Sunday, May 13, 2007

Meet The Press - May 13, 2007

Meet The Press - May 13, 2007


Russert: dood teh American people think the Iraq war was a mistake

McCain: well you know the American people think failure is teh suck

Russert: well why not

McCain: yeah but teh people dont get teh consequences of failure

Russert: teh people hate u and yur policies

McCain: kurds, turks, Saudis will go to war and then we'll have to partition bedrooms in Iraq if we do that they'll follow us in to American bedrooms

Timmeh: wow

McCain: i luv shock and awe but its true bush is a terrible president and it was all mismanaged - for that i blame Donald Rumsfeld

Timmeh: but not Bush of course

McCain: at the time we went to war given what the British said we had to invade iraq

Timmeh: thats it?

MCcain: also the Oil-for-Food program was breaking down

Timmeh: yur joking right

McCain: hey if we had known we'd fail well sure you wouldn't invade

Timmy: sorry yur confusing me

McCain: Al Qaeda is in Baghdad but we're making progress they're in other areas too

Timmeh: excellent but iraqi parliament wants us to leave

McCain: yeah but its in our interest to honor teh troops by not debating over and over and over again teh stoopit boring Iraq war

Tim: huh?

McCain: fuck the Iraqi parliament

Tim: oh ok

McCain: those fuckers are just playing to their base I’ve had it with this fucking democracy i saw all this in vietnam

Tim: yeah like in Platoon and the Killing Fields

McCain: clearly the democracy in Iraq is undermining our effort to establish a democracy in Iraq

Tim: how the fuck long is it going to take

McCain: well we fought a bloody civil war 100 years after the Revolution in 1776 so you figure it out

Timmeh: Iraqi referendum?

McCain: dood Iraq is too precious to be entrusted to the Iraqi people

Timmeh: who told you that

McCain: saddam hussein - he was pretty smart

Russert: why no Iraqi troops

McCain: it's a little baby democracy we're seeing "signifcant improvement"

Russert: dood that quote will come back to haunt u I guarantee it

McCain: a student of history will tell u we must crush iraq in order to save it

Russert: totally but how

McCain: we now have a totally awesome strategy

Timmeh: jesus h christ dood it's been four years and it's utter chaos

McCain: oh you can't trust the CIA do you realize they wanted us to invade Iraq and that was a really really bad idea

Timmeh: dood exactly what medications are u on???

McCain: i hope someday in teh future Americans will on teh front lines for 60 years but like in Korea hopefully a funny sitcom will be made

Timmeh: my head is spinning

McCain: yeah but in my pie-in-the-sky fantasy everything is great

Timmy: i can see that

McCain: look Timster i get it but we have only just begun this new strategy -- give it a chance to fail

Timmy: yur creepy

McCain: oh just cut off teh funding and starve our troops if u feel that way

Russert: yur so peevish lighten up and get a life

McCain: dood if we pull out of Iraq it will be genocide and America will be occupied by jihadists

Timmeh: is Iraq just like Somalia

McCain: there’s no comparison with Somalia except there was chaos in teh streets -- but Baghdad is vital if we control the Tigris and Euphrates we can control teh world!!!!!!

Tim: yur so optimistic

McCain: thats not fair I’ve been critical a lot heck I’ve flip flopped all the time

[Russert showing McCain in sunglasses and flak jack in Baghdad market]
Timmy: dood here's yur Dukakis moment

McCain: heh yeah

Tim: Sharpshooters, attack helicopters, 100 soldiers

McCain: dood i was there for 1 hour and bought some rugs and thing are better

Tim: but its really dangerous

McCain: see that only proves we have to stay until it's safe!

Tim: dood you are now officially making no sense at all

McCain: I'm not afraid to go anywhere and speak gibberish at any time

Tim: violence has gone up

McCain: see that proves we are winning

McCain: i will return to that market without any protection at all

Tim: oh yeah i'd like to see that

McCain: don't tempt me Tim Russert clearly i'm senile

Tim: GOP ready to give up on Iraq war

McCain: americans sad and frustrated blah blah blah blah even I get tired of saying it

Tim: [ yawn ]

MCain: these people are evil they tortured me in Vietnam!!

Tim: dood yur not having a flashback are u??

Tim: what a bummer you lose to Bush and then lose because you embraced Bush

McCain: i didn't embrace him - i hugged him

Tim: whatever u were his BFF

McCain: life isn't fair whaaaaaa

Tim: yur career is dying

McCain: i consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth

Tim: yur like Lou Gehrig maybe they'll name the disease of political failure after you

McCain: [clenches teeth and laughs] dood immortaility

Timmeh: u used to be pro-immigrant

McCain: no Chertoff is on board we're *this* close to an agreement

Tim: Ted Kennedy is fat

McCain: u should talk

Tim: heh okay

McCain: secure the Broders

Tim: he speaks for teh American people

McCain: he wuz in my living room

Tim: war sacrifice - higher taxes?

McCain: ok this is simple when yur in the GOP you can vote against tax cuts but you can never never ever ever vote to repeal tax cuts because that's "RAISING TAXES"

Tim: oh i see but law and economics sez its all fungible

McCain: sorry i went to Annapolis not teh University of Chicago

Tim: what did they teach you there

McCain: high government spending is very very bad except for military spending which doesn't count

Tim: oh that's very clever so whats the solution

McCain: bridge to nowhere blah blah

Tim: thats bullshit

McCain: ha ha ha

Tim: why do u keep laughing

McCain: its teh nervous habit

Tim: abortion!

McCain: fetuses are teh base of our party

Tim: rove v wade

McCain: we have to have a culture of human rights for uteruses of America

Tim: Citizenship for uteruses?

McCain: maybe white Americans could adopt them i have adopted several myself

Tim: Ethanol?

McCain: i like sugar in my coffee

Tim: what about cream

McCain: once u go black u never go back

Tim: Iowa caucuses caused u to change yur mind?

McCain: i can't respond to that - i am so pure the idea that i would pander has shocked me into silence

McCain: my energy level is great

Russert: dood you could not have shown less energy in this interview if you had been a potted plant

McCain: i hiked the grand canyon like William Henry Harrison

Russert: dood he died



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