Sunday, April 27, 2008

Meet The Press with Howard Dean - April 27, 2008

Guest: Chair of the Democratic Party, Howard Dean
April 27, 2008

Russert: Howie you are the most important person in the world

Dean: no hillary clinton is

Russert: why

Dean: because she will have to convince her supporters to vote for Obama

Russert: ed rendell says the primaries are teh suck

Dean: yeah well I don’t put much stock in what Ed says

Russert: but the popular vote!

Dean: sorry those are the rules fat man

Russert: you say this is all about gestalt

Dean: also sturm und drang plus rugtosslegende

Russert: who wins the nomination?

Dean: the dood with the most delegates

Russert: so the superdelegates could overrule real delegates

Dean: no the superdelgates use their great wisdom

Russert: like that wise 21 year old kid

Dean: hey - that proves that it's not just cigar-smoking old men

Russert: do elected delegates represent the people?

Dean: yes but the superdelegates are also elected

Russert: all of them?

Dean: yes - except the ones who were not

Russert: how should the superdelegates vote?

Dean: i think the superdelegates should vote their conscience or for the most handsome or tallest or with the best bowling score

Russert: it sounds like a stupid system

Dean: sure it is but we are stuck with it now

Russert: it sounds weird that they could overrule the elected delegates

Dean: it is what it is

Russert: popular vote vs. delegates!

Dean: again!? look lets talk about the Iraq war or keating 5 or the fact that John McCain is a senile version of George Bush

Russert: but you yourself said Dems must be united so i would like to spend this hour dividing the party

Dean: ok fathead

Russert: The Black Vote is teh Scary!!!

Russert: What will Black America do????

Dean: how should i know i'm from Vermont the last black left years ago

Russert: take a guess

Dean: look we dems are good at getting women and blacks and minorities to vote for them and unfortunately now we have one of each so they are fighting

Russert: blacks bellied up to the bar!!!

Dean: i would like to have a beer with a black person

Russert: will Scary Blacks wreck the party?!!?!

Dean: no because Obama will be nominee

Russert: what does america want

Dean: blacks need change and women need change

Russert: tell me about it - I can't get anyone to take a $100 bill

Russert: Florida and Michigan!

Dean: i respect the voters who voted and the candidates who didn't campaign there and other states who did get to be first for aribtrary reasons

Russert: so what's the best outcome?

Dean: let Florida secede from teh union and merge with Cuba - they want to anyway

Russert: but the swing states!

Dean: fuck em

Russert: Gov. Blanchy wants to hijack your convention

Dean: quel asshole

Russert: people say you screwed this up

Dean: look we set up a system and the states should follow it

Russert: ok i respect that but why not seat them anyway

Dean: Tim what if you were in a long line in Disneyworld and someone jumped ahead of everyone else??

Russert: I do that all the time - I’m Timmy Russert dammit!

Russert: you lied about McCain wanting to stay for 100 years he only wants to do that if no one if ever going to be killed

Dean: well that's stupid if we are there for 100 years it will never be peaceful like Korea or Germany

Russert: but what if it was happy and peaceful??

Dean: does anyone watching tv now think that?

Russert: john mccain?

Dean: moron

Russert: do you think George Bush wants to capture Osama bin laden?

Dean: of course he doesn't - he hasn't even tried and said he doesn't think about it

Russert: well sure if you go by what he had said and done

Dean: uh huh

Russert: McCain is winning in the polls

Dean: someday Tim i will explain to you the difference between 'winning' in a poll and 'winning' an election

Russert: i look forward to it Doctor

Broder: this black man and woman scare me

Russert: will this end in June

Broder: no because August is later than June

Tim: right

Slate: call William Peter Blatty because Hillary is baaaaaaaack!!!!

Tim: Slate guy who wins this

Dickerson: Obama or else we will have a revolution

Mitchell: she will plough ahead - also people just realized that he is Kenyan black man and he is a also high-born elitist

Tim: so Hillary will be the nominee?

Andrea: no Hillary is dead

Tim: this is all about Argula and Beer

Gwen: 4,000 americans died to make sure we would never a smart person as president

Tim: amen!

Russert: what do voters want to hear?

Gwen: sadly the candidates have gotten bogged down in trivial issues

Russert: i'm shaking my head how could that happen so very sad

Wolff: who the fuck are these Reagan democrats and isn't he fucking dead??

Broder: dammit the Dems talked about trivial issues in the last debate - so sad

Mitchell: hillary is not shrill anymore it's amazing

Russert: so what's her problem

Andrea: Bill Clinton he had no understanding of modern politics

Russert: so how does he win?

Gwen: ignore her - right now he can't lose the primaries

Dickerson: he needs to be seen with regular people

Tim: what's a regular person?

Dickerson: white people

Tim: whiter than you?

Dickerson: Edgar Winter

Russert: the Dems are so nasty so sad

Dickerson: McCain killed a man last week and no one noticed

Timmy: yeah but i think he was a mexican who parked in his Congressional parking spot

Dickerson: ayup

Timmy: Hillary has ads with Osama bin laden

Mitchell: Obama should never given a major address naming his Rev Right as his running mate and calling white people bitter

Tim: indeed - let's talk about Rev. Right for the 10th straight week

Timmy: Obama is the politician oh noes

Gwen: Wright is not a crazy man but he is still black and that is his great failure

Tim: how so

Gwen: it gives Timmy Russert another excuse to run Wright clips

Tim: i'm brave i talk about race

Gwen: you never talk about racism

Tim: i don't do ancient history

Wolff: i hear Obama may be black

Tim: oh noes!!

Tim: let's talk about the weatherman and Tom Hayden

Andrea: yes lets

Tim: hillary is a communist

Andrea: tim don't be silly she is a marxist lesbian

Tim: are we going to talk about the 1960s or the War

Broder: the War like did Obama dodge the draft in 1969

Tim: he was 10 years old

Broder: that's no excuse

Mitchell: Obama made a mistake in choosing to run as a black man

Wolff: Dean campaigned for Kerry and his supporters hated John Kerry

Russert: that isn't true

Wolff: it sounds good though

Russert: next week: The Presidential Election of 2012 - Are The Democrats Doomed?

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