Sunday, August 16, 2015

Meet The Press – August 16, 2015

Donald Trump
Jeff Greenfield
Eugene Robinson
Molly Ball
Kim Strassel – WSJ

Todd: omg I have an exclusive
interview with the Donald Trump!

Todd: oh wow Hillary Clinton is in trouble!

Todd: a lot of people dismissed
the Donald Trump including me
but I was wrong and got to ride 
in the fancy helicopter!

Todd: some say you're not a real
conservative and you just play a lunatic on tv

Trump: Ronald Reagan was
once a liberal Democrat and he
evolved and he really liked me

Todd: should abortion be always illegal?

Trump: no I would allow abortion 
in cases of rape or incest or the lif
of the mother or if you're rich enough 
to afford it

Todd: what about for the  
health of the mother?

Trump: only if the mother is
close to real death –
like she's really really gonna die

Todd: okay

Trump: only legitimate rapes
and incests and none of this
maybe is going to die or could possibly die

Todd: right

Trump: none of these loose
chicks whining they have a
cold and want an abortion

Todd: did you ever donate
to Planned Parenthood?

Trump: I don't know – I'm such a giver

Todd: you are so generous
you don't know?

Trump: yes but those videos
were outrageous and disgusting
and they have to stop with the abortions

Todd: were the videos deceptively edited?

Trump: I don't know I just
know they are just disgusting

Todd: would you shut down
the government over this issue?

Trump: I don't know but
the abortions they bother me

Todd: what about ISIS?

Trump: I said 'don't go into Iraq'  
and I was right

Todd: seems right in hindsight

Trump: fuck yeah it was

Trump: what do we do now?

Trump: we go into and take over the oil

Todd: would you send in ground troops?

Trump: yeah but we'd make a lot 
of money from taking the oil so  
to make up for getting a lot of people 
killed I'd give money to the families 
of the soldiers killed

Todd: doesn't the oil belong to Iraqi people?

Trump: no way Chuck – we spent
trillions on the war and we didn't
make a lot of money off that war

Todd: I see

Trump: how is that good business?

Todd: I don't know

Trump: damn right

Todd: who is advising you on military issues?

Trump: mostly I get my information
from The History Channel

Todd: is that right?

Trump: I would totally use the alien
technology in Area 51 to beat
ISIS and turn a huge profit

Todd: anyone else?

Trump: John Bolton and Jack Jacobs

Todd: you seem to hate Saudi Arabia

Trump: they're entitled bastards
who just happen to have oil

Todd: ooh snap

 Trump: I deal with clowns like this 
all the time they're basically trust fund 
frat boys from the Hamptons but with 
Ferraris and Land Rovers instead 
of Corvettes and Escalades

Todd: that makes sense

Trump: we give Saudi Arabia
money and get nothing for it!

Todd: you think Saudi Arabia should
reimburse us for protecting them
from the extremists they fund

Trump: why the fuck not

Todd: but the status quo works
for all of us except those liberals
who care about human rights

Trump: we should invade Iraq
and seize their oil for ourselves
and then and we won't need
Saudi Arabia anymore

Todd: you want to turn the 
military into mercenaries

Trump: hey the U.S. has a lot of debt
what good is having a military if
you can't use it to take stuff from
other people and turn a profit?

Todd: what would you do about Iran?

Trump: I would tell them to fuck off

Todd: ok then what

Trump: under this deal with inspections
they will be rich and have nuclear weapons

Todd: they will?

Todd: Kerry is incompetent!

Trump: I am so good at reading
contracts I would do great with Iran

Todd: so you would keep
the Iran deal Obama made?

Trump: Iran is going to be sooo rich
I gotta hand it to them

Todd: good point

Trump: I would be so tough
on Iran you wouldn't believe!

Todd: I might not

[ break ]

Todd: any thoughts Jeff Greenfield?

Greenfield: he said 'I have to think
about that' which is amazing because
he's given no indication
he thinks before

Todd: see he's mellowing

Greenfield: he said he gets
military knowledge from watching
cable tv which is bit concerning

Ball: he seems to give details
but really it's just a word salad
it's very slippery

Strassel: conservatives want
principled candidates who 
can win and he doesn't is 
not either of those things

Todd: what is Trump?
Robinson: he's Trump!

Todd: what is that?

Robinson: he doesn't need military
advice because he knows to
make a deal – he's Trump!

Todd: he's Trump!

[ chorus: he's trump he's trump
he's trump he's trump ]

Todd: he said he would
accept the Iran deal and just
enforce the deal strictly which
is exactly the Obama policy

Greenfield: he's torn – he's a
practical businessman who's a bit crazy

Robinson: it's funny

Strassel: but a bit stupid

[ break ]

Todd: Trump wants to end 
citizenship for people born here  
which we've had for 225 years

Todd: you would deport all
undocumented immigrants - even children

Trump: yes! All of them!

Todd: even children?

Trump: they have to go!

Todd: what if they have nowhere to go?

Trump: they have to go!

Todd: that's going to be very expensive

Trump: illegals cost money
and are they are all criminals

Todd: well not all of themselves

Trump: my mass deportation of
11 million people will go so well
you will be so happy

Todd: I will?

Trump: you interview me in
four years saying President
Trump you are so awesome

Todd: maybe

Trump: I am a super-genius of all time

Todd: is that right?

Trump: if you are a conservative
you can't get on tv at all ever

Todd: you've been on my
show three weeks running

Trump: I mean like good tv stupid

Todd: you are a racist who
said Obama wasn't born here

Trump: no one has seen his records

Todd: you're kidding

Trump: I mean his college records
we need to see them to judge him!

Todd: okay let's see your college records

Trump: you don't understand 
Obama is black

Todd: you would you ban
your administration from
becoming lobbyists

Trump: Jeb Bush is a
puppet of rich people!

Todd: what about lobbyists?

Trump: sure why not

Todd: what is a living wage?

Trump: we need to the minimum
wage low because of airplanes

Todd: now you're just uttering
nonsense to see if I'll notice

Trump: maybe I am Ted

Todd: what about statehood for DC

Trump: I have a conflict of interest
because I'm turning the beautiful
Old Post Office building into a
hotel with gold fixtures

Todd: that sounds about right

Trump: I love the people of DC
whatever they want is fine with me

Todd: when was the last time 
America was great?


Todd: in 1987 you took out a
full page ad saying the world was
laughing at America under Ronald Reagan

Trump: well that was true
but Reagan was a good actor

Todd: so it's you don't
care about policy just image

Trump: exactly!

Todd: are you secretly an
independent or perhaps sent
from the future to destroy the GOP?

Trump: I'm a Republican – for now

Todd: so why not rule
out an independent run?

Trump: I believe in leverage Tad

Todd: you say the Trump
is just a show

Trump: right

Todd: are we all being
used in the Trump Reality Show?

Trump: you use me for high ratings Chuck

Todd: that's true

Trump: America is a third-world nation!

[ break ]

Todd: at least he's consistent on trade

Ball: sure blue-collar people are
upset over international trade

Todd: we want to the post-WWII era back!

Ball: the little people want
someone strong and tough

Todd: he's a nationalist

Greenfield: he's too rich to be
bought or stolen and people like that

Strassel: who else is doing well
in the polls – Ben Carson and Carly Fiorina
 – people want an outsider

Todd: right

Strassel: for example four years
ago Herman Cain led in the polls

Todd: so we should ignore Trump?

Stassel: no because Trump
is rich and famous and white

Robinson: he's funny and he
pulls away the curtain on
politics and people love that

[ break ]

Todd: Bernie you are amazing
why are so popular

Sanders: wealth inequality is grotesque

Todd: true but what can you do?

Sanders: the middle class has
collapsed and the top 1% are
getting all the money

Todd: that's good for me

Sanders: and the rich use
their money to buy politicians

Todd: you deny Trump and you are the same

Sanders: because we're not

Todd: but you are the same!

Sanders: no!

Todd: tell me how you are the same

Sanders: I'm raising money
from millions of poor people
and he's got one rich asshole
backing him – himself

Todd: tell me about Black Lives Matter

Sanders: I'm reaching out to
latinos and old people and union workers

Todd: what about black lives matter?

Sanders: BLM is raising a
very important issue and
I will fight for prison reformation

Todd: you apologized to BLM

Sanders: no I didn't

Todd: Martin O'Malley said
you're not a real Democrat

Sanders: I've been with the
Democratic caucus for 25 years
but let me tell you people are
sick and tired of politics as usual

Todd: how will you win?

Sanders: I will get angry
young people to the polls

Todd: would you scrap the ACA?

Sanders: we spend more
and get less than any other country

Todd: sounds about right

Sanders: Medicare is popular and
it works and we can make it universal

Todd: Joe Biden – do you welcome 
him in the race?

Sanders: I promise him an 
issue-oriented campaign

Todd: does he help or hurt your campaign?

Sanders: well it doesn't help – duh

[ break ]

Todd: there are passive voice
growing concerns about Hillary's

Todd: You Won't Believe what happened when we looking for people who hate Hillary

Todd: oh look we want to the Iowa 
State fair and found some people 
willing to bash Hillary on camera!

Voter: I used to love Hillary 
but now I find her elitist

Todd: there are rising
concerns about Hillary

Todd: please bash Hillary for me

Voter: I have concerns

Clinton: this is a partisan witch hunt

Todd: but voters are concerned

Voter: I am concerned

Todd: Clinton and Bush are the same

Voter: now Gore may jump in oooh

Harkin: she's doing better
than four years ago when she sucked

Robinson: the Justice department
is looking at her e-mails which doesn't help

Todd: I was stunned at how
easily I found people wanting
to bash Hillary when I looked
for them until I found them

Strassel: this story has not gone
away which is why the media has
to cover the story which won't go away

Ball: Obama is no drama
and the Clinton team is all drama

Todd: team Clinton is fighting back!

Greenfield: Governors use
private e-mails but they never
deal with classified information

Todd: actually they do

Greenfield: but Clinton is tin-eared!

Todd: okay

Greenfield: in any case Bill is
a better campaigner

Greenfield: also political reporters
need to switch to decaf

Todd: would it be good for
the GOP if Joe Biden runs

Strassel: Clinton is getting a
coronation and also she's doomed

Todd: looks at the fresh polls –
Trump is at 25% and Carson
and Cruz trail just behind

Robinson: I called it after the debate!

Todd: if you add Trump and Carson
and Cruz you've got almost half the vote

Greenfield: polls are ridiculous
it's like reading entrails

Todd: are political pundits
bored and insane?

Ball: sure but Donald Fucking
Trump is getting 25% support!

Todd: I know!

Ball: I mean what if he actually wins!

Todd: that's my hunch

Todd: I ate $50 worth of friend food

Todd: I eated a fried twinkie
and fried mac and cheese and
fried apple pie and a pork chop
on a stick and that was just breakfast

Todd: and everything had bacon on it

Robinson: I love bacon
heck we all love bacon

Todd: and that's another
episode of Meet the Press

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