Sunday, February 09, 2014

This Week with George Stephanopoulos – February 9, 2014

Host: Martha Raddatz
Matt Gutman
Christine Brennan
Brian Ross
Jeff Zeleny
Jonathan Karl
Col. Steve Ganyard
Ray Kelly
Rep. Keith Ellison (D-MN)
Rep. Mike Rogers (R-MI)
Rep. Tom Cole (R-OK)
David Plouffe
S.E. Cupp

Raddatz: OMG I'm in New York City 
because terrorism!

Audience: of course

Raddatz: The U.S. Is just behind Norway
in the medal count!

Audience: Nor-a-way! Nor-a-way!

Matt Gutman: security in Sochi is really tight!

Raddatz: wow

Gutman: the hotels suck, the water 
is poisoned, there was a bee in 
my honey and a bobsledder had 
to crash through his bathroom door

Raddatz: Christine how's it going to Sochi?

Brennan: no one is worried about security
people are having loads of fun

Raddatz: but the gays are protesting

Brennan: we don't see them

Raddatz: but they are there

Brennan: US athletes are speaking
out for gay rights

Raddatz: isn't security really tight though?

Brennan: it's not as scary as most American
sporting events like the SuperBowl or even
New York City's bus station

Raddatz: really?

Brennan: yes – I haven't seen a gun yet

Raddatz: so basically green light for terrorists

Brennan: not exactly

Ross: OMG a plane was almost hijacked
which is just like 9/11 which hit
New York City and Washington DC!

Raddatz: yes I recall that

Ross: the stupid hijacker was tricked into
thinking they had landed in Sochi

Raddatz: nice

Ross: to make everything went smoothly
during the opening ceremonies the Russians
were ready to shoot down any passenger plane

Raddatz: the show must go on

Ross: also we have learned Dagestan
warlords have learned how to create
tiny bombs out of toothpaste

Raddatz: the MacGuyver of terrorists!

Ross: indeed

Raddatz: Congressman what
should we be we be terrified of?

Rogers: the Russians are very 
aggressive including kicking down 
doors which I highly approve of

Raddatz: what else?

Rogers: the Russians and Brits and French
are all working together which is awesome

Raddatz: what about the missing 
Black Widows?

Rogers: they blew up a train station
last month – they scare me a lot

Raddatz: me too!

Rogers: they don't have to attack the games
they can attack anywhere and anytime!

Raddatz: so your focus is on the
entire world outside the venues

Rogers: right – the soft underbelly
is outside the ring of steel

Raddatz: are we ready to evacuate
out athletes at any time?

Rogers: yes but the Russians won't
tell us all their secrets

Raddatz: those commie fuckers!

[ break ]

Raddatz: welcome Ray Kelly – what lessons
can you provide to those stupid Russians?

Kelly: intelligence is the most important thing

Raddatz: you mean spying

Kelly: it looks like the Russians are
doing all they can do – they've got
100,000 security officers!

Raddatz: can they prevent an attack or not?

Kelly: well they're listening in on every conversation

Raddatz: they sure are!! ha ha!

Raddatz: what about the Rectangle of Steel?

Thomas: it's a 1,500 square mile
system that can detect the
presence of any muslim

Raddatz: can we get every American
out of there fast?

Ganyard: No of course not

Raddatz: oh my god

Ganyard: the Russians have put too much
emphasis on preventing an attack and not
enough on exploiting one to invade Iraq

Raddatz: we have ships in the Black Sea

Ganyard: but we don't speak Russian and
wouldn't get past their anti-aircraft batteries

Raddatz: that is so terrifying

Ganyard: it is!

Raddatz: those Russian fuckers won't
share information with us

Thomas: well it is their country
after all we didn't let them
roam around Salt Lake City

Raddatz: damn right we didn't –
you can't trust those borscht-eating dipshits

Thomas: calm down Martha

Raddatz: I'm petrified

Kelly: don't forget the Munich attacks
took place 9 days into the games

Raddatz: holy fucking crap

Kelly: there will almost definitely be
an attack somewhere someplace soon

Raddatz: we're doomed!

Raddatz: now we go to Jon Karl
who will explain we can't have
immigration reform because Obama is mean

Zeleny: in January Boehner said we
must have immigration reform but
now says we can't have new laws
because we must focus on bashing Obama

Karl: got it

Zeleny: McConnell washed his hands of it

Karl: Congressman what went wrong

Cole: Democrats keep blocking reform

Karl: can we acknowledge that's stupid?

Cole: no – Republicans genuinely hate Obama

Karl: that's totally lame – and I'm a conservative!

Ellison: for god's sake Obama
deports 1,000 people per day!

Karl: it reform really dead?

Zeleny: no but the GOP wants
to ride anti-Obamacare wave

Karl: I see

Cupp: the GOP wants to win in 2014
then they can a Republican reform

Karl: with a Democratic President

Cupp: also in his State of the Union
Obama was partisan and divisive

Karl: Obama deports more 
people than Bush did!

Plouffe: he's following the law

Karl: true

Plouffe: Republicans are being childish
if you don't do in 2014 you can't do it
in 2015 or 2016 which will be all
about running for President

Karl: oh well that's that

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