Gov. Jay Nixon (D-MO)
Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)
Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI)
Kasim Reed (D-Atlanta)
Sir Peter Westmacott (British Amb. to the U.S.)
Jansing: good morning – omg ISIS
is on the attack!
Simmons: it's a race to save another
American held hostage held in
their evil clutches
Jansing: oh my
Simmons: there are Europeans in
ISIS including a guy with British
accent which is usually so classy
but also occasionally evil
Jansing: that's true
Simmons: there are 70 Americans
in ISIS and over 500 Brits!
Simmons: they use iPhones to scare
people with their barbarism
Jansing: that is terrifying
Simmons: some extremist British
even blame America for Foley's beheading
Jansing: that's just wrong
Simmons: some of the recruits are
psychopaths and some are just naïve idiots
Jansing: can British spies find these people
Simmons: they can try but it's not so easy
Jansing: not even 007?
Simmons: possibly not Chris
[ break ]
Jansing: Congressman how panicked
should the average American be over ISIS?
Rogers: ISIS is a real threat and
will likely invade America very soon
Jansing: is there evidence we
are about to attacked?
Rogers: yes ISIS got kicked out of
al-qaeda because they wanted to
attack America and al-Qeada objected
because they want to focus on local
goods and farm-to-table mass killings
Jansing: ok that's weird
Rogers: it's all ISIS talks about
and you can believe whatever they say
Jansing: but aren't we safer
than we were on 9/11?
Rogers: yes but we need to
take the fight to them!
Jansing: strong words Mike
Rogers: they are one plane
ticket away from killing Americans!
Jansing: do they have frequent flyer miles?
Rogers: omg you're right – we're doomed!
Jansing: so what do we do about
it besides bombing which we
are already doing
Rogers: we need to get the good
Arabs on board with attacking ISIS
Jansing: I see
Rogers: the President needs
to get tough with terrorists!
Jansing: can the US defeat ISIS?
Rogers: yes we can – but Obama is a wimp!
[ break ]
Jansing: Welcome Ambassador –
can the Brits identify the lunatic
who killed James Foley?
Westmacott: it's not about this
one chap it's all the British
blokes who joined ISIS who
I might add are naughty Muslims
Engel: they call themselves the
Islamic State and in a way they
do have a state now – they have
land, thousands of fighters,
millions of dollars and American weapons
Jansing: my god it's like West Virginia
with classier accents
Jansing: are they going to take
over Israel or the U.S. first?
Cooper: calm down Chris
Jansing: but America is
about to be invaded
Cooper: it was only after U.S.
air strikes that ISIS even talked
about killing Americans
Jansing: well the deed is done
Cooper: the U.S. used to laugh at ISIS
Jansing: well no one is laughing now
Cooper: sure but now everyone's
panicking like the U.S. is about to
occupied by a few thousand crazy guys
Jansing: but they have guns
Cooper: so do we
Jansing: what is Britain
doing to crush ISIS?
Westmacott: we're sending air drops of food
Jansing: dear god British food –
haven't the victims of ISIS suffered enough?
Westmacott: the soggy chips
break the fall of the fish
Jansing: problem solved then
Westmacott: we're also providing
re-fueling tankers for the inept Iraqi military
Jansing: that's not going to cut it Petey
Westmacott: we're using diplomacy too
Jansing: come on Ambassador –
they're beheading people!
Westmacott: but we're not being
invited to do more
Jansing: invited?! no wonder ISIS is winning!
Jansing: another American is still held
hostage and Richard Engel
you were also a hostage
Engel: I was taken at the same
time as Foley two years ago
Jansing: what about their ransom demand?
Engel: ISIS was not negotiating seriously
– an American is too big a propaganda
prize to sell
Engel: the U.S. is stopping bombing
at a Syrian border that doesn't
really exist anymore
[ break ]
Jansing: I went with Rand Paul to Guatemala
Jansing: he volunteered to do
eye surgery on blind people there
Jansing: it's charity but it could help
his potential run for the White House
Paul: Chris this is who I am –
I give and give and give
Jansing: but you don't always
bring camera crews
Paul: hey no one forced you to come
Jansing: Paul brought his own
PAC and film crew and advertising
campaign complete with drones
for that dramatic overhead shot
Paul: be sure to get my good side while
I operate on this telegenic Guatemalan
Jansing: Rand what's your
take on Ferguson?
Paul: there is a very good chance
what happened in Ferguson has
nothing to do with race
Paul: but regardless we need
to re-think war on drugs
Jansing: what's with the police
armoured up like troops
Paul: are terrorists really going to
invade Fargo and would it be so
bad if they did – ha ha just kidding
Jansing: good one Rand
Paul: Hillary Clinton is going to get
us involved in another middle eastern
war like those Democrats always do
Jansing: while I was there we saw the doctors
transforming the lives of blind people –
now they can see and escape to America
where Rand Paul will send them back
[ break ]
Jansing: is Paul too unemotional?
Reporter: yes at times he's
unemotional and detached and
kind of an asshole like all doctors
Jansing: even Doctor Who?
Reporter: he made Nixon look nice!
Jansing: Senator Paul met with
the President of Guatemala
and told him all their problems
are Obama's fault
Ignatius: The Beltway hates him
because he is an isolationist but
then he visited another country
which blew my mind
Gerson: if we followed his advice
and eliminated all foreign aid
millions of children around the
world would suffer terribly
Jansing: in-person he comes
across as kind of a jerk
Ifill: the more important point is
the split in the GOP – you just had
Mike Rogers on calling Obama
a wimp and here's Paul saying
Hillary Clinton is too war-like
[ break ]
Jansing: welcome Governor –
why are the police in your state
dressed like they getting ready for
a land war in Asia?
Nixon: that's a good question
Jansing: what went wrong in Ferguson?
Nixon: don't you mean why are
things in Ferguson going to so
well under my stellar leadership?
Nixon: okay then
Jansing: are you worried about
what will happen if the police officer
is not charged with a crime?
Nixon: no because I have faith in
the peaceful people of Ferguson
Jansing: Black people think
this is a biased investigation
Nixon: yes but there's a chance
we will get it right
Jansing: why not replace
the District Attorney?
Nixon: well he was elected
Jansing: do you think the people trust him?
Nixon: why not – he's a middle-aged
Jansing: so is Homer Simpson
Nixon: oh my god I'm missing the marathon!
[ runs off the set ]
Jansing: thanks for coming Jay
[ break ]
Jansing: Panel what do
we make of Ferguson?
Reed: we must remember
a child was killed
Jansing: ok but what
about the protests?
Reed: Holder's visit was vital at
providing calm by promising
transparency and a federal investigation
so we have two chances at justice
Jansing: questions are raised
about the President's tone
Ifill: we have a racial problem in this
country and one speech by Obama
isn't going to fix it
Jansing: yes but we have this sense
that Obama could fix everything
with one speech
Ifill: young people are taking the
lead and demanding change
Gerson: I think Obama has been
very good – after all we don't know
what happened with this specific
shooting so are there limits to what he can do
Jansing: Joe Biden says you can't
negotiate with ISIS
Ignatius: it's tough because we
have to stop ISIS but Americans
don't want another middle east war
Jansing: but they're so violent
Ignatius: so is ISIS
Jansing: um right
Ignatius: Obama is getting
the right balance between
mindless militarism and undue caution
Ifill: there's no easy answer here
Jansing: the question is raised
that we are sending the wrong message
that we are not terrified of ISIS
because Obama played golf
Gerson: the Presidents I worked
for deserved their vacations but
Obama clearly doesn't care when
an American is beheaded
Reed: Congress is on vacation!
The media is on vacation!
All of America is on vacation!
Jansing: whoa Kasim
Reed: the war-weary American
people are going to have to
suck it up and invade Syria
[ break ]
Jansing: welcome Reverend Sharpton
– what are you going to say to
calm Ferguson down
Sharpton: we need to deal with
aggressive policing of low-level
crimes or this will happen again
Jansing: we've seen this with
Trayvon Martin and Staten Island
– what will it take fix all the
racial problems in America?
Sharpton: new laws and action by
the federal government – although
the unprecedented visit by the
sitting Attorney General was a good start
Jansing: people are angry now
Sharpton: change takes time –
after all the civil rights movement
Jansing: you are a surrogate for
Barack Obama to learn what
black people are thinking
Sharpton: I'm not a surrogate
– I'm just a humble activist
and talk show host
Jansing: but is Obama
Sharpton: the President can't
get too involved with looking
like he's interfering with a
local criminal case
Jansing: what would justice be in this case?
Sharpton: fairness – is that too much to ask?
Jansing: generally yes
Sharpton: I thought so
Jansing: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press