Sunday, April 27, 2008

60 Minutes With Justice Antonin Scalia

60 Minutes
Guest: Justice Antonin Scalia
April 27, 2008

Stahl: why not interpret the Constitution right?

Scalia: fuck that

Stahl: how can you know what the Founders wanted?

Scalia: oh trust me i know

Stahl: but values change

Scalia: well they shouldn't

Stahl: what is an originalist

Scalia: i am hated because i am right

Stahl: why do some people despise you and think you are evil

Scalia: i'm not against progress i just hate it

Stahl: abortion?

Scalia: let's not split the baby

Stahl: ha ha

Stahl: you hate civil rights and want to impose the Rule of Opus Dei

Scalia: i confess i'm a conservative but i don't want to impose my beliefs on other people - it's just very lucky for me that my philosophy matches my views exactly

Stahl: but you don't want to throw liberals in jail

Scalia: see how open minded i am

Stahl: but could you be wrong?

Scalia: of course not others are inferior to me

Stahl: Bader you like Scalia even though you hate logic

Ginsburg: he's a nutter

Scalia: she's nice but an idiot

Stahl: but you comes across as a jerk

Scalia: you must learn to get along with other people

Stahl: how would you know

Stahl: he called you self-righteous

Ginsburg: he's a big fat child

Stahl: do you takes his name-calling personally

Ginsburg: i am a grandmother so I’m used to it

Stahl: but he's an asshole

Ginsburg: but he's charming so it's ok

Stahl: this is how we ended up with president Stupid

Stahl: you act like a jerk but you are charming

Scalia: i am bit of an jerk

Stahl: Bush v Gore was not at all using original intent

Scalia: no we did the right thing - so there

Stahl: oh so intellectual you are

Scalia: oh fuck off

Stahl: tell me that was originalism

Scalia: get over it bitch

Stahl: you got involved in politics

Scalia: it's all Gore's fault for challenging the cheating in Florida

Stahl: but you appointed Bush President

Scalia: who gives a shit

Stahl: torture violates the 8th amendment

Scalia: no if you are crushing someone's balls or killing their child in front of them to get a confession that's not a punishment

Stahl: i am just speechless

Scalia: i win!!!

Stahl: you have 9 children

Scalia: what can i say whatever faults i have i'm not gay

Stahl: one son became a priest

Scalia: he took one for the team

Stahl: i'm not touching that one

Stahl: the other originalist is Thomas

Scalia: Thomas who?

Stahl: Justice Clarence Thomas

Scalia: never heard of him - do you have a picture

Stahl: [ shows picture ]

Scalia: oh right - the mute black guy

Stahl: you despaired for a country you didn't recognize

Scalia: but then Bush came along and fixed America

Stahl: yay!!

Scalia: i have devoted myself to persuading the next generation to hate minorities

Hateful Kids: yay!!

Stahl: why stay on the Court

Scalia: my hate and insecurity fuel me

Stahl: that doesn't sound healthy

Scalia: what can i say it's all i have

Stahl: what would you do if you retired

Scalia: Bush Secretary of Kicking Ass


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