Meet The Press - May 19, 2013

Guests:

Dan Pfeiffer – White House advisor

Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)

Rep. Dave Camp (R-MI)

Rep. Xavier Becerra (D-CA)

Donald Rumsfeld

Bob Woodward

Peggy Noonan

Gregory: OMG Obama is a under a huge

cloud of motherfucking scandal!!

Audience: wheeeeee

Gregory: hi dan

Pfeiffer: greetings Fluffy

Gregory: back at you pfeffy

Gregory: does Obama regard these

scandals as mere distractions?

Pfeiffer: no he doesn't - look

we're going to fix the IRS

Gregory: you don't believe Obama

presidency is basically over?

Pfeiffer: no look - the Republicans

always do this – they make shit

up and overreach and piss everyone off

Gregory: Dave Camp says all these little

scandals prove Obama was fixing the election

Pfeiffer: that's nonsense – Darrell Issa knew

about this since the spring and did nothing

because he was waiting for all the facts

which is the right thing to do

Gregory: but Obama could have

acted before getting all the facts

Pfeiffer: maybe that's how you work here

at 'Meet The Press' but that not how

we roll at the White House

Gregory: Michelle Bachmann has

called for impeachment

Pfeiffer: the IRS acts were outrageous

but no sorry Benghazi was not 

Watergate times a billion

Gregory: but Obama should have

interfered with the IRS earlier!

Pfeiffer: you don't want the President

involved with the IRS – that's why the IRS

is such a model of objectivity and efficiency

Gregory: but Obama is not in charge!

Pfeiffer: sure he is – he just respects the

independence of the IRS which is the law!

Gregory: but technically the IRS answers

to Obama by way of Treasury

Pfeiffer: the Commissioner was a Bush

appointee and the acting commissioner

was a career civil servant

Gregory: Congress was misinformed

by that lying Commissioner

Pfeiffer: well we fired both of their asses

Gregory: the Wall Street Journal says

this is Obama's fault because he's

always hating on conservatives

Pfeiffer: that's just ridiculous

Gregory: people blamed Bush for Abu Ghraib

just because he personally approved torture so

obviously Obama is to blame for what

happened at the IRS

Pfeiffer: yeah that makes sense

Gregory: we any mistakes made at all

at Benghazi or is it all political?

Pfeiffer: the GOP had these e-mails for months

but didn't get all outraged until Republicans

fed doctored e-mails to that idiot Jon Karl at ABC

Gregory: yes but critics say-

Pfeiffer: shut up

Gregory: critics say Obama used the phrase

'act of terror' which is a generic term

Pfeiffer: I heard you were a moron

Gregory: questions are raised about

accessing phone records

Pfeiffer: did you know national security

leaks are dangerous?

Gregory: so you say

Pfeiffer: Obama re-proposed the Shield Law

Gregory: is Obama's message to the

Republicans on the AP phone records

“put up or shut up” ?

Pfeiffer: let's just say we're all fascinated by

their sudden concern for freedom of the press

Gregory: thanks for coming dan

[ break ]

Gregory: Mitch do you believe 

there is big corruption here?

McConnell: did you know the FCC

is trying to ban criticism of Obama?

Gregory: really?

McConnell: and Obama demonizes opponents

which is a first in American history

Gregory: do you have any evidence to

back up your accusations?

McConnell: no

Gregory: so why are you making them

McConnell: Obama is running a nanny

state that says government knows best!

Gregory: that is scary

McConnell: gosh darn right it is

Gregory: in 1987 you called for investigating

leftist groups for abusing tax-exempt status

McConnell: maybe I wasn't clear before Fluffy

– Obama is a big nanny!

Gregory: so you said

McConnell: Obama has created a

Culture of Intimidation!

Gregory: it sounds very intimidating

McConnell: I was wrong 25 years ago

and I am right now!

Gregory: so would change the tax code at all?

McConnell: look 25 years ago it was right to

shut up leftists but now it's clear it's very

wrong to shut up conservatives

Gregory: do you support Obama 

on investigating leaks?

McConnell: sort of

Gregory: you support Eric Holder?

McConnell: national security leaks that could

endanger Americans are a serious matter

Gregory: including this one?

McConnell: I refuse to answer because

I can't stand that guy

Gregory: Obama tried to spin the cause

of an attack on a consulate!

McConnell: clearly we didn't have enough

security unlike when Bush was President

and all our embassies were perfectly safe

Gregory: isn't talk of impeachment a little crazy?

McConnell: no because Obama covered

up a terrorist attack by calling it an act of terror

Gregory: you are the GOP leader in the Senate

– are other Republicans going too far?

McConnell: no because four Americans

were killed and Obama lied to make

it seem like it wasn't a terror attack

and only an act of terror

Gregory: are comparisons to Watergate 

crazy or sane?

McConnell: we must investigate Benghazi 

more to find out!

Gregory: does it disqualify Hillary

Clinton from being President?

McConnell: my gosh the next election

is so far away

Gregory: do you think Hillary Clinton

got people killed in Benghazi?

McConnell: oh mah stars maybe

Gregory: will you run on Benghazi?

McConnell: no I'm running on repealing Obamacare

Gregory: I see

McConnell: Obamacare caused the

recession in 2008!

Gregory: thanks for coming Mitch

[ break ]

Gregory: how do you answer the charge

that Obama has a Culture of intimidation?

Camp: Congress has been trying to

get answers for two years!

Gregory: Congress asked for an 

IG investigation and got it

Camp: no that was an audit

Gregory: even so

Camp: Americans were targeted 

for their political views

Gregory: true but even Obama said

that was outrageous

Camp: that's not enough

Gregory: what should Obama have done –

meddled in the IRS business?

Camp: he should have known!

Gregory: how?

Camp: I don't know – we have questions!

Gregory: do you have evidence any Obama knew?

Camp: not yet!

Gregory: does this prove we should

revise the tax code?

Camp: yes the tax code is too complex and boring

Gregory: we all know that

Camp: this proves we should cut taxes

on rich people and raise them on poor people

Gregory: excellent

[ break ]

Woodward: this is not Watergate but it is Nixonian

Gregory: how so?

Woodward: they covered up Benghazi

by calling it an act of terror

Gregory: Peggy you said this is worse

than the invasion of Iraq or Iran-Contra

and Obama is dirty and crooked

Noonan: that's right David [ stirs drink ]

Gregory: Reagan ran a secret war to send

weapons to the Ayatollah – are you sure

that isn't a bit of an overstatement Peggers?

Noonan: I never heard of anything this

terrible in my entire lifetime! [ drinks ]

Gregory: for god's sake Peggy -

Richard Nixon authorized burglaries!

Noonan: no no no it's worse! [ swoons ]

Becerra: Peggy is drinking... the kool aid

Gregory: check her flask

Becerra: I agree with Young McConnell –

abuse of the tax code is the real issue

Gregory: will this cripple the President?

Camp: we must cut taxes on the rich!

Gregory: Bob was Bush innocent on Abu Ghraib?

Woodward: the President may want to

preserve agencies' independence

the issues but he's the leader

Gregory: but if Obama called the head

of the IRS you would attack him for 

being like Nixon

Woodward: the AP's phone records are sacred

Noonan: is he the President or not??

Gregory: but the President can't be

ordering the Attorney General

to investigate or not to investigate

Noonan: fine [ slams flask on desk ]

Camp: there was very bad management at least

Noonan: why not have an independent counsel?

Woodward: Obama is constitutionally responsible

for bad things and bad things are bad

Gregory: is he too passive?

Noonan: no – he is too aggressive!

Obama was giving orders to the IRS

to attack conservatives!

Gregory: thanks panelists

[ break ]

Gregory: you are the Sexiest 

Great-Grandfather alive

Rumsfeld: Great-Grandfather or 

Greatest Grandfather?

Gregory: what about the appalling

number of sexual assaults in the military?

Rumsfeld: I wish had the answers but I don't

Gregory: what about the culture of the military?

Rumsfeld: I have no idea –

I don't have the answer for that

Gregory: you're so wise

Rumsfeld: I don't know about that either

Gregory: you have a book called

'Rumsfeld's Rules' which is all

about accountability

Rumsfeld: yes I am

Gregory: IRS! Benghazi!

Rumsfeld: Obama seems not to care

about people dying

Gregory: coming from you that's just amazing

Rumsfeld: the truth is very important to me

Gregory: unbelievable

Rumsfeld: when trust is eroded

credibility is lost

Gregory: astonishing

Rumsfeld: we restored trust under Gerald Ford

Gregory: actually I was thinking of shattered

trust when Bush was President

Rumsfeld: you go with the difficulties

you have not the difficulties you want

Gregory: Dick Cheney says team Obama was lying

Rumsfeld: they changed talking points

on Benghazi - they were trying to create

a narrative that didn't comport with the facts!

Gregory: you mean like with 9/11, Tora Bora,

Afghanistan, Pat Tillman, WMDs, yellowcake, 

the cost of the Iraq war, troops needed to 

fight the war, Jessica Lynch, Curveball, 

Chalabi, body armor, the Iraq civil war...

Rumsfeld: I fail to see your point Fluffy

Gregory: and that's another episode

of Meet The Press