin: these cuts would put America in Jeopardy
Audience: I’ll take Failed Government for $1,000
Gregory: forget the substance - let’s talk about politics and framing the debate
Durbin: Sorry I know you hate substance
Gregory: Jobs are being created but Obama
must be a bad President isn’t he?
Durbin: hey tell it to the House Republicans Fluffy
Gregory: how about a voucher program
for Medicare?
Durbin: everything must be on the table - including raising taxes on the rich and Pentagon cuts
Gregory: oh shit
Gregory: Obama wants to apply steady gentle pressure on Qadaffi
Durbin: sounds good to me - Obama got support from the Arab League, the U.N., and the Egyptian
Bronx Zoo cobra
Gregory: Obama declared “mission accomplished”!
Durbin: oh Fluffy you are hilariously deranged by Obama aren’t you
Gregory: Fred Hiatt wants Obama to kill Qadaffi
Durbin: we’ve taken his money, his land and his
iTunes collection
Gregory: would you like to be head of the DNC?
Durbin: good god
[ break ]
Gregory: Congressman you were in the FBI
which makes you the bad-ass of the House
Rogers: the CIA is in Libya to gather facts and if it comes up to kick a little ass
Gregory: you don’t want to give the rebels weapons
Rogers: I support the no-fly zone but we don’t know who the rebels are - they could be liberals!
Gregory: are they all al-qaeda?
Rogers: not necessarily - there are 140 tribes
Gregory: good lord - I’d better update my bracket
Gregory: what about using Arab special forces?
Rogers: you don’t know what special forces
are do you?
Gregory: no
Rogers: the rebels are getting more organized - they’re all on LinkedIn and Foursquare
Gregory: the Wall Street Journal wants us to
kill Qadaffi!
Rogers: that’s very nice
Gregory: how do we get him out?
Rogers: use carrot and stick - offer defectors a choice of a million dollars or a war crimes trial
Gregory: interesting dilemma
Rogers: Obama is using a smart strategy actually
Gregory: I reject that possibility
Rogers: I can tell
Gregory: the Côte d'Ivoire shows Obama is
not a good President
Rogers: silly man
Gregory: Obama admitted that it is not in our interest
Rogers: now you’re just lying
Gregory: so why intervene in Libya?
Rogers: Qadaffi has weapons of mass destruction which could threaten discos around the world
Gregory: should Americans burn Korans or not
Rogers: I would say not
Gregory: that’s a bold statement
Gregory: Fred Hiatt is worried Iran will take over the middle east because Obama is a wimp
Rogers: Iran has no right to meddle in other countries in the middle east
Gregory: of course
Rogers: liberty is on the march
Gregory: who should be the next head of the FBI?
Rogers: someone who understands the new FBI culture - crackin terror skulls!
[ break ]
Gregory: Mike take me behind the political curtain
Murphy: this budget debate is a sideshow - it’s
about 2012
Gregory: Obama is lazy!
Dionne: Democrats have compromised by cutting
a mere $33 billion
Goodwin: people don’t want a shutdown and will blame the side that seems more extreme
Gregory: My hero Paul Ryan will finally deal with entitlements
Morial: fuck him and fuck you too
Murphy: Democrats are demagogues but they will run on raising taxes which could actually work
Gregory: Obama promised to cut imports of oil -
tell me he was lying
Yergin: he wasn’t
Gregory: awww
Gregory: I love oil Dan - can we drill more?
Yergin: yes in North Dakota
Gregory: I meant in an actual state
Yergin: well then California
Gregory: Dan why is oil so expensive?
Yergin: because Yemen has a 1,000 mile border with Saudi Arabia
Goodwin: Americans today are selfish, short-sighted and fucking nuts
Gregory: do we need Hitler to wake us up?
Dionne: we’re already in 3 wars!
Gregory: true
Murphy: Liberals have faith in the power of the sun - it’s a destructive nuclear fireball in the sky!
Gregory: we have an Obama Doctrine!
Obama: Leadership is not being a lone cowboy -
true leadership creates opportunities for others step forward and take some responsibility for collective problems
Gregory: why does Obama hate America as an indispensable nation?
Goodwin: he says we can lead by starting a process and create broad coalitions
Gregory: but the Cote D’Ivoire!!
Morial: Obama actually brilliantly created a large coalition and all Fluffy can do is whine about it
Gregory: Did Obama subvert the Powell Doctrine?
Yergin: I noticed Obama even got France on board
Gregory: yes but unlike Iraq Libya has oil
Murphy: I love gun boat diplomacy
Dionne: Obama is anti-doctrine
Gregory: he is inscrutable
Gregory: ivory coast!
Dionne: just because you can’t save lives everywhere doesn’t mean you should not
act to save lives somewhere
Gregory: unemployment is high
Morial: the worst thing we could do is cut spending which is why Paul Ryan is doing it
Gregory: is Obama winning Ronald Regan’s ‘Morning in America’ argument?
Murphy: Perception matters most
Gregory: It’s all there is
Gregory: Reince Preibus says if you look beyond the numbers Obama is a Kenyan who won’t cut the debt and deficit
Goodwin: I don’t see that as winning argument
Gregory: non-whites are growing!
Murphy: It’s a problem for Republicans who have a wee perception problem with minorities, immigrants, women and sane people
Dionne: who will be the Republican’s Dukakis?
Morial: actually there are many smart Republicans - they’re all waiting to run in 2016
Goodwin: I’m a hopeless dreamer -
I root for progressives and the Red Sox
Gregory: and that’s Meet the Press
***********************************
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - April 3, 2011
Guests
Jim Jones - Fmr. Obama National Security Advisor
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL)
****************************
Amanpour: the middle east is falling into total chaos
Audience: well that’s new
Amanpour: some idiot burned a Koran so people attacked a UN post in Afghanistan
Reporter: 6 US soldiers were killed in a vicious firefight on the Pakistan border
Audience: yikes
Reporter: this is a turning point in the war
Audience: problem solved
Amanpour: this moron pastor in Florida is affecting US foreign policy
Reporter: because of this guy people are shouting ‘Death to President Obama'
Amanpour: that’s odd because I heard Obama was a muslim who will impose sharia law
Reporter: it’s complicated
Amanpour: the rebels got killed by friendly fire
Rebels: Han shot first!
Reporter: Tripoli is very normal today - the rebels are disorganized and Qadaffi out taking in the sights
#dictatoronthetown
Reporter: the rebels have no leaders - just a princess, and old man and kid from Tatooine
Audience: and 2 droids
Reporter: that’s not going cut it
Audience: damm
Amanpour: General Jones how is America’s
longest war going?
Jones: it’s all being disrupted by one wackjob
pastor from Florida
Amanpour: when do we win?
Jones: some time next summer or possibly 2014
Amanpour: depending on what?
Jones: on how you define victory
Amanpour: I see
Jones: seriously though - it all really depends on whether Pakistan is willing to go after al-qaeda
which they never have done before
Amanpour: that seems like a problem
Jones: it is
Amanpour: America is also involved in a civil war
in Libya
Jones: the French need our help to prevent illegal Arab immigrants from getting to Cannes
Amanpour: America is out and NATO is in -
but NATO is all-American
Jones: no the US are refueling while the British and French lead the attack
Amanpour: what is the endgame?
Jones: we need Qaddafi to stay because those rebels are untrustworthy
Amanpour: who are the rebels - who are they??
Jones: we know there’s one guy named Fred
Amanpour: ok
Jones: now we need to find out who the rest
of the rebels are
Amanpour: it’s very troubling that we don’t know who they are and what their aspirations are and if they have Facebook likes
Jones: we tried poking Fred
Amanpour: what about our favorite dictator in Yemen?
Jones: it’s very worrisome because he hates al-qaeda like we do
Amanpour: can we keep him in power?
Jones: Sadly those pesky people in Yemen have other ideas
Amanpour: that’s a shame
Jones: all this democracy nonsense is a
vast tectonic shift
[ break ]
Amanpour: The tea party may force John Boehner
to shut the government down
Boehner: we can’t just impose our will [sobs]
Tea Partier: take of the lace panties noodlebat
USAID: the cuts would kill 70,000 kids
Dean: let a shutdow happen and blame the GOP yeeeaaahh
[ break ]
Amanpour: will you guys make a deal?
Sessions: since ignoring the debt under Reagan, Bush I and Bush Jr we have to cut the debt right now!
Schumer: fuck the debt - we need jobs
Session: but the deficit causes recession
oh mah stahrs
Schumer: we should not cut cancer research instead we should cut some of those damm farm subsidies
Sessions: Obama is only adding 100,000 jobs - clearly we need to cut the debt right now
Amanpour: so you say
Sessions: we have to cut $800 billion - did you know we have to borrow all this money?!?
Amanpour: wow was this true when Reagan, Bush and Dubya were President
Sessions: who?
Amanpour: Jeff are the Tea Parties going to
destroy America?
Sess: no they are very mature lunatics
Amanpour: you’re not worried
Sessions: the Democrat debt will cause the shutdown of all social programs in 2 years
Schumer: I feel sorry for the Republicans because the Tea Party are all freaks and crazies
Amanpour: Chuck you called the tea party extreme!
Schumer: you’re damm fucking right I did
Sessions: the Tea Party may not be the fastest cars on blocks but they are fundamentally right about everything
Amanpour: like what
Sessions: Obama really is a black democrat!
Amanpour: thanks for coming guys
************************************
Jim Jones - Fmr. Obama National Security Advisor
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-AL)
****************************
Amanpour: the middle east is falling into total chaos
Audience: well that’s new
Amanpour: some idiot burned a Koran so people attacked a UN post in Afghanistan
Reporter: 6 US soldiers were killed in a vicious firefight on the Pakistan border
Audience: yikes
Reporter: this is a turning point in the war
Audience: problem solved
Amanpour: this moron pastor in Florida is affecting US foreign policy
Reporter: because of this guy people are shouting ‘Death to President Obama'
Amanpour: that’s odd because I heard Obama was a muslim who will impose sharia law
Reporter: it’s complicated
Amanpour: the rebels got killed by friendly fire
Rebels: Han shot first!
Reporter: Tripoli is very normal today - the rebels are disorganized and Qadaffi out taking in the sights
#dictatoronthetown
Reporter: the rebels have no leaders - just a princess, and old man and kid from Tatooine
Audience: and 2 droids
Reporter: that’s not going cut it
Audience: damm
Amanpour: General Jones how is America’s
longest war going?
Jones: it’s all being disrupted by one wackjob
pastor from Florida
Amanpour: when do we win?
Jones: some time next summer or possibly 2014
Amanpour: depending on what?
Jones: on how you define victory
Amanpour: I see
Jones: seriously though - it all really depends on whether Pakistan is willing to go after al-qaeda
which they never have done before
Amanpour: that seems like a problem
Jones: it is
Amanpour: America is also involved in a civil war
in Libya
Jones: the French need our help to prevent illegal Arab immigrants from getting to Cannes
Amanpour: America is out and NATO is in -
but NATO is all-American
Jones: no the US are refueling while the British and French lead the attack
Amanpour: what is the endgame?
Jones: we need Qaddafi to stay because those rebels are untrustworthy
Amanpour: who are the rebels - who are they??
Jones: we know there’s one guy named Fred
Amanpour: ok
Jones: now we need to find out who the rest
of the rebels are
Amanpour: it’s very troubling that we don’t know who they are and what their aspirations are and if they have Facebook likes
Jones: we tried poking Fred
Amanpour: what about our favorite dictator in Yemen?
Jones: it’s very worrisome because he hates al-qaeda like we do
Amanpour: can we keep him in power?
Jones: Sadly those pesky people in Yemen have other ideas
Amanpour: that’s a shame
Jones: all this democracy nonsense is a
vast tectonic shift
[ break ]
Amanpour: The tea party may force John Boehner
to shut the government down
Boehner: we can’t just impose our will [sobs]
Tea Partier: take of the lace panties noodlebat
USAID: the cuts would kill 70,000 kids
Dean: let a shutdow happen and blame the GOP yeeeaaahh
[ break ]
Amanpour: will you guys make a deal?
Sessions: since ignoring the debt under Reagan, Bush I and Bush Jr we have to cut the debt right now!
Schumer: fuck the debt - we need jobs
Session: but the deficit causes recession
oh mah stahrs
Schumer: we should not cut cancer research instead we should cut some of those damm farm subsidies
Sessions: Obama is only adding 100,000 jobs - clearly we need to cut the debt right now
Amanpour: so you say
Sessions: we have to cut $800 billion - did you know we have to borrow all this money?!?
Amanpour: wow was this true when Reagan, Bush and Dubya were President
Sessions: who?
Amanpour: Jeff are the Tea Parties going to
destroy America?
Sess: no they are very mature lunatics
Amanpour: you’re not worried
Sessions: the Democrat debt will cause the shutdown of all social programs in 2 years
Schumer: I feel sorry for the Republicans because the Tea Party are all freaks and crazies
Amanpour: Chuck you called the tea party extreme!
Schumer: you’re damm fucking right I did
Sessions: the Tea Party may not be the fastest cars on blocks but they are fundamentally right about everything
Amanpour: like what
Sessions: Obama really is a black democrat!
Amanpour: thanks for coming guys
************************************
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