Thursday, December 13, 2007

Democratic Debate - December 13, 2007

Democratic Debate
Des Moines, Iowa
December 13, 2007

Host: fiscal policy?

Richardson: we've spent $500 million on the war in Iraq and we could have spent that on solar and wind and aviation and on the children after all they are our future

Edwards: taxes are set by big corporations and guess what they get breaks for moving jobs overseas well that's crazee

Hillary: americans feel like they are standing on one those trap door like in a james bond movie they are one health care crisis from falling through and being eaten by sharks

Host: how do you pay for the iraq war you all oppose??

Biden: it's all a paradigm

Host: ooh fancy term

Biden: i learned it from neal kinnock

Host: what's your answer

Biden: get rid of new nuclear weapons

Obama: i've laid out spending cuts and also get rid Cayman islands corporations they have 12,000 US businesses

Host: wow sounds like they have a great business climate

Obama: it's the economic school of thought of mother and fucking

Richardson: hey we still have to spend on the military like for our suicidal veterans

Dodd: we got millions of children living in poverty

Host: answer?

Dodd: unlike most Democrats i want to grow the economy

Host: Communist China!

Richardson: i would get tough with those genocide sympathizing lead-toy selling contaminated food weasels

Host: like how?

Richardson: no more MSG!!!

Dodd: we're adversaries heck they use slaves to make knock offs of our most popular movies - poor tom cruise - well i say fuck that shit

Host: entitlements! you have 8 seconds

Hillary: give medicare the right to negotiate with drug companies and reform health care like i tried to do 15 years ago

Host: what else

Hillary: bipartisan commission!

Biden: lift the cap on SS, deal with chronic disease and modernize like we could use a Commodore 64 in every hopsital

Obama: we need to return to the obesity levels of 1980

Host: how do we do that

Obama: bring back disco and cocaine

Richardson: health care is human right so the key is computers, and diabetes and phys ed in elementary schools

Host: what else

Bill: cure cancer

Host: your formal statement Obama and Edwards!

Obama: we have to have the courage to change and fight the special interests

Edwards: we have a lot to do because of corporate power and greed in DC - you can't deal with them we have to fight them so we have rise and kill the beast

Biden: how do we help third world nations by giving them pollution and slave wages

Host: but the iowa corn!

Richardson: international labor standards, collective bargaining, equal wages, clear air standards --

Host: jeebus we don't have that here

Dodd: back when jimmy carter and i were buddies we tried human rights and got the big smackdown but it should be seamless and a part of business and enhance America

Edwards: big corporations are making big bucks in China and what did the people in the US get?? lost jobs and poisonous toys

Host: what do you care you're rich?

Edwards: my father was laid off when the business moved to china

Host: oh

Clinton: i will review every trade agreement word for word and i take out all the bad stuff and fight for the good stuff

Host: okey dokey

Clinton: goddammit we're won't be patsies when i commander in chief!

Obama: i would sit down with the leaders of canada and say enough already with damm bacon and maple syrup

Host: what else?

Obama: when we torture we can't lecture anyone else on human rights and i liked when America was admired and not despised

Dodd: darfur doods!


[ ]

Richardson: 50 miles per gallon! also reduce our consumption oil and now that i think about greenhouse gases are bad too

Host: what else?

Richardson: no more air conditioning

Dodd: well i turned mine off this month

Host: w00t!

Dodd: carbon tax! Dammit!!

Clinton: it's imperative that we bravely triangulate this issue by taking money from auction permits to sell costs to the american consumer and shift those monies to an apollo program and move those funds to green energy efforts

Host: whew

Obama: i have young kids and i would like a nice pretty clean planet for them we do that by harnessing the desire people have to be rich like in wind technology and i told the automakers in Detroit to shape up

host: how did they like that

Obama: they said who is that mean black man?

Edwards: we have to ask Americans to be patriotic not just about war but about saving the planet it's the only one we have

Host: planet Genesis?

Edwards: but that is planet fobidden

Dodd: i love farmers their roughage keeps me regular

Obama: people in Manhattan get farm subsidies what teh fuck ain't no farms on 125th street

Biden: what happened to all the farmers i don't see any in Iowa we must save them they're like an endangered species

Clinton: i have a farmers from New York lecturing farmers in Iowa today

Obama: more of those fucking Manhattan farmers???

Clinton: american gothic dood

Host: statement Hillary?

Hillary: Obama wants to hope for change but i want to work to make it happen and as president i will not stop annoying people until they give in and give me what i want

Dodd: i'm very grateful to the people of Iowa for their warm embrace - if it wasn't for them i would not have hit 2% in the polls

Host: education?

Edwards: an Naval academy for teachers and send them forth and teach in truly wretched places like Alaska or the Bronx or Iowa

Richardson: [ yawn ]

i would do whatever like science and math and shit

Host: are we keeping you up sleepy

Richardson: bush sucks and teachers are good and art too

Richardson: my state was 49th and now were 29th

Host: that's bad

Richardson: yeah but my state is full of native americans

Obama: NCLB sucks, give teachers real money and bring parents back in schools

Host: like how

Obama: turn off the tv set

Host: but not MSNBC and CNN

Obama: no especially them they are making us stupid

Dodd: i like teachers and parents

Hillary: i brought Chelsea here today as an example of what a great mom i am

Host: very nice

Hillary: i wil use the Bully Pulpit for a city on a hill call it the Bully Hill Pulpit

Edwards: i like education

Biden: my wife is a full time teacher we have to have smaller classes, more hours, more money, and free college

Host: first year in office - go!!

Obama: pull out of iraq, repeal all of bush's executive orders, reform health care

Biden: split Iraq in three parts, stop torturing, health care, and invest in follicle technology

Richardson: all troops out, universal health care, energy revolution, and i would dust off a little document i like to call the Constitution

Host: first year in office - go

Obama: pull out of iraq, repeal all of bush's executive orders, reform health care

Biden: split Iraq in three parts, stop torturing, health care, and invest in follicle technology

Richardson: all troops out, universal health care, energy revolution, and i would dust off a little document i like to call the Constitution

Dodd: Constitution, diplomacy

Edwards: the truth is not all this can be done sure i would fight for ending the war and close gitmo but look the Corporations have to be beaten or nothing else will happen

Cliton: i will send Colin Powell around the world and tell him to tell them how great i am he seems like an easy mark

Host: you fucked up in 1993

Clinton: true but i've learned since them and i will have no secrecy i leaned from bill you can't keep secrets in DC so might as well not try

Host: Biden are you gaffe-prone or a racist?

Biden: 95% of minorities vote me let me tell you why i love it when indians open up 7-11's and Dunkin Donuts that's my record on the brown people

[crowd cheers]

Obama: i would like to say Joe Biden may be an idiot sometimes but he's no racist

Host: how can you work with business when you call them corrupt?

Edwards: i don't plan on working with them i plan on fighting them, beating them and squishing them into the ground

Host: but you are so young jon-boy

edwards: i'm 54

Host: Dodd are you driven to avenge your father

Dodd: i have spent 30 years looking for the six fingered man and i will not stop

Host: you were a bad Energy secretary

Richardson: wen ho lee pled guilty

Host: i heard he was held in solitary unfairly

Richardson: i won't apologize for protecting america from that wily asian

Host: Obama you have Clinton advisors

Clinton: ha ha ha

Obama: when i'm president Hillary will advise me too

[ Clinton laughs, snaps pencil in hand ]

Obama: hillary is part of the problem she supported the war and that was stupid i will talk to muslims around the world in our common secret language

Host: signing statements?

Hillary: i would use it clarify laws Bush uses it as a veto it's insane he re-wrote a law i passed saying he had stop being such a fucktard

Edwards: Bush thinks he is king but we have three branches, Presnit, Congress and the Blogosphere

Host: New Year's resolution?

Hillary: kick Obama's ass and the win the presidency

Edwards: think about hungry and sick children in my mansion

Dodd: hope that America becomes a respected nation and not openly despised also i hope i get at least one vote having spent enough time in this fucking state

Richardson: drop a few pounds and stay positive and try act like a give a shit about all this

Biden: ever since my family was killed i make a resolution to remember that

Obama: be a better father, husband and drug dealer

Host: ha

Obama: just kidding

Host: how much do you hate Iowa?

Hillary: my gawd these inbred slack jawed freaks are nuts

Edwards: i've had to fake being from teh midwest and not the south - i can't wait to get out of here

Dodd: lord this place is cold and boring and they revel in this election crap - i hate it

Richardson: tell me about it - it's freezing and none of you will vote for me fuck you all

Biden: jeesus i have never met a more tiresome crowd of loosers and idiots in my life

Obama: i hate so much i will just thank all the america people - did you i doubled the black population of every town i visited in iowa


[ .]

iowans: polite applause

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