Sunday, November 06, 2011

Meet The Press - November 6, 2011

Gov. Haley Barbour (R-MS)
Bill Richardson (D-NM)
Jon Huntsman (R-UT)
Chris Matthews
Kim Strassel
Maggie Haberman
Alex Castellanos
Gregory: Good morning - Herman Cain says
he is back on message end of story!

Barbour: bad news is not like a fine wine it
does not improve with age

Gregory: what about a fine whine

Barbour: that’s different

Gregory: is the harassment scandal really
just going to go away?

Richardson: the GOP wants to criminalize
in vitro fertilization - face it they’re just weird

Barbour: look I’m not a doctor of a priest
- all I know if life begins when the sperm
thingy meets the magic eggo

Gregory: will Herman Cain be more popular
because of these sex harassments charges?

Barbour: yes because this is just like
Clarence Thomas when people only
called him a pervert because he’s
a black conservative

Gregory: but these are not new charges Governor

Barbour: Cain’s accusers should do him
a favor and come out describe what
happened in detail

Gregory: she signed a non-disclosure agreement

Barbour: pshaw Fluffy

Gregory: Cain wants an electrified barbed
wire fence to prevent China from getting
a nuclear bomb

Richardson: Obama killed bin Laden, shot
some pirates, got Qaddafi and signed free
trade agreements - he’s rockin and rollin’!

Barbour: harruumph

[ break ]

Gregory: Welcome Jon Huntsman

Huntsman: nice to see you David

Gregory: Herman Cain is an uninformed
gaffe-prone harasser and he’s still beating you

Huntsman: I know!

Gregory: do you think China will get
the bomb?

Huntsman: ha

Gregory: I’m scared of the Chinese

Huntsman: I know those orientals
intimately well

Gregory: Have you ever met General Tso?

Huntsman: you can’t spell Huntsman
without ‘Hunan’

Gregory: what about future President Romney?

Huntsman: he should run for President of
the Waffle House!

Gregory: name one thing he’s changed his
position on

Huntsman: abortion, gay rights, health care, guns…

Gregory: ok ok we get it

Huntsman: I could go on

Gregory: do you think we will ever have a
Mormon President?

Huntsman: of course we will

Gregory: how can you be so sure?

Huntsman: yes because America has hit a wall

Gregory: do you think the GOP has become
too extreme?

Huntsman: we can’t reject basic science Fluffy

Gregory: Can Mitt Romney beat Obama?

Huntsman: it depends on what his positions
are on election day

Gregory: good point

Huntsman: but he can’t win anyway

Gregory: you seem smart and yet you endorsed
Sarah Palin

Huntsman: I gave that speech because I had
once met Sarah Palin which is more than
John McCain ever had

Gregory: do you share her views?

Huntsman: yes I also believe she should
not run for President

Gregory: do you believe GOP voters are
a little crazy?

Huntsman: Hey I love guns and fetuses
as much as anyone

Gregory: you used to be in favor of health care
mandates and then you flip-flopped

Huntsman: we need to allow people to
shop around for health insurance and then
- problem solved!

Gregory: you said the 2009 stimulus was too small

Huntsman: I meant we need more tax cuts!

Gregory: you would have voted against TARP

Hunstman: yes

Gregory: are you serious?

Hunstman: no

Gregory: what is your position?

Hunstman: Bailouts are bad!

Gregory: does life begin at fertilization?

Hunstman: no it begins at conception -
except for rape then it doesn’t

Gregory: you’re part of the 1%

Hunstman: I am rich yes

Gregory: no that’s your popularity

Hunstman: we’re putting everything into
losing New Hampshire to Mitt Romney

Gregory: Sounds like a plan

Gregory: you have fun hot daughters who are
already more popular than you

Hunstman: I know!

[ break ]

Gregory: Herman Cain has announced that
his sex scandal is over and that’s the end
of the story!

Haberman: Cain says the code of ethics of
journalism means he doesn’t have to answer
questions about who he harassed

Strassel: When he gets a 3:00 am phone call
who will he harass?

Matthews: if there was good news in Cain’s
background you would know about it

Gregory: he says his decade-old harassment
charge is because the media hates an outsider

Castellanos: Cain is developing antibodies
and an immunity from future scandal

Matthews: Americans are cranky assholes
so they love Chris Christie and Herman Cain

Haberman: he says he expected to be attacked
because he is a black conservative

Strassel: voters know that in the 1990s there
lots of fake sex harassment accusations

Gregory: Cain thinks China is a dangerously
close to getting the bomb

Matthews: it suggests he hasn’t read newspapers
for a half-century or ever listened to Tom Lehrer

Castellanos: the GOP will either nominate a
flip-flopper or an idiot

Issa: as a former car thief I think you need to
learn about public affairs before running for office

Castellanos: I predict Mitt Romney will become
a black woman from De Moines

Gregory: Chris you say JFK forged political
bonds early

Matthews: he did it in high school and the Navy
and at Harvard RFK would knee-cap anyone
who opposed the Kennedys

Gregory: that’s awesome

Matthews: who is Obama’s vicious enforcer?

Gregory: Joe Biden?

Matthews: Obama made Jon Hunstman
Ambassador to China and he ran against Obama
- Bobby would have had him shipped to the Siberia!

Haberman: no one fears Barack Obama

Matthews: every politician must create a tight
network of terrifying loyalists

Castellanos: Obama is too nice and smart to
be the American President

Matthews: Team Clinton is out there and ready
to move with Hillary’s Army

Gregory: Huntsman says Romney has no core

Strassel: Mitt can’t change any position now or
he looks even worse

Castellanos: Obama is a flip-flopper too so there

Gregory: and that’s another episode of
Meet The Press

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