Sunday, February 06, 2011

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - February 6, 2011

Omar Suleiman - V.P of Egypt
Sameh Shoukry: Egypt Amb. to U.S.
Amanpour: it’s been an epic week in Egypt and we’ve got all the major players on the show today

Audience: yay

Amanpour: all the protesters were optimistic -
they are singing and yelling against the government for the first time in 30 years

Protester: suck it Mubarak!

Amanpour: then we ran into pro-authoritarian protesters who fear chaos

Pro-mubarak protester: damm hippies

Protester: Mubarak has done a lot of good
but he’s become a tragic figure

Murbarak: send in the camels!

Protesters: to the paving stones!

Thugs: go away journalists!

Protesters: we’re not leaving!

[ break ]

Amanpour: Hosni will you quit?

Mubarak: I’m fed up and I want to retire

Amanpour: so why don’t you?

Mubarak: I can’t my pension was with Bear Stearns!

Amanpour: hey protesters I met with Mubarak

Protestors: omg what did he say

Amanpour: he said he already met your demands

Protestor: what a dick

[ break ]

Amanpour: you are meeting the opposition parties?

Suleiman: right

Amanpour: including Elbaradei?

Suleiman: no he’s too popular

Amanpour: will you transition to true democracy?

Suleiman: we will if you do

Amanpour: Murbark wants to quit but he
doesn’t want to rush it

Suleiman: things are too chaotic right now

Amanpour: will you run for President?

Suleiman: hell no that’s a thankless job

Amanpour: why not

Suleiman: please I want to keep my head

Amanpour: what is going on in the streets of the Middle East?

Suleiman: that’s all outside agitators

Amanpour: you can’t really believe that

Suleiman: yes - all foreigners with their sinister ideas about free speech

Amanpour: but now the youth have the Internet

Suleiman: they are being instigated by vicious outsiders like Israel and Mark Zuckerberg

Amanpour: Do you even believe in democracy?

Suleiman: for sure someday - like in 30 years

Amanpour: what do you want from the opposition?

Suleiman: Patience - give us 5 more years of ignoring them

Amanpour: what message do you have for the people in Tahrir Square?

Suleiman: go away

Amanpour: thanks very much

[ break ]

Amanpour: So the government is now meeting
with the Muslim Brotherhood

Shoukry: yes but it shouldn’t go to their heads

Amanpour: what happens now?

Shoukry: before fleeing for their lives government officials needs to steal everything not nailed down

Amanpour: Obama said you guys should
try democracy

Shoukry: true but he also said Egyptians have to solve this on their which we took to mean dictators are still cool

Amanpour: you have had a State of Emergency
for decades

Shoukry: right but a week of protests prove everything is fine now

Amanpour: why were journalists purposefully attacked?

Shoukry: that’s terrible but you know as Rumsfeld says democracy is messy

Amanpour: protestors were also beaten and shot

Shoukry: well emotions were running high

Amanpour: thanks a bunch Ambassador

Amanpour: Mubarak told me he never intended for his idiot son become President

George H. W. Bush: hey neither did I

Tapper: ha ha Obama didn’t see all the protests
in Egypt coming

Mubarak: um yeah what an idiot

Tapper: ha silly Obama -- all focused on the
State of the Union

Biden: I like Mubarak- we play poker every Friday

Tapper: Obama told Mubarak to fire his cabinet and he did - ha clueless Obama

Clinton: there needs to be reform and an orderly transition

Obama: Hosni you can’t run again and you have
to quit

Mubarak: for reals Barack?

Tapper: ha Obama has critics who have their
doubts about him

Audience: oooh he’s not the messiah

Amanpour: What does the White House say now?

Tapper: they want elections to be held later so other groups can catch up to the Muslim Brotherhood

Audience: but I thought Obama was a secret Muslim

Tapper: he is - but Obama is part of the Brotherhood of Muslims -- they hate those fake splitters the Muslim Brotherhood

Audience: I see

Amanpour: in other news the government has lifted the ban on text messaging

Tapper: lol r u on twitter #sillyobama


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