***************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
July 20, 2008
***************************************
Matthews: isn't John McCain the real change guy??
Kelly O'Donnell: his new slogan is “Reform No One Believes In”
Cynthia Tucker: I miss the John McCain of 2000 but he died and now he is an agent of intolerance
Matthews: why move to the right?
Tucker: because he lost in 2000 and he must appease the lunatics in teh GOP
Fineman: he has a problem because he has to run against Bush but he agrees with Bush
Matthews: oh dear
Rather: he has to run on Fear of The Black Man
O'Donnell: oh no it won't be ‘fear’ -- they will simply point out that if Obama is elected your gay muslim children will die
Matthews: McCain should go old school and then the GOP like LBJ against Goldwater will win 49 states
Tucker: clearly all they have to do to win is point out that he is just like History's Greatest Monster
Chris: I loves the Cookie Monster
Tucker: no Jimmy Carter
Fineman: he should promise to balance the budget-but-not-really and then yell out ‘Obama is Black’!!!
O'Donnell: he should run as a POW and promise to govern from inside a tiger cage
Rather: McCain is fucked like a jackrabbit in a summer rainstorm
Tucker: Obama is black
Matthews: What?!?!?!
John McCain in 2000: Bush should be ashamed of himself
Bush: i won asshole
McCain: awww hugs all around
Bush: P0wnd as usual
Matthews: Bush wants to McCain to carry on his legacy of Crazy
Bush: we have a lurking enema
O'Donnell: McCain is more open to diplomacy
Chris: yeah he like to talk to people before bombing the shit out of them
Rather: McCain has bought into Rove cause he has the math
O'Donnell: no no no he's more like Schwarzenegger
Chris: gee what a relief the Idiot and the Muscleman
Fineman: hey Kelly McCain agrees with Bush and they need a third GOP term to cover up all their crimes
Chris: that's a good point
Kelly: leave John McCain alone!!
Tucker: Dobson doesn't like Obama
Chris: gee what a shock
Fineman: silicon valley is worried about electricity
Chris: doesn't the internets run on hamsters?
Fineman: no it doesn't chris
Chris: teh liberal bloggers hate Obama but could that help him
Kelly: u bet
Rather: but the appearance of hesitation is deadly for a young dem
Tucker: exactly
Fineman: the bloggers may vote for Ralph Nader
Chris: they’re not gruntled!
*********************************************
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Meet The Press - July 13, 2008
******************************************************
Meet The Press
July 13, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guests:
Carly Fiorina
Sen. Claire McCaskill
******************************************************
Tom Brokaw: welcome ladies you are smokin’ hawt!
Carly Fiorina: thank u
Claire McKaskill: you too Tom
Brokaw: Carly Phil Gramm says poor Americans are a bunch of whiners
Obama: McCain thinks you're all crazy - coming from him that's rich
McCain: i don't agree with my top economic advisor on economics
Carly Fiorina: i am here today to abjectly apologize and grovel and say hey we know Americans are hurting
Fiorina: Tom no one cares what a bunch of surrogates have to say
Brokaw: well then why the fuck are the two of you on my teevee
Fiorina: touche tom - but we're here to spin the beltway stupid
Brokaw: which is worse Al Qaeda or Recession?
Fiorina: terrorism!
Brokaw: but he now says the economy is the big issue!
Fiorina: hey he talked about it all week!
Brokaw: but the economy is a disaster
Fiorina: no one could have predicted a poor economy
Brokaw: he's a crazy flip-flopper
Fiorina: he voted against Bush tax cuts because there were no spending cuts
Brokaw: but now he supports them and there is more spending than ever
Fiorina: yes but that was then!
Brokaw: Obama flip-flopped on Iraq
Sen. McCaskill: look he's consistent he promised to pull out but he also has to pretend to listen to he handsome men in the green uniforms
Brokaw: well will he listen to them or give them orders
Sen. McCaskill: it's a goal Tom but yeah you have to careful getting in and getting out
Brokaw: why can't Obama know what the situation will be in the summer of 2010
Sen. McCaskill: the media will still be assholes i know that much
Brokaw: if you were still the CEO of HP
Fiorina: they would be broke
Brokaw: McCain's economic plan sucks
Fiorina: we will kick start this economy by not raising taxes or reenacting smoot-hawley like Obama would do
Brokaw: but we so spend so much money in Iraq
Fiorina: oh did I mention he's against the war now
Fiorina: i'm going to be snide and obnoxious now people seem to like that
Brokaw: Obama is a big spender and that's bad the media suddenly realized Democratic spending is bad!
McCaskill: he's going to raise taxes on the top 2%
Brokaw: that's everybody I know
Fiorina: me too
McCaskill: christ CEOs make 400 times what workers make and most of them are dumb
Fiorina: hey!
Brokaw: but the debt!! the deficit!!!
McCaskill: gee where have you been since 1980?
Brokaw: at my vacation home at Jackson Hole
Brokaw: how can we get the Boom Years back?
Sen. McCaskill: by electing a Dem Congress and a Dem President
Fiorina: in know math and Obama's numbers don't add up
Brokaw: but you're a girl
Fiorina: math is hard but Obama has voted to raise taxes 94 times
Brokaw: McCain's numbers don't add up either
Fiorina: did you know John McCain hated Donald Rumsfeld?
Brokaw: he also said we should stay in Iraq for 100 years
Fiorina: well we are still in Japan
Brokaw: does he stand by that?
Fiorina: why not - maybe someday Iraq will make cameras and better cars than us
Brokaw: what is his plan
Fioronia: Taxes taxes taxes and cutting taxes!
McCaskill: away with you and your skinny california tan
Brokaw: NCLB sucked but it shows that accountability is important
McCaskill: blah blah blah Tom jesus you're gullible
Brokaw: Democrats are beholden to the teachers
Sen. McCaskill: bullshit
Brokaw: you don't think teachers have too much power?
Sen. McCaskill: no - but it's clear that you do
Brokaw: no i hid my editorial statement behind unnamed people
Fiorina: oh did I mention McCain is hedging on NCLB as well
Brokaw: Quel suprise
Brokaw: will you be vice president?
Fiorina: well i would carry the failed CEO vote
Brokaw: Obama needs help with women of a certain age
McCaskill: you mean older dood
Brokaw: hey we've never had two women on the show before
McCaskill: gee i wonder why
Brokaw: well you weren't irish catholic men so i never saw you on Timmeh's short list
Brokaw: i've listen to the Generals and General Election favors Obama
Harold Ford: oh noes
Brokaw: is he leaning to the right?
Ford: shocker i support his lurch to the right
Brokaw: but he's black!
Ford: we're not all liberals you're know
Brokaw: i thought you were all panthers
Mitchell: the commenters on the liberal blogs are angry about FISA
Brokaw: wow what's your handle
Mitchell: I post under the name “Alan’s Greenspan’s Bathtub”
Brokaw: ha ha Obama got a gift from the angry black man
Ford: Obama and I are a new breed of black leader - screw Jesse
Murphy: this election will be close because it will be decided by two steelworkers from Ohio
Brokaw: speaking of that the blue collar guys do not like being called a bunch of whiners
Murphy: no but this isn’t a scandal because unlike with Jesse Jackson that wasn't the candidate speaking
Brokaw: VP??
Murphy: we need a governor from the Great Lakes like mitt romney
Mitchell: Jack Reed
Tom: who the fuck is that?
Mitchell: he has a very impressive bio
Tom: Jesse?
Mitchell: i have analyzed the black community and the fear is that he is throwing blacks under the bus in an effort to appease Hillary Clinton
Brokaw: fascinating
Mitchell: wow one woman someone somewhere said she doesn’t like Obama
Brokaw: hmmmmm
Mitchell: Obama is still calling people on the telephone assuming it isn't broadcast
Murphy: he won't pick Hillary because it isn't turning the page
Brokaw: is she very scary?
Murphy: we are terrified losing Virginia
Brokaw: Sam Nunn!!
Muhrphy: Evan Bayh!
Mitchell: Tom Ridge had an abortion so he can't be VP
Brokaw: well thank you all for overcoming your grief over Tim Russert and coming on the show
[ flashback ]
Tim Russert: you really think the Iraq war went great??
Tony Snow: look we tried our best but we're morons you can't expect anything else
Brokaw: what an elegant sexy man he was
Meet The Press
July 13, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guests:
Carly Fiorina
Sen. Claire McCaskill
******************************************************
Tom Brokaw: welcome ladies you are smokin’ hawt!
Carly Fiorina: thank u
Claire McKaskill: you too Tom
Brokaw: Carly Phil Gramm says poor Americans are a bunch of whiners
Obama: McCain thinks you're all crazy - coming from him that's rich
McCain: i don't agree with my top economic advisor on economics
Carly Fiorina: i am here today to abjectly apologize and grovel and say hey we know Americans are hurting
Fiorina: Tom no one cares what a bunch of surrogates have to say
Brokaw: well then why the fuck are the two of you on my teevee
Fiorina: touche tom - but we're here to spin the beltway stupid
Brokaw: which is worse Al Qaeda or Recession?
Fiorina: terrorism!
Brokaw: but he now says the economy is the big issue!
Fiorina: hey he talked about it all week!
Brokaw: but the economy is a disaster
Fiorina: no one could have predicted a poor economy
Brokaw: he's a crazy flip-flopper
Fiorina: he voted against Bush tax cuts because there were no spending cuts
Brokaw: but now he supports them and there is more spending than ever
Fiorina: yes but that was then!
Brokaw: Obama flip-flopped on Iraq
Sen. McCaskill: look he's consistent he promised to pull out but he also has to pretend to listen to he handsome men in the green uniforms
Brokaw: well will he listen to them or give them orders
Sen. McCaskill: it's a goal Tom but yeah you have to careful getting in and getting out
Brokaw: why can't Obama know what the situation will be in the summer of 2010
Sen. McCaskill: the media will still be assholes i know that much
Brokaw: if you were still the CEO of HP
Fiorina: they would be broke
Brokaw: McCain's economic plan sucks
Fiorina: we will kick start this economy by not raising taxes or reenacting smoot-hawley like Obama would do
Brokaw: but we so spend so much money in Iraq
Fiorina: oh did I mention he's against the war now
Fiorina: i'm going to be snide and obnoxious now people seem to like that
Brokaw: Obama is a big spender and that's bad the media suddenly realized Democratic spending is bad!
McCaskill: he's going to raise taxes on the top 2%
Brokaw: that's everybody I know
Fiorina: me too
McCaskill: christ CEOs make 400 times what workers make and most of them are dumb
Fiorina: hey!
Brokaw: but the debt!! the deficit!!!
McCaskill: gee where have you been since 1980?
Brokaw: at my vacation home at Jackson Hole
Brokaw: how can we get the Boom Years back?
Sen. McCaskill: by electing a Dem Congress and a Dem President
Fiorina: in know math and Obama's numbers don't add up
Brokaw: but you're a girl
Fiorina: math is hard but Obama has voted to raise taxes 94 times
Brokaw: McCain's numbers don't add up either
Fiorina: did you know John McCain hated Donald Rumsfeld?
Brokaw: he also said we should stay in Iraq for 100 years
Fiorina: well we are still in Japan
Brokaw: does he stand by that?
Fiorina: why not - maybe someday Iraq will make cameras and better cars than us
Brokaw: what is his plan
Fioronia: Taxes taxes taxes and cutting taxes!
McCaskill: away with you and your skinny california tan
Brokaw: NCLB sucked but it shows that accountability is important
McCaskill: blah blah blah Tom jesus you're gullible
Brokaw: Democrats are beholden to the teachers
Sen. McCaskill: bullshit
Brokaw: you don't think teachers have too much power?
Sen. McCaskill: no - but it's clear that you do
Brokaw: no i hid my editorial statement behind unnamed people
Fiorina: oh did I mention McCain is hedging on NCLB as well
Brokaw: Quel suprise
Brokaw: will you be vice president?
Fiorina: well i would carry the failed CEO vote
Brokaw: Obama needs help with women of a certain age
McCaskill: you mean older dood
Brokaw: hey we've never had two women on the show before
McCaskill: gee i wonder why
Brokaw: well you weren't irish catholic men so i never saw you on Timmeh's short list
Brokaw: i've listen to the Generals and General Election favors Obama
Harold Ford: oh noes
Brokaw: is he leaning to the right?
Ford: shocker i support his lurch to the right
Brokaw: but he's black!
Ford: we're not all liberals you're know
Brokaw: i thought you were all panthers
Mitchell: the commenters on the liberal blogs are angry about FISA
Brokaw: wow what's your handle
Mitchell: I post under the name “Alan’s Greenspan’s Bathtub”
Brokaw: ha ha Obama got a gift from the angry black man
Ford: Obama and I are a new breed of black leader - screw Jesse
Murphy: this election will be close because it will be decided by two steelworkers from Ohio
Brokaw: speaking of that the blue collar guys do not like being called a bunch of whiners
Murphy: no but this isn’t a scandal because unlike with Jesse Jackson that wasn't the candidate speaking
Brokaw: VP??
Murphy: we need a governor from the Great Lakes like mitt romney
Mitchell: Jack Reed
Tom: who the fuck is that?
Mitchell: he has a very impressive bio
Tom: Jesse?
Mitchell: i have analyzed the black community and the fear is that he is throwing blacks under the bus in an effort to appease Hillary Clinton
Brokaw: fascinating
Mitchell: wow one woman someone somewhere said she doesn’t like Obama
Brokaw: hmmmmm
Mitchell: Obama is still calling people on the telephone assuming it isn't broadcast
Murphy: he won't pick Hillary because it isn't turning the page
Brokaw: is she very scary?
Murphy: we are terrified losing Virginia
Brokaw: Sam Nunn!!
Muhrphy: Evan Bayh!
Mitchell: Tom Ridge had an abortion so he can't be VP
Brokaw: well thank you all for overcoming your grief over Tim Russert and coming on the show
[ flashback ]
Tim Russert: you really think the Iraq war went great??
Tony Snow: look we tried our best but we're morons you can't expect anything else
Brokaw: what an elegant sexy man he was
The Chris Matthews Show - July 13, 2008
*******************************
The Chris Matthews Show
July 12, 2008
*********************************
Chris Matthews: omg teh Rocky mountains are going to be renamed the Baracky Mountains!!!
Dan Rather: he better carry Neuvo Mexico cause the Deer Hunters hate that elitist dood
Cynthia Tucker: he stole the primaries by registering young naive messiah-believing kids
Tweety: can he win Georgia?
Tucker: the black guy can win that state
Tweety: that’s good news for Obama!
Tucker: i was talking about Bob Barr
Howard Fineman: if the election were Sunday morning McCain wins because college kids will still be drunk but the tree hungers are early risers
Matthews: while Obama was swinging in the summer of love McCain was being bayoneted
Kelly O'Donnell: most young people don't even know McCain served in the Franco-Prussian war
Tweety: he's a good old American like John Wayne
Kelly: he never talks about his POW service he just runs endless ads on TV about it
Rather: it touches Americans deep in side
O'Donnell: McCain wants to remind young people that they and their friends could be killed in his war
Tweety: that's a winner!
Fineman: McCain shows he loves america by bombing people 7,000 miles away and Obama wants to bring people together
Tweety: doesn't sound very John Wayney to me
Tweety: VP!?!
O'Donnell: Obama should go with Evan Bayh
Fineman: that's stupid
O'Donnell: but he's popular
Fineman: he is caucasian which is good
Tweety: an asian and a black guy on one ticket?!!? Cynthia what about regular white peple??
Cynthia: Blonde on Blonde is good
Tweets: give me your wisdom kelly
Kelly: taking Colorado could work!!
Rahter: nah
Tucker: nope
Fineman: he's got to win Ohio
Tweety: why Johnny Can't Read???
Fineman: he's old
Tweety: he's got to be more Big Dog and less Ron Burgundy
Rather: heh like the time i said 'Go Fuck Yourself America'
Tweety: when was that?
Rather: every night i worked for CBS news
Chris Matthews: McCain's campaign staff Arizona is being shaken up so much the Headquarters is called "Shake 'n Bake"
Howard Fineman: no one ever really leaves they just die of old age
Kelly O'Donnell: McCain is crazy - but some people like that
Tweety: is he a total loon or just eccentric?
Kelly: well let's say he's at least one solider short of a platoon
Chris Matthews: tell me a story!
Kelly O'Donnell: GOP leaders will tell Bush the convention this year will be held in Alaska
Cynthia Tucker: another angry black man can be tied to Obama
Howard Fineman: Colin Powell is desperate to be vindicated by history
Chris Matthews: omg Obama will speak at a football stadium he must be a mile high!!
Dan Rather: mimi boppo
Kelly O'Donnell: it's terrible - too much security
Cynthia Tucker: it will be a let down cause he can't give a speech
Howard Fineman: duh it's brilliant
Tweety: of course it is
******************************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
July 12, 2008
*********************************
Chris Matthews: omg teh Rocky mountains are going to be renamed the Baracky Mountains!!!
Dan Rather: he better carry Neuvo Mexico cause the Deer Hunters hate that elitist dood
Cynthia Tucker: he stole the primaries by registering young naive messiah-believing kids
Tweety: can he win Georgia?
Tucker: the black guy can win that state
Tweety: that’s good news for Obama!
Tucker: i was talking about Bob Barr
Howard Fineman: if the election were Sunday morning McCain wins because college kids will still be drunk but the tree hungers are early risers
Matthews: while Obama was swinging in the summer of love McCain was being bayoneted
Kelly O'Donnell: most young people don't even know McCain served in the Franco-Prussian war
Tweety: he's a good old American like John Wayne
Kelly: he never talks about his POW service he just runs endless ads on TV about it
Rather: it touches Americans deep in side
O'Donnell: McCain wants to remind young people that they and their friends could be killed in his war
Tweety: that's a winner!
Fineman: McCain shows he loves america by bombing people 7,000 miles away and Obama wants to bring people together
Tweety: doesn't sound very John Wayney to me
Tweety: VP!?!
O'Donnell: Obama should go with Evan Bayh
Fineman: that's stupid
O'Donnell: but he's popular
Fineman: he is caucasian which is good
Tweety: an asian and a black guy on one ticket?!!? Cynthia what about regular white peple??
Cynthia: Blonde on Blonde is good
Tweets: give me your wisdom kelly
Kelly: taking Colorado could work!!
Rahter: nah
Tucker: nope
Fineman: he's got to win Ohio
Tweety: why Johnny Can't Read???
Fineman: he's old
Tweety: he's got to be more Big Dog and less Ron Burgundy
Rather: heh like the time i said 'Go Fuck Yourself America'
Tweety: when was that?
Rather: every night i worked for CBS news
Chris Matthews: McCain's campaign staff Arizona is being shaken up so much the Headquarters is called "Shake 'n Bake"
Howard Fineman: no one ever really leaves they just die of old age
Kelly O'Donnell: McCain is crazy - but some people like that
Tweety: is he a total loon or just eccentric?
Kelly: well let's say he's at least one solider short of a platoon
Chris Matthews: tell me a story!
Kelly O'Donnell: GOP leaders will tell Bush the convention this year will be held in Alaska
Cynthia Tucker: another angry black man can be tied to Obama
Howard Fineman: Colin Powell is desperate to be vindicated by history
Chris Matthews: omg Obama will speak at a football stadium he must be a mile high!!
Dan Rather: mimi boppo
Kelly O'Donnell: it's terrible - too much security
Cynthia Tucker: it will be a let down cause he can't give a speech
Howard Fineman: duh it's brilliant
Tweety: of course it is
******************************************************
Sunday, June 29, 2008
MEET THE PRESS - June 29, 2008
*****************************************
Meet The Press
June 29, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guests:
Gov. Dave Freudenthal, D-Wyoming
Gov. Bill Ritter, D-Colorado
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, R-California
Chuck Todd
****************************************
Brokaw: i'm tom brokaw - i'm not an effete Nantucket dude like Tim Russert I'm a working class guy from the West in front of a fireplace
Audience: but in Jackson Hole in the average home costs $900,000
Brokaw: shhhhhhhhh
Brokaw: Hillary?
Bill Ritter: Obama can win here people like his message
Dave Freudenthal: dave you keep flip flopping on Obama - McCain
Freudenthal: yeah but McCain has morphed into Dick Cheney
Brokaw: Dick is from Wyoming
Freudenthal: don't remind me that about that fucker
Brokaw: can Hussein win Wyoming?
Freudenthal: no but we are independent minded so you never know
Brokaw: Hispanics?
Ritter: Obama will win them because he is optimistic and smart and not an old, out of touch, pandering loon
Brokaw: McCain wants to drill in your state and build 45 nukes
Freudenthal: that's because he's an idiot
Brokaw: true but McCain was a POW
Freudenthal: i don't give a shit - Obama has a good environmental policy
Brokaw: you are sitting on a mountain of coal should we stop using coal
Freudenthal: hmmm, let me think about that ..... no
Brokaw: nuke plants?
Freudenthal: sure but also we have a lot of wind here especially since Meet the Press showed up
Brokaw: touché
Ritter: we have to have a national policy on greenhouse gases
Brokaw: will Woody Biomass speak at the DNC
Ritter: he's very green
Brokaw: give me an example
Ritter: at the Convention the media will be given recycled caviar
Brokaw: aw nawes
Brokaw: are at a stage in this national when laws might be different from Wyoming to Harlem??
Freudenthal: could be
Ritter: as a law talking guy I say we still should have the ability to crack skulls
Brokaw: just allow guns in DC
Ritter: right
Brokaw: abortion!
Ritter: we here in the west like fetuses in fact here they do goat-riding
Brokaw: the war!
Freudenthal: it's very nice but people really care about fueling their pickup trucks
Brokaw: should we leave Iraq?
Freudenthal: no we should stay and listen to the Generals
Brokaw: so why endorse Obama
Freudenthal: in the West we are independent for example we still reserve the right to settle disputes with a shootout
Ritter: Colorado has sent more national guard than anyone else so of course we love the war
Brokaw: does Obama have values like right wing evangelicals or is he a sinner
Ritter: no asshole he does have values - like he cares about the future of the earth
Brokaw: illegal Mexicans!
Ritter: our farmers and waiters all left
Brokaw: oh noes
Brokaw: this is where the Buffalo roam
Freudenthal: Bush sucks on that issue too
Brokaw: go bills!
Freudenthal: Kempthorne has no support from Bush
Brokaw: who is that??
Freudenthal: Bush's Sec. of Interior
Brokaw: oh that explains it
Brokaw: Cheney is from Wyoming
Freudenthal: people despise that fucker although he has pandered for us from time to time
Brokaw: can the West show us all how we can all get along
Ritter: that's right - the high elevation and rocky mountains and desert heat mess with out haids
Freudenthal: we're pragmatic if not we're going to get killed by a grizzly bear or an Indian
[ break ]
Brokaw: gimme your Russert love
Schwarzenegger: Russert promised to make me President
Brokaw: well you are a Republican
Schwarzenegger: its not a humor!!
Brokaw: you have presided over a depression in callyfornia
Schwarzenegger: doan be a girly-man!
Brokaw: your economy sucks
Schwarzenegger: what goes up must come down
Brokaw: you spend like crazy
Schwarzenegger: we're building levees and schools and stealing water for the next generation of desert dwellers
Brokaw: people hate you
Schwarzenegger: hey i had a great body building career
Brokaw: will the GOP lose all their congressional seats?
Schwarzenegger: who cares i hate them all
Brokaw: so you hate the GOP
Schwarzenegger: no dems have now Congress and they suck
Brokaw: you endorsed pander bear
Schwarzenegger: i love him but i disagree with him on everything -- it's like with my wife
Brokaw: how so?
Schwarzenegger: i'm with them both out of political expediency
Brokaw: let me quote the Mustache of Pandering - Tom Freidmann says Bush is evil
Schwarzenegger: look i'm just a bad actor with a lot of muscles - get off my back!!
Brokaw: you're a politician
Schwarzenegger: stop picking on Bush it's easy to pick on a guy with mental problems
Brokaw: housing crisis??
Schwarzenegger: dis ess vewy sad -- we must pump.... the economy up!!!
Brokaw: answer the question
Schwarzenegger: the economists lied to me!!
Brokaw: you should read more Eschaton
Schwarzenegger: is that a bodybuilding magazine?
Brokaw: explain housing to me
Schwarzenegger: eet vas a bubble
Brokaw: gays!
Schwarzenegger: i had a lot of gay friends in bodybuilding and it's wrong to ban gay marriage - although i don't like gay marriage
Brokaw: abortion?
Schwarzenegger: I support a waiting period and notification of parents 100%
Brokaw: Maria endorsed Obama - you guys are trying to have it both ways
Schwarzenegger: see we're not so dumb
Brokaw: I get that sense
Schwarzenegger: would like to see my pecs?
Brokaw: No thanks
Schwarzenegger: McCain is THE MAN!!
Brokaw: do you ever talk to Caroline Kennedy
Schwarzenegger: can you believe i managed to marry into the Kennedy family it's what i dreamed of as a sexually conflicted young boy in Austria
Brokaw: McCain's Veep?
Schwarzenegger: he should find someone with many muscles
Schwarzenegger: McCain can bring the parties together after all he has taken every position on everything
Brokaw: like you did in california
Schwarzenegger: yes exactly we should have no partisanship and work together just as soon as we recall all dems with lies and install Republican b-movie action stars in power
[ break]
Brokaw: tell me about the West
Chuck Todd: the West is turning Blue!
Brokaw: but they are can-do guys
Todd: yeah right the GOP went whacko and the allowed the latte-drinking america haters to take the West
Brokaw: McCain is a war hero and a maverick!
Todd: yeah but there are lot of young people out here and hispanics
Brokaw: so what?
Todd: the name Tom Tancredo mean anything to you?
Brokaw: the Dems are cheating by holding their convention in Denver
Todd: sadly they are having trouble selling out to corporate america
Brokaw: Veeps?
Todd: McCain needs to choose someone from the West
Brokaw: but he's from Arizona!
Todd: yeah but Mitt Romney could help with Mormons in Utah and robots in sillicon valley
Brokaw: Obama is running on the money from crazies on the interent
Todd: no traction yet but someday maybe in the future John McCain won't be fucked
Brokaw: thank you Todd here's your check from GE
Todd: merci
Brokaw: how many clintons will speak at Denver
Todd: two - Hillary and Chelsea
Brokaw: no bill?
Todd: no there will a MST3K tribute video
Brokaw: oarsome
Meet The Press
June 29, 2008
Host: Tom Brokaw
Guests:
Gov. Dave Freudenthal, D-Wyoming
Gov. Bill Ritter, D-Colorado
Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, R-California
Chuck Todd
****************************************
Brokaw: i'm tom brokaw - i'm not an effete Nantucket dude like Tim Russert I'm a working class guy from the West in front of a fireplace
Audience: but in Jackson Hole in the average home costs $900,000
Brokaw: shhhhhhhhh
Brokaw: Hillary?
Bill Ritter: Obama can win here people like his message
Dave Freudenthal: dave you keep flip flopping on Obama - McCain
Freudenthal: yeah but McCain has morphed into Dick Cheney
Brokaw: Dick is from Wyoming
Freudenthal: don't remind me that about that fucker
Brokaw: can Hussein win Wyoming?
Freudenthal: no but we are independent minded so you never know
Brokaw: Hispanics?
Ritter: Obama will win them because he is optimistic and smart and not an old, out of touch, pandering loon
Brokaw: McCain wants to drill in your state and build 45 nukes
Freudenthal: that's because he's an idiot
Brokaw: true but McCain was a POW
Freudenthal: i don't give a shit - Obama has a good environmental policy
Brokaw: you are sitting on a mountain of coal should we stop using coal
Freudenthal: hmmm, let me think about that ..... no
Brokaw: nuke plants?
Freudenthal: sure but also we have a lot of wind here especially since Meet the Press showed up
Brokaw: touché
Ritter: we have to have a national policy on greenhouse gases
Brokaw: will Woody Biomass speak at the DNC
Ritter: he's very green
Brokaw: give me an example
Ritter: at the Convention the media will be given recycled caviar
Brokaw: aw nawes
Brokaw: are at a stage in this national when laws might be different from Wyoming to Harlem??
Freudenthal: could be
Ritter: as a law talking guy I say we still should have the ability to crack skulls
Brokaw: just allow guns in DC
Ritter: right
Brokaw: abortion!
Ritter: we here in the west like fetuses in fact here they do goat-riding
Brokaw: the war!
Freudenthal: it's very nice but people really care about fueling their pickup trucks
Brokaw: should we leave Iraq?
Freudenthal: no we should stay and listen to the Generals
Brokaw: so why endorse Obama
Freudenthal: in the West we are independent for example we still reserve the right to settle disputes with a shootout
Ritter: Colorado has sent more national guard than anyone else so of course we love the war
Brokaw: does Obama have values like right wing evangelicals or is he a sinner
Ritter: no asshole he does have values - like he cares about the future of the earth
Brokaw: illegal Mexicans!
Ritter: our farmers and waiters all left
Brokaw: oh noes
Brokaw: this is where the Buffalo roam
Freudenthal: Bush sucks on that issue too
Brokaw: go bills!
Freudenthal: Kempthorne has no support from Bush
Brokaw: who is that??
Freudenthal: Bush's Sec. of Interior
Brokaw: oh that explains it
Brokaw: Cheney is from Wyoming
Freudenthal: people despise that fucker although he has pandered for us from time to time
Brokaw: can the West show us all how we can all get along
Ritter: that's right - the high elevation and rocky mountains and desert heat mess with out haids
Freudenthal: we're pragmatic if not we're going to get killed by a grizzly bear or an Indian
[ break ]
Brokaw: gimme your Russert love
Schwarzenegger: Russert promised to make me President
Brokaw: well you are a Republican
Schwarzenegger: its not a humor!!
Brokaw: you have presided over a depression in callyfornia
Schwarzenegger: doan be a girly-man!
Brokaw: your economy sucks
Schwarzenegger: what goes up must come down
Brokaw: you spend like crazy
Schwarzenegger: we're building levees and schools and stealing water for the next generation of desert dwellers
Brokaw: people hate you
Schwarzenegger: hey i had a great body building career
Brokaw: will the GOP lose all their congressional seats?
Schwarzenegger: who cares i hate them all
Brokaw: so you hate the GOP
Schwarzenegger: no dems have now Congress and they suck
Brokaw: you endorsed pander bear
Schwarzenegger: i love him but i disagree with him on everything -- it's like with my wife
Brokaw: how so?
Schwarzenegger: i'm with them both out of political expediency
Brokaw: let me quote the Mustache of Pandering - Tom Freidmann says Bush is evil
Schwarzenegger: look i'm just a bad actor with a lot of muscles - get off my back!!
Brokaw: you're a politician
Schwarzenegger: stop picking on Bush it's easy to pick on a guy with mental problems
Brokaw: housing crisis??
Schwarzenegger: dis ess vewy sad -- we must pump.... the economy up!!!
Brokaw: answer the question
Schwarzenegger: the economists lied to me!!
Brokaw: you should read more Eschaton
Schwarzenegger: is that a bodybuilding magazine?
Brokaw: explain housing to me
Schwarzenegger: eet vas a bubble
Brokaw: gays!
Schwarzenegger: i had a lot of gay friends in bodybuilding and it's wrong to ban gay marriage - although i don't like gay marriage
Brokaw: abortion?
Schwarzenegger: I support a waiting period and notification of parents 100%
Brokaw: Maria endorsed Obama - you guys are trying to have it both ways
Schwarzenegger: see we're not so dumb
Brokaw: I get that sense
Schwarzenegger: would like to see my pecs?
Brokaw: No thanks
Schwarzenegger: McCain is THE MAN!!
Brokaw: do you ever talk to Caroline Kennedy
Schwarzenegger: can you believe i managed to marry into the Kennedy family it's what i dreamed of as a sexually conflicted young boy in Austria
Brokaw: McCain's Veep?
Schwarzenegger: he should find someone with many muscles
Schwarzenegger: McCain can bring the parties together after all he has taken every position on everything
Brokaw: like you did in california
Schwarzenegger: yes exactly we should have no partisanship and work together just as soon as we recall all dems with lies and install Republican b-movie action stars in power
[ break]
Brokaw: tell me about the West
Chuck Todd: the West is turning Blue!
Brokaw: but they are can-do guys
Todd: yeah right the GOP went whacko and the allowed the latte-drinking america haters to take the West
Brokaw: McCain is a war hero and a maverick!
Todd: yeah but there are lot of young people out here and hispanics
Brokaw: so what?
Todd: the name Tom Tancredo mean anything to you?
Brokaw: the Dems are cheating by holding their convention in Denver
Todd: sadly they are having trouble selling out to corporate america
Brokaw: Veeps?
Todd: McCain needs to choose someone from the West
Brokaw: but he's from Arizona!
Todd: yeah but Mitt Romney could help with Mormons in Utah and robots in sillicon valley
Brokaw: Obama is running on the money from crazies on the interent
Todd: no traction yet but someday maybe in the future John McCain won't be fucked
Brokaw: thank you Todd here's your check from GE
Todd: merci
Brokaw: how many clintons will speak at Denver
Todd: two - Hillary and Chelsea
Brokaw: no bill?
Todd: no there will a MST3K tribute video
Brokaw: oarsome
The Chris Matthews Show - June 29, 2008
Tweety: omg Hillary endorsed obama!!
Kay: she took her lumps and did what she needed to do to position herself for 2012
Tweety: what about teh scary women?? why won't they vote for john McCain??
Gregory: dood he's a man too
Tweety: yeah but he's sexier than Obama
Tweety: a pole came out that said Obama is only leading by 15 points -- he's gonna lose!!
Borger: he's fucked -- 80% of the country say we're on the wrong track
Tweety: those scary angry women!
Brooks: yes they are irrational but those little pretty haids will come to their senses
Tweety: Obama’s so cool
Tweety: he won so he has to supplicate himself to teh Hillary people
Gregory: like Bill
Tweety: ha!
Borger: they ran an inept campaign so Obama has to ask them for all their great ideas
Tweety: how many white women can he seize?
Kay: the supreme court!
Tweety: the war!
Tweety: Bill Clinton wants to remain the first black president
Gregory: he wants cash
Borger: is Bill Mandela or dirty laundry?
Kay: i hope you get psychiatric help someday chris matthews
Tweety: who are the hardest - women or blue collar dudes or oldsters??
Kay: Reagan dems
Brooks: independents
Matthews: ha! Obama and McCain are not baby boomers!
Tweety: omg Obama will choose a qualified veep in case he's killed!
Tweety: dan quayle told us george bush was an idiot
Borger: hey they did win
Tweety: so who does he choose
Borger: bentsen made dukakis look small
Gregory: he needs a good smart guy
Brooks: he needs to make a marriage with a handsome man like joe Biden
Matthews: Biden can carry catholics and pedantic dicks
Gregory: evan bayh has electric charisma and youthful vigor
Kay: are you all fucking kidding??
Tweety: Biden will carry the working class
Kay: Joe Biden??? what the fuck??
Tweety: doesn't he need a war monger??
Borger: he needs someone smart in foriegn affairs unlike Obama
Kay: he and john edwards get along
Tweety: but he's a lightweight
Brooks: it's all about governing he should choose Sam Nunn
Kay: have you ever once left the Beltway?
Brooks: i did once it was a horrible experience i was served a steak that was not medium-medium rare
Matthews: oh god no one suffers like we do
Tweety: sum up the week!
Kay: Bush was right about Zimbabwe it is a shitty place
Gregory: Hillary will not be on the ticket - he needs a war-talking guy
Borger: young voters this time will beat the shit out of older people
Brooks: Pelosi voted for FISA out of a favor to Obama
Tweety: do voters want change or national security - dems or GOP?
Kay: change
Borger: change
Gerogry: change
Brooks: change and to stay the same
Tweety: pick brooksie!
Brooks: why not change to create security?
Tweety: omg you just blew my mind
********************************************
Kay: she took her lumps and did what she needed to do to position herself for 2012
Tweety: what about teh scary women?? why won't they vote for john McCain??
Gregory: dood he's a man too
Tweety: yeah but he's sexier than Obama
Tweety: a pole came out that said Obama is only leading by 15 points -- he's gonna lose!!
Borger: he's fucked -- 80% of the country say we're on the wrong track
Tweety: those scary angry women!
Brooks: yes they are irrational but those little pretty haids will come to their senses
Tweety: Obama’s so cool
Tweety: he won so he has to supplicate himself to teh Hillary people
Gregory: like Bill
Tweety: ha!
Borger: they ran an inept campaign so Obama has to ask them for all their great ideas
Tweety: how many white women can he seize?
Kay: the supreme court!
Tweety: the war!
Tweety: Bill Clinton wants to remain the first black president
Gregory: he wants cash
Borger: is Bill Mandela or dirty laundry?
Kay: i hope you get psychiatric help someday chris matthews
Tweety: who are the hardest - women or blue collar dudes or oldsters??
Kay: Reagan dems
Brooks: independents
Matthews: ha! Obama and McCain are not baby boomers!
Tweety: omg Obama will choose a qualified veep in case he's killed!
Tweety: dan quayle told us george bush was an idiot
Borger: hey they did win
Tweety: so who does he choose
Borger: bentsen made dukakis look small
Gregory: he needs a good smart guy
Brooks: he needs to make a marriage with a handsome man like joe Biden
Matthews: Biden can carry catholics and pedantic dicks
Gregory: evan bayh has electric charisma and youthful vigor
Kay: are you all fucking kidding??
Tweety: Biden will carry the working class
Kay: Joe Biden??? what the fuck??
Tweety: doesn't he need a war monger??
Borger: he needs someone smart in foriegn affairs unlike Obama
Kay: he and john edwards get along
Tweety: but he's a lightweight
Brooks: it's all about governing he should choose Sam Nunn
Kay: have you ever once left the Beltway?
Brooks: i did once it was a horrible experience i was served a steak that was not medium-medium rare
Matthews: oh god no one suffers like we do
Tweety: sum up the week!
Kay: Bush was right about Zimbabwe it is a shitty place
Gregory: Hillary will not be on the ticket - he needs a war-talking guy
Borger: young voters this time will beat the shit out of older people
Brooks: Pelosi voted for FISA out of a favor to Obama
Tweety: do voters want change or national security - dems or GOP?
Kay: change
Borger: change
Gerogry: change
Brooks: change and to stay the same
Tweety: pick brooksie!
Brooks: why not change to create security?
Tweety: omg you just blew my mind
********************************************
Sunday, June 22, 2008
MEET THE PRESS - June 22, 2008 with Brian Williams, Joe Biden & Lindsay Graham
**********************************************
Meet The Press
June 22, 2008
Host: Brian Williams
Guests:
Sen. Joe Biden
Sen. Lindsay Graham
***************************************************
Voiceover:
Sitting in for Tim Russert, Brian Williams, but Don't Worry, He'll be Right Back, and in any case, We're Hoping You Won't Notice, or Will Stay Tuned for Another Paen to Timmy
Brian Williams: Ok, let's see if we can get through this
Biden: let my just pay homage to St. Timmy
Graham: dammit now i look like a dick
Russert: Obama you said money is bad and gave your word that you would take taxpayer dollars oh noes!
Williams: but how can we achieve the GOP dream of taxpayer-funded elections!!!??
Lindsey: Obama has broken his word not to take taxes for his campaign and I would like to announce the American people are obsessed with this and this is a game changer
Biden: yeah all 100 million people who donated to him sure noticed
Lindsay: he is a weak black man who is being played like a fiddle on Iraq by the crazies at Moveon
Williams: he cheated by being popular on the Internet
Lindsay: omg he is a calculating politician who cheats by taking positions people like -- the American people won't stand for it
Williams: McCain doesn't take popular positions?
Graham: no he does for example McCain opposed the GOP
Williams: but that is popular
Lindsay: see what i mean???
Lindsay: Obama lied - he must accept tax money!!
Biden: yeah you run with that
Williams: but Hillary attacked him
Biden: Obama beat me and he beat her and he's going to spank your ass to Lindsay
Lindsay: Oooh
Williams: David Brooks say Obama is evil he attracts Scarlett Johanssen and yet he's an untypical democrat he's actually trying to win
Lindsay: yes he's breaking an unwritten code in DC that democrats should lose gracefully
Biden: yeah, he's a naive, green, wet-behind-the-ears, vicious politician
Lindsay: it is so, so, so sad that he's has betrayed America and i thought he was America's Magic Negro!!!
Biden: did you just attack him for trying to win? heh heh
Lindsay: omg a President might re-negotiate a treaty how dare he seize Executive Power!!!
Biden: omg you are truly psychotic
Williams: but Fortune magazine says he wants a dialogue!!
Obama: [ enforce environmental standards ]
Williams: holy shit he might renegotiate!
Lindsay: so, so, so sad he could have been wonderful and now he's made me sad by being consistent
Biden: I'm just curious -- is the whole hour going to be Obama-bashing?
Williams: we're being balanced - we have you and Lindy on to discuss Obama's betrayals
Biden: got it
Williams: rush Limbaugh told me I was being fair
Biden: I’m sure he did
Lindy: we can solve the oil crisis if the liberals will let us drill in America
Biden: they can drill now!
Lindy: but the hidden oil will save America!
Brian: but you said South Carolina would oppose environmental spoliage
Lindy: no it's deep sea exploration way, way, way far away from america
Biden: which they can do now
Brian: now let put on my Intelligent Guy Glasses
Williams: Lindy you said drilling wouldn't help
Lindsay: yeah but $4 dollars a gallon changed reality
Biden: that's stupid
Williams: i met a guy in Afghanistan and he said wow you really, really love to hear yourself talk
Biden: ha ha i know a marine told me the same thing Brian
Lindsay: none of the soldiers in Iraq would shower with me
Biden: if things are going well in Iraq then why don't we leave?
Lindster: sure go ahead and cite the Generals
Lindsay: Saint Petraeus says the central front in the Republican election effort is Iraq
Williams: that's not good news for you
Lindsay: if we leave a war could break out
Biden: uh huh
Lindsay: we have to beat the brains out of al Qaeda
Williams: what about Afghanistan
Lindsay: that's all NATO's fault
Williams: Vice President?
Biden: no
Brian: but what if he asked you
Biden: i would say yes
Brian: that's flip flopping
Biden: no just flopping
Brian: thanks to you both and good luck in retirement Lindsay
Meet The Press
June 22, 2008
Host: Brian Williams
Guests:
Sen. Joe Biden
Sen. Lindsay Graham
***************************************************
Voiceover:
Sitting in for Tim Russert, Brian Williams, but Don't Worry, He'll be Right Back, and in any case, We're Hoping You Won't Notice, or Will Stay Tuned for Another Paen to Timmy
Brian Williams: Ok, let's see if we can get through this
Biden: let my just pay homage to St. Timmy
Graham: dammit now i look like a dick
Russert: Obama you said money is bad and gave your word that you would take taxpayer dollars oh noes!
Williams: but how can we achieve the GOP dream of taxpayer-funded elections!!!??
Lindsey: Obama has broken his word not to take taxes for his campaign and I would like to announce the American people are obsessed with this and this is a game changer
Biden: yeah all 100 million people who donated to him sure noticed
Lindsay: he is a weak black man who is being played like a fiddle on Iraq by the crazies at Moveon
Williams: he cheated by being popular on the Internet
Lindsay: omg he is a calculating politician who cheats by taking positions people like -- the American people won't stand for it
Williams: McCain doesn't take popular positions?
Graham: no he does for example McCain opposed the GOP
Williams: but that is popular
Lindsay: see what i mean???
Lindsay: Obama lied - he must accept tax money!!
Biden: yeah you run with that
Williams: but Hillary attacked him
Biden: Obama beat me and he beat her and he's going to spank your ass to Lindsay
Lindsay: Oooh
Williams: David Brooks say Obama is evil he attracts Scarlett Johanssen and yet he's an untypical democrat he's actually trying to win
Lindsay: yes he's breaking an unwritten code in DC that democrats should lose gracefully
Biden: yeah, he's a naive, green, wet-behind-the-ears, vicious politician
Lindsay: it is so, so, so sad that he's has betrayed America and i thought he was America's Magic Negro!!!
Biden: did you just attack him for trying to win? heh heh
Lindsay: omg a President might re-negotiate a treaty how dare he seize Executive Power!!!
Biden: omg you are truly psychotic
Williams: but Fortune magazine says he wants a dialogue!!
Obama: [ enforce environmental standards ]
Williams: holy shit he might renegotiate!
Lindsay: so, so, so sad he could have been wonderful and now he's made me sad by being consistent
Biden: I'm just curious -- is the whole hour going to be Obama-bashing?
Williams: we're being balanced - we have you and Lindy on to discuss Obama's betrayals
Biden: got it
Williams: rush Limbaugh told me I was being fair
Biden: I’m sure he did
Lindy: we can solve the oil crisis if the liberals will let us drill in America
Biden: they can drill now!
Lindy: but the hidden oil will save America!
Brian: but you said South Carolina would oppose environmental spoliage
Lindy: no it's deep sea exploration way, way, way far away from america
Biden: which they can do now
Brian: now let put on my Intelligent Guy Glasses
Williams: Lindy you said drilling wouldn't help
Lindsay: yeah but $4 dollars a gallon changed reality
Biden: that's stupid
Williams: i met a guy in Afghanistan and he said wow you really, really love to hear yourself talk
Biden: ha ha i know a marine told me the same thing Brian
Lindsay: none of the soldiers in Iraq would shower with me
Biden: if things are going well in Iraq then why don't we leave?
Lindster: sure go ahead and cite the Generals
Lindsay: Saint Petraeus says the central front in the Republican election effort is Iraq
Williams: that's not good news for you
Lindsay: if we leave a war could break out
Biden: uh huh
Lindsay: we have to beat the brains out of al Qaeda
Williams: what about Afghanistan
Lindsay: that's all NATO's fault
Williams: Vice President?
Biden: no
Brian: but what if he asked you
Biden: i would say yes
Brian: that's flip flopping
Biden: no just flopping
Brian: thanks to you both and good luck in retirement Lindsay
The Chris Matthews Show - June 22, 2008
*************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
June 22, 2008
*************************************
Matthews: John McCain is harry houdini - he has to smear Obama!!
Obama: $250,000 is rich!
Charlie Gibson: oh no the community college professors!!
Cramer: obama is right!
Matthews: but will he raise taxes on regular white people??
Cramer: Republicans ideas just don't work Chris
Sully: but the massive debt! It’s Obama's fault!
Chris: the dollar is worth one scudo
Kay: The GOP is screwed - but McCain is a mavrericky liberal
Parker: Obama is Jimmy Carter
Kay: [thought bubble] what the fuck??
Sully: you can't raise taxes when times are good or when times are bad
Tweety: is McCain fucked?
Panel: yes
Sully: he's trapped but then his innate charisma might put him over the top
Chris: really??
Sully: no just kidding - it will be fear of the black man
Chris: will Obama kill my nest egg?
Cramer: no!
Chris: wow we're making news here!!
Tweety: McCain is a creepy stalker! OMG! What a great actor he is!!
Parker: Bush oozes
Chris: wow!
Parker: but that's over now - take Bobby Jindal - he is not a Regular Guy
Chris: cause he's brown?
Parker: no he's skinny and smart
Kay: what the fuck is your argument Parker?
Parker: anyone can be a male -- skinny and smart and slightly gay or rough and tumble and dumping your first wife
Sully: alot of ladies like the idea of brute who has contempt for women
Kay: the Obamas are bad parents
Chris: unlike Joe Scarborough my hero who gave up his career
Parker: he's like Timmy Russert he will sacrifice anything -- even go on tv and spout nonsense for 5 million dollars
Sullly: VP….. Pawlenty!
Kay: Saudi Arabia will buy the White House
Cramer: they did already!
Cramer: i am guarenteeing housing will rise within 10 months
Chris: gimme a stock tip!
Cramer: O I L
Parker: Obama wants Florida so McCain will go with McCain/Christ
Chris: tim russert would have loved having the DC establishment talking about how wonderful he was -- that's just the unique, unusual person he was
Tim's funeral gave me great pride in America - and so we will look up and honor timmy, he was the Babe Ruth of Bobblespeaking
Tim Russert bought a house in Nantucket giving politicians a safe venue to set the political agenda - what a country!
**********************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
June 22, 2008
*************************************
Matthews: John McCain is harry houdini - he has to smear Obama!!
Obama: $250,000 is rich!
Charlie Gibson: oh no the community college professors!!
Cramer: obama is right!
Matthews: but will he raise taxes on regular white people??
Cramer: Republicans ideas just don't work Chris
Sully: but the massive debt! It’s Obama's fault!
Chris: the dollar is worth one scudo
Kay: The GOP is screwed - but McCain is a mavrericky liberal
Parker: Obama is Jimmy Carter
Kay: [thought bubble] what the fuck??
Sully: you can't raise taxes when times are good or when times are bad
Tweety: is McCain fucked?
Panel: yes
Sully: he's trapped but then his innate charisma might put him over the top
Chris: really??
Sully: no just kidding - it will be fear of the black man
Chris: will Obama kill my nest egg?
Cramer: no!
Chris: wow we're making news here!!
Tweety: McCain is a creepy stalker! OMG! What a great actor he is!!
Parker: Bush oozes
Chris: wow!
Parker: but that's over now - take Bobby Jindal - he is not a Regular Guy
Chris: cause he's brown?
Parker: no he's skinny and smart
Kay: what the fuck is your argument Parker?
Parker: anyone can be a male -- skinny and smart and slightly gay or rough and tumble and dumping your first wife
Sully: alot of ladies like the idea of brute who has contempt for women
Kay: the Obamas are bad parents
Chris: unlike Joe Scarborough my hero who gave up his career
Parker: he's like Timmy Russert he will sacrifice anything -- even go on tv and spout nonsense for 5 million dollars
Sullly: VP….. Pawlenty!
Kay: Saudi Arabia will buy the White House
Cramer: they did already!
Cramer: i am guarenteeing housing will rise within 10 months
Chris: gimme a stock tip!
Cramer: O I L
Parker: Obama wants Florida so McCain will go with McCain/Christ
Chris: tim russert would have loved having the DC establishment talking about how wonderful he was -- that's just the unique, unusual person he was
Tim's funeral gave me great pride in America - and so we will look up and honor timmy, he was the Babe Ruth of Bobblespeaking
Tim Russert bought a house in Nantucket giving politicians a safe venue to set the political agenda - what a country!
**********************************************
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Sen. Hillary Clinton - Tuesday, June 4, 2008
*****************************
Sen. Hillary Clinton
Address to her Supporters
New York City
Tuesday, June 4, 2008
*******************************
Hillary:
Thank you south dakota congrats on deadwood!!!!
[ yay !! ]
I want to thank the looser barach obama for running a strong race
and i also want to call him my friend
and all Members of the Obama Cult
[ yay!! ]
Hillary:
and now i'm back in freakin New York jesus fricken christ
[ yay ]
he ladies, why didn't you vote me when it counted? This was my nomination for the asking demmit
[ yay ]
he old ladies if you love me so much visit hillaryclinton.com and throw a little love my way
[ yay ]
and by the way i would have beaten McCain and been ready on day one
[ yay ]
and only because of me Puerto Rico had a vote that counted
and i did very well in the states where i was the only name on the ballot
[ yay!!!!!!!!!]
yes i lost but i won the swing states and represent the soldier and the waitress and factory worked and all the imporverished Yale grads unlike the fancy gay black Harvard doods
[ yay ]
every time you voted for me it was a prayer to Jesus Christ to vanquish Mohammed
and so, to all white judeo-christians out there, i say, i will still fight for you!!!
[ YAY !!!!!!! ]
having said that, i will fight to take back the white house this November!!!
[ YAY }
I mean we all remember when John F Kennedy was assinated only three years into his presidency
Darfur! Climate Change! Poverty!
[ yay!]
i see all the invisible poor people i have been working for you all the time i was on the board of Wal Mart and at the Rose Law Firm
[ yay !!!!!! ]
What do I want? I want to end to war i supported and to count the votes in states i supported to denying votes in!!
[ YAY!!!}
see i'm old fashioned, i believe public service is about marrying a dude who becomes president and moving to a state i never lived in a running for the senate and and running for president
[ yay!!!]
I don't want to hear excuses i want universal health care -- except for the time i fucked up universal health care
[ yay!]
I want
I want
I want
I want
DENVER!!!!
DENVER!!!!
DENVER!!!!
DENVER!!!!
Sen. Hillary Clinton
Address to her Supporters
New York City
Tuesday, June 4, 2008
*******************************
Hillary:
Thank you south dakota congrats on deadwood!!!!
[ yay !! ]
I want to thank the looser barach obama for running a strong race
and i also want to call him my friend
and all Members of the Obama Cult
[ yay!! ]
Hillary:
and now i'm back in freakin New York jesus fricken christ
[ yay ]
he ladies, why didn't you vote me when it counted? This was my nomination for the asking demmit
[ yay ]
he old ladies if you love me so much visit hillaryclinton.com and throw a little love my way
[ yay ]
and by the way i would have beaten McCain and been ready on day one
[ yay ]
and only because of me Puerto Rico had a vote that counted
and i did very well in the states where i was the only name on the ballot
[ yay!!!!!!!!!]
yes i lost but i won the swing states and represent the soldier and the waitress and factory worked and all the imporverished Yale grads unlike the fancy gay black Harvard doods
[ yay ]
every time you voted for me it was a prayer to Jesus Christ to vanquish Mohammed
and so, to all white judeo-christians out there, i say, i will still fight for you!!!
[ YAY !!!!!!! ]
having said that, i will fight to take back the white house this November!!!
[ YAY }
I mean we all remember when John F Kennedy was assinated only three years into his presidency
Darfur! Climate Change! Poverty!
[ yay!]
i see all the invisible poor people i have been working for you all the time i was on the board of Wal Mart and at the Rose Law Firm
[ yay !!!!!! ]
What do I want? I want to end to war i supported and to count the votes in states i supported to denying votes in!!
[ YAY!!!}
see i'm old fashioned, i believe public service is about marrying a dude who becomes president and moving to a state i never lived in a running for the senate and and running for president
[ yay!!!]
I don't want to hear excuses i want universal health care -- except for the time i fucked up universal health care
[ yay!]
I want
I want
I want
I want
DENVER!!!!
DENVER!!!!
DENVER!!!!
DENVER!!!!
Sunday, June 01, 2008
MEET THE PRESS - Guest: Scott McClellan - June 1, 2008
********************************************
Meet The Press
Guest: Scott McClellan
June 1, 2008
********************************************
Russert: welcome benedict arnold - Bob Dole called you a miserable creature with no courage or integrity
McClellan: i respect that old lunatic but i am indicting all of Washington
Timmeh: let me ignore all your charges and attempt to smear your character with vague charges of hypocrisy
McClellan: of course Timmster
Russert: omg you bashed Richard Clarke!!
McClellan: i got caught up in the Washington culture of smearing people with no reason just for fun
Russert: speaking of that let me attempt to trash your character
McClellan: i look forward to it Timmo
Russert: Ari Fleisher says you are weird - you seem to have a conscience
McClellan: yes i found I had one in 2007 believe me it was bizarre
Russert: no wonder the Bush administration is puzzled
Russert: you call Bush a liar -- that's very negative why would you say that??
McClellan: because it is true
Russert: what is that?
McClellan: what?
Russert: this whole “truth” thing
McClellan: it's like when something is not “false”
Russert: huh?
McClellan: you know, “reality”?
Russert: let's move on and play gotcha some more
McClellan: ok cowboy
Russert: you say Bush and all his people lied and hyped the war!!!
McClellan: they did
Russert: you say they lied about Al Qaeda and WMD and nukes
McClellan: and they did lie
Russert: but i could make the case that you were part of the propaganda machine
McClellan: i was!
Russert: but but but
McClellan: what is it Tim?
Russert: you are not fighting my gotcha game
McClellan: you are right i was part of the problem
Russert: but i got nothing else
McClellan: what's wrong Tim?
Russert: i'm a fraud!!!
[ sobs ]
Tim: it seems like a Bush is a complete moron
Scottie: at times yes
Russert: why did't you grab the President by the shoulders and shake him and "wake up motherfucker!!!"
Scottie: in retrospect i should have
Tim: you lied day after day
Scottie: because the President asked me to
Tim: well you should have stood up to him!!
McClellan: like you stood up to the head of GE and reported the truth on the war right
Russert: no fair they hold the deed to my house on Nantucket!
Tim: you misled the american people about valerie plame!
Scottie: yes i did
Tim: Rove says he used legalistic language to trick you
Scottie: oh for god's sake only a fool a Frenchman or Tim Russert could possibly believe Karl Rove
Russert: also david gregory
Scott: fine him too
Russert: but you lied to the people
Scott: no i said i asked Karl Rove if he was involved and i told the press that Karl said he was not
Russert: why use your words so carefully?
Scott: because Karl lies all the fucking time
Russert: you said that Bush is fantasist and a liar and criminal
Scott: yeah he's a right nutter
Tim: like what
Scott: he said he forgot snorting blow off Margaux Hemingway's ass at Studio 54 in 1978
Tim: is that believeable?
Scott: i sure wouldn't have forgotten it
Tim: your goodbye party was so happy
Scott: i got good at lying
Russert: will you donate $$$ to the troops
Scottie: will you donate you fancy house in Nantucket to wounded soldiers
Tim: heaven forfend that white pleather stains
Scott: thought so lapdog
Russert: what's the biggest lesson in all this
Scott: never ever ever trust Republicans not to commit crimes
Meet The Press
Guest: Scott McClellan
June 1, 2008
********************************************
Russert: welcome benedict arnold - Bob Dole called you a miserable creature with no courage or integrity
McClellan: i respect that old lunatic but i am indicting all of Washington
Timmeh: let me ignore all your charges and attempt to smear your character with vague charges of hypocrisy
McClellan: of course Timmster
Russert: omg you bashed Richard Clarke!!
McClellan: i got caught up in the Washington culture of smearing people with no reason just for fun
Russert: speaking of that let me attempt to trash your character
McClellan: i look forward to it Timmo
Russert: Ari Fleisher says you are weird - you seem to have a conscience
McClellan: yes i found I had one in 2007 believe me it was bizarre
Russert: no wonder the Bush administration is puzzled
Russert: you call Bush a liar -- that's very negative why would you say that??
McClellan: because it is true
Russert: what is that?
McClellan: what?
Russert: this whole “truth” thing
McClellan: it's like when something is not “false”
Russert: huh?
McClellan: you know, “reality”?
Russert: let's move on and play gotcha some more
McClellan: ok cowboy
Russert: you say Bush and all his people lied and hyped the war!!!
McClellan: they did
Russert: you say they lied about Al Qaeda and WMD and nukes
McClellan: and they did lie
Russert: but i could make the case that you were part of the propaganda machine
McClellan: i was!
Russert: but but but
McClellan: what is it Tim?
Russert: you are not fighting my gotcha game
McClellan: you are right i was part of the problem
Russert: but i got nothing else
McClellan: what's wrong Tim?
Russert: i'm a fraud!!!
[ sobs ]
Tim: it seems like a Bush is a complete moron
Scottie: at times yes
Russert: why did't you grab the President by the shoulders and shake him and "wake up motherfucker!!!"
Scottie: in retrospect i should have
Tim: you lied day after day
Scottie: because the President asked me to
Tim: well you should have stood up to him!!
McClellan: like you stood up to the head of GE and reported the truth on the war right
Russert: no fair they hold the deed to my house on Nantucket!
Tim: you misled the american people about valerie plame!
Scottie: yes i did
Tim: Rove says he used legalistic language to trick you
Scottie: oh for god's sake only a fool a Frenchman or Tim Russert could possibly believe Karl Rove
Russert: also david gregory
Scott: fine him too
Russert: but you lied to the people
Scott: no i said i asked Karl Rove if he was involved and i told the press that Karl said he was not
Russert: why use your words so carefully?
Scott: because Karl lies all the fucking time
Russert: you said that Bush is fantasist and a liar and criminal
Scott: yeah he's a right nutter
Tim: like what
Scott: he said he forgot snorting blow off Margaux Hemingway's ass at Studio 54 in 1978
Tim: is that believeable?
Scott: i sure wouldn't have forgotten it
Tim: your goodbye party was so happy
Scott: i got good at lying
Russert: will you donate $$$ to the troops
Scottie: will you donate you fancy house in Nantucket to wounded soldiers
Tim: heaven forfend that white pleather stains
Scott: thought so lapdog
Russert: what's the biggest lesson in all this
Scott: never ever ever trust Republicans not to commit crimes
The Chris Matthews Show - June 1, 2008
*************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
June 1, 2008
*************************************
Chris: how does Obama win the idiot vote?
Cynthia: he has to tie McCain to Bush and helpfully the base keeps pushing McCain to swear fealty to nazis and assorted loonies
Fineman: independent morons are the real deciders but john kerry had a really big head and that put people off
Chris: Obama is losing independents!
Kelly: he's a military guy which means he will salute bush and then call him a shithead behind his back
Chris: who is more independent?
Kelly: McCain because he believes in global warming
Chris: so does Obama
Kelly: but to be independent you have to buck your party so Obama must condemn reality
Chris: Obama is not necessarily a regular person - let's face it that's one hell of a tan
Cynthia: Obama is now an elitist with a father from kenya
Chris: when is Obama going to visit Iraq and see what's really going on
Kelly: McCain hates Obama
Fineman: yes it's shocking Obama welched and McCain is a thin-skinned nutjob
Chris: who is a good person Obama or McCain?
Cynthia: normal people don't vote that way
Matthews: i do
Cynthia: as i was saying
Chris: ha!
Cynthia: who is the real american here - Admiral McCain or Obama the dirty muslim who hates the flag
Fineman: McCain is stuck in the briar patch
Chris: oh noes the tar baby
Stengel: no one knows McCain
Chris: i had a five year love affair with john McCain i know him pretty well
Chris: OMG McClellan was hapless!!
Kelly: ha but really he hated telling all those lies
Chris: what a sweetheart he is
Kelly: i just want to take him home and cuddle him and tell him it will be all right
Chris: me too
Matthews: Scottie says Bush lied!!
Kelly: McCain is planning on smiling manically for the rest of the campaign
Matthews:: they trash Scottie but they admit they lied and committed treason
Fineman: yes they floated the idea that Scottie is a dirty hippie who works for Atrios
Stengel: yes Atrios was right all along but he has an agenda - he is in league with the Truth Lobby
Cynthia Tucker: that's old news
Chris: McClellan says if Bush had known he would have killed so many people he would not have killed so many people
Kelly: Bush is wonderful
Stengel: like Reagan wow he is great
Chris: wrap up!
Kelly: McCain Unleashed!!!
Stengel: Obama must pay fealty to Israel so say the people in Israel
Tucker: georgia is in play for Obama
Chris: he must go to Tblisi!!
Fineman: Teddy Kennedy will unite the Clintons and Obama and heal this nation and usher in a new progressive age
Chris: i had a crush on Joe The Forgotten Kennedy
Fineman: he was handsome yes
Chris: will Clinton like Joan of Arc lead her army to help Obama
Stegnel: yes to help Brand Hillary
Tucker: only reluctantly
Fineman: the key is Bill they are his people after all
Chris: make him DNC chair
Fineman: yeah that's a good idea
The Chris Matthews Show
June 1, 2008
*************************************
Chris: how does Obama win the idiot vote?
Cynthia: he has to tie McCain to Bush and helpfully the base keeps pushing McCain to swear fealty to nazis and assorted loonies
Fineman: independent morons are the real deciders but john kerry had a really big head and that put people off
Chris: Obama is losing independents!
Kelly: he's a military guy which means he will salute bush and then call him a shithead behind his back
Chris: who is more independent?
Kelly: McCain because he believes in global warming
Chris: so does Obama
Kelly: but to be independent you have to buck your party so Obama must condemn reality
Chris: Obama is not necessarily a regular person - let's face it that's one hell of a tan
Cynthia: Obama is now an elitist with a father from kenya
Chris: when is Obama going to visit Iraq and see what's really going on
Kelly: McCain hates Obama
Fineman: yes it's shocking Obama welched and McCain is a thin-skinned nutjob
Chris: who is a good person Obama or McCain?
Cynthia: normal people don't vote that way
Matthews: i do
Cynthia: as i was saying
Chris: ha!
Cynthia: who is the real american here - Admiral McCain or Obama the dirty muslim who hates the flag
Fineman: McCain is stuck in the briar patch
Chris: oh noes the tar baby
Stengel: no one knows McCain
Chris: i had a five year love affair with john McCain i know him pretty well
Chris: OMG McClellan was hapless!!
Kelly: ha but really he hated telling all those lies
Chris: what a sweetheart he is
Kelly: i just want to take him home and cuddle him and tell him it will be all right
Chris: me too
Matthews: Scottie says Bush lied!!
Kelly: McCain is planning on smiling manically for the rest of the campaign
Matthews:: they trash Scottie but they admit they lied and committed treason
Fineman: yes they floated the idea that Scottie is a dirty hippie who works for Atrios
Stengel: yes Atrios was right all along but he has an agenda - he is in league with the Truth Lobby
Cynthia Tucker: that's old news
Chris: McClellan says if Bush had known he would have killed so many people he would not have killed so many people
Kelly: Bush is wonderful
Stengel: like Reagan wow he is great
Chris: wrap up!
Kelly: McCain Unleashed!!!
Stengel: Obama must pay fealty to Israel so say the people in Israel
Tucker: georgia is in play for Obama
Chris: he must go to Tblisi!!
Fineman: Teddy Kennedy will unite the Clintons and Obama and heal this nation and usher in a new progressive age
Chris: i had a crush on Joe The Forgotten Kennedy
Fineman: he was handsome yes
Chris: will Clinton like Joan of Arc lead her army to help Obama
Stegnel: yes to help Brand Hillary
Tucker: only reluctantly
Fineman: the key is Bill they are his people after all
Chris: make him DNC chair
Fineman: yeah that's a good idea
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Democratic Party Rules Committee Meeting - May 31, 2008
*************************************
DNC Rules Meeting
Subject: Florida and Michigan
Washington, DC
May 31, 2008
************************************
Alice Huff: i know this is against the rules but rules were made to be broken - and I know this could cause problems in 2012 but by then i could be dead
Other person: Rules are rules and rules must be followed or they're not rules
Other other person: this won't pass and that saddens me because we a party of inclusion
[ yay!! ]
Germond: When we wrote the rules we made sure they had meat and beef and force - dammit these were beauty contests and that tough because Hillary is attractive but Obama is handsome too
Germond: we believe in rules and to ignore the rules to be like George W. Bush!
[ ooooooh ]
Ickes: i wrote these fuckin' rules and even i don't what the fuck is going on - except that damm young black man is p0wng me
Pasquil: Rules are rules except when they are not rules
Herman: vote carries by 2/3 !!!
psych! just the vote to close debate
[ ooooooh ]
Herman: all in favor
[ YAYYYYYY!!! ]
Herman: where was all this enthusiasm in 2000 goddamit?
Herman: all opposed say Boooooo
[ BOOOOOOO ]
Herman: quiet please!
[ JENNIFER !!! JENNIFER!!!! ]
Herman: what the fuck are those weirdos saying?
Wolf: they are saying “Denver” -- apparently there are many Bronco fans here
Black Guy: in light of Obama's awesomeness i move that each pledged delegate can only cast 3/5 of a vote and in addition each delegate shall be made to wear a dashiki or a pink pantsuit at all times on the floor of the convention
Huff: you sneaky motherfucker!!!
Huff: what this party needs is unity
[ FUCK THAT SHIT! ]
Huff: you are about to the best of this party in action
[ cue porno music ]
Huff: hey protestors shut the goddam fuck up and act like grownups instead of little kids
[ WHAAAAAAAA ]
Ickes: i'll take half a loaf
Herman: gee i wonder if this was planned in advance
Ickes: hey i wore my 'regular guy' shirt
Herman: all in favor of Unity 08 Compromise clap your hands and say yeah
[ YEAH !! ]
Herman: seems unanimous to me
Michigan delegate: i move Michigan gets divided - hillary gets the palm and Obama gets the fingers and thumb
Fowler: my first choice was hillary clinton and i know harold ickes and i love him and that night was very special but i must move back in with my wife
Ickes: this is not my day dammitt
Ickes: we find this body's support for hillary clinton's former position inexplicable
Herman: uh huh
Ickes: this will hijack delegates just like a terrorist and this body is just a bunch of fascists and stealing votes from 600,000 - that's not democracy
Herman: no democracy is an election where only one person is on the ballot
Ickes: you bet your sweet ass
[yay]
Ickes: yeah you bet your ass the election was fucking flawed
Dawson: watch your language motherfucker
Ickes: you want a piece of me shitface?
Dawson: right now dickwad
Ickes: Hijacker!!
Fowler: i love that man
Ickes: fuck your fucking unity and shove it up your goddamm fucking ass
[ YAYYYYYY!!!!!! ]
Ickys: oh by they way if Hillary doesn't win she won't abide by your decision
Member: holy crap that guy really is a dick isn't he
Protestor: what about Iowa???
Counter-Protestor: shut up!!
Protestor: you shut up!!
[tv audience: ]
[yep this sounds like the Democratic party i know and love ]
Black Guy: Fuck harold ickes and his shitty selective amnesia and i hope he takes his lying ass back to political oblivion
Smith: i had my hand up!
Chair: didn't you see you white lady
Smith: fuck you fat man
Smith: i've been a democrat all my life by i just discovered that we have to support all the delegates in Michigan it makes me very very sad
Chair: thank you for your concern
Chair: motion carries
[ DENVER!! DENVER!!! ]
Chair: please please please
[ BOOOOO ARRRR GRRRR YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO US!! ]
Chair: watch me looney
[ OBAMA! ALGER HISS! THE ROSENBERGS!! FREE MUMIA!! AREA 51!!! ]
Chair: and now on to new business - all in favor of cold cuts and fruit salad at the next meeting vote yeah
DNC Rules Meeting
Subject: Florida and Michigan
Washington, DC
May 31, 2008
************************************
Alice Huff: i know this is against the rules but rules were made to be broken - and I know this could cause problems in 2012 but by then i could be dead
Other person: Rules are rules and rules must be followed or they're not rules
Other other person: this won't pass and that saddens me because we a party of inclusion
[ yay!! ]
Germond: When we wrote the rules we made sure they had meat and beef and force - dammit these were beauty contests and that tough because Hillary is attractive but Obama is handsome too
Germond: we believe in rules and to ignore the rules to be like George W. Bush!
[ ooooooh ]
Ickes: i wrote these fuckin' rules and even i don't what the fuck is going on - except that damm young black man is p0wng me
Pasquil: Rules are rules except when they are not rules
Herman: vote carries by 2/3 !!!
psych! just the vote to close debate
[ ooooooh ]
Herman: all in favor
[ YAYYYYYY!!! ]
Herman: where was all this enthusiasm in 2000 goddamit?
Herman: all opposed say Boooooo
[ BOOOOOOO ]
Herman: quiet please!
[ JENNIFER !!! JENNIFER!!!! ]
Herman: what the fuck are those weirdos saying?
Wolf: they are saying “Denver” -- apparently there are many Bronco fans here
Black Guy: in light of Obama's awesomeness i move that each pledged delegate can only cast 3/5 of a vote and in addition each delegate shall be made to wear a dashiki or a pink pantsuit at all times on the floor of the convention
Huff: you sneaky motherfucker!!!
Huff: what this party needs is unity
[ FUCK THAT SHIT! ]
Huff: you are about to the best of this party in action
[ cue porno music ]
Huff: hey protestors shut the goddam fuck up and act like grownups instead of little kids
[ WHAAAAAAAA ]
Ickes: i'll take half a loaf
Herman: gee i wonder if this was planned in advance
Ickes: hey i wore my 'regular guy' shirt
Herman: all in favor of Unity 08 Compromise clap your hands and say yeah
[ YEAH !! ]
Herman: seems unanimous to me
Michigan delegate: i move Michigan gets divided - hillary gets the palm and Obama gets the fingers and thumb
Fowler: my first choice was hillary clinton and i know harold ickes and i love him and that night was very special but i must move back in with my wife
Ickes: this is not my day dammitt
Ickes: we find this body's support for hillary clinton's former position inexplicable
Herman: uh huh
Ickes: this will hijack delegates just like a terrorist and this body is just a bunch of fascists and stealing votes from 600,000 - that's not democracy
Herman: no democracy is an election where only one person is on the ballot
Ickes: you bet your sweet ass
[yay]
Ickes: yeah you bet your ass the election was fucking flawed
Dawson: watch your language motherfucker
Ickes: you want a piece of me shitface?
Dawson: right now dickwad
Ickes: Hijacker!!
Fowler: i love that man
Ickes: fuck your fucking unity and shove it up your goddamm fucking ass
[ YAYYYYYY!!!!!! ]
Ickys: oh by they way if Hillary doesn't win she won't abide by your decision
Member: holy crap that guy really is a dick isn't he
Protestor: what about Iowa???
Counter-Protestor: shut up!!
Protestor: you shut up!!
[tv audience: ]
[yep this sounds like the Democratic party i know and love ]
Black Guy: Fuck harold ickes and his shitty selective amnesia and i hope he takes his lying ass back to political oblivion
Smith: i had my hand up!
Chair: didn't you see you white lady
Smith: fuck you fat man
Smith: i've been a democrat all my life by i just discovered that we have to support all the delegates in Michigan it makes me very very sad
Chair: thank you for your concern
Chair: motion carries
[ DENVER!! DENVER!!! ]
Chair: please please please
[ BOOOOO ARRRR GRRRR YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO US!! ]
Chair: watch me looney
[ OBAMA! ALGER HISS! THE ROSENBERGS!! FREE MUMIA!! AREA 51!!! ]
Chair: and now on to new business - all in favor of cold cuts and fruit salad at the next meeting vote yeah
Sunday, May 25, 2008
This Week With George Stephanopoulos - May 25, 2008
********************************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
May 25, 2008
Guest: David Axelrod
********************************************
Stephanopoulos: dave you know that Hillary wasn't really saying Clinton wasn't hoping that Obama be assassinated right dood
AxelRod: yeah but even she admitted it was pretty bad
Steph: yeah but you loved stirring this pot
AxelRod: let's move on we've gotten enough mileage out of it
Steph: Hillary says today she has lost the math but is still better than Obama
AxelRod: yeah she also counts phantom votes from Michigan
Steph: she says he is more popular than he is
AxelRod: well this isn't American Idol -- after all the wrong guy won that too
Steph: Mich and Florida are two of our more fucked up states
AxelRod: indeed they are - but we have to throw the crazies a bone
Steph: when do you wrap this up?
AxelRod: either June or September
Steph: she says she is better than you nationally
AxelRod: not true - look at Virginia or California or Ohio
Steph: 25% of Democrats hate you
AxelRod: McCain doesn't even have an opponent and he can't win 70% - it's sad
Steph: you lost Kentucky and West Virginia
AxelRod: that's ok Obama is going to run with that banjo-playing kid from Deliverance -- that will put us over the top
Steph: wow big news
AxelRod: ding ding ding ding ding....
Steph: Feinstein says you should run with Hillary
AxelRod: nope - we have women who know about the high price of milk
Steph: Got Milk?
A-Rod: GOT MLK?
Steph: Hillary fans will stay home cause Obama is sexist
A-Rod: well I hope they are happy when Roe v Wade is overturned
Steph: McCain says Obama should get a drivers license before he becomes president
A-Rod: this coming from a guy whose family won't let him drive the family car
Steph: why, too old?
A-Rod: no the jangling keys scare him
[ break ]
Steph: hello Karl and congrats for staying out of prison
Karl Rove: McCain is old but Obama is about change
Steph: play concern troll for me
Rove: Obama is a hypocrite he should spend the summer working with Republicans passing legislation
Steph: that's ridiculous why would the GOP give him legislation in middle of 2008
Rove: ok let him put a Republican on the ticket
Steph: you're full of great ideas
Steph: what about McCain?
Rove: he has to be the change and reform candidate
Steph: Huggy Bear???
Rove: he must fake it like my wife does
Steph: he's screwed isn't he?
Rove: no he must authentically play the fear and race card
Steph: even Mike Murphy told McCain to stop acting like an jerk
Rove: that's Nagourney he's an asshole
Steph: what else does he need to do
Rove: get 4 decades younger
Steph: the GOP is toxic and radioactive
Rove: these things wax and wane but people are basically conservative
Steph: they just hate karl rove and george bush
Rove: eeeeeek
Steph: you're losing seats left and right
Rove: true but lets put this in context we only lost because the Dems pointed out that the GOP is totally corrupt not that our ideas are bad
Steph: this is all your fault isn't it?
Rove: our hopes lie with John Boehner
Steph: omg you are truly fucked
Rove: hey i won my elections - fuck the younger generation
Steph: you conspired to put Don Siegelman in prison and now they are going after you piggy
Rove: oh c'mon all the people accused of crimes have denied it
Steph: that's not persuasive
Rove: well how about I argue separation of powers applies here
Steph: that allows you to commit crimes?
Rove: we offered to meet with Congress in secret and sadly they said no
Steph: ok tell me the truth about Don Siegelman
Rove: i learned that he was convicted from the newspaper
Steph: so you are not denying you broke the law, ruined the Justice department, and put innocent people in prison
Rove: who me?
Steph: yeah, dipshit you
Rove: well then no
*******************************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
May 25, 2008
Guest: David Axelrod
********************************************
Stephanopoulos: dave you know that Hillary wasn't really saying Clinton wasn't hoping that Obama be assassinated right dood
AxelRod: yeah but even she admitted it was pretty bad
Steph: yeah but you loved stirring this pot
AxelRod: let's move on we've gotten enough mileage out of it
Steph: Hillary says today she has lost the math but is still better than Obama
AxelRod: yeah she also counts phantom votes from Michigan
Steph: she says he is more popular than he is
AxelRod: well this isn't American Idol -- after all the wrong guy won that too
Steph: Mich and Florida are two of our more fucked up states
AxelRod: indeed they are - but we have to throw the crazies a bone
Steph: when do you wrap this up?
AxelRod: either June or September
Steph: she says she is better than you nationally
AxelRod: not true - look at Virginia or California or Ohio
Steph: 25% of Democrats hate you
AxelRod: McCain doesn't even have an opponent and he can't win 70% - it's sad
Steph: you lost Kentucky and West Virginia
AxelRod: that's ok Obama is going to run with that banjo-playing kid from Deliverance -- that will put us over the top
Steph: wow big news
AxelRod: ding ding ding ding ding....
Steph: Feinstein says you should run with Hillary
AxelRod: nope - we have women who know about the high price of milk
Steph: Got Milk?
A-Rod: GOT MLK?
Steph: Hillary fans will stay home cause Obama is sexist
A-Rod: well I hope they are happy when Roe v Wade is overturned
Steph: McCain says Obama should get a drivers license before he becomes president
A-Rod: this coming from a guy whose family won't let him drive the family car
Steph: why, too old?
A-Rod: no the jangling keys scare him
[ break ]
Steph: hello Karl and congrats for staying out of prison
Karl Rove: McCain is old but Obama is about change
Steph: play concern troll for me
Rove: Obama is a hypocrite he should spend the summer working with Republicans passing legislation
Steph: that's ridiculous why would the GOP give him legislation in middle of 2008
Rove: ok let him put a Republican on the ticket
Steph: you're full of great ideas
Steph: what about McCain?
Rove: he has to be the change and reform candidate
Steph: Huggy Bear???
Rove: he must fake it like my wife does
Steph: he's screwed isn't he?
Rove: no he must authentically play the fear and race card
Steph: even Mike Murphy told McCain to stop acting like an jerk
Rove: that's Nagourney he's an asshole
Steph: what else does he need to do
Rove: get 4 decades younger
Steph: the GOP is toxic and radioactive
Rove: these things wax and wane but people are basically conservative
Steph: they just hate karl rove and george bush
Rove: eeeeeek
Steph: you're losing seats left and right
Rove: true but lets put this in context we only lost because the Dems pointed out that the GOP is totally corrupt not that our ideas are bad
Steph: this is all your fault isn't it?
Rove: our hopes lie with John Boehner
Steph: omg you are truly fucked
Rove: hey i won my elections - fuck the younger generation
Steph: you conspired to put Don Siegelman in prison and now they are going after you piggy
Rove: oh c'mon all the people accused of crimes have denied it
Steph: that's not persuasive
Rove: well how about I argue separation of powers applies here
Steph: that allows you to commit crimes?
Rove: we offered to meet with Congress in secret and sadly they said no
Steph: ok tell me the truth about Don Siegelman
Rove: i learned that he was convicted from the newspaper
Steph: so you are not denying you broke the law, ruined the Justice department, and put innocent people in prison
Rove: who me?
Steph: yeah, dipshit you
Rove: well then no
*******************************************
MEET THE PRESS - May 25, 2008
*******************************************
Meet The Press
Tim Russert and Assorted D.C. pundits
MoDo, Parson Meachem, Doris Footnote Goodwin, Xian Brody, Gwen Ifill
May 25, 2008
*******************************************
Russert: omg Hillary hopes Obama get killed!!
Goodwin: in her defense her analogy was completely wrong plus its clear her people have been hoping he blows up with another revelation like a crazy Reverend or a black child
Dowd: indeed they are hoping something terrible happens to him
Ifill: I fear it all the time so yeah it was disturbing
Meachem: you can't go wrong with good "meaning of is is" joke
Panel: HA HA HA HA
Meachem: she is hoping disaster befalls the nominee
Russert: you gotta have hope
Parson Jon: she is Reagan in '76
Timmy: Obama could be within 12 delegates in a week
Brody: he's got two opposition research teams attacking him at once
Russert: but he hasn't been vetted yet
Brody: right
Timmy: has she earned the right to be V.P.??
Marcus: yeah talking about Bobby's assassination is just the way to earn the invitation
Question: is Bill Clinton a pain in the ass?
Obama: that's not what i heard
Audience: ha ha ha
Obama: look i'm a pragmatist and Doris Goodwin plagiarized a good book called 'Team of Rivals' about Lincoln and even though he was named Abraham he took some non-jews in his cabinet so I might take some non-muslims
Goodwin: good idea you want the enemies pissing out as LBJ would say
Russert: Maureen is it all sexism??
Dowd: pure Poppy Cock
Russert: What does George Herbert Walker Bush have to do with this?
Dowd: she also resorts to sexism when she fails - she's like a prettier Al Sharpton
Russert: did she lose because of sexism?
Marcus: she was playful and tough and won't be the nominee because ran a bad campaign
Brody: now that she has lost to play the sexism card is whiny
Ifill: sexist!!!
Goodwin: resentment and victimhood looks bad for a woman who has accomplished so much
Russert: which is it - is she more electable than Obama or a victim of national rampant national sexism?
Meachem: god go with her
Tim: what the fuck parson Jon?
Meachem: i am not a racist or sexist i just happen to always vote for white men
Brody: this race ended in Iowa
Russert: wow
Brody: they blew it with the caucuses
Tim: that's not sexism its competence
Dowd: they helped write the rules and they still blew tens of millions of dollars
Ifill: the black voters were originally with her too
Tim: can a black man win the presnit
Meacham: in theory yes - in reality no
Tim: what the fuck does that mean parson
Jon: Obama scores on the race resentment index
Tim: what's that
Meachem: the Scary Black Man Score
Ifill: hell i'm queasy too
Parson Jon: this is why McCain is still doing well after all he is a real American
Ifill: we have to talk about race in America
Meachem: we have an Open Letter to Obama from Harold Ford about how to win over voters
Tim: didn't he lose?
Meachem: that's what makes him so perfect for Newsweek
Ifill: what about McCain
Meachem: he's a Saint
Goodwin: people don't even know his momma was white
Tim: they think he's a muslim!!!
Brody: Obama is having Family Faith outreach discussion it's about family
Tim: what is that code for?
Brody: christian law
Marcus: he's all about faith McCain is an atheist
Tim: which faith the muslim or the other one?
Marcus: both
Tim: but McCain is reaching out the family values crowd by seeking the endorsement of neo-Nazis
Dowd: yeah you can bash Catholics but not embrace Hitler
Brody: well he's in trouble now Hitler is very popular with the Republican base
Tim: will McCain pick Bobby Jindal
Ifill: give me a fucking break we have nothing to report on this summer what else would be do
Tim: spend time with our families?
Panel: Ha Ha Ha Ha
Meachem: speaking of Henry II....
Tim: shut up you pretentious twit
McCain: i was a POW!!
Goodwin: hey Lincoln and FDR were not soldiers either
McCain: will not use my opponents youth and inexperience against him
Obama: fuck that shit
Dowd: McCain has a problem he's a fucking jerk
Brody: he can't be commander in chief because of Rezco and Jeremiah Wright
Ifill: Response: McBush!!
Meet The Press
Tim Russert and Assorted D.C. pundits
MoDo, Parson Meachem, Doris Footnote Goodwin, Xian Brody, Gwen Ifill
May 25, 2008
*******************************************
Russert: omg Hillary hopes Obama get killed!!
Goodwin: in her defense her analogy was completely wrong plus its clear her people have been hoping he blows up with another revelation like a crazy Reverend or a black child
Dowd: indeed they are hoping something terrible happens to him
Ifill: I fear it all the time so yeah it was disturbing
Meachem: you can't go wrong with good "meaning of is is" joke
Panel: HA HA HA HA
Meachem: she is hoping disaster befalls the nominee
Russert: you gotta have hope
Parson Jon: she is Reagan in '76
Timmy: Obama could be within 12 delegates in a week
Brody: he's got two opposition research teams attacking him at once
Russert: but he hasn't been vetted yet
Brody: right
Timmy: has she earned the right to be V.P.??
Marcus: yeah talking about Bobby's assassination is just the way to earn the invitation
Question: is Bill Clinton a pain in the ass?
Obama: that's not what i heard
Audience: ha ha ha
Obama: look i'm a pragmatist and Doris Goodwin plagiarized a good book called 'Team of Rivals' about Lincoln and even though he was named Abraham he took some non-jews in his cabinet so I might take some non-muslims
Goodwin: good idea you want the enemies pissing out as LBJ would say
Russert: Maureen is it all sexism??
Dowd: pure Poppy Cock
Russert: What does George Herbert Walker Bush have to do with this?
Dowd: she also resorts to sexism when she fails - she's like a prettier Al Sharpton
Russert: did she lose because of sexism?
Marcus: she was playful and tough and won't be the nominee because ran a bad campaign
Brody: now that she has lost to play the sexism card is whiny
Ifill: sexist!!!
Goodwin: resentment and victimhood looks bad for a woman who has accomplished so much
Russert: which is it - is she more electable than Obama or a victim of national rampant national sexism?
Meachem: god go with her
Tim: what the fuck parson Jon?
Meachem: i am not a racist or sexist i just happen to always vote for white men
Brody: this race ended in Iowa
Russert: wow
Brody: they blew it with the caucuses
Tim: that's not sexism its competence
Dowd: they helped write the rules and they still blew tens of millions of dollars
Ifill: the black voters were originally with her too
Tim: can a black man win the presnit
Meacham: in theory yes - in reality no
Tim: what the fuck does that mean parson
Jon: Obama scores on the race resentment index
Tim: what's that
Meachem: the Scary Black Man Score
Ifill: hell i'm queasy too
Parson Jon: this is why McCain is still doing well after all he is a real American
Ifill: we have to talk about race in America
Meachem: we have an Open Letter to Obama from Harold Ford about how to win over voters
Tim: didn't he lose?
Meachem: that's what makes him so perfect for Newsweek
Ifill: what about McCain
Meachem: he's a Saint
Goodwin: people don't even know his momma was white
Tim: they think he's a muslim!!!
Brody: Obama is having Family Faith outreach discussion it's about family
Tim: what is that code for?
Brody: christian law
Marcus: he's all about faith McCain is an atheist
Tim: which faith the muslim or the other one?
Marcus: both
Tim: but McCain is reaching out the family values crowd by seeking the endorsement of neo-Nazis
Dowd: yeah you can bash Catholics but not embrace Hitler
Brody: well he's in trouble now Hitler is very popular with the Republican base
Tim: will McCain pick Bobby Jindal
Ifill: give me a fucking break we have nothing to report on this summer what else would be do
Tim: spend time with our families?
Panel: Ha Ha Ha Ha
Meachem: speaking of Henry II....
Tim: shut up you pretentious twit
McCain: i was a POW!!
Goodwin: hey Lincoln and FDR were not soldiers either
McCain: will not use my opponents youth and inexperience against him
Obama: fuck that shit
Dowd: McCain has a problem he's a fucking jerk
Brody: he can't be commander in chief because of Rezco and Jeremiah Wright
Ifill: Response: McBush!!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Meet The Press with Jim Webb - May 18, 2008
************************
Meet The Press
May 18, 2008
Guest: Sen. Jim Webb
************************
Russert: you are undecided that's craaaaaazy!!!
Webb: i'm cool but coy
Russert: do you want to be Veep?
Webb: who me, nah
Russert: but you wouldn't say no
Webb: well no
Russert: Bush says this is just like when Nazi tanks crossed into Poland when clearly ignoring Hitler worked so well
Webb: that's right doing nothing while Hitler built up his military while talking tough clearly worked wonders
Russert: bush is genius
Webb: clearly
Russert: you say people still think of the Dems as the anti-military party and teh GOP treats soldiers as political tools
Webb: i lived the military dream and the Dems treated veterans as victims and GOP treated soldiers as if they were all Rambo types who existed to support Republican fantasies
Russert: well don’t they?
Webb: well if they are how about giving them the same rights as soldiers from WWII
Russert: yeah but they were the greatest generation and the current soldiers are video game-playing slackers
Webb: that’s their best argument
Russert: but the GOP wear flag pins!!
Webb: they say it’s too expensive but they love stop-loss
Russert: President Bush says we can't let soldiers leave we must keep them trapped in the military to keep America a free country
Webb: soldiers serve because they love their country but they won't serve if they are treated like shit
Russert: yes we on Nantucket are worried about that
Russert: anyone who doesn't want to keep US soldiers in a middle east civil war is weak
Webb: that is so fucking stupid
Russert: war is peace!
Webb: asshole
Russert: you have three tats
Webb: i heard you have three tits
Russert: ah the Russert family legacy
************************
Meet The Press
May 18, 2008
Guest: Sen. Jim Webb
************************
Russert: you are undecided that's craaaaaazy!!!
Webb: i'm cool but coy
Russert: do you want to be Veep?
Webb: who me, nah
Russert: but you wouldn't say no
Webb: well no
Russert: Bush says this is just like when Nazi tanks crossed into Poland when clearly ignoring Hitler worked so well
Webb: that's right doing nothing while Hitler built up his military while talking tough clearly worked wonders
Russert: bush is genius
Webb: clearly
Russert: you say people still think of the Dems as the anti-military party and teh GOP treats soldiers as political tools
Webb: i lived the military dream and the Dems treated veterans as victims and GOP treated soldiers as if they were all Rambo types who existed to support Republican fantasies
Russert: well don’t they?
Webb: well if they are how about giving them the same rights as soldiers from WWII
Russert: yeah but they were the greatest generation and the current soldiers are video game-playing slackers
Webb: that’s their best argument
Russert: but the GOP wear flag pins!!
Webb: they say it’s too expensive but they love stop-loss
Russert: President Bush says we can't let soldiers leave we must keep them trapped in the military to keep America a free country
Webb: soldiers serve because they love their country but they won't serve if they are treated like shit
Russert: yes we on Nantucket are worried about that
Russert: anyone who doesn't want to keep US soldiers in a middle east civil war is weak
Webb: that is so fucking stupid
Russert: war is peace!
Webb: asshole
Russert: you have three tats
Webb: i heard you have three tits
Russert: ah the Russert family legacy
************************
This Week with George Stephanopolous - May 18, 2008
************************
This Week with George Stephanopolous
May 18, 2008
Guests:
Sen. Joe Biden
Rep. John Boehner
************************
Stephanopolous: Bush went to the Knesset and bashed Hitler and you said the President is full of shit
Biden: lets call it what it is - demeaning to the Presidency
Steph: he says he wasn't talking about Barack
Biden: well his people says he was
Steph: who among us doesn't dislike Hitler
Biden: yes and the President in his interview with Politico says he doesn't like to go the middle east just to get cheap applause
McCain [on tape]: it's reckless to talk with Iran!
Biden: hey I met with Khaddafi and while a vicious terrorist he was actually a very charming guy
Steph: and a snappy dresser
Biden: bush went on Jeopardy with Kim Jong Il
Steph: sounds like you are calling it hypocrisy
Biden: i am trying to be polite so I will just call it horseshit
Steph: but teh Iranians are evil!
Biden: well Bush should fire Bob Gates then
Steph: but talking is weak!!
Biden: bush has failed at every level - look Iran is about to build a bomb what's he going to do about that??
Steph: grandstand until they surrender?
Biden: yeah that will work
Steph: but Obama is so naive!!
Biden: Bush is a cheap smear artist who has to hide in the Knesset
Steph: oooooh
Steph: why not endorse Obama?
Biden: hillary is the most powerful woman in politics and I’m afraid of her
Steph: what about Pelosi?
Biden: no i mean literally powerful - Hillary can bench press like 200 pounds
[break]
Steph: Boehner you guys really suck
Boner: all the people get from the Dems are broken promises but the GOP never makes promises except to fuck people over which we do
Steph: fair enough
Boner: we learned our lesson from now one we will pretend to care about people
Steph: people hate you and Bush
Boner: this isn't about our past fuck-ups it's about the fuck-ups we will make in the future
Steph: you are losers
Boner: gas prices - the Pelosi premium!
Steph: you're kidding
Boner: no i'm a liberal me and Ted Kennedy are best friends
Steph: what about George W Bush?
Boner: never heard of him
************************
This Week with George Stephanopolous
May 18, 2008
Guests:
Sen. Joe Biden
Rep. John Boehner
************************
Stephanopolous: Bush went to the Knesset and bashed Hitler and you said the President is full of shit
Biden: lets call it what it is - demeaning to the Presidency
Steph: he says he wasn't talking about Barack
Biden: well his people says he was
Steph: who among us doesn't dislike Hitler
Biden: yes and the President in his interview with Politico says he doesn't like to go the middle east just to get cheap applause
McCain [on tape]: it's reckless to talk with Iran!
Biden: hey I met with Khaddafi and while a vicious terrorist he was actually a very charming guy
Steph: and a snappy dresser
Biden: bush went on Jeopardy with Kim Jong Il
Steph: sounds like you are calling it hypocrisy
Biden: i am trying to be polite so I will just call it horseshit
Steph: but teh Iranians are evil!
Biden: well Bush should fire Bob Gates then
Steph: but talking is weak!!
Biden: bush has failed at every level - look Iran is about to build a bomb what's he going to do about that??
Steph: grandstand until they surrender?
Biden: yeah that will work
Steph: but Obama is so naive!!
Biden: Bush is a cheap smear artist who has to hide in the Knesset
Steph: oooooh
Steph: why not endorse Obama?
Biden: hillary is the most powerful woman in politics and I’m afraid of her
Steph: what about Pelosi?
Biden: no i mean literally powerful - Hillary can bench press like 200 pounds
[break]
Steph: Boehner you guys really suck
Boner: all the people get from the Dems are broken promises but the GOP never makes promises except to fuck people over which we do
Steph: fair enough
Boner: we learned our lesson from now one we will pretend to care about people
Steph: people hate you and Bush
Boner: this isn't about our past fuck-ups it's about the fuck-ups we will make in the future
Steph: you are losers
Boner: gas prices - the Pelosi premium!
Steph: you're kidding
Boner: no i'm a liberal me and Ted Kennedy are best friends
Steph: what about George W Bush?
Boner: never heard of him
************************
Monday, May 12, 2008
The Daily Show with John Stewart - Guest: Douglas Feith - May 12, 2008
*************************************
The Daily Show with John Stewart
Guest: Douglas Feith
May 12, 2008
*************************************
Stewart: did you lie to kill 4,000 Americans
Feith: no I am very stupid but not a liar
Stewart: oh ok
Feith: true invading Iraq was very risky
Stewart: ah you also lied about how safe it was going to be
Feith: no you're forgetting how stupid i am - see I also was dumb about all that too
Stewart: you seem really, really stupid
Feith: not just me - Rumsfeld and Bush too
Feith: looking back i admit we were wrong about one thing - saying Iraq had WMD and that we would be greeted as liberators
Stewart: now that sounds like lying and deception to sell a product and killing people
Feith: oh sure you remember we tried to sell the war because it went really badly - but if the war had gone well i would be writing a book right now reminding people that we were really against the war
Stewart: all due respect Stupid i think i remember you guys selling this war like it was the Superbowl with blowjobs and orgasms
Feith: now that sounds fun - do you want a job
Stewart: c'mon didn't you sell this war with a pack of lies
Feith: well sure looking back we told lies but the lies were only clear in hindsight
Stewart: i don't believe you just fucked up
Feith: no no no - i disagree i believe this administration is mostly morons
Stewart: really?
Feith: The Bush administration is like Wagner -- it's better than it sounds
Stewart: but not as much fun to be around
Feith: that's why i wrote the book - to get my revisionst lies out there
Stewart: good luck with that dumbass
Feith: George Bush is like me and my golden retriever - dumb but loyal
Stewart: you guys totally invented the Iraq threat and mobilized this country for war with great effort
Feith: oh you're just assuming we wanted war
Stewart: i am - but in this case you had to work had to make a case for war
Feith: no you must understand - we don't *think* at all
Stewart: um, what?
Feith: look after 9/11 George Bush decided the best way to prevent another 9/11 was to invent a case against Iraq because he once tried to his daddy
Stewart: why didn't you focus on diplomacy?
Feith: we tried that - it was a lovely nanosecond
Feith: diplomacy failed when Saddam let the inspectors in and we realized he was not serious about war and cheated by agreeing to our demands
Stewart: but you lied
Feith: we had to lie because after 9/11 we need to prevent another 9/11 by attacking coutries before they ever thought of attacking us
Stewart: don't you see how immoral that kind of lying is
Feith: no i really don't
Stewart: well fuck off ya fuckin war criminal
***********************************************************
The Daily Show with John Stewart
Guest: Douglas Feith
May 12, 2008
*************************************
Stewart: did you lie to kill 4,000 Americans
Feith: no I am very stupid but not a liar
Stewart: oh ok
Feith: true invading Iraq was very risky
Stewart: ah you also lied about how safe it was going to be
Feith: no you're forgetting how stupid i am - see I also was dumb about all that too
Stewart: you seem really, really stupid
Feith: not just me - Rumsfeld and Bush too
Feith: looking back i admit we were wrong about one thing - saying Iraq had WMD and that we would be greeted as liberators
Stewart: now that sounds like lying and deception to sell a product and killing people
Feith: oh sure you remember we tried to sell the war because it went really badly - but if the war had gone well i would be writing a book right now reminding people that we were really against the war
Stewart: all due respect Stupid i think i remember you guys selling this war like it was the Superbowl with blowjobs and orgasms
Feith: now that sounds fun - do you want a job
Stewart: c'mon didn't you sell this war with a pack of lies
Feith: well sure looking back we told lies but the lies were only clear in hindsight
Stewart: i don't believe you just fucked up
Feith: no no no - i disagree i believe this administration is mostly morons
Stewart: really?
Feith: The Bush administration is like Wagner -- it's better than it sounds
Stewart: but not as much fun to be around
Feith: that's why i wrote the book - to get my revisionst lies out there
Stewart: good luck with that dumbass
Feith: George Bush is like me and my golden retriever - dumb but loyal
Stewart: you guys totally invented the Iraq threat and mobilized this country for war with great effort
Feith: oh you're just assuming we wanted war
Stewart: i am - but in this case you had to work had to make a case for war
Feith: no you must understand - we don't *think* at all
Stewart: um, what?
Feith: look after 9/11 George Bush decided the best way to prevent another 9/11 was to invent a case against Iraq because he once tried to his daddy
Stewart: why didn't you focus on diplomacy?
Feith: we tried that - it was a lovely nanosecond
Feith: diplomacy failed when Saddam let the inspectors in and we realized he was not serious about war and cheated by agreeing to our demands
Stewart: but you lied
Feith: we had to lie because after 9/11 we need to prevent another 9/11 by attacking coutries before they ever thought of attacking us
Stewart: don't you see how immoral that kind of lying is
Feith: no i really don't
Stewart: well fuck off ya fuckin war criminal
***********************************************************
Meet The Press- May 11, 2008
****************************************
Meet The Press
May 11, 2008
Guests: Sen. Chris Dodd and Terry McAuliffe
******************************************
Russert: welcome Sen. Dodd
Dodd: happy mother's day Timmy
Tim: ok dood
Russert: Obama is kicking ass Dodd
Dodd: yes it's over now and i know that Bill and Hillary love the party and this country and so will support Obama soon
Russert: but they are still running in West Virginia
Dodd: the question is does Hillary love America enough to help the Democrats win in the fall and stop sliming Obama
Russert: you once said something mildly critical about Obama
Dodd: please this dood ran circles around me and he knows all about nuclear weapons and shit
Russert: Terry McAuliffe even Rahm Emmanuel thinks Hillary Clinton is toast
McAuliffle: no no no if you count Michigan Hillary could be the nominee
Russert: you couldn't vote for Obama in Michigan if you wanted to
McAuliffe: that was his choice he did that to appease those fuckers in Iowa
Russert: like how Hillary said Michigan could go to hell
McAuliffe: that was a compliment -- after all that would be an improvement for much of Michigan
Russert: true
McAuliffe: we've been through this nightmare for 17 months - so let's keep going!!!
Russert: have you considered therapy Terry?
McAuliffe: it's not impossible! She can still win!! She's like the Buffalo Bills!!
Russert: how on earth can she possibly win??
McAuliffe: an act of God!!!
Russert: Hillary has pointed out that Obama is black and lazy
McAuliffe: no no no - she was quoting the racist Associated Press and for example i was reading the White Power web site this morning and they said because Obama is descended from mud people he can't win a general election
Russert: interesting point Terry
McAuliffe: I thought so
Russert: she implied blacks are lazy
McAuliffe: she was quoting the AP
Russert: no she wasn't
McAuliffe: she was paraphrasing
Russert: even Rangel said that she was dumb
McAuliffe: look we have to win the 2008 election if we have to play the race card then we will
Tim: I can tell
McAuliffe: within 3 weeks of the middle of June this will be over
Russert: can he win white ethnics?
McAuliffe: Tim if your father was still alive he would get drunk if was watching this on tv
Russert: Big Russ is still alive dood
McAuliffe: oh i was thinking of the Clinton campaign
Russert: terry when you were Chair you took away all of the delegates of renegade states
McAuliffe: you can't deny that millions of people voted in an election where only Hillary was on the ballot
Russert: the very height of democracy
Russert: are the Cintons willing to build a bonfire out of $11 million
McAuliffe: nothing is impossible!
Russert: will you pay all your debts??
McAuliffe: a million people with pitchforks from West Virginia and Kentucky and Puerto Rico could rise and seize the USA by force
Russert: no offense but you seem psychotic
McAuliffe: your dad said in your book that nothing is impossible and you must fight against all odds
Russert: no he didn't
McAuliffe: Yeaaaaarrrrhhhhh!!!!!!
Russert: how on earth did the skinny black muslim beat you??
McAuliffe: he won Iowa and it was smooth sailing there for Mr Cool
Russert: should you have skipped Iowa?
McAuliffe: no that would be gaming the system we want to fight everywhere
Russert: well good luck crazy person
[ Break ]
Russert: is Obama the nominee
Panel: yes yes yes yes
Clizza: the Clintons have been counted out again and again so that's one reason why they are still in it
Norris: they invented the idea of coming-in-second as winning
Russert: they could lose $11 million!
Harwood: yeah but bill and hillary could just write another book - poor Mark Penn is the one in real trouble
Russert: that's why Obama will host fundraisers for the Mark Penn charity
Harwood: yeah that'll happen
Russert: running mate??
Norris: they believe they can win Republican voters back
Russert: hillary wouldn't help?
Norris: not much
Cilizza: the dood is running on change! But you can send a strong message on change in America by putting a crazy man on the ticket like Gov. Ted Strickland
Norris: hillary says he Obama is losing among hard working americans but she has lost blacks and lazy people
Russert: how did this skinny black Kenyan win??
Timmy: it turns out America is not her place and she trashed the place
Harwood: also Obama is a once in a lifetime politician the man has mad political skillz
Cilizza: look at the gas tax - total dishonest pandering and this time people saw George W. Clinton
[clip]
McCain: Obama is a muslim terrorist
Obama: he's losing his bearings
McCain Spokesman: he's just pointing out that McCain is too old to President
Obama: i never said that - why would you?
[end clip]
Seib: this sounds crazy i know but this debate may be about actual issues -- lucky for them the Republicans have a huge advantage on national security issue
Russert: oh of course
Hardwood: the media is out to get John McCain
[ bust of laughter ]
Norris: the next President can solve all of our problems by sitting down both parties in the Roosevelt Room and telling them to agree
Harwood: John McCain is a not a flat earth looney and Obama is not a communist
Russert: that's too bad
Cilizza: also bear in mind the Republican party is completely fucked
Russert: trouble me not with such stories pretty boy
Meet The Press
May 11, 2008
Guests: Sen. Chris Dodd and Terry McAuliffe
******************************************
Russert: welcome Sen. Dodd
Dodd: happy mother's day Timmy
Tim: ok dood
Russert: Obama is kicking ass Dodd
Dodd: yes it's over now and i know that Bill and Hillary love the party and this country and so will support Obama soon
Russert: but they are still running in West Virginia
Dodd: the question is does Hillary love America enough to help the Democrats win in the fall and stop sliming Obama
Russert: you once said something mildly critical about Obama
Dodd: please this dood ran circles around me and he knows all about nuclear weapons and shit
Russert: Terry McAuliffe even Rahm Emmanuel thinks Hillary Clinton is toast
McAuliffle: no no no if you count Michigan Hillary could be the nominee
Russert: you couldn't vote for Obama in Michigan if you wanted to
McAuliffe: that was his choice he did that to appease those fuckers in Iowa
Russert: like how Hillary said Michigan could go to hell
McAuliffe: that was a compliment -- after all that would be an improvement for much of Michigan
Russert: true
McAuliffe: we've been through this nightmare for 17 months - so let's keep going!!!
Russert: have you considered therapy Terry?
McAuliffe: it's not impossible! She can still win!! She's like the Buffalo Bills!!
Russert: how on earth can she possibly win??
McAuliffe: an act of God!!!
Russert: Hillary has pointed out that Obama is black and lazy
McAuliffe: no no no - she was quoting the racist Associated Press and for example i was reading the White Power web site this morning and they said because Obama is descended from mud people he can't win a general election
Russert: interesting point Terry
McAuliffe: I thought so
Russert: she implied blacks are lazy
McAuliffe: she was quoting the AP
Russert: no she wasn't
McAuliffe: she was paraphrasing
Russert: even Rangel said that she was dumb
McAuliffe: look we have to win the 2008 election if we have to play the race card then we will
Tim: I can tell
McAuliffe: within 3 weeks of the middle of June this will be over
Russert: can he win white ethnics?
McAuliffe: Tim if your father was still alive he would get drunk if was watching this on tv
Russert: Big Russ is still alive dood
McAuliffe: oh i was thinking of the Clinton campaign
Russert: terry when you were Chair you took away all of the delegates of renegade states
McAuliffe: you can't deny that millions of people voted in an election where only Hillary was on the ballot
Russert: the very height of democracy
Russert: are the Cintons willing to build a bonfire out of $11 million
McAuliffe: nothing is impossible!
Russert: will you pay all your debts??
McAuliffe: a million people with pitchforks from West Virginia and Kentucky and Puerto Rico could rise and seize the USA by force
Russert: no offense but you seem psychotic
McAuliffe: your dad said in your book that nothing is impossible and you must fight against all odds
Russert: no he didn't
McAuliffe: Yeaaaaarrrrhhhhh!!!!!!
Russert: how on earth did the skinny black muslim beat you??
McAuliffe: he won Iowa and it was smooth sailing there for Mr Cool
Russert: should you have skipped Iowa?
McAuliffe: no that would be gaming the system we want to fight everywhere
Russert: well good luck crazy person
[ Break ]
Russert: is Obama the nominee
Panel: yes yes yes yes
Clizza: the Clintons have been counted out again and again so that's one reason why they are still in it
Norris: they invented the idea of coming-in-second as winning
Russert: they could lose $11 million!
Harwood: yeah but bill and hillary could just write another book - poor Mark Penn is the one in real trouble
Russert: that's why Obama will host fundraisers for the Mark Penn charity
Harwood: yeah that'll happen
Russert: running mate??
Norris: they believe they can win Republican voters back
Russert: hillary wouldn't help?
Norris: not much
Cilizza: the dood is running on change! But you can send a strong message on change in America by putting a crazy man on the ticket like Gov. Ted Strickland
Norris: hillary says he Obama is losing among hard working americans but she has lost blacks and lazy people
Russert: how did this skinny black Kenyan win??
Timmy: it turns out America is not her place and she trashed the place
Harwood: also Obama is a once in a lifetime politician the man has mad political skillz
Cilizza: look at the gas tax - total dishonest pandering and this time people saw George W. Clinton
[clip]
McCain: Obama is a muslim terrorist
Obama: he's losing his bearings
McCain Spokesman: he's just pointing out that McCain is too old to President
Obama: i never said that - why would you?
[end clip]
Seib: this sounds crazy i know but this debate may be about actual issues -- lucky for them the Republicans have a huge advantage on national security issue
Russert: oh of course
Hardwood: the media is out to get John McCain
[ bust of laughter ]
Norris: the next President can solve all of our problems by sitting down both parties in the Roosevelt Room and telling them to agree
Harwood: John McCain is a not a flat earth looney and Obama is not a communist
Russert: that's too bad
Cilizza: also bear in mind the Republican party is completely fucked
Russert: trouble me not with such stories pretty boy
The Chris Matthews Show - May 11, 2008
***************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
May 11, 2008
***************************************
Matthews: omg how does Obama win back whites and women?!?!?
Hillary: only lazy blacks supports him
Heileman: she can't deliver the archie bunker vote - anyway he's been classy this whole campaign so he can win people back
Mathews: but my white female friends are very bitter
Allen: hey the dood is part-white
Matthews: i agree with you Ron but you are wrong
Kay: i think she will support Obama otherwise she will look like a total crybaby
Cottle: there is no policy gap there is only the white woman, the black man, and the crazy anti abortionist
Matthews: isn't Obama responsible for the oppression of all women everywhere??
Cottle: yes but now as a woman she must stand by her man
Heileman: she needs to salvage her reputation
Tweety: but Reagan killed Gerald Ford and it helped him - nice guys finish last
Heileman: but those were Republicans -- they are happily evil
Tweety: Hillary is very popular among working class whites - can she deliver Ohio??
Cottle: no that was just against the elitist black man -- your argument is completely stupid
Tweety: i never thought of that
Heileman: do want to the Clintons inside the tent smearing out - or outside the tent sliming in?
Matthews: what will Hillary do now - does she wants to live a fancy town like Albany
Heileman: no way
Matthews: what's the downside to being Governor?
Heileman: Albany is sheer hell
Matthews: there are some nice areas
Heileman: those ARE the nice areas
Matthews: what about become another Scoop Jackson or LBJ
Kay: the friction between her and Dodd is to difficult
Allen: what about Obama hating on her
Matthews: what do you think
Allen: i don't know
Heileman: look guys she really really believes Obama is going to lose in November so that's her plan
Tweety: and she's been right about everything so far
Tweety: Tell me something I don't know
Allen: Obama claims victory after Oregon
Cottle: Cat Fight!
Heileman: your new nickname is Gossamer
Matthews: biggest mistake of the Clinton campaign
Kay: running to the right in the primary - whoops!
Allen: running an old fashioned campaign hey we have teh Internets now
Cottle: running on competence instead of change
Heileman: running a micro-campaign: men know that never works
Tweety: supporting the Iraq war
****************************************
The Chris Matthews Show
May 11, 2008
***************************************
Matthews: omg how does Obama win back whites and women?!?!?
Hillary: only lazy blacks supports him
Heileman: she can't deliver the archie bunker vote - anyway he's been classy this whole campaign so he can win people back
Mathews: but my white female friends are very bitter
Allen: hey the dood is part-white
Matthews: i agree with you Ron but you are wrong
Kay: i think she will support Obama otherwise she will look like a total crybaby
Cottle: there is no policy gap there is only the white woman, the black man, and the crazy anti abortionist
Matthews: isn't Obama responsible for the oppression of all women everywhere??
Cottle: yes but now as a woman she must stand by her man
Heileman: she needs to salvage her reputation
Tweety: but Reagan killed Gerald Ford and it helped him - nice guys finish last
Heileman: but those were Republicans -- they are happily evil
Tweety: Hillary is very popular among working class whites - can she deliver Ohio??
Cottle: no that was just against the elitist black man -- your argument is completely stupid
Tweety: i never thought of that
Heileman: do want to the Clintons inside the tent smearing out - or outside the tent sliming in?
Matthews: what will Hillary do now - does she wants to live a fancy town like Albany
Heileman: no way
Matthews: what's the downside to being Governor?
Heileman: Albany is sheer hell
Matthews: there are some nice areas
Heileman: those ARE the nice areas
Matthews: what about become another Scoop Jackson or LBJ
Kay: the friction between her and Dodd is to difficult
Allen: what about Obama hating on her
Matthews: what do you think
Allen: i don't know
Heileman: look guys she really really believes Obama is going to lose in November so that's her plan
Tweety: and she's been right about everything so far
Tweety: Tell me something I don't know
Allen: Obama claims victory after Oregon
Cottle: Cat Fight!
Heileman: your new nickname is Gossamer
Matthews: biggest mistake of the Clinton campaign
Kay: running to the right in the primary - whoops!
Allen: running an old fashioned campaign hey we have teh Internets now
Cottle: running on competence instead of change
Heileman: running a micro-campaign: men know that never works
Tweety: supporting the Iraq war
****************************************
Sunday, May 04, 2008
Meet The Press - with Barack Obama - May 4, 2008
***************************
Meet the Press
Host: Tim Russert
May 4, 2008
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
***************************
Russert: talk to me about your crazy Revered
Obama: look when i joined the church i was committing to Jesus Christ not the cult of Rev Right and when he married me and michelle he didn't yell out "I nao pronuonce you man and wife now kiss the bride and goddamm America!!!!!"
Russert: why did he pop up again
Obama: he's fuckin’ crazy and craves teh spotlight
Russert: he's a looney
Obama: oh i know
Russert: but i'm confused why didn't you disown him earlier
Obama: he's like my white granny - she's crazy too
Russert: i have one like that - she's hates the irish
Obama: i though you were irish
Russert: yeah but the men in my family are a bunch of fuckwits
Russert: but Rev. Right said hate speech on 9/11 when he said our chickens came home to roost
Obama: Bush says the same thing all the time
Russert: yeah but he's like a cowboy - it's so cool
Obama: i get it fat timmy
Russert: but he attacked America
Obama: yes no one in the history of this country has ever said something critical of the USA
Russert: not while wearing a dashiki and wagging his finger
Obama: ah now we have put the proverbial finger on it
Russert: he's not a blue collar Reagan Democrat - they can bash America all they want
Obama: I have gathered as much timster
Russert: ok let's move on a New Topic - what Rev. Right said in 2007
Obama: look he's an retired old man
Russert: you knew he's crazy and yet you didn't turn him into the police
Obama: that's true Tim
Russert: are you a black supremacist
Obama: look it's in my DNA that white and black can get along
Russert: but do you believe blacks are superior
Obama: talking to you Tim i do sometimes wonder
Russert: hey!
Obama: tiger woods jackie robinson bill russell michael jordan Jackie joyner kersee carl lewis jim brown
Russert: ok ok
Russert: will you appoint Wright Secretary of Hating Whitey
Obama: no of course not tim that's my wife's job
Russert: rev right has dominated the headlines
Obama: gee can't imagine why
Russert: you hate white people
Obama: i am part-white jackass
Russert: you look black to me
Obama: oh i know mr. russert - trust me i know
Russert: Do you hate america?
Obama: look Timmy my grandfather fought in WWII and my kenyan father came seeking an opportunity to plant his muslim seed here and have a son who would grow up to destroy America from within
Russert: really??
Obama: no dumbass
Russert: white people hate you
Obama: they like Hillary after all she's famous and i'm so dood with a funny name
Russert: yur out of touch with averge people
Obama: yes hillary is worth $100 million and i'm from a single mom and michelle's dad was a factory worker
Russert: your skin reminds me a of a latte
Obama: oh christ
Russert: blasphemer
Obama: you know what's sacreligous is your nantucket home
Russert: why do hate poor people who have to pay the gas tax
Obama: i have news for Senator Pander-ton -- $28 is not going to lift America out of poverty
Russert: but you once voted for the same thing
Obama: and it didn't work
Russert: so you changed your mind
Obama: yes
Russert: well that is crazy
Obama: look even hillary's people say this is only to get her through indiana - it's unserious pure politics
Russert: but john mccain gave me a hummer!
Obama: TMI Tim
Russert: food is expensive and Timmy needs to eats!!!
Obama: don't single out Ethanol besides we can use prarie grass
Russert: when do i get a flying car??
Obama: well Bush is president so until i get sworn in your are stuck with the SUVs
Russert: should we nuke indiana
Obama: well i was in Gary recently and honestly it wouldn't change it very much
Russert: but we use too much coal
Obama: we are the Saudi Arabia of Coal
Russert: and we are the Breadbasket of Bullshit
Obama: yee haw
Russert: hypothetically if Iran was about to attack Indianapolis would you favor attacking them first
Obama: Iran or Indianapolis?
Russert: Hmmm - Indianapolis
Obama: look Iran has the won Iraq war and we're not accomplishing anything
Russert: but the threat from Iran!
Obama: we should meet with them and tell them to stop meddling with the middle east
Russert: but the hypothetical genocide!!!
Obama: so that's why we invaded - to incite a genocide we must stay to prevent from happening?
Russert: makes sense to me
Hillary [on tape] : I will obliterate Iran!!
Obama: Hillary W. Bush, geez
Russert: but will you respond to this non-existent hypothetical threat???
Obama: iran doesn't even had nukes!
Russert: in my mind they do
Russert: should we have an umbrella of space nukes hovering over saudi arabia?
Obama: i am slightly troubled by this conversation given that is it is after all insane
Russert: just pick a country you would obliterate pleez
Obama: i would re-invade Afghanistan
Russert: well now we're getting somewhere
Obama: also Pakistan
Russert: awesome!
Obama: they need food for their people and we need to catch Osama
Russert: about the election - will indiana be the tie breaker?
Obama: i am trying to tap into the of core spirit of decency of the American people
Russert: holy crap you are screwed
Russert: what if they steal the nomination from you
Obama: i hate john mccain so i would campaign for teh democrats
Russert: but the superdelegates could vote for hillary
Obama: you're assuming they all want to vote her
Russert: of course - otherwise there's no story
Obama: yes i can see that
Meet the Press
Host: Tim Russert
May 4, 2008
Guest: Sen. Barack Obama
***************************
Russert: talk to me about your crazy Revered
Obama: look when i joined the church i was committing to Jesus Christ not the cult of Rev Right and when he married me and michelle he didn't yell out "I nao pronuonce you man and wife now kiss the bride and goddamm America!!!!!"
Russert: why did he pop up again
Obama: he's fuckin’ crazy and craves teh spotlight
Russert: he's a looney
Obama: oh i know
Russert: but i'm confused why didn't you disown him earlier
Obama: he's like my white granny - she's crazy too
Russert: i have one like that - she's hates the irish
Obama: i though you were irish
Russert: yeah but the men in my family are a bunch of fuckwits
Russert: but Rev. Right said hate speech on 9/11 when he said our chickens came home to roost
Obama: Bush says the same thing all the time
Russert: yeah but he's like a cowboy - it's so cool
Obama: i get it fat timmy
Russert: but he attacked America
Obama: yes no one in the history of this country has ever said something critical of the USA
Russert: not while wearing a dashiki and wagging his finger
Obama: ah now we have put the proverbial finger on it
Russert: he's not a blue collar Reagan Democrat - they can bash America all they want
Obama: I have gathered as much timster
Russert: ok let's move on a New Topic - what Rev. Right said in 2007
Obama: look he's an retired old man
Russert: you knew he's crazy and yet you didn't turn him into the police
Obama: that's true Tim
Russert: are you a black supremacist
Obama: look it's in my DNA that white and black can get along
Russert: but do you believe blacks are superior
Obama: talking to you Tim i do sometimes wonder
Russert: hey!
Obama: tiger woods jackie robinson bill russell michael jordan Jackie joyner kersee carl lewis jim brown
Russert: ok ok
Russert: will you appoint Wright Secretary of Hating Whitey
Obama: no of course not tim that's my wife's job
Russert: rev right has dominated the headlines
Obama: gee can't imagine why
Russert: you hate white people
Obama: i am part-white jackass
Russert: you look black to me
Obama: oh i know mr. russert - trust me i know
Russert: Do you hate america?
Obama: look Timmy my grandfather fought in WWII and my kenyan father came seeking an opportunity to plant his muslim seed here and have a son who would grow up to destroy America from within
Russert: really??
Obama: no dumbass
Russert: white people hate you
Obama: they like Hillary after all she's famous and i'm so dood with a funny name
Russert: yur out of touch with averge people
Obama: yes hillary is worth $100 million and i'm from a single mom and michelle's dad was a factory worker
Russert: your skin reminds me a of a latte
Obama: oh christ
Russert: blasphemer
Obama: you know what's sacreligous is your nantucket home
Russert: why do hate poor people who have to pay the gas tax
Obama: i have news for Senator Pander-ton -- $28 is not going to lift America out of poverty
Russert: but you once voted for the same thing
Obama: and it didn't work
Russert: so you changed your mind
Obama: yes
Russert: well that is crazy
Obama: look even hillary's people say this is only to get her through indiana - it's unserious pure politics
Russert: but john mccain gave me a hummer!
Obama: TMI Tim
Russert: food is expensive and Timmy needs to eats!!!
Obama: don't single out Ethanol besides we can use prarie grass
Russert: when do i get a flying car??
Obama: well Bush is president so until i get sworn in your are stuck with the SUVs
Russert: should we nuke indiana
Obama: well i was in Gary recently and honestly it wouldn't change it very much
Russert: but we use too much coal
Obama: we are the Saudi Arabia of Coal
Russert: and we are the Breadbasket of Bullshit
Obama: yee haw
Russert: hypothetically if Iran was about to attack Indianapolis would you favor attacking them first
Obama: Iran or Indianapolis?
Russert: Hmmm - Indianapolis
Obama: look Iran has the won Iraq war and we're not accomplishing anything
Russert: but the threat from Iran!
Obama: we should meet with them and tell them to stop meddling with the middle east
Russert: but the hypothetical genocide!!!
Obama: so that's why we invaded - to incite a genocide we must stay to prevent from happening?
Russert: makes sense to me
Hillary [on tape] : I will obliterate Iran!!
Obama: Hillary W. Bush, geez
Russert: but will you respond to this non-existent hypothetical threat???
Obama: iran doesn't even had nukes!
Russert: in my mind they do
Russert: should we have an umbrella of space nukes hovering over saudi arabia?
Obama: i am slightly troubled by this conversation given that is it is after all insane
Russert: just pick a country you would obliterate pleez
Obama: i would re-invade Afghanistan
Russert: well now we're getting somewhere
Obama: also Pakistan
Russert: awesome!
Obama: they need food for their people and we need to catch Osama
Russert: about the election - will indiana be the tie breaker?
Obama: i am trying to tap into the of core spirit of decency of the American people
Russert: holy crap you are screwed
Russert: what if they steal the nomination from you
Obama: i hate john mccain so i would campaign for teh democrats
Russert: but the superdelegates could vote for hillary
Obama: you're assuming they all want to vote her
Russert: of course - otherwise there's no story
Obama: yes i can see that
This Week With George Stephanopoulos with Hillary Clinton - May 4, 2008
***************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
May 4, 2008
Guest: Sen. Hillary Clinton
***************************
Stephanopoulos: Obama say you are pandering with this silly gas tax holiday idea
Clinton: no no i want the oil companies to pay the gas tax for the summer then they can go back to gouging people
Stephanopoulos: how would that work
Clinton: i would investigate OPEC and Exxon and bring the Hillary Hammer down!
Stephanopoulos: but the oil companies would make more money - that sounds stupid
Clinton: but americans in the middle class work really hard and i love them!!
Stephanopoulos: no economist thinks this a good idea
Clinton: oh sure you're ivory tower doods will say that but i will magically make the oil companies pay the extra
Stephanopoulos: is the holiday permanent?
Clinton: no just in the period while i am running against Obama
Stephanopoulos: it sounds stupid
Clinton: oh sure the latte-drinking elitists would say that
Audience: we have global warming and you want people to drive more!
Clinton: i have a long term plan and i want to have a good debate on whether Obama hates truck drivers
Stephanopoulos: 60% of people think you are dishonest
Clinton: people in NY know that i am not that honest but they are ok with that because i am a fighter
Stephanopoulos: interesting
Clinton: i know human nature
Stephanopoulos: like how
Clinton: you can't trust men - they will cheat on you!
Audience: can you stimulate our manufacturers
Clinton: we can't bring back our lost jobs but we can stop the bleeding
Stephanopoulos: like how
Clinton: stop rewarding companies for moving overseas
Stephanopoulos: wow that's crazy enough to work
Stephanopoulos: jobs are going to China and that was approved by the Clinton administration
Clinton: true but we had a ten year limit and we assumed Bill would be out of office by then
Stephanopoulos: but now you object
Clinton: yes but we have learned much since then
Stephanopoulos: like what
Clinton: we learned i want to be President
Stephanopoulos: but did the Clinton administration suck
Clinton: no you and i were both against NAFTA as you recall
Stephanopoulos: i can't say
Clinton: you're so adorable
Stephanopoulos: has Rev. Right donated to the Clinton Library?
Clinton: well Bill was the first black president
Stephanopoulos: you sold your donor list
Clinton: look that's all Bill - you know i can't control him
Stephanopoulos: if you could Gore would be working on his third term now
Clinton: i was born a poor black child unlike that privileged elitist Barack Obama
Audience: amen!
Clinton: my health care plan will help poor blacks and pre-schoolers and workers and white people and Hispanics and the middle class and students and-
Stephanopoulos: senator stop talking or i will be forced to use force
Clinton: please you could fit in my pocket
Stephanopoulos: if you overturn the pledged delegates and give Obama the shaft won't blacks be angry
Clinton: i'm ahead in the popular vote if you count Michigan
Stephanopoulos: his name wasn't even on the ballot in Michigan
Clinton: well that was his choice
Stephanopoulos: those were the rules
Clinton: fuck the rules
Stephanopoulos: you are a scary lady
***************************
This Week With George Stephanopoulos
May 4, 2008
Guest: Sen. Hillary Clinton
***************************
Stephanopoulos: Obama say you are pandering with this silly gas tax holiday idea
Clinton: no no i want the oil companies to pay the gas tax for the summer then they can go back to gouging people
Stephanopoulos: how would that work
Clinton: i would investigate OPEC and Exxon and bring the Hillary Hammer down!
Stephanopoulos: but the oil companies would make more money - that sounds stupid
Clinton: but americans in the middle class work really hard and i love them!!
Stephanopoulos: no economist thinks this a good idea
Clinton: oh sure you're ivory tower doods will say that but i will magically make the oil companies pay the extra
Stephanopoulos: is the holiday permanent?
Clinton: no just in the period while i am running against Obama
Stephanopoulos: it sounds stupid
Clinton: oh sure the latte-drinking elitists would say that
Audience: we have global warming and you want people to drive more!
Clinton: i have a long term plan and i want to have a good debate on whether Obama hates truck drivers
Stephanopoulos: 60% of people think you are dishonest
Clinton: people in NY know that i am not that honest but they are ok with that because i am a fighter
Stephanopoulos: interesting
Clinton: i know human nature
Stephanopoulos: like how
Clinton: you can't trust men - they will cheat on you!
Audience: can you stimulate our manufacturers
Clinton: we can't bring back our lost jobs but we can stop the bleeding
Stephanopoulos: like how
Clinton: stop rewarding companies for moving overseas
Stephanopoulos: wow that's crazy enough to work
Stephanopoulos: jobs are going to China and that was approved by the Clinton administration
Clinton: true but we had a ten year limit and we assumed Bill would be out of office by then
Stephanopoulos: but now you object
Clinton: yes but we have learned much since then
Stephanopoulos: like what
Clinton: we learned i want to be President
Stephanopoulos: but did the Clinton administration suck
Clinton: no you and i were both against NAFTA as you recall
Stephanopoulos: i can't say
Clinton: you're so adorable
Stephanopoulos: has Rev. Right donated to the Clinton Library?
Clinton: well Bill was the first black president
Stephanopoulos: you sold your donor list
Clinton: look that's all Bill - you know i can't control him
Stephanopoulos: if you could Gore would be working on his third term now
Clinton: i was born a poor black child unlike that privileged elitist Barack Obama
Audience: amen!
Clinton: my health care plan will help poor blacks and pre-schoolers and workers and white people and Hispanics and the middle class and students and-
Stephanopoulos: senator stop talking or i will be forced to use force
Clinton: please you could fit in my pocket
Stephanopoulos: if you overturn the pledged delegates and give Obama the shaft won't blacks be angry
Clinton: i'm ahead in the popular vote if you count Michigan
Stephanopoulos: his name wasn't even on the ballot in Michigan
Clinton: well that was his choice
Stephanopoulos: those were the rules
Clinton: fuck the rules
Stephanopoulos: you are a scary lady
***************************
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