Guests:
Gov. Scott Walker - (R-WI)
Sen. John McCain - (R-AZ)
Gov. Haley Barbour - (R-MS)
Rep. Emanuel Cleaver - (D-MO)
Richard Trumka - President AFL-CIO
Lawrence O’Donnell - MSNBC
Kim Strassel - Wall Street Journal
**********************************
Gregory: Wow Scott Walker had to break unions to
balance the budget!
Walker: damm right I did Fluffy
Gregory: I heard the unions are willing to give
you what you want to balance the budget
Walker: sure but then they objected to their
not existing and I can’t have that
Gregory: so why not take yes for an answer?
Walker: yes but there are a thousand towns across the state and there are unions hiding everywhere
Gregory: really
Walker: right - so we must crush collective bargaining which will take money from our grandchildren
Gregory: what exactly is wrong with
collective bargaining?
Walker: because Barack Obama is bad guy
Gregory: I see
Walker: I tried a 35 hour work week and the
unions said no which meant I had to lay off thousands of people
Gregory: but cops and firefighters are exempt
Walker: look I can’t cross the cops -
did you know they carry guns!?
Gregory: so austerity for everyone but unions who endorsed you
Walker: we can’t afford to piss these unions off -
they do important jobs
Gregory: teachers aren’t important?
Walker: right
Gregory: are you trying to change the course
of history?
Walker: yes
Gregory: so why exempt unions who
supported you?
Walker: I’m trying to change the course of
the history of the Democratic party into
not existing anymore
Gregory: I see
Walker: I make no apologies for standing on principle against unions that don’t endorse me
Gregory: right
Walker: we need to tell the truth - endorse me
or you hate grandchildren
Gregory: are you an ideologue?
Walker: Wisconsin is open for business -
people are ordering pizzas from here from
all over America!
Gregory: how does this end?
Walker: hopefully we crush the basis for financial support for
the Democratic party
Gregory: you said you considered planting troublemakers in the liberal crowd
Walker: yes but I will not allow outsiders to cause violence whether its liberals or me
Gregory: I want to talk about what comes next for the insane leader surrounded by on all sides by hostile forces
Walker: I’m holding up well David
Gregory: I was talking about Gaddafi
Walker: oh right
McCain: We need to enforce a no-fly zone
over Libya!
Gregory: wow
McCain: also we should get tough and demand war crimes trials for anyone who uses violence against people in the middle east
Bush [drunk, at home]: whoa hold on there cowboy
Gregory: Senator McCain is there any chance for a functioning democracy in that far off desert land
McCain: I have high hopes someday we can have basic human rights in Arizona
Gregory: I was talking about Egypt
McCain: People hate dictators - I tried to tell that to George Bush but he wouldn’t listen
Gregory: so where does it end?
McCain: we should stand up for democracy in Iran and if it goes well there we then can try it here
Gregory: Secretary Gates says invading Iraq was completely insane
McCain: yes but we were attacked on 9/11 by Afghanistan and other continents too
Gregory: so your are concerned about being in continents?
McCain: you have no idea Fluffy
Gregory: did the Pentagon try psych ops on you?
McCain: I’ve gone up against the Viet Cong so those tricks won’t work on me
Gregory: but they tried it on many U.S. leaders - doesn’t that concern you?
McCain: look the CIA tried mind control on Sarah Palin but found they had nothing to work with
Gregory: I see
[ break ]
Gregory: Gov. Walker in Wisconsin says to save America we must destroy unions
Trumka: Unions are underpaid, the pension is funded, the unions took his cuts and now he’s threatening layoffs
Gregory: Unions use political clout to elect officials who turn around and give you benefits
Trumka: no that’s the Koch brothers
Gregory: is this about union busting?
Barbour: America is totally broke and it’s time for the hard truth that we must cut taxes for the rich and end collective bargaining for unions
Gregory: the unions already accepted the cuts
Barbour: collective bargaining is not a right golddarnut
O’Donnell: apparently Scott Walker considered sending in troublemakers to make the protestors look bad
Gregory: speaking of that isn’t it terrible to compare Walker to Hitler
Cleaver: when the lion lies down with the lamb the lamb gets eated
Gregory: Obama has created a difficult situation
in Wisconsin
Strassel: Heroes like Walker and Christie have said we must crush unions and the middle class love them for it
Gregory: Obama isn’t doing enough!
O’Donnell: this isn’t about Obama
Gregory: Howard Fineman says the GOP wants
to crush public unions because they support Democrats
Barbour: you have got to destroy unions and every American knows it
Cleaver: the public employees are willing to give concessions and the Gov. Walker said no
Gregory: but the unions compared him to Hitler so he had to take away their rights
O’Donnell: if crushing unions is so popular why not put it to a vote?
Barbour: the people of Wisconsin want to destroy unions - just look at Indiana
Gregory: I see
Barbour: the real victim here is Sarah Palin
Gregory: of course
Cleaver: we should not cut the debt by cutting funds for the poorest Americans
Gregory: interesting thought
Cleaver: Bernanke and Goldman Sachs think too many cuts could hurt the economic recovery
Gregory: but those are all socialists
O’Donnell: we’re talking cuts about in spending only after slashing taxes for the richest
Gregory: does freedom in the middle east imperil the economy
Strassel: Democracy is a tax on our fragile economy
Gregory: oh my god
Strassel: also premature recovery could lead to inflation
Barbour: if we drilled in America more gas
would be free
Gregory: John Thune isn’t running for President which sad because he’s so handsome
Audience: awwww
Gregory: Barbour are your running for President
Barbour: hayyell yayyuss
Trumka: oh please I hope this jackass runs
Gregory: Romney would be electable but he has a problem - he may not be insane enough to win a Republican primary
O’Donnell: yes but that’s true for every GOP candidate not currently in an institution
Strassel: Fiscal responsibility is suddenly a
really big thing
Gregory: that’s a GOP issue since this year
Cleaver: people are going to wake up and realize the GOP is all crazy
Gregory: Awesome and that’s Meet The Press
*******************************
Sunday, February 27, 2011
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - February 27, 2011
Guests:
Saif Gadhafi
Saadi Gadhafi
Reza Aslan
Robert Kagan
Jake Tapper
************************
Amanpour: Hi I’m in Libya - Who could write the crazy rants and ravings of Muammar Gadhafi - except Charlie Sheen, of course
Sheen: magic poet Vatican assassin bitch!
Amanpour: I’m on a flight from London to Libya - surprisingly uncrowded
Amanpour: in fact there a thousands of people at the airport - the place is littered with garbage and strewn with starving stranded passengers desperate to get out
Audience: so it’s like Newark airport at Thanksgiving
Amanpour: anti-government protestors are firing guns in the air and are openly mocking Gadhafi
Amanpour: I spoke with Gadhafi’s son Saif -
Obama says Moammur should quit
Saif: We’re holed up in Tripoli and we’re loving it
Amanpour: you say you’re not using violence but why are so many people are being killed
Saif: oh that never happened
Amanpour: why is everybody fleeing the regime
like rats off a ship
Saif: because the ship is sinking
Amanpour: I see
Saif: my enemies are losing - you can’t understand process it because I have magic and poetry in
my fingertips
Amanpour: maybe you should have reformed Libya before the rebellion
Saif: gee I wish I had fucking thought of that Christiane
Amanpour: you were supposed to be a reformer
Saif: the same assholes who stopped me from reforming and now fleeing Libya - fuck those
fickle traitors
Amanpour: you seem somewhat out of touch
with reality
Saif: I’m a Vatican ninja assassin
Amanpour: what about freezing your Swiss bank accounts
Saif: there’s not such things - we’re surrounded
by fools and trolls
[ break ]
Amanpour: will Libya sanctions affect you?
Saadi: I can’t travel - it sucks!
Amanpour: so what will you do now?
Saadi: I need a good lawyer - Dershowitz won’t return my calls!
Amanpour; why are you so upset?
Saadi: I just want a normal life
Amanpour: Other people in Libya want a normal
life too
Saadi: those selfish bastards
Amanpour: what is going on the Middle East?
Saadi: it’s total chaos everywhere
Amanpour: what about freedom?
Saadi: the little people can’t handle freedom
Amanpour: what about your Dad?
Saadi: he’s totally fucked
Amanpour: you lived in Europe where people
have freedom
Saadi: no they have health care so it’s really socialism or really enslavement
Amanpour: is it hard being Gaddafi’s son?
Saadi: the man is a deranged lunatic but he never forgets a birthday
[ break ]
Bowen: the rebels are taking over the country
Amanpour: can they take over Tripoli?
Bowen: oh no they’re just localized rebels -
like on Tatooine
Amanpour: Jake is revolution in the Middle East bad for America?
Tapper: well you could argue democracy is a good thing - on the other hand the price of oil might go
up a penny
Amanpour: well fuck it then
Tapper: also there are some very cooperative dictators around here
Kagan: we’re paying the price now for being too cozy with dictators
Amanpour: maybe but some of them are so nice
Kagan: if we claim democracy and human rights
are universal values then why not for muslims and arabs too?
Amanpour: who are these wacky young Arabs -
do they love America?
Aslan: they’re all virtual and transcend time and space - they live on Facebook and realize they don’t have to support these old dictators
Amanpour: Is Iran the real winner with all these revolutions?
Kagan: why should this movement bypass Iran? That regime is on borrowed time!
Amanpour: What about our good friends in Saudi Arabia?
Tapper: the White House is telling our remaining friends to get out of ahead of reform or they’re going to end of dangling from a lamppost
Aslan: the kids in Iran started a revolution in 2009 and now it’s going to come full circle
Amanpour: ok forget Iran - is this good for al-qaeda?
Kagan: the kids demanding democracy and freedom don’t like the message of hate coming from al-qaeda which is why we need to send troops to Tripoli
Amanpour: thanks
***************************************
Saif Gadhafi
Saadi Gadhafi
Reza Aslan
Robert Kagan
Jake Tapper
************************
Amanpour: Hi I’m in Libya - Who could write the crazy rants and ravings of Muammar Gadhafi - except Charlie Sheen, of course
Sheen: magic poet Vatican assassin bitch!
Amanpour: I’m on a flight from London to Libya - surprisingly uncrowded
Amanpour: in fact there a thousands of people at the airport - the place is littered with garbage and strewn with starving stranded passengers desperate to get out
Audience: so it’s like Newark airport at Thanksgiving
Amanpour: anti-government protestors are firing guns in the air and are openly mocking Gadhafi
Amanpour: I spoke with Gadhafi’s son Saif -
Obama says Moammur should quit
Saif: We’re holed up in Tripoli and we’re loving it
Amanpour: you say you’re not using violence but why are so many people are being killed
Saif: oh that never happened
Amanpour: why is everybody fleeing the regime
like rats off a ship
Saif: because the ship is sinking
Amanpour: I see
Saif: my enemies are losing - you can’t understand process it because I have magic and poetry in
my fingertips
Amanpour: maybe you should have reformed Libya before the rebellion
Saif: gee I wish I had fucking thought of that Christiane
Amanpour: you were supposed to be a reformer
Saif: the same assholes who stopped me from reforming and now fleeing Libya - fuck those
fickle traitors
Amanpour: you seem somewhat out of touch
with reality
Saif: I’m a Vatican ninja assassin
Amanpour: what about freezing your Swiss bank accounts
Saif: there’s not such things - we’re surrounded
by fools and trolls
[ break ]
Amanpour: will Libya sanctions affect you?
Saadi: I can’t travel - it sucks!
Amanpour: so what will you do now?
Saadi: I need a good lawyer - Dershowitz won’t return my calls!
Amanpour; why are you so upset?
Saadi: I just want a normal life
Amanpour: Other people in Libya want a normal
life too
Saadi: those selfish bastards
Amanpour: what is going on the Middle East?
Saadi: it’s total chaos everywhere
Amanpour: what about freedom?
Saadi: the little people can’t handle freedom
Amanpour: what about your Dad?
Saadi: he’s totally fucked
Amanpour: you lived in Europe where people
have freedom
Saadi: no they have health care so it’s really socialism or really enslavement
Amanpour: is it hard being Gaddafi’s son?
Saadi: the man is a deranged lunatic but he never forgets a birthday
[ break ]
Bowen: the rebels are taking over the country
Amanpour: can they take over Tripoli?
Bowen: oh no they’re just localized rebels -
like on Tatooine
Amanpour: Jake is revolution in the Middle East bad for America?
Tapper: well you could argue democracy is a good thing - on the other hand the price of oil might go
up a penny
Amanpour: well fuck it then
Tapper: also there are some very cooperative dictators around here
Kagan: we’re paying the price now for being too cozy with dictators
Amanpour: maybe but some of them are so nice
Kagan: if we claim democracy and human rights
are universal values then why not for muslims and arabs too?
Amanpour: who are these wacky young Arabs -
do they love America?
Aslan: they’re all virtual and transcend time and space - they live on Facebook and realize they don’t have to support these old dictators
Amanpour: Is Iran the real winner with all these revolutions?
Kagan: why should this movement bypass Iran? That regime is on borrowed time!
Amanpour: What about our good friends in Saudi Arabia?
Tapper: the White House is telling our remaining friends to get out of ahead of reform or they’re going to end of dangling from a lamppost
Aslan: the kids in Iran started a revolution in 2009 and now it’s going to come full circle
Amanpour: ok forget Iran - is this good for al-qaeda?
Kagan: the kids demanding democracy and freedom don’t like the message of hate coming from al-qaeda which is why we need to send troops to Tripoli
Amanpour: thanks
***************************************
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Meet The Press - February 20, 2011
Guests:
Dr. Susan Rice - Amb. to the U.N.
Sen. dick Durbin - (D-IL)
Sen. Lindsey Graham - (R-SC)
Jennifer Granholm
Harold Ford
Ed Gillespie
Rick Santelli
****************************
Gregory: What’s happening in the Middle east?
Rice: we will stand up for freedom of speech, freedom of expression and freedom of protest whether in strong allies of America like Bahrain
or states like Wisconsin
Gregory: I heard Khadaffi killing people -
how dangerous is Libya?
Rice: It’s extremely dangerous
Gregory: how much
Rice: Protesters are at almost as a great risk as a cast member of Spider-Man
Gregory: my god - what about Bahrain?
Rice: we’ve been very clear in demanding that they please stop crushing democracy
Gregory: can the government survive?
Rice: sure - Obama will probably even be reelected
Gregory: how much democracy are we willing
to tolerate?
Rice: why not have representative government and human rights?
Gregory: but people are confused - you say don’t support abuse of human rights and yet you
come on my show
Rice: good point
Gregory: Doesn’t the U.S. get to determine what happens in every country in the Middle East
Rice: no it doesn’t
Gregory: oh - so sad
Gregory: the U.S. chose to make Mubarak leave Egypt without imposing a new friendly government - wasn’t that a mistake?
Rice: you have some funny ideas Fluffy
Gregory: what if dangerous scary religious
fanatics take over?
Rice: I’m not prepared to talk about the 2012
GOP primary
Gregory: aren’t you terrified of Muslims?
Rice: No I’m not Fluffy
Gregory: Didn’t you anger scary arabs by not condemning Israel at the U.N.?
Rice: I don’t care - we’re trying to make peace Greggers
[ break ]
Gregory: Lindsay isn’t Obama terrible and inconsistent on Middle East democracy?
Graham: no actually - but he’s too timid on Iran
Gregory: will there be a government shutdown?
Durbin: we can’t allow that to happen - our troops could run out of bullets
Graham: after years of lean spending from 1980-2008 Obama suddenly increased the federal budget 80%
Gregory: is there any room for compromise?
Durbin: we already cut $40 billion
Gregory: no you didn’t cut anything - you just spent less money than before
Durbin: balancing the budget is the last thing you want to do in a recession
Gregory: what about ending collective bargaining for state workers?
Graham: Obama is biggest spender since
World War II!
Gregory: wow
Graham: it is inappropriate for a federal official to weigh in on whether the Wisconsin policy is right
Durbin: the governor is trying to destroy unions
Graham: there was referendum held in Wisconsin to end collective bargaining and it was approved
Durbin: no there wasn’t
Graham: But if there had been I wouldn’t be lying
Graham: it was wrong for Obama to express a position on Wisconsin because the governor there is right and we must all support him
Durbin: you’re from South Carolina - how is it
your business?
Gregory: Bowles and Simpson says we should cut social security OMG I knew it!
Durbin: members of the debt commission are meeting in a local Washington DC Starbucks trying to find a way to cut Medicaid
Gregory: why won’t your cut entitlements!?!?!
[ starts sobbbing ]
Durbin: well--
Gregory: hold on - I want to challenge Graham on whether Obama is a terrible President for not cutting Medicare
Graham: We must be courageous and raise the retirement age to 70
Durbin: Social Security has no impact on the deficit
Gregory: [ hands over ears ]
lalalalala I can’t hear you
Graham: let’s be like Saint Reagan and Saint Tip O’Neill and make old people work it’s very disappointing we’re not doing this
[ break ]
Gregory: Is Wisconsin the Tunisia of labor rights?
Granholm: public employees accepted cuts but the governor insisted on breaking the union anyway
Gillespie: Obama shouldn’t have inserted himself on the Wisconsin debate - he should leave that to Senators from South Carolina
Gregory: is this about energizing the base?
Ford: Obama is right - this is an assault on unions
Santelli: those fucking coddled public unions are costing America
Gregory: I see
Santelli: union are terrorists attacking the rest of us
Gregory: Don’t we need to slash spending?
Granholm: People don’t care about spending or the debt - they want goddamn jobs
Gregory: who is winning the austerity conversation?
Ford: I am
Gregory: aren’t all Democrats a bunch of demagogues?
Ford: we must give up all Social Security benefits until we are 70!
Gregory: are the GOP willing to strike a Grand Bargain?
Santelli: the public is going to be thrilled with any politician who promises to eliminate Social Security- so Obama should definitely go first
Gregory: Government shutdown
Granholm: oddly people don’t seem like that
Gillespie: Obama increased spending 24%!
Gregory: wow!
Gillespie: Consumers won’t buy stuff because of the high federal debt and interest rates are so high no business can borrow
Audience: that’s not true
Ford: people don’t want jobs -- they want Social Security slashed
Christie: we must raise the retirement age!
Santelli: we have no choice we must slash spending now!!
Ford: Clinton created a surplus
Santelli: that was a totally different era - there was a dot com revolution and the cold war was ending
Gregory: Of course - and that’s Meet the Press
********************************************
Dr. Susan Rice - Amb. to the U.N.
Sen. dick Durbin - (D-IL)
Sen. Lindsey Graham - (R-SC)
Jennifer Granholm
Harold Ford
Ed Gillespie
Rick Santelli
****************************
Gregory: What’s happening in the Middle east?
Rice: we will stand up for freedom of speech, freedom of expression and freedom of protest whether in strong allies of America like Bahrain
or states like Wisconsin
Gregory: I heard Khadaffi killing people -
how dangerous is Libya?
Rice: It’s extremely dangerous
Gregory: how much
Rice: Protesters are at almost as a great risk as a cast member of Spider-Man
Gregory: my god - what about Bahrain?
Rice: we’ve been very clear in demanding that they please stop crushing democracy
Gregory: can the government survive?
Rice: sure - Obama will probably even be reelected
Gregory: how much democracy are we willing
to tolerate?
Rice: why not have representative government and human rights?
Gregory: but people are confused - you say don’t support abuse of human rights and yet you
come on my show
Rice: good point
Gregory: Doesn’t the U.S. get to determine what happens in every country in the Middle East
Rice: no it doesn’t
Gregory: oh - so sad
Gregory: the U.S. chose to make Mubarak leave Egypt without imposing a new friendly government - wasn’t that a mistake?
Rice: you have some funny ideas Fluffy
Gregory: what if dangerous scary religious
fanatics take over?
Rice: I’m not prepared to talk about the 2012
GOP primary
Gregory: aren’t you terrified of Muslims?
Rice: No I’m not Fluffy
Gregory: Didn’t you anger scary arabs by not condemning Israel at the U.N.?
Rice: I don’t care - we’re trying to make peace Greggers
[ break ]
Gregory: Lindsay isn’t Obama terrible and inconsistent on Middle East democracy?
Graham: no actually - but he’s too timid on Iran
Gregory: will there be a government shutdown?
Durbin: we can’t allow that to happen - our troops could run out of bullets
Graham: after years of lean spending from 1980-2008 Obama suddenly increased the federal budget 80%
Gregory: is there any room for compromise?
Durbin: we already cut $40 billion
Gregory: no you didn’t cut anything - you just spent less money than before
Durbin: balancing the budget is the last thing you want to do in a recession
Gregory: what about ending collective bargaining for state workers?
Graham: Obama is biggest spender since
World War II!
Gregory: wow
Graham: it is inappropriate for a federal official to weigh in on whether the Wisconsin policy is right
Durbin: the governor is trying to destroy unions
Graham: there was referendum held in Wisconsin to end collective bargaining and it was approved
Durbin: no there wasn’t
Graham: But if there had been I wouldn’t be lying
Graham: it was wrong for Obama to express a position on Wisconsin because the governor there is right and we must all support him
Durbin: you’re from South Carolina - how is it
your business?
Gregory: Bowles and Simpson says we should cut social security OMG I knew it!
Durbin: members of the debt commission are meeting in a local Washington DC Starbucks trying to find a way to cut Medicaid
Gregory: why won’t your cut entitlements!?!?!
[ starts sobbbing ]
Durbin: well--
Gregory: hold on - I want to challenge Graham on whether Obama is a terrible President for not cutting Medicare
Graham: We must be courageous and raise the retirement age to 70
Durbin: Social Security has no impact on the deficit
Gregory: [ hands over ears ]
lalalalala I can’t hear you
Graham: let’s be like Saint Reagan and Saint Tip O’Neill and make old people work it’s very disappointing we’re not doing this
[ break ]
Gregory: Is Wisconsin the Tunisia of labor rights?
Granholm: public employees accepted cuts but the governor insisted on breaking the union anyway
Gillespie: Obama shouldn’t have inserted himself on the Wisconsin debate - he should leave that to Senators from South Carolina
Gregory: is this about energizing the base?
Ford: Obama is right - this is an assault on unions
Santelli: those fucking coddled public unions are costing America
Gregory: I see
Santelli: union are terrorists attacking the rest of us
Gregory: Don’t we need to slash spending?
Granholm: People don’t care about spending or the debt - they want goddamn jobs
Gregory: who is winning the austerity conversation?
Ford: I am
Gregory: aren’t all Democrats a bunch of demagogues?
Ford: we must give up all Social Security benefits until we are 70!
Gregory: are the GOP willing to strike a Grand Bargain?
Santelli: the public is going to be thrilled with any politician who promises to eliminate Social Security- so Obama should definitely go first
Gregory: Government shutdown
Granholm: oddly people don’t seem like that
Gillespie: Obama increased spending 24%!
Gregory: wow!
Gillespie: Consumers won’t buy stuff because of the high federal debt and interest rates are so high no business can borrow
Audience: that’s not true
Ford: people don’t want jobs -- they want Social Security slashed
Christie: we must raise the retirement age!
Santelli: we have no choice we must slash spending now!!
Ford: Clinton created a surplus
Santelli: that was a totally different era - there was a dot com revolution and the cold war was ending
Gregory: Of course - and that’s Meet the Press
********************************************
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - February 20, 2011
Guests:
Rep. Steve Southerland (R-FL)
George Will
Donna Brazille
Jonathan Karl
*******************************
Amanpour: holy crap it’s a people’s uprising -
in fucking Wisconsin!
Audience: whoa
Woodruff: there are union members marching and now even the tea party has came to demand public school teachers get their hands off the government
Audience: ah
Woodruff: unions want to keep collective bargaining rights and the tea party want to cut government spending
Teacher: I may have to leave teaching is
this bill passes
Tea partier: my wife is a teacher and this will cost her money but to be honest I never liked her much
Amanpour: Is Wisconsin going to played out
across America?
Will: Obama is a terrible debtor who is now sabotaging brave Wisconsin’s willingness to finally balance the budget on the backs of working people
Brazille: bullshit - these are just workers who want their collective bargaining rights
Southerland: Politicians all around America have no choice but to destroy unions since we’re in a recession
Karl: Obama has to win Wisconsin in 2012 -
also he’s soft on Mubarak
Will: All Walker is proposing is to take long-standing collective bargaining rights for wages - what copswaddle piffle
Brazille: Gov. Walker may hate unions but he thinks its great to give tax breaks to corporations
Southerland: Federal employees have nice pensions which is just wrong
Will: these teachers are getting rich and they abandoned their kids
Southerland: Small banks are being captured by
evil nazi federal regulators
Karl: Walker is trying to end automatic union dues collection which will of course solve Wisconsin’s non-existent budget problem
Amanpour: of course
Karl: no politician in world history was rewarded for making tough choices until Chris Christie came along
Southerland: it’s amazing and wonderful because America is broke
Will: federal budget cuts are very important but they also very very small
Brazille: these cuts affect vital essential programs
for children and the elderly
Will: [ yawns ]
Karl: Boehner is afraid of getting blamed for a government shutdown
Southerland: we had 500 amendments to the budget
Will: these cuts can’t be draconian because American is a big rich country
Brazille: what about the little children in Head Start?
Will: they don’t matter because of the Chevy volt
Brazille: Why I am talking with this bow-tied idiot
Will: balderdash!
Brazille: shut up you foppish twit
************************************
Rep. Steve Southerland (R-FL)
George Will
Donna Brazille
Jonathan Karl
*******************************
Amanpour: holy crap it’s a people’s uprising -
in fucking Wisconsin!
Audience: whoa
Woodruff: there are union members marching and now even the tea party has came to demand public school teachers get their hands off the government
Audience: ah
Woodruff: unions want to keep collective bargaining rights and the tea party want to cut government spending
Teacher: I may have to leave teaching is
this bill passes
Tea partier: my wife is a teacher and this will cost her money but to be honest I never liked her much
Amanpour: Is Wisconsin going to played out
across America?
Will: Obama is a terrible debtor who is now sabotaging brave Wisconsin’s willingness to finally balance the budget on the backs of working people
Brazille: bullshit - these are just workers who want their collective bargaining rights
Southerland: Politicians all around America have no choice but to destroy unions since we’re in a recession
Karl: Obama has to win Wisconsin in 2012 -
also he’s soft on Mubarak
Will: All Walker is proposing is to take long-standing collective bargaining rights for wages - what copswaddle piffle
Brazille: Gov. Walker may hate unions but he thinks its great to give tax breaks to corporations
Southerland: Federal employees have nice pensions which is just wrong
Will: these teachers are getting rich and they abandoned their kids
Southerland: Small banks are being captured by
evil nazi federal regulators
Karl: Walker is trying to end automatic union dues collection which will of course solve Wisconsin’s non-existent budget problem
Amanpour: of course
Karl: no politician in world history was rewarded for making tough choices until Chris Christie came along
Southerland: it’s amazing and wonderful because America is broke
Will: federal budget cuts are very important but they also very very small
Brazille: these cuts affect vital essential programs
for children and the elderly
Will: [ yawns ]
Karl: Boehner is afraid of getting blamed for a government shutdown
Southerland: we had 500 amendments to the budget
Will: these cuts can’t be draconian because American is a big rich country
Brazille: what about the little children in Head Start?
Will: they don’t matter because of the Chevy volt
Brazille: Why I am talking with this bow-tied idiot
Will: balderdash!
Brazille: shut up you foppish twit
************************************
Sunday, February 13, 2011
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - Feb. 13, 2011
Guests:
Newt Gingrich
Sameh Shoukry - Egypt Ambassador to the U.S.
Terry Moran - ABC news
Martha Raddatz - ABC news
*************************************
Amanpour: whoa ‘people power’ overthrew
a 30-year dictator in Egypt so of course we will talk to Newt Gingrich
Audience: yay
Amanpour: 18 days that shook the world - the people fought for their freedom and democracy
and they won
Audience: wow
Amanpour: last week Mubarak told me he wouldn’t leave but the people wouldn’t accept anything less and the military backed the protesters
Audience: woo hoo
Amanpour: Mubarak tried to stay - but the people were furious and just like that Mubarak was out
Obama: the Egyptian people have demanded democracy which someday may inspire Americans to do the same
Terry Moran: there is already split among protesters - those who want to stay in the square and demand real hope and change those think enough has
been done
Audience: sounds familiar
Amanpour: speaking of out-of-touch egomaniacs - here’s Newt Gingrich
Amanpour: you called Obama timid, confused and amateurish
Gingrich: right Obama is weak and stupid and just keeps getting lucky
Amanpour: so what would have done about Egypt?
Gingrich: I would tell Mubarak privately and quietly he must leave but you must never abandon an ally or our dictator friends will think we don’t support dictators like Mubarak which we don’t
Amanpour: don’t you think they will figure it out when Mubarak updates his Facebook page?
Gingrich: no they don’t get the Internet in Syria
or Texas
Amanpour: you loved Mubarak once - not without cause
Gingrich: right - look my position is very very clear - we should maintain two conflicting policies
Amanpour: Obama openly supported the protesters
Gingrich: but he cut funds to them
Amanpour: so you support democracy there?
Gingrich: no I don’t because the Muslim Brotherhood is scary
Amanpour: so what do we do now?
Gingrich: threaten to pull our $1 billion in aid if they don’t put in a friendly government
Amanpour: why would you do that
Gingrich: because America stands for freedom
Amanpour: what does that mean concretely?
Gingrich: demand the Muslim Brotherhood be banned from participation in democracy
Amanpour: why would you do that?
Gingrich: they are conservative radicals who have a 30-year to plan to take over the government starting with the schools
Amanpour: I didn’t know the tea party was in Egypt
Amanpour: How do you reconcile democracy with fear of Muslims?
Gingrich: Did you know Adolf Hitler was a member of the Muslim Brotherhood in Zimbabwe?
Amanpour: you are fascinating - are you running
for President?
Gingrich: yes - it’s a great way to scam money from people
Amanpour: excellent
[ break ]
Amanpour: Who is in charge of Egypt?
Shoukry: the Supreme Military Council
Amanpour: that’s very comforting - but what
about democracy?
Shoukry: we’ll get to that in due time
Amanpour: what about the Emergency Law?
Shoukry: we need to keep that - this is a real emergency
Amanpour: and elections?
Shoukry: we will have those in a year or ten
Amanpour: nice - will the new government be pro-America?
Shoukry: it will be pro-Egypt
Amanpour: where is Mubarak?
Shoukry: I’m not sure - he Tweeted me from Disneyworld
Amanpour: what about the peace treaty with Israel?
Shoukry: it’s very nice - after all who wants war?
Amanpour: George Bush did
Shoukry: ah but he said he didn’t
Amanpour: that’s what worries me
Martha Raddatz: People in Yemen are protesting
but it’s scary because it’s a major breeding ground for al-qaeda
Audience: oooh
Raddatz: the failed underpants bomber was trained in Yemen
Audience: eeek
Radd: the U.S. has given Yemen’s military $250 million to fight al-qaeda and it is stronger than ever
Audience: umm ok
Radd: then the U.S. government killed a few
Yemen civilians
Audience: oops sorry
Yemenis: kaithnx America
*******************************
Newt Gingrich
Sameh Shoukry - Egypt Ambassador to the U.S.
Terry Moran - ABC news
Martha Raddatz - ABC news
*************************************
Amanpour: whoa ‘people power’ overthrew
a 30-year dictator in Egypt so of course we will talk to Newt Gingrich
Audience: yay
Amanpour: 18 days that shook the world - the people fought for their freedom and democracy
and they won
Audience: wow
Amanpour: last week Mubarak told me he wouldn’t leave but the people wouldn’t accept anything less and the military backed the protesters
Audience: woo hoo
Amanpour: Mubarak tried to stay - but the people were furious and just like that Mubarak was out
Obama: the Egyptian people have demanded democracy which someday may inspire Americans to do the same
Terry Moran: there is already split among protesters - those who want to stay in the square and demand real hope and change those think enough has
been done
Audience: sounds familiar
Amanpour: speaking of out-of-touch egomaniacs - here’s Newt Gingrich
Amanpour: you called Obama timid, confused and amateurish
Gingrich: right Obama is weak and stupid and just keeps getting lucky
Amanpour: so what would have done about Egypt?
Gingrich: I would tell Mubarak privately and quietly he must leave but you must never abandon an ally or our dictator friends will think we don’t support dictators like Mubarak which we don’t
Amanpour: don’t you think they will figure it out when Mubarak updates his Facebook page?
Gingrich: no they don’t get the Internet in Syria
or Texas
Amanpour: you loved Mubarak once - not without cause
Gingrich: right - look my position is very very clear - we should maintain two conflicting policies
Amanpour: Obama openly supported the protesters
Gingrich: but he cut funds to them
Amanpour: so you support democracy there?
Gingrich: no I don’t because the Muslim Brotherhood is scary
Amanpour: so what do we do now?
Gingrich: threaten to pull our $1 billion in aid if they don’t put in a friendly government
Amanpour: why would you do that
Gingrich: because America stands for freedom
Amanpour: what does that mean concretely?
Gingrich: demand the Muslim Brotherhood be banned from participation in democracy
Amanpour: why would you do that?
Gingrich: they are conservative radicals who have a 30-year to plan to take over the government starting with the schools
Amanpour: I didn’t know the tea party was in Egypt
Amanpour: How do you reconcile democracy with fear of Muslims?
Gingrich: Did you know Adolf Hitler was a member of the Muslim Brotherhood in Zimbabwe?
Amanpour: you are fascinating - are you running
for President?
Gingrich: yes - it’s a great way to scam money from people
Amanpour: excellent
[ break ]
Amanpour: Who is in charge of Egypt?
Shoukry: the Supreme Military Council
Amanpour: that’s very comforting - but what
about democracy?
Shoukry: we’ll get to that in due time
Amanpour: what about the Emergency Law?
Shoukry: we need to keep that - this is a real emergency
Amanpour: and elections?
Shoukry: we will have those in a year or ten
Amanpour: nice - will the new government be pro-America?
Shoukry: it will be pro-Egypt
Amanpour: where is Mubarak?
Shoukry: I’m not sure - he Tweeted me from Disneyworld
Amanpour: what about the peace treaty with Israel?
Shoukry: it’s very nice - after all who wants war?
Amanpour: George Bush did
Shoukry: ah but he said he didn’t
Amanpour: that’s what worries me
Martha Raddatz: People in Yemen are protesting
but it’s scary because it’s a major breeding ground for al-qaeda
Audience: oooh
Raddatz: the failed underpants bomber was trained in Yemen
Audience: eeek
Radd: the U.S. has given Yemen’s military $250 million to fight al-qaeda and it is stronger than ever
Audience: umm ok
Radd: then the U.S. government killed a few
Yemen civilians
Audience: oops sorry
Yemenis: kaithnx America
*******************************
Meet The Press - February 13, 2011
Guests:
Speaker John Boehner (R-OH)
Rep. Bobby Schilling - (R-IL)
Kasim Reed - (D-Mayor Atlanta)
Dee Dee Myers
David Brooks
Mark Halperin
********************************
Gregory: holy shit after 18 days of protests
Mubarak quit
Engel: things are returning back to normal in Cairo
Gregory: amazing
Engel: doctors, lawyers and even police are demonstrating demanding an end to corrupt outdated institutions like the state internal
security ministry and cable news
Gregory: oh dear
Engel: the army suspended the constitution, dissolved the parliament and took over the country
Gregory: now I feel better
Gregory: it seems like reform is sweeping the middle east
Indyk: Qadaffi could be next - fancy epaulets
only take you so far
Gregory: did Tweetdeck bring down a dictator?
Wright: the young cyber-generation are bringing down the powerful and now they have to govern
Gregory: this is what terrifies me
Indyk: forget the Muslim Brotherhood
- do we want to be governed by a bunch of iPod-hooked teenagers??
Gregory: what about Iran?
Wright: Iran says it supports the Egyptian protesters and it shows it by shooting Iranian protesters
Gregory: Republicans have raised doubts
about Obama
Audience: that is shocking indeed
Gregory: welcome Mr. Speaker
Boehner: thanks
Gregory: does the GOP think Obama pushed Mubarak out too fast?
Boehner: we need to support freedom
Gregory: Rick Santorum doesn’t think so
Boehner: well he’s an idiot
Gregory: so you don’t like Murbarak?
Boehner: we need to listen to people crying
out for freedom
[ starts crying ]
Gregory: I see
Boehner: they’re crying for freedom fluffy [ sobs ]
Gregory: what does worry you?
Boehner: we can’t support violent crazy radicals who don’t supports right or democracy
Gregory: we’ll get to the tea party later
Gregory: what makes you think the Egyptians are ready for democracy?
Boehner: I believe freedom and low taxes are a god-given right
Gregory: Obama didn’t see this coming!
Boehner: well nobody’s perfect
Gregory: but aren’t you terribly disappointed?
Boehner: no
Gregory: jesus fucking christ who do I have to invite on to get someone to bash Obama?!?!?
Boehner: sobs
Gregory: the tea party is mad at you
Boehner: I know! [ sniffles ]
Gregory: will you at least fulfill your pledge to cut $100 billion from the budget?
Boehner: yes whatever shuts those loons up
Gregory: will you cut critical programs and damage the recovery
Boehner: when are we going to get serious about cutting spending?
Gregory: ok get serious and cut the defense budget
Boehner: Obama’s excessive spending causes unemployment
Gregory: oh I see
Boehner: we must cut spending now!
Gregory: won’t that cause another recession?
Boehner: no cutting spending will create jobs
Gregory: how does that work?
Boehner: because businesses will see Washington get serious about the debt and hire the people their business needs
Gregory: um yeah
Boehner: After big spending under Reagan, Bush I, Bush II it’s finally time to cut spending
Gregory: so cut Social Security!
Boehner: look David you and I both want to cut Social Security but not every Americans realize it’s necessary and it’s up to you and I educate them
Gregory: I’m on it
Gregory: shouldn’t the government get out of mortgage business?
Boehner: damm right
Gregory: won’t that collapse the housing market?
Boehner: it would have before but recent experience shows that the private sector can handle the private mortgage market
Gregory: Do you believe Obama is from Kenya
Boehner: he could be
Gregory: shouldn’t you stand up to utter ignorance?
Boehner: it’s not our job to tell people to the truth - we have to listen to the American people
Gregory: interesting perspective
Boehner: look people read a lot of things it’s not our job to traffic in truth
Gregory: Is your party trying to convince people Obama is Kenyan-Muslim-Marxist
Boehner: no I’m trying to convince people he borrows-and-spends so much he is almost as bad Reagan, George Bush or George W Bush
Boehner: you say people in Washington are trying to snuff out the American dream
Boehner: right
Gregory: but you’re Speaker of the House
Boehner: technically
Gregory: Rep. Chris Lee resigned because he put a shirtless picture of himself on the Internet
Boehner: Shitless Rep in Tasteless Move
Gregory: heh
Boehner: we will not tolerate immorality in the party that does not involve passing out checks from lobbyists on the House floor
Gregory: isn’t Obama doomed?
Boehner: you have persuaded me Fluffy
Gregory: who is the front runner in the GOP race in 2012 out of Romney, Huckabee, Palin and Paul?
Boehner: good god - hopefully someone else will come forward
Gregory: what do you need in a candidate?
Boehner: someone who can spout bullshit
really skillfully
Gregory: what about the tea party
Boehner: I love those gun-toting lunatics
[ break ]
Gregory: let us turn to our Egypt expert David Books
Brooks: John Boehner supports Obama which means he must have really screwed up
Halperin: Iran terrifies me
Gregory: what terrifies you pizza man?
Schilling: I am terrified of war with Israel and pineapple toppings
Gregory: If you are not Boehner’s clone whose
clone are you
Schilling: I created by cross-fertilizing the DNA of Ronald Reagan and Ayn Rand
Gregory: the leaders are already compromising on the promises they made to the tea party -
are you furious?
Schilling: no they gave me a key to the Congressional bathroom and I folded
like a cheap suit
Gregory: you get one of those anyway
Schilling: oh
Reed: we need be honest about spending
Gregory: there’s a split between Big Spenders and Cutters
Myers: the real split is in the Republican party between the Crazy and Corporate
Brooks: these brave brave Republicans are cutting important programs but aren’t really willing to cut anything big
Schilling: I’m sick of tired of the direction of this nation since we elected a Democrat President
Gregory: so what do you want
Schilling: we must cut entitlements!
Gregory: like what specifically
Schilling: I don’t know that’s not my job -
I’m a small businessman
Gregory: But you’re in Congress now
Schilling: I am - holy shit
Halperin: with all due respect to the Congressman he’s an idiot
Brooks: I have good news - there are some people in Congress willing to eliminate Social Security
Gregory: thank god
Reed: just cut it already so we can prepare
Gregory: Ron Paul won the CPAC 2012 straw poll!
Halperin: It’s between Gingrich, Romney Huckabee and
“Unnamed Not Crazy Person”
Myers: the GOP nomination always goes the Respectable White Male which is Mitt Romney but this is not your father’s GOP
Schilling: The Tea Party is going demand an insane nominee
Gregory: can Obama win if unemployment is still high?
Reed: yeah he will probably have to
Gregory: how about Jeb Bush and Obama’s Ambassador to China?
Brooks: and Donald Trump
Gregory: wow!
Brooks: I’m mocking you Fluffy
Gregory: so who is a serious candidate?
Brook: John Thune - he’s so dreamy looking!
Gregory: can Obama lose?
Halperin: yes when he screws up Egypt by excessively supporting democracy
Gregory: ha journalists are thin-skinned and demanding and that’s Meet The Press
Speaker John Boehner (R-OH)
Rep. Bobby Schilling - (R-IL)
Kasim Reed - (D-Mayor Atlanta)
Dee Dee Myers
David Brooks
Mark Halperin
********************************
Gregory: holy shit after 18 days of protests
Mubarak quit
Engel: things are returning back to normal in Cairo
Gregory: amazing
Engel: doctors, lawyers and even police are demonstrating demanding an end to corrupt outdated institutions like the state internal
security ministry and cable news
Gregory: oh dear
Engel: the army suspended the constitution, dissolved the parliament and took over the country
Gregory: now I feel better
Gregory: it seems like reform is sweeping the middle east
Indyk: Qadaffi could be next - fancy epaulets
only take you so far
Gregory: did Tweetdeck bring down a dictator?
Wright: the young cyber-generation are bringing down the powerful and now they have to govern
Gregory: this is what terrifies me
Indyk: forget the Muslim Brotherhood
- do we want to be governed by a bunch of iPod-hooked teenagers??
Gregory: what about Iran?
Wright: Iran says it supports the Egyptian protesters and it shows it by shooting Iranian protesters
Gregory: Republicans have raised doubts
about Obama
Audience: that is shocking indeed
Gregory: welcome Mr. Speaker
Boehner: thanks
Gregory: does the GOP think Obama pushed Mubarak out too fast?
Boehner: we need to support freedom
Gregory: Rick Santorum doesn’t think so
Boehner: well he’s an idiot
Gregory: so you don’t like Murbarak?
Boehner: we need to listen to people crying
out for freedom
[ starts crying ]
Gregory: I see
Boehner: they’re crying for freedom fluffy [ sobs ]
Gregory: what does worry you?
Boehner: we can’t support violent crazy radicals who don’t supports right or democracy
Gregory: we’ll get to the tea party later
Gregory: what makes you think the Egyptians are ready for democracy?
Boehner: I believe freedom and low taxes are a god-given right
Gregory: Obama didn’t see this coming!
Boehner: well nobody’s perfect
Gregory: but aren’t you terribly disappointed?
Boehner: no
Gregory: jesus fucking christ who do I have to invite on to get someone to bash Obama?!?!?
Boehner: sobs
Gregory: the tea party is mad at you
Boehner: I know! [ sniffles ]
Gregory: will you at least fulfill your pledge to cut $100 billion from the budget?
Boehner: yes whatever shuts those loons up
Gregory: will you cut critical programs and damage the recovery
Boehner: when are we going to get serious about cutting spending?
Gregory: ok get serious and cut the defense budget
Boehner: Obama’s excessive spending causes unemployment
Gregory: oh I see
Boehner: we must cut spending now!
Gregory: won’t that cause another recession?
Boehner: no cutting spending will create jobs
Gregory: how does that work?
Boehner: because businesses will see Washington get serious about the debt and hire the people their business needs
Gregory: um yeah
Boehner: After big spending under Reagan, Bush I, Bush II it’s finally time to cut spending
Gregory: so cut Social Security!
Boehner: look David you and I both want to cut Social Security but not every Americans realize it’s necessary and it’s up to you and I educate them
Gregory: I’m on it
Gregory: shouldn’t the government get out of mortgage business?
Boehner: damm right
Gregory: won’t that collapse the housing market?
Boehner: it would have before but recent experience shows that the private sector can handle the private mortgage market
Gregory: Do you believe Obama is from Kenya
Boehner: he could be
Gregory: shouldn’t you stand up to utter ignorance?
Boehner: it’s not our job to tell people to the truth - we have to listen to the American people
Gregory: interesting perspective
Boehner: look people read a lot of things it’s not our job to traffic in truth
Gregory: Is your party trying to convince people Obama is Kenyan-Muslim-Marxist
Boehner: no I’m trying to convince people he borrows-and-spends so much he is almost as bad Reagan, George Bush or George W Bush
Boehner: you say people in Washington are trying to snuff out the American dream
Boehner: right
Gregory: but you’re Speaker of the House
Boehner: technically
Gregory: Rep. Chris Lee resigned because he put a shirtless picture of himself on the Internet
Boehner: Shitless Rep in Tasteless Move
Gregory: heh
Boehner: we will not tolerate immorality in the party that does not involve passing out checks from lobbyists on the House floor
Gregory: isn’t Obama doomed?
Boehner: you have persuaded me Fluffy
Gregory: who is the front runner in the GOP race in 2012 out of Romney, Huckabee, Palin and Paul?
Boehner: good god - hopefully someone else will come forward
Gregory: what do you need in a candidate?
Boehner: someone who can spout bullshit
really skillfully
Gregory: what about the tea party
Boehner: I love those gun-toting lunatics
[ break ]
Gregory: let us turn to our Egypt expert David Books
Brooks: John Boehner supports Obama which means he must have really screwed up
Halperin: Iran terrifies me
Gregory: what terrifies you pizza man?
Schilling: I am terrified of war with Israel and pineapple toppings
Gregory: If you are not Boehner’s clone whose
clone are you
Schilling: I created by cross-fertilizing the DNA of Ronald Reagan and Ayn Rand
Gregory: the leaders are already compromising on the promises they made to the tea party -
are you furious?
Schilling: no they gave me a key to the Congressional bathroom and I folded
like a cheap suit
Gregory: you get one of those anyway
Schilling: oh
Reed: we need be honest about spending
Gregory: there’s a split between Big Spenders and Cutters
Myers: the real split is in the Republican party between the Crazy and Corporate
Brooks: these brave brave Republicans are cutting important programs but aren’t really willing to cut anything big
Schilling: I’m sick of tired of the direction of this nation since we elected a Democrat President
Gregory: so what do you want
Schilling: we must cut entitlements!
Gregory: like what specifically
Schilling: I don’t know that’s not my job -
I’m a small businessman
Gregory: But you’re in Congress now
Schilling: I am - holy shit
Halperin: with all due respect to the Congressman he’s an idiot
Brooks: I have good news - there are some people in Congress willing to eliminate Social Security
Gregory: thank god
Reed: just cut it already so we can prepare
Gregory: Ron Paul won the CPAC 2012 straw poll!
Halperin: It’s between Gingrich, Romney Huckabee and
“Unnamed Not Crazy Person”
Myers: the GOP nomination always goes the Respectable White Male which is Mitt Romney but this is not your father’s GOP
Schilling: The Tea Party is going demand an insane nominee
Gregory: can Obama win if unemployment is still high?
Reed: yeah he will probably have to
Gregory: how about Jeb Bush and Obama’s Ambassador to China?
Brooks: and Donald Trump
Gregory: wow!
Brooks: I’m mocking you Fluffy
Gregory: so who is a serious candidate?
Brook: John Thune - he’s so dreamy looking!
Gregory: can Obama lose?
Halperin: yes when he screws up Egypt by excessively supporting democracy
Gregory: ha journalists are thin-skinned and demanding and that’s Meet The Press
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Meet The Press - February 6, 2011
Guests:
Mohamed Elbaradei
Sameh Shoukry - Egypt Amb. to U.S.
Sen. John Kerry (D-MA)
James Baker
Peggy Noonan
Willie Brown
Andrea Mitchell
******************************
Gregory: Mohamed is it your position that
Mubarak must leave?
Elbaradei: no he can stay in Egypt after he
resigns in humiliation
Gregory: so you’re saying he has to leave Egypt
Elbaradei: no Fluffy - I’m saying he has to cede power gradually before I’m elected President
Gregory: will you bash Obama for me
Elbaradei: he should support basic human rights like democracy, freedom and access to Facebook
Gregory: should Americans be terrified of Arab democracy?
Elbaradei: yes if you are scared of democracy all across the Middle East because it’s coming baby
Gregory: aaarrrhhhhh!!!
Elbaradei: I was being sarcastic and you are
an insult to 300 million people
Gregory: sorry I love Arabs
Elbaradei: I was referring to Americans
Gregory: what abut the peace treaty with Israel?
Elbaradei: not unless they establish a
Palestinian state
Gregory: OMG you’re going to start a war!!!
Elbaradei: make of that whatever you want
[ break ]
Gregory: Ambasador is this an unstoppable revolution?
Shoukry: well it’s very nice
Gregory: but you can never go back again
Shoukry: true enough
Gregory: when will Mubarak quit?
Shoukry: I don’t know - he’s gotten really weird lately
Gregory: like how
Shoukry: he just goes on and on about what a
freak Steven Tyler is
Gregory: Obama says he should quit now
Shoukry: Regardless you’re not getting Simon Cowell back
Gregory: I meant Mubarak
Shoukry: oh that -- yes but Obama also said this is an Egyptian problem so really Mubarak might
as well stay
Gregory: Mubarak unleashed goon squads on journalists!
Shoukry: we’re going to investigate our thugs and why they fucked up - I tell that would never happened in the old days
Gregory: with all due respect that’s ridiculous
Shoukry: bite me Fluffy
Gregory: Should Americans be terrified of
Muslim democracy?
Shoukry: if you’re a normal person no --
but if you watch a lot of Fox news then yes
Gregory: thanks buddy
[ break ]
Gregory: what do you think of Egypt John
Kerry: it’s awesome - they’re lifting the state of emergency which will allow people to meet at a café which as well all know is a prelude to democracy
Starbucks: darn right
Obama: Mubarak should leave
Wisner: it’s critical for Mubarak to stay
Gregory: wha?
Kerry: Obama is flooding the zone with
Germans and Turks!!
Gregory: holy crap!
Kerry: we want orderly change
Gregory: when?
Kerry: now!
Gregory: when will that happen
Kerry: it is happening as we speak Greggers
Gregory: but what minute of hour of what day?
Kerry: um you know Egypt isn’t actually part
of the United States
Gregory: why do you hate America-Egypt
Kerry: elections don’t bring democracy - look at Bush v. Gore
Gregory: How is it possible that Obama didn’t see everything happening in Egypt!?
Kerry: because fuck you
Gregory: that hurts John
Kerry: the whole revolution happened on Facebook and Twitter - only weirdos and losers are on those
Gregory: I’m on both all the time
Kerry: well there you go then
[ break ]
Gregory: I’m here at a shrine to Ronald Reagan -- look at that big airplane and this historic piece
of furniture!
Audience: woo hoo
Gregory: James Baker you’re a lawyer from Texas - so tell us about Egypt
Baker: if one-party rule is good enough for Texas it should be good enough for Egypt
Gregory: But shouldn’t we petrified of
democracy there??
Baker: the radicals are frightening
Gregory: damm hippies
Baker: I meant the neocons
Gregory: let’s bash Obama!
Mitchell: Fluffy the last thing the region needs is for America to be seen as installing a government
Gregory: oh
Mitchell: they are getting every nation to pile on Mubarak and it’s working
Gregory: god I loved it when Reagan said tear down this wall and Gorby ignored him for 2 years
Noonan: so awesome
Gregory: doesn’t this mean Obama is a total failure compared to Reagan?
Noonan: Fluffy even I think that’s stupid
Brown: America fuck yeah!
Gregory: let us now all celebrate Reagan
Noonan: Regan deepened faith in government
Audience: of course he did
Noonan: everyone was optimistic when Reagan was President - even homeless veterans with aids dreamed of financing fancy German-made cardboard boxes with junk bonds
Gregory: what a glorious time it was
Gregory: James Baker will you please bash
Barack Obama for me
Baker: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: But Reagan torn down the Manila Wall !!
Baker: Gregory you’re not the solution to our problems - you are the problem
Gregory: wasn’t Reagan right when he said government sucks and proved it for 8 years
Brown: yes but he had practice wrecking
California before that
Gregory: he raised taxes too though
Mitchell: conservative lunatics now all want to be Reagan - but he compromised with Democrats all the time
Noonan: In 1964 Regan bravely explained civil rights were a Soviet plot
Gregory: what would Saint Ronnie think of the
Tea Party?
Baker: he would love it but they would hate him because Reagan was all about bipartisanship
Gregory: really?
Baker: he knew when to hold ‘em and fold ‘em
Gregory: he was like Kenny Rogers without the chicken
Baker: Working in Hollywood prepared him for dealing scum and villany around the world
Gregory: ha ha ha Newsweek says Obama loves Reagan
Brown: Obama failed because of all those loser progressives
Gregory: honestly were deregulation and deficits such great ideas?
Baker: those never happened
Gregory: Obama said we should do big things - That’s So Reagan
Noonan: look here’s where the bullet bounced
right off Reagan
Gregory: wow
Gregory: and here’s that famous line after the Challenger explosion
Noonan: yes that’s from a wonderful famous poem
Gregory: what - I’m so disillusioned
Noonan: sorry Greggers
Gregory: and we will have 7 more hours of Reagan coverage today
Audience: it’s the SuperBowl of Adulation
****************************************
Mohamed Elbaradei
Sameh Shoukry - Egypt Amb. to U.S.
Sen. John Kerry (D-MA)
James Baker
Peggy Noonan
Willie Brown
Andrea Mitchell
******************************
Gregory: Mohamed is it your position that
Mubarak must leave?
Elbaradei: no he can stay in Egypt after he
resigns in humiliation
Gregory: so you’re saying he has to leave Egypt
Elbaradei: no Fluffy - I’m saying he has to cede power gradually before I’m elected President
Gregory: will you bash Obama for me
Elbaradei: he should support basic human rights like democracy, freedom and access to Facebook
Gregory: should Americans be terrified of Arab democracy?
Elbaradei: yes if you are scared of democracy all across the Middle East because it’s coming baby
Gregory: aaarrrhhhhh!!!
Elbaradei: I was being sarcastic and you are
an insult to 300 million people
Gregory: sorry I love Arabs
Elbaradei: I was referring to Americans
Gregory: what abut the peace treaty with Israel?
Elbaradei: not unless they establish a
Palestinian state
Gregory: OMG you’re going to start a war!!!
Elbaradei: make of that whatever you want
[ break ]
Gregory: Ambasador is this an unstoppable revolution?
Shoukry: well it’s very nice
Gregory: but you can never go back again
Shoukry: true enough
Gregory: when will Mubarak quit?
Shoukry: I don’t know - he’s gotten really weird lately
Gregory: like how
Shoukry: he just goes on and on about what a
freak Steven Tyler is
Gregory: Obama says he should quit now
Shoukry: Regardless you’re not getting Simon Cowell back
Gregory: I meant Mubarak
Shoukry: oh that -- yes but Obama also said this is an Egyptian problem so really Mubarak might
as well stay
Gregory: Mubarak unleashed goon squads on journalists!
Shoukry: we’re going to investigate our thugs and why they fucked up - I tell that would never happened in the old days
Gregory: with all due respect that’s ridiculous
Shoukry: bite me Fluffy
Gregory: Should Americans be terrified of
Muslim democracy?
Shoukry: if you’re a normal person no --
but if you watch a lot of Fox news then yes
Gregory: thanks buddy
[ break ]
Gregory: what do you think of Egypt John
Kerry: it’s awesome - they’re lifting the state of emergency which will allow people to meet at a café which as well all know is a prelude to democracy
Starbucks: darn right
Obama: Mubarak should leave
Wisner: it’s critical for Mubarak to stay
Gregory: wha?
Kerry: Obama is flooding the zone with
Germans and Turks!!
Gregory: holy crap!
Kerry: we want orderly change
Gregory: when?
Kerry: now!
Gregory: when will that happen
Kerry: it is happening as we speak Greggers
Gregory: but what minute of hour of what day?
Kerry: um you know Egypt isn’t actually part
of the United States
Gregory: why do you hate America-Egypt
Kerry: elections don’t bring democracy - look at Bush v. Gore
Gregory: How is it possible that Obama didn’t see everything happening in Egypt!?
Kerry: because fuck you
Gregory: that hurts John
Kerry: the whole revolution happened on Facebook and Twitter - only weirdos and losers are on those
Gregory: I’m on both all the time
Kerry: well there you go then
[ break ]
Gregory: I’m here at a shrine to Ronald Reagan -- look at that big airplane and this historic piece
of furniture!
Audience: woo hoo
Gregory: James Baker you’re a lawyer from Texas - so tell us about Egypt
Baker: if one-party rule is good enough for Texas it should be good enough for Egypt
Gregory: But shouldn’t we petrified of
democracy there??
Baker: the radicals are frightening
Gregory: damm hippies
Baker: I meant the neocons
Gregory: let’s bash Obama!
Mitchell: Fluffy the last thing the region needs is for America to be seen as installing a government
Gregory: oh
Mitchell: they are getting every nation to pile on Mubarak and it’s working
Gregory: god I loved it when Reagan said tear down this wall and Gorby ignored him for 2 years
Noonan: so awesome
Gregory: doesn’t this mean Obama is a total failure compared to Reagan?
Noonan: Fluffy even I think that’s stupid
Brown: America fuck yeah!
Gregory: let us now all celebrate Reagan
Noonan: Regan deepened faith in government
Audience: of course he did
Noonan: everyone was optimistic when Reagan was President - even homeless veterans with aids dreamed of financing fancy German-made cardboard boxes with junk bonds
Gregory: what a glorious time it was
Gregory: James Baker will you please bash
Barack Obama for me
Baker: I heard you were a moron
Gregory: But Reagan torn down the Manila Wall !!
Baker: Gregory you’re not the solution to our problems - you are the problem
Gregory: wasn’t Reagan right when he said government sucks and proved it for 8 years
Brown: yes but he had practice wrecking
California before that
Gregory: he raised taxes too though
Mitchell: conservative lunatics now all want to be Reagan - but he compromised with Democrats all the time
Noonan: In 1964 Regan bravely explained civil rights were a Soviet plot
Gregory: what would Saint Ronnie think of the
Tea Party?
Baker: he would love it but they would hate him because Reagan was all about bipartisanship
Gregory: really?
Baker: he knew when to hold ‘em and fold ‘em
Gregory: he was like Kenny Rogers without the chicken
Baker: Working in Hollywood prepared him for dealing scum and villany around the world
Gregory: ha ha ha Newsweek says Obama loves Reagan
Brown: Obama failed because of all those loser progressives
Gregory: honestly were deregulation and deficits such great ideas?
Baker: those never happened
Gregory: Obama said we should do big things - That’s So Reagan
Noonan: look here’s where the bullet bounced
right off Reagan
Gregory: wow
Gregory: and here’s that famous line after the Challenger explosion
Noonan: yes that’s from a wonderful famous poem
Gregory: what - I’m so disillusioned
Noonan: sorry Greggers
Gregory: and we will have 7 more hours of Reagan coverage today
Audience: it’s the SuperBowl of Adulation
****************************************
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - February 6, 2011
Guests:
Omar Suleiman - V.P of Egypt
Sameh Shoukry: Egypt Amb. to U.S.
*********************************
Amanpour: it’s been an epic week in Egypt and we’ve got all the major players on the show today
Audience: yay
Amanpour: all the protesters were optimistic -
they are singing and yelling against the government for the first time in 30 years
Protester: suck it Mubarak!
Amanpour: then we ran into pro-authoritarian protesters who fear chaos
Pro-mubarak protester: damm hippies
Protester: Mubarak has done a lot of good
but he’s become a tragic figure
Murbarak: send in the camels!
Protesters: to the paving stones!
Thugs: go away journalists!
Protesters: we’re not leaving!
[ break ]
Amanpour: Hosni will you quit?
Mubarak: I’m fed up and I want to retire
Amanpour: so why don’t you?
Mubarak: I can’t my pension was with Bear Stearns!
Amanpour: hey protesters I met with Mubarak
Protestors: omg what did he say
Amanpour: he said he already met your demands
Protestor: what a dick
[ break ]
Amanpour: you are meeting the opposition parties?
Suleiman: right
Amanpour: including Elbaradei?
Suleiman: no he’s too popular
Amanpour: will you transition to true democracy?
Suleiman: we will if you do
Amanpour: Murbark wants to quit but he
doesn’t want to rush it
Suleiman: things are too chaotic right now
Amanpour: will you run for President?
Suleiman: hell no that’s a thankless job
Amanpour: why not
Suleiman: please I want to keep my head
Amanpour: what is going on in the streets of the Middle East?
Suleiman: that’s all outside agitators
Amanpour: you can’t really believe that
Suleiman: yes - all foreigners with their sinister ideas about free speech
Amanpour: but now the youth have the Internet
Suleiman: they are being instigated by vicious outsiders like Israel and Mark Zuckerberg
Amanpour: Do you even believe in democracy?
Suleiman: for sure someday - like in 30 years
Amanpour: what do you want from the opposition?
Suleiman: Patience - give us 5 more years of ignoring them
Amanpour: what message do you have for the people in Tahrir Square?
Suleiman: go away
Amanpour: thanks very much
[ break ]
Amanpour: So the government is now meeting
with the Muslim Brotherhood
Shoukry: yes but it shouldn’t go to their heads
Amanpour: what happens now?
Shoukry: before fleeing for their lives government officials needs to steal everything not nailed down
Amanpour: Obama said you guys should
try democracy
Shoukry: true but he also said Egyptians have to solve this on their which we took to mean dictators are still cool
Amanpour: you have had a State of Emergency
for decades
Shoukry: right but a week of protests prove everything is fine now
Amanpour: why were journalists purposefully attacked?
Shoukry: that’s terrible but you know as Rumsfeld says democracy is messy
Amanpour: protestors were also beaten and shot
Shoukry: well emotions were running high
Amanpour: thanks a bunch Ambassador
Amanpour: Mubarak told me he never intended for his idiot son become President
George H. W. Bush: hey neither did I
Tapper: ha ha Obama didn’t see all the protests
in Egypt coming
Mubarak: um yeah what an idiot
Tapper: ha silly Obama -- all focused on the
State of the Union
Biden: I like Mubarak- we play poker every Friday
Tapper: Obama told Mubarak to fire his cabinet and he did - ha clueless Obama
Clinton: there needs to be reform and an orderly transition
Obama: Hosni you can’t run again and you have
to quit
Mubarak: for reals Barack?
Tapper: ha Obama has critics who have their
doubts about him
Audience: oooh he’s not the messiah
Amanpour: What does the White House say now?
Tapper: they want elections to be held later so other groups can catch up to the Muslim Brotherhood
Audience: but I thought Obama was a secret Muslim
Tapper: he is - but Obama is part of the Brotherhood of Muslims -- they hate those fake splitters the Muslim Brotherhood
Audience: I see
Amanpour: in other news the government has lifted the ban on text messaging
Tapper: lol r u on twitter #sillyobama
***************************************
Omar Suleiman - V.P of Egypt
Sameh Shoukry: Egypt Amb. to U.S.
*********************************
Amanpour: it’s been an epic week in Egypt and we’ve got all the major players on the show today
Audience: yay
Amanpour: all the protesters were optimistic -
they are singing and yelling against the government for the first time in 30 years
Protester: suck it Mubarak!
Amanpour: then we ran into pro-authoritarian protesters who fear chaos
Pro-mubarak protester: damm hippies
Protester: Mubarak has done a lot of good
but he’s become a tragic figure
Murbarak: send in the camels!
Protesters: to the paving stones!
Thugs: go away journalists!
Protesters: we’re not leaving!
[ break ]
Amanpour: Hosni will you quit?
Mubarak: I’m fed up and I want to retire
Amanpour: so why don’t you?
Mubarak: I can’t my pension was with Bear Stearns!
Amanpour: hey protesters I met with Mubarak
Protestors: omg what did he say
Amanpour: he said he already met your demands
Protestor: what a dick
[ break ]
Amanpour: you are meeting the opposition parties?
Suleiman: right
Amanpour: including Elbaradei?
Suleiman: no he’s too popular
Amanpour: will you transition to true democracy?
Suleiman: we will if you do
Amanpour: Murbark wants to quit but he
doesn’t want to rush it
Suleiman: things are too chaotic right now
Amanpour: will you run for President?
Suleiman: hell no that’s a thankless job
Amanpour: why not
Suleiman: please I want to keep my head
Amanpour: what is going on in the streets of the Middle East?
Suleiman: that’s all outside agitators
Amanpour: you can’t really believe that
Suleiman: yes - all foreigners with their sinister ideas about free speech
Amanpour: but now the youth have the Internet
Suleiman: they are being instigated by vicious outsiders like Israel and Mark Zuckerberg
Amanpour: Do you even believe in democracy?
Suleiman: for sure someday - like in 30 years
Amanpour: what do you want from the opposition?
Suleiman: Patience - give us 5 more years of ignoring them
Amanpour: what message do you have for the people in Tahrir Square?
Suleiman: go away
Amanpour: thanks very much
[ break ]
Amanpour: So the government is now meeting
with the Muslim Brotherhood
Shoukry: yes but it shouldn’t go to their heads
Amanpour: what happens now?
Shoukry: before fleeing for their lives government officials needs to steal everything not nailed down
Amanpour: Obama said you guys should
try democracy
Shoukry: true but he also said Egyptians have to solve this on their which we took to mean dictators are still cool
Amanpour: you have had a State of Emergency
for decades
Shoukry: right but a week of protests prove everything is fine now
Amanpour: why were journalists purposefully attacked?
Shoukry: that’s terrible but you know as Rumsfeld says democracy is messy
Amanpour: protestors were also beaten and shot
Shoukry: well emotions were running high
Amanpour: thanks a bunch Ambassador
Amanpour: Mubarak told me he never intended for his idiot son become President
George H. W. Bush: hey neither did I
Tapper: ha ha Obama didn’t see all the protests
in Egypt coming
Mubarak: um yeah what an idiot
Tapper: ha silly Obama -- all focused on the
State of the Union
Biden: I like Mubarak- we play poker every Friday
Tapper: Obama told Mubarak to fire his cabinet and he did - ha clueless Obama
Clinton: there needs to be reform and an orderly transition
Obama: Hosni you can’t run again and you have
to quit
Mubarak: for reals Barack?
Tapper: ha Obama has critics who have their
doubts about him
Audience: oooh he’s not the messiah
Amanpour: What does the White House say now?
Tapper: they want elections to be held later so other groups can catch up to the Muslim Brotherhood
Audience: but I thought Obama was a secret Muslim
Tapper: he is - but Obama is part of the Brotherhood of Muslims -- they hate those fake splitters the Muslim Brotherhood
Audience: I see
Amanpour: in other news the government has lifted the ban on text messaging
Tapper: lol r u on twitter #sillyobama
***************************************
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Meet The Press - January 30, 2011
Guests:
Hillary Clinton - U.S. Sec. of State
Sen. Mitch McConnell - (R-Minority Leader)
Martin Indyk
Richard Engel
Tom Friedman
Fmr. Rep. Harold Ford
Chuck Todd
Katty Kay
Mike Murphy
************************************
Gregory: Good morning - Hosni Mubarak still
clings to power in the face of massive protests
Gregory: Hillary is Mubarak really responding to the will of the people?
Clinton: you have to distinguish between protesters and those fucking looters
Gregory: Is Mubarak stable?
Clinton: I’m not a psychiatrist David
Gregory: what does the U.S. want?
Clinton: an orderly transition to democracy or whatever keeps that damn canal open
Gregory: are you calling for free and fair elections
Clinton: we always have Greggers
Gregory: but do you really mean it this time
Clinton: that’s up to the Egyptian people
Gregory: yes but you could make him leave
if you wanted to
Clinton: our position is very clear - we live in a Twitter and Facebook world now and people demand freedom, democracy and a Starbucks
with WiFi
Gregory: can we keep Murbarak in power?
Clinton: fuck that Fluffy - we need to respond to
the needs of the people!
Gregory: neato
Clinton: we need to stage in an Intervention -
this guy is totally out of control!
Gregory: but Hosni has always been good to us
Clinton: I was talking about Charlie Sheen
Gregory: Why not just install Murbarak in an apartment in Brooklyn?
Clinton: well he can live peacefully alongside Jews
Gregory: Do you want him in power?
Clinton: stop putting words in my mouth Fluffers
Gregory: sorry
Clinton: we want real democracy not hipster faux-democracy
Gregory: Are Americans in danger?
Clinton: we’re working triple-time on that gregg
[ break ]
Gregory: what the holy hell is happening Rich?
Engel: fighter jets, angry crowds, looting -
it’s like a SuperBowl here
Gregory: I see
Engel: also there’s a total collapse of Law & Order
Gregory: where’s Jerry Orbach when you need him
Engel: also the army may be planning a coup
Gregory: amazing
Engel: the government is encouraging looting and violence and lawlessness to punish the people
Gregory: oh I’m sure that will work
[ break ]
Gregory: Mitch what is your reaction to what is happening in Egypt
McConnell: Republicans love ships in the Suez and Israel so we love Mubarak
Gregory: but you also called for democracy
McConnell: yes we have asked for this for 30 years
Gregory: if only you had some sway over him like money or something
Gregory: will you recognize a government run by the Muslim Brotherhood
McConnell: hell no
Gregory: what mistakes is Obama making?
McConnell: he’s doing what Republicans would do in a crisis - nothing
Gregory: but we give Egypt over a billion dollars a year
McConnell: yes but need access to the pyramids
to communicate with Seti Alpha 5
Gregory: do the lunatics in the tea party drive the GOP?
McConnell: there are no divisions in the Republican party - Democrats are the ones with all the problems!
Gregory: oh
McConnell: Democrats drove up the deficit and lost million of jobs
Gregory: your reality is quite fascinating
McConnell: thank you
Gregory: will you make big cuts to Social Security?
McConnell: no - we will just cut domestic spending enough now to prevent an economic recovery and get Mitt Romney elected in 2012
Gregory: I see
McConnell: we won’t touch entitlements unless the Democrats do it first
Gregory: you expect Obama to do it without you
McConnell: yes we will very bold - when he acts first
Gregory: will you shut down the government?
McConnell: we have an awesome opportunity to cut spending after not doing anything when Republicans were President
Gregory: so shut the government down or not?
McConnell: give me a fucking break - you try negotiating with that fucking catbird Obama on one side and Rand Paul on the other
Gregory: I hear ya Mitch
McConnell: aw fuck it I love you to man
[ starts sobbing ]
[ they hug ]
Gregory: look at Tweetdeck!!
Indyk: this is a 21st Century revolution - Twitter
and Facebook will bring down dictators all over the region
Gregory: holy crap
Indyk: Shit's gettin' real
Gregory: this guy won Survivor but can he win The Amazing Race?
Indyk: no he’s totally fucked
Gregory: what does this do to Middle East peace?
Indyk: no one knows what the hell is going on
Gregory: Thanks Marty -- Tom what is going there?
Friedman: because Egypt was such a good friend on terror and Israel we gave him a pass on the whole dictator thing
Gregory: and torture
Friedman: actually that was a plus
Gregory: can Mubarak stay?
Friedman: they need get their heads out of the sand and join the 21st century
Gregory: sounds like a plan
Friedman: this dude had 30 years to fix his country and he totally fucked it up
Gregory: wow that is not like America at all
Gregory: I am very scared of Islamic terrorists
Friedman: when you open the lid on a scary society like this you seen anger and rage
Gregory: aaaaaaaaack!!
Friedman: it’s frightening
Gregory: what should Obama do now?
Friedman: Announce that we support peace, democracy
and Facebook
Gregory: did this revolution surprise you?
Friedman: No my taxi driver in Davos told me it was going to happen
Gregory: oh he was from Egypt?
Friedman: no it was Tom Delay
Gregory: Panel look at this crazy Twitter feed!
Todd: the White House is busy following accounts on twitter #whatthehellisgoingon
Kay: Obama read Mubarak the riot act
Murphy: people in the Middle East want freedom and democracy which means of course they hate America
Ford: these young middle class professionals are angry - they should have had the foresight to be born into a rich connected family
Gregory: this is a real test for Obama!
Todd: except Egypt is not actually in America
Gregory: not technically perhaps
Kay: these protests could show that you don’t have to choose between dictatorship and terrorism
Murphy: true but eventually scary Muslims will probably take over - think Kerensky
Ford: Oh fuck Kerensky - it’s all about tumbldeck and Facetweet and Mysquare and Grouplinkd!!
Gregory: are those real?
Ford: who the fuck cares?
Gregory: Obama reinvented his Presidency in his State of the Union
Todd: Obama will merge two cabinet departments
Gregory: which ones?
Todd: Commerce and Housing &
Urban Development
Gregory: C.H.U.D
Todd: right
Gregory: Republicans want see Social Security destroyed - they just want Obama to do it for them
Murphy: Obama needs to jump off a cliff for the
good of America
Gregory: Independents hate spending
Ford: Obama needs to cut Social Security
Gregory: so we’re all agreed - Obama must take steps to guarantee his defeat
Ford: yes - that and create some jobs
Kay: Unemployment will still be high in 2012 - but if Obama cuts entitlements he may be reelected cause Independents love that
Gregory: right
Todd: the GOP have abandoned jobs in favor of banning gun-free gay abortions in downtown Washington DC
Gregory: interesting
Gregory: why doesn’t Mitt Romney announce already?
Murphy: he’s playing it cool
Todd: Romney you can’t skip Iowa - those farmers will gut you with their folksy pitchforks
Ford: the best thing politicians can do now is slash their budgets - people love that
Gregory: of course
Ford: the Egypt crisis is good for Romney
Gregory: he is a bit dim but he’s a serious white
man with big shoulders
Ford: that’s what we need
Gregory: speaking of that next week we celebrate the 100th birthday of Ronald Reagan
**********************
Hillary Clinton - U.S. Sec. of State
Sen. Mitch McConnell - (R-Minority Leader)
Martin Indyk
Richard Engel
Tom Friedman
Fmr. Rep. Harold Ford
Chuck Todd
Katty Kay
Mike Murphy
************************************
Gregory: Good morning - Hosni Mubarak still
clings to power in the face of massive protests
Gregory: Hillary is Mubarak really responding to the will of the people?
Clinton: you have to distinguish between protesters and those fucking looters
Gregory: Is Mubarak stable?
Clinton: I’m not a psychiatrist David
Gregory: what does the U.S. want?
Clinton: an orderly transition to democracy or whatever keeps that damn canal open
Gregory: are you calling for free and fair elections
Clinton: we always have Greggers
Gregory: but do you really mean it this time
Clinton: that’s up to the Egyptian people
Gregory: yes but you could make him leave
if you wanted to
Clinton: our position is very clear - we live in a Twitter and Facebook world now and people demand freedom, democracy and a Starbucks
with WiFi
Gregory: can we keep Murbarak in power?
Clinton: fuck that Fluffy - we need to respond to
the needs of the people!
Gregory: neato
Clinton: we need to stage in an Intervention -
this guy is totally out of control!
Gregory: but Hosni has always been good to us
Clinton: I was talking about Charlie Sheen
Gregory: Why not just install Murbarak in an apartment in Brooklyn?
Clinton: well he can live peacefully alongside Jews
Gregory: Do you want him in power?
Clinton: stop putting words in my mouth Fluffers
Gregory: sorry
Clinton: we want real democracy not hipster faux-democracy
Gregory: Are Americans in danger?
Clinton: we’re working triple-time on that gregg
[ break ]
Gregory: what the holy hell is happening Rich?
Engel: fighter jets, angry crowds, looting -
it’s like a SuperBowl here
Gregory: I see
Engel: also there’s a total collapse of Law & Order
Gregory: where’s Jerry Orbach when you need him
Engel: also the army may be planning a coup
Gregory: amazing
Engel: the government is encouraging looting and violence and lawlessness to punish the people
Gregory: oh I’m sure that will work
[ break ]
Gregory: Mitch what is your reaction to what is happening in Egypt
McConnell: Republicans love ships in the Suez and Israel so we love Mubarak
Gregory: but you also called for democracy
McConnell: yes we have asked for this for 30 years
Gregory: if only you had some sway over him like money or something
Gregory: will you recognize a government run by the Muslim Brotherhood
McConnell: hell no
Gregory: what mistakes is Obama making?
McConnell: he’s doing what Republicans would do in a crisis - nothing
Gregory: but we give Egypt over a billion dollars a year
McConnell: yes but need access to the pyramids
to communicate with Seti Alpha 5
Gregory: do the lunatics in the tea party drive the GOP?
McConnell: there are no divisions in the Republican party - Democrats are the ones with all the problems!
Gregory: oh
McConnell: Democrats drove up the deficit and lost million of jobs
Gregory: your reality is quite fascinating
McConnell: thank you
Gregory: will you make big cuts to Social Security?
McConnell: no - we will just cut domestic spending enough now to prevent an economic recovery and get Mitt Romney elected in 2012
Gregory: I see
McConnell: we won’t touch entitlements unless the Democrats do it first
Gregory: you expect Obama to do it without you
McConnell: yes we will very bold - when he acts first
Gregory: will you shut down the government?
McConnell: we have an awesome opportunity to cut spending after not doing anything when Republicans were President
Gregory: so shut the government down or not?
McConnell: give me a fucking break - you try negotiating with that fucking catbird Obama on one side and Rand Paul on the other
Gregory: I hear ya Mitch
McConnell: aw fuck it I love you to man
[ starts sobbing ]
[ they hug ]
Gregory: look at Tweetdeck!!
Indyk: this is a 21st Century revolution - Twitter
and Facebook will bring down dictators all over the region
Gregory: holy crap
Indyk: Shit's gettin' real
Gregory: this guy won Survivor but can he win The Amazing Race?
Indyk: no he’s totally fucked
Gregory: what does this do to Middle East peace?
Indyk: no one knows what the hell is going on
Gregory: Thanks Marty -- Tom what is going there?
Friedman: because Egypt was such a good friend on terror and Israel we gave him a pass on the whole dictator thing
Gregory: and torture
Friedman: actually that was a plus
Gregory: can Mubarak stay?
Friedman: they need get their heads out of the sand and join the 21st century
Gregory: sounds like a plan
Friedman: this dude had 30 years to fix his country and he totally fucked it up
Gregory: wow that is not like America at all
Gregory: I am very scared of Islamic terrorists
Friedman: when you open the lid on a scary society like this you seen anger and rage
Gregory: aaaaaaaaack!!
Friedman: it’s frightening
Gregory: what should Obama do now?
Friedman: Announce that we support peace, democracy
and Facebook
Gregory: did this revolution surprise you?
Friedman: No my taxi driver in Davos told me it was going to happen
Gregory: oh he was from Egypt?
Friedman: no it was Tom Delay
Gregory: Panel look at this crazy Twitter feed!
Todd: the White House is busy following accounts on twitter #whatthehellisgoingon
Kay: Obama read Mubarak the riot act
Murphy: people in the Middle East want freedom and democracy which means of course they hate America
Ford: these young middle class professionals are angry - they should have had the foresight to be born into a rich connected family
Gregory: this is a real test for Obama!
Todd: except Egypt is not actually in America
Gregory: not technically perhaps
Kay: these protests could show that you don’t have to choose between dictatorship and terrorism
Murphy: true but eventually scary Muslims will probably take over - think Kerensky
Ford: Oh fuck Kerensky - it’s all about tumbldeck and Facetweet and Mysquare and Grouplinkd!!
Gregory: are those real?
Ford: who the fuck cares?
Gregory: Obama reinvented his Presidency in his State of the Union
Todd: Obama will merge two cabinet departments
Gregory: which ones?
Todd: Commerce and Housing &
Urban Development
Gregory: C.H.U.D
Todd: right
Gregory: Republicans want see Social Security destroyed - they just want Obama to do it for them
Murphy: Obama needs to jump off a cliff for the
good of America
Gregory: Independents hate spending
Ford: Obama needs to cut Social Security
Gregory: so we’re all agreed - Obama must take steps to guarantee his defeat
Ford: yes - that and create some jobs
Kay: Unemployment will still be high in 2012 - but if Obama cuts entitlements he may be reelected cause Independents love that
Gregory: right
Todd: the GOP have abandoned jobs in favor of banning gun-free gay abortions in downtown Washington DC
Gregory: interesting
Gregory: why doesn’t Mitt Romney announce already?
Murphy: he’s playing it cool
Todd: Romney you can’t skip Iowa - those farmers will gut you with their folksy pitchforks
Ford: the best thing politicians can do now is slash their budgets - people love that
Gregory: of course
Ford: the Egypt crisis is good for Romney
Gregory: he is a bit dim but he’s a serious white
man with big shoulders
Ford: that’s what we need
Gregory: speaking of that next week we celebrate the 100th birthday of Ronald Reagan
**********************
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - January 30, 2011
Guests:
Hillary Clinton - U.S. Sec. of State
Sameh Shoukry - Egyptian Amb. to the U.S.
Mohamed ElBaradei
Zbigniew Brzezinski
***********************
Amanpour: Could democracy come to the middle east? Protests continue in Cairo despite fighter jets flying over and luckily there are no Muslims involved - so don’t panic America!!
Americans: eeeeeek!
Amanpour: the army is standing by watching people shouting for the regime’s downfall
Protester: Fuck Murbarak - he doesn’t care
about people!!
Mubarak: shit that’s my mother
Amanpour: Murbarak’s own party headquarters
was burned
Murbark: damm the party really is over
Obama: can’t we all just get along?
Hawass: they destroyed mummies!
King Tut: watch the face!
Mubarak: I appointed a vice-president -
what more do you people want??
Protestor: appointing a torture-happy lackey is no basis for a system of government
Amanpour: will you cut off funding for this
out-of-touch autocrat?
Clinton: Murbarak is showing great restraint in the face of all this looting
Amanpour: ok
Clinton: on the other hand we have a very
very clear message
Amanpour: what is it
Clinton: a vague commitment to reform
Amanpour: he shuffled his cabinet isn’t that enough?
Clinton: [ laughs ] no it isn’t Christiane
Amanpour: is the Egypt government about to fall?
Clinton: look we love the Egyptians with their valuable fight against al-qaeda, friendship
toward Israel and their important alien communication networks
Amanpour: you mean the pyramids?
Clinton: I’ve said too much
Amanpour: is the U.S. hedging its bets?
Clinton: no not all -- we believe in democracy, human rights, and the profitable sale of tear gas canisters
Amanpour: awesome
Clinton: here’s the deal - Mubarak can crack down on looters but then they have to hold elections
Amanpour: thanks so much Hillary
[ break ]
Amanpour: what is the military doing on the streets?
Shoukry: people love the military -
support the troops!
Amanpour: the people really seem to hate Murbarak
Shoukry: in The President’s Speech he’s all about freedom
Amanpour: it sounds like everything is going to hell
Shoukry: look it took 500 years to build one pyramid so reform could take time
Amanpour: there are hundreds of thousands of people in the streets!
Shoukry: no it’s just people out for a stroll
Amanpour: so what happens next?
Shoukry: we will have a national dialogue about whether we should continue with an ineffective dictatorship
Amanpour: is Mubarak going to flee the nation?
Shoukry: let’s just say he’s on Expedia and Travelocity pretty much non-stop
Amanpour: may I suggest hotwire
Shoukry: he’s on it Christiane
Amanpour: you’re welcome buddy
[ break ]
Amanpour: what is happening here?
Hasan: the people have suffered for 30 years under this incompetent dictatorship and they’ve had enough
Amanpour: the Jets are here
Audience: Revis Island!
Hasan: the people don’t give a shit
Amanpour: What needs to happen now?
ElBaradei: first Mubarak needs to go and then we need to hold elections and then we must
restore order
Amanpour: will the army turn on the people?
ElBaradei: no but there are thugs roaming the streets -- it’s bad
Amanpour: what do people think of America?
ElBaradei: America needs to push Mubarak out now
Amanpour: but Americans are terrified of Muslims
ElBaradei: that’s a load of bullshit
Amanpour: but they’re so scary
ElBaradei: that’s really stupid
Amanpour: Is Osama bin Laden going to take over Egypt and attack Texas?
ElBaradei: [ palmface ]
Amanpour: how does this end?
ElBaradei: simple - hold elections and put in a real government and one friendly to America based on something real and not bribery
Amanpour: can Hosni stay?
Brzezinski: hells no
Amanpour: how do you have democracy without letting scary muslims taking over?
Brzezinski: Mubarak can still be the good guy by leaving gracefully
Amanpour: well since the Red Sea parted they're owed another miracle
Hillary Clinton - U.S. Sec. of State
Sameh Shoukry - Egyptian Amb. to the U.S.
Mohamed ElBaradei
Zbigniew Brzezinski
***********************
Amanpour: Could democracy come to the middle east? Protests continue in Cairo despite fighter jets flying over and luckily there are no Muslims involved - so don’t panic America!!
Americans: eeeeeek!
Amanpour: the army is standing by watching people shouting for the regime’s downfall
Protester: Fuck Murbarak - he doesn’t care
about people!!
Mubarak: shit that’s my mother
Amanpour: Murbarak’s own party headquarters
was burned
Murbark: damm the party really is over
Obama: can’t we all just get along?
Hawass: they destroyed mummies!
King Tut: watch the face!
Mubarak: I appointed a vice-president -
what more do you people want??
Protestor: appointing a torture-happy lackey is no basis for a system of government
Amanpour: will you cut off funding for this
out-of-touch autocrat?
Clinton: Murbarak is showing great restraint in the face of all this looting
Amanpour: ok
Clinton: on the other hand we have a very
very clear message
Amanpour: what is it
Clinton: a vague commitment to reform
Amanpour: he shuffled his cabinet isn’t that enough?
Clinton: [ laughs ] no it isn’t Christiane
Amanpour: is the Egypt government about to fall?
Clinton: look we love the Egyptians with their valuable fight against al-qaeda, friendship
toward Israel and their important alien communication networks
Amanpour: you mean the pyramids?
Clinton: I’ve said too much
Amanpour: is the U.S. hedging its bets?
Clinton: no not all -- we believe in democracy, human rights, and the profitable sale of tear gas canisters
Amanpour: awesome
Clinton: here’s the deal - Mubarak can crack down on looters but then they have to hold elections
Amanpour: thanks so much Hillary
[ break ]
Amanpour: what is the military doing on the streets?
Shoukry: people love the military -
support the troops!
Amanpour: the people really seem to hate Murbarak
Shoukry: in The President’s Speech he’s all about freedom
Amanpour: it sounds like everything is going to hell
Shoukry: look it took 500 years to build one pyramid so reform could take time
Amanpour: there are hundreds of thousands of people in the streets!
Shoukry: no it’s just people out for a stroll
Amanpour: so what happens next?
Shoukry: we will have a national dialogue about whether we should continue with an ineffective dictatorship
Amanpour: is Mubarak going to flee the nation?
Shoukry: let’s just say he’s on Expedia and Travelocity pretty much non-stop
Amanpour: may I suggest hotwire
Shoukry: he’s on it Christiane
Amanpour: you’re welcome buddy
[ break ]
Amanpour: what is happening here?
Hasan: the people have suffered for 30 years under this incompetent dictatorship and they’ve had enough
Amanpour: the Jets are here
Audience: Revis Island!
Hasan: the people don’t give a shit
Amanpour: What needs to happen now?
ElBaradei: first Mubarak needs to go and then we need to hold elections and then we must
restore order
Amanpour: will the army turn on the people?
ElBaradei: no but there are thugs roaming the streets -- it’s bad
Amanpour: what do people think of America?
ElBaradei: America needs to push Mubarak out now
Amanpour: but Americans are terrified of Muslims
ElBaradei: that’s a load of bullshit
Amanpour: but they’re so scary
ElBaradei: that’s really stupid
Amanpour: Is Osama bin Laden going to take over Egypt and attack Texas?
ElBaradei: [ palmface ]
Amanpour: how does this end?
ElBaradei: simple - hold elections and put in a real government and one friendly to America based on something real and not bribery
Amanpour: can Hosni stay?
Brzezinski: hells no
Amanpour: how do you have democracy without letting scary muslims taking over?
Brzezinski: Mubarak can still be the good guy by leaving gracefully
Amanpour: well since the Red Sea parted they're owed another miracle
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
State of the Union Address - President Barack Obama - Jan. 25 2011
********************************
Sergeant-at-arms: Heeeereee’s Baraaaack!!
Boehner: I just found out this guy is my half-brother - President Obama!!!
Obama: Thanks John
Republicans, Democrats, and Michelle Bachmann - give it up for the Crying Man!!
[clap clap clap]
Obama: Let’s remember Gabby Giffords
[ Applause ]
Obama: Tuscon reminds us that no matter who are or where we come from we live in an America in which we are bound together by the knowledge any of us at any time can be shot by a manic waving a legally purchased automatic weapon meant for killing dozens of people
[ yaaaaaay ]
But however much we hate each others guts we
still have to work together
That’s what the voters want - those fucking idiots
Voters want us to rebuild America, restore manufacturing, and make this nation a beacon to
the whole world - in other words those poor deluded fools want the impossible
But good news America - the stock market is back and Wall Street is rich again!
[ yiiipeeeeeeee ]
Sadly the people still aren’t satisfied - those unemployed losers want even more!
So I gave businesses more tax cuts - which will create even more
jobs and if not then we will cut their taxes even more and more again
I know this is hard to believe, but America once had factories with decent pay and benefits with lifetime jobs
Well that was a long fucking time ago and those jobs have gone boys and they ain’t comin’ back
Springsteen: hey
We spend all our time on Facebook while damm Tiger moms teach their kids in Bangalore and Beijing to build supercomputers to beat our Jeopardy champions
Alex I’ll take Declining Empires for a thousand fucking dollars!
But the good news is for a few more years we
will still have the world’s biggest economy and our universities are teaching people from all over the world to beat us at our own game
Sure our stupid kids don’t memorize facts but
damm we got self-esteem!
[ yaaaay ]
We have to make America great again or at least not suck so much!
[ whoop whoop whoop ]
No one knows where the next jobs will come from but dammit we’re the nation that put a motherfucking car on the goddamm moon and made a 26 year-old socially inept asshole a billionaire ten times over!
50 years ago the Soviets built a robot dog named Sputnik and America met that challenge and built
an android named Al Gore!
[ yeeeeaaaahh ]
After 9/11 we needed some dudes from Michigan to rebuild the Pentagon
Sure we could spend money on clean energy but instead we’re going to hold a contest -- it’s like
reality tv fuckers!
[ much clapping ]
To pay for it I’m asking Congress to stop giving billions to oil companies!
[ confused applause ]
By 2035 I want 80 percent of America’s energy to come clean coal, wind, solar and an army of fucking mutant hamsters!
[ YAAAY ]
Now let’s talk about our idiot kids - they can’t even finish our high schools, which isn’t even that hard!! Criminy people!
Listen up parents - turn off the tv! NOT NOW sheesh!!
Fuck Ben Rothliesberger - give it up for the
nerds and geeks!
[ cheering ]
I invented Race To The Top - first school with 10 students who can run 100 yards without stopping gets a billion dollars!
But not No Child Left Behind - I’m done with that shit
[ CLAP ]
Take some crappy gang-ridden school in South Park Colorado - for years this school killed Kenny and now we have put an end to it - Kenny LIVES!!
[ yaaaay!!!! ]
Let’s honor teachers and build a motherfuckin’ nation here at home!!
We need engineering and science and math teachers!
So will bring here from India and China!! America needs you!
[ muted clapping ]
But let’s face it - college is where the real fun is.
So I told Sallie Mae to fuck off!
[ whooo hoooo ]
By the end of the decade America will have more students going to keg parties than any other
country in the world!!!
[ yeaaaahhh!! ]
America’s colleges are full of foreigners - without them who will staff our IT departments?!? Who will log us on when we have forgotten our passwords? Who will retrieve our lost e-mails?!!?
[ whispered agreement ]
America built the transcontinental railroad!!
But that 100 fucking years ago!!
We could build high-speed rail which is better than flying - without the body groping unless that is you what you want Lindsey Graham
The tax is too damm high!! Let’s cut the tax for
those poor corporations!!
[ YAYYYY ]
I’d like to double exports by 2014!
I’d also like to be a white man with Brad Pitt’s looks, Tom Brady’s wife and Mark Zuckerberg’s money!
[clapping and cheering ]
I ordered Joe Biden to read every government regulation
[ fuck yeah ]
I enacted financial regulation and health care reform!
[ Boooooo ]
Hey morons - you want to reform health care be my fucking guest
Go ahead fuck over people with preexisting conditions - I’m sure the American will love that
Be sure to screw over the young and old people too while you’re at it
All right shitheads let’s talk about the debt created by as usual Republicans
Now that I solved the recession it’s to cut the spending that solved the recession
[ YAAAY]
So tonight I propose we freeze spending for 5 years
[ clap ]
These cuts will be painful - like cutting funding to ACORN and the Pentagon’s Shark-Laser program
But that won’t be enough!
Alan Simpson told me we have to cut spending everywhere! Including Medicare and Medicaid!
What’s the answer? Fucking Tort reform!
That’s right! Kicking it old school!
What about the old, infirm, crippled and mentally ill? What about Dick Cheney?
If we want to buy him that nuclear powered machine in place of a heart we have to raise taxes on the rich!
[ clap ]
While we’re at it - why not simplify the tax code? Hells even Timmy Geithner can’t figure it out!!
[ heh ]
I’m trying be the anti-George Bush! Black articulate and competent!
Did you know there’s one federal department for marijuana in brownies and another when it’s smoked! That’s fucking crazy!
[ whoooooooo ]
If someone sends me a bill with ear marks I will veto it! This ain’t no fucking David Lynch movie!!
[ yaaaaay ]
America’s moral example must always shine for those who stand for liberty, freedom and indefinite detention without charges!!
We’re leaving Iraq and violence is down to less than Camden New Jersey!
As extremists promote violence - I say this to Glenn Beck - Muslims are Americans too!!
We’re getting the fuck out of Afghanistan. It will take the combined efforts of fifty countries to get out us - we’re the morbidly obese of modern empires!!
But we can still kick some al-qaeda ass!!
I got the START treaty enacted, put sanctions on Iraq and spanked North Korea - that’s right I’m a Nobel prize winner fuckers!!
I’ve been to Russia, Asia and India, cleaning up Bush’s embarrassing messes one nation at a time!!
Next year Michelle and I are going to Brazil - Carnavale fuckers!!
Now there is peace in Sudan - of course you’re still stuck in Sudan but whatever
And then there’s Tunisia
Bachmann: gesundheit
Thanks darling
I love our troops - they totally rock
[ cheers ]
Let us treat them as well as they have treated us -
or at least better than we were which isn’t much
Our soldiers are Hindu and Jewish and Muslim
McCain: what the fuck
And gay! So let’s be the best gayest military there fucking is!!
[ yaaaay ]
None of this will be easy - especially with a Congress of drooling morons
I wish I was a dictator- believe me
But at least we’re not French with their horrible food and socialized health care
[ clap clap clap ]
We’re a nation where even two white idiots like
Joe Biden and John Boehner can serve in mildly high office
[ yaaaaaaaaaay ]
I have a dream - where Americas can come to the aid of exploited workers halfway around the world
[ fuck yeah ]
We do big things goddammit
We’re a nation of great big huge enormous people! We’re motherfucking supersized!
Good night white fuckers!!!
**********************************
Sergeant-at-arms: Heeeereee’s Baraaaack!!
Boehner: I just found out this guy is my half-brother - President Obama!!!
Obama: Thanks John
Republicans, Democrats, and Michelle Bachmann - give it up for the Crying Man!!
[clap clap clap]
Obama: Let’s remember Gabby Giffords
[ Applause ]
Obama: Tuscon reminds us that no matter who are or where we come from we live in an America in which we are bound together by the knowledge any of us at any time can be shot by a manic waving a legally purchased automatic weapon meant for killing dozens of people
[ yaaaaaay ]
But however much we hate each others guts we
still have to work together
That’s what the voters want - those fucking idiots
Voters want us to rebuild America, restore manufacturing, and make this nation a beacon to
the whole world - in other words those poor deluded fools want the impossible
But good news America - the stock market is back and Wall Street is rich again!
[ yiiipeeeeeeee ]
Sadly the people still aren’t satisfied - those unemployed losers want even more!
So I gave businesses more tax cuts - which will create even more
jobs and if not then we will cut their taxes even more and more again
I know this is hard to believe, but America once had factories with decent pay and benefits with lifetime jobs
Well that was a long fucking time ago and those jobs have gone boys and they ain’t comin’ back
Springsteen: hey
We spend all our time on Facebook while damm Tiger moms teach their kids in Bangalore and Beijing to build supercomputers to beat our Jeopardy champions
Alex I’ll take Declining Empires for a thousand fucking dollars!
But the good news is for a few more years we
will still have the world’s biggest economy and our universities are teaching people from all over the world to beat us at our own game
Sure our stupid kids don’t memorize facts but
damm we got self-esteem!
[ yaaaay ]
We have to make America great again or at least not suck so much!
[ whoop whoop whoop ]
No one knows where the next jobs will come from but dammit we’re the nation that put a motherfucking car on the goddamm moon and made a 26 year-old socially inept asshole a billionaire ten times over!
50 years ago the Soviets built a robot dog named Sputnik and America met that challenge and built
an android named Al Gore!
[ yeeeeaaaahh ]
After 9/11 we needed some dudes from Michigan to rebuild the Pentagon
Sure we could spend money on clean energy but instead we’re going to hold a contest -- it’s like
reality tv fuckers!
[ much clapping ]
To pay for it I’m asking Congress to stop giving billions to oil companies!
[ confused applause ]
By 2035 I want 80 percent of America’s energy to come clean coal, wind, solar and an army of fucking mutant hamsters!
[ YAAAY ]
Now let’s talk about our idiot kids - they can’t even finish our high schools, which isn’t even that hard!! Criminy people!
Listen up parents - turn off the tv! NOT NOW sheesh!!
Fuck Ben Rothliesberger - give it up for the
nerds and geeks!
[ cheering ]
I invented Race To The Top - first school with 10 students who can run 100 yards without stopping gets a billion dollars!
But not No Child Left Behind - I’m done with that shit
[ CLAP ]
Take some crappy gang-ridden school in South Park Colorado - for years this school killed Kenny and now we have put an end to it - Kenny LIVES!!
[ yaaaay!!!! ]
Let’s honor teachers and build a motherfuckin’ nation here at home!!
We need engineering and science and math teachers!
So will bring here from India and China!! America needs you!
[ muted clapping ]
But let’s face it - college is where the real fun is.
So I told Sallie Mae to fuck off!
[ whooo hoooo ]
By the end of the decade America will have more students going to keg parties than any other
country in the world!!!
[ yeaaaahhh!! ]
America’s colleges are full of foreigners - without them who will staff our IT departments?!? Who will log us on when we have forgotten our passwords? Who will retrieve our lost e-mails?!!?
[ whispered agreement ]
America built the transcontinental railroad!!
But that 100 fucking years ago!!
We could build high-speed rail which is better than flying - without the body groping unless that is you what you want Lindsey Graham
The tax is too damm high!! Let’s cut the tax for
those poor corporations!!
[ YAYYYY ]
I’d like to double exports by 2014!
I’d also like to be a white man with Brad Pitt’s looks, Tom Brady’s wife and Mark Zuckerberg’s money!
[clapping and cheering ]
I ordered Joe Biden to read every government regulation
[ fuck yeah ]
I enacted financial regulation and health care reform!
[ Boooooo ]
Hey morons - you want to reform health care be my fucking guest
Go ahead fuck over people with preexisting conditions - I’m sure the American will love that
Be sure to screw over the young and old people too while you’re at it
All right shitheads let’s talk about the debt created by as usual Republicans
Now that I solved the recession it’s to cut the spending that solved the recession
[ YAAAY]
So tonight I propose we freeze spending for 5 years
[ clap ]
These cuts will be painful - like cutting funding to ACORN and the Pentagon’s Shark-Laser program
But that won’t be enough!
Alan Simpson told me we have to cut spending everywhere! Including Medicare and Medicaid!
What’s the answer? Fucking Tort reform!
That’s right! Kicking it old school!
What about the old, infirm, crippled and mentally ill? What about Dick Cheney?
If we want to buy him that nuclear powered machine in place of a heart we have to raise taxes on the rich!
[ clap ]
While we’re at it - why not simplify the tax code? Hells even Timmy Geithner can’t figure it out!!
[ heh ]
I’m trying be the anti-George Bush! Black articulate and competent!
Did you know there’s one federal department for marijuana in brownies and another when it’s smoked! That’s fucking crazy!
[ whoooooooo ]
If someone sends me a bill with ear marks I will veto it! This ain’t no fucking David Lynch movie!!
[ yaaaaay ]
America’s moral example must always shine for those who stand for liberty, freedom and indefinite detention without charges!!
We’re leaving Iraq and violence is down to less than Camden New Jersey!
As extremists promote violence - I say this to Glenn Beck - Muslims are Americans too!!
We’re getting the fuck out of Afghanistan. It will take the combined efforts of fifty countries to get out us - we’re the morbidly obese of modern empires!!
But we can still kick some al-qaeda ass!!
I got the START treaty enacted, put sanctions on Iraq and spanked North Korea - that’s right I’m a Nobel prize winner fuckers!!
I’ve been to Russia, Asia and India, cleaning up Bush’s embarrassing messes one nation at a time!!
Next year Michelle and I are going to Brazil - Carnavale fuckers!!
Now there is peace in Sudan - of course you’re still stuck in Sudan but whatever
And then there’s Tunisia
Bachmann: gesundheit
Thanks darling
I love our troops - they totally rock
[ cheers ]
Let us treat them as well as they have treated us -
or at least better than we were which isn’t much
Our soldiers are Hindu and Jewish and Muslim
McCain: what the fuck
And gay! So let’s be the best gayest military there fucking is!!
[ yaaaay ]
None of this will be easy - especially with a Congress of drooling morons
I wish I was a dictator- believe me
But at least we’re not French with their horrible food and socialized health care
[ clap clap clap ]
We’re a nation where even two white idiots like
Joe Biden and John Boehner can serve in mildly high office
[ yaaaaaaaaaay ]
I have a dream - where Americas can come to the aid of exploited workers halfway around the world
[ fuck yeah ]
We do big things goddammit
We’re a nation of great big huge enormous people! We’re motherfucking supersized!
Good night white fuckers!!!
**********************************
Republican response to State of the Union Address
Hi I’m Congressman Paul Ryan - tonight’s designated loser
As the Bible says - let’s pray for the wounded and cut the deficit
We cut Congress’s own budget - no more hookers before 9:00 p.m!!
Obama doubled the size of the government 50 years from now!
It’s true we handed Obama a total crisis but he created more debt - it was an 84% increase if you totally lie
And then he said Americans deserve health care - I mean that’s just crazy
How can businesses create jobs with all these sick people being treated? What the hell?
Last week Republicans passed a fictional repeal of the health care law so our work is done
Republicans just realized that the debt is out of control - so we need to cut taxes for corporations and rich people
It’s a fucking spending spree!
Oh by the way we love old people so more money for all you voters
As Thomas Jefferson once said the purpose of government is to build a wall to keep out immigrants, attack pirates, cut taxes for the rich and keep mosques out of lower Manhattan
What is up with government anyway? I mean do we really need one? Really?
We’re approaching a tipping point - within a year a young inexperienced black son of a Kenyan will prove to be a better President than a white Yale legacy son of a President. We don’t have much time! Our day of reckoning is soon here!! We must act now!!
Remember Lincoln was a white guy! And so was Washington! White guys brought you Gettysburg, Pearl Harbor and Ultimate Fighting! Give us another chance!!
Pleeeeeaasseeee!!!!???
**************************
As the Bible says - let’s pray for the wounded and cut the deficit
We cut Congress’s own budget - no more hookers before 9:00 p.m!!
Obama doubled the size of the government 50 years from now!
It’s true we handed Obama a total crisis but he created more debt - it was an 84% increase if you totally lie
And then he said Americans deserve health care - I mean that’s just crazy
How can businesses create jobs with all these sick people being treated? What the hell?
Last week Republicans passed a fictional repeal of the health care law so our work is done
Republicans just realized that the debt is out of control - so we need to cut taxes for corporations and rich people
It’s a fucking spending spree!
Oh by the way we love old people so more money for all you voters
As Thomas Jefferson once said the purpose of government is to build a wall to keep out immigrants, attack pirates, cut taxes for the rich and keep mosques out of lower Manhattan
What is up with government anyway? I mean do we really need one? Really?
We’re approaching a tipping point - within a year a young inexperienced black son of a Kenyan will prove to be a better President than a white Yale legacy son of a President. We don’t have much time! Our day of reckoning is soon here!! We must act now!!
Remember Lincoln was a white guy! And so was Washington! White guys brought you Gettysburg, Pearl Harbor and Ultimate Fighting! Give us another chance!!
Pleeeeeaasseeee!!!!???
**************************
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Meet The Press - January 23, 2011
Guests:
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA)
Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC)
Karen Hughes (Fmr. Bush advisor)
John Podesta (Center for American Progress)
Ron Brownstein (Atlantic Media)
Erin Burnett (CNBC)
*****************************
Gregory: Eric what should Obama say on Tuesday?
Cantor: Obama is obsessed with getting things
done in Washington
Gregory: How odd
Cantor: the America people hate their government
Gregory: they do?
Cantor: we need to cut spending not invest
Gregory: so you reject investment to get out of recession or build up America for the future?
Cantor: darn right Greggers
Gregory: How will you cut $100 billion?
Cantor: oh that wasn’t serious
Gregory: what happened to your promises?
Cantor: we’re against all past rampant spending
by Congress
Gregory: didn’t you do that?
Cantor: yes but all that is different now
Gregory: so what will you cut?
Cantor: a lot
Gregory: like what?
Cantor: did I mention all this is the Democrats fault?
Gregory: are you going to blackmail the President by threatening to default on the debt?
Cantor: right - we’re going to demand huge cuts
in spending
Gregory: ok like what cuts?
Cantor: hundreds of programs
Gregory: fascinating - like what?
Cantor: the Presidential Election Fund
Gregory: ok so nothing
Cantor: [ pouts ]
Gregory: how about defense spending?
Cantor: sure maybe
Gregory: Dick Armey says we should end
farm subsidies and turn the White House into
an Applebees
Cantor: we should cut what needs to be cut
Gregory: Harry Reid says Social Security is fine
Cantor: it’s a train wreck
Gregory: so what’s the solution?
Cantor: repeal Obama’s health care bill
Gregory: I didn’t ask about that - I asked about Social Security
Cantor: Reid is not willing to cut Medicare
Gregory: what are you willing to do?
Cantor: we’re willing to discuss it
Gregory: how much more discussion do you need?
Cantor: ok - between you and me we will cut Social Security for young people
Gregory: It seems like John Boehner does not have a serious alternative to Obama’s health care plan
Cantor: maybe but Obama’s plan was
jammed through
Gregory: what’s your plan?
Cantor: we have a plan to eventually have a plan
Gregory: what is the plan?
Cantor: Let people negotiate with their doctors
Gregory: it seems like you don’t have a plan at all
Cantor: we don’t but at least we won’t jam through any bills
Gregory: you jammed through Obamacare
repeal last week
Cantor: we had 7 hours of debate
Gregory: ok then
Cantor: Republicans believe top-down government from Washington sucks and we have set out to prove it
Gregory: is Obama a moderate?
Cantor: I’ll believe that if he proves Washington is not the answer by resigning
Gregory: Loony conservatives think Obama was born in Kenya which is crazy-talk
Cantor: it’s very uncivil to call people crazy
Gregory: do you think it’s ok to call Obama a foreign America-hating fascist
Cantor: you’re trying to get me to engage in name-calling
Gregory: do you think Obama is trying to bring
down America?
Cantor: no I think he’s doing it by accident
Gregory: fair enough
Cantor: The real question is Obama going to renounce equality of outcomes and willing to
see people's lives crushed to benefit the rich and connected
Gregory: I’m guessing not
Cantor: then he hates America
Gregory: what’s the deal with the Tea Party?
Cantor: stop picking on those cute wackos
Gregory: Reid says the Tea Party is will disappear now that China has stopped making funny
novelty hats
Cantor: I love those anti-government freaks
Gregory: thanks for coming Eric
[ break ]
Gregory: What should the President say
on Tuesday?
Burnett: putting GE in charge of exports was genius because they export more jobs than anyone
Clyburn: Obama has created more jobs in 2 years that Bush did in 8
Podesta: Obama should stop worrying about what happens on Capitol Hill and worry about what happens in America
Gregory: I see
Hughes: The President doesn’t know how to
create jobs like Republicans do
Gregory: is that right
Hughes: Obama is just like a Republican now - except successful
Brownstein: but he still believes in government -
he's like Abe Lincoln only handsome
Lincoln: screw you brownie
Hughes: this huge debt is terrible!!
Gregory: didn’t you work for George Bush?
Burnett: Calm down we’re still a very rich
country people
Gregory: Could we have a government shut-down - that would be so much fun
Clyburn: Anything is possible after all Republicans recently nearly destroyed this country
Gregory: true but Obama passed health care reform which is the same
Hughes: Give us credit - Republicans bailed out
Wall Street with your taxes!
Gregory: truly brilliant
Brownstein: To compete with China we should cut medical care for old people
Gregory: Why didn’t Obama hire Immelt 2 years ago instead of giving some losers health care
Clyburn: because Fluffy personal bankruptcies were caused by health care expenses
Hughes: Obama lost 6 million jobs since he caused the recession when he became President
in December of 2008
Gregory: how interesting
Brownstein: what the fuck is the GOP health plan anyway?
Gregory: 2012 is upon us!
Obama: We are a divided nation but we can all come together as one people and find common ground: hating the New England Patriots
Gregory: Will Obama be a one-term President?
Hughes: oh sure
Gregory: He’s more popular now
Hughes: Only because a Democrat Congresswoman got shot
Gregory: that’s all?
Hughes: also people love big tax cuts
Gregory: that's true
Burnett: Wall Street thinks Obama will crush
Mitt Romney
Hughes he’s cheating by being popular
Brownstein: the GOP has blue-collar voters who love tax cuts for the rich and hate government
Gregory: Can Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin win?
Podesta: they can carry the lunatic vote which is a large percentage of a GOP primary
Clyburn: Palin is attractive and articulate but dumb
Gregory: that’s sexist Jim
Clyburn: I have three daughters smarter than Palin and a cocker spaniel with better political skills
Gregory: that sounds right
Hughes: forget Palin - feel the Pawlentropy!
Brownstein: Obama has to turn out women, blacks, gays, vegans and all the other freaks
Burnett: No one is really willing to tell Americans the
free ride is over
Gregory: Obama’s Ambassador can win the GOP primary!
Podesta: you’re still a moron Fluffy
Gregory: Do you think anyone will yell at Obama this year
Clyburn: Let’s see if the GOP regains it’s sanity
Gregory: Anything could happen - and that's
Meet The Press
*******************************
House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA)
Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC)
Karen Hughes (Fmr. Bush advisor)
John Podesta (Center for American Progress)
Ron Brownstein (Atlantic Media)
Erin Burnett (CNBC)
*****************************
Gregory: Eric what should Obama say on Tuesday?
Cantor: Obama is obsessed with getting things
done in Washington
Gregory: How odd
Cantor: the America people hate their government
Gregory: they do?
Cantor: we need to cut spending not invest
Gregory: so you reject investment to get out of recession or build up America for the future?
Cantor: darn right Greggers
Gregory: How will you cut $100 billion?
Cantor: oh that wasn’t serious
Gregory: what happened to your promises?
Cantor: we’re against all past rampant spending
by Congress
Gregory: didn’t you do that?
Cantor: yes but all that is different now
Gregory: so what will you cut?
Cantor: a lot
Gregory: like what?
Cantor: did I mention all this is the Democrats fault?
Gregory: are you going to blackmail the President by threatening to default on the debt?
Cantor: right - we’re going to demand huge cuts
in spending
Gregory: ok like what cuts?
Cantor: hundreds of programs
Gregory: fascinating - like what?
Cantor: the Presidential Election Fund
Gregory: ok so nothing
Cantor: [ pouts ]
Gregory: how about defense spending?
Cantor: sure maybe
Gregory: Dick Armey says we should end
farm subsidies and turn the White House into
an Applebees
Cantor: we should cut what needs to be cut
Gregory: Harry Reid says Social Security is fine
Cantor: it’s a train wreck
Gregory: so what’s the solution?
Cantor: repeal Obama’s health care bill
Gregory: I didn’t ask about that - I asked about Social Security
Cantor: Reid is not willing to cut Medicare
Gregory: what are you willing to do?
Cantor: we’re willing to discuss it
Gregory: how much more discussion do you need?
Cantor: ok - between you and me we will cut Social Security for young people
Gregory: It seems like John Boehner does not have a serious alternative to Obama’s health care plan
Cantor: maybe but Obama’s plan was
jammed through
Gregory: what’s your plan?
Cantor: we have a plan to eventually have a plan
Gregory: what is the plan?
Cantor: Let people negotiate with their doctors
Gregory: it seems like you don’t have a plan at all
Cantor: we don’t but at least we won’t jam through any bills
Gregory: you jammed through Obamacare
repeal last week
Cantor: we had 7 hours of debate
Gregory: ok then
Cantor: Republicans believe top-down government from Washington sucks and we have set out to prove it
Gregory: is Obama a moderate?
Cantor: I’ll believe that if he proves Washington is not the answer by resigning
Gregory: Loony conservatives think Obama was born in Kenya which is crazy-talk
Cantor: it’s very uncivil to call people crazy
Gregory: do you think it’s ok to call Obama a foreign America-hating fascist
Cantor: you’re trying to get me to engage in name-calling
Gregory: do you think Obama is trying to bring
down America?
Cantor: no I think he’s doing it by accident
Gregory: fair enough
Cantor: The real question is Obama going to renounce equality of outcomes and willing to
see people's lives crushed to benefit the rich and connected
Gregory: I’m guessing not
Cantor: then he hates America
Gregory: what’s the deal with the Tea Party?
Cantor: stop picking on those cute wackos
Gregory: Reid says the Tea Party is will disappear now that China has stopped making funny
novelty hats
Cantor: I love those anti-government freaks
Gregory: thanks for coming Eric
[ break ]
Gregory: What should the President say
on Tuesday?
Burnett: putting GE in charge of exports was genius because they export more jobs than anyone
Clyburn: Obama has created more jobs in 2 years that Bush did in 8
Podesta: Obama should stop worrying about what happens on Capitol Hill and worry about what happens in America
Gregory: I see
Hughes: The President doesn’t know how to
create jobs like Republicans do
Gregory: is that right
Hughes: Obama is just like a Republican now - except successful
Brownstein: but he still believes in government -
he's like Abe Lincoln only handsome
Lincoln: screw you brownie
Hughes: this huge debt is terrible!!
Gregory: didn’t you work for George Bush?
Burnett: Calm down we’re still a very rich
country people
Gregory: Could we have a government shut-down - that would be so much fun
Clyburn: Anything is possible after all Republicans recently nearly destroyed this country
Gregory: true but Obama passed health care reform which is the same
Hughes: Give us credit - Republicans bailed out
Wall Street with your taxes!
Gregory: truly brilliant
Brownstein: To compete with China we should cut medical care for old people
Gregory: Why didn’t Obama hire Immelt 2 years ago instead of giving some losers health care
Clyburn: because Fluffy personal bankruptcies were caused by health care expenses
Hughes: Obama lost 6 million jobs since he caused the recession when he became President
in December of 2008
Gregory: how interesting
Brownstein: what the fuck is the GOP health plan anyway?
Gregory: 2012 is upon us!
Obama: We are a divided nation but we can all come together as one people and find common ground: hating the New England Patriots
Gregory: Will Obama be a one-term President?
Hughes: oh sure
Gregory: He’s more popular now
Hughes: Only because a Democrat Congresswoman got shot
Gregory: that’s all?
Hughes: also people love big tax cuts
Gregory: that's true
Burnett: Wall Street thinks Obama will crush
Mitt Romney
Hughes he’s cheating by being popular
Brownstein: the GOP has blue-collar voters who love tax cuts for the rich and hate government
Gregory: Can Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin win?
Podesta: they can carry the lunatic vote which is a large percentage of a GOP primary
Clyburn: Palin is attractive and articulate but dumb
Gregory: that’s sexist Jim
Clyburn: I have three daughters smarter than Palin and a cocker spaniel with better political skills
Gregory: that sounds right
Hughes: forget Palin - feel the Pawlentropy!
Brownstein: Obama has to turn out women, blacks, gays, vegans and all the other freaks
Burnett: No one is really willing to tell Americans the
free ride is over
Gregory: Obama’s Ambassador can win the GOP primary!
Podesta: you’re still a moron Fluffy
Gregory: Do you think anyone will yell at Obama this year
Clyburn: Let’s see if the GOP regains it’s sanity
Gregory: Anything could happen - and that's
Meet The Press
*******************************
This Week with Christiane Amanpour - January 23, 2011
Guests:
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT)
Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND)
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX)
Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT)
Rep. Chris Gibson (R-NY)
Rep. Bobby Schilling (R-IL)
********************************
Amanpour: Obama is giving a State of the Union address - what will he say?!
Tapper: Obama took a shellacking but now his
poll numbers up!
Gergen: shockingly I think he should move to the center and work with Republicans and businesses
Tapper: and repeal the health care law
Obama: I love fat cats!
Cats: I can haz exportz?
Gergen: His theme should be repealing
dumb regulations
Tapper: but the debt!
Amanpour: it’s a pivotal time for Obama!
Obama: it’s always pivotal Christiane
Amanpour: I will find out what Obama has to do win reelection by talking to three people who couldn’t get reelected
Lieberman: He must take great risks to attack the biggest threat since Ramadan - the debt
Hutchinson: Obamacare caused the lost of six million jobs in 2008
Conrad: we must reduce America’s reliance on foreign energy by being more lazy
Amanpour: all three of you have great records
of working with conservatives - why are you quitting now?
Lieberman: I want to try being widely despised in whole other areas
Amanpour: Are you leaving because no one
likes you?
Lieberman: that has nothing to do with it
Amanpour: Beltway pundits love you
Lieberman: I could have won my election if wanted to
Amanpour: that’s not what I hear
Lieberman: feel the Joementum!
Amanpour: why do people in heart of America hate democrats?
Conrad: because of TARP which Bush did
Amanpour: anything else
Conrad: also people in the Midwest hate
auto companies
Amanpour: Kay you’re too liberal for the Tea Party - are they insane?
Hutchinson: not at all they’re wonderful weirdos
Amanpour: I see
Hutchinson: I would have won also
Amanpour: So you and Joe are both delusional
Hutchinson: I read Tea Party blogs and I’m amazed at how psychotic they are
Amanpour: why do they hate you so much?
Hutchinson: I don’t know - I said the stimulus was just like the Holocaust
Amanpour: the Village cried itself to sleep when
you three retired
Lieberman: the GOP reached out the President on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
Amanpour: oh really
Lieberman: we need to raise Gross National Confidence
Amanpour: well you’re quitting so that should help
Conrad: we need to cut Social Security and Medicare
Amanpour: what about the military?
Conrad: Chris do you want us to be invaded by North Korea?
Amanpour: Kay who’s your date to the SOTU?
Conrad: I’ll go with you darling
Lieberman: it’s just like high school - no one
wants to sit with me
Amanpour: you idiots are adorable
Amanpour: the President has to work with a new Congress of dentists, pizza makers and
reality tv stars
Schilling: I was amazed to find that Nancy Pelosi isn’t Satan
Lee: I have modest goals - just amend the Constitution to balance the budget
Amanpour: did the Tuscon shooting increase civility?
Schilling: If Obama stops being so mean to Republicans
Lee: If we are nicer to each the shooter wins
Amanpour: what will you cut?
Schilling: Everything
Lee: Taxes!
Amanpour: Okay then
*****************************
Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT)
Sen. Kent Conrad (D-ND)
Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX)
Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT)
Rep. Chris Gibson (R-NY)
Rep. Bobby Schilling (R-IL)
********************************
Amanpour: Obama is giving a State of the Union address - what will he say?!
Tapper: Obama took a shellacking but now his
poll numbers up!
Gergen: shockingly I think he should move to the center and work with Republicans and businesses
Tapper: and repeal the health care law
Obama: I love fat cats!
Cats: I can haz exportz?
Gergen: His theme should be repealing
dumb regulations
Tapper: but the debt!
Amanpour: it’s a pivotal time for Obama!
Obama: it’s always pivotal Christiane
Amanpour: I will find out what Obama has to do win reelection by talking to three people who couldn’t get reelected
Lieberman: He must take great risks to attack the biggest threat since Ramadan - the debt
Hutchinson: Obamacare caused the lost of six million jobs in 2008
Conrad: we must reduce America’s reliance on foreign energy by being more lazy
Amanpour: all three of you have great records
of working with conservatives - why are you quitting now?
Lieberman: I want to try being widely despised in whole other areas
Amanpour: Are you leaving because no one
likes you?
Lieberman: that has nothing to do with it
Amanpour: Beltway pundits love you
Lieberman: I could have won my election if wanted to
Amanpour: that’s not what I hear
Lieberman: feel the Joementum!
Amanpour: why do people in heart of America hate democrats?
Conrad: because of TARP which Bush did
Amanpour: anything else
Conrad: also people in the Midwest hate
auto companies
Amanpour: Kay you’re too liberal for the Tea Party - are they insane?
Hutchinson: not at all they’re wonderful weirdos
Amanpour: I see
Hutchinson: I would have won also
Amanpour: So you and Joe are both delusional
Hutchinson: I read Tea Party blogs and I’m amazed at how psychotic they are
Amanpour: why do they hate you so much?
Hutchinson: I don’t know - I said the stimulus was just like the Holocaust
Amanpour: the Village cried itself to sleep when
you three retired
Lieberman: the GOP reached out the President on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
Amanpour: oh really
Lieberman: we need to raise Gross National Confidence
Amanpour: well you’re quitting so that should help
Conrad: we need to cut Social Security and Medicare
Amanpour: what about the military?
Conrad: Chris do you want us to be invaded by North Korea?
Amanpour: Kay who’s your date to the SOTU?
Conrad: I’ll go with you darling
Lieberman: it’s just like high school - no one
wants to sit with me
Amanpour: you idiots are adorable
Amanpour: the President has to work with a new Congress of dentists, pizza makers and
reality tv stars
Schilling: I was amazed to find that Nancy Pelosi isn’t Satan
Lee: I have modest goals - just amend the Constitution to balance the budget
Amanpour: did the Tuscon shooting increase civility?
Schilling: If Obama stops being so mean to Republicans
Lee: If we are nicer to each the shooter wins
Amanpour: what will you cut?
Schilling: Everything
Lee: Taxes!
Amanpour: Okay then
*****************************
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Meet the Press - January 16, 2011
Guests:
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK)
Rev. Al Sharpton
David Brooks (NY Times)
Peggy Noonan (Wall St. Journal)
Tim Shriver (Washington Post)
**************************************
Sen. Gregory: Kirsten how is Gabby doing
Gillibrand: she’s suffered a brain injury but can
still serve in Congress effectively
Gregory: of course
Gregory: Obama says she opened her eyes
Gillibrand: it’s thrilling for her constituents
Gregory: what was it like to be there?
Gillibrand: her husband is amazing
Gregory: did you know he actually is a
rocket scientist
Gillibrand: she’s a fighter
Gregory: just like mark wahlberg
Gillibrand: she just wants to help people
and bring them together
Gregory: wow that’s very timely
Gillibrand: she always wanted a civil discourse
Gregory: everything was going fine until
she got shot
Gillibrand: small businesses are suffering!
Gregory: thanks for stopping by Kirsten
[ break ]
Gregory: and I'm back with Chuck S and
Tom GoBurn
Coburn: it’s Coburn
Gregory: whatever
Schumer: in Brooklyn we believe in civil
fucking discourse
Gregory: I see
Gregory: Arizona allows people to conceal carry
30 round clips in bars
Schumer: this drug addicted nut should never
have been allowed to buy a gun
Gregory: Tom do people really need to fire
30 bullets at one time?
Coburn: this poor individual needed help
Gregory: you sound like a bleeding-heart liberal
Coburn: he was crazy and if people had noticed he would never have been sold a gun although that was his sacred right
Gregory: well that is rather the point isn’t it
Schumer: 10 bullets is good enough for New York City so it should be enough for Arizona
Gregory: Chuck you haven’t used the word ‘motherfucker’ once and Tom Coburn is sitting
right here
Schumer: I’m trying to be fucking civil Fluffy
Gregory: Tom what about having sane guns laws?
Coburn: we shouldn’t have any laws because
people will just break them
Gregory: that makes perfect sense
Coburn: People need fire 30 bullets to
defend themselves!
Gregory: From who?
Coburn: from crazy people with guns!
Gregory: of course
Coburn: if lunatics are banned from owing guns half of members of Congress will not be allowed to carry and that’s not fair
Gregory: has political discourse gone too far?
Coburn: I’m disgusted by media that suggest that calling Obama a Marxist Nazi Kenyan witch doctor
is somehow wrong
Gregory: how fascinating
Coburn: we need to pay attention to the real risk to America - that Obama wants to prevent law-abiding people from bringing guns to a political rally
Gregory: what about violent political rhetoric?
Coburn: we should all take Glenn Beck’s pledge and set anyone who advocates violence on fire
Schumer: let Democrats sit next to Republicans so I can punch anyone who yells “you lie”
Gregory: Doctor can we repeal health care reform?
Coburn: we need market forces to bring down
health care costs
Gregory: what’s the solution
Coburn: let patients negotiate with doctors
Gregory: how so
Coburn: like offer to wash the surgeon’s Mercedes for a year in exchange for a hip replacement
Schumer: we have the best health care system in the world except the parts that suck
Gregory: Eric Cantor wants Obama to promise extend the recession exchange for raising the
debt ceiling
Schumer: fuck him
Coburn: after 30 years of GOP spending I just realized that big spending is terrible
Gregory: right
Coburn: the bond vigilantes will destroy America!
Gregory: ok ok doctor
[ break ]
Gregory: panel where do we go from here?
Brooks: the lesson from Tuscon is for Obama to bring people together by proposing Republican
tax policies
Gregory: remember how awesome it was when Reagan brought people together after the space shuttle blew up by reading someone else’s poem?
Noonan: he silenced all the damm Shuttle-haters
Gregory: what did Obama accomplish?
Noonan: he told us to avoid the blame game and reminded us that the Internet is full of crazy rhetoric that kills people
Sharpton: this lunatic in Arizona proves we need to find common ground in tax policy
Gregory: Obama told us to be great
Shriver: people are begging to be challenged and involved in their society
Gregory: McCain said Obama is a patriot who is not secretly trying to destroy America
Audience: [ puts down Obama=Hitler poster ]
Noonan: people are not worried about civil discourse they’re worried about murderous lunatics
Brooks: Reagan said you’re in charge of your own mental illness - lucky you!
Noonan: oh that was all the ivory tower liberals fault
[ pours into cocktail shaker]
Shriver: just be a buddy to a crazy person
Gregory: hey I had lunch with Michelle Bachmann
Sharpton: that is one handsome white boy
Gregory: Pawlenty is a very civil homophobe
Brooks: the root of civility is sinfulness and our culture downplays the evilness of liberals and their sinful hippie ways
Noonan: the unwashed masses lack huuumiiilllliityyyy!!!
[ drops ice cubes ]
Gregory: that is so true Peggy
Gregory: Got MLK?
Brooks: ha
Martin Luther King: it’s wrong to ignore centuries of neglect and declare equality overnight
Sharpton: we need to honor King and strengthen education and unions
Brooks: I got an e-mail about how schools are great and government sucks
Gregory: Obama is a black guy
Shapton: He’s the damm President Fluffy!
Noonan: [ open jar of olives ]
Shriver: King was an extremist for love and justice!
Gregory: wow he was like a cross between the Dalai Lama and Superman
Noonan: some documentary movies are Obama’s Nixon to China
[ twirls swizzle stick ]
Brooks: my advice is read a conservative, read a liberal, then read my column and you’ll be
ready for a stiff drink
Noonan: hear hear
[ raises glass ]
Sharpton: King changed white people’s reality -
deal with it!
Gregory: and that’s Meet the Press
**********************************
Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY)
Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY)
Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK)
Rev. Al Sharpton
David Brooks (NY Times)
Peggy Noonan (Wall St. Journal)
Tim Shriver (Washington Post)
**************************************
Sen. Gregory: Kirsten how is Gabby doing
Gillibrand: she’s suffered a brain injury but can
still serve in Congress effectively
Gregory: of course
Gregory: Obama says she opened her eyes
Gillibrand: it’s thrilling for her constituents
Gregory: what was it like to be there?
Gillibrand: her husband is amazing
Gregory: did you know he actually is a
rocket scientist
Gillibrand: she’s a fighter
Gregory: just like mark wahlberg
Gillibrand: she just wants to help people
and bring them together
Gregory: wow that’s very timely
Gillibrand: she always wanted a civil discourse
Gregory: everything was going fine until
she got shot
Gillibrand: small businesses are suffering!
Gregory: thanks for stopping by Kirsten
[ break ]
Gregory: and I'm back with Chuck S and
Tom GoBurn
Coburn: it’s Coburn
Gregory: whatever
Schumer: in Brooklyn we believe in civil
fucking discourse
Gregory: I see
Gregory: Arizona allows people to conceal carry
30 round clips in bars
Schumer: this drug addicted nut should never
have been allowed to buy a gun
Gregory: Tom do people really need to fire
30 bullets at one time?
Coburn: this poor individual needed help
Gregory: you sound like a bleeding-heart liberal
Coburn: he was crazy and if people had noticed he would never have been sold a gun although that was his sacred right
Gregory: well that is rather the point isn’t it
Schumer: 10 bullets is good enough for New York City so it should be enough for Arizona
Gregory: Chuck you haven’t used the word ‘motherfucker’ once and Tom Coburn is sitting
right here
Schumer: I’m trying to be fucking civil Fluffy
Gregory: Tom what about having sane guns laws?
Coburn: we shouldn’t have any laws because
people will just break them
Gregory: that makes perfect sense
Coburn: People need fire 30 bullets to
defend themselves!
Gregory: From who?
Coburn: from crazy people with guns!
Gregory: of course
Coburn: if lunatics are banned from owing guns half of members of Congress will not be allowed to carry and that’s not fair
Gregory: has political discourse gone too far?
Coburn: I’m disgusted by media that suggest that calling Obama a Marxist Nazi Kenyan witch doctor
is somehow wrong
Gregory: how fascinating
Coburn: we need to pay attention to the real risk to America - that Obama wants to prevent law-abiding people from bringing guns to a political rally
Gregory: what about violent political rhetoric?
Coburn: we should all take Glenn Beck’s pledge and set anyone who advocates violence on fire
Schumer: let Democrats sit next to Republicans so I can punch anyone who yells “you lie”
Gregory: Doctor can we repeal health care reform?
Coburn: we need market forces to bring down
health care costs
Gregory: what’s the solution
Coburn: let patients negotiate with doctors
Gregory: how so
Coburn: like offer to wash the surgeon’s Mercedes for a year in exchange for a hip replacement
Schumer: we have the best health care system in the world except the parts that suck
Gregory: Eric Cantor wants Obama to promise extend the recession exchange for raising the
debt ceiling
Schumer: fuck him
Coburn: after 30 years of GOP spending I just realized that big spending is terrible
Gregory: right
Coburn: the bond vigilantes will destroy America!
Gregory: ok ok doctor
[ break ]
Gregory: panel where do we go from here?
Brooks: the lesson from Tuscon is for Obama to bring people together by proposing Republican
tax policies
Gregory: remember how awesome it was when Reagan brought people together after the space shuttle blew up by reading someone else’s poem?
Noonan: he silenced all the damm Shuttle-haters
Gregory: what did Obama accomplish?
Noonan: he told us to avoid the blame game and reminded us that the Internet is full of crazy rhetoric that kills people
Sharpton: this lunatic in Arizona proves we need to find common ground in tax policy
Gregory: Obama told us to be great
Shriver: people are begging to be challenged and involved in their society
Gregory: McCain said Obama is a patriot who is not secretly trying to destroy America
Audience: [ puts down Obama=Hitler poster ]
Noonan: people are not worried about civil discourse they’re worried about murderous lunatics
Brooks: Reagan said you’re in charge of your own mental illness - lucky you!
Noonan: oh that was all the ivory tower liberals fault
[ pours into cocktail shaker]
Shriver: just be a buddy to a crazy person
Gregory: hey I had lunch with Michelle Bachmann
Sharpton: that is one handsome white boy
Gregory: Pawlenty is a very civil homophobe
Brooks: the root of civility is sinfulness and our culture downplays the evilness of liberals and their sinful hippie ways
Noonan: the unwashed masses lack huuumiiilllliityyyy!!!
[ drops ice cubes ]
Gregory: that is so true Peggy
Gregory: Got MLK?
Brooks: ha
Martin Luther King: it’s wrong to ignore centuries of neglect and declare equality overnight
Sharpton: we need to honor King and strengthen education and unions
Brooks: I got an e-mail about how schools are great and government sucks
Gregory: Obama is a black guy
Shapton: He’s the damm President Fluffy!
Noonan: [ open jar of olives ]
Shriver: King was an extremist for love and justice!
Gregory: wow he was like a cross between the Dalai Lama and Superman
Noonan: some documentary movies are Obama’s Nixon to China
[ twirls swizzle stick ]
Brooks: my advice is read a conservative, read a liberal, then read my column and you’ll be
ready for a stiff drink
Noonan: hear hear
[ raises glass ]
Sharpton: King changed white people’s reality -
deal with it!
Gregory: and that’s Meet the Press
**********************************
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Meet the Press - January 2, 2011
Guests:
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)
Sen. Pat Toomey (R-PA)
Prof. Stephen Carter (Yale)
E.J. Dionne (Wash. Post)
Katty Kay (BBC)
David Brooks (NYT)
*****************************
Gregory: Happy New Year Linds
Graham: you too Greggers
Gregory: will you work with the President to
grow the economy?
Graham: yes - if he does what we want
Gregory: interesting
Graham: Obama caused a recession in 2008
Gregory: fascinating
Graham: we need certainty
Gregory: what does that mean?
Graham: “certainty” means “Republican policies”
Gregory: Did Fannie Mae cause the entire recession?
Graham: yes poor black people getting mortgages brought us the worst economy in 7 decades
Gregory: truly amazing
Graham: we must make home ownership harder
Gregory: Is telling people to have health care insurance unconstitutional?
Graham: states should opt out of their citizens having health care
Gregory: Obama and Harry Reid ate your lunch in the lame duck session
Graham: it’s terrible that we weren’t allowed to amend the bill to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell to
keep Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
Gregory: what will the GOP do in 2011?
Graham: cut spending which will hopefully
prevent a recovery and hurt Obama
Gregory: what will the tea party do?
Graham: if we’re lucky cut social security and misspell major legislation
Gregory: will you raise the debt ceiling?
Graham: if we don’t do it will wreck America forever
Gregory: so will you vote for it?
Graham: no
Gregory: what do you want?
Graham: privatize social security
Gregory: that’s crazy
Graham: President Rand Paul says we must cut Medicare and print more gold coins
Gregory: I see
Graham: we will be Greece if we don’t means-test entitlements
Gregory: amazingly you think Obama can’t hammer out a deal
Graham: right
Gregory: but you have to admit he got a lot done
at the end of 2010
Graham: but those were liberal policies so that doesn’t count
Gregory: will you shut down the government down?
Graham: the American people want us to do two things: cut the deficit and also cut the debt
Gregory: anything else?
Graham: also cut spending
Gregory: Biden says we’re getting out of Afghanistan come hell or high water
Graham: he’s a cool dude
Gregory: what do you want?
Graham: I want a long term enduring relationship
Gregory: Ok but what about Afghan war?
Graham: we should leave in a responsible way
Gregory: how so?
Graham: by keeping several U.S. air bases there forever
Gregory: Do you think the Afghan people want us in their country permanently?
Graham: well Fluffy they are going to have earn the right to have American soldiers occupy their nation until the end of time
Graham: who do you want to run for President?
Graham: hopefully someone who is not crazy
Gregory: so not Sarah Palin?
Graham: in a nutshell
[ break ]
Gregory: Obama had a good end to 2010 but the economy is still not strong enough
Brooks: We need to cut spending because
blah blah blah
Toomey: We should have free trade, lower
corporate taxes, and fewer environmental regulations on businesses
Dionne: If the GOP hates waste what about corporate welfare
Kay: America doesn’t want to face any real problems
Gregory: so sad
Kay: Tea Party politicians can either destroy America or disappoint their whacko supporters
Gregory: even Lindsay Graham is talking crazy on the debt ceiling - are you all fucking nuts?
Toomey: The debt is a big problem so I won’t vote for the debt ceiling until we cut corporate taxes
Dionne: the only people sacrificing are troops and poor people
Brooks: President Paul Ryan is finally willing to let poor people really suffer
Toomey: the people of Pennsylvania are willing to sacrifice their fictional earmarks
Gregory: but you guys are cutting taxes for the rich
Carter: let’s cut taxes for the rich but in exchange
tax more poor people
Kay: the America people want compromise and sacrifice - but they want other people to do all the compromising and sacrificing
Gregory: Let’s talk about what a failure Obama is
Dionne: he should propose popular things -
people seem to like that
Gregory: Who is going to be the GOP Presidential nominee?
Brooks: there are two camps - the Crazies and the Boring White Guys
Gregory: who will win?
Brooks: I still think the GOP is a Boring White Guy party
Toomey: If we don’t nominate a Crazy Person there will be a third party challenge
Gregory: could Palin carry Pennsylvania?
Toomey: well I’m an idiot and I won there
Gregory: good point
Gregory: Obama’s ambassador could win the
GOP nomination!
Brooks: Fluffy you are a moron’s moron
Kay: the next President will come from Facebook
Gregory: Haley Barbour was a racist but that was last week - now he’s a nice guy
Carter: there’s a Formless Anger out there
Gregory: a political Smoke Monster?
Carter: the winner in 2012 has to Ride the Anger
Gregory: Searing Populism!
Audience: new band names!
Brooks: people don’t Big Government or Small Government they want Effective Government
Toomey: no people want No Government
Kay: oh zip it Toomster
Gregory: What about Afghanistan?
Carter: why the hell are we even there?
Dionne: Democracies don’t like to get bogged down for ten years in a war in Afghanistan
Soviet Audience: is no picnic
Gregory: people like to have roads without mountains of snow
Kay: if you’re going to be a jerk like Chris Christie you had better be competent
Gregory: good point
Kay: Cory Booker was out there shoveling showing the old guys how it’s done
Brooks: why should New York City waste money on snow plows - just suck it up
Dionne: that’s really really stupid
Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press
**********************************
Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)
Sen. Pat Toomey (R-PA)
Prof. Stephen Carter (Yale)
E.J. Dionne (Wash. Post)
Katty Kay (BBC)
David Brooks (NYT)
*****************************
Gregory: Happy New Year Linds
Graham: you too Greggers
Gregory: will you work with the President to
grow the economy?
Graham: yes - if he does what we want
Gregory: interesting
Graham: Obama caused a recession in 2008
Gregory: fascinating
Graham: we need certainty
Gregory: what does that mean?
Graham: “certainty” means “Republican policies”
Gregory: Did Fannie Mae cause the entire recession?
Graham: yes poor black people getting mortgages brought us the worst economy in 7 decades
Gregory: truly amazing
Graham: we must make home ownership harder
Gregory: Is telling people to have health care insurance unconstitutional?
Graham: states should opt out of their citizens having health care
Gregory: Obama and Harry Reid ate your lunch in the lame duck session
Graham: it’s terrible that we weren’t allowed to amend the bill to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell to
keep Don’t Ask Don’t Tell
Gregory: what will the GOP do in 2011?
Graham: cut spending which will hopefully
prevent a recovery and hurt Obama
Gregory: what will the tea party do?
Graham: if we’re lucky cut social security and misspell major legislation
Gregory: will you raise the debt ceiling?
Graham: if we don’t do it will wreck America forever
Gregory: so will you vote for it?
Graham: no
Gregory: what do you want?
Graham: privatize social security
Gregory: that’s crazy
Graham: President Rand Paul says we must cut Medicare and print more gold coins
Gregory: I see
Graham: we will be Greece if we don’t means-test entitlements
Gregory: amazingly you think Obama can’t hammer out a deal
Graham: right
Gregory: but you have to admit he got a lot done
at the end of 2010
Graham: but those were liberal policies so that doesn’t count
Gregory: will you shut down the government down?
Graham: the American people want us to do two things: cut the deficit and also cut the debt
Gregory: anything else?
Graham: also cut spending
Gregory: Biden says we’re getting out of Afghanistan come hell or high water
Graham: he’s a cool dude
Gregory: what do you want?
Graham: I want a long term enduring relationship
Gregory: Ok but what about Afghan war?
Graham: we should leave in a responsible way
Gregory: how so?
Graham: by keeping several U.S. air bases there forever
Gregory: Do you think the Afghan people want us in their country permanently?
Graham: well Fluffy they are going to have earn the right to have American soldiers occupy their nation until the end of time
Graham: who do you want to run for President?
Graham: hopefully someone who is not crazy
Gregory: so not Sarah Palin?
Graham: in a nutshell
[ break ]
Gregory: Obama had a good end to 2010 but the economy is still not strong enough
Brooks: We need to cut spending because
blah blah blah
Toomey: We should have free trade, lower
corporate taxes, and fewer environmental regulations on businesses
Dionne: If the GOP hates waste what about corporate welfare
Kay: America doesn’t want to face any real problems
Gregory: so sad
Kay: Tea Party politicians can either destroy America or disappoint their whacko supporters
Gregory: even Lindsay Graham is talking crazy on the debt ceiling - are you all fucking nuts?
Toomey: The debt is a big problem so I won’t vote for the debt ceiling until we cut corporate taxes
Dionne: the only people sacrificing are troops and poor people
Brooks: President Paul Ryan is finally willing to let poor people really suffer
Toomey: the people of Pennsylvania are willing to sacrifice their fictional earmarks
Gregory: but you guys are cutting taxes for the rich
Carter: let’s cut taxes for the rich but in exchange
tax more poor people
Kay: the America people want compromise and sacrifice - but they want other people to do all the compromising and sacrificing
Gregory: Let’s talk about what a failure Obama is
Dionne: he should propose popular things -
people seem to like that
Gregory: Who is going to be the GOP Presidential nominee?
Brooks: there are two camps - the Crazies and the Boring White Guys
Gregory: who will win?
Brooks: I still think the GOP is a Boring White Guy party
Toomey: If we don’t nominate a Crazy Person there will be a third party challenge
Gregory: could Palin carry Pennsylvania?
Toomey: well I’m an idiot and I won there
Gregory: good point
Gregory: Obama’s ambassador could win the
GOP nomination!
Brooks: Fluffy you are a moron’s moron
Kay: the next President will come from Facebook
Gregory: Haley Barbour was a racist but that was last week - now he’s a nice guy
Carter: there’s a Formless Anger out there
Gregory: a political Smoke Monster?
Carter: the winner in 2012 has to Ride the Anger
Gregory: Searing Populism!
Audience: new band names!
Brooks: people don’t Big Government or Small Government they want Effective Government
Toomey: no people want No Government
Kay: oh zip it Toomster
Gregory: What about Afghanistan?
Carter: why the hell are we even there?
Dionne: Democracies don’t like to get bogged down for ten years in a war in Afghanistan
Soviet Audience: is no picnic
Gregory: people like to have roads without mountains of snow
Kay: if you’re going to be a jerk like Chris Christie you had better be competent
Gregory: good point
Kay: Cory Booker was out there shoveling showing the old guys how it’s done
Brooks: why should New York City waste money on snow plows - just suck it up
Dionne: that’s really really stupid
Gregory: and that’s Meet The Press
**********************************
ABC's This Week - January 2, 2011
Host: Jake Tapper
Guests:
Austan Goolsbee
George Clooney
************************
Tapper: Hey America the economy is growing
but unemployment is still high
Tapper: Gools where are the jobs?
Goolsbee: It’s a bumpy road but we’re on
the right track
Tapper: how do you juice the economy?
Goolsbee: we already cut taxes on business
17 times
Tapper: what about trade with Korea?
Goolsbee: North or South?
Tapper: whichever works slick
Goolsbee: Obama supports lowering tariffs
on kimchi
Tapper: he’s going to lose Wisconsin if he
crosses the sauerkraut lobby
Goolsbee: well forget it then
Tapper: will unemployment ever go down?
Goolsbee: maybe
Tapper: really?
Goolsbee: we’re going to cut unemployment because we have to
Tapper: will Congress lift the debt ceiling?
Goolsbee: those nutty tea partiers might
actually default
Tapper: they are so much fun
Goolsbee: it’s not a fucking game - it would
be catastrophic
Tapper: awesome
Goolsbee: it would be the first economic crisis in history caused by insane people wearing funny hats who can’t spell
Tapper: but Obama thinks we should cut spending
Goolsbee: true
Tapper: what is Obama willing cut from the budget?
Goolsbee: Jet fighters built in GOP districts
Tapper: what about building a time machine
back to 1998?
Goolsbee: we’re open to all proposals Tappy
Tapper: very good
Goolsbee: the reason the deficit is high is not spending - it’s because we’re in a recession
Tapper: It’s 2011 so give me some new ideas for the economy
Goolsbee: criminy Tappster Obama signed a massive tax cut daya ago that’s just coming into place now
Tapper: but that was last month
Goolsbee: I know!
Tapper: I’m bored so let’s go to George Clooney’s plan to start his own tv network - the
Sudan Genocide Channel
Clooney: it’s going to be the TMZ of crimes against humanity
Tapper: that’s redundant
Tapper: why not a start a history network about Nostradamus and aliens
Clooney: because the Chinese are turning a blind eye to war crimes
Tapper: unlike the U.S.?
Clooney: good point
Tapper: will this really be effective?
Clooney: we’ll be like the paparazzi - you never know where we’ll be or if we’re watching
Tapper: I like it
Tapper: will you document crimes by both sides?
Clooney: darn right
Tapper: this will cost $750,00 - isn’t this a terrible waste of money?
Clooney: no because this could help millions of people for less than it costs to fluff
David Gregory’s hair
Tapper: fair enough
Clooney: we have to do something to address this terrible problem
Tapper: but in the Ivory Coast right now there’s an unelected Presidential war criminal flouting international law and the global standards
of decent behavior
Clooney: George W. Bush is in Africa?
Tapper: LOL
Tapper: George you can’t get the world to care about atrocities in Africa or anywhere else and you’re incredibly good looking!
Clooney: we’re going to threaten to put them on tv with Chris Hansen
Tapper: Has Obama done enough or are you disappointed like everyone else?
Clooney: he hasn’t stopped the genocide but on the plus side he’s not actually bombing the country himself
Tapper: thanks for coming
****************************************
Guests:
Austan Goolsbee
George Clooney
************************
Tapper: Hey America the economy is growing
but unemployment is still high
Tapper: Gools where are the jobs?
Goolsbee: It’s a bumpy road but we’re on
the right track
Tapper: how do you juice the economy?
Goolsbee: we already cut taxes on business
17 times
Tapper: what about trade with Korea?
Goolsbee: North or South?
Tapper: whichever works slick
Goolsbee: Obama supports lowering tariffs
on kimchi
Tapper: he’s going to lose Wisconsin if he
crosses the sauerkraut lobby
Goolsbee: well forget it then
Tapper: will unemployment ever go down?
Goolsbee: maybe
Tapper: really?
Goolsbee: we’re going to cut unemployment because we have to
Tapper: will Congress lift the debt ceiling?
Goolsbee: those nutty tea partiers might
actually default
Tapper: they are so much fun
Goolsbee: it’s not a fucking game - it would
be catastrophic
Tapper: awesome
Goolsbee: it would be the first economic crisis in history caused by insane people wearing funny hats who can’t spell
Tapper: but Obama thinks we should cut spending
Goolsbee: true
Tapper: what is Obama willing cut from the budget?
Goolsbee: Jet fighters built in GOP districts
Tapper: what about building a time machine
back to 1998?
Goolsbee: we’re open to all proposals Tappy
Tapper: very good
Goolsbee: the reason the deficit is high is not spending - it’s because we’re in a recession
Tapper: It’s 2011 so give me some new ideas for the economy
Goolsbee: criminy Tappster Obama signed a massive tax cut daya ago that’s just coming into place now
Tapper: but that was last month
Goolsbee: I know!
Tapper: I’m bored so let’s go to George Clooney’s plan to start his own tv network - the
Sudan Genocide Channel
Clooney: it’s going to be the TMZ of crimes against humanity
Tapper: that’s redundant
Tapper: why not a start a history network about Nostradamus and aliens
Clooney: because the Chinese are turning a blind eye to war crimes
Tapper: unlike the U.S.?
Clooney: good point
Tapper: will this really be effective?
Clooney: we’ll be like the paparazzi - you never know where we’ll be or if we’re watching
Tapper: I like it
Tapper: will you document crimes by both sides?
Clooney: darn right
Tapper: this will cost $750,00 - isn’t this a terrible waste of money?
Clooney: no because this could help millions of people for less than it costs to fluff
David Gregory’s hair
Tapper: fair enough
Clooney: we have to do something to address this terrible problem
Tapper: but in the Ivory Coast right now there’s an unelected Presidential war criminal flouting international law and the global standards
of decent behavior
Clooney: George W. Bush is in Africa?
Tapper: LOL
Tapper: George you can’t get the world to care about atrocities in Africa or anywhere else and you’re incredibly good looking!
Clooney: we’re going to threaten to put them on tv with Chris Hansen
Tapper: Has Obama done enough or are you disappointed like everyone else?
Clooney: he hasn’t stopped the genocide but on the plus side he’s not actually bombing the country himself
Tapper: thanks for coming
****************************************
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