*********************************************
Meet The Press
July 27, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guest: Senator Barack Obama
**********************************************
Brokaw: dood u r insanely cool
Obama: heh heh heh
Brokaw: u met with troops and whirrled leaders, isrealis and arabs, and kings and throngs of teutonic peeps
Obama: boy r my arms tired!
Brokaw: what did you learn?
Obama: how incredibly awesome i am
Obama: i learned i was right about Iraq and Afghanistan and that we need to kick ass in Pakistan
Brokaw: hmmmmm
Obama: Maliki is ready to finally leave the nest and move out of his parents house
Brokaw: you shot some hoops and also did some kung fu on DC journalists
Obama: people seemed to like seeing Richard Cohen getting kicked in the balls
Brokaw: McCain says you would choose failure
Obama: yeah i heard that
Brokaw: since you were right about the facts let me argue hypothetically you could have been wrong -- wouldn't you agree
Obama: that's fiction Tom
Brokaw: bear with me if Tim Russert were here he would say this too
Obama: but that's also hypothetical
Brokaw: perhaps i've said too much...
Obama: look McCain's whole foreign policy is "kill kill kill"
Brokaw: it has the merit of simplicity
Obama: speaking of hypotheticals if McCain wasn't a senile warmonger people might vote for him
Brokaw: most people believe that American troops create peace everywhere they go to kill people
Obama: that isn't true Tom Brokaw
Brokaw: but USA Toady says you were wrong about the Surge
Obama: oh we all were frumpy
Brokaw: poles say you are riskier
Obama: duh I'm young and black what did your poll say about who is better for change or hope or reform
Brokaw: [meekly] you
Obama: and who did the polls say people would vote for
Brokaw: you
Obama: dude
[puts feet up on desk ]
Brokaw: how is it possible you've never been to Afghanistan - my mother's been to Afghanistan!
Obama: I was right about Afghanistan all along man
Brokaw: well sure - but did you get Angela Merkel to commit 1 million troops cause if you didn't u r totally teh suck
Obama: i wanted to speak in Berlin to remind them that one hit song in the 80's isn't going to cut it
Brokaw: but that was so cool remember when Tom Cruise kissed Kelly McGillis
Obama: i thought that was Val Kilmer
Brokaw: could be
Obama: the war in Iraq is so unpopular that EU nations refuse to help us to the good shit like killing terrorists or ridding the world of teen pop bands
Brokaw: will you protect our American oil fields in Saudi Arabia
Obama: that might be the most imperialistic question i've ever heard on a tv show
Brokaw: that's not what my piss-boy said
Brokaw: we've spent $10 billion in Pakistan and we've got shit
Obama: right we've got to do more and build schools
Brokaw: they're doing they're best
Obama: oh bullshit they protect popular anti-american terrorists and then take our money - it's a great scam
Brokaw: wow sounds like FOX News' business plan
Brokaw: but everyone is Pakistan supports terrorists
Obama: jesus christ Tom you just made my previous point do you not realize that?
Brokaw: whut
Obama: we should go after the terrorists there
Brokaw: but that could be a conflagration
Obama: 'cause Iraq is such a peachy place
Brokaw: why haven't you solved peace in the middle east yet?
Obama: i touched them with my magic finger so i am working on the problem
Brokaw: i noticed the chair you are sitting on has turned to gold during this interview
Obama: it's a bit of problem
Brokaw: i can see
Brokaw: you never met a palestinian dead child or ate a falafel
Obama: hey i went to the holocaust museum and met all 23 people running for prime minister
Brokaw: were you just trying to get jewish votes
Obama: no not all i also was trying to get wacko christian votes
Brokaw: David Brooks and Krauthammer didn't like your speech in Berlin
Obama: what did the loonies in Bedlam say
Brokaw: but he told us all about foreign policy of the 1990s
Obama:
[bursts out laughing ]
Brokaw: but David Brooks said-
Obama: [LAUGHING ]
stop it Tom, you're killing me
Brokaw: what is the Obama Doctrine?
Obama: Look i gave them tough rhetoric and it's not my fault Brooks is an illiterate navel gazing Villager
Brokaw: awwww
Brokaw: ok let's gossip about vice president and the DC conventional wisdom
Obama: i will choose someone who has integrity and independence and shares my vision of making me President
Brokaw: the rule in 1959 was choose a candidate to carry Texas
Obama: no since 1992 it's choose a good person to govern with
Brokaw: choose a southern white male jesus lover - how about Hootie and the Blowfish
Brokaw: what about Hillary Clinton
Obama: yeah yeah she's the best leader of the anti-Obama faction out there
Brokaw: The Clenis!?!
Obama: the Clenis is awesome no one can touch the Clenis
Brokaw: America will be consumed by synchronized swimming next month so when will you announce?
Obama: i will announce i am running with Muhammad Ali during the closing ceremonies
Brokaw: ooh good choice
Brokaw: why should cadillac driving black people get bailed out by hard working white people
Obama: tell it to John McCain and his rich white buddies
Brokaw: they told me to ask the question!
Obama: they are the problem!
Brokaw: i don't get it
Obama: see!
Brokaw: naw
Obama: [slaps forehead]
Obama: some buyers weren't speculating they were sold crazy loans
Brokaw: i didn't know that
Obama: plus we have to prop up the housing market
Brokaw: China is stealing our oil but on the upside traffic deaths are down
Obama: but American families are suffering and McCain opposes efficiency
Brokaw: there's no easy answer to ending traffic deaths
Obama: take away Bob Novak's drivers license
Brokaw: why do some black people see racism just because 70% of people in prison are black
Obama: gee i dunno Tom what did your busboy say
Brokaw: he doesn't speak english very well
Obama: well neither do you so you should get along well
Obama: the real problem is the legacy of past racism why are the worst neighborhoods always populated with black people
Brokaw: i thought they just liked living near liquor stores and basketball courts
Obama: no that's WASPs
Brokaw: Jesse Jackson!
Obama: Nuts!
Brokaw: will you appear three times a week with John McCain?
Obama: well i draw crowds of 100,000 and he draws 30 so on average we draw about 100,000 each
Brokaw: wha?
Obama: you get what i'm saying - I'm Bill Gates in the bar
Brokaw: still not following
Obama: ok - fuck John McCain and his pathetic begging for attention - I'm going to win this election so easy whole new states will have to be invented to they can vote against him too
Brokaw: thank very much for coming
Obama: [ FIST BUMP DUDE! ]
*************************************
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Meet The Press with Al Gore - July 20, 2008
*********************************************
Meet the Press
July 20, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guest: Al Gore
***************************************
Tom Brokaw: since you were last on “Meet The Press” last time you won an Nobel and an Oscar and were named People's Sexiest Man Alive
Al Gore: I'm just a man doing my thing Tom
Tom Brokaw: ok you say we should like totally go green
Al Gore: ah do
Tom Brokaw: but there are critics who say this will be very tough
Al Gore: oh well let's just give up then and buy SUVs which run on endangered species
Brokaw: really??
Gore: no dumbass
Al Gore: look we can't continue our insane course -- there's no new oil, prices are skyrocketing, India and China are outbidding us, and our national security is at risk
Tom Brokaw: we all know that
Al Gore: exactamundo
Tom Brokaw: yeah but we have 2 wars, a housing crisis and my Jackson Hole home needs a new copper bathtub
Al Gore: we just spent a trillion dollars on the Iraq
Tom Brokaw: no we didn't
Al Gore: Joe Stieglitz says we did
Tom Brokaw: oh noes he haz facts!
Al Gore: enough with teh baby steps and treating the American people like they are children
Brokaw: well if the shoe fits
Al Gore: We have to be the new Greatest Generation
Tom Brokaw: but the cost and pain to the American Taxpayer!!
Al Gore: cause gasoline is free now, right Tom?
Tom Brokaw: T Bone Pickens disagrees with you he wants to harness the power of the wind
Al Gore: i love it - only the media would try to pit us against each other
Tom Brokaw: don't you hate him?
Al Gore: no he said what i said with the facts i used
Tom Brokaw: but there can only be one winner in the contest for America's Greenest Hero
Al Gore: is that another award i can win?
Tom Brokaw: it's NBC's summer game show
Tom Brokaw: so do you love Pickens?
Al Gore: hey if the man wants a car to run on natural gas he should go for it
Tom Brokaw: so Pickens is right?
Al Gore: he's a oilman he says we can't drill our way out
Tom Brokaw: he's funding Oilman Veterans for the Truth
Al Gore: let's face it he's a total dick who's hand has been forced
Tom Brokaw: please slam Bush and the Democrats in Congress
Al Gore: i am only interested in solving the problem
Tom Brokaw: please bash Hillary Clinton
Al Gore: no
Tom Brokaw: PLEEEEZ
Al Gore: [ sigh ]
Tom Brokaw: isn't it time for politicians to tell people gas costs $4.00 a gallon
Al Gore: they don't have to tell them - they know
Tom Brokaw: it's a tax!
Al Gore: no stupid it's the price of gas set by the free market
Tom Brokaw: but that's a tax
Al Gore: i don't think that words means what you think it means
Tom Brokaw: but the poor truckers!
Al Gore: look we saw the cost of silicon chips drop and that will happen with solar panels and we aren't going to run out of sand
Tom Brokaw: but if we use too much solar power we will run out of the sun
Al Gore: [ sigh ]
Tom Brokaw: will you be Vice President??
Al Gore: ha ha ha - yeah - look i only want to top job
Tom Brokaw: President?
Al Gore: no i want to be Head of the United Federation of Planets
Tom Brokaw: but there is no power like 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
Al Gore: oh yeah - try winning an Oscar believe me it opens doors
Tom Brokaw: don't you have a duty to run
Al Gore: i did that already and as you may recall i got a load of shit from the media for it
Tom Brokaw: that's why we all want you to run again
Al Gore: well you may do me the honor of fucking off
Tom Brokaw: you say politics is about nonsense - what about the young people and children??!?!?
Al Gore: bear in mind stupid i ran for office - i was only talking about the fact that Margaret Carlson and Chris Matthews are out of their fucking minds
Tom Brokaw: hey Chris is getting psychological help
Al Gore: i hope so
Tom Brokaw: let me just cut through the middleman and simply channel Rush Limbaugh
Al Gore: well that would save time asshole
Tom Brokaw: your house it too big and fat
Al Gore: your house in Jackson Hole is 30,000 square feet
Tom Brokaw: true but most of that is where i hang my meat
Gore: that’s cool
Tom Brokaw: oh c'mon can't we have little bipartisan offshore drilling
Al Gore: let California decide
Tom Brokaw: well what if Florida wants to despoil their environment to send oil to China?
Al Gore: i need a drink
Tom Brokaw: let’s talk about trivia some more
Al Gore: this ain't no fuckin’ joke, man!
Tom Brokaw: whut?
Al Gore: the 3 million year old ice cap is melting goddammitt!!
Tom Brokaw: hey, hey, there is debate in scientific community as to exactly how fat you are
Al Gore: the Pentagon, scientists the EPA and reality disagree with you
Tom Brokaw: but not Rush Limbaugh
Al Gore: as Letterman said he's a fine physical specimen
Tom Brokaw: do you hate Bill and Hillary
Al Gore: they are fine people and I have moved on
Tom Brokaw: why didn't you punch George Bush when you had the chance
Al Gore: what's the point?
Tom Brokaw: but you were in the Oval Office that was your big opportunity
Al Gore: [laughs] oh Tom you are so stupid
Tom Brokaw: Lieberman!
Al Gore: oh let's not get too riled up he just says liberals are terrorists but he protects the right to abortion
Tom Brokaw: The New Yorker!
Al Gore: I know funny and that was not funny
Tom Brokaw: you know who's funny? Rush Limbaugh!
Al Gore: yeah that Michael J Fox bit killed
[ break ]
Chuck Todd: Al Gore is an environmentalist and you know how they are
Brokaw: indeed
Todd: when McCain is elected he will have to work with Dems
David Gregory: the White House is bitter cause Al was right and shit
Tom Brokaw: let's look at McCain's ad which says Obama hates the troops
Brokaw: but then Maliki endorsed Obama
Gregory: a little waterboarding brought him in line
Todd: Obama has had the best 48 hours in the history of elections
Brokaw: so he can only go down from here - what's wrong with Obama??
Todd: Maliki even used the word timetable
Gregory: but the Surge worked!
Brokaw: maybe the economy will help McCain
Todd: sure it will
Brokaw: Veepstakes!
Todd: you can't reveal your choice during teh Olympics
Brokaw: why not
Todd: because McCain will run Romney who is Mr. Olympics and Obama will run with Michael Phelps
Brokaw: next week we will interview Barack Obama live from Hogwarts where he has just won the Quiddich tournament
**********************************************
Meet the Press
July 20, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guest: Al Gore
***************************************
Tom Brokaw: since you were last on “Meet The Press” last time you won an Nobel and an Oscar and were named People's Sexiest Man Alive
Al Gore: I'm just a man doing my thing Tom
Tom Brokaw: ok you say we should like totally go green
Al Gore: ah do
Tom Brokaw: but there are critics who say this will be very tough
Al Gore: oh well let's just give up then and buy SUVs which run on endangered species
Brokaw: really??
Gore: no dumbass
Al Gore: look we can't continue our insane course -- there's no new oil, prices are skyrocketing, India and China are outbidding us, and our national security is at risk
Tom Brokaw: we all know that
Al Gore: exactamundo
Tom Brokaw: yeah but we have 2 wars, a housing crisis and my Jackson Hole home needs a new copper bathtub
Al Gore: we just spent a trillion dollars on the Iraq
Tom Brokaw: no we didn't
Al Gore: Joe Stieglitz says we did
Tom Brokaw: oh noes he haz facts!
Al Gore: enough with teh baby steps and treating the American people like they are children
Brokaw: well if the shoe fits
Al Gore: We have to be the new Greatest Generation
Tom Brokaw: but the cost and pain to the American Taxpayer!!
Al Gore: cause gasoline is free now, right Tom?
Tom Brokaw: T Bone Pickens disagrees with you he wants to harness the power of the wind
Al Gore: i love it - only the media would try to pit us against each other
Tom Brokaw: don't you hate him?
Al Gore: no he said what i said with the facts i used
Tom Brokaw: but there can only be one winner in the contest for America's Greenest Hero
Al Gore: is that another award i can win?
Tom Brokaw: it's NBC's summer game show
Tom Brokaw: so do you love Pickens?
Al Gore: hey if the man wants a car to run on natural gas he should go for it
Tom Brokaw: so Pickens is right?
Al Gore: he's a oilman he says we can't drill our way out
Tom Brokaw: he's funding Oilman Veterans for the Truth
Al Gore: let's face it he's a total dick who's hand has been forced
Tom Brokaw: please slam Bush and the Democrats in Congress
Al Gore: i am only interested in solving the problem
Tom Brokaw: please bash Hillary Clinton
Al Gore: no
Tom Brokaw: PLEEEEZ
Al Gore: [ sigh ]
Tom Brokaw: isn't it time for politicians to tell people gas costs $4.00 a gallon
Al Gore: they don't have to tell them - they know
Tom Brokaw: it's a tax!
Al Gore: no stupid it's the price of gas set by the free market
Tom Brokaw: but that's a tax
Al Gore: i don't think that words means what you think it means
Tom Brokaw: but the poor truckers!
Al Gore: look we saw the cost of silicon chips drop and that will happen with solar panels and we aren't going to run out of sand
Tom Brokaw: but if we use too much solar power we will run out of the sun
Al Gore: [ sigh ]
Tom Brokaw: will you be Vice President??
Al Gore: ha ha ha - yeah - look i only want to top job
Tom Brokaw: President?
Al Gore: no i want to be Head of the United Federation of Planets
Tom Brokaw: but there is no power like 1600 Pennsylvania Ave
Al Gore: oh yeah - try winning an Oscar believe me it opens doors
Tom Brokaw: don't you have a duty to run
Al Gore: i did that already and as you may recall i got a load of shit from the media for it
Tom Brokaw: that's why we all want you to run again
Al Gore: well you may do me the honor of fucking off
Tom Brokaw: you say politics is about nonsense - what about the young people and children??!?!?
Al Gore: bear in mind stupid i ran for office - i was only talking about the fact that Margaret Carlson and Chris Matthews are out of their fucking minds
Tom Brokaw: hey Chris is getting psychological help
Al Gore: i hope so
Tom Brokaw: let me just cut through the middleman and simply channel Rush Limbaugh
Al Gore: well that would save time asshole
Tom Brokaw: your house it too big and fat
Al Gore: your house in Jackson Hole is 30,000 square feet
Tom Brokaw: true but most of that is where i hang my meat
Gore: that’s cool
Tom Brokaw: oh c'mon can't we have little bipartisan offshore drilling
Al Gore: let California decide
Tom Brokaw: well what if Florida wants to despoil their environment to send oil to China?
Al Gore: i need a drink
Tom Brokaw: let’s talk about trivia some more
Al Gore: this ain't no fuckin’ joke, man!
Tom Brokaw: whut?
Al Gore: the 3 million year old ice cap is melting goddammitt!!
Tom Brokaw: hey, hey, there is debate in scientific community as to exactly how fat you are
Al Gore: the Pentagon, scientists the EPA and reality disagree with you
Tom Brokaw: but not Rush Limbaugh
Al Gore: as Letterman said he's a fine physical specimen
Tom Brokaw: do you hate Bill and Hillary
Al Gore: they are fine people and I have moved on
Tom Brokaw: why didn't you punch George Bush when you had the chance
Al Gore: what's the point?
Tom Brokaw: but you were in the Oval Office that was your big opportunity
Al Gore: [laughs] oh Tom you are so stupid
Tom Brokaw: Lieberman!
Al Gore: oh let's not get too riled up he just says liberals are terrorists but he protects the right to abortion
Tom Brokaw: The New Yorker!
Al Gore: I know funny and that was not funny
Tom Brokaw: you know who's funny? Rush Limbaugh!
Al Gore: yeah that Michael J Fox bit killed
[ break ]
Chuck Todd: Al Gore is an environmentalist and you know how they are
Brokaw: indeed
Todd: when McCain is elected he will have to work with Dems
David Gregory: the White House is bitter cause Al was right and shit
Tom Brokaw: let's look at McCain's ad which says Obama hates the troops
Brokaw: but then Maliki endorsed Obama
Gregory: a little waterboarding brought him in line
Todd: Obama has had the best 48 hours in the history of elections
Brokaw: so he can only go down from here - what's wrong with Obama??
Todd: Maliki even used the word timetable
Gregory: but the Surge worked!
Brokaw: maybe the economy will help McCain
Todd: sure it will
Brokaw: Veepstakes!
Todd: you can't reveal your choice during teh Olympics
Brokaw: why not
Todd: because McCain will run Romney who is Mr. Olympics and Obama will run with Michael Phelps
Brokaw: next week we will interview Barack Obama live from Hogwarts where he has just won the Quiddich tournament
**********************************************
The Chris Matthews Show - July 20, 2008
***************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
July 20, 2008
***************************************
Matthews: isn't John McCain the real change guy??
Kelly O'Donnell: his new slogan is “Reform No One Believes In”
Cynthia Tucker: I miss the John McCain of 2000 but he died and now he is an agent of intolerance
Matthews: why move to the right?
Tucker: because he lost in 2000 and he must appease the lunatics in teh GOP
Fineman: he has a problem because he has to run against Bush but he agrees with Bush
Matthews: oh dear
Rather: he has to run on Fear of The Black Man
O'Donnell: oh no it won't be ‘fear’ -- they will simply point out that if Obama is elected your gay muslim children will die
Matthews: McCain should go old school and then the GOP like LBJ against Goldwater will win 49 states
Tucker: clearly all they have to do to win is point out that he is just like History's Greatest Monster
Chris: I loves the Cookie Monster
Tucker: no Jimmy Carter
Fineman: he should promise to balance the budget-but-not-really and then yell out ‘Obama is Black’!!!
O'Donnell: he should run as a POW and promise to govern from inside a tiger cage
Rather: McCain is fucked like a jackrabbit in a summer rainstorm
Tucker: Obama is black
Matthews: What?!?!?!
John McCain in 2000: Bush should be ashamed of himself
Bush: i won asshole
McCain: awww hugs all around
Bush: P0wnd as usual
Matthews: Bush wants to McCain to carry on his legacy of Crazy
Bush: we have a lurking enema
O'Donnell: McCain is more open to diplomacy
Chris: yeah he like to talk to people before bombing the shit out of them
Rather: McCain has bought into Rove cause he has the math
O'Donnell: no no no he's more like Schwarzenegger
Chris: gee what a relief the Idiot and the Muscleman
Fineman: hey Kelly McCain agrees with Bush and they need a third GOP term to cover up all their crimes
Chris: that's a good point
Kelly: leave John McCain alone!!
Tucker: Dobson doesn't like Obama
Chris: gee what a shock
Fineman: silicon valley is worried about electricity
Chris: doesn't the internets run on hamsters?
Fineman: no it doesn't chris
Chris: teh liberal bloggers hate Obama but could that help him
Kelly: u bet
Rather: but the appearance of hesitation is deadly for a young dem
Tucker: exactly
Fineman: the bloggers may vote for Ralph Nader
Chris: they’re not gruntled!
*********************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
July 20, 2008
***************************************
Matthews: isn't John McCain the real change guy??
Kelly O'Donnell: his new slogan is “Reform No One Believes In”
Cynthia Tucker: I miss the John McCain of 2000 but he died and now he is an agent of intolerance
Matthews: why move to the right?
Tucker: because he lost in 2000 and he must appease the lunatics in teh GOP
Fineman: he has a problem because he has to run against Bush but he agrees with Bush
Matthews: oh dear
Rather: he has to run on Fear of The Black Man
O'Donnell: oh no it won't be ‘fear’ -- they will simply point out that if Obama is elected your gay muslim children will die
Matthews: McCain should go old school and then the GOP like LBJ against Goldwater will win 49 states
Tucker: clearly all they have to do to win is point out that he is just like History's Greatest Monster
Chris: I loves the Cookie Monster
Tucker: no Jimmy Carter
Fineman: he should promise to balance the budget-but-not-really and then yell out ‘Obama is Black’!!!
O'Donnell: he should run as a POW and promise to govern from inside a tiger cage
Rather: McCain is fucked like a jackrabbit in a summer rainstorm
Tucker: Obama is black
Matthews: What?!?!?!
John McCain in 2000: Bush should be ashamed of himself
Bush: i won asshole
McCain: awww hugs all around
Bush: P0wnd as usual
Matthews: Bush wants to McCain to carry on his legacy of Crazy
Bush: we have a lurking enema
O'Donnell: McCain is more open to diplomacy
Chris: yeah he like to talk to people before bombing the shit out of them
Rather: McCain has bought into Rove cause he has the math
O'Donnell: no no no he's more like Schwarzenegger
Chris: gee what a relief the Idiot and the Muscleman
Fineman: hey Kelly McCain agrees with Bush and they need a third GOP term to cover up all their crimes
Chris: that's a good point
Kelly: leave John McCain alone!!
Tucker: Dobson doesn't like Obama
Chris: gee what a shock
Fineman: silicon valley is worried about electricity
Chris: doesn't the internets run on hamsters?
Fineman: no it doesn't chris
Chris: teh liberal bloggers hate Obama but could that help him
Kelly: u bet
Rather: but the appearance of hesitation is deadly for a young dem
Tucker: exactly
Fineman: the bloggers may vote for Ralph Nader
Chris: they’re not gruntled!
*********************************************
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Meet The Press - July 13, 2008
******************************************************
Meet The Press
July 13, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guests:
Carly Fiorina
Sen. Claire McCaskill
******************************************************
Tom Brokaw: welcome ladies you are smokin’ hawt!
Carly Fiorina: thank u
Claire McKaskill: you too Tom
Brokaw: Carly Phil Gramm says poor Americans are a bunch of whiners
Obama: McCain thinks you're all crazy - coming from him that's rich
McCain: i don't agree with my top economic advisor on economics
Carly Fiorina: i am here today to abjectly apologize and grovel and say hey we know Americans are hurting
Fiorina: Tom no one cares what a bunch of surrogates have to say
Brokaw: well then why the fuck are the two of you on my teevee
Fiorina: touche tom - but we're here to spin the beltway stupid
Brokaw: which is worse Al Qaeda or Recession?
Fiorina: terrorism!
Brokaw: but he now says the economy is the big issue!
Fiorina: hey he talked about it all week!
Brokaw: but the economy is a disaster
Fiorina: no one could have predicted a poor economy
Brokaw: he's a crazy flip-flopper
Fiorina: he voted against Bush tax cuts because there were no spending cuts
Brokaw: but now he supports them and there is more spending than ever
Fiorina: yes but that was then!
Brokaw: Obama flip-flopped on Iraq
Sen. McCaskill: look he's consistent he promised to pull out but he also has to pretend to listen to he handsome men in the green uniforms
Brokaw: well will he listen to them or give them orders
Sen. McCaskill: it's a goal Tom but yeah you have to careful getting in and getting out
Brokaw: why can't Obama know what the situation will be in the summer of 2010
Sen. McCaskill: the media will still be assholes i know that much
Brokaw: if you were still the CEO of HP
Fiorina: they would be broke
Brokaw: McCain's economic plan sucks
Fiorina: we will kick start this economy by not raising taxes or reenacting smoot-hawley like Obama would do
Brokaw: but we so spend so much money in Iraq
Fiorina: oh did I mention he's against the war now
Fiorina: i'm going to be snide and obnoxious now people seem to like that
Brokaw: Obama is a big spender and that's bad the media suddenly realized Democratic spending is bad!
McCaskill: he's going to raise taxes on the top 2%
Brokaw: that's everybody I know
Fiorina: me too
McCaskill: christ CEOs make 400 times what workers make and most of them are dumb
Fiorina: hey!
Brokaw: but the debt!! the deficit!!!
McCaskill: gee where have you been since 1980?
Brokaw: at my vacation home at Jackson Hole
Brokaw: how can we get the Boom Years back?
Sen. McCaskill: by electing a Dem Congress and a Dem President
Fiorina: in know math and Obama's numbers don't add up
Brokaw: but you're a girl
Fiorina: math is hard but Obama has voted to raise taxes 94 times
Brokaw: McCain's numbers don't add up either
Fiorina: did you know John McCain hated Donald Rumsfeld?
Brokaw: he also said we should stay in Iraq for 100 years
Fiorina: well we are still in Japan
Brokaw: does he stand by that?
Fiorina: why not - maybe someday Iraq will make cameras and better cars than us
Brokaw: what is his plan
Fioronia: Taxes taxes taxes and cutting taxes!
McCaskill: away with you and your skinny california tan
Brokaw: NCLB sucked but it shows that accountability is important
McCaskill: blah blah blah Tom jesus you're gullible
Brokaw: Democrats are beholden to the teachers
Sen. McCaskill: bullshit
Brokaw: you don't think teachers have too much power?
Sen. McCaskill: no - but it's clear that you do
Brokaw: no i hid my editorial statement behind unnamed people
Fiorina: oh did I mention McCain is hedging on NCLB as well
Brokaw: Quel suprise
Brokaw: will you be vice president?
Fiorina: well i would carry the failed CEO vote
Brokaw: Obama needs help with women of a certain age
McCaskill: you mean older dood
Brokaw: hey we've never had two women on the show before
McCaskill: gee i wonder why
Brokaw: well you weren't irish catholic men so i never saw you on Timmeh's short list
Brokaw: i've listen to the Generals and General Election favors Obama
Harold Ford: oh noes
Brokaw: is he leaning to the right?
Ford: shocker i support his lurch to the right
Brokaw: but he's black!
Ford: we're not all liberals you're know
Brokaw: i thought you were all panthers
Mitchell: the commenters on the liberal blogs are angry about FISA
Brokaw: wow what's your handle
Mitchell: I post under the name “Alan’s Greenspan’s Bathtub”
Brokaw: ha ha Obama got a gift from the angry black man
Ford: Obama and I are a new breed of black leader - screw Jesse
Murphy: this election will be close because it will be decided by two steelworkers from Ohio
Brokaw: speaking of that the blue collar guys do not like being called a bunch of whiners
Murphy: no but this isn’t a scandal because unlike with Jesse Jackson that wasn't the candidate speaking
Brokaw: VP??
Murphy: we need a governor from the Great Lakes like mitt romney
Mitchell: Jack Reed
Tom: who the fuck is that?
Mitchell: he has a very impressive bio
Tom: Jesse?
Mitchell: i have analyzed the black community and the fear is that he is throwing blacks under the bus in an effort to appease Hillary Clinton
Brokaw: fascinating
Mitchell: wow one woman someone somewhere said she doesn’t like Obama
Brokaw: hmmmmm
Mitchell: Obama is still calling people on the telephone assuming it isn't broadcast
Murphy: he won't pick Hillary because it isn't turning the page
Brokaw: is she very scary?
Murphy: we are terrified losing Virginia
Brokaw: Sam Nunn!!
Muhrphy: Evan Bayh!
Mitchell: Tom Ridge had an abortion so he can't be VP
Brokaw: well thank you all for overcoming your grief over Tim Russert and coming on the show
[ flashback ]
Tim Russert: you really think the Iraq war went great??
Tony Snow: look we tried our best but we're morons you can't expect anything else
Brokaw: what an elegant sexy man he was
Meet The Press
July 13, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guests:
Carly Fiorina
Sen. Claire McCaskill
******************************************************
Tom Brokaw: welcome ladies you are smokin’ hawt!
Carly Fiorina: thank u
Claire McKaskill: you too Tom
Brokaw: Carly Phil Gramm says poor Americans are a bunch of whiners
Obama: McCain thinks you're all crazy - coming from him that's rich
McCain: i don't agree with my top economic advisor on economics
Carly Fiorina: i am here today to abjectly apologize and grovel and say hey we know Americans are hurting
Fiorina: Tom no one cares what a bunch of surrogates have to say
Brokaw: well then why the fuck are the two of you on my teevee
Fiorina: touche tom - but we're here to spin the beltway stupid
Brokaw: which is worse Al Qaeda or Recession?
Fiorina: terrorism!
Brokaw: but he now says the economy is the big issue!
Fiorina: hey he talked about it all week!
Brokaw: but the economy is a disaster
Fiorina: no one could have predicted a poor economy
Brokaw: he's a crazy flip-flopper
Fiorina: he voted against Bush tax cuts because there were no spending cuts
Brokaw: but now he supports them and there is more spending than ever
Fiorina: yes but that was then!
Brokaw: Obama flip-flopped on Iraq
Sen. McCaskill: look he's consistent he promised to pull out but he also has to pretend to listen to he handsome men in the green uniforms
Brokaw: well will he listen to them or give them orders
Sen. McCaskill: it's a goal Tom but yeah you have to careful getting in and getting out
Brokaw: why can't Obama know what the situation will be in the summer of 2010
Sen. McCaskill: the media will still be assholes i know that much
Brokaw: if you were still the CEO of HP
Fiorina: they would be broke
Brokaw: McCain's economic plan sucks
Fiorina: we will kick start this economy by not raising taxes or reenacting smoot-hawley like Obama would do
Brokaw: but we so spend so much money in Iraq
Fiorina: oh did I mention he's against the war now
Fiorina: i'm going to be snide and obnoxious now people seem to like that
Brokaw: Obama is a big spender and that's bad the media suddenly realized Democratic spending is bad!
McCaskill: he's going to raise taxes on the top 2%
Brokaw: that's everybody I know
Fiorina: me too
McCaskill: christ CEOs make 400 times what workers make and most of them are dumb
Fiorina: hey!
Brokaw: but the debt!! the deficit!!!
McCaskill: gee where have you been since 1980?
Brokaw: at my vacation home at Jackson Hole
Brokaw: how can we get the Boom Years back?
Sen. McCaskill: by electing a Dem Congress and a Dem President
Fiorina: in know math and Obama's numbers don't add up
Brokaw: but you're a girl
Fiorina: math is hard but Obama has voted to raise taxes 94 times
Brokaw: McCain's numbers don't add up either
Fiorina: did you know John McCain hated Donald Rumsfeld?
Brokaw: he also said we should stay in Iraq for 100 years
Fiorina: well we are still in Japan
Brokaw: does he stand by that?
Fiorina: why not - maybe someday Iraq will make cameras and better cars than us
Brokaw: what is his plan
Fioronia: Taxes taxes taxes and cutting taxes!
McCaskill: away with you and your skinny california tan
Brokaw: NCLB sucked but it shows that accountability is important
McCaskill: blah blah blah Tom jesus you're gullible
Brokaw: Democrats are beholden to the teachers
Sen. McCaskill: bullshit
Brokaw: you don't think teachers have too much power?
Sen. McCaskill: no - but it's clear that you do
Brokaw: no i hid my editorial statement behind unnamed people
Fiorina: oh did I mention McCain is hedging on NCLB as well
Brokaw: Quel suprise
Brokaw: will you be vice president?
Fiorina: well i would carry the failed CEO vote
Brokaw: Obama needs help with women of a certain age
McCaskill: you mean older dood
Brokaw: hey we've never had two women on the show before
McCaskill: gee i wonder why
Brokaw: well you weren't irish catholic men so i never saw you on Timmeh's short list
Brokaw: i've listen to the Generals and General Election favors Obama
Harold Ford: oh noes
Brokaw: is he leaning to the right?
Ford: shocker i support his lurch to the right
Brokaw: but he's black!
Ford: we're not all liberals you're know
Brokaw: i thought you were all panthers
Mitchell: the commenters on the liberal blogs are angry about FISA
Brokaw: wow what's your handle
Mitchell: I post under the name “Alan’s Greenspan’s Bathtub”
Brokaw: ha ha Obama got a gift from the angry black man
Ford: Obama and I are a new breed of black leader - screw Jesse
Murphy: this election will be close because it will be decided by two steelworkers from Ohio
Brokaw: speaking of that the blue collar guys do not like being called a bunch of whiners
Murphy: no but this isn’t a scandal because unlike with Jesse Jackson that wasn't the candidate speaking
Brokaw: VP??
Murphy: we need a governor from the Great Lakes like mitt romney
Mitchell: Jack Reed
Tom: who the fuck is that?
Mitchell: he has a very impressive bio
Tom: Jesse?
Mitchell: i have analyzed the black community and the fear is that he is throwing blacks under the bus in an effort to appease Hillary Clinton
Brokaw: fascinating
Mitchell: wow one woman someone somewhere said she doesn’t like Obama
Brokaw: hmmmmm
Mitchell: Obama is still calling people on the telephone assuming it isn't broadcast
Murphy: he won't pick Hillary because it isn't turning the page
Brokaw: is she very scary?
Murphy: we are terrified losing Virginia
Brokaw: Sam Nunn!!
Muhrphy: Evan Bayh!
Mitchell: Tom Ridge had an abortion so he can't be VP
Brokaw: well thank you all for overcoming your grief over Tim Russert and coming on the show
[ flashback ]
Tim Russert: you really think the Iraq war went great??
Tony Snow: look we tried our best but we're morons you can't expect anything else
Brokaw: what an elegant sexy man he was
The Chris Matthews Show - July 13, 2008
*******************************
The Chris Matthews Show
July 12, 2008
*********************************
Chris Matthews: omg teh Rocky mountains are going to be renamed the Baracky Mountains!!!
Dan Rather: he better carry Neuvo Mexico cause the Deer Hunters hate that elitist dood
Cynthia Tucker: he stole the primaries by registering young naive messiah-believing kids
Tweety: can he win Georgia?
Tucker: the black guy can win that state
Tweety: that’s good news for Obama!
Tucker: i was talking about Bob Barr
Howard Fineman: if the election were Sunday morning McCain wins because college kids will still be drunk but the tree hungers are early risers
Matthews: while Obama was swinging in the summer of love McCain was being bayoneted
Kelly O'Donnell: most young people don't even know McCain served in the Franco-Prussian war
Tweety: he's a good old American like John Wayne
Kelly: he never talks about his POW service he just runs endless ads on TV about it
Rather: it touches Americans deep in side
O'Donnell: McCain wants to remind young people that they and their friends could be killed in his war
Tweety: that's a winner!
Fineman: McCain shows he loves america by bombing people 7,000 miles away and Obama wants to bring people together
Tweety: doesn't sound very John Wayney to me
Tweety: VP!?!
O'Donnell: Obama should go with Evan Bayh
Fineman: that's stupid
O'Donnell: but he's popular
Fineman: he is caucasian which is good
Tweety: an asian and a black guy on one ticket?!!? Cynthia what about regular white peple??
Cynthia: Blonde on Blonde is good
Tweets: give me your wisdom kelly
Kelly: taking Colorado could work!!
Rahter: nah
Tucker: nope
Fineman: he's got to win Ohio
Tweety: why Johnny Can't Read???
Fineman: he's old
Tweety: he's got to be more Big Dog and less Ron Burgundy
Rather: heh like the time i said 'Go Fuck Yourself America'
Tweety: when was that?
Rather: every night i worked for CBS news
Chris Matthews: McCain's campaign staff Arizona is being shaken up so much the Headquarters is called "Shake 'n Bake"
Howard Fineman: no one ever really leaves they just die of old age
Kelly O'Donnell: McCain is crazy - but some people like that
Tweety: is he a total loon or just eccentric?
Kelly: well let's say he's at least one solider short of a platoon
Chris Matthews: tell me a story!
Kelly O'Donnell: GOP leaders will tell Bush the convention this year will be held in Alaska
Cynthia Tucker: another angry black man can be tied to Obama
Howard Fineman: Colin Powell is desperate to be vindicated by history
Chris Matthews: omg Obama will speak at a football stadium he must be a mile high!!
Dan Rather: mimi boppo
Kelly O'Donnell: it's terrible - too much security
Cynthia Tucker: it will be a let down cause he can't give a speech
Howard Fineman: duh it's brilliant
Tweety: of course it is
******************************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
July 12, 2008
*********************************
Chris Matthews: omg teh Rocky mountains are going to be renamed the Baracky Mountains!!!
Dan Rather: he better carry Neuvo Mexico cause the Deer Hunters hate that elitist dood
Cynthia Tucker: he stole the primaries by registering young naive messiah-believing kids
Tweety: can he win Georgia?
Tucker: the black guy can win that state
Tweety: that’s good news for Obama!
Tucker: i was talking about Bob Barr
Howard Fineman: if the election were Sunday morning McCain wins because college kids will still be drunk but the tree hungers are early risers
Matthews: while Obama was swinging in the summer of love McCain was being bayoneted
Kelly O'Donnell: most young people don't even know McCain served in the Franco-Prussian war
Tweety: he's a good old American like John Wayne
Kelly: he never talks about his POW service he just runs endless ads on TV about it
Rather: it touches Americans deep in side
O'Donnell: McCain wants to remind young people that they and their friends could be killed in his war
Tweety: that's a winner!
Fineman: McCain shows he loves america by bombing people 7,000 miles away and Obama wants to bring people together
Tweety: doesn't sound very John Wayney to me
Tweety: VP!?!
O'Donnell: Obama should go with Evan Bayh
Fineman: that's stupid
O'Donnell: but he's popular
Fineman: he is caucasian which is good
Tweety: an asian and a black guy on one ticket?!!? Cynthia what about regular white peple??
Cynthia: Blonde on Blonde is good
Tweets: give me your wisdom kelly
Kelly: taking Colorado could work!!
Rahter: nah
Tucker: nope
Fineman: he's got to win Ohio
Tweety: why Johnny Can't Read???
Fineman: he's old
Tweety: he's got to be more Big Dog and less Ron Burgundy
Rather: heh like the time i said 'Go Fuck Yourself America'
Tweety: when was that?
Rather: every night i worked for CBS news
Chris Matthews: McCain's campaign staff Arizona is being shaken up so much the Headquarters is called "Shake 'n Bake"
Howard Fineman: no one ever really leaves they just die of old age
Kelly O'Donnell: McCain is crazy - but some people like that
Tweety: is he a total loon or just eccentric?
Kelly: well let's say he's at least one solider short of a platoon
Chris Matthews: tell me a story!
Kelly O'Donnell: GOP leaders will tell Bush the convention this year will be held in Alaska
Cynthia Tucker: another angry black man can be tied to Obama
Howard Fineman: Colin Powell is desperate to be vindicated by history
Chris Matthews: omg Obama will speak at a football stadium he must be a mile high!!
Dan Rather: mimi boppo
Kelly O'Donnell: it's terrible - too much security
Cynthia Tucker: it will be a let down cause he can't give a speech
Howard Fineman: duh it's brilliant
Tweety: of course it is
******************************************************
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