Sunday, January 30, 2011

This Week with Christiane Amanpour - January 30, 2011

Hillary Clinton - U.S. Sec. of State
Sameh Shoukry - Egyptian Amb. to the U.S.
Mohamed ElBaradei
Zbigniew Brzezinski
Amanpour: Could democracy come to the middle east? Protests continue in Cairo despite fighter jets flying over and luckily there are no Muslims involved - so don’t panic America!!

Americans: eeeeeek!

Amanpour: the army is standing by watching people shouting for the regime’s downfall

Protester: Fuck Murbarak - he doesn’t care
about people!!

Mubarak: shit that’s my mother

Amanpour: Murbarak’s own party headquarters
was burned

Murbark: damm the party really is over

Obama: can’t we all just get along?

Hawass: they destroyed mummies!

King Tut: watch the face!

Mubarak: I appointed a vice-president -
what more do you people want??

Protestor: appointing a torture-happy lackey is no basis for a system of government

Amanpour: will you cut off funding for this
out-of-touch autocrat?

Clinton: Murbarak is showing great restraint in the face of all this looting

Amanpour: ok

Clinton: on the other hand we have a very
very clear message

Amanpour: what is it

Clinton: a vague commitment to reform

Amanpour: he shuffled his cabinet isn’t that enough?

Clinton: [ laughs ] no it isn’t Christiane

Amanpour: is the Egypt government about to fall?

Clinton: look we love the Egyptians with their valuable fight against al-qaeda, friendship
toward Israel and their important alien communication networks

Amanpour: you mean the pyramids?

Clinton: I’ve said too much

Amanpour: is the U.S. hedging its bets?

Clinton: no not all -- we believe in democracy, human rights, and the profitable sale of tear gas canisters

Amanpour: awesome

Clinton: here’s the deal - Mubarak can crack down on looters but then they have to hold elections

Amanpour: thanks so much Hillary

[ break ]

Amanpour: what is the military doing on the streets?

Shoukry: people love the military -
support the troops!

Amanpour: the people really seem to hate Murbarak

Shoukry: in The President’s Speech he’s all about freedom

Amanpour: it sounds like everything is going to hell

Shoukry: look it took 500 years to build one pyramid so reform could take time

Amanpour: there are hundreds of thousands of people in the streets!

Shoukry: no it’s just people out for a stroll

Amanpour: so what happens next?

Shoukry: we will have a national dialogue about whether we should continue with an ineffective dictatorship

Amanpour: is Mubarak going to flee the nation?

Shoukry: let’s just say he’s on Expedia and Travelocity pretty much non-stop

Amanpour: may I suggest hotwire

Shoukry: he’s on it Christiane

Amanpour: you’re welcome buddy

[ break ]

Amanpour: what is happening here?

Hasan: the people have suffered for 30 years under this incompetent dictatorship and they’ve had enough

Amanpour: the Jets are here

Audience: Revis Island!

Hasan: the people don’t give a shit

Amanpour: What needs to happen now?

ElBaradei: first Mubarak needs to go and then we need to hold elections and then we must
restore order

Amanpour: will the army turn on the people?

ElBaradei: no but there are thugs roaming the streets -- it’s bad

Amanpour: what do people think of America?

ElBaradei: America needs to push Mubarak out now

Amanpour: but Americans are terrified of Muslims

ElBaradei: that’s a load of bullshit

Amanpour: but they’re so scary

ElBaradei: that’s really stupid

Amanpour: Is Osama bin Laden going to take over Egypt and attack Texas?

ElBaradei: [ palmface ]

Amanpour: how does this end?

ElBaradei: simple - hold elections and put in a real government and one friendly to America based on something real and not bribery

Amanpour: can Hosni stay?

Brzezinski: hells no

Amanpour: how do you have democracy without letting scary muslims taking over?

Brzezinski: Mubarak can still be the good guy by leaving gracefully

Amanpour: well since the Red Sea parted they're owed another miracle

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This stuff is just the best.