Sunday, May 23, 2010

Meet the Press - May 23, 2010

Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ)
Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX)
Rep. Joe Sestak (D-PA)
May 23, 2010
Gregory: Hi and welcome to another episode of
Meet the Press - our special guest today was going to be Rand Paul but is very sleepy from pretending he is not a racist and needs a nap so he graciously sent his pet PaulCat - thanks so much for coming

PaulCat: oh hai - u iz welcome

Gregory: People think that Rand Paul is a racist

PaulCat: noes fluffi he no cares if deh kittehs iz striped or calico or if dey iz all whites or blacks
- but he no lak deh maine coon

Gregory: PaulCat does Rand Paul really want to repeal the Civil Rights Act?

PaulCat: he no wants govmint takin yur bukkits
and yur toys and yur homez and yur odder
privat properti

Gregory: so laws prohibiting racial discrimination
are the same as declaring a hotel or restaurant
to be public property?

PaulCat: if teh governmints be doin dat dey also
kan mak u brings guns to teh movie theter

Gregory: so what’s the solution?

PaulCat: teh frei markets will mak all teh
kittehs plai nice

Gregory: is making abortion illegal also a declaring
a woman’s body public property?

PaulCat: oh hai noes cause teh bebbeh kittehs
haz rite to lif

Gregory: Rand Paul said Obama is un-American for attacking BP

PaulCat: teh presnit no lak the biznuz kittehs --
he plai bame game he shuld plai wit kitteh toys

Gregory: why on earth would Rand Paul defend BP at a time like this?

PaulCat: sometimes teh kittehs use deh litter box
and sometimes kittehs no use litter box - u noes accidentz dey happen

Gregory: it’s no ones fault so Obama shouldn’t be critical of BP?

PaulCat: BP iz like the kittehs - dey mak de mess
and teh humanz clean it up

Gregory: Good luck in November

PaulCat: u haz fishies or scritches for me?

Gregory: No sorry

PaulCat: u noes get cuddlez Fluffi

[ break ]

Gregory: Rand Paul canceled his appearance here just because he said a lot of racist stupid shit - then just to put icing on the cake he defended BP for spilling millions of gallons of oil in the Gulf

Cornyn: give him a break he’s a novice candidate - he can’t take random questions about whether 40 year old anti-racist laws were a good idea

Gregory: Is he totally insane?

Cornyn: he needs run away from the media and to speak to the people of Kentucky so they can hear what he has to say

Gregory: don’t they watch Meet the Press in Kentucky?

Cornyn: are you kidding? - they don’t own tv sets - they just got the wireless

Gregory: so you nominated an incompetent weirdo who can’t take basic questions without sounding like a stone cold racist

Cornyn: true - but government has gotten too big

Menendez: he’s out of his fucking mind - he’s perfect for the modern Republican party

Gregory: isn’t Rand Paul right - that Democrats brought us debt, chaos and a breakdown in society?

Menendez: no Fluffy the Republican party brought us debts, wars, big government and a Depression

Cornyn: there they go again - blaming George Bush for all the mistakes George Bush made

Gregory: is that all?

Cornyn: Spend! Debt!

Gregory: the Tea Party brings new voters but on the other hand they are fucking crazy

Cornyn: I love the Tea Party! These are wonderful patriotic Americans who finally got off their couches to carry guns and want to repeal civil rights

Gregory: well that’s a little frightening

Cornyn: Obama hates businesses

Gregory: Admiral you claim to be an outsider but you voted for health care reform

Sestak: I was in the Navy for 31 years Dancin Dave and America was torpedoed

Gregory: but you voted for TARP!

Sestak: yes but I stood up to Obama when he attacked businesses

Gregory: like what?

Sestak: I want to cut taxes for small business not for Goldman Sachs

Gregory: but how can you support the Obama Communist Agenda?

Sestak: fuck Obama - he tried to get me
out of the race!

Gregory: you stood up to him to run for office - so what?

Sestak: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: Are you now or have you ever been an
Obama Democrat?

Sestak: fuck you

Gregory: what bribe did Obama offer you?

Sestak: he offered to make me Secretary of
Kicking Pundit Ass

Gregory: oh my

Gregory: [grinning ] what painful choices will you make?!?!

Sestak: better health care, collect taxes and cut military spending


Gregory: Obama backed the wrong horse in Pennsylvania!

Menendez: true but it all worked out in the end - Sestak is awesome

Gregory: Is Obama a liability?

Menendez: hell fuckin no -- he’s turning this nation around from the disaster of the Bush presidency

Cornyn: I hate big big government - we’re going to repeal health care reform!

Gregory: Blumenthal claimed he fought with Rambo

Menendez: yes but his opponent let wrestlers use their bodies

Cornyn: you can’t trust him - he shot himself in the foot to get out of service!

Gregory: I thought that was Dick Cheney

Cornyn: either way

Gregory: immigration reform!

Menendez: Let the Senators from Arizona deal with the 12 million illegal immigrants

Cornyn: the Arizona law is a great law - it bans profiling based on race and now only allows it
for skin color

Gregory: Bush never passed immigration reform or secured the border

Cornyn: sure but that was before - as soon as Obama became President Arizona has to
enact a racist law

[ break ]

Gregory: hey panelists the GOP nominated a racist whackjob for the U.S. Senate

Friedman: we learned this week that when the Tea Party said they want smaller government they really mean racism is awesome

Gigot: I admire Rand Paul for being willing to cut Medicare and Social Security

Mitchell: he’s a libertarian - what the fuck is he doing running for the Senate anyway

Woodward: he’s like Ronald Reagan but
ugly and stupid

Mitchell: yes but Ronnie was a pragmatic racist-panderer

Giogot: Obama has governed so far to left is that he’s driven the GOP to the crazy right

Gregory: that sounds pretty smart

Giogot: the Tea Party think Obama is a socialist!

Gregory: but TARP was a Republican idea

Gigot: sure but Obama abused TARP by going beyond the original intention of bailing out Wall Street and helping American auto companies
- that is so so sad

Gregory: it seems like crazy people everywhere are
taking over politics

Friedman: Digital lynch mobs!!!

Gregory: that’s scary!

Friedman: we need a dictator

Gigot: we tried that under George Bush

Woodward: people say nothing ever gets done but Obama did stimulus, health care reform and may get financial reform - not to shabby!

Gregory: wow James Carville got attention by bashing Obama!

Friedman: I think they should stop the oil spill

Gregory: wow!

Friedman: I think we should use less oil - why are no Senators saying this?!?

Gregory: Gore did and the media relentlessly attacked him

Woodward: why don’t they call Google to
fix the oil spill?

Gigot: what the fuck do you expect them to do?

Mitchell: BP has ruined offshore drilling for all of us

Friedman: who cares - the long term solution is to utter banal cliches

Gigot: it’s a very hard engineering problem

Gregory: what the hell should Team Obama do?

Woodward: I had no idea oil came right out of the ground - I thought it came from whales

Gigot: accidents happen - aren’t we all
really to blame?

Woodward: the blob will kill us all!!!

Mitchell: you men are all fucking idiots

Gregory: I want to thank all my guests especially PaulCat

PaulCat: kthnxbai

1 comment:

Unknown said...

"BP iz like the kittehs - dey mak de mess
and teh humanz clean it up"