*****************************************************
60 Minutes
Guest: Justice Antonin Scalia
April 27, 2008
*****************************************************
Stahl: why not interpret the Constitution right?
Scalia: fuck that
Stahl: how can you know what the Founders wanted?
Scalia: oh trust me i know
Stahl: but values change
Scalia: well they shouldn't
Stahl: what is an originalist
Scalia: i am hated because i am right
Stahl: why do some people despise you and think you are evil
Scalia: i'm not against progress i just hate it
Stahl: abortion?
Scalia: let's not split the baby
Stahl: ha ha
Stahl: you hate civil rights and want to impose the Rule of Opus Dei
Scalia: i confess i'm a conservative but i don't want to impose my beliefs on other people - it's just very lucky for me that my philosophy matches my views exactly
Stahl: but you don't want to throw liberals in jail
Scalia: see how open minded i am
Stahl: but could you be wrong?
Scalia: of course not others are inferior to me
Stahl: Bader you like Scalia even though you hate logic
Ginsburg: he's a nutter
Scalia: she's nice but an idiot
Stahl: but you comes across as a jerk
Scalia: you must learn to get along with other people
Stahl: how would you know
Stahl: he called you self-righteous
Ginsburg: he's a big fat child
Stahl: do you takes his name-calling personally
Ginsburg: i am a grandmother so I’m used to it
Stahl: but he's an asshole
Ginsburg: but he's charming so it's ok
Stahl: this is how we ended up with president Stupid
Stahl: you act like a jerk but you are charming
Scalia: i am bit of an jerk
Stahl: Bush v Gore was not at all using original intent
Scalia: no we did the right thing - so there
Stahl: oh so intellectual you are
Scalia: oh fuck off
Stahl: tell me that was originalism
Scalia: get over it bitch
Stahl: you got involved in politics
Scalia: it's all Gore's fault for challenging the cheating in Florida
Stahl: but you appointed Bush President
Scalia: who gives a shit
Stahl: torture violates the 8th amendment
Scalia: no if you are crushing someone's balls or killing their child in front of them to get a confession that's not a punishment
Stahl: i am just speechless
Scalia: i win!!!
Stahl: you have 9 children
Scalia: what can i say whatever faults i have i'm not gay
Stahl: one son became a priest
Scalia: he took one for the team
Stahl: i'm not touching that one
Stahl: the other originalist is Thomas
Scalia: Thomas who?
Stahl: Justice Clarence Thomas
Scalia: never heard of him - do you have a picture
Stahl: [ shows picture ]
Scalia: oh right - the mute black guy
Stahl: you despaired for a country you didn't recognize
Scalia: but then Bush came along and fixed America
Stahl: yay!!
Scalia: i have devoted myself to persuading the next generation to hate minorities
Hateful Kids: yay!!
Stahl: why stay on the Court
Scalia: my hate and insecurity fuel me
Stahl: that doesn't sound healthy
Scalia: what can i say it's all i have
Stahl: what would you do if you retired
Scalia: Bush Secretary of Kicking Ass
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Meet The Press with Howard Dean - April 27, 2008
*****************************************
MEET THE PRESS
Guest: Chair of the Democratic Party, Howard Dean
April 27, 2008
*****************************************
Russert: Howie you are the most important person in the world
Dean: no hillary clinton is
Russert: why
Dean: because she will have to convince her supporters to vote for Obama
Russert: ed rendell says the primaries are teh suck
Dean: yeah well I don’t put much stock in what Ed says
Russert: but the popular vote!
Dean: sorry those are the rules fat man
Russert: you say this is all about gestalt
Dean: also sturm und drang plus rugtosslegende
Russert: who wins the nomination?
Dean: the dood with the most delegates
Russert: so the superdelegates could overrule real delegates
Dean: no the superdelgates use their great wisdom
Russert: like that wise 21 year old kid
Dean: hey - that proves that it's not just cigar-smoking old men
Russert: do elected delegates represent the people?
Dean: yes but the superdelegates are also elected
Russert: all of them?
Dean: yes - except the ones who were not
Russert: how should the superdelegates vote?
Dean: i think the superdelegates should vote their conscience or for the most handsome or tallest or with the best bowling score
Russert: it sounds like a stupid system
Dean: sure it is but we are stuck with it now
Russert: it sounds weird that they could overrule the elected delegates
Dean: it is what it is
Russert: popular vote vs. delegates!
Dean: again!? look lets talk about the Iraq war or keating 5 or the fact that John McCain is a senile version of George Bush
Russert: but you yourself said Dems must be united so i would like to spend this hour dividing the party
Dean: ok fathead
Russert: The Black Vote is teh Scary!!!
Russert: What will Black America do????
Dean: how should i know i'm from Vermont the last black left years ago
Russert: take a guess
Dean: look we dems are good at getting women and blacks and minorities to vote for them and unfortunately now we have one of each so they are fighting
Russert: blacks bellied up to the bar!!!
Dean: i would like to have a beer with a black person
Russert: will Scary Blacks wreck the party?!!?!
Dean: no because Obama will be nominee
Russert: what does america want
Dean: blacks need change and women need change
Russert: tell me about it - I can't get anyone to take a $100 bill
Russert: Florida and Michigan!
Dean: i respect the voters who voted and the candidates who didn't campaign there and other states who did get to be first for aribtrary reasons
Russert: so what's the best outcome?
Dean: let Florida secede from teh union and merge with Cuba - they want to anyway
Russert: but the swing states!
Dean: fuck em
Russert: Gov. Blanchy wants to hijack your convention
Dean: quel asshole
Russert: people say you screwed this up
Dean: look we set up a system and the states should follow it
Russert: ok i respect that but why not seat them anyway
Dean: Tim what if you were in a long line in Disneyworld and someone jumped ahead of everyone else??
Russert: I do that all the time - I’m Timmy Russert dammit!
Russert: you lied about McCain wanting to stay for 100 years he only wants to do that if no one if ever going to be killed
Dean: well that's stupid if we are there for 100 years it will never be peaceful like Korea or Germany
Russert: but what if it was happy and peaceful??
Dean: does anyone watching tv now think that?
Russert: john mccain?
Dean: moron
Russert: do you think George Bush wants to capture Osama bin laden?
Dean: of course he doesn't - he hasn't even tried and said he doesn't think about it
Russert: well sure if you go by what he had said and done
Dean: uh huh
Russert: McCain is winning in the polls
Dean: someday Tim i will explain to you the difference between 'winning' in a poll and 'winning' an election
Russert: i look forward to it Doctor
Broder: this black man and woman scare me
Russert: will this end in June
Broder: no because August is later than June
Tim: right
Slate: call William Peter Blatty because Hillary is baaaaaaaack!!!!
Tim: Slate guy who wins this
Dickerson: Obama or else we will have a revolution
Mitchell: she will plough ahead - also people just realized that he is Kenyan black man and he is a also high-born elitist
Tim: so Hillary will be the nominee?
Andrea: no Hillary is dead
Tim: this is all about Argula and Beer
Gwen: 4,000 americans died to make sure we would never a smart person as president
Tim: amen!
Russert: what do voters want to hear?
Gwen: sadly the candidates have gotten bogged down in trivial issues
Russert: i'm shaking my head how could that happen so very sad
Wolff: who the fuck are these Reagan democrats and isn't he fucking dead??
Broder: dammit the Dems talked about trivial issues in the last debate - so sad
Mitchell: hillary is not shrill anymore it's amazing
Russert: so what's her problem
Andrea: Bill Clinton he had no understanding of modern politics
Russert: so how does he win?
Gwen: ignore her - right now he can't lose the primaries
Dickerson: he needs to be seen with regular people
Tim: what's a regular person?
Dickerson: white people
Tim: whiter than you?
Dickerson: Edgar Winter
Russert: the Dems are so nasty so sad
Dickerson: McCain killed a man last week and no one noticed
Timmy: yeah but i think he was a mexican who parked in his Congressional parking spot
Dickerson: ayup
Timmy: Hillary has ads with Osama bin laden
Mitchell: Obama should never given a major address naming his Rev Right as his running mate and calling white people bitter
Tim: indeed - let's talk about Rev. Right for the 10th straight week
Timmy: Obama is the politician oh noes
Gwen: Wright is not a crazy man but he is still black and that is his great failure
Tim: how so
Gwen: it gives Timmy Russert another excuse to run Wright clips
Tim: i'm brave i talk about race
Gwen: you never talk about racism
Tim: i don't do ancient history
Wolff: i hear Obama may be black
Tim: oh noes!!
Tim: let's talk about the weatherman and Tom Hayden
Andrea: yes lets
Tim: hillary is a communist
Andrea: tim don't be silly she is a marxist lesbian
Tim: are we going to talk about the 1960s or the War
Broder: the War like did Obama dodge the draft in 1969
Tim: he was 10 years old
Broder: that's no excuse
Mitchell: Obama made a mistake in choosing to run as a black man
Wolff: Dean campaigned for Kerry and his supporters hated John Kerry
Russert: that isn't true
Wolff: it sounds good though
Russert: next week: The Presidential Election of 2012 - Are The Democrats Doomed?
MEET THE PRESS
Guest: Chair of the Democratic Party, Howard Dean
April 27, 2008
*****************************************
Russert: Howie you are the most important person in the world
Dean: no hillary clinton is
Russert: why
Dean: because she will have to convince her supporters to vote for Obama
Russert: ed rendell says the primaries are teh suck
Dean: yeah well I don’t put much stock in what Ed says
Russert: but the popular vote!
Dean: sorry those are the rules fat man
Russert: you say this is all about gestalt
Dean: also sturm und drang plus rugtosslegende
Russert: who wins the nomination?
Dean: the dood with the most delegates
Russert: so the superdelegates could overrule real delegates
Dean: no the superdelgates use their great wisdom
Russert: like that wise 21 year old kid
Dean: hey - that proves that it's not just cigar-smoking old men
Russert: do elected delegates represent the people?
Dean: yes but the superdelegates are also elected
Russert: all of them?
Dean: yes - except the ones who were not
Russert: how should the superdelegates vote?
Dean: i think the superdelegates should vote their conscience or for the most handsome or tallest or with the best bowling score
Russert: it sounds like a stupid system
Dean: sure it is but we are stuck with it now
Russert: it sounds weird that they could overrule the elected delegates
Dean: it is what it is
Russert: popular vote vs. delegates!
Dean: again!? look lets talk about the Iraq war or keating 5 or the fact that John McCain is a senile version of George Bush
Russert: but you yourself said Dems must be united so i would like to spend this hour dividing the party
Dean: ok fathead
Russert: The Black Vote is teh Scary!!!
Russert: What will Black America do????
Dean: how should i know i'm from Vermont the last black left years ago
Russert: take a guess
Dean: look we dems are good at getting women and blacks and minorities to vote for them and unfortunately now we have one of each so they are fighting
Russert: blacks bellied up to the bar!!!
Dean: i would like to have a beer with a black person
Russert: will Scary Blacks wreck the party?!!?!
Dean: no because Obama will be nominee
Russert: what does america want
Dean: blacks need change and women need change
Russert: tell me about it - I can't get anyone to take a $100 bill
Russert: Florida and Michigan!
Dean: i respect the voters who voted and the candidates who didn't campaign there and other states who did get to be first for aribtrary reasons
Russert: so what's the best outcome?
Dean: let Florida secede from teh union and merge with Cuba - they want to anyway
Russert: but the swing states!
Dean: fuck em
Russert: Gov. Blanchy wants to hijack your convention
Dean: quel asshole
Russert: people say you screwed this up
Dean: look we set up a system and the states should follow it
Russert: ok i respect that but why not seat them anyway
Dean: Tim what if you were in a long line in Disneyworld and someone jumped ahead of everyone else??
Russert: I do that all the time - I’m Timmy Russert dammit!
Russert: you lied about McCain wanting to stay for 100 years he only wants to do that if no one if ever going to be killed
Dean: well that's stupid if we are there for 100 years it will never be peaceful like Korea or Germany
Russert: but what if it was happy and peaceful??
Dean: does anyone watching tv now think that?
Russert: john mccain?
Dean: moron
Russert: do you think George Bush wants to capture Osama bin laden?
Dean: of course he doesn't - he hasn't even tried and said he doesn't think about it
Russert: well sure if you go by what he had said and done
Dean: uh huh
Russert: McCain is winning in the polls
Dean: someday Tim i will explain to you the difference between 'winning' in a poll and 'winning' an election
Russert: i look forward to it Doctor
Broder: this black man and woman scare me
Russert: will this end in June
Broder: no because August is later than June
Tim: right
Slate: call William Peter Blatty because Hillary is baaaaaaaack!!!!
Tim: Slate guy who wins this
Dickerson: Obama or else we will have a revolution
Mitchell: she will plough ahead - also people just realized that he is Kenyan black man and he is a also high-born elitist
Tim: so Hillary will be the nominee?
Andrea: no Hillary is dead
Tim: this is all about Argula and Beer
Gwen: 4,000 americans died to make sure we would never a smart person as president
Tim: amen!
Russert: what do voters want to hear?
Gwen: sadly the candidates have gotten bogged down in trivial issues
Russert: i'm shaking my head how could that happen so very sad
Wolff: who the fuck are these Reagan democrats and isn't he fucking dead??
Broder: dammit the Dems talked about trivial issues in the last debate - so sad
Mitchell: hillary is not shrill anymore it's amazing
Russert: so what's her problem
Andrea: Bill Clinton he had no understanding of modern politics
Russert: so how does he win?
Gwen: ignore her - right now he can't lose the primaries
Dickerson: he needs to be seen with regular people
Tim: what's a regular person?
Dickerson: white people
Tim: whiter than you?
Dickerson: Edgar Winter
Russert: the Dems are so nasty so sad
Dickerson: McCain killed a man last week and no one noticed
Timmy: yeah but i think he was a mexican who parked in his Congressional parking spot
Dickerson: ayup
Timmy: Hillary has ads with Osama bin laden
Mitchell: Obama should never given a major address naming his Rev Right as his running mate and calling white people bitter
Tim: indeed - let's talk about Rev. Right for the 10th straight week
Timmy: Obama is the politician oh noes
Gwen: Wright is not a crazy man but he is still black and that is his great failure
Tim: how so
Gwen: it gives Timmy Russert another excuse to run Wright clips
Tim: i'm brave i talk about race
Gwen: you never talk about racism
Tim: i don't do ancient history
Wolff: i hear Obama may be black
Tim: oh noes!!
Tim: let's talk about the weatherman and Tom Hayden
Andrea: yes lets
Tim: hillary is a communist
Andrea: tim don't be silly she is a marxist lesbian
Tim: are we going to talk about the 1960s or the War
Broder: the War like did Obama dodge the draft in 1969
Tim: he was 10 years old
Broder: that's no excuse
Mitchell: Obama made a mistake in choosing to run as a black man
Wolff: Dean campaigned for Kerry and his supporters hated John Kerry
Russert: that isn't true
Wolff: it sounds good though
Russert: next week: The Presidential Election of 2012 - Are The Democrats Doomed?
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Democratic Debate - ABC - April 16, 2008
****************************************
Democratic Debate
Philadelphia, PA
ABC
April 16, 2008
Senator Barack Obama
Senator Hillary Clinton
****************************************
Charlie Gibson: Hi I am out-of-touch elderly white millionaire Charlie “my damm capital gains taxes are too high” Gibson and this is my young sidekick George “kool aid” Stephanpolous welcome to this shitty debate and we’ll start with opening apologies:
Barack Obama: i've been traveling across this pathetic hick state for 5 weeks and hearing about their shitty lives and its fucking sad - i'm running for president to get away from all this shit
Hillary Clinton: We meet here in Philadelphia where a bunch of white guys hoped that the promise of America would be open to other white men
[ yay! ]
Clinton: let's face it - America sucks but if you elect me i will try to make it suck a little less and i have a 25 point plan laid on my website www.imnotbitter.com
Gibson: Governor Cuomo has suggested that you guys try really, really hard to win but that you pledge to take the other as your running mate and that Hillary meekly accept it
Obama: Mario Cuomo? Jeebus, what did milli vanilli and mc hammer have to say?
Gibson: Milli Vanilli support you and mc hammer supports Hillary
Obama: well anyway that's a stupid question
Clinton: hey i could still win
Gibson: if it was good enough for Jefferson to take Aaron Burr as his Veep why shouldn't Obama take you on?
Obama: yeah this should work out about as well
Clinton: i can still win!!!
Gibson: okay i better let this go
Gibson: let us address what you said in a conference call - it's very important for you to admit you have contempt for gun-toting bible reading white trash
Obama: okay dude - these rubes are told for decade after decade that things will get better and they never do - so they cling to their crappy church and the penis-substitute and hating on gays
Gibson: well I'm glad you explained it now its all clear
Clinton: my grandfather was from Scrappy, Pennsylvania and he worked at Dunder Mifflin when he was only 9 years old and he carried a gun to work - but not because he hated the government - but because he hoped one day i would run for president and i would be able to say i too had a lunatic for a relative just like the smalll-town jackasses whose votes i need
Stephanoplous: Hillary can Obama beat McCain - yes or no
Clinton: of course he can't - Obama is a black elitist young skinny black snob with no experience except of course being a black cocaine dealer who grew up in a black neighborhood
Steph: so Obama can't win?
Clinton: well if you insist i will pretend i think so
Obama: she can win and so can i - unlike Hillary i actually go to church and have a Rev. Right in my life and i have a lot of gun owners in my life like when i was dealing crack i knew a lot of people with guns
Steph: she says you're a snob
Obama: for example i would never bring up the story about how she dissed stay-at-home mothers mocking them for baking cookies i thought it was very sad that it made her look like a bitch - see i would never do that
Clinton: i never attacked Obama - only what he said -- and i speak for the unwashed masses who were deeply offended by Obama calling all white people crackers sent by Satan - i respect people, unlike Hussein X over there
Gibson: Rev Right calls all white people devils - i assume you agree with that - my question is will you fly Air Force One into the Mormon Tabernacle or the Astrodome?
Obama: listen honky - i have answered this fucking question a dozen times and people have been voting for me as a big Fuck You to the narrow minded pinheads in the media - people like you you white man
Gibson: hillary sister talk to me as one white woman to another can 8,000 Right fans be wrong?
Clinton: when i go to church i seek fellowship and sermons about infidelity - clearly Obama looks for one that defends muslim terrorists - but hey that's just me -- you don't get to chose your family but you do get to choose your pastor
Obama: well you also get to choose your running mate and i just crossed you off my list
Obama: speaking of weird pastors i hear Hillary's pastor wants to castrate all men
Steph: I have 2 questions - why do hate America, and why do you really hate America?
Obama: [ SIGH ]
look you greek dwarf i might mention that these are statements not made by me but by some other dude
Steph: how much do you hate america?
Obama: i don't
Steph: but your pastor does
Obama: he's a former marine
Clinton: Obama gave him the Black Seal Of Approval and Obama and Rev. Right has sex orgies with Rev. Farrkhan and Hamas - and well that makes me sad
Question: You lied about Bosnia
Clinton: i went to Bosnia and it was a war zone and every word i said was true except for the lies but Wes Clark wore battle gear when he met with me
Gibson: well don't we all
Clinton: look i'm not dumb
Gibson: no you're just a liar
Clinton: look my lies about wars put me on an even par with John McCain
Steph: Obama is Hillary a lying bitch?
Obama: shes' a fucking irritant that's true enough - but i would point out that we are in not one, but two wars, and a depression and gee i don't know maybe you could ask one fucking question tonight about that - oh i realize that's too much to ask
Gibson: that's a very good point - now let's get back to a very serious issue - why do you hate America and Apple Pie and the Flag?
Obama: America is likeable enough - look i was born to a teenage muslim from saudiranibia and i lived in hawaindonesia and one day i said hey maybe i should run for president of the great satan and trick them into making me their leader to i could destroy it from within -- but of course i would refuse wear the flag pin as sign to my muslim supporters around the world who are funding my campaign to crush America
Gibson: thank you - that's all i wanted to know
Steph: on 9/11 one of your supporters painted ‘Helter Skelter’ on the wall of his house and organized the SLA to hold a fundraiser with Patty Hearst and charlie manson
Obama: seriously, fuck you George - i'm also friendly with Tom Coburn and trust me that guy is a fucking lunatic
Cliton: no no no Obama was married to the dood from the weather underground for several years even after 9/11 and people in New York were very hurt by his remarks
Gibson: really, that's what new yorkers were saying on 9/11???
Clinton: that's right - look we all know the GOP are evil motherfuckers and we must prepare for the fight by being as evil as they are
Obama: for the love of pete Bill Clinton pardoned members of the weather underground and nominated Charlie Manson to the Supreme Court
Hillary: hey he's still better than Clarence Thomas
Gibson: when we come back - does Obama leave the toilet seat up and why does he hate America?
Audience Question: you keep saying you wants to bring the troops home but it's really unclear since everyone knows that troops should stay
Gibson: what if The Military Commanders told you The Troops Must Stay would really overrule our Caesars???
Clinton: you bet because like Bush the Generals will do what i tell them to fucking do
Gibson: but the poor Iraqis!!
Clinton: they suck and it's time for them to suck on this
Gibson: you make me very sad it's a glorious war
Clinton: Charlie, suck my dick
Gibson: i'm really confused George Bush finally found a general who is willing to repeat GOP talking points and you think you know better than him - i'm shocked
Clinton: fuck general petraeus he's another lying toady like Powell and the other asshole men in that cabal and by the way the war sucks
Gibson: to be clear - Obama you also hate the military
Obama: Look George Bush may want to cede his authority to some dude in a uniform but this is one negro who will not be taking orders from by some white man in a snappy outfit
Steph: Completely change US policy with regard to Israel or I will conclude you are an anti-semite -- Go!!
Obama: Fine I will nuke Iran if they attack Israel - are you happy now??
Clinton: what a wimp Obama is - I would also make it clear that if Cuba attacked Israel I would invade Iraq again
Steph: that's some sound thinking there
Clinton: look Iran is seeking yellowcake from Africa but i would open up diplomacy with Iran and other leaders
Steph: like Ahmedinejad?
Clinton: no never never that would be appeasement - just his vice president
Steph: what else will make peace in the middle east?
Clinton: sell nukes to a peaceful country like Saudi Arabia
Steph: the economy is weak and sad and it's a pathetic little baby - why do you persist in trying to kill it with your big bad tax cuts???
Clinton: because you are a fucking idiot
Steph: that's not a good reason
Obama: but it's true
Clinton: amen brother
Steph: you are wicked tax raiser
Clinton: on my website www.shotofwhiskey.com it's all laid out - i will never raise taxes on middle income college professors making $250,000
Obama: god Charlie Gibson you are an idiot christ we are in the middle of a housing crisis
Gibson: you said my pledge - gotcha!!
Obama: whatever moron
Gibson: what about my capital gains taxes - admit it Supply Side Economics work!!
Obama: fuck you stupid
Gibson: but why have taxes at all - do you hate the USA??
Obama: we have to pay for you favorite war charlie gibson
Gibson: i luv mah wah!!!!!
Obama: what a dipshit this jackass is
Gibson: but Republicans are right and you are wrong
Obama: oh i didn't realize it was Debate Moderator Editorialize Night
Gibson: well it is and the GOP Rulz!!!!!
Clinton: i will hire 3 million people to keep track of Bill Clinton
Gibson: awesome
Gibson: every American said a prayer to jesus today to thank him for taking his precious children to heaven a year ago - why do you pretend to love guns?
Hillary: as we all know Philly is more dangerous than Baghdad and the answer you all had was to elect a man named Nutter
Obama: and the Chief of Police Sgt. Crazytown
Hillary: 80% of crimes are committed by mentally challenged Republican family members
Gibson: guns?
Clinton: i will try to bridge the divide between gun nuts and gun controllers who are too polarizing
Gibson: unlike you
Gibson: Hillary what about my precious stock taxes????
Hillary: how stupid are you Charlie we have a huge deficit we have to pay for it somehow
Gibson: what about raising taxes on poor people
Hillary: that's what Obama wants to do
Obama: no i want to raise payroll taxes on the richest 6%
Clinton: hey i made $109 million dood
Gibson: THATS A TAX!! LIBERAL!! BURN HIM!!!
Obama: you're a looney
Gibson: hey all my friends make about $3 million a year except for my one poor friend who only makes $800,000 per year but we all chip in for him at xmas
Obama: boo fucking hoo
Gibson: can DC ban guns??
Obama: i am now going to lapse in to really boring Con Law Professor Mode
Gibson: that will win over the extras from The Deer Hunter and All The Right Moves
Obama: who among us does not appreciate the firearm owner
Gibson: do you want to ban all guns oh noes!
Obama: christ America is fucking awash in guns have you people not noticed this?? I feel like i beamed down from Mars to point this shit out
Steph: Hillary do you support the DC ban on guns?
Clinton: i support triangulating this issue without committing either way
Steph: do you have any position at all?
Clinton: i am in favor of what works and against what doesn't work
Steph: do you think anything??
Clinton: work with me George have you been to upstate New York it's all crazies up there
|
Steph: Barack do you hate white people?
Obama: you should look at the whole person
Steph: that's crazy
Clinton: please let me talk about student loans and health care
Gibson: no gas prices - go!
Clinton: release the gas reserves!!
Gibson: what about The Maverick's plan?
Clinton: i have a 25 point plan to stop people from driving to work
Gibson: this is all that Jimmy Carter's fault
Obama: History's Greatest Monster Conservator
Gibson: Persuade me - go!
Clinton: like john edwards i plan to take on the the big companies on behalf of all the bitter americans who are angry at being screwed - i am ready to be commander n chief and will recreate the bill clinton presidency except for the sex with monica - unless you liked it in which case i willl do that too
Obama: our planet is in peril doods - promises and have been made and they're been broken i have bet my candidacy that people are tired of petty silly attack politics
Gibson: i'll take that bet
Obama: oh noes little white man - i got a 70 year old non-voter to vote for me - i am forming a coalition of non-voting embittered nutjobs to take this country by force and you can't stop us
Gibson: let's hear for our sad candidates and their desperate dream to improve this doomed nation
{ applause }
Democratic Debate
Philadelphia, PA
ABC
April 16, 2008
Senator Barack Obama
Senator Hillary Clinton
****************************************
Charlie Gibson: Hi I am out-of-touch elderly white millionaire Charlie “my damm capital gains taxes are too high” Gibson and this is my young sidekick George “kool aid” Stephanpolous welcome to this shitty debate and we’ll start with opening apologies:
Barack Obama: i've been traveling across this pathetic hick state for 5 weeks and hearing about their shitty lives and its fucking sad - i'm running for president to get away from all this shit
Hillary Clinton: We meet here in Philadelphia where a bunch of white guys hoped that the promise of America would be open to other white men
[ yay! ]
Clinton: let's face it - America sucks but if you elect me i will try to make it suck a little less and i have a 25 point plan laid on my website www.imnotbitter.com
Gibson: Governor Cuomo has suggested that you guys try really, really hard to win but that you pledge to take the other as your running mate and that Hillary meekly accept it
Obama: Mario Cuomo? Jeebus, what did milli vanilli and mc hammer have to say?
Gibson: Milli Vanilli support you and mc hammer supports Hillary
Obama: well anyway that's a stupid question
Clinton: hey i could still win
Gibson: if it was good enough for Jefferson to take Aaron Burr as his Veep why shouldn't Obama take you on?
Obama: yeah this should work out about as well
Clinton: i can still win!!!
Gibson: okay i better let this go
Gibson: let us address what you said in a conference call - it's very important for you to admit you have contempt for gun-toting bible reading white trash
Obama: okay dude - these rubes are told for decade after decade that things will get better and they never do - so they cling to their crappy church and the penis-substitute and hating on gays
Gibson: well I'm glad you explained it now its all clear
Clinton: my grandfather was from Scrappy, Pennsylvania and he worked at Dunder Mifflin when he was only 9 years old and he carried a gun to work - but not because he hated the government - but because he hoped one day i would run for president and i would be able to say i too had a lunatic for a relative just like the smalll-town jackasses whose votes i need
Stephanoplous: Hillary can Obama beat McCain - yes or no
Clinton: of course he can't - Obama is a black elitist young skinny black snob with no experience except of course being a black cocaine dealer who grew up in a black neighborhood
Steph: so Obama can't win?
Clinton: well if you insist i will pretend i think so
Obama: she can win and so can i - unlike Hillary i actually go to church and have a Rev. Right in my life and i have a lot of gun owners in my life like when i was dealing crack i knew a lot of people with guns
Steph: she says you're a snob
Obama: for example i would never bring up the story about how she dissed stay-at-home mothers mocking them for baking cookies i thought it was very sad that it made her look like a bitch - see i would never do that
Clinton: i never attacked Obama - only what he said -- and i speak for the unwashed masses who were deeply offended by Obama calling all white people crackers sent by Satan - i respect people, unlike Hussein X over there
Gibson: Rev Right calls all white people devils - i assume you agree with that - my question is will you fly Air Force One into the Mormon Tabernacle or the Astrodome?
Obama: listen honky - i have answered this fucking question a dozen times and people have been voting for me as a big Fuck You to the narrow minded pinheads in the media - people like you you white man
Gibson: hillary sister talk to me as one white woman to another can 8,000 Right fans be wrong?
Clinton: when i go to church i seek fellowship and sermons about infidelity - clearly Obama looks for one that defends muslim terrorists - but hey that's just me -- you don't get to chose your family but you do get to choose your pastor
Obama: well you also get to choose your running mate and i just crossed you off my list
Obama: speaking of weird pastors i hear Hillary's pastor wants to castrate all men
Steph: I have 2 questions - why do hate America, and why do you really hate America?
Obama: [ SIGH ]
look you greek dwarf i might mention that these are statements not made by me but by some other dude
Steph: how much do you hate america?
Obama: i don't
Steph: but your pastor does
Obama: he's a former marine
Clinton: Obama gave him the Black Seal Of Approval and Obama and Rev. Right has sex orgies with Rev. Farrkhan and Hamas - and well that makes me sad
Question: You lied about Bosnia
Clinton: i went to Bosnia and it was a war zone and every word i said was true except for the lies but Wes Clark wore battle gear when he met with me
Gibson: well don't we all
Clinton: look i'm not dumb
Gibson: no you're just a liar
Clinton: look my lies about wars put me on an even par with John McCain
Steph: Obama is Hillary a lying bitch?
Obama: shes' a fucking irritant that's true enough - but i would point out that we are in not one, but two wars, and a depression and gee i don't know maybe you could ask one fucking question tonight about that - oh i realize that's too much to ask
Gibson: that's a very good point - now let's get back to a very serious issue - why do you hate America and Apple Pie and the Flag?
Obama: America is likeable enough - look i was born to a teenage muslim from saudiranibia and i lived in hawaindonesia and one day i said hey maybe i should run for president of the great satan and trick them into making me their leader to i could destroy it from within -- but of course i would refuse wear the flag pin as sign to my muslim supporters around the world who are funding my campaign to crush America
Gibson: thank you - that's all i wanted to know
Steph: on 9/11 one of your supporters painted ‘Helter Skelter’ on the wall of his house and organized the SLA to hold a fundraiser with Patty Hearst and charlie manson
Obama: seriously, fuck you George - i'm also friendly with Tom Coburn and trust me that guy is a fucking lunatic
Cliton: no no no Obama was married to the dood from the weather underground for several years even after 9/11 and people in New York were very hurt by his remarks
Gibson: really, that's what new yorkers were saying on 9/11???
Clinton: that's right - look we all know the GOP are evil motherfuckers and we must prepare for the fight by being as evil as they are
Obama: for the love of pete Bill Clinton pardoned members of the weather underground and nominated Charlie Manson to the Supreme Court
Hillary: hey he's still better than Clarence Thomas
Gibson: when we come back - does Obama leave the toilet seat up and why does he hate America?
Audience Question: you keep saying you wants to bring the troops home but it's really unclear since everyone knows that troops should stay
Gibson: what if The Military Commanders told you The Troops Must Stay would really overrule our Caesars???
Clinton: you bet because like Bush the Generals will do what i tell them to fucking do
Gibson: but the poor Iraqis!!
Clinton: they suck and it's time for them to suck on this
Gibson: you make me very sad it's a glorious war
Clinton: Charlie, suck my dick
Gibson: i'm really confused George Bush finally found a general who is willing to repeat GOP talking points and you think you know better than him - i'm shocked
Clinton: fuck general petraeus he's another lying toady like Powell and the other asshole men in that cabal and by the way the war sucks
Gibson: to be clear - Obama you also hate the military
Obama: Look George Bush may want to cede his authority to some dude in a uniform but this is one negro who will not be taking orders from by some white man in a snappy outfit
Steph: Completely change US policy with regard to Israel or I will conclude you are an anti-semite -- Go!!
Obama: Fine I will nuke Iran if they attack Israel - are you happy now??
Clinton: what a wimp Obama is - I would also make it clear that if Cuba attacked Israel I would invade Iraq again
Steph: that's some sound thinking there
Clinton: look Iran is seeking yellowcake from Africa but i would open up diplomacy with Iran and other leaders
Steph: like Ahmedinejad?
Clinton: no never never that would be appeasement - just his vice president
Steph: what else will make peace in the middle east?
Clinton: sell nukes to a peaceful country like Saudi Arabia
Steph: the economy is weak and sad and it's a pathetic little baby - why do you persist in trying to kill it with your big bad tax cuts???
Clinton: because you are a fucking idiot
Steph: that's not a good reason
Obama: but it's true
Clinton: amen brother
Steph: you are wicked tax raiser
Clinton: on my website www.shotofwhiskey.com it's all laid out - i will never raise taxes on middle income college professors making $250,000
Obama: god Charlie Gibson you are an idiot christ we are in the middle of a housing crisis
Gibson: you said my pledge - gotcha!!
Obama: whatever moron
Gibson: what about my capital gains taxes - admit it Supply Side Economics work!!
Obama: fuck you stupid
Gibson: but why have taxes at all - do you hate the USA??
Obama: we have to pay for you favorite war charlie gibson
Gibson: i luv mah wah!!!!!
Obama: what a dipshit this jackass is
Gibson: but Republicans are right and you are wrong
Obama: oh i didn't realize it was Debate Moderator Editorialize Night
Gibson: well it is and the GOP Rulz!!!!!
Clinton: i will hire 3 million people to keep track of Bill Clinton
Gibson: awesome
Gibson: every American said a prayer to jesus today to thank him for taking his precious children to heaven a year ago - why do you pretend to love guns?
Hillary: as we all know Philly is more dangerous than Baghdad and the answer you all had was to elect a man named Nutter
Obama: and the Chief of Police Sgt. Crazytown
Hillary: 80% of crimes are committed by mentally challenged Republican family members
Gibson: guns?
Clinton: i will try to bridge the divide between gun nuts and gun controllers who are too polarizing
Gibson: unlike you
Gibson: Hillary what about my precious stock taxes????
Hillary: how stupid are you Charlie we have a huge deficit we have to pay for it somehow
Gibson: what about raising taxes on poor people
Hillary: that's what Obama wants to do
Obama: no i want to raise payroll taxes on the richest 6%
Clinton: hey i made $109 million dood
Gibson: THATS A TAX!! LIBERAL!! BURN HIM!!!
Obama: you're a looney
Gibson: hey all my friends make about $3 million a year except for my one poor friend who only makes $800,000 per year but we all chip in for him at xmas
Obama: boo fucking hoo
Gibson: can DC ban guns??
Obama: i am now going to lapse in to really boring Con Law Professor Mode
Gibson: that will win over the extras from The Deer Hunter and All The Right Moves
Obama: who among us does not appreciate the firearm owner
Gibson: do you want to ban all guns oh noes!
Obama: christ America is fucking awash in guns have you people not noticed this?? I feel like i beamed down from Mars to point this shit out
Steph: Hillary do you support the DC ban on guns?
Clinton: i support triangulating this issue without committing either way
Steph: do you have any position at all?
Clinton: i am in favor of what works and against what doesn't work
Steph: do you think anything??
Clinton: work with me George have you been to upstate New York it's all crazies up there
|
Steph: Barack do you hate white people?
Obama: you should look at the whole person
Steph: that's crazy
Clinton: please let me talk about student loans and health care
Gibson: no gas prices - go!
Clinton: release the gas reserves!!
Gibson: what about The Maverick's plan?
Clinton: i have a 25 point plan to stop people from driving to work
Gibson: this is all that Jimmy Carter's fault
Obama: History's Greatest Monster Conservator
Gibson: Persuade me - go!
Clinton: like john edwards i plan to take on the the big companies on behalf of all the bitter americans who are angry at being screwed - i am ready to be commander n chief and will recreate the bill clinton presidency except for the sex with monica - unless you liked it in which case i willl do that too
Obama: our planet is in peril doods - promises and have been made and they're been broken i have bet my candidacy that people are tired of petty silly attack politics
Gibson: i'll take that bet
Obama: oh noes little white man - i got a 70 year old non-voter to vote for me - i am forming a coalition of non-voting embittered nutjobs to take this country by force and you can't stop us
Gibson: let's hear for our sad candidates and their desperate dream to improve this doomed nation
{ applause }
Sunday, April 06, 2008
60 Minutes with Doug Feith - April 6, 2008
*******************************************
60 Minutes
April 6, 2008
Guest: Doug Feith
*******************************************
Kroft: why did we invade iraq?
Feith: Saddam had a very scary mustache
Kroft: but he wasn't involved in 9/11
Feith: but he could have been
Kroft: but he wasn't
Feith: but he could have
Kroft: but he wasn't
Feith: we had to attack someone
Kroft: so why Saddam?
Feith: he once attacked Iran
Kroft: you're fucking kidding right
Feith: it's ‘anticipatory self defense’
Kroft: i think hitler did that to poland in 1939
Feith: exactly
Kroft: you all said we were about to be attacked
Feith: no we didn't
Kroft: [ plays endless clips of people in the Administration saying that ]
Feith: oh that - that was all the CIA's fault
Feith: we shouldn't have focused on WMD
Kroft: dood that's the whole reason we invaded!!
Feith: oh no we attacked for a whole other reason
Kroft: which was??
Feith: to help Osama bin Laden and get us bogged down in a civil war and ruin our reputation
Kroft: really?!?!?
Feith: no - just kidding
Kroft: but all that really happened!
Feith: and we saw it all coming
Kroft: jesus christ then why invade??
Feith: Bush was salivating at the idea of a parade
Kroft: the war has been a disaster
Feith: ok we didn't realize there would be an insurgency
Kroft: you were asleep in the 20th century were you?
Kroft: you didn't have enough troops
Feith: i don't know what is my own book sorry
Kroft: you are the stupidest fucking man on earth
Feith: heh i wish i had a dime for every time i heard that
Kroft: worst decision ever??
Feith: disband the Iraqi military
Kroft: you signed off on that
Feith: no i never did
Kroft: did rumsfeld?
Feith: i don't know we were too busy banning abortion in Iraq
Kroft: you're an idiot - what are you doing now?
Feith: teaching at Georgetown
Feith: if Bush had listened to me and put Chalabi in charge things would have been fine
Kroft: General Franks says you're the dumbest mother fucker on the planet
Feith: ah - but not Venus or Mars, right
Kroft: people seem to hate you
Feith: they are just pissed because i faked intelligence to trick america in to war
Kroft: oh so just whining
Kroft: was the Iraq war was the right thing to do?
Feith: given bush is an idiot then yes
Kroft: yes or no
Feith: yes the war was a terrific idea
[scrubs hands furiously]
Kroft: i don't think that blood will come out big guy
Feith: dammit dammit dammit
***************************************************************
I want to invade a country, but don't I need a reason?
No! Read the book that tells The Full Doug Feith Story!
A book? What is it? It's words on paper, bound with glue, but's that not important right now.
What's important is that you click here for even more Doug Feith news!!
60 Minutes
April 6, 2008
Guest: Doug Feith
*******************************************
Kroft: why did we invade iraq?
Feith: Saddam had a very scary mustache
Kroft: but he wasn't involved in 9/11
Feith: but he could have been
Kroft: but he wasn't
Feith: but he could have
Kroft: but he wasn't
Feith: we had to attack someone
Kroft: so why Saddam?
Feith: he once attacked Iran
Kroft: you're fucking kidding right
Feith: it's ‘anticipatory self defense’
Kroft: i think hitler did that to poland in 1939
Feith: exactly
Kroft: you all said we were about to be attacked
Feith: no we didn't
Kroft: [ plays endless clips of people in the Administration saying that ]
Feith: oh that - that was all the CIA's fault
Feith: we shouldn't have focused on WMD
Kroft: dood that's the whole reason we invaded!!
Feith: oh no we attacked for a whole other reason
Kroft: which was??
Feith: to help Osama bin Laden and get us bogged down in a civil war and ruin our reputation
Kroft: really?!?!?
Feith: no - just kidding
Kroft: but all that really happened!
Feith: and we saw it all coming
Kroft: jesus christ then why invade??
Feith: Bush was salivating at the idea of a parade
Kroft: the war has been a disaster
Feith: ok we didn't realize there would be an insurgency
Kroft: you were asleep in the 20th century were you?
Kroft: you didn't have enough troops
Feith: i don't know what is my own book sorry
Kroft: you are the stupidest fucking man on earth
Feith: heh i wish i had a dime for every time i heard that
Kroft: worst decision ever??
Feith: disband the Iraqi military
Kroft: you signed off on that
Feith: no i never did
Kroft: did rumsfeld?
Feith: i don't know we were too busy banning abortion in Iraq
Kroft: you're an idiot - what are you doing now?
Feith: teaching at Georgetown
Feith: if Bush had listened to me and put Chalabi in charge things would have been fine
Kroft: General Franks says you're the dumbest mother fucker on the planet
Feith: ah - but not Venus or Mars, right
Kroft: people seem to hate you
Feith: they are just pissed because i faked intelligence to trick america in to war
Kroft: oh so just whining
Kroft: was the Iraq war was the right thing to do?
Feith: given bush is an idiot then yes
Kroft: yes or no
Feith: yes the war was a terrific idea
[scrubs hands furiously]
Kroft: i don't think that blood will come out big guy
Feith: dammit dammit dammit
***************************************************************
I want to invade a country, but don't I need a reason?
No! Read the book that tells The Full Doug Feith Story!
A book? What is it? It's words on paper, bound with glue, but's that not important right now.
What's important is that you click here for even more Doug Feith news!!
Meet The Press - with Bob Casey and Ed Rendell - April 6, 2008
***********************************************
Meet The Press
April 6, 2008
Guests:
Senator Bob Casey
Governor Ed Rendell
***********************************************
Russert: is hillary unbeatable???
Rendell: no we're underdogs - Obama is cheating by raising so much money
Russert: omg you endorsed Obama you changed your mind!!!
Casey: yes i did you fat dipshit
Russert: but that's not allowed!!
Casey: Obama is awesome and will be a great president
Russert: can he win Pennsylvania?
Casey: he's very inspirational
Russert: you're cheating by endorsing a handsome young man
Casey: what can i say he's sexy
Russert: but you once said you lack metaphysical certitude
Casey: i know this much - you're an asshole
Russert: hillary can't win can she?
Rendell: no she won Michigan so she's better than Obama
Russert: Penn works for the Medellin family?
Rendell: i hope Penn makes clear that he when does work for the columbians he does not speak for hillary that's just his day job
Russert: what if obama loses the keystone state??
Casey: it only ruins my career if he's not the President
Timmy: Governor doesn't she have to crush mr. handsome in Penn. ???
Rendell: 3 points is a huge win
Timmy: how can she be the nominee?
Rendell: if the superdelegates override the votes by judging that the black man is politically unviable
Timmy: how wonderful
Rendell: she won Michigan and we should seat those delegates
Russert: but she was only person on the ballot
Rendell: he must win Michigan and Florida
Russert: but he can win Virginia and Colorado
Rendell: anyone who fails to win a primary in a state will never win that state later in a general election
Russert: so by your definition Hillary could never be elected at all
Rendell: ok forget everything i just said
Russert: Obama is way ahead in delegates, states won and votes cast
Rendell: oh sure if you only go by those numbers
Russert: well what else
Rendell: we have go by who is ahead in the electoral college
Russert: oh ok
Rendell: plus we should count the elections in Florida and Michigan
Russert: oh is that the new argument now?? Criminy
Russert: but she was the only person on the ballot in Michigan??
Rendell: that's the hardest election win off all!! People would rather vote for nobody than hillary!!
Russert: solution?
Rendell: we three of us can settle this right now and agree to revote now
Casey: wow i didn't know we had that power
Russert: we're white men we can do anything we want
Russert: but she was the only person on the ballot in Michigan??
Rendell: that's the hardest election win off all!! People would rather vote for nobody than hillary!!
Russert: solution?
Rendell: we three of us can settle this right now and agree to revote now
Casey: wow i didn't know we had that power
Russert: we're white men - we can do anything we want
Russert: does Obama think having a baby is a punishment
Casey: hey if the GOP wants to argue that teenage girls having babies is great we're welcome to that debate
Russert: but babies are cute and precious they are never a punishment
Casey: fine 13 year olds should have unprotected sex and procreate all day long - are you happy timmy
Russert: i'm glad you admitted it
Russert: omg the Clintons made $100 million!!!
Rendell: sure but they paid a lot in taxes and gave a lot of charity
Timmy: but what about the contributors to his liberry??
Rendell: it's all to help starving people in Africa
Russert: Obama has raised people from influential people
Casey: not the really A-List bloggers they are steadfastly neutral
Rendell: if hillary steals the nomination will people stay home? Probably - but that's true if we nominate a black man or a non-woman
Casey: yeah ok dood
Russert: early morning april 4 shots rang out in memphis sky
Young: your no bono
Timster: speak to me of King
Young: martin was sick and almost didn't go and gave that ominous speech and the next day he was happy
Russert: he had a preminition
Young: the Constitution promised equality and King was now into economic equality as well as racial equality
Russert: and then he was killed in mysterious circumstances
Young: surprise, surprise
Timmy: why be such a trouble maker and rabble rouser
Young: he wanted to fight powerful entrenched wealthy interests
Timmy: and look how far we've come a mom and pop operation like GE owns Meet the Press
Dyson: death haunted him every day of his life and his blood mixed with the soil of our redemptive history
Brokaw: King was only 26 years old when he started
Russert: ah but did he ever have a house on Nantucket
Brokaw: he had me at non-violence
Russert: who was bull connor
Brokaw: he knew bull connor would overreact with dogs it was clever
Russert: he tricked that poor white man
Russert: King was cuddly and Rev. Right is angry and mean and racist
Dyson: bullshit King said America was going to hell
Russert: why so much hate from the black man???
Dyson: fuck off
Timmy: Obama finally learned you blacks have to reach out to whites
Young: yes he did timster - he's bowling and talking about money and capital
Russert: you may stop talking now i wish to speak to the elderly white man
Brokaw: thank you - i wish to decry racial disparity so sad what's with all the hispanics and asians these days
Russert: who can heal america's racial wounds??
Brokaw: newt gingrich and the american enterprise institute
Dyson: race isn't a fucking fiction it's a damm reality about slavery, prejudice economics and self image
Russert: and having a house in Nantucket
Dyson: we have to reach out to poor people and lift them up
Russert: oh noes!
Russert: condi rice says america has a birth defect - are african americans our third limb?
Young: i love condi rice and she is doing a great job
Dyson: dood are you high?
************************************************
Meet The Press
April 6, 2008
Guests:
Senator Bob Casey
Governor Ed Rendell
***********************************************
Russert: is hillary unbeatable???
Rendell: no we're underdogs - Obama is cheating by raising so much money
Russert: omg you endorsed Obama you changed your mind!!!
Casey: yes i did you fat dipshit
Russert: but that's not allowed!!
Casey: Obama is awesome and will be a great president
Russert: can he win Pennsylvania?
Casey: he's very inspirational
Russert: you're cheating by endorsing a handsome young man
Casey: what can i say he's sexy
Russert: but you once said you lack metaphysical certitude
Casey: i know this much - you're an asshole
Russert: hillary can't win can she?
Rendell: no she won Michigan so she's better than Obama
Russert: Penn works for the Medellin family?
Rendell: i hope Penn makes clear that he when does work for the columbians he does not speak for hillary that's just his day job
Russert: what if obama loses the keystone state??
Casey: it only ruins my career if he's not the President
Timmy: Governor doesn't she have to crush mr. handsome in Penn. ???
Rendell: 3 points is a huge win
Timmy: how can she be the nominee?
Rendell: if the superdelegates override the votes by judging that the black man is politically unviable
Timmy: how wonderful
Rendell: she won Michigan and we should seat those delegates
Russert: but she was only person on the ballot
Rendell: he must win Michigan and Florida
Russert: but he can win Virginia and Colorado
Rendell: anyone who fails to win a primary in a state will never win that state later in a general election
Russert: so by your definition Hillary could never be elected at all
Rendell: ok forget everything i just said
Russert: Obama is way ahead in delegates, states won and votes cast
Rendell: oh sure if you only go by those numbers
Russert: well what else
Rendell: we have go by who is ahead in the electoral college
Russert: oh ok
Rendell: plus we should count the elections in Florida and Michigan
Russert: oh is that the new argument now?? Criminy
Russert: but she was the only person on the ballot in Michigan??
Rendell: that's the hardest election win off all!! People would rather vote for nobody than hillary!!
Russert: solution?
Rendell: we three of us can settle this right now and agree to revote now
Casey: wow i didn't know we had that power
Russert: we're white men we can do anything we want
Russert: but she was the only person on the ballot in Michigan??
Rendell: that's the hardest election win off all!! People would rather vote for nobody than hillary!!
Russert: solution?
Rendell: we three of us can settle this right now and agree to revote now
Casey: wow i didn't know we had that power
Russert: we're white men - we can do anything we want
Russert: does Obama think having a baby is a punishment
Casey: hey if the GOP wants to argue that teenage girls having babies is great we're welcome to that debate
Russert: but babies are cute and precious they are never a punishment
Casey: fine 13 year olds should have unprotected sex and procreate all day long - are you happy timmy
Russert: i'm glad you admitted it
Russert: omg the Clintons made $100 million!!!
Rendell: sure but they paid a lot in taxes and gave a lot of charity
Timmy: but what about the contributors to his liberry??
Rendell: it's all to help starving people in Africa
Russert: Obama has raised people from influential people
Casey: not the really A-List bloggers they are steadfastly neutral
Rendell: if hillary steals the nomination will people stay home? Probably - but that's true if we nominate a black man or a non-woman
Casey: yeah ok dood
Russert: early morning april 4 shots rang out in memphis sky
Young: your no bono
Timster: speak to me of King
Young: martin was sick and almost didn't go and gave that ominous speech and the next day he was happy
Russert: he had a preminition
Young: the Constitution promised equality and King was now into economic equality as well as racial equality
Russert: and then he was killed in mysterious circumstances
Young: surprise, surprise
Timmy: why be such a trouble maker and rabble rouser
Young: he wanted to fight powerful entrenched wealthy interests
Timmy: and look how far we've come a mom and pop operation like GE owns Meet the Press
Dyson: death haunted him every day of his life and his blood mixed with the soil of our redemptive history
Brokaw: King was only 26 years old when he started
Russert: ah but did he ever have a house on Nantucket
Brokaw: he had me at non-violence
Russert: who was bull connor
Brokaw: he knew bull connor would overreact with dogs it was clever
Russert: he tricked that poor white man
Russert: King was cuddly and Rev. Right is angry and mean and racist
Dyson: bullshit King said America was going to hell
Russert: why so much hate from the black man???
Dyson: fuck off
Timmy: Obama finally learned you blacks have to reach out to whites
Young: yes he did timster - he's bowling and talking about money and capital
Russert: you may stop talking now i wish to speak to the elderly white man
Brokaw: thank you - i wish to decry racial disparity so sad what's with all the hispanics and asians these days
Russert: who can heal america's racial wounds??
Brokaw: newt gingrich and the american enterprise institute
Dyson: race isn't a fucking fiction it's a damm reality about slavery, prejudice economics and self image
Russert: and having a house in Nantucket
Dyson: we have to reach out to poor people and lift them up
Russert: oh noes!
Russert: condi rice says america has a birth defect - are african americans our third limb?
Young: i love condi rice and she is doing a great job
Dyson: dood are you high?
************************************************
The Chris Matthews Show - April 6, 2008
***********************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
April 6, 2008
***********************************************
Matthews: omg the Clintons never lose!!!
Allen: she really thinks she can win the nomination
Matthews: how?
Allen: by changing the definition of a delegate and splitting the math like a supercollider
Matthews: is she delusional?
Kay: she surrounded by a bunch of sycophants and yes men
Matthews: can she really win?
Kay: only if Obama admits he was once a black baby
Sullivan: she thinks she is entitled but she has every right to keep running in futility
Matthews: mighty white of you
Allen: she really thinks she is better than Obama
Matthews: well duh
Allen: yeah but she really, really thinks that
Kay: the whole Clinton camp thinks Obam should have waited his turn
Matthews: why does bill want to get back to the White House
Borger: he wants to polish his knob and put luster on the clinton legacy
Sully: he wants to remain the only black president
Allen: she's wonky and nimble
Matthews: ickys says ‘hey Obama is black’
Borger: she wants to persuade superdelegates to go with her
Sullivan: well it isn't working isn't it??
Mathews: will superdelegates overturn teh elected delegates?
Borger: no way
Sullivan: the dood is doing better with white people after Rev. Right
Kay: his people will be very alarmed if people like him too much
Matthews: omg Obama can't bowl! Then again Herbert Walker Bush threw up on the japanese bowling commissioner!!!
Matthews: omg john McCain is older than dirt!!!
Sullivan: Obama represents the 21st Century and McCain represents the 18th century
Kay: if Iraq is a total disaster that is good news for its chief booster
Allen: if McCain dies this summer it could help him politically
Borger: McCain / Heston 2008!!!
Mathews: does age and size matter?
Kay: its does to insecure white men
Allen: i wouldn't know about that
Matthews: is he too old
Allen: no he's hilarious he's like your crazy great grandpa
Sully: bullshit he's just your crazy embittered veteran grandpa reliving an ancient war
Borger: young people want someone who knows American Idol doesn't refer to Ronald Reagan
Kay: greenies hate Obama cause he's into coal
Allen: the next 6 days in Iraq are crucial
Borger: all the superdelegates will tell other superdelegates to shit or get off the tv
Sully: John Yoo can't leave america or he will be indicted for war crimes
Mathews: geez you torture one guy and people never let you forget it
Mathews: will Hillary run again 2012?
Kay: right but she must destroy him now
Allen: hell if i know
Borger: you're all fuckers and i agree
Sully: i hate women
Matthews: hah!
**********************************
The Chris Matthews Show
April 6, 2008
***********************************************
Matthews: omg the Clintons never lose!!!
Allen: she really thinks she can win the nomination
Matthews: how?
Allen: by changing the definition of a delegate and splitting the math like a supercollider
Matthews: is she delusional?
Kay: she surrounded by a bunch of sycophants and yes men
Matthews: can she really win?
Kay: only if Obama admits he was once a black baby
Sullivan: she thinks she is entitled but she has every right to keep running in futility
Matthews: mighty white of you
Allen: she really thinks she is better than Obama
Matthews: well duh
Allen: yeah but she really, really thinks that
Kay: the whole Clinton camp thinks Obam should have waited his turn
Matthews: why does bill want to get back to the White House
Borger: he wants to polish his knob and put luster on the clinton legacy
Sully: he wants to remain the only black president
Allen: she's wonky and nimble
Matthews: ickys says ‘hey Obama is black’
Borger: she wants to persuade superdelegates to go with her
Sullivan: well it isn't working isn't it??
Mathews: will superdelegates overturn teh elected delegates?
Borger: no way
Sullivan: the dood is doing better with white people after Rev. Right
Kay: his people will be very alarmed if people like him too much
Matthews: omg Obama can't bowl! Then again Herbert Walker Bush threw up on the japanese bowling commissioner!!!
Matthews: omg john McCain is older than dirt!!!
Sullivan: Obama represents the 21st Century and McCain represents the 18th century
Kay: if Iraq is a total disaster that is good news for its chief booster
Allen: if McCain dies this summer it could help him politically
Borger: McCain / Heston 2008!!!
Mathews: does age and size matter?
Kay: its does to insecure white men
Allen: i wouldn't know about that
Matthews: is he too old
Allen: no he's hilarious he's like your crazy great grandpa
Sully: bullshit he's just your crazy embittered veteran grandpa reliving an ancient war
Borger: young people want someone who knows American Idol doesn't refer to Ronald Reagan
Kay: greenies hate Obama cause he's into coal
Allen: the next 6 days in Iraq are crucial
Borger: all the superdelegates will tell other superdelegates to shit or get off the tv
Sully: John Yoo can't leave america or he will be indicted for war crimes
Mathews: geez you torture one guy and people never let you forget it
Mathews: will Hillary run again 2012?
Kay: right but she must destroy him now
Allen: hell if i know
Borger: you're all fuckers and i agree
Sully: i hate women
Matthews: hah!
**********************************
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Hardball with Chris Matthews with guest Senator Barack Obama
******************************************************
Hardball with Chris Matthews
April 2, 2008
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
***********************************************
Matthews: Welcome to my Exclusive Interview with the Next President!!
Matthews: hello Obama - you suck at bowling
Obama: clearly i do you fat white looser
Matthews: you’re black so you’re good at basketball
Obama: i'm only half black so i only shoot from half court
Matthews: are you as tough as dick cheney?
Obama: heh that fat draft dodging loser? i aim higher than that
Matthews: but dick cheney is so presidential -- he hates human beings so much he shoots them
Obama: yeah ignoring the voters makes you tough
Matthews: but you’re skinny you look like you can’t fight
Obama: i'm from Chicago - fuck that shit
Matthews: do you hate america and will your surrender to brown people
Obama: i was right about the war and dick cheney drinks human blood
Matthews: but the war is lovely this time of year
Obama: fuck that shit and damm Hillary for voting for it
Matthews: but we are americans kicking foreign ass!!!!
Obama: you're a mission creep
Matthews: but the surge is working!!!!
Obama: hey dood the puppet regime we installed is linked to our great enemy Iran - face it bush is one dumb motherfucker
Matthews: but the brown terrorists!!
Obama: which i intend to kill
Matthews: is hillary McClinton?
Obama: no i just pointed out what McCain said which is that we will stay in Iraq for 100 years
Matthews: well why not?
Obama: we could spend that on college scholarships and on bottled water for all MSNBC employees
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: we have lost a lot of jobs in Pennsylvania
Obama: who the fuck is 'we' Nantucket-boy?
Matthews: hah!
Obama: face it boys the jobs are gone and they ain't comin' back
Matthews: springsteeen bitches!
Obama: I was born in the usa!
Matthews: the crisis of 2009 is bill clinton's fault!!
Obama: well of course
Matthews: what’s solution to the economic slump?
Obama: green jobs fathead
Audience: college funding dood
Obama: I favor Pell grants and credit for national service like help the homeless or teh peas core
Matthews: heh i was in teh peas core
Obama: eliminate teh middle man like sally mae
Audience: I hate that bitch
Audience: Pastor Right dood
Obama: i used to pray for a new BMW and now I pray for Chris Matthews to develop a terrible mental disease
Matthews: hah too late!
Obama: let god be god and me be me
Question: Senator what's your stance on teacher merit pay
Obama: it's fucking stupid - teaching to teh test is moronic
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: what if al qaeda tries to fly a plane in to teh capitol at 3:00!?!
Obama: so what - there's no one in the capitol at 3:00 am
Matthews: people like me would be
Obama: again so what?
Matthews: but the brown scary people!
Obama: JFK showed restraint and i want to cool and cautious and get laid a lot like him
Matthews: yur awesome
Obama: i will attack Pakistan to get Osama
Matthews: never heard of him
Matthews: how do you clean out the corrupt executive branch??
Obama: gee i don't maybe run for President
Matthews: but that's scary
Obama: I will create a culture of truth baby
Matthews: but the CIA kills people
Obama: so do i dood
Matthews: you're scary
Obama: i'm black and i'm from chicago i'm not afraid of the striped pants ivy league twits at teh CIA
Matthews: Barama what's it like to have a white mother who loves you?
Obama: it’s great american melting pot dood
Matthews: ooh Schoolhouse Rock!
Obama: i've got family members who are pasty and some who are black and they all agree Bush is a motherfucker
Matthews: you're like that kid in Soul Man - you're a white guy who learned what it's like to be black
Obama: C. Thomas Howell inspired me to go to Harvard Law School
Matthews: you wanted to defeat Russian invaders?
Obama: no i wanted to nail Rae Dawn Chong
Matthews: Clinton using dog whistles to call out the Rev Right dogs?
Obama: of course they are - meanwhile 4,000 people are dead - the planet is melting and america is the shitter
Matthews: so let's talk more about rev Right and why didn't you fuck him over?
Obama: because MSNBC is a tv network full of repressed white catholic racists
Matthews: but he's controversial!
Obama: didn't i see you sexually harass Erin Burnett?
Matthews: it was all in fun dood!
Matthews: you have will power like Bush - you stopped smoking!
Obama: yeah yeah yeah
Matthews: smokers stand up!
Obama: oh lord - why didn't i stick with a substantive show like "The View"??
Matthews: do you ever think “holy shit this is ridiculous”
Obama: only when i watch your show jackass
Question: gay marriage!?
Obama: sure - but not for another generation
Matthews: why not?
Obama: because of repressed twits like you dood
Matthews: inner city schools!
Obama: answer is pre-pre pre-K, like reading to kids in teh womb
Matthews: what books can a zygote read?
Obama: something juvenile like "Life's a Campaign"
Question: what else?
Obama: apprenticeship in the trades
Matthews: what is this - the middle ages?
Obama: hey it's that or drugs and jail
Matthews: what if you end the primaries have more delegates?
Obama: that's called being the winner stupid
Matthews: but the superdelegates could vote against you
Obama: well those people would be motherfuckers wouldn't they
Matthews: so supers should vote for you if you have more votes, delegates and states
Obama: if they deny me the nominaton my black fans and white supporters will rise and take this motherfuckin' country by force
Matthews: i love it! thanx for coming
Obama: no thank u crazy man
******************************************************
Hardball with Chris Matthews
April 2, 2008
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
***********************************************
Matthews: Welcome to my Exclusive Interview with the Next President!!
Matthews: hello Obama - you suck at bowling
Obama: clearly i do you fat white looser
Matthews: you’re black so you’re good at basketball
Obama: i'm only half black so i only shoot from half court
Matthews: are you as tough as dick cheney?
Obama: heh that fat draft dodging loser? i aim higher than that
Matthews: but dick cheney is so presidential -- he hates human beings so much he shoots them
Obama: yeah ignoring the voters makes you tough
Matthews: but you’re skinny you look like you can’t fight
Obama: i'm from Chicago - fuck that shit
Matthews: do you hate america and will your surrender to brown people
Obama: i was right about the war and dick cheney drinks human blood
Matthews: but the war is lovely this time of year
Obama: fuck that shit and damm Hillary for voting for it
Matthews: but we are americans kicking foreign ass!!!!
Obama: you're a mission creep
Matthews: but the surge is working!!!!
Obama: hey dood the puppet regime we installed is linked to our great enemy Iran - face it bush is one dumb motherfucker
Matthews: but the brown terrorists!!
Obama: which i intend to kill
Matthews: is hillary McClinton?
Obama: no i just pointed out what McCain said which is that we will stay in Iraq for 100 years
Matthews: well why not?
Obama: we could spend that on college scholarships and on bottled water for all MSNBC employees
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: we have lost a lot of jobs in Pennsylvania
Obama: who the fuck is 'we' Nantucket-boy?
Matthews: hah!
Obama: face it boys the jobs are gone and they ain't comin' back
Matthews: springsteeen bitches!
Obama: I was born in the usa!
Matthews: the crisis of 2009 is bill clinton's fault!!
Obama: well of course
Matthews: what’s solution to the economic slump?
Obama: green jobs fathead
Audience: college funding dood
Obama: I favor Pell grants and credit for national service like help the homeless or teh peas core
Matthews: heh i was in teh peas core
Obama: eliminate teh middle man like sally mae
Audience: I hate that bitch
Audience: Pastor Right dood
Obama: i used to pray for a new BMW and now I pray for Chris Matthews to develop a terrible mental disease
Matthews: hah too late!
Obama: let god be god and me be me
Question: Senator what's your stance on teacher merit pay
Obama: it's fucking stupid - teaching to teh test is moronic
Matthews: i love it!
Matthews: what if al qaeda tries to fly a plane in to teh capitol at 3:00!?!
Obama: so what - there's no one in the capitol at 3:00 am
Matthews: people like me would be
Obama: again so what?
Matthews: but the brown scary people!
Obama: JFK showed restraint and i want to cool and cautious and get laid a lot like him
Matthews: yur awesome
Obama: i will attack Pakistan to get Osama
Matthews: never heard of him
Matthews: how do you clean out the corrupt executive branch??
Obama: gee i don't maybe run for President
Matthews: but that's scary
Obama: I will create a culture of truth baby
Matthews: but the CIA kills people
Obama: so do i dood
Matthews: you're scary
Obama: i'm black and i'm from chicago i'm not afraid of the striped pants ivy league twits at teh CIA
Matthews: Barama what's it like to have a white mother who loves you?
Obama: it’s great american melting pot dood
Matthews: ooh Schoolhouse Rock!
Obama: i've got family members who are pasty and some who are black and they all agree Bush is a motherfucker
Matthews: you're like that kid in Soul Man - you're a white guy who learned what it's like to be black
Obama: C. Thomas Howell inspired me to go to Harvard Law School
Matthews: you wanted to defeat Russian invaders?
Obama: no i wanted to nail Rae Dawn Chong
Matthews: Clinton using dog whistles to call out the Rev Right dogs?
Obama: of course they are - meanwhile 4,000 people are dead - the planet is melting and america is the shitter
Matthews: so let's talk more about rev Right and why didn't you fuck him over?
Obama: because MSNBC is a tv network full of repressed white catholic racists
Matthews: but he's controversial!
Obama: didn't i see you sexually harass Erin Burnett?
Matthews: it was all in fun dood!
Matthews: you have will power like Bush - you stopped smoking!
Obama: yeah yeah yeah
Matthews: smokers stand up!
Obama: oh lord - why didn't i stick with a substantive show like "The View"??
Matthews: do you ever think “holy shit this is ridiculous”
Obama: only when i watch your show jackass
Question: gay marriage!?
Obama: sure - but not for another generation
Matthews: why not?
Obama: because of repressed twits like you dood
Matthews: inner city schools!
Obama: answer is pre-pre pre-K, like reading to kids in teh womb
Matthews: what books can a zygote read?
Obama: something juvenile like "Life's a Campaign"
Question: what else?
Obama: apprenticeship in the trades
Matthews: what is this - the middle ages?
Obama: hey it's that or drugs and jail
Matthews: what if you end the primaries have more delegates?
Obama: that's called being the winner stupid
Matthews: but the superdelegates could vote against you
Obama: well those people would be motherfuckers wouldn't they
Matthews: so supers should vote for you if you have more votes, delegates and states
Obama: if they deny me the nominaton my black fans and white supporters will rise and take this motherfuckin' country by force
Matthews: i love it! thanx for coming
Obama: no thank u crazy man
******************************************************
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