Sunday, November 20, 2011

Meet The Press - November 20, 2011

Sen. Jon Kyl (R-AZ)
Sen. John Kerry (D-MA)
Eugene Robinson
Dee Myers
Ed Gillespie
Mike Murphy
Gregory: holy crap - Newt Gingrich is leading
in the GOP polls and the Super Committee
can’t reach a deal!

Audience: oh noes

Gregory: Senators you both are on the
Super Committee - can we make a deal?

Kyl: Republicans agreed to cut taxes on the
rich in exchange for less spending
on entitlements and the Democrats said no

Gregory: President Norquist is unhappy

Kyl: Republicans agreed to raise taxes
on the middle class - that’s a big step for them!

Gregory: the whole reason for the Committee
is to cut the debt and your first offer to
was extend the Bush tax cuts for rich people

Kyl: no the whole reason for the Committee
was to give the GOP cover for cutting
Social Security Medicaid and Medicare
and the Democrats said no and it’s so so so sad

Gregory: deficit hawks think that’s ridiculous

Kyl: the best way to cut the debt is to
cut taxes for rich people

Gregory: so can you possibly get a deal?

Kyl: we offered the spending cuts Democrats
were willing to concede in exchange for
nothing and they didn’t take it

Gregory: you offered to cut taxes for the
rich which seems weird for a debt-cut commission

Kyl: if poor people were rich people then
they would also get a tax cut

Gregory: ok

Kyl: only the GOP had an innovative idea
- cut taxes for the rich but call it a tax increase

Gregory: what about the automatic cuts in
defense spending - Leon Panetta says they
would invite an attack from our enemies

Kyl: Congress will have to put some effort
into ignoring these automatic cuts and
I believe we can do it

Gregory: so those cuts won’t happen

Kyl: both parties will come together and
pander to fear I am sure

Gregory: what’s the deal with Newt Gingrich?

Kyl: he is a loathsome person

Gregory: Newt Gingrich says Occupy Wall Street
are stealing public parks they didn’t pay for
and also they need a bath

Kyl: they just don’t understand that wealth is
produced by people who take a risk and get
bailed out when it fails

Gregory: are ever embarrassed when you look
at yourself in the mirror?

Kyl: when Democrats won’t cut taxes for
the rich while cutting spending it tells
you all you need to know

Gregory: how about that John

Kerry: Kyl is lying - we just cut $900 billion!

Gregory: ok

Kerry: notice he’s going to ignore the
automatic defense cuts anyway

Gregory: can you make a deal?

Kerry: yes but they are pledged their souls
to Grover Norquist

Gregory: is that so?

Kerry: we’re not a tax cutting committee!
We’re a deficit cutting committee!

Gregory: what about the Toomey plan?

Kerry: the CBO says it raises taxes on
the middle class and cuts them on the rich
- oh and it makes the deficit worse too

Gregory: I see

Kerry: it’s a massive tax cut for the
richest Americans! Criminy!

Gregory: the Wall Street Journal says you are
bad because you won’t cut entitlements

Kerry: we put every fatted golden calf and
sacred cow on the table

Gregory: the horror the horror

Kerry: the GOP insists on cutting taxes for
their rich benefactors

Gregory: I’m glad to hear it

Kerry: we offered $800 billion in cuts up front
and they said no to everything because
Grover Norquist is a fucking nut

Gregory: yikes

Kerry: there is one thing preventing cutting
the debt and that is the GOP insistence on
tax cuts for the rich

Gregory: isn’t this really all Obama’s fault?

Kerry: no you moron

Gregory: yes but Obama can’t make
Congress agree

Kerry: I was just in Arlington visiting the graves of
people who sacrificed their lives for America
and I thought - are billionaires willing to sacrifice
a tiny sliver of their immense wealth or is
that too much to ask?

Gregory: you are the most famous flip-flopper
in American history - is Mitt Romney even worse?

Kerry: Yes! Well maybe - I think so - that’s
for other to say but he could be

Gregory: thanks for coming Senator

[ break ]

Gregory: OMG Newt Gingrich is the new
comeback kid!

Murphy: he’s so awful it indicates how much
people hate Mitt Romney

Gillespie: don’t expect Bachmann and Paul to drop
out early just because they’re total wackos

Gregory: Newt Gingrich had affairs because
hippies won’t take a bath

Robinson: the Internet does not have
enough bandwidth to document all
the Newt scandals

Myers: Gingrich is a fascinating political sociopath

Gregory: even Jack Abramoff thinks
Gingrich is scum

Murphy: Perry could have been the anti-Mitt
but it turns out he’s a blithering idiot

Gregory: Romney is stable and Not-Romney
is up and down and all over the place

Robinson: why not Rick Perry?

Greg: ha - you love him!

Myers: he’s got money but he makes
George W. Bush look like a genius

Gillespie: Obama thinks Americans have
gotten lazy when the real problem is that
American taxes are too high!

Murphy: Perry was lying but Obama is
sooo depressing

Robinson: if you want to see God cry show
him the GOP candidates

Gregory: Herman Cain seems a bit confused

Murphy: he’s the perfect Perry running mate!

Myers: his 15 minutes are up

Murphy: I will miss Herman Cain -
he finally got us talking about federal
consumption tax which will never happen

Gregory: if the Super Committee fails that
will show us how bad both sides are

Gillespie: yes but it’s mostly Obama’s fault

Gregory: should Romney skip Iowa?

Murphy: he doesn’t have to win -
all he has to do it beat Rick Perry

Gregory: what about Occupy Wall Street?

Myers: our politics are skewed to benefit
the richest Americans and the best example
is the GOP debates

Gregory: Happy Thanksgiving everyone -
and that’s another episode of Meet The Press

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - November 20, 2011

Mayor Rahm Emmanuel (D-Chicago)
Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL)
Sen. Chris Coons (D-DE)
Amanpour: Police fired rubber bullets
and tear gas in a futile effort to keep their
grip on power in U.C. Davis - no wait that was Egypt

Also Obama is invading Australian or something

The GOP candidates got emotional last
night in Iowa except of course for Mitt Romney
who was getting his emotion chip replaced

Gingrich: I took a million dollars from
Freddie Mac for telling them they shouldn’t
give a million dollars to politicians

Pelosi: I don’t have time to debate idiots

Cain: Libya - that’s one of those countries
twirling in my head!

Pizza: If a vegetable can run for President
then so can I

[ break ]

Amanpour: Good morning Rahm -
Is Obama getting really lucky with
his GOP opponents?

Emmanuel: we gave the GOP a surplus and
they gave us a debt and a Depression and
now they want to do it all over again

Amanpour: But Obama promised to make
the Republicans act sane and he has failed
so we should elect Republicans

Emmanuel: Obama has tried to work with
the GOP and they said their only goal is
destroy Obama - so excuse me Christiane
but it’s their fucking fault

Amanpour: But Obama failed in making
the Super Committee make a deal

Emmanuel: Obama can’t make these
jackasses act like patriots Christiane

Amanpour: you’re very partisan

Emmanuel: damn right I am

Amanpour: how do win re-election

Emmanuel: tell people they have two choices:
Obama who stands with the middle class
and Mitt Romney who stands with the 1%

Amanpour: the 99% are getting their skulls
cracked and eyes peppered

Emmanuel: In the Bush years the middle
class got completely hammered and intend
to do some skull-cracking on their behalf

Amanpour: does Team Obama think
the nominee will be Romney?

Will: yes and they are probably right

Noonan: Obama can only win by tearing
Romney down which is so sad

Krugman: also no other candidate could
possibly beat Obama

Dowd: the presidential race is much like
college football but with less child rape

Krugman: we have one slick opportunist
and a bunch of fools and clowns

Will: my wife is advising Perry - having
said that - Newt Gingrich is a cheap whore

Noonan: that’s so unfair - Gingrich is an
expensive whore

Krugman: good point Peggy

Dowd: Newt is not a lobbyist - he’s paid
millions of dollars to influence government
on behalf of corporations

Will: Newt is an insufferable pompous
twit and an ethanol prostitute

Dowd: Ron Paul will win Iowa then New
Hampshire and we will have our first
certifiable President

Noonan: When Paul wins Iowa the country
will finally wake up and see that primary
voters are nuts

Krugman: Gingrich is a stupid person’s idea
of what a smart person sounds like

Noonan: Gingrich has a brilliantly novel tactic
- attack the media

Amanpour: oh my

Will: Ron Paul will run as third-party candidate
in 2012 and give the election to Obama

Noonan: oh my

Amanpour: Marco how many jobs will
your plan create?

Rubio: Job creators!

Am: anything else?


Amanpour: Chris how about that?

Coons: Balanced! Bipartisan!

Amanpour: will this pass?

Rubio: yes because I am adorable

Amanpour: is that true Senator Coons?

Coons: yes - he is adorable

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Meet The Press - November 13, 2011

Gov. Tom Corbett (R-PA)
Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN)
Rep. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz (R-FL)
E.J. Dionne
David Books
Gregory: Governor are there more
victims that we don’t know about?

Corbett: almost certainly

Gregory: For parents with young children
like me who hear about an institutional
cover up of child rape we’re kind of shocked

Corbett: the people involved lack morals

Gregory: McQueary is on administrative leave
- is that enough?

Corbett: well he’s a valuable witness

Gregory: Paterno was only legally obligated
to report it to his boss - should the law
be changed?

Corbett: yes - being against child molesting
is bipartisan

Gregory: what hell was going on at
Second Mile??

Corbett: I don’t know but it seems like there
was some evil incestuous shit going down in
State College PA

Gregory: good god man how many people
knew about this and what is wrong with people?

Corbett: we have an investigation to find out
what kind of sick culture existed at Penn State

Gregory: did big football destroy Penn
State’s morals?

Corbett: no because small schools can be
corrupt too

Gregory: Should Penn State still be playing
football at a time like this?

Corbett: yes because we all love a good game

Gregory: Could this destroy Penn State?

Corbett: yes but they have a lot of sweet
football money socked away

Gregory: who else is going to be arrested?

Corbett: maybe lots of lots of people

[ break ]

Gregory: Rep. Bachmann should Congress
investigate Penn State?

Bachmann: I’m a mother and I would like to
beat this molesting bastard to a pulp

Gregory: but what about Congress - after all
they investigated steroids

Bachmann: Fluffy Congress is busy doing
nothing on many other issues

Gregory: fair enough

Gregory: you say you are the only conservative
in the race

Bachmann: darn right

Gregory: not Mitt Romney?

Bachmann: I opposed ObamaCare and he
implemented ObamaCare in Massachusetts!

Gregory: do you think Romney has no principles?

Bachmann: he’s in favor of gay marriage and
probably that weird stuff on Big Love

Gregory: you’re a woman

Bachmann: yes

Gregory: what about Herman Cain’s harassment

Bachmann: he’s a wackdoodle

Gregory: yes but so many Presidential
candidates are

Bachmann: but I won the Iowa straw poll

Gregory: Rick Perry has proved to be a moron
so maybe you can still win?

Bachmann: I plan to win Iowa, lose New
Hampshire and take South Carolina and
then victory!

Gregory: you say Obama let the ACLU to run
the CIA and is purposefully losing the
war on terror

Bachmann: absolutely

Gregory: he killed Osama bin Laden

Bachmann: yes but we have no jail for
terrorists so Obama just lets them all go!

Gregory: what the hell are you talking about?

Bachmann: the CIA doesn’t torture people and
that’s what I’m interested in

Gregory: okey dokey

Bachmann: when we catch terrorists we give
them a slap on the wrist with the wimpy
Army Field Manual which is totally gay

Gregory: most Generals don’t agree with torture

Bachmann: yes but noted ghoul Dick Cheney
agrees with me

Gregory: that’s just creepy

Bachmann: Bush won the war in Iraq and
Obama is losing it including all that money
wasted on that wonderful war

Gregory: one more quick question -
are you insane?

Bachmann: the people of Iraq should pay us
back for the cost of invading their country by
mistake including millions of dollars for every
American soldier killed

Gregory: thanks for coming crazy lady

Gregory: Debbie the debates don’t make
Obama look good but the economy still sucks

Wasserman-Schultz: yes but the GOP are evil

Gregory: people are worse off than they
were 4 years ago

Wasserman-Schultz: no they aren’t Fluffy
- we’re adding millions of jobs

Gregory: why doesn’t Obama make the Super
Committee cut the debt?!?

Wasserman-Schultz: how about taxing
millionaires and billionaires?

Gregory: the GOP proposed raising taxes
this week

Wasserman-Schultz: oh bullshit Fluffy -
they only did that in exchange for lower taxes
for rich people which would increase the debt

Gregory: but Obama raised the debt

Wasserman-Schultz: the GOP borrowed money
to pay for 2 wars, a fancy prescription drug program
and tax cuts for the rich

Gregory: but the debt is still high

Wasserman-Schultz: you are exceptionally
dim Fluffy

Gregory: the debt!

Wasserman-Schultz: we adding private sector
jobs like crazy

Gregory: ok ok Debbie

Wasserman-Schultz: check your facts!

Gregory: alright ha ha

[ break ]

Gregory: Cain is almost tied for the lead
and he’s an idiot harasser

Brooks: because he’s a lot of fun

Gregory: Perry forgot the three agencies
he would do away with

Dionne: omg that was painful to watch

Gregory: Poor Ricky

Dionne: the Democrats should pay for a
GOP debate every week

Gregory: we already have that

Dionne: there is a room another candidate
to get in believe it or not

Gregory: who is Obama?

Brooks: no one knows - some say he is a
Kenyan muslim and other says is he a British
anti-colonial Indonesian

Dionne: Romney wants to start a war with
Iran which I’m not sure is Americans’ first priority

Gregory: Maureen Dowd says Penn State is
almost as bad as the Catholic Church

Dionne: Now we know about alleged horrific
misdeeds which were covered up and so far
the penalty paid by the University is nothing at all

Greg: kids on campus rioted in favor of
Joe Paterno - what hell?

Brooks: in the 1960s kids smoked pot and said
‘if it feels good do it’ and America forgot the
difference between right from wrong and evil
and sin all that stuff hippies do

Dionne: I think people know child molesting is bad

Brooks: people don’t intervene when they
hear racist comments

Dionne: that would ruin most Thanksgiving dinners

Gregory: do really think that people really
not know that child rape is wrong?

Brooks: yes because of the Kitty Genovese case

Gregory: there’s no reporting requirement
in Pennsylvania

Brooks: we are too obsessed with the law
in this nation

Dionne: I was shocked by the extent of the
Penn State cover-up

Greg: but after the Catholic Church scandal
I would have thought not nothing could shock you

Dionne: but this isn’t about a bunch of men
and boys in funny outfits who get together every
Sunday who believe they have supernatural powers
- this is about big time college football!

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - November 13, 2011

Gov. Tom Corbett (R-PA)
Christine Brennan
George Will
Donna Brazile
Jonathan Karl
Dana Loesch
Amanpour: Good morning - the big news
this morning is Rick Perry did not make a
fool of himself last night

Karl: of course Rick Perry was invited on
every tv show after

Cain: Anita Hill may endorse me ha ha

Gingrich: what businesses will pay for our parks?

Romney: who do I have to harass to lead
in the polls?

Amanpour: Governor why did Penn State
cover up child rape for so long?

Corbett: I have appointed a commission to
help the University move on from this

Amanpour: ok but why didn’t they call the
police instead of sweeping it under the rug?

Corbett: I have no idea Christiane

Amanpour: will Joe Paterno be prosecuted?

Corbett: Just because he hasn’t been charged
yet doesn’t me he should relax

Amanpour: why didn’t McQueery stop a
child rape or I don’t know - call the cops

Corbett: excellent question

Amanpour: Should Paterno have taken
some responsibility?

Corbett: ask him

Amanpour: I’m asking you if adults should
cover up child rape

Corbett: I’m going to say no on that one

[ break ]

Amanpour: Is this evidence of how powerful
college football is?

Brennan: damm right - you can’t oppose
Joe fucking Paterno

Amanpour: McQueary didn’t call the cops
about a child rape?

Brennan: he probably thought he was being
heroic by going to Paterno’s house on his day off

Amanpour: that’s amazing

Brennan: the President of Penn State read
the grand jury report about child rape and
called it groundless

Amanpour: crickey

Brennan: half of Pennsylvania knew

Amanpour: so will this happen again?

Brennan: it will unless a lot changes

Amanpour: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Will: a multi-billion dollar entertainment
industry grafted onto higher education
leads to moral derangement

Amanpour: interesting

Will: we need to know whether knew
about rape or only fondling

Brazile: oh come - beat the shit out of that guy!

Loesch: at least physically stop it

Karl: cancel the football season!

Amanpour: the audience at a GOP debate
booed questions about sex harassment

Karl: in his defense he doesn’t want to
talk about it

Will: Republicans say character matters -
well we shall see

Brazile: four women is a pattern

Will: my wife is in charge of Rick Perry’s
debate preparation

Amanpour: do you think the man who just
hired your wife will win?

Will: yes because we all know Obama is gaffe-prone

Loesch: Perry looks smart now because he went
on David Letterman

Karl: let me clue you in - Perry is finished

Amanpour: Newt is gaining - what is going on?

Brazile: he’s attacking the media - you can’t
go wrong with that

Will: also he’s a jerk and people like that

Amanpour: will the SuperCommitte cut $1 trillion?

McConnell: Obama planned the Super Committee
to fail to make me look stupid

Brazile: he doesn’t need Obama’s help for that

Will: the Democrats keep saying no to GOP offers
to raise taxes on the rich

Loesch: we must cut entitlements!

Karl: who really thinks that those automatic
cuts will happen

Will: Harry Reid and Obama at fighting
and I love it

Karl: the GOP are such wonderful generous
people Donna

Amampour: but this election on Tuesday
was not good for conservatives

Karl: no the election was bad for liberals!

Amanpour: Obama is leading in Ohio

Will: the GOP need to carry uneducated
white people

Brazile: we’re all trying to reach out to those
loveable rednecks

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Meet The Press - November 6, 2011

Gov. Haley Barbour (R-MS)
Bill Richardson (D-NM)
Jon Huntsman (R-UT)
Chris Matthews
Kim Strassel
Maggie Haberman
Alex Castellanos
Gregory: Good morning - Herman Cain says
he is back on message end of story!

Barbour: bad news is not like a fine wine it
does not improve with age

Gregory: what about a fine whine

Barbour: that’s different

Gregory: is the harassment scandal really
just going to go away?

Richardson: the GOP wants to criminalize
in vitro fertilization - face it they’re just weird

Barbour: look I’m not a doctor of a priest
- all I know if life begins when the sperm
thingy meets the magic eggo

Gregory: will Herman Cain be more popular
because of these sex harassments charges?

Barbour: yes because this is just like
Clarence Thomas when people only
called him a pervert because he’s
a black conservative

Gregory: but these are not new charges Governor

Barbour: Cain’s accusers should do him
a favor and come out describe what
happened in detail

Gregory: she signed a non-disclosure agreement

Barbour: pshaw Fluffy

Gregory: Cain wants an electrified barbed
wire fence to prevent China from getting
a nuclear bomb

Richardson: Obama killed bin Laden, shot
some pirates, got Qaddafi and signed free
trade agreements - he’s rockin and rollin’!

Barbour: harruumph

[ break ]

Gregory: Welcome Jon Huntsman

Huntsman: nice to see you David

Gregory: Herman Cain is an uninformed
gaffe-prone harasser and he’s still beating you

Huntsman: I know!

Gregory: do you think China will get
the bomb?

Huntsman: ha

Gregory: I’m scared of the Chinese

Huntsman: I know those orientals
intimately well

Gregory: Have you ever met General Tso?

Huntsman: you can’t spell Huntsman
without ‘Hunan’

Gregory: what about future President Romney?

Huntsman: he should run for President of
the Waffle House!

Gregory: name one thing he’s changed his
position on

Huntsman: abortion, gay rights, health care, guns…

Gregory: ok ok we get it

Huntsman: I could go on

Gregory: do you think we will ever have a
Mormon President?

Huntsman: of course we will

Gregory: how can you be so sure?

Huntsman: yes because America has hit a wall

Gregory: do you think the GOP has become
too extreme?

Huntsman: we can’t reject basic science Fluffy

Gregory: Can Mitt Romney beat Obama?

Huntsman: it depends on what his positions
are on election day

Gregory: good point

Huntsman: but he can’t win anyway

Gregory: you seem smart and yet you endorsed
Sarah Palin

Huntsman: I gave that speech because I had
once met Sarah Palin which is more than
John McCain ever had

Gregory: do you share her views?

Huntsman: yes I also believe she should
not run for President

Gregory: do you believe GOP voters are
a little crazy?

Huntsman: Hey I love guns and fetuses
as much as anyone

Gregory: you used to be in favor of health care
mandates and then you flip-flopped

Huntsman: we need to allow people to
shop around for health insurance and then
- problem solved!

Gregory: you said the 2009 stimulus was too small

Huntsman: I meant we need more tax cuts!

Gregory: you would have voted against TARP

Hunstman: yes

Gregory: are you serious?

Hunstman: no

Gregory: what is your position?

Hunstman: Bailouts are bad!

Gregory: does life begin at fertilization?

Hunstman: no it begins at conception -
except for rape then it doesn’t

Gregory: you’re part of the 1%

Hunstman: I am rich yes

Gregory: no that’s your popularity

Hunstman: we’re putting everything into
losing New Hampshire to Mitt Romney

Gregory: Sounds like a plan

Gregory: you have fun hot daughters who are
already more popular than you

Hunstman: I know!

[ break ]

Gregory: Herman Cain has announced that
his sex scandal is over and that’s the end
of the story!

Haberman: Cain says the code of ethics of
journalism means he doesn’t have to answer
questions about who he harassed

Strassel: When he gets a 3:00 am phone call
who will he harass?

Matthews: if there was good news in Cain’s
background you would know about it

Gregory: he says his decade-old harassment
charge is because the media hates an outsider

Castellanos: Cain is developing antibodies
and an immunity from future scandal

Matthews: Americans are cranky assholes
so they love Chris Christie and Herman Cain

Haberman: he says he expected to be attacked
because he is a black conservative

Strassel: voters know that in the 1990s there
lots of fake sex harassment accusations

Gregory: Cain thinks China is a dangerously
close to getting the bomb

Matthews: it suggests he hasn’t read newspapers
for a half-century or ever listened to Tom Lehrer

Castellanos: the GOP will either nominate a
flip-flopper or an idiot

Issa: as a former car thief I think you need to
learn about public affairs before running for office

Castellanos: I predict Mitt Romney will become
a black woman from De Moines

Gregory: Chris you say JFK forged political
bonds early

Matthews: he did it in high school and the Navy
and at Harvard RFK would knee-cap anyone
who opposed the Kennedys

Gregory: that’s awesome

Matthews: who is Obama’s vicious enforcer?

Gregory: Joe Biden?

Matthews: Obama made Jon Hunstman
Ambassador to China and he ran against Obama
- Bobby would have had him shipped to the Siberia!

Haberman: no one fears Barack Obama

Matthews: every politician must create a tight
network of terrifying loyalists

Castellanos: Obama is too nice and smart to
be the American President

Matthews: Team Clinton is out there and ready
to move with Hillary’s Army

Gregory: Huntsman says Romney has no core

Strassel: Mitt can’t change any position now or
he looks even worse

Castellanos: Obama is a flip-flopper too so there

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - November 6, 2011

Speaker John Boehner (R-OH)
Fmr. Sec. of State Condolezza Rice
Niall Ferguson
Arianna Huffington
George Will
Matthew Dowd
Amanpour: good morning Cain and Gingrich
are like Lincoln and Douglas if they had harassed
women and Abe wasn’t gay

Karl: Herman Cain says there was either no
settlement or several and anyway the real
issue is Rick Perry needs to apologize to America

Perry: no was Jose!

Karl: Cain is still beating Romney and Rick Perry
is hopped up on painkillers and had his
best week ever

Amanpour: 74% think the country is on the
wrong track and disapprove of Obama
and Congress

Amanpour: Speaker Boehner what are
you doing to create jobs?

Boehner: we passed a free trade agreement
with Panama!

Amanpour: time for golf then

Boehner: the House is passing bills like crazy
but then they die in the Senate

Amanpour: what about taxing millionaires?

Boehner: it’s a little know fact that most rich
people are actually poor

Amanpour: really?

Boehner: we have a spending problem!

Amanpour: you said you are willing
to raise revenues

Boehner: yes by cutting taxes

Amanpour: Interesting

Boehner: I am willing to cut taxes if the
Democrats will agree to cut spending

Amanpour: what is your biggest regret?

Boehner: taking this stupid annoying job

Amanpour: I see

Boehner: I thought Obama and I could agree
to wreck the government but we couldn’t
it’s so sad
[ weeps]

Amanpour: the Super Committee won’t
agree will they?

Boehner: If it was easy I would have tried it!

Amanpour: what about draconian defense cuts?

Boehner: do you know how much spend
on defense now?

Amanpour: could you and Obama still agree
on a big debt cut package?

Boehner: no because he was mean to me

Amanpour: there is a massive income gap
in this country and spending cuts could hurt people

Boehner: oh that could never happen

Amanpour: no?

Boehner: the best way to help poor people
is to help rich people

Amanpour: there is less social mobility in
America than elsewhere

Boehner: the reason I came here 21 years
ago was to pass checks out from lobbyists
on the House floor and I did it

Amanpour: you must be so proud

Amanpour: you said you understand Occupy
Wall Street complaints but Rep. Cantor
called them a mob

Boehner: I understand the frustration but
it’s class warfare and it’s immoral

Amanpour: what about shared sacrifice?

Boehner: no one suffers more than the
rich in America

Amanpour: People despise Congress

Boehner: that’s the media fault

Amanpour: okay

Boehner: the Founders designed Congress
not to work and we should respect them!

Amanpour: Is Romney the stiffest candidate

Boehner: undoubtedly

Amanpour: what about Herman Cain?

Boehner: I’m trying to create jobs Christiane!

Amanpour: Can you work with Obama?

Boehner: I am the most honest person
in Washington - everyone knows exactly
where I stand

Amanpour: for the lobbyists that pay you

Boehner: exactly

Amanpour: thanks for coming

[ break ]

Amanpour: the economy is still weak

Ferguson: people have too much personal debt
which keeps them out of shopping malls

Will: that and the unwashed masses

Huffington: Boehner is waving laminated jobs
plans and Obama is standing on crumbling
bridges but no one does anything

Dowd: the America people get to decide whether
we are in a recession

Amanpour: I trust them

Dowd: no Republican or Democrat has
any clue on how to rescue America

Amanpour: what about the Super Committee?

Will: they will pretend to let the big cuts happen
and then Congress won’t make the cuts

Ferguson: Presiding over a recession looks
like a miscalculation by Obama

Huffington: politicians all over the world
have made that mistake - look at Greece

Ferguson: America needs to export to Europe
and they’re circling the drain

Dowd: the average American is very worried
about Europe

Amanpour: are they really?

Dowd: I mean who’s in charge?!

Huffington: corrupt oligarchs!

Amanpour: what about Herman Cain

Dowd: the left and right are equally to blame
because we all break into tribes and throw
rocks at each other

Amanpour: thank you for that bunch of
tired clich├ęs Matty

Huffington: he was always an idiot so why are
we even talking about Herman Cain?

Ferguson: well you can certainly be stupid and
still be elected President

Amanpour: he doesn’t know that China has
had nukes for 40 years

Ferguson: that level of imbecility should
disqualify this twit

Amanpour: Is Mitt a flip-flopper?

Will: his only strong belief is that he should
be President

Dowd: conservatives fear that as soon as he wins
the nomination he will swing to the center

Ferguson: well he should

Huffington: don’t forget Jon Huntsman

Dowd: the Gingrich wave is coming!

Amanpour: is Rick Perry drunk or on painkillers?

Dowd: possibly both

Will: Mitt Romney will probably be the next
President because he is our Henry of Navarre

Amanpour: he starved the people of Paris until
they had to eat rats

Will: then he’s perfect

[ break ]

Amanpour: do you think Obama is doing a good
job on the war on terror?

Rice: I have to admit he is - the death toll is
very impressive

Amanpour: shouldn’t Obama leave at least
10,000 troops in Iraq?

Rice: OMG you are so right Christiane

Amanpour: didn’t Obama make a huge mistake
in listening to a bunch of pointy headed lawyers!!

Rice: I know! What was he thinking?!

Amanpour: Isn’t Obama going to waste all
the lives of people who died in Iraq?

Rice: seriously - it’s like you read my mind

Amanpour: Isn’t it crazy to leave Afghanistan!?!

Rice: it’s insane sister!

Amanpour: Shouldn’t America get tough on Iran!?!

Rice: well we can’t attack Iran if we don’t have
troops in Iraq

Amanpour: GOP candidates seem proud of
their lack of knowledge on foreign policy

Rice: oh Cain was just joking about Uzbekistan
- I think

Amanpour: he doesn’t know that China already
has a nuclear bomb

Rice: he must have misspoken -
no could be that ignorant

Amanpour: are you sure?

Rice: look George W. Bush didn’t know anything
either and his foreign policy turned out great

Amanpour: well I feel better now