Sunday, January 23, 2011

Meet The Press - January 23, 2011

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA)
Rep. James Clyburn (D-SC)
Karen Hughes (Fmr. Bush advisor)
John Podesta (Center for American Progress)
Ron Brownstein (Atlantic Media)
Erin Burnett (CNBC)

Gregory: Eric what should Obama say on Tuesday?

Cantor: Obama is obsessed with getting things
done in Washington

Gregory: How odd

Cantor: the America people hate their government

Gregory: they do?

Cantor: we need to cut spending not invest

Gregory: so you reject investment to get out of recession or build up America for the future?

Cantor: darn right Greggers

Gregory: How will you cut $100 billion?

Cantor: oh that wasn’t serious

Gregory: what happened to your promises?

Cantor: we’re against all past rampant spending
by Congress

Gregory: didn’t you do that?

Cantor: yes but all that is different now

Gregory: so what will you cut?

Cantor: a lot

Gregory: like what?

Cantor: did I mention all this is the Democrats fault?

Gregory: are you going to blackmail the President by threatening to default on the debt?

Cantor: right - we’re going to demand huge cuts
in spending

Gregory: ok like what cuts?

Cantor: hundreds of programs

Gregory: fascinating - like what?

Cantor: the Presidential Election Fund

Gregory: ok so nothing

Cantor: [ pouts ]

Gregory: how about defense spending?

Cantor: sure maybe

Gregory: Dick Armey says we should end
farm subsidies and turn the White House into
an Applebees

Cantor: we should cut what needs to be cut

Gregory: Harry Reid says Social Security is fine

Cantor: it’s a train wreck

Gregory: so what’s the solution?

Cantor: repeal Obama’s health care bill

Gregory: I didn’t ask about that - I asked about Social Security

Cantor: Reid is not willing to cut Medicare

Gregory: what are you willing to do?

Cantor: we’re willing to discuss it

Gregory: how much more discussion do you need?

Cantor: ok - between you and me we will cut Social Security for young people

Gregory: It seems like John Boehner does not have a serious alternative to Obama’s health care plan

Cantor: maybe but Obama’s plan was
jammed through

Gregory: what’s your plan?

Cantor: we have a plan to eventually have a plan

Gregory: what is the plan?

Cantor: Let people negotiate with their doctors

Gregory: it seems like you don’t have a plan at all

Cantor: we don’t but at least we won’t jam through any bills

Gregory: you jammed through Obamacare
repeal last week

Cantor: we had 7 hours of debate

Gregory: ok then

Cantor: Republicans believe top-down government from Washington sucks and we have set out to prove it

Gregory: is Obama a moderate?

Cantor: I’ll believe that if he proves Washington is not the answer by resigning

Gregory: Loony conservatives think Obama was born in Kenya which is crazy-talk

Cantor: it’s very uncivil to call people crazy

Gregory: do you think it’s ok to call Obama a foreign America-hating fascist

Cantor: you’re trying to get me to engage in name-calling

Gregory: do you think Obama is trying to bring
down America?

Cantor: no I think he’s doing it by accident

Gregory: fair enough

Cantor: The real question is Obama going to renounce equality of outcomes and willing to
see people's lives crushed to benefit the rich and connected

Gregory: I’m guessing not

Cantor: then he hates America

Gregory: what’s the deal with the Tea Party?

Cantor: stop picking on those cute wackos

Gregory: Reid says the Tea Party is will disappear now that China has stopped making funny
novelty hats

Cantor: I love those anti-government freaks

Gregory: thanks for coming Eric

[ break ]

Gregory: What should the President say
on Tuesday?

Burnett: putting GE in charge of exports was genius because they export more jobs than anyone

Clyburn: Obama has created more jobs in 2 years that Bush did in 8

Podesta: Obama should stop worrying about what happens on Capitol Hill and worry about what happens in America

Gregory: I see

Hughes: The President doesn’t know how to
create jobs like Republicans do

Gregory: is that right

Hughes: Obama is just like a Republican now - except successful

Brownstein: but he still believes in government -
he's like Abe Lincoln only handsome

Lincoln: screw you brownie

Hughes: this huge debt is terrible!!

Gregory: didn’t you work for George Bush?

Burnett: Calm down we’re still a very rich
country people

Gregory: Could we have a government shut-down - that would be so much fun

Clyburn: Anything is possible after all Republicans recently nearly destroyed this country

Gregory: true but Obama passed health care reform which is the same

Hughes: Give us credit - Republicans bailed out
Wall Street with your taxes!

Gregory: truly brilliant

Brownstein: To compete with China we should cut medical care for old people

Gregory: Why didn’t Obama hire Immelt 2 years ago instead of giving some losers health care

Clyburn: because Fluffy personal bankruptcies were caused by health care expenses

Hughes: Obama lost 6 million jobs since he caused the recession when he became President
in December of 2008

Gregory: how interesting

Brownstein: what the fuck is the GOP health plan anyway?

Gregory: 2012 is upon us!

Obama: We are a divided nation but we can all come together as one people and find common ground: hating the New England Patriots

Gregory: Will Obama be a one-term President?

Hughes: oh sure

Gregory: He’s more popular now

Hughes: Only because a Democrat Congresswoman got shot

Gregory: that’s all?

Hughes: also people love big tax cuts

Gregory: that's true

Burnett: Wall Street thinks Obama will crush
Mitt Romney

Hughes he’s cheating by being popular

Brownstein: the GOP has blue-collar voters who love tax cuts for the rich and hate government

Gregory: Can Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin win?

Podesta: they can carry the lunatic vote which is a large percentage of a GOP primary

Clyburn: Palin is attractive and articulate but dumb

Gregory: that’s sexist Jim

Clyburn: I have three daughters smarter than Palin and a cocker spaniel with better political skills

Gregory: that sounds right

Hughes: forget Palin - feel the Pawlentropy!

Brownstein: Obama has to turn out women, blacks, gays, vegans and all the other freaks

Burnett: No one is really willing to tell Americans the
free ride is over

Gregory: Obama’s Ambassador can win the GOP primary!

Podesta: you’re still a moron Fluffy

Gregory: Do you think anyone will yell at Obama this year

Clyburn: Let’s see if the GOP regains it’s sanity

Gregory: Anything could happen - and that's
Meet The Press



ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said...

Cantor: ok - between you and me we will cut Social Security for young people

Sadly, I think he's right. Obama is going to propose Social Security cuts, which will make all the Beltway Gasbags giddy.

Then the Repukes will demand those cuts, plus bombing Iran, and more tax cuts for rich people.

Everyone who doesn't think Social Security should be cut will be dismissed as dirty fucking hippies, and Obama will sensibly compromise.

Will he cut Social Security and bomb Iran? Or cut Social Security and cut taxes for rich people even more? Or will it be all three.

Stay tuned, bat fans!

Anonymous said...

Pawlentropy! 10 out of 10 stars - please use in all discussions of this dude.

Anonymous said...

Republicans believe top-down government from Washington sucks and we have set out to prove it


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