Sunday, February 13, 2011

Meet The Press - February 13, 2011

Speaker John Boehner (R-OH)
Rep. Bobby Schilling - (R-IL)
Kasim Reed - (D-Mayor Atlanta)
Dee Dee Myers
David Brooks
Mark Halperin

Gregory: holy shit after 18 days of protests
Mubarak quit

Engel: things are returning back to normal in Cairo

Gregory: amazing

Engel: doctors, lawyers and even police are demonstrating demanding an end to corrupt outdated institutions like the state internal
security ministry and cable news

Gregory: oh dear

Engel: the army suspended the constitution, dissolved the parliament and took over the country

Gregory: now I feel better

Gregory: it seems like reform is sweeping the middle east

Indyk: Qadaffi could be next - fancy epaulets
only take you so far

Gregory: did Tweetdeck bring down a dictator?

Wright: the young cyber-generation are bringing down the powerful and now they have to govern

Gregory: this is what terrifies me

Indyk: forget the Muslim Brotherhood
- do we want to be governed by a bunch of iPod-hooked teenagers??

Gregory: what about Iran?

Wright: Iran says it supports the Egyptian protesters and it shows it by shooting Iranian protesters

Gregory: Republicans have raised doubts
about Obama

Audience: that is shocking indeed

Gregory: welcome Mr. Speaker
Boehner: thanks

Gregory: does the GOP think Obama pushed Mubarak out too fast?

Boehner: we need to support freedom

Gregory: Rick Santorum doesn’t think so

Boehner: well he’s an idiot

Gregory: so you don’t like Murbarak?

Boehner: we need to listen to people crying
out for freedom
[ starts crying ]

Gregory: I see

Boehner: they’re crying for freedom fluffy [ sobs ]

Gregory: what does worry you?

Boehner: we can’t support violent crazy radicals who don’t supports right or democracy

Gregory: we’ll get to the tea party later

Gregory: what makes you think the Egyptians are ready for democracy?

Boehner: I believe freedom and low taxes are a god-given right

Gregory: Obama didn’t see this coming!

Boehner: well nobody’s perfect

Gregory: but aren’t you terribly disappointed?

Boehner: no

Gregory: jesus fucking christ who do I have to invite on to get someone to bash Obama?!?!?

Boehner: sobs

Gregory: the tea party is mad at you

Boehner: I know! [ sniffles ]

Gregory: will you at least fulfill your pledge to cut $100 billion from the budget?

Boehner: yes whatever shuts those loons up

Gregory: will you cut critical programs and damage the recovery

Boehner: when are we going to get serious about cutting spending?

Gregory: ok get serious and cut the defense budget

Boehner: Obama’s excessive spending causes unemployment

Gregory: oh I see

Boehner: we must cut spending now!

Gregory: won’t that cause another recession?

Boehner: no cutting spending will create jobs

Gregory: how does that work?

Boehner: because businesses will see Washington get serious about the debt and hire the people their business needs

Gregory: um yeah

Boehner: After big spending under Reagan, Bush I, Bush II it’s finally time to cut spending

Gregory: so cut Social Security!

Boehner: look David you and I both want to cut Social Security but not every Americans realize it’s necessary and it’s up to you and I educate them

Gregory: I’m on it

Gregory: shouldn’t the government get out of mortgage business?

Boehner: damm right

Gregory: won’t that collapse the housing market?

Boehner: it would have before but recent experience shows that the private sector can handle the private mortgage market

Gregory: Do you believe Obama is from Kenya

Boehner: he could be

Gregory: shouldn’t you stand up to utter ignorance?

Boehner: it’s not our job to tell people to the truth - we have to listen to the American people

Gregory: interesting perspective

Boehner: look people read a lot of things it’s not our job to traffic in truth

Gregory: Is your party trying to convince people Obama is Kenyan-Muslim-Marxist

Boehner: no I’m trying to convince people he borrows-and-spends so much he is almost as bad Reagan, George Bush or George W Bush

Boehner: you say people in Washington are trying to snuff out the American dream

Boehner: right

Gregory: but you’re Speaker of the House

Boehner: technically

Gregory: Rep. Chris Lee resigned because he put a shirtless picture of himself on the Internet

Boehner: Shitless Rep in Tasteless Move

Gregory: heh

Boehner: we will not tolerate immorality in the party that does not involve passing out checks from lobbyists on the House floor

Gregory: isn’t Obama doomed?

Boehner: you have persuaded me Fluffy

Gregory: who is the front runner in the GOP race in 2012 out of Romney, Huckabee, Palin and Paul?

Boehner: good god - hopefully someone else will come forward

Gregory: what do you need in a candidate?

Boehner: someone who can spout bullshit
really skillfully

Gregory: what about the tea party

Boehner: I love those gun-toting lunatics

[ break ]

Gregory: let us turn to our Egypt expert David Books

Brooks: John Boehner supports Obama which means he must have really screwed up

Halperin: Iran terrifies me

Gregory: what terrifies you pizza man?

Schilling: I am terrified of war with Israel and pineapple toppings

Gregory: If you are not Boehner’s clone whose
clone are you

Schilling: I created by cross-fertilizing the DNA of Ronald Reagan and Ayn Rand

Gregory: the leaders are already compromising on the promises they made to the tea party -
are you furious?

Schilling: no they gave me a key to the Congressional bathroom and I folded
like a cheap suit

Gregory: you get one of those anyway

Schilling: oh

Reed: we need be honest about spending

Gregory: there’s a split between Big Spenders and Cutters

Myers: the real split is in the Republican party between the Crazy and Corporate

Brooks: these brave brave Republicans are cutting important programs but aren’t really willing to cut anything big

Schilling: I’m sick of tired of the direction of this nation since we elected a Democrat President

Gregory: so what do you want

Schilling: we must cut entitlements!

Gregory: like what specifically

Schilling: I don’t know that’s not my job -
I’m a small businessman

Gregory: But you’re in Congress now

Schilling: I am - holy shit

Halperin: with all due respect to the Congressman he’s an idiot

Brooks: I have good news - there are some people in Congress willing to eliminate Social Security

Gregory: thank god

Reed: just cut it already so we can prepare

Gregory: Ron Paul won the CPAC 2012 straw poll!

Halperin: It’s between Gingrich, Romney Huckabee and
“Unnamed Not Crazy Person”

Myers: the GOP nomination always goes the Respectable White Male which is Mitt Romney but this is not your father’s GOP

Schilling: The Tea Party is going demand an insane nominee

Gregory: can Obama win if unemployment is still high?

Reed: yeah he will probably have to

Gregory: how about Jeb Bush and Obama’s Ambassador to China?

Brooks: and Donald Trump

Gregory: wow!

Brooks: I’m mocking you Fluffy

Gregory: so who is a serious candidate?

Brook: John Thune - he’s so dreamy looking!

Gregory: can Obama lose?

Halperin: yes when he screws up Egypt by excessively supporting democracy

Gregory: ha journalists are thin-skinned and demanding and that’s Meet The Press