Krugman Corrupted by Hippies

Eschacon had a bad influence on Paul Krugman:

The Dilbert Strategy
By PAUL KRUGMAN

Anyone who has worked in a large organization — or, for that matter, reads the comic strip “Dilbert” — is familiar with the “org chart” strategy. To hide their lack of any actual fucking ideas about what to do, managers sometimes make a big bullshit show of rearranging the boxes and lines that say who reports to whom.

You now understand the principle behind the motherfuckers in the Bush administration and their craptacular new proposal for financial reform, which will be formally announced today: it’s all about creating the appearance of responding to the current ginormous steaming shitpile, without actually doing anything fucking substantive. The rescue of Bear Stearns, in particular, was kind of, you know, a paradigm-changing event. In other words: the motherfuckin' shit hit the motherfuckin' fan.

Traditional, deposit-taking banks have been regulated since the 1930s, because the experience of the Great Depression showed how bank failures can threaten the whole economy, like how Ann Coulter’s cock threatens to consume Sean Hannity's tiny penis. Supposedly, however, “non-depository” institutions like Bear didn’t have to be regulated, because “market discipline” would ensure that they were run responsibly. Just like how Dick Cheney supposedly doesn’t keep the festering corpse of Ayn Rand in his man-sized safe so he can ass-fuck it daily while humming the “Ballad of the Green Berets” and imagining he is biting the heads off live pigeons and force feeding them to innocent prisoners in Guantanamo Bay.

When push came to shove, however, the goddamm Federal Reserve didn’t dare let market discipline run its course. God for-fucking-bid. Instead, it rushed to Bear’s rescue, risking billions of taxpayer dollars, because it feared that the collapse of a major financial institution would endanger the financial system as a whole, and then the parties in Sardinia with hookers spray-painted silver and gold statues of boys pissing champagne would come to a grinding halt.

And if shitty financial players like Bear are going to receive the kind of rescue previously limited to deposit-taking banks, the implication seems obvious: they should be regulated like motherfucking banks, too.

The shitheel Bush administration, however, has spent the last seven years trying to do away with government oversight of the financial industry. In fact, the new plan was originally conceived of as “promoting a competitive financial services sector leading the world and supporting continued economic innovation.” That’s banker-speak for "get the fuck rid of any goddamm regulations that annoy big swinging dick financial operators."

To reverse course now, and seek expanded regulation, which any moron with the brains of a slug would do, the administration would have to back down on its free-market ideology — and it would also have to face up to the fact that it was full of shit. And this administration would rather blow OJ Simpson in Independence Hall than admit that it made a mistake.

Thus, in a draft of a speech to be delivered on Monday, Henry Paulson, the Treasury secretary, declares, “I do not believe it is fair or accurate to blame our regulatory structure for the current turmoil.” Then he invited the Washington press corps to blow him the Rose Garden while wearing a french beret and smoking Gaulois.

And sure enough, according to the executive summary of the new administration pile of crap, regulation will be limited to institutions that receive explicit federal guarantees — that is, institutions that are already regulated, for fuck's sake, and have not been the source of today’s problems. As for the rest, it blithely declares that “market discipline is the most effective tool to limit systemic risk," and "Michael Chertoff is not a member of the undead prowling the streets of Adams Morgan on moonless nights feasting on human flesh."

The administration, then, has learned nothing from the current crisis. Yet it needs, to save its pasty buttocks, to pretend to be doing something.

So the Treasury has, with great fanfare, announced — you know what’s coming — its support for a rearrangement of the boxes on the org chart. OCC, OTS, and CFTC are out; PFRA and CBRA are in. What the fuck???

Will rearranging these boxes make any fucking difference? My head exploded, my massive brains spraying all over David Brooks' little white sailor suit, to see some news outlets report as fact the administration’s cover story — the claim that lack of coordination among regulatory agencies was an important factor in our current problems. My balls have more brains than the whistle dicks at CNN.

The truth is that that’s not what fucking happened. The various regulators actually did quite well at acting in a coordinated fashion. Unfortunately, they coordinated in the wrong goddamm direction. I know, you're shocked.

For example, there was a 2003 photo-op in which officials from multiple agencies used fucking pruning shears and chainsaws to chop up stacks of banking regulations. The occasion symbolized the shared determination of dickless Bush appointees to suspend adult supervision just as the financial industry was starting to run wild.

Oh, and the Bush administration assholes actively blocked state governments when they tried to protect families against predatory lending.

So, will the administration’s shitpile plan succeed? I’m not asking whether it will succeed in preventing future financial crises — that’s not its purpose. The question, instead, is whether it will succeed in confusing the issue sufficiently to stand in the way of real reform.

Let’s hope not. As I said, America’s fucked-up-edness incidents have been getting bigger. A decade ago, the market disruption that followed the collapse of Long-Term Capital Management was considered a major, scary-ass event; but compared with the current earthquake, the L.T.C.M. crisis was a pimple on Rush Limbaugh's flabby white ass.

If we don’t reform the fucking system system this time, the next crisis could well be an even bigger shitpile. And I, for one, really don’t want to live through a replay of the motherfucking 1930s.

Meet The Press with Bill Bradley and Nita Lowey - March 16, 2008

********************************
Meet The Press
March 16, 2008
Guests:
Former Sen. Bill Bradley
Rep. Nita Lowey
********************************

Russert: Nita be honest if Obama wins all the votes and states and delegates won't we have to settle for the black man?

Lowey: hey there was a Commission once somewhere that said that Superdelegates are just as good anyone else - why treat them as second class citizens??

Russert: Hmmmmm

Lowey: really it's a tie and so now we have to have a constructive discussion on how Hillary can be the nominee and Obama as her vice president

Russert: but polls show people would prefer to elect the nominee democratically

Lowey: let's not get bogged down in who voted for who

Russert: Bill if a person has more delegates should they be the nominee?

Bradley: ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz

Russert: Bill wake up - buzzer time!

Bradely: huh what oh yeah delegates they are important but there's a long way to go he doesn't have it wrapped up yet

Russert: whoa calm down there big guy

Russert: superdelegates?

Bradley: As Nita said they are elected officials - if they oppose their constituents i would say that's a nice Congressional seat it would be a shame if something happened to it

Timmy: Clinton said we shouldn't count Florida and now she says we should

Lowey: look we're all adults here

Timmy: I'm not

Lowey: as adults we understand that Clinton is going to demand the votes that went her way be counted no matter she said before

Bradley: Hubert Humphrey!

Lowey: We've got to win in November by letting Florida change the rules

Bradley: Will Hillary Clinton pardon people who donate money to the Clinton library? i think she might

[ Eliot Spizter at home, looks up Clinton Library phone number ]

Lowey: hey we've already seen the Clinton's tax returns from the 1970s do really need to see the recent ones?

Russert: yes actually

Lowey: but look over there Bill Clinton fought AIDS in Africa

Russert: $500,000 in cash will get your attention i would think

Lowey: look over there bill bradley once criticized al gore!!!

Timmy: yeah but that was fun

Bradley: that's the old politics where you call your opponent a muslim - the new politics is where you believe in humankind

Russert: no androids that's so sad for mitt romney

Lowey: yes Hillary is very secretive but that's a strength - plus i could slime him with that loony pastor but i won't

Russert: please bash Hillary from 1993

Bradely: i love bipartisanship we should bring both parties together - the normal Americans and the crazy republicans

Timmy: why no health care?

Bradely: Washington DC is poisonous

Lowey: let's a have six week discussion about their health plans which are not that different

Bradley: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Russert: oh my god this Pastor is crazy and he dresses funny!!!

Obama: never heard of him

Bradley: it's true he's incendiary but he's just a crazy cranky old man - he's like the David Broder of the south side

Lowey: good enough for me

Russert: Ferraro says black men always win the presidency

Lowey: hey we've got crazy people supporting Hillary as well

Russert: Wright / Ferraro 08!

Lowey: sexist!

Russert: ok Ferraro/Wright

Bradely: racist!

Bradley: Clinton is trying to divide us and Obama is trying to unite us to save Citigroup

Lowey: Hillary has a ten point plan on 20 different issues and Superdelegates must endorse whichever Democrat won the Texas primary

Russert: of course - thx 4 coming the excitement this morning was so thick you could cut with a marshmallow

Russert: tell me what happens

Broder: Hillary can't catch him with elected delegates but she has a 60 day window when she can arranged for Obama to meet with a little accident

Russert: defenestration?

Broder: someone will drop out by force

Gregory: no one really thinks the Supers should overrule the elected delegates

Russert: but she could surpass him in popular vote totals

Norris: even Pelosi thinks that's stupid

Russert: so how does she win

Norris: People in Pennsylvania are very depressed

Russert: we all know that

Russert: tony rezco!

Broder: he anything can come out

Russert: donations to Clinton library!

Gregory: the real point is if this tarnishes them for the general election

Russert: must these candidates come on my show and answer my stupid questions?

Norris: it's generational younger people think you are an idiot older people are in thrall to your shititude

Russert: but Wright is a crazy black man!

Norris: hey tim a lot of people agree with what he said

Russert: my black friends are worried that white America is scared

Norris: why would they say that

Russert: i was hiding under my desk

Broder: but I thought Obama was one of the good ones

Norris: that's how black churches sound old man

Russert: why isn't McCain losing???

Gregory: he says hey i was always against the war i was for

Russert: i am now going to grin fatuously thinking about McCain as quasi-president

Broder: McCain can now be an anti-war president by agreeing with Petraeus that the Democrats were right

Cheney: we will be greeted as liberators

Russert: what if we are not?

Cheney from 2003: that won't happen the Iraqi will unite and throw flowers at us

Norris: what an idiot

Broder: i think the war could actually be important politically

Gregory: it's a total fucking disaster

Tim: but McCain says we only have to stay for 100 years

Gregory: bullshit the people don't even know how many people were killed

Norris: foreclosures!

Gregory: credit crises!

Russert: its the economy stupid!

Broder: this getting scary all my money is in MONY

Timmy: ride the pony!

The Chris Matthews Show - March 16, 2008

******************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
March 16, 2008
******************************************

Matthews: oh my god black men are so lucky to live in America!!!!

Ferraro: damm right

Jeremiah Wright: hillary ain’t never been called a nigger

Tweety: what a bitch

Robinson: slavery started 400 years ago - other than that black men have had it great

Tweety: sure look at Motown and heavyweight boxing

Mitchell: i don't think Hillary sent Ferraro out - but people are saying that

Matthews: Jeremiah Wright married Michelle Obama!!!

Stengel: holy shit Obama's a black man and he's a well bred thoroughbred

Matthews: how did Obama earn the black vote - after all his momma was white

Cottle: Clinton has to point he is black because white people prefer their men like their coffee - with a lot of latte and sugar

Robinson: he can only win if he convinces black people white people hate him and white people that black people hate him

Matthews: brilliant!

Stengel: white people who have never met a black person think Obama’s ok

Tweety: polls show half of those people think they are voting for Will Smith

Matthews: Obama was born privileged so poor people can't vote him

Stengel: he has to tell Joe Sixpack i am a heavy drinker just like you

Robinson: he has to woo older women by putting one of the Golden Girls on the ticket

Matthews: Obama / Bea Arthur 2008!

Cottle: Clinton plans to appeal to Superdelegates by pointing out to them that Obama is black

Mitchell: but he has very big coattails!!!

Tweety: he's well endowed

Tweety: oh my god men have lots of sex with women why would they do that???

Cottle: alpha male!

Matthews: what is an alpha male?

Cottle: look in the mirror tweety - you're not it

Stengel: ambitious people have a genetic urge to destroy all they have worked for

Mitchell: Spitzer didn't apologize he's still trying to cover up whatever he might have allegedly done

Robinson: that's wasn't a cry for help - he just thought he could do anything

Mitchell: he's an idiot

Stengel: he was a great guy

Mitchell: he abused friends of mine

Stengel: well not every man who went to that club is all that bad that's all I'm saying ahem

Tweety: i hear ya!

Cottle: my republican readers are very upset that Clinton and Obama supporters are bad

Robinson: oh my stars - guess what the war in Iraq is still a disaster

Mitchell: Bush is trying to have one success before his presidency is over

Stengel: Edwards will endorse someone someday

Matthews: oh wow

60 Minutes - March 9, 2008 - John McCain

****************************************
60 Minutes
March 9, 2008
Guest: Sen. John McCain
****************************************

Scott Pelley: wow John McCain and his criminal wife are not as dead as the look in their eyes!!!

McCain: yes reports of my death are exaggerated

Pelley: you only had $50,000 and now you are able to tell mitt romney to fuck off - how?

McCain: hard work and truth telling

Pelley: where are you going to lead the gopervs?

McCain: we're going to recruit a new young generation of Reagan democrats

Pelley: good luck with that

Pelley: why embrace President Stupid

McCain: lower taxes and more killing

Pelley: is Obama too naive to keep us in Iraq for years which is clearly needed?

McCain: ha ha ha ha i am crazee

Pelley: your campaign was so poor you rode Greyhoud at one point

McCain: that true i also met a homeless man and borrowed two bucks from him

Pelley: the people want us out of Iraq

McCain: leaving Iraq would lead to total chaos

Pelley: well thank god we invaded then

McCain: we must kill kill kill

Pelley: i am in love with you

McCain: stop it you're embarrassing me

Pelley: waterboarding - is it torture?

McCain: indeedy

Pelley: but Bush says its awesome

McCain: and he is a great man

Pelley: how did we lose our way the whole torture thing

McCain: it's a mystery

Pelley: not the fascist Republican party?

McCain: the what of the who?

Pelley: i know you're obsessed with killing but what about economy

McCain: the fundamentals are strong

Pelley: what's you're answer?

McCain: i don't have one

Pelley: nothing else?

McCain: bush also sucks on this issue too

Pelley: control spending?

McCain: gop pervs also to blame for this

Pelley: should the government mandate anything ever?

McCain: no never that's crazy that government should never tell people what to do

Pelley: health care - what’s your solution?

McCain: $5,000 tax credit for rich people

Pelley: immigration?

McCain: let all the illegals run the country

Pelley: you are a finger-wagger but you are corrupt too

McCain: hey at least I'm not in jail

Pelley: yes that is unusual for a Republican politician

McCain: I win!

Pelley: you are fucking old and have deadly cancer

McCain: i will release my internet death date soon

Pelley: you are a short-temptered lunatic

McCain: FUCK OFF SCOTT PELLEY!!!

Pelley: Ok ok -- you're not at all crazee pleez back off

McCain: america is normal and Obama and Hillary crazee liberals

Pelley: well I'm convinced i will salute your vice president in Feb of 2009

McCain: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

****************************************

Meet The Press - March 9, 2008

************************************
Meet The Press
March 9, 2008
Guests:
Sen. Tom Daschle
Gov. Ed Rendell
************************************

Russert: omg Obama has a slight lead among delegates!!!!!!

Daschle: as an Obama surrogate i would say its possible he could win

Russert: whoa - calm down dood

Daschle: the will of the people should be respected, or not, you know, whatever

Russert: will you vote for Hillary is Obama has more elected delegates

Daschle: sure i guess you know maybe

Russert: what if Hillary has more popular votes but fewer delegates

Daschle: well she will have lost Tim

Russert: but she won Texas which you have to win in order to be the Democratic President

Daschle: whatever fathead

Russert: ok Hillary Clinton is losing - Ed what is today's plan for stealing the election?

Rendell: today's plan is analyze the map by electoral college votes

Tim: you're kidding

Rendell: also Utah is irrelevant but Texas is key

Tim: oh of course

Rendell: we must have a revote in Florida

Tim: you lost Michigan

Rendell: hey she was the only name on the ballot that is very very hard to win

Tim: what about a caucus?

Rendell: Older People are banned from voting in caucuses did you know that Tim?

Tim: no i didn't

Daschle: well it's news to me that caucuses hate older people i wish the Clinton campaign had said that back in Iowa and Nevada

Tim: why do you hate the elderly and shift workers?

Daschle: oh well it's just the rules

Tim: should we privatize America's elections?

Daschle: well we privatize the results so why not?

Russert: should Obama be the candidate if he wins the most delegates?

Rendell: absolutely not the nominee should be whoever wins Texas

Russert: so how do shut up the whiny black people and young punks

Rendell: i tell them to fuck off wiz wit

Daschle: i could make a compelling and boring argument that Obama should be the nominee

Timmy: ZZZzzzzzzzz

Timmy: Hillary is trying to get the nomination by promising Obama the VP ticket

Rendell: it's a dream ticket!

Russert: so he's qualified to be Commander in Chief

Rendell: well i guess so

Timster: but Hillary says all Obama has is one speech

Rendell: he's very articulate and talented

Timmy: but why is she praising McCain and dissing Obama

Rendell: she scares me Tim but that's what makes her ready

Russert: look Daschle be honest he's young and he's black shouldn't he just be the vice president???

Daschle: he's the one who is leading

Russert: but he's black!

Dashcle: and she was arranging flowers for eight years big deal

Russert: well he's still black

Daschle: yes i know - he's also winning

Russert: would he accept her as Veep

Daschle: sure

Russert: but we need to move on from the Clinton sex scandals

Daschle: true but that was her husband

Russert: what a race ha!

Balz: they must have a re-vote in FL and MI

Tim: so donors would finance elections?

Balz: The Democratic Primary Brought to You By Tropicana

Harwood: Clinton will hold her breath if they schedule a caucus

Brownstein: the Caucus Belli

Russert: heh

Brownstein: they are tied we should turn it over to a computer

Harwood: well that would save money

Russert: if Obama wins Indiana that would be cool

Ifill: that doesn't count that's just Ku KLux Klan voting for the guy who's mother was white

Russert: good point

Ifill: he's not who he says he is - for example - Obama is black

Russert: omg has he condemmed Idi Amin!?!?!

Brownstein: Superdelegates are a mysterious race of genetically superior beings

Ifill: they transcend race and gender - they glow with their own inner light

Hardwood: size matters that favors Obama

Tim: Obama takes credit for defeating Denny Hastert

Russert: if Obama unqualified or should he be president after Hillary is impeached???

Balz: i liked Obama until that red phone ad - that ad raised many important questions about him

Russert: omg the two campaigns are sniping and name calling!!!

Harwood: shocking tim

Russert: but in a general election people like Ken Starr!

Ifill: who like ken starr tim???

Tim: all my friends in Nantucket

Hardwood: samatha power called hillary a monster

Dan Balz: i'd still hit it

Russert: let's talk more about Samatha Power

Ifill: hey 63,000 jobs were lost

Balz: oh noes

Brownstein: Power is a brilliant journalist

Ifill: that's damming with faint praise

Timmy: hey!

Hardwood: Pelosi said the ‘3:00 a.m.’ ad was the suck

Russert: she flip flopped on her tax returns

Ifill: eh

Russert: bill bradley went on PBS and bashed Clinton

Ifill: both people watching must have been shocked

Tim: she's hiding the donors to the library

Balz: what if monica donated?

Harwood: and she hasn't been vetted

Brownstein: none of this will change anything - they will have to agree to be co-Triumvirs like Mark Antony and Octavian

Russert: that worked out very well

Russert: they are fighting so much how do we resolve this in August

Harwood: if Obama has more votes, more delegates and more states, then he should be the nominee

Russert: even though he's black?

Hardwood: amazing but true

Ifill: Clinton says only the big states should count which is odd

Brownstein: VP as consolation prize

Balz: Superdelegates will ask who has held up and performed and found the super-D G spot

Russert: Karl Rove says it's actually bad for McCain all the attention is on Clobama

Ifill: who the fuck is McCain

Russert: white women will vote for McCain over Obama and so will blacks if Hillary is

Balz: so put them both on the ticket

Russert: but no white men - so sad

The Chris Matthews Show - March 9, 2008

************************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
March 9, 2008
************************************************

Matthews: omg the young black man could still win!!!

Andrea Mitchell: it’s amazing

Matthews: but she wants to win with superdelegates with Obama as VP!!!

Mitchell: She won the big states and we all know democats can't win without Texas!!!

Pat Healey: sure Obama is cute and good looking and fun but Hillary is the girl you marry she's no fun at all but she will fit in with your corporate buddies

Gloria Borger: Hillary's campaign is The Lord of Disicpline

Ron Allen: she's gonna going to deliver a beat down

Mitchell: he will win in Mississippi because there are black people there and he has an advantage in Pennsylvania because he has time to let people get to know him

Healey: no Hillary wants to time to knock the shine right off his ass

Tweety: he's so elegant

Allen: he's a hell of a dancer

Borger: he has be negative with nuance

Tweety: people love a person being attacked and who's fighting back

Borger: she played the victim very well

Matthews: can Bill hand out jobs like Boss Tweed?

Borger: no that's stupid

Healey: it would look really bad Tweety you have no sense at all do you

Borger: the media would attack him for it

Matthews: but who would ever leak that??

Mitchell: duh who wouldn't??

Matthews: is she hoping an Obama affair will come out?

Healey: oh big time

Allen: um dood there are sexual skeletons in the Clinton closet

Matthews: can she still win it?

Mitchell: supers are terrified of the young bloggers if they steal the election

Tweety: ha!

Matthews: omg will obama and clinton be running mates!!!!

Panel: but only with him as veep

Borger: she's proposing marriage to Barack Obama she got down on one knee and gave him a diamond

Allen: watch it that's a blood diamond

Healey: um dood they hate each other - she's playing a game

Mitchell: she's saying you get 2 for the price of 1

Andrea: will Bill be willing to live in the VP house?

Tweety: he might like it - I hear Nelson Rockefeller put in a Jungle Room

Borger: Howard Dean is America's Kingmaker

Matthews: holy crap

Allen: the American people are crying out for fairnes

Matthews: holy crap

Mitchell: Michigan wants to the campaigns to pay for that state's election

Matthews: holy crap

Healey: Hillary Clinton is raising a million dollars a day

Matthews: holy crap

This Week With George Stephanopoulos - March 2, 2008

************************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
March 2, 2008
Guests:
David Axelrod
Howard Wolfson
*************************************

Stephanopoulos: Obama is all about 1 speech he gave in 2002 right?

Axelrod: no, but what if we were -- Hillary was wrong and he was right about getting bogged down in Afghanistan and that Iraq would be a total fuck up

Stephanopoulos: but he's only 12 years old

Axelrod: no he's got 20 years experience fighting loose nukes and putting baseball cards in his bicycle spokes

Stephanopoulos: what crisis has hillary handled?

Wolfson: she's been endorsed by 30 Generals

Stephanopoulos: like who?

Wolfson: General Foods and General Mills

Axelrod: well heck we've been endorsed by General McPeak and Captain Crunch

Wolfson: oh fuck Obama - he's voted the same way as Hillary it's ridiculous

Stephanopoulos: Howard makes a good point Obama must be stupid to do what she does

Axelrod: not true he fought for a withdrawal from Iraq and Hillary opposed that bill

Wolfson: i don't trust Obama he almost always votes with Hillary and he never holds NATO hearings - although he is beautiful

Axelrod: hey we wouldn't have this problem if Hillary hadn't supported President Stupid in the first place

Stephanopoulos: please call Obama a criminal

Wolfson: please detail all the ties of Barack Obama to Tony Rezko while i make alot of implications without saying anything

Stephanopoulos: like what?

Wolfson: every letter they wrote each other

Axelrod: nice try Howard - there is no evidence of wrongdoing and i understand this is desperate from a campaign that has lost 11 primaries in a row

Wolfson: answer my questions

Axelrod: half your donors are in federal prison jackass

Axelrod: release her tax returns - Obama did it a long time ago

Wolfson: yes after she's done her taxes in April

Axelrod: what about last year's dumbass?

Wolfson: the WaPo says her Archives records is totally bogus issue

Stephanopoulos: is Obama willing to dwell on the Rezco case for no reason while he's winnning every primary??

Axelrod: you know, i don't think so motherfucker

Wolfson: all Senators have to release their income and we will release her tax returns after the primaries over

Axelrod: Obama is spotless

Wolfson: i want to see his e-mails

Axelrod: yeah ok let's see her e-mails from marc rich dood

Wolfson: never heard of him

Stephanopoulos: your campaign sucks

Wolfson: we're the underdogs and Obama is outspending us - its so sad

Stephanopoulos: you're fucked what if you lose Ohio or Texas?

Wolfson: oh we expect to lose one or both of those that's to be expected but Texas doesn't count its a red state and Ohio has too many white elitists

Axelrod: heh heh i spend alot of time with Howard and his spin is showing frankly i feel for the guy the Clinton campaign is circling the drain

Stephanopoulos: what if she wins Texas - which is a state Democrats must win in order to win the White House?

Axlreod: that's stupid

Wolfson: Latino Women are with us!

Stephanopoulos: teh J-Lo Vote!

Axelrod: drag out the crumb tray cause yur toast

[ Roundtable ]

Stephanopoulos: she's more tested and experienced

Will: she's counting her public service in teh Rose Law firm

Stephanopoulos: that's fair

Will: james buchanan had a lot of experience and he was the worst presnit ever

Lancaster, Pa: hey he wasn't that bad!

Brooks: she should compare him to her husband’s terrible presidency that will win her the election

Dowd: only Republicans can protect America

Brazille: she plagiarized it from Walter Mondale

Stephanopoulos: yeah that's a great idea

Brazile: they say Obama is a rookie and he's says she's an idiot

Stephanopoulos: Wolfson admitted she will probably lose Texas

Will: he has to be careful as he asks her to please go away now

Brooks: Obama's people are very excited but the Clinton people basically just want to see Ken Starr's head explode

Dowd: Hillary is going through the stages of grief - they are now passing through anger into acceptance

Brazile: i am a superdelegate and i haven't decided

Stephanopoulos: they will have to step in and shut her down but what if it's really close?

Brazile: well if she wants the Supers to go with her she'd better start winning something

Stephanopoulos: let's say she wins everything from now on i mean Texas is key

Dowd: the excited voters are with Obama and the Clinton Machine is mean and bad

Will: i hate Democracy

Cunningham: i hate people with funny names

Michelle Obama: fuck that fucking fucker

Brooks: this definitely helps John McCain he should invite racists on stage more often to prove that he doesn't like them

Brazille: thank god Obama is not actually a dirty Koran-reading muslim

Stephanopoulos: but is he jewish?

Brazille Wax: that's a lie!

Will: who among us does not have racist friends?

Dowd: that is so true but McCain has to show the GOP base and racists that he is one of them - is he tolerant or a Republican?? It's very confusing

Will: McCain's key to victory is promise that America will be the world's policeman and engage in nation building

Brooks: look he was in teh GOP gang of 14 and he took on Boeing!!

Brooks: Democrats will all vote for John McCain

Will: Obama will fuck McCain they way he did to Clinton

Dowd: unless Obama fucks up he will roll all over the old man

Stephanopoulos: can he create a new Dem coalition and leave poor people behind

Brazille: that's ridiculous McCain is the one making love with Hagee

Will: no one cares about Reagan

Brooks: McCain is the center of killing brown people and Obama is a crazy liberal

Dowd: Obama is inspirational like RR or JFK

Stephanopoulos: bill buckley died!

Will: Buckley was an such an affable segregationist

Brooks: he had such a big heart and big soul i love the way he hated black people expecially he offered me a job after he made sure i was white

Will: i liked the way he hated people with diseases

Stephanopoulos: yeah good times

Meet The Press - March 2, 2008

Meet The Press
March 2, 2008

Russert: i asked Obama about al qaeda in Iraq and he said maybe they could be there

McCain: i have news for Barack it's called al qaeda in iraq

Bush: heh heh heh

Obama: hey they weren't there until McCain invaded

Shrum: we've got to get the hell out of there

Murphy: i've got news for McCain - people don't want to stay in Iraq

Murphy: he has to stop campaigning with evangelists McCain should run as a liberal

Russert: Bill Clinton loved NAFTA but now they have both said its bad

Matalin: Oh Noes!!!

Timmy: what's wrong?

Matalin: they have our oil in Canada!

Timy: oh no!

Matalin: but Obama is being sneaky with Canada

Shrum: go ahead and campaign in favor of NAFTA in Ohio Mary - i dare you

Russert: but cutting off trade!

Shrum: sure you can renegotiate

Murphy: Otto von Bismark!

Russert: people say the economy sucks

Matalin: but they say their own finances are good

Shrum: no they don't

Matalin: ok - but only because the media keep saying it

Carville: that's stupid people know they are in big trouble meanwhile Exxon has the Chief Justice weeping for them

Murphy: of course people are hurting

Shurm: Republicans lie all the time but it won't work this time

Russert: people think McCain is old but honest, Obama is young and charismatic and Clinton is experienced and strong but mean

Carville: that's sad because she is such a warm and nice person

Matalin: McCain is the best american who has ever lived

Tim: no one else better ever???

Matalin: ok there is fred thomspson

Murphy: Obama is like the hula hoop he's got the kids moving their hips

Shurm: Obama is touching people although i don't get it myself

Russert: is he too young?

Shrum: no he's not he's like JFK and people seem to like him

Carville: if you like Bush then you'll love McCain

Shrum: McCain is going to attack Iran!

Russert: he will probably die in office

Murphy: that's true so we should look forward to Presidents Crist or Ridge

Carville: nope Ridge is pro-choice

Matalin: McCain has to have a VP with no ambition

Russert: who will Obama or Clinton choose?

Murphy: an anti-war general or Bayh or Dodd

Shrum: Zinni or Wes Clark

Russert: i say Louis Farrakhan