Sunday, April 06, 2008

60 Minutes with Doug Feith - April 6, 2008

60 Minutes
April 6, 2008
Guest: Doug Feith
Kroft: why did we invade iraq?

Feith: Saddam had a very scary mustache

Kroft: but he wasn't involved in 9/11

Feith: but he could have been

Kroft: but he wasn't

Feith: but he could have

Kroft: but he wasn't

Feith: we had to attack someone

Kroft: so why Saddam?

Feith: he once attacked Iran

Kroft: you're fucking kidding right

Feith: it's ‘anticipatory self defense’

Kroft: i think hitler did that to poland in 1939

Feith: exactly

Kroft: you all said we were about to be attacked

Feith: no we didn't

Kroft: [ plays endless clips of people in the Administration saying that ]

Feith: oh that - that was all the CIA's fault

Feith: we shouldn't have focused on WMD

Kroft: dood that's the whole reason we invaded!!

Feith: oh no we attacked for a whole other reason

Kroft: which was??

Feith: to help Osama bin Laden and get us bogged down in a civil war and ruin our reputation

Kroft: really?!?!?

Feith: no - just kidding

Kroft: but all that really happened!

Feith: and we saw it all coming

Kroft: jesus christ then why invade??

Feith: Bush was salivating at the idea of a parade

Kroft: the war has been a disaster

Feith: ok we didn't realize there would be an insurgency

Kroft: you were asleep in the 20th century were you?

Kroft: you didn't have enough troops

Feith: i don't know what is my own book sorry

Kroft: you are the stupidest fucking man on earth

Feith: heh i wish i had a dime for every time i heard that

Kroft: worst decision ever??

Feith: disband the Iraqi military

Kroft: you signed off on that

Feith: no i never did

Kroft: did rumsfeld?

Feith: i don't know we were too busy banning abortion in Iraq

Kroft: you're an idiot - what are you doing now?

Feith: teaching at Georgetown

Feith: if Bush had listened to me and put Chalabi in charge things would have been fine

Kroft: General Franks says you're the dumbest mother fucker on the planet

Feith: ah - but not Venus or Mars, right

Kroft: people seem to hate you

Feith: they are just pissed because i faked intelligence to trick america in to war

Kroft: oh so just whining

Kroft: was the Iraq war was the right thing to do?

Feith: given bush is an idiot then yes

Kroft: yes or no

Feith: yes the war was a terrific idea

[scrubs hands furiously]

Kroft: i don't think that blood will come out big guy

Feith: dammit dammit dammit

I want to invade a country, but don't I need a reason?

No! Read the book that tells The Full Doug Feith Story!

A book? What is it? It's words on paper, bound with glue, but's that not important right now.

What's important is that you click here for even more Doug Feith news!!


Anonymous said...

Priceless as always, bro. I'm having my cable disconnected this week. I can just read your summaries; much cheaper.

(You think I'm kidding but I'm not.)

Jack K. said...

...OK, now THIS I would have watched...

Spocko said...

You are one hilarious man. And I agree with you on looking at the important book on Feith. He needs your well deserved ridicule as well as the smackdown about how he enabled the Iraq war.

Michael Fountain: Blood for Ink said...

Feith was on NPR this week too, doing his desperate best to sell his version of history, in which Saddam = Hitler and he, Feith, had things all planned out for postwar Iraq, if only Bush would've listened to him. It's turning into that Stooge routine where each of them blames the other.

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