Sunday, August 30, 2015

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – August 30, 2015

Jon Karl
Gio Benitez
Dan Abrams
Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT)
Gov. Bobby Jindal (R-LA)

Raddatz: OMG Bernie Sanders
is closing in on Hillary Clinton!

Raddatz: holy crap Trump and
Ben Carson are beating everyone!

Raddatz: biggest surprise is Clinton
is below 50% which means she's doooomed!

Karl: Trump is scaring the GOP!

Karl: Clinton is trailing a
socialist in New Hampshire!

Karl: Clinton has a less than
commanding lead in Iowa!

Karl: the Clinton e-mails!

Karl: Joe Biden run! Or maybe not!

Karl: Trump is riding high everywhere!

Karl: but he's a racist lunatic!

Jeb: Trump BE CRAZY YO

Karl: Clinton is a liar!
Trump is a arrogant blowhard!

Raddatz: welcome Bernie Sanders

Sanders: good morning Martha

Raddatz: please bash Hillary for me

Sanders: the American people
don't want all the wealth going to top 1%

Raddatz: people don't like Clinton
but they also don't like you

Sanders: I'm gaining support with
people who think corporations are not people

Raddatz: those people are weird

Sanders: we also need affordable
college and to combat climate change

Raddatz: whoa slow down crazy man

Sanders: I'm not anti–Clinton
I'm pro-Sanders

Raddatz: you disappoint me Bennie

Sanders: sorry Mary

Raddatz: you're weak on
attacking our enemies

Sanders: I voted against the
war in Iraq and I was right

Raddatz: but you voted against
the first Persian Gulf War and
that was a really fun war

Sanders: I was right about that too

Raddatz: oh really?

Sanders: we could have given
Saddam a villa in Monte Carlo
and he would have quit

Raddatz: but he invaded Kuwait –
you can't just invade a country in the
Middle East because you want to!

Sanders: I've heard that

Raddatz: I worry you would only
start a war unless we're attacked
first which is just crazy

Sanders: Saudi Arabia should take
the lead in the Middle East – they're
rich and crazy which makes them
more than qualified

Raddatz: Iran will walk all over America
if you're President because
you're a weak socialist

Sanders: fuck that shit –
you don't want to make this
Jew from New York angry

Raddatz: oooh

Sanders: you don't want to
see me when I'm angry!

Raddatz: would you do away
with the drone program

Sanders: some drones are
good and some are bad

Raddatz: could you simplify that for me

Sanders: killing innocent civilians
is counter-productive Martha

Raddatz: thanks for coming Bern

Sanders: you too Martha

[ break ]

Raddatz: welcome Governor Jindal

Jindal: nice to be here Martha

Raddatz: will Trump run a third-party campaign?

Jindal: what am I a soothsayer

Raddatz: if Trump is the nominee
would you vote for him?

Jindal: I'm going to be the nominee!

Raddatz: no seriously

Jindal: really I'm the best candidate!

Raddatz: um okay

Jindal: I reduced the size of government!

Raddatz: with all due respect no one likes you

Jindal: no one knows this
but I'm very popular

Raddatz: [ laughs ] yeah okay whatever

Jindal: don't laugh Martha

Raddatz: Donald Trump accused
a Clinton aide of breaking the law
with zero evidence

Jindal: so what

Raddatz: did Trump cross a line?

Jindal: Clinton broke the law maybe!
She could possibly go to jail!

Raddatz: but should he accuse aides of criminality?

Jindal: that's a distraction

Raddatz: a distraction from what?

Jindal: if the fake things are true
then Clinton broke the law!

Raddatz: truly you have a logical mind

Jindal: Trump has tapped into
the feeling acros the U.S. that
the Clintons are somehow bad

Raddatz: should the Republican
party keep attacking immigrants?

Jindal: we have a dumb immigration policy

Raddatz: we all know that

Jindal: immigrants need to learn English and adopt our values

Raddatz: what does that mean?

Jindal: it's an invasion!

Raddatz: oh my

Jindal: we need to stop
using the term 'African-American'

Raddatz: right

Jindal: we didn't make African-Americans come here!

Raddatz: that's not what I heard

Jindal: hey-yo!

Raddatz: if we get another
Republican President are people
in Louisana prepared for another Katrina?

Jindal: the American people love each other!

Raddatz: I'd say the jury's still out on that

Jindal: the lesson of Katrina is
that we don't need government
we can rely on charities to deal with hurricanes

Raddatz: oh what a relief

Jindal: there's more – we have 
new levees and-

Raddatz: sorry Bobby I have to go talk to someone relevant

Jindal: okay bye

[ break ]

Raddatz: oooh a prep school rape case!

Benitez: the jury found him guilty
of one thing and not guilty of other thing

Nancy Grace: sex did occur!!

Reporter: this is a very salacious
story about an elite prep school
for the rich and valueless

Benitez: the school sent a letter to
parents assuring them the values
students learn will serve them well
as CEOs and Wall Street bankers

Abrams: this was a tough case
for prosecutors – the jury believed
them both but not entirely

Raddatz: what is 'enticing a minor on a computer'

Abrams: that law is not meant
for teens chatting with each other

Raddatz: are our elite perp
schools doing enough about rape?

Abrams: you mean for or against?

Raddatz: oh snap

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