Sunday, August 03, 2014

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – August 3, 2014

Bazi Kanani
Jeff Zeleny
Jim Avila
Jon Karl
Dr. Richard Besser
Dr. Tom Frieden (CDC)
Dan Pfeiffer – White House Advisor
Rep. Joaquin Castro (D-TX)
Tim Scott (R-SC)
Greta Van Susteren
David Remnick
Bill Kristol

Stephanopoulos: OMG Ebola has 
landed in America!

Kanani: Dr Brantly arrived in
Georgia in a jet wrapped in plastic

Stephanopoulos: wow

Doctor: don't worry the public
is not at risk

Stephanopoulos: if you say so

Kanani: but Ebola is out
of control in Africa

Liberian official: the situation is dire

Kanani: the US is ready with
a dozen quarantine centers

Stephanopoulos: oh no I feel better

Stephanopoulos: doctor how scared
should I be of ebola in America?

Besser: everyone is wearing protective gear

Stephanopoulos: everyone in
America is terrified of Ebola

Besser: I realize it's frightening

Stephanopoulos: Donald Trump says
we should ban all flights from Africa

Frieden: we can't seal all the
borders of America

Stephanopoulos: is it safe to
send help to Africa?

Frieden: yes but we are being careful
because aid workers are at risk

Stephanopoulos: well ebola is deadly

Frieden: actually they're threatened
by the people they go to help

Stephanopoulos: cripes

Besser: we should help people in
Africa for humanitarian reasons but
also to protect ourselves from an outbreak

Stephanopoulos: is there an ebola vaccine?

Frieden: sorry no – the only solution
is safe burial practices

Stephanopoulos: yikes

Frieden: it's out of control like a forest fire

Stephanopoulos: will all mankind
be destroyed by viruses?

Besser: probably

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming guys

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Jim what's
going on in Washington?

Avila: Congress has fled Washington
to go on vacation leaving the
President to solve the border
crisis on is own

Border official: the numbers
of child refugees is down

Avila: what a relief

Immigrant Girl: the criminal gangs
will kill us if we go to school

Avila: they stopped this 
scary little girl George!

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: what did the
President say this week Karl?

Karl: the President used the T word

Obama: we tortured some folks

Stephanopoulos: oh no he didn't

Karl: but he also said let's
not get too sanctimonious
and bicker and argue on
who tortured who

Karl: then the CIA admitted they
spied on the Senate and lied about it

Feinstein: the CIA spied on us 
– it's outrageous

John Brennan Then:
that's a lie and beyond the
scope of reason and Diane
is a crazy hysterical woman

Brennan Now: oh yeah never
mind that totally happened

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: welcome dan pefeiffer

Pfeiffer: hi george

Stephanopoulos: was John Brennan
lying or is he just totally incompetent?

Pfeiffer: John Brennan is a man
of great integrity and ability

Stephanopoulos: handsome too

Pfeiffer: he's gorgeous

Stephanopoulos: blink if he's 
blackmailing you

Pfeiffer: [ blink blink blink ]

Stephanopoulos: will anyone ever
be punished blatantly violating
the laws against torture

Pfeiffer: no but Obama banned
torture back in 2009

Stephanopoulos: what is Obama
going to do on immigration and
is he a dictator?

Pfeiffer: no he isn't and he
only going to do what he
can within the law

Stephanopoulos: John Yoo says
Obama is a dictator

Pfeiffer: isn't he the guy who advocated
crushing children's testicles?

Stephanopoulos: he happens to
have a keen legal mind when
he's not advocating for torture

Pfeiffer: he's an idiot and
Republicans hate children

Stephanopoulos: but admit it if
Obama were a dictator then
he would be one

Pfeiffer: if you say so George

Stephanopoulos: so much talk
about impeachment – it is all your fault?

Pfeiffer: the GOP said they would
never shut the government down
and five days later they did

Stephanopoulos: you don't really
think impeachment is possible do you?

Pfeiffer: the hell I don't

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Jeff Zeleny spoke with the
only black Republican in the Senate

Zeleny: what about immigration?

Scott: we need to be compassionate
but also enforce our laws

Zeleny: why didn't the Senate
do anything on immigration?

Scott: Obama won't work with us!

Zeleny: you're the only black
Republican in the House or Senate

Scott: better than nothing

Zeleny: can you get more
African-Americans to
vote Republican?

Scott: maybe but don't forget
we're also losing hispanics,
asians, jews, young people and women

Zeleny: you think the GOP
should focus less on rich people

Scott: yes for example I 
support public education

Zeleny: you grew up poor

Scott: yes I did – my critics don't know me

Zeleny: you were an Undercover Senator
did anyone recognize you?

Scott: yes they say 'hey I know you 
– you're Darius Rucker'

Zeleny: you think Washington
is too angry and divided and shrill

Scott: that's right – why
can't we all get along?

Zeleny: thanks Tim

[ panel ]

Stephanopoulos: the GOP House
is suing the President –
is this a good idea?

Kristol: it's probably stupid
but why the hell not

Castro: I want the President to
protect all immigrants within the law

Stephanopoulos: that's five million people

Castro: I hope he does it

Van Susteren: Congress should
stay in DC and do their damn jobs

Remnick: this lawsuit and
impeachment is pathetic

Stephanopoulos: the Democrats
are talking about impeachment

Remnick: because Republicans
are talking about it

Kristol: the House passed a bill last night

Van Susteren: the Senate passed
one a year ago!

Kristol: the House passed a bill
Greta and the Sentae didn't

Van Susteren: the House passed
a useless bill and then went on vacation

Castro: the President is trying 
to get laws passed

Van Susteren: well he should lock
them Congress in the Capitol and
knock some skulls

Castro: if the House considered
sensible laws it would pass easily

Kristol: amnesty is a magnet –
immigrants are terrible!

Remnick: every one at this table
is here because of immigrants

Kristol: open borders bring
filthy brown people

Remnick: the GOP has blocked
Obama at every turn

Van Susteren: no one is doing their jobs

Remnick: the GOP are driven
by hatred of Obama

Van Susteren: I don't care Obama
should suck it up and make
Republicans like him


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