Sunday, December 09, 2007

Meet The Press - December 9, 2007

Meet The Press
December 9, 2007
Guest: Mayor Rudy Giuliani

Russert: people hate you in iowa why is that

Giuliani: fuck iowa

Russert: that's it

Giuliani: hey you never know i have a lot mob ties in florida

Russert: you're funnelling money to huckabee aren't you

Giuliani: i sent a few goons his way

Russert: what else

Giuliani: i hope to win in New York

Russert: i heard they hated you there

Giuliani: that's true but they also hate romney and huckabee too

Russert: other states you can win?

Giuliani: new jersey and delaware

Russert: that's where all the bodies are buried i hear

Giuliani: you heard right fat man

Russert: iran will not have a bomb until 2015 and halted its program in 2003 they are highly rational says the NIE

Giuliani: i hate arabs

Russert: but doesn't this mean we shouldn't attack iran tomorrow

Giuliani: no not at all after all someday far far in the future they may have a bomb

Russert: should we attack?

Rudy: it would be very dangerous and risky

Russert: so no?

Rudy: no we should attack it would be more risky and dangerous not to attack

Russert: are you mad?

Rudy: in 2003 saddam was deposed

Russert: are you saying that's why they stopped

Rudy: no not all

Russert: so what was the reason

Russert: because we attacked Afghanistan

Russert: but the NIE says it was diplomatic pressure

Giuliani: forcible diplomatic pressure! that's what caused Khaddfi to surrender

Russert: surrender what?

Giuliani: those epaulets!

Russert: you agree with Podehrotz that we should bomb tomorrow

Giuliani: i reject extremsists on both sides

Russert: but he's your advisor

Giuliani: i like crazy men

Russert: you say Dems are weak for not seeing Osama declaring war on the US but you didn't do anything

Giuliani: i didn't see it coming

Russert: but you bragged about it

Giuliani: hey i only knew what Bush knew

Russert: so nothing then

Giuliani: i blockaded the mayor's office

Russert: to keep out black people or terrorists?

Giuliani: what's the difference?

Russet: why would you quit the 9/11 commission after 2 months just to make money

Giuliani: that's not the only reason I left

Russet: what was the other reason

Giuliani: to run for president

Russet: how selfless of you

Giuliani: i realized all the people on the commission were losers and i didn't want to be associated with them

Russet: you worked with Qatar to protect 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheik Mohammed is there nothing you won't do for money???

Giuliani: [laughs]

ha ha ha Timmy did you know we have troops in Qatar they are an ally!

Russet: the emir hates israel

Giuliani: no they are heroes in the warrn terra you can meet and talk to people on the steets od Doha

Russet: but those people are american soldiers!

Giuliani: i prefer to think of them as the emir Outsourced Protection Force

Russet: that's creative

Giuliani: we have to remain offensive!

Russet: the money you took came from a an account funding terrorism!

Giuliani: yes but those were terrorist on our side -- this is the kind of relationship we should have with the middle east they are modernizing and bringing our soldiers and that creates a threat from their own people

Russert: sounds like a protection racket

Giuliani: when you think about it it's a very positive relationship -- the closer they are too us the more threatened they are by terrorism and the more they need us

Russert: you also do business with Hugo Chavez and Kim Jong-Il

Giuliani: [laughs out loud]

Russert: this is serious you hunchbacked troll

Giuliani: no it isn't you fat dullard

Russet: why not release the names of your clients or sever financial ties your shady companu

Giuliani: i can't release the names of my clients 'cause I promised Osama i wouldn't

Russert: this isn't your law firms it's that criminal operation you call a consulting firm

Giuliani: hey sometimes we did work of the highest quality

Russert: only sometimes?

Giuliani: we also phoned it in - hey people only wanted to slap the "Rudy 9/11" name on their companies anyway

Russert: will you release your tax returns

Giuliani: only if i win the nomination which looks increasingly unlikely

Russert: your buddy Bernie Kerik is accused of conspriacy, tax fraud, stealing, lying and god knows what else when you promoted him to Police Commissioner

Giuliani: such a tragedy for everybody

Russert: you were warned about his crimes

Giuliani: hey i appointed lots of people to reduce welfare and crime

Russert: well he was committed crimes

Giuliani: no he reduced violence in the city jails and lowered crime and he was a hero on 9/11 which i witnesses when we were trapped in a building together

Russert: i thought that was judith nathan

Giuliani: no that's my mistress you're thinking of Judith Regan

Russert: sorry i get those 2 confused

Russert: were you briefed

Giuliani: i don't remember that and i have had a conversation with him where we worked on his memory heh heh

Russert: you recommended him for Homeland Security when all this information was available!

Giuliani: Available but i didn't find it!

Russert: speaking of Judith Regan what about the Ground Zero love nest?

Giuliani: that's only an allegation

Russert: you have bad judgment

Giuliani: how could i have bad judgment and still lower crime in New York City?

Russert: because crime droppped nationally at the same time?

Giuliani: Shhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Russert: you spent tax money on your gumar

Giuliani: my family have been threatened and so have my girlfriends and when that happens i call in some professionals from the old country to take care of it

Russert: but no one knew she was your girlfriend

Giuliani: hey blame the NYPD -- all our lives were in danger

Russert: Kerik says it was all on your orders

Giuliani: they guys in my gang said it was ok

Russert: will you provide secret service protection for your mistess when you are president

Giuliani: of course!!

Russert: do you like homosexuals?

Rudy: it's not sinful my views come from the catholic church

Russert: i'm confused

Rudy: it's the act that are sinful not the person

Russert: let's move on to Congressional CAFE standards

Rudy: no let me being up my extra-marital affairs one more time

Russert: oh ok

Rudy: i'm have sinned!

Russert: ok you’re done

1 comment:

littleblackpropaganda said...

My favorite line here was the "epaulettes." Those are, indeed, dangerous (see Ant, Adam).