*******************************
The Chris Matthews Show - Sunday, November 25, 2007
*******************************
Matthews: does Obama have to win in iowa or is he a big looser?
Panel: he’s a looser
Brooks: he’s inspiring -- i love his sneering contempt for Hillary Clinton which all people secretly share
Nora O’D: he wants people to follow their heart!!!!
Matthews: clarence yur smiling why?
Page: he was playing rope a dope he's like muhammad ali
Matthews: ooh but he was muslim
Page: true, but not arab
Page: Obama's in a holding pattern until xmas
Matthews: everybody on earth despises Hilllary right?
Bumiller: well of course
Matthews: what else
Bumiller: iowa despises women - it's like the saudia arabia of the midwest
Matthews: well even women hate Hillary
Norah: yes but iowa is like a microcosm of America all people hate her
Matthews: hillary called Obama a child with no experience whereas she was first lady lady hugging yassir arafat's wife
Brooks: hillary has no ideas but she appeals to uneducated people
Matthews: does anyone like her
Brooks: yes because she has substance and Obama does not
Matthews: I want to fall in love with a good looking candidate
Page: Matthews that's sexist
Matthews: i was talking about Barack Obama
Matthews: the most loved person in America is Oprah
Norah: she can sell books, can she sell a black man?
Bumiller: the corn-fed overall wearing farmers won't fall for the black female billionaire
Page: this is Oprah doods - she can sway whole nations!
Matthews: OMG the governor of NJ from 20 years ago endorsed McCain - he's gonna win!!
Brooks: McCain is teh finest of men
Matthews: so true
Brooks: he can talk for 20 minutes without sounding like an idiot
Matthews: does he have personal character?
Brooks: yes because he endorsed the Surge he's risked his life on it
Matthews: he walked though that market
Brook: plus all Democrats will vote for him
Matthews: immigrants will all vote for McCain
Page: but the GOP sez he's coddling criminals
Matthews: McCain got Dems to vote for him in 2000 but Obama will do that this time
Norah: McCain is done for but maybe he will after all
Matthews: bold statement Norah
Brooks: Rudy's record on assholeness will be released next month
Matthews: this could go into the spring i see many erections ahead for me and if there is a brokered convention i will ejaculate on live teevee
Panel: oh wow
Matthews: tell me something cool!
Norah: Emily and her list will take down Obama
Page: Oprah is-
Matthews: I love it!!
Page: obama wil bring out ellen is Oprah doesn't pan out
Bullimer: dick cheney hates peace
Brooks: we aren't going to war with iran
Matthews: fuck
Page: edwards is a spoiler and takes votes from Obama
Bumiller: i don't want to count him out - but i will
Brooks: but will blacks actually vote?
Matthews: it’s so exiting I can’t wait!!!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Hardball with Chris Matthews - Friday, November 21, 2007
*******************************************
Hardball with Chris Matthews
Friday, November 21, 2007
*******************************************
Tweety: did cheney lie about outing valerie plame
Shuster: of course he did
Tweety: wow
Shuster: McClellan said he knew Rove was innocent because it was public knowledge
[tape]
Journalist: how do you know rove is a good guy
Scottie: i did a mind-meld with him dood
Journalist: what about scooter libby
Scottie: i dunno
Cheney: clear scooter or i will put a horse's head in yur bed dood
Scottie: it was all rumor and innuendo and no important member of this white house would be involved in the leak
Journalist: r u sure dood
Scottie: yeah
[end tape]
Tweety: so sad Libby took the fall awwwwww......
Savannah: yes so very sad he took the fall his good name is in tatters and he's a convicted felon
Tweety: why would he lie??
Savannah: he's so fucking heroic we should be build a statue to him
Tweety: the Scooter Memorial -- it would show a pasty white guy falling on a sword and being caught at the last second by a George Bush
Schuster: well now we know that George Bush actively lied to Scottie McClellan
Tweety: so sad Scooter Libby's lawyer couldn't defend his criminal client when he was just a good soldier
Savannah: Fitzgerald hid behind the law and didn't litigate the war so unfair
Tweety: Bush commuted his sentence - is that justice or a conspiracy to obstruct justice?
Shuster: teh big story Cheney and Rove lied to President Stupid
Tweety: Is Bush a liar or ignorant?
Shuster: why not both?
Tweety: awesome
Matthews: WaPo buried the story on page 15 - oh well it's only lies to destroy American security
Schuster: smuggled nukes
Matthews: Scotty is such a tease
Isikoff: that's very nice tweety
Matthews: i call him my little sugarplum
Isikoff: Rove lied to Scott McClellan
Matthews: Shocking!
Isikoff: will he mention this in his book - we don't know
Matthews: Wilson was the leading critic of the war
Isikoff: really?
Matthews: that's how i remember it
Milbank: let's face it Scottie wasn't exactly in the loop
Matthews: President Bush is very smart
Isikoff: let's not go overboard
Matthews: bush commuted the sentence of the guy who could finger him for a crime
Isikoff: in their defense they never saw this case a very big deal
Matthews: but it is a big deal!
Isikoff: Wilson was a partisan dood who attacked our precious war
Matthews: he was fair game!
Isikoff: yes in their defense they didn't want to admit they were liars or incompetent
Matthews: yes back then war was so lovely
Matthews: i want to get inside the baby cask of amontillado
Milbank: it would be stupid not to pardon Libby
Shuster: Bush camps says their treason is old news
Matthews: god these guys are good -- they have shut this story down even though it's about criminality in the white house - bravo Mr. Bush!
Shuster: i sense sarcasm there tweetybird
Matthews: no i admire them -- after all life is a campaign of lying and deceit
[break]
Hillary: Obama is only 10 years old that’s too young
Obama: Hillary and Rummy and Bush and Cheney are all disasters
Matthews: guns on campus what could go wrong!
Obama: i used drugs
Rudy: haven't we all
Romney: kids always do what the president does - that's the why the President should always lie
Matthews: i tell all my kids my mistakes in life
Shuster: the stuff of nightmares
Matthews: the truth hurts man
Bolton: the world’s most dangerous weapons cant be in teh hands of most dangerous people
Matthews: you’re saying Bush shouldn’t be President?
Bolton: we should invade Iran
Matthews: but the iraq was a total disaster
Bolton: sure in hindsight
Matthews: should we have put Chalabi in charge
Bolton: hey i was always against the occupation!
Matthews: were you really?
Bolton: hey colin powell was all gung-ho for invading and i was all like ‘no way bad idea dood’!
Matthews: really i thought you were a hawk
Bolton: who me? no i hate nation building!
Matthews: oh ok
Brown University Expert: attacking iran is very bad idea
Tweety: it’s risk free for them
Brown University Expert: no but risky for us
Bolton: i want to avoid war
Tweety: no you don't!
Bolton: they are teh central banker for international terrorism
Tweety: so should we attack?
Bolton: sure - life is about choices
Tweety: like you “chose” to avoid in serving in teh military
Bolton: right
Expert: the military are against attacking Iran
Bolton: fuck them
Matthews: you think Elections are Magic
Bolton: no that's President George W Stupid
Matthews: do you want Iran to hate us or have nuclear weapons
Brown University Expert: it's crazy they *don't* have nukes and they *do* hate us
Matthews: if we bomb Iran won't the people hate us??
Bolton: no! The Iranians are smart enough to understand that if we bomb the shit out of them we do it out of love
Matthews: you are fucking insane - you thought we would be greeted with flowers
Bolton: no i always felt we should not invade Iraq
Matthews: god you're cuckoo
[break]
Joan Walsh: the NYT and WaPo are covering up this story - Scott McClellan is telling us the President is a liar and a criminal!
Brownstein: fascinating point McClellan is not being clear with us
Tweety: interesting
Brownstein: recall Scotty worked for Governor Bush he won't turn on him
Tweety: what about Shotgun Dick?
Brownstein: he’s fair game
Matthews: we are in teh middle of arabia and it's very scary and it's all because of piss-poor journalism!!
audience: does your dressing room even have a mirror dood?
Matthews: i'm so excited the election day is almost here
Bailey: it's hard to pole people in the caucus
Matthews: women hate hillary
Brownstein: well they do see her a lot
Matthews: why don't they like her
Brownstein: she's shrill and mean
Matthews: she went after Obama for having experience with a broad
Bailey: bad move
Matthews: women only do well when there's a large body of water nearby i think it’s the monthly tides or something
Walsh: why did i agree to come on this insane show?
Matthews: happy thanksgiving everyone whatever u do it can't be weirder than mine
Hardball with Chris Matthews
Friday, November 21, 2007
*******************************************
Tweety: did cheney lie about outing valerie plame
Shuster: of course he did
Tweety: wow
Shuster: McClellan said he knew Rove was innocent because it was public knowledge
[tape]
Journalist: how do you know rove is a good guy
Scottie: i did a mind-meld with him dood
Journalist: what about scooter libby
Scottie: i dunno
Cheney: clear scooter or i will put a horse's head in yur bed dood
Scottie: it was all rumor and innuendo and no important member of this white house would be involved in the leak
Journalist: r u sure dood
Scottie: yeah
[end tape]
Tweety: so sad Libby took the fall awwwwww......
Savannah: yes so very sad he took the fall his good name is in tatters and he's a convicted felon
Tweety: why would he lie??
Savannah: he's so fucking heroic we should be build a statue to him
Tweety: the Scooter Memorial -- it would show a pasty white guy falling on a sword and being caught at the last second by a George Bush
Schuster: well now we know that George Bush actively lied to Scottie McClellan
Tweety: so sad Scooter Libby's lawyer couldn't defend his criminal client when he was just a good soldier
Savannah: Fitzgerald hid behind the law and didn't litigate the war so unfair
Tweety: Bush commuted his sentence - is that justice or a conspiracy to obstruct justice?
Shuster: teh big story Cheney and Rove lied to President Stupid
Tweety: Is Bush a liar or ignorant?
Shuster: why not both?
Tweety: awesome
Matthews: WaPo buried the story on page 15 - oh well it's only lies to destroy American security
Schuster: smuggled nukes
Matthews: Scotty is such a tease
Isikoff: that's very nice tweety
Matthews: i call him my little sugarplum
Isikoff: Rove lied to Scott McClellan
Matthews: Shocking!
Isikoff: will he mention this in his book - we don't know
Matthews: Wilson was the leading critic of the war
Isikoff: really?
Matthews: that's how i remember it
Milbank: let's face it Scottie wasn't exactly in the loop
Matthews: President Bush is very smart
Isikoff: let's not go overboard
Matthews: bush commuted the sentence of the guy who could finger him for a crime
Isikoff: in their defense they never saw this case a very big deal
Matthews: but it is a big deal!
Isikoff: Wilson was a partisan dood who attacked our precious war
Matthews: he was fair game!
Isikoff: yes in their defense they didn't want to admit they were liars or incompetent
Matthews: yes back then war was so lovely
Matthews: i want to get inside the baby cask of amontillado
Milbank: it would be stupid not to pardon Libby
Shuster: Bush camps says their treason is old news
Matthews: god these guys are good -- they have shut this story down even though it's about criminality in the white house - bravo Mr. Bush!
Shuster: i sense sarcasm there tweetybird
Matthews: no i admire them -- after all life is a campaign of lying and deceit
[break]
Hillary: Obama is only 10 years old that’s too young
Obama: Hillary and Rummy and Bush and Cheney are all disasters
Matthews: guns on campus what could go wrong!
Obama: i used drugs
Rudy: haven't we all
Romney: kids always do what the president does - that's the why the President should always lie
Matthews: i tell all my kids my mistakes in life
Shuster: the stuff of nightmares
Matthews: the truth hurts man
Bolton: the world’s most dangerous weapons cant be in teh hands of most dangerous people
Matthews: you’re saying Bush shouldn’t be President?
Bolton: we should invade Iran
Matthews: but the iraq was a total disaster
Bolton: sure in hindsight
Matthews: should we have put Chalabi in charge
Bolton: hey i was always against the occupation!
Matthews: were you really?
Bolton: hey colin powell was all gung-ho for invading and i was all like ‘no way bad idea dood’!
Matthews: really i thought you were a hawk
Bolton: who me? no i hate nation building!
Matthews: oh ok
Brown University Expert: attacking iran is very bad idea
Tweety: it’s risk free for them
Brown University Expert: no but risky for us
Bolton: i want to avoid war
Tweety: no you don't!
Bolton: they are teh central banker for international terrorism
Tweety: so should we attack?
Bolton: sure - life is about choices
Tweety: like you “chose” to avoid in serving in teh military
Bolton: right
Expert: the military are against attacking Iran
Bolton: fuck them
Matthews: you think Elections are Magic
Bolton: no that's President George W Stupid
Matthews: do you want Iran to hate us or have nuclear weapons
Brown University Expert: it's crazy they *don't* have nukes and they *do* hate us
Matthews: if we bomb Iran won't the people hate us??
Bolton: no! The Iranians are smart enough to understand that if we bomb the shit out of them we do it out of love
Matthews: you are fucking insane - you thought we would be greeted with flowers
Bolton: no i always felt we should not invade Iraq
Matthews: god you're cuckoo
[break]
Joan Walsh: the NYT and WaPo are covering up this story - Scott McClellan is telling us the President is a liar and a criminal!
Brownstein: fascinating point McClellan is not being clear with us
Tweety: interesting
Brownstein: recall Scotty worked for Governor Bush he won't turn on him
Tweety: what about Shotgun Dick?
Brownstein: he’s fair game
Matthews: we are in teh middle of arabia and it's very scary and it's all because of piss-poor journalism!!
audience: does your dressing room even have a mirror dood?
Matthews: i'm so excited the election day is almost here
Bailey: it's hard to pole people in the caucus
Matthews: women hate hillary
Brownstein: well they do see her a lot
Matthews: why don't they like her
Brownstein: she's shrill and mean
Matthews: she went after Obama for having experience with a broad
Bailey: bad move
Matthews: women only do well when there's a large body of water nearby i think it’s the monthly tides or something
Walsh: why did i agree to come on this insane show?
Matthews: happy thanksgiving everyone whatever u do it can't be weirder than mine
Friday, November 16, 2007
Democratic Debate - November 16, 2007
*********************************************
Democratic Presidential Debate
November 15, 2007
Las Vegas Nevada
UNLV
Moderators:
Wolf Blizter
John Roberts
Campbell Brown
*********************************************
Wolf Blizter: let's introduce the candidates......
Senator John Edwards!
"damm i'm cute"
Senator Chris Dodd!
"how come no one like me?"
Senator Barack Obama!!
"damm i'm smokin' hot"
Senator Hillary Clinton
"should i shake hands? yes-wait-maybe not - okay i will"
Dennis Kucinich!!
"is that a ufo? oh no it's joe biden's head"
Joe Biden!!
"fire burns!!"
Bill Richardson!!
"yo soy runnning for veece president"
hi i'm wolf blitzer if a candidate strays from the topic i will gently whip them with my beard-brush
Campbell Brown: first question Hillary are you a Clintonian parsing bitch
Hillary: ahm wearing my asbestos pantsuit bitch
Brown: sexy
Hillary: let me say this about my opponents - fuck all of them
Leslie: Obama do you think hillary is a lying bitch
Obama: she is the biggest liar ever - look at driver's licenses or social security or the size and shape of bill's penis where's the straight talk???
Leslie: billary how big is it?
Hillary: he's not honest either his fake health care plan doesn't cover everyone whereas my fake health care plan does
Leslie: touche!
Obama: she promises everything and i don't - who's dishonest now?
Hillary: let's be honest Barack covers kids but what about tweens where's the love for Hannah Montana oh noes
Protestor: Biofuels bitches!!!
Obama: holy crap look what happened to Martin Luther King and Malcolm X should I be ducking right now
Edwards: Hillary hates social secuity, she voted for Bush's war, and is corrupt because she loves lobbyists
Hillary: can i talk
Leslie: by all means darling
Hillary: i don't mind attacks on my but when you go after my kitty-cat that's where i draw the line
Leslie: she's got you there pretty boy
Edwards: oh noes
Leslie: Franken-Biden you talk
Biden: Drugs!! Bad!!
Wolf: what else?
Biden: who among us is going to end the war and pick up the phone and order pakistani food in the District? In the 1970's i was ordering indian food while Edwards was still a kid!!
Wolf: calm down everyone but Kucinich will get to talk tonite
John Roberts: Edwards you are a big flip flopper
Edwards: yeah but i bend with the political winds and she calculates all her answers
Roberts: interesting
Edwards: you had a troll on CNN for the last debate
Roberts: well that's not a very nice thing to say about Lou Dobbs
Kucinich: as an elf i agree
Wolfie: Senator Dodd why is John Edwards so pretty and yet so angry?
Dodd: as the only white haired white man i can say people want someone as president who looks like a movie-style president and i am that man!!!
[audience: yay!!]
Richardson: my name is bill richardson and i am running for hillary clinton's vice president
Wolf: bold move
Richardson: give peas a chance
Wolf: i love them with cheese and butter and a knife
Richardson: that's what i'm saying dood
Leslie: will you all support the nominee whoever it is??
Biden: no and i'm not joking
Kucinich: no they're all warmongers
Brown: please hate on illegal immigrants
Obama: yes it's true George Bush is a terrible president Cambell Brown and yes it's easy to blame illegal immigrants for Bush's economy isn't it convenient how that works
Brown: so sad
Obama: we have to start tasing employers who hire illegals
Brown: yay
Leslie: let me ask you about the biggest issue in America: driver's licenses for illegals yes or no
Obama: oh my god Wolf you are THE dumbest motherfucker i have ever met
Leslie: yes or no!?!
Obama: maybe yes maybe no
Lesie: yes or no this is the most important issue ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edwards: no - but let be more thorough
Leslie: no shut up
Dodd: no!
Leslie: thank you
Obama: can i say yes now
Leslie: huh?
Hillary: NO!
Kucinich: there is no such thing as an illegal person
Leslie: you scare me little man
Kucinich: fuck you wolfie you brainless twit
Richardson: hell i already gave licenses to illegal immmigrants
Wolfie: well but all your relatives are probably illegal immigrants
Richardson: this is complex-
Wolf: shut up pedro
Roberts: let's talk about a non-federal issue like firing teachers who teach students who don't do well on our fake tests
Dodd: i like kids and i hate bush
audience: yay!
Dodd: i started the congressional Children's Caucus
audience: did you ever wonder why Mark Foley attended every week
Leslie: do u hate unions?
Kucinich: no
Richardson: we need to have kindergarten last all day
audience: put mark foley on that too
Leslie: hillary what if there is a teacher who shows up for work every day and act like a total moron
Clinton: i'm looking at someone like that right now Wolfie
Wolf: huh
Biden: my wife proved she was a great teacher by leaving teaching to get two master's degrees
Wolf: yay
Biden: it's not like teachers are getting rich you know
Wolf: fucking filthy teat-sucking teachers
Biden: pay them more mone-
Wolf: shut up baldy
Brown: Biden you spoke to Musharraf last week for god's sake why???
Biden: Brown you have maintained CNN's perfect record of total shitheadedness tonight
Brown: thanks dude
Biden: in fact i don't like Pervez and i have a detailed Pakistan plan and no one else does
Brown: you bore me smart-person
Wolf: omg Pakistan has nukes and the taliban and really strong curries!!!
Richardson: we backed Musharraf even though he hates democracy guess what happened
Wolf: yeah a woman is running there oh noes
Richardson: hell Osama is in Pakistan
Wolf: shut up chunky
Richardon: no - i'm talking now you beadred retard
Wolf: so what you are saying is that you hate America and want this country to be nuked
Edwards: this all proves that Bush is really really stupid
Wolf: Obama do you want to see your muslim friends to nuke America
Obama: holy shit you are the dumbest bastard i have ever met
Blizter: Dodd do you hate America?
Dodd: jesus sugar tits Wolf Blitzer were you deprived of oxygen when you were born i have houseplants who are smarter than you
Hillary: i agree with Chris my god did the Republican party put some kind of implant in your tiny brain leslie???
Wolf: i have no memory of that
Hillary: obviously Bush has failed and now Pakistan is a total failure and very very dangerous
Kucinich: can i talk about Pakistan?
Wolf: no there are no UFOs there
Roberts: Iraq is a wonderful success why do you all hate America?
Richardson: the iraq war has caused lots of mental trauma
Roberts: well watching CNN will do that
Richardson: true but what about the rich Arab states
Kucinich: i voted against funding the war and the Dems in Congress should cut off the funding - period
Robert: america-hater
Kucinich: oh and by the way the problems in Pakistan are because of our assholiness all over the world
Obama: jesus christ people are on their 4th tour of duty and more americans are dead in Iraq and Afghanistan doesn't mean we should do cartwheels Leslie W. Stupid
Brown: China is evil and isn't that the Democrats fault
Kucinich: yes of course look at Yucca Mountain
Brown: oh right
Kucinich: Hillary and John Edwards voted for free trade with China
Biden: ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz
Edwards: we can't defeat Corporate Republicans and elect Corporate Democrats we must give the power to the people
Leslie: knowing what we know now should we all have voted for Ross Perot in 1992
Hillary: heh yeah then his daughter could have gotten married in the white house in safety
Leslie: was NAFTA a mistake
Hillary: yes - that's why i'm going to call for a time-out on trade
Leslie: what about instant replay
Hillary: that's another good idea
Dodd: suspend all trade with Peru and China!!
Obama: now hold on Peru is a little country
Dodd: well okay
Obama: we should send our own inspectors over there and review MNF every single year
Biden: we have power stop the chickens from sneaking into Delaware so lets do it or at least those freakin nuggets
Leslie: where should we put nuclear waste
Obama: this is the third time where you have said, 'assuming Democrats all suck and Republicans are good, who would you vote for?' and you should shut the fuck up
Wolf: okay okay
Obama: i mean it shithead
Leslie: okay don't hit me black man
Richardson: we need a Energy Revolution mandate!
Campbell Brown: you are playing the gender card bitch
Clinton: i am going to the first woman president and you can't stop me bitch
Brown: what's the boys club honey?
Clinton: campbell don't make smack you
Wolf: oooh cat fight!
Clinton: I’m very proud to be a woman
Wolf: is Hillary playing the gender card Edwards?
Edwards: she takes lobbying money
audience: booooooo
Edwards: fuck you all jerry tarkanian was a big cheater
Brown: do we want to invade Iran
Woman in Audience: should we have more war my son’s life is in danger dammit
Biden: no and hillary’s vote may take us to war with iran and if bush does that he should be impeached!
Hillary: there is no danger of people being deployed to iran but bush wants to go to war with iran which is dangerous
audience: oh ok
Edwards: I saw this movie once before and I don’t there to be a really crappy sequel
audience: yay
Obama: any idiot could see that resolution was an attempt at starting a war
Audience member: why is Blackwater getting rich wrecking our foreign policy
Richardson: no more mercenaries people should only kill for patriotism not money that just degrades it
Audience: applause!
Richardson: and a Heroes card when any veteran could use to go back in time before this shitty war started
Audience: woo-hoo!
Khan: I’m always being racially profiled it sucks
Edwards: that’s bad i pledge no more Gitmo or renditions or waterboarding when i'm president - the only torture which will be tolerated will be watching CNN debates
audience: yay!
Kucinich: you're all non-progressives unlike me!!
Wolf: ok that’s enough
Kucinich: impeach bush now!!
Wolf: shut up boat rocker they might hear you
Biden: no one loves me
Ambriz: buenvenidenos should be build a wall against brown people
Wolf: Bill you’re the only one here who counts who is against a big fence
Kucinich: that’s a fucking lie
Wolf: no you don’t matter dude
Richardson: you know Dennis i'm not actually in Congress
Dennis: you also can't win
Richardson: drugs and people are coming over but lets not demonize immigrants
Dodd: yo soy spanish speaker!
audience: yay!
Casino Cashier: my question is, do you want to double down?
Brown: good question
Cainso Gal: no really my question is do you support social security
Obama: bush keeps stealing Fica to pay for his stupid war
Wolf: Hillary what’s you plan
Clinton: I don’t have one
Obama: She's Hillary McRomney
Question: litmus test no overturning Rove Wade?
Dodd: damm right
Biden: I want a dog catcher who knows how to live!
Wolf: alma werfel?
Richardson: we need the Equalizer
Kucinich: we need a supreme court that conducts sessions on sex education
Obama: like Joe I would nominate someone with a lot of life experience
Wolf: how about joe biden then
Obama: you must be kidding he’s a been a senator since he was 17
Edwards: we need judges who are so unpopular they get death threats
Student: how do we unite America
Obama: hold a series of staff meetings
Hillary: I will go on a 4 year listening tour
Biden: people love me in Washington uniting America will be a snap
Richardson: I would get north korea to lean on Syria to persuade Israel to adjust the 1967 borders
Wolf: yes that will bring america together
Student: Hillary do you like liberal diamonds or Republican pearls
Hillary: heh give me both baby
Biden: diamonds -- pearls are for Republicans they go before swine
Host: that’s the end thanks everyone
Democratic Presidential Debate
November 15, 2007
Las Vegas Nevada
UNLV
Moderators:
Wolf Blizter
John Roberts
Campbell Brown
*********************************************
Wolf Blizter: let's introduce the candidates......
Senator John Edwards!
"damm i'm cute"
Senator Chris Dodd!
"how come no one like me?"
Senator Barack Obama!!
"damm i'm smokin' hot"
Senator Hillary Clinton
"should i shake hands? yes-wait-maybe not - okay i will"
Dennis Kucinich!!
"is that a ufo? oh no it's joe biden's head"
Joe Biden!!
"fire burns!!"
Bill Richardson!!
"yo soy runnning for veece president"
hi i'm wolf blitzer if a candidate strays from the topic i will gently whip them with my beard-brush
Campbell Brown: first question Hillary are you a Clintonian parsing bitch
Hillary: ahm wearing my asbestos pantsuit bitch
Brown: sexy
Hillary: let me say this about my opponents - fuck all of them
Leslie: Obama do you think hillary is a lying bitch
Obama: she is the biggest liar ever - look at driver's licenses or social security or the size and shape of bill's penis where's the straight talk???
Leslie: billary how big is it?
Hillary: he's not honest either his fake health care plan doesn't cover everyone whereas my fake health care plan does
Leslie: touche!
Obama: she promises everything and i don't - who's dishonest now?
Hillary: let's be honest Barack covers kids but what about tweens where's the love for Hannah Montana oh noes
Protestor: Biofuels bitches!!!
Obama: holy crap look what happened to Martin Luther King and Malcolm X should I be ducking right now
Edwards: Hillary hates social secuity, she voted for Bush's war, and is corrupt because she loves lobbyists
Hillary: can i talk
Leslie: by all means darling
Hillary: i don't mind attacks on my but when you go after my kitty-cat that's where i draw the line
Leslie: she's got you there pretty boy
Edwards: oh noes
Leslie: Franken-Biden you talk
Biden: Drugs!! Bad!!
Wolf: what else?
Biden: who among us is going to end the war and pick up the phone and order pakistani food in the District? In the 1970's i was ordering indian food while Edwards was still a kid!!
Wolf: calm down everyone but Kucinich will get to talk tonite
John Roberts: Edwards you are a big flip flopper
Edwards: yeah but i bend with the political winds and she calculates all her answers
Roberts: interesting
Edwards: you had a troll on CNN for the last debate
Roberts: well that's not a very nice thing to say about Lou Dobbs
Kucinich: as an elf i agree
Wolfie: Senator Dodd why is John Edwards so pretty and yet so angry?
Dodd: as the only white haired white man i can say people want someone as president who looks like a movie-style president and i am that man!!!
[audience: yay!!]
Richardson: my name is bill richardson and i am running for hillary clinton's vice president
Wolf: bold move
Richardson: give peas a chance
Wolf: i love them with cheese and butter and a knife
Richardson: that's what i'm saying dood
Leslie: will you all support the nominee whoever it is??
Biden: no and i'm not joking
Kucinich: no they're all warmongers
Brown: please hate on illegal immigrants
Obama: yes it's true George Bush is a terrible president Cambell Brown and yes it's easy to blame illegal immigrants for Bush's economy isn't it convenient how that works
Brown: so sad
Obama: we have to start tasing employers who hire illegals
Brown: yay
Leslie: let me ask you about the biggest issue in America: driver's licenses for illegals yes or no
Obama: oh my god Wolf you are THE dumbest motherfucker i have ever met
Leslie: yes or no!?!
Obama: maybe yes maybe no
Lesie: yes or no this is the most important issue ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Edwards: no - but let be more thorough
Leslie: no shut up
Dodd: no!
Leslie: thank you
Obama: can i say yes now
Leslie: huh?
Hillary: NO!
Kucinich: there is no such thing as an illegal person
Leslie: you scare me little man
Kucinich: fuck you wolfie you brainless twit
Richardson: hell i already gave licenses to illegal immmigrants
Wolfie: well but all your relatives are probably illegal immigrants
Richardson: this is complex-
Wolf: shut up pedro
Roberts: let's talk about a non-federal issue like firing teachers who teach students who don't do well on our fake tests
Dodd: i like kids and i hate bush
audience: yay!
Dodd: i started the congressional Children's Caucus
audience: did you ever wonder why Mark Foley attended every week
Leslie: do u hate unions?
Kucinich: no
Richardson: we need to have kindergarten last all day
audience: put mark foley on that too
Leslie: hillary what if there is a teacher who shows up for work every day and act like a total moron
Clinton: i'm looking at someone like that right now Wolfie
Wolf: huh
Biden: my wife proved she was a great teacher by leaving teaching to get two master's degrees
Wolf: yay
Biden: it's not like teachers are getting rich you know
Wolf: fucking filthy teat-sucking teachers
Biden: pay them more mone-
Wolf: shut up baldy
Brown: Biden you spoke to Musharraf last week for god's sake why???
Biden: Brown you have maintained CNN's perfect record of total shitheadedness tonight
Brown: thanks dude
Biden: in fact i don't like Pervez and i have a detailed Pakistan plan and no one else does
Brown: you bore me smart-person
Wolf: omg Pakistan has nukes and the taliban and really strong curries!!!
Richardson: we backed Musharraf even though he hates democracy guess what happened
Wolf: yeah a woman is running there oh noes
Richardson: hell Osama is in Pakistan
Wolf: shut up chunky
Richardon: no - i'm talking now you beadred retard
Wolf: so what you are saying is that you hate America and want this country to be nuked
Edwards: this all proves that Bush is really really stupid
Wolf: Obama do you want to see your muslim friends to nuke America
Obama: holy shit you are the dumbest bastard i have ever met
Blizter: Dodd do you hate America?
Dodd: jesus sugar tits Wolf Blitzer were you deprived of oxygen when you were born i have houseplants who are smarter than you
Hillary: i agree with Chris my god did the Republican party put some kind of implant in your tiny brain leslie???
Wolf: i have no memory of that
Hillary: obviously Bush has failed and now Pakistan is a total failure and very very dangerous
Kucinich: can i talk about Pakistan?
Wolf: no there are no UFOs there
Roberts: Iraq is a wonderful success why do you all hate America?
Richardson: the iraq war has caused lots of mental trauma
Roberts: well watching CNN will do that
Richardson: true but what about the rich Arab states
Kucinich: i voted against funding the war and the Dems in Congress should cut off the funding - period
Robert: america-hater
Kucinich: oh and by the way the problems in Pakistan are because of our assholiness all over the world
Obama: jesus christ people are on their 4th tour of duty and more americans are dead in Iraq and Afghanistan doesn't mean we should do cartwheels Leslie W. Stupid
Brown: China is evil and isn't that the Democrats fault
Kucinich: yes of course look at Yucca Mountain
Brown: oh right
Kucinich: Hillary and John Edwards voted for free trade with China
Biden: ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz
Edwards: we can't defeat Corporate Republicans and elect Corporate Democrats we must give the power to the people
Leslie: knowing what we know now should we all have voted for Ross Perot in 1992
Hillary: heh yeah then his daughter could have gotten married in the white house in safety
Leslie: was NAFTA a mistake
Hillary: yes - that's why i'm going to call for a time-out on trade
Leslie: what about instant replay
Hillary: that's another good idea
Dodd: suspend all trade with Peru and China!!
Obama: now hold on Peru is a little country
Dodd: well okay
Obama: we should send our own inspectors over there and review MNF every single year
Biden: we have power stop the chickens from sneaking into Delaware so lets do it or at least those freakin nuggets
Leslie: where should we put nuclear waste
Obama: this is the third time where you have said, 'assuming Democrats all suck and Republicans are good, who would you vote for?' and you should shut the fuck up
Wolf: okay okay
Obama: i mean it shithead
Leslie: okay don't hit me black man
Richardson: we need a Energy Revolution mandate!
Campbell Brown: you are playing the gender card bitch
Clinton: i am going to the first woman president and you can't stop me bitch
Brown: what's the boys club honey?
Clinton: campbell don't make smack you
Wolf: oooh cat fight!
Clinton: I’m very proud to be a woman
Wolf: is Hillary playing the gender card Edwards?
Edwards: she takes lobbying money
audience: booooooo
Edwards: fuck you all jerry tarkanian was a big cheater
Brown: do we want to invade Iran
Woman in Audience: should we have more war my son’s life is in danger dammit
Biden: no and hillary’s vote may take us to war with iran and if bush does that he should be impeached!
Hillary: there is no danger of people being deployed to iran but bush wants to go to war with iran which is dangerous
audience: oh ok
Edwards: I saw this movie once before and I don’t there to be a really crappy sequel
audience: yay
Obama: any idiot could see that resolution was an attempt at starting a war
Audience member: why is Blackwater getting rich wrecking our foreign policy
Richardson: no more mercenaries people should only kill for patriotism not money that just degrades it
Audience: applause!
Richardson: and a Heroes card when any veteran could use to go back in time before this shitty war started
Audience: woo-hoo!
Khan: I’m always being racially profiled it sucks
Edwards: that’s bad i pledge no more Gitmo or renditions or waterboarding when i'm president - the only torture which will be tolerated will be watching CNN debates
audience: yay!
Kucinich: you're all non-progressives unlike me!!
Wolf: ok that’s enough
Kucinich: impeach bush now!!
Wolf: shut up boat rocker they might hear you
Biden: no one loves me
Ambriz: buenvenidenos should be build a wall against brown people
Wolf: Bill you’re the only one here who counts who is against a big fence
Kucinich: that’s a fucking lie
Wolf: no you don’t matter dude
Richardson: you know Dennis i'm not actually in Congress
Dennis: you also can't win
Richardson: drugs and people are coming over but lets not demonize immigrants
Dodd: yo soy spanish speaker!
audience: yay!
Casino Cashier: my question is, do you want to double down?
Brown: good question
Cainso Gal: no really my question is do you support social security
Obama: bush keeps stealing Fica to pay for his stupid war
Wolf: Hillary what’s you plan
Clinton: I don’t have one
Obama: She's Hillary McRomney
Question: litmus test no overturning Rove Wade?
Dodd: damm right
Biden: I want a dog catcher who knows how to live!
Wolf: alma werfel?
Richardson: we need the Equalizer
Kucinich: we need a supreme court that conducts sessions on sex education
Obama: like Joe I would nominate someone with a lot of life experience
Wolf: how about joe biden then
Obama: you must be kidding he’s a been a senator since he was 17
Edwards: we need judges who are so unpopular they get death threats
Student: how do we unite America
Obama: hold a series of staff meetings
Hillary: I will go on a 4 year listening tour
Biden: people love me in Washington uniting America will be a snap
Richardson: I would get north korea to lean on Syria to persuade Israel to adjust the 1967 borders
Wolf: yes that will bring america together
Student: Hillary do you like liberal diamonds or Republican pearls
Hillary: heh give me both baby
Biden: diamonds -- pearls are for Republicans they go before swine
Host: that’s the end thanks everyone
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Meet the Press - November 11, 2007 Guest: Barack Obama
*********************************************
Meet the Press with Tim Russert
November 11, 2007
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
*********************************************
Tim Russert: people like you but even Dems say you have no experience - why do people hate you?
Obama: i'm trying to tell the people about what i've done as a professor and activist
Timmeh: but Hillary was first lady of Arkansas - how can you compete with that?
Obama: I’ve been in office longer than she has
Russert: but Rudy Giuliani says you have no experience plowing snow or cracking down on brown people or setting up fake businesses to exploit 9/11
Obama: and i've never led a city to the worst terror attack ever - big friggin deal
Timmy: but Famous Black Man Rangel says you're too young
Obama: Mr. Hillary? uh-huh
Timmy: so?
Obama: i will push back against the establishment and she won't
Tim: you admire hillary
Obama: people hate her and i can be bring people together
Tim: what do you want to put in the past?
Obama: we need to drop the college dorm debates from 1967 and move on to a new century
Russert: you called her a liar
Obama: she's lying about the social security crisis
Russert: like what?
Obama: we have to make changes now
Russert: but you flip flopped on SS
Obama: no it just means i have opinions on this isssue
Rusert: shocking!
Obama: i will listen to other people
Russert: but how can you put things on the table?? What happened to “you're either with me or against me”???
Obama: that's Bush you idiot
Russert: no that's America dood
Timmy: you want to RAISE TAXES!!
Obama: only for the rich
Timmy: oh noes!
Obama: shut up timmy
Timmy: what happened to the nice polite black man we all loved?
Obama: this isn't student council president pumpkinhaid
Timmy: which Dems do you think are acting like Bush
Obama: hillary is moving to the right to look tough and if we don't present a different vision we're going to triagulate ourselves right into another war with Iran
Timmy: let me take your quotes out of context
Obama: i heard you were full of shit and it's really true
Timmy: anti war liberals say you didn't do enough to end the war
Obama: hey i was in the senate for 10 minutes and i read Condi the riot act
Timster: what else?
Obama: i prefer not to cut off funding
Timster: why do you hate america
Obama: i always rooted for us to win
Timster: and yet you have failed to show up wearing a big foam #1 finger
Obama: I’m waving my finger in my mind
Timster: how fast pull out from Iraq
Obama: a brigade a month for 16 months
Tim: residual force against al qaeda?
Obama: we need a few troops to protect our Embassy
Timmy: and our fleeing helicopters
Obama: exactly
Tim: a graceful exit
Obama: a timely egress yes
Timmy: Fred Hiatt says calling a bunch of guys terrorists is perfectly routine - why who would think that could lead to a war??
Obama: don't go there Timmy i love israel
Timmy: Fred Hiatt loves Israel more
Obama: no i do
Timmy: well there's where's your blue and white #1 foam hat??
Obama: look i would meet with the leaders of Iran and offer them carrots or else hit them with a stick
Timmy: wow scary don't hit me black man
Obama: that's the Chicago way tubby
Russert: will you pledge to attack iran pleeze
Obama: i will definitely go to war with this strange and scary middle eastern nation but first i will try to avoid it
Russert: Neville Obama do you want us to die in a balsa wood nuclear attack???
Obama: if we lost Buffalo i could live with it
Russert: please pledge to use nuclear weapons on Tehran
Obama: oh of course look at Nagasaki - it's been too damm long since we nuked someone
Russert: right on homey!!
Obama: i was being sarcastic lard-ass
Russert: you will spend the first year meeting lunatic leaders
Obama: yes i will meet with Mitch McConnell and John Boehner
Russert: but won't you be scared???
Obama: no today i'm not fearing any man
Russert: but Bush keeps losing propaganda wars to crazy leaders
Obama: but he's an idiot and i'm smooth as silk
Russert: you raised money from unions that's pure evil
Obama: dood you can't expect someone to run for president and not raise money
Russert: but you take money from people who work on Wall Street
Obama: that dood is a hot dog vendor!
Rusert: but he still works on Wall Street!
Russert: where are your records from the state senate!?!?
Obama: dood i was a one-man operation for god's sake
Russert: yeah but state senators are really powerful look at that movie ‘Maid in Manhattan’
Obama: good point
Russert: your BFF is a criminal
Obama: but he's only been indicted
Russert: sounds shady to me
Obama: i fucked up dood
Russert: john lewis says anti gay marriage is bigotry
Obama: i love teh gay rights
Russert: what about marriage
Obama: civil unions dood
Russert: your gospel singer singer says being gay is a curse
Obama: yeah but i have to reach out to the bigots and haters if we're going to have progress in this country
Russert: your wife says you have to win or iowa or it's over
Obama: heh yeah well i suppose that's true can you imagine if hillary wins those early states she'll roll
Russert: can she win
Obama: it will be hard everyone hates her i want to bring america together
Russert: and who else but a black man from hawaii with with an african name and who went to muslim school
Obama: exactly
Russert: good luck with that
Meet the Press with Tim Russert
November 11, 2007
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
*********************************************
Tim Russert: people like you but even Dems say you have no experience - why do people hate you?
Obama: i'm trying to tell the people about what i've done as a professor and activist
Timmeh: but Hillary was first lady of Arkansas - how can you compete with that?
Obama: I’ve been in office longer than she has
Russert: but Rudy Giuliani says you have no experience plowing snow or cracking down on brown people or setting up fake businesses to exploit 9/11
Obama: and i've never led a city to the worst terror attack ever - big friggin deal
Timmy: but Famous Black Man Rangel says you're too young
Obama: Mr. Hillary? uh-huh
Timmy: so?
Obama: i will push back against the establishment and she won't
Tim: you admire hillary
Obama: people hate her and i can be bring people together
Tim: what do you want to put in the past?
Obama: we need to drop the college dorm debates from 1967 and move on to a new century
Russert: you called her a liar
Obama: she's lying about the social security crisis
Russert: like what?
Obama: we have to make changes now
Russert: but you flip flopped on SS
Obama: no it just means i have opinions on this isssue
Rusert: shocking!
Obama: i will listen to other people
Russert: but how can you put things on the table?? What happened to “you're either with me or against me”???
Obama: that's Bush you idiot
Russert: no that's America dood
Timmy: you want to RAISE TAXES!!
Obama: only for the rich
Timmy: oh noes!
Obama: shut up timmy
Timmy: what happened to the nice polite black man we all loved?
Obama: this isn't student council president pumpkinhaid
Timmy: which Dems do you think are acting like Bush
Obama: hillary is moving to the right to look tough and if we don't present a different vision we're going to triagulate ourselves right into another war with Iran
Timmy: let me take your quotes out of context
Obama: i heard you were full of shit and it's really true
Timmy: anti war liberals say you didn't do enough to end the war
Obama: hey i was in the senate for 10 minutes and i read Condi the riot act
Timster: what else?
Obama: i prefer not to cut off funding
Timster: why do you hate america
Obama: i always rooted for us to win
Timster: and yet you have failed to show up wearing a big foam #1 finger
Obama: I’m waving my finger in my mind
Timster: how fast pull out from Iraq
Obama: a brigade a month for 16 months
Tim: residual force against al qaeda?
Obama: we need a few troops to protect our Embassy
Timmy: and our fleeing helicopters
Obama: exactly
Tim: a graceful exit
Obama: a timely egress yes
Timmy: Fred Hiatt says calling a bunch of guys terrorists is perfectly routine - why who would think that could lead to a war??
Obama: don't go there Timmy i love israel
Timmy: Fred Hiatt loves Israel more
Obama: no i do
Timmy: well there's where's your blue and white #1 foam hat??
Obama: look i would meet with the leaders of Iran and offer them carrots or else hit them with a stick
Timmy: wow scary don't hit me black man
Obama: that's the Chicago way tubby
Russert: will you pledge to attack iran pleeze
Obama: i will definitely go to war with this strange and scary middle eastern nation but first i will try to avoid it
Russert: Neville Obama do you want us to die in a balsa wood nuclear attack???
Obama: if we lost Buffalo i could live with it
Russert: please pledge to use nuclear weapons on Tehran
Obama: oh of course look at Nagasaki - it's been too damm long since we nuked someone
Russert: right on homey!!
Obama: i was being sarcastic lard-ass
Russert: you will spend the first year meeting lunatic leaders
Obama: yes i will meet with Mitch McConnell and John Boehner
Russert: but won't you be scared???
Obama: no today i'm not fearing any man
Russert: but Bush keeps losing propaganda wars to crazy leaders
Obama: but he's an idiot and i'm smooth as silk
Russert: you raised money from unions that's pure evil
Obama: dood you can't expect someone to run for president and not raise money
Russert: but you take money from people who work on Wall Street
Obama: that dood is a hot dog vendor!
Rusert: but he still works on Wall Street!
Russert: where are your records from the state senate!?!?
Obama: dood i was a one-man operation for god's sake
Russert: yeah but state senators are really powerful look at that movie ‘Maid in Manhattan’
Obama: good point
Russert: your BFF is a criminal
Obama: but he's only been indicted
Russert: sounds shady to me
Obama: i fucked up dood
Russert: john lewis says anti gay marriage is bigotry
Obama: i love teh gay rights
Russert: what about marriage
Obama: civil unions dood
Russert: your gospel singer singer says being gay is a curse
Obama: yeah but i have to reach out to the bigots and haters if we're going to have progress in this country
Russert: your wife says you have to win or iowa or it's over
Obama: heh yeah well i suppose that's true can you imagine if hillary wins those early states she'll roll
Russert: can she win
Obama: it will be hard everyone hates her i want to bring america together
Russert: and who else but a black man from hawaii with with an african name and who went to muslim school
Obama: exactly
Russert: good luck with that
The Chris Matthews Show - November 11, 2007
**************************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
November 11, 2007
************************************************
Matthews: i want to fall in love with mah candidate!
Rather: we need a nice person as president
Matthews: Obama is too nice
Rather: right
Norris: he's smiling and she just wags her finger
Matthews: cool
Norris: as a black man he can't be angry
Matthews: i fear the angry black man
Kay: but as woman she has to be tough
Matthews: she's scary
Fineman: Obama is hanging back and playing it cool
Rather: he's black you know
Matthews: really!?
Fineman: it's not race it's about experience
Norris: bullshit fool-- it's always about race
Matthews: for once in America we cannot think about race - because Hillary is a hippopotamus in the bathtub
Matthews: Rudy is really likeable
Fineman: he's not scary like Jerry Seinfeld
Rather: he's like a steak he tender and tough
Kay: he's an utter lunatic
Rather: he's frank perdue it takes a tough man to make a tender city
Matthews: Rudy agrees with Pat Robertson that lesbians are behind 9/11
Rather: they want to win -- Pat Robertson will watch lesbians have sex day and night if that's what a takes
Matthews: what a hero
Matthews: why the love between Pat "I hate Pagans" Robertson and Rudy??
Norris: it's all about hating minorities and poor people and slutty women
Kay: anti-abortion activists can't stand Rudy
Matthews: so they will vote against him
Kay: oh no because Hillary will impose gayness on your children
Matthews: why can he flip-flop and Hillary can't?
Fineman: because you're a total asshole Matthews
Kay: he's selling fear of Osama and fear of the Vagina
Rather: that will win - Rudy has pledged to seize America's pure uteruses and convert them to Christianity
Kay: Virginia is the new Ohio
Audience: Meaning the Democrats will be leading and the GOP will steal it??
Rather: college students may not be able to vote for Obama
Fineman: i don't know which campaign will be caught in a scandal but one will
Matthews: why don’t you know?
Fineman: i haven't gotten David Broder's memo yet
Matthews: action on global warming?
Kay: no you americans are all selfish tossers
Rather: congress act - you must be kidding
Norris: it's like immigration it will be about fear and not doing anything
Fineman: electric cars? No they burn coal!
Matthews: so what's you answer hairspray?
Fineman: cars that burn wood that would be awesome
The Chris Matthews Show
November 11, 2007
************************************************
Matthews: i want to fall in love with mah candidate!
Rather: we need a nice person as president
Matthews: Obama is too nice
Rather: right
Norris: he's smiling and she just wags her finger
Matthews: cool
Norris: as a black man he can't be angry
Matthews: i fear the angry black man
Kay: but as woman she has to be tough
Matthews: she's scary
Fineman: Obama is hanging back and playing it cool
Rather: he's black you know
Matthews: really!?
Fineman: it's not race it's about experience
Norris: bullshit fool-- it's always about race
Matthews: for once in America we cannot think about race - because Hillary is a hippopotamus in the bathtub
Matthews: Rudy is really likeable
Fineman: he's not scary like Jerry Seinfeld
Rather: he's like a steak he tender and tough
Kay: he's an utter lunatic
Rather: he's frank perdue it takes a tough man to make a tender city
Matthews: Rudy agrees with Pat Robertson that lesbians are behind 9/11
Rather: they want to win -- Pat Robertson will watch lesbians have sex day and night if that's what a takes
Matthews: what a hero
Matthews: why the love between Pat "I hate Pagans" Robertson and Rudy??
Norris: it's all about hating minorities and poor people and slutty women
Kay: anti-abortion activists can't stand Rudy
Matthews: so they will vote against him
Kay: oh no because Hillary will impose gayness on your children
Matthews: why can he flip-flop and Hillary can't?
Fineman: because you're a total asshole Matthews
Kay: he's selling fear of Osama and fear of the Vagina
Rather: that will win - Rudy has pledged to seize America's pure uteruses and convert them to Christianity
Kay: Virginia is the new Ohio
Audience: Meaning the Democrats will be leading and the GOP will steal it??
Rather: college students may not be able to vote for Obama
Fineman: i don't know which campaign will be caught in a scandal but one will
Matthews: why don’t you know?
Fineman: i haven't gotten David Broder's memo yet
Matthews: action on global warming?
Kay: no you americans are all selfish tossers
Rather: congress act - you must be kidding
Norris: it's like immigration it will be about fear and not doing anything
Fineman: electric cars? No they burn coal!
Matthews: so what's you answer hairspray?
Fineman: cars that burn wood that would be awesome
Monday, November 05, 2007
60 Minutes - November 4, 2007 - Curveball
**************************************
60 Minutes
November 4, 2007
Host: Bob Simon
Topic: Curveball
**************************************
Bob Simon: this is “Curveball” doing the Electric Slide in 1993
[ cut to shot of Curveball doing
the white man dance]
Expert: he was the best guy we had to tell us invading iraq was a great idea
Simon: Curveball lied to teh germans in nuremberg about weapons for killing mass numbers of people and after all they are they experts
Expert: they loved Curveball he said saddam had balsa wood planes that accidentally killed iraqi workers
Simon: but there was a wall
Expert: that proved how wily the iraqis were - they built fake walls to make us think their Curveball defectors were fake
Simon: a fake ball?
expert: right
Expert: we asked him why would saddam let someone like Curveball defect?
Curveball: uhhhhhhhh......
Lady CIA expert: I said he doods he might be fake
Simon: what did they say
Expert: they said do you want the information or don’t you
Simon: did they call you a glorified secretary
Expert: i said how do you know that’s even him in the Hazmat suit?
Other Expert: he's like the sheep in the box in ‘The Little Prince’ he's the perfect source because you can't see him
Skeptic: of course
Tenet: it's teh Slam Dunk!!
Drumheller: the white house lied
Wilkerson: doods it was a dynamic presentation what could i say???
Wilkerson: i'm convinced Powell was convinced
Powell: Curveball knew it all you have to believe me!!! Look here are the drawings no of stuff no American has ever seen!!!
Weapons Inspectors: uhhh there's a wall doods
Simon: there was nothing there at all was there
UN: nope
Simon: well it's war then
Simon: he got bad grades in college
College Dean: he was on Double Secret Probation dood!
Simon: what did you tell him
Dean: drunk stupid and lying to convince the US to invade your county is no way to go through life son
Simon: sounds like a loser
Drumheller: dood just wanted a german green card
Simon: and now his life is ruined
Drumheller: oh no he's doing fine and he got his green card
Simon: well don't i feel foolish
Drumheller: don't we all
Simon: except for Curveball
Drumheller: yeah except for him
Simon: USA! US- aw forget it
60 Minutes
November 4, 2007
Host: Bob Simon
Topic: Curveball
**************************************
Bob Simon: this is “Curveball” doing the Electric Slide in 1993
[ cut to shot of Curveball doing
the white man dance]
Expert: he was the best guy we had to tell us invading iraq was a great idea
Simon: Curveball lied to teh germans in nuremberg about weapons for killing mass numbers of people and after all they are they experts
Expert: they loved Curveball he said saddam had balsa wood planes that accidentally killed iraqi workers
Simon: but there was a wall
Expert: that proved how wily the iraqis were - they built fake walls to make us think their Curveball defectors were fake
Simon: a fake ball?
expert: right
Expert: we asked him why would saddam let someone like Curveball defect?
Curveball: uhhhhhhhh......
Lady CIA expert: I said he doods he might be fake
Simon: what did they say
Expert: they said do you want the information or don’t you
Simon: did they call you a glorified secretary
Expert: i said how do you know that’s even him in the Hazmat suit?
Other Expert: he's like the sheep in the box in ‘The Little Prince’ he's the perfect source because you can't see him
Skeptic: of course
Tenet: it's teh Slam Dunk!!
Drumheller: the white house lied
Wilkerson: doods it was a dynamic presentation what could i say???
Wilkerson: i'm convinced Powell was convinced
Powell: Curveball knew it all you have to believe me!!! Look here are the drawings no of stuff no American has ever seen!!!
Weapons Inspectors: uhhh there's a wall doods
Simon: there was nothing there at all was there
UN: nope
Simon: well it's war then
Simon: he got bad grades in college
College Dean: he was on Double Secret Probation dood!
Simon: what did you tell him
Dean: drunk stupid and lying to convince the US to invade your county is no way to go through life son
Simon: sounds like a loser
Drumheller: dood just wanted a german green card
Simon: and now his life is ruined
Drumheller: oh no he's doing fine and he got his green card
Simon: well don't i feel foolish
Drumheller: don't we all
Simon: except for Curveball
Drumheller: yeah except for him
Simon: USA! US- aw forget it
Sunday, November 04, 2007
This Week with George Stephanopoulos - November 4, 2007
*******************************************
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
November 4, 2007
ABC
Guest: Senator John Edwards
*******************************************
George Stephanopoulos: what's your problem with Lieberman Iran Are All Crazy Terrorists resolution?
Sen. John Edwards: it's obviously an attempt by the crazies to gin up an attack on Iran
Stephanopoulos: but the Revolutionary Guards are bad guys
Edwards: are you crazy Bush is going to start a war with Iran
Stephanopoulos: but it puts pressure on Iran!
Edwards: no it gives Bush permission to bomb Iran
Stephanopoulos: but they are terrorists don't you care???
Edwards: i care about stopping Commander Stupid before he kills us all
Stephanopoulos: can you win
Edwards: i'm the only one who can win in North Carolina
Stephanopoulos: but the polls have you behind there
Edwards: yeah but I'm cute
Stephanopoulos: you keep hinting Dems would be nuts to vote for a black man or a woman
Edwards: look we have to win in 2008 and there are a lot of people who will only vote for a white southern male
Stephanopoulos: ah
Stephanopoulos: you have no money
Edwards: when i'm the nominee i will have beaten celebrities Obama and Hillary and then I will beat the rich dude Romney
Stephanopoulos: you remind me of karl rove why can't we unite America like we did when we all loved Rudy Giuiani
Edwards: i'm trying to unite America behind me!
Stephanopoulos: that seems so egotistical -- why can't you be a good democrat and be submissive and concede the election now
Edwards: i'm sure the media would love that but I intend of seizing the government back from rich elitists
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: is Hillary's campaign dead?
George Will: she is slippery
Stephanopoulos: she danced around on illegals
Dionne: there is an angry minority will vote on this issue alone and so sad they would probably have voted for her and now they won't
Stephanopoulos: sure they would have
Dionne: it’s weird she owned that debate until the last few minutes
Stephanopoulos: what else
Dionne: Edwards needed to make himself the story and now he has
Brownstein: this is the moment to make a move it's now or never for every who is NotHillary
Stephanopoulos: so we can write her off
Brownstein: no she will be the nominee
Gerson: plus this is good because unlike obama or edwards she doesn't hate america and is appealing to all-important wingnut vote
Stephanopoulos: we have no women on the panel of course so we'll have to turn to the closest example George Will what say you
Will: when i was at the manicurist the other day with my girlfriends they all said they love hillary
Dionne: but when i was at a pillow fight Saturday the girls said they don't like that she wants to leave a residual force in Iraq
Brownstein: but i was at the salon and some of the women like Obama
Stephanopoulos: my black friends say that too
Brownstein: non-college women will put her over the top that's what my chick friends at the bowling alley say
Stephanopoulos: the country wants changes this is good news for the Republicans
Gerson: actually i disagree i think the Dems are clearly the change types
Stephanopoulos: well how can we save the GOP??
Gerson: they're in a funk -- they're bummed we need a candidate to remake the image of the party like we do every time we run for President
Will: all elections are change elections so yeah i expect the Democrats to win in 2008
Stephanopoulos: this is bad news for the Dems! Can they blow it??
Dionne: the Republicans are doomed
Stephanopoulos: will no one show the GOP love??
Gerson: look at SCHIP it's so dumb
Brownstein: all politics is bad!
Stephanopoulos: why is that?
Brownstein: it's the ‘Great Sorting Out’
Stephanopoulos: man that's catchy
Brownstein: we need a man to unite America!
Stephanopoulos: Rudy Giuliani!
Will: i want us to lose i prefer to bitch from a minority position
Stephanopoulos: what about a magic negro?
Dionne: but bloggers don't want that
Stephanopoulos: what do they want?
Dionne: Hillary cause she's a fighter
Gerson: this election will turn who is stronger on AIDS and malaria in Africa
Brownstein: there's a picket fence divide and you don't want to sit on the middle of that one
This Week with George Stephanopoulos
November 4, 2007
ABC
Guest: Senator John Edwards
*******************************************
George Stephanopoulos: what's your problem with Lieberman Iran Are All Crazy Terrorists resolution?
Sen. John Edwards: it's obviously an attempt by the crazies to gin up an attack on Iran
Stephanopoulos: but the Revolutionary Guards are bad guys
Edwards: are you crazy Bush is going to start a war with Iran
Stephanopoulos: but it puts pressure on Iran!
Edwards: no it gives Bush permission to bomb Iran
Stephanopoulos: but they are terrorists don't you care???
Edwards: i care about stopping Commander Stupid before he kills us all
Stephanopoulos: can you win
Edwards: i'm the only one who can win in North Carolina
Stephanopoulos: but the polls have you behind there
Edwards: yeah but I'm cute
Stephanopoulos: you keep hinting Dems would be nuts to vote for a black man or a woman
Edwards: look we have to win in 2008 and there are a lot of people who will only vote for a white southern male
Stephanopoulos: ah
Stephanopoulos: you have no money
Edwards: when i'm the nominee i will have beaten celebrities Obama and Hillary and then I will beat the rich dude Romney
Stephanopoulos: you remind me of karl rove why can't we unite America like we did when we all loved Rudy Giuiani
Edwards: i'm trying to unite America behind me!
Stephanopoulos: that seems so egotistical -- why can't you be a good democrat and be submissive and concede the election now
Edwards: i'm sure the media would love that but I intend of seizing the government back from rich elitists
[ break ]
Stephanopoulos: is Hillary's campaign dead?
George Will: she is slippery
Stephanopoulos: she danced around on illegals
Dionne: there is an angry minority will vote on this issue alone and so sad they would probably have voted for her and now they won't
Stephanopoulos: sure they would have
Dionne: it’s weird she owned that debate until the last few minutes
Stephanopoulos: what else
Dionne: Edwards needed to make himself the story and now he has
Brownstein: this is the moment to make a move it's now or never for every who is NotHillary
Stephanopoulos: so we can write her off
Brownstein: no she will be the nominee
Gerson: plus this is good because unlike obama or edwards she doesn't hate america and is appealing to all-important wingnut vote
Stephanopoulos: we have no women on the panel of course so we'll have to turn to the closest example George Will what say you
Will: when i was at the manicurist the other day with my girlfriends they all said they love hillary
Dionne: but when i was at a pillow fight Saturday the girls said they don't like that she wants to leave a residual force in Iraq
Brownstein: but i was at the salon and some of the women like Obama
Stephanopoulos: my black friends say that too
Brownstein: non-college women will put her over the top that's what my chick friends at the bowling alley say
Stephanopoulos: the country wants changes this is good news for the Republicans
Gerson: actually i disagree i think the Dems are clearly the change types
Stephanopoulos: well how can we save the GOP??
Gerson: they're in a funk -- they're bummed we need a candidate to remake the image of the party like we do every time we run for President
Will: all elections are change elections so yeah i expect the Democrats to win in 2008
Stephanopoulos: this is bad news for the Dems! Can they blow it??
Dionne: the Republicans are doomed
Stephanopoulos: will no one show the GOP love??
Gerson: look at SCHIP it's so dumb
Brownstein: all politics is bad!
Stephanopoulos: why is that?
Brownstein: it's the ‘Great Sorting Out’
Stephanopoulos: man that's catchy
Brownstein: we need a man to unite America!
Stephanopoulos: Rudy Giuliani!
Will: i want us to lose i prefer to bitch from a minority position
Stephanopoulos: what about a magic negro?
Dionne: but bloggers don't want that
Stephanopoulos: what do they want?
Dionne: Hillary cause she's a fighter
Gerson: this election will turn who is stronger on AIDS and malaria in Africa
Brownstein: there's a picket fence divide and you don't want to sit on the middle of that one
Meet the Press - November 4, 2007
************************************
Meet the Press with Tim Russert
November 4, 2007
Guests:
Sen. Fred Thompson
Tom Brokaw
*************************************
Russert: abortion what’s your position
Thompson: life begins at conception look at a sonogram of my recent children
Russert: abortion is murder?
Thompson: sure it is that’s my principled stance
Russert: but you believe states should be allowed to make it legal
Thompson: yeah well what are you gonna do
Russert: so murder should be legal in New York
Thompson: yeah i think it is now anyway
Russert: should two gay men get married
Thompson: well i wouldn't marry a man except maybe Ronald Reagan or John Wayne but why not
Russert: who should decide who should remove a feeding tube Tom Delay or the family?
Thompson: probably not Tom Delay
Russert: so there should be no laws involved
Thompson: well of course laws should be involved jackass
Timmeh: You're flying high with a drug dealer
Thompson: give me break do you know how hard to meet a guy with connections like that
Russert: no i don't
Thompson: look everybody flies in planes runnign for president
Russert: i don't think that's the point
Thompson: there is no proof that he has been using my campaign to run drugs
Russert: do you even want to be president
Thompson: you should meet him he's a cool guy
Russert: you look like shit are you dying
Thompson: are you're fat as hell
Russert: how's you're cancer
Thompson: i'm 100% cancer free as of today
Russert: will you release footage of your colonoscopy
Fred: hey John McCain and Rudy Giuliani are sicker than me!
Tim: fair enough
Fred: i have one of the good lymphomas
Tim: well you look awful
Fred: i expect to die soon of something else
Tim: thanks and good luck grandpa
Brokaw: i created a reunion of doods who lived through the 60's
Tim: far out man
Brokaw: even Timmeh from Nantucket who was at Woodstock
Tim: peace out dood
Brokaw: fascinating
Tim: hey i went in a Buffalo Bills jacket and a case of beer
Brokaw: you're so blue collar it hurts
Tim: why RFK and King
Brokaw: King was a true hero and Bobby changed himself and could've changed America
Tim: yur buddy was a Marine with a master's degree
Brokaw: he was a good man he was killed in Vietnam which really sucked
Tim: compare to Greatest Generation
Brokaw: the world was simple and black and white then and the 60's were so complex we still can't remember what happened
Tim: the drugs messed with our haids man
Brokaw: i still can't talk right
Tim: i still see UFOs and ask stupid question in debates
Brokaw: the horror of that time never goes away Timster
Meet the Press with Tim Russert
November 4, 2007
Guests:
Sen. Fred Thompson
Tom Brokaw
*************************************
Russert: abortion what’s your position
Thompson: life begins at conception look at a sonogram of my recent children
Russert: abortion is murder?
Thompson: sure it is that’s my principled stance
Russert: but you believe states should be allowed to make it legal
Thompson: yeah well what are you gonna do
Russert: so murder should be legal in New York
Thompson: yeah i think it is now anyway
Russert: should two gay men get married
Thompson: well i wouldn't marry a man except maybe Ronald Reagan or John Wayne but why not
Russert: who should decide who should remove a feeding tube Tom Delay or the family?
Thompson: probably not Tom Delay
Russert: so there should be no laws involved
Thompson: well of course laws should be involved jackass
Timmeh: You're flying high with a drug dealer
Thompson: give me break do you know how hard to meet a guy with connections like that
Russert: no i don't
Thompson: look everybody flies in planes runnign for president
Russert: i don't think that's the point
Thompson: there is no proof that he has been using my campaign to run drugs
Russert: do you even want to be president
Thompson: you should meet him he's a cool guy
Russert: you look like shit are you dying
Thompson: are you're fat as hell
Russert: how's you're cancer
Thompson: i'm 100% cancer free as of today
Russert: will you release footage of your colonoscopy
Fred: hey John McCain and Rudy Giuliani are sicker than me!
Tim: fair enough
Fred: i have one of the good lymphomas
Tim: well you look awful
Fred: i expect to die soon of something else
Tim: thanks and good luck grandpa
Brokaw: i created a reunion of doods who lived through the 60's
Tim: far out man
Brokaw: even Timmeh from Nantucket who was at Woodstock
Tim: peace out dood
Brokaw: fascinating
Tim: hey i went in a Buffalo Bills jacket and a case of beer
Brokaw: you're so blue collar it hurts
Tim: why RFK and King
Brokaw: King was a true hero and Bobby changed himself and could've changed America
Tim: yur buddy was a Marine with a master's degree
Brokaw: he was a good man he was killed in Vietnam which really sucked
Tim: compare to Greatest Generation
Brokaw: the world was simple and black and white then and the 60's were so complex we still can't remember what happened
Tim: the drugs messed with our haids man
Brokaw: i still can't talk right
Tim: i still see UFOs and ask stupid question in debates
Brokaw: the horror of that time never goes away Timster
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Democratic Debate - October 30, 2007
**********************************************
Democratic Debate - October 30, 2007
Drexel University
Philadelphia, PA
MSNBC
Moderators:
Tim Russert
Brian Williams
*********************************************
Williams: obama the first question goes to you – you say Hillary is a republican
Obama: i'm like the italian stallion
Williams: his momma was white
Obama: and he was up against a telegenic heavyweight
Williams: what else
Obama: i'm trying to be honest and she's always triangulating
Hilllary: if i'm so conservative then why are the republicans hating on me?
Russert: Edwards you say Hillary is orwellian
Edwards: who me?
Russert: yeah you
Edwards: heh heh - oh yeah that was me
Timmeh: well?
Edwards: she's a hawk on iran and corruption and in private she's in favor of killing social security
Clinton: shut up for 35 years i've been fighting for invisible people and the evil republicans hate me - and if that's not a reason to vote for me i don't know what is
Timmeh: even Jim Webb said you voted to attack Iran why would you do that crazy lady
Hillary: i'm against a rush to war - I'm in favor of going to war with Iran slowly
Tim: oh ok
Hillary: hey dood they are trying to get nukes let's do what we did in Libya
Tim: let the leader join the Hair Club for Men in exchange for giving up nukes???
Hillary: if that's what it takes pumpkinhead
Dodd: give me a break trusting George Bush with a resolution authorizing force is like trusting FEMA to play Fire Marshall Bill
Tim: interesting
Dodd: we need good judgment and Hillary fucked up
Tim: Biden you have an interest on foreign policy what say you
Biden: I can't gas up my car and why? because Hillary is emboldening our terrorist enemies
Tim: you mean Iran?
Biden: no i mean dick cheney
Hillary: i favor agressive negotiations like Padme did in Star Wars - i mean what if our people are attacked by a bunch of iranian clones
Williams: time and date of your war with Iran pleeze
Hillary: nah gonna answer brian
Edwards: seriously she wants to pressure George Bush by giving the neocons their precious terror resolution? I don't think so
Williams: are you sure that’s right
Edwards: i was burned once before - my mistake in 2002 gives me more credibility
Timmy: Pedro speak
Richardson: we cannot permit Iran to use nuclear weapons
Tim: so he can have them but not use them
Richardson: yes like how NBC has the ability to practice journalism
Williams: hey dood we're keeping our newsy powder dry
Richardson: we should sanction iran and if necessary attack Iran and Europe and Russia
Kucinich: you all are enabling Bush's illegal wars - we're in Philadelphia the birthplace of the 76er's and it's time to follow the example of Dr. J and impeach George Bush!!!!!!!
Tim: will you pledge to launch a war against iran
Hillary: i will try
Tim: will you pledge to pledge to make pledge to pledge
Hillary: i pledge to stop answering your dumb questions
Obama: you are playing the Fear Card Timmy and i don't like it
Biden: Pakistan has hundreds of pounds of spicy uranium and it could hit Israel
Williams: what is the biggest threat to America
Biden: Pakistan
Williams: are you sure
Biden: well it was on teh cover of Newsweek magazine
Dodd: no one else here has a head of distinguished silver hair - looking like a movie president matters!
Williams: he does have nice hair
Dodd: i alone negotiated with taco bell to give every American a free taco!!
Richardson: what is a bigger threat than nuclear weapons is nuclear weapons crossing the border
Williams: ok
Richardson: i told Saddam Hussein release your American prisoners or i will never leave
Williams: you're running for vice president aren't you
Richardson: it will be like having a dood on hand 24 hours a day who likes to go to dangerous places and put his life in danger
Williams: a disposable Veep
Richardson: exactly
Kucinich: Frankly we need to stop Bush from talking at all it's dangerous
Hillary: there are tinderboxes in Iran, Iraq, middle east, Afghanistan, it's scary!!
Obama: i like diplomacy i would convene a meeting of my fellow muslim leaders
Tim: you mean your fellow leaders
Obama: right only i have the credibility to be President because i voted against the AUMF
Edwards: hillary wants to keep troops in iraq and i don't - period
Edwards: she's moving into general election-mode and i'm in honesty-mode
Clinton: whoa dood hold on i want to pull out all troops from Iraq - but we have to remain in Iraq until Al Qaeda is all dead and killed and of course our few remaining troops may want to go to the movies and a use a supermarket from time to time so of course we should have bases there the size of L.A. County
Williams: Rudy America's Mayor sez you've never had to protect people from terrorism
Hillary: well if that was his job in 2001 he sucked at it
Williams: ouch
Hillary: the man is obsessed with me but i'm not his cousin
Williams: so why should you be President
Clinton: rudy has embraced Commander Stupid and his policies - he's crazy and i have an agenda and it ain't his
Tim: my name is tim russert and i am going to ask a really stupid question
Clinton: we all know that
Tim: but the archives!!
Clinton: you think I'm going to release my letters from bill after monica dood you crazy
Obama: aha but bush is secret and so are you and after all this is the experience she has and brags about
Clinton: they want to run against me
Obama: because they can just dust off the old Richard Mellon Scaife tapes
Richardson: can i talk
Williams: you'll get your chance during the VP debates
Edwards: does anyone really think she is going to bring about change? i don't believe in teh Easter bunny or Santa Claus or leprechauns
Kucinich: hey
Edwards: sorry dood
Hillary: no this is all part of my plan to take away money from lobbyists i took $10 billion away from them
Williams: brilliant!!
Obama: i voted against the war
Williams: Vice President Richardson?
Richardson: stop hating on my running mate she's a human being and a damm sexy woman!!
Williams: easy dood
Richardson: i'm a governor and of a swing state i might add
Obama: but i will run for governor of Illinois in four years
Richardson: well good but i'm voting for hillary
Biden: can i talk about my 30 years of experience
Williams: no you're just too weird
Dodd: fuck you Brian Williams and you're buddy Rush Limbaugh - i can work with Republicans - i worked with Dan Coats and if i can work with a loon like that i can defeat kim jong il easily
Edwards: we are none of us perfect but let's face it if you looked up "perfect" in the dictionary i think you would find a picture of my hair
Williams: what about my hair
Edwards: i'm guilty - guilty of being adorable!!
Kucinich: what about HR 676????
Williams: Frankenbiden why the hell are you still running
Biden: i cannot win but will be damned if i will let Guiliani be President that guy is a moron
Williams: zing!!
Biden: hillary hillary
Williams: calm down joe
Biden: Bill i was securing detente when you were still a kid
Russert: hillary once you used a different set of words in answer to a question -- how evil are you??
Clinton: when bill and i were President we fought these GOP fuckers and i will keep doing it
Obama: call me nuts but i think we should be honest so we can get a real mandate after all the facts are on our side
Russert: but you called her a big liar
Obama: we're going to have a big actuarial gap
Hillary: bipartisan commission dood
Biden: can i talk
Williams: no Frankesteeen
Williams: Obama are you worried that the crazees will swift boat you like they did to my BFF John McCain?
Obama: dood i get it I, have a weird name - but i even have white people giving Barack O teh love it's all good because I trust the American people to be open minded and intelligent and fair
Williams: good luck with that dood
Williams: gas prices - GO!!
Dodd: byron dorgan and i on the case
Edwards: i want to be the President who tells people people to sacrifice
Hillary: LIHEAP bitches!
Williams: what else
Hillary: SPR, conservation
Obama: I will go to Detroit and talk tough and if you don't get shot that's a victory
Kucinich: key to oil prices is to follow international law and the constitution and impeach dick cheney!!
Richardson: Apollo Creed won in Philadephia and we need an Apollo program for america -- for instance our appliances could use less foreign oil i mean look at your toaster ask yourself do i really need an english muffin this morning if it means invading iran???
Dodd: corporate carbon tax bastards!! It's the Gold standard and Gore luvs it
Williams: maybe that's why you're at 0%
Dodd: could be
Williams: do you believe America is a bottomless well of welfare
Edwards: seriously you pretentious fop shut the fuck up as if you would leave NBC without being perfectly groomed
Williams: unlimited welfare for brown people???
Edwards: what a snobbish shit you are
Russert: rangel is from harlem which is full of blacks can you support that
Hillary: george bush is an evil poopyhead
Russert: so you are in favor of giving Kansas away to black people
Hillary: no i didn't say that you Irish Village Jester
Russert: ok Obama will you pledge to oppose the Harlem Negro Giveaway Plan
Obama: dood i'm not the one who put 12,000 US corporations in the Cayman islands
Russert: hey i love it there they make a mean pina colada
Tim: hedge funds
Kucinich: frankly even Harry Reid has been captured by wealthy people what about the poor
Tim: solution?
Dennis: impeach Bush and Cheney!
Edwards: let's not waste some more time on this what about Blackwater
Timmeh: you make it sound like wealthy interests have too much influence in government
Edwards: tim cover your little irish ears cause it’s true
LIGHTING ROUND!!!
Williams: should the school day be longer
Richardson: yes
Williams: your time is up
Dennis: free college!
Obama: school is good and wars are bad
Clinton: i love families and we need to get the kids to focus on an enemy like Sputnik
Edwards: there are 2 schools systems so we need to teach young teachers to use a shiv
Biden: goddamit i proposed this back in 1987 and people ignored me then too
Williams: well yes but neal kinnock said it first
Dodd: i have an idea on all this
Williams: would you like to share it with the rest of the class
Dodd: yes
Williams: sorry you're out of time
Williams: doctors make no money boo hoo
Dodd: that's true-
Williams: time's up
Biden: fuck the insurers - i met the time limit i win!!
Edwards: universal health care and nursing crisis
Clinton: doctors deal with harrassment from insurers and that's bad
Obama: doctors will make more money with fewer banks and middlemen and fat people
Kucinich: Medicare for All! Impeach Bush and Cheney!
Richardson: 1 year of national service for 2 years of tuition - also doctors should visit homes like they used to -- hell two of ‘em showed up in they Brady Bunch i dunno how they pulled that off
Williams: air travel where's mah mint on mah pillah?
Obama: and that luggage carousel i mean what is this the 19th century????
Russert: Spitzer wants to give drivers licenses to illegal immigrants and serial killers!!!??!!?
Clinton: um they drive cars fatty
Dodd: fuck them
Clinton: dood NYC cab service will shut down
Edwards: she's big flip flopper and doubletalker
Obama: what's the Vagina's answer
Russert: you had a close encounter with teh Third Kind dood
Kucinich: yes they took me aboard their ship and told me to impeach Bush!!
Tim: Obama martians yes or no
Obama: i'm worried about human beings
Williams: will you pledge to wipe out cancer
Hillary: god yur stupid
Timmy: marijuana
Edwards: oh noez
Williams: how will u dress for halloween
Obama: i will go as mitt romney i have magic underwear and a sheet with one hole in it
Williams: we will end with that visual thank you and good night -- people this is the greatest democracy in america
Democratic Debate - October 30, 2007
Drexel University
Philadelphia, PA
MSNBC
Moderators:
Tim Russert
Brian Williams
*********************************************
Williams: obama the first question goes to you – you say Hillary is a republican
Obama: i'm like the italian stallion
Williams: his momma was white
Obama: and he was up against a telegenic heavyweight
Williams: what else
Obama: i'm trying to be honest and she's always triangulating
Hilllary: if i'm so conservative then why are the republicans hating on me?
Russert: Edwards you say Hillary is orwellian
Edwards: who me?
Russert: yeah you
Edwards: heh heh - oh yeah that was me
Timmeh: well?
Edwards: she's a hawk on iran and corruption and in private she's in favor of killing social security
Clinton: shut up for 35 years i've been fighting for invisible people and the evil republicans hate me - and if that's not a reason to vote for me i don't know what is
Timmeh: even Jim Webb said you voted to attack Iran why would you do that crazy lady
Hillary: i'm against a rush to war - I'm in favor of going to war with Iran slowly
Tim: oh ok
Hillary: hey dood they are trying to get nukes let's do what we did in Libya
Tim: let the leader join the Hair Club for Men in exchange for giving up nukes???
Hillary: if that's what it takes pumpkinhead
Dodd: give me a break trusting George Bush with a resolution authorizing force is like trusting FEMA to play Fire Marshall Bill
Tim: interesting
Dodd: we need good judgment and Hillary fucked up
Tim: Biden you have an interest on foreign policy what say you
Biden: I can't gas up my car and why? because Hillary is emboldening our terrorist enemies
Tim: you mean Iran?
Biden: no i mean dick cheney
Hillary: i favor agressive negotiations like Padme did in Star Wars - i mean what if our people are attacked by a bunch of iranian clones
Williams: time and date of your war with Iran pleeze
Hillary: nah gonna answer brian
Edwards: seriously she wants to pressure George Bush by giving the neocons their precious terror resolution? I don't think so
Williams: are you sure that’s right
Edwards: i was burned once before - my mistake in 2002 gives me more credibility
Timmy: Pedro speak
Richardson: we cannot permit Iran to use nuclear weapons
Tim: so he can have them but not use them
Richardson: yes like how NBC has the ability to practice journalism
Williams: hey dood we're keeping our newsy powder dry
Richardson: we should sanction iran and if necessary attack Iran and Europe and Russia
Kucinich: you all are enabling Bush's illegal wars - we're in Philadelphia the birthplace of the 76er's and it's time to follow the example of Dr. J and impeach George Bush!!!!!!!
Tim: will you pledge to launch a war against iran
Hillary: i will try
Tim: will you pledge to pledge to make pledge to pledge
Hillary: i pledge to stop answering your dumb questions
Obama: you are playing the Fear Card Timmy and i don't like it
Biden: Pakistan has hundreds of pounds of spicy uranium and it could hit Israel
Williams: what is the biggest threat to America
Biden: Pakistan
Williams: are you sure
Biden: well it was on teh cover of Newsweek magazine
Dodd: no one else here has a head of distinguished silver hair - looking like a movie president matters!
Williams: he does have nice hair
Dodd: i alone negotiated with taco bell to give every American a free taco!!
Richardson: what is a bigger threat than nuclear weapons is nuclear weapons crossing the border
Williams: ok
Richardson: i told Saddam Hussein release your American prisoners or i will never leave
Williams: you're running for vice president aren't you
Richardson: it will be like having a dood on hand 24 hours a day who likes to go to dangerous places and put his life in danger
Williams: a disposable Veep
Richardson: exactly
Kucinich: Frankly we need to stop Bush from talking at all it's dangerous
Hillary: there are tinderboxes in Iran, Iraq, middle east, Afghanistan, it's scary!!
Obama: i like diplomacy i would convene a meeting of my fellow muslim leaders
Tim: you mean your fellow leaders
Obama: right only i have the credibility to be President because i voted against the AUMF
Edwards: hillary wants to keep troops in iraq and i don't - period
Edwards: she's moving into general election-mode and i'm in honesty-mode
Clinton: whoa dood hold on i want to pull out all troops from Iraq - but we have to remain in Iraq until Al Qaeda is all dead and killed and of course our few remaining troops may want to go to the movies and a use a supermarket from time to time so of course we should have bases there the size of L.A. County
Williams: Rudy America's Mayor sez you've never had to protect people from terrorism
Hillary: well if that was his job in 2001 he sucked at it
Williams: ouch
Hillary: the man is obsessed with me but i'm not his cousin
Williams: so why should you be President
Clinton: rudy has embraced Commander Stupid and his policies - he's crazy and i have an agenda and it ain't his
Tim: my name is tim russert and i am going to ask a really stupid question
Clinton: we all know that
Tim: but the archives!!
Clinton: you think I'm going to release my letters from bill after monica dood you crazy
Obama: aha but bush is secret and so are you and after all this is the experience she has and brags about
Clinton: they want to run against me
Obama: because they can just dust off the old Richard Mellon Scaife tapes
Richardson: can i talk
Williams: you'll get your chance during the VP debates
Edwards: does anyone really think she is going to bring about change? i don't believe in teh Easter bunny or Santa Claus or leprechauns
Kucinich: hey
Edwards: sorry dood
Hillary: no this is all part of my plan to take away money from lobbyists i took $10 billion away from them
Williams: brilliant!!
Obama: i voted against the war
Williams: Vice President Richardson?
Richardson: stop hating on my running mate she's a human being and a damm sexy woman!!
Williams: easy dood
Richardson: i'm a governor and of a swing state i might add
Obama: but i will run for governor of Illinois in four years
Richardson: well good but i'm voting for hillary
Biden: can i talk about my 30 years of experience
Williams: no you're just too weird
Dodd: fuck you Brian Williams and you're buddy Rush Limbaugh - i can work with Republicans - i worked with Dan Coats and if i can work with a loon like that i can defeat kim jong il easily
Edwards: we are none of us perfect but let's face it if you looked up "perfect" in the dictionary i think you would find a picture of my hair
Williams: what about my hair
Edwards: i'm guilty - guilty of being adorable!!
Kucinich: what about HR 676????
Williams: Frankenbiden why the hell are you still running
Biden: i cannot win but will be damned if i will let Guiliani be President that guy is a moron
Williams: zing!!
Biden: hillary hillary
Williams: calm down joe
Biden: Bill i was securing detente when you were still a kid
Russert: hillary once you used a different set of words in answer to a question -- how evil are you??
Clinton: when bill and i were President we fought these GOP fuckers and i will keep doing it
Obama: call me nuts but i think we should be honest so we can get a real mandate after all the facts are on our side
Russert: but you called her a big liar
Obama: we're going to have a big actuarial gap
Hillary: bipartisan commission dood
Biden: can i talk
Williams: no Frankesteeen
Williams: Obama are you worried that the crazees will swift boat you like they did to my BFF John McCain?
Obama: dood i get it I, have a weird name - but i even have white people giving Barack O teh love it's all good because I trust the American people to be open minded and intelligent and fair
Williams: good luck with that dood
Williams: gas prices - GO!!
Dodd: byron dorgan and i on the case
Edwards: i want to be the President who tells people people to sacrifice
Hillary: LIHEAP bitches!
Williams: what else
Hillary: SPR, conservation
Obama: I will go to Detroit and talk tough and if you don't get shot that's a victory
Kucinich: key to oil prices is to follow international law and the constitution and impeach dick cheney!!
Richardson: Apollo Creed won in Philadephia and we need an Apollo program for america -- for instance our appliances could use less foreign oil i mean look at your toaster ask yourself do i really need an english muffin this morning if it means invading iran???
Dodd: corporate carbon tax bastards!! It's the Gold standard and Gore luvs it
Williams: maybe that's why you're at 0%
Dodd: could be
Williams: do you believe America is a bottomless well of welfare
Edwards: seriously you pretentious fop shut the fuck up as if you would leave NBC without being perfectly groomed
Williams: unlimited welfare for brown people???
Edwards: what a snobbish shit you are
Russert: rangel is from harlem which is full of blacks can you support that
Hillary: george bush is an evil poopyhead
Russert: so you are in favor of giving Kansas away to black people
Hillary: no i didn't say that you Irish Village Jester
Russert: ok Obama will you pledge to oppose the Harlem Negro Giveaway Plan
Obama: dood i'm not the one who put 12,000 US corporations in the Cayman islands
Russert: hey i love it there they make a mean pina colada
Tim: hedge funds
Kucinich: frankly even Harry Reid has been captured by wealthy people what about the poor
Tim: solution?
Dennis: impeach Bush and Cheney!
Edwards: let's not waste some more time on this what about Blackwater
Timmeh: you make it sound like wealthy interests have too much influence in government
Edwards: tim cover your little irish ears cause it’s true
LIGHTING ROUND!!!
Williams: should the school day be longer
Richardson: yes
Williams: your time is up
Dennis: free college!
Obama: school is good and wars are bad
Clinton: i love families and we need to get the kids to focus on an enemy like Sputnik
Edwards: there are 2 schools systems so we need to teach young teachers to use a shiv
Biden: goddamit i proposed this back in 1987 and people ignored me then too
Williams: well yes but neal kinnock said it first
Dodd: i have an idea on all this
Williams: would you like to share it with the rest of the class
Dodd: yes
Williams: sorry you're out of time
Williams: doctors make no money boo hoo
Dodd: that's true-
Williams: time's up
Biden: fuck the insurers - i met the time limit i win!!
Edwards: universal health care and nursing crisis
Clinton: doctors deal with harrassment from insurers and that's bad
Obama: doctors will make more money with fewer banks and middlemen and fat people
Kucinich: Medicare for All! Impeach Bush and Cheney!
Richardson: 1 year of national service for 2 years of tuition - also doctors should visit homes like they used to -- hell two of ‘em showed up in they Brady Bunch i dunno how they pulled that off
Williams: air travel where's mah mint on mah pillah?
Obama: and that luggage carousel i mean what is this the 19th century????
Russert: Spitzer wants to give drivers licenses to illegal immigrants and serial killers!!!??!!?
Clinton: um they drive cars fatty
Dodd: fuck them
Clinton: dood NYC cab service will shut down
Edwards: she's big flip flopper and doubletalker
Obama: what's the Vagina's answer
Russert: you had a close encounter with teh Third Kind dood
Kucinich: yes they took me aboard their ship and told me to impeach Bush!!
Tim: Obama martians yes or no
Obama: i'm worried about human beings
Williams: will you pledge to wipe out cancer
Hillary: god yur stupid
Timmy: marijuana
Edwards: oh noez
Williams: how will u dress for halloween
Obama: i will go as mitt romney i have magic underwear and a sheet with one hole in it
Williams: we will end with that visual thank you and good night -- people this is the greatest democracy in america
Monday, October 29, 2007
60 Minutes - Afghanistan, Sarkozy, Bee Collapse
* AFGHANISTAN *
Scott Pelley: u can't say teh soviets were better than americans
Afghan: oh yes we can
Pelley: i don't care what Human Rights Watch sez usa sa!
Pelley: why are so many afghans being killed by americans?
Karzai: i dunno - i told bush to knock it off
Pelley: but bush is a righteous christian
Karzai: fuck him
Pelley: i promised the air force i wouldn't say where the USA high tech center is located but it rhymes with Guttar
Retired army guy: we only kill 29 civilians at a time without permission
Pelley: how many civilians did you kill?
Army guy: over 200
Pelley: and how many bad guys?
Army guy: zero
Military guy: you can't make a freedom omlette without breaking a few innocent eggs
Pelley: how evil are the taliban
Army guy: so evil they kill innocent people!
Pelley: so do we
Army: but not on purpose
Afghan guy-whose-house-was-destroyed: gee, what a relief
Retired army guy: you have to look at the big picture - we're only creating more terrorists
Karzai: the americans are incredible fuckups
Pelley: i talked to a 7 year old boy and i asked him what do you want to do when you grow up and he said i want to fly a plane into the Freedom Tower
Karzai: and they say people in this country have no dreams
* BEE COLONY COLLAPSE *
Steve Kroft: why don't people luv bees?
Bee Guy: fuck them - where's the love for beekeepers?
Kroft: have you ever been stung
Bee Guy: about 10,000 times
Kroft: i don't think bees like you dood
Bee Guy: all my bees flew away
Kroft: maybe you didn't talk to them enough
Bee Guy: they love to dance
Kroft: your colony collapsed
Bee Guy: they left their babies and their honey behind
Kroft: damm they left in a hurry
Bee Guy: they fled with no reason
Kroft: don't worry dood Bush's federal government is on the case
Bee Guy: [ sobs ]
Bee Guy: i blame insecticides
Kroft: what - they're just based on nicotine who wouldn't love that?
Bee guy: they're designed to kill insects dood you figure it out
Government Guy: we're looking into it
Kroft: it's also possible the bees are undernourished and overworked
Bee Guy: well you just described the average american and they still show up for work
Kroft: it will takes years to figure this out in the meantime let's just keep pumping out insecticides
Bee Guy: i didn't quit because without me american farming would collapse
Kroft: teh wal-mart pumpkins!!!
Congress: hmmmmm
Bee guy: bees are my life
Expert: but they may all die off
Kroft: what will happen to the vegetables and the fruits
Expert: they may have to leave the Republican party
Kroft: so sad
* PRESIDENT SARKOZY *
Sarkozy: i luv america
Stahl: gawd why
Sarkozy: i luv leh music
Stahl: like what
Sarkozy: le beetles
Stahl: sorry they're brits
Sarkozy: oh noez
Stahl: why doez he love l'america
Frenchman: well yur not all bad
Stahl: cecilia refusee le hot dogs
Sarkozy: je despise le paparazzi
Stahl: mais je suis leslie stahl
Sarkozy: fuckez vous
Stahl: vouz avez le chip on le shoulder
Sarkozy: i was born le poor black enfant
Stahl: votre pere said you have le sucky nom
Sarkozy: i luv amerique because you are stupide enuf to elect a body builder governator i sed c'est le country pour moi
Stahl: you cracked down on brown skulls
Sarkozy: votes etes damm right
Stahl: you hate the browns and lazee people
Sarkozy: nous sommes going to smackez le francais around
Sarkozy: i hatez le welfare
Stahl: but les strikes!
Sarkozy: fuckez the unionz
Stahl: le peuple luv sarkozy
Sarkozy: Madame sarkozy est disloyale
Stahl: tell me about yur wife?
Sarkozy: no comment
[storms out of the interview]
Stahl: le bastard should have discussed his marriage avec moi
ANDY ROONEY
Rooney: baseball managers do too much
audience: they do less than any other coach in other sports
Ronney: fuck you
Rooney: baseball is too complicated
audience: no it isnt
Ronney: what's their IQ
audience: what's yur IQ old man
Rooney: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Scott Pelley: u can't say teh soviets were better than americans
Afghan: oh yes we can
Pelley: i don't care what Human Rights Watch sez usa sa!
Pelley: why are so many afghans being killed by americans?
Karzai: i dunno - i told bush to knock it off
Pelley: but bush is a righteous christian
Karzai: fuck him
Pelley: i promised the air force i wouldn't say where the USA high tech center is located but it rhymes with Guttar
Retired army guy: we only kill 29 civilians at a time without permission
Pelley: how many civilians did you kill?
Army guy: over 200
Pelley: and how many bad guys?
Army guy: zero
Military guy: you can't make a freedom omlette without breaking a few innocent eggs
Pelley: how evil are the taliban
Army guy: so evil they kill innocent people!
Pelley: so do we
Army: but not on purpose
Afghan guy-whose-house-was-destroyed: gee, what a relief
Retired army guy: you have to look at the big picture - we're only creating more terrorists
Karzai: the americans are incredible fuckups
Pelley: i talked to a 7 year old boy and i asked him what do you want to do when you grow up and he said i want to fly a plane into the Freedom Tower
Karzai: and they say people in this country have no dreams
* BEE COLONY COLLAPSE *
Steve Kroft: why don't people luv bees?
Bee Guy: fuck them - where's the love for beekeepers?
Kroft: have you ever been stung
Bee Guy: about 10,000 times
Kroft: i don't think bees like you dood
Bee Guy: all my bees flew away
Kroft: maybe you didn't talk to them enough
Bee Guy: they love to dance
Kroft: your colony collapsed
Bee Guy: they left their babies and their honey behind
Kroft: damm they left in a hurry
Bee Guy: they fled with no reason
Kroft: don't worry dood Bush's federal government is on the case
Bee Guy: [ sobs ]
Bee Guy: i blame insecticides
Kroft: what - they're just based on nicotine who wouldn't love that?
Bee guy: they're designed to kill insects dood you figure it out
Government Guy: we're looking into it
Kroft: it's also possible the bees are undernourished and overworked
Bee Guy: well you just described the average american and they still show up for work
Kroft: it will takes years to figure this out in the meantime let's just keep pumping out insecticides
Bee Guy: i didn't quit because without me american farming would collapse
Kroft: teh wal-mart pumpkins!!!
Congress: hmmmmm
Bee guy: bees are my life
Expert: but they may all die off
Kroft: what will happen to the vegetables and the fruits
Expert: they may have to leave the Republican party
Kroft: so sad
* PRESIDENT SARKOZY *
Sarkozy: i luv america
Stahl: gawd why
Sarkozy: i luv leh music
Stahl: like what
Sarkozy: le beetles
Stahl: sorry they're brits
Sarkozy: oh noez
Stahl: why doez he love l'america
Frenchman: well yur not all bad
Stahl: cecilia refusee le hot dogs
Sarkozy: je despise le paparazzi
Stahl: mais je suis leslie stahl
Sarkozy: fuckez vous
Stahl: vouz avez le chip on le shoulder
Sarkozy: i was born le poor black enfant
Stahl: votre pere said you have le sucky nom
Sarkozy: i luv amerique because you are stupide enuf to elect a body builder governator i sed c'est le country pour moi
Stahl: you cracked down on brown skulls
Sarkozy: votes etes damm right
Stahl: you hate the browns and lazee people
Sarkozy: nous sommes going to smackez le francais around
Sarkozy: i hatez le welfare
Stahl: but les strikes!
Sarkozy: fuckez the unionz
Stahl: le peuple luv sarkozy
Sarkozy: Madame sarkozy est disloyale
Stahl: tell me about yur wife?
Sarkozy: no comment
[storms out of the interview]
Stahl: le bastard should have discussed his marriage avec moi
ANDY ROONEY
Rooney: baseball managers do too much
audience: they do less than any other coach in other sports
Ronney: fuck you
Rooney: baseball is too complicated
audience: no it isnt
Ronney: what's their IQ
audience: what's yur IQ old man
Rooney: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Meet The Press - October 28, 2007
***********************************
Meet The Press
October 28, 2007
Guest: Senator Chris Dodd
************************************
Tim: iranians evil
Chris Dodd: yeah but only attack thru sanctions
Tim: but you had a strong resolution too
Dodd: yeah but Lieberman wants only war and my resolution was about diplomacy too
Russert: but it mentioned diplomacy
Dodd: no it didn't you stupid irish mick
Russert: oh
Dodd: can't you see Bush wants war?
Russert: oh i think you're exagerragting you really think Bush would invade a country in the middle east with no reason?
Russert: you wanted to go to war in aganist in Iraq in 2002!
Dodd: yeah but bush is a liar
Russert: Iraq?
Dodd: we're arming the sunnis to fight to shia and the shia to fight kurds and the the kurds to fight the sunnis
Russert: awesome
Dodd: i would pull out by 2013 no other candidate will no that
Russert: bold move
Dodd: i like the constitution
Russert: but in 2003 you said we're safer without saddam
Dodd: well we're not safer now dumbass
Russert: but you changed your mind
Dodd: at least i have one pumpkinhaid
Tim: why can't you leave poor telecommunications companies alone???
Dodd: give me a break it's called breaking the law
Tim: but they only did it because they love america
Dodd: yeah they love those fat contracts
Tim: can you prove that
Dodd: no but I believe it don't you
Tim: Harrrumph
Russert: yur at 0%
Dodd: yeah but my negatives are low
Tim: dood Stephen Colbert is doing 230% better than you
Dodd: how about Colbert/Dodd '08 !!?!
Tim: this is a lost cause isn't it
Dodd: hey you never know
Tim: good luck looser you will let me know when you drop out won't you
Dodd: will do big guy
Tim: you threatened gerry ford
Safire: yeah typical Nixon white house stuff you know send pizzas to house, broke into his office, wiretapped his family, bombed his car
Tim: really?
Safire: nah but i wish i had that disloyal fucker
Tim: why so mad
Safire: Nixon could have survived his criminal rampage so sad
DeFrank: hey Ford was trying to save america, the GOP, his conscience and lastly Nixon
Safire: see he should have put Dick first and the USA and god last
Ford: look at 1972 Nixon had come back from china and fighting vietnam and russia and Pat was drinking and his daughters were running around with democrats no wonder he broke down and asked the CIA to subvert American democracy
DeFrank: Ford thought Reagan was a dangerous stupid showman
Russert: so sad
DeFrank: but then he liked him when his mind was gone
Safire: i don't like this at all -- all this honesty is very unseemly we in the Village would prefer to pretend that all Republicans are sunny and wonderful and Democrats are slimy liars this Culture of Truth makes me very uncomfortable
DeFrank: Ford was willing to be character witness if Clinton was willing to admit he committed perjury
Audience: why in the holy hell would he do that
DeFrank: he thinks the only way we get a woman presnit if there is a female VP and a presnit resigns in scandal
Audience: well that's how he became presnit so duh
Safire: Hillary will choose Emmanuel for VP
Russert: what about Ted Striker from airplane?
Safire: not bad
********************************************
*** BONUS BLOGGING ***
** John McLaughlin Group **
McLaughlin: Pakistan is a total disaster is Osama's dream come true
Buchanan: this isn't bush's fault whaaaaaaa
McLaughlin: oh yeah this is great
Buchanan: this is nothing to worry about Osama probably won't get teh bomb
McLaughlin: oh so now the GOP is playing down a threat
Buchanan: right because we can't do anything about it
McLaughlin: well that makes sense
Buchanan: Pakistan very dangerous
McLaughlin: you really think they would kill Bhutto
Clift: they killed her father dood
Blankely: don't worry about Osama getting the Pakistani bomb he hardly knows the islamists there unlike when he was best friends with Saddam who surely was going to give him the nukes he didn't have
Meet The Press
October 28, 2007
Guest: Senator Chris Dodd
************************************
Tim: iranians evil
Chris Dodd: yeah but only attack thru sanctions
Tim: but you had a strong resolution too
Dodd: yeah but Lieberman wants only war and my resolution was about diplomacy too
Russert: but it mentioned diplomacy
Dodd: no it didn't you stupid irish mick
Russert: oh
Dodd: can't you see Bush wants war?
Russert: oh i think you're exagerragting you really think Bush would invade a country in the middle east with no reason?
Russert: you wanted to go to war in aganist in Iraq in 2002!
Dodd: yeah but bush is a liar
Russert: Iraq?
Dodd: we're arming the sunnis to fight to shia and the shia to fight kurds and the the kurds to fight the sunnis
Russert: awesome
Dodd: i would pull out by 2013 no other candidate will no that
Russert: bold move
Dodd: i like the constitution
Russert: but in 2003 you said we're safer without saddam
Dodd: well we're not safer now dumbass
Russert: but you changed your mind
Dodd: at least i have one pumpkinhaid
Tim: why can't you leave poor telecommunications companies alone???
Dodd: give me a break it's called breaking the law
Tim: but they only did it because they love america
Dodd: yeah they love those fat contracts
Tim: can you prove that
Dodd: no but I believe it don't you
Tim: Harrrumph
Russert: yur at 0%
Dodd: yeah but my negatives are low
Tim: dood Stephen Colbert is doing 230% better than you
Dodd: how about Colbert/Dodd '08 !!?!
Tim: this is a lost cause isn't it
Dodd: hey you never know
Tim: good luck looser you will let me know when you drop out won't you
Dodd: will do big guy
Tim: you threatened gerry ford
Safire: yeah typical Nixon white house stuff you know send pizzas to house, broke into his office, wiretapped his family, bombed his car
Tim: really?
Safire: nah but i wish i had that disloyal fucker
Tim: why so mad
Safire: Nixon could have survived his criminal rampage so sad
DeFrank: hey Ford was trying to save america, the GOP, his conscience and lastly Nixon
Safire: see he should have put Dick first and the USA and god last
Ford: look at 1972 Nixon had come back from china and fighting vietnam and russia and Pat was drinking and his daughters were running around with democrats no wonder he broke down and asked the CIA to subvert American democracy
DeFrank: Ford thought Reagan was a dangerous stupid showman
Russert: so sad
DeFrank: but then he liked him when his mind was gone
Safire: i don't like this at all -- all this honesty is very unseemly we in the Village would prefer to pretend that all Republicans are sunny and wonderful and Democrats are slimy liars this Culture of Truth makes me very uncomfortable
DeFrank: Ford was willing to be character witness if Clinton was willing to admit he committed perjury
Audience: why in the holy hell would he do that
DeFrank: he thinks the only way we get a woman presnit if there is a female VP and a presnit resigns in scandal
Audience: well that's how he became presnit so duh
Safire: Hillary will choose Emmanuel for VP
Russert: what about Ted Striker from airplane?
Safire: not bad
********************************************
*** BONUS BLOGGING ***
** John McLaughlin Group **
McLaughlin: Pakistan is a total disaster is Osama's dream come true
Buchanan: this isn't bush's fault whaaaaaaa
McLaughlin: oh yeah this is great
Buchanan: this is nothing to worry about Osama probably won't get teh bomb
McLaughlin: oh so now the GOP is playing down a threat
Buchanan: right because we can't do anything about it
McLaughlin: well that makes sense
Buchanan: Pakistan very dangerous
McLaughlin: you really think they would kill Bhutto
Clift: they killed her father dood
Blankely: don't worry about Osama getting the Pakistani bomb he hardly knows the islamists there unlike when he was best friends with Saddam who surely was going to give him the nukes he didn't have
The Chris Matthews Show - October 28, 2007
******************************
The Chris Matthews Show
October 28, 2007
******************************
Matthews: are we going to war with iran?!?!
David Gregory: nah cheney is a peacnik
Matthews: oh really?
Gregory: leave Dick Cheney alone!! He's a human being!!
Kay: he's the bad cop
Matthews: how do we scare them?
Kay: buy a new stealth bomber
David Ignatius: the whole world is panicking so we've got that going for us
Matthews: awesome
Ignatius: the iranians aren't stupid they know we're bluffing
Matthews: so should candidates pledge to attack iran
Kay: no- except for hillary as the candidates with a uterus she must proves having a vagina is not a weakness
Matthews: she's triangulating - she's so evil!
Ignatius: hillary is so far ahead she can be unpopular
Matthews: i think it's because she has breasts
Matthews: let's talk about the Clinton sex life!
Kay: god forbid we should not address this for 5 minutes
Matthews: she's using her feminine wiles
Loven: it's a Mystery Marriage but she is Calculating!
Kay: what if Bill Clinton has an affair with Chris Matthews
Ignatius: college women hate her
Matthews: no they don't
Ignatius: well not anymore
Matthews: desperate spinsters who can't get a man will say hey i'd like a man who has affairs it's better than dying alone with my cats
Ignatius: oh exactly what woman wouldn't want a taste of the old codpiece
Matthews: i wish i could get a man
The Chris Matthews Show
October 28, 2007
******************************
Matthews: are we going to war with iran?!?!
David Gregory: nah cheney is a peacnik
Matthews: oh really?
Gregory: leave Dick Cheney alone!! He's a human being!!
Kay: he's the bad cop
Matthews: how do we scare them?
Kay: buy a new stealth bomber
David Ignatius: the whole world is panicking so we've got that going for us
Matthews: awesome
Ignatius: the iranians aren't stupid they know we're bluffing
Matthews: so should candidates pledge to attack iran
Kay: no- except for hillary as the candidates with a uterus she must proves having a vagina is not a weakness
Matthews: she's triangulating - she's so evil!
Ignatius: hillary is so far ahead she can be unpopular
Matthews: i think it's because she has breasts
Matthews: let's talk about the Clinton sex life!
Kay: god forbid we should not address this for 5 minutes
Matthews: she's using her feminine wiles
Loven: it's a Mystery Marriage but she is Calculating!
Kay: what if Bill Clinton has an affair with Chris Matthews
Ignatius: college women hate her
Matthews: no they don't
Ignatius: well not anymore
Matthews: desperate spinsters who can't get a man will say hey i'd like a man who has affairs it's better than dying alone with my cats
Ignatius: oh exactly what woman wouldn't want a taste of the old codpiece
Matthews: i wish i could get a man
Friday, October 26, 2007
Republican Debate - October 25, 2007
**************************************
Republican Debate
Hosted by AARP
October 25, 2007
John McCain
Mike Huckabee
**************************************
Let the Republican Debate Begin!
Our candidates are:
Mike "Dinosaurs knew Jesus" Huckabee
John "I was a Tortured by the VC and George Bush" McCain
McCain: don’t worry about my age my 95 year old mother drives at 112 mph around arizona so i will live long although I’ve inherited a death wish
Commentator: ha ha ha
McCain: all governors end up in prison
Governor: whaaa?????
McCain: the problem with health care in america is not the quality its that its expensive and hillarycare will make it cost even more ergo she's evil
McCain: i urge you go to canada or england if you need care and you can't afford it
audience: yay!
McCain: clearly the answer to our problems is tort reform and suing pharmaceutical companies - problem solved
audience: yay
McCain: also we should import drugs from Canada
audience: whaaaa???
McCain: just give every rich american a $2500 tax credit and then they can shop around at "Heart Transplants R Us"
audience: woo hoo
McCain: the problem in american is that people lack self esteem because they don't have health insurance so we should send them self help books ergo problem solved
audience: okaaaay
Huckabee: most of you don't know that John McCain and I were married for 5 years in the 1980s
audience: ha ha ha ha
Huckster: the number one issue in america is that we have too many fat people
audience: clap clap
Huckster: i lost 110 pounds
audience: yay!
Huckster: i got divorced!
audience: ha ha ha ha
Huckster: out health care costs are because Americans are fat and lazy and it's all their fault
audience: golf clap
Huckabee: America looks like an NFL team with 70,000 people cheering on a dozen guys beating the shit out of each other
audience: USA!! USA!!
Huckster: let me steal Hillary's line about the diabetic foot thing
Huck: did you know that health costs more than the Iraq war???
Viewer: well duh we're nickel and diming the war
Huck: yeah but look at all the money we're saving
Mod: does that figure include health care costs related to the war?
Huck: Uhhhhhhhh
Mod: how would you boost savings?
McCain: health savings accounts
Mod: are you fucking serious
McCain: the tax code sucks
Mod: no shit sherlock
McCain: we should have tax credit for fitness
Mod: anything else
McCain: medical malpractice reform
Mod: that's it?
McCain: personal responsiblity
Mod: what else
McCain: did i say fitness?
Mod: yes
McCain: then i say let adam smith solve the problem
Huckster: key to savings to create a national sales tax April 15 would be just another bootyful spring day in america
audience: yay no IRS!!
Huckster: if it can't be fixed with duct tape can't be fixed and our health care system can't be fixed
McCain: well a sales tax is stupid but you can't rely on Congress - it should be disbanded
Mod: so what instead
McCain: hire alan greenspan to be our Provisional Dictator
Mod: that's insane
McCain: i could be yur Ruler
Mod: what else will solve the USA's problems
McCain: 401k's
Mod: that's all?
McCain: let angry americans finally buy insurance across state lines dammitt!!
Huckster: stop penalizing income and start penalizing spending
McCain: 30 trillion in unfunded spening with Medicaid and medicare and it's all socialized medicine but we have an obligation to keep all that but without raising taxes
Mod: what the fuck did you just say?
McCain: i dunno
Huckster: i only trust me and i want to be in control of my own health care
audience: yay!!
Huckster: but government should be a safety net
audeince: yay!
Huckster: i hate people like john mccain who are from washington they are all polarized
audience: woo!
McCain: now i will mention that i am a veteran unlike fatty
Huckster: hey!
McCain: sorry skinny
McCain: when i'm presnit every veteran will carry plastic card which will ensure them crappy care
Huckster: this is going to shock you but people don't come up to me and beg me to raise taxes but I gave people envelopes called the Tax Me More Fund and people could always give their own money to teh goverment
Moderator: ok that is the single dumbest thing i have ever heard in my life
Huckster: look we either we eliminate social security or start killing old people
McCain: well i am old so i don't like that
audience: ha ha
McCain: my democrat friends are not serious because they don't believe we should let people invest FICA in tulip bulbs
McCain: ronald reagan and tip o'neill were 2 old irishmen who ot drunk one night and solved social security for 10 years
Mod: awesome
McCain: i will reach out to my democrat friends
Mod: but you just used a slur
McCain: fuck you
McCain: the national sales tax sucks even the wall street journal says so
Hucker: that left wing rag!
Mod: dood there will still be an irs but it be will be for your sales tax
Hucker: no let states do it
McCain: dream on looney
Huckster: why is government subsidizing smokers but punishing healthy people
Mod: what the fuck?
Huckster: why have sick leave - make sick people work and reward healthy people give them the day off
Mod: that's nuts
Huckster: hook every american up to a pedometer
McCain: i love those ideas - why don't insurers do that
Mod: that's the free market dood
McCain: well they should pay for membership in fitness clubs
Mod: dandy
Mod: how can we solve america's problems?
McCain: Nancy Reagan solves american's drug problem by appearing on Diff'rt Strokes let her do it again
Mod: any other solutions
McCain: stop Leonardo DiCaprio from smoking in the movies dammitt!!!
Mod: awesome
McCain: these damm lawyers are responsible for kids smoking
Mod: dood are you fucking senile
Huckster: it's crazy that people spend 85% of their care dollars in the last few weeks of life therefore we should just kill people a few months earlier
Mod: ok
Huckster: we need to empower people to not need medical care
Viewer: excellent
Huckster: we should reiumberse family members to take care of families like bathing your elderly parent
viewer: that sure sounds like fun
McCain: we need to take care of WWII vets they're dying
Viewer: true
McCain: let me add that everyone should have a living will when they hit 60 i got one thirty years ago
Mod: why does this county suck
McCain: it's all evil partisanship and americans are tired of it
Mod: who is a good democrat
McCain: joe lieberman
Mod: no an actual dem
McCain: russ feingold
Mod: ooh a jew bold move old man
McCain: ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Mod: ok Huckster McCain has fallen asleep so the floor is yours
Mod: dood we have governor as presnit now and frankly he sucks so why should we elect you
Huckster: i want to be Communicator in Chief
Mod: but the evil Dems!!
Huckbee: i will go to the american people and speak softly
McCain: i can whisper like i'm doing now
Mod: which presnit do you admire
McCain: John F Kennedy
Mod: what will you do about Iraq
McCain: stop lying to the American peeple
Mod: that's just crazy enough to work
Question from audience: SCHIP doods
Huckabee: the Dems wants to give welfare to people making $80,000 a year and we just can't afford it
Mod: but everyone agree with them
Huckabee: that proves my point the Democrats are so evil they appeal to people whereas John McCain has risen above such pettiness as popularity
Mod: well yes or no for SCHIP
Huckabee: look most people like kids and Republicans would give them health care if we could afford it
Mod: yes or fucking no
Huckabee: i hate the elderly too
McCain: those fucking dems were going to increase taxes on smoking meaning they were going to tell people to keep smoking to help children well that's bad
viewer: huh
McCain: we just can't afford it
viewer: so what's the answer
McCain: walk-in clinics
Huckbee: let's not debate who denied kids health care the important point is that Dems are bad
Q: how do we solve social security
McCain: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Mod: wake up dood
McCain: 401ks, savings accounts, Dems need to sit down with us and agree to destroy the system
Huckebees: annutities
Mod: what else
Huckabees: the word privatize scared people the better word is "personalized" accounts the government would be your partner
Mod: in other words, eliminate social security
Huckster: yes but not for the current elderly
audience: yay!
McCain: ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Huck: doctors go to school for a long time and insurance companies tell him how long he can spend with you
Mod: fucking private market
Huck: and don't get me started on those gowns no secrets dood
Mod: and those magazines i mean highlights??
McCain: people skip medical school because it's expensive so we should do that thing they did on Northen Exposure
Mod: i never got that wasn't he from new york city?
McCain: let it go dood
Mod: name one good thing Bush has ever done
McCain: he won the election and he promised to get rid of social security
audience:
[synchronized swimming clap ]
McCain: the fucking partisan dems derailed it damm hippie traitors
Question: doods who watches the nest egg?
Huckman: dood you will it will be like the FDIC you will be like a flying wallenda an investor with a safety net
Mod: because americans never lose money in investments
Huckabee: exactly who would trust a bunch of bureauracrats
McCain: i would have a group like the board of trustees of Social Security now to oversee how SS money is invested
Mod: i'm sorry what the fuck
McCain: i would have the government insure people investing in gold mines in africa
audience member: jesus fucking christ what the fuck???
McCain: dood no one ever washed a rental care people will never lose their own money!
audience member: dood did the vietcong hit you in the head or something
McCain: well there would be limits
Huckabee: we should have courses in money management ergo problem solved
audience member: holy shit you're crazee too
Your final statements pleeze:
Huckster: look we've been through Revolution and WWII and the Civil War and the Great Depression and all sorts of horrible shit so i truly belive the country could survive my presidency too
McCain: look Republicans are corrupt and in prison and we failed in Katrina and we failed in Iraq so you should vote for me
Mod: huh
McCain: i will carry a pen with me to stab lobbyists with
audience: yay
Closing statements:
McCain: i love the commmies at Divided We Fail and thank the Huckster -- also Rudy Guiliani and Fred Thomspon can suck my dick
audience: yay
McCain: as you may now we lost a war was i was a pow and jane fonda was ruining america and then ronald reagan came and won the cold war without drinking a shot and now we face consumate evil from islamofascist and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Mod: well he fell asleep - Hucky?
Huckster: yay I'm the last one left standing!!
audience: yay
Huckster: no male in my family ever went to high school
Mod: well that's it
Republican Debate
Hosted by AARP
October 25, 2007
John McCain
Mike Huckabee
**************************************
Let the Republican Debate Begin!
Our candidates are:
Mike "Dinosaurs knew Jesus" Huckabee
John "I was a Tortured by the VC and George Bush" McCain
McCain: don’t worry about my age my 95 year old mother drives at 112 mph around arizona so i will live long although I’ve inherited a death wish
Commentator: ha ha ha
McCain: all governors end up in prison
Governor: whaaa?????
McCain: the problem with health care in america is not the quality its that its expensive and hillarycare will make it cost even more ergo she's evil
McCain: i urge you go to canada or england if you need care and you can't afford it
audience: yay!
McCain: clearly the answer to our problems is tort reform and suing pharmaceutical companies - problem solved
audience: yay
McCain: also we should import drugs from Canada
audience: whaaaa???
McCain: just give every rich american a $2500 tax credit and then they can shop around at "Heart Transplants R Us"
audience: woo hoo
McCain: the problem in american is that people lack self esteem because they don't have health insurance so we should send them self help books ergo problem solved
audience: okaaaay
Huckabee: most of you don't know that John McCain and I were married for 5 years in the 1980s
audience: ha ha ha ha
Huckster: the number one issue in america is that we have too many fat people
audience: clap clap
Huckster: i lost 110 pounds
audience: yay!
Huckster: i got divorced!
audience: ha ha ha ha
Huckster: out health care costs are because Americans are fat and lazy and it's all their fault
audience: golf clap
Huckabee: America looks like an NFL team with 70,000 people cheering on a dozen guys beating the shit out of each other
audience: USA!! USA!!
Huckster: let me steal Hillary's line about the diabetic foot thing
Huck: did you know that health costs more than the Iraq war???
Viewer: well duh we're nickel and diming the war
Huck: yeah but look at all the money we're saving
Mod: does that figure include health care costs related to the war?
Huck: Uhhhhhhhh
Mod: how would you boost savings?
McCain: health savings accounts
Mod: are you fucking serious
McCain: the tax code sucks
Mod: no shit sherlock
McCain: we should have tax credit for fitness
Mod: anything else
McCain: medical malpractice reform
Mod: that's it?
McCain: personal responsiblity
Mod: what else
McCain: did i say fitness?
Mod: yes
McCain: then i say let adam smith solve the problem
Huckster: key to savings to create a national sales tax April 15 would be just another bootyful spring day in america
audience: yay no IRS!!
Huckster: if it can't be fixed with duct tape can't be fixed and our health care system can't be fixed
McCain: well a sales tax is stupid but you can't rely on Congress - it should be disbanded
Mod: so what instead
McCain: hire alan greenspan to be our Provisional Dictator
Mod: that's insane
McCain: i could be yur Ruler
Mod: what else will solve the USA's problems
McCain: 401k's
Mod: that's all?
McCain: let angry americans finally buy insurance across state lines dammitt!!
Huckster: stop penalizing income and start penalizing spending
McCain: 30 trillion in unfunded spening with Medicaid and medicare and it's all socialized medicine but we have an obligation to keep all that but without raising taxes
Mod: what the fuck did you just say?
McCain: i dunno
Huckster: i only trust me and i want to be in control of my own health care
audience: yay!!
Huckster: but government should be a safety net
audeince: yay!
Huckster: i hate people like john mccain who are from washington they are all polarized
audience: woo!
McCain: now i will mention that i am a veteran unlike fatty
Huckster: hey!
McCain: sorry skinny
McCain: when i'm presnit every veteran will carry plastic card which will ensure them crappy care
Huckster: this is going to shock you but people don't come up to me and beg me to raise taxes but I gave people envelopes called the Tax Me More Fund and people could always give their own money to teh goverment
Moderator: ok that is the single dumbest thing i have ever heard in my life
Huckster: look we either we eliminate social security or start killing old people
McCain: well i am old so i don't like that
audience: ha ha
McCain: my democrat friends are not serious because they don't believe we should let people invest FICA in tulip bulbs
McCain: ronald reagan and tip o'neill were 2 old irishmen who ot drunk one night and solved social security for 10 years
Mod: awesome
McCain: i will reach out to my democrat friends
Mod: but you just used a slur
McCain: fuck you
McCain: the national sales tax sucks even the wall street journal says so
Hucker: that left wing rag!
Mod: dood there will still be an irs but it be will be for your sales tax
Hucker: no let states do it
McCain: dream on looney
Huckster: why is government subsidizing smokers but punishing healthy people
Mod: what the fuck?
Huckster: why have sick leave - make sick people work and reward healthy people give them the day off
Mod: that's nuts
Huckster: hook every american up to a pedometer
McCain: i love those ideas - why don't insurers do that
Mod: that's the free market dood
McCain: well they should pay for membership in fitness clubs
Mod: dandy
Mod: how can we solve america's problems?
McCain: Nancy Reagan solves american's drug problem by appearing on Diff'rt Strokes let her do it again
Mod: any other solutions
McCain: stop Leonardo DiCaprio from smoking in the movies dammitt!!!
Mod: awesome
McCain: these damm lawyers are responsible for kids smoking
Mod: dood are you fucking senile
Huckster: it's crazy that people spend 85% of their care dollars in the last few weeks of life therefore we should just kill people a few months earlier
Mod: ok
Huckster: we need to empower people to not need medical care
Viewer: excellent
Huckster: we should reiumberse family members to take care of families like bathing your elderly parent
viewer: that sure sounds like fun
McCain: we need to take care of WWII vets they're dying
Viewer: true
McCain: let me add that everyone should have a living will when they hit 60 i got one thirty years ago
Mod: why does this county suck
McCain: it's all evil partisanship and americans are tired of it
Mod: who is a good democrat
McCain: joe lieberman
Mod: no an actual dem
McCain: russ feingold
Mod: ooh a jew bold move old man
McCain: ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Mod: ok Huckster McCain has fallen asleep so the floor is yours
Mod: dood we have governor as presnit now and frankly he sucks so why should we elect you
Huckster: i want to be Communicator in Chief
Mod: but the evil Dems!!
Huckbee: i will go to the american people and speak softly
McCain: i can whisper like i'm doing now
Mod: which presnit do you admire
McCain: John F Kennedy
Mod: what will you do about Iraq
McCain: stop lying to the American peeple
Mod: that's just crazy enough to work
Question from audience: SCHIP doods
Huckabee: the Dems wants to give welfare to people making $80,000 a year and we just can't afford it
Mod: but everyone agree with them
Huckabee: that proves my point the Democrats are so evil they appeal to people whereas John McCain has risen above such pettiness as popularity
Mod: well yes or no for SCHIP
Huckabee: look most people like kids and Republicans would give them health care if we could afford it
Mod: yes or fucking no
Huckabee: i hate the elderly too
McCain: those fucking dems were going to increase taxes on smoking meaning they were going to tell people to keep smoking to help children well that's bad
viewer: huh
McCain: we just can't afford it
viewer: so what's the answer
McCain: walk-in clinics
Huckbee: let's not debate who denied kids health care the important point is that Dems are bad
Q: how do we solve social security
McCain: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Mod: wake up dood
McCain: 401ks, savings accounts, Dems need to sit down with us and agree to destroy the system
Huckebees: annutities
Mod: what else
Huckabees: the word privatize scared people the better word is "personalized" accounts the government would be your partner
Mod: in other words, eliminate social security
Huckster: yes but not for the current elderly
audience: yay!
McCain: ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Huck: doctors go to school for a long time and insurance companies tell him how long he can spend with you
Mod: fucking private market
Huck: and don't get me started on those gowns no secrets dood
Mod: and those magazines i mean highlights??
McCain: people skip medical school because it's expensive so we should do that thing they did on Northen Exposure
Mod: i never got that wasn't he from new york city?
McCain: let it go dood
Mod: name one good thing Bush has ever done
McCain: he won the election and he promised to get rid of social security
audience:
[synchronized swimming clap ]
McCain: the fucking partisan dems derailed it damm hippie traitors
Question: doods who watches the nest egg?
Huckman: dood you will it will be like the FDIC you will be like a flying wallenda an investor with a safety net
Mod: because americans never lose money in investments
Huckabee: exactly who would trust a bunch of bureauracrats
McCain: i would have a group like the board of trustees of Social Security now to oversee how SS money is invested
Mod: i'm sorry what the fuck
McCain: i would have the government insure people investing in gold mines in africa
audience member: jesus fucking christ what the fuck???
McCain: dood no one ever washed a rental care people will never lose their own money!
audience member: dood did the vietcong hit you in the head or something
McCain: well there would be limits
Huckabee: we should have courses in money management ergo problem solved
audience member: holy shit you're crazee too
Your final statements pleeze:
Huckster: look we've been through Revolution and WWII and the Civil War and the Great Depression and all sorts of horrible shit so i truly belive the country could survive my presidency too
McCain: look Republicans are corrupt and in prison and we failed in Katrina and we failed in Iraq so you should vote for me
Mod: huh
McCain: i will carry a pen with me to stab lobbyists with
audience: yay
Closing statements:
McCain: i love the commmies at Divided We Fail and thank the Huckster -- also Rudy Guiliani and Fred Thomspon can suck my dick
audience: yay
McCain: as you may now we lost a war was i was a pow and jane fonda was ruining america and then ronald reagan came and won the cold war without drinking a shot and now we face consumate evil from islamofascist and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Mod: well he fell asleep - Hucky?
Huckster: yay I'm the last one left standing!!
audience: yay
Huckster: no male in my family ever went to high school
Mod: well that's it
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Michael Chertoff on ABC
Charlie Gibson: dood you must be hoping to avoid another katrina
Michael Chertoff: no i'm just fascinated by fire
Gibson: oh c'mon dood u totally dropped the ball
Chertoff: true but there aren't as many blacks this time
Gibson: what's fire like dood
FEMA Head: charlie i'll be honest with you: it's hot
Gibson: fascinating
Gibson: how do u put a fire out
FEMA head: we use water
Gibson: stunning
Gibson: this is teh largest evacuation since Henry VIII had a big bowl of fiber where do all the people go
Chertoff: they go to hotels or the racetrack
Gibson: awesome
Michael Chertoff: no i'm just fascinated by fire
Gibson: oh c'mon dood u totally dropped the ball
Chertoff: true but there aren't as many blacks this time
Gibson: what's fire like dood
FEMA Head: charlie i'll be honest with you: it's hot
Gibson: fascinating
Gibson: how do u put a fire out
FEMA head: we use water
Gibson: stunning
Gibson: this is teh largest evacuation since Henry VIII had a big bowl of fiber where do all the people go
Chertoff: they go to hotels or the racetrack
Gibson: awesome
Monday, October 22, 2007
Valerie Plame on 60 Minutes
******************************
Valerie Plame on 60 Minutes
Host: Katie Couric
CBS
October 21, 2007
******************************
Couric: were u covert
Plame: totally
Couric: c'mon between us gurlz why would anyone out you Val
Plame: to smear my husband joe katie-kins
Couric: and how was that
Plame: um it sucked
Couric: you were deep undercover
Plame: my sex life with joe is not the issue here
Couric: of course
Plame: i was in charge of stoping the spread of nukes
Couric: you thought saddam had evil chemicals
Plame: he had the Mustache Of Secrecy
Couric: deadeye dick wanted a dood to go to Niger
Plame: well joe was an expert on Iraq and Niger you think you come across someone like that every day
Couric: well so is anderson cooper
Plame: hes hawt
Couric: totally
Couric: you thought bush and powell lied to the whole world
Plame: yes that was strange
Couric: [looks concerned]
Plame: it was a thin case
Couric: [ looks very concerned ]
Couric: admit it babe joe almost outed u
Plame: bullshit katie
Couric: no look at my hands they're touching in a thoughtful manner
Plame: oh horseshit
Couric: okay you win valli
Plame: call me Ms Plame
Couric: [ meekly ] ok
Couric: was anyone killed because bob novak and karl rove are evil
Plame: oh yes
Couric: yur like greta garbo
Plame: yeah that photo a bit was silly
Couric: what did medal of feerdom say
Plame: he wuz pissed
Couric: why
Plame: i was supposed to give bob woodward an exclusive
Couric: but you are partysan
Plame: well duh i'm battling evil
Couric: does that evil have a name
Plame: s-c-o-o-t-e-r
Couric: joe why are so mean
Joe Wilson: u bet i'm pissed no one went after Rove's family
Couric: well in fairness their spouses are serving their country as lobbyists not betraying america by working for a subversive organization like the CIA
Wilson: are you sure about that
Couric: it's a safe assumption they would never do that
Wilson: good point kittycat
Couric: why dont u shut up
Plame: hey we've got young children
Couric: be careful they may go after them next
Plame: o man yur right
Couric: will you have sex with me yur hawt
Plame: i'm married to joe wilson honey bun
Couric: ok a threesome then
Plame: kinky
Couric: im not picky
Plame: i'll pass but thanks
Couric: ok you rock
Valerie Plame on 60 Minutes
Host: Katie Couric
CBS
October 21, 2007
******************************
Couric: were u covert
Plame: totally
Couric: c'mon between us gurlz why would anyone out you Val
Plame: to smear my husband joe katie-kins
Couric: and how was that
Plame: um it sucked
Couric: you were deep undercover
Plame: my sex life with joe is not the issue here
Couric: of course
Plame: i was in charge of stoping the spread of nukes
Couric: you thought saddam had evil chemicals
Plame: he had the Mustache Of Secrecy
Couric: deadeye dick wanted a dood to go to Niger
Plame: well joe was an expert on Iraq and Niger you think you come across someone like that every day
Couric: well so is anderson cooper
Plame: hes hawt
Couric: totally
Couric: you thought bush and powell lied to the whole world
Plame: yes that was strange
Couric: [looks concerned]
Plame: it was a thin case
Couric: [ looks very concerned ]
Couric: admit it babe joe almost outed u
Plame: bullshit katie
Couric: no look at my hands they're touching in a thoughtful manner
Plame: oh horseshit
Couric: okay you win valli
Plame: call me Ms Plame
Couric: [ meekly ] ok
Couric: was anyone killed because bob novak and karl rove are evil
Plame: oh yes
Couric: yur like greta garbo
Plame: yeah that photo a bit was silly
Couric: what did medal of feerdom say
Plame: he wuz pissed
Couric: why
Plame: i was supposed to give bob woodward an exclusive
Couric: but you are partysan
Plame: well duh i'm battling evil
Couric: does that evil have a name
Plame: s-c-o-o-t-e-r
Couric: joe why are so mean
Joe Wilson: u bet i'm pissed no one went after Rove's family
Couric: well in fairness their spouses are serving their country as lobbyists not betraying america by working for a subversive organization like the CIA
Wilson: are you sure about that
Couric: it's a safe assumption they would never do that
Wilson: good point kittycat
Couric: why dont u shut up
Plame: hey we've got young children
Couric: be careful they may go after them next
Plame: o man yur right
Couric: will you have sex with me yur hawt
Plame: i'm married to joe wilson honey bun
Couric: ok a threesome then
Plame: kinky
Couric: im not picky
Plame: i'll pass but thanks
Couric: ok you rock
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Meet The Press - October 14, 2007
**********************************************
Meet The Press - October 14, 2007
Guests: Bil Cosby, Alvin Poussaint
**********************************************
Cosby and Poussaint: the n-word is a slave master word
Russert: u don't like it
Poussaint: it's derogatory
Russert: white kids say it's cool to use the n-word
Cosby: black males and white male are like vanilla and chocolate pudding pops they have a lot in common
Russert: like how
Cosby: they have a position toward teh female using the b-word and then use the n-word and then they start using the p-word
Russert: what's that
Cosby: pundit
Pousaint: now they're using teh word "wigger"
Cosby: the white guys in teh boardrooms luv rape
Russert: oh really why
Cosby: it raises dopamine
Russert: fascinating do u have a newsletter i can subscribe to
Poussaint: rap music is hurtful
Cosby: black kids can't read they just use the n-word in the candy store
Russert: strong stuff
Cosby: we have to start letting the kids know who's boss
Rusert: ok
Cosby: there's too much inertia and entropy
Russert: wow u are fascinating
Cosby: when i was in teh navy they never would never curse or use the n-word but they got creative
Russert: like how
Cosby: the called me a one-eye maggot
Tim: so your book is a clarion call for more creative insults?
Cosby: right like i'm sure big russ taught you some cool put downs
Russert: yes we used to call people buffalo bill-hating pultroons
Cosby: zing!!!
Cosby: one parent families are the problem
Russert: what is the solution
Cosby: the love-giver! One parent are not a problem! The love-giver has to do some smacking around!
Russert: it's a metaphor for Iraq
Cosby: how so timmy?
Russert: we have to be the love-giver for Iraq and smack the Iraqis around in the name of tough love
Cosby: Yes! that's exactly what I'm talking about!
Russert: we can win!
Cosby: we can win!
Timmeh: Robinson says there is not one uniform black america
Poussaint: oh i disagree look at Jena
Russert: yes all of black America can agree that her book is an insult
Poussaint: true the black middle class is off doing their own thing but even they are not voting Republican
Russert: so sad you're so partisan
Cosby: i hate blacks yelling at me you have to listen to what bill cosby is saying bill cosby is saying school is good and goodness is good
Russert: who is this
Bill Cosby: Bill Cosby
Tim Russert: Tim Russert agrees with you
Cosby: anyone who got attacked by the Klan only had themselves to blame
Poussaint: Alvin Poussaint doesn't agree with you
Cosby: we have to treat our children like criminals in a maximum security prison and shake em down
Poussaint: all these anti-education black families piss me off
Russert: blacks don't vote so sad
Cosby: i spend all my days on the phone bugging prisons on who is on medication
Russert: i spend my days on the phone with karl rove
Russert; you say black women are the bomb and the men suck
Cosby: they all want to be in the NBA and be hip-hoppers
Russert: what's the solution to the problems of the black community
Cosby: less credit card debt - Come on People!!
Cosby: kids are like a barbara eden they are the genie in a lamp we have to rub our children for the genius to come out
Russert: 'Big Bill and Me' read it c'mon people
Meet The Press - October 14, 2007
Guests: Bil Cosby, Alvin Poussaint
**********************************************
Cosby and Poussaint: the n-word is a slave master word
Russert: u don't like it
Poussaint: it's derogatory
Russert: white kids say it's cool to use the n-word
Cosby: black males and white male are like vanilla and chocolate pudding pops they have a lot in common
Russert: like how
Cosby: they have a position toward teh female using the b-word and then use the n-word and then they start using the p-word
Russert: what's that
Cosby: pundit
Pousaint: now they're using teh word "wigger"
Cosby: the white guys in teh boardrooms luv rape
Russert: oh really why
Cosby: it raises dopamine
Russert: fascinating do u have a newsletter i can subscribe to
Poussaint: rap music is hurtful
Cosby: black kids can't read they just use the n-word in the candy store
Russert: strong stuff
Cosby: we have to start letting the kids know who's boss
Rusert: ok
Cosby: there's too much inertia and entropy
Russert: wow u are fascinating
Cosby: when i was in teh navy they never would never curse or use the n-word but they got creative
Russert: like how
Cosby: the called me a one-eye maggot
Tim: so your book is a clarion call for more creative insults?
Cosby: right like i'm sure big russ taught you some cool put downs
Russert: yes we used to call people buffalo bill-hating pultroons
Cosby: zing!!!
Cosby: one parent families are the problem
Russert: what is the solution
Cosby: the love-giver! One parent are not a problem! The love-giver has to do some smacking around!
Russert: it's a metaphor for Iraq
Cosby: how so timmy?
Russert: we have to be the love-giver for Iraq and smack the Iraqis around in the name of tough love
Cosby: Yes! that's exactly what I'm talking about!
Russert: we can win!
Cosby: we can win!
Timmeh: Robinson says there is not one uniform black america
Poussaint: oh i disagree look at Jena
Russert: yes all of black America can agree that her book is an insult
Poussaint: true the black middle class is off doing their own thing but even they are not voting Republican
Russert: so sad you're so partisan
Cosby: i hate blacks yelling at me you have to listen to what bill cosby is saying bill cosby is saying school is good and goodness is good
Russert: who is this
Bill Cosby: Bill Cosby
Tim Russert: Tim Russert agrees with you
Cosby: anyone who got attacked by the Klan only had themselves to blame
Poussaint: Alvin Poussaint doesn't agree with you
Cosby: we have to treat our children like criminals in a maximum security prison and shake em down
Poussaint: all these anti-education black families piss me off
Russert: blacks don't vote so sad
Cosby: i spend all my days on the phone bugging prisons on who is on medication
Russert: i spend my days on the phone with karl rove
Russert; you say black women are the bomb and the men suck
Cosby: they all want to be in the NBA and be hip-hoppers
Russert: what's the solution to the problems of the black community
Cosby: less credit card debt - Come on People!!
Cosby: kids are like a barbara eden they are the genie in a lamp we have to rub our children for the genius to come out
Russert: 'Big Bill and Me' read it c'mon people
This Week With George Stephanopoulos - October 14, 2007
***************************************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
October 14, 2007
Guest: Nancy Pelosi
***************************************************
Stephanopolous: Cindy Sheehan is running against you
Nancy Pelosi: hey i hate the war too
Stephanoplous: but its weird yur a san fransisco treat
Pelosi: hey i'm trying to get 60 votes
Steph: barney frank says step up or fuck off
Pelosi: oh very nice you try being Speaker - you and your Massachusetts gay buddy
George Will: gore is sharing the nobel so it doesn't count
Steph: oh ok
Will: 1 foot increase in sea levels
Sam Donaldson: no it could be a greater increase
Will: but in a 1,000 years
Donaldson: but i'm 500 years old!
Roberts: Gore should run for the Republican nomination
Donaldson: Iran is killing our troops!!!
Cokie: Obama is not a serious person this is a serious show also hillary flip flops
Will: she wants to raise taxes on the rich!!!
Cokie: this is the turning point for Hillary we in the press have decided to turn on her
Donaldson: what? i didn't get the memo
Cokie: dood u forgot to pay yur dues to david broder
Bartlett: Fred Thomspon is a dud
Will: his analysis is spot on - Romney is also a moron
Donaldson: McCain should get up off the floor
Steph: what else
Donaldson: Fred should wear Bush's scorn as a badge of honor
Cokie: i can't believe that people still support Rudy after they've gotten to know him
Will: he's pure of heart
Donaldson: he's a calculating bastard
Will: Hillary must be attacked with a serrated edge
Donaldson: i still like Fred Thompson
Will: i thought he did well for a man who has been dead for two years
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
October 14, 2007
Guest: Nancy Pelosi
***************************************************
Stephanopolous: Cindy Sheehan is running against you
Nancy Pelosi: hey i hate the war too
Stephanoplous: but its weird yur a san fransisco treat
Pelosi: hey i'm trying to get 60 votes
Steph: barney frank says step up or fuck off
Pelosi: oh very nice you try being Speaker - you and your Massachusetts gay buddy
George Will: gore is sharing the nobel so it doesn't count
Steph: oh ok
Will: 1 foot increase in sea levels
Sam Donaldson: no it could be a greater increase
Will: but in a 1,000 years
Donaldson: but i'm 500 years old!
Roberts: Gore should run for the Republican nomination
Donaldson: Iran is killing our troops!!!
Cokie: Obama is not a serious person this is a serious show also hillary flip flops
Will: she wants to raise taxes on the rich!!!
Cokie: this is the turning point for Hillary we in the press have decided to turn on her
Donaldson: what? i didn't get the memo
Cokie: dood u forgot to pay yur dues to david broder
Bartlett: Fred Thomspon is a dud
Will: his analysis is spot on - Romney is also a moron
Donaldson: McCain should get up off the floor
Steph: what else
Donaldson: Fred should wear Bush's scorn as a badge of honor
Cokie: i can't believe that people still support Rudy after they've gotten to know him
Will: he's pure of heart
Donaldson: he's a calculating bastard
Will: Hillary must be attacked with a serrated edge
Donaldson: i still like Fred Thompson
Will: i thought he did well for a man who has been dead for two years
The Chris Matthews Show - October 14, 2007
***********************************
The Chris Matthews Show
October 14, 2007
***********************************
Matthews: iowa is where the music and politics died what's up with that
Yepsen: iowans dated Dean and married Kerry then they had a torrid affair with john edwards
Matthews: can you blame them look at him he's so cute
Kornblut: Hillary is polarizing
Bumiller: she's shrill
Yepsen: she shouldn't yell at people
Matthews: when does she stop being flawless and slip up so i can criticize her i can't wait for that!!
Kornblut: yay!!!
Matthews: look at romney i want him to serve me breakfast in bed!!
Bumiller: he's having fun
Matthews: it's like Prince Charles doing the white guy dance with the natives
Yepsen: be careful they let you dance and then they eat you
Panel: if Hillary wins in Iowa it's over
Panel: it's between Romney and Rudy
Bumiller: uh yeah um whatever dood
Matthews: why doesn't Obama say that his judgment was right about Iraq so Hillary's experience doesn't matter
Kornblut: that's all he does Stupid
Bumiller: i got to talk with cool guys in uniform and they were very open about what they thought
Matthews: what did they say
Bumiler: i can't tell you
***************************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
October 14, 2007
***********************************
Matthews: iowa is where the music and politics died what's up with that
Yepsen: iowans dated Dean and married Kerry then they had a torrid affair with john edwards
Matthews: can you blame them look at him he's so cute
Kornblut: Hillary is polarizing
Bumiller: she's shrill
Yepsen: she shouldn't yell at people
Matthews: when does she stop being flawless and slip up so i can criticize her i can't wait for that!!
Kornblut: yay!!!
Matthews: look at romney i want him to serve me breakfast in bed!!
Bumiller: he's having fun
Matthews: it's like Prince Charles doing the white guy dance with the natives
Yepsen: be careful they let you dance and then they eat you
Panel: if Hillary wins in Iowa it's over
Panel: it's between Romney and Rudy
Bumiller: uh yeah um whatever dood
Matthews: why doesn't Obama say that his judgment was right about Iraq so Hillary's experience doesn't matter
Kornblut: that's all he does Stupid
Bumiller: i got to talk with cool guys in uniform and they were very open about what they thought
Matthews: what did they say
Bumiler: i can't tell you
***************************************************
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Republican Debate - October 9, 2007
****************************************
Republican Debate on Economics
October 9, 2007
Dearborn, Michigan
MSNBC
Moderators: “Crazy” Chris Matthews,
Maria “Hottie” Bartiomo, some other people
****************************************
Moderator: Fred tell us about economics
Fred: the economy is rosy - but long term its a different story
Maria: what’s that?
Fred: it's very rosy
Maria: ok
Mitt: oh noes Gov. Granholm will tax our debates!!
Maria: good thing we never hold a real one just these idiotic staged events
Rudy: Presidents must crush jury awards - like giving A-Rod too much money its terrible
Matthews: what about joe torre?
Rudy: hes teh best i luv him
Ron Paul: military industrial complex doods!!!
McCain: dood read Adam Smith he was a good friend of mine my economic plan is that we stop spending too much - oh and by the way i luv the war which is free as you know
Maria: is it fair?
McCain: sure it's fair except for the economy, market, and tax code
Matthews: Huckster a consumer tax will stop me from buying a new yacht!!
Huckabee: no its phenomenal we'll tax shit so much we won't be able to buy anything and our trade deficit will go down
Matthews: oh wow
Hcukabee: its get better -- when pimps start paying taxes we can fund the war just from Congressional Republicans alone!
Matthews: awesome
Hunter: yur all fucking commies I would tax fortune cookies and that will fund the war!!!
[applause!!]
Matthews: Senator Thompson wake up
Fred: what
Matthews: anyone home dood
Fred: fuckin' chinese grrrrrrrr
Maria: Senator Uterus taxes?
Brownback: we're taxed to the max!
Maria: sing it homey
Brownback: why is washington trying to run people's private lives
Maria: terri schiavo dood
Brownback: who
Rudy: George Will luvs me
Mitt: you took away bill clinton's power yur bad
Rudy: idiot i'm in favor the line item veto but it's not fucking legal
[applause]
Fred: i like free marketz
Hunter: damm commmies!
Matthews: i miss the 50s
McCain: i sank an aircraft carrier did u know the pentagon wastes a lot of money
Mod: what about trade
McCain: smoot hawley caused aucshwitz dood
Maria: I can haz dubai buy america?
Mitt: of course lets put down the drawbridge
Fred: we can't protect America!
Hunter: fuckin' a-rabs!
Brownback: the chinese keep stealing our hollywood movies they sell Gigli bootlegs its awful
Fred: we can't leave between our tail between legs damm islamofascists are in for 1,000 years so we have to stay for at least for 500
McCain: we're winning and we have to join the military or Americorps
Paul: criminy we going broke and maintaining a fucking empire that will end someday and then kablooey
Matthews: what do you mean
Paul: read Gibbon shithead
Brownback: Saddam was mixing terror and WMD its like he was a baking a big War Cake
Fred: once upon a time the WMD were there in 1986
Matthews: so Reagan said good job
Fred: the Saudis could get a nuke!!
Matthews: would you need authorization to attack Iran
Mitt: how should I know?
Matthews: no reason
Mitt: Ahmedinijad is outrageous why he's talked about genocide and the U.S. as Ruler of Planet Earth cannot let this man control the button
Paul: holy shit you're all crazee
Huckabee: what if Iran they built the bomb and would give it away to Warren Terra!!!
Matthews: wake up Fred
Fred: huh what
Tancredo: omg california shouldn't be allowed to buy Louisiana oil!!!
McCain: my god that’s stupid - we should drill in the grand canyon
Harwood: should Exxon give back some of their profits
McCain: if they want to
Harwood: that's all?
McCain: venezuala bullys people and use oil as a weapon -- the only legit weapon is one dropped from a B-52
Huckabee: goober and gomer with the bottle rockets!
Fred: democracy is good but stability is better so we shouldzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
McCain: how this for straight talk - fuck you all
Romney: i'm a sunny optimist i luv people
Rudy: hillary wants to give away money
Hunter: the damm chinese are cheating!
Brownback: hey we've got 1/3 of the world's military spending we must be doing something right
Rudy: there are good unions and bad unions
Mod: what's a good union
Rudy: UAW they gave $2 billion to GM
Mod: what's a bad union
Rudy: my second marriage
Brownback: hey my mother was married she was a pistol packing grandma
Mod: did she go postal
Tancredo: fuck your mother she sounds like that lazy family with the kids who got in the car accident
Mod: you forgot to bring up illegal immigration
Tancredo: oh shit!
Maria: detroit sucks
McCain: yes but we should fix health care frist
Maria: how so
McCain: drink a glass of ethanol every morning
Maria: should we stop a massive labor walkout?
Fred: no
Maria: why not
Fred: it's past my bedtime
Matthews: goddam you suck
Lighting Round!
Huckabee: health care - i don't trust anyone but me
Maria: arabs!
Mitt: we should follow shady people into mosques
Maria: weak dollar
Fred: well you know they are soft and flexible i mean we could make them out of something stiffer but then how would we fold it in a wallet
Mod: support the nominee?
Paul: what are you fucking crazee have you seen the lunatics standing next to me
Tancredo: no way none of you hate mexicans
Brownback: i will support the nominee whoever it is
Matthews: even if he's pro-choice
Brownback: well then no
Maria: is london better than new york?
Rudy: jesus are you campaigning for me what a fucking easy question
Maria: i luv you Rudy
Maria: will you please bash Sarbanes Oxley
Rudy: yes i will thank you for that leading question
Romney: oh can i answer that ridiculous question!!!??
Maria: yes but only if you love family values
Romney: this is just like Law & Order there's a lot of crazy white doods and one really hot chick asking questions
Matthews: how do we catch bin Laden?
McCain: i would ask the President of France to get him
Maria: what's greatest threat to the US economy
Mitt: over-optimism its killing us
Brownback: the best place to be is between a man and woman
Maria: Fred did you like the debate
Fred: it reminds of the nursing home i have no idea what's going there most of the time either
Republican Debate on Economics
October 9, 2007
Dearborn, Michigan
MSNBC
Moderators: “Crazy” Chris Matthews,
Maria “Hottie” Bartiomo, some other people
****************************************
Moderator: Fred tell us about economics
Fred: the economy is rosy - but long term its a different story
Maria: what’s that?
Fred: it's very rosy
Maria: ok
Mitt: oh noes Gov. Granholm will tax our debates!!
Maria: good thing we never hold a real one just these idiotic staged events
Rudy: Presidents must crush jury awards - like giving A-Rod too much money its terrible
Matthews: what about joe torre?
Rudy: hes teh best i luv him
Ron Paul: military industrial complex doods!!!
McCain: dood read Adam Smith he was a good friend of mine my economic plan is that we stop spending too much - oh and by the way i luv the war which is free as you know
Maria: is it fair?
McCain: sure it's fair except for the economy, market, and tax code
Matthews: Huckster a consumer tax will stop me from buying a new yacht!!
Huckabee: no its phenomenal we'll tax shit so much we won't be able to buy anything and our trade deficit will go down
Matthews: oh wow
Hcukabee: its get better -- when pimps start paying taxes we can fund the war just from Congressional Republicans alone!
Matthews: awesome
Hunter: yur all fucking commies I would tax fortune cookies and that will fund the war!!!
[applause!!]
Matthews: Senator Thompson wake up
Fred: what
Matthews: anyone home dood
Fred: fuckin' chinese grrrrrrrr
Maria: Senator Uterus taxes?
Brownback: we're taxed to the max!
Maria: sing it homey
Brownback: why is washington trying to run people's private lives
Maria: terri schiavo dood
Brownback: who
Rudy: George Will luvs me
Mitt: you took away bill clinton's power yur bad
Rudy: idiot i'm in favor the line item veto but it's not fucking legal
[applause]
Fred: i like free marketz
Hunter: damm commmies!
Matthews: i miss the 50s
McCain: i sank an aircraft carrier did u know the pentagon wastes a lot of money
Mod: what about trade
McCain: smoot hawley caused aucshwitz dood
Maria: I can haz dubai buy america?
Mitt: of course lets put down the drawbridge
Fred: we can't protect America!
Hunter: fuckin' a-rabs!
Brownback: the chinese keep stealing our hollywood movies they sell Gigli bootlegs its awful
Fred: we can't leave between our tail between legs damm islamofascists are in for 1,000 years so we have to stay for at least for 500
McCain: we're winning and we have to join the military or Americorps
Paul: criminy we going broke and maintaining a fucking empire that will end someday and then kablooey
Matthews: what do you mean
Paul: read Gibbon shithead
Brownback: Saddam was mixing terror and WMD its like he was a baking a big War Cake
Fred: once upon a time the WMD were there in 1986
Matthews: so Reagan said good job
Fred: the Saudis could get a nuke!!
Matthews: would you need authorization to attack Iran
Mitt: how should I know?
Matthews: no reason
Mitt: Ahmedinijad is outrageous why he's talked about genocide and the U.S. as Ruler of Planet Earth cannot let this man control the button
Paul: holy shit you're all crazee
Huckabee: what if Iran they built the bomb and would give it away to Warren Terra!!!
Matthews: wake up Fred
Fred: huh what
Tancredo: omg california shouldn't be allowed to buy Louisiana oil!!!
McCain: my god that’s stupid - we should drill in the grand canyon
Harwood: should Exxon give back some of their profits
McCain: if they want to
Harwood: that's all?
McCain: venezuala bullys people and use oil as a weapon -- the only legit weapon is one dropped from a B-52
Huckabee: goober and gomer with the bottle rockets!
Fred: democracy is good but stability is better so we shouldzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
McCain: how this for straight talk - fuck you all
Romney: i'm a sunny optimist i luv people
Rudy: hillary wants to give away money
Hunter: the damm chinese are cheating!
Brownback: hey we've got 1/3 of the world's military spending we must be doing something right
Rudy: there are good unions and bad unions
Mod: what's a good union
Rudy: UAW they gave $2 billion to GM
Mod: what's a bad union
Rudy: my second marriage
Brownback: hey my mother was married she was a pistol packing grandma
Mod: did she go postal
Tancredo: fuck your mother she sounds like that lazy family with the kids who got in the car accident
Mod: you forgot to bring up illegal immigration
Tancredo: oh shit!
Maria: detroit sucks
McCain: yes but we should fix health care frist
Maria: how so
McCain: drink a glass of ethanol every morning
Maria: should we stop a massive labor walkout?
Fred: no
Maria: why not
Fred: it's past my bedtime
Matthews: goddam you suck
Lighting Round!
Huckabee: health care - i don't trust anyone but me
Maria: arabs!
Mitt: we should follow shady people into mosques
Maria: weak dollar
Fred: well you know they are soft and flexible i mean we could make them out of something stiffer but then how would we fold it in a wallet
Mod: support the nominee?
Paul: what are you fucking crazee have you seen the lunatics standing next to me
Tancredo: no way none of you hate mexicans
Brownback: i will support the nominee whoever it is
Matthews: even if he's pro-choice
Brownback: well then no
Maria: is london better than new york?
Rudy: jesus are you campaigning for me what a fucking easy question
Maria: i luv you Rudy
Maria: will you please bash Sarbanes Oxley
Rudy: yes i will thank you for that leading question
Romney: oh can i answer that ridiculous question!!!??
Maria: yes but only if you love family values
Romney: this is just like Law & Order there's a lot of crazy white doods and one really hot chick asking questions
Matthews: how do we catch bin Laden?
McCain: i would ask the President of France to get him
Maria: what's greatest threat to the US economy
Mitt: over-optimism its killing us
Brownback: the best place to be is between a man and woman
Maria: Fred did you like the debate
Fred: it reminds of the nursing home i have no idea what's going there most of the time either
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