McLaughlin: issue one, Abu!
Pat: they didn't abort anything which would be a crime
Eleanor: Fielding knew what he was doing as you and Pat know well from Waterg-
John: careful...
McLaughlin: Showdown?
Blankley: Executive Privilege is like a slip 'n slide it was fun in the summer of 1974
John: i like your suit
Blankman: yeah it's sherwin-williams
John Mc: conditions laughable yes or no aroma of executive privilege
O'Donnell: Dems are salivating at the idea of questioning him Rove is a guy who lies all the time
Pat: Journalists are hypocrites they want their privilege when Repubs confess to crimes
Eleanor: um, let's not forget this is about lying, corruption, obstruction of justice....
Pat: i say this is a show trial, in other words i got nothing
O'Donnell: Rove is a liar
Blankley: boo-hoo so unfair he just has a bad memory for the bad things he's done
McLaughlin: Did you ever see SchoolHouse Rock, it said "No More Kings" in other words Bush is a dictator once war starts
Eleanor: they sent troops with no body armor
Blankley: The model is George Washington no micromanging is allowed even though the Constitution didn't even exist back then
Elinor: ok those are tired buzzwords can i just point out Bush is planning to invade Iran
O'Donnell: we don't have enough troops even if we wanted to
Elinor: don't be too sure they're pretty dumb
McLaughlin: Gore like a big hero this week are the deniers like those who ride dinosaurs to church
Larry: Clinton nailed Gore on carbon tax
Pat: It's hype it's not serious like ten new aircraft carriers
McLaughlin: Look at all these credentials Oscar, Nobel Prize Kelly Clarkson and Red Hot Chili Peppers hey they're hot
Blankley: no he's an impressario and by the way there is no such thing as global warming
Pat: he's like Leni Reifenstahl that's a compliment i love her movies
McLaughlin: The YouTube loophole is very scary
Pat: real issue is freelancers
Eleanor: let her rip
McLaughlin: The internet is has sleazy stuff, it's a toilet - kinda like my show but with dancing cats
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Not An Exact Transcript - Russert
Specter: we need to have an AG who is candid, truthful, and believes Oswald acted alone
Timmeh: ok, leaving the single bullet theory aside for a moment, what's the deal with Alberto
Durbin: 486 US As and 2 are fired and now suddenly 8 are gone because Karl Rove wanted a permanent majority
Timmeh: Abu yes or no
Durbin: no
Timmeh: Jeebus these were in the top Ten prosecutors that's what Casey Kasem said
Specter: someone's got some 'splaining to do
Timmeh: Does Abu has Integrity
Specter: i can't tell until i get a good look at the whites of his eyeballs
Timmeh: Rove under oath - do those words get you excited to go fishing
Durbin: sadly we may have to ask him a lot of questions i wouldn't rule out waterboarding but don't worry there won't be any organ failure
Timmeh: Avoid a show trial
Durbin: heh give me a break it won't be a show unless he really sings
Specter: look i think i'm still in charge isn't that funny
Timmeh: yeah you lost
Specter: do you like my coat it used to be a sofa
Timmeh: its good i like the tie too is that the pepto bismol line
Specter: yeah it's time to end the stalemate and bickering and cave into the white house.
Bradley: boldness...ethics.. imagine there's no parties, it's easy if you try
Timmeh: ok i've heard that song before
Bradley: imagine all the people, voting DLC.....
Timmeh: you bash Dems which is good but arent't you soft on defense
Bradely: No i'm very hard
Tim: gas tax man no wonder you're out of politics
Bradely: we wouldn't use that dollar for spending
Timmeh: you're not saying Iraq was related to oil holy shit
Bradley: Dems should take back religion and morality
Bradely: I hate it when Dems say that people who succeed in America are the problem -- i have lots of examples hidden in my briefcase
Timmeh: you have no charisma - bitter much
Bradley: hey i resent that it's just Repubus never fall for charisma look at their great choices like Reagan and George W. Bush
Timmy: Dems who do you luv
Bradely: edwards has a health care plan but the real issue is that i like to pretend that i'm above petty issues like politics do you think david broder will like what i'm saying
Tim: obama yes or no
Bradley: well he stole my ideas and i resent it because he's got charisma and he's a rock star
Timm: so you're not impressed
Bradley: no, did you know i only got elected because i played basketball and i could easily take Obama
Timmeh: ok, leaving the single bullet theory aside for a moment, what's the deal with Alberto
Durbin: 486 US As and 2 are fired and now suddenly 8 are gone because Karl Rove wanted a permanent majority
Timmeh: Abu yes or no
Durbin: no
Timmeh: Jeebus these were in the top Ten prosecutors that's what Casey Kasem said
Specter: someone's got some 'splaining to do
Timmeh: Does Abu has Integrity
Specter: i can't tell until i get a good look at the whites of his eyeballs
Timmeh: Rove under oath - do those words get you excited to go fishing
Durbin: sadly we may have to ask him a lot of questions i wouldn't rule out waterboarding but don't worry there won't be any organ failure
Timmeh: Avoid a show trial
Durbin: heh give me a break it won't be a show unless he really sings
Specter: look i think i'm still in charge isn't that funny
Timmeh: yeah you lost
Specter: do you like my coat it used to be a sofa
Timmeh: its good i like the tie too is that the pepto bismol line
Specter: yeah it's time to end the stalemate and bickering and cave into the white house.
Bradley: boldness...ethics.. imagine there's no parties, it's easy if you try
Timmeh: ok i've heard that song before
Bradley: imagine all the people, voting DLC.....
Timmeh: you bash Dems which is good but arent't you soft on defense
Bradely: No i'm very hard
Tim: gas tax man no wonder you're out of politics
Bradely: we wouldn't use that dollar for spending
Timmeh: you're not saying Iraq was related to oil holy shit
Bradley: Dems should take back religion and morality
Bradely: I hate it when Dems say that people who succeed in America are the problem -- i have lots of examples hidden in my briefcase
Timmeh: you have no charisma - bitter much
Bradley: hey i resent that it's just Repubus never fall for charisma look at their great choices like Reagan and George W. Bush
Timmy: Dems who do you luv
Bradely: edwards has a health care plan but the real issue is that i like to pretend that i'm above petty issues like politics do you think david broder will like what i'm saying
Tim: obama yes or no
Bradley: well he stole my ideas and i resent it because he's got charisma and he's a rock star
Timm: so you're not impressed
Bradley: no, did you know i only got elected because i played basketball and i could easily take Obama
Not An Exact Transcript - This Week
Will: John Edwards, it's gallantry
Donaldson: there will be people who will say Edwards was wrong i luv to use the unnamed passive voice it makes me feel lordly
Cokie: jeebus christ it's nobody's business
Will: Lincoln lost a child
Donaldson: yes and *some people* not me of course would say that looks like carelessness
Steph: what about sympathy
Donaldson: look dammit the voters will hate him for this not me of course other people lesser Americans than me
McCain: The people voter in November for blind support for Bush
Cokie: holy cow he's nucking futs
Will: no this is very bad for the Democrats of course they are right but they are invested in failure when a good mutual fund is better
Sam: Arr! Grr!
Cokie: No this is very bad for Dems they're a bunch of antiwar losers who lost after 1974
Steph: except for 1976
Cokie: oh fuck you i repeating received wisdom as you well know
Steph: Democracy in DC yes or no
Cokie: it is weird that there is no democracy in the capitol of the USA but there are too many whites in the GOP
Sam: don't kid yourself they will never let DC residents vote
Will: I'm churlish i suppose but if we lets DC residents vote that means they can establish a religion which we know Republicans hate
Donaldson: there will be people who will say Edwards was wrong i luv to use the unnamed passive voice it makes me feel lordly
Cokie: jeebus christ it's nobody's business
Will: Lincoln lost a child
Donaldson: yes and *some people* not me of course would say that looks like carelessness
Steph: what about sympathy
Donaldson: look dammit the voters will hate him for this not me of course other people lesser Americans than me
McCain: The people voter in November for blind support for Bush
Cokie: holy cow he's nucking futs
Will: no this is very bad for the Democrats of course they are right but they are invested in failure when a good mutual fund is better
Sam: Arr! Grr!
Cokie: No this is very bad for Dems they're a bunch of antiwar losers who lost after 1974
Steph: except for 1976
Cokie: oh fuck you i repeating received wisdom as you well know
Steph: Democracy in DC yes or no
Cokie: it is weird that there is no democracy in the capitol of the USA but there are too many whites in the GOP
Sam: don't kid yourself they will never let DC residents vote
Will: I'm churlish i suppose but if we lets DC residents vote that means they can establish a religion which we know Republicans hate
Not An Exact Transcript - Chris Matthews
Tweety: cancer is the way we die in teh USA well maybe not tom delay that will be insecticide
Borger: he had me at incurable
White Afro: Hillary can't go after him now
Tweety: Bill and Hill hate Obama
Healy: They think teh media is down with Barack
Tweety: i luv to say Hillary is really angry
Borger: they're whiny
Noron: Page 294 of Audacity of Hope is a good read it's really audacious and bodacious
Healy: I asked Hillary about civil war and she said Gettysburg was teh bomb
Tweety: its ingenuity heh Hillary's a fascist
Norah: year it's about money
Tweety: it's an outrage that we're spreading democracy and still Hillary is allowed to run!
Panel: Gore will run he looked sporty wearing a checked shirt yeah still caring about his clothes
Tweety: Hillary is evil
Healy: i haven't measured his waistline i think Judith Miller is on top of that story
Casey Stengel: Clintons always stoop low
Tweety: he's gonna get beaten by teh Clintons again i luv to say that even though that never happened
Tweety: I luv Rin Tin Tin better a good german that a scary lassie
Tweety: Dems fear Rove
Borger: He's like Vader a Sith Lord
Noron: Ha ha ha ha
Casey: Perry Mason was fat tit for tat Dems are petty
Noron: Dems have to be careful god forbid someone expose Rove's evilness
WhiteAfro: They're mad cause Dick told them to fuck off well now it's payback time
Tweety: Dems puzzle me they're so weird with all this ethics and stuff
Norah: if not Abu then who?
Tweety: They will be sympathy if they trash him hispanics do they jobs white people won't do like subverting justice
Norah: Dems are bad
Stengel: Penatgon is wasting money to be spent saving lives
Healy: Gore and Tipper are having a lot of fun they don't want to run
Tweety: Hillary is Madame Defarge hey cool i got one more slur into the show
Borger: he had me at incurable
White Afro: Hillary can't go after him now
Tweety: Bill and Hill hate Obama
Healy: They think teh media is down with Barack
Tweety: i luv to say Hillary is really angry
Borger: they're whiny
Noron: Page 294 of Audacity of Hope is a good read it's really audacious and bodacious
Healy: I asked Hillary about civil war and she said Gettysburg was teh bomb
Tweety: its ingenuity heh Hillary's a fascist
Norah: year it's about money
Tweety: it's an outrage that we're spreading democracy and still Hillary is allowed to run!
Panel: Gore will run he looked sporty wearing a checked shirt yeah still caring about his clothes
Tweety: Hillary is evil
Healy: i haven't measured his waistline i think Judith Miller is on top of that story
Casey Stengel: Clintons always stoop low
Tweety: he's gonna get beaten by teh Clintons again i luv to say that even though that never happened
Tweety: I luv Rin Tin Tin better a good german that a scary lassie
Tweety: Dems fear Rove
Borger: He's like Vader a Sith Lord
Noron: Ha ha ha ha
Casey: Perry Mason was fat tit for tat Dems are petty
Noron: Dems have to be careful god forbid someone expose Rove's evilness
WhiteAfro: They're mad cause Dick told them to fuck off well now it's payback time
Tweety: Dems puzzle me they're so weird with all this ethics and stuff
Norah: if not Abu then who?
Tweety: They will be sympathy if they trash him hispanics do they jobs white people won't do like subverting justice
Norah: Dems are bad
Stengel: Penatgon is wasting money to be spent saving lives
Healy: Gore and Tipper are having a lot of fun they don't want to run
Tweety: Hillary is Madame Defarge hey cool i got one more slur into the show
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Meet The Press Not A Transcript
Slestak: i've landed on an aircraft carriers for real unlike some presidents i could mention
Delay: wow dood you were in the indian ocean did you run into chief crazy horse
Slestak: dood with all due respect which is to say zero Osama is not in Iraq
delay: look we have to listen to teh terrorists and do whatever they say terrorist are like car keys we have to look for them where the light is better
Slestak: dood your on drugs
Delay: were at war with indonesia europe and everyone lets not surrender
Slestak: yea but-
Delay: look dood this is meet the press only wingnuts get to talk so here i go
Perle: kill! kill! kill! kill!
Slestak: oh my god your are fucking crazy
Perle: dood your not even giving failure a chance its only been four years
Andrews: hey dood i'd rather take military advice from the Admiral that fucking draft dodging coward like Tom Delay
Delay: the iraqis are like pets we have to take care of them we can never leave until the entire middle east is stable
Russert: whew and here I was worried
Sestak: this is about america not so you can feel like a big man
Delay: surrender surrender wow i so brave
Perle: This is all about the people of iraq heh heh i so full of shit
Andrews: yeah what a great idea young Americans dying for some fucking civil war
Perle: 'redeploy' is a just another word for surrender and you know it
Sestak: oh you just got personal which for someone like you is not a good idea
Russert you're all total fuckups what's up with that
Delay: i'm frustated we haven't killed enough people it's true
Paul Harvey: don't drag me into this slimeball
Delay: i recall when i played poker with Saddam every week before the war he told me with enough chlorine "i will rule the world" i said Saddam calm down and pass the cheese dip
Timmy: what would happen if we left immediately or within a year you know much too soon
Andrews: gee i don't know maybe kids would stop dying
Perle: in my defense i never thought there would be a five year occupation so I was wrong so that means I was right
Timmy: okay i follow
Perle: Gore was with me ok i'm lying but it's all I got
Timmy: so anything but lies?
Perle: Saddam was going to give a nuke to terrorists no really that's all i got
Delay: after a war starts we should never have people protesting my god they even considered impeaching teh president the nerve
Sestak: after the show i'd like step outside and aid and abet a can of whoop-ass on this guy
Delay: wow dood you were in the indian ocean did you run into chief crazy horse
Slestak: dood with all due respect which is to say zero Osama is not in Iraq
delay: look we have to listen to teh terrorists and do whatever they say terrorist are like car keys we have to look for them where the light is better
Slestak: dood your on drugs
Delay: were at war with indonesia europe and everyone lets not surrender
Slestak: yea but-
Delay: look dood this is meet the press only wingnuts get to talk so here i go
Perle: kill! kill! kill! kill!
Slestak: oh my god your are fucking crazy
Perle: dood your not even giving failure a chance its only been four years
Andrews: hey dood i'd rather take military advice from the Admiral that fucking draft dodging coward like Tom Delay
Delay: the iraqis are like pets we have to take care of them we can never leave until the entire middle east is stable
Russert: whew and here I was worried
Sestak: this is about america not so you can feel like a big man
Delay: surrender surrender wow i so brave
Perle: This is all about the people of iraq heh heh i so full of shit
Andrews: yeah what a great idea young Americans dying for some fucking civil war
Perle: 'redeploy' is a just another word for surrender and you know it
Sestak: oh you just got personal which for someone like you is not a good idea
Russert you're all total fuckups what's up with that
Delay: i'm frustated we haven't killed enough people it's true
Paul Harvey: don't drag me into this slimeball
Delay: i recall when i played poker with Saddam every week before the war he told me with enough chlorine "i will rule the world" i said Saddam calm down and pass the cheese dip
Timmy: what would happen if we left immediately or within a year you know much too soon
Andrews: gee i don't know maybe kids would stop dying
Perle: in my defense i never thought there would be a five year occupation so I was wrong so that means I was right
Timmy: okay i follow
Perle: Gore was with me ok i'm lying but it's all I got
Timmy: so anything but lies?
Perle: Saddam was going to give a nuke to terrorists no really that's all i got
Delay: after a war starts we should never have people protesting my god they even considered impeaching teh president the nerve
Sestak: after the show i'd like step outside and aid and abet a can of whoop-ass on this guy
Sunday Not An Exact Transcript
Mr. Shipman: call me nuts but a pro-abortion cross dressing immoral freak might not be the best choice for the GOP
Mrs. Shipman: Bush is really really popular look at his success in Vietnam
George Will: i miss reagan if this was your party you'd cry too
Brazille: Fred Thomson will dive into pool cannonball!
Shipman: well he look the part which i s the most important thing
Brzille: Gore is coming back george Will shut your skinny white mouth
Mrs. Shipman: Bush is really really popular look at his success in Vietnam
George Will: i miss reagan if this was your party you'd cry too
Brazille: Fred Thomson will dive into pool cannonball!
Shipman: well he look the part which i s the most important thing
Brzille: Gore is coming back george Will shut your skinny white mouth
Sunday Not An Exact Transcript
Steph: Pace big closet case?
Shipman: good news for Republicans this is all bad for Hillary
Steph: gays immoral yes or no
Brazille: criminy these campaigns are so driven by cautious campaign managers unlike the brave brave sir robin dukakis
George Will: when i was at boarding school this all de rigor we all experimented with using our left hands
Shipman: good news for Republicans this is all bad for Hillary
Steph: gays immoral yes or no
Brazille: criminy these campaigns are so driven by cautious campaign managers unlike the brave brave sir robin dukakis
George Will: when i was at boarding school this all de rigor we all experimented with using our left hands
Sunday Not An Exact Transcript
Tweety: he's got no religion
Parker: but he can handles snakes look at his close relationship with bernie kerik
Tweety: ha ha i luv how he talks he luvs cops
NYC reporter: lets face it he's an asshole
Tweety: when i ride the subway in brooklyn i fear the black man
Fineman: that's right and now Republicans fear brown people around the world he'll crack skulls but competently
Tweety: he trashed his wife on tv
Heileman: he's abusive
Fineman: Donna's boy not liking Rudy
Tweety: ok here's where I pour on the luv on Rudy
Parker: but he can handles snakes look at his close relationship with bernie kerik
Tweety: ha ha i luv how he talks he luvs cops
NYC reporter: lets face it he's an asshole
Tweety: when i ride the subway in brooklyn i fear the black man
Fineman: that's right and now Republicans fear brown people around the world he'll crack skulls but competently
Tweety: he trashed his wife on tv
Heileman: he's abusive
Fineman: Donna's boy not liking Rudy
Tweety: ok here's where I pour on the luv on Rudy
Sunday Not An Exact Transcript
Tweety: rudy gives me woody on the stump
Rudy: being mayor is perfect prep for Prez
Tweety: voters are taking a hard look
Fineman: but getting nyc streets snowplowed is foreign policy
Katty: he's selling himself as comptent
Parker: 9/11 9/11 9/11 murder rate jihad
NYC Guy: dood new yorkers never liked him and they were that panicked to begin with
Rudy: being mayor is perfect prep for Prez
Tweety: voters are taking a hard look
Fineman: but getting nyc streets snowplowed is foreign policy
Katty: he's selling himself as comptent
Parker: 9/11 9/11 9/11 murder rate jihad
NYC Guy: dood new yorkers never liked him and they were that panicked to begin with
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Not An Exact Transcript!
karl rove: jesus I'm the good guy here I could have fired all of them but I was too busy destroying the CIA
Blankley: there's nothing to see here after all Reagan did it so it must have been right.
Gregory: dood that's a head scratcher
Blankely: oh fuck it I admit it Gonzalez is teh Freddo of this crowd now we need a rowboat
Blankely: dood i was Newt's press secretary so believe i know how to handle lying and scandal cover-ups
Gregory: hmmm interesting whats up with your hair
Blankman: its spray on heh these guys are all dumb fucks
Gregory: my hair totally rulez
Blankman: Schumer is deeply insincere but I will say they could face the ultimate sanction that is apologize and get promoted
Blankley: there's nothing to see here after all Reagan did it so it must have been right.
Gregory: dood that's a head scratcher
Blankely: oh fuck it I admit it Gonzalez is teh Freddo of this crowd now we need a rowboat
Blankely: dood i was Newt's press secretary so believe i know how to handle lying and scandal cover-ups
Gregory: hmmm interesting whats up with your hair
Blankman: its spray on heh these guys are all dumb fucks
Gregory: my hair totally rulez
Blankman: Schumer is deeply insincere but I will say they could face the ultimate sanction that is apologize and get promoted
Not An Exact Transcript!
McKay: dood Gonzalez lied but the crime here is that they're so fucking bad at it
Cummins: they smeared good people to hide their total shittiness nice huh
Gregory: why were you fired dood
Cummins: hey i was willing to do the little salute when bush came in the room but I wasn't gonna grow the charlie chaplin mustache
Gregory: hey is Justice really the place to stick the losers of the bush administration
Cummins: draw yur own conclusions heh heh
McKay: they put a cloud over the whole Justice department
Gregory: cmon speculate about these fascists
Mckay: well i wouldn't throw dems in abu ghraib so that's a performance problem
McKay: call me crazy but someone needs to look into this
Gregory: bush administration DOJ is full of inexperience hacks true?
Cummins: you don't need a lot of experience in prosecutions to have ethics for crying out loud
Mckay: i don't think gonzalez is too political but the people he works with are like bush and rove people like that
Cummins: yes of course new presidents can put new US attorneys in but by the hammer of thor you can't prosecute people for political reasons
Cummins: they smeared good people to hide their total shittiness nice huh
Gregory: why were you fired dood
Cummins: hey i was willing to do the little salute when bush came in the room but I wasn't gonna grow the charlie chaplin mustache
Gregory: hey is Justice really the place to stick the losers of the bush administration
Cummins: draw yur own conclusions heh heh
McKay: they put a cloud over the whole Justice department
Gregory: cmon speculate about these fascists
Mckay: well i wouldn't throw dems in abu ghraib so that's a performance problem
McKay: call me crazy but someone needs to look into this
Gregory: bush administration DOJ is full of inexperience hacks true?
Cummins: you don't need a lot of experience in prosecutions to have ethics for crying out loud
Mckay: i don't think gonzalez is too political but the people he works with are like bush and rove people like that
Cummins: yes of course new presidents can put new US attorneys in but by the hammer of thor you can't prosecute people for political reasons
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