Sunday, December 29, 2013

Meet The Press – December 29, 2013

David Kirkpatrick (NYT)
Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA)
Rep. Joaquin Castro (D-TX)
Ben Wizner
Harry Smith
Franklin Graham
Eugene Robinson
Robin Wright
Dr. Peter Stearns
Andrea Mitchell
Elliott Abrams

Gregory: OMG a NYT report says al-qaeda 
was not involved in Benghazi and it was 
in response to a video like the administration said!

Audience: oooh

Gregory: how does this make Obama 
look bad – we'll take a look

Gregory: you investigated and concluded
no evidence of Al Qaeda involvement
and fueled by anger over a video – 
how do you know for sure?

Kirkpatrick: everyone knows this – 
it was all local people

Gregory: hmmm

Kirkpatrick: there's no chance it was al qeada

Gregory: but Republicans say it was

Kirkpatrick: if you call people who hate
democracy al qeada maybe but the
GOP hates democracy too

Gregory: Susan Rice said it was
spontaneous and in response to a video

Kirkpatrick: it was not exactly a copycat –
it was armed men but not al qaeda

Mitchell: was it pure uncut terrorism
or impure terrorism?

Gregory: good question

Mitchell: everyone covered up the
fact that this was a CIA outpost

Gregory: who cares – people died
and Obama basically killed them

Kirkpatrick:  missions in places 
like Libya are usually so safe

[ break ]

Issa: the American people were lied to!!
It was never about a video!

Gregory: were you wrong about that?

Issa: it must have been terrorism 
because Benghazi is a small town
with no access to videos

Gregory: interesting point

Issa: anyway it doesn't matter if it was al qeada

Gregory: you said it was the whole
reason for Obama's alleged cover up

Issa: I never said that I only blamed 
Obama for Americans being killed

Gregory: I see

Issa: Obama didn't launch F-16s 
because he doesn't care

Gregory: I see

Issa: also maybe Obama covered
up terrorism or maybe not

Gregory: okay

Issa: also no Americans can live in
Benghazi now which is Obama's fault

Mitchell: you claimed it was 
al qaeda which was wrong

Issa: not true – anyway it doesn't
matter because Obama killed people
by not doing anything for 8 hours

Gregory: do you stand by your
statement that the administration
lied about Benghazi?

Issa: they said things that were inaccurate

Gregory: isn't that the fog of war?

Issa: they were under attack and
people said under oath about what the
Ambassador might have done hypothetically

Gregory: initial reports are often wrong

Issa: but the initial reports did not
name a video as a prime cause and
which is clearly nefarious

Gregory: anything else?

Issa: Clapper said he lied to Congress

Mitchell: how do you answer
the charge that Obama totally failed?

Issa: I must reluctantly agree
Andrea but I also admit Obama
should be impeached

Gregory: right

Issa: also Obama let people die
because he's evil

Gregory: let's switch gears and
turn to bashing Obama over Obamacare

Issa: okay

Gregory: will Obamacare survive?

Issa: Obamacare will start killing
people on January first

Gregory: I see

Issa: I fear people will get subsidies
for health care and milk like people
do in the third world and start to
look at health care as if it's
something they should have

Gregory: got it

Issa: we must drive down
health care costs

Gregory: I'd love to ask you how
to do that but we're out of time

[ break ]

Gregory: Benghazi!

Castro: Issa has tried to exploit a
tragedy for a year and it turns
out it was all a fairy tale

Gregory: over one million Americans
have signed up for Obamacare which
is a failure because you need seven
million people signed up by March

Castro: there are also the lifetime
caps and pre-existing conditions
which people like

Gregory: why not keep the good
things and get rid of the unpopular
things like the mandate?

Castro: can't do it Fluffy

Gregory: what about extending
unemployment benefits?

Castro: it's only $300 a month but
people really need that

Gregory: happy new year Juan

Castro: you too Dick

[ break ]

Gregory: a federal judge upheld
bulk collection of metadata so your
client Ed Snowden is not a whistleblower!!

Wizner: we always knew there
would be legal disputes about
his whistleblowerness

Gregory: what evidence do you
have that this program has been abused?

Wizner: metadata collection is
a general warrant like
King George the Third did

Gregory: but people have no legal
expectation of privacy in their phone records

Wizner: that's true for one person
but not for many people

Gregory: I see

Wizner: Ed says he won
by creating the conversation

Gregory: if this is civil disobedience
why not come back to America
and face the musak?

Wizner: because he's being charged
under a law passed during
World War One so it doesn't count

Gregory: got it

Wizner: also in a democracy it's important
to disclose national secrets sometimes

Gregory: in violation of
his oath not to do that

Wizner: no he only took an oath
to follow the Constitution

Gregory: oh okay

Wizner: we just don't feel it's
fair for him to do a lot of time in prison

Gregory: would he ever come back to America?

Wizner: sure if we got a deal

Gregory: amnesty?

Wizner: amnesty isn't always a bad thing –
lots of people got amnesty including
for torturing people

Gregory: he's in Russia which has
no free speech or human rights

Wizner: he's only in Russia because
America revoked his passport when
he was passing through to take
in the lovely Russia spring weather

Gregory: I see

Wizner: it's in no one's interest
for him to stay in Russia

Gregory: is that threat?

Wizner: it could be

Gregory: what can we expect
from Snowden in 2014?

Wizner: he's not a narcissist!

Gregory: well then he doesn't
belong in Washington

Wizner: but you may see more
of him in the coming year

[ break ]

Gregory: what will be the big the story of 2014?

Robinson: should government be big or small

Gregory: that's a good one

Robinson: also racial eruptions like
Zimmerman will crop up again –
especially as we debate the controversy
over whether we should have ended slavery

Gregory: are we still a world leader?

Stearns: yes because the U.S.
economy is growing

Gregory: that can't be right because
it makes Obama look good

Wright: that's right David – India and
Brazil and China are pushing America aside

Gregory: excellent

Wright: also Obama has lost Saudi Arabia

Abrams: everyone in the middle east
thinks Obama is receding

Gregory: let me read a long passage
from The Economist calling Obama
weak and defensive

Stearns: Obama needs to wind down
these disastrous wars

Gregory: dammit Elliott please
bash Obama for me

Abrams: the whole middle east is mad
that Obama didn't invade Syria

Robinson: hey stupid – invading
Iraq was a really fucking bad  idea

Wright: Obama is using diplomacy
to succeed where people like
Elliott Abrams failed

Mitchell: but Obama hesitated on Syria
and now we can't control that
middle east nation and that's sad

Gregory: true

Mitchell: but

Gregory: Obama is retrenching and
we still face terror threats!

Abrams: it's terrible

Gregory: I feel like I am Winston Churchill
after World War One warning about
Adolf Hitler and no is listening to me
am I right Elliott?!?

Abrams: exactly – Obama has
appeased al-qaeda and Obama
not invading Syria is just like Munich

Stearns: with all due respect to
you Fluffy – you're a moron

Gregory: how does a deal with
Iran impact the middle east?

Wright: even Iran wants to see
the war in Syria ended

Gregory: interesting

Wright: everything in Iran –
women's rights and democracy
depends on a nuclear deal

Smith: Billy Graham is 95 years old

Franklin Graham: people are praying for him

Smith: he was the President's pastor

Graham: yes he was

Smith: you were a prodigal son

Graham: but I came back

Smith: you questioned Obama's Christianity

Graham: I am not politically correct

Smith: Pope Francis said 
'who am I to judge gay people'

Graham: God will punish gay people
someday and I just want to warn the
gays about how vindictive god can be

Smith: how nice of you

[ break ]

Gregory: what about Pope Francis?

Mitchell: Pope Francis is the
biggest thing to happen in world this year
I was moved by his message about
caring for the poor – it's novel for a
religious figure to talk about that

Wright: it's quite amazing

Steans: I'm not naive but maybe
we can have peace

Robinson: we've seen advances
in gay marriage – will the culture wars
be over or will the fight go on

Audience: go on

Gregory: and that's another
episode of Meet The Press

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – December 29, 2013

Jon Karl
Pierre Thomas
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX)

Stephanopoulos: OMG Ted Cruz stopped
the government in its tracks!

Audience: oooh

Stephanopoulos: Jon Karl loves Ted Cruz

Karl: this has been the Year of Ted Cruz!
He's bigger than the Pope and the
President and he even met Jay Leno

Karl: a lot of people don't like you

Cruz: because I'm so wonderful

Karl: even John McCain called you a wacko bird

Cruz: I'm proud of being a wacko bird!

Karl: he's so wonderful because
he shut down the government over
Obamacare – he spoke all day and all night!

Cruz: I am amazing

Karl: he even read from
Green Eggs and Ham!

Cruz: I am fabulous

Karl: you are the leader of
House Republicans!

Cruz: yes I am

Karl: it's rare to meet a Senator
as wonderful as you are

Cruz: that's true

Karl: then he shut down the government!

Cruz: we are so courageous

Karl: your shutdown failed and backfired

Cruz: not true

Boehner: are you kiddin' me?!?

Karl: I don't care what anyone says –
you are the best ever!
You're runner-up to the Pope!!

Cruz: aw shucks Jon

Karl: was the shutdown a mistake?

Cruz: it was a mistake for Obama
shut down the government

Karl: oh come on

Cruz: Obama shut down the government

Karl: Really Ted? Really?

Cruz: Obama wouldn't compromise!

Karl: there is a Ted Cruz coloring book!

Cruz: that's crazy

Karl: people say Obamacare is
worse than all of WWII

Cruz: that's probably wrong

Karl: can I have your autograph?

Cruz: oh okay

[ break ]

Stephanopoulos: OMG Ed Snowden
has been called a patriot and a traitor

Thomas: a mild mannered IT
geek rocked the world

Stephanopoulos: wow

Thomas: he stole NSA secrets
and fled to Russia

Stephanopoulos: oh my

Obama: he's not a patriot

Snowden: you need to decide for yourself

Thomas: OMG our sacred metadata is being collected

Wyden: the NSA lied to the Senate

Rogers: his revelations will lead to terror attacks!

King: al-qaeda is loving it!

Thomas: it's a bonanza for hostile
nations and pisses off our allies

Assange: we will protect Snowden!

Obama: Grrrrrrr

Clarke: the NSA is not reading
e-mails but people think that they are

Obama: just because we can do
something doesn't mean we should it

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Meet The Press – December 22, 2013

Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R- OK)
Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK)
Rep. Peter King (R-NY)
Sen. Pat Leahy (D-VT)
Christine Lagarde (IMF)
Robert Gibbs
E.J Dionne
David Brooks
Ana Navarro

Gregory: OMG some reporter asked
Obama if this is the worst year of
his Presidency ha ha ha

Dionne: no his worst year was 2011

Navarro: it was so bad by next year
Obama will be drinking whiskey!

Brooks: Worst. Year. Ever

Gibbs: he might start drinking
whiskey to celebrate the growing economy

Gregory: Chuck even the liberal
Wall Street Journal says
Obamacare is failing

Schumer: Obamacare is a great law
and most people care about the economy

Gregory: Tom Coburn how you answer
the charge that Obamacare is bad?

Coburn: I must reluctantly agree
that Obamacare is terrible

Gregory: that must have been
hard for you to admit

Coburn: we have been demanding exceptions
and now I can't believe Obama has
granted all these exceptions

Gregory: it's outrageous

Schumer: Obamacare is working in
New York state buddy

Gregory: there has been some bipartisan
agreement but here's the bottom line –
Congress hasn't take on the hard stuff

Coburn: the problem isn't when we
disagree it's when we agree to spend
$80 billion on fraud for Obamacare
which are guaranteed to have

Gregory: will we have another
fight over the debt ceiling?

Schumer: the GOP has learned
its lesson on that

Gregory: Obama said you're trying
to look tough on Iran

Schumer: the best way to get Iran to
give up nukes is to increase sanctions
it's simple and logical

Gregory: right

Schumer: we have to be tough!

Gregory: thanks for coming – happy holidays


[ break ]

Gregory: Madame how about
the U.S. economy?

Legarde: we sign a lot of good signs

Gregory: a lot of people are worried
about what the Fed is doing and by a
lot of people I mean my Republican friends

Lagarde: tapering is a good sign

Gregory: sure the numbers make Obama
look good but our animal spirits are not roaring

Lagarde: merde! Are you stupide or zomething

Gregory: je ne sais quoi

Lagarde: unemployment iz going down

Gregory: what about the minimum
wage and inequality?

Lagarde: income inequality is important
in that it leads to less growth which
hurts rich people

Gregory: Is American the world's economic
leader or are led by irresponsible idiots?

Lagarde: both

Gregory: what about the debt ceiling

Lagarde: I hope American doez not
flirt with default

Gregory: why aren't more women managers?

Lagarde: it's historically based male chauvinism

Gregory: sounds right

Lagarde: promoting women makes
economic sense all over the world

Gregory: are you running for President of France?

Lagarde: mon dieu! non

Gregory: but you wouldn't rule it out?

Lagarde: you are a very silly person

Gregory: that wasn't Shermanesque!

[ break ]

Gregory: Inhofe is a passionate pilot
but last month his son died in plane crash

Inhofe: we're not sure what went wrong

Gregory: how are you doing?

Inhofe: you don't how it feels
until it happens to you

Gregory: you have a strong faith

Inhofe: yes

Gregory: we hear in Washington nothing
gets done but you got a lot of support
from your colleagues

Inhofe: I got as much or more
support from my Democrat friends

Gregory: even Harry Reid

Inhofe: indeed

Gregory: can you bring this
good feeling to you work

Inhofe: yes but many liberals still
think we don't need a strong military

Gregory: what's your biggest challenge

Inhofe: coping with loss

[ break ]

Gregory: as a person of faith I am
impressed with Inhofe but it's sad that
we were surprised that Democrats
offered him support

Navarro: let's take politics out of this
man's death in a plane crash

Gregory: I can't

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG the health care website
was botched! What makes you think
2014 will be better??

Gibbs: because the website was fixed

Brooks: the American people don't like
individual mandates anymore ever
since a Democrat was reelected

Dionne: Obamacare is a Republican
market-oriented model for
health care reform

Brooks: but that was Obama endorsed it
and Republicans hated their plan

Dionne: oh right I forgot

Gregory: Edmund Burke said
government is bad

Navarro: I am very worried that
people don't trust Obama anymore

Dionne: this is insane! Every advanced
country but America uses government
to deliver health care!

Gibbs: also there is GOP no alternative

Navarro: yes but people will
still be sick and hate

Gregory: isn't the crux of the matter
that people hare

Brooks: America is not France –
we just don't like people telling us what to do

Dionne: no one wants to repeal Medicare

Gregory: some people do

Navarro: Obamacare is like the 
hispanic saying that the
cure is worse than the disease

Gibbs: hispanics want health too

Navarro: but Obama was slow in
building a spanish language website
to give health care to people!

Dionne: yes we're all familiar with
the Republican website in Spanish
to give people health care

Gregory: some guy on Duck Dynasty
hates gays and think civil rights laws
were bad for black people

Brooks: he's disrespectful and
not terribly Christian

Gregory: but he's a victim of political
correctness and conservatives are a
held to a double standard!

Dionne: no that's totally false
conservative spin Fluffy

Navarro: there is no Constitutional
right to say stupid stuff and
still host a tv show

Gregory: there isn't – oh shit

Gibbs: no there isn't – networks
pay you to be their face
in-between advertisements

Gregory: wow an Obama panel recommends
changes to surveillance programs

Gregory: Ed Snowden wrote a letter
saying he revealed worldwide surveillance

King: Ed Snowden is a traitor

Gregory: is Snowden right that
surveillance is collapsing?

King: why we are debating what Snowden
is saying is totally beyond me

Leahy: Snowden is irrelevant –
we need to limit the NSA

Gregory: what about metadata?

Leahy: the NSA let a 29-year old
contractor steal all their stuff!

Gregory: what about metada?

Leahy: we need spying but we
also need accountability

King: there were no abuses!
There's nothing to rein in!

Gregory: but abuse could happen

King: police could abuse their
powers too but they don't

Gregory: no?

King: no Fluffy!

Gregory: what about dialing
back foreign surveillance?

Leahy: a 29-year old subcontractor
stole their secrets!

Gregory: you said that already

Leahy: I did?

Gregory: why not limit the NSA?

Leahy: I tried but can't

King: dammit – I lost friends on 9/11!!
we can't unilaterally surrender to the terrorists!

Brooks: if Dwight Eisenhower were
here he would be outraged and
suggest slight changes to surveillance

Brooks: but Snowden is not a
hero he's a traitor

Gregory: why can't Congress
conduct reasonable rational
oversight over national security

Navarro: what are you drinking
and I can I have some

Dionne: after 9/11 we all went crazy
and now we're calming down

Gibbs: why not house phone information
with phone companies and then
access it with a warrant?

Gregory: my sister-in-law is a cop
and she says its all good

Navarro: privacy vs security
is a tough nut to crack

Gregory: this was great episode –
I got to mention my sister in law and Edmund Burke!