Sunday, September 09, 2012

Meet The Press - September 9, 2012

Mitt Romney
Mayor Julian Castro (D-San Antonio)
Chuck Todd
E.J. Dionne
Peggy Noonan
Bill Bennett
Gregory: good morning Mitt -
I hope you are ready for some tough questions

Romney: indeed I am - fire away David

Gregory: how awesome are you?

Romney: I am somewhat excellent
today thank you for asking

Gregory: do you feel like are more
fabulous or marvelous

Romney: I am more superlative
than Barack Obama

Gregory: how do answer the charge
that we have high unemployment under Obama

Romney: you have pinned me down
with your wily inquiries Fluffy

Gregory: just answer the question

Romney: we need more situations
where people are paid for working

Gregory: why is the stock market
doing so well

Romney: because that darn Fed is
going to print money

Gregory: you disagree with that?

Romney: business are ready to hire
millions of people - they just want
another rich white guy in office

Gregory: you said you will create
12 million jobs but economists say
that would happen anyway

Romney: Obama caused unemployment,
high debt and eventually a takeover from Europe

Gregory: look at this bumper sticker:
“Bin Laden is Dead and GM is Alive”

Romney: I love Seals

Gregory: we all do

Romney: My plan was to put GM into
bankruptcy and Obama did that

Gregory: so your plans were the same

Romney: yes but I would have
hired more teachers

Gregory: what’s your bumper sticker?

Romney: “Vote For Me You Useless Peons”

Gregory: Ann did Julian Castro hurt
your feelings?

Ann Romney: It’s true Mitt and I have
never had to struggle in life but I
once saw the musical Oliver!

Gregory: what else?

Ann Romney: I have MS so I have empathy
for all you people who are struggling

Gregory: go on

Ann Romney: I watch Honey Boo Boo so
the idea we can’t imagine how
America is struggling hard is ridiculous

Gregory: I love that show

Ann Romney: my husband is not a
heartless corporate raider dammitt

Gregory: have you ever spent time
with someone unemployed

Romney: I was speaking with a gardener
recently who sadly lost his job

Gregory: oh that’s too bad

Romney: well I had to let him go -
but I’m sure he understood -
I’m running for President for pete’s sake

Romney: I’m not here to stop the
rise of oceans or confront the ladies
of the lakes or halt the coming
of the river monsters

Gregory: sounds like you’ve got it all covered

Romney: It’s doesn’t matter whether
I know any poor people - that’s
just dividing America

Gregory: Governor I love you but what the
hell happened with Clint Eastwood

Romney: he’s not a politician -
he spoke from the heart

Gregory: his heart is an incoherent
unfunny hot mess

Romney: but genuine!

Gregory: what about Bill Clinton’s great speech

Romney: he destroyed me and my
policies - thus proving how bad Obama is

Gregory: you’re a Mormon -
is that wonderful?

Romney: yes I am very proud to be
a Judeo-Christian

Gregory: if you say so

Romney: have I ever told you that
I don’t like businesses very much -
I left capitalism because it conflicted
with my Jewish-Jesus faith

Ann Romney: I loved that now we have a
black who was elected President

Gregory: you said the debt is a moral
crisis but you would make it worse by
cutting taxes for billionaires and
raising defense spending

Romney: I would raise revenue by
eliminating tax loopholes

Gregory: what about the sequester deal?

Romney: Republicans should not have
agreed to slashing defense spending
and selling all of our aircraft carriers to Iran

Gregory: fair enough

Romney: I am going lower taxes
for middle class Americans and raise
them for the rich

Gregory: how do you do that Mittens

Romney: by eliminating loopholes Fluffers
- it’s marvelous!

Gregory: wow!

Romney: also it would lead to 23 million jobs

Gregory: fantastic

Romney: Cut taxes for all! More jobs!

Gregory: how do you do that

Romney: I have the flux capacity to do this

Gregory: I love this - name a
loophole you would close

Romney: [ laughing ]
I will raises taxes on the rich -
I promise - just trust me!

Gregory: will you balance the
budget in your first term?

Romney: no but I could do it in 10 years

Gregory: are you willing to make the
Tea Party cry by raising taxes ten cents

Romney: my principles are that I will never
raise taxes - my other principle is that I
will never tell you what spending I will cut

Gregory: I see

Romney: look my philosophy is to promise
more of what people like rather than less

Gregory: would you repeal the parts of
Obamacare to let young people on
their parent’s plan and the ban
pre-exising conditions?

Romney: gosh no - I would keep all
the popular parts of Obamacare and
get rid of the unpopular parts

Gregory: you would privatize Medicare?

Romney: we would let young people
stay on Medicare or not whatever they want

Gregory: how does that work?

Romney: competition!

Gregory: why didn’t you mention
Afghanistan in your speech

Romney: Look I’ve been to Afghanistan
and it’s really boring

Gregory: Obama says your are stuck
in a Cold War Time Warp

Romney: Obama let Iran build a nuclear bomb!

Gregory: ooh

Romney: Obama met with
Ahmedinejad and Kim Jong-Il or might
have if he had more frequent flyer miles

Gregory: are we less safe under Obama

Romney: Iran is not scared of Obama
but I will stop them

Gregory: how?

Romney: I will make it clear that I
am very clear about being clear

Gregory: how do you do that

Romney: I will use diplomacy and
go to war or maybe not

Gregory: will you try to overturn Roe v Wade

Romney: Fluffy I would prefer not
to answer this question

Gregory: give it a shot Mitty

Romney: I will appoint justices that
reverse Roe v Wade

Gregory: wow - are you willing to
be brave and bold as President

Romney: gosh darn right -
my popularity doesn’t matter to me at all

Gregory: that’ been clear for some time

Romney: my indifference to
human feeling is my great strength

Gregory: who is the real Mitt Romney
- left of Ted Kennedy or a severe conservative?

Romney: Here’s the truth:
I am not an android - I am a shape-shifter

Gregory: your Mom and Dad both
ran for office and lost - will you
be terribly depressed when you lose

Romney: no because I am very very rich
and also possess no emotions

Gregory: why should people vote for you

Romney: we can’t have an incomplete President!

Gregory: you complete me

[ break ]

Gregory: wow Mitt Romney bravely
came out against sequestration -
but Paul Ryan supported it

Todd: everyone is against sequester duh

Bennett: they are both right -
we must not cut defense spending
but we must courageously slash
for the National Endowment for the Arts

Gregory: Julian Mitt says he will cut
loopholes for rich people -
isn’t that progressive

Castro: if he doesn’t reveal what
those are how can we trust him?

Dionne: he’s either going to raise
taxes on the middle class or
slash domestic spending

Gregory: why no both?

Dionne: also his answer on General
Motors was totally incoherent

Noonan: Republicans fear that if
Obama is reelected they will be forced
to obstruct his every move again

Gregory: that is so sad

Noonan: Romney made news by
promising to cut loopholes for the rich

Gregory: what are they?

Noonan: okay so it wasn’t big news

Bennett: Romney made it very clear
that taxes will not go down for the
rich until after he is elected President

Dionne: he proposed cutting taxes
for the rich 5 minutes ago!

Bennett: that’s ancient history

Gregory: Romney suddenly seems
terrified of being on the side of the rich

Todd: Romney is sadly saddled with
the unpopularity of the Republican party

Gregory: the essential question is
who is to blame for the stagnant economy
- conservatives like Obama or liberals
like George W. Bush

Castro: we’ve have 30 months of job growth
- things are getting better

Noonan: Before the debates Romney
needs to announce he is actually a Whig

Todd: body language is everything
and Romney’s body says
“I can’t wait until this is over and I can get
back to my mansion in the city and
my beach house in Malibu and
my compound on the lake”

Dionne: the GOP Convention was about
businesses and the Democrats
were about families

Bennett: George W. Bush had many
failings but was a great President who
brought us the war in Iraq

Dionne: [ spits ]

Bennett: conservatives give their blood
and treasure to help people god dammit

Dionne: why is that the only people
who refer to their savings as treasure
are conservatives and pirates

Gregory: look at Julian Castro’s adorable daughter

Bennett: hey conservatives have kids too

Dionne: conservatives on the defense
on the military, foreign policy and
family values - who would have thought!

Bennett: Arrrr!

Gregory: And that’s another episode
of Meet The Press

Virtually Speaking Sundays | 6 p.m. pacific | 9 p.m. eastern
Dave Dayen & Cliff Schecter 
Listen live or later:

Cliff and David discuss the conventions, and the campaigns going forward in our post-truth era.
Also Bobblespeaks's Most Ridiculous Moment


Anonymous said...

YOU should be the secretary of 'splainin shit" with your bobblespeak translations:

Paul Ryan: we need to keep Medicare by changing it! We need to end the debt by cutting cutting taxes! We need to avoid backroom deals by making a deal after the election! Spending is bad! We must raise defense spending!

also priceless bobblespeak translation:
Paul Rand: are you arguing we have
fewer government jobs?
Krugman: it’s a fact.

Krugman: Romeny believes in Keynes when it comes to defense spending.
Rand Paul: Roads don’t create business - businesses create roads.

Rand Paul: FDR caused the Depression by not saying nice things about businesses.

Anonymous said...

an invaluable Bobblespeak translation of Mitt and Ann Romney talking to David Gregory nails it, as usual:

Ann Romney: my husband is not a hearless corporate raider dammit. I loved that now we have a black who was elected President. [gotta note Ann's subtlety: beatings will continue until morale improves]

Mitt Romney: I am going lower taxes for middle class Americans and raise them for the eliminating loopholes...would create 23 million jobs...cut taxes for all! More jobs! Just trust me! I will raise taxes on the rich...I will never raise taxes...I will never tell you what spending I will cut.

Romney: I will make it very clear that I am being very clear about being clear.

David Gregory: Is the real Mitt Romney...left of Ted Kennedy or a severe conservative?
Mitt Romney: I am not an android, I am a shape shifter.

ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

I know just the picture to accompany this fine transcript, CoT.