Sunday, September 30, 2012

Meet The Press - September 30, 2012

Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
David Plouffe (Obama 2012)
Ed Rendell
Ralph Reed
Katty Kay
Chuck Todd
Richard Engel

Gregory: Romney is recalibrating!

Audience: woot

Gregory: welcome Governor Christie

Chrstie: thanks Fluffy

Gregory: Governor Obama is leading in
every swing state

Christie: yes but the debates will
be Romney Rebooted

Gregory: isn’t it a little late to
restart a campaign?

Christie: no because most Americans
are totally clueless

Gregory: I can’t argue with that

Christie: it’s true

Gregory: Charles Krauthammer
wants Romney to Go Large

Christie: Romney is going to lay out
a vision for the first time on Wednesday night

Gregory: will Romney finally tell us all
his secret plan on taxes?

Christie: Obama hasn’t cut the debt!

Gregory: answer the question

Christie: look Romney is not an accountant

Gregory: clearly - he’s rich

Christie: zinger!

Gregory: so your approach is to offer
no specifics beyond ‘Obama Bad’

Christie: the President is just offering platitudes

Gregory: what else

Christie: Romeny will lay out specifics
in the next 46 days

Gregory: the election is in 37 days

Christie: well then that’s perfect

Gregory: Obama says Romney thinks
America’s veterans are victims who
will vote for Obama and won’t take
responsibility for their lives

Christie: look I spoke to Romney about
this and he thinks that poor people should
pay more in taxes so they have skin in the game

Gregory: I like it

Christie: Romney isn’t offering a lot of happy talk

Gregory: true enough

Christie: we have big problems

Gregory: Romney wrecked his campaign
with that idiotic comment

Christie: no he didn’t - after all poor
people really are lazy

Gregory: that's true

Christie: Romney will turn this around
next week dammit!

Gregory: We all want to cut the debt
but Mitt wants to cut more taxes
and raise defense spending

Christie: I agree with you that Obama
is a bad man

Gregory: I love Simpson-Bowles!

Christie: so vote for Mitt

Gregory: will he raise taxes which is
necessary to worship at the altar
of Simpson Bowles

Christie: first we must cut spending a lot

Gregory: ok but then we can we raise taxes

Christie: no

Gregory: you disappoint me

Christie: get Obama to endorse
Simpson-Bowles Fluffy

Gregory: believe me I’ve tried

Gregory: Politico says your convention
speech was a total dud and belly flop

Christie: who cares - Mitt Romney will
be elected in 2012 and 2016

Gregory: go on

Christie: also Politico is full of idiots

Gregory: Thanks for coming big guy

[ break ]

Gregory: you heard Christie

Plouffe: they’re setting the bar pretty
high for Mittimus

Gregory: they’re going all in on
Wednesday night

Plouffe: he’s going to put on a big show
- he’s practiced zingers apparently

Gregory: what is the President doing?

Plouffe: he’s not practicing funny lines
- he’s going to explain that Mitt Romney
hates the middle class and there’s
nothing funny about that

Gregory: is this race over?

Plouffe: no because the media is desperate
for a Romney comeback

Gregory: Susan Rice said the best
evidence we had at the time was
the attack on the embassy in Libya
was initially a spontaneous attack but
now it may have been a 9/11 terror attack

Plouffe: indeed - intelligence has improved
in the days that followed

Gregory: yes but you must get it exactly
right on the day that it happened

Plouffe: but it wasn’t clear at the time

Gregory: but why not call it terrorism
and then take it back later it you’re wrong

Plouffe: I suppose we could do that -
if we were idiots

Gregory: Obama said al-qaeda was defeated
that’s why he didn’t want to admit it was
an attack in Libya

Plouffe: that’s stupid even for you Fluffy

Gregory: was it an intelligence failure?

Plouffe: no they got it right

Gregory: but not in the first 24 hours

Plouffe: oh for pete’s sake

Gregory: what is America doing to
work its will in Libya

Plouffe: you mean aside from overthrowing
the dictator Muammar Qadaffi?

Gregory: was it wrong for Obama to run
for reelection while a war was going on

Plouffe: that’s ridiculous

Gregory: but Obama went on The View
instead of meeting with my friend Bibi

Plouffe: he calls or texts Bibi every day

Gregory: that’s a great relief

Plouffe: also he killed bin Laden

Gregory: oh really?

Plouffe: Mitt Romney acted like
a total jackass during the Libya incident

Gregory: Obama never talks about
cutting Medicare - does he hate America?

Plouffe: um what

Gregory: Obama claims do be an American
patriot but he never asks poor people
to sacrifice their lives

Plouffe: are you on drugs

Gregory: that’s not the point

Plouffe: Obama has proposed a $4 trillion
in debt cuts but Romney would add
$8 trillion to the debt unless he’s going
put the burden on the middle class

Gregory: will Obama come on my show please

Plouffe: we’ll see Fluffy

[ break ]

Gregory: how is the election going Chuckie

Todd: Romney is widely disliked and
now Obama leads on who would be
better on the economy

Gregory: oh boy

Todd: Romney can still win but he’d better
turn it around this week

Reed: Obama is going to lose!

Gregory: oh

Reed: remember at this point in 2000
Al Gore was leading but in the end he
only won by 5 million votes

Gregory: good point Ralph

Reed: Ronald Reagan was losing
to Jimmy Carter but he pulled it
out in the end - surprise!

Gregory: but Mitt Romney is no
Ronald Reagan is he?

Rendell: no but a challenger usually
does well after debates

Gregory: Krauthammer says Romney
should attack the welfare state

Kay: the Romney campaign just seizes
on tiny issues trying to win news
cycles and the result is they keep
losing news cycles

Todd: also their tactics are terrible
and Romney is giving every impression
that he’s an idiot

Reed: I have Charles Krauthammer on
my Sociopath Fantasy Team but to be fair
Obama is a ruthlessly brilliant politician

Gregory: but what about connecting
to people like me - he just said rich
people shouldn’t expect a big tax cut

Rendell: I could have gotten him elected
- he was a good governor after all

Gregory: no doubt

Rendell: also Obama isn’t that great

Kay: Romney should have run as a
Mormon who gave people health care

Reed: sweet jesus

Todd: um newsflash - the RMS Romney is sinking

Reed: Romney is going to offer a
devastating critique of Obama’s
failed leadership!

Gregory: bash Obama for me

Reed: Obama is bright and articulate
and flowery and will tickle your ears
but he’s a big liar

Gregory: how so

Reed: he said he would make
Washington a happy place and yet
Republicans still hate Obama with
a passion - what a liar!

Gregory: I love how weird you are Ralph

Reed: There is a painting of my in my attic
which is aging and also has ethics

Gregory: talk to me about debating style

Kay: Romney is gangnam-style

Todd: Obama is Chicago Manual of Style

Kay: unfortunately for Mitt people
are more optimistic they’ve been in years

Gregory: what would you ask the candidates

Rendell: I would ask how do we invest
in America and cut the debt

Gregory: Obama played it safe in 2008
Debates sitting on his big lead
over Saint McCain

Todd: he’s not going to play it safe -
he’s going to get under Romney’s skin

Gregory: really?!

Todd: Obama is going to be aggressive
- bank on it

Reed: Romney has to speak for the
millions of people are suffering and
unemployed even though they are lazy
and irresponsible

Gregory: Richard what’s going on in Afghanistan

Engel: an Afghan soldier shot an America
soldier which happens all the time

Gregory: how does America work its will in Libya

Engel: the whole country is full of armed militias

Gregory: a well-armed militia is necessary
to the security of free state

Engel: Libya is actually a nice place with lots of oil

Gregory:  I love it then

Gregory: Katty please bash Obama for me

Kay: oh just stop it Fluffers

Gregory: I got a tweet about Simpson-Bowles
- I may have died and gone to heaven!

Kay: oh god

Gregory: and that’s another
episode of Meet The Press


This Week with George Stephanopoulos - September 30, 2012

Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ)
David Plouffe (Obama 2012)
Haley Barbour
Howard Dean
Donna Brazile
Matthew Dowd
Stephanopoulos: wow the election is
37 days away!

Audience: thank fucking god

Stephanopoulos: Romney has to win
the debates or he’s toast

Christie: I like toast

Stephanopoulos: who doesn’t

Christie: Romney will kick ass
in the debates!

Stephanopoulos: how

Christie: tell the truth about how
Obama is a bad President

Stephanopoulos: what else

Christie: tell the people the sky
will rain lollipops under Romney

Stephanopoulos: is Obama a good
debater or is he rusty

Christie: no he’s had to debate
Joe Biden for 4 years - he’s very experienced

Stephanopoulos: interesting point

Christie: Obama is lying when says
Obama will cut taxes for the rich

Stephanopoulos: but Romney has
proposed tax cuts for the rich cuts

Christie: but Romney will make up
the difference by closing loopholes

Stephanopoulos: which loopholes

Christie: it’s a secret

Stephanopoulos: that’s not much a plan

Christie: listen to me - Obama is a bad man

Stephanopoulos: how is that is an answer

Christie: the rich will not pay less
- pinkie swear!

Stephanopoulos: Romney has proposed
tax cuts for the rich over and over again

Christie: good!

Stephanopoulos: I’m confused

Christie: Romney has a very clear vision

Stephanopoulos: without any specifics

Christie: shut up!

Stephanopoulos: what else

Christie: the President has never learned
to work with other people unlike loveable
politicians like Mitt Romney and me

Stephanopoulos: Charles Krauthammer
says Romney needs to be big and bold

Christie: oh you’re gonna see it in the debates

Stephanopoulos: I can’t wait

Christie: Romney Unfiltered!

Stephanopoulos: are the polls skewed
against Romney

Christie: no that’s bullshit only an idiot
like Dick Morris would peddle

Stephanopoulos: do you think Todd Aiken
should have the support of the Republican party

Christie: no - he’s a fucking moron

Stephanopoulos: what will happen in the debates?

Plouffe: Obama will explain again that
Republicans caused the recession

Stephanopoulos: Romney says that
Obama is lying when he says Romney
will cut taxes for the rich

Plouffe: he’s already proposed $8 trillion
in tax cuts for pete’s sake

Stephanopoulos: ooh

Plouffe: he’s either going to slash spending
or hit the middle class or both

Stephanopoulos: Mitt Romney told me
that the President is a liar

Plouffe: that’s rich coming that guy

Stephanopoulos: fair point

Plouffe: look Mitt Romney is a
rich out-of-touch weirdo

Stephanopoulos: this is a tough fight

Plouffe: politics ain’t beanbag Stephy

Stephanopoulos: Romney is preparing killer zingers

Plouffe: the American people aren’t
looking for clever conversation - they
like Obama just the way he is

Stephanopoulos: was the attack on
the Libya embassy spontaneous
or a planned attack

Plouffe: it’s an ongoing investigation

Stephanopoulos: but why wait a few
hours before issuing final statements
on an attack overseas

Plouffe: why indeed

Stephanopoulos: people love a good terror attack

Plouffe: Romney called ending the
Iraq war a tragedy and wouldn’t have
gone after bin Laden

Stephanopoulos: Romney says you are
afraid Americans will find out people
in the Middle East don’t love America

Plouffe: yes I’m sure that will come as a great shock

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: Mitt Romney - what went wrong?

Dowd: simple - they let Obama define
Romney early and they never caught up

Stephanopoulos: also Romney said
he hates 47% of the country

Barbour: Obama is a faaahlyuurrh

Stephanopoulos: oh my

Brazile: I am so loving this!

Dean: of course he’s losing - Obama
turned things around and Mitt Romney
wants to go back the policies that caused
the recession in the first place!

Stephanopoulos: uh-huh

Dean: also Romney is a soulless uncaring plutocrat

Barbour: Obama is uh mooovuuh staaaahhr

Dowd: Romney can still turn this around!

Stephanopoulos: you really think he can still win?

Dowd: oh no I just think with effort
and luck he can lose by less

Brazile: Paul Ryan was going to turn
things around, then it was the Convention
and now it’s the debates - face it - your guy sucks

Stephanopoulos: and that wraps it up


Sunday, September 23, 2012

Meet The Press - September 23, 2012

Gov. Deval Patrick (D-MA)
Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-NH)
Kasim Reed (D-Atlanta)
Joe Scarborough
David Brooks
Dee Dee Myers
Bay Buchanan
Gregory: We learned Mitt pays 14% in
taxes which is a lot!

Patrick: now he should reveal his tax
plan for the rest of America

Gregory: a poor person who works at
Wal-Mart pays more in taxes but Romney
says that person does not take
personal responsibility for her life

Ayotte: Obama keeps giving people food stamps

Gregory: I see

Ayotte: let’s not forget Obama caused a
recession in 2007

Gregory: can Romney relate to poor
people or even non-millionaires?

Ayotte: Romney just wants poor people to
have better jobs and to stop being so lazy

Gregory: Romney says that poor people
are lazy victims who think they
are entitled to food and oxygen

Ayotte: he didn’t mean that - he just
said when he thought only his rich
friends were listening

Gregory: do you are agree that
people in the military who pay no
income taxes are victims

Ayotte: the debt is causing a rise
in food stamps!

Patrick: May I observe that my
mother was a saint and Mitt Romney
is a total asshole

Gregory: basically Obama is the same though

Patrick: oh do shut up Fluffy

Gregory: but isn’t Romney right and
government assistance is out of control?

Ayotte: let’s not forget Obama passed
health care reform which ruined America

Patrick: Obama added 4 million
private sector jobs

Ayotte: but rich people are sad

Gregory: does Romney really believe
47% of the nation don’t take personal
responsibly for their lives?

Ayotte: President Obama caused the recession!

Gregory: anything else?

Ayotte: no - that’s what this
campaign is all about

Gregory: blaming Obama for the recession?

Ayotte: yes!

Gregory: Deval shouldn’t poor people
be required to pay some
minimum income tax ?

Patrick: I’ve never heard of this - why?

Gregory: just because

Patrick: maybe

Gregory: isn’t it true that poor people
have no skin in the game?

Patrick: you know I heard you were a
moron but really people you have to
experience it in person

Ayotte: Obama is tying to divide Americans!

Gregory: that’s hilarious after what
Romney just said about half the country

Ayotte: maybe so but Obama didn’t stop
GOP obstruction

Gregory: the black caucus is mad
about unemployment

Patrick: understandable - but
we’re adding jobs

Ayotte: Obama didn’t fix everything
and is strangling businesses

Gregory: I’m sold

Ayotte: Romney has a great tax plan

Gregory: What is it?

Ayotte: it’s a secret but trust me
it’s a great plan

Guthrie: Romney says you only
care about teachers

Obama: teacher bashing isn’t going
to solve anything

Gregory: have we moved beyond
unions vs the rest of us

Ayotte: Kids First - Unions Last!

Gregory: ok

Ayotte: destroying unions is the
civil rights issue of our time

Gregory: Chuckie how is the election going?

Todd: Obama is crushing it in crucial
swing states - if he wins Florida, or
Virginia and Ohio he wins - basically
Romney needs to carry every swing state
plus pray for an asteroid

Gregory: wow

Todd: the reason Obama is pulling ahead
is that Americans are more optimistic
than they’ve been in three years

Scarborough: it was a rough week for
Mitt Romney but he’s going to do well
in the debates - I can feel it!

Gregory: good point

Scarborough: however between the
Libya press conference which was an
absolute nightmare and this 47% remark
Mitt is in real trouble

Gregory: David Brooks you say Romney
is a nice man who says stupid things and
runs an inept campaign

Brooks: Tom Clancy is passionate
about killing machines and Mitt Romney
just can’t fake that he care about
human beings

Gregory: can Mitt recover?

Buchanan: Romney was exactly right
- a lot of Americans are lazy and
dependent on government and Romney
will never get their vote

Gregory: he also said he doesn’t care about them

Buchanan: American have no jobs -
100% of Americans are dependent on
Obama to buy them steaks and malt liquor

Reed: Romney is a defective candidate
like a NASCAR driver who keeps
wrecking the car - he offended
auto workers, Great Britain,
old people and soldiers

Myers: he has no sense of how
real people live

Brooks: he nursed kids who were dying -
 - he's the mormon Albert Schweitzer

Gregory: then why isn’t he running a
compassionate conservative campaign

Brooks: because the GOP forced him
to act like a phony and a liar!

Scarborough: I truly believe if you
want to help poor people you cut
taxes for rich people!

Brooks: it’s pretty damn convenient too

Scarborough: Maggie Thatcher would
never have dismissed 47% - she would
have promised them trickle down jobs

Buchanan: Mitt Romney is a living saint
who has spent his life serving others -
just like Mother Theresa if she spent
30 years looting companies and
laying people off

Gregory: amazing

Buchanan: We are a nation of losers

Gregory: Bay if Romney is such a saint
why does everyone hate him

Buchanan: he’s a wonderful man and
running a great campaign and the
media and liberals are all out to get him

Scarborough: me and David Brooks
and the Wall Street Journal and
Rush Limbaugh are all out to get Romney?

Buchanan: yes - whose side are you on?!?

Brooks: Romney must go wonky -
there’s a true hunger in America
for more PowerPoint

Reed: well that’s nice but he hasn’t
proposed anything specific at all

Brooks: has Obama?

Reed: he’s proposed the Lots of
Really Good American Jobs Act

Gregory: please bash Obama for me

Scarborough: Obama has failed and
has no plan!!

Gregory: thank you!

Scarborough: Romney needs to tell us
how the Republicans will help ordinary people

Gregory: it would be a change of pace

Buchanan: people are on food stamps,
embassies are being attacked and
polls show the momentum is ours!

Gregory: do you really believe the
things you are saying?

Buchanan: yes - we are going to win
because we have a very clear message!

Scarborough: oh I’m very curious
- what is it?

Buchanan: black people are lazy!!

Scarborough: oh ok

Gregory: Ryan got booed at AARP
for saying he would repeal Obamacare

Brooks: Medicaid doesn’t work and
the Ryan plan is a good plan

Gregory: then why won’t Romney
embrace it?

Brooks: because it’s very unpopular among
those damn American people - many of whom
are still allowed to vote

Gregory: not for lack of trying

Scarborough: Romney has no courage

Buchanan: It’s Obama who has no
courage to cut Medicare! Also Romney
will add $700 billion to Medicare!

Brooks: we’ll solve the Medicare issue
as soon as America declares bankruptcy

Gregory: the debates are going to
be teh awesome!!

Scarborough: a week is a lifetime in politics
and that gives Romney several lifetimes
of gaffes before the campaign ends

Buchanan: Food stamps! Food stamps!

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press


This Week with George Stephanopoulos - September 23, 2012

Reince Priebus (Chair RNC)
David Axelrod (Obama 2012)
Stephanopoulos: holy crap Mitt Romney’s
campaign is going off the rails

Ryan: sure we suck but what are
you going to do

Obama: Americans are not lazy!

Stephanopoulos: Does Mitt hate half
of all Americans?

Priebus: Mitt Romney is a bit of an idiot
but Obama will take care of you all your life

Stephanopoulos: that’s bad?

Priebus: yes because giving all the money
to rich people give us all something to aspire to

Stephanopoulos: I see

Priebus: Obama wants to enslave your grandkids

Stephanopoulos: Peggy Noonan says
Romney is incompetent and a calamity
and needs an intervention

Priebus: I’m in love with her

Stephanopoulos: that’s nice Reince

Priebus: Romney had a bad week

Stephanopoulos: everyone watching knows that

Priebus: I agree that if we were winning
it would be better than losing

Stephanopoulos: expand on that

Priebus: we had a good week last week

Stephanopoulos: wait what

Priebus: yes because when Mitt loses
and Obama imposes socialism the GOP
will win in 2016 or 2020

Stephanopoulos: that is indeed something
to look forward to

Priebus: it will be great when we all roam
the land with bows and arrows

Stephanopoulos: does Romney need to
be more specific

Priebus: Romney very specifically wants
to cut taxes and raise pending and
magically cut the deficit

Stephanopoulos: I like it

Priebus: Obama didn’t fix the Republican
recession - wake up people!

Stephanopoulos: go on

Priebus: the Romney needs to be more specific!

Stephanopoulos: you are confusing me Reince

Stephanopoulos: does Mitt need to finally
reveal all of his tax returns

Priebus: poor Wisconsin voters should
get down on their knees and thank god
for Mitt Romney for saving the local symphony

Stephanopoulos: interesting point

Priebus: Obama thinks he’s entitled to win
and goes around meeting with black people
like Jay Z who is black and Beyonce who
I think is also black

Stephanopoulos: snap

Priebus: Obama plays small ball - we are
campaigning on the issues like Jay Z

Stephanopoulos: can you take the Senate?

Priebus: Harley-Davison, Miller Lite and
Tommy Thompson

Stephanopoulos: Hog, hops and hots

Priebus: let’s not even talk about Virginia

Stephanopoulos: yes lets not

Priebus: Obama caused the recession
four years ago!!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming

Stephanopoulos: is Reince right -
did Romney have a good week?

Axelrod: well he called half of Americans lazy
and manipulated his taxes

Stephanopoulos: for the win

Axelrod: poor Americans a higher
percent of taxes than he does!

Stephanopoulos: what else

Axelrod: Romney roots for American
treasuries to fail!

Stephanopoulos: dang

Axelrod: he bet against America!

Stephanopoulos: are his policies better
than yours?

Axelrod: Mitt proposed a 5 trillion tax cut
and more defense spending and yet he
won’t say how he will pay for any of it

Stephanopoulos: but unemployment is still
high after three years of Obama

Axelrod: It’s an ongoing project

Stephanopoulos: Bob Woodward says
Nancy Pelosi muted President

Axelrod: these are the Republicans
strongest arguments?

Stephanopoulos: apparently

Axelrod: the people of Massachusetts know
Romney best and they hate him

Stephanopoulos: why aren’t you winning more easily?

Axelrod: we will crush Romney and drive
his advisors from the land and hear the
lamentations of his fundraisers

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Meet The Press - September 16, 2012

Amb. Susan Rice (U.N. Mission)
Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu (Israel)
Keith Ellison
Rep. Peter King (R-NY)
Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN)
Bob Woodward
Jeffrey Goldberg
Andrea Mitchell

Gregory: good morning - things are
calm in the middle east now but the
U.S. is evacuating all our embassies
just to be sure

Rice: we were going to skip New Zealand
until those hobbits started getting restless

Gregory: how long until I can take a
summer vacation in Yemen?

Rice: look this kind of thing is to be
expected whenever a provocative video
is put up on YouTube

Gregory: just like the Piano Cat riots of 2007

Rice: exactly Dave

Gregory: was it all spontaneous or was
the attack the preplanned act of terrorists?

Rice: it was initially a spontaneous copycat
protest but then joined by guys with
heavy weapons which of course everyone has

Gregory: if everyone has machine guns
and rocket launchers why did you not
protect the embassy better

Rice: hey we have Navy SEALS posted to
the embassy in Libya - you may have
heard those guys are very badass

Gregory: why are we giving billions in
foreign aid to countries where our
ambassadors get killed

Rice: this has been going for 30 years

Gregory: that makes it worse!

Rice: we give this money because
it serves U.S. interests

Gregory: but our Ambassador is dead -
how is that in America’s interest?

Rice: yes but we bought condemnation
from the government

Gregory: in English maybe but in
Arabic they encouraged more protests

Rice: look we believe in supporting
democracy that we bought and pay for

Gregory: Romney said the U.S.
sympathized with the violent protestors

Rice: I can’t believe that asshole took
advantage of an Ambassador’s death
to try to score cheap political points

Gregory: he also says that
Obama is weak on radicals

Rice: yes - when I walk around the
U.N. cafeteria the other countries
say ‘ooh there goes that weak Susan Rice’
and then I whip out my iPhone tell
Obama to drop a bomb on their house

Gregory: Bibi says we have to
attack Iran right now

Rice: he’s always on about something

Gregory: so when do we attack?

Rice: we are mounting extreme pressure
on Iran - their economy is even shrinking!

Gregory: how did you manage that?

Rice: we sent top Wall Street banking
executives to advise them

Gregory: that was underhanded

Rice: Obama has united the
world against Iran

Gregory: sweet

Rice: but Obama is not going to dance
to Bibi’s tune - let’s get that straight

Gregory: and here comes Honey Bibi

Netanyahu: yo Fluffy

Gregory: you seem very anxious to attack Iran

Netanyahu: darn right I am

Gregory: is Obama stopping you
from bombing Iran

Netanyahu: no he isn’t and he won’t
- we’re going to attack any day now

Gregory: I’m jonesing for a war

Netanyahu: imagine these protesting
fanatics with a nuclear bomb

Gregory: bash Obama for me

Netanyahu: Obama said he wants to
stop Iran from getting a bomb therefore
you must attack them before they
get one - not after

Gregory: I hear you

Netanyahu: this is like the Cuban Missile Crisis
and that made a great book and
a pretty good movie

Gregory: when will you attack Iran

Netanyahu: they are in the red zone
and may score a touchdown

Gregory: good because I have
Ahmedinejad on my fantasy war team

Netanyahu: bad choice Fluffnuts

Gregory: will you attack soon

Netanyahu: if we threaten them enough
then we don’t have to  fight

Gregory: that’s very Karate Kid

Netanyahu: wax on Fluffy

Gregory: please say Romney
would be better for Israel

Netanyahu: you just did it for me Greggers

Gregory: now it’s your turn

Netanyahu: I talked with Obama the
other day and he said watch out for
that David Gregory he’s gonna ask you
tough questions like ‘how do you feel’

Gregory: I spoke with President Romney
the other day and he is very awesome

Netanyahu: well I knew him at Bain Capital
and he was kind of a dick

Gregory: what about containment for
Iran like we did the Soviet Union

Netanyahu: that wouldn’t work because
Iran is not trustworthy and rational
like Josef Stalin was

Gregory: if you say so

Netanyahu: if you don’t want start a
war with a large populous mountainous
country with oil and access to the Gulf
you have set new level for stupidity

Gregory: do you agree with Mitt Romney
that Obama hates Israel

Netanyahu: since Obama is leading
in the polls I must say no

Gregory: you just threw Mitt under the bus!

Netanyahu: I don’t want to interfere
with the election

Gregory: but you are the leader of
the Jewish people - American Jews
must have your answer sir

Netanyahu: here’s a shekel -
get a clue Greggers

Gregory: so is Obama an anti-semite
or is Mitt Romney lying?

Netanyahu: I don’t care which it
is as long as we attack Iran

Gregory: what’s the deal with all
these the protests in the middle east?

Netanyahu: that movie was reprehensible

Gregory: ooh you hate the first Amendment

Netanyahu: but radical Muslims are
also against women, free speech,
Americans and Israel

Gregory: that’s not good

Netanyahu: I’m not a Jew - I’m you!

Gregory: would you like to meet
with President Obama

Netanyahu: it’s ok he texts me all the
time and we play Wars with Friends

Gregory: you mean Words With Friends

Netanyahu: no I don’t David

Gregory: oh boy

[ break ]

Gregory: Dick Cheney’s daughter says
we’re not feared enough around the
world and that’s why we’re attacked

Goldberg: like when we were attacked
when her dad was Vice President

Gregory: snap

Goldberg: look President Obama does
not control how radicals view modernity

King: I don’t care what the fact-checkers say
- Obama went around the world apologizing
for America and then ruined our wonderful
wars in Afghanistan and Iraq

Ellison: those are all ridiculous lies

Gregory: maybe so but Obama didn’t
promote the Arab Spring and Winter is coming

Mitchell: every Republican foreign policy
expert says Romney embarrassed himself
with his idiotic statements

King: that’s not fair - Romney didn’t know
any of the facts when he spoke out while
our embassies were being attacked

Gregory: I’m convinced

Woodward: no American President can
control every mob all over the world

Goldberg: forget the angry Arab street -
what about the angry American street

Ellison: many Arabs love America

King: if we just kill enough people
around the world no mob will ever
attack our embassies again

Gregory: that makes perfect sense

King: the bombings will stop
when morale improves

Mitchell: you are very correct Peter King

Gregory: so true

Mitchell: the Egyptian President wants
money from Wall Street

Gregory: does the leader of the
Muslim Brotherhood really want to be
seen with people like that?

Goldberg: we know Muslims oppose
blasphemy but Americans support free speech

Gregory: who is tougher on Iran -
Romney or Obama?

Mitchell: Obama is a loaded gun
but Mitt is a loose canon

Woodward: Government Intelligence
is highly misnamed

Gregory: should Bibi interfere with our election?

Goldberg: Bibi is completely botching
this relationship

King: maybe but Obama is an
untrustworthy Israel hater

Goldberg: that’s stupid

King: When he visited the White House
Obama made Bibi sit at the kid’s table!

Ellison: Bibi said he and Obama have
a good relationship

King: you can’t trust that guy

Gregory: and that’s another
episode of Meet The Press
Virtually Speaking Sunday
Tonight 9:00 p.m. Eastern time
An alternative to the Sunday morning 'news' shows, two members of our media panel discuss current political and cultural developments from a progressive perspective.
Avedon Carol and Gaius Publius, plus Culture of Truth's Most Ridiculous Moment from that Sunday.

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - September 16, 2012

Host: Jake Tapper
Amb. Susan Rice (U.N. Mission)
Christiane Amanpour
Martha Raddatz
Brian Ross

Tapper: Susan what the hell
happened in Libya?

Rice: it was a spontaneous protest in
response to another less spontaneous
protest in Cairo

Tapper: okay

Rice: a perfectly nice riot by a peaceful
mob at our Libya consulate was ruined
by a few violent extremists with
automatic weapons

Tapper: why was security at the
embassy so lax

Rice: hey two Navy Seals were killed

Tapper: but don’t we always Marines
posted to the shores of Tripoli?

Rice: they were busy guarding the
Halls of Montezuma and the
Corridors of Power

Tapper: of course

Rice: look nobody claimed Libya is
Arizona or Colorado or Chicago

Tapper: well it’s not as violent

Rice: that’s true

Tapper: three years after we elect a guy
named Hussein our embassies are being
attacked all over the Muslim world

Rice: hey that was a really offensive movie

Tapper: The Expendables 2?

Rice: look we are making real progress
in stopping the violence

Tapper: the government of Egypt sent
the protestors a fruit basket!

Rice: yeah but it mostly those
bland Washington apples

Tapper: nevertheless it seems inappropriate

Rice: we are very popular in Libya
except for our Ambassador being killed

Tapper: the U.S. has sent billions in taxpayer
money to Egypt and this is how
they thank us?

Rice: President Obama called the President
of Egypt and told him to get with the
program or be cut off from the money

Tapper: it’s just like the movie ‘Arthur’

Rice: Obama has provided calm and
steady leadership unlike that other jackass

Tapper: oh snap

Rice: the Grand Mufti loves us!

Tapper: how can we get these foreign
leaders in line?

Rice: we can do two things:
kick ass and take names

Tapper: thanks for coming ambassador

[ break ]

Tapper: what on earth is going on
in the middle east?

Amanpour: the Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood
is panicked about losing the friendship
of the United States

Tapper: what about Libya?

Amanpour: hey don’t forget Libya just
finished a civil war where the U.S.
toppled the old regime - there’s bound
to be some resentment and a lot of guns

Tapper: will these protest spread to the
Homeland or our Boardwalk Empire

Ross: it’s never too early to panic Jake

Raddatz: if you are trapped in an embassy
your best bet is to let the protestors
climb the walls and hang out for a while
and tweet how nice those young people
climbing in the window are

Tapper: what is the story with this
crazy YouTube video?

Ross: the filmmaker tries to create a
violent reaction and it worked

Amanpour: the filmmaker is not only an
extremist - he’s a dastardly evil guy
who pretended to be Jewish to
incite more violence

Tapper: that is twisted

Raddatz: the actors were told they were
making an infomercial for Oxy-Clean

Tapper: sweet jesus is nothing sacred

Amanpour: I need to point out that
Libyans love Americans and the
Muslim Brotherhood say they like
Coptic Christians

Tapper: well I’ll be damned

Tapper: why is the entire American Navy
trolling the middle east

Raddatz: you know just cruisin’
the neighborhood

Tapper: what’s up with the relationship
with U.S. and Israel

Raddatz: they met on eHarmony but it
may not be working out too well

Amanpour: Israel was hoping to goad
Obama into attacking Iran and he told
Bibi to cool it

Tapper: how close are Iranians to
building a nuclear bomb?

Ross: four weeks

Tapper: what?!

Amanpour: or a year or two

Ross: yes maybe a few years

Tapper: jesus you almost gave me a
heart attack Brian

Ross: how else am I going to get to
host this show?

Tapper: oh Brian you scamp


Sunday, September 09, 2012

Meet The Press - September 9, 2012

Mitt Romney
Mayor Julian Castro (D-San Antonio)
Chuck Todd
E.J. Dionne
Peggy Noonan
Bill Bennett
Gregory: good morning Mitt -
I hope you are ready for some tough questions

Romney: indeed I am - fire away David

Gregory: how awesome are you?

Romney: I am somewhat excellent
today thank you for asking

Gregory: do you feel like are more
fabulous or marvelous

Romney: I am more superlative
than Barack Obama

Gregory: how do answer the charge
that we have high unemployment under Obama

Romney: you have pinned me down
with your wily inquiries Fluffy

Gregory: just answer the question

Romney: we need more situations
where people are paid for working

Gregory: why is the stock market
doing so well

Romney: because that darn Fed is
going to print money

Gregory: you disagree with that?

Romney: business are ready to hire
millions of people - they just want
another rich white guy in office

Gregory: you said you will create
12 million jobs but economists say
that would happen anyway

Romney: Obama caused unemployment,
high debt and eventually a takeover from Europe

Gregory: look at this bumper sticker:
“Bin Laden is Dead and GM is Alive”

Romney: I love Seals

Gregory: we all do

Romney: My plan was to put GM into
bankruptcy and Obama did that

Gregory: so your plans were the same

Romney: yes but I would have
hired more teachers

Gregory: what’s your bumper sticker?

Romney: “Vote For Me You Useless Peons”

Gregory: Ann did Julian Castro hurt
your feelings?

Ann Romney: It’s true Mitt and I have
never had to struggle in life but I
once saw the musical Oliver!

Gregory: what else?

Ann Romney: I have MS so I have empathy
for all you people who are struggling

Gregory: go on

Ann Romney: I watch Honey Boo Boo so
the idea we can’t imagine how
America is struggling hard is ridiculous

Gregory: I love that show

Ann Romney: my husband is not a
heartless corporate raider dammitt

Gregory: have you ever spent time
with someone unemployed

Romney: I was speaking with a gardener
recently who sadly lost his job

Gregory: oh that’s too bad

Romney: well I had to let him go -
but I’m sure he understood -
I’m running for President for pete’s sake

Romney: I’m not here to stop the
rise of oceans or confront the ladies
of the lakes or halt the coming
of the river monsters

Gregory: sounds like you’ve got it all covered

Romney: It’s doesn’t matter whether
I know any poor people - that’s
just dividing America

Gregory: Governor I love you but what the
hell happened with Clint Eastwood

Romney: he’s not a politician -
he spoke from the heart

Gregory: his heart is an incoherent
unfunny hot mess

Romney: but genuine!

Gregory: what about Bill Clinton’s great speech

Romney: he destroyed me and my
policies - thus proving how bad Obama is

Gregory: you’re a Mormon -
is that wonderful?

Romney: yes I am very proud to be
a Judeo-Christian

Gregory: if you say so

Romney: have I ever told you that
I don’t like businesses very much -
I left capitalism because it conflicted
with my Jewish-Jesus faith

Ann Romney: I loved that now we have a
black who was elected President

Gregory: you said the debt is a moral
crisis but you would make it worse by
cutting taxes for billionaires and
raising defense spending

Romney: I would raise revenue by
eliminating tax loopholes

Gregory: what about the sequester deal?

Romney: Republicans should not have
agreed to slashing defense spending
and selling all of our aircraft carriers to Iran

Gregory: fair enough

Romney: I am going lower taxes
for middle class Americans and raise
them for the rich

Gregory: how do you do that Mittens

Romney: by eliminating loopholes Fluffers
- it’s marvelous!

Gregory: wow!

Romney: also it would lead to 23 million jobs

Gregory: fantastic

Romney: Cut taxes for all! More jobs!

Gregory: how do you do that

Romney: I have the flux capacity to do this

Gregory: I love this - name a
loophole you would close

Romney: [ laughing ]
I will raises taxes on the rich -
I promise - just trust me!

Gregory: will you balance the
budget in your first term?

Romney: no but I could do it in 10 years

Gregory: are you willing to make the
Tea Party cry by raising taxes ten cents

Romney: my principles are that I will never
raise taxes - my other principle is that I
will never tell you what spending I will cut

Gregory: I see

Romney: look my philosophy is to promise
more of what people like rather than less

Gregory: would you repeal the parts of
Obamacare to let young people on
their parent’s plan and the ban
pre-exising conditions?

Romney: gosh no - I would keep all
the popular parts of Obamacare and
get rid of the unpopular parts

Gregory: you would privatize Medicare?

Romney: we would let young people
stay on Medicare or not whatever they want

Gregory: how does that work?

Romney: competition!

Gregory: why didn’t you mention
Afghanistan in your speech

Romney: Look I’ve been to Afghanistan
and it’s really boring

Gregory: Obama says your are stuck
in a Cold War Time Warp

Romney: Obama let Iran build a nuclear bomb!

Gregory: ooh

Romney: Obama met with
Ahmedinejad and Kim Jong-Il or might
have if he had more frequent flyer miles

Gregory: are we less safe under Obama

Romney: Iran is not scared of Obama
but I will stop them

Gregory: how?

Romney: I will make it clear that I
am very clear about being clear

Gregory: how do you do that

Romney: I will use diplomacy and
go to war or maybe not

Gregory: will you try to overturn Roe v Wade

Romney: Fluffy I would prefer not
to answer this question

Gregory: give it a shot Mitty

Romney: I will appoint justices that
reverse Roe v Wade

Gregory: wow - are you willing to
be brave and bold as President

Romney: gosh darn right -
my popularity doesn’t matter to me at all

Gregory: that’ been clear for some time

Romney: my indifference to
human feeling is my great strength

Gregory: who is the real Mitt Romney
- left of Ted Kennedy or a severe conservative?

Romney: Here’s the truth:
I am not an android - I am a shape-shifter

Gregory: your Mom and Dad both
ran for office and lost - will you
be terribly depressed when you lose

Romney: no because I am very very rich
and also possess no emotions

Gregory: why should people vote for you

Romney: we can’t have an incomplete President!

Gregory: you complete me

[ break ]

Gregory: wow Mitt Romney bravely
came out against sequestration -
but Paul Ryan supported it

Todd: everyone is against sequester duh

Bennett: they are both right -
we must not cut defense spending
but we must courageously slash
for the National Endowment for the Arts

Gregory: Julian Mitt says he will cut
loopholes for rich people -
isn’t that progressive

Castro: if he doesn’t reveal what
those are how can we trust him?

Dionne: he’s either going to raise
taxes on the middle class or
slash domestic spending

Gregory: why no both?

Dionne: also his answer on General
Motors was totally incoherent

Noonan: Republicans fear that if
Obama is reelected they will be forced
to obstruct his every move again

Gregory: that is so sad

Noonan: Romney made news by
promising to cut loopholes for the rich

Gregory: what are they?

Noonan: okay so it wasn’t big news

Bennett: Romney made it very clear
that taxes will not go down for the
rich until after he is elected President

Dionne: he proposed cutting taxes
for the rich 5 minutes ago!

Bennett: that’s ancient history

Gregory: Romney suddenly seems
terrified of being on the side of the rich

Todd: Romney is sadly saddled with
the unpopularity of the Republican party

Gregory: the essential question is
who is to blame for the stagnant economy
- conservatives like Obama or liberals
like George W. Bush

Castro: we’ve have 30 months of job growth
- things are getting better

Noonan: Before the debates Romney
needs to announce he is actually a Whig

Todd: body language is everything
and Romney’s body says
“I can’t wait until this is over and I can get
back to my mansion in the city and
my beach house in Malibu and
my compound on the lake”

Dionne: the GOP Convention was about
businesses and the Democrats
were about families

Bennett: George W. Bush had many
failings but was a great President who
brought us the war in Iraq

Dionne: [ spits ]

Bennett: conservatives give their blood
and treasure to help people god dammit

Dionne: why is that the only people
who refer to their savings as treasure
are conservatives and pirates

Gregory: look at Julian Castro’s adorable daughter

Bennett: hey conservatives have kids too

Dionne: conservatives on the defense
on the military, foreign policy and
family values - who would have thought!

Bennett: Arrrr!

Gregory: And that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

Virtually Speaking Sundays | 6 p.m. pacific | 9 p.m. eastern
Dave Dayen & Cliff Schecter 
Listen live or later:

Cliff and David discuss the conventions, and the campaigns going forward in our post-truth era.
Also Bobblespeaks's Most Ridiculous Moment

This Week with Geoge Stephanopoulos - September 9, 2012

Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)
Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)
Mayor Cory Booker (D-Newark)
Paul Krugman
Cokie Roberts
George Will
Stephanopoulos: OMG Obama is bouncing!

Audience: wheeeeee

Stephanopoulos: Paul you said America
is in decline

Ryan: yes we have rising debt, continuing unemployment and high poverty

Stephanopoulos: that is true

Ryan: Obama has failed to fix the
GOP recession

Stephanopoulos: what is your plan

Ryan: we will create 12 million new jobs

Stephanopoulos: but economists say
that will happen anyway

Ryan: we need to cut taxes, drill in
public parks and privatize Medicare

Stephanopoulos: fascinating

Ryan: these plans have worked in
the past and they will again!

Stephanopoulos: Bill Clinton says you
will raise taxes on the middle class
or cut essential programs

Ryan: everyone knows that our
plan will work

Stephanopoulos: perhaps not everyone

Ryan: we will take loopholes away
from rich people

Stephanopoulos: awesome - which ones

Ryan: Obama wants to kill jobs by
raising taxes on small business
with 500 employees

Stephanopoulos: which loopholes
will you close?

Ryan: Ronald Reagan would love our plan!

Stephanopoulos: which loopholes again?

Ryan: it’s a secret

Stephanopoulos: are you kidding?

Ryan: we need to have this debate
in public with input from the people
only after we are in office

Stephanopoulos: you are making no sense

Ryan: we don’t want to cut a backroom deal

Stephanopoulos: but you just said you
want to make a deal after you are elected

Ryan: Up is down! Black is white!

Stephanopoulos: do you really want to
take $800 billion from Medicaid?

Ryan: Medicaid isn’t working -
why give it more money?

Stephanopoulos: I didn’t know Medicaid
was so bad

Ryan: oh yes - also we need to keep it as it is

Stephanopoulos: um what

Ryan: states and small towns are
best able to provide health care anyway

Stephanopoulos: what’s your solution
to the health care problem

Ryan: states need flexibility to implement
their own creative solutions

Stephanopoulos: like with welfare reform?

Ryan: ha touche

Stephanopoulos: under your plan there would
not more federal guarantees of health care?

Ryan: feel that sweet freedom!

Stephanopoulos: Obama said you guys
have no idea what you’re doing
in foreign policy

Ryan: Obama has failed totally in foreign affairs

Stephanopoulos: he got bin Laden

Ryan: look Obama may have been right
with bin Laden, Iraq, and Afghanistan,
but Romney would cede all decisions
to the Washington Generals

Stephanopoulos: would you accept
10 to 1 spending cuts and tax cuts

Ryan: Obama ran up the debt!

Stephanopoulos: Bush got a surplus
and blew it

Ryan: we need to keep Medicare by changing it!
We need to end the debt by cutting taxes!
We need to avoid backroom deals by
making a deal after the election!

Stephanopoulos: you’re rolling

Ryan: Spending is bad! We must raise
defense spending!

Stephanopoulos: thanks Paul it’s been fun

[ break ]

Will: people have stopped looking
for work which means we are
really at 20% unemployment

Stephanopoulos: wow

Will: if Republicans can’t with these
numbers they should find another
line of work - perhaps competitive
lawn croquet or full-contact dressage

Krugman: Republicans block Obama’s
plan and then say his plan doesn’t work

Paul: I had a poster of Ayn Rand
on my bedroom wall

Roberts: firing teachers is just dumb

Booker: we’ve had 30 months of job creation

Paul: Roads don’t create business -
businesses create roads

Krugman: Romney believes in Keynes
when it comes to defense spending

Rand: that’s true

Will: we have too many damn teachers
also Obama is just like Leon Trotsky

Roberts: we should stop laying off teachers

Rand: are you arguing we have
fewer government jobs

Krugman: it’s a fact

Booker: what is the Romney plan?
It’s a mystery

Stephanopoulos: Rand why is Romney
so secretive?

Paul: FDR caused the Depression by
not saying nice things about businesses

Booker: yeah sure

Roberts: people love their tax deductions

Will: if you’re worried about uncertainty
the solution is not Mitt Romney

Paul: things were going great from
1929-1933 until FDR came along
and caused a Depression

Booker: that’s hilarious

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Meet The Press - September 2, 2012

September 2, 2012
Mayor Rahm Emmanuel (D-Chicago)
Newt Gingrich
Tom Brokaw
Doris Goodwin
Carly Fiorina
Tom Friedman

Gregory: good morning Rahm

Emmanuel: you too David

Gregory: with our bad economy isn’t
Mitt Romney the lesser of two evils?

Emmanuel: no because he would return
us to the policies that wrecked America
in the first place

Gregory: perhaps

Emmanuel: in Romney’s speech there
was no memorable lines or good ideas

Gregory: but that doesn’t mean
people should vote for Obama

Emmanuel: we’re adding jobs, fixing
the banking system and building
houses again

Gregory: Invisible Obama told Eastwood
to tell Romney to go screw himself

Emmanuel: we are only talking about
this old actor because Romney’s speech
was devoid of anything worth talking about

Gregory: yes but-

Emmanuel: shut up - I’m talking here Fluffy

Gregory: ok but you only want to talk
about Mitt Romney instead of how
terrible Romney thinks Obama is

Emmanuel: no shit stupid

Gregory: Mitt says he voted for Obama
and he’s very disappointed with that his
stocks have only doubled and paid 13% in taxes

Emmanuel: Romney wanted to cut taxes
for the rich, cut student loans, screw
underwater homeowners, and let
Detroit go bankrupt

Gregory: so you say but-

Emmanuel: zip it David - Romney only
cares about rich people

Gregory: a lot of people hate Obama

Emmanuel: hey Fluffy General Motors
is alive and Osama bin Laden is dead

Gregory: it’s not a binary choice
between Obama and Romney

Emmanuel: yes it is you dimwit
[ punches Gregory in the face ]

Gregory: stop hitting me

Emmanuel: we were shedding jobs when
Obama was sworn in and we’ve added
millions of jobs

Gregory: Newt Gingrich says Obama
waived the welfare work rules

Emmanuel: Republican Governors asked
for more flexibility and now those fuckers
are lying about it

Gregory: I’ve heard that

Emmanuel: State Senator Obama
reformed welfare in Illinois

Gregory: what is the plan for the
Democratic convention?

Emmanuel: four words: middle class

Gregory: what are the other two?

Emmanuel: fuck you

Gregory: there’s a wave of violence in Chicago

Emmanuel: shootings are down in
the last few hours

Gregory: ok

Emmanuel: normal people shouldn’t
worry since it’s all gang-on-gang violence

Gregory: but what’s the solution?

Emmanuel: If I have to I will start
shooting people myself

Gregory: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Gregory: Newt what happened
at the Convention

Gingrich: Republicans will make
lazy people work

Brokaw: Even the Wall Street Journal
thought Romney blew it

Gregory: uh huh

Brokaw: if I may quote Cuba Gooding junior
in Jerry Maguire ‘you complete me’

Fiorina: the Wall Street Journal is
a commie rag

Gregory: amazing

Fiorina: Romney would create 1 million
jobs by building a giant pipeline to transport
Canadian oil across America to sell around the world

Friedman: Romney was very specific
- but his math doesn’t add up

Gregory: Tom what do the American
people really want?

Friedman: to suffer

Gregory: Is Romney likable?

Goodwin: they humanized Romney but
people don’t think Mitt can relate to their
problems - Lincoln was a depressive weirdo
but most people in the 19th century were like that

Gregory: Clint Eastwood yelled at
an empty chair

Brokaw: screaming scatalogical
obscenities about the President was
a little bit of a problem

Gingrich: it was a disaster - if I’d
been the nominee this would never
have happened

Gregory: how would you have done it

Gingrich: I would have closed the show
with 100 poor kids happily sweeping the
floor like in “Newsies”

Gregory: what happened to Obama’s
hope and change?

Friedman: Obama never made the case
to Americans by bringing out Warren Buffet
to talk to the people about how awesome
it is to be rich

Gregory: Newt on inauguration night you
pledged to oppose everything Obama did

Gingrich: Obama got everything he wanted!

Fiorina: Newt will you marry me

Gingrich: give me six months Carly

Fiorina: Obama controlled the Congress
for two years and he failed to prevent
the Tea Party from wrecking our credit rating

Brokaw: I noticed that Paul Ryan lied
shamelessly in his speech

Fiorina: you lie Tom!

Friedman: No GOP official talked about
the surplus they turned into a deficit,
unpaid-for wars, drug benefits, and
endless tax cuts

Goodwin: Neil Armstrong went to the
moon with government money -
Obama should aggressively defend
government spending

Gingrich: I’m kind of a big deal

Gregory: well all know that Newt

Gingrich: Mika Brezinski and Joe Scarborough humiliated themselves at my ridiculously
named Newt Gingrich University

Gregory: I see

Gingrich: America is making millions
drilling in North Dakota!

Gregory: so Obama hasn’t stopped
drilling after all?

Gingrich: yes but Mitt Romney would drill
in Cleveland, Hawaii and the National Mall

Fiorina: imagine oil derricks in front of the
Lincoln Memorial - what a beautiful
sight that would be

Goodwin: [ palmface ]

Gregory: the GOP  is trying to address
the gender gap

Todd: Obama needs a big gap among
women - and he’s got it

Gregory: women vote - who knew?

Todd: Virginia is for Lovers Who
Love Ultrasounds

Fiorina: I was very impressed and
jealous of the women stars at the
Republican convention

Gregory: I can see that

Fiorina: Democrats belittle women by
assuming they care about their individual rights

Gregory: nice try Carly

Goodwin: Eleanor Roosevelt never
even mentioned FDR’s polio at her
convention speech

Gingrich: I suspect he was never
handicapped - he was probably just
another lazy Democrat

Gregory: Ann Romney told us to vote
for her selfless husband dammit

Brokaw: This is the Century of Women

Goodwin: one out 100 isn’t bad

Brokaw: the GOP loves mothers but
do they really respect women?

Fiorina: every rational person condemned
Todd Akin’s despicable remarks about
rape and called on him to drop out

Gingrich: not me

Fiorina: oh no here we go

Gingrich: Todd Akin sort-of apologized
but Obama wants to murder children!

Friedman: Fluffy I would like to thank you
for making the rest of us normal by
inviting this crazy person

Gregory: My pleasure Mustache man

Gingrich: Joe Biden is a racist who
wants to put black people in chains

Gregory: Romney also used the
chains metaphor

Gingrich: yes but Romney never talks to
black people so he can’t be a racist

Gregory: getting back to Akin - you
don’t think he should drop out
of the race?

Gingrich: of course not - Akin won
the primary therefore he’s just
like Marco Rubio!

Brokaw: whoa - you agree with Todd Akin?

Gingrich: I am just saying that Democrats
murder babies

Fiorina: Stop! Stop it! Stop talking!
Women don’t care about abortion!

Gingrich: the media are biased - they
only talk about how I called black people
lazy instead of reporting on the Democrats
plan to let the U.N. enslave Americans
and put them to work in abortion factories!

Gregory: and that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

Sunday Talk Shows: The Most Ridiculous Moment

This Week with George Stephanopoulos - September 2, 2012

David Plouffe - Obama Campaign
Kerry Healy (R-MA)
George Will
Donna Brazile
Bill Burton (D)
Matthew Dowd (R)
Stephanopoulos: good morning David

Plouffe: good morning George

Stephanopoulos: are Americans better
off than they were four years ago?

Plouffe: we’re recovering from a
mini Depression

Stephanopoulos: that doesn’t sound good

Plouffe: Mitt Romney is promising nothing
but tax cut fairy dust

Stephanopoulos: a lot of people
are unemployed

Plouffe: Romney will enact policies
that caused the recession in the first place

Stephanopoulos: so we’re not better off?

Plouffe: Obama is investing in batteries!

Stephanopoulos: ironic that he’s
running against an android

Plouffe: ha

Stephanopoulos: Pluffy should Obama
apologize to America

Plouffe: for what Stephy - health care
or ending the wars?

Stephanopoulos: yes those things

Plouffe: the GOP is only offering tired
platitudes like tricke-down economics

Stephanopoulos: Paul Ryan says he’s
going to save Medicare not raid it

Plouffe: he raided it!

Stephanopoulos: yes well know about that

Plouffe: Paul Ryan is sounding the
Second Coming of Claude Pepper

Stephanopoulos: Verily he will
Return Riding a White Golf Cart

Plouffe: Obama cut waste and Paul Ryan
would bankrupt Medicare

Stephanopoulos: Romney said under
Obama lazy people would get free money

Plouffe: it is interesting that Romney
can only win by lying and then
lying some more

Stephanopoulos: is it a racial dog whistle

Plouffe: all I know is every time that ad
runs on my tv my cocker spaniel hides
under the bed

Stephanopoulos: ha

Plouffe: In his acceptance speech Romney
never mentioned our troops or
Afghanistan - does Romney even care?

Stephanopoulos: what about Clint Eastwood

Plouffe: that was weird and hilarious

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: how did the GOP
convention go?

Will: undecided voters learned Republicans
want to cut taxes which I think we already knew

Brazile: I suspect a number of people
were very confused - and that was
before Clint Eastwood channeled
Daryl Hannah in Legal Eagles

Healy: we learned that Mitt Romney is
secretly a human being

Stephanopoulos: why not have testimonials
From people who like Romney instead
of Clint Eastwood doing a crazy-ass
version of Bob Newhart?

Healy: well I hope people go online
and look up examples of Mitt acting normal

Dowd: no one cares about a candidate’s
personal anyway

Stephanopoulos: are we better of than
we were four years ago?

Burton: we’ve created 4 million jobs

Stephanopoulos: but we lost 6 million

Burton: we heard Mitt loved his
family but what is he’s going to do
for other families?

Healy: he was very specific - he’s going
to cut taxes again, repeal Obamacare
and drill for oil off Florida

Will: don’t be afraid - vote for Romney

Brazile: no be afraid - be very afraid

Dowd: the real question is will the
country be better off four years from now?

Burton: in 2008 Obama said he was going
to deliver health care, end the wars,
fix the economy and rebuild America and he did!

Stephanopoulos: did he?

Burton: oh yeah!

Stephanopoulos: thanks for coming everyone