Sunday, March 09, 2008

Meet The Press - March 9, 2008

Meet The Press
March 9, 2008
Sen. Tom Daschle
Gov. Ed Rendell

Russert: omg Obama has a slight lead among delegates!!!!!!

Daschle: as an Obama surrogate i would say its possible he could win

Russert: whoa - calm down dood

Daschle: the will of the people should be respected, or not, you know, whatever

Russert: will you vote for Hillary is Obama has more elected delegates

Daschle: sure i guess you know maybe

Russert: what if Hillary has more popular votes but fewer delegates

Daschle: well she will have lost Tim

Russert: but she won Texas which you have to win in order to be the Democratic President

Daschle: whatever fathead

Russert: ok Hillary Clinton is losing - Ed what is today's plan for stealing the election?

Rendell: today's plan is analyze the map by electoral college votes

Tim: you're kidding

Rendell: also Utah is irrelevant but Texas is key

Tim: oh of course

Rendell: we must have a revote in Florida

Tim: you lost Michigan

Rendell: hey she was the only name on the ballot that is very very hard to win

Tim: what about a caucus?

Rendell: Older People are banned from voting in caucuses did you know that Tim?

Tim: no i didn't

Daschle: well it's news to me that caucuses hate older people i wish the Clinton campaign had said that back in Iowa and Nevada

Tim: why do you hate the elderly and shift workers?

Daschle: oh well it's just the rules

Tim: should we privatize America's elections?

Daschle: well we privatize the results so why not?

Russert: should Obama be the candidate if he wins the most delegates?

Rendell: absolutely not the nominee should be whoever wins Texas

Russert: so how do shut up the whiny black people and young punks

Rendell: i tell them to fuck off wiz wit

Daschle: i could make a compelling and boring argument that Obama should be the nominee

Timmy: ZZZzzzzzzzz

Timmy: Hillary is trying to get the nomination by promising Obama the VP ticket

Rendell: it's a dream ticket!

Russert: so he's qualified to be Commander in Chief

Rendell: well i guess so

Timster: but Hillary says all Obama has is one speech

Rendell: he's very articulate and talented

Timmy: but why is she praising McCain and dissing Obama

Rendell: she scares me Tim but that's what makes her ready

Russert: look Daschle be honest he's young and he's black shouldn't he just be the vice president???

Daschle: he's the one who is leading

Russert: but he's black!

Dashcle: and she was arranging flowers for eight years big deal

Russert: well he's still black

Daschle: yes i know - he's also winning

Russert: would he accept her as Veep

Daschle: sure

Russert: but we need to move on from the Clinton sex scandals

Daschle: true but that was her husband

Russert: what a race ha!

Balz: they must have a re-vote in FL and MI

Tim: so donors would finance elections?

Balz: The Democratic Primary Brought to You By Tropicana

Harwood: Clinton will hold her breath if they schedule a caucus

Brownstein: the Caucus Belli

Russert: heh

Brownstein: they are tied we should turn it over to a computer

Harwood: well that would save money

Russert: if Obama wins Indiana that would be cool

Ifill: that doesn't count that's just Ku KLux Klan voting for the guy who's mother was white

Russert: good point

Ifill: he's not who he says he is - for example - Obama is black

Russert: omg has he condemmed Idi Amin!?!?!

Brownstein: Superdelegates are a mysterious race of genetically superior beings

Ifill: they transcend race and gender - they glow with their own inner light

Hardwood: size matters that favors Obama

Tim: Obama takes credit for defeating Denny Hastert

Russert: if Obama unqualified or should he be president after Hillary is impeached???

Balz: i liked Obama until that red phone ad - that ad raised many important questions about him

Russert: omg the two campaigns are sniping and name calling!!!

Harwood: shocking tim

Russert: but in a general election people like Ken Starr!

Ifill: who like ken starr tim???

Tim: all my friends in Nantucket

Hardwood: samatha power called hillary a monster

Dan Balz: i'd still hit it

Russert: let's talk more about Samatha Power

Ifill: hey 63,000 jobs were lost

Balz: oh noes

Brownstein: Power is a brilliant journalist

Ifill: that's damming with faint praise

Timmy: hey!

Hardwood: Pelosi said the ‘3:00 a.m.’ ad was the suck

Russert: she flip flopped on her tax returns

Ifill: eh

Russert: bill bradley went on PBS and bashed Clinton

Ifill: both people watching must have been shocked

Tim: she's hiding the donors to the library

Balz: what if monica donated?

Harwood: and she hasn't been vetted

Brownstein: none of this will change anything - they will have to agree to be co-Triumvirs like Mark Antony and Octavian

Russert: that worked out very well

Russert: they are fighting so much how do we resolve this in August

Harwood: if Obama has more votes, more delegates and more states, then he should be the nominee

Russert: even though he's black?

Hardwood: amazing but true

Ifill: Clinton says only the big states should count which is odd

Brownstein: VP as consolation prize

Balz: Superdelegates will ask who has held up and performed and found the super-D G spot

Russert: Karl Rove says it's actually bad for McCain all the attention is on Clobama

Ifill: who the fuck is McCain

Russert: white women will vote for McCain over Obama and so will blacks if Hillary is

Balz: so put them both on the ticket

Russert: but no white men - so sad

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