Sunday, September 13, 2009

This Week with George Stephanolopous - September 13, 2009

September 13, 2009
HHS Secretary Sebelius
Sen. Rockefeller
Sen. Landrieu
Gov. Pawlenty
Stephanolopous: Tim are you really a
crazy Tenther?

Pawlenty: no but Mitt Romney is an idiot so
that proves that Obama is a failure

Stephanolopous: I don’t follow

Stephanolopous: we need to recognize that the federal government lacks the resources to run a large scale health care system - they should leave that to sophisticated entities like Alabama

Sebelius: yeah that makes sense

Stephanolopous: can’t we just get rid of the
public health care option

Rockefeller: no we really need a public option - it’s the only thing that can work

Stephanolopous: Mary so what’s wrong with
a public option?

Landrieu: it would be too successful

Stephanolopous: why is that bad?

Landrieu: it would hurt health insurers who have given me a lot of money

Stephanolopous: what about President Snowe’s trigger idea?

Landrieu: no that is a bad idea too - we have to
give for-profit insurers to get this right

Stephanolopous: they haven’t had a chance for the last 50 years yet?

Landrieu: no they’ve been forced to act like rapacious blood-suckers but now we let them be nice - Free the Insurers!

Stephanolopous: abortions for none and
mini-American flags for all?

Pawlenty: we must force poor women to keep
their little fetuses

Sebelius: oh absolutely - it’s like we’re doing them
a favor

Landrieu: I agree with the fetus-americans but this is a real crisis - and it’s expensive and we must do something and we must do something now!

Stephanolopous: except an affordable public option

Landrieu: yeah except for that

Pawlenty: Why would we trust the same people who brought us Medicaid and Medicare to create more health care programs - that’s crazy!!!

Stephanolopous: but those are very successful
and enormously popular

Pawlenty: that’s my point - do you know how much this would hurt the Republicans?!?

Rockefeller: dimwit

Pawlenty: Obama wants to cut Medicare
for the elderly!!

Sebelius: that’s a lie - we’ve had sting operations
in Detroit

Stephanolopous: how did that go

Sebelius: it was great - it had Redford and Newman and a score by Marvin Hamlisch

Stephanolopous: excellent

Landrieu: we’re not going to cut money from Medicare

Stephanolopous: but what if Pawlenty is right
and you did?

Pawlenty: it just won’t work [ waves picture of Obama with Hitler mustache ]

Landrieu: jesus and people think I’m a hack

Pawlenty: Medicare is going bankrupt!

Rockefeller: the fucking Ophthalmology lobby
owns Congress

Stephanolopous: Rep. Wilson acted like a total jackass this week - so let’s spend time addressing his racist concerns

Sebelius: look the law requiring people to carry papers and language to create the new concentration camps for illegals is all spelled
out in the bill

Pawlenty: Republicans believe in small government - so we need a new national secret police force checking people’s identity papers

Stephanolopous: everyone would have to carry biometric ID all the time or risk dying in ER?

Pawlenty: no not all -- they would be arrested too

Stephanolopous: I don’t know if the American people will go for that

Pawlenty: why do you hate liberty and freedom?
[ puts on Lee Greenwood pin ]

[ puts on giant flag pin on his forehead ]
I’m just saying it seems to put the burden on
people to prove they are citizens which is not in the American tradition

Pawlenty: it would only apply to brown people

Stephanolopous: oh well ok then

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