Sunday, August 30, 2015

Meet The Press - August 30, 2015

Gov. Scott Walker
Amb. Brett McGurk
Malcolm Gladwell
Trymaine Lee
Matt Bai
Helene Cooper
Melissa Harris-Perry
Steve Schmidt
Matt Bai
Melissa Harris-Perry
Helene Cooper
Steve Schmidt

Todd: Fresh polls!

Todd: Bernie is within 7% in Iowa!

Todd: Ben Carson is crushing
everyone but Trump! What the hell?

Todd: Carson is tied with
Trump for being the second choice

Todd: but it's all Trump all the time

Trump: make America Great Again!

Walker : make a greater America

Jeb: anchor babies!

Trump: Rand Paul is stupid!

Paul: no I'm not!

Lindsay Graham:
pistols at dawn mah good man!

Todd: Steve Republicans
say they hate their leaders

Schmidt: GOP voters have
utter contempt for Republican leadership

Todd: that seems right

Schmidt: Republicans love power
but conservatives love crazy people

Todd: of course

Schmidt: also blue collar
white people want the 1950s back

Harris-Perry: Democrats split
in half during the civil rights era
is it time for the Republicans?

Todd: people hate Bush and love Trump

Bai: Trump isn't winning –
everybody else is losing it

Bai: Trump is like Herman Cain
if Mitt Romney was even more incompetent

Todd: everyone loves Ben Carson

Cooper: almost everyone

Todd: whatever happened
to Scott Walker?

[ break ]

Todd: welcome Scott Walker

Walker: hi Ted

Todd: one of your best friends
thinks you're a boring stiff
who is losing this race

Walker: it's hard work!

Todd: so is being President

Walker: gosh darn it

Todd: why is Barack Obama
more popular in your own
state than you are?

Walker: because I am so awesome

Todd: in what way?

Walker: ACT score are up

Todd: Facebookers want to
know why you spent tax
dollars on sports stadium

Walker: NBA players pay
a lot in income taxes!

Todd: what about the 14th
Amendment and birthright citizens?

Walker: good question

Todd: you won't give a clear answering

Walker: no I'm very very clear

Todd: what is your clear answer?

Walker: secure the border!

Todd: okay but-

Walker: until we secure
the border I will answer
no other questions!

Todd: but that's stup-

Walker: secure the border!

Todd: why not give the
Iran Deal a chance to work?

Walker: it's a bad deal –
just ask Chuck Schumer
or the American people

Todd: who would know better?

Walker: Iran would inspect themselves!

Todd: that isn't true

Walker: also they need
to stop all terrorism

Todd: I see

Walker: we should reject their
offer to inspect their nuclear facilities!

Todd: then they build a nuclear bomb

Walker: so what

Todd: how do you stop Islamic terrorism?

Walker: unleash the power
of the U.S. military!

Todd: it's leashed?

Walker: we're fighting with
one hand behind our back!

Todd: you said the gay
marriage debate is over

Walker: the Founders came to
America so they wouldn't have
to bake pies for sexual deviants

Todd: they did?

Walker: that's what Texas
school books say

Todd: who has a better shot –
Aaron Rogers in the Super Bowl
or you in Iowa

Walker: um me

Todd: get real Scot

[ break ]

Todd: we decided to game
out a way for Hillary to lose
because why the hell not

Todd: first Biden needs to
capture white people but they
like Clinton and Sanders

Todd: and more bad news –
minorities like Hillary

Todd: Melissa you're black
can Biden get their vote?

HarrisPerry: oh definitely

Todd: really?

Harris-Perry: Clinton had
black people in 2008 until
Obama showed up

Todd: but unlike Biden
Obama is black

Harris-Perry: sure but Barack
can anoint Biden

Todd: Biden wrote
that bad crime bill

Bai: but Martin O'Malley
jailed black people too

Todd: Martin who?

Bai: Black people benefited
from the Crime Bill!

Harris-Perry: Hillary Clinton
owns that crime bill too

Todd: let's talk Clinton E-Mails!

Clinton: okay I admit it – I screwed up

Schmidt: the American people
just don't trust Hillary Clinton!

Schmidt: some elderly socialist
from New Hampshire is beating her

Todd: Vermont

Schmidt: whatever

Schmidt: the rules about classified
information are very clear and not nuanced

Todd: actually they are very
unclear and totally confusing

Todd: Obama went after Clinton
can Biden do it too?

Cooper: Obama could
anoint Biden but he won't

Todd: can Biden win over
black people??
only time... will tell!!

Todd: it's been 10 years since
America looked like a racist
failed third-world nation
before the whole world

Todd: has New Orleans recovered?

Todd: well the poverty rate is 27%
and black population never did recover

Lee: I reported on floating
dead bodies and babies

Philips: my house floated
off its foundation

Lee: she spent eighth
years in Texas

Philips: the city is not
as vibrant as it once was

Lee: you don't see it
in the lower 9th ward

Lee: but the spirit of
resilience is still there

Todd: did New Orleans need
to be destroyed in order to be saved?

Gladwell: criminals whose
neighborhoods were destroyed
were less likely to go back
to prison – how awesome is that?

Todd: very awesome

Gladwell: utter destruction
was the best thing that
happened to this crack dealer

Todd: what about the schools

Gladwell: it's a failure but
my suspicion is that long-term
is will be a success

Todd: um okay

Gladwell: sure the gains
are modest but let's not
write off destruction

Todd: are people better
off abandoning their homes?

Gladwell: my family left Jamaica

Todd: you're from Queens?

Gladwell: no my peeps are
from the real Jamaica fled
that ganja hell-hole for the
diverse experiment that is Canada

Todd: did we destroy New Orleans
in order to save it and was that a good thing?

Gladwell: probably but it's too soon to tell

Todd: sounds like progress to me

Gladwell: true but let's
note all the people killed

Todd: is New Orleans
a better city now?

Harris-Perry: if your home
was wiped out then 'no it's not better'

Todd: perhaps not

Harris-Perry: they destroyed
the teacher union which attacked
the black middle class

Harris-Perry: New Orleans
could have used that federal
money before the storm

Todd: but black people who
left New Orleans are so much better off!

Harris-Perry: maybe those were
the people who could afford to move

Harris-Perry: also Malcolm
Gladwell is an idiot comparing
immigration from other countries
to Americans left without a place
to live and work because of crappy levees

[ break ]

Todd: omg it's been a year
since ISIS became a terrifying thing

Todd: oh no we're not destroying ISIS

Engel: the US has been
bombing ISIS for a year –
but it's got franchises
around the world

Engel: its growing faster
that al-Qaeda – it's got a strong brand

ISIS fighter: I started doubting
ISIS when they started beheading
close friends of mine which was
so annoying plus they have bad WiFi

Engel: they're still training
Iraqi fighters which apparently
takes fifteen years

Engel: air strikes kill a few
people but there are always more

Engel: so now the Pentagon
is looking at a new strategy
involving killing people but in a new way

Todd: how is the fight going against ISIS?

McGurk: a year ago we didn't
have an Iraqi government and
now we have one

Todd: but it sucks

McGurk: get off my back
it's a multi-year plan

Todd: it doesn't sound like much progress

McGurk: we killed the top ISIS deputy!

Todd: not again

McGurk: we killed their top IT guy!

Todd: well now they can't
access their work e-mail

Todd: were intelligence
estimates exaggerated?

McGurk: hopefully not

Todd: but maybe

McGurk: we saved Khobani!

Todd: the yogurt?

McGurk: this will take years

Todd: Helene when are
we going to win this war on ISIS

Cooper: you have to
combat their theology!

Cooper: I was on an aircraft
carrier and we send pilots
out without bombing anything
because Iraqi troops are losers

Todd: that is such sad waste of bombs

Cooper: training Iraqi troops is very slow

Todd: are they slow or something

Cooper: this will take years

Todd: oh boy

Cooper: why is their ideology so popular?

Todd: it's depressing that
when people get shot the
pro-gun people and mental-health
people but I didn't say hear
anyone say enough is enough
let's do something

Schmidt: after Newtown 90% of
people wanted background checks
and nothing happened because
of the gun control lobby

Bai: ammosexuals are one-issue voters!

Todd: hee hee

Bai: only a Republican can bring us gun control!

Harris-Perry: gun violence is not massacres –
it's suicides and self-inflcited and
other accidents see #gunfail

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – August 30, 2015

Jon Karl
Gio Benitez
Dan Abrams
Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT)
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)

Raddatz: OMG Bernie Sanders
is closing in on Hillary Clinton!

Raddatz: holy crap Trump and
Ben Carson are beating everyone!

Raddatz: biggest surprise is Clinton
is below 50% which means she's doooomed!

Karl: Trump is scaring the GOP!

Karl: Clinton is trailing a
socialist in New Hampshire!

Karl: Clinton has a less than
commanding lead in Iowa!

Karl: the Clinton e-mails!

Karl: Joe Biden run! Or maybe not!

Karl: Trump is riding high everywhere!

Karl: but he's a racist lunatic!

Jeb: Trump BE CRAZY YO

Karl: Clinton is a liar!
Trump is a arrogant blowhard!

Raddatz: welcome Bernie Sanders

Sanders: good morning Martha

Raddatz: please bash Hillary for me

Sanders: the American people
don't want all the wealth going to top 1%

Raddatz: people don't like Clinton
but they also don't like you

Sanders: I'm gaining support with
people who think corporations are not people

Raddatz: those people are weird

Sanders: we also need affordable
college and to combat climate change

Raddatz: whoa slow down crazy man

Sanders: I'm not anti–Clinton
I'm pro-Sanders

Raddatz: you disappoint me Bennie

Sanders: sorry Mary

Raddatz: you're weak on
attacking our enemies

Sanders: I voted against the
war in Iraq and I was right

Raddatz: but you voted against
the first Persian Gulf War and
that was a really fun war

Sanders: I was right about that too

Raddatz: oh really?

Sanders: we could have given
Saddam a villa in Monte Carlo
and he would have quit

Raddatz: but he invaded Kuwait –
you can't just invade a country in the
Middle East because you want to!

Sanders: I've heard that

Raddatz: I worry you would only
start a war unless we're attacked
first which is just crazy

Sanders: Saudi Arabia should take
the lead in the Middle East – they're
rich and crazy which makes them
more than qualified

Raddatz: Iran will walk all over America
if you're President because
you're a weak socialist

Sanders: fuck that shit –
you don't want to make this
Jew from New York angry

Raddatz: oooh

Sanders: you don't want to
see me when I'm angry!

Raddatz: would you do away
with the drone program

Sanders: some drones are
good and some are bad

Raddatz: could you simplify that for me

Sanders: killing innocent civilians
is counter-productive Martha

Raddatz: thanks for coming Bern

Sanders: you too Martha

[ break ]

Raddatz: welcome Governor Jindal

Jindal: nice to be here Martha

Raddatz: will Trump run a third-party campaign?

Jindal: what am I a soothsayer

Raddatz: if Trump is the nominee
would you vote for him?

Jindal: I'm going to be the nominee!

Raddatz: no seriously

Jindal: really I'm the best candidate!

Raddatz: um okay

Jindal: I reduced the size of government!

Raddatz: with all due respect no one likes you

Jindal: no one knows this
but I'm very popular

Raddatz: [ laughs ] yeah okay whatever

Jindal: don't laugh Martha

Raddatz: Donald Trump accused
a Clinton aide of breaking the law
with zero evidence

Jindal: so what

Raddatz: did Trump cross a line?

Jindal: Clinton broke the law maybe!
She could possibly go to jail!

Raddatz: but should he accuse aides of criminality?

Jindal: that's a distraction

Raddatz: a distraction from what?

Jindal: if the fake things are true
then Clinton broke the law!

Raddatz: truly you have a logical mind

Jindal: Trump has tapped into
the feeling acros the U.S. that
the Clintons are somehow bad

Raddatz: should the Republican
party keep attacking immigrants?

Jindal: we have a dumb immigration policy

Raddatz: we all know that

Jindal: immigrants need to learn English and adopt our values

Raddatz: what does that mean?

Jindal: it's an invasion!

Raddatz: oh my

Jindal: we need to stop
using the term 'African-American'

Raddatz: right

Jindal: we didn't make African-Americans come here!

Raddatz: that's not what I heard

Jindal: hey-yo!

Raddatz: if we get another
Republican President are people
in Louisana prepared for another Katrina?

Jindal: the American people love each other!

Raddatz: I'd say the jury's still out on that

Jindal: the lesson of Katrina is
that we don't need government
we can rely on charities to deal with hurricanes

Raddatz: oh what a relief

Jindal: there's more – we have 
new levees and-

Raddatz: sorry Bobby I have to go talk to someone relevant

Jindal: okay bye

[ break ]

Raddatz: oooh a prep school rape case!

Benitez: the jury found him guilty
of one thing and not guilty of other thing

Nancy Grace: sex did occur!!

Reporter: this is a very salacious
story about an elite prep school
for the rich and valueless

Benitez: the school sent a letter to
parents assuring them the values
students learn will serve them well
as CEOs and Wall Street bankers

Abrams: this was a tough case
for prosecutors – the jury believed
them both but not entirely

Raddatz: what is 'enticing a minor on a computer'

Abrams: that law is not meant
for teens chatting with each other

Raddatz: are our elite perp
schools doing enough about rape?

Abrams: you mean for or against?

Raddatz: oh snap